In your own experience, how did childhood play a significant role in shaping your self-esteem? If you're struggling with self-worth, we have a video on How To Practice Self Compassion to help you ua-cam.com/video/yi5E5a2Ky7k/v-deo.html
I should’ve done this growing up when my father was beating me for not doing the dishes to his specifications. I did them, and they were clean, but he would always change his mind about how they were supposed to be done; he’s a narcissist with an invisible rule book. Maybe I should now.
0:32 Constant Comparison 1:15 Criticized for Characteristics/Abilities 2:06 Forced to Conform and Obey 2:41 Need for Perfectionism 3:30 Afraid of Own Dreams and Goals
1) have learned that's an her Waste of time and energy. 2) being my flavor of neuro-spicy means, definitely yes there. 3) forced no, feel infinitely pressured to by most prior generations yes. 4) in most of my prior relationships I did have that yes. Not anymore really. 5) not the dreams and goals themselves so much as the growth of their cost & needs to be achieved and the corresponding like of longevity to any of them thinking realistically.
To those who have a very low self esteem, I want you guys to know that you are loved and appreciated, even if you think you aren't. You're strong my friend, both physically, mentally, and spiritually, and I want you to know that as well.
Your the sweetest but I don't feel like I am I prefer my own company because most of my life I've always struggled in conversations I feel like when you start talking people just wanna leave
Huh thanks, but by who ? Everytime I share my opinion, I'm wrong, even online. Have you heard of the character Kieran in the latest Pokémon DLC ? He's an incredible character who is relatable for me as he reacts to the mental abuse and feelings of loneliness he's subjected to in a very similar way I did. Clearly, it's an important matter for me, but mostly everyone around me tells me that he's poorly written, just an edgy kid, and that he's not actually getting mentally abused, which indirectly undermines my own experience and pain. It's always the same. And when I try to express my own creative ideas, nobody cares or they contradict me. You will probably say that you do care, and I know you're trying to be nice, but you know nothing about me besides what I just said, so how can you care before even knowing anything about me ?
These negative impacts on our self esteem from childhood aren’t limited to what our parents did to us. Some of us also dealt with teachers who treated us this way. And some of us probably had older family friends or neighbors who were like that too. If you’re struggling with low self esteem from childhood but don’t remember your parents doing anything said in this video to you, it’s likely another adult did it to you because our parents aren’t the only people who make an impact on us. Everyone leaves an impact on us
Exactly, for me it was only people outside family, people bullying, beating, excluding and isolating me and going as far as to s*xually harassing me. I got the best family anyone could ask for but when it came to the outside i wish things had been different. Now forming relationships as a cynical, distrustful, young man with low self esteem and no confidence is nearly impossible, to the point where it's the loneliness that starts getting to you.
For me, I'm pretty sure it was my classmates. I used to be very curious and active in school, always asking a lot of questions and participating, not afraid to say something that was wrong or have an opinion that was different from the rest of my class. However, during my time in that class, it would happen more and more often that, whenever I said something wrong or something that did not comply with what my classmates and sometimes also teachers thought was right, the only response from the class would be a few seconds of awkward silence after I said something before being ignored. Sometimes, I'd also ask questions that were ignored because they were apparently common sense, and I was stupid for asking them. This immensely lowered my self-esteem and led up to me in later years of my education, not participating in class often and getting worse and worse grades because I was afraid to ask questions that might be common sense.
@@veteran2nd I want to help you in some way, but I'm no professional, so take this with a grain of salt (that is, if help's even needed, otherwise just don't read this). I still find myself being ignored on a rare occasion because normally my speech is pretty quiet and slurred (a lot of the time I don't bother with raising my voice or being heard in general since I probably won't be heard anyway, courtesy of low self-esteem from, once again, school and classmates that fucking suck dick) but that in turn weirdly amplified my independence, allowed me to have my own opinions and just be true to myself (as in "Let's see if I can get away with just being myself", not overdoing it, obviously). Independence in your case might mean learning everything you want to know yourself (Google's great for that, it's designed to be asked questions) and not abandoning your opinions because some chucklefucks think it's wrong. Obviously, it's best to work on your fear of asking questions and on self-esteem, but that's therapy, and therapy costs money, so I think that's the next best solution (even though it's more of a quick-fix solution which may not be healthy in the long run) - trying to weave your way around your insecurities. It does help me get by to some extend, I've grown to at least appreciate who I am now. So, yeah
It was tough, but at 60 years old I am finally becoming who I was meant to be, the one I was before 7 years old... and it is awesome. Finally learning to make friends and embrace life rather than living in fear :)
I am anxious... In an existential crisis... I feel like the car I am driving is on fire and I can only drive so far till it gets me! While driving with open windows to breathe... what will slowly but surely kill me first? Jumping out is suicide... Just taking a break and stepping outside seems so hard/impossible!
I definitely felt that way. It had deprived me of opportunities in life by holding me down and not let me do what I wanted to do. Thoughts of "I was not qualified" or "I was not good enough" had won over so many times.
I have all of these problems, but my parents weren't strict or demanding at all - they were over-lenient former hippies. I was bullied and ridiculed a lot by other kids. Anything I did that I was proud of, got made fun of. Parents need to teach their kids kindness and compassion.
I agree. I think parents should also model and teach the art of self-defense, as well, even if only psychological self-defense. There are so many bullies and abusers in the world.
Same. People forget when they grow up, but it's the Law of the Jungle in schools. There's a pecking order, and someone has to be at the bottom of it. Kids will do WHATEVER IT TAKES not to be that person.
No, parents need to teach their kids self defense. I was bullied ruthlessly and all I heard was, fight back you pussy. I wish someone told me I was worth fighting for and here's how to do it. I don't ever stick up for myself and even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know how.
Putting blame on others won't help you. Focus on things you have control over and try to keep moving. Easier said than done but the feeling of freedom you get afterwards is worth it
@@antoinedupont3284 when you have zero awareness of why you are the way you are...it's not about blaming anyone....it's about taking steps to change yourself. You have to be aware in order to even do that...why are you here typing bullshit...of course you have to take control and keep moving identification of the problems comes first you imbecile.😊😅
It’s not our parents that are the sole reason why our self esteem can tank as a kid. Sometimes, it’s coming from our peers or from adults who we are supposed to trust. I came from a loving but occasionally dysfunctional family. But at school, I was always mistreated by my peers and teachers. This fueled my negative feelings towards myself.
Ways to recover 4:45 aknowledge your strengths and achievements 4:46: practice positive thinking and positive self talk 4:50 making a habit of doing things that make you feel good
I think another way self esteem could be destroyed during childhood is when parents are emotionally absent and never show proudness towards their child
I'm pretty sure that's what happened to me. I relate to all the points in this video, but my parents didn't do any of the things this video says they must have done.
Oh yeah, my confidence was obliterated in my childhood. The bullying from teachers and students and sometimes my parents just destroyed everything. It got to the point I wanted to unalive myself as a child. When I expressed emotions, I was chastised for it and severely punished. My parents have gotten way better and I’m now surrounded with the best support system. I’m glad to have the people around me
Same here, I feel your pain. I had to learn that they were treated that way also, and just forgive them, even though they still do it to this day. How they criticized others is how they criticize themselves, you’ve got this!! Thanks for sharing
Wow! This whole video described my childhood and still unfortunately instill. I have a soon to be 1 year old and I’m scared to pass this on, but I do go to therapy. I cut ties with my toxic “mother”, who called me a “horrible, mentally unstable mother” who will mess up my son’s chi land life. And now, I doubt myself of being a good mother. But, deep down I know I’m an amazing mother. My son is happy, always smiling, healthy boy.
You're doing great! It's often easy to self-criticize ourselves for not doing enough. I see that you're trying to heal from your childhood trauma by going through therapy. You're on the right direction by doing that and taking action. Stay strong!!
I want to highlight the point of making your own choices and your identity. Before I went in to college, I realized that the major I had declared was not the major I wanted, it was what my parents wanted. Even though I knew deep inside I knew I wanted to study info Sci. when I told my parents they said I was foolish, misguided, and that the career would be nothing. Fast forward 2 years, my parents come to me saying that they heard about someone’s kid studying info Sci and having a 6 figure salary and say “why didn’t you study that?!?” and denied ever saying that the major was pointless. Present day i am studying info science and have distanced myself from my parents. My summary, make your own choices, it’s your life. If your decision doesn’t work out, at-least it was your decision that you can learn from.
Very well said! It's not always obvious to stand on our ground, despite the «enlighten» opinion of our parents or any other authority figure. Listening the little inner voice inside of any of us is the accomplishment of an entire life.
The problem is, that low self esteem will take away your ability to really know what you want, if not the ability to trust yourself with this decision. I think you escaped true low self esteem, because you learned while still young and took action on your career path
@@Psych2go Probably the fear of sharing my hopes and dreams with my family, as they used to tell me that they were unattainable and unrealistic when I was younger. Since then, I've been worried about upsetting them.
As someone with anxiety this is relatable for my self esteem… it’s a battle because of my toxic parents who weren’t mentally there for me. The fact that one negative thing that could be said to me is EXTREMELY discouraging and takes the wind out of my sails
Same honestly exactly same and they might think that criticism encourages buy its not always like that too much of how I'm good for nothing or that I'm smart but don't show it by his words or that I'm too lazy by both of my parents and even orher phrases especially by my dad did a lot of damage
i had a great mom who was always supportive and i never had any bullies growing up. all of these points is just how my brain works, even as a child so idk what went wrong or if i was just doomed from the start
I believe your mom may have been supportive and good and you may not remember actual bullies but there could be subtle thinks and behaviors, even tiny but repetitive that could have have led to your self esteem level.Stress and even passed mental issues like depression or other, can contribute to these feelings described in the video
@@JJBAONTOP oh she already knows and has been knowing that ive been battling with depression and anxiety for about 6 years now and she helps me through it by realizing when some situations are too much for me and though we cant put me through therapy (because we’re actually poor to afford it) she does buy me tons of journals and stuff so i can write things down and she lets me have my privacy with that and never forces me to talk about stuff that i dont want to
@@MusicalMarzy that makes lots of since actually. i think the biggest heartbreak as a child was when my biological father left me and my small family when i was like 2 years old. and according to my mom i was close with him. so that’s probably when trust issues started and because i have these trust issues im actually really lonely (even as a child - socially wise) and i dont really have friends (besides for 2 that i made last year) so yea mental health is probably what made me have low self esteem 😀
As a child/teen, I was never allowed to be over excited about anything. If I was better than a friend at something, I wasn't allowed to be excited about it as my Mum thought I was showing off. I wasn't allowed to show excitement when receiving gifts, I just had to say "Thank you" and get on with life. When I passed my exams at school, I wasn't allowed to be excited about my results even though I worked very hard to get the results I got. Nowadays, whenever something good happens, or I am given a gift, I know I don't come across as particularly grateful. I am very grateful of these things but people think I'm disinterested or "could at least show I'm happy."
I was never allowed to want anything. Getting something I wanted was selfish. The only time I was allowed to want something for myself was Christmas. But it was hard for me to ask because the rest of the year, I wasn't allowed to ask.
@@missmayflower If you read my comment properly, I DO try to, it's just not as easy as you seem to think it is. I don't know what is genuinely being happy or what is over the top.
I was constantly bullied, excluded, screamed at and made fun of for making mistakes, had my emotions trivialized, and other garbage. I'm scared to death of failure and have told myself to not dream of the future I want because it's all impossible and I haven't succeeded yet. And I'm ashamed to cry in front of anyone and express anger because I was always judged and laughed at for it.
Express how you feel, I came out to my parents and was sobbing from all the nasty things they did to me to purposely break me. It was not easy, but I felt better. Crying is releasing trapped emotions, I’m a guy and not small, I’ve always kept a poker face but not anymore, can’t let them steal my light. Happy healing 🫶🏽
Even I have mistakes and failure, I still get up and try to do things. We need to learn process and not striving perfection. Think positive, eat healthy and stay active will be great 💖
My father split when I was 6 and my mother told me from my earliest memory that she hated me and wished I was never born. I was forced my whole life to walk on eggshells and be about to read her mind and know her actions leading up to anger that would always be unleashed on me. I’m 54 years old and still have very low self esteem because moving on from my mother, I surrounded myself with people who sapped it even more. But I am still here and still fighting so there’s truth in the statement “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”🙏🏼
That reminds me - Bill Clinton grew up with an alcoholic abusive father. He was always afraid to stand up to him, for fear of physical abuse. Later on as president, he could never stand up to North Korea when they kept disrespecting our No-nuke agreement with them.
I just had burnout and some mental breakdown over the couple of weeks, knowing this made me realize how connecting is this to myself. thank you, due to this video, it gave me a guide about some of the reason why i feel depressed and self-hate
Parents aren't the only culprits in ruining a child's self-esteem. By no means were my parents perfect, but they were fairly good parents. My bullying started in 3rd grade and went through middle school. I went to a very small school so there was no escaping it. I graduated high school with 33 in my class. I went to preschool with some of them. THAT makes a lasting impact, too.
Absolutely, parents are not the sole culprits in the development of a child's self-esteem. Peer interactions and experiences outside of the home, such as bullying, can have a significant impact on a person's self-worth and confidence. It sounds like you had a challenging experience with bullying throughout your school years, and I'm sorry to hear that. Bullying can leave lasting emotional scars and affect self-esteem in profound ways. It's important to recognize that the impact of bullying is real and valid, regardless of the size of the school or the duration of the bullying. It may be helpful to seek support from trusted friends, mentors, or counselors who can provide guidance and understanding during difficult times. They can help you navigate the lasting impact of these experiences and develop strategies to build your self-esteem and resilience. Remember, it's never your fault if you were the target of bullying. You deserve understanding, support, and compassion. If you ever need someone to talk to, consider reaching out to a professional or helpline specifically trained to assist individuals who have experienced bullying.
You’re a warrior for that! Mine started at age 4, and would move away from how extreme it would get, that’s how I ended up in the US. But honestly, looking back, they saw a light in us they didn’t see in themselves, even when your teachers are jealous of you and you’re broke, that says a lot to prove my point.
My parents were never the problem, it was other people out to hurt me. Looking back, it was ALWAYS people from outside putting me down, hurting me for laughs, i grew up like that and overtime became cynical and distrusting of people, i also became unable to form new relationships face to face, because apparently they can't help themselves and always have to bring up my "insecurities".
I'm sorry to hear that you had to endure such negative experiences growing up, where people outside your family intentionally tried to hurt you. It is understandable how these experiences might have shaped your perception of others and impacted your ability to trust and form new relationships. It's important to remember that not everyone is like those individuals who hurt you in the past. While it may be challenging, it's worth recognizing that there are people out there who can be empathetic, supportive, and understanding. Building healthy relationships takes time and patience, but with effort and a willingness to open up, it is possible to find meaningful connections. As you continue your journey of rebuilding self-esteem, you might find it beneficial to work on self-compassion and self-trust. Understanding that it was not your fault that you were treated poorly can help in letting go of any self-blame or negative self-perception that may have resulted from those experiences. Consider seeking therapy or counseling to help process these past traumas and develop coping strategies for building trust and forming new relationships. A mental health professional can provide guidance and support tailored to your specific needs. Remember that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Though it may take time, healing and reestablishing trust are possible steps on your path to personal growth and meaningful connections with others.
Thank you...I appreciate the well thought out text and advice in it, definitely didn't expect it. I tried therapy before, but i guess it wasn't for me, talking won't fix my issues, only actual physical changes would i guess, or at least that's what it feels like, especially since the main thing that was the reason I'd get bullied is still with me and probably will be for the rest of my life, it's something people still make comments about and that affects my dating, professional, and social life, my so called "insecurities". Anyway, i really want to be confident again, like i was as a kid, even if a lot of people tried to bring me down i still had that, i dunno when i lost it, but it did get lost along the way somewhere, i just need to find it again. Right now it's the loneliness that's poisoning me, haven't dated in more than 5 years, haven't had irl friends in a while, don't really do anything with anyone... and I'm really not ugly, just not a "conventional adult" that looks the part.
That was my experience as well. It's why I do not trust people implicitly and how I can see right through people too. I can FEEL how some are bad news, and therefore to be treated as threats.
I had these traits as a child and well into my adulthood, but somehow I let go of all that toxic stuff and at 62 am so much more confident and content.
I had extremely low self-esteem in my teenage years and university. It was so bad that I would, upon meeting new people, start to jokingly hatespeech me to the point that it's not funny anymore, but concerning or disgusting. I couldn't build relationships and couldn't make good choices and hit the rock bottom. I honestly don't know how i improved, but therapy, medication, and endless self analysis got me out. I now love myself and respect, but still, of course, I struggle to defend myself. Although 100 times better at it than before. When I look back at times when i had the lowest self-esteem, and remember the situations I was in and the choices I've made... It all feels like a clown circus. Because almost 90% of shit I went through were easily solved by one or two actions. Most of the times just by saying NO and getting out of the situation. Its hilariously sad how blind I was when my self-esteem was below the floor, and simplest of things seemed hard, and impossible. No matter what, you should always listen to your guts and not push yourself OVER yourself just because someone tells you to. It is never worth it.
So many people low down on and disregard those with low self-esteem. I wish the shame and stigma would go away because it’s not our fault. But we’re trying to build ourselves up.
I'm an insecure dude. I tend to receive compliments but I dismiss them really fast. I guess I shouldn't be as insecure as I am, but it's hard not to. I was being constantly compared to my siblings by my parents, and that developed into competitiveness, envy, and a high but silent ego in me. I even asked them to stop with the comparisons, gladly, it kinda stoped, but It was already late, this toxic traits already developed. I can appear as humble because I'm a really quiet person, but in reality I like to be the best among my friends and family. Ironically, I'm insecure and quiet in social situations involving strangers or people I'm not familiarized. This video really made me reflect about myself, thank you
I am blessed to have grown up with great and supportive parents, what made me have such low self-esteem was public school. Growing up with teachers, students, and even guidance counsellers letting me I would amount to nothing was crushing and being HSP it was debilitating. Now, after graduating 3 college programs and getting my dream job, I can now start to rebuild my self-esteem, 1 step at a time.
I'm glad to hear that you have been able to overcome the challenges and setbacks you faced during your school years and have achieved your goals. It's unfortunate that you experienced such negativity from teachers, students, and counselors, as their words and actions can have a significant impact on a person's self-esteem. Rebuilding self-esteem is a journey that takes time and effort, and it's great that you are taking steps towards that. Celebrate your accomplishments and recognize your strengths and abilities. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who uplift you, and continue focusing on your personal and professional growth. Remember that your past experiences do not define you and that you have the power to shape your own self-image. Building self-esteem is an ongoing process, and it's important to be patient and kind to yourself along the way. Consider practicing self-care, engaging in activities that bring you joy, and setting achievable goals that contribute to your overall well-being and personal growth. If you find that you need additional support, don't hesitate to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor who can provide you with the tools and strategies to continue rebuilding your self-esteem.
I a 💯 agree with this. From ages 11 to 15 I was constantly criticised and told I was clumsy, stupid, not pretty enough, I worked on myself and now I cut out anyone toxic, there’s a saying, if someone’s trying to bring you down, then theirs already beneath you 👍
It’s really a shame how much parents can negatively damage their children. I’m no longer surprised why my self esteem is so low and I know now that it’s not my fault for it, which is a relief. Fixing and adjusting it is the next step
Yes, I've been there. It was because of my father I was afraid of making mistakes. He even ridiculed me for the dreams I had for my future. I was constantly blamed for things I never did and was called a liar. As punishment I was denied the education I deserve. When I had learned that he passed away I felt great joy. I never had a happy child hood. However, my mother tookme to Disney land in California when I was a teenager. That was the only great happy moment of my life.
Where to start, eldest child, only girl. My mother loved her boys but it felt like she and I took back seat for everything, resources, time, understanding. I was over protected too and isolated. Hard work to sort this. Good luck to all who are struggling. ❤
Omg,I can relate your comments hit a nerve with me,I was the only girl with two brothers who had all my mother's attention. I was never good enough for her.
One of my biggest anger is that parents can do this, and only you are negatively affected by this. Parents, generally, get away scott free from destroying your life. Ontop of that, you have to do extra work to unlearn and undo their destruction, if their destruction didn't already destroy you.
No not true at ALL. Where the hell do you think your parents learned this way of dealing with others? They’re playing out THEIR trauma onto you. That’s not ok, but it IS understandable and very very sad.
I've been working on my self-esteem, praising my inner child, loving myself. It does take some time, and I still stumble, but this is the most I've ever heard me affirm myself. It's a beautiful thing to experience, and I pray and hope you can get started on that journey one day.
I appreciate both my parents for giving me a loving and supportive homelife. I had to deal with bullies at school on a daily basis. The bully took a toll on my self-esteem. There was a time when I felt like nobody liked me or wanted to be my friend. Thank God I got therapy before it’s way too late in life.
Yes, I can relate to CPTSD from childhood and every type of abuse out there. Starting under the age of 5. I share this only to let others know it's possible to do the work and start living a life of self-love and inner peace. It is still a struggle some days. But I am beginning to heal. You are not alone.
I relate to every point mentioned in this video. The most difficult thing in this kind of issues is that you feel that you deserve to be treated like that and you don't have the capabilities or confidence to act differently because there's a few people willing to teach you assertiveness or positively self esteem. Thank you so much for making this awesome videos 😊
Thank you for making these videos. ♥ I struggle to make friends because of my very low self-worth (and even get a job), i feel like i cant be supportive and helpful to others if i cant even help myself. It's hard to deal with these issues alone when it is the issue itself that causes me to be alone. These videos help a lot and i feel hopeful to one day push past my low self-esteem, thanks.
Growing up, I often felt like I was never good enough because of the constant comparisons and criticism. It really affected my confidence for a long time. Healing takes time, but I'm learning to embrace who I am and rebuild my self-esteem step by step. Sending strength to everyone going through the same journey 💙
Sadly I can relate as my mother is a Narcissist, so my self esteem, confidence, worth, etc was destroyed by her. Happily I have found my way with resilience, tenacity, strength despite also being a Domestic Violence Survivor with PTSD. I have supportive friends, I am well educated thanks to me, I'm going to start my own business as a Spiritual Life Coach. Do what inspires you, listen to your gut, listen only to positive advice that guides and supports, never give up on yourself because you're special, you're unique, you're amazing , so don't forget that 🙏💐🇬🇧
I agree, the psychological damage visited upon children by their parents often pales in comparison to the harm visited upon them in schools at the hands of strangers.
As a 42 year old adult I thought I would chat on omegle during lunch one day. I was surprised how negative the people were. You're right about how the online environment can be damaging. I have pretty thick skin but still felt crappy for the rest of the day after a round of insults. People are nicer in real life, at least in this area.
Sometimes, it's probably kind of due to our own (as children) habits and actions, in my, probably unpopular, opinion. I certainly didn't achieved much, if any growth and self esteem, by being stuck to a monitor all my free time.
This actually was a great reminder. I chose my job as a compromise between what she wanted and what I was seeking: financial stability. I still have anxiety about finances. I always fear to end up with nothing. Although I live in a country that has a social system. Now that it looks like I won't be able to get back to my job...I might have the opportunity to really decide what I wanna do.
Growing up in a narcissistic household ruined me, sometimes i lose hope fr, lije my personality and my brain are damaged by survival mode and the need for perfectionism+ constant anxiety
I've never had much bad self-esteem apart from a few breakdowns I had, but hugs to all the people who need it, including my older brother. Believe in yourself!
I have no idea how my self esteem died such a death because my Mum was genuinely incredibly supportive and caring. I'm suspecting it's somewhat a combo of being a twin, undiagnosed autism, slowly growing absent father and being a "gifted kid" who grew into a really mentally unstable teenager who's teachers still expected high level work.
I consider myself fortunate to have had parents who were supportive of me throughout my life. The assault to my self esteem came in the form of mean spirited classmates who saw my physical attributes as things to poke fun at incessantly...smh. Throughout this period in my life, my parents had my back, even going as far as taking me out of the school I had been attending when the bullying proved to be more than I could tolerate. Later, after I finished school, I chose a spiritual path as the means to restoring my damaged self esteem...and I couldn't be happier for having chosen that path.❤
The first one applies a lot to me. My mom would often compare me with my friends as a kid. The only constant praise I got was in my art. That's probably why I excelled in it while all my other studies were left pretty average or below average
Not just parents. Was practically raised by my older siblings too. And although they cared, they were still my siblings and children/teens, so any real nurturing was sparse. Mostly full of comparisons and everything else this video stated…it’s honestly validating to see this on UA-cam.
I grew up in a dark house where the rule was do as your told or else. None of us had any say or room to grow. I was lucky to have friends where I could be out all day and grow there. We all show the effects, but luckily for me they have not interfered with the relationships I’ve had.
My childhood was similar. I thought I was a dumb person growing up. My mom and brother called me stupid a lot. "Why don't you use your brain?" "You don't have common sense!" were common phrases I heard growing up.
Bro same. "Are you stupid, retarded, or slow" was commonly asked to me when I was 8 years old and kept going until my dad divorced her when I later became 14
I mean, ok, but as you know, many kids need help with learning to read, so maybe she should have been helping you if it annoyed her that much. On the other hand, she doesn’t seem to be the kind of person who would recognise that she had a role to play in how you turned out, and I’m sorry she was like that.
This sounds exactly like my childhood. It makes so much sense. Anxiety doens't come from nowhere. You have to heal your inner child. What helped me was listening to affirmations and getting out of my comfort zone. I did a lot of things that make my life better, like getting my driver license, doing courses, having a lot of hobbies. The only person that can heal you is yourself, no one else can do that for you. Once I realized that it got better. You have a choice to make yourself happy, no one does that for you.
In my experience, some of these factors can also apply to those that were bullied constantly during times of hardship where the parents were absent. In my case when I was barely a teenager, we moved to a different city and at the same time my parents were blessed with twins. This however lead to a complex situation where I was feeling lonely and scared in the face of change and my parents were focusing on the twins. I wasn't given any attention in these hard times and reaching out to them seemed pointless since they were many times too tired to offer any help and they would dismiss my feelings and make me feel invalid. The constant bullying I was experiencing at school, along with exposure to bad influences that came with these "friends", I was soon left with a broken self-esteem. It has affected me all these years even till today. However, I am always looking for ways to improve my self-esteem. It's really difficult to learn to love yourself when your self-esteem has been destroyed.
They didn’t stop being your parents and having responsibilities for your care as a teenager. Stop making excuses for people, they didn’t make any for your it seems
@sherlogic1256 Sure they didn't literally stop being their parents but they should have paid attention to their other kid who was obviously trying to tell them how they're struggling and not only pay attention to the babies like sure they're important but their other kid is too I can relate since I have a younger sibling and when they were born my parents couldn't give me as much attention as before and yeah I know when you have a baby they need all the attention but this can also mess up the other children of the parents and make the kids believe that their parents don't care about them anymore and that they'll always be second place or that they're not loved by their parents anymore and that can creates a lot of issues with the parents and the siblings when both kids grow up jealousy and hatred toward both the parents and the siblings being one of those issues I was also bullied in my middle school and high school years and all my mom and dad did was to tell me to endure it my mom especially since i didn't share that much with my dad and maybe it was a mistake and I should have told him but I was already messed up and I didn't even think they'd care at all and obviously didn't help me at all when I asked multiple times for help also they're spoiling my little sibling more that they did with me since they had them and I need everything to be fair amongst everyone so this makes me very angry and annoyed and it doesn't help that said sibling has more in life and better teenage years than I ever had so don't go around invalidating other people's experiences
If you can't relate or don't have anything validating to say and only mean things come to your mind just don't say them Surely you can just scroll to another comment
@@ButterflyonlifeI totally agree and thanks for sharing your experience! This type of *stop making excuses* mindset is simply insensitive and destructive. Everyone's feelings and experiences are valid and shouldn't be dismissed.
@@sherlogic1256Sure they didn't stop providing.. but a parent should at least be present in all of their children's lives and be available to listen to their heart and feelings. This should be a basic for every healthy family. So no I'm not making excuses :)
Yes it sounds just like me. I am 55 now & im seeing a therapist once a week. At this age you would have thought I had overcome a lot of my trauma. But it’s like I keep going back. I’m finally doing something about it. Discussing a lot of my pain & going back will help me to become the person I’ve always wanted to be.
Living out from my parents is the only thing that can heal me from all the loneliness they made in me. After getting out of this situation, I will be UNSTOPPABLE...
I love my mom and my family, but in this period I realized that especially her is the major cause of my low self esteem. Im 19 and im really struggling with it, although i Know that i will be more confident in the future because im going to repare those damages i have since my childood. This is something everyone can do, stay strong boys
This video hits too close to home..! I've always dealt with poor self esteem. Even till this day I stuggle alot with that, which has caused me to have anxiety and behavioral issues (also a late diagnosed autistic adult also with ADHD. Im 30) constantly comparing myself to others and it kills me deep down! Yet I have been able to follow my dreams and had such luck for finding such lovely people in my life! I have yet many fears and obstacles to overcome, but I made a promise to my inner child way back, that I will help her overcome her fears and obtain her biggest dreams! I was also thinking of starting to go to a hypno therapist, and see if that can help me in any way! Speaking of.. It would have been so awesome so see a video from you about hypno therapy and how it works. Thank you for another wonderful and educational video!
Those are good things to be aware of but it is not always the parents' fault. The first one related to my experiences in school. My early teachers were almost unhinged in how they compared each of us. I also got most of my self esteem issues from friends more than family. This could be because I was neglected but parents are not always the issue. I have gotten over my self esteem issues a long time ago but I want everyone to know it doesn't always come from the most obvious of people. Sometimes it's under our noses and our bad habits come from more than just our home environment. It does get better once you realize that the most important person in your life is you but don't blame your parents for everything. Two things can be true. They could hurt and harm you while also doing what they know best and not mean any harm
@@Cherry_picked00 I got over my self-esteem issues once I learned three things: Self-respect, self-worth, and selfishness. What we are taught is selfishness at a young age is mostly false. It is healthy to be selfish. Think of it this way: Is what I'm saying/doing to myself very respectful? Would I want other people to treat me this way? What do I deserve? (As in, what do I want from a good friend and then be that good friend). Then ask yourself once you realize it is not very respectful: What does this do to how I view myself? What will this look like in the long run? A good, simple tactic to start this process is go to the mirror and say: "I love myself." It could be completely meaningless in the beginning. You don't have to mean it. Just say it. Say it out loud for the first couple of times until you smile at yourself or you start to feel good in general. Then ask yourself about self-respect, self-worth, and then reflect on your self-esteem. It is worth it. Always picture a good, perfect friend that could be completely made up and be that friend. Tell yourself the encouragements you want that friend to tell you. Say them in the mirror if you wish, but always speak out loud. Even if it's a whisper. Be that imaginary friend and your confidence in the beginning may feel fake, but eventually it will turn into real confidence and you will become your best friend
these are all me!!! I have been working on my self esteem (amongst everything else that came with my treatment as a child). Getting better at accepting imperfection and mistakes I make. It takes a long time to overcome these traits (my first husband also reinforced the low self esteem and self doubt). Don't give up
I'd say 98% of each of the mentioned points fits me very well. What I do nowadays to deal with it? Nothing, really. My life already feels crushed in all those aspects, so all I can do is to move on living with the pain inside and trying to enjoy the few parts in my adult life which haven't been damaged or better yet - which I build up for myself. Sure that won't heal those wounds but I figured for my own personality it really helps to "overwrite" bad memories with the same events happening again with having positive outcomes.
I relate with a lot of the points, but only in that I was the one that taught myself them. I was alone a lot and eventually started to shut out the little time I had with others. Because I was scared of people I couldn’t grow. So most of what I am came from me, and if you couldn’t guess, I didn’t do so well.
Timestamps 1). Constant comparison 0:33 2). Criticized for abilities 1:15 3). Forced to conform and obey 2:06 4). Rigid need for perfection 2:41 5). Afraid of own dreams and goals 3:30 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
I really wish to convince myself that I didn't experience all of it but it will be another lie I will tell you myself and I won't do that anymore. My mother treated me in all such ways. I felt ashamed of myself after relating to each one of them. I always used to think -"why am I unable to speak in public?" Or -"why am I so indecisive?" This video gave me answer to all those questions and many more negative thoughts I have about myself. But now that I am aware of it I will do anything and everything to improve myself and will not be put down by anyone including my mother. 💖
This reminds me of Anne of Green Gables. Marilla made a lot of these mistakes with Anne. Marilla was too authoritarian towards Anne, and she had super high expectations for Anne and was forcing her to obey every of her orders. Marilla would also scold Anne very harshly for every small mistake she made, and she would get mad at Anne if she was not perfect. She also would harshly criticize Anne for all of her flaws, and call her a wicked, good for nothing and aggravating child and tell her how much she disgraced her. I wouldn’t be surprised if Anne grows up hating herself and becoming a perfectionist. Marilla never gave Anne love or encouragement or told her about the good things about her she always scolded Anne for all her flaws and was never understanding and patient when Anne made tiny mistakes.
This is so insightful! I never thought of AoGG as a morality tale about the evils of authoritative parenting, but the more I think about it, that's pretty much what it is. The moral of the AoGG stories is to not let authoritative parenting get to you and to keep being your awkward, imaginative, hopeful self. Anne came through with self-esteem intact and Marilla eventually came around to Anne's way of thinking and even loved her for all her flaws in the end. Amazing.
@@gregariagirlI like your positive take on this issue. For myself, I remember how my own mother was worse than Marilla. Thankfully, my mother died when I was twelve, and it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I wish I could tell her that she was a terrible mother and a broken human being. But I'm not bitter, LOL
A wonderful and useful video in addition to what the video mentioned, accepting and admitting to yourself that you have a feeling like that, knowing that it's an idea and not your reality, and observing the fear system when it appears to get external acceptance, stop with yourself and review behaviors that do not suppress the feelings inside you, accept them and hug them, then they will change
I think many of the practices that are now considered harmful to children's self-esteem were once considered good parenting. For example my mom was asked how come she couldn't keep her room tidy like her cousin. But when she went to visit her cousin and saw the room was the same as her mom, she asked about it and her cousin said she was told the same thing that she should keep her room tidy like my mom. My mom said that was the advice parents were given back then.
Dieses Video sollte das Top-Video sein, wenn jemand was zum Selbstbewusstsein sucht… Was ich noch hinzufügen würde „Beweise suchen, die sich für dich persönlich wie ein Beweis anfühlen“, einer schafft einen Halbmarathon, ein anderer schafft es gerade mal kalt zu duschen, aber daran kann man sich absolut hocharbeiten, und selbst daran wachsen und das miteinander vergleichen das nicht besser macht, weil jeder ein persönliches Päckchen zu tragen hat. Ich war auch ein absoluter Fall von“ich muss nur mal den Affirmationen glauben“, aber ich hab mich immer so gefühlt, als würde ich mich dabei selbst anlügen… Dieses Video ist genau dieses bisschen was ich verstehen musste. Riesengroßes Danke❤
All the things you've mentioned are very relatable to me. Your videos are very helpful. I am trying to overcome my low self-esteem, but it's hard. I keep letting the echos of the past get to me.
As someone who grew up and struggled with low self esteem until my late twenties - it can get better. For me, it started with learning to say 'thank you' when receiving a compliment instead of downplaying or denying it. Then over time, try to create an environment of positive reinforcement, be it at work/school or at home. One simple "Nice shirt!" or "You hair looks good!" can make a person's day and encourage them to do the same to you or others. Boost each other. We're in this together!
Meditation can help with gaining your self esteem and self love back. The easiest is to take in a deep breath and say in your mind I FILL MYSELF WITH LOVE. Then release and say I RELEASE MY INSECURITY. You can say anything you want and want to see in yourself. It works wonderfully. Try it for 15 minutes daily in the morning and at night.
@@tulipbubbly3748 I'm sure that'll work for some people. Personally, my self-esteem has improved greatly over the last few years and I feel pretty content where I am now. But thank you for the advice!
Hit the nail on the head! These are some of the most common ways self esteem is destroyed during childhood. Thank you for posting these videos! Please have an excellent and awesome day! ☀️✨⚡️
Could all these traits and symptoms be caused by a sibling, rather than a parent? My sibling teased, criticised and belittled me for most of my childhood and I have identified the voice in my head that white-ants my self confidence to being theirs. My parents were, for the most part, very supportive, though traditional in their ways of thinking. It’s my unsupportive sibling is what I think killed my self esteem.
I can relate with this but not because of my parents. But the prolonged experience of bullying and basically being othered for my autism and status as "special needs" . From middle school to especially high school i learned in different ways how being neurodivergent made people treat you differently. I've been recovering for years but the years right after I graduated was really rough. This is why I hate the assumption some have that I "suffer" from autism. No. I've always suffered more from the way PEOPLE treated me because I was autistic. That's entirely different
As a older man who suspects he's on the spectrum, I agree with you. Autism itself is not nearly as much as a problem as how people with autism are treated by everyone else. I literally feel like I woke up in a savage parallel Universe like an episode of Star Trek.
Yes. My mom was very over protective and most times was hard on me. I dont remember her ever giving me positive encouragement or making me feel empowered. I do struggle with low self esteem but i am confident. Its a very deeo rooted issue. I am 41 years old. Im trying to heal.
This topic reminded me of two former friends I used to hang out with during elementary school. Each of them practically took my kindness for granted after they found it "better" to hang out with bad influences who were supposedly popular. I wasn't surprised to notice each of their new "friendships" lasted two years at the most. Whatever problems they both got themselves into was obviously not my problem.
My parents didn't ridicule me, but also they didn't support me, I whanted to learn archery?, "Why?, Football is way better", I liked Sherlock Holmes, literally my first book of Sherlock wasn't from my parents but from my best friend in graduation of Highschool, etc. At this point I don't have ambitions or a great plan, I just drift around adapting to the today and never think of the tomorrow.
All of those things applied to me, along with sexual abuse - very frequent and went on for years. It was only one parent acting like that, but it was enough to cause damage, because it was the loudest voice that pretty much ruled within the house. Trying to appease both that critic and the sexual abuser made me feel like nothing in the outside world was ever enough, since their behaviors didn't change.
I can relate and it's really hard to find any strengths to build on. Someone told me a few years ago that they've never met anyone with as low self-esteem as me hahaha
I can relate especially to the expectation of perfection. Anything but grade A or B was not acceptable for my dad. He and my mum had always been excellent pupils. When I came home with a B my dad would tell me that this could have been an A as well. When I came home with an A he would ask why I could not bring home an A every time. I can hardly remember being praised by him. My mum did that. I carried that feeling of not achieving enough in his eyes with me for decades. Shortly before my dad died I finally had the guts to ask him why he was never satisfied with anything I did. I was surprised to hear that he actually was satisfied and aware that I was a really good pupil. He thought he would support me when I had the pressure of high expectations. It was the way he was treated when he was young. I‘m glad I had that conversation with him before he was gone.
When I was in 9th grade I got straight As the first semester. I had an A- average the 2nd semester. My dad said that this was the lowest grades I had all year. I have spent my whole adult life being a perfectionist. Lack of self esteem can make you a miserable overachiever.
I definitely am in this boat. I've slowly been building up my self-esteem by working out and pursuing my hobby, but it's definitely a slow process. Thank you for the lovely video
My mom always told me as a child "If you obey your parents you will be safe". Well, being obedient to purity culture got me sexually harassed and made me hate and be ashamed of my body and myself even more. Thanks for that, mom
@@IzzyNChrist Purity culture is basically "if you had sex before marriage, you're a filthy and tainted woman". Purity culture doesn't teach me about sex education, especially on how to identify who wants to sexually take advantage of me - it only taught me that sex in general is bad (which isn't and shouldn't be true). Although it wasn't the direct cause of me getting sexually harassed, it had made me feel self-hatred of my own body. I was manipulated by someone I kept "forgiving" (which is also what I was taught to do), but in addition to my innocence I fell into the manipulator's trap. Even if some people were to say "well you being raped doesn't count as becoming impure", that whole purity culture has already been drilled to my head to the point where I CAN'T feel pure for having been violated. I've gone to therapy and I have been recovering, but purity culture ultimately made me feel miserable about myself, and I doubt I was the only one.
@@FuzenHua I'm sorry this happened to you. It really is awful, I don't even have any words to describe how beyond unfair that was. It's important to talk to young people about sexuality in a mature and loving way. They do need to be taught what is acceptable and what isn't but not in a way that condemns them or makes them feel shamed. That alone can really cause issues for someone's sexuality. Sex itself is not bad, outside of marriage it is, but for people who do it consentually. What happened to you was not consentual. While they should have explained why it's for marriage, they should not have been condemning you for having a sexuality. God made us all that way which is why we can have babies. Body dismorphia is common among young people, it's a process to accept the changes once you adjust, but it's important that you have a healthy support system to help you adjust physically and emotionally. Rape is a very traumatic experience, people get forgiveness twisted all the time. It doesn't mean you just invite the abuser back in or give them access to you in any way. Forgivness doesn't mean reconciliation. It means being able to let go of the past, but that's not always an instant thing. You're not impure for what happened to you. I know it's hard for you to believe, but please try to give yourself time to heal. I know it hurts because it was humiliating and the memory still hurts. You can heal from this. sending hugs and praying for you. Please know that the real Jesus of the bible truly loves you and doesn't comdemn you.
@@IzzyNChrist Thanks for your reply. Therapy and making better friends have helped my mental health overall, and I also think it made me grow more as a Christian. I think this was one of the things that helped me understand that even while following a religion I could still be myself and make decisions from my gut feeling instead of ignoring them. I do wish that more people, especially Christians, understand that things are nuanced, and not black-and-white. More people should learn to judge/condemn less, so less of what happened to me and many others will happen. I can understand why some of my friends even left their previous beliefs, due to being surrounded by those who use God's name in their own selfish interests and vanity, and it's these kinds of people that cause more of what happened to me happen
I kind of wish videos like these would also mention school experiences more often, as these vids usually only talk about parents being the cause of low self-esteem when in my case at least, my parents are wonderful. But because of mistreatment from peers, being viewed as different and having a pattern of third wheeling in my own bestie relationships throughout the school stages, that's what reinforced the idea to me that my presence/company was somehow less valued. I feel stuff like that needs to be talked about more so there are more available resources that cater to healing these issues and tackling their roots specifically.
This topic always makes me feel heavy hearted because it feels always relatable and its hard and reminds me of the emotional turmoil I put myself through which I relate to need for perfectionism, forced to conform and obey and especially criticized for characteristics/abilities. I'm always the one to criticise myself but show love to others who show me so much love but I cant accept it and I loath in my self esteem causing me to hate myself and who I am. I have such amazing people in my life and I try to work on myself but it never works it just gets more intense the older I get.
@@Psych2go Thankfully my parents managed to intervene and brought me to a hospital for proper diagnosis Turns out I got Schizophrenia and potentially PTSD :P As of now, I'm slowly building up my self esteem by cosplaying :D
In your own experience, how did childhood play a significant role in shaping your self-esteem? If you're struggling with self-worth, we have a video on How To Practice Self Compassion to help you ua-cam.com/video/yi5E5a2Ky7k/v-deo.html
I’m not sure yet. I need to figure it out
Hi
I lost my self esteem at age 7-9
Hi, thanks for these.
People constantly calling me stupid and doing all sorts of evil things to me is a big influence on how low my mental health is.
Parents are always ready to compare you to other children, but got angry whenever I compared them to other parents.
you did what?!? I literally would not have been allowed to survive that.
I laughed at this, sorry you experienced that, though.
I should’ve done this growing up when my father was beating me for not doing the dishes to his specifications. I did them, and they were clean, but he would always change his mind about how they were supposed to be done; he’s a narcissist with an invisible rule book.
Maybe I should now.
Same happens to me everytime.
Nice one😂......I too would have been murdered by my parents if I had dared to do this tho
0:32 Constant Comparison
1:15 Criticized for Characteristics/Abilities
2:06 Forced to Conform and Obey
2:41 Need for Perfectionism
3:30 Afraid of Own Dreams and Goals
1) have learned that's an her Waste of time and energy.
2) being my flavor of neuro-spicy means, definitely yes there.
3) forced no, feel infinitely pressured to by most prior generations yes.
4) in most of my prior relationships I did have that yes. Not anymore really.
5) not the dreams and goals themselves so much as the growth of their cost & needs to be achieved and the corresponding like of longevity to any of them thinking realistically.
well fffffffffudge that's me
Thank you!
Thanks for the summary
@@forgesoulfire1320 Neuro-spicy is amazing.
To those who have a very low self esteem, I want you guys to know that you are loved and appreciated, even if you think you aren't. You're strong my friend, both physically, mentally, and spiritually, and I want you to know that as well.
Beautiful comment, we need to see more of this! Thanks for sharing!
Your the sweetest but I don't feel like I am I prefer my own company because most of my life I've always struggled in conversations I feel like when you start talking people just wanna leave
@@Psych2go you're welcome, anytime 💙☺️🩶
HEY GOOD EVENING MY FRIEND I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU AND MARRY 🎄 XMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEARS 🏆 TEE SLEEP WELL MY FRIEND TEE 🙏💯🙏💙💪
Huh thanks, but by who ? Everytime I share my opinion, I'm wrong, even online. Have you heard of the character Kieran in the latest Pokémon DLC ?
He's an incredible character who is relatable for me as he reacts to the mental abuse and feelings of loneliness he's subjected to in a very similar way I did.
Clearly, it's an important matter for me, but mostly everyone around me tells me that he's poorly written, just an edgy kid, and that he's not actually getting mentally abused, which indirectly undermines my own experience and pain.
It's always the same. And when I try to express my own creative ideas, nobody cares or they contradict me.
You will probably say that you do care, and I know you're trying to be nice, but you know nothing about me besides what I just said, so how can you care before even knowing anything about me ?
These negative impacts on our self esteem from childhood aren’t limited to what our parents did to us. Some of us also dealt with teachers who treated us this way. And some of us probably had older family friends or neighbors who were like that too. If you’re struggling with low self esteem from childhood but don’t remember your parents doing anything said in this video to you, it’s likely another adult did it to you because our parents aren’t the only people who make an impact on us. Everyone leaves an impact on us
Exactly, for me it was only people outside family, people bullying, beating, excluding and isolating me and going as far as to s*xually harassing me. I got the best family anyone could ask for but when it came to the outside i wish things had been different. Now forming relationships as a cynical, distrustful, young man with low self esteem and no confidence is nearly impossible, to the point where it's the loneliness that starts getting to you.
Molested by my 3rd grade teacher ruined me for life
For me, I'm pretty sure it was my classmates. I used to be very curious and active in school, always asking a lot of questions and participating, not afraid to say something that was wrong or have an opinion that was different from the rest of my class. However, during my time in that class, it would happen more and more often that, whenever I said something wrong or something that did not comply with what my classmates and sometimes also teachers thought was right, the only response from the class would be a few seconds of awkward silence after I said something before being ignored. Sometimes, I'd also ask questions that were ignored because they were apparently common sense, and I was stupid for asking them. This immensely lowered my self-esteem and led up to me in later years of my education, not participating in class often and getting worse and worse grades because I was afraid to ask questions that might be common sense.
@@veteran2nd I want to help you in some way, but I'm no professional, so take this with a grain of salt (that is, if help's even needed, otherwise just don't read this).
I still find myself being ignored on a rare occasion because normally my speech is pretty quiet and slurred (a lot of the time I don't bother with raising my voice or being heard in general since I probably won't be heard anyway, courtesy of low self-esteem from, once again, school and classmates that fucking suck dick) but that in turn weirdly amplified my independence, allowed me to have my own opinions and just be true to myself (as in "Let's see if I can get away with just being myself", not overdoing it, obviously). Independence in your case might mean learning everything you want to know yourself (Google's great for that, it's designed to be asked questions) and not abandoning your opinions because some chucklefucks think it's wrong. Obviously, it's best to work on your fear of asking questions and on self-esteem, but that's therapy, and therapy costs money, so I think that's the next best solution (even though it's more of a quick-fix solution which may not be healthy in the long run) - trying to weave your way around your insecurities. It does help me get by to some extend, I've grown to at least appreciate who I am now. So, yeah
Dont worry, its not like children takes impact on their self esteem, from words of critic, right? Right???
It was tough, but at 60 years old I am finally becoming who I was meant to be, the one I was before 7 years old... and it is awesome. Finally learning to make friends and embrace life rather than living in fear :)
@Chahlie I'm extremely happy for you❤
That's amazing!
Thank you. Gives me hope as a 49 year old that I still have time to get my life together.
well done
@@gene108it’s never too late. Look at Grandma Moses for example…
"Low self esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake still on." Maxwell Maltz.
I am anxious... In an existential crisis... I feel like the car I am driving is on fire and I can only drive so far till it gets me!
While driving with open windows to breathe... what will slowly but surely kill me first?
Jumping out is suicide...
Just taking a break and stepping outside seems so hard/impossible!
Exactly
I definitely felt that way. It had deprived me of opportunities in life by holding me down and not let me do what I wanted to do. Thoughts of "I was not qualified" or "I was not good enough" had won over so many times.
Except not only is my handbrake pulled, all tyres are dismounted.
While both my siblings be thundering ahead, in Bugatti Chiron super sports.
.....How the hay does that make any sense?
I have all of these problems, but my parents weren't strict or demanding at all - they were over-lenient former hippies. I was bullied and ridiculed a lot by other kids. Anything I did that I was proud of, got made fun of. Parents need to teach their kids kindness and compassion.
I agree. I think parents should also model and teach the art of self-defense, as well, even if only psychological self-defense. There are so many bullies and abusers in the world.
Same. People forget when they grow up, but it's the Law of the Jungle in schools. There's a pecking order, and someone has to be at the bottom of it. Kids will do WHATEVER IT TAKES not to be that person.
It's a hostile hyper-competitive world out there, everyone's for themselves.
My parents weren’t hippies, but they weren’t what this video describes. My self esteem was destroyed by class bullies
No, parents need to teach their kids self defense. I was bullied ruthlessly and all I heard was, fight back you pussy. I wish someone told me I was worth fighting for and here's how to do it. I don't ever stick up for myself and even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know how.
Parents aren’t the only ones that can destroy your self esteem during your Childhood, Teachers can too.
Students, teachers, parents, other sources too
Putting blame on others won't help you. Focus on things you have control over and try to keep moving. Easier said than done but the feeling of freedom you get afterwards is worth it
True
Even school mates
@@antoinedupont3284 when you have zero awareness of why you are the way you are...it's not about blaming anyone....it's about taking steps to change yourself. You have to be aware in order to even do that...why are you here typing bullshit...of course you have to take control and keep moving identification of the problems comes first you imbecile.😊😅
It’s not our parents that are the sole reason why our self esteem can tank as a kid. Sometimes, it’s coming from our peers or from adults who we are supposed to trust. I came from a loving but occasionally dysfunctional family. But at school, I was always mistreated by my peers and teachers. This fueled my negative feelings towards myself.
Ways to recover
4:45 aknowledge your strengths and achievements
4:46: practice positive thinking and positive self talk
4:50 making a habit of doing things that make you feel good
I think another way self esteem could be destroyed during childhood is when parents are emotionally absent and never show proudness towards their child
Great point and sadly true. Silence and neglect can hurt just as much...
@@chloechalamet3886 Yes,you feel invisible and eventually start thinking there's something wrong with you
Thank you😊
Very astute observation ❤
I'm pretty sure that's what happened to me. I relate to all the points in this video, but my parents didn't do any of the things this video says they must have done.
Oh yeah, my confidence was obliterated in my childhood. The bullying from teachers and students and sometimes my parents just destroyed everything. It got to the point I wanted to unalive myself as a child. When I expressed emotions, I was chastised for it and severely punished. My parents have gotten way better and I’m now surrounded with the best support system. I’m glad to have the people around me
I feel all of that. I’m truly glad you’re here, sharing your experience, and your environment changed to be more supportive. Maybe mine will, too?
Own what makes you unique, focus on the good vibes, and ride that wave of goodness. 🚀
Same here, I feel your pain. I had to learn that they were treated that way also, and just forgive them, even though they still do it to this day. How they criticized others is how they criticize themselves, you’ve got this!! Thanks for sharing
They are not worth you taking yourself because of them, never. I'm glad you are here and I hope you found the peace you were looking for.
Wow! This whole video described my childhood and still unfortunately instill. I have a soon to be 1 year old and I’m scared to pass this on, but I do go to therapy. I cut ties with my toxic “mother”, who called me a “horrible, mentally unstable mother” who will mess up my son’s chi land life. And now, I doubt myself of being a good mother. But, deep down I know I’m an amazing mother. My son is happy, always smiling, healthy boy.
You're doing great! It's often easy to self-criticize ourselves for not doing enough. I see that you're trying to heal from your childhood trauma by going through therapy. You're on the right direction by doing that and taking action. Stay strong!!
I think you will do amazing. Being able to self criticise is a must to be a better person.
@@laujimmy9282absolutely true! self criticism makes us a better person not only to ourselves but also to those around us.
You can do it dear believe in yourself you are doing well ❤ you will raise your child to be a great healthy strong kind person💙
Much love
I want to highlight the point of making your own choices and your identity.
Before I went in to college, I realized that the major I had declared was not the major I wanted, it was what my parents wanted. Even though I knew deep inside I knew I wanted to study info Sci. when I told my parents they said I was foolish, misguided, and that the career would be nothing. Fast forward 2 years, my parents come to me saying that they heard about someone’s kid studying info Sci and having a 6 figure salary and say “why didn’t you study that?!?” and denied ever saying that the major was pointless. Present day i am studying info science and have distanced myself from my parents.
My summary, make your own choices, it’s your life. If your decision doesn’t work out, at-least it was your decision that you can learn from.
Thank you .
You did well distancing yourself from them 🫂
Yep denying they said and did things...glad you're out
Very well said! It's not always obvious to stand on our ground, despite the «enlighten» opinion of our parents or any other authority figure. Listening the little inner voice inside of any of us is the accomplishment of an entire life.
They always deny. Denying is a part of parenting :p
The problem is, that low self esteem will take away your ability to really know what you want, if not the ability to trust yourself with this decision. I think you escaped true low self esteem, because you learned while still young and took action on your career path
Thank you so much for validating my emotions, and giving solace to my wounded inner child. Things are beginning to make a lot more sense now.
You're welcome! We're happy this video can help! Anything specific that stood out to you or resonated the most?
@@Psych2go Probably the fear of sharing my hopes and dreams with my family, as they used to tell me that they were unattainable and unrealistic when I was younger. Since then, I've been worried about upsetting them.
Much love
As someone with anxiety this is relatable for my self esteem… it’s a battle because of my toxic parents who weren’t mentally there for me. The fact that one negative thing that could be said to me is EXTREMELY discouraging and takes the wind out of my sails
Same honestly exactly same and they might think that criticism encourages buy its not always like that too much of how I'm good for nothing or that I'm smart but don't show it by his words or that I'm too lazy by both of my parents and even orher phrases especially by my dad did a lot of damage
How to build self confidence isn't easy. But once you learned that no one is perfect and that we all make mistakes. Just shows us how much human we're
At the end of the day we are talkative bipedal primates on this hovering globe of mud in the cold uncaring universe .
@@mokshit304it's goofy really.
I believe you can only grow self esteem, and real confidence in Jesus Christ ❤
i had a great mom who was always supportive and i never had any bullies growing up. all of these points is just how my brain works, even as a child so idk what went wrong or if i was just doomed from the start
I believe your mom may have been supportive and good and you may not remember actual bullies but there could be subtle thinks and behaviors, even tiny but repetitive that could have have led to your self esteem level.Stress and even passed mental issues like depression or other, can contribute to these feelings described in the video
bro mom will be disappointed if she know it😂😂😂🙏
@@JJBAONTOP oh she already knows and has been knowing that ive been battling with depression and anxiety for about 6 years now and she helps me through it by realizing when some situations are too much for me and though we cant put me through therapy (because we’re actually poor to afford it) she does buy me tons of journals and stuff so i can write things down and she lets me have my privacy with that and never forces me to talk about stuff that i dont want to
@@MusicalMarzy that makes lots of since actually. i think the biggest heartbreak as a child was when my biological father left me and my small family when i was like 2 years old. and according to my mom i was close with him. so that’s probably when trust issues started and because i have these trust issues im actually really lonely (even as a child - socially wise) and i dont really have friends (besides for 2 that i made last year) so yea mental health is probably what made me have low self esteem 😀
@@howdy... Bro answer my comment seriously 😂🙏‼️
As a child/teen, I was never allowed to be over excited about anything. If I was better than a friend at something, I wasn't allowed to be excited about it as my Mum thought I was showing off. I wasn't allowed to show excitement when receiving gifts, I just had to say "Thank you" and get on with life. When I passed my exams at school, I wasn't allowed to be excited about my results even though I worked very hard to get the results I got. Nowadays, whenever something good happens, or I am given a gift, I know I don't come across as particularly grateful. I am very grateful of these things but people think I'm disinterested or "could at least show I'm happy."
I was never allowed to want anything. Getting something I wanted was selfish. The only time I was allowed to want something for myself was Christmas. But it was hard for me to ask because the rest of the year, I wasn't allowed to ask.
Well now you CAN show you’re happy and grateful! Go ahead and do it. You’re an adult now.
@@missmayflower If you read my comment properly, I DO try to, it's just not as easy as you seem to think it is. I don't know what is genuinely being happy or what is over the top.
I was constantly bullied, excluded, screamed at and made fun of for making mistakes, had my emotions trivialized, and other garbage. I'm scared to death of failure and have told myself to not dream of the future I want because it's all impossible and I haven't succeeded yet. And I'm ashamed to cry in front of anyone and express anger because I was always judged and laughed at for it.
Express how you feel, I came out to my parents and was sobbing from all the nasty things they did to me to purposely break me. It was not easy, but I felt better. Crying is releasing trapped emotions, I’m a guy and not small, I’ve always kept a poker face but not anymore, can’t let them steal my light. Happy healing 🫶🏽
Even I have mistakes and failure, I still get up and try to do things. We need to learn process and not striving perfection. Think positive, eat healthy and stay active will be great 💖
The moment when you can relate to basically every point... BUT also already practicing the points that might help.
My father split when I was 6 and my mother told me from my earliest memory that she hated me and wished I was never born. I was forced my whole life to walk on eggshells and be about to read her mind and know her actions leading up to anger that would always be unleashed on me. I’m 54 years old and still have very low self esteem because moving on from my mother, I surrounded myself with people who sapped it even more. But I am still here and still fighting so there’s truth in the statement “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”🙏🏼
That reminds me - Bill Clinton grew up with an alcoholic abusive father. He was always afraid to stand up to him, for fear of physical abuse. Later on as president, he could never stand up to North Korea when they kept disrespecting our No-nuke agreement with them.
So sad 😢 l have also low self esteem and social anxiety .
I just had burnout and some mental breakdown over the couple of weeks, knowing this made me realize how connecting is this to myself. thank you, due to this video, it gave me a guide about some of the reason why i feel depressed and self-hate
Parents aren't the only culprits in ruining a child's self-esteem. By no means were my parents perfect, but they were fairly good parents. My bullying started in 3rd grade and went through middle school. I went to a very small school so there was no escaping it. I graduated high school with 33 in my class. I went to preschool with some of them. THAT makes a lasting impact, too.
Absolutely, parents are not the sole culprits in the development of a child's self-esteem. Peer interactions and experiences outside of the home, such as bullying, can have a significant impact on a person's self-worth and confidence.
It sounds like you had a challenging experience with bullying throughout your school years, and I'm sorry to hear that. Bullying can leave lasting emotional scars and affect self-esteem in profound ways. It's important to recognize that the impact of bullying is real and valid, regardless of the size of the school or the duration of the bullying.
It may be helpful to seek support from trusted friends, mentors, or counselors who can provide guidance and understanding during difficult times. They can help you navigate the lasting impact of these experiences and develop strategies to build your self-esteem and resilience.
Remember, it's never your fault if you were the target of bullying. You deserve understanding, support, and compassion. If you ever need someone to talk to, consider reaching out to a professional or helpline specifically trained to assist individuals who have experienced bullying.
You’re a warrior for that! Mine started at age 4, and would move away from how extreme it would get, that’s how I ended up in the US. But honestly, looking back, they saw a light in us they didn’t see in themselves, even when your teachers are jealous of you and you’re broke, that says a lot to prove my point.
My parents were never the problem, it was other people out to hurt me. Looking back, it was ALWAYS people from outside putting me down, hurting me for laughs, i grew up like that and overtime became cynical and distrusting of people, i also became unable to form new relationships face to face, because apparently they can't help themselves and always have to bring up my "insecurities".
I'm sorry to hear that you had to endure such negative experiences growing up, where people outside your family intentionally tried to hurt you. It is understandable how these experiences might have shaped your perception of others and impacted your ability to trust and form new relationships.
It's important to remember that not everyone is like those individuals who hurt you in the past. While it may be challenging, it's worth recognizing that there are people out there who can be empathetic, supportive, and understanding. Building healthy relationships takes time and patience, but with effort and a willingness to open up, it is possible to find meaningful connections.
As you continue your journey of rebuilding self-esteem, you might find it beneficial to work on self-compassion and self-trust. Understanding that it was not your fault that you were treated poorly can help in letting go of any self-blame or negative self-perception that may have resulted from those experiences.
Consider seeking therapy or counseling to help process these past traumas and develop coping strategies for building trust and forming new relationships. A mental health professional can provide guidance and support tailored to your specific needs.
Remember that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Though it may take time, healing and reestablishing trust are possible steps on your path to personal growth and meaningful connections with others.
Thank you...I appreciate the well thought out text and advice in it, definitely didn't expect it. I tried therapy before, but i guess it wasn't for me, talking won't fix my issues, only actual physical changes would i guess, or at least that's what it feels like, especially since the main thing that was the reason I'd get bullied is still with me and probably will be for the rest of my life, it's something people still make comments about and that affects my dating, professional, and social life, my so called "insecurities". Anyway, i really want to be confident again, like i was as a kid, even if a lot of people tried to bring me down i still had that, i dunno when i lost it, but it did get lost along the way somewhere, i just need to find it again. Right now it's the loneliness that's poisoning me, haven't dated in more than 5 years, haven't had irl friends in a while, don't really do anything with anyone... and I'm really not ugly, just not a "conventional adult" that looks the part.
That was my experience as well. It's why I do not trust people implicitly and how I can see right through people too. I can FEEL how some are bad news, and therefore to be treated as threats.
I had these traits as a child and well into my adulthood, but somehow I let go of all that toxic stuff and at 62 am so much more confident and content.
I had extremely low self-esteem in my teenage years and university. It was so bad that I would, upon meeting new people, start to jokingly hatespeech me to the point that it's not funny anymore, but concerning or disgusting. I couldn't build relationships and couldn't make good choices and hit the rock bottom. I honestly don't know how i improved, but therapy, medication, and endless self analysis got me out. I now love myself and respect, but still, of course, I struggle to defend myself. Although 100 times better at it than before. When I look back at times when i had the lowest self-esteem, and remember the situations I was in and the choices I've made... It all feels like a clown circus. Because almost 90% of shit I went through were easily solved by one or two actions. Most of the times just by saying NO and getting out of the situation. Its hilariously sad how blind I was when my self-esteem was below the floor, and simplest of things seemed hard, and impossible.
No matter what, you should always listen to your guts and not push yourself OVER yourself just because someone tells you to. It is never worth it.
You struggled through some real nightmares and kudos to you that you fought yourself out of there. That's quite something!
You are resilient, nice!
So many people low down on and disregard those with low self-esteem. I wish the shame and stigma would go away because it’s not our fault. But we’re trying to build ourselves up.
I'm an insecure dude. I tend to receive compliments but I dismiss them really fast. I guess I shouldn't be as insecure as I am, but it's hard not to. I was being constantly compared to my siblings by my parents, and that developed into competitiveness, envy, and a high but silent ego in me. I even asked them to stop with the comparisons, gladly, it kinda stoped, but It was already late, this toxic traits already developed. I can appear as humble because I'm a really quiet person, but in reality I like to be the best among my friends and family. Ironically, I'm insecure and quiet in social situations involving strangers or people I'm not familiarized.
This video really made me reflect about myself, thank you
Same here 😢
You're relatable... At least for me.
Relatable...
I am blessed to have grown up with great and supportive parents, what made me have such low self-esteem was public school. Growing up with teachers, students, and even guidance counsellers letting me I would amount to nothing was crushing and being HSP it was debilitating. Now, after graduating 3 college programs and getting my dream job, I can now start to rebuild my self-esteem, 1 step at a time.
this was not helpful at all why did you even post it?
I'm glad to hear that you have been able to overcome the challenges and setbacks you faced during your school years and have achieved your goals. It's unfortunate that you experienced such negativity from teachers, students, and counselors, as their words and actions can have a significant impact on a person's self-esteem.
Rebuilding self-esteem is a journey that takes time and effort, and it's great that you are taking steps towards that. Celebrate your accomplishments and recognize your strengths and abilities. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who uplift you, and continue focusing on your personal and professional growth.
Remember that your past experiences do not define you and that you have the power to shape your own self-image. Building self-esteem is an ongoing process, and it's important to be patient and kind to yourself along the way. Consider practicing self-care, engaging in activities that bring you joy, and setting achievable goals that contribute to your overall well-being and personal growth.
If you find that you need additional support, don't hesitate to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor who can provide you with the tools and strategies to continue rebuilding your self-esteem.
@@feedmysheepfoundation6997 Are these comments supposed to exist just to make _you_ feel better? Come on now.
I a 💯 agree with this. From ages 11 to 15 I was constantly criticised and told I was clumsy, stupid, not pretty enough, I worked on myself and now I cut out anyone toxic, there’s a saying, if someone’s trying to bring you down, then theirs already beneath you 👍
It’s really a shame how much parents can negatively damage their children. I’m no longer surprised why my self esteem is so low and I know now that it’s not my fault for it, which is a relief. Fixing and adjusting it is the next step
Oh. Hello, my childhood. It’s good to have context for why I am the way that I am. Thanks for making this available!
Yes, I've been there. It was because of my father I was afraid of making mistakes. He even ridiculed me for the dreams I had for my future. I was constantly blamed for things I never did and was called a liar. As punishment I was denied the education I deserve. When I had learned that he passed away I felt great joy. I never had a happy child hood. However, my mother tookme to Disney land in California when I was a teenager. That was the only great happy moment of my life.
So now go get that education.
I've done that all ready. Now my father is dead and good riddance.@@missmayflower
The first thing I had to learn in this healing process is that its no one's fault but what I do at this point, I'm accountable for!!!!!
Where to start, eldest child, only girl. My mother loved her boys but it felt like she and I took back seat for everything, resources, time, understanding. I was over protected too and isolated. Hard work to sort this. Good luck to all who are struggling. ❤
Omg,I can relate your comments hit a nerve with me,I was the only girl with two brothers who had all my mother's attention. I was never good enough for her.
One of my biggest anger is that parents can do this, and only you are negatively affected by this. Parents, generally, get away scott free from destroying your life. Ontop of that, you have to do extra work to unlearn and undo their destruction, if their destruction didn't already destroy you.
TRUE!!!!! TRUE!!!!!!
No not true at ALL. Where the hell do you think your parents learned this way of dealing with others? They’re playing out THEIR trauma onto you. That’s not ok, but it IS understandable and very very sad.
The movies, “I, Tonya” and “The Iron Claw” come to mind.
I've been working on my self-esteem, praising my inner child, loving myself. It does take some time, and I still stumble, but this is the most I've ever heard me affirm myself. It's a beautiful thing to experience, and I pray and hope you can get started on that journey one day.
I don’t have good self esteem so this helps me and others a lot. Thank you soooo much!!!
We hope this video can help you!
I appreciate both my parents for giving me a loving and supportive homelife. I had to deal with bullies at school on a daily basis. The bully took a toll on my self-esteem. There was a time when I felt like nobody liked me or wanted to be my friend. Thank God I got therapy before it’s way too late in life.
Yes, I can relate to CPTSD from childhood and every type of abuse out there. Starting under the age of 5. I share this only to let others know it's possible to do the work and start living a life of self-love and inner peace. It is still a struggle some days. But I am beginning to heal. You are not alone.
I relate to every point mentioned in this video. The most difficult thing in this kind of issues is that you feel that you deserve to be treated like that and you don't have the capabilities or confidence to act differently because there's a few people willing to teach you assertiveness or positively self esteem.
Thank you so much for making this awesome videos 😊
Thank you for making these videos. ♥
I struggle to make friends because of my very low self-worth (and even get a job), i feel like i cant be supportive and helpful to others if i cant even help myself. It's hard to deal with these issues alone when it is the issue itself that causes me to be alone.
These videos help a lot and i feel hopeful to one day push past my low self-esteem, thanks.
Growing up, I often felt like I was never good enough because of the constant comparisons and criticism. It really affected my confidence for a long time. Healing takes time, but I'm learning to embrace who I am and rebuild my self-esteem step by step. Sending strength to everyone going through the same journey 💙
Its not just parents and older people who made us this way. It can be from peers
Sadly I can relate as my mother is a Narcissist, so my self esteem, confidence, worth, etc was destroyed by her. Happily I have found my way with resilience, tenacity, strength despite also being a Domestic Violence Survivor with PTSD. I have supportive friends, I am well educated thanks to me, I'm going to start my own business as a Spiritual Life Coach. Do what inspires you, listen to your gut, listen only to positive advice that guides and supports, never give up on yourself because you're special, you're unique, you're amazing , so don't forget that 🙏💐🇬🇧
Not all self-esteem gets destroyed by parents.... they also get destroyed by being continuously bullied during your childhood in school or online.
I agree, the psychological damage visited upon children by their parents often pales in comparison to the harm visited upon them in schools at the hands of strangers.
As a 42 year old adult I thought I would chat on omegle during lunch one day. I was surprised how negative the people were. You're right about how the online environment can be damaging. I have pretty thick skin but still felt crappy for the rest of the day after a round of insults. People are nicer in real life, at least in this area.
Sometimes, it's probably kind of due to our own (as children) habits and actions, in my, probably unpopular, opinion.
I certainly didn't achieved much, if any growth and self esteem, by being stuck to a monitor all my free time.
This actually was a great reminder. I chose my job as a compromise between what she wanted and what I was seeking: financial stability.
I still have anxiety about finances. I always fear to end up with nothing. Although I live in a country that has a social system. Now that it looks like I won't be able to get back to my job...I might have the opportunity to really decide what I wanna do.
Growing up in a narcissistic household ruined me, sometimes i lose hope fr, lije my personality and my brain are damaged by survival mode and the need for perfectionism+ constant anxiety
I've never had much bad self-esteem apart from a few breakdowns I had, but hugs to all the people who need it, including my older brother. Believe in yourself!
I have no idea how my self esteem died such a death because my Mum was genuinely incredibly supportive and caring.
I'm suspecting it's somewhat a combo of being a twin, undiagnosed autism, slowly growing absent father and being a "gifted kid" who grew into a really mentally unstable teenager who's teachers still expected high level work.
I consider myself fortunate to have had parents who were supportive of me throughout my life. The assault to my self esteem came in the form of mean spirited classmates who saw my physical attributes as things to poke fun at incessantly...smh. Throughout this period in my life, my parents had my back, even going as far as taking me out of the school I had been attending when the bullying proved to be more than I could tolerate. Later, after I finished school, I chose a spiritual path as the means to restoring my damaged self esteem...and I couldn't be happier for having chosen that path.❤
I always knew my self esteem was destroyed during my childhood & this just proved it.
Everything in this video is exactly spot on. Trauma and neglect not paying attention to your kids kills them and their dreams and future.
The first one applies a lot to me. My mom would often compare me with my friends as a kid. The only constant praise I got was in my art. That's probably why I excelled in it while all my other studies were left pretty average or below average
Not just parents. Was practically raised by my older siblings too. And although they cared, they were still my siblings and children/teens, so any real nurturing was sparse. Mostly full of comparisons and everything else this video stated…it’s honestly validating to see this on UA-cam.
I grew up in a dark house where the rule was do as your told or else. None of us had any say or room to grow. I was lucky to have friends where I could be out all day and grow there. We all show the effects, but luckily for me they have not interfered with the relationships I’ve had.
I know now the reason why I have high confidence with very low self-esteem. My parents indeed are the reason with this.
My mom used to yall at me asking if I was stupid when I was five and couldn’t read yet then would genuinely ask if I was mentally handicapped when 11
My childhood was similar. I thought I was a dumb person growing up. My mom and brother called me stupid a lot. "Why don't you use your brain?" "You don't have common sense!" were common phrases I heard growing up.
Bro same. "Are you stupid, retarded, or slow" was commonly asked to me when I was 8 years old and kept going until my dad divorced her when I later became 14
@sachinmistry1 Thankfully my sibling was supportive. We got through it together
yes a lot of parents can be very emotionally/verbally abusive - mine were like this too. it took a lot of inner work to heal from this in therapy.
I mean, ok, but as you know, many kids need help with learning to read, so maybe she should have been helping you if it annoyed her that much. On the other hand, she doesn’t seem to be the kind of person who would recognise that she had a role to play in how you turned out, and I’m sorry she was like that.
This sounds exactly like my childhood. It makes so much sense. Anxiety doens't come from nowhere. You have to heal your inner child. What helped me was listening to affirmations and getting out of my comfort zone. I did a lot of things that make my life better, like getting my driver license, doing courses, having a lot of hobbies. The only person that can heal you is yourself, no one else can do that for you. Once I realized that it got better. You have a choice to make yourself happy, no one does that for you.
In my experience, some of these factors can also apply to those that were bullied constantly during times of hardship where the parents were absent. In my case when I was barely a teenager, we moved to a different city and at the same time my parents were blessed with twins. This however lead to a complex situation where I was feeling lonely and scared in the face of change and my parents were focusing on the twins. I wasn't given any attention in these hard times and reaching out to them seemed pointless since they were many times too tired to offer any help and they would dismiss my feelings and make me feel invalid. The constant bullying I was experiencing at school, along with exposure to bad influences that came with these "friends", I was soon left with a broken self-esteem. It has affected me all these years even till today. However, I am always looking for ways to improve my self-esteem. It's really difficult to learn to love yourself when your self-esteem has been destroyed.
They didn’t stop being your parents and having responsibilities for your care as a teenager. Stop making excuses for people, they didn’t make any for your it seems
@sherlogic1256 Sure they didn't literally stop being their parents but they should have paid attention to their other kid who was obviously trying to tell them how they're struggling and not only pay attention to the babies like sure they're important but their other kid is too
I can relate since I have a younger sibling and when they were born my parents couldn't give me as much attention as before and yeah I know when you have a baby they need all the attention but this can also mess up the other children of the parents and make the kids believe that their parents don't care about them anymore and that they'll always be second place or that they're not loved by their parents anymore and that can creates a lot of issues with the parents and the siblings when both kids grow up jealousy and hatred toward both the parents and the siblings being one of those issues
I was also bullied in my middle school and high school years and all my mom and dad did was to tell me to endure it my mom especially since i didn't share that much with my dad and maybe it was a mistake and I should have told him but I was already messed up and I didn't even think they'd care at all and obviously didn't help me at all when I asked multiple times for help also they're spoiling my little sibling more that they did with me since they had them and I need everything to be fair amongst everyone so this makes me very angry and annoyed and it doesn't help that said sibling has more in life and better teenage years than I ever had so don't go around invalidating other people's experiences
If you can't relate or don't have anything validating to say and only mean things come to your mind just don't say them
Surely you can just scroll to another comment
@@ButterflyonlifeI totally agree and thanks for sharing your experience! This type of *stop making excuses* mindset is simply insensitive and destructive. Everyone's feelings and experiences are valid and shouldn't be dismissed.
@@sherlogic1256Sure they didn't stop providing.. but a parent should at least be present in all of their children's lives and be available to listen to their heart and feelings. This should be a basic for every healthy family. So no I'm not making excuses :)
Yes it sounds just like me. I am 55 now & im seeing a therapist once a week. At this age you would have thought I had overcome a lot of my trauma. But it’s like I keep going back. I’m finally doing something about it. Discussing a lot of my pain & going back will help me to become the person I’ve always wanted to be.
It’s an uphill battle for self esteem when you’ve had it low growing up. I hope to not put my own kids through this. Assuming I ever get the chance
Living out from my parents is the only thing that can heal me from all the loneliness they made in me. After getting out of this situation, I will be UNSTOPPABLE...
I love my mom and my family, but in this period I realized that especially her is the major cause of my low self esteem. Im 19 and im really struggling with it, although i Know that i will be more confident in the future because im going to repare those damages i have since my childood. This is something everyone can do, stay strong boys
This video hits too close to home..! I've always dealt with poor self esteem. Even till this day I stuggle alot with that, which has caused me to have anxiety and behavioral issues (also a late diagnosed autistic adult also with ADHD. Im 30) constantly comparing myself to others and it kills me deep down! Yet I have been able to follow my dreams and had such luck for finding such lovely people in my life! I have yet many fears and obstacles to overcome, but I made a promise to my inner child way back, that I will help her overcome her fears and obtain her biggest dreams!
I was also thinking of starting to go to a hypno therapist, and see if that can help me in any way!
Speaking of.. It would have been so awesome so see a video from you about hypno therapy and how it works.
Thank you for another wonderful and educational video!
Those are good things to be aware of but it is not always the parents' fault. The first one related to my experiences in school. My early teachers were almost unhinged in how they compared each of us. I also got most of my self esteem issues from friends more than family. This could be because I was neglected but parents are not always the issue. I have gotten over my self esteem issues a long time ago but I want everyone to know it doesn't always come from the most obvious of people. Sometimes it's under our noses and our bad habits come from more than just our home environment. It does get better once you realize that the most important person in your life is you but don't blame your parents for everything. Two things can be true. They could hurt and harm you while also doing what they know best and not mean any harm
What did you do to get over from self esteem issues? .do list them down so others can learn 😊
@@Cherry_picked00 I got over my self-esteem issues once I learned three things: Self-respect, self-worth, and selfishness. What we are taught is selfishness at a young age is mostly false. It is healthy to be selfish. Think of it this way: Is what I'm saying/doing to myself very respectful? Would I want other people to treat me this way? What do I deserve? (As in, what do I want from a good friend and then be that good friend). Then ask yourself once you realize it is not very respectful: What does this do to how I view myself? What will this look like in the long run? A good, simple tactic to start this process is go to the mirror and say: "I love myself." It could be completely meaningless in the beginning. You don't have to mean it. Just say it. Say it out loud for the first couple of times until you smile at yourself or you start to feel good in general. Then ask yourself about self-respect, self-worth, and then reflect on your self-esteem. It is worth it. Always picture a good, perfect friend that could be completely made up and be that friend. Tell yourself the encouragements you want that friend to tell you. Say them in the mirror if you wish, but always speak out loud. Even if it's a whisper. Be that imaginary friend and your confidence in the beginning may feel fake, but eventually it will turn into real confidence and you will become your best friend
these are all me!!! I have been working on my self esteem (amongst everything else that came with my treatment as a child). Getting better at accepting imperfection and mistakes I make. It takes a long time to overcome these traits (my first husband also reinforced the low self esteem and self doubt). Don't give up
I'd say 98% of each of the mentioned points fits me very well.
What I do nowadays to deal with it? Nothing, really. My life already feels crushed in all those aspects, so all I can do is to move on living with the pain inside and trying to enjoy the few parts in my adult life which haven't been damaged or better yet - which I build up for myself.
Sure that won't heal those wounds but I figured for my own personality it really helps to "overwrite" bad memories with the same events happening again with having positive outcomes.
I relate with a lot of the points, but only in that I was the one that taught myself them. I was alone a lot and eventually started to shut out the little time I had with others. Because I was scared of people I couldn’t grow. So most of what I am came from me, and if you couldn’t guess, I didn’t do so well.
Timestamps
1). Constant comparison 0:33
2). Criticized for abilities 1:15
3). Forced to conform and obey 2:06
4). Rigid need for perfection 2:41
5). Afraid of own dreams and goals 3:30
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
I really wish to convince myself that I didn't experience all of it but it will be another lie I will tell you myself and I won't do that anymore. My mother treated me in all such ways.
I felt ashamed of myself after relating to each one of them. I always used to think -"why am I unable to speak in public?" Or -"why am I so indecisive?"
This video gave me answer to all those questions and many more negative thoughts I have about myself.
But now that I am aware of it I will do anything and everything to improve myself and will not be put down by anyone including my mother. 💖
This reminds me of Anne of Green Gables. Marilla made a lot of these mistakes with Anne. Marilla was too authoritarian towards Anne, and she had super high expectations for Anne and was forcing her to obey every of her orders. Marilla would also scold Anne very harshly for every small mistake she made, and she would get mad at Anne if she was not perfect. She also would harshly criticize Anne for all of her flaws, and call her a wicked, good for nothing and aggravating child and tell her how much she disgraced her. I wouldn’t be surprised if Anne grows up hating herself and becoming a perfectionist. Marilla never gave Anne love or encouragement or told her about the good things about her she always scolded Anne for all her flaws and was never understanding and patient when Anne made tiny mistakes.
dang, thats harsh. like wow
This is so insightful! I never thought of AoGG as a morality tale about the evils of authoritative parenting, but the more I think about it, that's pretty much what it is. The moral of the AoGG stories is to not let authoritative parenting get to you and to keep being your awkward, imaginative, hopeful self. Anne came through with self-esteem intact and Marilla eventually came around to Anne's way of thinking and even loved her for all her flaws in the end. Amazing.
@@gregariagirlI like your positive take on this issue.
For myself, I remember how my own mother was worse than Marilla. Thankfully, my mother died when I was twelve, and it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I wish I could tell her that she was a terrible mother and a broken human being.
But I'm not bitter, LOL
A wonderful and useful video in addition to what the video mentioned, accepting and admitting to yourself that you have a feeling like that, knowing that it's an idea and not your reality, and observing the fear system when it appears to get external acceptance, stop with yourself and review behaviors that do not suppress the feelings inside you, accept them and hug them, then they will change
I think many of the practices that are now considered harmful to children's self-esteem were once considered good parenting. For example my mom was asked how come she couldn't keep her room tidy like her cousin. But when she went to visit her cousin and saw the room was the same as her mom, she asked about it and her cousin said she was told the same thing that she should keep her room tidy like my mom. My mom said that was the advice parents were given back then.
Dieses Video sollte das Top-Video sein, wenn jemand was zum Selbstbewusstsein sucht…
Was ich noch hinzufügen würde „Beweise suchen, die sich für dich persönlich wie ein Beweis anfühlen“, einer schafft einen Halbmarathon, ein anderer schafft es gerade mal kalt zu duschen, aber daran kann man sich absolut hocharbeiten, und selbst daran wachsen und das miteinander vergleichen das nicht besser macht, weil jeder ein persönliches Päckchen zu tragen hat.
Ich war auch ein absoluter Fall von“ich muss nur mal den Affirmationen glauben“, aber ich hab mich immer so gefühlt, als würde ich mich dabei selbst anlügen…
Dieses Video ist genau dieses bisschen was ich verstehen musste. Riesengroßes Danke❤
Childhood issues like...
Father narcisism
Teacher body shaming
Friends bullying.
Toxic relatives mocking
All the things you've mentioned are very relatable to me. Your videos are very helpful. I am trying to overcome my low self-esteem, but it's hard. I keep letting the echos of the past get to me.
As someone who grew up and struggled with low self esteem until my late twenties - it can get better. For me, it started with learning to say 'thank you' when receiving a compliment instead of downplaying or denying it. Then over time, try to create an environment of positive reinforcement, be it at work/school or at home. One simple "Nice shirt!" or "You hair looks good!" can make a person's day and encourage them to do the same to you or others. Boost each other. We're in this together!
Meditation can help with gaining your self esteem and self love back. The easiest is to take in a deep breath and say in your mind I FILL MYSELF WITH LOVE. Then release and say I RELEASE MY INSECURITY. You can say anything you want and want to see in yourself. It works wonderfully. Try it for 15 minutes daily in the morning and at night.
@@tulipbubbly3748 I'm sure that'll work for some people. Personally, my self-esteem has improved greatly over the last few years and I feel pretty content where I am now. But thank you for the advice!
Her voice is lovely. So calm and soothing. It feels safe, grounded, and kind.
My low self-esteem is mostly based on experiences in school and the fact that my life didn't turn out as I expected.
Hit the nail on the head!
These are some of the most common ways self esteem is destroyed during childhood.
Thank you for posting these videos!
Please have an excellent and awesome day!
☀️✨⚡️
Could all these traits and symptoms be caused by a sibling, rather than a parent? My sibling teased, criticised and belittled me for most of my childhood and I have identified
the voice in my head that white-ants my self confidence to being theirs. My parents were, for the most part, very supportive, though traditional in their ways of thinking. It’s my unsupportive sibling is what I think killed my self esteem.
I will create boundaries and take on certain challenges big or small with openness even though scared to be put down again
I can relate with this but not because of my parents. But the prolonged experience of bullying and basically being othered for my autism and status as "special needs" . From middle school to especially high school i learned in different ways how being neurodivergent made people treat you differently. I've been recovering for years but the years right after I graduated was really rough. This is why I hate the assumption some have that I "suffer" from autism. No. I've always suffered more from the way PEOPLE treated me because I was autistic. That's entirely different
As a older man who suspects he's on the spectrum, I agree with you. Autism itself is not nearly as much as a problem as how people with autism are treated by everyone else. I literally feel like I woke up in a savage parallel Universe like an episode of Star Trek.
Yes. My mom was very over protective and most times was hard on me. I dont remember her ever giving me positive encouragement or making me feel empowered. I do struggle with low self esteem but i am confident. Its a very deeo rooted issue. I am 41 years old. Im trying to heal.
This topic reminded me of two former friends I used to hang out with during elementary school. Each of them practically took my kindness for granted after they found it "better" to hang out with bad influences who were supposedly popular. I wasn't surprised to notice each of their new "friendships" lasted two years at the most. Whatever problems they both got themselves into was obviously not my problem.
My parents didn't ridicule me, but also they didn't support me, I whanted to learn archery?, "Why?, Football is way better", I liked Sherlock Holmes, literally my first book of Sherlock wasn't from my parents but from my best friend in graduation of Highschool, etc.
At this point I don't have ambitions or a great plan, I just drift around adapting to the today and never think of the tomorrow.
All of those things applied to me, along with sexual abuse - very frequent and went on for years. It was only one parent acting like that, but it was enough to cause damage, because it was the loudest voice that pretty much ruled within the house. Trying to appease both that critic and the sexual abuser made me feel like nothing in the outside world was ever enough, since their behaviors didn't change.
I can relate and it's really hard to find any strengths to build on. Someone told me a few years ago that they've never met anyone with as low self-esteem as me hahaha
I can relate especially to the expectation of perfection. Anything but grade A or B was not acceptable for my dad. He and my mum had always been excellent pupils. When I came home with a B my dad would tell me that this could have been an A as well. When I came home with an A he would ask why I could not bring home an A every time. I can hardly remember being praised by him. My mum did that. I carried that feeling of not achieving enough in his eyes with me for decades. Shortly before my dad died I finally had the guts to ask him why he was never satisfied with anything I did. I was surprised to hear that he actually was satisfied and aware that I was a really good pupil. He thought he would support me when I had the pressure of high expectations. It was the way he was treated when he was young. I‘m glad I had that conversation with him before he was gone.
Damn 😢
Wow, you were allowed to get Bs?
When I was in 9th grade I got straight As the first semester. I had an A- average the 2nd semester. My dad said that this was the lowest grades I had all year. I have spent my whole adult life being a perfectionist. Lack of self esteem can make you a miserable overachiever.
I definitely am in this boat. I've slowly been building up my self-esteem by working out and pursuing my hobby, but it's definitely a slow process.
Thank you for the lovely video
My mom always told me as a child "If you obey your parents you will be safe". Well, being obedient to purity culture got me sexually harassed and made me hate and be ashamed of my body and myself even more. Thanks for that, mom
But did you manage to remain pure?
Can you explain what you mean by purity culture? Also, how did it cause you to be sexually harassed?
@@IzzyNChrist Purity culture is basically "if you had sex before marriage, you're a filthy and tainted woman". Purity culture doesn't teach me about sex education, especially on how to identify who wants to sexually take advantage of me - it only taught me that sex in general is bad (which isn't and shouldn't be true).
Although it wasn't the direct cause of me getting sexually harassed, it had made me feel self-hatred of my own body. I was manipulated by someone I kept "forgiving" (which is also what I was taught to do), but in addition to my innocence I fell into the manipulator's trap.
Even if some people were to say "well you being raped doesn't count as becoming impure", that whole purity culture has already been drilled to my head to the point where I CAN'T feel pure for having been violated. I've gone to therapy and I have been recovering, but purity culture ultimately made me feel miserable about myself, and I doubt I was the only one.
@@FuzenHua I'm sorry this happened to you. It really is awful, I don't even have any words to describe how beyond unfair that was. It's important to talk to young people about sexuality in a mature and loving way. They do need to be taught what is acceptable and what isn't but not in a way that condemns them or makes them feel shamed. That alone can really cause issues for someone's sexuality.
Sex itself is not bad, outside of marriage it is, but for people who do it consentually. What happened to you was not consentual. While they should have explained why it's for marriage, they should not have been condemning you for having a sexuality. God made us all that way which is why we can have babies.
Body dismorphia is common among young people, it's a process to accept the changes once you adjust, but it's important that you have a healthy support system to help you adjust physically and emotionally.
Rape is a very traumatic experience, people get forgiveness twisted all the time. It doesn't mean you just invite the abuser back in or give them access to you in any way. Forgivness doesn't mean reconciliation. It means being able to let go of the past, but that's not always an instant thing.
You're not impure for what happened to you. I know it's hard for you to believe, but please try to give yourself time to heal. I know it hurts because it was humiliating and the memory still hurts. You can heal from this. sending hugs and praying for you. Please know that the real Jesus of the bible truly loves you and doesn't comdemn you.
@@IzzyNChrist Thanks for your reply. Therapy and making better friends have helped my mental health overall, and I also think it made me grow more as a Christian. I think this was one of the things that helped me understand that even while following a religion I could still be myself and make decisions from my gut feeling instead of ignoring them.
I do wish that more people, especially Christians, understand that things are nuanced, and not black-and-white. More people should learn to judge/condemn less, so less of what happened to me and many others will happen. I can understand why some of my friends even left their previous beliefs, due to being surrounded by those who use God's name in their own selfish interests and vanity, and it's these kinds of people that cause more of what happened to me happen
I kind of wish videos like these would also mention school experiences more often, as these vids usually only talk about parents being the cause of low self-esteem when in my case at least, my parents are wonderful. But because of mistreatment from peers, being viewed as different and having a pattern of third wheeling in my own bestie relationships throughout the school stages, that's what reinforced the idea to me that my presence/company was somehow less valued. I feel stuff like that needs to be talked about more so there are more available resources that cater to healing these issues and tackling their roots specifically.
Sigh nailed.
This topic always makes me feel heavy hearted because it feels always relatable and its hard and reminds me of the emotional turmoil I put myself through which I relate to need for perfectionism, forced to conform and obey and especially criticized for characteristics/abilities. I'm always the one to criticise myself but show love to others who show me so much love but I cant accept it and I loath in my self esteem causing me to hate myself and who I am. I have such amazing people in my life and I try to work on myself but it never works it just gets more intense the older I get.
Wooo new vid
Haven't watched it yet, but can safely say rhat my self esteem was indeed destroyed at childhood
Wishing y'all the best
I'm sorry to hear that. Have you considered seeking support or trying any strategies to build self-esteem?
@@Psych2go Thankfully my parents managed to intervene and brought me to a hospital for proper diagnosis
Turns out I got Schizophrenia and potentially PTSD :P
As of now, I'm slowly building up my self esteem by cosplaying :D