Women should do what works for them. I’ve decentered not only men but people. Idgaf what people think of me, I wear what a want and do as I feel. People are gonna have something to say regardless of gender. I enjoy wearing makeup and I be damned if I stop for a movement. Some days I don’t wear makeup. I’ve been done with perfectionism for years now. We’re all trying to figure shit out. No one has all of the answers. Do 4B, 12B or nothing. Take care of yourself. ❤️
Ladies please let go of perfectionism and competition. Prioritize your peace and happiness whatever that looks like. Spend time with like minded women.
You guys are missing the point. Despite your erroneous begging, hetero women try to co-opt EVERY FEMINIST MOVEMENT to re-center MEN! Do what you want, but start your own fucking movement. Stop claiming you're 4B when YOU ARE NOT.
Men hate women who aren't male centered and then there's the other half of men that take it as a challenge and try to change her and make her fall for him. So laaaame.
Some women DEFINITELY CHANGE when they get married and it's really disturbing. I've had 2 friends in the past that seemed to decenter men and we were like-minded.... but the second they got married, they kept trying to hook me up with their husbands friends. Mind you, I've NEVER asked or claimed to want to date men. I'm 4B and have been for a while. Then their whole conversations started revolving around their men and it just got REALLY boring for me.
Those are not real friends, u don’t need any cheap pick me trash in your life. They never changed, their false single husbands just brought out the worst in them. Their dysfunctional marriage revealed who they are.
For me, every woman or man talking all the time about their spouse or what they did with their spouse is ultra boring. Like they have no life on their own. Like they cease being a person. It is rare to find people who stay independent after marriage.
So boring 🥱 and it’s no being shady or disrespectful we are just NOT interested! It’s best to find yourself, self love and self preservation is so understated. Way too many people aren’t self centered in a healthy way, being selfish with oneself is self love etc Anyways 🤷🏽♀️ idk anyone anymore idc anymore so I’m Moving on… 🏆 💫
She's right and it's super weird when pick-me's crash out when we get married before them... As far as 4B, 5B, etc., it's about doing which ever level helps you protect your peace.
I think the 2nd video sums up the issue perfectly. Women are just used to underestimating themselves so they over achieve to compensate for this perceived lack in themselves. Society has been running on centuries on this: woman’s desperate attempt to be seen as enough. For us women we cannot just disengage we need to kindly and with all the empathy we can muster give grace to ourselves and try t every turn to center ourselves.
Honestly, I have known only about half a dozen marriages in my life where I have thought the couple seemed really content and happy with their life (at least on the outside). All the rest were like watching something that is rotting and needs to just die, surviving on life support way past any hope of having a meaningful existence. It is hard to watch, and maybe their friends' distance themselves because they hate to be the ones to tell them, "For God's sake, pull the damned plug already".
Let’s not bring old pickme behavior into this new space. Here we tell each other we are good enough as we are and we give grace to people who are still learning and growing. Society has been running off woman’s over achievements- we work harder because we believe we are not enough, and we get no acknowledgment for this work we put into the system. 4B is a new territory, we are all learning how to love ourselves so let’s not criticize each other on the “best” way to do that.
Disagree. If you're in a relationship with a man and/or have biological kids, then YOU ARE NOT 4B. It is really that simple. Check out what 4B actually means.
Why would anyone be jealous of a woman with a man? And I’m saying this as a woman with a man😂 it’s not an accomplishment to be in a relationship, nor having kids. An accomplishment is your career, your art, your fulfilled goals, etc. those women are so embarrassing and pathetic🤣🤡
Being alone is honestly the happiest part of my life! Relationships are exhausting ALL of them! Even trying to help other women learn their self worth is exhausting, some refuse to do just that so I’ve moved on to preserve my energy to something else like working out or volunteering for hobbies I enjoy ☺️ and honestly the more you do things unapologetically for yourself it will literally trigger insecure people demons. So ladies learn to not give too much, it’ll just hurt you in the end when these people expect you to be a resource, they will feel entitled to all your energy. Learn to be ok with saying no! Hell no 😎
I've been curious about 4B. I don't focus on men or do anything for the validation of men. I started decentering them before I actually knew that word. But I did know that one day I might fall in love and might want to have a partner so committing to 4B seems unrealistic to me though I am reconsidering lately. I am techniqually already 1B though since I don't have s-x with anyone.
@@desireesmith862 Then don't claim you support or are 4B. Liberal feminists like you are NOT welcome because you corrupt women's movements for free access to dick. Honey, men will NOT pick you.
Yeah the first woman had me in the first half and then start talking about single women switch up on you, when you get married 😕 a pick me is a pick me, single or not. Don’t bring single women into your covert: “my man, my man, my man” behaviour!
So true! Perfectionism? Will stress you. Do what is most suitable for your lifestyle, your value, your social needs & financially. Also some people have a strong desire to be apart of something, remind yourself of why you wanted to join.
It's not about "perfectionism." Women like you can't stand it when other women form movements which you can't (or don't want to) join. Not every movement should be open to all -- just as I can't be in a strictly-lesbian group (I'm bi), you cannot be 4B because you want to fuck males. That's your right, but don't try to co-opt someone else's shit.
Wait, when did the 4B movement have "levels"?! 😭😭😭 What is this?! The BACKROOMS 😭😭😭😆😆😆 I thought 4B came from the Korean language where each thing started with a "b" so it made sense. Are there other Korean words that start with "b" that go along with the movement?? ...Or did Westerners just ruin something again...?
I think it’s because not everyone is willing to let go of beauty standards included in 6B for example. Like not continuing to waste money on beauty treatments to fit societies expectations of women. But some women still want to look beautiful for themselves which is fine so they aren’t willing to give up that
6b started in south korea. the other two b’s are “bisobi” or 비소비, the avoidance of sexual products & “bidopbi” or 비돕비, support other women in the movement. then there is 6b4t, the 4 t’s come from “t” words that depict various styles of patriarchal dress there has ALWAYS been levels to 4b, since the day the movement started. women do what they can, and we aren’t gatekeeping keeping anyone that can only do half the movement. western culture isn’t ruining anything, they’re following suit. the “levels” aren’t new. if it’s just the first time you’re hearing about 6b, 8b, or 4t, you need to spend more time researching before spreading misinformation
@@bonnielovely There wasn't any spreading of misinformation, the op was actually asking a question. You explained it, but the hostility that comes with it isn't needed, relax!
I met my partner before I was mindful of this movement. I was just raised to decenter men more than the average person I think. I was always told a man is trouble and in particular encouraged to find a man only if he improved my life. So Ive always had decent luck- but that doesnt mean I felt every man was the one either. Im very social and I meet one of these women alone- then enter a coupleship or they meet my partner that they weren't aware of. I have had a couple of women I thought were my friends make weird statements to the effect of "you dont deserve your partner." And from my perspective I can only see that as being because I am not overly helpful or kind the way that it seems like other women think they should be. I DO help my partners btw but Im not the girl to drop everything to pick up the phone. I dont do more than I have the energy to do. 🤷♀️
I just feel like that it’s not the same, it’s just causing confusion either you are or you are not why add a B at the end if it diffuses the entire point of the movement🤦🏽♀️
I’m a single woman, but I lucked out to where multiple people in my friend group have decentered men, and are married to men… who have ALSO decentered men. That’s the ultimate goal
You can't be married to a man and decenter them at the same time. Look up the original definition of "decentering men." IT was actually rejecting males as a group. Stop trying to co-opt other movements.
Dial it up by being considered exotic (I'm a natural redhead, being 2% or less of the world population is about as exotic as it gets) and working in a 98% male career field. It makes them rabid. I have one friend and she is pagan which are a group of religions that are built around centering women. I have yet to meet other women in real life who have decentered men.
This is why I dont like being a part of movements or groups. I don't cal myself anything now adays. People can use it as a form of control. Your whole life will be controlled by your label. I take pieces of information from various movements and ideals that suit me best. Beliefs change, ideas change, so I will always be changing.
Agreed. We don't have to all be the same level of all the "b's". We just need to better support ourselves, and each other. That alone would be helpful since we're raised from birth to see other women as competition, which sabotages us as we get older. Nothing changes if we stay in that old mindset. So any level of 4b is better then nothing. I've been 4b for two decades without realizing it.
Not the case. I'd be down if these women weren't trying to sabotage the 4B movement. Like you, I've been 4B for almost 15 years. But the scope IS clear; these women are trying to be "4B" without ALL the Bs just so they can say that they're not like us. They need to stay in their lane.
Please no, I became a vegetarian 30 years ago. I will not have the same stupid conversations about me not wanting a relationship. Please, let me not participate in peace.
I mostly agree. Where I have a problem is when women "support" 4B and then claim that they ARE 4B when they are married and/or have children (or want those things). No. Decentering men means NO MEN.
I get you but if a woman has found a unicorn of a man why should she suppress her feelings? That just seems counterintuitive and unhelpful to the movement.
@@isaa8521 Because "the movement" doesn't need that! Hetties are a dime a dozen. The whole point is to refuse patriarchy. Heterosexuality is INHERENTLY patriarchal because men still benefit from her attention and labor.
@@keplersdream901 I see people leaving the movement if that’s what it comes down to. I’m pretty radical myself and I don’t even agree with that. It’s counterproductive. The way I see it is that most men are 🗑️ , but there are very few men that are feminists, so should they be excluded for being men? If a woman falls for one of these feminist men she’s no longer supporting 4B? Having a relationship with a man is not patriarchal, adhering to gender roles IS.
women in my family are pick mes and my own mother is and she’s always put men above me. i’m planning on leaving soon.
Women should do what works for them. I’ve decentered not only men but people. Idgaf what people think of me, I wear what a want and do as I feel. People are gonna have something to say regardless of gender. I enjoy wearing makeup and I be damned if I stop for a movement. Some days I don’t wear makeup. I’ve been done with perfectionism for years now. We’re all trying to figure shit out. No one has all of the answers. Do 4B, 12B or nothing. Take care of yourself. ❤️
So true since I retired i realized I don't like ppl that much
🎯🎯🎯💯
Thiiiiiiis. I've always done that though😂. I do things because it feels right for me...not because of trends
Ladies please let go of perfectionism and competition. Prioritize your peace and happiness whatever that looks like. Spend time with like minded women.
You guys are missing the point. Despite your erroneous begging, hetero women try to co-opt EVERY FEMINIST MOVEMENT to re-center MEN! Do what you want, but start your own fucking movement. Stop claiming you're 4B when YOU ARE NOT.
Men hate women who aren't male centered and then there's the other half of men that take it as a challenge and try to change her and make her fall for him. So laaaame.
So true!
True
Some women DEFINITELY CHANGE when they get married and it's really disturbing. I've had 2 friends in the past that seemed to decenter men and we were like-minded.... but the second they got married, they kept trying to hook me up with their husbands friends. Mind you, I've NEVER asked or claimed to want to date men. I'm 4B and have been for a while. Then their whole conversations started revolving around their men and it just got REALLY boring for me.
Those are not real friends, u don’t need any cheap pick me trash in your life. They never changed, their false single husbands just brought out the worst in them. Their dysfunctional marriage revealed who they are.
For me, every woman or man talking all the time about their spouse or what they did with their spouse is ultra boring. Like they have no life on their own. Like they cease being a person.
It is rare to find people who stay independent after marriage.
a lot of women claim they’re girls girls but once a man is involved they switch up
So boring 🥱 and it’s no being shady or disrespectful we are just NOT interested! It’s best to find yourself, self love and self preservation is so understated. Way too many people aren’t self centered in a healthy way, being selfish with oneself is self love etc
Anyways 🤷🏽♀️ idk anyone anymore idc anymore so I’m Moving on… 🏆 💫
She's right and it's super weird when pick-me's crash out when we get married before them... As far as 4B, 5B, etc., it's about doing which ever level helps you protect your peace.
If 4B is stressing you about being perfect or your level of compliance you just replaced stressing about men with not stressing about men 😂😂😂😂
I think the 2nd video sums up the issue perfectly. Women are just used to underestimating themselves so they over achieve to compensate for this perceived lack in themselves. Society has been running on centuries on this: woman’s desperate attempt to be seen as enough. For us women we cannot just disengage we need to kindly and with all the empathy we can muster give grace to ourselves and try t every turn to center ourselves.
@@Loaf0fBread🎯
Honestly, I have known only about half a dozen marriages in my life where I have thought the couple seemed really content and happy with their life (at least on the outside). All the rest were like watching something that is rotting and needs to just die, surviving on life support way past any hope of having a meaningful existence. It is hard to watch, and maybe their friends' distance themselves because they hate to be the ones to tell them, "For God's sake, pull the damned plug already".
Let’s not bring old pickme behavior into this new space. Here we tell each other we are good enough as we are and we give grace to people who are still learning and growing. Society has been running off woman’s over achievements- we work harder because we believe we are not enough, and we get no acknowledgment for this work we put into the system. 4B is a new territory, we are all learning how to love ourselves so let’s not criticize each other on the “best” way to do that.
Disagree. If you're in a relationship with a man and/or have biological kids, then YOU ARE NOT 4B. It is really that simple. Check out what 4B actually means.
Why would anyone be jealous of a woman with a man? And I’m saying this as a woman with a man😂 it’s not an accomplishment to be in a relationship, nor having kids. An accomplishment is your career, your art, your fulfilled goals, etc. those women are so embarrassing and pathetic🤣🤡
Lol hush they think taking care of others for free is at the cost of their own health ill never understand it
@ 🤣
I have embraced the fact that I will always be different. Ain't scared of running solo at all. If it doesn't make sense to me, I don't bother myself.
This. Those who aren't afraid of being alone are the most powerful.💪
Same
Being alone is honestly the happiest part of my life! Relationships are exhausting ALL of them! Even trying to help other women learn their self worth is exhausting, some refuse to do just that so I’ve moved on to preserve my energy to something else like working out or volunteering for hobbies I enjoy ☺️ and honestly the more you do things unapologetically for yourself it will literally trigger insecure people demons. So ladies learn to not give too much, it’ll just hurt you in the end when these people expect you to be a resource, they will feel entitled to all your energy. Learn to be ok with saying no! Hell no 😎
Totally recommend starting with 1B. Pick one out of the four and just try it out for some time. See how you feel. Then pick another and repeat.
I've been curious about 4B. I don't focus on men or do anything for the validation of men. I started decentering them before I actually knew that word. But I did know that one day I might fall in love and might want to have a partner so committing to 4B seems unrealistic to me though I am reconsidering lately. I am techniqually already 1B though since I don't have s-x with anyone.
@@desireesmith862 Then don't claim you support or are 4B. Liberal feminists like you are NOT welcome because you corrupt women's movements for free access to dick. Honey, men will NOT pick you.
Yeah the first woman had me in the first half and then start talking about single women switch up on you, when you get married 😕 a pick me is a pick me, single or not. Don’t bring single women into your covert: “my man, my man, my man” behaviour!
So true! Perfectionism? Will stress you. Do what is most suitable for your lifestyle, your value, your social needs & financially.
Also some people have a strong desire to be apart of something, remind yourself of why you wanted to join.
It's not about "perfectionism." Women like you can't stand it when other women form movements which you can't (or don't want to) join. Not every movement should be open to all -- just as I can't be in a strictly-lesbian group (I'm bi), you cannot be 4B because you want to fuck males. That's your right, but don't try to co-opt someone else's shit.
Wait, when did the 4B movement have "levels"?! 😭😭😭 What is this?! The BACKROOMS 😭😭😭😆😆😆
I thought 4B came from the Korean language where each thing started with a "b" so it made sense. Are there other Korean words that start with "b" that go along with the movement??
...Or did Westerners just ruin something again...?
I think it’s because not everyone is willing to let go of beauty standards included in 6B for example. Like not continuing to waste money on beauty treatments to fit societies expectations of women. But some women still want to look beautiful for themselves which is fine so they aren’t willing to give up that
The last sentence made me chuckle because you know they're about to take it too far and watch the whole thing implode.
This💯🙌🏼‼️‼️
6b started in south korea. the other two b’s are “bisobi” or 비소비, the avoidance of sexual products & “bidopbi” or 비돕비, support other women in the movement. then there is 6b4t, the 4 t’s come from “t” words that depict various styles of patriarchal dress
there has ALWAYS been levels to 4b, since the day the movement started. women do what they can, and we aren’t gatekeeping keeping anyone that can only do half the movement. western culture isn’t ruining anything, they’re following suit.
the “levels” aren’t new. if it’s just the first time you’re hearing about 6b, 8b, or 4t, you need to spend more time researching before spreading misinformation
@@bonnielovely There wasn't any spreading of misinformation, the op was actually asking a question. You explained it, but the hostility that comes with it isn't needed, relax!
I met my partner before I was mindful of this movement. I was just raised to decenter men more than the average person I think. I was always told a man is trouble and in particular encouraged to find a man only if he improved my life. So Ive always had decent luck- but that doesnt mean I felt every man was the one either. Im very social and I meet one of these women alone- then enter a coupleship or they meet my partner that they weren't aware of. I have had a couple of women I thought were my friends make weird statements to the effect of "you dont deserve your partner." And from my perspective I can only see that as being because I am not overly helpful or kind the way that it seems like other women think they should be. I DO help my partners btw but Im not the girl to drop everything to pick up the phone. I dont do more than I have the energy to do. 🤷♀️
I just feel like that it’s not the same, it’s just causing confusion either you are or you are not why add a B at the end if it diffuses the entire point of the movement🤦🏽♀️
I’m a single woman, but I lucked out to where multiple people in my friend group have decentered men, and are married to men… who have ALSO decentered men. That’s the ultimate goal
You can't be married to a man and decenter them at the same time. Look up the original definition of "decentering men." IT was actually rejecting males as a group. Stop trying to co-opt other movements.
@@keplersdream901 🙄🙄🙄🙄 Stop gatekeeping what decentering men looks like.
@@n4musica sweetie, stop co-opting other movements.
Dial it up by being considered exotic (I'm a natural redhead, being 2% or less of the world population is about as exotic as it gets) and working in a 98% male career field. It makes them rabid. I have one friend and she is pagan which are a group of religions that are built around centering women. I have yet to meet other women in real life who have decentered men.
This is why I dont like being a part of movements or groups. I don't cal myself anything now adays. People can use it as a form of control. Your whole life will be controlled by your label. I take pieces of information from various movements and ideals that suit me best. Beliefs change, ideas change, so I will always be changing.
Agreed.
We don't have to all be the same level of all the "b's".
We just need to better support ourselves, and each other.
That alone would be helpful since we're raised from birth to see other women as competition, which sabotages us as we get older.
Nothing changes if we stay in that old mindset.
So any level of 4b is better then nothing.
I've been 4b for two decades without realizing it.
Not the case. I'd be down if these women weren't trying to sabotage the 4B movement. Like you, I've been 4B for almost 15 years. But the scope IS clear; these women are trying to be "4B" without ALL the Bs just so they can say that they're not like us. They need to stay in their lane.
4B or xyzB is becoming the next veganism 😅
Yup they’re both meat free 😂
Please no, I became a vegetarian 30 years ago. I will not have the same stupid conversations about me not wanting a relationship. Please, let me not participate in peace.
Implosion coming
I mostly agree. Where I have a problem is when women "support" 4B and then claim that they ARE 4B when they are married and/or have children (or want those things). No. Decentering men means NO MEN.
I get you but if a woman has found a unicorn of a man why should she suppress her feelings? That just seems counterintuitive and unhelpful to the movement.
@@isaa8521 Because "the movement" doesn't need that! Hetties are a dime a dozen. The whole point is to refuse patriarchy. Heterosexuality is INHERENTLY patriarchal because men still benefit from her attention and labor.
@@keplersdream901 I see people leaving the movement if that’s what it comes down to. I’m pretty radical myself and I don’t even agree with that. It’s counterproductive. The way I see it is that most men are 🗑️ , but there are very few men that are feminists, so should they be excluded for being men? If a woman falls for one of these feminist men she’s no longer supporting 4B? Having a relationship with a man is not patriarchal, adhering to gender roles IS.