Why do narcissists behave extra nice around babies... Hm, 1. because they'll never get questioned on their behavior by their chosen target 2. they feel entitled to do so because as a more powerful being... hey why not 3. it's a type of grooming and 4.the cowardice within allows them to see their infant child as a future better self, correcting all they themselves screwed up - and they'll take their kid's credit without a second thought
@@narcabusecoach what we can do to take kids out of their hands? My narc mother in law is same as you described and husband is enabler , how to deal with it? One of my kid 16 year old had thought of ending his life, he is doing better now but still does not trust us parents, does not show any respect to us once he said his grand mother poisoned him against us, anyways now things are going on same track with my other kids under 11, and there is a favouritism from grand mother and she gives presents even told her no rejected to take gifts from her she forcefully gives that to kids and then use that to make kids do or say things to us what she wants , is there anything we can do? She already made us alone , we don’t even have any friend or family , she made us look bad infront of relatives etc and starts fighting with people who ever try to keep contact with us without her involvement.Husband doesn’t understand the situation he can’t use his brain that’s what it seems to me , however whenever I say ok we go no contact with her he agrees but after few days he is again making calls to her letting my kids talk to her and then again same issues and now she talks to only my husband and kids and cuts me out of it. I am just losing my patience with it.I don’t like to repeat same thing again and again to husband she is his mother it’s ok if he want to keep contact with her but just keep me and my kids away from it. Any tip please?
Your husband understands. He's the apple that fell right under the tree of his mother. You are the one who needs to do what is right by your children. You are their voice. Your husband is a narcissist too. He is comfortable remaining suckling from the teet of his mother. It's incest. Get out and save yourself and your children. Get counseling by someone who knows narcissist abuse and emotional and sexual incest. There is also demonic spirits at play.
Gently and firmly make it happen, for you and your kids. Talking doesn’t work. Lead and he can follow, hopefully. Try something and see what comes of it. Could be simple like 1 visit per month etc. and prepare for some of the fallout from all parties, you abc the kids may need support, hubby if he follows suit will to. After the bumpy bit is over family meeting on how everyone’s feeling - should be calmer and more aware of what was going on. Blessings and good luck 🙏
Exactly my experiences! With other kids he is always super kind and for me it's like a Show, because he has a completely other behavior with our own children!
My mother would say to me "the trouble with YOU is that you don't listen" she couldn't handle it when I would reply "I think you're confusing not listening with not agreeing, the reality is that I don't agree with you". My mother just couldn't handle the fact that I had ideas and a mind of my own. Also, both of my parents could never succeed in getting their heads around the fact that I am my own person, they took the stance that I was theirs and belonged to them; as it I was a possession of theirs.
@glenyshill72 To a narcissist, a child is not a separate being, it is simply an extension of self. For that reason the child simply cannot be allowed to think or feel differently from the narcissist. So many times I've used those same words. "You're confusing 'listening' with 'agreeing'. I'm listening all right, I have no option - but I don't and won't agree with what you say." We are strong!!
It wasn't until I saw my mother with my own children that I realised what she had done to me and was repeating. She was the model grandmother, exciting, personality-plus, playing with the children, making them love her, and then progressively criticising, devaluing and dropping them as they became old enough to make their own choices. Everything was conditional - everyone was there to feed HER. I finally began to realise how toxic she was.
Mom was the only one who'd help me with my kids (wanna be narc hubby's family all in Europe) and I saw her with my 1st born on her knee hitting her ear all the while saying "No no no!" Kid must have been 3 months old, I thought is that how I was raised? K gnaw step away from my kid, unbelivable!
Very true, I've been there... 😢 he caused a enormous split for years between daughter and me. Glsdky my daughter is seeing now hoe it really is. Our bond grew more. It's so painful ❤
It gave me chills when you said the narcissist sees babies/small children as a toy. This is 100% correct! They look fascinated by this "thing" that giggles and gives them pure, unadulterated attention. The child gives them an unlimited supply of approval - at least for the time being, before individuation and actually having needs and desires of their own - after which I think they find them disgusting in my opinion.
This made my eyes widen like big dinner plates. Because my ex did this EXACTLY. My jaw about hit the floor when I saw him meeting my son for the first time (I did leave the narcissist shortly after that meeting which I had tried to avoid). I was thinking “Where is this coming from??? You’ve literally never been this nice to me, ever.” It almost made me reconsider giving him another chance. So f***ing glad I did not.
Every Narcissistic Sociopath I have ever encountered is a groomer. They don't just groom their own kids to be a Mini-Me of themselves-their own personal Surrogate-they groom others' kids as well as adults in the arenas they infiltrate. Children are vulnerable. Teenagers away from their parents (such as first arriving at college) are vulnerable and moldable. Narcissistic Sociopaths see vulnerability as opportunity for use.
I remember being maybe eight or nine years old and wondering why my mother suddenly hated me. The change felt very sudden. Suddenly she found something wrong with everything I did, the way I talked, the way I stood even when perfectly still, my facial expression...everything. As I grew up, anytime I stood up to her, she would say, "What happened to the sweet little girl who used to beg me not to leave her at preschool?" What happened was that she pushed me away.
8 years old is when I noticed it too, and then I noticed her doing it to my own 8 year old child. Right around the time a child starts to be interested in things outside of mom and dad. It’s so disgusting.
One day, a child said to me: You have such a lovely father. I would like to have such a Dad. I answered: You can have him right now. He was a devil at home and an angel in public.
Exactly what happened with my mother. When I was young and compliant, she treated me well. After 12 the 'relationship ' started to go downhill. By 16 she turned cruel and vicious.
The same with me, as long as I was a child, there was an interest but as soon as I became a teen, I was nothing more than a "chore-boy" to do work around the house!!
Because it's easy, in their twisted heads, to fool children, especially very young ones. Once the children start coming into their own, narcs are the children's worst enemy.
@@karriesaunders8597 That's right. I think that narcs see babies as a fresh source of supply - a clean slate, unfiltered, and uncomplicated. They hate it when children turn teenagers - the children become individuals, and start dissociating. That's when the narc mask starts slipping in front of the children.
False. Malignant narcissists could be hiding some other dark personality traits too which leads them to have a whole lot of trouble when it comes to waiting until the children in their care start coming into their own.
i don't think babies and children are that fooled. They rely a lot on instinct and body language. I see a particular narcissist fuss over babies and kids, people think he's great for doing so, but then says nasty things about them behind their parents' backs. Babies get people's attention, and through them, so does the narcissist.
This describes my in-laws to a T. They treat the children so sweetly until one of them crosses them, and then the overt wanted to boom to come down while the covert started making manipulative and cruel remarks. The overt narcissist is deceased now, but the covert has been around lately. When I saw them starting the manipulative games with my young children, I took my children away and did my best not to let them watch my children ever. It is hard enough for me, an adult to understand what is going on, they are too young to understand anything and just get terribly confused.
So dumb, kids need to learn no at home and that's it's ok to have that said to them, that we'll all get over it in a fairly normal healthy manner, not to have it endlessly brought up again and again,.with narcs we're not allowed being kids nor being disobeying pets who think for themselves.
@joseenoel8093 I agree with teaching children, "No." And it was this belief that one of them was not accepting, "No," from the narcissist that made me hesitate to take them away. I was told they were just being rebellious, and as this person was always so sugary sweet, I just thought it was that my child was being stubborn. However, they began to cry and beg me not to drop them off with this relative. The relative also showed some aggressive behaviors(verbally), and the little brother started acting heady toward his older brother(the one begging not to go). I do not know what happened. I believe the narcissist was beginning to idealize the younger brother(who looks like their family) and mistreat the older(who looks like my family). They, of course, denied it and it made it out that my older son was just being rebelious.
Narcissistic family members are shifty and often pull shadowy tricks behind the scenes. Be very cautious about leaving children with a narcissist, even briefly.
This is bang on. I was the youngest and my mom babysat 2 or 3 little ones when I turned 4. She was amazing with babies and they responded to her every well. She would cuddle and play with the children she babysat, but not me. She told me 'their parents were at work," eliciting my compassion and I loved them too. As an NPD, I see the attraction she had to kids. I was only 1 yr older, but she was not affectionate with me unless it was put on for the benefit of the children's parents. I accepted it, but later couldn't help but recognize the hypocrisy. My mom saw that I saw her changeful behaviour. She could look like mother or the year, meanwhile no one knew my own misery behind the scenes. I was the scapegoat, my older sister also NPD and my brother the golden child. I felt/feel like I'm still 'running the gauntlet' in my 50's. Wish I would've found Danish 30yrs ago and this whole NPD business! Grateful for it now though - brings perspective.
I certainly would but for two years my computer won't accept telegram. Ive had two people besides myself scratching their heads! So frustrating. Otherwise I certainly would. Appreciate your videos and am grateful for their informative content!Is there another email address? Sorry @xDanishBashir01-kn4rl
😢same.. My mother, I can't define or say that lady as mother... Very brutal npd, in my childhood she treated me like a slave or flesh body to beat me, slap, criticize.. Lots of other verbal abuse.. But she is very opposite when she saw babies, other small children.... Very compassionate, love, care to them... I totally confused on those days.. About her character.... Still lam suffering from her avoidance, her harsh harsh criticizm... Iam eagerly waiting for my marriage to escape 😔😔. Due to suicide fear and wish to live a happy life, Iam still alive..... 😔😔... Now l lost all belief in god also.... That much I suffered, still suffering, my tears are rollinh from my cheeks while I typing this comment..... 😥
@@Dragon_lilly22 I am so sorry - we are all so damaged from our 'npd mothers' . They 'tehnically' birthed us but then made every effort to annihilate our very existence. May God grant us a deep abiding healing , wisdom, and the requisite distance from this toxic person we have the horrific misfortune of calling 'mother' . Grieving with you.
@@cornflakesagain5647 thankyou for ur concern.. ❤️but now Iam more strong and matured to see life.. Those wounds are still there in every corner of hurt not healed but hurry burry life and due to spendinv time effort to achieve job and other goals lam ok.. No time to memorize those painful memories... Numbers of times for tears are decresed now... That's a great thing I noticed... Hope may you get more happy abundance in ur life.. Be lovely kind to others becoz that's the main thing helps us to self love❤️
Same goes for grand-parents in my case. My parents mistreated me and abused me during my child and adult life, but when I had kids I saw the sweet side of both of my parents and became very confused. I wondered why they couldn’t love me like they loved my kids …it was very unsettling and I couldn’t trust them. I knew intuitively that something was wrong but couldn’t put my finger on it. Thank you very much for clarifying and confirming my intuition about their behavior. I’ve always felt that when my kids get older and start having their own voices, they might change how they treat them. So thanks again for this video!
I believe this must be very painful for you and maybe that is exactly how they want you to feel . 😣They continue play their covert narcissistic role in your life. So you get confused, doubt yourself and they undermine your feeling that no one would ever believe you what hell you had to experience and endure … By controlling your kids - your extension - they control you, their reputation as well as anyone else : neighbours etc etc. I think the perfect gift for a narc would be a mask with a note saying…” here is another mask you can wear and - not as those other permanent ones - you can take this one off .” God bless you and help your heart to heal 🙏❤️✨
Some babies can sense that there is something unsavory about a narcissist. I was at a gathering a few months ago. Everyone was having a good time and the 8 month old baby was happily being passed around by her mother to the other guests. The baby loved it, laughing and talking with everyone. A narcissistic woman came in, and the baby immediately sensed the woman's energy, and began crying every time the woman came near. There was another little girl about 6 or 7 years old who seemed to enjoy the narcissist, who was showering her with attention, and giving her little gifts. I wonder if we are all born with certain abilities that enable us to discern things about people, which we lose as we get older?
It's the gift of discernment. Kids pick up on it because they are so innocent and pure. You have to pray for it in adulthood. Sometimes it's definitely not what you want st 1st. When I started realizing the people in my life that brainwashed and used me, I just about lost my mind. I was revealed too much stuff at once and I almost couldn't take it. God showed me exactly what I kept begging for. Be careful what you wish for. Lol
@@melisentiapheiffer3034no, it's actually not. Except if you believe in pseudo-scientific bullcrap and conspiracy theories: those people seem to think so, and also that the government is purposefully calcifying people's pineal glands with the fluoride in the water.
My father was very sweet and kind to me until I was old enough to be my own person, and then it was like a switch flipped and I could do no right. He couldn't stand being contradicted or anyone seeing his faults.
@@RowanRiverstone my ex was covert. I am so happy I am not in that relationship anymore. At least my father was openly awful. Nothing worse than having someone deceive you.
Wow, my mom did this to all her kids when they became teens. My sister bought a Joni Mitchell record and my mom acted like it was going to destroy the whole household. It was just because my sister picked it out for herself.
Oh my God! That was my experiences too. He also wouldn't let me listen to Spice Girls growing up, so I could only listen to them when the girls in recess would play them. Once UA-cam came around, I finally listened to so much music I wanted to listen to my whole life and developed my own taste in music. Now I despise the music my father still plays to this day. It reminds me of being in a cage.
Sir you are spot on. I am devastated by the rejection and indifference. The pain goes so deep that it leaves me breathless. I've been married for more that 30 yrs. Happy? No. I am disabled now for the past 10 yrs after a fall in my garden. I am alive by the Grace of God. At least I can testify that God must love me, as I survived 58 operations and now I am 68. yrs old. I gave my very best and believe God will surely do the rest. God bless. Sonia
I have seen this with several narcissists I know including my own father. It is confusing and you are right the minute that child starts to think for themselves and doesn't just believe the narcissist or agree with them on everything the traumatization begins in earnest. Unfortunately, when the other parent is a co-dependent and trauma bonded to the narcissist the child is often neglected and not protected. Very sad, and so the cycle repeats itself from generation to generation..
This resonates deep. I have thought to myself over and over that she used to be such a good mom. There is this one picture of her and I splashing a bucket of sudsy water after cleaning the car. The sun is shining, grass is green and we are both laughing. I was maybe 2-3 in the picture. Whenever I think about it it is so painful. No contact since 2015. Best and hardest decision I’ve ever made. Love to all who have been hurt like this ❤️
Well put. It’s easy to act loving toward someone who gives you unconditional acceptance and attention. But when that someone develops likes and dislikes, has opinions and unique experiences that don’t always comport with yours, you can either view that person as a person in their own right and respect their individuality - or, if you’re narcissistic, you see that person as a threat for having their own personhood. The narcissistic parent whose child thinks independently sees the child’s unique personhood as insubordination to the narcissist’s agenda and will take measures against that child as they would against an enemy. I've known narcissists who have bragged about how much little kids love them and have also seen them turn against children who don't flatter them enough or are strong individuals not easily susceptible to baloney. Narcissists want trust and adoration regardless.
That’s why narcissists love pet dogs too imo. But they scoff at people who like cats, snakes, fish etc. you can’t lord over those pets like you can with a dog.
My narcissistic mother used to babysit children and was so nice to them! Sometimes the children didn't want to go home with their real parents! My mother would so gloat over this! She would always tell us and others what a "great" mother she was.... yeah right 😫 GREAT topic Danish!!!! I have not heard anyone address this issue before! Just LOVE your channel ❤ You are the best ❤
This is spot on accurate. I remember my ex husband when he was around particularly other people's young children, he would go so overboard in giving them attention, praise & making a big fuss. I was thinking he was more involved than with his own four sons. It was so exaggerated & fake. I also think it was a way to garner favour with the parents of those children, so they'd remark what a wonderful person he was. Little did they know how life was for us behind closed doors - the monster controller & dictator and tyrant. So frustrating!
Brilliant! I see it! Once I reached the first grade my mother narc suddenly became extraordinarily violent. She had a new baby to provide supply. My father narc has long made reference to how he enjoyed having "his little guy" (me the toy-object as a small child). But after I got older he suddenly treated me as if I were some sort of highly adversarial competitor! These issues were confusing and bothered me my entire life. With this video I see the underlying CAUSE: they loved me as a child object - But once I had 'agency' I became the enemy!
When you said the words ‘demonic’ and ‘evil’ it hit pretty hard. Those exact words are ones I felt guilty for thinking, but when I heard them spoken out loud, something inside loosened a little bit.
My dad did this, and added verbal sexual abuse to fan the fire. He not only blamed me and threatened me, but told me because it was verbal, it wasn't sexual abuse. It was sexual abuse. He's pathetic!
Narcs are very sweet to children when people are looking, when they are alone with a child they are abusive, I have witnessed it. And especially abusive to their own children..
Yes, my dad did this and is proud of it. He is disgusting! His was verbal sexual abuse, which he blamed and threatened me(entirely) for. He is a sicko. He said I have the problem because I don't like it. He took no blame. He's pathetic!
Danish connects so well with us, for me especially when he mentioned the moment he realized as an adult what his mother really was. To any other person out there dealing with these pathetic evils of humanity all I can say is stay the path, DO NOT doubt yourself. You can be spending time with a true friend, a loving dog or even by yourself at the beach etc. from Australia
A cousin stayed with us for a few months. My mother took care of foster children that my cousin totally ignored -- except when company came. In front of company, she would pick up a baby and act so "lovey-dovey" in front of the guests. One night my mother called her out in front of everyone much to her embarrassment.
As a child, that wasn’t my experience at all. I was an extremely traumatized child & the adults I encountered were mostly predators who loved to cause more trauma & thought it was funny. It surprised me when a so called adult was kind.
This. I don't expect kindness in the world, which is why I try to be as kind as possible, but only to kids. I pray they grow up into capable and kind adults in the future.
The devil is the original narcissist! Jesus healed my broken traumatized heart and gave me my identity back to who He made me to be. He gave me my voice back, and I was able to speak Truth to them, despite their lies. I can love them, but they can't hurt me anymore because the truth of the Gospel of 8:53 set me free!
That's exactly what I mean with my comment on this video when I say not all narcs like children/babies. Also after reading the comments I realized they all treat children/babies differently.
It’s cringeworthy just how accurate you are! I’ve watched my mother do this to me, my siblings, my daughters, her nieces and nephews and it’s going to happen to all her other younger grandchildren too. At around age 10, she discards the children.
My mother was very fake in public, around certain family member's and at church. She would show me affection and act all nice to me during these time's. Then as soon as she got me alone she would call me disrespectful and deaming names for not smiling enough or not trying hard enough to look happy around other's. It was very mentally draining feeling forced to pretend. It was just as damaging as the concequences for not being fake enough..
For lack of a better term, my sister did this with my oldest. I left him with her. He was always smiling. She was supposed to bring him back after the summer. When he came back, he was angry, and he is still angry with me thirty years later. I would suggest you not let these people around kids. They will poison the child's mind and never take responsibility.
Inlet my children spend about a month (I stayed at home as they always tormented me with no good outcome. My children told me they talked about me in away that didn't sound at all like the person they knew. In fact they even told my kids I was crazy. They had a need to recruit everyone around me as a Flying Monkeys and did not make an exception. There were no more repeat solo visits from my children after that.
I experienced almost the opposite my ex would pretend to be a good father in front of ppl but when we got home he neglected our children and was mean to them he just cared to look like a happy family in front of others he had a false image to maintain
That's so true! I have experienced it myself. My mother-in-law seemed to adore my little son. Even her husband wasn't allowed to play with him. The little one was always so excited for both of them. Ultimately, grandpa died far too early of cancer. And what did grandma do? She ignored her "beloved grandson" forever. Because she “grieved” so much. She was angry that her "husband had left her alone." The boy also acknowledged this by shouting across the yard when they arrived: "Here comes my stupid grandma again!" He was right. She continued to treat my husband badly. And me too, of course. Her second grandson then received nothing at all. At the birth there was a cheap bodysuit from the junk table. Well. I was so stupid that I still stuck with her because she was so alone. Unfortunately, I didn't know anything about narcissism at the time. Only when she was dead.
This so true. I have witnessed this multiple times, and found it so confusing (apparently)seeing people turning into completely different personalities when with kids...its sickening 😢
Danish, I hope you realize that your videos unearth and explain the mysteries that have confused and hurt us all our lives. Now we understand, it is not us, it is them! These hurts are so painful, long buried. Thanks to you the inexplicable is no longer a mystery. My parents could be the most charming people. My mother was obsessed with small children, unless they were hers! They also kept us from both sets of grandparents. I was 20 before I knew, loved my grandparents.They were insanely jealous of those normal relationships, cutting me out of their lives bcs I sent baby photos to my great granny. Any pretense to elimate me would suffice. They completely ignored my daughter (their only grandchild)for no reason.There is not enough space to write the cruelty, which ended when she denied to others I was even her child! I could write a book. My covert father was her willing partner in crime. Please keep up your work as even when the Truth hurts it makes us free.❤️🙏🏻❤️
My husband who has never been loving nor shown any desirable emotions towards his own children, was displaying an image of a dotting dad onto other people's young children . This is something that I was dumb founded. I realised that he wants to project a loving, happy and caring personality to those around at that moment.
This brings up things I experienced as a child and having a narcissist father. That period was the only time that holds these good memories meaning I felt really drawn and happy in his presence. He was fond of cuddling and tickling me - which is a little weird to think about now - but, my memories of that time is how warm and happy I felt towards him and after all he was my father showering me with his attention. Yes, as an adult that can be seen as a mixed bag, I don't think he crossed a line and I'm not sure what this attention was all about. But as I grew up he became the distant, cross, controlling and unhappy person that I was most familiar with, never approaching the version I knew when I was a child. But in my mind I always wanted that early version back, even yearned for it. So that was perhaps the narcissist's ploy where they are making the child feel loved. But it was not love - and the notion that it was never love even then is food for thought as I now reflect on these memories
Omg 😮 Even if you don’t quite understand the deepness of this message, pay heed & listen to this over and over until it’s almost memorised. You’ll save yourself years if tourture everything said here is TRUTH & GOLD!
I noticed that my husband gets especially nice and sweet to our daughter when we are fighting. Feels like he uses her to punish me, to diminish me, to show me how bad I am and how good he is. Looks like it’s a form of triangulation
My ex used to do this to me. It felt like "This love is what your missing out on because you are wrong and I'm right." It also felt like "Look how happy I can be without you. I don't need you." He used to do this every time we argued. He would even show other people greater respect than me during our arguments. All because I was his enemy because disagreed I with him. Any time I'd lose my temper and yell, he'd use that as leverage because at that moment he was cold and calculated. (Keep in mind he would physically assault me towards the end. He denies this to this day.) He also used to tell me that I can choose how I feel while treating me crappy. He tells my children that same ol bs when he takes care of them. I had to explain to my children that, while yes, we can build a barrier against toxic people, when we want a relationship with someone, what they say can hurt. That their father is disconnected and he probably won't ever be a good source of emotional support. If my kids want emotional support, they should probably seek that elsewhere. I rarely talk about my ex to my kids. That's the one time I ever said anything about my ex to my kids. Because he's currently trying to train them to be disconnected. My son told me "Dad doesn't let us cry at his house. " I said to me son "I don't have any control over what happens at dad's house but over here you can cry. You can cry with purpose." I'm doing my best to be emotionally supportive. It's difficult when I'm so scared but therapy helps me open up and I've been emotionally open with my sweet boyfriend. My boyfriend is emotionally supportive. I haven't told him this yet but it's what my children I need is an emotionally supportive man. I worry about my children all the time. I just hope the amount of love and be support they have in me, my boyfriend, their grandparents, aunts and uncles on both sides, friends and family are enough to outshine the detrimental behaviors of my ex. I open up to you because you know what it's like. Sometimes it just helps to know that someone understands. That you're not crazy. And how frustrating it is, especially if they are skilled at turning up the charm to people they want to manipulate. Sometimes it just helps to know that people are aware and you don't have to explain or defend yourself.
@@Kelli-ru7yy Thank you so much for sharing! It really does help to know that somebody’s going through the same scenario. It keeps shocking me how similar they are and how cruel they are. It is hard to find people around you who are aware and you wouldn’t need to explain it all because sometimes you don’t even know where to begin. Thank you again, and God bless you. I hope all your efforts in saving your children’s emotional health will be rewarded. Wishing you and your family strength, love, peace. Blessings 🙏
@@olgapivovarova4123 Yeah, it really is odd how similar it is. People think they are so unique and clever and here we are just playing on repeat lol 😂 Blessing to your life as well. I hope you'll heal well my friend.
THANK YOU BROTHER!!! so painful but true we need to watch out for family members!! don’t let anyone in your life.. (Aunt, uncle, bro/sister in-laws +) I had a narcissist upbringing now i am stuck with narcissistic in-laws
When I reflect on my relationship with my narc. The minute you move towards wanting a more emotionally meaningful relationship this is when things start to fall apart. As a child you want someone to play with and the relationship is superficial. However, as you mature and want to develop a more meaningful relationship it is very sad as the narc does not have the capacity to do so and the relationship does not reach its full potential and breakdown.
I’m not sure my dad was a narcissist exactly, but he could be verbally cruel, going after me for long periods of time. I’ll never forget the first time he verbally attacked me, it felt like such a betrayal because until that moment he was my friend. I was about 5 years old. I was a good kid, I don’t think he attacked me for any particular reason. His face turned mean, he clearly enjoyed hurting me. Other times he was caring and supportive, which was genuine. Kind of a Jekyll and Hyde situation.
My dad was an unbelievably cruel narcissistic jersey who kept his own kids terrified our whole childhood, and yet, for years, he was the best mall Santa during the holiday season.
Thank you so much for this explanation. I was baffled by what I saw with the narc in my life and our grandchildren. This makes it so clear. God bless you.
Danish: Your message is so true,, profound, and yet crushing. I had decided, in my head, that this was my mother. When I listened to your message, I was profoundly validated. She could help me while I had a serious illness and then betrayed me when I survived the crisis, began to recover, and started questioning dynamics in what I now know is both a narcissistic and scapegoating family. She does the most gut punching, cruel things to me in covert ways and behind my back. I would rather be hit by a malignant narcissist than go through her death by a thousand cuts psycho-emotional abuse. I am finally no contact. Thank you! your messages are top of the line!
Thank you for this one. This was a missing piece for me. She seemed to good with little kids - and so that was the one thing that made me thing she does might a good side to her soul somewhere. But seeing kids and abundant supply makes sense. I did feel like they were props for her social media too.
My mother has been drawn to young children and insecure people since I can remember, showering them with unsolicited advice and attention. I used to think it was just her kind motherly nature until I started growing up and making decisions she no longer agreed with. She continues to do anything to be around kids (subbing at schools, music teacher, and demanding more time with my kids which I now keep away from her for their protection.) The last time I visited before going no contact, she scooped up my toddler and looked almost frantic in the amount of attention she would give him. His feet hardly touched the floor when she was with him. I felt strange because I already had clashed several times with her manipulative ways with me, but I didn't know what to make of this situation. However it made me feel uncomfortable. When we were at a bbq with both grandma's my mother would scoop him up the second my mother in law finished spending some time with him. It looked like she was desperate and anxious while doing so. Then when she was done with him she'd just leave him somewhere and pull out her phone or her laptop and no longer be available. My son would seem almost upset and unsure of what to fo with himself. It was so strange and I assumed it was because we lived far away and she didn't see her grandkids much. This video clarified it all and I find it sad and very disturbing that narcs can do this to vulnerable children. Good information to know though.
Danish, I hear the way you speak. You speak with pain. The way you keep over-explaining things, the way you stretch, I feel your pain. Thankyou for doing this.. I wish you create more and more and more awareness everyday. I wish that one day you will live a fulfilling life.
Another issue for the narcissist might well be. Is that many of the narcissists I have known have had the worst childhoods imaginable, oftern full of abuse. And they can act out the childhood they wanted, but in a controlling way.
Thank you for this clear explanation. We have been watching our son in law doing just what you speak of to my daughter and their 2 young children. We will have to increase our prayers of protection for our innocent grandchildren and our daughter. Also for his healing and seeing the reality of his life.
The cruellest experience of all. The child feels loved, and then has it progressively taken away. Why? What did i do wrong? Self-blame sets in, and the loss of love is felt forever. To have 'love' taken away, is infinitely harder than never to know it.
In fact they do n´t love their children because they can´t love at all. They use their children. Babies are innocent and look up to them (and therefore they like them). When children began to form their own identiy and began to say NO - they abuse their children...
I don't know what kind of family a narcissist might be in or maybe part of but I am so grateful that there isn't one in my family. I have 3 Beautiful adult children all married and born again Christians except for one and I have 14 Grandkids including Great Grandchildren and my family fights over me literally. Everybody wants me to come move in with them. And since my sweet husband died in 2008 all of my adult kids and my Grandkids feels like I shouldn't start a life of happiness apart from them because they want all of my attention so meanwhile I do what I can and try to assure them that GOD isn't going to send me a bad guy to fall in love with but they all still have their doubts and worries and after listening to you I just wonder is that what I am dealing with them being one because not even my Great Aunt wants me to adventure out a little bit and maybe find Love or Love finds me. Meanwhile, I feel stuck with helping with the kids all the time, praying for the family all the time and praying for their marriages all the time and pretty much giving my all, all the time. Sometimes, I feel like that's all they all want me for but I know that they truly love me but I am wondering what would happen if I just up and move to the other side of the planet to follow my happiness and true love.💕
Story of my life when I divorced my first husband Narcissist. Always tried to pretend to be the Disney Dad, unless the kids pushed back. He had them convinced I didn't want to eat dinner with the family, that I didn't want to go to church with the family - - only because I opted out of situations where he constantly picked fights with me, so the kids would not be traumatized. He even planned "family vacations" with the kids, and did not invite me, his wife, the children's mother. Quite literally leaving me in the driveway, crying, thinking he would relent at the last moment and take me. Then he could have the children away from me, and convince them it was me that didn't want to go on vacation with my own family. He could also convince the people who saw him taking his children off by himself, that I was a terrible person who wouldn't even vacation with her own family. These people are SICK, sick monsters.
This was a particularly good message for me. Not the same exactly, but my narcissist loves our dogs. We found them in the desert, abandoned. We took them to the vet, no chips, so we get to keep them. WE love them a lot, and he is so good with them, loving and patient. Makes sure he gives them good food, and keeps their area clean with fresh water, etc. I was shocked, because I didn't think he loved anyone, even his grown children. This still blows my mind.
You really know your stuff! I'm amazed at your videos. My mom was obsessed with my kids. She said small children are like a drug to her. How they made her feel. She would get jealous if anyone including me had their attention. When they got a little older they begged me to not leave them alone with her again because they finally saw her crazy side. I wish I would knew what NPD was then because it was a real battle
Because of their self made persona they used to do it to become extra nice version of themselves Thanx for your knowledge plz make sure to spread knowledge about within Second narcissist has more than one personalities in themselves they pretend everything instead of enjoying the blessings
I am so surprised to see a video on this topic. Thank you! As someone who overcame and still overcomes the trauma of personality disordered abuse, I applaud more awareness of this issue. I wish no more children go through what I went through. (I work out some of my struggles and reflections around this on my channel, in case anyone is interested also.)
I think you are very right. A memory just triggered how my narc ex once said of our baby ".... feels like a toy" and he had this giggle on his face that looked like a grimace
My last couple didn't want to have children and after he punished me with a long silence 🤐 treatment (although that didn't stop me to go abroad with a four months scholarship) that made me understood that I wasn't in love with him. After I came back, the "golden bachelor" had his replacement and after four years someone told me he was the father of two girls. Sometimes I doubt if he did it just to bother me but, anyway, everyone bought his narrative; I was an old bitter woman he dumped because I wasn't good enough to bring his "seeds" into this world... and I can't care less. I just feel blessed because I missed his "bullets". Nor even a woman can believe I am glad about not having children although I had my time with the biological clock ticking but I scaped those bullets too 😊 Before he had kids, we met during a funeral which affected both families and he displayed a love and play with children unknown to me or anyone, just to prove he's fond of children. My mother, who is much sociopathic than he is, realized it but still pressed me to chase him and I told her that if she didn't have any dignity, I did. I feel sorry for the girls but not for him or my mother (she could have been the perfect spy for any country; she's mastered getting anyone to empty their guts and talk about the most traumatic events). Still, she names herself as "a daughter of the Virgin Mary" 🤮
Yes to all of this. In addition I have seen how my ex uses his adult children to gain social status. He sees them once in a rare while, but makes sure to take pictures. Immediately he posts them on social media, to a flood of approving messages from his hundreds of "friends" about what an amazing and wonderful father he is. It's all a front. No one sees how he neglects his kids, their needs, or how he makes them come to him. Or how long it is between visits because of these issues. He makes it seem through how he curates his page, that they are in constant contact and on great terms with each other. The image of closeness. A couple of my kids can see through this charade and feel treated as props in his game of self-aggrandizement. It's so sick and so sad.
My dad barely has anything to do with me, and resents doing that. He expects me to lie for him. I won't. His attitude: his problem: I won't back up his lies! He did a few good things, but expects me to tell others, besides myself, outright lies. I refuse to do this!
Danish, you are doing a great help to those people under the manipulation of a narcissist. It gives me greater clarity why they behave the way they do. I fell in love at a very young age and got married to this man. After 5 years, I saw that he was so kind and loving to my daughter. After 20 years of the confusion he created and the guilt he instilled, he just walked out as if nothing ever existed. He has not even given me a divorce or child support!!
WOW, this is soooo AMAZING @Danish Bashir you do a outstanding job on identifying every aspect of the NARC! Thank you so much 🙏🏽🫶🏽 I pray 🙏🏽 that GOD continue to bless you to put forth this content to bring awareness. Happy Holidays 🙏🏽🙌🏽🥳
My 1st grchild was like a toy to her. When she took him for outings, she would brag about how strangers would think she was the mom. She wouldn't tell them she was the grparent. She gave him all the attention. When other grkids came, she lost interest as each got a bit of independence. My 2nd child got no interaction with her. But the 1st did for a while. I was told by her how she did child rearing better than me. She always had to prove to be the better mom when comparing her life to mine. When the other small grkids who only visited occasionally came to visit, she was so sweet. So fake. But when their stay was over, she would complain about their behavior to me & others behind my siblings back. Even when their behavior was normal. She would say they didn't act like I was their grandmother. Some only came to visit rarely due to living in different states. She never made an effort to get to know them. Now, she is bent out of shape because they dont call their dying grandmother. One grdaughter said. She didn't make an effort to know me, so why do I want to act like she is the best grandmother now?
This always puzzled me about my mom, she would ignore my whole existence and be neglectful AF, no affection nothing, except for putting on the act if there was an audience , but then random small children and babies of other people she would adore and be happy to be with and be very affectionate in a way that seemed more genuine but she didn’t have that energy with older kids either, only babies or very small toddlers
I watched my narcissistic mother with my little son. She would talk to him in a louder voice and look around to see that people were watching. He was just a prop in her show. When I told her that he was a people person like her, she beamed with pride. But she forgot to add to the college fund my dad set up for him.
My ex couldn’t stand children behind closed doors. He didn’t have much positive to say about them. Even said they cost a lot of money. So I found it odd that when he went around children, he was all happy and showing them love and attention but once we left, that nastiness came out. Glad I didn’t have children by him. Sad for the next who will. 🤷🏽♀️
It's the reason, why they have as well animal toys called pet. Btw I was grown wetween a lot, but they were more free, but in tiny flats in cities it is a performance for the human leaders. Very selfish and inconsequent in fact of the ressources it demands, the pollution it raises onto. My woke 4th bwave Fem, "HR" studied and 'bdp', but narcissistic short time exgirlfriend tortured her cat as well, to show me her ability to not use empathy and to 'manipulate', to have overpower. A stupid game she copied out of the complete enironment in the USA(but nearly overall). He was the ideal covered narcissist. The ideal overpriviledged, competition women with status-power ideologies around, that did not learn the depth of competition critics. Later she learned it and that not just the central right wing supported her thoughts, even the woke 4th wave feminism and so she learned more selfjustifying idologies, as well out of "trauma psychology" to play the ideal victim, to entangle her victims. How the stupid kind of deterministic psychology can support these ideas, ideologies, these minds, these crimes... It was interesting. I learned to know some so called cluster b narc psychologists, even they would excuse them as BPDs. But they danced around narcissitic valuing, ranking, devaluing-sadism problematics and hated in learned, normalized competition good "the better ones".
My narcissistic mother..used my daughter to do all this things. To program her. This is one of the most painful things a covert narcissistic mother is able to do to the scapegoat child. Because that will break the heart of the Victim. I could accept that I was abused and treated like worthless. Because I didn't know anything else... But when I realized what she did to me with my daughter... There was a point reached where I became really angry. This allowed me to recognize. (Because as the victim I always forgot what happened) Great video naming this point and saying why it is so
God bless you for this video, I was really craving these days for one about this peculiar behaviour of narcissistic people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
My narc mother loves kids babies and children of others it’s so weird! But I have gone no contact and I don’t ever want her around my future kids. She was a covert malignant narc mother!
My father had a lot of fun with me and my siblings when we were very little. I often described those times as: my father playing with us as if we were his toys.
I had many times thought to myself, if my ex husband would simply love me the way he loves our children, we would really be good.... I now understand better. Thank you
My 2 sons are great kids but will need a lot of therapy to deal with the damage my ex wife has done to them. They're 13 and 16 and she has tried to keep them little boys dependent on her to get the supply she craves. The legal system hamstrings me because the courts look unfavorably if one parent says anything negative about the other to the children. So I'm waiting till they turn 18 and I'm praying that my boys will listen and seek help when they are 18 and I'm no longer under legal scrutiny. Narcissistic Moms really reak havoc on their sons.
You have described my older half-sister (22 years my senior) EXACTLY. Her attitude and behavior definitely changed towards me as a I matured. You nailed it. She had me fooled into thinking she was so sweet and kind. Then she did a 180 when I reached the double digits in age.
I get this all too well. My dad did this to me, and thinks it was funny. The jackass! He told me I could not say no. I did anyway! He didn't like that, too bad for him!
They want to be the favorite. I have a family member that is diagnosed with NPD and others that are undiagnosed but display identical behaviors. Wanting to be the favorie is a trait they all display. It's not just with children. They want to be the favorite grandchild, parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, friend, employee, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. They are always in a competition with someone even when that someone has no idea there's a competition going on.
Now I understand why some adults take it so personally if they do not get a reaction out of a child. They try harder. No response. The narcissist expresses frustration. They try again. No response. The narcissist verbalizes that the "child does not love them" and they feel narcissistic injury/emotional pain. They try again. No response.They fly off with their anger. They become a very real emotional and physical danger to the child. Thank you!!
My treated my young son like crap, by abusing him. Of course I would stand up for my son, however when it comes to my daughter, he treats her different. Now that both of my children are away from me because I revealed to everyone what he did to us!! I didn't care about the flying monkey's or smear campaign.. I had the confidence and courage to speak up for myself and children.
Because babies are dependent on them. They narcissist enjoys that. But if the children grow up and try to be independent and say no to the narcisstic parent it gets terrible. I know now why: Because they have no emotional empathy - they can´t fit into the shoes of their children.
And this is exactly why I am keeping my little one from my narcissistic ex. Growing up with a narcissistic stepmother, I know the damage a person can do to a child. He is calling me a monster and frequently says how much he hates me, but I have to provide the protection that I was never granted.
Why do narcissists behave extra nice around babies... Hm, 1. because they'll never get questioned on their behavior by their chosen target 2. they feel entitled to do so because as a more powerful being... hey why not 3. it's a type of grooming and 4.the cowardice within allows them to see their infant child as a future better self, correcting all they themselves screwed up - and they'll take their kid's credit without a second thought
This is it
@@narcabusecoach what we can do to take kids out of their hands? My narc mother in law is same as you described and husband is enabler , how to deal with it? One of my kid 16 year old had thought of ending his life, he is doing better now but still does not trust us parents, does not show any respect to us once he said his grand mother poisoned him against us, anyways now things are going on same track with my other kids under 11, and there is a favouritism from grand mother and she gives presents even told her no rejected to take gifts from her she forcefully gives that to kids and then use that to make kids do or say things to us what she wants , is there anything we can do? She already made us alone , we don’t even have any friend or family , she made us look bad infront of relatives etc and starts fighting with people who ever try to keep contact with us without her involvement.Husband doesn’t understand the situation he can’t use his brain that’s what it seems to me , however whenever I say ok we go no contact with her he agrees but after few days he is again making calls to her letting my kids talk to her and then again same issues and now she talks to only my husband and kids and cuts me out of it. I am just losing my patience with it.I don’t like to repeat same thing again and again to husband she is his mother it’s ok if he want to keep contact with her but just keep me and my kids away from it. Any tip please?
Your husband understands. He's the apple that fell right under the tree of his mother. You are the one who needs to do what is right by your children. You are their voice. Your husband is a narcissist too. He is comfortable remaining suckling from the teet of his mother. It's incest. Get out and save yourself and your children. Get counseling by someone who knows narcissist abuse and emotional and sexual incest. There is also demonic spirits at play.
Gently and firmly make it happen, for you and your kids. Talking doesn’t work. Lead and he can follow, hopefully. Try something and see what comes of it. Could be simple like 1 visit per month etc. and prepare for some of the fallout from all parties, you abc the kids may need support, hubby if he follows suit will to. After the bumpy bit is over family meeting on how everyone’s feeling - should be calmer and more aware of what was going on. Blessings and good luck 🙏
absolutely correct 💯
Not around their own children, they are sweet to other people's children.
Facts!
Exactly my experiences! With other kids he is always super kind and for me it's like a Show, because he has a completely other behavior with our own children!
My husband same.......he is so kind to other child and wife also
Exactly💯.
Right. Narcissist hate their children.
My mother (whom I've been no contact with for decades) always used to say "Things started to go bad between us when you learned to say no."
Observant of her! But of course she doesn't understand the toxic implications.
Oh my hell. Exactly.
Yooo your mother literally admitted to you that she was toxic asf omg-
My mother would say to me
"the trouble with YOU is that you don't listen"
she couldn't handle it when I would reply
"I think you're confusing not listening with not agreeing,
the reality is that I don't agree with you".
My mother just couldn't handle the fact that I had ideas and a mind of my own.
Also, both of my parents could never succeed in getting their heads around the fact that I am
my own person,
they took the stance that I was theirs and belonged to them;
as it I was a possession of theirs.
@glenyshill72 To a narcissist, a child is not a separate being, it is simply an extension of self. For that reason the child simply cannot be allowed to think or feel differently from the narcissist.
So many times I've used those same words. "You're confusing 'listening' with 'agreeing'. I'm listening all right, I have no option - but I don't and won't agree with what you say."
We are strong!!
It wasn't until I saw my mother with my own children that I realised what she had done to me and was repeating.
She was the model grandmother, exciting, personality-plus, playing with the children, making them love her, and then progressively criticising, devaluing and dropping them as they became old enough to make their own choices.
Everything was conditional - everyone was there to feed HER.
I finally began to realise how toxic she was.
Yes, same here.
Mom was the only one who'd help me with my kids (wanna be narc hubby's family all in Europe) and I saw her with my 1st born on her knee hitting her ear all the while saying "No no no!" Kid must have been 3 months old, I thought is that how I was raised? K gnaw step away from my kid, unbelivable!
@@joseenoel8093 An eye-opener, isn't it? 😔
My mother tried to pull the BS on my child that she pulled on me. I ripped her a new one! My MIL also tried her BS on my kids. What an azz!
Wow. You just described my mother.
So sickening to think about how narcs USE little innocent kids to meet their needs. Yikes!
Basically all indians
true@@GolbalEduVentures
This old hag lady at Wal-Mart is always bothering other people's kids for attention
Very true, I've been there... 😢 he caused a enormous split for years between daughter and me. Glsdky my daughter is seeing now hoe it really is. Our bond grew more. It's so painful ❤
They don't have a concept of childhood, they just have a concept of "servants or enemies".
It gave me chills when you said the narcissist sees babies/small children as a toy. This is 100% correct! They look fascinated by this "thing" that giggles and gives them pure, unadulterated attention. The child gives them an unlimited supply of approval - at least for the time being, before individuation and actually having needs and desires of their own - after which I think they find them disgusting in my opinion.
disgusting is a great word. I think my mother is disgusted by me
You said it right there.
This made my eyes widen like big dinner plates. Because my ex did this EXACTLY. My jaw about hit the floor when I saw him meeting my son for the first time (I did leave the narcissist shortly after that meeting which I had tried to avoid). I was thinking “Where is this coming from??? You’ve literally never been this nice to me, ever.” It almost made me reconsider giving him another chance. So f***ing glad I did not.
Every Narcissistic Sociopath I have ever encountered is a groomer. They don't just groom their own kids to be a Mini-Me of themselves-their own personal Surrogate-they groom others' kids as well as adults in the arenas they infiltrate. Children are vulnerable. Teenagers away from their parents (such as first arriving at college) are vulnerable and moldable. Narcissistic Sociopaths see vulnerability as opportunity for use.
A good observation: groomers.
So true. It's the only time I've seen a narcissist show tenderness or should I say fake tenderness.
Its all just an act.
@@HuHWhat-yi8cpYes indeed❤.
I remember being maybe eight or nine years old and wondering why my mother suddenly hated me. The change felt very sudden. Suddenly she found something wrong with everything I did, the way I talked, the way I stood even when perfectly still, my facial expression...everything.
As I grew up, anytime I stood up to her, she would say, "What happened to the sweet little girl who used to beg me not to leave her at preschool?"
What happened was that she pushed me away.
8 years old is when I noticed it too, and then I noticed her doing it to my own 8 year old child. Right around the time a child starts to be interested in things outside of mom and dad. It’s so disgusting.
So sorry you went through that!
OHMIGOD! Yes. THIS. My father does this when he's around little kids every damn time. Cringeworthy.
Super cool selection of topic!
One day, a child said to me: You have such a lovely father. I would like to have such a Dad.
I answered: You can have him right now.
He was a devil at home and an angel in public.
God this is so true my dad a total creep around other kids it makes me feel sick knowing how abuseive and evil his personality truly is
Oh my God . Super subject. I was thinking about it for a long time 😮😮
Exactly what happened with my mother. When I was young and compliant, she treated me well. After 12 the 'relationship ' started to go downhill. By 16 she turned cruel and vicious.
They love us until our personality kicks in, then all bets are off.
Precisely
I'm golden child gone copper! I'll bet there were times when you were younger she was cruel to you but you didn't catch it , they're all textbook!
The same with me, as long as I was a child, there was an interest but as soon as I became a teen, I was nothing more than a "chore-boy" to do work around the house!!
@@RonSafreed I used to joke that our parents had us for "lawn care and vehicle maintenance"
Because it's easy, in their twisted heads, to fool children, especially very young ones. Once the children start coming into their own, narcs are the children's worst enemy.
Just shows how good the mask is because often,children and animals pick up on devils.
@@karriesaunders8597 That's right. I think that narcs see babies as a fresh source of supply - a clean slate, unfiltered, and uncomplicated. They hate it when children turn teenagers - the children become individuals, and start dissociating. That's when the narc mask starts slipping in front of the children.
False. Malignant narcissists could be hiding some other dark personality traits too which leads them to have a whole lot of trouble when it comes to waiting until the children in their care start coming into their own.
i don't think babies and children are that fooled. They rely a lot on instinct and body language. I see a particular narcissist fuss over babies and kids, people think he's great for doing so, but then says nasty things about them behind their parents' backs. Babies get people's attention, and through them, so does the narcissist.
wannabe smart, end it@@francesbernard2445
My ex narc feels that way about his dog. It is sad because she genuinely loves him and he only uses her as a source of validation.
This describes my in-laws to a T. They treat the children so sweetly until one of them crosses them, and then the overt wanted to boom to come down while the covert started making manipulative and cruel remarks. The overt narcissist is deceased now, but the covert has been around lately. When I saw them starting the manipulative games with my young children, I took my children away and did my best not to let them watch my children ever. It is hard enough for me, an adult to understand what is going on, they are too young to understand anything and just get terribly confused.
So dumb, kids need to learn no at home and that's it's ok to have that said to them, that we'll all get over it in a fairly normal healthy manner, not to have it endlessly brought up again and again,.with narcs we're not allowed being kids nor being disobeying pets who think for themselves.
@joseenoel8093 I agree with teaching children, "No." And it was this belief that one of them was not accepting, "No," from the narcissist that made me hesitate to take them away. I was told they were just being rebellious, and as this person was always so sugary sweet, I just thought it was that my child was being stubborn. However, they began to cry and beg me not to drop them off with this relative. The relative also showed some aggressive behaviors(verbally), and the little brother started acting heady toward his older brother(the one begging not to go). I do not know what happened. I believe the narcissist was beginning to idealize the younger brother(who looks like their family) and mistreat the older(who looks like my family). They, of course, denied it and it made it out that my older son was just being rebelious.
Narcissistic family members are shifty and often pull shadowy tricks behind the scenes. Be very cautious about leaving children with a narcissist, even briefly.
@@naowright9308 I noticed that my father treats my sister, who looks closer to him, better then how he treats me.
This is bang on. I was the youngest and my mom babysat 2 or 3 little ones when I turned 4. She was amazing with babies and they responded to her every well. She would cuddle and play with the children she babysat, but not me. She told me 'their parents were at work," eliciting my compassion and I loved them too. As an NPD, I see the attraction she had to kids. I was only 1 yr older, but she was not affectionate with me unless it was put on for the benefit of the children's parents. I accepted it, but later couldn't help but recognize the hypocrisy.
My mom saw that I saw her changeful behaviour. She could look like mother or the year, meanwhile no one knew my own misery behind the scenes. I was the scapegoat, my older sister also NPD and my brother the golden child. I felt/feel like I'm still 'running the gauntlet' in my 50's. Wish I would've found Danish 30yrs ago and this whole NPD business! Grateful for it now though - brings perspective.
Exactly! My mom had a new baby to supply her. I suddenly became the enemy.
I certainly would but for two years my computer won't accept telegram. Ive had two people besides myself scratching their heads! So frustrating. Otherwise I certainly would.
Appreciate your videos and am grateful for their informative content!Is there another email address? Sorry
@xDanishBashir01-kn4rl
😢same.. My mother, I can't define or say that lady as mother... Very brutal npd, in my childhood she treated me like a slave or flesh body to beat me, slap, criticize.. Lots of other verbal abuse.. But she is very opposite when she saw babies, other small children.... Very compassionate, love, care to them... I totally confused on those days.. About her character.... Still lam suffering from her avoidance, her harsh harsh criticizm... Iam eagerly waiting for my marriage to escape 😔😔. Due to suicide fear and wish to live a happy life, Iam still alive..... 😔😔... Now l lost all belief in god also.... That much I suffered, still suffering, my tears are rollinh from my cheeks while I typing this comment..... 😥
@@Dragon_lilly22 I am so sorry - we are all so damaged from our 'npd mothers' . They 'tehnically' birthed us but then made every effort to annihilate our very existence.
May God grant us a deep abiding healing , wisdom, and the requisite distance from this toxic person we have the horrific misfortune of calling 'mother' . Grieving with you.
@@cornflakesagain5647 thankyou for ur concern.. ❤️but now Iam more strong and matured to see life.. Those wounds are still there in every corner of hurt not healed but hurry burry life and due to spendinv time effort to achieve job and other goals lam ok.. No time to memorize those painful memories... Numbers of times for tears are decresed now... That's a great thing I noticed... Hope may you get more happy abundance in ur life.. Be lovely kind to others becoz that's the main thing helps us to self love❤️
Same goes for grand-parents in my case. My parents mistreated me and abused me during my child and adult life, but when I had kids I saw the sweet side of both of my parents and became very confused. I wondered why they couldn’t love me like they loved my kids …it was very unsettling and I couldn’t trust them. I knew intuitively that something was wrong but couldn’t put my finger on it. Thank you very much for clarifying and confirming my intuition about their behavior. I’ve always felt that when my kids get older and start having their own voices, they might change how they treat them. So thanks again for this video!
Apparently, they see babies as play objects of toys
I believe this must be very painful for you and maybe that is exactly how they want you to feel . 😣They continue play their covert narcissistic role in your life. So you get confused, doubt yourself and they undermine your feeling that no one would ever believe you what hell you had to experience and endure … By controlling your kids - your extension - they control you, their reputation as well as anyone else : neighbours etc etc.
I think the perfect gift for a narc would be a mask with a note saying…” here is another mask you can wear and - not as those other permanent ones - you can take this one off .”
God bless you and help your heart to heal 🙏❤️✨
@@anniemiller8927❤
Because they are sickos!
Some babies can sense that there is something unsavory about a narcissist. I was at a gathering a few months ago. Everyone was having a good time and the 8 month old baby was happily being passed around by her mother to the other guests. The baby loved it, laughing and talking with everyone. A narcissistic woman came in, and the baby immediately sensed the woman's energy, and began crying every time the woman came near. There was another little girl about 6 or 7 years old who seemed to enjoy the narcissist, who was showering her with attention, and giving her little gifts. I wonder if we are all born with certain abilities that enable us to discern things about people, which we lose as we get older?
Isn't the pineal gland related to intuition?
It's the gift of discernment. Kids pick up on it because they are so innocent and pure. You have to pray for it in adulthood. Sometimes it's definitely not what you want st 1st. When I started realizing the people in my life that brainwashed and used me, I just about lost my mind. I was revealed too much stuff at once and I almost couldn't take it. God showed me exactly what I kept begging for. Be careful what you wish for. Lol
I always cried whenever I hear my father footsteps/ boots. We’re never really close and by the time I was 4-5 he started hitting me with belt.
@@melisentiapheiffer3034no, it's actually not. Except if you believe in pseudo-scientific bullcrap and conspiracy theories: those people seem to think so, and also that the government is purposefully calcifying people's pineal glands with the fluoride in the water.
Iv seen this multiple times with kids and different adults that I considered evil
My father was very sweet and kind to me until I was old enough to be my own person, and then it was like a switch flipped and I could do no right. He couldn't stand being contradicted or anyone seeing his faults.
My narc dad was always evil lol
@@pebbles92able That was my mother. My father was covert. My mother was overt with sociopathic tendencies.
@@RowanRiverstone so sorry. My dad def is overt.
@@RowanRiverstone my ex was covert. I am so happy I am not in that relationship anymore. At least my father was openly awful. Nothing worse than having someone deceive you.
Happened when my brothers and i became teens and young adults
Wow, my mom did this to all her kids when they became teens. My sister bought a Joni Mitchell record and my mom acted like it was going to destroy the whole household. It was just because my sister picked it out for herself.
Precisely! Once I developed 'agency' I became the enemy!
Some don't like kid's
@@caragare3214 From experience I can say, most of NYC folks don't like kids.
Yes, they can't stand independent thinking and behaviour!
Oh my God! That was my experiences too. He also wouldn't let me listen to Spice Girls growing up, so I could only listen to them when the girls in recess would play them. Once UA-cam came around, I finally listened to so much music I wanted to listen to my whole life and developed my own taste in music. Now I despise the music my father still plays to this day. It reminds me of being in a cage.
Sir you are spot on. I am devastated by the rejection and indifference. The pain goes so deep that it leaves me breathless. I've been married for more that 30 yrs. Happy? No. I am disabled now for the past 10 yrs after a fall in my garden. I am alive by the Grace of God. At least I can testify that God must love me, as I survived 58 operations and now I am 68. yrs old. I gave my very best and believe God will surely do the rest. God bless.
Sonia
It is ALL about power/control
💯👍✌
I have seen this with several narcissists I know including my own father. It is confusing and you are right the minute that child starts to think for themselves and doesn't just believe the narcissist or agree with them on everything the traumatization begins in earnest. Unfortunately, when the other parent is a co-dependent and trauma bonded to the narcissist the child is often neglected and not protected. Very sad, and so the cycle repeats itself from generation to generation..
@lavadamorris
Exactly !
We need to educate our children about all of this
totally relatable you are describing my parent's dynamic and my experience too
What would be your advice on how I should educate my children on such things? I co-parent with one. Left but we have the kids 50/50.
This resonates deep. I have thought to myself over and over that she used to be such a good mom. There is this one picture of her and I splashing a bucket of sudsy water after cleaning the car. The sun is shining, grass is green and we are both laughing. I was maybe 2-3 in the picture. Whenever I think about it it is so painful. No contact since 2015. Best and hardest decision I’ve ever made. Love to all who have been hurt like this ❤️
Well put. It’s easy to act loving toward someone who gives you unconditional acceptance and attention. But when that someone develops likes and dislikes, has opinions and unique experiences that don’t always comport with yours, you can either view that person as a person in their own right and respect their individuality - or, if you’re narcissistic, you see that person as a threat for having their own personhood.
The narcissistic parent whose child thinks independently sees the child’s unique personhood as insubordination to the narcissist’s agenda and will take measures against that child as they would against an enemy. I've known narcissists who have bragged about how much little kids love them and have also seen them turn against children who don't flatter them enough or are strong individuals not easily susceptible to baloney. Narcissists want trust and adoration regardless.
Eloquently and succinctly stated.
Exactly
That’s why narcissists love pet dogs too imo. But they scoff at people who like cats, snakes, fish etc. you can’t lord over those pets like you can with a dog.
brilliant
My narcissistic mother used to babysit children and was so nice to them! Sometimes the children didn't want to go home with their real parents! My mother would so gloat over this! She would always tell us and others what a "great" mother she was.... yeah right 😫 GREAT topic Danish!!!! I have not heard anyone address this issue before! Just LOVE your channel ❤ You are the best ❤
This is spot on accurate. I remember my ex husband when he was around particularly other people's young children, he would go so overboard in giving them attention, praise & making a big fuss. I was thinking he was more involved than with his own four sons. It was so exaggerated & fake. I also think it was a way to garner favour with the parents of those children, so they'd remark what a wonderful person he was. Little did they know how life was for us behind closed doors - the monster controller & dictator and tyrant. So frustrating!
Brilliant! I see it! Once I reached the first grade my mother narc suddenly became extraordinarily violent. She had a new baby to provide supply.
My father narc has long made reference to how he enjoyed having "his little guy" (me the toy-object as a small child). But after I got older he suddenly treated me as if I were some sort of highly adversarial competitor!
These issues were confusing and bothered me my entire life. With this video I see the underlying CAUSE: they loved me as a child object - But once I had 'agency' I became the enemy!
When you said the words ‘demonic’ and ‘evil’ it hit pretty hard. Those exact words are ones I felt guilty for thinking, but when I heard them spoken out loud, something inside loosened a little bit.
My dad did this, and added verbal sexual abuse to fan the fire. He not only blamed me and threatened me, but told me because it was verbal, it wasn't sexual abuse. It was sexual abuse. He's pathetic!
Narcs are very sweet to children when people are looking, when they are alone with a child they are abusive, I have witnessed it. And especially abusive to their own children..
Yes, my dad did this and is proud of it. He is disgusting! His was verbal sexual abuse, which he blamed and threatened me(entirely) for. He is a sicko. He said I have the problem because I don't like it. He took no blame. He's pathetic!
Danish connects so well with us, for me especially when he mentioned the moment he realized as an adult what his mother really was. To any other person out there dealing with these pathetic evils of humanity all I can say is stay the path, DO NOT doubt yourself. You can be spending time with a true friend, a loving dog or even by yourself at the beach etc. from Australia
A cousin stayed with us for a few months. My mother took care of foster children that my cousin totally ignored -- except when company came. In front of company, she would pick up a baby and act so "lovey-dovey" in front of the guests. One night my mother called her out in front of everyone much to her embarrassment.
I wish my Dad's family had called him out! He's pathetic!
As a child, that wasn’t my experience at all. I was an extremely traumatized child & the adults I encountered were mostly predators who loved to cause more trauma & thought it was funny. It surprised me when a so called adult was kind.
This. I don't expect kindness in the world, which is why I try to be as kind as possible, but only to kids. I pray they grow up into capable and kind adults in the future.
The devil is the original narcissist! Jesus healed my broken traumatized heart and gave me my identity back to who He made me to be. He gave me my voice back, and I was able to speak Truth to them, despite their lies. I can love them, but they can't hurt me anymore because the truth of the Gospel of 8:53 set me free!
You were around sadist. Me to.
That's exactly what I mean with my comment on this video when I say not all narcs like children/babies. Also after reading the comments I realized they all treat children/babies differently.
probably not@@truthbetold2354
It’s cringeworthy just how accurate you are! I’ve watched my mother do this to me, my siblings, my daughters, her nieces and nephews and it’s going to happen to all her other younger grandchildren too. At around age 10, she discards the children.
My mother was very fake in public, around certain family member's and at church. She would show me affection and act all nice to me during these time's. Then as soon as she got me alone she would call me disrespectful and deaming names for not smiling enough or not trying hard enough to look happy around other's. It was very mentally draining feeling forced to pretend. It was just as damaging as the concequences for not being fake enough..
For lack of a better term, my sister did this with my oldest. I left him with her. He was always smiling. She was supposed to bring him back after the summer. When he came back, he was angry, and he is still angry with me thirty years later. I would suggest you not let these people around kids. They will poison the child's mind and never take responsibility.
Inlet my children spend about a month (I stayed at home as they always tormented me with no good outcome. My children told me they talked about me in away that didn't sound at all like the person they knew. In fact they even told my kids I was crazy. They had a need to recruit everyone around me as a Flying Monkeys and did not make an exception. There were no more repeat solo visits from my children after that.
you are probably the issue ngl typical of that type to only blame others
My dad did that to me. I still don't trust him!
And You're probably the type that Danish is talking about ngl @@islixxn
You are absolutely right on point with this 💯💯💯
I experienced almost the opposite my ex would pretend to be a good father in front of ppl but when we got home he neglected our children and was mean to them he just cared to look like a happy family in front of others he had a false image to maintain
That's so true! I have experienced it myself. My mother-in-law seemed to adore my little son. Even her husband wasn't allowed to play with him. The little one was always so excited for both of them. Ultimately, grandpa died far too early of cancer. And what did grandma do? She ignored her "beloved grandson" forever. Because she “grieved” so much. She was angry that her "husband had left her alone." The boy also acknowledged this by shouting across the yard when they arrived: "Here comes my stupid grandma again!" He was right. She continued to treat my husband badly. And me too, of course. Her second grandson then received nothing at all. At the birth there was a cheap bodysuit from the junk table. Well. I was so stupid that I still stuck with her because she was so alone. Unfortunately, I didn't know anything about narcissism at the time. Only when she was dead.
This so true. I have witnessed this multiple times, and found it so confusing (apparently)seeing people turning into completely different personalities when with kids...its sickening 😢
It's confusing to the kids, and it is demeaning and threatening. That adult is horrible!
Danish, I hope you realize that your videos unearth and explain the mysteries that have confused and hurt us all our lives. Now we understand, it is not us, it is them! These hurts are so painful, long buried. Thanks to you the inexplicable is no longer a mystery. My parents could be the most charming people. My mother was obsessed with small children, unless they were hers! They also kept us from both sets of grandparents. I was 20 before I knew, loved my grandparents.They were insanely jealous of those normal relationships, cutting me out of their lives bcs I sent baby photos to my great granny. Any pretense to elimate me would suffice. They completely ignored my daughter (their only grandchild)for no reason.There is not enough space to write the cruelty, which ended when she
denied to others I was even her child! I could write a book. My covert father was her willing partner in crime. Please keep up your work as even when the Truth hurts it makes us free.❤️🙏🏻❤️
Amen❤
My husband who has never been loving nor shown any desirable emotions towards his own children, was displaying an image of a dotting dad onto other people's young children . This is something that I was dumb founded.
I realised that he wants to project a loving, happy and caring personality to those around at that moment.
This brings up things I experienced as a child and having a narcissist father. That period was the only time that holds these good memories meaning I felt really drawn and happy in his presence. He was fond of cuddling and tickling me - which is a little weird to think about now - but, my memories of that time is how warm and happy I felt towards him and after all he was my father showering me with his attention. Yes, as an adult that can be seen as a mixed bag, I don't think he crossed a line and I'm not sure what this attention was all about. But as I grew up he became the distant, cross, controlling and unhappy person that I was most familiar with, never approaching the version I knew when I was a child. But in my mind I always wanted that early version back, even yearned for it. So that was perhaps the narcissist's ploy where they are making the child feel loved. But it was not love - and the notion that it was never love even then is food for thought as I now reflect on these memories
Omg 😮 Even if you don’t quite understand the deepness of this message, pay heed & listen to this over and over until it’s almost memorised. You’ll save yourself years if tourture everything said here is TRUTH & GOLD!
I noticed that my husband gets especially nice and sweet to our daughter when we are fighting. Feels like he uses her to punish me, to diminish me, to show me how bad I am and how good he is. Looks like it’s a form of triangulation
My ex used to do this to me. It felt like "This love is what your missing out on because you are wrong and I'm right." It also felt like "Look how happy I can be without you. I don't need you." He used to do this every time we argued. He would even show other people greater respect than me during our arguments. All because I was his enemy because disagreed I with him. Any time I'd lose my temper and yell, he'd use that as leverage because at that moment he was cold and calculated. (Keep in mind he would physically assault me towards the end. He denies this to this day.)
He also used to tell me that I can choose how I feel while treating me crappy.
He tells my children that same ol bs when he takes care of them. I had to explain to my children that, while yes, we can build a barrier against toxic people, when we want a relationship with someone, what they say can hurt. That their father is disconnected and he probably won't ever be a good source of emotional support. If my kids want emotional support, they should probably seek that elsewhere.
I rarely talk about my ex to my kids. That's the one time I ever said anything about my ex to my kids. Because he's currently trying to train them to be disconnected.
My son told me "Dad doesn't let us cry at his house. " I said to me son "I don't have any control over what happens at dad's house but over here you can cry. You can cry with purpose."
I'm doing my best to be emotionally supportive. It's difficult when I'm so scared but therapy helps me open up and I've been emotionally open with my sweet boyfriend.
My boyfriend is emotionally supportive. I haven't told him this yet but it's what my children I need is an emotionally supportive man.
I worry about my children all the time. I just hope the amount of love and be support they have in me, my boyfriend, their grandparents, aunts and uncles on both sides, friends and family are enough to outshine the detrimental behaviors of my ex.
I open up to you because you know what it's like. Sometimes it just helps to know that someone understands. That you're not crazy. And how frustrating it is, especially if they are skilled at turning up the charm to people they want to manipulate. Sometimes it just helps to know that people are aware and you don't have to explain or defend yourself.
@@Kelli-ru7yy Thank you so much for sharing! It really does help to know that somebody’s going through the same scenario. It keeps shocking me how similar they are and how cruel they are. It is hard to find people around you who are aware and you wouldn’t need to explain it all because sometimes you don’t even know where to begin. Thank you again, and God bless you. I hope all your efforts in saving your children’s emotional health will be rewarded. Wishing you and your family strength, love, peace. Blessings 🙏
@@olgapivovarova4123 Yeah, it really is odd how similar it is. People think they are so unique and clever and here we are just playing on repeat lol 😂
Blessing to your life as well. I hope you'll heal well my friend.
@@Kelli-ru7yy thank you dear🌺
I've seen it, and it's scary as hell! Nothing in this video is new to me. But listening to this man summarising all I have seen gives me the chill.
THANK YOU BROTHER!!! so painful but true we need to watch out for family members!! don’t let anyone in your life.. (Aunt, uncle, bro/sister in-laws +) I had a narcissist upbringing now i am stuck with narcissistic in-laws
When I reflect on my relationship with my narc. The minute you move towards wanting a more emotionally meaningful relationship this is when things start to fall apart. As a child you want someone to play with and the relationship is superficial. However, as you mature and want to develop a more meaningful relationship it is very sad as the narc does not have the capacity to do so and the relationship does not reach its full potential and breakdown.
I’m not sure my dad was a narcissist exactly, but he could be verbally cruel, going after me for long periods of time. I’ll never forget the first time he verbally attacked me, it felt like such a betrayal because until that moment he was my friend. I was about 5 years old. I was a good kid, I don’t think he attacked me for any particular reason. His face turned mean, he clearly enjoyed hurting me. Other times he was caring and supportive, which was genuine. Kind of a Jekyll and Hyde situation.
More Hyde than Jekyll!
My dad was an unbelievably cruel narcissistic jersey who kept his own kids terrified our whole childhood, and yet, for years, he was the best mall Santa during the holiday season.
Thank you so much for this explanation. I was baffled by what I saw with the narc in my life and our grandchildren. This makes it so clear. God bless you.
Danish: Your message is so true,, profound, and yet crushing. I had decided, in my head, that this was my mother. When I listened to your message, I was profoundly validated. She could help me while I had a serious illness and then betrayed me when I survived the crisis, began to recover, and started questioning dynamics in what I now know is both a narcissistic and scapegoating family. She does the most gut punching, cruel things to me in covert ways and behind my back. I would rather be hit by a malignant narcissist than go through her death by a thousand cuts psycho-emotional abuse. I am finally no contact. Thank you! your messages are top of the line!
Thank you for this one. This was a missing piece for me. She seemed to good with little kids - and so that was the one thing that made me thing she does might a good side to her soul somewhere. But seeing kids and abundant supply makes sense. I did feel like they were props for her social media too.
So right Danish,I've seen this many many times,it leaves me speechless?
My mother has been drawn to young children and insecure people since I can remember, showering them with unsolicited advice and attention. I used to think it was just her kind motherly nature until I started growing up and making decisions she no longer agreed with. She continues to do anything to be around kids (subbing at schools, music teacher, and demanding more time with my kids which I now keep away from her for their protection.) The last time I visited before going no contact, she scooped up my toddler and looked almost frantic in the amount of attention she would give him. His feet hardly touched the floor when she was with him. I felt strange because I already had clashed several times with her manipulative ways with me, but I didn't know what to make of this situation. However it made me feel uncomfortable. When we were at a bbq with both grandma's my mother would scoop him up the second my mother in law finished spending some time with him. It looked like she was desperate and anxious while doing so. Then when she was done with him she'd just leave him somewhere and pull out her phone or her laptop and no longer be available. My son would seem almost upset and unsure of what to fo with himself. It was so strange and I assumed it was because we lived far away and she didn't see her grandkids much. This video clarified it all and I find it sad and very disturbing that narcs can do this to vulnerable children. Good information to know though.
My mother in law has this to a degree she loves babies snd loves to dole out advice nobody asks for .
Danish, I hear the way you speak. You speak with pain. The way you keep over-explaining things, the way you stretch, I feel your pain.
Thankyou for doing this.. I wish you create more and more and more awareness everyday. I wish that one day you will live a fulfilling life.
Another issue for the narcissist might well be. Is that many of the narcissists I have known have had the worst childhoods imaginable, oftern full of abuse. And they can act out the childhood they wanted, but in a controlling way.
Thank you for this clear explanation. We have been watching our son in law doing just what you speak of to my daughter and their 2 young children. We will have to increase our prayers of protection for our innocent grandchildren and our daughter. Also for his healing and seeing the reality of his life.
Don't let the son in law around the grandchildren, at all!
The cruellest experience of all. The child feels loved, and then has it progressively taken away. Why? What did i do wrong? Self-blame sets in, and the loss of love is felt forever.
To have 'love' taken away, is infinitely harder than never to know it.
In fact they do
n´t love their children because they can´t love at all. They use their children. Babies are innocent and look up to them (and therefore they like them). When children began to form their own identiy and began to say NO - they abuse their children...
@IsabellaPiesch Yes, that's why I called it 'love'.
@@janebrown7231 You did nothing wrong - a narcissist simple can´t love and won´t love anyone.
@@IsabellaPiesch Absolutely. They can make a good job of faking love, when it suits them, but there's nothing there.
I don't know what kind of family a narcissist might be in or maybe part of but I am so grateful that there isn't one in my family. I have 3 Beautiful adult children all married and born again Christians except for one and I have 14 Grandkids including Great Grandchildren and my family fights over me literally. Everybody wants me to come move in with them. And since my sweet husband died in 2008 all of my adult kids and my Grandkids feels like I shouldn't start a life of happiness apart from them because they want all of my attention so meanwhile I do what I can and try to assure them that GOD isn't going to send me a bad guy to fall in love with but they all still have their doubts and worries and after listening to you I just wonder is that what I am dealing with them being one because not even my Great Aunt wants me to adventure out a little bit and maybe find Love or Love finds me.
Meanwhile, I feel stuck with helping with the kids all the time, praying for the family all the time and praying for their marriages all the time and pretty much giving my all, all the time. Sometimes, I feel like that's all they all want me for but I know that they truly love me but I am wondering what would happen if I just up and move to the other side of the planet to follow my happiness and true love.💕
Story of my life when I divorced my first husband Narcissist. Always tried to pretend to be the Disney Dad, unless the kids pushed back. He had them convinced I didn't want to eat dinner with the family, that I didn't want to go to church with the family - - only because I opted out of situations where he constantly picked fights with me, so the kids would not be traumatized. He even planned "family vacations" with the kids, and did not invite me, his wife, the children's mother. Quite literally leaving me in the driveway, crying, thinking he would relent at the last moment and take me. Then he could have the children away from me, and convince them it was me that didn't want to go on vacation with my own family. He could also convince the people who saw him taking his children off by himself, that I was a terrible person who wouldn't even vacation with her own family. These people are SICK, sick monsters.
My husband did the same thing
and you did nothing to help ur kids at all?
@@islixxn That's a pretty wild assumption on your part, no one ever said that.
yea based off this comment u sound like the narc i cant lie, very unlikeable@@redpillbox1882
I learn more from each of your post including this one. Thank you.
This was a particularly good message for me. Not the same exactly, but my narcissist loves our dogs. We found them in the desert, abandoned. We took them to the vet, no chips, so we get to keep them. WE love them a lot, and he is so good with them, loving and patient. Makes sure he gives them good food, and keeps their area clean with fresh water, etc. I was shocked, because I didn't think he loved anyone, even his grown children. This still blows my mind.
My dad treats trash better than me.
You really know your stuff! I'm amazed at your videos.
My mom was obsessed with my kids. She said small children are like a drug to her. How they made her feel. She would get jealous if anyone including me had their attention. When they got a little older they begged me to not leave them alone with her again because they finally saw her crazy side. I wish I would knew what NPD was then because it was a real battle
Because of their self made persona they used to do it to become extra nice version of themselves Thanx for your knowledge plz make sure to spread knowledge about within Second narcissist has more than one personalities in themselves they pretend everything instead of enjoying the blessings
I am so surprised to see a video on this topic. Thank you! As someone who overcame and still overcomes the trauma of personality disordered abuse, I applaud more awareness of this issue. I wish no more children go through what I went through. (I work out some of my struggles and reflections around this on my channel, in case anyone is interested also.)
I have seen my narcissist making video on instagram giving clues of their actions, that they know all these are games....
I think you are very right. A memory just triggered how my narc ex once said of our baby ".... feels like a toy" and he had this giggle on his face that looked like a grimace
"Feels like..."?! It sounds like a predatory statement. Ow! He's not funny!
My last couple didn't want to have children and after he punished me with a long silence 🤐 treatment (although that didn't stop me to go abroad with a four months scholarship) that made me understood that I wasn't in love with him. After I came back, the "golden bachelor" had his replacement and after four years someone told me he was the father of two girls.
Sometimes I doubt if he did it just to bother me but, anyway, everyone bought his narrative; I was an old bitter woman he dumped because I wasn't good enough to bring his "seeds" into this world... and I can't care less. I just feel blessed because I missed his "bullets".
Nor even a woman can believe I am glad about not having children although I had my time with the biological clock ticking but I scaped those bullets too 😊
Before he had kids, we met during a funeral which affected both families and he displayed a love and play with children unknown to me or anyone, just to prove he's fond of children. My mother, who is much sociopathic than he is, realized it but still pressed me to chase him and I told her that if she didn't have any dignity, I did.
I feel sorry for the girls but not for him or my mother (she could have been the perfect spy for any country; she's mastered getting anyone to empty their guts and talk about the most traumatic events). Still, she names herself as "a daughter of the Virgin Mary" 🤮
Yes to all of this. In addition I have seen how my ex uses his adult children to gain social status. He sees them once in a rare while, but makes sure to take pictures. Immediately he posts them on social media, to a flood of approving messages from his hundreds of "friends" about what an amazing and wonderful father he is. It's all a front. No one sees how he neglects his kids, their needs, or how he makes them come to him. Or how long it is between visits because of these issues. He makes it seem through how he curates his page, that they are in constant contact and on great terms with each other. The image of closeness. A couple of my kids can see through this charade and feel treated as props in his game of self-aggrandizement. It's so sick and so sad.
My dad barely has anything to do with me, and resents doing that. He expects me to lie for him. I won't. His attitude: his problem: I won't back up his lies! He did a few good things, but expects me to tell others, besides myself, outright lies. I refuse to do this!
Yup, this is my mother right here 😁
Dad.
Danish, you are doing a great help to those people under the manipulation of a narcissist. It gives me greater clarity why they behave the way they do. I fell in love at a very young age and got married to this man. After 5 years, I saw that he was so kind and loving to my daughter. After 20 years of the confusion he created and the guilt he instilled, he just walked out as if nothing ever existed. He has not even given me a divorce or child support!!
WOW, this is soooo AMAZING @Danish Bashir you do a outstanding job on identifying every aspect of the NARC! Thank you so much 🙏🏽🫶🏽 I pray 🙏🏽 that GOD continue to bless you to put forth this content to bring awareness. Happy Holidays 🙏🏽🙌🏽🥳
DUDE! You don't know how much I needed this video.
My 1st grchild was like a toy to her. When she took him for outings, she would brag about how strangers would think she was the mom. She wouldn't tell them she was the grparent. She gave him all the attention. When other grkids came, she lost interest as each got a bit of independence. My 2nd child got no interaction with her. But the 1st did for a while. I was told by her how she did child rearing better than me. She always had to prove to be the better mom when comparing her life to mine. When the other small grkids who only visited occasionally came to visit, she was so sweet. So fake. But when their stay was over, she would complain about their behavior to me & others behind my siblings back. Even when their behavior was normal. She would say they didn't act like I was their grandmother. Some only came to visit rarely due to living in different states. She never made an effort to get to know them. Now, she is bent out of shape because they dont call their dying grandmother. One grdaughter said. She didn't make an effort to know me, so why do I want to act like she is the best grandmother now?
This always puzzled me about my mom, she would ignore my whole existence and be neglectful AF, no affection nothing, except for putting on the act if there was an audience , but then random small children and babies of other people she would adore and be happy to be with and be very affectionate in a way that seemed more genuine but she didn’t have that energy with older kids either, only babies or very small toddlers
I watched my narcissistic mother with my little son. She would talk to him in a louder voice and look around to see that people were watching. He was just a prop in her show. When I told her that he was a people person like her, she beamed with pride. But she forgot to add to the college fund my dad set up for him.
Narcissists are tight asses with the assets.
Take the prop far away from your narc mom. She is dangerous!
My ex couldn’t stand children behind closed doors. He didn’t have much positive to say about them. Even said they cost a lot of money. So I found it odd that when he went around children, he was all happy and showing them love and attention but once we left, that nastiness came out. Glad I didn’t have children by him. Sad for the next who will. 🤷🏽♀️
Link to my best resources for healing:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
It's the reason, why they have as well animal toys called pet. Btw I was grown wetween a lot, but they were more free, but in tiny flats in cities it is a performance for the human leaders. Very selfish and inconsequent in fact of the ressources it demands, the pollution it raises onto. My woke 4th bwave Fem, "HR" studied and 'bdp', but narcissistic short time exgirlfriend tortured her cat as well, to show me her ability to not use empathy and to 'manipulate', to have overpower. A stupid game she copied out of the complete enironment in the USA(but nearly overall). He was the ideal covered narcissist. The ideal overpriviledged, competition women with status-power ideologies around, that did not learn the depth of competition critics.
Later she learned it and that not just the central right wing supported her thoughts, even the woke 4th wave feminism and so she learned more selfjustifying idologies, as well out of "trauma psychology" to play the ideal victim, to entangle her victims.
How the stupid kind of deterministic psychology can support these ideas, ideologies, these minds, these crimes... It was interesting.
I learned to know some so called cluster b narc psychologists, even they would excuse them as BPDs. But they danced around narcissitic valuing, ranking, devaluing-sadism problematics and hated in learned, normalized competition good "the better ones".
My narcissistic mother..used my daughter to do all this things.
To program her.
This is one of the most painful things a covert narcissistic mother is able to do to the scapegoat child.
Because that will break the heart of the Victim.
I could accept that I was abused and treated like worthless.
Because I didn't know anything else...
But when I realized what she did to me with my daughter...
There was a point reached where I became really angry.
This allowed me to recognize. (Because as the victim I always forgot what happened)
Great video naming this point and saying why it is so
Let the healing begin🤎✌🏿💯
God bless you for this video, I was really craving these days for one about this peculiar behaviour of narcissistic people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
My narc mother loves kids babies and children of others it’s so weird! But I have gone no contact and I don’t ever want her around my future kids. She was a covert malignant narc mother!
I never had kids so my narc dad couldn't hurt them, too!
My father had a lot of fun with me and my siblings when we were very little. I often described those times as: my father playing with us as if we were his toys.
Kids are not toys!
My narc parents were sweet to OTHER children but their own
Mine too...my mother acted as though she hated me
It's a being they theoretically have absolute control over. Tiny creatures essentially helpless. 100 % Pure Narc Gold .
To bond w their prey so they do more harm mostly evil attacks based on that bond they will try to traumatize them especially if they cant recruit them
My narcissistic dad did this, groom me, then turned on me. I still don't trust him,nor should I!
I had many times thought to myself, if my ex husband would simply love me the way he loves our children, we would really be good.... I now understand better. Thank you
My 2 sons are great kids but will need a lot of therapy to deal with the damage my ex wife has done to them. They're 13 and 16 and she has tried to keep them little boys dependent on her to get the supply she craves. The legal system hamstrings me because the courts look unfavorably if one parent says anything negative about the other to the children. So I'm waiting till they turn 18 and I'm praying that my boys will listen and seek help when they are 18 and I'm no longer under legal scrutiny. Narcissistic Moms really reak havoc on their sons.
This was a truly excellent discussion, I've never seen anyone else explain this better.
That and babies get positive attention from others
You have described my older half-sister (22 years my senior) EXACTLY. Her attitude and behavior definitely changed towards me as a I matured. You nailed it. She had me fooled into thinking she was so sweet and kind. Then she did a 180 when I reached the double digits in age.
The thought of them around children makes me shudder. There are 2 men in particular I believe to be predators.
I get this all too well. My dad did this to me, and thinks it was funny. The jackass! He told me I could not say no. I did anyway! He didn't like that, too bad for him!
They want to be the favorite. I have a family member that is diagnosed with NPD and others that are undiagnosed but display identical behaviors. Wanting to be the favorie is a trait they all display. It's not just with children. They want to be the favorite grandchild, parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, friend, employee, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. They are always in a competition with someone even when that someone has no idea there's a competition going on.
Not so sweet to their grown children..silent treatment and abuse. These poor grown children. I know first hand.
Unfortunately, so do I! Dad groomed me, then verbally sexually abused me, blamed and threatened me, he is horrible!
Now I understand why some adults take it so personally if they do not get a reaction out of a child. They try harder. No response. The narcissist expresses frustration. They try again. No response. The narcissist verbalizes that the "child does not love them" and they feel narcissistic injury/emotional pain. They try again. No response.They fly off with their anger. They become a very real emotional and physical danger to the child. Thank you!!
It gets worse, the narc then preys on the kids and blames the kids. No accountability on the part of the narc. Pathetic!
My treated my young son like crap, by abusing him. Of course I would stand up for my son, however when it comes to my daughter, he treats her different. Now that both of my children are away from me because I revealed to everyone what he did to us!! I didn't care about the flying monkey's or smear campaign.. I had the confidence and courage to speak up for myself and children.
Good for you! My dad did the same and worse, to me. He made it look like I am/was the problem. He is the problem!
Around SOME children when other adults are around and they are performing. NOT around his own children. NOPE.
Because babies are dependent on them. They narcissist enjoys that. But if the children grow up and try to be independent and say no to the narcisstic parent it gets terrible. I know now why: Because they have no emotional empathy - they can´t fit into the shoes of their children.
My dad doesn't even try!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 He can´t because he feels no emotional empathy. I am sorry for you - really I am.
And this is exactly why I am keeping my little one from my narcissistic ex. Growing up with a narcissistic stepmother, I know the damage a person can do to a child. He is calling me a monster and frequently says how much he hates me, but I have to provide the protection that I was never granted.
Stay keeping her away from him! My dad is the narcissist. He gets worse as he ages! He resents me for standing up to him.Good!