Common Reasons Why Narcissists Come to Treatment | DIANA DIAMOND
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- Опубліковано 20 вер 2020
- Do narcissists only go to treatment when their families and partners force them to go? Diana Diamond thinks not. There are plenty of reasons to show up at therapy even if you don't know you have narcissistic pathology.
Narcissistic grandiosity is very brittle and breaks down easily, producing depressive reactions, anxiety, emptiness, hopelessness, despair and loneliness. The incapacity to love fully or to mourn losses is also a major symptom of narcissistic pathology.
We talked with Diana Diamond about the prevalence of narcissism in our society today, all the way from healthy traits to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
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Diana Diamond is an expert clinician who makes use of Transference-Focused Psychotherapy in her practice treating NPD and BPD.
Check out our interviews of Otto Kernberg and Frank Yeomans for lots more related material: Kernberg: • Otto Kernberg
Yeomans: • Frank Yeomans
For more information about BORDERLINE, the feature-length documentary we made about BPD, please visit: borderlinethefilm.com
Our archive of videos on BPD and NPD is expanding - be sure to subscribe to our channel here: / borderlinernotes
After taking multiple tests. I’m very narcissistic and it’s messing my life up. I’m so narcissistic I sometimes fantasize about being sad in public so people can look at me. I’m constantly trying to communicate with people to try and feel better than i feel by myself. I’m very honest with my closest friends
I wanna be naked and fixed
If my therapist is an attractive female I don’t care what it is i will do my best to be as attractive as possible so that i can satisfy my narcissism. I’ve deliberately led girls on only to cold hard reject them to feel superior and give my ego an orgasm. Here’s a thing. I’ve never trusted a girl in my life besides my mom and even she broke it a few times. I’m genuinely worries for my future as a person who wants to be a loving father and an example older brother for my siblings. Is it possible that my love for my siblings is just fake narcissistic shit I’ve done? Because 2 of them 8 years and 11 years younger are not very good at school and I kinda give them the big brother support i think they need. Truth be told I sometimes doubt that im the reason they are the way they are. It fucking sucks. But then again once im communicating with someone. I catch myself being narcissistic so many damn times. Get this delusional shit out of me I just wanna get shit done. I have 0 conscientiousness. I mean it. I will put the silliest of things for years and keep them in my head just so I don’t have to face it and make the decision. My anticipatory anxiety is off the charts. I always do better at things than I anticipate. I have a very strong wing it persona. I just pull it out whenever i have to do something and save face. I’m also super honest as of lately and try my best not to tell lies but sometimes it gets the best of me and I’m around someone who’s unknowingly narcissistic so i have to beat them at their own game. I have a tendency to never forgive broken trust unless i truly love a person (my parents and siblings) i have a very fragile relationship with my dad
@@practicallyascientist9971 dude, you described my situation so precisely, its scary. And the thing is, you never know if you are being good or just satisfying your ego. You get paranoid about yourself
I think I'm more mest us then i am after reading that
You're right. I hate that people keep claiming narcissists are unable to be self aware.
Yes I hate that there’s not a lot of help for narcissism. I’m proud of y’all for being able to recognize this in yourself because it’s actually hard to. 🥂 to healing and I give love to all of you.
Thats why it is so hard for narcissists to seek help - they dont even see that They have a serious problem.
Everything is always someones elses fault!
@@kendrar3072 hard to seek help when there really isn’t any help but to hit rock bottom and be at your lowest and hit a shame spiral and see the damage you’ve done
@@hix9306 that’s why I say we should focus on helping our void, to avoid abuse
IM TIRED OF BEING TENSE ALL THE TIME
IM TIRED OF NOT BEING HAPPY
IM TIRED OF THE TRAINED TOXICITY DECIDING MY PERSONALITY
yo bro, this is so accurate to what I do to myself.
I’m so narcissistic. Maybe not a disorder but I definitely need therapy, that’s for sure. I’m so lonely because of this.
I love the comments. I never knew people like me existed who recognize their faults. False therapy UA-camrs say narcissists can’t know they are narcissists but these comments prove them wrong. We know and we need help.
We don't just seek help as we age so we don't die alone as some would say. People are in disbelief sometimes when we are seeking help. But Some of us really are sick and tired of our own voids. We can and do recover. I didn't tell anyone. Others around me noticed the changes before I did. It was amazing. I will always be a work in progress, but so is everyone else, it's OK to not be perfectly on track and on target all the time. Nobody is going to hate me more than myself, and that's exactly how others will treat me if I set that precedent.
Thank you for this. Wishing you well. -P
I just ended a 21 year marriage because my ex was a covert narc...but i struggled cux he was fairly self-aware and quite intelligent. Alas, no matter how much i loved him and sacrificed myself... all i did was worsen every negative aspect of our marriage by feeding into his supply. I saw red flags mere months into the relationship, but i ignored them. He had great qualities, and I loved him very much, but the gaslighting, stonewalling, invalidation and eggshells all became too much and i had to end it. Its been a year and its still hard to understand.
Thank you to the self diagnosed narcs in these comments owning your struggles. My ex would not and it cut deeply. Your openness helped me today...so thank you!
Here is what I have a problem with. When somebody goes into therapy, claiming themselves, "I believe I have narcissism and I want to fix myself," this is what happens. This is what fucking happens. The therapist is going to say, "No you don't have narcissism. Impossible." And the person is left with NO HELP WHATSOEVER because so many of these fucking psychotherapists and psychologists think they know everything about narcissism when they fail to challenge their mere theories about the personality disorder. If somebody tries coming to their own accord about their own narcissism, FUCKING HELP THEM AND DON'T TELL THEM THEY JUST DO NOT HAVE NARCISSISM. FUCKING GIVE THEM THE TREATMENT THEY NEED.
i totally agree with you
they believe every single person has no insight
LMFAO!
exactly, I certainly don't feel proud of displaying narcissistic behaviour, that's why I look for help!
Maybe they are right and you should listen to them. Maybe you are a child of a narcissist with enmeshment issues.
@@adelehammond1621 They may know their profession better than us.
I learned that i may be a narcissist. I dont really care about anything or anyone and i have found multiple ways to bring down the people around me. I dont care what interests anyone around me, i only really care about myself and what i want. How i feel and how i want to do things. Obviously ive started getting help for it, but i feel more like im just guilt tripping myself into making myself something else for someone else.
I've recently been diagnosed with NPD and I've been struggling to find good information on it outside of who I'm seeing. I especially went looking tonight due to having some bad anxiety/negative emotions around a small incident that felt "humiliating." Seeing all the negativity around NPD (narcissistic abuse, anxiety from dealing with narcissists, etc.) only seemed to make my mood worse. But seeing this, seeing people in the comments that say they're narcissistic too is very nice and reassuring to see. I'm still learning to identify all my narcissistic traits as a start and seeing especially how they affected me in my past (when my trauma was more of an open wound and I was in a darker place), but it's nice to see someone that treats us like humans. It's just nice to see someone actually offering advice without treating us like we're monsters or not even human. I've been in and out of therapy for a while (partly due to me also having avoidant personality disorder and also just how I communicate since I'm autistic as well), but I have known I've needed help for a while even if I wasn't always fully open to it.
But overall, I just wanted to say thank you. It's a breath of fresh air and doesn't judge and treats us like actual humans that happen to be disordered and struggling. It's so nice to be seen in a realistic way. Genuinely, thank you.
Get on the narcissist Reddit forums if you’ve been diagnosed they’re a ton of people who are active and can help you understand it and don’t bash for having it .
I dont meant to be judgmental. Can I ask, do you struggle cause you dont get what you want or because you hurt when you hurt other people? I just genuinly want to know, because you sound genuinly thankful. I dont think I have many narcissistic traits (I have others things dw, Im not judging xD) so for me is like on the other side of the spectrum and I dont get you guys. Im really curious...
On the other hand, I wanted to tell you that maybe if you cultivate little moments of just doing things for other people and feeling good for them maybe you get to explore some parts of you that give you more joy. But probably you already had thought about that or maybe it doesnt make any sense xD. I just dont like to see people cornered within the walls of their heads and I wanted to help :p
Take care and safe journey :)
Hey - I am in much the same position and I appreciate your honesty. I know I am some random stranger on the internet, but you are welcome to share your thoughts and feelings with me at any time.
I truly believe there is hope for this disorder. I’m not sure I have the full pathology but definitely have traits. I have noticed through observation how much I struggle with identity and gaining approval from other people. I often feel empty if I’m not Pursuing a certain goal which I feel will enhance my image in some way or make other people see me as valuable or of worth. It’s absolutely gut wrenching to think that I’m a bad person who has manipulated people & although most of it has been subconscious, I know I have done it many times. And then to hear what others say about Narcissists and how demonic they are it’s absolutely terrifying to think that’s who you can be at times. But I think even with the lack of self identity underneath these behaviours there is still a consciousness that runs through all of us that can hold this pain and hurt. Through meditation and self inquiry I have been able to find peace in myself, not all the time but it’s always in me, in every human being. The more we access this and remain in our hearts and body and away from our heads the more we feel, and the more capacity we have to feel for other people. It’s not a choice to be like this and although many people who have this disorder (if they know they have it) wish they didn’t. Hold space for your emptiness, hold space for your pain, hold space for your insecurities, for your longing to be loved, give yourself the approval you desire from others. We can change, have hope❤
You pointed it out so well. Especially the part about not living in our heads, instead in our hearts. That's not easy, but there are ways to enhance that kind of living/being.
well said, I hope you stay positive and know you are not alone or demonized.
Everything you said resonates within me. I feel like you stepped inside me with a mirror and reflected it out for the world to see.
I'm currently crushed thinking about the trail of destroyed relationships I have in my life.
Finding it hard to breathe right now.
Narcissists don’t care about the destruction of relationships. So many of the things that you are talking about are also symptoms of autism. Mind blindness,inability to read social cues, feeling like there’s something wrong with you that you can’t define but that makes you a bad person. A narcissist doesn’t really ruminate about other peoples pain. Look at Samantha Crafts autism questionnaire. Before you judge yourself as a bad person, take a look at the symptom checklist. I’m 61 and just recently diagnosed. I’ve hated and judged myself my entire,life. No I’m on a path of understanding my brain and forgiving my soul. Peace to you all
Wow, so accuarete and nicely put. Everyday I'm trying to hold to the belive that one can improve. Thanks a lot for sharing.
I simply define my narcissism as my whole existence is build upon the idea that my life and purpose Is a stage and everyone else is my audience I dont know any other way to live and it's a constant battle twards myself I wish I had a normal mentality because I dont want to live with myself I'm not the type to hate others because I see I rely on people to think of myself because I'm to fearful of my own emotions I can manipulate people but not myself so I completely ignore myself.
And the stigma about narcissist on the internet is horrible because I'm too scared to seek treatment
So true there al talking on narcs from a victim point of view
@@eddybiamoengo7250 exactly
you're too scared to get treatment from a person offering treatment because people on the internet say things about people with NPD that you think is unfair? what does random peoples views on the internet have to do with a trained professional therapist?
@@jantelopez5626 i know this was months ago but i just wanted to point out that i have heard trained professional refuse to treat people with narcissistic tendencies because they “can’t be helped”.. not every therapist or psychiatrist even feels like they’re equipped to deal with NPD because it’s such a complicated disorder. i know of couples therapists who have refused couples with one of the partners being narcissistic because “the relationship is doomed” or whatever so yeah the stigma around narcissism isn’t just ingrained into random people on the internet but into professionals who have yet to personally deal with a narcissist
@@shaylabousquet5856 its not outrageous for a professional to say they don't know how to treat a condition though
not every therapist is trained to deal with children raised by parents with a impaired emotional or cognitive abilities either - which is FAR less complicated to explore.
society is shallow, ignorant and more concerned with producing children than caring about them - thats why there's a stigma.
The healing began with hearing her validating the loneliness in narcs.
Mine said no matter what relationship he was in he always felt alone and he's been thru 500 ppl.....
The old ones love eating children. Their parents have no choice but to go no contact.... After multiple calls to CPS and applications to familly courts for "grandparents rights " it just gets too much. They start feeding off the grandchildren because of their overwhelming neediness.... It just becomes toxic.
Whoa...
@@simplyjustash My narc said he never feels lonely, but I wonder if he was lying or just didn't know how to define loneliness.
I highly doubt the parent of a narcissist would suggest treatment, since odds are the parent has a personality disorder, too.
why not? its not them thats crazy.
havadatequila probably most likely the other way around
@@Nobody-Nowhere It's a family sickness. Narcissists aren't born that way, they're made.
Sure?
@@havadatequila so? why would that stop them from saying other people are crazy. thats literally what they are all about, projecting shit on others. all it is, is a pile of defence mechanisms.
Narcissists also go to therapy to learn social cues i.e.to improve their ability to manipulate others.
they come out a super narc :)
the majority dont
people like your self seem to believe that people with bpd or npd sit down and plan everything out step by step they dont
and implying they do is a lie
yes im generalising like you are
@@adelehammond1621 I never said that "they sit down and plan everything out step by step". That is YOUR assumption. I meant that they only go to therapy to increase their learning curves on how to utilize psychology to their advantage. Why else would a narcissistic person agree to go to therapy as they think they aren't ever wrong? What and who a narcissist actually is is inherently self centered and has no genuine concern for others. They may reach out to therapists if it benefits them and promotes their agenda. Consider people in prison teach and learn from each other how to perfect their craft.
Yep. I'm still kicking myself for revealing my exs "tells" to him. He only learned how to better hide his disorder for the next person he's going to ruin.
@@adelehammond1621 Except THEY absolutely DO.
The narc has to genuinely want to be better otherwise they’ll just lie to and manipulate the counselor.
I believe narcissism is a spiritual attachment born likely from dealing with narcissistic people in childhood. Not feeling loved unconditionally as a child. Spiritual attachments tend to show up energetically as physical manifestations in the mind and body. They arent bad, they are warning signals that something needs to be addressed on a deeper level. In order to love others, we have to learn and understand how to love ourselves unconditionally. And THAT is a journey that someone can and will take ONLY when they are ready. Awareness is the first step. Then acknowledgement without self judgement. Then the healing journey can begin. I 100% believe narcissists have the power within them to change and heal, they just have to trust their own process and believe they can. 💗
they have to heal in their next lives, guru
UNH!!!! BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really really wish more help is available for them
They are mentally ill all I ever see is the victims and never any help for the narc
Why is there no charity or more help for them I have just split from mine and yes I had a trauma bond but I just see how sad the situation is for them
Yes I’ve been trying to look up ways to heal from my narcissism but nothing shows up. They just keep saying that narcissists aren’t self aware. How are we supposed to heal with all this stigma and hatred? People with bpd hurt people too but at least there are resources to help them heal. My mom has bpd and my dad is a narc. After noticing this in them, I did some self reflection and realized that I have picked up their traits throughout my life. I really want to change. I don’t want to be manipulative anymore and I want to build real connections.
@@user-eo9to7wd2t good luck friend, Im on the same path
They can't see that they have a mental illness, that's the SAD part of this disorder they project all their pain onto others, it's everyone else's fault, it's actually extremely SAD to see them ruin their own lives but you have to respect yourself and walk away there is NO GETTING THROUGH TO THEM, they won't take accountability for anything, their mind does not work same way as other humans. I saw my ex husband recently and he still thinks he cock of the walk and all I saw was a sad pathetic human, if they won't help themselves NO ONE CAN HELP THEM.
@@susanmcmahon4733 firstly thats a generalisation and secondly you said that directly below multiple people who are attempting to find help but are struggling to
even when a person seeks help for npd there is little help and often a pay wall so how is anyone meant to get help
Nah, they all need to be rounded up. They hurt people, on purpose, there is no cure and most will never seek treatment because they never think they are the problem.
I am a covert narcissistic.. Always trying to build myself for positivity ,love ,caring..But certainly I am paranoid to everything..I doubt my worth .. Always fearful ..Cynic ..So sad in life.. Always doing different kind of things.. Losing the empathy for others .In a victim mode..I need help .
Same
@empty 😂
All my life I’ve felt like an empty shell, a subhuman. I’ve never really been able to form deep relationships at all. I feel like I have no human depth, and for that reason I feel extremely inadequate and lonely compared to other people. I don’t possess the enthusiasm and emotion that other people always seem to have, instead I feel like a leech, I only have negative thoughts inside me. I feel ugly and unattractive because of this. Everyone left me too
@empty ironically in your case, helping others is a step in the right direction if you want to heal or change. But if being a malignant narcissist is working for you, there probably isn't any motivation to do things differently.
I recognized it shortly after my father died. I accepted it, and I had to grieve for the loss of ME-the real ME. Then I had to get the culprit out of my life for GOOD. Then...you must forgive yourself and be GENTLE. You must cry and scream out the rage and shame. Jusus, God, prayer, and being ALONE are 100% necessities.
My wife is a Vulnerable Narcissist who always has to be the victim, she has worked very hard to convince me that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. In treatment, the therapist, after a couple months, just said, "Stop, you don't have BPD, you're the victim of Narcissistic Abuse." and since then we have started working on that, and a play for my impending departure.
I'm sorry for your experience. Have things improved for you?
You are so lucky to find such a good therapist! Life saving ♥️ stay strong my friend
What kind of therapist did you talk to?
I think most are not familiar with narcissistic abuse.
@@SuspiriaX yes therapists have their own pressures for ‘ success ‘ perfectionism and reality denial as they have the same defense mechanisms and external contingencies for competence evaluation and validation that the rest of humanity does.
I'm going through excactly the same thing. My wife convinced me I was a Narcissist, and I went to treatment trying to save my relationship and save our family because I was a horrible person. I'm 3 months into therapy and now realize that it's the opposite. My wife refuses to seek treatment.
I love this explanation. It gives the narcissist insight instead of attacking them. This helps me understand a parent a lot better.
they were attacked when she made the comment about them having "an incapacity to love."
@@ItsSoarTimenarcissist have no EMPATHY leaves a lives of destruction, they feel no remorse…….
Your description is my ex who ghosted me two months ago. He’s 39, isolated, and alone. He can’t cry and turns to video games to avoid. He is in therapy though.
I have NPD. Just looking at Diana and listening to her voice is healing me. It is realy strange, without explenation. For me the best therapiest ever existit.
Careful cause you may be idealizing her.
Same here.
My mother is a narcissist. She is always finding reasons why I can't leave her house, but when I get there we don't get along. She constantly is asking for people to go out of their way to do things for her and she doesn't do anything for herself. She will call me telling me that she is starving and her and the dog haven't eaten all day a try to get me to being her food. Then if I fall into the trap and stay there for a week or more she will start hounding me about helping her pay her rent and all of the bills since I am "living there." I'm only there because she won't let me leave without throwing a fit and then calls me non stop when I am gone.
I'm 28 and she tries to talk to me a treat me like a kid. It's really affecting my quality of life.
You HAVE TO LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, plus you should address with your mother that you haxe to get on with your life and that you will visit her fr time to time and you do care about her but you deserve to live your life too, it's bit of tough love needed to be honest, your Mum has her life and your young man who should be out enjoying yours, set boundaries.
My girlfriend did this kinda stuff. It's so confusing, you think you're doing the right thing, but you're being manipulated. The worst is that from the outside it doesn't look like it to anyone else so it is hard to get confirmation.
Did you go no contact? If you do, they’ll survive. They don’t need you.
It's why i left home at 18 and never looked back. I woulda drop-kicked a b if I stayed to age 28. Because fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug THAT noise.
You have no obligation to keep that toxic person in your life. Doesn’t matter that she’s your mother. If she’s not respecting you, she doesn’t deserve to be in your life.
i discovered that i am a covert narcissist and my behavior makes so much sense now.
i decided that the best thing for me and the others around me is to stay distant from them emotionally.
if i get too close to people i end up hurting them with my words and short temper.
but if i distance myself i hurt my reputation and propably lead others to believe that i hate them.
i like to keep my distance from others but then i feel bad because they are ignoring me so i love bomb them with gifts to "proof" that i am a good person.
i have ruined so many friendships in the past so my network of people is like 2 "close" friends and a couple of workmates.
i have decided to not be an a relationship because i know that i will just be a burden on that other person.
i dont know how long i can continue this path of self destruction.
i know i should seek therapy but that is expensive and i think its a waste on someone like me.
i feel bad for myself now, but when i am with others i act selfishly and irrationally and i want to stop.
Seek Jesus he will make you well
free therapy
@@blackbiographieswithocmogounnI tried that on my covert narc and he HATED ME AND MADE FUN OF ME IN PRAYER. it was so hard on me and he left me for his mistress and they make fun of my faith.
*"They feel lonely. That's another thing that brings them to treatment."*
I love the empathy here. A lot of information you come across - often provided by narcissists themselves (self-acknowledged in two cases) - is very hard hitting to the point of condemnation and seems yo encourage hatred & blame: and may keep some of the listeners seemingly stuck in the blame game ... gleefully throwing mud or stones at others.
These talks given by narcissists are therefore, of course devoid of empathy.
So it's lovely to hear this warm voice talking.
Yep, I suggested to my partner, after I found out she had been having a 3 month affair, I could forgive her and eventually forget but lets get some marriage counselling. Her response, I should go to counselling, she didn't need it. No love, no empathy, no regret. Apparently, the affair was all my fault!
Bro, get out before you have kids.
Been with a narc 2yrs and just got discarded last month.....
I was so mad at him, blocked and hated him with every thing in me..... Then I started looking for ways and articles to help me heal.....
But, I find myself feeling scared and pity for him and I instead of grieving and praying for myself, I'm asking God to make him realize his disorder and seek help. 🥺🥺🥺🥺
Part of the empath journey but you MUST put yourself first now
Yeah sure just don't ever get personally involved and don't ever let him know in any way that you feel this way
me too and it was only one month for me. but any amount of damage is damage! best to you in your journey towards consistent healing.
lol after a narc destroyed my life took all my money left me pregnant to vend for myself. I was praying for him to get better and find help. I still do to this day I even pray he takes better care for his girlfriend than how he used me. I hope he uses my money to at least make someone happy. It’s not about the money you have but about te experiences you create. Memories
wow, why didn't I know this sooner. I hope that there is life after this self discovery. Lord knows that I don't want my life to continue the way that it's been. I relate so much to what the Doctor spoke about in this video. They say knowing is half the battle, it is going to take some work to recover all of the damage that has been caused.
if they can't love - how is it ok to leave a child in the care of these people?
Helluva good point.
I was with my ex girlfriend Noemi B. for three years of pain and suffering. She was pathological liar, blackmailing monster and a remorseless abuser. I gave her so much love, be she kept lying and stabbing. She had grown up in a broken and loveless family, she was abused when she was young and the she was brought up by a drug addict psycho, her long time lover and fiance.
I was a very successful, handsome and a happy guy and had just turned 30 when I met her. From the very first day I met her I had a bad guts feeling, my guts was on fire, but I didn't know what is happening. I gave her so much love, but I'd never receive love from her. One day I found out that she had a long time fiance back in her home country and she was talking to him every day on her second phone. I was in love with her when I found out about her being engaged to someone else back in her country. I was devastated. I cannot put I words how much pain and abuse she inflicted on me. I remember she was blackmailing me that she was going to leave her fiance, but now she won't do it because I talk about her being engaged to her fiance. She was with me for three years, I helped her to become so successful and have a good career. I helped her to get a really good job. At the beginning she was a temporary employee, but the day she became permanent employee, she became even a bigger monster and abuser. One night we were in a hotel room and I was pretending to be sleeping, I heard that she is speaking to her fiance and in their native language(which I also understand), her fiance was instructing her what she should do in order to keep me around until she is ready to go back to him. She had decided to go back to her home country to marry his fiance, but she'd not be able to go for another two months, and she needed me around. The last months, I finally found the courage to ignore her and cut contact with her, but she would come to my house just to abuse me, and when I asked her why she does that? She replied "Because my fiance asks me to come and to treat you badly". Finally she went back to her home country. After a few months she returned to me and asked me to marry her and have family with her. I told her that things have changed and I don't love her. She then made threats to me and she is going around and telling everyone nasty lies about me. Shenhas joined every group and community that I am in, and tell everyone that horrible lies about me. She told me that I ruined her life, and she went to many psychotherapist and told them a fake story about me and told them many lies about me. She portrayed herself as the victim. She just wants to ruin my reputation and to ruin my life.
yeah foreign people hate us if you remember
I’m so narcissistic my entire life that it hurts when isolation is the only thing that resonates with me now. I’ve hurt so many people and even knowing logically what I did wrong, I couldn’t bring myself to change. I realize I have peace when I start isolating myself, people like me better when I’m not serious or in any deep relationships, and I like me better like that too. The thought of going for treatment for narcissism is a very narcissistic thing to me, why do I think I’m so special to have a condition that demands anyone to help me get better when I can fully toughen up and do it myself.
the condition is not because your SPECIAL it’s to br treated because otherwise other people get hurt!!
The thing I told to guys ..when I'm dying of love ...I'm a good friend but I'm not good at relationship , I'm better alone.
Getting help is not demanding it’s actually humbling yourself to be helped by someone who knows how to
Bro, your last line is exactly why you're narcissistic, getting help doesn't mean your special (in fact it means you're *not* special) and it's a humble act done by someone truly sorrowful for the hurtthey have done and desire to change. Toughen up and get help. It is a lie to think you can go about this alone. You need people.
How special you think you are to do it by yourself without professionals who are licensed.
I feel like no matter how hard I try it’s never good. I cried wolf sooo many times and even tho I cried wolf it was real tears real intentions and now when I’m depressed no one cares. I have no friends I pushed all my family n friends away. For the fact that they don’t deserve me. But feeling like I don’t deserve them. I stay away so I don’t become a problem to them. I have no one but my thoughts and seeing that we don’t ever get better just makes me want to die more. What’s the point if I’m never going to be happy? Why life if I’m just sad and miserable
Hold on mate.
That's all I can say.
Hold on.
Poco o Poco. We're gonna make it.
The range and mix of neurosis in my psyche is much to complex (in my view) to fit conveniently into classical disorder categories. While it can be said that my behavior aligns with this/or that disorder criteria, there's so much more going on. For example, I sometimes display highly narcissistic traits, while at other times I'm deeply sympathetic, or perhaps even empathetic.
My narc mum is in "therapy" and has been for 10+ years with no improvement whatsoever. She continues to go because she can rant at the therapist and basically get a yes person.
I've been dealing with a collapse for a couple of years. No one understood. I felt like I was the only person in the world who was expecting this pain. Constant state of anxiety. Headaches, chest pain, poor memory, fear of people, fear of everything, trouble walking because of dizziness, not caring, wanting to die. Listening to this series at least gave me confidence that I wasn't alone, and the problem may be with a lack of knowledge from those I was looking for help. This has given me some hope. Thank you.
Very experienced therapist. Warm touch❤
This guy pursued me this summer. He is the first guy I've been with since my separation and divorce four years ago. He made all the big moves, said I love you, gave me a key to his place, brought me into his family but didn't want our coworkers to know about us. We lived in dorms at Yellowstone National Park and said he didn't want seasonal drama queens to know about us. He said he loved me but he would still push me away. I was going to take a winter contract but after three months of being together he wouldn't just say we were a couple. He said it was my fault and I ruined it because I told people about us. He used every manipulative tactic. I am heading back home. We spent my last night there together and he was still saying he loved me and would miss me. I'll be back next summer hopefully as a Ranger. I really love him. I don't know what else to do but pray.
Hey Lauren, are you familiar with the term ‘avoidant attachment style’? What you described here reminds of that.The ‘School Of Life’ UA-cam channel has a bunch of videos about that subject. It refers to an attachment style in romantic relationships that involve mixed signals, wanting to be close to others but also pushing them away at the same time. The topic might give you some answers. I could be completely wrong! If so, I apologise for wasting your time.
Free sex on the down low, why not. And then blame you for telling others.
Keep legs closed ladies.
Sis, find someone/something else to love
Choose to be happy. You can't fix others. If you love yourself, run don't walk right out of there
Should I send this link to the narcissist I recently broke up with? He’s miserable and his parents like him that way. Codependent parents who used him his whole life. He is broken.
Diana is a treat to watch. I love this series of interviews with her - thanks for sharing these!
What if a narcissist projects victim as narcissist . It’s happening now with these videos of npd assessment.
Spot OONNNN!!! Brilliant !!! ❤❤❤❤
I don’t understand what the difference is between someone who feels empty and hopeless and sad and depressive because say the end of a relationship that they didn’t choose to end, vs a narcissist who feels all those things because of the same thing… something they didn’t get. It’s so complicated!
I hate that i cant even cry or feel emotional this shit is sad
Beautiful❤❤❤❤
I can't love because of my NPD, but I did EVERYTHING for my ex-gf, I listened to her everyday for hours, I tried to understand and comfort her, I didn't show negative emotions to her and she said after years that nobody loved her like I did, so we can love.
Just curious: you did all those things for her because you had some feelings for her (you cared a bit about her)? Or you just acted that way because you wanted to fit the perfect bf pattern/ to get her hooked?
@@unacring2207 Of course I wanted all the best for her and I still do, even though we are not together anymore. When we started going out and I realized it was serious, I immediately wanted everything perfect for her, because I cared for her - it's a kind of cognitive empathy, when I don't feel these things, but I know, how it works and wanted to minimize bad feelings, while maximizing good ones.
@@everettworld1765 Thank you for your answer. I'm not sure I understand very well. You said in the begining that you can't love. But you are able to feel some sort of empathy and care, right? Which would be the difference between the 2? It's more like you won't put her above yourself or even on the same level?
And what made you care about her, what traits?
@@unacring2207 I put her at the same level as myself, I treated her as my equal. I never felt love, meaning I was emotionally empty when I was with her, when I was thinking about my partner I never felt anything. She was an interesting person, had vast interest in many topics, she listened to me and she could handle my personality - mainly these things drew me to her. When we started being together I of course understood how people in relationshipe behave, so I tried to imitate these behaviors. I would say I felt sympathy towards her - it's intellectual equivalent of empathy. I knew she loved me, I felt our relationship is beneficial for us both, that she did a lot of things for me, so I felt the need to reciprocate.
@@everettworld1765 Very interesting, thank you for the clarifications, Everett.
Love all of this. The person I love has NPD and would not let me close. I’m curious about what Dr. Diamond said in this video about people with NPD putting off marriage because of their inability to truly love. I have also heard that they rush intimacy and marriage during the idealization phase instead of taking things slowly. Are both possibly true?
I am a narcissist and i hate how i am....
I didn’t take any tests but I relate and resonate when I hear about how psychopaths go about their lives and relationships. It’s kinda of scary
My husband of 2 years (age 58)who I suspect is a narcissist has always told me how much he loved his mum and was devastated when he lost her and always says he lived her so much and still isn't over her loss . Yet he's never been vulnerable and cried in front of me or talked deeply about her.
What does this mean?
Also once he cried over his late father proper sobbed his heart out. Does this mean he's not a narcissist?
I just don't want to be like the people who ha e harmed me or my loved ones. I want to be better and healthy. I'm unhappy when angry, aggressive or bitter, insecure... I hate that feeling more than I am comfortable without change. That's why I personally want to change.
I should start treating myself the way people would if they knew exactly how nasty I am
No mercy, no cutting corners, not an inch, purely strict, purely strict
I need to believe this is the way to make things right
I need to believe this is the way to make things right
my npd mom went to therapy, because she was suffering so much, after i blocked her manipulation attempts lol
Isn't that true for everyone though, there has to be some spark to bring them to treatment ? Does anyone go when things are going well?
I’m not a narcissist but I can see some characteristics. My spouse is an extreme Narc, so now that I am tired I see more of my characteristics coming out.
What's the most usual attachment style of the narcissist?
I really feel he wanted a mother replacement but didn't know it. He mother had died a year before I met him. It took me a long time to see through the games around sex.
It was years of him instigating intimacy but never following through. Wrapped in all kind of confusion and lies. I actually have never had sex with him. He took over my life strategically.
Object relations theorists have written a lot about the dynamic you're describing, the bad object who teases you, enflames your desire, and then slams the door (two of the faces of the bad object, exciting and rejecting). This stuff started with Ronald Fairbairn and many others have built on his work. David and Joan Scharff, Thomas Ogden, David Celani and many others. Celani has written about NPD from a Fairbairnian lens in a piece you can find here: docksci[dot]com/a-fairbairnian-structural-analysis-of-the-narcissistic-personality-disorder_5ad9a8a9d64ab2f40b357728[dot]html
(Copy and paste that and change out the "[dot]s" for, well, dots. Not sure how this channel is with people posting links, and if it might be considered spam, so.)
Also, she addresses the attachment style issue in the previous video in this series, and you can find a pretty in depth talk from her on that issue on UA-cam, it's titled "Master Lecture 1 - Diana Diamond" (without the quotation marks).
Thank you so much!
Sincerely.
You are absolutely correct about the mother. Thats what it is. A narcissist is a child who seeks for a mother, just as borderlines do. And children dont really have sex, they just play games. His mother fostered in him the illusion ,that he never has to grow up to be a man. And then he goes out and seeks women who are willing to play this role, to idealize his infantile pregenital ways.
@@jiminy_cricket777 thats great material, thats what people need.. not the never ending youtube videos of evil demonic narcissist.
@@Nobody-Nowhere You both just made me realize that I was turning all of life's major issues into power struggles with my ex, the same way I would try to rebel against my narcissistic mother, to the point where it's now affecting my health. My ex would even say sometimes, "I feel like I'm with a child, not a partner."
i'm getting the feeling NPD is brought into child custody cases more these days and i'm guessing some parents are forced to seek treatment that way.
Guys who go through therapy, is it working for you? Maybe you have any tips…
I realised recently that I’m a big narcissist and I want to change so much. I want to become better and save the marriage.It has been hard and I’m trying to collect extra tips and knowledge 🙏🏻
Darling, you are NOT a narcissist. True NPDs don't even browse these videos to begin with.
Have you ever been diagnosed professionally by a psychologist? Don’t self-diagnose. It’s good that you’re aware of your behavior. Most NPD’s don’t think that there is anything wrong with them.
The more anyone wants without give, takes without ask and demands without consent is tumbling deeper down the rabbit hole soon to find themselves further from love and closer to hell...beware all things....harm none and blessed be. KARMA WILL COME FOR ALL
There must be lots of narcissistic grandparents in therapy suffering the loss of their supply....
What do you mean?
@@leonardomagri4379 old comment, but they probably mean that their kids/grandkids went no contact.
The only problem is. WHAT IS LOVE. DR RAMANI said that. I thought it was interesting.
'Baby don't hurt me'
WOW 😳 1:15
I know now that I'm a narcissist i hate i hate i hate it i what to die. I hate being alone i want love and show love. I hurt others all the time i wish i could stop. It has ruined my marriage. I got mae all the rime at my wife. One she did want to clean at all went from 120when we got married to 300+ lbs. All i wanted was a clean home i worked all the time and come home to a pig pin. I love her but i called her names mentally hurt her. I got the yell from my dad. I try to quit but it is hard. I gamble when im angry. I hate all i have done. I don't want to be alive any more. I love her so much but it yo late. I want help with my problem. I wanr to be normal in my life. I want change.
I believe there are effective ways to heal from NPD. The answers are probably by harnessing the subconscious mind through scripting/journaling, probably graphotherapy. But once people like us healed from narcissism, it means we have won against the odds and become a better human beings. Stay strong bro.
Please discuss the differences between narcissism and autism.. many many people are misdiagnosed as narcissistic, borderline, oppositional, and so many other things. Look at Samantha Crafts checklist for autism symptoms. I’m 61 and recently diagnosed. So many of the comments I’ve read here don’t sound narcissistic as much as autistic. Guaranteed a narcissist wouldn’t be feeling shame or regret for others feelings or people they’ve unknowingly caused pain. Before you decide you’re just a bad person, please look into autism symptoms. Peace to all of you
A lot of narcs may have tried to get help when younger and been self aware only to be told not to be silly or the help wasn’t there then who’s fault is that ? 😢
I almost broke up with my narc boyfriend for cheating all the while he was saying how he only wanted me. When I gave him chance to come clean he lied again and I broke up this time for real.
Now he's come with all the "I have booked therapy for tomorrow"..."I hate myself I am poison, I should be punished" and all the self hate and hopeless. He says he wants to change and will be back when he's changed
I have no plans to get back to him anytime soon unless he's actually changed. But how do I know if he's changed or if he's just saying things. I am actually confused about that
He can't ever change
I don’t think any of you are narcissist. Just from your comments. If your thinking about the people you are hurting this much to comment an ask for help. Your probably just selfish like a billion other people. Maybe I’m wrong.
My ex showed up to therapy with anxiety from being "abused" and "controlled" by me, her husband of 20 years. Thats when I knew something was wrong hahaha
Is there a place a narcissist can be sent to get it together?
I saw other videos and clearly i see people attacking the narcissist as evil, but they forget the fact that a lot them feel unconrfortable being narcissist but cannot change it.
theyre posessed by evil. it controls them. yeah, they were born as lovingly innocent children that got hurt so much their psyche broke. for anyone close, it doesnt matter. the moment you feel empathy for them, theyll eat you.
Psalms chapter 10:
Hey how can I get my boyfriend with high narcissistic tendencies to realize he needs help he thinks he does no wrong and I want this to work badly but something's like he fixed so I'm trying please
He probably won’t ever change. Narcissists don’t ever change because they are afraid of responsibility and reject it. Leave him.
This person is my daughter... i have a 14 year old grandson that i am only allowed to see on holidays... its him i am concerned about...how can i help him...
I know the most difficult thing is for an empath parent to have a child like this. I have seen it my whole life with my mother dealing with my sister. The only peace of advice that I can give is to educate the grandson about narcissism, it will make his life a lot easier.
I always feel like theres no hope. Even when I'm with my wife, I feel alone. Maybe she is right.
Is there any documented cases of recovery? That compassion/empathy has been regained or ability to love gained? I find in my studies that sustained behavior correction in patients that claim successful treatment had healed from narcissistic “tendencies “ vs “disorder “ Empathy is present. Not true npd.
ability not to feel emotions is not included in either the dsm or icd for npd
There are non-cases of recovery, unfortunately. They always snap back to their old patterns after stress hits their lives. It's a lost battle.
My narc ex rushed to get his wife pregnant thinking a kid will fix their marriage.
To those Narcs out there. You are immensely cruel people. 1 take responsibility for your actions
2 Practice Kindness. Learn what it is. You do it for others not yourself.
3 learn what empathy is and try to engage in it. I know you don't know what it is but fake it until you make it. You are walking the wrong way. Learn the right way and in time you might like yourself and not feel the constant need to put others down and seek admiration. Create a person within. Remember... Fake it until you make and one day the light may start to turn on for you.
do you have to use words that i have to look up?
Be happy that you do not know these words of narcissism. Sometimes, people go through such partners that you have to look up.
Basically everybody is narcissistic, lol, crazy professionals are who u gotta watch out for!
Prep the interviewee - posture, presentation. Ie as I said is not necessary
Bahahahaha yeah okay. They don't go and if they do, they lie and manipulate the therapist. I've seen my father do it. The shrinks feed right into him. He's a MASTER manipulator. My parents left a therapy session and the shrink LITERALLY ended up believing my dad and my mom left asking the idiot "Did you really just believe everything he said?"
yeah, that's me 😈
😂
Its a lot of horseshit that it feels like the hands are simply just thrown up on both sides (therapist and patient) and that viable solutions aren't present for this issue.
Apart from being tricky to live with, I believe lack of empathy is one of the problem I had with my ex, I was 11years married with Children to a psychopath narcissist . All I always thrive to be since I was a teen was a good and responsible woman and I made sure I did all a good partner should do to be a faithful house wife. My narcissist Ex still threatening to file a divorce and take custody of my Children with false charges because I knew he was cheating on me with a colleague at work and also painting me black to my own children . I had no papers, so I cleaned to have money. My cousin told me about this Guru his name is above 👆🏻, he was the one who i could call to.
Narcissism in essence is loving the self instead of loving God; the antidote being loving God above all and others as oneself.
God doesnt exist. Religious people should seek help too
“God” can be a loaded word in our world of failed religion and narcissistic use of God. I’ve seen new religious definitions of God, trying to address these negative connotations, where God encompasses the flow of love in our reality and lives. I find this soothing but unfortunately it seems to trigger fear and concern for those raised to be suspicious of expanded perspectives of God that contradict mainstream traditional Christianity which, in my view, is infused with toxic self serving narcissism
@@majormarketing6552 God is that help. God has a right to take precedence over people's personal self-serving desires.
Why are you lying? They come to theraphy because the psychologists and therapists teach them to be better hunters. So they sort of hunting together.
Why are you lying?!?!? The Narcissists come to treatment because some psychologists and therapists TEACH them being better hunters, so they sort of Happy to hunt together.
Because she gets paid by her patients. Yes you are right, in therapy they just pick up on better tricks to fool people.
@@jelena7440 I think you’re thinking of a psychopath. Narcissists can feel shame and depression and anxiety so that’s why they may seek treatment. Sociopaths and psychopaths don’t seek treatments unless forced and then they only use it to hone their skills.
@@TaymaShine well the doctor herself said that they come after someone called them a narcissist, or that they would leave them if they don't go to therapy. And many are brought by their parents from their young age to teenage or college years. They do come to therapy as adults to learn new tricks to fool people, oh yes they are depressed and shamed but only because people saw trough them and they think so highly of themselves that they are so slick and and they can fool anyone. It's usually when they collapse after people see them for what they are, they end up at therapist office to see what they can do to "become a better person " so that people don't leave them again because of the horrible things they do.
@@jelena7440 I asked this question to someone the other day- what’s the difference between someone doing the right thing because they feel empathy for the person they’re with or doing the right thing so they can fit in better? Either way, they’re not treating people badly anymore which is always a plus. When it comes to psychopaths, I think I’d still have that cautiousness and dislike because their motivations are twisted and they can never truly feel empathy (so they’ll probably use these new skills for evil) but with narcissists, even if their motivation is to fit in, they still feel shame for their actions and a bit of empathy, so in a way they’re more human. But in the end, aren’t we all trying to be better people anyway? Whether someone has empathy or not, is changing for the better for a good reason or not, if they’re trying to be a better person, I think they should pursue that path. And I think discouraging that is not a good idea.
@@TaymaShine I understand what you are trying to say. But narcissist are evil because they choose how and when to abuse people. They can control their behaviour if they want to. They don't feel real shame, and they want to fit in so that they blend better like a predator waiting for their pray. That is why they are at the church all the time, helping to the community etc. The more you think of them as good the more they can fool you. These people can literally kill you without lifting a finger.