My Mum was diagnosed in 2015 and my world was changed forever as the Memory Thief not only stole my Mum but my best friend. Since then it has been frustrating and sad as we negotiate this new person who in the beginning was in angry denial that anything was wrong. The grieving is lengthy and on going. This ‘new Mum’ has a 2 minute memory so the repetition is torturous. As my Dad passed from Cancer in 2005 we kids had to get Mum safely situated in a Nursing home. Wonderful until COVID slaps a lockdown and we can’t visit. Phone calls are useless. I just wanted to say that you are not alone, it is heartbreaking and truly the longest hardest goodbye. On a funny note I rang Mum tonight and she spent half the call yelling into the TV remote control. She put the corded phone down to use what she thought was a cordless…Sense of humour is a must to get us through. Love to all going through it. 💕💕
Hi Caroline, I very rarely comment on UA-cam videos, but had to pop on to say how kind (and brave) it was of you to film this content. Having had my mother and spouse with vascular dementia I concur with everything you have said. Like you, I initially wanted to get as much information as possible to empower myself for the fight, which is what it feels like dealing with dementia. Two things really stick in my mind was when you’ve met a person with dementia you’ve met ONE person as it is different for each person and secondly the dementia patient might not remember the moment but they remember the feeling, so they might not remember someone visiting but will be left with how the visit made them feel. This helped when sometimes it didn’t seem worth doing some things as they wouldn’t be remembered. Sadly my spouse died from a heart attack but in a way kinder as we didn’t get to the stage where I might have had to consider a care home or that he didn’t know me, so I count my blessings in that respect. Sending love to you and your family, but particularly your mum for whom it is extremely hard on so many fronts. X
I was also told the same thing as you Lynette about when you have met a person with dementia, you have met one person. I agree with your comments. My husband was diagnosed when he was 50 but I knew he’d had it for some time already. I cared for him for 6 years and then he went into a home on the psychiatric teams advice. He lived until he was 66 and died 5 years ago from a bowel infarction. I was much younger than your Mum Caroline, I know what a struggle it is and how very tiring. Look after each other. Sending love to you all xx
I didn’t research Vascular Dementia when my mum was diagnosed but I completely understand why some people do. Since my beautiful mum has passed away (12 years ago) I have been employed in the Care Home that she lived in for 5 years before she passed I have regularly given talks to families from a daughters point of view. These are always very open with no questions too big or small. They are also always very moving for me and those I speak with. I use photographs to document my mum’s journey. It is however very very important to remember, as Caroline mentioned, when you’ve met one person with dementia, you’ve met one person as absolutely every person is different. I send you all my best wishes Caroline for sharing your experience. You’re doing a great job supporting your mum and your dad. My mum wasn’t entitled to any financial support and agree wholeheartedly that does seem to impact on any other support available. Anyway Caroline enough of me and mine. I’m very happy to be a listening ear at any time if you ever just need a chat xxxxxx
Sharing is so kind of you. Explaining how you cope will help so many others. I lost both my parents in their 60’s. Horrible as that loss was I often think that it was a gift to me in a way to never have to watch them go through that. At the moment I know several people going through this with their elder parents and as much as I wish I could have mine with me I am so thankful we didn’t have to go through all that! Stay strong…I know you will... God bless your dad and your family🥰🇨🇦❤️ and most of all you dear girl❤️
Hi dawn, funnily enough Carla and I had a similar conversation recently about how there are, strange as it seems, some upsides to losing your parents earlier.
My husband lost both his Father (at 85) and Mother (103) to dementia (although his Mother was living on her own until her 99th birthday)and although we were not around them that much (we were living in a different country) I do understand the frustration with the constant repetition. I feel for all of you, especially your Mum. My husband is quite concerned that he will get it too, as others in the family have also had it, and there are definite signs that it could be starting. Very worrying . You did a wonderful job with this - no need for any sort of apologies - it was from your heart.
Caroline, this was a very well done presentation and I'm confident you have helped many people struggling by sharing your experience so unselfishly. I'm from Canada and our system of health care seems similar. Not only when it comes to dementia but very many chronic, progressive conditions. The help exists but so often seems hidden and unless you qualify for assistance financially you find yourself twisting in the wind. It is a shortcoming that should be addressed on a broader level. Thank you and best wishes to you and your family as you continue to navigate this unkind disease .
That was amazing Caroline. Very very brave of you and obviously very very difficult. My father had dementia and died 3yrs ago aged 91yrs. I was never close to my dad but it was very difficult to deal with. My sister and I both lived within 1mile of my dad so together we were able to help him. My dad got no financial help except we got a carers allowance that I don’t think was means tested. To have loved someone as much as you obviously love your dad must make everything so much more difficult. I send you much love and strength to all your family…………life sucks sometimes. Xxxx
I’m an aged care nurse working supporting people living with dementia, so I felt I was very knowledgeable on this subject. But I found this video so helpful and enlightening. Thank you for your candour and honesty. Xx
I lost my 88 yr old mum in April. We watched a very intelligent woman fade away and lose all dignity . I live where your parents do and had a very difficult time first of all getting a diagnosis . Again it was like mum was written off as beyond help, but she and my 89 yr old father still needed help. We had to do the financial assessment and a mental capability assessment over the phone during lockdown. When it got to the point that we could no longer cope mum was sent to a care home over an hour away where she passed away.My dad was not able to be with her. I did memory books for mum to stimulate conversation. Mum reverted to when she was a teenager ,so a lot of conversations revolved around those times, my father struggled the most as he lost the woman he had been married to for 69 yrs. Overall I agree there is little or no support. How my Dad coped I will never know - maybe denial got him through it all. Lastly thankyou Caroline for openly discussing this and allowing me to vent and i send you all my best wishes for the rocky road ahead 💕
Far from unhelpful Caroline I found it very very relatable. I thought you came across very well. You’re an inspiration and I’m sure many people will find this helpful x
I think you were so brave (as is the rest of your family - in-laws and grandchildren included) and I believe that those in need of this video will 100% appreciate the time, and effort, it took you to make it. Am sending you a sincerely warm hug.
Hi Caroline, thank you for sharing. I lost both my parents and they had dementia, we cooed with visits by taking lots of photos to talk to them about. My dad especially liked the photos of my husband's working day - he's a stonemason, and as dad had always been very hands on he understood the photos and could talk about them. Dad eventually didn't recognise me, but he would say that he didn't know who I was but he knew he loved me, and that was enough. Even right up to his last few months he still played the game of catching my hand and not releasing it - he only ever did this with me, so that lovely connection stayed. I took great comfort in this. Stay strong and remember he has always loved his daughter and still does. X
Thank you for your heart-felt insight. I also respect your delicacy in protecting your Dad's privacy because I'm sure he was a man of dignity before the illness and would be appreciative of your maintaining his dignity during it.
Bless you Mrs M. It is a terrible disease my thoughts are with you. My son has MS and a serious mental health problem so I kind of know about looking after a sick person 24/7 with no respite or carers pay because I have a state pension so also hard financially. You take care. fx
Thank you Caroline . How brave of you to express thoughts about such an emotional subject and a disease that your Dad and all of you are living with. You didn't waffle ! x
Caroline - sending you a big virtual hug. I understand what your mum and all of you are living through. I cared for my mum for several years and eventually was able to get a lovely carer (through a charity) for 4 hours a week, and later she had 2 days a week at a day care centre. There is help available, it was quite difficult to find out about these agencies, but there are probably similar helps near your parents' home. Mum would get dressed and try to go out in the middle of the night, but I got a buzzer fixed on the front door which rang in my bedroom if the door was opened. I bought a big scrapbook and filled it with photos and information about mum so that the book could be used by carers to interact when talking with mum. As you know the stress of living with a loved one with dementia is draining, and eventually my mum needed 24/7 nursing care and was admitted to a lovely care home, and I was able to enjoy visiting her there. Sending a hug for your mum too. Stay strong.
Thank you Caroline, my grandma died with dementia, she lived with us when I was growing up and it was difficult; my uncle died at 50 with Lewey bodie, and that was even worse, I have had many relatives suffering from it and dying with it, and the spectre of it hangs over me,. I wish you and your family well, you are so lucky to have each other.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience with your Dad. My mother-in-law was just recently diagnosed with Dementia and has been reaching out to me more than others for support. So far, our experience has been like yours, we have been left alone to figure out how to deal with the changes. It is a very upsetting time for all of us but it is so comforting to hear that others have had similar experiences and are doing their best to cope.
Caroline Thanku I’m the Dementia lead at work and in the process of setting up a cafe for those who care for someone with dementia and for people with dementia.At these meet ups we won’t to have the resources to help for those caring . This video from u has been really insightful for our work.Thanku Caroline really brave off you xx
Thank you, Caroline - for talking about this personal subject. You did very well, I will certainly look into talking to a person with Dementia without making them worry about the fact that they do not remember. This is the hardest part for me, the same conversation over and over and the questions that get repeated again and again.
Hi Caroline We are currently dealing with my mother in law being diagnosed with Dementia and I am her carer. I have found that I have an overwhelming feeling of anxiety about myself and her family watching her decline, particularly because I work and she lives alone. Your video was so helpful and informative. I have read through the comments and I am sending a hug to you and everyone else who is dealing with the same situation.
Thank you for being so brave to talk about this. It is an awful disease that is so common. As with any illness the family of the sufferer find it a hard path to follow. All you can do is your best. Take care x
Caroline thank you so much for doing this. I have spent 35 years as a Social worker for older adults. A large proportion of my case load were dementia patients. I do hope that family members have seen this video. You were so honest about the frustration of carers in dealing with the advancing disease. I am aware that help and support from social services is something of a post code lottery. You and your family are doing a magnificent job with your dad. He may not remember but you all will in years to come and you should be proud of the efforts you are making. Love to you all xx
Really appreciate you doing this video . My mother in law as dementia. She's not to bad at the moment . She sees things and people in the house . After we have gone she doesn't remember we have been there . A hard road ahead . Thank you so so much for doing this . Take care . X X
Thank you Caroline. Fortunately I haven’t had any experience with anyone in our family with this awful disease but I wanted to listen to what you had to say and appreciate your honesty and openness. I’m sure you have helped a lot of people who are going through the same as you are. Sending love and thank you again x
Oh Caroline you are going through what I went through with my lovely Mom. She died at 92 and showed signs of dementia from about 87 and lived on her own. You are right, the help is very limited and as an only “child” who lived 10 miles away it was the most worrying time of my life. However, she went in to care towards the end and was safe. I feel for you and your Mom xxxx
Morning Caroline, you have succeeded in making me cry, I could feel this video was very hard for you to talk about I could feel your pain . My husband is ill with cancer and although it's a very different illness from your dads he has suffered along time with this illness and unfortunately the the outcome will be the same for both.I hope this little chat you've had with us today will help others with same problems you are facing. It's nice that you and your brother have become closer , always some good comes out of bad. I'm sure your mum feels blessed that she has such a lovely caring daughter and son. Believe you me I know how hard a long deteriorating Illness can be.Bless you and your family. ❤️ .
Hi Caroline, this video was very thought provoking and interesting. My husband had a horse riding accident in his early 30's resulting in a fractured skull, he is now 71 and my children and I have noticed many signs of Dementia. He has not had a formal diagnosis as he would be very resistive with this. My eldest son and I are both nurses who have spent many years working in the aged care sector and managed Dementia units. We recognize the mood swings, lack of ability to make decisions and short term memory issues. The future is frightening as I mentioned there are moods swings but no physical violence to date. I really like what you said about choosing appropriate conversation, this can save much distress to both parties. Thinking of you and your Mum xxx
Thank you for doing this video, it would have been so useful for us. We lost our mum 2 years ago at this Christmas but we were lucky as she was still at the happily confused stage. Miss her more every day but grateful I was in the position to look after her at home. Everyone’s experience is so unique to them and I send all my love to everyone who is dealing with this at the moment x
Hi Everyone. Caroline, Thank you for sharing your story regarding supporting a parent with Dementia. Your words are so approopriate and helpful. It can be so difficult for family carers on many levels and any knowledge you can share will help so many people. Youve talked about not wanting to think about the end stage of dementia and often when I tell people my job,as a hospice nurse specialist specifically for patients with Dementia, they have the same reaction. But part of my role though isnt just end of life care, but supporting patients and families from point of diagnosis , what is demenita, how to manage, financial and legal considerations and where to get help from. There are many services available now that werent accessible a few years ago, but I would encourage anyone to get in touch with their local Hospice, as they should be able to advise re what is available. Within my role I also run a Dementia Wellbeing Clinic, where I see patients re symptoms and our social work department hold a Carers support group which has been invaluable to some of our client group. There are similar services in Hospices across the UK. And I also deliver education on Dmentia to Health Care Staff. If I can give everyone a big piece of advise, make legal arrangements re the future, enduring power of attorney & what they would or would not like as this disease progresses. It relieves pressure from family carers so much. If anyone would like to get in touch with me regarding the type of support Hospices can offes to patients with Dementia and their carers Id be really happy to engage via email, just DM me here. Wishing your Dad and Mum (and You) every blessing as this difficult journey continues.
Thank you for sharing such a personal subject with us and for sharing with us the ways you have found to manage and cope. Everything you have said is so helpful to those of us who are aging and who have aging parents. I agree with you that knowledge is power and the more knowledge we have, the better prepared we are to help our loved ones and ourselves.
God Bless your kindness for wanting to share some personal and practical information on dealing with dementia. I know this will help others and I know it is so hard. And most of all, I applaud your carefulness in what you discuss and how you discuss your fathers illness to preserve his dignity. ❤️
Thank you Caroline for sharing a difficult area of your personal life very informative you spoke to us in such a sensitive approach cannot have been easy for you Blessings to you and your family xxx
I have been lucky enough, so far ,not to have any experience with Alzheimer. I have always thought though that it must be so very very difficult to have a loved one with such a bastard disease. Thank you so much for this video Caroline, even for coping with elderly parents in general. I have lost both of mine, but I do wish I had had more patience. Love to you♥️
Kind of you to talk on this subject - I could tell of course how painful it was to you - it will help many. My Mom had dementia some years ago and this just brings back to me how painful a time it was. I would drive away from her home (after a visit) and feel like I was exploding. At the time I did not know there was any help and just stumbled from day to day in trying to cope. My best wishes to you and your family. Pam
Thank you so much Caroline. Everything you said about living and loving someone with dementia rings so true with me. My husband has had dementia for about 3 years. He has not been medically diagnosed as when he hears the word on the television, he gets so upset about what it means and I dont believe he (or I) would gain anything useful by going to our GP just to be given this awful disease a name. My problem is coping with seeing my husband changing before my eyes, and I get angry with him and angry with the disease. I too like to research and have joined the Altzheimers Disease Society, but have not yet felt the need to reach out to them for their help, but from their literature and Google have learned a lot about ways to cope, and little by little I am learning to be kinder to him and much more forgiving of my own frailities. As you say memories are so important to us, as are walks and music. We are making a future memory in August this year by sailing on QM2 for a roundtrip transatlantic cruise, and hopefully with the aid of photographs we can keep revisiting these memories for a long time to come.
I can't imagine how difficult it is for you and your family you did very well and explained your situation very well and I'm sure it is a great help to any family starting out on their dementia journey, I can only wish you and your family well your mum and dad are incredibly lucky to have such loving and caring children in their lives as I can be sure that there are many who are not so blessed, I am sure that the support you have for each other will help you through the darkest days take care Caroline and best wishes to you all xxx
Oh Caroline, not waffly at all, thank you for sharing. I'm so glad you have a close family, that must be such a blessing. My father died early this year - of old age, he was very frail and confused. Sadly, I was never close to him, we barely had a relationship. That's a whole load of difficult emotions.
Lost my mum to dementia two months ago,and my father has the disease himself,so this is the most helpful advise ,and thank you.It is such a heart breaking cruel disease .
Jesus caroline I'm in bits my dad had copd and it was brutal he passed 2 years ago not waffle at all beautifully conveyed I know what you're going through I ticked every box there with you only with copd you done amazing I would have been a mess thankyou for a great video xx
Looked after mum for 7years she had vascular dementia without any help at all, my days were taken up with going 4to5times a day, watching her deteriate was heartbreaking, my health was suffering in the meantime. This situation continue till mum got out one day and was mugged and badly beaten, at that point for her own safety had to put her in care home were she stayed till her death three years ago. My own health has deteriorated since then for the years of lifting and dressing her, now I'm unable to have a life, so think about your own health, while caring for a loved one.
Hi Caroline - thanks for sharing this - I can relate to what you are saying - my dad had Alzheimers at a very young age(well 62 is quiet young for that type of illness) he had taken early retirement and had plans to travel etc do all the things that you cannot commit yourself to whilst working however this was not mean't to be - I think you are very brave to discuss this very personal subject and please look after your mum as she is the one on the "front Line" and with your father 24/7
So very very brave of you to do this Caroline, I’m sure I’ve mentioned to you before, I lost my Nan from this awful disease and then my dad in 2012 at 60 both had early onset dementia, I believe the symptoms with early onset can be different as well as the the memory loss and the inability to carry out simple day to day tasks, dad became very aggressive and suffered with terrible seizures, he was actually sectioned which broke my heart and was put into a specialist home, not a day goes by when I don’t think of him and what he went through. Thinking of you and your family 💕💕
Thanks for sharing your experience, Caroline. Think I've mentioned that I cared for my Dad (he was a twice time widower) who had vascular dementia prior to the cancer. Dad was very good at covering the dementia for a long time prior to the cancer diagnosis, then it quickly became uncovered. For your American viewers, Dad was a Veteran & the VA was able to provide respite care for free, which was so helpful. Sending kindness to you & family ~
Caroline, thank you for sharing your experience. My stepdad had dementia and passed away 9 years ago this week. It is a horrible condition and his personality totally changed which was one of the hardest things. Take care best wishes to you and your family
Both my parents had dementia and we where with it for 10 years in total before they passed and I grieved them twice when i lost them to dementia and when they eventually died . I was like you and did so much research but it was a battle to find it . We found social services very difficult to deal with and even had to get a solicitor on board so they got the care particularly my mum that she was entitled to . Your mum is doing amazing and its such a tough time for all the family . I found a way to reach both of them was through photos and old music I used to play them and they sang along . Its so tough sending love and hugs xxxx
My mother is in hospital and we have to put her in care because of her dementia. It's Heart breaking but it is for her safety, we are losing her even though she is here.
Good morning Caroline ,how courageous of you ,no you didn’t waffle but spoke from the heart you and Nick are doing all the right things you should be very proud ! I work with people in their own homes , a sense of humour is vital and go in the moment as they are living in the moment . Keep up the good work and keep spoiling your Mum as she’s doing a fabulous job 🌻🏴 Best wishes
Really feel for you and your family Caroline xxx my late father had vascular dementia and when diagnosed we were literally given a leaflet and that was it!!! You have to look for support and then it’s not always suitable if your loved one is not quite at the stage of the other support users ( hope that makes sense!). I didn’t want to traumatise my dad by taking him to a day centre where others were in a much later stage. I think it’s very important to stay strong as a family, be there for each other and take it a day at a time xxx sending you a big hug 🤗
Thank you for sharing your family’s experience of this awful disease, it was very interesting and informative well done. Didn’t realise that you have to find information for yourselves thank goodness for wonderful charity’s. Best wishes to you and your family 👍🏻❤️
Thank you for talking about this. It will help many people I am sure. My late mother suffered from Vascular Dementia. The lack of help and advice from the NHS after diagnosis was truly shocking to me. Like you say it was worse because she was financially secure.
Very Hard subject. So glad for the help you got too, being able to have answers to your questions. It was a struggle for my Mum (not dementia) but just becoming very infirm and frail, with all her marbles intack as it were. She dug her heels in to stay at home and myself and my grown up children struggled, even in lockdown. We did in the end manage to get carers in to help her, she was often alone at night. She passed in March age 90yrs. So Sad seeing her decline, we were always there for her, and know how hard it is on their children. My other siblings live in Oxford, Dorset And Oslo , Norway. So you can imagine with lockdown it was even worse. I commend you for talking about how you feel, it helps others to talk too. Bless your Dad, he has a lovely family. Ps. I LOVED your top it looks so good on you :) xx
Hi.Caroline,this touch my heart...I lost my dear mum nearly 8 Years ago from Vascular dementia & parkinsonism...I was her main carer & carers in, I thought I'm doing a good job, to the best of my ability, mum lived a few streets away.BUT eventually I was mentally worn out, The system let her down, cutbacks. She had a lovely sense of humour, & thought of me to...She had to go to a nursing home, I got more help this way!??, my journey was after years,with our memories & love..Can understand Caroline what torment your going through, Dementia is called" the long goodbye...Chin up..Happy memories more to make..On a good day its so nice...Take photos I did..Take care.
My eldest brother was in hospital then in a nursing home and his wife was visiting him often. But she herself was actually suffering from dementia - the difficulty was in getting it diagnosed. When interviewed by a GP she gave all the "right" answers - all lies. She wasn't eating properly or taking good care of herself. For me one big clue was the 12 or so tubes of toothpaste in my brothers hospital bedside cabinet. His wife was bringing them for him every couple of days! She would tell her daughter exactly what she'd had for lunch but there'd be no used crockery or cutlery and no tins or packaging in the waste bin. It was only happening in her imagination. They had to take her food and literally sit with her while she ate it. She outlived my brother by 4 years but her diagnosis (and help) only came about 6 months before she died. That was 2011 and I still miss them both.
OMG! I cried for you and cried some more for me. Most horrible thing that a daughter will ever have to watch her Father go through. Stay strong but if you can’t- we are here for you! ❤️❤️❤️🇨🇦🤪🍸
Had to stop watching Caroline as it brought back so many heartbreaking memories. Wish I’d had the internet in the 90s when I was dealing with it with my young family. Both my parents have died now but we did manage to make happy memories. Thinking of you and your family. Horrible situation
Lost my dad to Dementia my mum cared for him she would not let any one help sadly she passed away before him it all became to much for her.I took over looking after him this became impossible because he thought I was mum in the end I had to put him into a care home this was heartbreaking and I still feel guilty after nine years.
Sounds like your doing an amazing job and being such a wonderful support to your mum and dad in what has to be the worst possible time, they will feel blessed I’m sure having such a caring daughter as you , thanks for doing that vlog though ,as it’s good to know we are not on our own which is often the case with this horrendous disease xx
As ever, Caroline, well said. A difficult and personal subject to discuss and one that some may not have experienced. One thing I'd ask, do you find that misunderstanding or ignorance of the illness have hurt or annoyed you as a family?
Very brave video - really feel for you. Although my Dad was pretty good mentally before he died in January aged 98 (Covid) his memory wasn’t 100% and neither was his physical health - both really frustrating for him. Sometimes he behaved like a toddler too! Same situation regarding benefits - his care cost him thousands. Our biggest problem was with the local hospital. Twice. I’ll stop now! Sending hugs. X
What a hard video for you to make. Well done for keeping it together . My daughter is a dementia carer in the community and it sounds like the most horrid disease ever. Sending kind regards to you and your family .xx
A super helpful talk. My father's partner has been in a care home for 6years as her dementia was at a violent stage so for her safety and my father's he had no choice. He visits once a week now and even though she has no idea who he is he still goes and I think it's his coping mechanism it's all so sad. A very cruel disease.
Lived this very cruel illness too.My darling mother and aunt who both had it was so sad and so very difficult as I live in France and would come for month visits each time and spend everyday at the hospital with my mother taking my aunt with me as my aunt was not in the advanced stage like my mother.They both lived together and my mother would chase my aunt from the house as she didn’t know anymore who she was and the door would be open and my aunt wandering about somewhere outside the house.I coulden.t sleep worrying about them I was working at the time and coming for month visits as often as I could with asking for advanced time off from work which was not always easy or appreciated where I worked. I wish that I lived nearer them a thousand times a day when I could be so close to share as much precious time at their side.Happy for you that you live very near them to help and that your brother lives near them too.I was the only child left.
Thank you for sharing I know how hard it is and what you are going through, I am still unable to talk about this it is still to soon, my heart goes out to you xx
Im late to the vlog Caroline a very heart felt one its a very sad condition I something think they are very happy in there own little world but very sad and hard for those around them you have wonderful happy memories of ur dad you just hold on to those memories he sounds a lovely man x
I was Power of Attorney to a lovely woman with dementia who was in the same financial position as your parents and yet we had social services care and visits to a memory clinic to gauge her ‘score’, also a community nurse from GP practice, his GP practice can arrange memory clinic apt’s which are very useful, hope it helps
Oh Caroline that brought me to a lovely memory when you spoke about making memories. When it was obvious my mum was poorly I asked her was there anywhere in the world she would like to go to ( mindful that I would be going with her). My mind ran away with me as to where she might choose ............ Scarborough! She chose Scarborough 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈 we still had a wonderful time and did manage a few more trips before that became impossible xxx
The thing about this illness is that every case is unique, no one can have answers to the problems encountered There are similarities with other sufferers but every case is different. You can get help with dealing with it,but no answers to the problem I have cared for someone with this, I found myself in a helpless situation and just kept going. It was very sad as the lady was a wonderful woman and had been a theatre sister in hospitals all over the world. In the end her personality was unrecognisable from the lady I knew from my childhood. Rebecca x
Sending you and your family all my love. Been there with my Mom. Packing up house for dear friend age 83 now . Very difficult to see him trying to make decisions.
This was a difficult watch.I have just moved in with my Mum after she was hospitalised with an infection and then developed delirium. That has stayed and it has been like she has been fast forwarded into full blown dementia in a matter of weeks. She had to return to hospital and has spent a week in a rehabilitation ward. I know about all the stages having worked as a carer and in a nursing home. I hope her confusion will settle down but I think I am in for a bumpy time. Even with my caring training it has been really hard. Hopefully we can support each other x
Well Done You Caroline 😘, for bringing this to light , my father in law had dementia , it's a terrible deseise , might I ask tho , what was the first thing any of you noticed that was different about your Dad ? I'm sorry to ask but I do have my reasons , might I take this opportunity to wish you all the best and your Dad , keep making those lovely memories while you can , sending lots of love and hugs to you all especially your Mum 🥰 xxxxxxx
Hi Caroline, my heart goes out to you and anyone coping with the awful reality of Dementia. My Mother died in 2017 after living for several years with the disease.Like your family we were left to cope,as she was 'self funding'You didn't mention the helpyou can get with Council Tax reductions. A person who is diagnosed with a mental illness, including Dementia is excempt from Council Tax, so if a person lives alone, there is no charge. A couple would be classed as a single person and entitled to a 25% reduction. This has to be applied for...and is not widely advertised. It is also backdated to the date of diagnosis.
My mum’s close friend appears to have early undiagnosed dementia (there is a family history in both her parents). I’d love to know where you looked for tips in how to speak to someone with dementia. Thanks for making this video which I think could be useful for carers of older people generally. X
A friend of mine has dementia. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for his wife. He can remember the names of people from when we were young and we’ve talked about them, but he can’t remember anything from 2 minutes ago.
I have to say that I didn't watch this through. I lost my amazing Mum to dementia in 2018, aged 85, after a fall. A strong, intelligent woman years before her time. She had her own car aged 21 in 1954. She was an entrepreneur, self sufficent, survived breast cancer in her 50's and founded an animal rescue aged 64. This disease has no selective process and no mercy.
my mum had alzheimers for years before she died; my dad had parkinsons disease and vascular dementia. my one regret is that i did not find and use a support group.
My husband is 75, and I'm sure he has Dementia. He forgets important info. Which causes no end of arguments. Has real trouble doing odd jobs round the house, they seem to confuse him. He was a builder and could do anything. But the worst thing is his temper, I don't know if this is a Dementia symptom or not. He can switch for being normal, happy to loosing it for no reason. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks xx
My Mum was diagnosed in 2015 and my world was changed forever as the Memory Thief not only stole my Mum but my best friend. Since then it has been frustrating and sad as we negotiate this new person who in the beginning was in angry denial that anything was wrong. The grieving is lengthy and on going. This ‘new Mum’ has a 2 minute memory so the repetition is torturous. As my Dad passed from Cancer in 2005 we kids had to get Mum safely situated in a Nursing home. Wonderful until COVID slaps a lockdown and we can’t visit. Phone calls are useless. I just wanted to say that you are not alone, it is heartbreaking and truly the longest hardest goodbye. On a funny note I rang Mum tonight and she spent half the call yelling into the TV remote control. She put the corded phone down to use what she thought was a cordless…Sense of humour is a must to get us through. Love to all going through it. 💕💕
Hi Caroline, I very rarely comment on UA-cam videos, but had to pop on to say how kind (and brave) it was of you to film this content. Having had my mother and spouse with vascular dementia I concur with everything you have said. Like you, I initially wanted to get as much information as possible to empower myself for the fight, which is what it feels like dealing with dementia. Two things really stick in my mind was when you’ve met a person with dementia you’ve met ONE person as it is different for each person and secondly the dementia patient might not remember the moment but they remember the feeling, so they might not remember someone visiting but will be left with how the visit made them feel. This helped when sometimes it didn’t seem worth doing some things as they wouldn’t be remembered. Sadly my spouse died from a heart attack but in a way kinder as we didn’t get to the stage where I might have had to consider a care home or that he didn’t know me, so I count my blessings in that respect. Sending love to you and your family, but particularly your mum for whom it is extremely hard on so many fronts. X
I was also told the same thing as you Lynette about when you have met a person with dementia, you have met one person. I agree with your comments. My husband was diagnosed when he was 50 but I knew he’d had it for some time already. I cared for him for 6 years and then he went into a home on the psychiatric teams advice. He lived until he was 66 and died 5 years ago from a bowel infarction. I was much younger than your Mum Caroline, I know what a struggle it is and how very tiring. Look after each other. Sending love to you all xx
It's a cruel insidious disease. So many of us touched by it, but you are doing exactly the right thing, stay strong, sending love and a 🤗
I lost my dad to dementia in 2012 its such a cruel disease my heart goes out to you Caroline ❤️❤️
I didn’t research Vascular Dementia when my mum was diagnosed but I completely understand why some people do. Since my beautiful mum has passed away (12 years ago) I have been employed in the Care Home that she lived in for 5 years before she passed I have regularly given talks to families from a daughters point of view. These are always very open with no questions too big or small. They are also always very moving for me and those I speak with. I use photographs to document my mum’s journey. It is however very very important to remember, as Caroline mentioned, when you’ve met one person with dementia, you’ve met one person as absolutely every person is different. I send you all my best wishes Caroline for sharing your experience. You’re doing a great job supporting your mum and your dad. My mum wasn’t entitled to any financial support and agree wholeheartedly that does seem to impact on any other support available. Anyway Caroline enough of me and mine. I’m very happy to be a listening ear at any time if you ever just need a chat xxxxxx
Sharing is so kind of you. Explaining how you cope will help so many others. I lost both my parents in their 60’s. Horrible as that loss was I often think that it was a gift to me in a way to never have to watch them go through that. At the moment I know several people going through this with their elder parents and as much as I wish I could have mine with me I am so thankful we didn’t have to go through all that! Stay strong…I know you will... God bless your dad and your family🥰🇨🇦❤️ and most of all you dear girl❤️
Hi dawn, funnily enough Carla and I had a similar conversation recently about how there are, strange as it seems, some upsides to losing your parents earlier.
My husband lost both his Father (at 85) and Mother (103) to dementia (although his Mother was living on her own until her 99th birthday)and although we were not around them that much (we were living in a different country) I do understand the frustration with the constant repetition. I feel for all of you, especially your Mum. My husband is quite concerned that he will get it too, as others in the family have also had it, and there are definite signs that it could be starting. Very worrying . You did a wonderful job with this - no need for any sort of apologies - it was from your heart.
Caroline, this was a very well done presentation and I'm confident you have helped many people struggling by sharing your experience so unselfishly. I'm from Canada and our system of health care seems similar. Not only when it comes to dementia but very many chronic, progressive conditions. The help exists but so often seems hidden and unless you qualify for assistance financially you find yourself twisting in the wind. It is a shortcoming that should be addressed on a broader level. Thank you and best wishes to you and your family as you continue to navigate this unkind disease .
That was amazing Caroline. Very very brave of you and obviously very very difficult. My father had dementia and died 3yrs ago aged 91yrs. I was never close to my dad but it was very difficult to deal with. My sister and I both lived within 1mile of my dad so together we were able to help him. My dad got no financial help except we got a carers allowance that I don’t think was means tested.
To have loved someone as much as you obviously love your dad must make everything so much more difficult. I send you much love and strength to all your family…………life sucks sometimes. Xxxx
I’m an aged care nurse working supporting people living with dementia, so I felt I was very knowledgeable on this subject. But I found this video so helpful and enlightening. Thank you for your candour and honesty. Xx
I lost my 88 yr old mum in April. We watched a very intelligent woman fade away and lose all dignity . I live where your parents do and had a very difficult time first of all getting a diagnosis . Again it was like mum was written off as beyond help, but she and my 89 yr old father still needed help. We had to do the financial assessment and a mental capability assessment over the phone during lockdown. When it got to the point that we could no longer cope mum was sent to a care home over an hour away where she passed away.My dad was not able to be with her.
I did memory books for mum to stimulate conversation. Mum reverted to when she was a teenager ,so a lot of conversations revolved around those times, my father struggled the most as he lost the woman he had been married to for 69 yrs. Overall I agree there is little or no support.
How my Dad coped I will never know - maybe denial got him through it all.
Lastly thankyou Caroline for openly discussing this and allowing me to vent and i send you all my best wishes for the rocky road ahead 💕
Far from unhelpful Caroline I found it very very relatable. I thought you came across very well. You’re an inspiration and I’m sure many people will find this helpful x
You clearly are a very loving family and that is your strength on this awful journey.
I think you were so brave (as is the rest of your family - in-laws and grandchildren included) and I believe that those in need of this video will 100% appreciate the time, and effort, it took you to make it. Am sending you a sincerely warm hug.
Hi Caroline, thank you for sharing. I lost both my parents and they had dementia, we cooed with visits by taking lots of photos to talk to them about. My dad especially liked the photos of my husband's working day - he's a stonemason, and as dad had always been very hands on he understood the photos and could talk about them. Dad eventually didn't recognise me, but he would say that he didn't know who I was but he knew he loved me, and that was enough. Even right up to his last few months he still played the game of catching my hand and not releasing it - he only ever did this with me, so that lovely connection stayed. I took great comfort in this. Stay strong and remember he has always loved his daughter and still does. X
Thank you for your heart-felt insight. I also respect your delicacy in protecting your Dad's privacy because I'm sure he was a man of dignity before the illness and would be appreciative of your maintaining his dignity during it.
Bless you Mrs M. It is a terrible disease my thoughts are with you. My son has MS and a serious mental health problem so I kind of know about looking after a sick person 24/7 with no respite or carers pay because I have a state pension so also hard financially. You take care. fx
Thank you Caroline . How brave of you to express thoughts about such an emotional subject and a disease that your Dad and all of you are living with. You didn't waffle ! x
Caroline - sending you a big virtual hug. I understand what your mum and all of you are living through. I cared for my mum for several years and eventually was able to get a lovely carer (through a charity) for 4 hours a week, and later she had 2 days a week at a day care centre. There is help available, it was quite difficult to find out about these agencies, but there are probably similar helps near your parents' home. Mum would get dressed and try to go out in the middle of the night, but I got a buzzer fixed on the front door which rang in my bedroom if the door was opened. I bought a big scrapbook and filled it with photos and information about mum so that the book could be used by carers to interact when talking with mum. As you know the stress of living with a loved one with dementia is draining, and eventually my mum needed 24/7 nursing care and was admitted to a lovely care home, and I was able to enjoy visiting her there. Sending a hug for your mum too. Stay strong.
Thank you Caroline, my grandma died with dementia, she lived with us when I was growing up and it was difficult; my uncle died at 50 with Lewey bodie, and that was even worse, I have had many relatives suffering from it and dying with it, and the spectre of it hangs over me,. I wish you and your family well, you are so lucky to have each other.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience with your Dad. My mother-in-law was just recently diagnosed with Dementia and has been reaching out to me more than others for support. So far, our experience has been like yours, we have been left alone to figure out how to deal with the changes. It is a very upsetting time for all of us but it is so comforting to hear that others have had similar experiences and are doing their best to cope.
Very well done think this will help a lot of people. My mum had dementia nasty horrible disease. My heart goes out to all your family
Caroline Thanku I’m the Dementia lead at work and in the process of setting up a cafe for those who care for someone with dementia and for people with dementia.At these meet ups we won’t to have the resources to help for those caring . This video from u has been really insightful for our work.Thanku Caroline really brave off you xx
Thank you, Caroline - for talking about this personal subject. You did very well, I will certainly look into talking to a person with Dementia without making them worry about the fact that they do not remember. This is the hardest part for me, the same conversation over and over and the questions that get repeated again and again.
Thank you for sharing with us Caroline. Sending you and your family lots of love xx
Hi Caroline We are currently dealing with my mother in law being diagnosed with Dementia and I am her carer. I have found that I have an overwhelming feeling of anxiety about myself and her family watching her decline, particularly because I work and she lives alone. Your video was so helpful and informative. I have read through the comments and I am sending a hug to you and everyone else who is dealing with the same situation.
Thank you for being so brave to talk about this. It is an awful disease that is so common. As with any illness the family of the sufferer find it a hard path to follow. All you can do is your best. Take care x
I really feel for you, my lovely mum had vascular dementia, so I can appreciate what you and your mum are having to deal with.
Love to you both
Wobble away! We're here to listen and give support however we can. You are only human! x
Caroline thank you so much for doing this. I have spent 35 years as a Social worker for older adults. A large proportion of my case load were dementia patients. I do hope that family members have seen this video. You were so honest about the frustration of carers in dealing with the advancing disease. I am aware that help and support from social services is something of a post code lottery. You and your family are doing a magnificent job with your dad. He may not remember but you all will in years to come and you should be proud of the efforts you are making. Love to you all xx
Really appreciate you doing this video . My mother in law as dementia. She's not to bad at the moment . She sees things and people in the house . After we have gone she doesn't remember we have been there . A hard road ahead . Thank you so so much for doing this . Take care . X X
Thank you Caroline. Fortunately I haven’t had any experience with anyone in our family with this awful disease but I wanted to listen to what you had to say and appreciate your honesty and openness. I’m sure you have helped a lot of people who are going through the same as you are. Sending love and thank you again x
Oh Caroline you are going through what I went through with my lovely Mom. She died at 92 and showed signs of dementia from about 87 and lived on her own. You are right, the help is very limited and as an only “child” who lived 10 miles away it was the most worrying time of my life. However, she went in to care towards the end and was safe. I feel for you and your Mom xxxx
Morning Caroline, you have succeeded in making me cry, I could feel this video was very hard for you to talk about I could feel your pain . My husband is ill with cancer and although it's a very different illness from your dads he has suffered along time with this illness and unfortunately the the outcome will be the same for both.I hope this little chat you've had with us today will help others with same problems you are facing. It's nice that you and your brother have become closer , always some good comes out of bad. I'm sure your mum feels blessed that she has such a lovely caring daughter and son. Believe you me I know how hard a long deteriorating Illness can be.Bless you and your family. ❤️
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Hi Caroline, this video was very thought provoking and interesting. My husband had a horse riding accident in his early 30's resulting in a fractured skull, he is now 71 and my children and I have noticed many signs of Dementia. He has not had a formal diagnosis as he would be very resistive with this. My eldest son and I are both nurses who have spent many years working in the aged care sector and managed Dementia units. We recognize the mood swings, lack of ability to make decisions and short term memory issues. The future is frightening as I mentioned there are moods swings but no physical violence to date. I really like what you said about choosing appropriate conversation, this can save much distress to both parties. Thinking of you and your Mum xxx
Thank you for doing this video, it would have been so useful for us. We lost our mum 2 years ago at this Christmas but we were lucky as she was still at the happily confused stage. Miss her more every day but grateful I was in the position to look after her at home. Everyone’s experience is so unique to them and I send all my love to everyone who is dealing with this at the moment x
Hi Everyone. Caroline, Thank you for sharing your story regarding supporting a parent with Dementia. Your words are so approopriate and helpful. It can be so difficult for family carers on many levels and any knowledge you can share will help so many people.
Youve talked about not wanting to think about the end stage of dementia and often when I tell people my job,as a hospice nurse specialist specifically for patients with Dementia, they have the same reaction. But part of my role though isnt just end of life care, but supporting patients and families from point of diagnosis , what is demenita, how to manage, financial and legal considerations and where to get help from. There are many services available now that werent accessible a few years ago, but I would encourage anyone to get in touch with their local Hospice, as they should be able to advise re what is available. Within my role I also run a Dementia Wellbeing Clinic, where I see patients re symptoms and our social work department hold a Carers support group which has been invaluable to some of our client group. There are similar services in Hospices across the UK. And I also deliver education on Dmentia to Health Care Staff.
If I can give everyone a big piece of advise, make legal arrangements re the future, enduring power of attorney & what they would or would not like as this disease progresses. It relieves pressure from family carers so much.
If anyone would like to get in touch with me regarding the type of support Hospices can offes to patients with Dementia and their carers Id be really happy to engage via email, just DM me here.
Wishing your Dad and Mum (and You) every blessing as this difficult journey continues.
Thank you for sharing such a personal subject with us and for sharing with us the ways you have found to manage and cope. Everything you have said is so helpful to those of us who are aging and who have aging parents. I agree with you that knowledge is power and the more knowledge we have, the better prepared we are to help our loved ones and ourselves.
Oh Caroline... This brought tears to my eyes... So recognizable...
God Bless your kindness for wanting to share some personal and practical information on dealing with dementia. I know this will help others and I know it is so hard. And most of all, I applaud your carefulness in what you discuss and how you discuss your fathers illness to preserve his dignity. ❤️
Bless caroline. Walked this journey with my husband. Love to you all xxx cheril
Sending love and respect to you Caroline. We’ll done for sharing.
Thank you Caroline for sharing a difficult area of your personal life very informative you spoke to us in such a sensitive approach cannot have been easy for you Blessings to you and your family xxx
I have been lucky enough, so far ,not to have any experience with Alzheimer. I have always thought though that it must be so very very difficult to have a loved one with such a bastard disease. Thank you so much for this video Caroline, even for coping with elderly parents in general. I have lost both of mine, but I do wish I had had more patience. Love to you♥️
Kind of you to talk on this subject - I could tell of course how painful it was to you - it will help many. My Mom had dementia some years ago and this just brings back to me how painful a time it was. I would drive away from her home (after a visit) and feel like I was exploding. At the time I did not know there was any help and just stumbled from day to day in trying to cope. My best wishes to you and your family. Pam
Thank you so much Caroline. Everything you said about living and loving someone with dementia rings so true with me. My husband has had dementia for about 3 years. He has not been medically diagnosed as when he hears the word on the television, he gets so upset about what it means and I dont believe he (or I) would gain anything useful by going to our GP just to be given this awful disease a name. My problem is coping with seeing my husband changing before my eyes, and I get angry with him and angry with the disease. I too like to research and have joined the Altzheimers Disease Society, but have not yet felt the need to reach out to them for their help, but from their literature and Google have learned a lot about ways to cope, and little by little I am learning to be kinder to him and much more forgiving of my own frailities. As you say memories are so important to us, as are walks and music. We are making a future memory in August this year by sailing on QM2 for a roundtrip transatlantic cruise, and hopefully with the aid of photographs we can keep revisiting these memories for a long time to come.
A very moving vlog Caroline and very brave of you to make, sending love to all your family x
Thanks so much for sharing your experience with your father. It must be very difficult. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family 💕
I can't imagine how difficult it is for you and your family you did very well and explained your situation very well and I'm sure it is a great help to any family starting out on their dementia journey, I can only wish you and your family well your mum and dad are incredibly lucky to have such loving and caring children in their lives as I can be sure that there are many who are not so blessed, I am sure that the support you have for each other will help you through the darkest days take care Caroline and best wishes to you all xxx
Oh Caroline, not waffly at all, thank you for sharing. I'm so glad you have a close family, that must be such a blessing.
My father died early this year - of old age, he was very frail and confused. Sadly, I was never close to him, we barely had a relationship. That's a whole load of difficult emotions.
Lost my mum to dementia two months ago,and my father has the disease himself,so this is the most helpful advise ,and thank you.It is such a heart breaking cruel disease .
Jesus caroline I'm in bits my dad had copd and it was brutal he passed 2 years ago not waffle at all beautifully conveyed I know what you're going through I ticked every box there with you only with copd you done amazing I would have been a mess thankyou for a great video xx
Such a thoughtful and helpful upload. Thinking of you, your dad, mum and brother x
Looked after mum for 7years she had vascular dementia without any help at all, my days were taken up with going 4to5times a day, watching her deteriate was heartbreaking, my health was suffering in the meantime. This situation continue till mum got out one day and was mugged and badly beaten, at that point for her own safety had to put her in care home were she stayed till her death three years ago. My own health has deteriorated since then for the years of lifting and dressing her, now I'm unable to have a life, so think about your own health, while caring for a loved one.
I'm so sorry, what a sad story x
Hi Caroline - thanks for sharing this - I can relate to what you are saying - my dad had Alzheimers at a very young age(well 62 is quiet young for that type of illness) he had taken early retirement and had plans to travel etc do all the things that you cannot commit yourself to whilst working however this was not mean't to be - I think you are very brave to discuss this very personal subject and please look after your mum as she is the one on the "front Line" and with your father 24/7
So very very brave of you to do this Caroline, I’m sure I’ve mentioned to you before, I lost my Nan from this awful disease and then my dad in 2012 at 60 both had early onset dementia, I believe the symptoms with early onset can be different as well as the the memory loss and the inability to carry out simple day to day tasks, dad became very aggressive and suffered with terrible seizures, he was actually sectioned which broke my heart and was put into a specialist home, not a day goes by when I don’t think of him and what he went through. Thinking of you and your family 💕💕
Great advice for living with anyone with a long term illness
Thanks for sharing your experience, Caroline. Think I've mentioned that I cared for my Dad (he was a twice time widower) who had vascular dementia prior to the cancer. Dad was very good at covering the dementia for a long time prior to the cancer diagnosis, then it quickly became uncovered. For your American viewers, Dad was a Veteran & the VA was able to provide respite care for free, which was so helpful. Sending kindness to you & family ~
Caroline, thank you for sharing your experience. My stepdad had dementia and passed away 9 years ago this week. It is a horrible condition and his personality totally changed which was one of the hardest things. Take care best wishes to you and your family
Both my parents had dementia and we where with it for 10 years in total before they passed and I grieved them twice when i lost them to dementia and when they eventually died . I was like you and did so much research but it was a battle to find it . We found social services very difficult to deal with and even had to get a solicitor on board so they got the care particularly my mum that she was entitled to . Your mum is doing amazing and its such a tough time for all the family . I found a way to reach both of them was through photos and old music I used to play them and they sang along . Its so tough sending love and hugs xxxx
My mother is in hospital and we have to put her in care because of her dementia. It's Heart breaking but it is for her safety, we are losing her even though she is here.
must be heartbreaking for you and your Family Caroline keep strong xxx
Good morning Caroline ,how courageous of you ,no you didn’t waffle but spoke from the heart you and Nick are doing all the right things you should be very proud ! I work with people in their own homes , a sense of humour is vital and go in the moment as they are living in the moment . Keep up the good work and keep spoiling your Mum as she’s doing a fabulous job 🌻🏴 Best wishes
Really feel for you and your family Caroline xxx my late father had vascular dementia and when diagnosed we were literally given a leaflet and that was it!!! You have to look for support and then it’s not always suitable if your loved one is not quite at the stage of the other support users ( hope that makes sense!). I didn’t want to traumatise my dad by taking him to a day centre where others were in a much later stage. I think it’s very important to stay strong as a family, be there for each other and take it a day at a time xxx sending you a big hug 🤗
Thanks for sharing something so personal.
Thank you for sharing your family’s experience of this awful disease, it was very interesting and informative well done. Didn’t realise that you have to find information for yourselves thank goodness for wonderful charity’s. Best wishes to you and your family 👍🏻❤️
Thank you for talking about this. It will help many people I am sure. My late mother suffered from Vascular Dementia. The lack of help and advice from the NHS after diagnosis was truly shocking to me. Like you say it was worse because she was financially secure.
Very Hard subject. So glad for the help you got too, being able to have answers to your questions. It was a struggle for my Mum (not dementia) but just becoming very infirm and frail, with all her marbles intack as it were. She dug her heels in to stay at home and myself and my grown up children struggled, even in lockdown. We did in the end manage to get carers in to help her, she was often alone at night. She passed in March age 90yrs. So Sad seeing her decline, we were always there for her, and know how hard it is on their children. My other siblings live in Oxford, Dorset And Oslo , Norway. So you can imagine with lockdown it was even worse. I commend you for talking about how you feel, it helps others to talk too. Bless your Dad, he has a lovely family. Ps. I LOVED your top it looks so good on you :) xx
Hi.Caroline,this touch my heart...I lost my dear mum nearly 8 Years ago from Vascular dementia & parkinsonism...I was her main carer & carers in, I thought I'm doing a good job, to the best of my ability, mum lived a few streets away.BUT eventually I was mentally worn out, The system let her down, cutbacks. She had a lovely sense of humour, & thought of me to...She had to go to a nursing home, I got more help this way!??, my journey was after years,with our memories & love..Can understand Caroline what torment your going through, Dementia is called" the long goodbye...Chin up..Happy memories more to make..On a good day its so nice...Take photos I did..Take care.
My eldest brother was in hospital then in a nursing home and his wife was visiting him often. But she herself was actually suffering from dementia - the difficulty was in getting it diagnosed.
When interviewed by a GP she gave all the "right" answers - all lies. She wasn't eating properly or taking good care of herself. For me one big clue was the 12 or so tubes of toothpaste in my brothers hospital bedside cabinet. His wife was bringing them for him every couple of days!
She would tell her daughter exactly what she'd had for lunch but there'd be no used crockery or cutlery and no tins or packaging in the waste bin. It was only happening in her imagination. They had to take her food and literally sit with her while she ate it.
She outlived my brother by 4 years but her diagnosis (and help) only came about 6 months before she died. That was 2011 and I still miss them both.
That sounds so much like my Mother-in-law she was also blind it was so hard
I work with many patients with dementia, I admire many of the families who have to live with this cruel disease.
OMG! I cried for you and cried some more for me. Most horrible thing that a daughter will ever have to watch her Father go through. Stay strong but if you can’t- we are here for you! ❤️❤️❤️🇨🇦🤪🍸
Had to stop watching Caroline as it brought back so many heartbreaking memories. Wish I’d had the internet in the 90s when I was dealing with it with my young family. Both my parents have died now but we did manage to make happy memories. Thinking of you and your family. Horrible situation
Lost my dad to Dementia my mum cared for him she would not let any one help sadly she passed away before him it all became to much for her.I took over looking after him this became impossible because he thought I was mum in the end I had to put him into a care home this was heartbreaking and I still feel guilty after nine years.
Sounds like your doing an amazing job and being such a wonderful support to your mum and dad in what has to be the worst possible time, they will feel blessed I’m sure having such a caring daughter as you , thanks for doing that vlog though ,as it’s good to know we are not on our own which is often the case with this horrendous disease xx
As ever, Caroline, well said. A difficult and personal subject to discuss and one that some may not have experienced. One thing I'd ask, do you find that misunderstanding or ignorance of the illness have hurt or annoyed you as a family?
Hi Susan, thankfully not, so far.. fingers crossed that continues! 😊
Very brave video - really feel for you. Although my Dad was pretty good mentally before he died in January aged 98 (Covid) his memory wasn’t 100% and neither was his physical health - both really frustrating for him. Sometimes he behaved like a toddler too! Same situation regarding benefits - his care cost him thousands. Our biggest problem was with the local hospital. Twice. I’ll stop now! Sending hugs. X
What a hard video for you to make. Well done for keeping it together . My daughter is a dementia carer in the community and it sounds like the most horrid disease ever. Sending kind regards to you and your family .xx
A super helpful talk. My father's partner has been in a care home for 6years as her dementia was at a violent stage so for her safety and my father's he had no choice. He visits once a week now and even though she has no idea who he is he still goes and I think it's his coping mechanism it's all so sad. A very cruel disease.
Lived this very cruel illness too.My darling mother and aunt who both had it was so sad and so very difficult as I live in France and would come for month visits each time and spend everyday at the hospital with my mother taking my aunt with me as my aunt was not in the advanced stage like my mother.They both lived together and my mother would chase my aunt from the house as she didn’t know anymore who she was and the door would be open and my aunt wandering about somewhere outside the house.I coulden.t sleep worrying about them I was working at the time and coming for month visits as often as I could with asking for advanced time off from work which was not always easy or appreciated where I worked. I wish that I lived nearer them a thousand times a day when I could be so close to share as much precious time at their side.Happy for you that you live very near them to help and that your brother lives near them too.I was the only child left.
Thank you for sharing I know how hard it is and what you are going through, I am still unable to talk about this it is still to soon, my heart goes out to you xx
Im late to the vlog Caroline a very heart felt one its a very sad condition I something think they are very happy in there own little world but very sad and hard for those around them you have wonderful happy memories of ur dad you just hold on to those memories he sounds a lovely man x
I was Power of Attorney to a lovely woman with dementia who was in the same financial position as your parents and yet we had social services care and visits to a memory clinic to gauge her ‘score’, also a community nurse from GP practice, his GP practice can arrange memory clinic apt’s which are very useful, hope it helps
Thinking of u and ur family, I suppose all u can do is stay strong and love him xxxx
Oh Caroline that brought me to a lovely memory when you spoke about making memories. When it was obvious my mum was poorly I asked her was there anywhere in the world she would like to go to ( mindful that I would be going with her). My mind ran away with me as to where she might choose ............ Scarborough! She chose Scarborough 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈 we still had a wonderful time and did manage a few more trips before that became impossible xxx
The thing about this illness is that every case is unique, no one can have answers to the problems encountered
There are similarities with other sufferers but every case is different. You can get help with dealing with it,but no answers to the problem
I have cared for someone with this, I found myself in a helpless situation and just kept going. It was very sad as the lady was a wonderful woman and had been a theatre sister in hospitals all over the world. In the end her personality was unrecognisable from the lady I knew from my childhood. Rebecca x
Sending you and your family all my love. Been there with my Mom. Packing up house for dear friend age 83 now . Very difficult to see him trying to make decisions.
I lost my mother to Alzheimers 5 years ago.. so I can relate to your story ...
Caroline 💓
This was a difficult watch.I have just moved in with my Mum after she was hospitalised with an infection and then developed delirium. That has stayed and it has been like she has been fast forwarded into full blown dementia in a matter of weeks. She had to return to hospital and has spent a week in a rehabilitation ward. I know about all the stages having worked as a carer and in a nursing home. I hope her confusion will settle down but I think I am in for a bumpy time. Even with my caring training it has been really hard. Hopefully we can support each other x
Well Done You Caroline 😘, for bringing this to light , my father in law had dementia , it's a terrible deseise , might I ask tho , what was the first thing any of you noticed that was different about your Dad ? I'm sorry to ask but I do have my reasons , might I take this opportunity to wish you all the best and your Dad , keep making those lovely memories while you can , sending lots of love and hugs to you all especially your Mum 🥰 xxxxxxx
Hi Lynn, first signs were general vagueness and memory issues with my Dad
Hugs from down under I lost my father to vascular dementia 6 yrs ago was awful to watch him go through it
Hi Caroline, my heart goes out to you and anyone coping with the awful reality of Dementia. My Mother died in 2017 after living for several years with the disease.Like your family we were left to cope,as she was 'self funding'You didn't mention the helpyou can get with Council Tax reductions. A person who is diagnosed with a mental illness, including Dementia is excempt from Council Tax, so if a person lives alone, there is no charge. A couple would be classed as a single person and entitled to a 25% reduction. This has to be applied for...and is not widely advertised. It is also backdated to the date of diagnosis.
My mum’s close friend appears to have early undiagnosed dementia (there is a family history in both her parents). I’d love to know where you looked for tips in how to speak to someone with dementia. Thanks for making this video which I think could be useful for carers of older people generally. X
A friend of mine has dementia. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for his wife. He can remember the names of people from when we were young and we’ve talked about them, but he can’t remember anything from 2 minutes ago.
I lost my mum to Dementia it’s so hard .xx
I have to say that I didn't watch this through. I lost my amazing Mum to dementia in 2018, aged 85, after a fall. A strong, intelligent woman years before her time. She had her own car aged 21 in 1954. She was an entrepreneur, self sufficent, survived breast cancer in her 50's and founded an animal rescue aged 64. This disease has no selective process and no mercy.
❤️❤️
my mum had alzheimers for years before she died; my dad had parkinsons disease and vascular dementia. my one regret is that i did not find and use a support group.
My husband is 75, and I'm sure he has Dementia. He forgets important info. Which causes no end of arguments. Has real trouble doing odd jobs round the house, they seem to confuse him. He was a builder and could do anything. But the worst thing is his temper, I don't know if this is a Dementia symptom or not. He can switch for being normal, happy to loosing it for no reason. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks xx
Please contact your GP who will arrange for an assessment
. My mum got medication to try to slow the progress of the disease.
@@juliebrooke6099 thank you
@@janettesinclair5902 thank you