A Amish family ride with a English neighbor to the big city. They get let off in a large department store. So the wife, and @14 yr old daughter go one direction. The Amish husband, his @ 12 yr old son another. They look at strange, wonderful things. They come to a Elevator. A older, nasty lady pushes thru them to get onto empty elevator. Doors close. Father, son look at each other. Seconds later doors open a hit 20 yr old lady with a smile that causes the blood to flow walks part them. The father orders the son. “Get your mother. Bring her here right now”
That's the problem with the world today, trying to find anything clean today has become somewhat difficult. When i get downhearted i just listen to Peter, Paul & Mary sing judgement day. 🙏❤️.
Yup, and it's rare that others think clean jokes are funny. The laugh tracks on televised sitcoms have programmed the sense of humor of the masses for decades now.
i like the second one pretty good - do you know the one about the city slicker talking to the farmer? the city slicker gets frustrated because his questions aren't being asnwered to his liking, and he says, "You're not far from a fool, are you?" And the farmer says, "About six feet."
A rabbit, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. "I shouldn't be drinking" said the minister "I shouldn't be drinking either" said the priest "I think I'm a typo" said the rabbit
Yes, I know I am a sinner and these two jokes were lighthearted. I am a Baptist and yet if I was told a Baptist joke in the manner that I told these two Amish joke I would laugh at them!
...That first one was a thought provoking joke... Though... It seems, due to my interest in bushcraft and survivalist content, the algorithm is now recommending Amish content to me. ...Which is a curious... Never crossed my mind, but, yep, I do suppose I might just be heading in that direction... With a few million others too, no doubt.
Two Amish women picking potatoes, one picks up a huge potato covered in mud, and says this reminds me of Eli’s balls. The other woman exclaims oh my! are they that big!? The first woman replies No, but they are that dirty! 😂
Amish father and son go to the mall for the first time and among everything else that was fascinating to them, they were particularly interested in this little compartment with bells and flashing lights. They had never seen an elevator before or knew what it does. Well a little old lady walked in and the doors closed. Lights flashed and a bell dinged and when the doors opened out walked a great looking 25 year old woman. The father says to his son, boy go get your mother.
yer standin' where I'm about to shoot GOOD ONE! ..Did you know when God began creating things Adam asked for a helper that would happily work and play with him, and never question his ideas. God said, 'sure, ok, that will cost you an arm and a leg' .. Adam said, 'what can I get for a rib?'
Thanks ! I get 4 miles with my range master, the Talking house not so much, but I have a Steel Barn Roof I need to use as a ground Plain...Should help a bunch.
Pretty sure he said there was nothing wrong with a good, clean joke. From that point of view, if "too mennonite" is be viewed as "two men a night" then your joke would be disqualified as not a clean joke, due to joking about fornication or adultery. Gotta play by the rules if you want to win.
@@PapaPepper Mennonite are kind of the same old time religion as the Amish. But the Amish are more strict. No cars or modern devices. Mennonites as a rule use modern machinery and automobiles but are still very religious.
@@rayalevesque of course, but that doesn't really make a joke, does it. That's like saying "Why was the Lutheran girl excommunicated?... too Baptist" See, Lutherans and Baptists are people just like the Amish and Mennonites, but that doesn't make a punchline for a joke. Because too mennonite sounds like two men a night, it's a dirty phonetic joke, and adultery or fornication would lead to excommunication. It's not that I am ignorant of the existence of Mennonites, it's that he claimed his joke would beat the other too, but the parameters of the jokes were "clean jokes," whereas his was a dirty joke
Out having the celebration drink as the murderer got off Scott free are you. Nice bit of unbiased input from the judge eh. Tucker Carlson came in his pants
Thank you for those. May the Lord Jesus Christ Who is God and His Holy Ghost be with you and your loved ones. It is great to know there are some brothers and sisters out there.
if you could see my face right now it looks like that of your typical amish man, and i don't mean my silly facial hair.... that's how much im laughing.
The Pennsylvania Dutch ARE the Amish or the Mennonites. When they convert to mere Anabaptist and are no longer required to be “plain”, they are no longer called “Pennsylvania Dutch”, just pacifistic. Or when they move away from Central PA, of course :-) . The first joke mentioned an old truck. The Amish can ride in your truck, but not own it, except to sell it ASAP, whereas Mennonites just strip off or paint over the chrome. Also, the Amish are getting out of agriculture, selling the farms to the Mennonites, and shifting to light industries like furniture construction.
I laughed out loud at both jokes. Imagine real jokes like that instead of drivel about race, sex etc. Dry Bar is a bit like that as well. I guess from birth rates, Amish and Mormons are doing sex too much to make jokes about it.
@@JamesMillerComeandDine Actually, they're originally from the Emmental in Switzerland. As they were persecuted, they kept moving northwards, up through Strassburg and Luxemburg, finally arriving in Holland, where they boarded ships for America. When they arrived in Philadelphia on the Dutch ships, people assumed they were Dutch. This was reinforced by their answer to the question "What nationality are you?" as they responded in their Swiss dialect, "Wir sind düütch," which means "We're German Swiss." That's what caused the Americans to call them Pennsylvania Dutch.
The Amish and Mennonites are at least as nonviolent as Quakers if not more so. Richard Nixon was a Quaker who was in the Navy during WWII, like many others, whereas the Amish or Mennonites served, when they did, only as other Conscientious Objectors could, in hospitals as orderlies.
@@mikethebeginner It makes more sense to us because we know Quakers are pacifists. It doesn't come as a surprise that Amish and Mennonites are also but Quakers have the well-known reputation.
It is quite apparent that whoever created the jokes that were retold here knew nothing about the Amish and presumed them to be unsophisticated people with little idea of how to interact with American culture. I presume that " a good clean joke " is one that is deliberately insulting, but has no cursing.
The second joke is about how the Amish people are non-violent people. The two robbers thought that the Amish man store would be an easy steal and that no harm would come to them. That is the purpose of the second joke. The punchline is the Amish store owner does not mean any harm... but if they stayed where he was shooting at, they would be hurt. I hope that this helps.
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Thanks for putting some good clean humor on the internet! Keep it up!
Thanks for your kind words!
A Amish family ride with a English neighbor to the big city. They get let off in a large department store. So the wife, and @14 yr old daughter go one direction. The Amish husband, his @ 12 yr old son another. They look at strange, wonderful things. They come to a Elevator. A older, nasty lady pushes thru them to get onto empty elevator. Doors close. Father, son look at each other. Seconds later doors open a hit 20 yr old lady with a smile that causes the blood to flow walks part them.
The father orders the son. “Get your mother. Bring her here right now”
LOL joke thanks
That's a good one!
Thanks,both made me smile.
I'm glad!
I like good clean jokes ,good job! God bless !
Glad you like them!
What goes clipity-clop, clipity-clop, clipity-clop, bang! bang! bang! bang!, clipity-clop, clipity-clop, clipity-clop ....? An Amish drive-by shooting, of course!
I need to share this video with my Amish friends!
That's the problem with the world today, trying to find anything clean today has become somewhat difficult. When i get downhearted i just listen to Peter, Paul & Mary sing judgement day. 🙏❤️.
Yup, and it's rare that others think clean jokes are funny. The laugh tracks on televised sitcoms have programmed the sense of humor of the masses for decades now.
i like the second one pretty good - do you know the one about the city slicker talking to the farmer? the city slicker gets frustrated because his questions aren't being asnwered to his liking, and he says, "You're not far from a fool, are you?" And the farmer says, "About six feet."
Thank you and thank you for the joke. It was funny!!
Hahahahaha!
Man, that was hilarious!!!
Id like to see more of these clean jokes!
Thank you!
A rabbit, a priest and a minister walk into a bar.
"I shouldn't be drinking" said the minister
"I shouldn't be drinking either" said the priest
"I think I'm a typo" said the rabbit
That first one killed me XD
How the turn tables xD
Lol... Very good, James !
Thanks
@@JamesMillerComeandDine Yes Sir!
'hi i'm larry this is my brother daryl and my other brother daryl" and love the jokes
Ha! Funny indeed ! Thank you for sharing!! Jesus bless ✝️
Thanks for watching
collateral joke is awesome, I have to use it in my bank hahahahahahahahahah see what they say
Somewhere is an ad: Are you really, really stupid? Come write closed captions for UA-cam videos!
These were great!!😆👍
These were brilliant. I am literally laughing out loud.
Thank you!
Good jokes! Thank you!! 👍👍👍
Glad you like them!
Totally surprised at how good these jokes are! The 2nd one I heard long ago, substituting “Quaker” for “Amish.”
Yeah and the Quaker said sir thou standeth where I about to shoot
I like that!!
Brilliant. Thanks for the laughs.
Those were good. I liked the first one, as more people should think like that about bankning.
The first joke was really funny, so funny I'm going to tell it to all my friends.
Johan I could NOT understand what he said for the punchline at the end of the first joke.
Sorry about that... The punchline is that the Amish man was asking the banker, "what do you have for collateral"
I heard the second one decades ago, but it was a Quaker.
Never heard either of these before!
Micro Aggression agin the Brethren, for Shame, for Shame you sinner!
Yes, I know I am a sinner and these two jokes were lighthearted. I am a Baptist and yet if I was told a Baptist joke in the manner that I told these two Amish joke I would laugh at them!
WOW……FUNNY STUFF. REALLY FUNNY STUFF, I CAN HARDLY TYPE….
...That first one was a thought provoking joke... Though... It seems, due to my interest in bushcraft and survivalist content, the algorithm is now recommending Amish content to me.
...Which is a curious... Never crossed my mind, but, yep, I do suppose I might just be heading in that direction... With a few million others too, no doubt.
A good laugh. Thanks!
Thank you for sharing James!
I want to thank you for listening!
Pretty good, thank you and bless you!
Thanks, you too!
As a Quaker, I've heard the second joke before, but with Quakers instead of Amish.
The second shot is or will be a warning
Great jokes.
Actually the first one makes a lot of sense...
The first one is not a joke; this should be primary school mandatory knowledge.
EXCELLENT! SO TRUE ABOUT THE BANKS.
Yes indeed!
Apparently I would kill at an Amish Comedy Club
And all the Amish people are laughing at these jokes as they’re watching it on their wooden tablets.
"It's the way I tell 'em!"
Thank you. I actually laughed out loud. :)
Thank you!
What goes clop clop bang clop clop bang clop clop bang? Amish drive by shooting. Your welcome
Good, clean jokes!
Thank you!
Oh. I was hoping it was going to be jokes told among the Amish.
Two Amish women picking potatoes, one picks up a huge potato covered in mud, and says this reminds me of Eli’s balls. The other woman exclaims oh my! are they that big!? The first woman replies
No, but they are that dirty! 😂
@MOTORHEADROCKS As were Motorhead, they said so themselves and the joke was on you.
What goes clip clop bang bang clip clop? An Amish drive-by.
What goes "Clip clop, clip, clip, poke poke, clip clop, clip clop"? An Amish drive by pitch forking.
That's funny!
Lol
an oldie, but goodie.
The Amish are just as happy as the "English" are, without all the toys, gadgets, and distractions.. Maybe happier.
But they don't upvote, like and subscribe...
@MOTORHEADROCKS pretty broad brush you are using. There are good and not so good in every crowd.
Brilliant!
Amish father and son go to the mall for the first time and among everything else that was fascinating to them, they were particularly interested in this little compartment with bells and flashing lights.
They had never seen an elevator before or knew what it does. Well a little old lady walked in and the doors closed. Lights flashed and a bell dinged and when the doors opened out walked a great looking 25 year old woman. The father says to his son, boy go get your mother.
yer standin' where I'm about to shoot GOOD ONE! ..Did you know when God began creating things Adam asked for a helper that would happily work and play with him, and never question his ideas. God said, 'sure, ok, that will cost you an arm and a leg' .. Adam said, 'what can I get for a rib?'
Lol!!
Perfect
And I had to hit read more for the punchline which even made it better reading it to my wife
I didn't say that
More lies
-What be female Amish called?
-Womenonites. 😐
If Goner Pyle was Amish.
I didn't know the Amish had a sense of humor. Probably in 'platt deutsch'.
hey janes,
you ever hear about the two gay irishmen? henry fitzpatrick and patrick fitzhennry
I didn't the Amish drove pickup trucks.
They own them and hire drivers
What goes klop klop klop klop klop klop BANG BANG BANG? An Amish drive by shooting.
I love the Amish!!!
I love Joe Biden!!!
Yay!!!
ua-cam.com/video/MqM44jYSdqo/v-deo.html "The light flicks on"? I thought Amish did not use electricity?
Imagine Norm.
Thanks ! I get 4 miles with my range master, the Talking house not so much, but I have a Steel Barn Roof I need to use as a ground Plain...Should help a bunch.
no idea what he said in first punchline, didn't stay for the second :)
Got these both beat:
Question: "Why was the Amish girl excommunicated?"
Answer: "Too Mennonite".
First heard this from Christopher Hitchens.
Pretty sure he said there was nothing wrong with a good, clean joke. From that point of view, if "too mennonite" is be viewed as "two men a night" then your joke would be disqualified as not a clean joke, due to joking about fornication or adultery. Gotta play by the rules if you want to win.
@@PapaPepper What? You've got such a dirty mind to interpret my joke that way! Shame on you!
@@TornadoCAN99 then please explain the punchline
@@PapaPepper Mennonite are kind of the same old time religion as the Amish. But the Amish are more strict. No cars or modern devices.
Mennonites as a rule use modern machinery and automobiles but are still very religious.
@@rayalevesque of course, but that doesn't really make a joke, does it. That's like saying "Why was the Lutheran girl excommunicated?... too Baptist"
See, Lutherans and Baptists are people just like the Amish and Mennonites, but that doesn't make a punchline for a joke. Because too mennonite sounds like two men a night, it's a dirty phonetic joke, and adultery or fornication would lead to excommunication.
It's not that I am ignorant of the existence of Mennonites, it's that he claimed his joke would beat the other too, but the parameters of the jokes were "clean jokes," whereas his was a dirty joke
That first joke was hilarious
Not as hilarious as Trumps exit from the Whitehouse, and the lack intellect from those who think he’s going back in 2024.
@@MrStubat Because the Democrats never cheat and Brandon is doing so well. Delusional much commie?
Out having the celebration drink as the murderer got off Scott free are you. Nice bit of unbiased input from the judge eh. Tucker Carlson came in his pants
James, where are you from with that interesting accent?
I live in North Carolina.
"Welocme"?
Banker: "What ya got fer collateral?"
Amish man: "Not a punchline, that's fer damn sure"
Thank you for those. May the Lord Jesus Christ Who is God and His Holy Ghost be with you and your loved ones. It is great to know there are some brothers and sisters out there.
Holy crap! Were they jokes? Is that the schtic, tell jokes so bad they're "good"?
No they aren't.
if you could see my face right now it looks like that of your typical amish man, and i don't mean my silly facial hair.... that's how much im laughing.
Thanks!
Why would an Amish guy have a 1929 truck?
Or run a store
@forget_your_life He wouldn't, The Amish don't own or drive motor vehicles.
@@noahway13The Amish do shop for things, and they do own stores and other businesses.
@@kh3612 That’s why I asked. The joke doesn’t make sense in that respect.
This guy should never, ever try to tell a joke again.
I have never met Amish but these sounds more like what they call "Pennsylvania Dutch" or maybe just Mennonites. Still funny jokes!
The Pennsylvania Dutch ARE the Amish or the Mennonites. When they convert to mere Anabaptist and are no longer required to be “plain”, they are no longer called “Pennsylvania Dutch”, just pacifistic. Or when they move away from Central PA, of course :-) .
The first joke mentioned an old truck. The Amish can ride in your truck, but not own it, except to sell it ASAP, whereas Mennonites just strip off or paint over the chrome. Also, the Amish are getting out of agriculture, selling the farms to the Mennonites, and shifting to light industries like furniture construction.
@@Egilhelmson Thanks for this information clarification.
Adorable
I laughed out loud at both jokes. Imagine real jokes like that instead of drivel about race, sex etc. Dry Bar is a bit like that as well. I guess from birth rates, Amish and Mormons are doing sex too much to make jokes about it.
Way to go !!!
Poor rich Amish lol
Amish don't own or drive pick up trucks (unless it's hitched to a horse).
Welocme?
I went back and looked at the opening and I should have double checked:)
THANK U!!♥️♥️♥️♥️
Your welcome!
@@JamesMillerComeandDine 👍😏
Very funny!
Glad you enjoyed it
How true..lol
thats funny
I dated an Amish girl, but I drove her buggy
Lol🤣🤣
RE: joke #2: you stated that the Amish store owner turned on the lights.....
Yes, when in actuality I guess Amish do not use electricity?!
@@JamesMillerComeandDine they separate business life from home life so it’s fine…if it had been in the home then there’d be a problem
I've been to a few Amish stores. They generally use skylights and gas lights for illumination. Cash registers were run by solar panels outside.
I had to switch on the subtitles to understand what this man was saying - it ruined the first joke for me!
So now you're saying your maga rtump is a lier.
@@johnl2998 There are no subtitles available to translate your comment!
Amish don't use toilet paper
Anyone knows what song this is? (in the beginning and at the end)
It's called "Come and Dine", just found it
The amish are german stock arent they ? yeah. I reckon
Yes, I do believe they are.
@@JamesMillerComeandDine
That explains their excellent crazy humour.
@@JamesMillerComeandDine Actually, they're originally from the Emmental in Switzerland. As they were persecuted, they kept moving northwards, up through Strassburg and Luxemburg, finally arriving in Holland, where they boarded ships for America. When they arrived in Philadelphia on the Dutch ships, people assumed they were Dutch. This was reinforced by their answer to the question "What nationality are you?" as they responded in their Swiss dialect, "Wir sind düütch," which means "We're German Swiss." That's what caused the Americans to call them Pennsylvania Dutch.
Plain folk don't wear jewelry. ??
He bought it to sell it in the town, according to the joke.
they make it to sell, it’s a common business
@@bostonrailfan2427 selling their sinful wares??
second joke was originally about Quakers, who are nonviolent.
The Amish and Mennonites are at least as nonviolent as Quakers if not more so. Richard Nixon was a Quaker who was in the Navy during WWII, like many others, whereas the Amish or Mennonites served, when they did, only as other Conscientious Objectors could, in hospitals as orderlies.
@@Egilhelmson All I’m saying is that it was originally a joke about Quakers.
@@mikethebeginner It makes more sense to us because we know Quakers are pacifists. It doesn't come as a surprise that Amish and Mennonites are also but Quakers have the well-known reputation.
It is quite apparent that whoever created the jokes that were retold here knew nothing about the Amish and presumed them to be unsophisticated people with little idea of how to interact with American culture. I presume that " a good clean joke " is one that is deliberately insulting, but has no cursing.
Neat thanks for sharing
i didn't get the second joke could u explain ?
The second joke is about how the Amish people are non-violent people. The two robbers thought that the Amish man store would be an easy steal and that no harm would come to them. That is the purpose of the second joke. The punchline is the Amish store owner does not mean any harm... but if they stayed where he was shooting at, they would be hurt. I hope that this helps.
THIRD Amish joke: *WELOCME* to Come and Dine.
What is a Amish Womans dream??....Two Menonite!
The Amish use electricity?
For business but not in their homes.
Ho, Ho!!
Geez
😂
Haunting