interestingly this is actually something i ended up doing unironically after my transition, because trying to define your personal style after a huge change like that is so difficult :') shoutout to the very niche and specific style that is teddycore
yournamecore, when one of your eyes is blue and the other is brown, you put your hair in a lose bun and then you put on leggings and a hoodie because you're so different... hahaha
@@painterlyJ this is similar to what i use pinterest for. i have boards dedicated to people who look similar to me so i can see similar features on a face and body that isnt mine and build a loving and unbiased view of myself. it also means that most of the girls i see have the same hair, skin tone or body type as mine etc. which also helps reduce the overload of appearance based trends we see everywhere. its nice to not just see tall, tanned girls with chiseled faces
It's so strange that activities like sitting in a park with a book is a part of an aesthetic. We don't just change our clothes to fit an aesthetic, we change behavior, things we do. Which just makes me even more convinced that regardless of an aesthetic, people just trying to see themselves as movie characters. So that's not really about style anymore, that's full on escapism. Modeling behavior after movie characters or our own perception of a real person both of which don't exist. I think we all need therapy to help us accept ourselves and reality.
Yeah I think one of the biggest issues my generation struggles with is being perceived. We grew up with the internet, so attention was a forced currency and the media molded what that should look like. Coming of age movies and celebrities, etc. We didn’t really learn about ourselves too deeply, but we did learn a LOT about the “ideal person” (who is ever-changing btw). Trying to emulate them as if there are constant cameras watching our every move is what we’ve sadly been taught
There's a reason we don't see true punk as an aesthetic. You can't really make a profit out of "dye your hair with food pigment and pour cement over anti-homeless spikes in your neighborhood"
imo it's not about doing things because you truly enjoy it, it's about presenting yourself a certain way to others and basically showing off. in the age of the internet, everyone is so concerned with self-image because it feels like everything we do is broadcasted to the whole world. people don't care about actually having certain qualities/hobbies, they just want to *look* like they do. you can't read a book in the park normally anymore, you have to get dressed up and post pictures of it so the whole world knows you're the type of person who would read a book in the park
@@rizzobeloved exactly my thoughts!! to add on to that, it's hard to learn how to "be yourself" when it feels like the whole world is able to watch and judge our every move. whenever I want to experiment with an outfit I'm afraid someone will record me in public and post it online because we see it happen so often ;/ so it's understandable why people would want to mimic celebrities in order to blend in with trends
yep, this hyper-labeling is absolutely the result of being chronically online. functional labels are cool - gender (or lacktherof), sexuality, etc. but some of this is excessive and damaging. not everything needs to be a trend, a label, a category, another thing to put in your bio. people need to just live and enjoy themselves and the world
I had a long conversation with my therapist about how it's really damaging and restricting to scramble to label ourselves all the time.. of course it's good that we are able to define ourselves in a way that is universally understood, but it's not healthy to want to put a label on every single part of your identity.
@@katrinechristensen3429 The consumerism is as forced as possible too. have you seen the water bottle wars? people are literally trying to predict what the next "it" water bottle will be (hydroflask, stanley, etc). can we just chill? be happy with what we have if it already works???
FR my style is basically plenty aesthetics clothing I liked and I change constantly because why put myself in a cage when their is so much style out of here to try
my “aesthetic” is everything i’ve ever been and a combination of everything i’ve liked. i genuinely think us humans are not supposed to limit ourselves, fashion is meant to be fun and adventurous!!
as a 26 year old with a fully cooked brain, the focus on aesthetics as the sole marker of identity points to seeing life as simply material consumption rather than living as a human person. like im trying to wrap my head around the idea of someone being compelled to read in the park only because it checks the box of the light academia aesthetic rather than reading a book in a park in an outfit just because you want to, and the former just makes me rly sad lol
25 year old here with a brain right out of the oven. The problem with changing your habits to fit an aesthetic is it tricks you into thinking that people around you are watching and actually care. Part of being an adult, whether you're beautiful or just average, is coming to terms with your own anonymity. If a stranger thinks you're beautiful, they will notice you for half a second and forget about you in the next couple minutes. It is really nothing to strive for.
That's what I find so disturbing about "recommended activities" for aesthetics. I think it's fine to dress in a certain fashion you found online, but getting into certain hobbies just because it fits your aesthetic is weird. It's like you're treating these hobbies as though they were clothes: a thing you put on to look cool. I guess it's a good thing to get people to try out reading and other things they might enjoy, because these can be fulfilling hobbies, but I just don't like the superficiality of it.
As a young woman who is bombarded by all the ways the internet tells me I ‘should’ be living- I remember what my therapist tells me: “You will always feel the full range of human emotions!” It doesn’t matter what job you have, where you move, who’s your partner, or what aesthetic you adopt- you will still feel frustration, disappointment, boredom, joy, curiosity, sensitivity, etc. A life void of suffering does not exist- but at least all emotions are temporary.
exactly!! i want to move away soon but i try not to romanticize it too much because i WILL suffer at some point in some days. i can't runaway from life being bad sometimes like up's and down's are just how life works.
One thing i didn't think you mentioned but that i realised while watching this is that these video's put so much emphasis on how others percieve you. Its almost not "how to be...aesthetic" anymore but more "how to be viewed as ...aesthetic"
this is literally so true, I think this notion in it of itself is what stops people from actually developing their own identities too since all it does is develop how others will perceive them
ngl it reminds me of one of my classes where they discussed about the philosophy of "aesthetics" and in all honesty, it disappointed me how many of my batchmates just assume that "aesthetic" is a look meant to be achieved, rather than an appreciation for beauty and finding ways to see the beauty within your truest self, like how the philosophy originally is. Not to make myself a nerd/boomer here, but "aesthetics" already lost it's meaning when people feel like they need to fit a certain style in order to be truly "aesthetic", which saddens me a bit, to truly appreciate "aesthetics" would be to find what makes something beautiful and understand that there is beauty found within almost everything, really.
america would literally have to have a revolution for that to happen (and i use literally in the true meaning of the word, like this couldnt happen unless we had a revolution)
There was nothing more uncool than labelling yourself in the late 90s/early 00s. You embraced your weird and moved on. There was a push to avoid being put into any box and to be an individual. Tbh that might be why there really was no leading genre of music in the 90s ( an observation that ppl now can't seem to stop making on top music of the 90s videos). Movies used cliques ironically, or when they didn't, it just seemed to fuel rebellion against being stereotyped. People liked what they liked and that was kind of the end of it. I have found this trend in the past few years to label and 'identify as' and aesthetics/core really unfortunate and regressive.
@@merrymermaid fat and skinny are categories. ugly and pretty are categories. you cant only get rid of *some* categories, even just ones about personas. it's all or nothing.
It’s a completely online idea. “Rebranding” is what companies do, to sell themselves. We’re not commodities we’re simply people. No one in real life considers what others’ “aesthetics” are. They just see you for you. Imo all it boils down to is how you want your Instagram/tik tok/tumblr/Twitter to look.
when i was really depressed i “rebranded” myself. i thought “if i look and act different and just change everything about myself, i’ll feel different.” to some extent it worked, for several months i felt better but it all came crashing back down. moral of the story, people need to stop trying to turn into knew people.
same thing happened to me , i was good all school year than crashed that summer, was horrible, had the biggest identity crisis and i’m still coming back from it. so happy i deleted tiktok
I mean it can help, because it maybe helps you to shift perspective a little bit and for depression its often helpful to try out new ways of thinking and get out of thought spirals like that. Its a bit the "fake it till you make it" approach where we try to learn our brain to get off of destructive patterns. But this ofcourse only works if you genuinley do it for yourself and not for some imaginary audience on the internet who will praise you for it.
@@CampingforCool41 it depends in which setting and in what context of course faking to be happy never works. But for example in behavioral therapy it can help with little tasks and getting back into routines to start doing them, despite not feeling that it makes sense or helps until you reach a point where it starts to help.
The same thing happened to me. I thought that becoming “another person” is what will make me feel better, because “new me” will not have the problems of an “old me”. In reality, I mostly focused on my appearance and behavior rather than on the actual issue. It helped a lot for a couple of months, but here I am…
As someone who's always had I guess an aesthetic, this aesthetic branding stuff is really strange. For years I've had what you'd nowdays call like a "kawaii soft girl dollhouse core" aesthetic. And it was just stuff I liked, I just liked pink stuff and soft toys. And then the "aesthetic" got super popular and suddenly I was trendy and no longer dressed like a grandma. And then it stopped being trendy and now I dress like "I'm stuck in 2020" apparently. Despite just... Wearing and using and enjoying the same stuff I always have lmaoo
There was literally an old episode of the cartoon Doug about this exact phenomenon edit: I just googled it, it was called "Doug En Vogue" and it aired in 1993
This is part of why I’m happy my lifelong “aesthetic” isn’t trendy in today’s world. On one hand, it’s difficult to find clothes I like since most stores don’t carry them, but on the other hand I’m happy there aren’t suddenly others coming in and dictating what the “aesthetic” is supposed to be, then dropping it after a couple weeks and insulting me for still wearing it. I’m truly sorry that this has happened to you, it sounds like such a pain and it sucks that this is the world we have to live in nowadays. I think the way you dress sounds really nice, and I know you look absolutely amazing in it! :)
@@iamobsessedwithshadowsight My style isn't trendy either, but I find that the thrift shops are great because it's all people throwing out their "out of style" clothes that I love lol.
Yea, I’ve always been kinda spooky/gothy. Watching girls I knew used to bully girls like me, go on to DRESS like me, kinda felt uncomfortable. Watching them disavow the lifestyle and go back to calling us musty and weird is bittersweet. But really, not every hand may wield the “kawaii soft girl dollhouse core” aesthetic girl. It’s your thing. It was never their thing. 🖤🌸
Honestly I think so much of this stems from the ‘glow up’ phase during lockdowns. We were all stuck inside lacking motivation and effort and so we’re watching influencers “glowing up” as our own bit of escapism. Then when lockdowns started to relax we were all in the mindset that we too have to constantly be improving and evolving to be on top of everyone else. And when these micro trends and tiny unrealistic “aesthetic” boxes came along, we all tried to shove ourselves inside them to continue this never ending so-called journey of self improvement
Not too sure it’s because of lockdowns. I mean, it’s definitely not the cause, the root is much further than that. I remember aesthetics were starting to irritate me in 2019. Even then, you can easily see previous iterations on tumblr during the 2010s. Likely the pandemic amplified and added further visibility to the trend, as it did with many other things.
Valid theory, but also these aesthetic boxes existed before Covid and were very big. Think about the “VSCO girl” and “art hoe” aesthetics. I also think humanity in general has always been trying to constantly improve and evolve.
A few years back, I fell into a Japanese aesthetic called “ryousangatajoshi” which roughly translates to “mass-produced girl”… which is scary in itself already tbh. It not only dominated my entire wardrobe, but also my life and what I did for fun, who I chose to spend time with, etc. Early last year, I came to the realization that I had completely lost my sense of self. I couldn’t even do normal things like go to the store and pick out some makeup because I had always followed what all the other girls in this group/aesthetic were doing. If someone asked me “do you like this?” I couldn’t even answer. I didn’t even know what I liked anymore. And if I said “yes, I do like that” it was just a reflection of what the people in that aesthetic liked. It’s honestly been a horrifying realization, but I’m glad I’ve become aware of it. Last year I made a huge effort to distance myself from all of that stuff and try to find myself again. It’s been a long process and I’m still working on it, but I think a lot of people don’t realize the mental effects of going down a rabbit hole like that. It really leaves a lasting impact that can sometimes be difficult to reverse. This video was seriously amazing and touched on so many important points. Thank you ❤
Omg thank you for sharing! I also struggled too with the “what do you like?” questions, I can’t ever give an answer. I feel like my mind goes blank because I don’t really know what it is I want in life. Even when I get giddy about things, I feel like I’m only excited about them because someone somewhere online or in real life told me those are the desires I should have.
Wow, this was interesting to read and I’m so glad you’re putting the work in to rediscover yourself! You say it was a horrifying realization and I absolutely believe that, I can only imagine how it felt to be faced with the prospect of having to like, rebuild yourself separately from the aesthetic you’d put so much time into. If you’re comfortable sharing, why do you think this aesthetic dominated so many aspects of life for you? Was it a coping mechanism for some sort of issue or insecurity you didn’t yet understand? No need to answer of course but I feel like that’s a very common experience, it’s just that not everyone makes it to the self-reflection stage like you did.
@@lenaboyer6981 Yes, I do think it was some sort of coping mechanism… I was bullied pretty badly growing up because of the clothes I wore and liked actually, so it was always a soft spot for me. I think that ultimately I had always wanted to fit in somewhere and feel like I belonged and the aesthetic gave me that feeling at the time. I think it’s also a lot easier to have others tell you what’s “right” to do and wear, rather than having the courage to do your own thing, especially if it’s different than what those around you are doing. There was a sense of comfort in following and feeling accepted because of it. It was scarier for me to just be myself and so I ended up losing sight of who I was in the process. I’m really glad I was able to put all of that behind me though and I hope anyone else struggling with this sort of thing is able to as well. ❤️🩹 :)
I like that style a lot but I always feel weird because I don’t ONLY wear that style. I love all styles.😭 I’m always like I have no aesthetic and now I’m embracing having no aesthetic just wearing what I like.
Heyyy I just wanted to say I felt so alone in this but you just described everything I feel and I just want to talk about that if you don't mind First of all are you doing better now and found yourself once again and secondly I only recently realised how obsessive I became and now I know nothing about myself is somebody was to ask what my favourite colour is or if I like smth I can't answer Do you have any advice on what I can do or smth you did to help? X
i feel like when i was in high school i was obsessed with being what i guess now is known as the “cool girl aesthetic” and i was so confused why i constantly was so exhausted and drained. but it was because that person wasn’t me. i feel like the “rebranding” can seem so great for mentally ill teens because they don’t want to be in their brains. when in reality it’s hurting them and like you said causing an identity crisis later on.
When I was in high school my version was being a tumblr girl (and eventually graduated to art hoe lol) to make sense of my depression instead of getting actual help for it. I used romanticizing my mental illnesses as a form of escapism and nearly lost my life because of it.
im a mentally ill teenager/young adult and ive been consuming this type of content for years to where i now cant identify things i actually like vs things i was taught to think i like because theyre considered cool or aesthetic
I’ve always felt imprisoned by the idea that you have to have one aesthetic and one only. One day I feel like dressing like a skater bitch and the other day I look like a librarian. No one really cares. Just wear what feels good :))
I think most of us like to dress up as who we feel like we are day by day. When we "have nothing to wear" it's because we don't see anything in the closet that we think will tell the world our story.
For YEARS I was obssesively trying to label myself (gender and sexuality includded), it ends up that I may have OCD. Leaving social media and my brain fully developing is game changer. I not only feel better with my stile, i'm more creative. I have more energy to make art and to also weare my art (painting and kniting my clothes). I'm also developing my art style and not trying to imitate everything I see.
I havent been diagnosed with OCD but I share alot of the traits as well, I have extreme black and white thinking where I have to completely follow a certain set of rules or I will stress myself out. Aesthetics have been a huge for me because I feel the need to fit in specific life styles or my mind thinks I am not good enough. There is more to why I think I have OCD but thats a main issue I struggle with and I am trying to train myself into taking things with a grain of salt and living more freely I have also been obsessed with labels of all kinds to make myself feel sane
@@carnationsinclarity I understand you soooo much. It's very hard because a label can feel soothing in one moment and very restrictive in a short period of time, in a way I'm not positive most people experience. In my case, I can ether end up in an anxiety attac because I have a label but I don't feel certain aspects align with it and I can't change them, or because I don't have one. I'm in the loooong process to learn how to self reference and not tray to feet in in boxes. I hope you find coping mechanisms that make you feel better. (Sorry foer my english, is not my first lenguage)
i am diagnosed with ocd and if you can function without therapy/medicine you don’t have ocd. it actually affects neurotransmitters which means you can’t control it without medicine or intense therapy. shock therapy is common. everyone has ocd tendencies, they’re actually very common, but it becomes a disorder when it consumes your whole life. trust me you’ll know if you have ocd, it’s very distinct disorder. even people around you would be able to tell. the hallmark of ocd is a lack of feeling accomplished. we don’t get that rush of serotonin when we’ve done something correctly, so our brains can’t differentiate when we’ve done something right or wrong. or even if there is no clear “right or wrong” our brains still think something is wrong. my main problem specifically is relationships, i constantly feel like i need to fix something when there is no problem to begin with. another distinct trait of ocd is being painfully aware of how irrational you’re being. the tendencies are unconscious which means we can’t control them. like you can’t control your own heartbeat. i can say pretty confidently if you have to wonder if you have ocd, you probably don’t have it. i’ve been diagnosed with it since i was 7, it was very obvious even before i could even explain my symptoms. just because you have an obsession doesn’t mean it’s ocd, pretty much all anxiety/mood disorders revolve around obsessions. ocd is as irrational as it gets, like thinking your friend is gonna kill you because they aren’t answering your messages. there is no mild form of ocd, it’s all incredibly irrational and intense. its also an external disorder, what triggers us is things we can’t control. finding people who’re experiencing the same thing as you can be helpful if you don’t have access to therapy. i don’t know you personally, but if you had ocd you would’ve either gone crazy or gotten help by now, it’s not a disorder you can cope with by yourself.
@@carnationsinclarity what you're talking about sounds more related to OCPD than OCD - OCPD is more about a need for orderliness and perfectionism, OCD usually isn't. Just to clarify, I'm not saying you do have OCPD, just that what you're talking about would be considered traits of it.
the clean girl thing specifically worries me because when I was younger I felt like everyone else looked fresh and put together and like it was effortless, and I felt gross and weird and shapeless. turns out I'm trans and had bad dysphoria / body dysmorphia. I wasted so much time thinking this product or these clothes or this routine was going to make me feel normal and human.
although im not trans, i can completely relate. everyone always looked so clean and beautiful witht their clothes and everything. i had curly frizzy hair and my clothes never seemed to fit the way other peoples clothes fit. i had bad acne at a young age. my body developed and im curvier so what is clean and put together for some girls is just slutty and gross for me :(
also i’m definitely guilty of bulk buying clothes during lockdown and trying to “rebrand” myself, then i realised that just doesn’t work, now i’m slowly building a vintage collection of 60s clothes and having fun with it
same I tried to imitate the clean girl look and bought things I was forcing myself to like. I thought dressing like a pinterest photo everyday would make me a lot happier but I just felt like a fraud, so now I'm back to wearing what I want which feels a lot more comfortable
60s and 70s era clothing is so cool. I love all the fringes, colors, and fun patterns. I wish I could wear the babydoll dresses with the high neckline, but my d cups make me look pregnant in shapeless dresses.
@@erinnmackie3507 same, that era of fashion was so fun! i definitely go for a more 70s silhouette cause i have broad shoulders and the babydoll dresses are so nice
@@marydarko3380 welcome to the broad shoulders, big boobs club...lol. on the topic of "new" trends, I'll never really get into the low rise trend. I've got too much squish in the hips for that now. Even when I was toned enough to pull it off, I never felt comfortable exposing my lower belly. Maybe someday I'll be brave enough. High waisted everything for now!!!
I’ve struggled with this so much. As a black man in academia I found myself trying so hard to become a “dark academic” and it felt so forced and I felt unfulfilled. It’s the idea that you can’t be yourself and also do the things that you want to do in life. That fear allows people like myself to become victim to these trends.
I deleted TikTok in November and I've never felt better about myself. I've been struggling a lot with mental health, and being bombarded with people that live a "perfect" life at all times, was exhausting. Now I'm "rebranding" myself, in the way that I'm getting to know myself after years of not feeling secure in my style, because i couldn't live up to a certain aesthetic. And realizing that I'm almost 24 and don't need to dress trendy like a teenager, has also really helped. For 2023 I'm just becoming me, and only allowing myself to fill my life with things i truly enjoy.
I was scrolling through tik tok for almost like 4-5 hours, I kid you not. When I was done, I felt so overwhelmed and so unfulfilled in life, like I’m only 20 and already feel like my life is over. It sucks and I hate feeling like this
@@CAI.DREAMSWhen I used to have tiktok I felt the same way. I deleted it since last week and feel so much better. Also deleted instagram, because I don’t wanna see other people’s life atm 24/7. The addiction is still here because I still wanna scroll sometimes but i dont :) I de-actived all my accounts
@@damla_dul I deleted IG, I’ve been on and off with Twitter which is the most toxic lol and I think I’m just going to delete the Tik tok app. Idk I think I’m just gonna read books, watch actual UA-cam and then listen to podcasts. I think reading so many people’s thoughts is just too exhausting and watching so much content sometimes distorts reality.
I feel like all the talk about aesthetics and placing ourselves into categories is just so trivial when we take a step back. Like the fact that social media has made everyone so hyper aware of their image and their identity just creates this vacuum of competition for uniqueness. It is sad that we put this much time into curating specific images of ourselves instead of just living a life and doing the things we enjoy. It sucks the fun out of everything.
And it’s an impossible competition because we are “competing” with the entire world now not just our local community. I’ve completely stopped making art because I feel like there’s just an infinite number of people I see every day online doing things better and faster and more uniquely than I can ever hope to. It’s really depressing.
I recently saw someone on Tiktok say something about this topic and I'm just so happy more people are talking about it. They were saying how they just hate how everything is an aesthetic (vanilla, clean, soft girl etc) and how people should just live. People can make one smoothie and say "I'm in my soft girl era" PLEASE... this is real life.
I decided to try using a bullet journal this year to keep on top of my assignments this semester, and the online community around bullet journaling is honestly so overwhelming. There are thousands of videos of people flipping through their journals and creating new spreads that aren’t even that useful in staying organizing and keeping track of tasks, and some of them will put hours into making all their pages look perfect and aesthetic. I knew immediately that if I tried to imitate what I was seeing online I was absolutely not going to keep up with this at all. And yeah, putting a little washi tape on the top of my page does bring me a little spark of joy, but the online bullet journal community seems so focused on aesthetics rather than actually helpful tips on how to use a journal to keep your life on track. So I’ve committed to using this journal to make sure I get everyone done on time this semester, but I’ve also promised myself to not get distracted by or pressured by the need to make my journal look perfect or pretty; as long as it’s functional, it’s already improving my life.
Yes I gave up last year because mine didn’t look like all the ones I saw online. This year I’m just trying to fill it in when ever I feel like and avoiding looking at the amazing ones online to keep me focused
It's such a shame, especially because bullet journalling was developed to be a quick, messy, functional system to help the creator manage their ADHD, and the way it's presented now is... just so inaccessible
Yes, I went into bullet journal this year and the only two videos I could watch to the end were the videos of the creator of this system (will add name later if I remember) because there is just no way I could make a bullet journal so perfect and clean like all the other ones I found. Like, how did it went from "random notebook, symbols that you can understand fast, make it work your way" to "scrapbook with dates, habit trackers full of colors and charts of meanings, beautiful masterpiece every page" so fast? Like, I get it is nice, I would love to be able to maintain that level of 'prettiness', but the fact that it's an organization system and most of the bullet journals shown online are not, kinda sucks :(
As somebody who likes doodling and has really bad adhd no matter how many task lists i would make i realized i really just needed a journal to draw whatever and put my thoughts down with like the occasional entry, the idea of making everything look "pretty" and organized was really limiting me. I've tried planners, i tried bullet journaling, i tried lists and whiteboards and even digital journaling; it's just easier to go back to my roots of the notebooks i would use in all of my classes, when i would pick a random page and put whatever i wanted on it,, and modernized that for myself by getting a bound notebook that i can't rip things out of. Now i cover up things i don't like with taped in drawings or stickers or cute packaging lol but it feels personal and comfortable and just like myself.
literally every time someone asks my aesthetic i say “i’m just myself lol” and then they start putting me into catergorys like i did not ask for this lmao. sometimes it’s cool and funny talking about aesthetics like i will put on an outfit and be like wow this is so h2ojustaddwatercore but letting it consume your identity and life is scary and unfulfilling
i used to be one of those girls and it was one of the worst times of my life. i was so incredibly obsessed with making myself, especially my online persona, 'aesthetic.' everything i bought, wore, watched, listened to, even the way i acted absolutely had to be 'fairycore' or 'royalcore' or 'dark academia' or whatever the hell i was into that month. i lost my sense of self completely and my self-esteem was at an all-time low, which people noticed and took advantage of, causing me to be stuck in extremely toxic relationships. finally disconnecting from aesthetics and microtrends and focusing on ACTUALLY finding myself was one of the best decisions i have ever made.
i could never fit into one "aesthetic" when there's so many that i love, so i straight up just select fits based on what i'm feeling. makes like 100x easier (and fun!)
Thank you for this!! I’ve always felt this way, the rise of “aesthetics” without any actual subculture. The prevalence of fast fashion, an aesthetic being something you can just put on then throw away. I will never understand people who want to conform to a trend instead of just thinking for 2 seconds about what they actually like. I grew up as an “emo” teen but it was an entire subculture and genre, not just a look. I still dress like that LOL
yeah :0 honestly my closet is filled with different styles bc i really just buy whatever i like, whatever makes me smile, whatever i can see myself wearing often. and if i end up not wearing as much as i thought i would, i just donate it to my family's home country ^-^ trying to only fit one "aesthetic" would honestly hurt my brain (and i have tried before! i tried exclusively being into alt clothes back in 2020 bc i thought it was cute and would be a vibe, but only styling around that was very meh and i got tired of doing it every day). i need to have different styles for different days depending on how im feeling. like, earlier this week i was dressing in clothes that made me feel more colorful-masculine-queer, and towards the end of the week i ended up with some more sexy-tomboy-of-the-earth vibes lmao. and some days im just a flower in the wind. i need my closet to reflect all aspects of me, not just one particular thing.
@@sleepy.timaeus.arts. same, I was never able to pick just one style (believe me I tried). I just dress according to my mood, which can be vintage fashion, alt/goth, rainbow. Denying these different aspects of me in favor of pursuing an aesthetic just makes me feel bored and not happy with what I'm wearing.
Honestly its what pissed me off about the women feeling reliefed about not having to wear alt anymore-alt isnt just an “aesthetic” you can bulk buy from fast fashion for, a big part of it is litrealy politics and music , most of these subcultures even depend on thrifting or buying second hand or DIY since many were started from lower class people
Oh my god finally someone is talking about this! 😭 I literally Couldn’t agree more. You can’t make your personality fit a trend that’s currently in. It’s insane 😭
i was such a dark academia bisexual-core (what the fuck, i know) girlie in the peak of my mental illness and it gave me a place to hide. because ‘ooo i love reading and spending time with myself and old poetry’ is much easier to say than ‘i am lonely and suicidal and i don’t know who i am at all so im gonna distract myself by doing the absolute most to fit this identity’
please because as someone who had found her personal style YEARS before becoming chronically online, tiktok / the internet STILL made me lose my identity. managed to find my own GENUINE style again by looking at outfits of aesthetics that i don't necessarily adhere to and still look for a piece i really enjoy. (and deleting social media, but i don't think everyone needs to do that)
This video has actually been so helpful. I’m not trying to be quirky or different but I literally have been non stop crying almost all day because I can’t be an aesthetic pintrest girlie due to the fact I’m not a human beanpole. I went onto UA-cam to distract myself and instead I found this video. You’ve given me lots to sit on and think about rather then hating myself for something beyond my control. So thank you.
I'm glad I stopped caring (as much) about what other people think about me. I'm finally getting into my non-people-pleasing era and I love that for me. Also miss ma'am, if you ever have a meet and greet in NYC, please please make sure i'm on the invite list. Your essence is truly a blessing to this world.
there’s a difference than dressing and doing hobbies that make you feel the best (like when i dress cute to the gym or to school i feel more motivated) vs doing a full “rebrand” to feel and look more trendy and pretending to enjoy things they don’t
like i tend to like things that fit the “clean girl” “academic” “vanilla/coquette” and might dress or do hobbies that fit that aesthetic but i don’t think you should limit yourself to one whole thing
The only social I still have is Pinterest to talk with my irl friends and save pics of cats lol I have been seeing more of the "aesthetic" culture which I dont like
I needed to hear this and be called out... lately I have been buying into this idea that getting my shit together is updating my room and my wardrobe, being more aesthetic, etc. And being online, seeing others seemingly doing a better job at being aesthetic, seeing people that have seemed to achieve that romanticized life, I didnt realize how much it was stressing me out. Thanks for this
i’m a fashion student and a huge thing ppl talk abt is your “personal brand” and it annoys me to no end. like i shouldn’t have to brand MYSELF in order for you to like what i’m making. i don’t want my own brand. i want to work for somewhere else. i shouldn’t have to think abt that in order to do my work 😭
I went through a "I desperately need an aesthetic" phase and it was horrible. I always felt like the clothes I liked to wear weren't good anymore bc they didn't fi the aesthetic I thought I wanted. Now I just dgaf and just wear whatever tf I want bc its not a fashion show
I don't limit myself to one aesthetic and I genuinely can't understand how people can. My style is usually a mix of aesthetic influences and it goes purely off what I feel like that day. Clothes are a method of expression and I take that for everything, sometimes I use outfits as a tool to get myself in a headspace or feel confident about what I have to do that day, sometimes clothes are just something I put on to stay warm. Limiting myself to one kind of style or even just limiting my relationship with style would feel suffocating. Yesterday I looked like a librarian to go get some coffee and grocery shop. Tomorrow i will be a full blown kawaii goth femme to play dnd. The day after that it's stained jeans and an oversized sweatshirt for work. Who cares?! Follow how you feel and what makes you feel good and the version of yourself that matters the most will shine through: the real one. Even if it's not as neat or as consistent as one aesthetic or set of behaviors.
I honestly find it absolutely fun to jump between aesthetics. I had tried to "rebrand" to a specific aesthetic but then I looked at my wardrobe and realised, I still loved my cacophony of a wardrobe.
I totally lost myself and my identity when I was 16 and the amount of mental pain that identity crisis put on me was just bad .you don't need to rebrand yourself. You just need to know yourself and experimenting and journaling is a good way to know more about yourself.
I believe that these "aesthetics" have become a form of online-cliques where people develope a sense of belonging when following them. It would be interesting to see how it translates to "in person" culture, but I'm not from the US or in school so I have no clue.
i had an entire college course about personal branding and it was disgusting tbh. i'm not a brand! i'm a person! and i'm not making myself into a brand in order to be more palatable to employers!
My high school last year (I'm now at university) had a workshop for girls only, about personal branding, and how you shouldn't post bikini photos or photos of yourself with a short dress on or yourself at parties or music festivals on social media, or potential employers will find it and think you're innapropate or not classy. I shook my head and internally thought this is ridiculous, but the vast majority of girls just nodded and seemed to think what they were being taught is okay. It's literally brainwashing. There were some positive things about listing your positive traits and thinking about what hobbies work for you which could translate into jobs, but the vast majority of it was terrible. This course was once a week for two months and it was compulsory for final-year students
Yeah, as a college design student, we were constantly told to find our brand to make ourselves stand out from the crowd. I kinda get it, but in the end, we really are still humans. Maybe they should put it like "finding our own personal touch and style" instead of rebranding, you know?
I am so glad people are finally talking about this!!! I feel like the pandemic really made it worse because people spent so much time with themselves and there was really a shift I feel toward glowing up or working on yourself to be productive during that time. I think the problem is that finding a new aesthetic is perceived by people as "self improvement" when in reality the aesthetics are mostly surface level and primarily about consumerism. almost all of the ways you can adopt the aesthetics include purchasing things. I also realized they place an even larger emphasis on looks(which I didn't know was possible for us as a society) and the obsession with them has been very revealing. When I realized a few months ago I see none of these aesthetics or this pressure to keep up placed on men, I decided to not participate in it all anymore. I think taking inspiration or trying new things/ hobbies is cool and I will continue to do it, but I will no longer be putting myself into a box, or buying a new personality every few months. It's exhausting.
this video threw me for a loop for SEVERAL reasons. firstly, i have been sort of indie (sort of) since 2020. i have a wolfcut, wear baggy jeans, listen to all the music that wolfcut people listen to, etc. and today was the day i realized, this morning actually, that i'm kind of getting over that. i am growing out my hair, i've been dressing like a preppy lululemon girly recently and i realized that the reason that i have been is because i want to fit in. i don't really vibe with my old style anymore, but this new style is just my attempt to fit in and look cute and i don't vibe with that either. i'm in a weird place of limbo right now. secondly, the first tiktok you showed is literally from a girl that i used to follow on pinterest like a year ago, and we would comment on each other's posts and style and i loved her style and thought it was so cool. i didn't even recognize her in this video at first but when i did i literally GASPED bc hearing that she moved on made me so sad. i used to love her style. but the point is, nicole, stop spying on me, this video was way too specific
Oh, hello. I used to feel like that too! What helped me (and still helps me) is to think about my style as the weather. Some people have it easier, like it's easy to say it's gonna be hot in the desert (although it gets cold as heck in the nights) like some people always have the same style every day. But other people have a "Mediterranean" kind of style: it tends to go one way (in the long way) but if you focus on the days one day may be sunny, the other snowing, as you can dress like a princess one day and as an "alt-indie" girl the other. It's ok to be on the limbo, and at the end of the day, we have all our life to find a style (if we ever stay in the same) and to change to others too :D
I’m coming up to 27 and it’s taken till now to realise that being happy is the only aesthetic I want I don’t want a fancy background restaurant to post on insta, I want good people around me cheap nights in and a happy family that’s it! If I wake up and wanna get dressed up, I will if I wake up and wanna caterpillar myself in a fluffy jacket and sweat pants that’s happening I’m still living my best selfs life 👏🏻👏🏻
I feel like this is especially hard to give up as a neurodivergent person, in that ND people (especially women) will try to mask, and the whole categorisation of aesthetics with matching interests/hobbies is dangerously easy to follow if you're lost on how to mask
As an autistic girl, there’s always the solution to give up the mask entirely and be your authentic self without going through a filter to be palatable by society ❤️ join the revolution
From someone who has done some version of this since childhood (also bc of ocd. Omg twinsies) ...stop throwing all your things away. Put things away for a few months first, and then decide. You will regret throwing everything out (selling/whatever), even if it feels so good at the time. Every time. Year after year 😂
Literally me. I planned to throw half my clothes out a couple months ago so I bagged them all up but never managed to bring them to the thrift store. But a couple weeks ago I looked through the bags again and though “why the hell am I throwing this out, I love this”
I'm 24 now - 2 years out of college and omg. I look back at my life and cringe because of the many aesthetics I allowed myself to fall prey to. I'm so glad to now be embracing all the things that make me, well myself. It's so much easier to breathe that way.
Them: "I was alt/indie because I wanted to feel special and different and I don't feel that need anymore so I changed" Me, a 26yo goth: "Idk what to tell you, I just look freaking amazing in plaid, black, red and fishnet stockings with enormous boots and that is special enough for me lol"
Two summers ago, I ended up on coquette tiktok and the influence it had on me was wild. Style changes, certain makeup looks, the colours I painted my nails, bedroom changes, etc. It was attractive seeing other teen girls have such a put-together style. I have since delted that app and feel so much better about myself 💞
the internet has truly come to a point where we sadly talk about ourselves as if we are brands or products, rather than human beings. i also find it sad that with the whole rise of micro aesthetics and genres, people feel as though they have to like things related to or similar to their aesthetic. if you're into pastel softer things u can only have cutesy interests or if ur into a more dark aesthetic u can only like dark things etc. it's very limiting. i've had friends and even seen others that refuse to get other things they like or want because it doesn't match the vibe or aesthetic they're going for. i think people try too hard to curate themselves and their life to feel put together that it just makes them more miserable in the long run.
I like aesthetics! Theyre fun and cute and it brings me pleasure! But also, I dont follow all the aesthetics nor do I live my life based on categories. I pick and choose parts I like and build myself through the small details. I think this is the healthiest way to consume aesthetics. (Edit: havent watches the video yet but I wanna say it now hahaha)
i agree! when it comes to things like decoration or design, aesthetics are so nice and can make your environment feel so much nicer. but when you get to the point where you're doing things you would never usually do, just because it's what an "aesthetic" person would do, that's when it gets a bit weird. (some "aesthetic" hobbies are good tho, like reading books, keeping your space organized, or exercising)
i feel like we don’t about the consumerist sides of these aesthetics enough, so i’m glad you brought it up. more than once i’ve bought something because it was trendy, not because i truly liked it, and it gets worn once or twice. what i’ve started doing is when i see something i want to buy asking myself “will i wear this all the time? or do i just want it now because it’s trendy?” a lot of the time i surprise myself by realising, no, i probably won’t wear this more than once. awesome video! :)
It literally just dawned on me that men do not go through this shit like ever😭 like I doubt they get bombarded at the beginning of every month/year about how to be xyz like damn it’s literally just us and that’s so mind opening for me
did you get your skull cleaved in when you were a baby? it's the same shit, just a little less varied 💀 just take a look at 99% of guys you see on social media
As a man it definitely does exist. It’s just not as overt as with women. Trust me, most men are always keeping an eye out for what’s “in” so that they can fit in too.
anyone else overwhelmed not because they're trying to fit into one aesthetic, but rather they're interested in so many things that trying to explore everything can get daunting? then you start to wonder if maybe you just need to fit one aesthetic after all to feel more grounded and cohesive, but when you do that you start to get intrigued by more things and the cycle continues...
no literally i've been thinking about this so much and how at a certain point it feels like people do things to fit an aesthetic rather than because they actually want to do them?? It's baffling
this is quite literally the reason i’ve taken a break from both instagram and tiktok. i felt like i was categorizing my own self to be perceived in a certain way on social media,, and that i needed to look and purchase certain things to “truly” fit in XYZ aesthetic. it was stupid. i like what i like and that’s it. nobody needs to change their whole personality and lose their sense of self just because of a fake persona you’re putting on online.
As a teenager I was into being "Emo/Scene" - talk about a look 😅most of that vibe stemmed from Myspace for me (anyone else remember Myspace?!) but I truly just loved the way my hair looked in an outrageous combover combined with racoon eyes and purple zebra print skinny jeans 🤩I found that style before Pinterest and Instagram were invented (let alone the crazy platforms they are now) and it was a joyful experiment in finding my self as a youngster. It's hard to think of trying to "find myself" without the push of social media, maliciously or not. Crazy how fast the times change.
personally i love the way your channel and content has changed because it’s grown up with me, i initially subscribed for the chaotic energy and now i’m here for social commentary and chats about what’s really going on online and i love that
this couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve been getting rid of belongings and trying to find a “style” i feel fits me, but no matter what word combination i throw into pinterest i can never get there. i didn’t even notice that i was falling into a habit i’ve been so against, labeling every little thing and giving it strict rules and definitions. literally God bless because you just reminded me that people are not factory mass produced products and i am not made of labels and buzzwords and selling points
On the topic of “I sound like I’m talking about a cult” I think I have some relevant experience that explains why these parallels exist. I was in a controlling religious group, not a full blown cult. But my parents were leaders and very controlling themselves so my experience was fairly close to a cult experience. For example a lot of my life the only people outside of that religious group I interacted with were my next door neighbours. Out of “love” and “concern” for me, so I could honour God or whatever, I was told: what to wear, what to say, how to say it, what mannerisms to use, who to be friends with, who to listen to, what interests to have, what routines to follow, what to think, how to feel and so on. If you can see why that’s bad, maybe think twice when these corporations try to do the same thing to you. Just like controlling religious groups get seemingly ordinary people to convert their friends and then gradually pressure them into conforming entirely, corporations often use influencers to do the same to get us to spend. We’re told about cool stuff, then under the guise of “being the best version of ourselves” or whatever we’re told what mindsets, what mannerisms, what interests, what routines and so on is associated with that stuff because that’s how they get us to identify ourselves with the matching stuff. And then, ultimately, to spend on that stuff to correct the dissonance between the stuff we already had and our newfound identities. And just like once you fall into the patterns of thinking common to controlling religions, it’s easy to fall into others? Once you follow the pattern of basing your identity around a particular set of stuff, it’s easy for them to get you to do it again and “rebrand”.
Basically when you see people associate new stuff with good habits, positive traits like being organised or in touch with nature, with interests like certain songs, movies, hobbies? Think twice about why all these things are being grouped together and associated with each other. And think about where they come from too, some types of clothing etc. have history from certain cultures and subcultures, and if that’s not genuine to you? You’ll likely find yourself wanting a rebrand when it doesn’t match your actual circumstances. Are there “pipelines” to be wary of? Like the cottagecore -> conservative pipeline? Or issues like cultural appropriation in boho aesthetics? At least think practically for a minute. You might love the beach, but if you live inland? The coconut girl aesthetic might not be so practical for you. Like it’s okay and good to be you, to live where you do, to be from your community. Even if it’s objectively bad! I can’t erase or distance myself from my toxic religious upbringing with new things. With time my clothes are starting to reflect my changed view on “modesty” and the fact that it’s safer for me to stand out now. But I don’t need to replace all my old stuff, it forces me to deal honestly with my past instead of running from it. It’s truly okay if things in your life reflect your past and not the latest trend!
I have to admit, my style is very basic and trendy. I’m a mixture of preppy, for girl, Pinterest girl… you know the vibes. But honestly, I don’t see myself changing that anytime soon. Even if baggy jeans suddenly were out of style and skinny jeans made a resurgence, if still be rocking my baggy jeans and crop top look. The key is finding what works for you and being true to it and yourself, regardless of the current trends
I left TikTok about 6 months ago and my new favorite thing is UA-camrs covering the ridiculous antics happening on TT. Phase 1: Trend begins and catches steam. Phase 2: Trend runs rampant and bad s*** starts to happen (drama, offense, victimization, marginalization). Phase 3: A creator comes forward and addresses the issues. Phase 4: Side-taking, pettiness, social wars. Phase 5: Everyone gets tired of fighting and a new Trend emerges--and back to Phase 1, rinse, repeat. My new favorite thing EVER.
side note: i freaking *love* your lighting and back ground. + your hair matching the vibe 😄 seriously your videos always looks so cozy. just the ONE light in the background and it's done. looks super cute 💕 i sometimes feel like what a video looks like, helps me watch. these warm and toned down colors feels like a hug.
it just feels so juvenile to me. cause it’s exactly what I did my whoooole teen years lmao. wasted years of my life trying to put myself in one category before finally realizing I’ll never fully fit into any of those boxes because I’m ME. I think self-esteem has a lot to do with it too. It’s hard to embrace what you are when you hate what you are. And with how much the trends change, you might find your “aesthetic” just to find 4-5 years later it’s not “cool” anymore and then you’re back to square one. As a teenager I always wanted to be kinda alternative, grunge was in BIG time on tumblr and pastel goth, pale aesthetic, I had a kinderwhore phase as well. And now I’m probably what you would call “basic” and I don’t care cause that’s what I like! A little melting pot of barbie/bimbo aesthetic mixed with southwestern boho, throw in some cottagecore, and just whatever else I like and that’s me lmao 💕
also, the thing about hindering self exploration: yea!! if you're limiting the things you like because they don't fit into a certain aesthetic (like I used to haha) that's not going to fulfill you in any way
The only thing that came out from seeing all those aesthetics becoming trends was me realizing you could just tuck in your shirt and that sir was a life changer for me
Shout-out to that time I spent days on end combing the aesthetics wiki and having a mental breakdown over not being able to find one that exactly fit me. And all the time I spent on Google trying to research if my favorite colors were allowed in certain aesthetics. Oh, and trying to change my hobbies and interests to fit an aesthetic, because not being able to fit in a label freaked me out for some reason. That was a fun point in my life. /s
I’m happy this topic is getting covered cause I remember wondering why I was becoming so underwhelmed with many influencers outfits and yeah it’s because they’re being dependent on “what’s trendy.” Like that’s cool if they like it but most likely you won’t see them wear it again when something else becomes popular.
I used to be a part of the "Crystal girl aestetic" and i would base my entire life on it. I would only do things a crystal girl would do it was so embarassing. This was back in early 2021ish I think and i left because I just grew out of it and keeping up with aestetics is a f ton of money. As my tiktok fyp started chnaging into more clean girl aestetic i wanted to be a clean girl too but after trying to participate in this trend I realized that having aesetics rule your daily life is horrible and so stupid because they make you belive if you become this Aestetic you will have a good life when its simply not true or that simple, tbh what a joke
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Young people go through phases and that’s just normal. Even back before all these aesthetics were a thing online. I went through an obsession with fantasy when I was a teen and after I was over it I beat myself up about it and felt super embarrassed. But now I realize it was fine. I enjoyed fantasy for a reason and it served it’s purpose during that period of my life. And now I feel comfortable enjoying aspects of it again without making it my entire identity.
yes! this this this! I don't have an "aesthetic", I'm a mix of whatever I feel like wearing that day and my hobbies. I shoot arrows in muddy cargo pants but also bake cakes, wear frilly pink dresses and go on picnics in the spring, but also wear preppy/business clothes to classes and work. 🤷♀
i think with social media instead of being known very well by a few people around you, you're known shallowly based on very little information by a lot of people, so our fear of being misunderstood makes us more inclined to try and fit into one word labels that can sum up our whole personality, so that it's easier for other people to digest who you are. it's the same idea as our obsession with personality types and hogwarts houses. i think aesthetics can be fun but they're meant to fit you, you don't have to fit them.
You’re so funny but I can’t help but say how emotional this video made me. Like brought me to tears lol. It was so refreshing and validating. Everything you said was what I was doing. Constantly trying to fit into an aesthetic. I feel so at peace now that I’m removing all these labels and expectations from myself. Thank you❤
Maybe I’m just getting old, but the idea of rebranding or having a specific aesthetic feels like an intense chronically-online issue. I’m having a hard time even seriously considering the discourse without just wanting to be like… these kids need to touch grass
the less I have attached myself to identifiers, be it external exhibition or internal belief systems that limit growth toward unifying more with the world around me..i.e just allowing myself a flow-like freedom to experience whatever the hell I am in a given moment, to continue to learn from my ever-changing environment and thus my ever-changing self; I have found 'relative' confidence, contentment, and most importantly compassionate curiosity toward life and myself with this openness. even though I wasn't too familiar with this universe of rebranding humans I appreciate that people like you are out there reminding others of their worth, as they are. much love to you sista keep on rockin n rollin!!
I deleted tik tok over a year ago and I’m so glad I did cus I was definitely feeling like if I changed myself to fit an “aesthetic” I’d feel cooler or more interesting. I no longer feel like this and I’m totally comfortable and have a sense of self identity which is nice and I think that is because i stopped seeing videos like that
Ever since I was in high school, I have been obsessed with aesthetics. I felt that I had to choose one to fit in, and then I would be happy. And now as a college student, I'm trying to get out of that mindset and create my own unique aesthetic from my favorite styles.
So glad to hear someone hit this topic, long story short I lost my best friend due to this "re branding" lifestyle at the age of 27 years old....(far too old to still be finding yourself or style in my opinion) We had to go our separate ways because every time I'd see her she was a different person, literally turning herself into whatever the new style was in such drastic ways regardless if it was styles she actually liked. I have always been myself yes I can agree I have changed some things about myself in the past but the things I liked growing up still make me happy and I couldn't imagine suppressing those personal preferences for the sake of being "in". I'm currently mourning my best friend like as if shes passed away because the person I loved and cared about it truly dead and gone.
i did this part way through 2021, but i completely stopped looking at any fashion/style based internet stuff and I think it helped me. i can take inspiration of people in real life and i've found i'm much more secure in how i look. real people don't look like how people look in their perfect angles over the internet. it's also helped me with overconsumption because i'm not as temped by the new cool thing that people i follow have. it's allowed me to appreciate the things that i also ready have and like the things i like without them having to fit together nicely. i really don't need more stuff and anything i've bought since then i've actually ended up liking instead of trying something and not liking it and wasting money and resources
God we need way more videos like this. I think we’re currently at the state of seeing the cracks in nonstop cycles of trendy aesthetics (very dangerous to view aspects of our personality as a commodity so fun and quirky), and we’ll probably have to go through a rough patch of performative self awareness yet continued indulgence in this mindset before we get anywhere. Or maybe we just let the culture of consumerism win? Side note, 25 is the guesstimate age for when your prefrontal cortex is finished developing, but it can actually last all the way into your late 20s, if I recall correctly. So, have fun dealing with that I guess
There’s so many aesthetic and core type (cottage core etc), I cannot keep up. I would not let it affect what I wear or my lifestyle. But there are days where it would creep up on me, the feeling that what I’m wearing or doing is not “cool” or aesthetic enough lol. But hey, you do not have to follow the trends or feel like you’re “basic” because you don’t into the categories. Nothing wrong with being basic!! It’s just bc of media that basic have negative connotations. Honestly, all of the trends makes me feel I lost it all or lose my self identity. It’s all so overwhelming and I hope anyone who feels the same as me, take a break from being online and heal yourself
Whoa, I did the same thing when I was a child. By the time I was 7ish I had endured so much trauma that I actually shut my brain off. I have very few memories. I'm a 35 year old man now, but I do remember when I was about 8 years old I threw away all of my toys (Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, Power Ranger, stuff like that) and my Windows 3.1 machine that was given to me when we upgraded the home computer. I was just awake super early in the morning, bagged all of it up and brought it right to the trash outside. I woke my dad up and he didn't really think anything of it it seemed. I also used to rearrange my bedroom constantly. I really was trying to clean the slate and it didn't work. Men do fall in these traps, while not nearly as often as women, but it's still just as damaging. We have no actual mental health treatment in this country. Just capital acquisition.
I think I was lucky I missed this whole “rebrand every 6 months”. I’m 30, a professional, and my emo 15 year old self would hate me for having no aesthetic 😂 Now I’m just happy if the seams aren’t itchy and I can sit down comfortably
I'm glad this popped up on my feed, I love the concept of aesthetics visually but not to the point where I try to center my lifestyle around just one because like you said, I like a lot of different things and that's okay. Aesthetics have helped me figure out what I do and don't like style-wise, but there were times where I felt restricted because I liked something cutesy when I wanted to dress like a tomboy or something. You shouldn't let aesthetics or other people define what you should and shouldn't do because only you know what makes you happy. It's good to remind yourself that your own interests and style(s) are what make yourself unique :)
No harm in identifying with an aesthetic as long as you don't FORCE yourself to fit into one pre defined thing in an effort to fit in rather than genuinely liking it. Your aesthetic should fit you, not you fit your aesthetic. Also don't make it your only defining trait. Be yourself and you will find your style to fit that in turn. Ps: Allot of my friends are guys but it's literally cause they specifically are just fun to be around and are my genuine friends. I hate the idea of calling someone stuff solely based on who they hang out with.
I remember back when I was struggling with a SEVERE identity crisis for many years (with probably a sprinkle of depression and anxiety) all the while being young and impressionable, I DID TURN TO AESTHETICS FOR A SOLUTION!! I literally spent so much time analyzing all of these labels and "lifestyles" trying to decide which one will miraculously solve my issues and give me back my identity and make me more likeable and spent even MORE time trying to emulate those labels. BUT SURPRISE SURPRISE: I still felt incredibly empty and hollow. And on top of that was the now new added stress to conform to these labels and keep up a certain persona. It's only after realising that and stepping away from that toxicity (and social media as a whole tbh) and unpacking my shit and simply ALLOWING MYSELF TO EXIST that things started looking up for me. To this day despite still struggling with identity related shit, I'm a lot happier just being myself and enjoying my own fashion sense and my own hobbies and interests than I was back then. This video really describes that, great work
girl.... this is such a good video something i'd like to add is that we often go down this rabbithole when we're spending way too much time on social media. we want to come off a certain way when deep down we don't feel like we know ourselves at all a quick fix to this is to literally go out and touch some grass. stop expecting everything to be perfectly complimentary and compatible. you can go to the gym and be into fitness and nutrition and also be into deeper topics or history or film. you can be all of the above and also be a gamer or a scientist or some sh*t. the "incompatibility" of everything is what makes you you, stop giving a F and start LIVING!!!!!!!
I'm so glad I'm not on TikTok. I'm all for discovering your own style, but these types of trends take away from that. My mom even asks me what style category I would put myself in, but I honestly can't think of anything because I wear what I want and I don't really care about fitting into any category.
start making up your own aesthetic make it yournamecore, can’t do it wrong and nobody else can replicate it quite like you can
interestingly this is actually something i ended up doing unironically after my transition, because trying to define your personal style after a huge change like that is so difficult :') shoutout to the very niche and specific style that is teddycore
yesss aliyahsinterlude does this!
pinterest is great for this, i love making boards that reflect the way my life looks
yournamecore, when one of your eyes is blue and the other is brown, you put your hair in a lose bun and then you put on leggings and a hoodie because you're so different... hahaha
@@painterlyJ this is similar to what i use pinterest for. i have boards dedicated to people who look similar to me so i can see similar features on a face and body that isnt mine and build a loving and unbiased view of myself. it also means that most of the girls i see have the same hair, skin tone or body type as mine etc. which also helps reduce the overload of appearance based trends we see everywhere. its nice to not just see tall, tanned girls with chiseled faces
It's so strange that activities like sitting in a park with a book is a part of an aesthetic. We don't just change our clothes to fit an aesthetic, we change behavior, things we do. Which just makes me even more convinced that regardless of an aesthetic, people just trying to see themselves as movie characters. So that's not really about style anymore, that's full on escapism. Modeling behavior after movie characters or our own perception of a real person both of which don't exist. I think we all need therapy to help us accept ourselves and reality.
Yeah I think one of the biggest issues my generation struggles with is being perceived. We grew up with the internet, so attention was a forced currency and the media molded what that should look like. Coming of age movies and celebrities, etc. We didn’t really learn about ourselves too deeply, but we did learn a LOT about the “ideal person” (who is ever-changing btw). Trying to emulate them as if there are constant cameras watching our every move is what we’ve sadly been taught
There's a reason we don't see true punk as an aesthetic. You can't really make a profit out of "dye your hair with food pigment and pour cement over anti-homeless spikes in your neighborhood"
YESSSS!!👏🏼👏🏼
imo it's not about doing things because you truly enjoy it, it's about presenting yourself a certain way to others and basically showing off. in the age of the internet, everyone is so concerned with self-image because it feels like everything we do is broadcasted to the whole world. people don't care about actually having certain qualities/hobbies, they just want to *look* like they do. you can't read a book in the park normally anymore, you have to get dressed up and post pictures of it so the whole world knows you're the type of person who would read a book in the park
@@rizzobeloved exactly my thoughts!! to add on to that, it's hard to learn how to "be yourself" when it feels like the whole world is able to watch and judge our every move. whenever I want to experiment with an outfit I'm afraid someone will record me in public and post it online because we see it happen so often ;/ so it's understandable why people would want to mimic celebrities in order to blend in with trends
this obsession with labeling and categorizing ourselves and not just being unique individuals is one of the many reasons i deleted tiktok
yep, this hyper-labeling is absolutely the result of being chronically online. functional labels are cool - gender (or lacktherof), sexuality, etc. but some of this is excessive and damaging. not everything needs to be a trend, a label, a category, another thing to put in your bio. people need to just live and enjoy themselves and the world
Yeah reminds me of the “omg skinny jeans are coming back into trend” no not if u don’t just listen to them. It’s trending so what haha
I had a long conversation with my therapist about how it's really damaging and restricting to scramble to label ourselves all the time.. of course it's good that we are able to define ourselves in a way that is universally understood, but it's not healthy to want to put a label on every single part of your identity.
@@katrinechristensen3429 The consumerism is as forced as possible too. have you seen the water bottle wars? people are literally trying to predict what the next "it" water bottle will be (hydroflask, stanley, etc). can we just chill? be happy with what we have if it already works???
@@coleydotmp4 LITERALLY WHAT IS UP WITH THE WATER BOTTLES its absolute madness how its not js clothes and hobbies its what u drink water from
Repeat after me: 👏 AESTHETICS 👏 ARE 👏 A 👏 TOOL 👏 TO 👏 FINDING 👏 YOUR 👏 STYLE, 👏 NOT 👏 YOUR 👏 STYLE 👏 ITSELF 👏
PERIODT.
Couldn't have said it better myself!
🍻 Hear, hear!
Perfect way to put it
FR my style is basically plenty aesthetics clothing I liked and I change constantly because why put myself in a cage when their is so much style out of here to try
my “aesthetic” is everything i’ve ever been and a combination of everything i’ve liked. i genuinely think us humans are not supposed to limit ourselves, fashion is meant to be fun and adventurous!!
Couldn’t agree more. You can’t make your personality fit a trend that’s currently in. It’s insane 😭
@@khalilahd. You're everywhere
@@khalilahd. I've seen you EVERYWHERE LMFAO do you have the same yt feed as mine? 😭
@@minhnhatduong1154She’s doing it as a way to promote her channel. I see her everywhere too lol
this exactly
as a 26 year old with a fully cooked brain, the focus on aesthetics as the sole marker of identity points to seeing life as simply material consumption rather than living as a human person. like im trying to wrap my head around the idea of someone being compelled to read in the park only because it checks the box of the light academia aesthetic rather than reading a book in a park in an outfit just because you want to, and the former just makes me rly sad lol
*fully cooked brain*
my brain is deep fried
25 year old here with a brain right out of the oven. The problem with changing your habits to fit an aesthetic is it tricks you into thinking that people around you are watching and actually care. Part of being an adult, whether you're beautiful or just average, is coming to terms with your own anonymity. If a stranger thinks you're beautiful, they will notice you for half a second and forget about you in the next couple minutes. It is really nothing to strive for.
my brain is baked for too long but on an abnormally low temperature
That's what I find so disturbing about "recommended activities" for aesthetics. I think it's fine to dress in a certain fashion you found online, but getting into certain hobbies just because it fits your aesthetic is weird. It's like you're treating these hobbies as though they were clothes: a thing you put on to look cool.
I guess it's a good thing to get people to try out reading and other things they might enjoy, because these can be fulfilling hobbies, but I just don't like the superficiality of it.
As a young woman who is bombarded by all the ways the internet tells me I ‘should’ be living- I remember what my therapist tells me: “You will always feel the full range of human emotions!” It doesn’t matter what job you have, where you move, who’s your partner, or what aesthetic you adopt- you will still feel frustration, disappointment, boredom, joy, curiosity, sensitivity, etc. A life void of suffering does not exist- but at least all emotions are temporary.
I love this! I identify strongly with my emotional ✨healing✨ so then I feel super fraudulent when I’m struggling.
Your therapist slayed with that quote
I need a break from anger. It's wearing me down.
exactly!! i want to move away soon but i try not to romanticize it too much because i WILL suffer at some point in some days. i can't runaway from life being bad sometimes like up's and down's are just how life works.
Thanks babe
One thing i didn't think you mentioned but that i realised while watching this is that these video's put so much emphasis on how others percieve you. Its almost not "how to be...aesthetic" anymore but more "how to be viewed as ...aesthetic"
this is literally so true, I think this notion in it of itself is what stops people from actually developing their own identities too since all it does is develop how others will perceive them
ngl it reminds me of one of my classes where they discussed about the philosophy of "aesthetics" and in all honesty, it disappointed me how many of my batchmates just assume that "aesthetic" is a look meant to be achieved, rather than an appreciation for beauty and finding ways to see the beauty within your truest self, like how the philosophy originally is. Not to make myself a nerd/boomer here, but "aesthetics" already lost it's meaning when people feel like they need to fit a certain style in order to be truly "aesthetic", which saddens me a bit, to truly appreciate "aesthetics" would be to find what makes something beautiful and understand that there is beauty found within almost everything, really.
YES YES YES its not even about how we wanna experience life and feel about ourselves anymore, it's about how others are supposed to see us
💯💯💯
Just another version of selfobjectification.
Can't wait for the day where people will be themselves and not worry about putting themselves in ✨categories✨...
THIS
america would literally have to have a revolution for that to happen (and i use literally in the true meaning of the word, like this couldnt happen unless we had a revolution)
There was nothing more uncool than labelling yourself in the late 90s/early 00s. You embraced your weird and moved on. There was a push to avoid being put into any box and to be an individual. Tbh that might be why there really was no leading genre of music in the 90s ( an observation that ppl now can't seem to stop making on top music of the 90s videos). Movies used cliques ironically, or when they didn't, it just seemed to fuel rebellion against being stereotyped. People liked what they liked and that was kind of the end of it. I have found this trend in the past few years to label and 'identify as' and aesthetics/core really unfortunate and regressive.
@@spacebar9733 this is an internet thing, not an american thing
@@merrymermaid fat and skinny are categories. ugly and pretty are categories. you cant only get rid of *some* categories, even just ones about personas. it's all or nothing.
It’s a completely online idea. “Rebranding” is what companies do, to sell themselves. We’re not commodities we’re simply people. No one in real life considers what others’ “aesthetics” are. They just see you for you. Imo all it boils down to is how you want your Instagram/tik tok/tumblr/Twitter to look.
when i was really depressed i “rebranded” myself. i thought “if i look and act different and just change everything about myself, i’ll feel different.” to some extent it worked, for several months i felt better but it all came crashing back down. moral of the story, people need to stop trying to turn into knew people.
same thing happened to me , i was good all school year than crashed that summer, was horrible, had the biggest identity crisis and i’m still coming back from it. so happy i deleted tiktok
I mean it can help, because it maybe helps you to shift perspective a little bit and for depression its often helpful to try out new ways of thinking and get out of thought spirals like that. Its a bit the "fake it till you make it" approach where we try to learn our brain to get off of destructive patterns. But this ofcourse only works if you genuinley do it for yourself and not for some imaginary audience on the internet who will praise you for it.
@@Laura-gd4kufake it until you make it almost never works for clinical depression.
@@CampingforCool41 it depends in which setting and in what context of course faking to be happy never works. But for example in behavioral therapy it can help with little tasks and getting back into routines to start doing them, despite not feeling that it makes sense or helps until you reach a point where it starts to help.
The same thing happened to me. I thought that becoming “another person” is what will make me feel better, because “new me” will not have the problems of an “old me”. In reality, I mostly focused on my appearance and behavior rather than on the actual issue. It helped a lot for a couple of months, but here I am…
As someone who's always had I guess an aesthetic, this aesthetic branding stuff is really strange. For years I've had what you'd nowdays call like a "kawaii soft girl dollhouse core" aesthetic. And it was just stuff I liked, I just liked pink stuff and soft toys. And then the "aesthetic" got super popular and suddenly I was trendy and no longer dressed like a grandma. And then it stopped being trendy and now I dress like "I'm stuck in 2020" apparently. Despite just... Wearing and using and enjoying the same stuff I always have lmaoo
There was literally an old episode of the cartoon Doug about this exact phenomenon
edit: I just googled it, it was called "Doug En Vogue" and it aired in 1993
This is part of why I’m happy my lifelong “aesthetic” isn’t trendy in today’s world. On one hand, it’s difficult to find clothes I like since most stores don’t carry them, but on the other hand I’m happy there aren’t suddenly others coming in and dictating what the “aesthetic” is supposed to be, then dropping it after a couple weeks and insulting me for still wearing it.
I’m truly sorry that this has happened to you, it sounds like such a pain and it sucks that this is the world we have to live in nowadays. I think the way you dress sounds really nice, and I know you look absolutely amazing in it! :)
@@iamobsessedwithshadowsight My style isn't trendy either, but I find that the thrift shops are great because it's all people throwing out their "out of style" clothes that I love lol.
@@Suzzers I love the thrift store!! The thrift store and occasionally Amazon are my go-tos for cool clothes that aren’t “trendy” but I love
Yea, I’ve always been kinda spooky/gothy. Watching girls I knew used to bully girls like me, go on to DRESS like me, kinda felt uncomfortable. Watching them disavow the lifestyle and go back to calling us musty and weird is bittersweet.
But really, not every hand may wield the “kawaii soft girl dollhouse core” aesthetic girl. It’s your thing. It was never their thing. 🖤🌸
Honestly I think so much of this stems from the ‘glow up’ phase during lockdowns. We were all stuck inside lacking motivation and effort and so we’re watching influencers “glowing up” as our own bit of escapism. Then when lockdowns started to relax we were all in the mindset that we too have to constantly be improving and evolving to be on top of everyone else. And when these micro trends and tiny unrealistic “aesthetic” boxes came along, we all tried to shove ourselves inside them to continue this never ending so-called journey of self improvement
istg literally all of these damn problems stem from quarantine. im thinking about how much the world would be different if it never happened.
Not too sure it’s because of lockdowns. I mean, it’s definitely not the cause, the root is much further than that. I remember aesthetics were starting to irritate me in 2019. Even then, you can easily see previous iterations on tumblr during the 2010s. Likely the pandemic amplified and added further visibility to the trend, as it did with many other things.
You got it so wrong. Actually Improving is a good thing. “Rebranding” on the other hand is as fake as it comes.
Valid theory, but also these aesthetic boxes existed before Covid and were very big. Think about the “VSCO girl” and “art hoe” aesthetics. I also think humanity in general has always been trying to constantly improve and evolve.
yeah definitely the whole idea of “glow ups” is really toxic tbh and make people insecure so influencers can sell u shit
A few years back, I fell into a Japanese aesthetic called “ryousangatajoshi” which roughly translates to “mass-produced girl”… which is scary in itself already tbh. It not only dominated my entire wardrobe, but also my life and what I did for fun, who I chose to spend time with, etc. Early last year, I came to the realization that I had completely lost my sense of self. I couldn’t even do normal things like go to the store and pick out some makeup because I had always followed what all the other girls in this group/aesthetic were doing. If someone asked me “do you like this?” I couldn’t even answer. I didn’t even know what I liked anymore. And if I said “yes, I do like that” it was just a reflection of what the people in that aesthetic liked. It’s honestly been a horrifying realization, but I’m glad I’ve become aware of it. Last year I made a huge effort to distance myself from all of that stuff and try to find myself again. It’s been a long process and I’m still working on it, but I think a lot of people don’t realize the mental effects of going down a rabbit hole like that. It really leaves a lasting impact that can sometimes be difficult to reverse. This video was seriously amazing and touched on so many important points. Thank you ❤
Omg thank you for sharing! I also struggled too with the “what do you like?” questions, I can’t ever give an answer. I feel like my mind goes blank because I don’t really know what it is I want in life. Even when I get giddy about things, I feel like I’m only excited about them because someone somewhere online or in real life told me those are the desires I should have.
Wow, this was interesting to read and I’m so glad you’re putting the work in to rediscover yourself! You say it was a horrifying realization and I absolutely believe that, I can only imagine how it felt to be faced with the prospect of having to like, rebuild yourself separately from the aesthetic you’d put so much time into.
If you’re comfortable sharing, why do you think this aesthetic dominated so many aspects of life for you? Was it a coping mechanism for some sort of issue or insecurity you didn’t yet understand? No need to answer of course but I feel like that’s a very common experience, it’s just that not everyone makes it to the self-reflection stage like you did.
@@lenaboyer6981 Yes, I do think it was some sort of coping mechanism… I was bullied pretty badly growing up because of the clothes I wore and liked actually, so it was always a soft spot for me. I think that ultimately I had always wanted to fit in somewhere and feel like I belonged and the aesthetic gave me that feeling at the time. I think it’s also a lot easier to have others tell you what’s “right” to do and wear, rather than having the courage to do your own thing, especially if it’s different than what those around you are doing. There was a sense of comfort in following and feeling accepted because of it. It was scarier for me to just be myself and so I ended up losing sight of who I was in the process. I’m really glad I was able to put all of that behind me though and I hope anyone else struggling with this sort of thing is able to as well. ❤️🩹 :)
I like that style a lot but I always feel weird because I don’t ONLY wear that style. I love all styles.😭 I’m always like I have no aesthetic and now I’m embracing having no aesthetic just wearing what I like.
Heyyy I just wanted to say I felt so alone in this but you just described everything I feel and I just want to talk about that if you don't mind
First of all are you doing better now and found yourself once again and secondly I only recently realised how obsessive I became and now I know nothing about myself is somebody was to ask what my favourite colour is or if I like smth I can't answer
Do you have any advice on what I can do or smth you did to help? X
i feel like when i was in high school i was obsessed with being what i guess now is known as the “cool girl aesthetic” and i was so confused why i constantly was so exhausted and drained. but it was because that person wasn’t me.
i feel like the “rebranding” can seem so great for mentally ill teens because they don’t want to be in their brains. when in reality it’s hurting them and like you said causing an identity crisis later on.
im a mentally ill young adult and i completely agree
When I was in high school my version was being a tumblr girl (and eventually graduated to art hoe lol) to make sense of my depression instead of getting actual help for it. I used romanticizing my mental illnesses as a form of escapism and nearly lost my life because of it.
im a mentally ill teenager/young adult and ive been consuming this type of content for years to where i now cant identify things i actually like vs things i was taught to think i like because theyre considered cool or aesthetic
I’ve always felt imprisoned by the idea that you have to have one aesthetic and one only. One day I feel like dressing like a skater bitch and the other day I look like a librarian. No one really cares. Just wear what feels good :))
I think most of us like to dress up as who we feel like we are day by day. When we "have nothing to wear" it's because we don't see anything in the closet that we think will tell the world our story.
@@HeavymetalHylian i never thought of it that way ! Great interpretation
For YEARS I was obssesively trying to label myself (gender and sexuality includded), it ends up that I may have OCD. Leaving social media and my brain fully developing is game changer. I not only feel better with my stile, i'm more creative. I have more energy to make art and to also weare my art (painting and kniting my clothes). I'm also developing my art style and not trying to imitate everything I see.
I havent been diagnosed with OCD but I share alot of the traits as well, I have extreme black and white thinking where I have to completely follow a certain set of rules or I will stress myself out. Aesthetics have been a huge for me because I feel the need to fit in specific life styles or my mind thinks I am not good enough. There is more to why I think I have OCD but thats a main issue I struggle with and I am trying to train myself into taking things with a grain of salt and living more freely
I have also been obsessed with labels of all kinds to make myself feel sane
@@carnationsinclarity I understand you soooo much. It's very hard because a label can feel soothing in one moment and very restrictive in a short period of time, in a way I'm not positive most people experience. In my case, I can ether end up in an anxiety attac because I have a label but I don't feel certain aspects align with it and I can't change them, or because I don't have one. I'm in the loooong process to learn how to self reference and not tray to feet in in boxes.
I hope you find coping mechanisms that make you feel better. (Sorry foer my english, is not my first lenguage)
@charo raimondo garcia actually your english is very good and I understand/relate to what youre saying :)
i am diagnosed with ocd and if you can function without therapy/medicine you don’t have ocd. it actually affects neurotransmitters which means you can’t control it without medicine or intense therapy. shock therapy is common.
everyone has ocd tendencies, they’re actually very common, but it becomes a disorder when it consumes your whole life. trust me you’ll know if you have ocd, it’s very distinct disorder. even people around you would be able to tell.
the hallmark of ocd is a lack of feeling accomplished. we don’t get that rush of serotonin when we’ve done something correctly, so our brains can’t differentiate when we’ve done something right or wrong. or even if there is no clear “right or wrong” our brains still think something is wrong. my main problem specifically is relationships, i constantly feel like i need to fix something when there is no problem to begin with. another distinct trait of ocd is being painfully aware of how irrational you’re being. the tendencies are unconscious which means we can’t control them. like you can’t control your own heartbeat.
i can say pretty confidently if you have to wonder if you have ocd, you probably don’t have it. i’ve been diagnosed with it since i was 7, it was very obvious even before i could even explain my symptoms. just because you have an obsession doesn’t mean it’s ocd, pretty much all anxiety/mood disorders revolve around obsessions. ocd is as irrational as it gets, like thinking your friend is gonna kill you because they aren’t answering your messages. there is no mild form of ocd, it’s all incredibly irrational and intense. its also an external disorder, what triggers us is things we can’t control.
finding people who’re experiencing the same thing as you can be helpful if you don’t have access to therapy. i don’t know you personally, but if you had ocd you would’ve either gone crazy or gotten help by now, it’s not a disorder you can cope with by yourself.
@@carnationsinclarity what you're talking about sounds more related to OCPD than OCD - OCPD is more about a need for orderliness and perfectionism, OCD usually isn't. Just to clarify, I'm not saying you do have OCPD, just that what you're talking about would be considered traits of it.
the clean girl thing specifically worries me because when I was younger I felt like everyone else looked fresh and put together and like it was effortless, and I felt gross and weird and shapeless. turns out I'm trans and had bad dysphoria / body dysmorphia. I wasted so much time thinking this product or these clothes or this routine was going to make me feel normal and human.
although im not trans, i can completely relate. everyone always looked so clean and beautiful witht their clothes and everything. i had curly frizzy hair and my clothes never seemed to fit the way other peoples clothes fit. i had bad acne at a young age. my body developed and im curvier so what is clean and put together for some girls is just slutty and gross for me :(
Isn’t being trans in itself a form of rebrand?
@@erinsymone1645 how is someone feeling more comfortable in their body a rebrand . Just stop
@@baby.nay. They asked a question. You stop .
@@baby.nay. i think they were just curious
also i’m definitely guilty of bulk buying clothes during lockdown and trying to “rebrand” myself, then i realised that just doesn’t work, now i’m slowly building a vintage collection of 60s clothes and having fun with it
ME TOO
same I tried to imitate the clean girl look and bought things I was forcing myself to like. I thought dressing like a pinterest photo everyday would make me a lot happier but I just felt like a fraud, so now I'm back to wearing what I want which feels a lot more comfortable
60s and 70s era clothing is so cool. I love all the fringes, colors, and fun patterns. I wish I could wear the babydoll dresses with the high neckline, but my d cups make me look pregnant in shapeless dresses.
@@erinnmackie3507 same, that era of fashion was so fun! i definitely go for a more 70s silhouette cause i have broad shoulders and the babydoll dresses are so nice
@@marydarko3380 welcome to the broad shoulders, big boobs club...lol. on the topic of "new" trends, I'll never really get into the low rise trend. I've got too much squish in the hips for that now. Even when I was toned enough to pull it off, I never felt comfortable exposing my lower belly. Maybe someday I'll be brave enough. High waisted everything for now!!!
I’ve struggled with this so much. As a black man in academia I found myself trying so hard to become a “dark academic” and it felt so forced and I felt unfulfilled. It’s the idea that you can’t be yourself and also do the things that you want to do in life. That fear allows people like myself to become victim to these trends.
I deleted TikTok in November and I've never felt better about myself. I've been struggling a lot with mental health, and being bombarded with people that live a "perfect" life at all times, was exhausting. Now I'm "rebranding" myself, in the way that I'm getting to know myself after years of not feeling secure in my style, because i couldn't live up to a certain aesthetic. And realizing that I'm almost 24 and don't need to dress trendy like a teenager, has also really helped. For 2023 I'm just becoming me, and only allowing myself to fill my life with things i truly enjoy.
I was scrolling through tik tok for almost like 4-5 hours, I kid you not. When I was done, I felt so overwhelmed and so unfulfilled in life, like I’m only 20 and already feel like my life is over. It sucks and I hate feeling like this
@@CAI.DREAMSWhen I used to have tiktok I felt the same way. I deleted it since last week and feel so much better. Also deleted instagram, because I don’t wanna see other people’s life atm 24/7. The addiction is still here because I still wanna scroll sometimes but i dont :) I de-actived all my accounts
@@damla_dul I deleted IG, I’ve been on and off with Twitter which is the most toxic lol and I think I’m just going to delete the Tik tok app. Idk I think I’m just gonna read books, watch actual UA-cam and then listen to podcasts. I think reading so many people’s thoughts is just too exhausting and watching so much content sometimes distorts reality.
I feel like all the talk about aesthetics and placing ourselves into categories is just so trivial when we take a step back. Like the fact that social media has made everyone so hyper aware of their image and their identity just creates this vacuum of competition for uniqueness. It is sad that we put this much time into curating specific images of ourselves instead of just living a life and doing the things we enjoy. It sucks the fun out of everything.
And it’s an impossible competition because we are “competing” with the entire world now not just our local community. I’ve completely stopped making art because I feel like there’s just an infinite number of people I see every day online doing things better and faster and more uniquely than I can ever hope to. It’s really depressing.
I recently saw someone on Tiktok say something about this topic and I'm just so happy more people are talking about it. They were saying how they just hate how everything is an aesthetic (vanilla, clean, soft girl etc) and how people should just live. People can make one smoothie and say "I'm in my soft girl era" PLEASE... this is real life.
I decided to try using a bullet journal this year to keep on top of my assignments this semester, and the online community around bullet journaling is honestly so overwhelming. There are thousands of videos of people flipping through their journals and creating new spreads that aren’t even that useful in staying organizing and keeping track of tasks, and some of them will put hours into making all their pages look perfect and aesthetic. I knew immediately that if I tried to imitate what I was seeing online I was absolutely not going to keep up with this at all. And yeah, putting a little washi tape on the top of my page does bring me a little spark of joy, but the online bullet journal community seems so focused on aesthetics rather than actually helpful tips on how to use a journal to keep your life on track. So I’ve committed to using this journal to make sure I get everyone done on time this semester, but I’ve also promised myself to not get distracted by or pressured by the need to make my journal look perfect or pretty; as long as it’s functional, it’s already improving my life.
Yes I gave up last year because mine didn’t look like all the ones I saw online. This year I’m just trying to fill it in when ever I feel like and avoiding looking at the amazing ones online to keep me focused
It's such a shame, especially because bullet journalling was developed to be a quick, messy, functional system to help the creator manage their ADHD, and the way it's presented now is... just so inaccessible
Yes, I went into bullet journal this year and the only two videos I could watch to the end were the videos of the creator of this system (will add name later if I remember) because there is just no way I could make a bullet journal so perfect and clean like all the other ones I found. Like, how did it went from "random notebook, symbols that you can understand fast, make it work your way" to "scrapbook with dates, habit trackers full of colors and charts of meanings, beautiful masterpiece every page" so fast?
Like, I get it is nice, I would love to be able to maintain that level of 'prettiness', but the fact that it's an organization system and most of the bullet journals shown online are not, kinda sucks :(
As somebody who likes doodling and has really bad adhd no matter how many task lists i would make i realized i really just needed a journal to draw whatever and put my thoughts down with like the occasional entry, the idea of making everything look "pretty" and organized was really limiting me. I've tried planners, i tried bullet journaling, i tried lists and whiteboards and even digital journaling; it's just easier to go back to my roots of the notebooks i would use in all of my classes, when i would pick a random page and put whatever i wanted on it,, and modernized that for myself by getting a bound notebook that i can't rip things out of. Now i cover up things i don't like with taped in drawings or stickers or cute packaging lol but it feels personal and comfortable and just like myself.
This is something I've noticed too! Who has 2 hours a week to hand draw your week out perfectly? I got this damn thing to try to SAVE TIME!
literally every time someone asks my aesthetic i say “i’m just myself lol” and then they start putting me into catergorys like i did not ask for this lmao. sometimes it’s cool and funny talking about aesthetics like i will put on an outfit and be like wow this is so h2ojustaddwatercore but letting it consume your identity and life is scary and unfulfilling
I can't believe people actually ask this question
i used to be one of those girls and it was one of the worst times of my life. i was so incredibly obsessed with making myself, especially my online persona, 'aesthetic.' everything i bought, wore, watched, listened to, even the way i acted absolutely had to be 'fairycore' or 'royalcore' or 'dark academia' or whatever the hell i was into that month. i lost my sense of self completely and my self-esteem was at an all-time low, which people noticed and took advantage of, causing me to be stuck in extremely toxic relationships. finally disconnecting from aesthetics and microtrends and focusing on ACTUALLY finding myself was one of the best decisions i have ever made.
i could never fit into one "aesthetic" when there's so many that i love, so i straight up just select fits based on what i'm feeling. makes like 100x easier (and fun!)
Thank you for this!! I’ve always felt this way, the rise of “aesthetics” without any actual subculture. The prevalence of fast fashion, an aesthetic being something you can just put on then throw away. I will never understand people who want to conform to a trend instead of just thinking for 2 seconds about what they actually like. I grew up as an “emo” teen but it was an entire subculture and genre, not just a look. I still dress like that LOL
yeah :0 honestly my closet is filled with different styles bc i really just buy whatever i like, whatever makes me smile, whatever i can see myself wearing often. and if i end up not wearing as much as i thought i would, i just donate it to my family's home country ^-^ trying to only fit one "aesthetic" would honestly hurt my brain (and i have tried before! i tried exclusively being into alt clothes back in 2020 bc i thought it was cute and would be a vibe, but only styling around that was very meh and i got tired of doing it every day). i need to have different styles for different days depending on how im feeling. like, earlier this week i was dressing in clothes that made me feel more colorful-masculine-queer, and towards the end of the week i ended up with some more sexy-tomboy-of-the-earth vibes lmao. and some days im just a flower in the wind. i need my closet to reflect all aspects of me, not just one particular thing.
@@sleepy.timaeus.arts. same, I was never able to pick just one style (believe me I tried). I just dress according to my mood, which can be vintage fashion, alt/goth, rainbow.
Denying these different aspects of me in favor of pursuing an aesthetic just makes me feel bored and not happy with what I'm wearing.
Honestly its what pissed me off about the women feeling reliefed about not having to wear alt anymore-alt isnt just an “aesthetic” you can bulk buy from fast fashion for, a big part of it is litrealy politics and music , most of these subcultures even depend on thrifting or buying second hand or DIY since many were started from lower class people
@@Man-wolf- yesss exactly!
Oh my god finally someone is talking about this! 😭 I literally Couldn’t agree more. You can’t make your personality fit a trend that’s currently in. It’s insane 😭
Sadly, some people literally don't have a personality 💀
i was such a dark academia bisexual-core (what the fuck, i know) girlie in the peak of my mental illness and it gave me a place to hide. because ‘ooo i love reading and spending time with myself and old poetry’ is much easier to say than ‘i am lonely and suicidal and i don’t know who i am at all so im gonna distract myself by doing the absolute most to fit this identity’
What is bisexual core lmao
@@heh822chandler being idk his name but he's "bisexual coded"
please because as someone who had found her personal style YEARS before becoming chronically online, tiktok / the internet STILL made me lose my identity. managed to find my own GENUINE style again by looking at outfits of aesthetics that i don't necessarily adhere to and still look for a piece i really enjoy. (and deleting social media, but i don't think everyone needs to do that)
This video has actually been so helpful. I’m not trying to be quirky or different but I literally have been non stop crying almost all day because I can’t be an aesthetic pintrest girlie due to the fact I’m not a human beanpole. I went onto UA-cam to distract myself and instead I found this video. You’ve given me lots to sit on and think about rather then hating myself for something beyond my control. So thank you.
Ahh man this comment made me feel sad. It's horrible how you have been made to feel that way. Hope you're ok 💕
I'm glad I stopped caring (as much) about what other people think about me. I'm finally getting into my non-people-pleasing era and I love that for me.
Also miss ma'am, if you ever have a meet and greet in NYC, please please make sure i'm on the invite list. Your essence is truly a blessing to this world.
there’s a difference than dressing and doing hobbies that make you feel the best (like when i dress cute to the gym or to school i feel more motivated) vs doing a full “rebrand” to feel and look more trendy and pretending to enjoy things they don’t
like i tend to like things that fit the “clean girl” “academic” “vanilla/coquette” and might dress or do hobbies that fit that aesthetic but i don’t think you should limit yourself to one whole thing
i love it when nicole reads my mind and posts this right after i delete all my social media apps because i can't take it anymore
same
you just made the best decision! i left all socials a few yrs ago and my mental health has been infinitely better since
Same
The only social I still have is Pinterest to talk with my irl friends and save pics of cats lol
I have been seeing more of the "aesthetic" culture which I dont like
I needed to hear this and be called out... lately I have been buying into this idea that getting my shit together is updating my room and my wardrobe, being more aesthetic, etc. And being online, seeing others seemingly doing a better job at being aesthetic, seeing people that have seemed to achieve that romanticized life, I didnt realize how much it was stressing me out. Thanks for this
i’m a fashion student and a huge thing ppl talk abt is your “personal brand” and it annoys me to no end. like i shouldn’t have to brand MYSELF in order for you to like what i’m making. i don’t want my own brand. i want to work for somewhere else. i shouldn’t have to think abt that in order to do my work 😭
I went through a "I desperately need an aesthetic" phase and it was horrible. I always felt like the clothes I liked to wear weren't good anymore bc they didn't fi the aesthetic I thought I wanted. Now I just dgaf and just wear whatever tf I want bc its not a fashion show
I don't limit myself to one aesthetic and I genuinely can't understand how people can. My style is usually a mix of aesthetic influences and it goes purely off what I feel like that day. Clothes are a method of expression and I take that for everything, sometimes I use outfits as a tool to get myself in a headspace or feel confident about what I have to do that day, sometimes clothes are just something I put on to stay warm. Limiting myself to one kind of style or even just limiting my relationship with style would feel suffocating. Yesterday I looked like a librarian to go get some coffee and grocery shop. Tomorrow i will be a full blown kawaii goth femme to play dnd. The day after that it's stained jeans and an oversized sweatshirt for work. Who cares?! Follow how you feel and what makes you feel good and the version of yourself that matters the most will shine through: the real one. Even if it's not as neat or as consistent as one aesthetic or set of behaviors.
I honestly find it absolutely fun to jump between aesthetics. I had tried to "rebrand" to a specific aesthetic but then I looked at my wardrobe and realised, I still loved my cacophony of a wardrobe.
I totally lost myself and my identity when I was 16 and the amount of mental pain that identity crisis put on me was just bad .you don't need to rebrand yourself. You just need to know yourself and experimenting and journaling is a good way to know more about yourself.
NICOLE I literally have been watching so many videos ab aesthetics and social media over the last few days I AM SO HAPPY RN
Oh my god same. Her videos are a breath of fresh air 😭
I believe that these "aesthetics" have become a form of online-cliques where people develope a sense of belonging when following them. It would be interesting to see how it translates to "in person" culture, but I'm not from the US or in school so I have no clue.
my college literally had a workshop today about how to rebrand ourselves and i think it’s BS lmao. thanks for this!!!!
Not it hitting the colleges. Mom I’m scared 😭
@@khalilahd.no literally i saw it in the email newsletter and internally cried
i had an entire college course about personal branding and it was disgusting tbh. i'm not a brand! i'm a person! and i'm not making myself into a brand in order to be more palatable to employers!
My high school last year (I'm now at university) had a workshop for girls only, about personal branding, and how you shouldn't post bikini photos or photos of yourself with a short dress on or yourself at parties or music festivals on social media, or potential employers will find it and think you're innapropate or not classy. I shook my head and internally thought this is ridiculous, but the vast majority of girls just nodded and seemed to think what they were being taught is okay. It's literally brainwashing. There were some positive things about listing your positive traits and thinking about what hobbies work for you which could translate into jobs, but the vast majority of it was terrible. This course was once a week for two months and it was compulsory for final-year students
Yeah, as a college design student, we were constantly told to find our brand to make ourselves stand out from the crowd. I kinda get it, but in the end, we really are still humans. Maybe they should put it like "finding our own personal touch and style" instead of rebranding, you know?
I am so glad people are finally talking about this!!! I feel like the pandemic really made it worse because people spent so much time with themselves and there was really a shift I feel toward glowing up or working on yourself to be productive during that time. I think the problem is that finding a new aesthetic is perceived by people as "self improvement" when in reality the aesthetics are mostly surface level and primarily about consumerism. almost all of the ways you can adopt the aesthetics include purchasing things. I also realized they place an even larger emphasis on looks(which I didn't know was possible for us as a society) and the obsession with them has been very revealing. When I realized a few months ago I see none of these aesthetics or this pressure to keep up placed on men, I decided to not participate in it all anymore. I think taking inspiration or trying new things/ hobbies is cool and I will continue to do it, but I will no longer be putting myself into a box, or buying a new personality every few months. It's exhausting.
this video threw me for a loop for SEVERAL reasons. firstly, i have been sort of indie (sort of) since 2020. i have a wolfcut, wear baggy jeans, listen to all the music that wolfcut people listen to, etc. and today was the day i realized, this morning actually, that i'm kind of getting over that. i am growing out my hair, i've been dressing like a preppy lululemon girly recently and i realized that the reason that i have been is because i want to fit in. i don't really vibe with my old style anymore, but this new style is just my attempt to fit in and look cute and i don't vibe with that either. i'm in a weird place of limbo right now. secondly, the first tiktok you showed is literally from a girl that i used to follow on pinterest like a year ago, and we would comment on each other's posts and style and i loved her style and thought it was so cool. i didn't even recognize her in this video at first but when i did i literally GASPED bc hearing that she moved on made me so sad. i used to love her style. but the point is, nicole, stop spying on me, this video was way too specific
Oh, hello. I used to feel like that too! What helped me (and still helps me) is to think about my style as the weather.
Some people have it easier, like it's easy to say it's gonna be hot in the desert (although it gets cold as heck in the nights) like some people always have the same style every day. But other people have a "Mediterranean" kind of style: it tends to go one way (in the long way) but if you focus on the days one day may be sunny, the other snowing, as you can dress like a princess one day and as an "alt-indie" girl the other.
It's ok to be on the limbo, and at the end of the day, we have all our life to find a style (if we ever stay in the same) and to change to others too :D
I’m coming up to 27 and it’s taken till now to realise that being happy is the only aesthetic I want I don’t want a fancy background restaurant to post on insta, I want good people around me cheap nights in and a happy family that’s it! If I wake up and wanna get dressed up, I will if I wake up and wanna caterpillar myself in a fluffy jacket and sweat pants that’s happening I’m still living my best selfs life 👏🏻👏🏻
I feel like this is especially hard to give up as a neurodivergent person, in that ND people (especially women) will try to mask, and the whole categorisation of aesthetics with matching interests/hobbies is dangerously easy to follow if you're lost on how to mask
this. it's either this or finding absolutely no interest in these styles and trends, and therefore feeling like even more of an outsider
As an autistic girl, there’s always the solution to give up the mask entirely and be your authentic self without going through a filter to be palatable by society ❤️ join the revolution
@@Stingray112 You're absolutely right, it's something I am working on 😊
From someone who has done some version of this since childhood (also bc of ocd. Omg twinsies) ...stop throwing all your things away. Put things away for a few months first, and then decide. You will regret throwing everything out (selling/whatever), even if it feels so good at the time. Every time. Year after year 😂
Literally me. I planned to throw half my clothes out a couple months ago so I bagged them all up but never managed to bring them to the thrift store. But a couple weeks ago I looked through the bags again and though “why the hell am I throwing this out, I love this”
I'm 24 now - 2 years out of college and omg. I look back at my life and cringe because of the many aesthetics I allowed myself to fall prey to. I'm so glad to now be embracing all the things that make me, well myself. It's so much easier to breathe that way.
Them: "I was alt/indie because I wanted to feel special and different and I don't feel that need anymore so I changed"
Me, a 26yo goth: "Idk what to tell you, I just look freaking amazing in plaid, black, red and fishnet stockings with enormous boots and that is special enough for me lol"
Two summers ago, I ended up on coquette tiktok and the influence it had on me was wild. Style changes, certain makeup looks, the colours I painted my nails, bedroom changes, etc. It was attractive seeing other teen girls have such a put-together style. I have since delted that app and feel so much better about myself 💞
the internet has truly come to a point where we sadly talk about ourselves as if we are brands or products, rather than human beings.
i also find it sad that with the whole rise of micro aesthetics and genres, people feel as though they have to like things related to or similar to their aesthetic. if you're into pastel softer things u can only have cutesy interests or if ur into a more dark aesthetic u can only like dark things etc. it's very limiting. i've had friends and even seen others that refuse to get other things they like or want because it doesn't match the vibe or aesthetic they're going for. i think people try too hard to curate themselves and their life to feel put together that it just makes them more miserable in the long run.
I like aesthetics! Theyre fun and cute and it brings me pleasure! But also, I dont follow all the aesthetics nor do I live my life based on categories. I pick and choose parts I like and build myself through the small details. I think this is the healthiest way to consume aesthetics.
(Edit: havent watches the video yet but I wanna say it now hahaha)
i agree! when it comes to things like decoration or design, aesthetics are so nice and can make your environment feel so much nicer. but when you get to the point where you're doing things you would never usually do, just because it's what an "aesthetic" person would do, that's when it gets a bit weird. (some "aesthetic" hobbies are good tho, like reading books, keeping your space organized, or exercising)
@@archigirldesign yes! it should only really be an outline and not a step by step instruction on how to be miserable 💀
i feel like we don’t about the consumerist sides of these aesthetics enough, so i’m glad you brought it up. more than once i’ve bought something because it was trendy, not because i truly liked it, and it gets worn once or twice.
what i’ve started doing is when i see something i want to buy asking myself “will i wear this all the time? or do i just want it now because it’s trendy?” a lot of the time i surprise myself by realising, no, i probably won’t wear this more than once.
awesome video! :)
The fact that you posted this video the minute I had finished my chocolate cake is a CRIME !!!
grabbing cookies so I can watch in peace
@@DiannaCarney good call
It literally just dawned on me that men do not go through this shit like ever😭 like I doubt they get bombarded at the beginning of every month/year about how to be xyz like damn it’s literally just us and that’s so mind opening for me
did you get your skull cleaved in when you were a baby? it's the same shit, just a little less varied 💀 just take a look at 99% of guys you see on social media
They just get the alpha male manosphere channel, andrew taint etc
Ya know. Pushing that toxic masculinity on em!
they have those really dramatic gym edits and the videos of ryan gosling acting moody tho!
As a man it definitely does exist. It’s just not as overt as with women. Trust me, most men are always keeping an eye out for what’s “in” so that they can fit in too.
anyone else overwhelmed not because they're trying to fit into one aesthetic, but rather they're interested in so many things that trying to explore everything can get daunting? then you start to wonder if maybe you just need to fit one aesthetic after all to feel more grounded and cohesive, but when you do that you start to get intrigued by more things and the cycle continues...
no literally i've been thinking about this so much and how at a certain point it feels like people do things to fit an aesthetic rather than because they actually want to do them?? It's baffling
this is quite literally the reason i’ve taken a break from both instagram and tiktok. i felt like i was categorizing my own self to be perceived in a certain way on social media,, and that i needed to look and purchase certain things to “truly” fit in XYZ aesthetic. it was stupid. i like what i like and that’s it. nobody needs to change their whole personality and lose their sense of self just because of a fake persona you’re putting on online.
we're here for proud and opinionated nicole rafiee in 2023 xx
As a teenager I was into being "Emo/Scene" - talk about a look 😅most of that vibe stemmed from Myspace for me (anyone else remember Myspace?!) but I truly just loved the way my hair looked in an outrageous combover combined with racoon eyes and purple zebra print skinny jeans 🤩I found that style before Pinterest and Instagram were invented (let alone the crazy platforms they are now) and it was a joyful experiment in finding my self as a youngster. It's hard to think of trying to "find myself" without the push of social media, maliciously or not. Crazy how fast the times change.
personally i love the way your channel and content has changed because it’s grown up with me, i initially subscribed for the chaotic energy and now i’m here for social commentary and chats about what’s really going on online and i love that
this couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve been getting rid of belongings and trying to find a “style” i feel fits me, but no matter what word combination i throw into pinterest i can never get there. i didn’t even notice that i was falling into a habit i’ve been so against, labeling every little thing and giving it strict rules and definitions. literally God bless because you just reminded me that people are not factory mass produced products and i am not made of labels and buzzwords and selling points
On the topic of “I sound like I’m talking about a cult” I think I have some relevant experience that explains why these parallels exist. I was in a controlling religious group, not a full blown cult. But my parents were leaders and very controlling themselves so my experience was fairly close to a cult experience. For example a lot of my life the only people outside of that religious group I interacted with were my next door neighbours. Out of “love” and “concern” for me, so I could honour God or whatever, I was told: what to wear, what to say, how to say it, what mannerisms to use, who to be friends with, who to listen to, what interests to have, what routines to follow, what to think, how to feel and so on. If you can see why that’s bad, maybe think twice when these corporations try to do the same thing to you. Just like controlling religious groups get seemingly ordinary people to convert their friends and then gradually pressure them into conforming entirely, corporations often use influencers to do the same to get us to spend. We’re told about cool stuff, then under the guise of “being the best version of ourselves” or whatever we’re told what mindsets, what mannerisms, what interests, what routines and so on is associated with that stuff because that’s how they get us to identify ourselves with the matching stuff. And then, ultimately, to spend on that stuff to correct the dissonance between the stuff we already had and our newfound identities. And just like once you fall into the patterns of thinking common to controlling religions, it’s easy to fall into others? Once you follow the pattern of basing your identity around a particular set of stuff, it’s easy for them to get you to do it again and “rebrand”.
Basically when you see people associate new stuff with good habits, positive traits like being organised or in touch with nature, with interests like certain songs, movies, hobbies? Think twice about why all these things are being grouped together and associated with each other. And think about where they come from too, some types of clothing etc. have history from certain cultures and subcultures, and if that’s not genuine to you? You’ll likely find yourself wanting a rebrand when it doesn’t match your actual circumstances. Are there “pipelines” to be wary of? Like the cottagecore -> conservative pipeline? Or issues like cultural appropriation in boho aesthetics? At least think practically for a minute. You might love the beach, but if you live inland? The coconut girl aesthetic might not be so practical for you. Like it’s okay and good to be you, to live where you do, to be from your community. Even if it’s objectively bad! I can’t erase or distance myself from my toxic religious upbringing with new things. With time my clothes are starting to reflect my changed view on “modesty” and the fact that it’s safer for me to stand out now. But I don’t need to replace all my old stuff, it forces me to deal honestly with my past instead of running from it. It’s truly okay if things in your life reflect your past and not the latest trend!
this is scarily similar.. wtf
I have to admit, my style is very basic and trendy. I’m a mixture of preppy, for girl, Pinterest girl… you know the vibes. But honestly, I don’t see myself changing that anytime soon. Even if baggy jeans suddenly were out of style and skinny jeans made a resurgence, if still be rocking my baggy jeans and crop top look.
The key is finding what works for you and being true to it and yourself, regardless of the current trends
I left TikTok about 6 months ago and my new favorite thing is UA-camrs covering the ridiculous antics happening on TT.
Phase 1: Trend begins and catches steam.
Phase 2: Trend runs rampant and bad s*** starts to happen (drama, offense, victimization, marginalization).
Phase 3: A creator comes forward and addresses the issues.
Phase 4: Side-taking, pettiness, social wars.
Phase 5: Everyone gets tired of fighting and a new Trend emerges--and back to Phase 1, rinse, repeat.
My new favorite thing EVER.
side note: i freaking *love* your lighting and back ground. + your hair matching the vibe 😄 seriously your videos always looks so cozy. just the ONE light in the background and it's done. looks super cute 💕 i sometimes feel like what a video looks like, helps me watch. these warm and toned down colors feels like a hug.
people saying youve never been negative???? baby this is nicole
it just feels so juvenile to me. cause it’s exactly what I did my whoooole teen years lmao. wasted years of my life trying to put myself in one category before finally realizing I’ll never fully fit into any of those boxes because I’m ME. I think self-esteem has a lot to do with it too. It’s hard to embrace what you are when you hate what you are. And with how much the trends change, you might find your “aesthetic” just to find 4-5 years later it’s not “cool” anymore and then you’re back to square one. As a teenager I always wanted to be kinda alternative, grunge was in BIG time on tumblr and pastel goth, pale aesthetic, I had a kinderwhore phase as well. And now I’m probably what you would call “basic” and I don’t care cause that’s what I like! A little melting pot of barbie/bimbo aesthetic mixed with southwestern boho, throw in some cottagecore, and just whatever else I like and that’s me lmao 💕
also, the thing about hindering self exploration: yea!! if you're limiting the things you like because they don't fit into a certain aesthetic (like I used to haha) that's not going to fulfill you in any way
The only thing that came out from seeing all those aesthetics becoming trends was me realizing you could just tuck in your shirt and that sir was a life changer for me
Shout-out to that time I spent days on end combing the aesthetics wiki and having a mental breakdown over not being able to find one that exactly fit me. And all the time I spent on Google trying to research if my favorite colors were allowed in certain aesthetics. Oh, and trying to change my hobbies and interests to fit an aesthetic, because not being able to fit in a label freaked me out for some reason. That was a fun point in my life. /s
I’m happy this topic is getting covered cause I remember wondering why I was becoming so underwhelmed with many influencers outfits and yeah it’s because they’re being dependent on “what’s trendy.” Like that’s cool if they like it but most likely you won’t see them wear it again when something else becomes popular.
I used to be a part of the "Crystal girl aestetic" and i would base my entire life on it. I would only do things a crystal girl would do it was so embarassing. This was back in early 2021ish I think and i left because I just grew out of it and keeping up with aestetics is a f ton of money. As my tiktok fyp started chnaging into more clean girl aestetic i wanted to be a clean girl too but after trying to participate in this trend I realized that having aesetics rule your daily life is horrible and so stupid because they make you belive if you become this Aestetic you will have a good life when its simply not true or that simple, tbh what a joke
the crystal/spiritual/hippie aesthetic domination of 2021 struck me too and pretty much everyone else i knew. we all were mentally in the 70s lmfao
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Young people go through phases and that’s just normal. Even back before all these aesthetics were a thing online. I went through an obsession with fantasy when I was a teen and after I was over it I beat myself up about it and felt super embarrassed. But now I realize it was fine. I enjoyed fantasy for a reason and it served it’s purpose during that period of my life. And now I feel comfortable enjoying aspects of it again without making it my entire identity.
It’s always funny seeing these “crystal spiritual girls” because they’re the ones with the worst energy, habits and personality
yes! this this this! I don't have an "aesthetic", I'm a mix of whatever I feel like wearing that day and my hobbies. I shoot arrows in muddy cargo pants but also bake cakes, wear frilly pink dresses and go on picnics in the spring, but also wear preppy/business clothes to classes and work. 🤷♀
i think with social media instead of being known very well by a few people around you, you're known shallowly based on very little information by a lot of people, so our fear of being misunderstood makes us more inclined to try and fit into one word labels that can sum up our whole personality, so that it's easier for other people to digest who you are. it's the same idea as our obsession with personality types and hogwarts houses. i think aesthetics can be fun but they're meant to fit you, you don't have to fit them.
You’re so funny but I can’t help but say how emotional this video made me. Like brought me to tears lol. It was so refreshing and validating. Everything you said was what I was doing. Constantly trying to fit into an aesthetic. I feel so at peace now that I’m removing all these labels and expectations from myself. Thank you❤
Maybe I’m just getting old, but the idea of rebranding or having a specific aesthetic feels like an intense chronically-online issue. I’m having a hard time even seriously considering the discourse without just wanting to be like… these kids need to touch grass
the less I have attached myself to identifiers, be it external exhibition or internal belief systems that limit growth toward unifying more with the world around me..i.e just allowing myself a flow-like freedom to experience whatever the hell I am in a given moment, to continue to learn from my ever-changing environment and thus my ever-changing self; I have found 'relative' confidence, contentment, and most importantly compassionate curiosity toward life and myself with this openness. even though I wasn't too familiar with this universe of rebranding humans I appreciate that people like you are out there reminding others of their worth, as they are. much love to you sista keep on rockin n rollin!!
I deleted tik tok over a year ago and I’m so glad I did cus I was definitely feeling like if I changed myself to fit an “aesthetic” I’d feel cooler or more interesting. I no longer feel like this and I’m totally comfortable and have a sense of self identity which is nice and I think that is because i stopped seeing videos like that
your room, especially the lighting makes me very happy
Ever since I was in high school, I have been obsessed with aesthetics. I felt that I had to choose one to fit in, and then I would be happy. And now as a college student, I'm trying to get out of that mindset and create my own unique aesthetic from my favorite styles.
So glad to hear someone hit this topic, long story short I lost my best friend due to this "re branding" lifestyle at the age of 27 years old....(far too old to still be finding yourself or style in my opinion) We had to go our separate ways because every time I'd see her she was a different person, literally turning herself into whatever the new style was in such drastic ways regardless if it was styles she actually liked. I have always been myself yes I can agree I have changed some things about myself in the past but the things I liked growing up still make me happy and I couldn't imagine suppressing those personal preferences for the sake of being "in". I'm currently mourning my best friend like as if shes passed away because the person I loved and cared about it truly dead and gone.
I’m about a month post-breakup so I’m definitely in the midst of figuring myself out so thank you for this ☺️
i did this part way through 2021, but i completely stopped looking at any fashion/style based internet stuff and I think it helped me. i can take inspiration of people in real life and i've found i'm much more secure in how i look. real people don't look like how people look in their perfect angles over the internet. it's also helped me with overconsumption because i'm not as temped by the new cool thing that people i follow have. it's allowed me to appreciate the things that i also ready have and like the things i like without them having to fit together nicely. i really don't need more stuff and anything i've bought since then i've actually ended up liking instead of trying something and not liking it and wasting money and resources
God we need way more videos like this. I think we’re currently at the state of seeing the cracks in nonstop cycles of trendy aesthetics (very dangerous to view aspects of our personality as a commodity so fun and quirky), and we’ll probably have to go through a rough patch of performative self awareness yet continued indulgence in this mindset before we get anywhere. Or maybe we just let the culture of consumerism win?
Side note, 25 is the guesstimate age for when your prefrontal cortex is finished developing, but it can actually last all the way into your late 20s, if I recall correctly. So, have fun dealing with that I guess
breathing life into me thank you
you having these conversations has really helped me grow as a person and i just wanted to thank you for being so open and honest
There’s so many aesthetic and core type (cottage core etc), I cannot keep up. I would not let it affect what I wear or my lifestyle. But there are days where it would creep up on me, the feeling that what I’m wearing or doing is not “cool” or aesthetic enough lol. But hey, you do not have to follow the trends or feel like you’re “basic” because you don’t into the categories. Nothing wrong with being basic!! It’s just bc of media that basic have negative connotations.
Honestly, all of the trends makes me feel I lost it all or lose my self identity. It’s all so overwhelming and I hope anyone who feels the same as me, take a break from being online and heal yourself
Whoa, I did the same thing when I was a child. By the time I was 7ish I had endured so much trauma that I actually shut my brain off. I have very few memories. I'm a 35 year old man now, but I do remember when I was about 8 years old I threw away all of my toys (Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, Power Ranger, stuff like that) and my Windows 3.1 machine that was given to me when we upgraded the home computer. I was just awake super early in the morning, bagged all of it up and brought it right to the trash outside. I woke my dad up and he didn't really think anything of it it seemed. I also used to rearrange my bedroom constantly. I really was trying to clean the slate and it didn't work. Men do fall in these traps, while not nearly as often as women, but it's still just as damaging. We have no actual mental health treatment in this country. Just capital acquisition.
I think I was lucky I missed this whole “rebrand every 6 months”. I’m 30, a professional, and my emo 15 year old self would hate me for having no aesthetic 😂 Now I’m just happy if the seams aren’t itchy and I can sit down comfortably
Honestly I'm living for the title cause it's so true.
I'm glad this popped up on my feed, I love the concept of aesthetics visually but not to the point where I try to center my lifestyle around just one because like you said, I like a lot of different things and that's okay. Aesthetics have helped me figure out what I do and don't like style-wise, but there were times where I felt restricted because I liked something cutesy when I wanted to dress like a tomboy or something. You shouldn't let aesthetics or other people define what you should and shouldn't do because only you know what makes you happy. It's good to remind yourself that your own interests and style(s) are what make yourself unique :)
No harm in identifying with an aesthetic as long as you don't FORCE yourself to fit into one pre defined thing in an effort to fit in rather than genuinely liking it. Your aesthetic should fit you, not you fit your aesthetic. Also don't make it your only defining trait. Be yourself and you will find your style to fit that in turn. Ps: Allot of my friends are guys but it's literally cause they specifically are just fun to be around and are my genuine friends. I hate the idea of calling someone stuff solely based on who they hang out with.
I remember back when I was struggling with a SEVERE identity crisis for many years (with probably a sprinkle of depression and anxiety) all the while being young and impressionable, I DID TURN TO AESTHETICS FOR A SOLUTION!!
I literally spent so much time analyzing all of these labels and "lifestyles" trying to decide which one will miraculously solve my issues and give me back my identity and make me more likeable and spent even MORE time trying to emulate those labels. BUT SURPRISE SURPRISE: I still felt incredibly empty and hollow. And on top of that was the now new added stress to conform to these labels and keep up a certain persona.
It's only after realising that and stepping away from that toxicity (and social media as a whole tbh) and unpacking my shit and simply ALLOWING MYSELF TO EXIST that things started looking up for me. To this day despite still struggling with identity related shit, I'm a lot happier just being myself and enjoying my own fashion sense and my own hobbies and interests than I was back then. This video really describes that, great work
this video helped me not feel bad about the fact that I don't have a specific aesthetic, thank you Nicole
girl.... this is such a good video
something i'd like to add is that we often go down this rabbithole when we're spending way too much time on social media. we want to come off a certain way when deep down we don't feel like we know ourselves at all
a quick fix to this is to literally go out and touch some grass. stop expecting everything to be perfectly complimentary and compatible. you can go to the gym and be into fitness and nutrition and also be into deeper topics or history or film. you can be all of the above and also be a gamer or a scientist or some sh*t. the "incompatibility" of everything is what makes you you, stop giving a F and start LIVING!!!!!!!
This made me feel so good about setting no resolutions and literally changing nothing ab my life in the new year, thank u Nikki 💗
i’ve been very happy after wearing what i feel comfortable in and in colors that i love. it’s my own thing, and it’s very stress free and easy
I'm so glad I'm not on TikTok. I'm all for discovering your own style, but these types of trends take away from that. My mom even asks me what style category I would put myself in, but I honestly can't think of anything because I wear what I want and I don't really care about fitting into any category.