Neurotypical conflict handling (for neuroatypicals, neurodivergents, Aspergers, etc)
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- Опубліковано 11 вер 2024
- Read my book "How to handle neurotypicals" ! Amazon.com: amzn.to/3paQsmz, Kobo: bit.ly/abelson..., Amazon.co.uk: bit.ly/abelsonUK, Barnes & Noble: bit.ly/abelNTBN
In this video: neurotypicals have a very own and peculiar way of handling conflicts, in three escalating stages. Learn all about them to better learn to handle conflicts between and with them!
Bio:
At forty years of age, I discovered that I was and am intellectually gifted. Suddenly my eternal “otherness” is no longer a flaw. It is being called an asset, a plus, a gift …
Let's discover how we, the neurodivergent - intellectually gifted, Asperger, autism spectrum (ASD), ... can live a full, authentic and realized life in a world predominantly (by definition) populated by neurotypicals.
That is so accurate!
Thank you! Check out the book for many more details! (link in video description)
Always had a problem with hierarchy since I'm very much an egalitarian. What you said about neurotypicals avoiding getting to the core of the issue and letting it reproduce itself again and again is something that has always frustrated me, spot on.
As an MBTI INTJ, we are notorious for not caring about hierarchy. If the logic is faulty, it's faulty - doesn't matter what are who the source is. We also are known for a high IQ and high percentage of Aspies.
Ive had issues with hierarchy and tribalism since I was very young
@@ntlwilson0you're still stuck on mbti typology. You have a lot to learn.
@@ViVeriVniversvmVivusVici
UA-cam, I have reported this comment, because I typed into Google 'Abel Ableson mbti' last night, and this person made this comment to a comment I made over a year ago. I have reported stalking by proxy and cyber stalking to the police twice, and the police are not helping me, but are helping the perpetrator. I already know who the culprit is, but I need hard evidence that they cannot refute. It's sort of ironic really , because Abel, in his book speaks of how corrupt certain individuals are, and I think the police are mentioned at the back of his book. Any assistance you can provide with this issue would be appreciated. Thank-you.
@@ViVeriVniversvmVivusViciUA-cam, I have reported this comment, because I typed into Google 'Abel Ableson mbti last night, and this person made this comment to a comment I made over a year ago. I have reported stalking by proxy and cyber stalking to the police twice, and they are not helping me, but the perpetrator. Please find out who this person is.
"In the end reality is what it is, and neurotypicals are not going to change because you want them to change" --- this was a great insight for me
That's it exactly. (And then the practicalities and how to put this at work in daily life 😉, and more insights in detail, see my book for that, link in description).
Observing the limitations and ramifications of the neurotypical "bubble", concerning the American political system, is exhausting. Absolutely everything is transactional within the existing power structure, with overt threats of becoming insignificant should one refuse to play the game. The concept of "balance of power" is a sound one, but it fails to account for mass media (which didn't exist upon its conception) and the individual ego, which can be easily fed and manipulated. I very much enjoyed reading your Diary of an Extra-terrestrial Earthling.
Thanks Bill! (Do leave a review on Amazon if you haven't done so already, it's the life of a book ;) )
well i am happy you recognize that
This is something I have observerved and I have come to the same conclusions.
But at the same time it was so hard to fathom that most people are so short sighted. It didnt really sink in until I understood that i'm autistic and thats why I think differently
Great stuff. It's funny that very smart people are having hard time understanding the behaviour of less smart people and not the other way around.
Yes, very true. More so because the less smart people actually make quite a good display of who they really are. I think it's because the brain starts from similarity, and projects similarity onto every aspect that's unknown. It like "prefills" unknowns with something it does know and somehow broadly seems to fit the category. Anyway, I explain more of my ideas on that in my book "How to handle neurotypicals", in case you're interested in that kind of subject. And in for a mix of healthy sarcasm and very useful information. bit.ly/neurotp
In my opinion they are very good at acting to just to win in an conflict
Oh yes definitely! They'll basically do anything: fake, try to impress, change the subject, lie, twist the facts, whatever. Hierarchical status is the neurotypical's Holy Grail, which is logical because all else in their life depends on it (whether they get help, money, sex, ...).
Your profile Pic reminds me of Raiden from MGS4.
I really resonate with (and enjoy!!!) your videos. I feel seen. I am currently a freshman at university, though I have never enjoyed school - I’m neurodivergent, and have always deeply fascinated with philosophy, figuring out how people work, drawing, animals, and general analytical thinking/questioning. My grades were always good, but as you had mentioned, I only got good grades for my parents’ admiration. I’m wondering if you could make a video on your personal career path, or how you came to land on a focus... I feel frozen.
Hi Scarlet, nice to meet you :) Good idea for the video subject! (Meanwhile, check out my books also, it's another way to communicate and to delve deeper into things compared with a UA-cam video, see my author page here: amzn.to/3paQsmz ). And yes, parents, a whole chapter apart... Thanks for commenting, it's always motivating to hear that people connect with the content...
Long time no see. Nice to have you back!
Thank you! :)
Im glad u r back. Sometimes I felt stuck with no voice around to listen and identify myself with. At least a little bit. I had a few tears of joy.
Oh, that's very kind :) Thank you :)
I see you. And hear you. That’s how I feel today so sending a rainbow of kindred your way today 🌈
It's interesting that you said "why would they". I thought neuro diverses suffered . As a neurotypical i've suffered too because not every part of my personalty or mentality was perfectly fit for society or relationships. I worked on myself a lot. I struggled to understand other's point of view and i had some narcisistic tendencies. It's hard to get along, to understand the rules, to have empathy and i really thought i was perfect the way i was and thought . I used to think i was better off by myself .Boy i was wrong . It took me a lifetime to realize it . I ' ve changed some, not much but i'm so happy and proud of the little changes i made. I just love to feel in control of my emotions !It's hard and i believe it's even harder for some individuals but nevertheless i would give it a try. For example ,There are so many ways to control anxiety , social phobia ,ocd, concrete thinking, shyness,etc.either trough therapy or medications . People don't need to erase themselves just soften the edges. Once you pass on the other side of the barricade , the pleasure is so fullfilling that is hard to go back to your old ways.
It's nice to see you back! I hope we can see more videos from you in the near future, they are very insightful 💜
I'm currently reading how to handle neurotypicals and you did touch on these aspects more deeply there, it really becomes easier to avoid frustrations once you change your perspective and stop self projecting. I would be very interested to hear more about possible strategies on how to interact with neurotypicals in different situations, as changing your perspective will lower frustrations but can still make it very hard to react in a way that will accurately translate your intentions to them.
For example, in the case of a conflict being unavoidable (like someone that you need to interact with such as family or coworkers that you can't just chose to avoid) what do you think would be some good strategies to approach it and to show that you are "ready to fight" but not too eager? Especially if they consider you below them in the "hierarchy", it becomes very difficult to stand up for yourself without being labeled everything from rude to out of your mind, and asking nicely only gets you dismissed (as you said, if they can get away with it, the problem is "gone" 🙄).
So usually the neurotypical absolutely insists on a logic that can be easily refuted in our view, but they can't see it because they're too shortsighted and they completely dismiss any kind of proof you show or excuse it away with very illogical reasons, are there any strategies to try to make them at least acknowledge that we view things differently or solve the conflict in some capacity?
I've received very stupid excuses and stubborn absolute dismissals of anything I say that have literally made me question my sanity and whether I am the crazy one (you mentioned that in your book as well, I laughed so hard because ain't that so relatable 😂😭). How do you even argue against or win a conflict with people that can't fathom that their view isn't the only view? "It's impossible to be as bad as you are saying, you are overreacting so the only thing that needs to change is you that needs to calm down" "that other person agrees with me, see? You are in the wrong and are overreacting" and the winner 🙄 "Why am I supposed to agree? Why don't YOU agree to what I said, huh?"
Even if you prove them wrong or explain how you compromised and ask them to compromise as well, most of their rebuttals are usually just, why don't YOU do that!! I haven't found a way to show that I'm ready to fight yet without them labelling it as overreacting as anything that goes against their view is just "false and/or exaggerated". It honestly makes it very hard to keep a cool head when you just *know* better because you are willing to accept the truth even if it's ugly, but also know that you can't come off too strong because to them, that will just enforce their excuses in their heads.
I'm so sorry for the crazy long comment I can never write short texts 😅
No need to apologize for your long comment, thanks for commenting :)
You know what, in short, look at them like intellectually disabled or chimps or something like that. That's splendidly not-done and even not all that far from the truth :) and it'll help you find your stance. To begin with, it would cure you of any inclination to go for a logical or argumentative way, that would be completely absurd with intellectually disabled or chimps. Well, it's just as absurd with them. Like talking Latin to a 3-year old.
It will also prime you a bit better for the "ready to fight" mindset. I find that the most difficult to convey. It's like a benevolent readiness to fight. Like "I'm not looking for a fight and you can't help you're being a moron, but when you cross the line, you'll know it and it won't happen." When they cross the line, just an inch, you show just a bit of teeth (metaphorically :) ). When they go further, you casually show your fist, still smiling. But the moment they retreat an inch, back into place, you become completely amiable again. It's a whole dynamic process.
If they're in a hierarchically higher position, be smart. Just say whatever has the most chance of moving things in the right direction. (I wouldn't lie openly because that's difficult to maintain and quite unpleasant as a way of life, but you're in no way obliged to truly help them, or to say everything, etc.) Don't take them seriously. See the bigger picture and act upon that, instead of getting caught in the tiny bubble between you and them and their monkeying around. You can dismiss them with something that's not openly a "no", but for instance "I'll definitely take that into account" - which you will, only not in the way they interpret it. There are bigger things at stake than their petty ego and hierarchical status seeking, focus on that...
Thanks again for commenting, and if you find any value in the book, please leave a review on Amazon, reviews are so important for a book to live and thrive, and it would help others find the book too...
@@Abel.Abelson @Abel Abelson EN Ahh I get so used to neurotypicals hating my long texts 🤦🏻♀️ I really appreciate you reading and always replying with very thoughtful answers, thank you! What you said makes a lot of sense and there's definitely a lot for me to work on in that department. Finding balance is tough when you're an "extreme" person that keeps slipping between extreme people pleasing to fit in, and extreme disregard and refusal to do the bare minimum when I'm tired and sick of the hurt, and I have realized that neither of those 2 options is healthy or sustainable. And you're very right with your observations, I do get very lost in the small details and the tiny bubble that I'm currently in with someone because everything just feels like it's incredibly important even when it's in reality very silly and has no consequences, I definitely need to get out of my head there 😂 I really really love your examples by the way, they make things look just soooo simple and clear! I have been using so many quotes from the book as mantras and have written them down to remind myself whenever it gets harder and try to reflect on what is real and what is not. I will just reflect on "just say whatever has the most chance of moving things in the right direction" all day long until it sticks and becomes an easier thought to implement hopefully, even though I hate the idea of not being 100% fully what I truly believe in and represent, I recognize how much smarter this is. If they don't care or won't appreciate it anyway, there is no sense wasting energy on it.
I can genuinely say that this has been the most valuable book I have ever read, and I'm a bookworm and read a lot. Seriously, this has become an invaluable resource and I am barely finished with my first read, thank you for taking the time to put your experiences and insights into it. I will make sure to review and I have already recommended it to friends that I thought would relate to it too 😊
(If you do have any resources or books that you recommend for a deeper insight, I would really love to check them out)
@@fati4545 Thank you very much for your kind comments :)
There's not much to add to your comment, you're on the right track. What did spring to my mind was: but you can be 100% fully what you truly believe in and represent (concerning "though I hate the idea of not being 100% fully what I truly believe in and represent"). It's like treating small children, it's not because you don't tell them everything, or don't go into detail, or even "manipulate" them (in the most neutral way of understanding that word, like doing or saying what is necessary for the best without exactly filling them in on your deepest meaning and purpose), that you are being untrue to yourself. This goes together with looking at the bigger picture, and being true to that. It's like walking in the woods in a certain direction, and then getting attacked by little trolls. If you get too serious in the attack, you lose your original path and purpose. The trick is to brush them off, attract their attention to something else, stuff like that, so you can continue on what's important. They'll find some other occupation anyway, they just jump on whatever comes along, it's not even personal for them and it shouldn't be for you.
Anyway, I'm really very glad that the book and my haphazard thoughts are relevant to you :) Thanks for recommending my book too!
I have only one book to recommend: "Chimpanzee Politics" by de Waal, bearing in mind that if chimps are "too human to be true", as the author puts it, then humans are too chimp to be true and reading it like that, looking for every parallel with (neurotypical) humans while you read. It was really an eye-opener for me, but mostly because of the way in which I read and applied it...
in the past whenever ive tried to resolve a conflict with people who are presumably neurotypical, theyve always seemed to become irritated with me. i couldnt understand why, because my conflict resolution model is like yours. it never occurred to me that we operate using different models. thinking about it now, i think they may have seen my efforts as pontification. they may have assumed that i was trying to manipulate them as well
glad to see him back
Thanks! :)
it is always a blessing to hear him speak about his ideas
@@Bonniebelle_00__ Thank you, that's really kind of you :)
The approach of categorizing people using DSM diagnoses such as Asperger's or labeling them as neurotypicals can be problematic. It's better to interact with individuals as you would in everyday life, without confining them to specific categories. This perspective acknowledges that even those considered 'neurotypical' can experience conflicts, misunderstandings, and communication challenges. It's important to recognize that our brains are dynamic and responsive, often influenced by the primitive, survival-oriented reptilian brain and a subconscious mind that processes a multitude of thoughts (around 50,000) daily. These thoughts, often not consciously recognized and resembling xenoglossy (the ability to speak or write in a language one has not learned), are not strictly defined by terminologies. Essentially, you are more than just your thoughts or a diagnostic label; you embody a unique essence that transcends these material aspects.
I remember you saying the same thing about hierarchies before. I am not a social being myself but I do acknowledge hierarchies just like other invisible things such as attraction or gravity, and I acknowledge the need for it. People come in different quality and they are at different stages in life from senior to junior so they have different value to you, to the group.
So whenever we interact with others there is a hierarchy to it. It's social behavior and finding your place in the group or scheme of things. I'm not very good with it but when I'm hired at least I heed my boss. Could it be you're not very social either?
-Some people simply only listen to what they consider an authority. I referenced a personality model in my previous comment and based on research by dr. Dario Nardi the type known as ESTJ is the most authority driven. It could be their mother, the pope or anyone that they consider an authority but they listen to that authority rather absolutely and only to those they deem authorities. Everyone else they boss around. So they may boss around big, tough men yet crawl before their own mother or any mothers. To be a mother could be the condition. Strange but true.
Abel, absolutely almost without exception High G’ers approach conflict resolution in the manner illustrated in this video. If I notice a highly intelligent person acting in a partisan manner - ignoring the innate way we handle conflict resolution - then I really assign weight to this decision. Looking out for other ‘tells’ in the minutes after this insight reaps dividends almost everytime. And our non-hierarchical disposition often contributes to us feeling like outsiders when young Abels observation about how blinkered people become when in conflict illustrates a further point, being a young High G individual may sometimes lead you to question your motives around the private admission concerning this concept in a generalized way - how it often seems your subjective experience of the world seems to be in higher fidelity while in surround sound with the horizon and all between lensed in 75mm Panavision while everyone around you seem to interact with the world at 30FPS FOV slider set to down around 50. It’s common to probe your psyche for hints this observation prior to forming into an opinion, isn’t infected by the prejudice of intellectual snobbery. Self searching like this is good. So is a ruthless dispassionate model of your personal strengths and weaknesses. The latter will inform the conclusion to the aforementioned question begged upon oneself. Finally here’s the best criteria for chiding friends. If example you bump into a prospective friend in the street if you leave their company feeling better than before meeting them, even if you’re were in a good mood., happy and content prior to this arbitrary encounter, then this person is well worth pursuing as a possible friend. Good luck
So, "fighting", then "negotiation", which is not doing what is best for all parties, but still short-sighted, then violence, and back to negotiation. Again, this blows my mind. No f***ing wonder I can't stand them. I believe most child custody cases involve this divide between Neurodiverse and Neurotypical. Neurodiverse view violence as abusive and get out and try to protect the children. Neurotypical view the violence as necessary, and the relationship as following an inevitable, reasonable path that encompasses violence. I feel as though you just elevated my thinking. I view Neurotypicals with even less regard now.
Neurotypicals absolutely love spending time on WHO messed up something and who is to blame for something that went wrong and it’s always over a meaningless irrelevant detail instead of Just fixing it!!! solve the issue and move along! If it’s that bad set aside time to explain it to the person who messed up. I swear they just love to find out who did a mistake just to gloat that and show off to everyone else that it wasn’t them this time lol
Yay! Abel's back!
:) Thanks Adam!
I don't have any neuro-atypical diagnosis but I'm very introverted and intuitive and I bet a lot of people with autism or dyslexia share traits with me. Like how people with ADHD are energetic, yet not all energetic people have ADHD.
I may have said this before but being neuroatypical the way you describe it seems to have a lot in common with intuition. The intuitive are generally more intelligent and they make their own connections that other people may not be able to follow.
Autism and type: ua-cam.com/video/LRRDnihx6ZA/v-deo.html#t=2m30s
Dyslexia and type: ua-cam.com/video/Rx8-2Ols0Bo/v-deo.html
2:03 I am hierarchical. There has to be a hierarchy, it’s natural and beneficial BUT ONLY IF each person occupies a position in any hierarchy for which he/she is competent enough to discharge of his/ her duties for the benefit of those in their subordination. If they’re not and/or they try to boss me around or bully me, I have absolutely no problem in challenging them. I would highly likely end-up with them trying to gag me by trying to put ‘dysfunctional’ label on me, true… but fuck their labels and fuck them bastards, too. This healthy attitude of challenging things that are wrong is NOT a disability, but a sign of moral courage and integrity. I would love to have ‘bosses’ who know what they talk about and care about me- I do my job, they do theirs. Alas, more often than not, it’s not the case.
I think this difference in mental horizon is easily exemplified in Woody Allen's 'Annie Hall' where the main character is a kid with his mother in a doctor's office talking about the end of everything and his mother says to him "What is that your business?!"
All your videos are very helpful!
Thank you for your kind comment 😊. Glad I can be of help!
I feel like I needed this video 30 years ago. Thank you.
Excellent explanation!
Thank you, glad you liked it!
Hi @Abel Abelson . Thanks for this. Have you ever considered making videos for neurotypicals about how the neurodiverse brain works? Would help a lot to have both ways around!! And whether there's a Conflict resolution that could work for us both? Have you ever considered doing a video with someone neurological to discuss what conflict resolution could work for both?? Cheers. 🙂🙂
I missed you. I plan to purchase your books. First some sleep.
That's such a nice thing to say, thank you :)
@@Abel.Abelson an addendum: I missed you because there's something about your on target explanations that belie a relatable thinking style. I'm not as bright but let's just say we share similarities e.g. penchant for numbers/patterns, asd, compassionate etc. later
The lowkey chair spinning is so relatable 😭
I often have trouble with hierarchy and status, especially with people older than me. Even though i try not to show that i know that i know or understand more, i sometimes get carried away and the other person senses this. I feel like i do try negotiation and the thing is, me seeing the bigger picture even though i may be younger wouldn't matter to me, but like you explained, it REALLY seems to matter to them. Sometimes this then leads to aggression towards me. Do you think one has to "give up" one's status or one has to pretend to be less smart or less understanding, or one just has to drop the subject? Or how would you resolve situations like that in relationships you can't or don't want to walk away from? I have to admit that it makes me a little angry and frustrated sometimes. If you answer this in your book let me know:)
Well, in my book I try to lay a solid foundation of understanding so that many of these more specific questions can be more easily answered by yourself. The thing is that one has to come to a real understanding of neurotypicals in a kind of zoologist, observing manner, the rest then follows more automatically, and that's what the book is about.
Concerning your question, it can't be simply answered in one line either, and it all depends on what you want as an outcome. At the moment, I'm experimenting myself with "commanding respect", so to say, but in the (for me daft) ways that matter to neurotypicals, and in a kind of benevolent yet not-to-be-messed-with way. Things like posture and external appearance, for instance, seem to be important, and as I said in my other videos, a readiness to fight (but not eagerness, just being ready) that comes from within. But as I mentioned, this should follow from a deeper understanding of them, instead of being a mere shallow advice.
@@Abel.Abelson thank you for your answer- seeing the other video you mention had me have such a lightbulb moment, i started trying out the readiness to fight and it really works well (thank you for that :) - i guess the main problem here might really be the emotional component - and i'm not quite as far with the accepting that one can't make that horizon be wider yet and internalizing that they don't even notice how hurtfull those reactions are. Your videos really motivate me to grow in my perspective when the unalterableness of it all irks me again
@@Cassiocassiye Yes, it's really like a mourning process, with all the corresponding stages actually. You're well on your way in the good direction, it'll take time, that's all. You can't help plants growing by pulling at them, right? You'll get there, sooner than you think, just let the process have its course ;)
I needed this urgently
8:01 I’m not sure that’s correct. The eagerness of the stupid to become violent is not to be underestimated. Look at all the wars, at how pleased they are to engage in scuffles after a drink or two or at football matches, or how easily they can turn into looting and lynching mobs. In a flash.
10:16 ALL people ARE animals, but every single individual CAN be educated. The animal inside can be put at good use. A human being is a moral animal who is able to think enough to respect the moral and civil laws, and who has a healthily moral, strong internal locus of control/ intrinsic motivation mechanisms.
Unbelievably accurate:)
Brilliant! Thank you!
11:24 It’s quite the opposite. It is FRUSTRATING. If things could not be changed, there would not be any frustration. I’ve never got frustrated that somebody who is paralysed could not walk. But I am exasperated seeing things that can be changed not being changed.
To ask for such a change is like asking an autistic person to not stim or prevent themselves from having a meltdown. Sure it might be possible.. but does not come naturally and its sometimes unavoidable. Have that same understanding towards their ways of handling conflict.
Brilliant! Seus vídeos me descrevem profundamente!
Please make more videos
Thanks, I will :)
100% on point as always
I'm not sure if the correlation between being atypical and anti-hierarchical (to put it this way) is so strong, but I haven't checked. To me it seems like being atypical is broader than that. Hmm....
Yes, I agree, it's kind of a personal take of me, I'm sure it doesn't hold for every neuroatypical - especially since the term is so broad, of course...
Im glad I found your channel today! listened to most of your videos while pressure washing at one of my jobs. Alot of the stuff you talk about rlly interested me, especially the video where you explain tht theres different kinds of intelligences/brains. Maybe theres even more brain types out there we haven't discovered yet. Anyways I'm thinking about getting your book, but I have trouble reading. I'm not very smart, ever since I was young I've always found reading to be difficult. Any tips or tricks to make myself a better reader?
Hi, thanks for your comment! The only tip I would have, is accept your characteristics, you're great as you are, and simply go slow if you can't go fast. Who cares? :) Read slowly at whatever pace is good for you, and don't compare with what's considered to be "the normal speed". Just go at your pace, you'll do fine, and it'll be great. Maybe you'll even get better reading that way too, but that's actually not even important.
@@Abel.Abelson Btw, gifted people can have learning disabilities. Dyslexia or dyspraxia aren't a "mental short-sightedness" statement.
@@Matheus16905 Oh yes, definitely! I personally know a very intelligent civil engineer who majored in various topics including nuclear energy, who has dyslexia. A brilliant man in all respects.
When I tried buying How to Handle Neurotypicals, I see this on amazon:
This title is not currently available for purchase
try the book: "a field guide to earthlings" by ian ford, its excellent and explains neurotypical behavior
or maybe abel's book too :)
Weird, it's available when I check in Amazon. Try hitting Ctrl+F5 when you're on the Amazon page, it'll refresh the page...
@@Abel.Abelson Maybe it's a matter of geography. I'm in Malaysia, and the kindle edition of your book may be "unavailable" here.
@@Abel.Abelson In fact in my Amazon Kindle app, a search for Abel Abelson returns no results.
4:14 Not really. How many have been deceived and died in the name of a crap ‘ideal’ like ‘defending democracy’? In all fairness, few have ‘sacrificed’ themselves for genuinely noble causes for the benefit of others. The discussion about ‘altruism’ is a separate one.
6:56 You’re talking about something else here. This is immoral and illegal (or should be illegal).
I dont know whether i have high iq or not, but i must say that a lot of things that you say in your videos are shockingly similar to my own ideas, that i ofcourse tried and failed to explain to other people
Nice one. Funny and don't know it. Love it!!
0:45 Oh, I understand them too well 😄 That doesn’t mean that I accept all nonsense. And I do run the risk of being seemingly naive, but I believe that things can be different. Better. This ‘can’t help themselves’ is one hell of a crap attempt at excusing them. No. They can, and should, do better. Things can, and should, improve for me and them. And it’s not a matter of blind belief, I have seen with my own eyes that it is possible. The will is not there. Lazy, stupid animals. It’s mostly the fault of those who (mis)lead them who reinforce shit non- values and shit behaviours.
I enjoy your videos, they're quite insightful. But I think you sometimes generalize "neurotypicals" too much, and you place undue emphasis on negative character traits that they may have. Far from every neurotypical is egocentric, myopic, racially insensitive or disagreeable in character. Also, much of what you describe about neurotypicals may apply to highly intelligent people as well (master negotiators etc come to mind).
Neurotypicals/people of average intelligence, and neurodivergents/people of higher intelligence are two vast categories and you really can't ascribe much to either, other than maybe the fact that people of average intelligence don't easily see things so far ahead, and generally may not have as much patience about really thinking things through (because most people don't feel very comfortable trying to step outside of their cognitive comfort zone).
I wonder does this analysis also apply to ADHDers? (Who lack any comorbid neurodivergencies ofc) I feel like it does but I'm unsure.
Why does no one around me care about how loud they are?
It's biology. It's just the way they are, it's how their brains are wired. It's like asking "why don't dogs care about other dogs sniffing their asses"? Well, it's how they're built. :)
@@Abel.Abelson & @BrettMcNasty did you also do research on high sensitivity in relation to high intellect Abel? I'd really be interested if you're "highly sensitive" as well.. i've read some research and watched some presentations, they're rather scarce from what i've found so far, and high sensitivity seems to co-occure quite often (vague, i know) with high intellect. I see it in one of my younger sisters too, and once i focused on it, i started to gather evidence- us both perceive sound more intensely, visual information is registered more thouroughly, she reaches similar empathic conclusions as me, while others don't even know what we're talking about. So Brett, my first thought was you might be a "HSP", a highly sensitive person, on top of intellect as well.. if you've got time Abel, let me know your thoughts
@@Cassiocassiye I read the book by Aaron a long time ago and definitely scored very high on HSP according to her criteria...
Giftedness comes with HSP
@@Abel.Abelson But ass-sniffing has a utility and meaning, is common in all dogs and it's done in a respectfull way among them.
Human's innecesary shouting isn't XD
Wow, situation that You describe seems unbeliveable. In fact, I havent had any significant contact with neurotypicals since I turned 15 years old so I didnt experienced much of such things in my "mature" life (now 18). This seems so unrealistic that I need to watch this video twice to really compare this to something from my life. And I think there is something attached to me deeply around that because i have measured IQ of 121, with is not so significant, but there are fair signs that it might be a little higher, and its not my opinion. Also what do you think about mensa test? Arent they too little accuarate? I understand your book with no significant problems but your IQ might be even higher than mentioned 133. Didnt you want to take another one? Also can you explain what problems have you faced making online IQ tests on your beginning of gifted conscious life?
Sorry for my english
Hi! I think all IQ tests are finally monkey tricks, so I don't have a very high opinion of them in general, and that goes for Mensa tests too. That's also the reason why I didn't really want to take another one. Another reason is that I don't like to do them, I feel like a monkey doing them, and also I have to force myself into thinking in a way that's not natural for me (convergent thinking), and that to me feels dumber than my natural, divergent way of thinking. That also kind of sums up what my experience was with doing IQ tests at the beginning...
You'll probably be interested in these two videos of mine too: ua-cam.com/video/qFfuyO0HAaU/v-deo.html and ua-cam.com/video/OmbEaBfzKFk/v-deo.html ...
@@Abel.Abelson I need to admit, two types of intellectual giftedness seems like really reasonable theory. Where did You found articles on that topic (maybe some links?) ? I found myself making same kind of "mistakes" that you mentioned in video that I write about now. Understending myself will help me in many ways as You can say :).
@@kacperbryl5617 I've never found any article, it's an original Abelsonism :) Although I wouldn't be surprised if a few others came up with the same idea in parallel of course.
@@kacperbryl5617 I was called smart through all my years of childhood and adolescence, even until college; but I dropout college and found other professions. I knew nothing about IQ and its personality outcomes (I thought IQ was just a number, and a detailed marker of someone's logical abilities), and saw my smart-ness as a bit of intelligence plus amounts of years of dedication and focus on studying and learning (years of effort). I think this work ethic of mine made eighty per cent of my "intelligence", while the raw part of it, IQ, was average. Now I do know something about it, after a bunch of online tests: some indicated 111, or even 107 (but I didn't complete all the questions, due to the English language, in which I'm not a native speaker, and maybe due to some failure anxiety and self-sabotage), and some indicated 125, and 115-131 ("your IQ is somewhere between this to that"). I made some maths over these results, and it comes to an IQ arund 115: that is, slightly above average. And it seems very realistic. Although, looking retrospectively, I showed really good signs of giftedness (most of all, I was obsessive and a fast learner), when it comes to the fact that I'm kinda average, but with a bit of spice.
I'm just uneasy to lose some points of IQ with age (I'm now in my eary twenties), and definitely fall to average, losing all the benefits of being slightly smarter.
@@Matheus16905 In my case taking supervised test was real relief, before, I was very insecure about myself and thought I was somehow handicaped because, as it turned out- of my poor social and emotional skills, I didnt ged rid of these problems after test but now I at least know nature of my problems and what to work on.
Do you think a "neurotypical" could ever become "intellectually gifted"? Or is this not possible according to you because of genetics or something like that.
In case if severe malnourishment for instance IQ can be impaired, and can potentially grow a lot given the proper conditions (like proper nourishment). In other, less extreme cases, there's not much one can do to significantly change IQ - nor is it necessary actually. Everyone is fine just as they are, it's all about not expecting things from people they're not capable of.
So you are saying someone is either born smart or not-neurotypical or intellectually gifted. This was my question.
Giftedness is genetic: when you find a gifted in a family and you search for more among the relatives, they apear.
When this person will have their own kids, they will be gifted too and so on.
There's a lot of gifteds telling their histories in Internet about how they were discovered and hiw their gifteds kids are.
So no: a "normal" human could turn very wise and fast-minded if he/she is training his/her mental abilities, but will never change his/her DNA to can have intense emotions or a huge creativity.
@Abel abelson - why are they so hierarchical ? (isn't this very petty and childish??...)
no, animals are hierarchical. They are acting off on instinct, (a much more ‘sophisticated’ instinct, apparently)
they are EXTREMLEY machiavellian (sadly)
Why do you assume that intellectually gifted must be also moral gifted? What about the concept of an "evil genius"? Moral and intellect are unified in your vision? If so, no evil genius in the world?
What actually characterize gifteds are their intense emotions, empathy and sense of justice, instead their high QI.
Gifteds are naturally ethical beings, but they still people as the rest of humans, so if they are abused or raised in an extreme context of dogmatism or violence, they will hide their compasion and become as numb as "normal" humans are.
Evil genius are a cartoon thing XD
If you are talking about people like Hitler, you must know that psychopath exist and they can look very "intelligent" because of their lack of emotions.
@@Terron-de-pimienta "What actually characterize gifteds are their intense emotions, empathy and sense of justice, instead their high QI" --> Last time I checked, the official definition was someone with IQ 130 or higher.
Also you can be an empath without being gifted. Or are you telling me all empaths are gifted?
Few years ago there was a swine fever in china that forced the chinese to kill millions of pigs, algo pigs that were healthy needed to die to avoid contaminating others. "That was the smart thing to do to, probably someone said"
What do you think that an alien race extremely smart, that see us as pigs, would do to end covid contamination fast in humans?
So the aliens are not gifted, or they are not empaths? Or empathy is a concept only related to your species, or animals that you are emotionaly atached, like a pet?
Or are you saying that a gifted person would never take the decision to kill all those pigs?
@@king_joffrey En efecto, usted acaba de demostrar qué el pensamiento moral y los valores éticos no son más qué un simple mecanismo biológico de supervivencia.
@@cablanmass465 check the Unabomber for example
IQ spectrum is interesting but when talking about neurotypicals do you consider the empathy spectrum? There are people like politicians or in the media etc who have IQ very high, some psychopaths can have very high IQ, some are sociopaths, narcissists. I would not consider them neurotipicals and it seems these people with bad hearts tend to reach places of power and manipulate the neurotipicals.
Yes, you're absolutely right, and it's very important to make that distinction (esp. concerning psychopathy). That's why I included even a small chapter on the confusion between neurotypicals and psychopaths in my book "How to handle neurotypicals" (bit.ly/neurotp).
Cool, I will read it. Thank you
Personality disorders (narcissism, borderline, "psychopaths" etc) ARE neuroatypical.
@@timefortee yes that was the point, its not only about IQ.
@@jeremywolf9472 Yes, Ive known at least 2 narcissists with high IQs, higher than mine, while I'm gifted. I hate NTs thinking IQ determines giftedness. There is correlation, esp. in the case of Intellectially gifted (as compared to Emotional kind, and the Balanced one) but its not all there is.
3:06 A neurodivergent person struggles with empathy, therefore it’s unlikely that they are willing and able to understand the other’s perspective to compare with theirs.
I like your videos, but I do not have IQ as high as yours.
Hi, thanks for commenting! Never mind IQ, it's bollocks anyway in the end :) If you feel that you're different, you are, and there's a lot to explore there. The main point is the difference, not the IQ. Check out my books too, they might interest you: amzn.to/3paQsmz !
@@Abel.Abelson I think IQ till 125 is important, more than that won't help you much.
@@rohankale1000 Depends on what you mean by "help". It probably won't help you in social aspects (acceptation, career, being liked, ...). It might help you understand certain things better, or detect patterns, etc., but then all depends what you can do with those results.
@@Abel.Abelson You are right, the problem is that high IQ(90-110) is always better when it comes to social skills, than low IQ(70-90).
By the way, there are (a lot of) Arabs in Africa 😉
Yeah but obv he meant sub saharan Africans
Neurotypicals don't like violence? My experiences are so different. They love using aggression (whether passive or direct) to "win" in situations wherein there isn't much to gain from.
Yeah they love to fight but me too lol the problem is they're not willing to commit as much as me so in a way they don't like violence.
@ViVeriVniversvmVivusVici Fighting is pointless. There's no winning in it, it leads nowhere, especially if the intentions of the other party involve a need to convince themselves that they're right, rather than learning their errors and modifying their beliefs and actions.
I don't see the point of any interaction that involves confrontation, as long as there is a possibility of avoidance.
@@narek323 that's why you are where you belong in life
@@ViVeriVniversvmVivusVici Where do I belong in life? I'm not sure what you're talking about.