This is one of the hardest things to overcome, because my Mother 'took issue' with everything I said for decades--before dementia ever appeared. So debating her was the norm. Now the words most often out of my mouth are "Okay...sure!" I just make sure I'm not looking at her when I roll my eyes.
Yes this has been very tough for me to learn. Me and my mom used to argue naturally from my teens all through my life haha. Of course we laugh together and have good times as well. But I’ve basically had to completely do a 180 in how I treat my mom. I speak in a calm loving tone even if she annoys me haha. It seems to work so much better than trying to correct her or argue about petty things. She’s naturally a nice person so I find I can bring that out of her more if I relax. My whole thought process is that she has already completed all that life has to offer a person, she’s already been through all the trials and successes, so now she deserves to feel relaxed and appreciated.
I also speak in calm soothing tones and try not to argue. You're lucky in that you mom is naturally a sweet person. Our grandfather was too, and he remained sweet throughout his older years. My mom has always been sneaky and manipulative, and a word twister. It's compounded now. In my experience with dementia, a person's natural personality is magnified.
My younger sister got early onset dementia at about 40. She came to live with my husband and I 6 years ago and at that time was delusional and believed with all her heart her church was about to deposit 4 billion dollars into her bank account. She sat outside the bank waiting and would go in every 20 min. to see if it had been deposited. Those were very hard years. Thank you for this video----just helps to know others deal with loved with mental issues also. Some very good techniques to learn.
I'm a friend of someone with Alzheimer's, she's 72 and I'm nearly 69. I've known her since 1987 and live about 7 miles from her. Her closest relative, her niece, lives about 75 miles away. My friend initially broke her shoulder back in November 2021 and I've cared for her by taking her to the doctors, appointments, and going on errands since that time but I'm worn out. Her mental condition got worse last year and into this year. Right now, she can easily get into a mental lock trying to figure out what's in her purse or trying to figure out something else which makes it difficult to leave her house because she gets agitated if I try to leave without her being able to finish what she's trying to do. Then she just gets mad because I'm leaving. The thing is, you really have to save yourself psychologically or you just get ground down by not being able even to have your own freedom.
This is a great video on accepting instead of arguing. We caregivers need to adjust and and adopt this way of thinking for the sake of everyone's sanity. It's amazing that this technique seems to work with "almost" every patient with dementia.
How do I deal with my mom's obsession for food shopping. All day long EVERY DAY she frets about shopping, talks about shopping. I don't know what to tell her, the food is there for her to see and she still thinks she needs to go food shopping. I left her to write a list today, sitting in front of the freezer with the door open for ages. She asked me what the frozen leftovers were and I told her it was stuff we could reheat through the week without having to cook and she went ballistic at me for letting her write a shopping list. I can't win.
Tough one. Sounds like maybe a throwback to when one of her key daily tasks was (probably) to prepare dinner for her family. This would have entailed, most importantly, acquiring the fresh meat and vegetables from the store then prep at home. Perhaps if you were to brightly tell her "We don't have to shop every day now for our (dinner foods - whatever she seems to be obsessing most about) Mom! We get it delivered!" she might relax. It does sound like you've tried explaining in detail...I find that sometimes a more general comment addresses their underlying anxiety better than a detailed one. Like with my dad, "Oh well Dad you're actually retired now so you don't have to worry about going to work in the morning!" My dad: "I am? Oh that's great!" (He'd be so relieved and stop his fretting. Didn't go into detail as to how long ago he retired, where he worked, that we gave a small retirement party (ie didn't try to make him REMEMBER retiring) - just told him directly the part he needed to know "You're retired" and his anxiety went POOF!) Maybe telling your mom she's a queen now and you (or your chef!) will be making all the dinners from now on, she's made you so many meals when you were growing up that you WANT to make all the meals for her now? Of course if she loves to cook, may not work so well or may help but after she gets used to u being the chef (her relieved of the responsibility!!) could be good to add her back in maybe as an occasional "celebrity chef" who helps on occasion...no pressure...only when she feels like it.
It's kind of hilarious because I just make up stories when she asks the same questions over and over. The problem is when they get angry with something you can't change.
Yes, my grandmother will ask me during the day to pick up the comic strip on the floor and many things that are not there and at first I would say "what comic strip?" which would just confuse her more so now I just say ok and pretend to do what she asks and it has made the difference.
While most of our family realizes it's generally best to agree with mom's reality, there is one situation in which it is hard to agree. She lives with my brother, but a lot of times she doesn't recognize that he's her son. She frets often, saying, "This isn't right, I should be living with my family." We keep reminding her that she is living with family, hoping her stress on the matter might be relieved, if only until the next time the issue arises. We think if we tell her otherwise, she'll believe her family doesn't love her enough to take care of her. Is it wrong to "argue" with her, even in this situation?
i think its hard to say every situation is different. Atm mum keeps talking to me like I am in the third person. Like Stephanie this, stephanie that, i try to remind her I'm stephanie. Also she sometimes thinks I'm her deceased husband. So... bit awkard.
So far, my brother is the only one she hasn't had lapses in recognizing and when she forgets me, I just put a smile on and let her talk about what she wants. It feels really strange the first time that your mother speaks to you as a family outsider and starts talking about her kids... Had a good cry and got over it. Just try not to be overbearing, rushed, demanding on her and try to help her understand that I'm here to help her with whatever she needs.
I heard of a situation where a nursing home put up a fake bus stop and when the patients wanted to go home they would take them out to the bus stop until they were satisfied or forgot why they were there. 😳🤔☺️
I pray this doesn’t sound like it’s about me. But this is hard. It’s been 8 years now and it’s the strangest thing I’ve experienced. That being said, mom raised 4 kids by herself without my dad, he was an alcoholic. I know dad loved us but he was never there. My siblings tell me to treat her like a 6 year old, even that doesn’t work, because a 6 year old with a right hook can be dangerous. Lol. I’m learning not to argue and just agree if possible. How do you handle the name calling? Mom refers to my loving daughter raising 4 girls as a b__tard. That kinda hurts. But seconds later she doesn’t remember. I starting a support group in August. I pray that gives me wisdom. Please pray for me. Thank you and God Bless You.
I thought I’d prepared myself through, education, and support groups and so on. Hit me like a tonne of bricks. I’ve been so angry with myself for falling short with anxiety and grieving for my mother that was. Now I’m trying to surrender instead of control. Love that I do love her. I miss her already and stepping shaking into the mum who always was just a little different. I’m scared, need to shed this guilt.
You absolutely shouldn't feel guilty. It's very difficult being a carer. Not contradicting someone when they're blatantly wrong is extremely counter-intuitive. Also, it would be very odd if you didn't miss how your mother used to be, and get annoyed sometimes about the current situation. None of those things mean you've failed or let her down. They just mean you're human. You don't have to get it right all the time, just try to do your best - ultimately, what else can you do? Personally, I often feel like I'm firefighting, or trying to choose the least-worst option. That's inevitable in this situation. It's obvious from what you've written that you care a lot, and that's the most important thing. You're doing a great job.
My grandfather is having Alzheimer, This video is really helpful in my opinion I’m trying to educate my family more, I recommend showing this to your loved ones too
Wow, I am very happy 😃 to hear this, because I am doing this now, with my relative who has Alzheimer she is 97 👏a big number I know, but she is doing great 👍just giving her all the love and understanding, and listen her and never going opposite to what she says or what she sees, I love the fact, that you all confirm that I am doing what is right. She is my mother-in law a great woman 👩 with a great sense of humour. Really thanks for your awesome 😎👏😁 information ℹ️. God bless you all 🙏
Some great advice here: Think of their comfort and live in their world where they believe things to be true. Create situations where we create less anxiety.
honestly this has been one of the most frustrating things ever had to deal with. and i always wind up feeling like im being mean or an a$$ ..... i would rather be on the front lines in ukraine than doing this
but that's not reality tho, all you do when you accept their "reality" is lying to them and yourself plus bottling your rage (if you had any frustration in the first place)
I guess that answers the question on how the dicease affects their brain. "its definitely not stubborness" my mom gets so paranoid when Im not visible physically infront of her.
My mum ended up in hospital with an antibiotic resistant bacteria. She looked at me and said my name and told me she loved me. Asking me for a kiss, a nurse gave her a muscle injection she attacked me. Unfortunately they are unable to express verbally how they feel so they act out. Nurses aren’t there to be abused so of course as a loving daughter you stand tall and become mechanical. Twice that week my darling mother had the police attend the facility to defuse her physically aggressive behaviour and make sure everyone was safe. Yes the lies. There were many. The hallucinations were vivid and we enjoyed them together. The sentences never finished and the stories never ending, the aggression was unpredictable and her daily tasked deteriorated and needing constant prompting. It was sad and demeaning. This ugly disease took away the most beautiful lady I’d ever had the pleasure of knowing. Her language, cursing, threatening residents, staff, loved ones and family. It took my mum away from me before her body left this earth. I had the honour of her remembering me, telling me she loves me and a beautiful kiss. She was taken by god 4 days later. He put his arms around her as she took her last breath and carried her away. He blessed us with a peaceful death as she took her last breath. It was so peaceful and beautiful. I was blessed to be there. I stayed a few hours longer after she passed. The things you do to remember. Let me tell you walking away was harder than her last breath. I’m still processing a lot of could I have done better, more patient with her, anger and the rest frustration a good one. I’m still in a state of grief. Still catching up on it all. I’m kinder to myself now. This is a journey that everyone navigates differently and it’s not easy. The effects after need to be nurtured as they are so impacting on us in the moment that grief is further away as we are still emotionally wounded from the effects of the dementia umbrella!! Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself and try to have nice thoughts. I’ve had memories that had been in the forgotten and now are my memories. Slowly healing. Ready to learn.
My mother isn't that far into dementia so when she tells people she sees at church or when people visit things about me stealing her money and things it's hard to take. I try to agree with whatever she says but when it comes to being negative about my kids or friends I have a hard time. She is mad at me now because she got mad about me not agreeing with her. She said, why do you call me a liar every time I open my mouth. What do you do with that? I've been here a little over a year 24/7 with her. Now that we can't get out as much sure is really getting mean to me.
Hello i understand how overwhelming it can be. Its hurtful once they start accusing you of things or saying hurtful things. However try not to take it to personal. At the moment they dont know better and dont have the full understanding like you do. Only you can make the situation better by acknowledging what is true and all that you are doing for them. Even if they font see it.
High anxiety...my mom freaks out ..better off not telling them about things they can worry about..shes in beginning stages short term memory loss...tough time
Anyone have more links like this for me. I'm 36 and taking care of my grandma who's alzeimers is getting stronger. I'm set on taking care of her with help from my wife. Having my grandma in a nursing home scares the hel out of me. You take care of your own. Any help would be greatly accepted
Nevermind on my earlier post. My grandma passed 2 weeks ago. Gastral internal bleeding. She was too weak for the endoscope to find and fix where she was bleeding from. So we used hospice help and she passed 2 days after she left the hospital. She was at home with family during her last hours.
@@trainheavy9001 sorry for your loss....I’m living with my girlfriends grandma and she has dementia... she fights a lot for any little reason .... it’s hard to control my anger sometimes.... but we take it day by day
When your dad says do you see the little fairies in the corner of the room? and you say yes dad I do. Then he turns round to you and says and they say I'm crazy 😂
I have trouble with not arguing with my mom who has dementria, i try to remind myself not to argue but I lose that battle. I know I shouldn't argue with her but after a while, i just lose it.
My dad has Alzheimer’s. He and I were fighting last Saturday. Also argued. I’m always ready to fight. I’m very defensive. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. You can’t stop me. If he start it then we fight. He lives in apt. My mom is at rehab hospital now. He waked me up at 2 or 3 AM. I yelled why wake me up. I don’t care if I wake up neighbors. He said where is mom. I told him that mom is at rehab hospital. He stopped do that I think. I put block.
I'm learning to Let Mercy Lead Honesty is my pet peve and I needed to let the mercy lead and the Truth is not changing, but I had to stop making the reality they are in my reality. It's not real. I sometimes think it's intended, but doesn't that become the Elephant in the room. Just the discomfort level should stay low
I learned to do thus early--my argumentative always have to be right sister niw 75, in an outburst started saying things we wouldnt have since we were in 8th grade, startling having no bearing on the situation we were in--she was driving in rush hour traffic--abf suddenly i knew she was back there, it just flipped me out, as 5 years younger, being svokded with the temper from the 1970s say, me a passenger being scolded about needing a ride-like, "You always do this" h uh? Then the pattern if by 4pm she was going into some sort of emergency, blame fit. At the sane time each day when i remebered hiwanither duster eith schuzophrenis dud thus nut we knew she was a sundiwner. Teal sgraid of skylights and doors, so much, we had to help her quivkly with everything, got a special light switch she could close over an opaque white skylight cover. So I knew the time of day, not the sun still out, they just systemically sensed it was end of the day... both of them. I would give anything in this world for one more lucid healthy day with euther of my sisters. There is a worse stage for me observing the fade alteady asking yes or no qyestions, uts diwn ti yes answers do you can smile and nod...and that is. They no longer start sentences or ask anything.
Correcting definitely doesn't help. When asked where I had gone away (even standing in the same room with her) I've learned to reply He'll be back tomorrow morning. Okay she says and no problem. Tough to do but better for both.
You guys didn't deal with how you handle changing their pad when they don't want it changed and it's in the middle of the night. If you don't do it they will be soaking wet in the morning. I can't give into their way I have to do it so it does end up to be an argument
Im dealing with that right now, nd some techniques are,. I think of things that would attract/entice her to change like "you would smell /feel good with this new diaper, look it has some flowers, u like flowers right?, or " dad would like to see you clean and smell good", and I spray her favorite scent so she would feel good and I say that this diaper smells like your favorite perfume" ...and there she is., like an obedient child :) ... I hope this wud work w/ ur mom..
Right. Didn't think they meant never argue abt anything. Clearly it's necessary to keep person clean and dry (& in advanced dementia sometimes agitation etc gets worse BECAUSE lying in a wet or dirty Depends and it's much improved after changed, person can go back to sleep. Helps to get most fluids in before evening so less likely to pee and need changing during night so they can get better, uninterrupted sleep and you can too.)
What do you do when they go on non stop talking session. Where even if you agree they won’t be pacified. My dad would just go hours to together talking about something and we can say a word in between , but require you to look at him
Sometimes that's from sleep deprivation (obviously up all night...and you were too, with him...yawn...or just poor quality sleep - no deep sleep or dream sleep, maybe sleep apnea or restless legs or, being an older man, getting up multiple times every night to pee). Or constipation use to have that effect on my dad who had Parkinson's too - so very infrequent BM's anyway, but the longer he went without a BM, the more he'd get fidgety, have to walk as much as he could, stand up, sit down, would talk more like u describe. Dehydration makes my mom talk manicky like that and not able to stay on task at all. Have to gently but firmly (like with a child but very respectfully) interrupt her, "Ok Mom, no more talking til you get that drink into u!" (And I stand or sit right there semi-authoritatively and she sips and swallows then like a high energy kid, starts to jabber again and I say "No more talking!" "Drink" and after a few of these and maybe a "You're doing well with that drink. See if u can get the rest of it down you in the next 10 minutes", she focuses entirely on drinking and after a little while I give her a 2nd drink and she tends to drink that more easily, with less prompting and the motor mouth has typically settled down by then (when dehydration was the cause).
What if the parent is lying about you and makes horrible things up about you to the neighbors, doctors? Calls the police for no reason and tries to get you arrested? What then?
Hi. Im caring for my aunt who is in the early stages and I have learnt to do the white lies as she forgets it in 5 minutes but its draining. Yhe continuous asking of the same question so I give different anawer everytime she ask. Now in the evenings she becomes argumentative and im trying so hard not to argue.
I found it helpful to write my dad and moms love story,how they met, how they married after only dating 2 months,how he gave her her engagement ring on their way to meet her dad and step mom for the first time and that I was their first anniversary present 🙂. When he would ask me repeatedly about how my mother came into his life I’d hand him the paper so he could read it again.
i've tried this, but it's getting expensive. Right now i've been BEGGING him to let me REPLACE the leaking pipe that he's spent $100 to patch-up. I can't get through and it's been a month of having limited access to water. What can i do? I wish i had a sibling to distract him with a road trip so i can go out there and fix the dang pipe myself.
Please can you address the thermostat issue which could be dangerous. I’ve seen this problem with several people and now it’s come home. My friend can’t adjust the thermostat and forbids me to touch it!
Stay strong and give all the love you can while they can receive it and try to capture some special moments, whether it be by picture or videos. Sending love and prayers from someone going through it as well 💙💙
Check out neurologist & researcher Dale Bredesen MD's recent books on ending or improving Alz's. Can help your dad and help you from eventually getting Alz's. Start with you tube videos interviewing him. Worthwhile, hopeful, interesting, likely revolutionary but word not yet around so most people including doctors unaware so can't pass it on to patients and families.
I wish I realised this a few years ago. It feels wrong but at the same time my role is to help them, not to correct their perceptions. Irealise this is an old video but I will ask just in case: What do you do when someone with Alzheimers claims they have eaten or are full, when they haven't eaten and refuse to?
Could: pleasantly laugh (not insultingly) "No u didn't...not yet! U must have dreamt it!" Or could: "Really?... Gosh I'd have sworn you hadn't eaten yet but maybe I'm wrong" (Like it's your memory failing not theirs!) Or could: change the subject and/or excuse yourself for a few min and come back a bit later and try again.
Also, offer different foods or easier consistency foods that involve less chewing for example - may like different foods as dementia progresses and reject former favorites according to some experts. Eat with them. Sometimes they will just monkey see monkey do ie mimic what they see even if they SAY they won't eat or drink or already ate or drank. I think part of this involves bypassing parts of the brain that don't work well, communicating with parts of their brain that still work well. Speech therapist told us that everyone needs to swallow within I think 10-15 sec of food or drink into mouth or else they have to more consciously think about swallowing (which they might have a lot trouble with). She said cold temperature is good for stimulating swallow pathways, hot temp also good, spicy foods/drinks - basically the more the food or drink can stimulate the senses of taste and smell, the better they'll swallow. Elsewhere on you tube I saw a video saying that 90% of people who have dementia have impaired sense of smell - and smell of food is important in stimulating appetite. So the more the senses can be stimulated with temperature, tastes, aroma, & visual appeal of the food or drink, the better. A red cup and plate was found to stimulate ?30% greater food/drink intake. Try Amazon red cup for dementia or something like that. Also try to check inside his mouth. Is he pocketing a lot of food, leaving food unswallowed between his cheeks and his gums? May see food/drink leaking out of mouth even after mouth wiped with a napkin after meal or see this well past mealtimes. (Where the heck did that food come from, you wonder!) Is your dad brushing his teeth well and regularly or does he maybe have a dental or oral infection making him not want to eat? Dental infections like periodontal disease are believed to be a cause of dementia at least by some avant-garde experts. See neurologist and researcher Dr. Dale Bredesen's books - not sure primary sources he quotes. Lot of potential for improvement from Alz's so check out his recent books (The End of Alzheimer's, The First Survivors of Alzheimer's...) or start with interviews of him on you tube.
Maybe say that u are hungrey and do them a plate of food as you eat yours xxx cook their favourite food and dont worry if they fancy things like yogurt on bread which my dear mum liked..plus fruit and a piece of cheese..not a bad meal..xxx
“Find ways to enter their reality” I love looking at it that way. I previously called it “joining their story” Did you see the red and blue cows? Oh no! I missed them While I realised this early on with my mother-in-law, I found it much more difficult with my husband. There is no question however that recognising (in advance) that whatever they do or say, is not done to annoy you - they just don’t know - so now if I have to repeat myself constantly about arrangements, or not get frustrated because there is no understanding of an explanation, or choosing conversations carefully because most of what I’d like to be chatting about is too complex for his mind, THAT is the right choice. Having zero expectations is the right choice, because in the end, he is less anxious and less aggressive in tone, which makes me less fearful. I have had to accept that he is no longer the man I married - he has lost all executive function, and more - I have mourned that we will not enjoy the old age we had imagined. But now it is much more peaceful
I tried acting like dad was still alive she reacted adversely. Don’t listen to all this advice in this video: take it with a grain of salt. Just sitting with the person or loved one respectfully few a brief few minutes but often during the week in their nursing home is all they need. They have little concept of time even if they’re wearing a watch.
I’m an only child and very unwell myself. My mums just been diagnosed but it’s far too late. How do I respond to how she responds to some scenarios, i.e adverts too loud, clothes being stolen, sudden dislike towards people she knows and once loved. It’s really distressing and I can’t help but either cry or laugh at the weight of this all. Can I give my email to anyone who wants or can help?
Hi, thank you for reaching out to us. We’re very sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Unfortunately, because each person’s medical situation is different, we are unable to provide treatment recommendations or second opinions via this form of communication. If you would like to request an appointment at one of our hospitals, please call 888-872-1408.
Oh yeah !!! I finally had to get a letter from 2 drs stating that daddy was no longer able to handle his own financial and medical decisions and definitely should not be driving. I secretly took the truck keys off his key ring and got any extra keys he had to it. We kept the truck and he brings it up very often 😏. “ you just want to control me” he says.😏 But it is for his and everyone else’s safety!!!
@@cindypatrick785 It's crazy. My father-in-law said I will tell you when I need to stop driving." You can't talk sense into them because it's already gone!
@@tmo4330 so I’m learning🤭. My daddy told my husband,” I’m just going to go buy a car.” I had to take the 2 letters to the bank to make it where he can’t get any money without me allowing it. I hated to do it but I had to protect him financially.
Therapeutic Lying works for adults. Children just don't get it. We tell our kids not to lie... but nana is "lying" to them or about them, cameras installed prove this.... kids don't want to be around a liar, because they get into trouble for lying but nana can "lie" her head off. This is the great divide.
Having read some comments here is nice my mother argues with me on any political issue with me the problem I'm having is not knowing which she will argue even when I do agree with her and it is often a lie she will change her mind and blow up on me as if she caught me lying and I know she didn't I not use to lying to my mother and it is painful doing so! We are in the Corvid 19 pandemic one day the virus is a real, so we need to wear the mask the next day the virus is fake, and we are not to wear the mask, the next day it some other political issue or some times she finds a conspiracy theory that I don't know anything about, and she blows up if I don't know about this theory it not just agreeing with but I need to already know about this theory, so as to protect myself from the enemy and then the next day its something else its almost ever day now I am talking full-blown Alex Jones level conspiracy theories and my mother hates Alex as much as she hates the government, so I never know what side to pick! You see both mother and myself love researching on are PC but I cannot watch what she is doing its up to me to be faster and better than her but you cannot keep up with what you don't know! I have sibling but don't want to help me! My mother lives to argue its like needing water to live we are French its away of life here bread, wine, and cheese is the basic to life, but we add arguing to complete her way of life! Now I lie so much so often it is getting old because she still finds something to argue about because she knows enough to know that I don't know her latest theory which makes her mad as hell at me this is getting very very old fast and I don't see any end insight! My mother hates the seatbelt she often will not wear it when driving her car she has 15 to 20 tickets she runs red lights she had tickets for that! When she wants to see will use her phone and drive I am talking about using Google or texting because she wants to do as she drives yes I told her that is a bad thing to do and she accused me of working for the government that the government wants to take her power away from her! My mother is 78 years old one of her cars in the last 4 years she blew out 7 tires with the rims destroy by hitting curbs (many streets here in France are very narrow for one small car some streets can be over 300 years old with the building not made for cars like you see State side) in three years time this is the third car I have seen she mess up I was in the car 4 times two or three times she had her grand babies in the car I was not there! I cannot tell the doctor or the police it will kill her because she hates doctors and cops (I mean hate) and I don't enough about French law (my father is American, and I am an army brat can't read French I am in France with no friends) as to what I can do or should do legally I have been dealing with this for almost 15 years for sure I literally have no way to go but down, and she may take me with her! I am out of ideas as it get worst every day now!
Mon Dieu! Sounds terrible unsafe for her to be driving. You have some obligation to protect people including her from her driving. She'd feel terrible...presumably...if she injured or killed someone with her menacing driving. Could you "help" her "misplace" her car keys, present yourself as her chauffer from now on, wherever she wants to go she deserves to be chauffered now. Do some online research as to how to get parents to stop driving. Maybe she she has some vitamin deficiencies a doctor could help her with or a naturopathic doctor. Good luck!
@@phyllisalfieri9625 I hope you're not dealing with the tragedy of one of your loved ones being in the grips of this horrible disease. But just know they love you and your efforts every day will not be forgotten.
@@universalunion6989 explain how it is transmitted, is it alive, has it a nucleus, can it evolve...I am perfectly understanding what covid19 is and it is something that affects people with low I.Q.s who swallow it...grow up 33
My mom called me from the nursing home to honestly ask me when my funeral is? I asked her to repeat and she said when are they going to put you in the ground? Can you imagine how chilling that is to hear? All my life my mom would argue with anyone if she disagreed. She would never admit she was wrong. And now with this there's glaringly false accusations that can be painful. She often thinks shes still living at home and thats where we are when we visit. She does still recognize me by sight. If she calls she may call someone else than who she intended, but insist you're are that person because she don't make mistakes. I tried to help her stay at home for too long. Once she managed to get out of bed and went in family room, deficated on the carpet and sat on the new recliner. It was all I could do to get her back to her bed. I was almost puking. Her knees scraped the floor in the process and then she called the cops on me claiming abuse. I knew then that this was way out of my control and we had to put her somewhere better for us all.
This is one of the hardest things to overcome, because my Mother 'took issue' with everything I said for decades--before dementia ever appeared. So debating her was the norm. Now the words most often out of my mouth are "Okay...sure!" I just make sure I'm not looking at her when I roll my eyes.
Alzheimers may be tough, but igrotum is tougher. Experiencing the positive impact on memory recall and overall mental well-being.
I can say from firsthand experience that these tips are absolutely brilliant and very helpful for caregivers and patients alike.
Yes this has been very tough for me to learn. Me and my mom used to argue naturally from my teens all through my life haha. Of course we laugh together and have good times as well. But I’ve basically had to completely do a 180 in how I treat my mom. I speak in a calm loving tone even if she annoys me haha. It seems to work so much better than trying to correct her or argue about petty things. She’s naturally a nice person so I find I can bring that out of her more if I relax. My whole thought process is that she has already completed all that life has to offer a person, she’s already been through all the trials and successes, so now she deserves to feel relaxed and appreciated.
I'm the same way with my mom. We argue all the time and learning to try not to argue with my mom now is tough for me to remember
I also speak in calm soothing tones and try not to argue. You're lucky in that you mom is naturally a sweet person. Our grandfather was too, and he remained sweet throughout his older years. My mom has always been sneaky and manipulative, and a word twister. It's compounded now. In my experience with dementia, a person's natural personality is magnified.
My younger sister got early onset dementia at about 40. She came to live with my husband and I 6 years ago and at that time was delusional and believed with all her heart her church was about to deposit 4 billion dollars into her bank account. She sat outside the bank waiting and would go in every 20 min. to see if it had been deposited. Those were very hard years. Thank you for this video----just helps to know others deal with loved with mental issues also. Some very good techniques to learn.
this is beyond difficult to do, you have to lie and not argue with someone who is argumentative and doesn't know the truth.
Some things are worse than death
I'm a friend of someone with Alzheimer's, she's 72 and I'm nearly 69. I've known her since 1987 and live about 7 miles from her. Her closest relative, her niece, lives about 75 miles away. My friend initially broke her shoulder back in November 2021 and I've cared for her by taking her to the doctors, appointments, and going on errands since that time but I'm worn out. Her mental condition got worse last year and into this year. Right now, she can easily get into a mental lock trying to figure out what's in her purse or trying to figure out something else which makes it difficult to leave her house because she gets agitated if I try to leave without her being able to finish what she's trying to do. Then she just gets mad because I'm leaving. The thing is, you really have to save yourself psychologically or you just get ground down by not being able even to have your own freedom.
This is exactly what I'm dealing with now.
This is a great video on accepting instead of arguing. We caregivers need to adjust and and adopt this way of thinking for the sake of everyone's sanity. It's amazing that this technique seems to work with "almost" every patient with dementia.
How do I deal with my mom's obsession for food shopping. All day long EVERY DAY she frets about shopping, talks about shopping. I don't know what to tell her, the food is there for her to see and she still thinks she needs to go food shopping. I left her to write a list today, sitting in front of the freezer with the door open for ages. She asked me what the frozen leftovers were and I told her it was stuff we could reheat through the week without having to cook and she went ballistic at me for letting her write a shopping list. I can't win.
I feel you. They say, "don't argue" but my dad argues no matter what you say or do
Tough one. Sounds like maybe a throwback to when one of her key daily tasks was (probably) to prepare dinner for her family. This would have entailed, most importantly, acquiring the fresh meat and vegetables from the store then prep at home. Perhaps if you were to brightly tell her "We don't have to shop every day now for our (dinner foods - whatever she seems to be obsessing most about) Mom! We get it delivered!" she might relax. It does sound like you've tried explaining in detail...I find that sometimes a more general comment addresses their underlying anxiety better than a detailed one. Like with my dad, "Oh well Dad you're actually retired now so you don't have to worry about going to work in the morning!" My dad: "I am? Oh that's great!" (He'd be so relieved and stop his fretting. Didn't go into detail as to how long ago he retired, where he worked, that we gave a small retirement party (ie didn't try to make him REMEMBER retiring) - just told him directly the part he needed to know "You're retired" and his anxiety went POOF!) Maybe telling your mom she's a queen now and you (or your chef!) will be making all the dinners from now on, she's made you so many meals when you were growing up that you WANT to make all the meals for her now? Of course if she loves to cook, may not work so well or may help but after she gets used to u being the chef (her relieved of the responsibility!!) could be good to add her back in maybe as an occasional "celebrity chef" who helps on occasion...no pressure...only when she feels like it.
Some good advice. I am reaching for straws , dealing with my dad with this disease
Hope things are okay with you Jeffrey. I’m here to learn how to better take care of my mom. It’s so difficult....
Just wanted to send you a hug!
Just love him and make light of everything try make him laugh about absolutely anything real or not. I feel ya
Same same. Stay cool and stay strong
I feel like you, at times I feel as though I am losing it (with my mom).
same-early onset and "high functioning" here. 50% he's with it 50% he's not and it's a roller coaster
It's kind of hilarious because I just make up stories when she asks the same questions over and over.
The problem is when they get angry with something you can't change.
I feel you and hope it works out be calm and don't let anger take control
🤔 hmmm. Ty
This seems to be my life right now. It’s hell!
I think the main thing to remember is that too much correcting can have a gaslighting effect.
Well put!
Yes, my grandmother will ask me during the day to pick up the comic strip on the floor and many things that are not there and at first I would say "what comic strip?" which would just confuse her more so now I just say ok and pretend to do what she asks and it has made the difference.
While most of our family realizes it's generally best to agree with mom's reality, there is one situation in which it is hard to agree. She lives with my brother, but a lot of times she doesn't recognize that he's her son. She frets often, saying, "This isn't right, I should be living with my family." We keep reminding her that she is living with family, hoping her stress on the matter might be relieved, if only until the next time the issue arises. We think if we tell her otherwise, she'll believe her family doesn't love her enough to take care of her. Is it wrong to "argue" with her, even in this situation?
No
i think its hard to say every situation is different. Atm mum keeps talking to me like I am in the third person. Like Stephanie this, stephanie that, i try to remind her I'm stephanie. Also she sometimes thinks I'm her deceased husband. So... bit awkard.
So far, my brother is the only one she hasn't had lapses in recognizing and when she forgets me, I just put a smile on and let her talk about what she wants. It feels really strange the first time that your mother speaks to you as a family outsider and starts talking about her kids... Had a good cry and got over it. Just try not to be overbearing, rushed, demanding on her and try to help her understand that I'm here to help her with whatever she needs.
I heard of a situation where a nursing home put up a fake bus stop and when the patients wanted to go home they would take them out to the bus stop until they were satisfied or forgot why they were there. 😳🤔☺️
Switzerland or somewhere wasn’t it... I remember thinking it was such a loving thing to do when I read that story.
I pray this doesn’t sound like it’s about me. But this is hard. It’s been 8 years now and it’s the strangest thing I’ve experienced. That being said, mom raised 4 kids by herself without my dad, he was an alcoholic. I know dad loved us but he was never there. My siblings tell me to treat her like a 6 year old, even that doesn’t work, because a 6 year old with a right hook can be dangerous. Lol. I’m learning not to argue and just agree if possible. How do you handle the name calling? Mom refers to my loving daughter raising 4 girls as a b__tard. That kinda hurts. But seconds later she doesn’t remember. I starting a support group in August. I pray that gives me wisdom. Please pray for me. Thank you and God Bless You.
I thought I’d prepared myself through, education, and support groups and so on.
Hit me like a tonne of bricks.
I’ve been so angry with myself for falling short with anxiety and grieving for my mother that was. Now I’m trying to surrender instead of control.
Love that I do love her.
I miss her already and stepping shaking into the mum who always was just a little different.
I’m scared, need to shed this guilt.
You absolutely shouldn't feel guilty. It's very difficult being a carer. Not contradicting someone when they're blatantly wrong is extremely counter-intuitive. Also, it would be very odd if you didn't miss how your mother used to be, and get annoyed sometimes about the current situation. None of those things mean you've failed or let her down. They just mean you're human.
You don't have to get it right all the time, just try to do your best - ultimately, what else can you do? Personally, I often feel like I'm firefighting, or trying to choose the least-worst option. That's inevitable in this situation.
It's obvious from what you've written that you care a lot, and that's the most important thing. You're doing a great job.
@@pch2230
My grandfather is having Alzheimer, This video is really helpful in my opinion I’m trying to educate my family more, I recommend showing this to your loved ones too
Learning how to respond in a positive, calm way is important!
Wow, I am very happy 😃 to hear this, because I am doing this now, with my relative who has Alzheimer she is 97 👏a big number I know, but she is doing great 👍just giving her all the love and understanding, and listen her and never going opposite to what she says or what she sees, I love the fact, that you all confirm that I am doing what is right.
She is my mother-in law a great woman 👩 with a great sense of humour.
Really thanks for your awesome 😎👏😁 information ℹ️. God bless you all 🙏
Some great advice here: Think of their comfort and live in their world where they believe things to be true. Create situations where we create less anxiety.
Thanks for posting this!!!
honestly this has been one of the most frustrating things ever had to deal with. and i always wind up feeling like im being mean or an a$$ ..... i would rather be on the front lines in ukraine than doing this
Agree. My mom has an obsession about money. It's really not honeymoon for us taking care of them. Some days I want to just run away
Me too!!!
I agree. Hard times
Your tip on accepting their reality is wonderful!!! Thanks!!!!
but that's not reality tho, all you do when you accept their "reality" is lying to them and yourself plus bottling your rage (if you had any frustration in the first place)
I guess that answers the question on how the dicease affects their brain. "its definitely not stubborness" my mom gets so paranoid when Im not visible physically infront of her.
Brutal honesty is cruel.
Telling them their parents are dead hits them like the first time, every time……
I usually say they’ve gone shopping ☺️
My mum ended up in hospital with an antibiotic resistant bacteria. She looked at me and said my name and told me she loved me.
Asking me for a kiss, a nurse gave her a muscle injection she attacked me.
Unfortunately they are unable to express verbally how they feel so they act out. Nurses aren’t there to be abused so of course as a loving daughter you stand tall and become mechanical.
Twice that week my darling mother had the police attend the facility to defuse her physically aggressive behaviour and make sure everyone was safe.
Yes the lies. There were many. The hallucinations were vivid and we enjoyed them together. The sentences never finished and the stories never ending, the aggression was unpredictable and her daily tasked deteriorated and needing constant prompting.
It was sad and demeaning. This ugly disease took away the most beautiful lady I’d ever had the pleasure of knowing.
Her language, cursing, threatening residents, staff, loved ones and family.
It took my mum away from me before her body left this earth.
I had the honour of her remembering me, telling me she loves me and a beautiful kiss.
She was taken by god 4 days later. He put his arms around her as she took her last breath and carried her away. He blessed us with a peaceful death as she took her last breath. It was so peaceful and beautiful. I was blessed to be there.
I stayed a few hours longer after she passed. The things you do to remember.
Let me tell you walking away was harder than her last breath.
I’m still processing a lot of could I have done better, more patient with her, anger and the rest frustration a good one.
I’m still in a state of grief. Still catching up on it all.
I’m kinder to myself now. This is a journey that everyone navigates differently and it’s not easy. The effects after need to be nurtured as they are so impacting on us in the moment that grief is further away as we are still emotionally wounded from the effects of the dementia umbrella!!
Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself and try to have nice thoughts.
I’ve had memories that had been in the forgotten and now are my memories.
Slowly healing.
Ready to learn.
They persistently argue even if you don't.. And they escalate it. What then.?
My mother isn't that far into dementia so when she tells people she sees at church or when people visit things about me stealing her money and things it's hard to take. I try to agree with whatever she says but when it comes to being negative about my kids or friends I have a hard time. She is mad at me now because she got mad about me not agreeing with her. She said, why do you call me a liar every time I open my mouth. What do you do with that? I've been here a little over a year 24/7 with her. Now that we can't get out as much sure is really getting mean to me.
Hello i understand how overwhelming it can be. Its hurtful once they start accusing you of things or saying hurtful things. However try not to take it to personal. At the moment they dont know better and dont have the full understanding like you do. Only you can make the situation better by acknowledging what is true and all that you are doing for them. Even if they font see it.
@@janetz9732 I really try not to take it personally. It's hard though. Thank you for understanding.
It really is hard but we can do it! 💖 sending love and patience your way. Stay safe!
@@janetz9732 ❤️
I am having a similar issue with my Mother. She makes up horrible stories that could actually get me in real trouble.
Not only don’t argue, but don’t try to reason. Unfortunately, I realized this too late with my mom
Sometimes kindness is wiser than the truth,
thank you.
nicely explained.
High anxiety...my mom freaks out ..better off not telling them about things they can worry about..shes in beginning stages short term memory loss...tough time
Anyone have more links like this for me. I'm 36 and taking care of my grandma who's alzeimers is getting stronger. I'm set on taking care of her with help from my wife. Having my grandma in a nursing home scares the hel out of me. You take care of your own. Any help would be greatly accepted
Nevermind on my earlier post. My grandma passed 2 weeks ago. Gastral internal bleeding. She was too weak for the endoscope to find and fix where she was bleeding from. So we used hospice help and she passed 2 days after she left the hospital. She was at home with family during her last hours.
@@trainheavy9001 sorry for your loss....I’m living with my girlfriends grandma and she has dementia... she fights a lot for any little reason .... it’s hard to control my anger sometimes.... but we take it day by day
So sorry for your loss😔. I'm taking care of my Mommy. This disease is horrible.
thank you
Validation Therapy
When your dad says do you see the little fairies in the corner of the room? and you say yes dad I do.
Then he turns round to you and says and they say I'm crazy 😂
I have trouble with not arguing with my mom who has dementria, i try to remind myself not to argue but I lose that battle. I know I shouldn't argue with her but after a while, i just lose it.
You go with it but with my Mom thinks everything is an emergency and if you don’t respond she gets super agitated.
Need to remember things progress and to be more soft, most cases not diagnosed, bet they're more stressed than us
My dad has Alzheimer’s. He and I were fighting last Saturday. Also argued. I’m always ready to fight. I’m very defensive. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. You can’t stop me. If he start it then we fight. He lives in apt. My mom is at rehab hospital now. He waked me up at 2 or 3 AM. I yelled why wake me up. I don’t care if I wake up neighbors. He said where is mom. I told him that mom is at rehab hospital. He stopped do that I think. I put block.
I'm learning to Let Mercy Lead
Honesty is my pet peve and I needed to let the mercy lead and the Truth is not changing, but I had to stop making the reality they are in my reality. It's not real. I sometimes think it's intended, but doesn't that become the Elephant in the room. Just the discomfort level should stay low
My dad was very abusive when I was growing up, so image my, seemingly impossible position as his only child.
I learned to do thus early--my argumentative always have to be right sister niw 75, in an outburst started saying things we wouldnt have since we were in 8th grade, startling having no bearing on the situation we were in--she was driving in rush hour traffic--abf suddenly i knew she was back there, it just flipped me out, as 5 years younger, being svokded with the temper from the 1970s say, me a passenger being scolded about needing a ride-like, "You always do this" h uh?
Then the pattern if by 4pm she was going into some sort of emergency, blame fit. At the sane time each day when i remebered hiwanither duster eith schuzophrenis dud thus nut we knew she was a sundiwner. Teal sgraid of skylights and doors, so much, we had to help her quivkly with everything, got a special light switch she could close over an opaque white skylight cover. So I knew the time of day, not the sun still out, they just systemically sensed it was end of the day... both of them.
I would give anything in this world for one more lucid healthy day with euther of my sisters.
There is a worse stage for me observing the fade alteady asking yes or no qyestions, uts diwn ti yes answers do you can smile and nod...and that is. They no longer start sentences or ask anything.
I'm a caregiver with a alzimer it's very very hard to deal with alzimer patients she cry she shout she's walking whole day😢
We need more people in the world who isn't afraid of the truth to the word LIE. Don't church it up
My husband said there was a red truck in our bed between us at night. First time seeing things.
Correcting definitely doesn't help. When asked where I had gone away (even standing in the same room with her) I've learned to reply He'll be back tomorrow morning. Okay she says and no problem. Tough to do but better for both.
You guys didn't deal with how you handle changing their pad when they don't want it changed and it's in the middle of the night. If you don't do it they will be soaking wet in the morning. I can't give into their way I have to do it so it does end up to be an argument
One technique to use is to say to them, it looks like you've spilled something, you're wet, do you want to change?
My mom is facing difficulty to get him to agree to change.
Im dealing with that right now, nd some techniques are,. I think of things that would attract/entice her to change like "you would smell /feel good with this new diaper, look it has some flowers, u like flowers right?, or " dad would like to see you clean and smell good", and I spray her favorite scent so she would feel good and I say that this diaper smells like your favorite perfume" ...and there she is., like an obedient child :) ... I hope this wud work w/ ur mom..
Right. Didn't think they meant never argue abt anything. Clearly it's necessary to keep person clean and dry (& in advanced dementia sometimes agitation etc gets worse BECAUSE lying in a wet or dirty Depends and it's much improved after changed, person can go back to sleep. Helps to get most fluids in before evening so less likely to pee and need changing during night so they can get better, uninterrupted sleep and you can too.)
What do you do when they go on non stop talking session. Where even if you agree they won’t be pacified. My dad would just go hours to together talking about something and we can say a word in between , but require you to look at him
Sometimes that's from sleep deprivation (obviously up all night...and you were too, with him...yawn...or just poor quality sleep - no deep sleep or dream sleep, maybe sleep apnea or restless legs or, being an older man, getting up multiple times every night to pee).
Or constipation use to have that effect on my dad who had Parkinson's too - so very infrequent BM's anyway, but the longer he went without a BM, the more he'd get fidgety, have to walk as much as he could, stand up, sit down, would talk more like u describe.
Dehydration makes my mom talk manicky like that and not able to stay on task at all. Have to gently but firmly (like with a child but very respectfully) interrupt her,
"Ok Mom, no more talking til you get that drink into u!" (And I stand or sit right there semi-authoritatively and she sips and swallows then like a high energy kid, starts to jabber again and I say "No more talking!" "Drink" and after a few of these and maybe a "You're doing well with that drink. See if u can get the rest of it down you in the next 10 minutes", she focuses entirely on drinking and after a little while I give her a 2nd drink and she tends to drink that more easily, with less prompting and the motor mouth has typically settled down by then (when dehydration was the cause).
What if the parent is lying about you and makes horrible things up about you to the neighbors, doctors? Calls the police for no reason and tries to get you arrested? What then?
Other people will soon see the situation…and work out its dementia not the truth
Hi. Im caring for my aunt who is in the early stages and I have learnt to do the white lies as she forgets it in 5 minutes but its draining. Yhe continuous asking of the same question so I give different anawer everytime she ask. Now in the evenings she becomes argumentative and im trying so hard not to argue.
I found it helpful to write my dad and moms love story,how they met, how they married after only dating 2 months,how he gave her her engagement ring on their way to meet her dad and step mom for the first time and that I was their first anniversary present 🙂.
When he would ask me repeatedly about how my mother came into his life I’d hand him the paper so he could read it again.
My father is different. He is first combatant
What about my mother who sees everything as a catastrophe- a disaster waiting to happen- how do I ‘agree positively’ with that?!
i've tried this, but it's getting expensive. Right now i've been BEGGING him to let me REPLACE the leaking pipe that he's spent $100 to patch-up. I can't get through and it's been a month of having limited access to water. What can i do? I wish i had a sibling to distract him with a road trip so i can go out there and fix the dang pipe myself.
Please can you address the thermostat issue which could be dangerous. I’ve seen this problem with several people and now it’s come home. My friend can’t adjust the thermostat and forbids me to touch it!
Make a fake one that cant be touched and hide the real one
Just found out my dad has it I'm heartbroken 💔
Stay strong and give all the love you can while they can receive it and try to capture some special moments, whether it be by picture or videos. Sending love and prayers from someone going through it as well 💙💙
Check out neurologist & researcher Dale Bredesen MD's recent books on ending or improving Alz's. Can help your dad and help you from eventually getting Alz's. Start with you tube videos interviewing him. Worthwhile, hopeful, interesting, likely revolutionary but word not yet around so most people including doctors unaware so can't pass it on to patients and families.
I wish I realised this a few years ago. It feels wrong but at the same time my role is to help them, not to correct their perceptions.
Irealise this is an old video but I will ask just in case: What do you do when someone with Alzheimers claims they have eaten or are full, when they haven't eaten and refuse to?
Could: pleasantly laugh (not insultingly) "No u didn't...not yet! U must have dreamt it!"
Or could: "Really?... Gosh I'd have sworn you hadn't eaten yet but maybe I'm wrong" (Like it's your memory failing not theirs!)
Or could: change the subject and/or excuse yourself for a few min and come back a bit later and try again.
Also, offer different foods or easier consistency foods that involve less chewing for example - may like different foods as dementia progresses and reject former favorites according to some experts. Eat with them. Sometimes they will just monkey see monkey do ie mimic what they see even if they SAY they won't eat or drink or already ate or drank. I think part of this involves bypassing parts of the brain that don't work well, communicating with parts of their brain that still work well.
Speech therapist told us that everyone needs to swallow within I think 10-15 sec of food or drink into mouth or else they have to more consciously think about swallowing (which they might have a lot trouble with). She said cold temperature is good for stimulating swallow pathways, hot temp also good, spicy foods/drinks - basically the more the food or drink can stimulate the senses of taste and smell, the better they'll swallow.
Elsewhere on you tube I saw a video saying that 90% of people who have dementia have impaired sense of smell - and smell of food is important in stimulating appetite. So the more the senses can be stimulated with temperature, tastes, aroma, & visual appeal of the food or drink, the better.
A red cup and plate was found to stimulate ?30% greater food/drink intake. Try Amazon red cup for dementia or something like that.
Also try to check inside his mouth. Is he pocketing a lot of food, leaving food unswallowed between his cheeks and his gums? May see food/drink leaking out of mouth even after mouth wiped with a napkin after meal or see this well past mealtimes. (Where the heck did that food come from, you wonder!)
Is your dad brushing his teeth well and regularly or does he maybe have a dental or oral infection making him not want to eat? Dental infections like periodontal disease are believed to be a cause of dementia at least by some avant-garde experts. See neurologist and researcher Dr. Dale Bredesen's books - not sure primary sources he quotes. Lot of potential for improvement from Alz's so check out his recent books (The End of Alzheimer's, The First Survivors of Alzheimer's...) or start with interviews of him on you tube.
Maybe say that u are hungrey and do them a plate of food as you eat yours xxx cook their favourite food and dont worry if they fancy things like yogurt on bread which my dear mum liked..plus fruit and a piece of cheese..not a bad meal..xxx
When it comes to finances, how do you get them to leave it to you?
Oh crap! They get mad as hell when you take the car keys away from them.
“Find ways to enter their reality” I love looking at it that way.
I previously called it “joining their story”
Did you see the red and blue cows? Oh no! I missed them
While I realised this early on with my mother-in-law, I found it much more difficult with my husband. There is no question however that recognising (in advance) that whatever they do or say, is not done to annoy you - they just don’t know - so now if I have to repeat myself constantly about arrangements, or not get frustrated because there is no understanding of an explanation, or choosing conversations carefully because most of what I’d like to be chatting about is too complex for his mind, THAT is the right choice.
Having zero expectations is the right choice, because in the end, he is less anxious and less aggressive in tone, which makes me less fearful.
I have had to accept that he is no longer the man I married - he has lost all executive function, and more - I have mourned that we will not enjoy the old age we had imagined.
But now it is much more peaceful
He says to me that i am the one arguing.
I'm reaching for straws with my Grammy(moms mom) who has Alzeimers...it wasn't this hard with my Great-Grandmas battle 18 years ago..
I tried acting like dad was still alive she reacted adversely. Don’t listen to all this advice in this video: take it with a grain of salt. Just sitting with the person or loved one respectfully few a brief few minutes but often during the week in their nursing home is all they need. They have little concept of time even if they’re wearing a watch.
My sister is an addict and argues with me all the time that I hold her meds from her.I love my sister but I don’t like her
I’m an only child and very unwell myself. My mums just been diagnosed but it’s far too late. How do I respond to how she responds to some scenarios, i.e adverts too loud, clothes being stolen, sudden dislike towards people she knows and once loved. It’s really distressing and I can’t help but either cry or laugh at the weight of this all. Can I give my email to anyone who wants or can help?
Hi, thank you for reaching out to us. We’re very sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Unfortunately, because each person’s medical situation is different, we are unable to provide treatment recommendations or second opinions via this form of communication. If you would like to request an appointment at one of our hospitals, please call 888-872-1408.
I’ll lie or agree with my Mom but then it just snowballs into a big thing. This disease is horrible and awful.
In the old days people used to tie them to a chair and set them on the front porch!
Oh yeah !!!
I finally had to get a letter from 2 drs stating that daddy was no longer able to handle his own financial and medical decisions and definitely should not be driving.
I secretly took the truck keys off his key ring and got any extra keys he had to it.
We kept the truck and he brings it up very often 😏.
“ you just want to control me” he says.😏
But it is for his and everyone else’s safety!!!
@@cindypatrick785 It's crazy. My father-in-law said I will tell you when I need to stop driving." You can't talk sense into them because it's already gone!
@@tmo4330 so I’m learning🤭.
My daddy told my husband,” I’m just going to go buy a car.”
I had to take the 2 letters to the bank to make it where he can’t get any money without me allowing it.
I hated to do it but I had to protect him financially.
It's the noble lie
Sometimes the patient was very unreasonable and unsafe
The doctor REALLY likes that blond. 03:15
Therapeutic Lying works for adults. Children just don't get it. We tell our kids not to lie... but nana is "lying" to them or about them, cameras installed prove this.... kids don't want to be around a liar, because they get into trouble for lying but nana can "lie" her head off. This is the great divide.
Having read some comments here is nice my mother argues with me on any political issue with me the problem I'm having is not knowing which she will argue even when I do agree with her and it is often a lie she will change her mind and blow up on me as if she caught me lying and I know she didn't I not use to lying to my mother and it is painful doing so! We are in the Corvid 19 pandemic one day the virus is a real, so we need to wear the mask the next day the virus is fake, and we are not to wear the mask, the next day it some other political issue or some times she finds a conspiracy theory that I don't know anything about, and she blows up if I don't know about this theory it not just agreeing with but I need to already know about this theory, so as to protect myself from the enemy and then the next day its something else its almost ever day now I am talking full-blown Alex Jones level conspiracy theories and my mother hates Alex as much as she hates the government, so I never know what side to pick! You see both mother and myself love researching on are PC but I cannot watch what she is doing its up to me to be faster and better than her but you cannot keep up with what you don't know! I have sibling but don't want to help me! My mother lives to argue its like needing water to live we are French its away of life here bread, wine, and cheese is the basic to life, but we add arguing to complete her way of life! Now I lie so much so often it is getting old because she still finds something to argue about because she knows enough to know that I don't know her latest theory which makes her mad as hell at me this is getting very very old fast and I don't see any end insight! My mother hates the seatbelt she often will not wear it when driving her car she has 15 to 20 tickets she runs red lights she had tickets for that! When she wants to see will use her phone and drive I am talking about using Google or texting because she wants to do as she drives yes I told her that is a bad thing to do and she accused me of working for the government that the government wants to take her power away from her! My mother is 78 years old one of her cars in the last 4 years she blew out 7 tires with the rims destroy by hitting curbs (many streets here in France are very narrow for one small car some streets can be over 300 years old with the building not made for cars like you see State side) in three years time this is the third car I have seen she mess up I was in the car 4 times two or three times she had her grand babies in the car I was not there! I cannot tell the doctor or the police it will kill her because she hates doctors and cops (I mean hate) and I don't enough about French law (my father is American, and I am an army brat can't read French I am in France with no friends) as to what I can do or should do legally I have been dealing with this for almost 15 years for sure I literally have no way to go but down, and she may take me with her! I am out of ideas as it get worst every day now!
Mon Dieu! Sounds terrible unsafe for her to be driving. You have some obligation to protect people including her from her driving. She'd feel terrible...presumably...if she injured or killed someone with her menacing driving. Could you "help" her "misplace" her car keys, present yourself as her chauffer from now on, wherever she wants to go she deserves to be chauffered now. Do some online research as to how to get parents to stop driving. Maybe she she has some vitamin deficiencies a doctor could help her with or a naturopathic doctor. Good luck!
I hate this guy smiling so much its not a problem you should be smiling about. Hes just making money thats all he cares about.
Right 👍🏼
@@phyllisalfieri9625 I hope you're not dealing with the tragedy of one of your loved ones being in the grips of this horrible disease. But just know they love you and your efforts every day will not be forgotten.
How the hell do you not argue with someone who believes novel corona virus is real????
what
it is real
To quote Stevie Wonder "if you believe something you don't understand, then your letting superstition rule your life.."
@@bellawilliams9740 but you need to understand it
@@universalunion6989 explain how it is transmitted, is it alive, has it a nucleus, can it evolve...I am perfectly understanding what covid19 is and it is something that affects people with low I.Q.s who swallow it...grow up 33
My mom called me from the nursing home to honestly ask me when my funeral is? I asked her to repeat and she said when are they going to put you in the ground? Can you imagine how chilling that is to hear? All my life my mom would argue with anyone if she disagreed. She would never admit she was wrong. And now with this there's glaringly false accusations that can be painful. She often thinks shes still living at home and thats where we are when we visit. She does still recognize me by sight. If she calls she may call someone else than who she intended, but insist you're are that person because she don't make mistakes. I tried to help her stay at home for too long. Once she managed to get out of bed and went in family room, deficated on the carpet and sat on the new recliner. It was all I could do to get her back to her bed. I was almost puking. Her knees scraped the floor in the process and then she called the cops on me claiming abuse. I knew then that this was way out of my control and we had to put her somewhere better for us all.