Using dating apps? DO THIS (for gays)
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- Опубліковано 19 сер 2021
- A few of my pet peeves about gay guys and dating apps, along with a few tips for your own dating profile.
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#gaydating #datingapps #datingtips
What are your feelings on dating apps?
Over them. Total waste of time in my experience.
Do you have any advice or strategies in lieu of using the apps?
Hit or miss. Some luck, others times, not so much.
It's a necessary evil. Without these apps I'd never meet other gay people especially since I'm from a rural mostly conservative town where the only gay people here are closeted.
I started playing kickball last year through Varsity Gay League here in Los Angeles. Definitely helpful to meet people by doing an activity together. They have leagues covering many sports in different cities across the country, highly recommend to look them up to see if they're in your area!
Glad I came across this video. It gave me a lot to reflect on. I agree with a number of things you commented on, blank profiles, men's unrealistic expectations on these apps. It does seem very transactional. The worst of it is when guys don't message or just ignore your presence. That tells me communication ends up being poor. Meaning we may not talk things out that can easily be resolved.
I can relate.
My therapist refers to dating apps as slots machines which I found very enlightening. But here I am, still pulling the lever 😅
Very relatable. Severe emotional fatigue and low self-esteem arising from using these apps. But here I am too, still pulling the lever. Again, very relatable
It annoys me so much when I match and theres no reciprocation. Or, theres a pay wall you have to go through to message your match.
The paywall subscription service model is beyond unreasonable. It’s so difficult to expect/anticipate reasonableness from the users on the app when those who moderate/regulate it are extremely unreasonable with their subscription fee structure 🤦🏿♂️
Never used apps. I just meet people out in the public and just act as me.
100%
to be honest and truthful to come out to others if you are gay is the right thing to do. I am an older man who knew I was gay from my childhood days but I had to hide that fact to be accepted by everyone that are important as we go through life. Those days have been replaced by the acceptance that we exist and it is natural for us to live with love for others by showing it with being honest. I missed so much by living a life of not letting my true sexuality be known.
It's never too late my friend. I've learned that it doesn't matter who knows what. Only, get out there and live your life and truth.
Exactly how I felt and have unusually come out in older age? But I echo every single word you have spoken.
Sending love. Have you ever watched the little film called The Naked Civil Servant? It's on UA-cam. Would highly recommend. ❤
The match-not-matching conversations is soo true I thought it was just me but wow! Love how genuine you are! 🤓
Thanks John!
I’m new to Tinder and noticed a lot about guys not reaching out to you especially after we both match. I get it people are busy with other shit but you clearly aren’t if you created a Tinder account. They act like as if they never got the notification on their phone and will ghost you as long as they want. You just decide to not reply back and it’s pretty sad. This is also part of the reasons why people end up having trust issues and rather be single because people play to much.
I wish there was a study that analyzed this behavior cus nearly all my "matches" are left without responding. I find it confusing if it's just a way of getting a quick validation boost but what do I know. 🤷♂️
@@Sco-Show I feel like we’re looking for that 80’s, 90’s type of love because this generation ain’t it 😂 but yes please let me know if theres a reason for this behavior 😂.
Thanks for sharing this. I relate a lot to what you talked about, it’s nice to know you’re not alone. 🖤
Thanks for watching!
That was a quick subscribe. First, you have a very thoughtful and insightful video about dating apps and then I check your channel to see what else you have posted and there are WoW videos!
Thanks, Zachary!
Yes! Agree with all of these. Although I don’t mind a group photo if it's limited to just one of their pics and it’s clear which person they are. Can be a good way to see their interests and nice to know they have a social life haha
Okay your video actually had me updating my bio. Thanks for tips. It makes sense to me😉
Glad you found it useful! I made an updated vid if you want to check it out too: ua-cam.com/video/ebsSzx8Im1U/v-deo.html
I wholeheartedly agree with the points you raised in this video.
I’ve been on dating sites for the past decade and I must confess that my experiences have been mostly disappointing and frustrating. The most frustrating aspect is seeing blank profiles and discovering that silence is the equivalent of telling the other person you’re not interested. It feels like you’re wasting your time writing a thoughtful message to someone, only to realize that you may not hear from that person. Oh, and these folks have the nerve to tell us we shouldn’t take the lack of interest personally. Yeah, right.
And if anyone writes to me, I often find the quality of communication poor. In many cases the people who write to me have poor writing skills or simply write one- or two/three-word answers. Or they write “LOL” or “OK” after I’ve written to them. I used to entertain these kinds of conversations but have since discovered that they’re one-way conversations and as such, they’re now turn-offs.
Oh, and the lack of face photos. Don’t get me started on this. These photos are a non-starter for me.
So, yes, I’m not a fan of these apps, but for most of the pandemic, this is what all of us have had to use because of lockdowns, restrictions, and frankly a lack of social life. But throughout the past two years, I’ve seen how people on these apps have little care for knowing someone on a social front. That’s really disappointing and frustrating.
Now that we have a semblance of post-pandemic normalcy, I plan to explore some LGBTQ2 friendly groups and try to make friends or develop something serious in these circles. Perhaps I might get to know someone outside these groups, too.
But, yes, I’m almost ready to ditch dating sites for good. (-:
In 2021 I joined a gay kickball league in Los Angeles (Now called OutLoud Sports, they have leagues in most major cities in the USA) and I've met a lot of great people through it. I'm currently looking for other interest groups made up of gay men to join as well to meet more people. It definitely takes time and work, but so far I've found the effort worth it. If you're able to find similar groups I'd say give it a try!
I feel like if one is looking specifically for a longterm sexual relationship, including sexual preferences is a time-saver. Sex is not the MOST important thing- to your valued point- but, in the long run, it is a very important part of an intimate relationship. So, because dating is more than a friendship (where sexual positions aren’t at all important), I can see why gay men (myself included) tend to do this for time efficiency. But for sure- it’s not an indicator of longterm compatibility necessarily either. It adds to probable outcomes tho.
In general, dating apps are a waste of time & energy regardless. They’re more people looking for validation than connection. Imo: ua-cam.com/video/lBfAz8WGk6I/v-deo.html
What a great video. I think that it would be remiss of me if after listening to you say all of these great things about yourself, values, and experiences, if I didn't say that I wish I could swipe right on this video and ask you out!
Thanks Tom, I appreciate it :)
Hear, hear!
Mood👏🏼💀😂
Nice comment
it might sound really silly but I'm 25 and I have never used a dating app get really scared of putting myself out there would love to meet someone and eventually have children but I think a lot of the swipe left swipe right thing has me scared as I am not a looker and don't have love Island body Uk reference. Love your tips about a profile though about values.
Absolutely agree with you.
Omg all the guys in these comments doubling down on the top/bottom thing is further proving your point about how the most important thing to a gay man is the position we like to have sex in. Obviously if you strictlyyy do either or, you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone that prefers what you prefer, why are people trying to point that out to you like your stupid or something. Anyway, just had to get that off my chest. I 100 percent agree with you and I appreciated you mentioning this first thing in the video :))
Thanks, Jordan! I've heard a lot of this from people I know as well (you have "vers privilege", two bottoms don't make a top, etc) and I'll admit maybe I do. But being in my 30's and wanting a fulfilling relationship has, for me, made sexual position a lower priority on my list. If I'm really into you and vice versa we can learn and figure out together how to have good sex.
@@Sco-Show exactly!
You are awesome! You seem genuine, kind, smart and cute!
That's very kind of you, thank you!
I agree
like putting "looking for dates" putting top or bottom saves time -- interests are great, that's a friend
If sexual position is important for you, of course! I was only expressing that *for me*, I find other information and interests more valuable on if there's potential.
Great video, I agree with everything!! 😅 ur a cutie too ;) this was so relatable
Great video. I agree that some or most guys have these unrealistic wish list they are looking for in a person. I think these wish list indicates their maturity and lack of commitment for a relationship. I also think these wish list indicates how biased our gay community is. Keep up your great work.
Thank you for the kind comment, I appreciate it!
I agree with you. When guys don't respond to messages, it is very annoying.
I don't like pictures of guys drinking. Are they drunk or party animals?
Unfortunately alcohol is pervasive in gay culture and in the community. It's fine in moderation (and as long as you're not hurting others), but drinking to excess is not what I'm looking for in a potential partner at this point in my life.
Scott! You are a Media Sensation!!!!
Aww thanks Bruce!
3:15 You make very salient and insightful points, but the point you make here about indicating whether one is seeking dates or hookups seemed diametrically opposed to a point you make earlier in the video.
Your reasoning for indicating how one seeks to engage with others (dating vs. hooking up) is sound: it saves both parties time and energy by ensuring their respective objectives are in alignment. Based on this reasoning, why do you believe it would not be equally efficient to include sexual role or interests (top, bottom, versatile, oral only, side, online only, platonic, poly, pan, etc.)? If your understanding is that there is a distinction between these two parameters, I would be interested in hearing your perspective.
Some great remarks by OP
Thanks Mark, glad you like them!
Great video! I wholeheartedly agree with what you say here. I also prefer a long term relationship. Relationships are a package deal. i.e., compromising with each other to make one beautiful whole. In other words, it's not a "what's in it for me" mentality, but a "what's in it for us" mentality, which makes a relationship long lasting.
I like the old fashion way, where guys can meet each other in real time, either at a bar, a Gay club, party, etc. Generally speaking Gay Aps on the Internet are superficial, misleading, along with game players and scammers. Of course there are exceptions.
I love your sense of reasoning and energy. If you don't already have one, whoever ends up as your boyfriend, he will be one very lucky dude! Trust me!
Thanks for the kind words Len, I appreciate it!
@@Sco-Show No worries. You're a fantastic guy, on many levels!
I agree with your thoughts.
I totally agree with you there
Mature and well said!
Thank you!
I am 76 and gay. I don't have a boyfriend and I am not sexually active. My choice. But its not for religious reasons.
I feel like I'm going in this direction everyday that passes....lolz.
Great video.. and good advice
Thank you!
AS aGWJMD, having had 9 years of analysis during my training: but the idea that might ask that question, well...
I really enjoyed your video. Happens to be the only one I found even talking about this subject for gay men.
I am just as guilty about not answering matches, same thing happens to me as well, it is a vicious cycle. I gave up on dating apps and just browse our well most known hookup app since everyone seems to use dating apps for that anyways.
Thanks for the kind words, Anthony!
Don't worry. I don't care for dating apps nowadays either
I see Dating Apps as a tool, a means to an end to achieve a nice matching partner. They can help you in ways that a friend who knows someone or a bar crawl can't do. You got to know your limits and what you're not prepared to put up with.
I like the slot machine analogy ngl. It does feel like such a gamble and the pay-off does feel very hollow especially when you have blank profiles and whiny guys who list things they don't want. 😞
Thanks for leaving a comment, Michael. I def agree with knowing what you will and won't put up with; boundaries are healthy. Sending you good vibes on your next dating experiences!
@@Sco-Show thank you buddy. I really appreciate that. 😁💕
I'm trying to stop using dating apps. I feel like it's harder to meet other gay people though. Any tips for meeting other great gay men in the wild? I don't often meet other single men doing the things I enjoy.
I've been trying to figure this out too. I've met some good friends through a gay kickball league (Outloud Sports) and they have leagues in most major cities. I keep meaning to try and find a gay book club or something similar as well. Sadly I still feel like the apps give a chance to meet people that run in circles I'm not in but it's a slot machine on if anything comes from it. Wishing you good dating luck!
Never use- ever.
I agree with you on all of it. What about your preferences as a white guy? Why does Caucasians only go for other Caucasians and not other ethnicities but ok with Spanish/Latin guys?
I'm a "white guy", but has long been open to all skin colors and ethnicities. If you are referring to black guys what I found was that they are much more likely to flake out on the hook-up OR they are not interested in mutually reciprocal sex (is anything more boring than someone who sits down like a wooden Indian statue and basically says "worship me"?? OR they are passive aggressive in demeanor and behavior because they assume every white man is racist. They claim they don't want to be treated like sex objects but then try to sell their BBCs under the guise of "massage services" , thereby objectifying themselves .I live in an area where there are many Latinos so I will comment on them as well: 1. a high percentage of Hispanic men on hook-up apps show up at the door with back-packs (in which are included their drug of choice. Guess which one?) They then barely enter my home before asking to use the rest room. (guess why they are in there for 15 minutes?) 2. Many Hispanic men present themselves as "subs", especially to us older men, in order to get in the door, then turn into control freaks once inside. They are prone to misrepresenting themselves in order to be with an older white guy whom they tend to see as "sugar daddies". 3. they are pigs in the bathroom. Sorry. I can ignore individual cases of the above-mentioned negative behavior, but i cannot and will not ignore a well-established pattern . That doesn't have anything to do with skin color (there are white men who are the same). It also doesn't mean I'm racist; it just means I have STANDARDS...
I give up on the apps, and the whole dating thing, because it seems that there are better guys than me out there for them.
And that is if they bother to even get to know me for a start.
You're definitely not alone, dating app fatigue and disillusionment is real. Just know it's not something unique to you, I'm sure you have a lot of to offer! Sending good vibes 🙌
All of that effort is a waste of time. Most people on there either don't really know what they want or are just looking for sex.
Interests. Imagination. Intelligence and maturity. The ability to hold an in-depth conversation. Understanding what empathy is. Consideration for others. And the insight to know how little you truly know. And your drive to learn, about everything. Knowing the definition of the word “debate”. Respect. Dignity.
All the qualities we're looking for, yet very few adults who meet them 😂
They do not keep up responding because they are matching with lots others, they see or think someone better than you will come their way.
"There's someone better" syndrome is definitely a thing in our society nowadays. I think a lot of us are wanting something meaningful though and will put in the time and effort if we find someone we enjoy being around.
Yeah totally, gay dating apps suck! I can remember when they first came out and I was in my late teens... it was so easy to find something meaningful. Now I'm 31 and all the apps have merged - so many profiles are boring, blank or just totally lie.
I remember 12 years ago I met a guy who became my boyfriend on OKCupid. Now it's also been purchased by Match Group has been gamified to swiping left/right. :(
Lost a bunch of weight and looksmaxxed my face. Looking at myself in the mirror, I think I’m real attractive. But it’s still crickets for me when I go on Jack’d and Grindr.
Hi Scott - as a 53 years old Irish gay man in the U.K. 21 years, I’m absolutely terrified of gay dating apps since the Stephen Port Grindr gay murders here in the U.K. a few years ago, but aside from that, I’m not into the “hookup” culture and I prefer to meet new people in a real world setting for platonic friendship only (it’s not all about hooking up) - despite Ireland’s gay Marraige laws and the fact that our prime minister is a gay man, I still hear stories about bed-hopping amongst gay men all the time and it strikes me as odd, it gives gay men a bad reputation as if they are far more likely to be sex addicts
position and horoscope are the most useless things to know for LTR.
MBTI type is one that i would like to see more
definitely a preference gay
I know you saw you my comment and we both know its true.
Gay dating apps is like: just +25cm BC tops or Asian wrote no Asian, no fem,dude is 280 kg fat wrote just twink and masc or dude is 60 years old wrote not older than 25, list go on and on
“Compatibility reasons” connected to that specific information means hookup app, not dating app. Because it definitely says hookup guy not relationship guy.
This was a great vid as there re not a whole lot on dating in our community as gay guys. I will be blunt and to the point (at least from my perspective). For starters the first thing we as guys look at is how does he physically look? That is the first thing that we all do tbh rather it's on grindr or pof or whatever. For me being both homoromantic asexual and lol a model (physique competitions) I stay in tip top shape pretty much year around and I'm attractive. Yes I know this sounds vain and I promise I'm not a complete d-bag but I'm going somewhere with this. First impression is everything rather you are looking to date or for a hookup. Guys get in shape and look your best. Use lighting to bring out the best in you for pics, dress up in something that is somewhat stylish but slim fit (if you can pull it off), teeth whitening helps and invisiline too. By all means have a recent haircut/hair styled and trim your beard/stache if you are rocking one. The first thing we look at is the face so thats why all of that is important. In your profile please try to make yourself sound a bit interesting (don't lie) but state something other than read a book at home and bake cookies. As for the hookup part that's a tough one. I'm not really into sex or oral myself but more into cuddling and making out etc so I actually cut through the chase and put that right away bc 99% of the hits I got (got up to 25-30 hits daily on grindr) was guys wanting me to top them bc of the stupid "assumption" (I'm black and pretty shredded with abs and I have a nice face) I posted my torso and face in my pic and nobody would read the profile when I said not looking for sex lol so I ws bombarded with @ss pics and d**k picks too. I personally had a ton of fun and was successful when I was hooking up and although I wasn't looking for sex occasionally yes it would happen and it actually led to me meeting my fiance. Yes that was from Grindr and its been 18 months. Guys don't limit yourselves by saying what you will and won't accept unless it's something serious like drug/alcohol useage (for me a no/go) or someone who I'm not physically attracted to. Make yourselves as attractive as you can DO NOT CATFISH (yes had it happen to me and it was very degrading) I simply told them to excuse themselves and that they wasted their and my time then I reported them (grindr). Sorry for the novel but I simply hope I can help others find their soulmate. It's hard being a gay guy in the dating world but my best advice is a gym membership and a strict diet. As a jock we typically look for other jocks or guys as attractive as ourselves, This is why I stress look your best and wear your best. Nothing is as big a turn on to me as a guy with confidence. Hope this helps and most of all remember to LOVE YOURSELF!
Hi Mario, you make a lot of good points! The first step is to definitely know yourself, your value, and be comfortable in your own skin.
fico score- 380
We all start somewhere! www.myfico.com/credit-education/improve-your-credit-score
Good video
Thanks Josh!
Sexual positions are important BEACAUSE no two bottoms/ sisters want to end up in bed together AND bottoms/ sister have enough 'friends' '!! Eventually, sex will happen at any point of time in ANY relationship. PERIOD.
If sexual position is important to you then you should put that. There's an infinite amount of positions, preferences, and types that exist in the world. This video was about, for me, how I don't find sexual position to be very helpful when I'm trying to determine if there's potential.
@@Sco-Show thats just ignorant. You do have sex in a relationship right? It is important for determining if there is relationship potential.
@@MalcomMalediction im sorry to break to u but good sex only wont make a happy couple if yall not compatible as ppl and toxic anyway. I guess thats why ur so stubborn about this, good luck!
Ok, but the guys who say they are only looking for love on apps don't give me any idea of what they like sexually. They just say they are looking for "love", "dating", "friendship", and "chat", so how am I supposed to know if they are a top or bottom or whatever?? Yes, I find those top/bottom labels tedious too but I am equally suspicious of men who come across like emotional sponges of need or start calling me "sweetheart" or "dear" within five minutes of chatting with them online. UGGH!! They've either listened to too many Streisand albums or watched too many icky Hollywood romance movies! They present themselves as if life is the gay male version of a Harlequin romance book. I am not a psychic so yes, it is pertinent info to know what you DO and DON"T DO sexually. Sex is a very important part of a long term relationship to most of us so SPELL IT OUT and stop fluttering your coy face-fans of propriety At least the guys who just say "I'm a sex pig" are probably being honest. I know most will disagree with me, but I can learn more about a man by having sex with him and then chatting afterwards than I can on a formal "date" (which I see as job interviews in which the other man presents the ideal photo-shop version of himself) or endless "chat" (also a screening device and one in which those who use it inadvertently reveal red flags, thus leading to what some call "ghosting"). I can see what a man is all about in a standard issue hook-up in which he will show not only the Full Monty bu, unsuspectingly, also his red flags waving in the wind. I can also see if he has QUALITY. Yes, it's rare, but it's there... I'm ever the optimist.
IDK I have zero luck with woman online dating but dudes seem to like me and as a Bi sexual I been dating men .
same here as a bi dude. Guys r waaaaay easier to get dates with than girls from these dating apps.
I wish some one would help me try it!
Let's do it
@@michaelrobosa146 anytime!...where u at?
1:10 someone said it finally... louder boooo louder for the freaking people in the back
Tinder = don’t talk to each other 😅
THX!
Sorry but knowing their position is important cuz ok we both vibe and like each other’s personality, both good peps etc.. and then we both bottoms like😰 u have to know to not be wasting time
I absolutely HATE blank profiles or, worse, profiles with a photo and some basic demographic info such as age and gender but that is it. Usually, these people will send me a like or a heart. Normally, I blow them off because there is nothing to say because they offer nothing. Sometimes, if they have a nice smile or pretty eyes, I will send a question linked to a commentary on their photo or something and hear..........CRICKETS. Very frustrating.
How many people actually date the person they meet on one of these? Very few at best. And if you do it rarely works out. Most users are fake and or a flake. And if people knew what the comp as it’s do with all the information they collect about you and sell it while tracking you over the internet no one would even download one of these.
Debbie Downer.
What about when you are in a relationship, and the sexual aspect has been an issue on and off for 2.5 years. Where now I feel like what I want, has not been fully or even partially fulfilled for a whole year, sex drive is different too as I am 22 and he is 32. I wouldn't have anyone else, I am lacking a detailed perspective on this. I feel like if something doesn't change on a more permanent basis, I am probably going to do something self destructive either blowing up in his face about it, or start looking subconsciously at other guys or the like. 😢
We have talked 12-13 times about this. I have transitioned into liking what he wants, but he hasn't transitioned into liking or seeking out what I want. Nothing changes.
I realize I have a lot of the responsibility here. I genuinely think the way we spend time together in non sexual ways is way more important than the sex, but I know that for myself I just need that other aspect to work and if it can't, just work a bit better than the way it is now, it will hurt us so much. Do you have any advice? 😕
Hi Daniel! The BEST thing I've done in my adult life is go to therapy. Not because anything's wrong with me or I have mental issues but, like training for a race or competition, you hire a trainer to help you get in shape. Therapy has literally changed my life by helping me understand why I think the way I do and help me know myself. I used www.psychologytoday.com to find therapists in my area and then set up consultations with the ones I thought would work for me. Every therapist isn't right for every person so definitely meet a few and see who you click with. I know change is scary and talking to someone about your thoughts and feelings might seem daunting but I know from my experience it was worth it. Wishing you all the best!
You are not old enough to remember when cell phones came out. The first cell phones came out in 1973
Thanks for the correction, I should have said when cell phones became mass produced and adopted by the general public. The more you know!
Sorry, but I must respectfully disagree with you. Everything you said to include in a profile is correct, however...Top, Bottom, or Vers is VERY important in a sexual relationship. Two total Tops are not going be sexually compatible, and neither are two Total Bottoms. Political affiliation is also very important, but FICO credit score just sounds shallow.
absolutely. We are not like straight relationships where u know the guy is the top and girl is the bottom. Gay relationships need to clarify who is top and bottom, or verse.
@@MalcomMalediction Very true. I once went on a blind date with a guy. Some straight friends set us up. He turned out to be hot and super nice. We talked about everything except sex. We had a lot in common and clicked very well. But, later, while making out, we realized we had a little too much in common. He was a total bottom and so was I. "Boyfriends" was taken off the table and we switched to "just friends" mode quickly.
Oh and I forgot to mention in my previous comment, that SEX DRIVE is also one of those essential factors that nobody talks about either. This one affects both gay and straight. You like to have sex seven times a week, high sex drive, but your new partner likes to have sex only once or twice a week, low sex drive, there's a...PROBLEM!!! I've had to deal with this and ended up breaking it off because once or twice a week just wasn't enough for me. No matter how great the guy was I always felt wanting, craving, starving and never full, never satisfied.
I hate dating apps, seems like everyone just wants hookups or waste time in endless chat.
Also sexual position doesn't matter to me, but seems like it does to everyone else 😑
I strongly agree with you. It's depressing. That's why I gave up.
@rj.andrade yeah i deleted everything month ago. Just not worth time or effort when nobody else puts any in.
@@MrTree93 Indeed. Dating apps can rob our inner peace. After investing time, energy, effort, and most especially emotions. And you've been decent and only have good intentions. It seems that most people nowadays don't value morality anymore. It's just all about the gay scene with so much superficiality and objectification.
@rj.andrade yeah in my experience guys just see me as their fetish, sexually, and all have same excuses. Honestly happily single finally since deleting. More time on doing things I love.
@@MrTree93 I do understand where you're coming from. What matters is that we know our worth. It's so peaceful that you don't have to be anxious anymore about these apps. I can state that I'm happily single at the moment. Learning life lessons. Focusing on my well-being. But I'm still open to the possibility of faithful romantic love.
A lot of times I'm told I'm too fat, too old(44) and ugly. Sadly never had a BF but luckily I've managed to have sex twice when I was 23. Before I had a belly and bladder disease and can't work. I'm 230 pounds now, and can't get the time of day. Oh well, I guess. You're cute BTW. And thanks for dissing guys who care about position and or masculine or fem bullshit. Other than the biologically imperative parts there are no Gender norms that matter anymore.
Dating apps are horrible. Lots of guys don't respond to my messages. It's hard to get a match.
Grindr sucks! Too many guys don't want to date.
I've felt this way too and tend to go through phases of spending my time on them.
Please give me some hope and tell me you have found some decent folks on these apps?
😢
I've met many decent guys on the apps, though there was definitely time invested to swipe/message/set up a date. Time is our most precious resource, though, so it's up to you to decide how much you want/can devote to using them. I have phases where I don't look at the apps and times where I do, kinda depends on how I feel and how much time I want to allow myself to spend on them.
Ok so you say position is not important, I beg to disagree!
It is super important, and I wish there as a pin or something one can wear to clearly indicate in a gay bar who is who.
In a straight society, it is very clear who is the male and will be doing the top role, and who is female.
But in a same sex scene, at the bar, on apps, anywhere really, you have no clue, unless you ask (awkward), or you find it published on a dating app (really nice).
So why is this important.
Well if you are going to hookup, you have to know this anyways, since you don't want to spend a lot of time courting a guy, take him home to find out, you both are bottoms or tops for example. Believe me the world is mostly either of that and not very adaptive (verse).
I am pretty much exclusive bottom and most gays are bottoms. Psychologically I can't top and don't get a hardon doing it.
So only way will be viagra and doing it out of duty/being nice, rather than enjoyment, either way, not something someone should be subjected to.
Finding a top or a true verse person is very rare and a verse person says they are verse until you test them to find out they are a bottom under cover.
If you are more after a "date" or relationship, guess what, again, you are better off knowing that up front than to spend months dating a person holding off on sex (a rare thing for gays anyways) , to find out you are sexually incompatible. What then hey?
Only options are to break up and move on, which is easy for a hookup, but not so much emotionally for a real date.
Or open the relationship to a 3rd, which works only for people with no jealousy issues and who are not stuck on a the idea of monogamy and dating is for 2 thing.
Sure I get it that people don't like the labels top or bottoms, and I think bottoms especially don't because of history of bottom shaming in the community.
And yes you would rather want a person to like you for your personality rather than your sexual position, but at the same time, a straight man won't be chatting up another straight man knowingly to date or have sex with for their sparkling personality. No they will see a woman they like, so which they are sexually compatible 1st and foremost, and THEN, they will go chat her up to get to know her personality.
Gay men and lesbians, do NOT have that same convenience, since we are attracted to the same sex. Hence we need that filter up front to help us navigate, what we want.
If it was just a hookup, then who cares so much about position, you hardly spend any time getting to know or spend time on or with a person, so if you end up being incompatible, no hard feelings, you just walk away. Might be awkward or annoying yes, but emotionally, and financially, it is of little consequence.
Dates and relationships, his is a complete different story and of utmost importance in my view, unless you are prepared for your 2 to play the field.
Be careful with some monster inside the gay dating apps. They will show that they like you but can’t meet up , those monster will use humans heart to manipulate them. They will show you a very interesting picture that make you love it …. Wait , not only u who will love it but every single gay men definitely will love it. Guys guys b4 continue please be realistic if you r ugly ( in gay world means skinny, old, etc) man who handsome hot muscle will not like you on apps , trust me ….. except if they want to meet up. They will play around with your heart emotionally. And they will do it in 1 month, 2 or even 6 months or 1 year. Be careful with your own feeling. Once they feel that they did it trap you or make you love him , they will ask something most of course money. With many reasons. Business bankruptcy, money for to meet you, etc
This 55yo beau doesn't. And very moral. A Christian guy and a great considerational feeling of family. In spite of anything.
Yet, completely inexperienced and still alone. ✝️ I reach out. Sometimes into
This digital universe and still. Haven't met in person, or establishe even a platonic friendship with anybody.
What do you do for fun? on a gay dating app? Ehh.. isen't fun synonymous with sex on a gay app? Pretty bad word to use if you want a good conversation 🙂
Sorry but two tops no matter how awesome the rest is , it aint gonna work. Sorry but thats a major point for a relationship to work
There's quite a lot of things two tops can do together but seeing as this is UA-cam I'll have to leave the details to your imagination 😉
I've met many 2 top and 2 bottom couples, so not true.
@@anthonykaurelia and they are all in open relationships trust me i been there done that
Well id date u
I think the top/ bottom compatibility thing is fair to put in your profile. First of all the taking and receiving dynamic is a real thing so it would make sense to put that in there. However when it comes to someone looking for a friendship I think it is futile, it serves no purpose whatsoever. Also group pics 🥲🥲 omg sometimes some people have only group pics and you’re like playing this game of “who do this profile belongs to” is really funny xD
We all have different ranks of importance on different qualities so if that is something you value, put it on your profile! I was trying to convey that, for myself, it's not the most important quality I'm looking for. And re: group pics, it feels kind of bait-and-switch, like you won't realize when you swipe yes on them which one they are.
Do not discuss religion or politics with people.
Oh please, stop pretending.
Hi J Mac! Can you elaborate? Your reply lacks context.
🤮
whats wrong with your jaw? #Masc4Masc
Just born this way, I guess. 🤷♂
Stop vocal frying, it's super annoying
Thanks for the advice!
What am I thinking about dating apps?
Well, first of all, dating apps are for "datings" and nothing more seriously. The philosophy behind it sounds pretty clear to me. At least the name says it all.
But, some meetings have the chance to become permanent over time and it's really something rare.
The truth is it's not the dating apps which play the main role but actually those people who fall in love with each other and want to get along with even some probably huge differences, are the main characters of this story!
Now, it can be meeting in a club, meeting in a restaurant, meeting in a bar or also it can be meeting in dating apps.
Yeah, that's the only truth I love about dating apps!
The fact that almost everyone wants you there because of your d&ck size, how you look like, your age, your height and weight or your position and some other physical aspects which might have been out of your control is annoying with no doubt BUT again we need to mention its other bright sides where it saves a lot of time and energy and hope so that you get somehow 100% sure you're gonna meet the right person after having some short conversations with them that is something totally new for the latest generations of human beings compared to 20-30 years ago where there were no places or environments that people could first talk to each other frankly and then hook-up or meet each other for starting a relationship.
Is it reliable?
Hell no!
Fake accounts are everywhere trying to seduce younger people presumably and it's one of its downsides for sure which can be easily solved by sending some proof pics to each other if you have trust in the other person which again it rarely happens if they're essentially looking for a one-night relationship!
What else?
Hmm... 🤔 Let me think.
Ahha! if dating apps are as bad as we've discussed or as horrible as we've warned about them, then why are still a huge number of people making use of them?
1st: Advertisements.
2nd: The need for sex.
3rd: Many people are not as knowledgeable as you are.
4th: The lack of not putting any alternative, easy way in front of them to select between this or that. Honestly, dating apps are the easiest way to help you get what you've intended to do when it comes to sexual relationships.
Now, for some people its level might be different.
But, what is very clear is that like any other thing, it cannot be 100% negative or dark.
PS: sometimes you've found your partner and you both pretend that you die for each other but you get some disappointing signals from your boyfriend that sparks something inside you that maybe he doesn't like me the way he always tells me (The lack of integrity) which discourages you or whoever who's looking for a real relationship and that's exactly where the drama begins and you both start ignoring each other cos you know this relationship is already sick and over.