what-about-me effect, trauma dumping, and how i'm guilty of it!
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- Опубліковано 31 лип 2024
- ✧( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)✧ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) HELLLO WHAT ABOUT ME?! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)✧ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)✧
hello hello lil cherubs! today i wanted to give you all a short little video (funny how 20 minutes is considered short for me now) all about the "what about me effect" coined by Sarahthebookfairy urlis.net/x80midmq
I touch on hyperindividualism, whataboutism, trauma dumping, and how i am also guilty of it! let me know what you think about this topic in the comments, and thank u so much for all the love on my recent videos. means the world to me. xoxoxo nikki nasty
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i’ll never forget Mitski posting on twitter for people not to film her entire concert and ppl were going “WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WITH BAD MEMORIES?”, they started accusing her of ableism. It didn’t occurred to them that the post wasn’t MADE FOR THEM!!
Twitter moment
thats actually so insane. i love mitski and literally its so obvious that she was clearly talking abt ppl on their phones 24/7 and not actually enjoying the concert being in the moment.
@@moonxliqht exactly! she was simply telling ppl to embrace the experience of the concerts
I have to say it…even if you do have a bad memory…are you gonna go back and watch your shitty recording with terrible sound quality of a concert? Like does anyone? Does anyone not scroll immediately when a friend has posted clips of the show they just went to? Lol I have never understood recording at a concert. It’s like recording the fireworks. Like bruh you are not going to ever watch that back again it’s just taking up space in your phone. And I do have a bad memory due to chemo and radiation treatments, but I don’t record everything on my phone, if anything I’d go home and write about how fun it was in a journal or something 🤷🏼♀️
Bjork does the same thing and no one complains. I think it's mainly because she's almost 60 while mitski is in her 30s and most of her fans are gen Z and we really like to play the victim.
nicole, i believe all the red accents of your look in this video are causing you to slay
I agree the sharp red contrasting with her dark hair and light skin. Shes beautiful, reminds me of snow white
I need to know the lipstick it's SO pretty 💖💖
makeup tutorial NOW
sure BUT WHAT ABOUT all of the other looks where she also slays 🤨 (jk I love this comment so much and I agree!)
loving the way this comment is phrased like a medical diagnosis 10/10
I watched a (very helpful) video the other day captioned "tips i use while decor shopping as an interior designer" and EVERY top comment was some form of "don't listen to her, everyone has their own opinion, just buy what you like instead of listening to what a stranger is forcing you to do" like damn I was just grateful to be getting free advice from a professional
the fact that the video was "tips *I* use" and not "heres a list of what im forcing u to do bc otherwise ur interior design choices are shit" like even the title isnt implying that her tips HAVE to be used 😭
@@orxalowe oh I know right…… it was mind boggling to me
I read "doctor shopping" lol
Especially since interior design is like an art form or self expressive. So reading "tips i use" is different from "tips u should use". Please correct me if im wrong but isn't "tip" inherently a suggestion.
I tried to find it, but I couldn't see it 😭
YES FINALLY! whataboutmeism is so annoying.
e.g. I look for a vegan recipe on TikTok I see comments saying stuff like “Cool but I can’t eat soy”. JUST STFU NOBODY CARES IF YOU CANT EAT SOY MELISSA JUST SCROLL AND FIND A RECIPE THAT FITS smh
Did you mean to say recipe in this comment cause wtf is a vegan receipt
😂 or just be like hey any good ideas what i can replace the soy with or sth like cmon 😅
@@ngwesohmmm... paper without milk?
@@ngweso oops yeah English isn’t my first language hence why I always mess those two words up
This is so real and it happens so often. I don’t understand it all rlly like I can’t eat pistachios but if I see a video of someone making like pistachio milk or something I don’t complain about it I just like scroll passed. Because clearly it’s not for me. I am so confusedddd
I’m so glad you talked about this, because it genuinely overshadows people who need accommodations in life in a bigger context but because of the “what about me” people will boil it down to just being annoying
Totally agree. With some people, you can just tell that they’re trying to be annoying whereas some people ask questions from genuine curiosity or from a valid point of view.
I swear to you I lost my mind a couple days ago, my friend she has an amputated leg and she needs some accommodations at work, for example, being able to charge her prosthetic (it charges so it helps the movements, it works without it but it's way heavier and sometimes hurts) while she is working sitting down, this new girl heard her talking about it, that she was able to get a an office to be more comfortable for her (it's literally a cubicle, it's not a conference room with butler service) and said: "What about me? I asked if there were any accommodations for "time blindness" and HR said there were none" I lost it, I swear I could hear my heart pounding, I wanted to scream at her, if it wasn't at my workplace I would
@@carolitoffana time blindness does affect people tho. i get it’s different from your friends situation, but yk… let’s not undermine each others struggles
@@budi1940 I would if she didn't arrive at 2 in the afternoon and out by 6, she's just lazy trust me
@@budi1940 Time blindness does affect people! However, you just whataboutismed.
Time blindness is hard and undermining other's struggles is bad but "they didn't offer ME any accommodations" for a condition where no reasonable accommodations exist because someone MISSING A LEG asked for accommodations is in itself, undermining the amputee friend's struggles.
There are reasonable accomadations for amputees. For time blindness, the accomadations only risk worsening the symptom. A later start time just risks time blindness happening again as time passes. Leniency on lateness may work for a bit but then many people with time blindness have it worsen again and it also risks making everyone else's jobs harder if they have to wait for an employee that may not even show up. Is it fair that there's not a lot of help for time blindness? Not really. But as someone with time blindness there's just not a lot you can do. As a physically disabled person, there is. I fall into both categories. However, it's not about me. Someone else's accommodations wasn't an infringement of the time blindness girl's rights, the time blindness girl could've brought it back to HR, it's not the woman without a foot's job to get rid of her own accommodations just so time blindness girl feels like it's equal. The point of accomadations is that they should be reasonable and provide equity without giving others massive disadvantages.
tw for eating disorders
I hate when people do this to girls who are skinny just making videos about whatever and go in her comments like "god I wish I looked like you this ruined my day I hate myself because I'm not as skinny as people like you" ESPECIALLY since u have no idea what the person in the video might be going through with their own body image
That shit gets me too like just leave the damn girl alone. And this is coming from someone who's suffered from disordered eating
Exactly, I bet that the more comments like that a creator has to read, the more they will start to use that framework of thinking towards their own body
@@assas1nscreed exactly, and even worse if that person is trying to recover from an ed themselves
as a fat girl, these comments are terrible for me to read too
makes me think: damn you’d be dead if you looked like me then ☠️ thanks for the reminder nobody asked for?????????
I’ve seen so many “I’m not eating today because of this” under entirely regular pictures or videos of skinny girls. As if that isn’t an insane thing to say to a stranger
your cat is so real for not wanting to look big headed on this topic. really knows when to stay in her lane. i really admire that about her
this phenomenon is part of why i deleted tiktok! it started appearing literally everywhere and it was so exhausting to read, i can’t even imagine how it would affect the actual people getting these “whataboutism” comments. i feel like it also minimizes actual instances where there is a lack of inclusivity
i feel like in addition to this so many people online believe that all of their opinions are deserving of being heard regardless of the situation or whether or not they’re constructive. if it’s not for you that’s ok if you disagree or don’t like it that’s ok and it’s also ok if you don’t announce that. you can simply just scroll and move on
i say as i announce my opinion lmao
i agree sm! And I think these comments are fine because we are adding to a conversation and generally trying to be constructive by sharing our thoughts rather than assuming that other people should automatically go by what we said lol :3
No seriously I think one of the huge issues in our culture is how we think our opinion is supreme and that everyone is being rewarded by hearing it.
This reminds me of every time i see a tiktok that talks about assessibility tools (things to help you zip up your own jacket, open soda, etc) and the comments are just, like, "This is useless / I can just use my hands / what a waste of money" Like?? Did you maybe think for two seconds that this isn't for you?
I think I own an accessibility tool to open cans, because I’m a nail biter. To many, it seems kind of foolish, but it’s sooooo helpful.
Yes! That’s the exact video that came to mind for me too. It’s people claiming that their personal experience is objective fact for every other person on earth. Just because it’s not useful TO YOU doesn’t mean that it’s useless
Whenever someone starts their statement with "I know I'm privileged, I know I come from a place of privilege, I know I have xyz privileges, but" and then finishes the statement with the most NORMAL THING EVER (aka, "I love having a garden to sit in") you just KNOW they've been shamed for enjoying their life SO MUCH.
People rly hate to see others having a nice time, bc "well I'M having a bad time!!"
I think this goes hand in hand with the pity-party type of personality, you know the ones. The ones who want to fight over how they had only 20 minutes of sleep and actually THEY are more oppressed than you and also-
THIS! The internet and it's weird obsession with oppression Olympics.
"If I had it hard, so should you!"
- The internet
This is exactly what I was thinking. They need everyone else to feel miserable as they do and how dare someone else claim they have it hard too
My mum does this alot like its a competitive life or something. I'll be like god damn work was crazy today and then they'll be like well i bet its not as bad as mine and then goes off for 30mins haha or i'm really tired and then someone else will be like well how much sleep did you get cause i only had 5 etc. kinda wild how us humans are.
Seems to be like you said, if youre happy you tend to get overlooked in conversing with mates a lot because theres this jelously and like you said this pitty that we crave when we arent doing 10/10...
@@emmawilks4524I think the world tends to see struggling as "good". If you suffered you're expected to know more, be smarter, be stronger, be better, be a harder worker, etc. and everybody wants to be seen with those good qualities. This leads to "oh but I had it harder" which just comes off as unempathetic and honestly, rude.
I'm sorry your mom does that.
My dad recently passed and ive been using this as a coping mechanism without even realizing it. Thank you for bringing this up! I shouldnt take away peoples joy just because im hurting.
I'm so sorry for your loss! It's so, so hard to lose someone
Grief can make us do weird things but realizing you can find better ways to cope is so wonderful! Sorry for your loss and I hope with time you start to feel better, it always takes time ❤
So sorry for your loss, I hope you have the support you need to process this ❤
So sorry for your loss❤🩹❤🩹
My condolences, and may he rest in peace
It reminds me of when old people leave one star google reviews for restaurant that just say "i've never been here" and you know it's probably because their phone gave them a google maps notification that said "how was this reataurant?" and they don't understand that it's not the restaurant's fault that the app made a mistake, and they don't *have* to respond to it.
Social media algorithms feed us content that specifically are said to be "for you." when they aren't for us, we can become that old person leaving a comment that says "this sucks because it isn't for me" without realizing it.
In both examples, a machine prompts you to interact with something irrelevant to you with the assumption that it IS relevant to you. With google reviews, it's a prompt to review a place you never visited. On social media, it's the false insinuation of social interaction. Machine algorithms fuck up and if we don't think about it, we accept the machine's request for our response. But the machine isn't the one who receives the response. Real people are.
its annoying because this is the exact reason that places can request to remove reviews, which shouldn't be a feature because they use it to silence valid criticisms at some places, but we need to have it because weirdos will make useless reviews or just try to troll.
This is such a good analogy holy crap. Never looked at it from this perspective!
you posted this at exactly the right time, i was talking to my dad about this and he said we both need to work on not being in our own little bubble. even in real life i’m so hyper focused on myself that when i meet someone i’ll completely forget their name because i’m so focused on what i look like to them. or when they talk about something they did i’d always find a way to be like, “oh i’ve done that!” “oh i hate those”i’ve kinda become oblivious to other peoples lives if you know what i mean
even with this comment i’m kinda like, this is about me lmao
@@sinahyenaLMAO
@@sinahyena llllmfao at least you're kinda self aware about it
i can honestly relate. in reality, i find a way to make the situation about myself. i dont wanna have this habit anymore man 😭
must be nice, i don't have a voice box :(
this is so pervasive like everywhere- i used to write fanfic and the comments that some of my other friends and I that write (FOR FREE- FOR OUR OWN ENJOYMENT) would get as to how they thought the plot should go or people writing out entire summaries for how they would write it is actually so insane.
Omg or they don’t like the pairing of the fic. And it’s like… don’t read it? Why comment on it
no because i am so tired of seeing couples online and the comments are flooded with "and what if i just kms" like can we let them enjoy a nice moment??? you are so real for this
FOR REAL LIKE IT IRRITATES THE SHIT OUT OF ME. bc if you dont like the video why not just scroll 🤨 commenting will only make MORE of those videos pop up on ur feed like tf
This is so important!!! I hate seeing makeup tutorials have comments like “well I have hooded eyes so I cant even do this look 😕” like. I also have hooded eyes. Its a nice video! Its not for me. The person cant change their eye shape to suit every person who may view it. I just search for hooded eye tutorials not guilt trip the person making normal content
especially bc half the time we watch these things for pleasure anyway!! I don’t make every recipe, do every makeup look I see a tutorial for, etc. it can just be fun to watch even if it won’t work for my eyes
Ugh, a lovely content creator I watch has semi-hooded eyelids and posted a video about how to do makeup to appear more “there” on hooded eyes and the comments were not it. Constant “You don’t have hooded eyes. I have hooded eyes, yours are semi.” comments EVERYWHERE, despite the creator stating that her eyes weren’t as hooded as some people’s could get but the techniques should work basically the same. Absolutely infuriating.
@@MeganJesterExactly! I’m a very lazy goth and don’t do much with my makeup, eyeliner or clothing but I’ll still sit my ass down and watching traditional goth clothing hauls 😂 you don’t have to be the exact target audience to enjoy a video!
@@ghoultoothnah literally the gatekeeping of such silly things like hooded eyes is so annoying to see. like SHUT UPPP 😭
The thing with little kids being upset about not getting presents on other people’s birthday reminds me that maybe these peoples parents bought them present on their siblings birthday which exemplifies this issue now lol
WHAT I didn’t know that some parents did that 🫢
I mean not necessarily, kids are just really fucking selfish 😭most people just don’t know how to parent correctly so they don’t tell their children what’s right and wrong or how to behave in social situations, in that case, learn to celebrate and be happy for someone else besides themselves. Ofc it isn’t inherently the kids fault because they barely are conscious beings, but it is conditioned behavior the adults just choose to not tackle for whatever reason
I know someone who i grew up with who would get presents on their brothers birthdays, as a child i was like wtf
Before I understood how birthdays worked as a kid, I saw my sister and a cousin be sung happy birthday together... because their birthdays are in the same week and thought you had to have a birthday buddy. So when I was told no I could not be her birthday buddy bc my birthday isn't anywhere near hers, I was mad. It's kind of hilariously embarrassing.
Echo chambers ended up giving people the impression that every piece of content they watch is directly related to what interests them (as with the fyp system). And when that's not the case, they take the liberty of insulting, attacking or making disparaging comments about the person because, that's not what they're looking for. In her last video, OliSUNVia explained something like that so I’m just gonna quote: "we start treating post and people as if they perform for us" and I think that sums up the idea of 'what about me' perfectly: we treat people like they're sole purpose is to feed us with things that is inherently rely to us/entertain us enough.
There's also a whole culture around being self-centred, about our own needs are sometimes above anything else, so all that combined can lead to this effect ig (don’t know if that makes sense lmao)
OliSUNvia is so good! Always hits the nail on the head
I think the concept of putting yourself first more often has gone to this extreme of always wanting to be put first, thought of individually, cared about about above others, etc. which is like everything else put to an extreme anymore
"Lemme get that bean soup BEANLESS"
"Bean soup got beans in it"
Your blush placement is IMMACULATE. Love you girly
ALSO where is that shirt from. I need
A lot of folks on the internet today have completely lost their sense of “take what applies to you and leave to rest”, and it’s all the worse for it
people that are chronically online have completely ruined positivity for everyone online and it sucks :/ thank you for making this video, Nicole!! ❤️❤️
we have a toxic positivity problem but now we also have a toxic negativity problem.
@@Zectifin i know, it's like there's 0 in between for so many people :/
YOU BETTER BE POSITIVE OR SO HELP ME 🤬🤬🤬🤬 /s
@@Zectifinthis is why I see my body as a body and neither gross nor beautiful.
What about me? I’m chronically online and I’m the most positive person ever! 😂
Nicole... I can't believe you called me (ME SPECIFICALLY) "nasty," "disgusting" and "gross." I'll have you know that my shower is all the way in my basement. And I have mobility issues from when I lost my hip 3 years ago. And you're making me relive that trauma. I HATH BEEN TRIGGERED!
yeah well I don't even own a shower. Must be nice to own a shower.
@@ZectifinF you both I don’t even have water!
@@myrezz8833 You don’t have water? Seriously F you, I don’t even have any liquid.
Must be nice having oxygen, I’ve been dead for 3 years
@@Zectifin Heh, you privileged simpleton...... I don't even have a house, I have to sneak into people's backyard to hose myself down every once in a while
This is a very very interesting topic to me, it's something that I've actually discussed a lot in English classes as we've been talking about how the way people interact with literature has changed with the advent of advanced algorithms. When seeking stimulation, people are now able to spend hours on an app with an experience that is constantly tailoring to their exact tastes AS they are using the app. Alternatively, a book cannot change as you read it to match your every desire and expectation. Not to mention, social media is structured in a way that's meant to please you as much as possible because it drives engagement, whereas literature is often (but not always) meant to actively challenge the reader in some ways. The way I sum it up is: algorithms meet you where you're at, but you have to meet literature where it's at. And a lot of people simply aren't used to having to do that work (especially with how the quality of English/language arts classes is dropping with a focus on skills for standardized tests instead of actually promoting a love for reading & all of its challenges). So now there's a lot more people giving poor reviews of books purely because the book wasn't what THEY wanted. But their expectations come out of absolutely nowhere...
Case in point, I recently read a literary thriller that, from the synopsis and the way it was pitched, was clearly MEANT to be disturbing and uncomfortable, yet there are countless negative reviews complaining about how disturbing the book is. If you didn't want to read a disturbing book, why did you pick it up??
It also presents some problems for translated literature because often other cultures & languages have their own rhythm and conventions to their writing which are different from that of authors in the English-speaking world, and translators try to maintain those stylistic tendencies but then people complain about the writing style being "weird..." It's just different, that's all. You also see people complaining about books that are (very intentionally) written in AAVE or various English dialects because it's hard for them to read & understand. But like... The author often will write that way to represent the English that they actually speak and are immersed in in their lives, why should they have to cater to YOUR dialect?? Idk there's a weird entitlement from readers sometimes and it's probably always been that way but it's just so much more obvious when you see it online
There recently is a game that came out from a company who's slogan is something like 'production company that makes games for woman player. Who loves female gamers, and makes what female gamers love." The company has always been open that the games they make are open to anyone but their audience, as mostly women staff and founded by a woman wants to make games that is not only for women but come from a cultural experience of a place that still deeply shuns and dislikes women. As someone from this culture I find the company to be part of an inherently political movement as they've almost been shut down more than once due to the inherent misogyny still prevalently found here. The game itself has been released in 4 languages one which is English and a lot of people in that community have gotten upset that it has mostly 'hetrosexual' characters/takes and 'the main character is written as a woman-- couldn't they have just done they/them?' And sure, I get wanting the game to be open to you to relate and play something it's apparent majority full on ignored looking into the game solely because they saw others talking about it and then were upset seeing it was for a difference audience. So many of these comments also directly again ignore the reasons why having and make female-oriented media and games is still important in so many countries. Even as a gender non-conforming and bisexual person it makes me want to grab and shake them yelling 'THIS GAME WASN'T MADE FOR YOU!! you can enjoy it and even make fan content pertaining to your ideals but in the end this is not your game and not who they are trying to empower here. Suck it up."
What was the thriller book called?
As a student who just enrolled in college to major in English Literature, I find this very insightful.
Oh my, thank you for saying that! I used to avoid books that sounded like they could be my cup of tea just because I had a sliver of doubt about one of the subplots, if I had a suspicion there was something in the book I didn't agree with I would just not read it. However, I have recently read Franzen's "Corrections" because I was stuck at a place where that was literally the only book available to me, and let me tell you it made me UNCOMFORTABLE. A lot of what the characters did caused me so much discomfort but I ended up reflecting on myself and on a lot of issues due to that, which opened my eyes to the fact that always consuming media tailor made to your tastes is not the reason art exists. Randomly picking up a book that presented some despicable characters doing and thinking despicable things really sparked a love for stories and art in me again. I haven't felt that in ages only reading books that were recommended to me by influencers whose tastes match mine.
@@XRadicalSakuraX it was Hotel Iris by Yoko Ogawa
i think the reason why i've never felt the need to comment when things weren't about myself is because i've always been interrupted and talked over in conversation and discovered very young how annoying that is. it's really the online equivalent of having someone you don't know talk over you while you're just minding your own business. i wish more people could identify that's just like... rude and unasked for.
the part that annoys me the most is that it’s so LAZY! like there is so much content out there. literally millions of hours worth of content. it takes 5 seconds to find content tailored to your interests and needs and to block or ignore what you’re not interested in. you CAN and SHOULD curate your online experience!!!!!
I fully agree!! A lot of people seem to forget that the 'Don't recommend this channel' or 'Not interested' buttons exist on social media apps _for a reason._
Exactly! Plus commenting will make that content appear more!
agree so hard to this video. this is why i’ve deleted tiktok and twitter and recently deleted instagram bc i’ve been seeing this so much and even more so been feeling myself start to fall into this mentality (not severely lol) w certain things. it’s SO easy w the internet for this to happen and it’s horrible. it started as a way to connect and for people to find community but now people get upset when they can’t be in every single community. people need to touch grass respectfully
exactly, and honestly even w/o those effects i feel so much happier after deleting social media and working on myself :)))
Yeah that's great. Deleting social media = peace. I just need to stop reading comments on youtube and webtoon and my mental health will reach its peak as well.
@@shay5479 fr, it’s been a month now since i deleted everything (longer for tiktok bc i deleted it a while ago) and i feel so much better and clear headed. i’ve redownloaded it a few times for max 30 minutes but it just doesn’t hit the same anymore and makes me feel bored instead of stimulated. very interesting
@@STAY5161 real. i still read some youtube comments but try to limit myself. its just too much and once you stop doing it and break the pattern, it’ll probably feel boring and not as satisfying anymore. very hard though bc people made it so addicting
Thank you for posting this! I've definitely been guilty of trauma dumping. Edgy humor. What about me? Commentary in the past because I thought I was being quirky or fun or even relatable.
I have been ruminating on this topic so much lately. I typically am saying it in the realm of “I love that America let’s you be individualistic, but I hate how individualistic people are now.” Because it almost feels delusional a little bit? You know what I mean - because it’s exactly this video lol. Thanks for putting some words to my thought jumbles.
Same here omg! I like that you can be your own person-- but omg people have become so selfish these days. Including me, tbh. I'm 10000% guilty of trauma dumping IRL or commenting "but im allergic" on a video that was like "if u don't eat cashews ur a horrible human being."
But now its translating into real life with huge consequences. So many people my age have pissed me off because they lack consideration of others in a massive way. They don't say things like "excuse me" or "please" anymore, they say "did I ask though??" when someone just states "oof I'm super tired today!" etc.
The snarky hyperindividualism is getting on so many peoples nerves recently I feel.
@@mxngos7493 I agree. Individualism has gone from "I get to be uniquely me!" to "why isn't everyone just like me." It's no longer individualism, but "I don't want anyone to be an individual except me" for some people
@@shayerahol6434 exactly. its gone from accepting others for being different to hating others for being different. And I don't mean having to accept someone with a shitty political viewpoint. It feels like another one of those conservative things that has infected the left like sex negativity.
I wouldn’t call it individualistic but rather very self-centered. I get where you’re coming from though because online it seems like we are in our own personal bubble not realizing other people on platforms are ACTUAL people with REAL feelings!! That’s what happens when other people don’t have healthy outlets to express their traumas or insecurities.
brooo this is why body positivity spaces feel so yucky sometimes. on any post of someone hyping up fat people and talking about their beauty, there’s always comments like “skinny people can feel bad about their bodies too!” like yes of course they can! and skinny people are beautiful too!!! all bodies are beautiful that’s the point!!!!!! AAAAAA
like thinness is already celebrated in our society, let’s lift up people who don’t get celebrated that’s the poinnntttttt
God I avoid the comments on body positivity posts like the black plague 😭
On the flip side there will be a thin person discussing an insecurity and everyone will try to make it seem like it’s ILLEGAL for them to feel that way because they’re not fat. NO MATTER WHAT JUST LEAVE PPL ALONE 😭
In my time on the internet, I’ve noticed some things about people.
1. Trauma dumping is just oversharing - either by accident or because your perspective of the ‘trauma’ doesn’t feel like that anymore to you. I think if you wanna tell someone your parent died, that’s totally okay. I wanted to tell everyone when my dad died, because I needed the attention - out of a sense of vulnerability. Tbh I don’t think most people share stuff like that out of a sense of ‘oh me me me’ but out of a feeling of vulnerability and needing a certain kind of support from people we feel we can get that support from. For me, I think it was some kind of acknowledgment of my pain? I didn’t need anyone to really say or do anything special, I just needed acknowledgment. It’s weird, I know. AND I SAID ALL THAT TO SAY: sometimes people feel like the internet is a good place to be especially vulnerable and so what LOOKS like ‘dumping’ is someone who is just choosing to be vulnerable in the wrong space, maybe.
Also, I totally agree with the ‘but what about x, y, z??’ We are allowed to talk about something without having to put a disclaimer on it. I like hearing other perspectives that maybe I wouldn’t think about, normally. The world has A LOT of nuance and subtleties that people don’t like to think about. You can dislike slow walkers, but understand why they may be slow walkers. You can dislike things you understand as much as things you don’t understand. That is being a normal person.
And you’re right, the average person isn’t writing a dissertation on the internet when they post about things. Not everyone’s trying to open a ‘debate’ with gun owners when they don’t like guns, or a ‘debate’ with weed smokers when they don’t like weed. If you think everything is debatable, please just… go outside.
it's a great week when nicole uploads
Second this
When people try so hard to be so inclusive they become exclusive.
Yeah...
The ‘assuming the absolute worst’ trait is everywhere on social media and I hate it more than ‘what about me’ even. People deliberately trying to misinterpret someone in order to get mad about a completely innocent post. Which only results in people feeling like you can’t say anything at all without a billion disclaimers and hedging and really just makes conscientious people disappear from the conversation and emboldens those who don’t care if they sound like a**holes.
This is so true. I’m truly the type of person who lowkey needs attention a lot of the time and thrives off on knowing I have the “upperhand” to an experience someone else didnt have. It is very damaging and it makes me a pretty negative person but I’ve been working on myself and realizing it was just alot of things that have happened in my childhood that made me bitter and angry but at the wrong people. This is truly an eye opening video and I want to stop and will stop being so self centered because ironically I then hate being center of attention. I swear its mostly on the internet but either way, not everything is about me. Thank you for this video truly.
i’m so fucking glad someone is talking about this. it’s genuinely so annoying to see people post happy content on tik tok and the comments be filled with “walking in front of a freeway” like this isn’t about you! how can you watch someone share a happy moment and completely make this about yourself? ex: i was on tik tok and this girl posted a haul on what she got on her birthday and this comment was like “i didn’t get anything for my birthday :(“ LIKE THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU! i literally commented “can you not trauma dump? this person is just sharing a happy moment” and i got so much hate? like sorry i’m advocating for the original creator to not feel guilty because YOU didn’t get a damn gift. literally just say “happy birthday” and move on. this isn’t about you, not everything is about you. idk
just respond to those comments with "thanks, we'd all be better off." lol
Just say you can’t deal with feedback on public content. Just say you are tired of this stupid “empathy” and poor people who inconvenience you, the most “important” person in the universe. Just say that the peasants, oppressed people in this world are annoying by reminding you of reality when you’re a privileged spoiled brat. Because that’s what you’re really saying.
someone saying they didn't get anything for their birthday isn't 'trauma dumping' and this comment is a perfect example of how the internet loves to water down real topics to apply to any minor inconvenience
@@sweetembrace6706 i don’t understand how you can miss my point lol my point is how you can see someone post about something that made them happy and make it about yourself. it’s almost like you completely missed the whole point of the video as well lol. also i’m not gonna argue with you, your other comments prove you genuinely had absolutely no idea on what you’re talking about. have a nice day
been a fan since the bedazzled inhaler and student era, but i must say i love nicole in every version ❤️
yes this!!! this girl posted a video of what she eats in a day, and so many of the comments were being like, “are you sure you even ate..” “you ate ONLY THAT for lunch?.. 😧“ “she def has an eating disorder” “you need to put a trigger warning bc this triggered me” etc.. and I was shocked. she made a response video talking about her small appetite and that this is what she needs to fuel HER BODY. as someone who has a “small” appetite, and has been told all her life “did you even eat? 😂“ “she eats like a bird” “ur so thin we need to make you eat more 😂“, I am on her side with this. ppl need to stop making assumptions about someone’s life from ONE SINGLE VIDEO. everyone has a different appetite, and I wish ppl would stop shaming others for eating “too much” or “too little”.
Same! I have small appetite and would often got shamed for eating so little because people who watch me eat in a day said "I would never be able to survive if I eat like you."
and then there's a part of the internet who glorifies this thing as if eating in a small amount is a gift from god
Both are annoying. Why don't just...treat it as if it's no big deal?
Why was she even posting about that though?
@@myrezz8833because she wanted to?
“What I eat in a day” is a trend.
Just like “what I do in a day” or “what I wear in a week ”
The trigger warning content is maybe kind of valid? There are for sure people out there with anorexia/orthorexia who subconsciously flex with how little they eat and then get rewarded by likes and comments. But then again, it's none of our business and we can block that person and try to not engage with such content to the algorithm leaves us alone with that.
I disagree. Sometimes those videos are actually harmful. Ive seen "what i eat in a day!" videos with bodychecking and calorie counting. And then they eat way less calories than you should in a day. Those videos promote unhealthy eating for the sake of being skinny, and they ARE A PROBLEM. The video youre talking about may not be, but the "youre not eating enough" concern is valid. People will post anorexia inspo to tiktok without even knowing it
This SCREAMS the Mitski fan who defended their filming the whole set with “Actually I have a disorder and need the video recording smh”
The disorder is ‘bootleg’
I related so hard, I have a terrible relationship with my dad and I struggle so hard to not leave those "my dad hates me" comments. but im soo glad you're talking abt this its so annoying !! also bestie what mascara are you using your eyelashes look incredible
IKR WHAT MASCARA IS THAT
I get it. I cut my parents off 12 years ago cus they are shitheads. You just gotta remember that you're not the only person out there with that problem, its quite common to have a shitty or non existant relationship with parents. I know that feeling. Whenever I see a video or show where someone has an actually loving and great relationship with a parent I tear up. I'm sad that I don't have that, but I'm happy for the person that has that relationship. I wish that on nobody else. I know it sucks, but instead of being mad you gotta look internally and try to be happy for that person.
I'm guilty of similar comments but with moms. I realized I was projecting and now restrain myself from assuming every mom saying how much she loves her kids is putting on an act for the public just bc my own mom was mean spirited behind closed doors. But I don't really like how some of these moms imply that everyone should have kids when I know my own mother shouldn't have.
i can’t stand it. i spent time on instagram for the first time in forever and every. single. comment section had stuff like this or arguments about everything. like every single post would have people divided into two camps in the comments arguing as if it is the world’s greatest final battle between good or evil. like sometimes shit is annoying to me but man is that exhausting to look at, let alone engage with. also funny bc as you said, it usually has nothing to do with them or they have no idea what they’re talking about in the first place
Yessss, this resonated so much. I used to host a radio show on a station that encouraged us to play every kind of genre and I can't tell you how many times we got calls from people who were pissed that we were playing hip-hop on the station. Like. Wait for the song to be over or listen to something else...?
I feel like it's also important to note within this phenomenon that it developed an interesting social dichotomy where people are individualist and self-centered in a manner that relies on other people. It's almost as if people have this concept that others are responsible for solving their own issues or determining their self-identity. In regards to fashion, I also see this issue a lot where people will say "I don't like high waisted jeans," on a post specific to styling high waisted jeans. Not only is a self-centered but it almost feels like the person wants the creator to tell them its okay to not like high waisted jeans or explicitly confirm to them that they don't have to enjoy this content. Why are you not secure or self-assured enough to see something and recognize that it is not for you? Why do you need to rely on others to shape your self-identity? I feel like this stems from a place of unresolved insecurities.
People, in general, have become individualists and lack a sense of community. I believe these feelings of insecurity many have exasperate this individualist thinking to a degree where they are reliant on the expression of others to understand themselves. Its so weird.
oh my GOD i have been complaining all day and night to my friends about this phenomenon, specifically in regards to crochet/knitting which adds an extra layer of irritation because like... it's crochet/knitting... you can customize it to whatever you like...
edit: PS your lips look great! seriously they're so cute and plump! they're at their perfect amount of pillowy goodness.
honestly i never realized how harmful trauma dumping could be. i do it to a lot of people and i don’t even realize what i’m doing (i mean it’s different for like my closest friends but that’s off the point) to them and what place i’m putting them in, and i think that’s affected a lot of my relationships. i didn’t realize how much i made things about me, and how i wanted the world to accommodate me and ONLY me. this was such a great video. tysm for making it and bringing this to light!! and by the way this wasn’t meant to be a trauma dump either 😅
also ilysm
I think a good change to make would be to ask your friends if you could share your problems with them right now. They can judge if they're ready to offer advice or comfort in that moment. Sometimes people aren't ready to offer comfort if they're already feeling bad themselves.
It's a bad habit I'm trying to break myself. After years of not being allowed to tell the real story, suddenly I couldn't stop telling it.
nicole, i feel like you’re not being inclusive to the not annoying people and as someone who isn’t one of those annoying people, i feel that you need to be more accommodating smh
i'm happy that this video was posted because it is true, a big chunk of social media consists of this exact thing, it's crazy. and both you and sarahthebookfairy(love the acc name) put my feelings and thoughts into words perfectly!! as always much love and your hair is slay💖
you are such a real one for this nicole, ive been having trouble talking about this in such an ~eloquent and concise~ manner but it's such a real problem! i explained whataboutmeism to my dad a few months ago and he says it's brought him so much peace of mind now that he doesn't use his up energy getting angry about things that aren't meant for him
The "what about me?" is so real! It has seeped into the real world post COVID too. I'm sure it was there before, but being 32 now, I did such things when I was in high school and my early 20s as a disabled person. I now would never and always have the positive spin that I'm continually getting better. It will kill me one day, but I'm no longer bed ridden from treatment and I'm regaining my muscles! This is a much better thing to dwell on for me, especially around others, but really, in general!
Also, I appreciate your OCD issues and what you have to do for them! Support from a fellow OCD human! All the love. Keep up your awesome work :)
i remember listening to your “trauma dumping” podcast episode a while back when it came out and i’m so glad to hear you talking about this topic more bedside it truly NEEDS more awareness
Thank you for talking about this. I feel like it’s becoming a huge social issue but I haven’t heard or seen a lot of videos about it. So thanks! ❤
i love how you articulate these points, it's always a topic that has passed through my mind from different perspectives at different times that you pull together into an awesome video. love your braids and ribbon
Literally! I’m so glad to hear someone talking about this! I always got pissed off irl at people at like therapy dog events before college final weeks being like “I remember when my dog died” and the service dog people were always really nice but like wtf is wrong with you to just say that out loud to a real person who has a dog they love and for sure would be said if their dog died?!
I also have OCD and the level to which your jokes resonate... is healing af. Thank you
I made a silly little video about 1/3 scale collector dolls, in the context of comfort dolls and Barbie.
So many kids were in my comments telling me that they can’t afford the dolls, that not everyone can, that I shouldn’t be talking about expensive collector dolls or to add disclaimers…
Like it was a silly video pls chill 🙃
this topic is what I've been juggling with in my mind for such a long time and it's the first time I see someone talk about it that's awesome loved the video ty for doing this and talking about important unsaid stuff on the internet ❤❤❤❤
I’ve noticed something like this is quite common in the art community. Someone posts something about how they draw hair or something and there are always like a billion comments going “you don’t need to listen to this” “every art style is different, don’t do what this stranger is forcing you to” etc etc. Like nobody was forcing you to do anything, the person was just giving tips, they weren’t saying you’re style sucks because it isn’t like theirs 😭
i love ur hairstyle in this video omg. well i love ur hair in general but the braids are cute (and the ribbon matching ur shirt omg)
i hope this videos reaches so so many people. this is such a real phenomenon and most of the people doing it dont really realize it because its passed off as humour or "woke" actions when it shouldnt, its getting so old and as you said, is ruining younger peoples mentalities about what a healthy conversation between two people should be. we are *all* guilty of this because we are all honestly chronically online and its having long term effects atp. anyways great video, ive never seen you on my homepage before and i luvluv your voice, also im allergic to the red pigments in clothing so seeing you wear red is really triggering for me personally plz dont do that again >:(
this is so true and I think it leads creators to feel like they have to make a million disclaimers and hold the audiences hand instead of just film and post the little thing they wanted to share
found your channel today. Just wanted to say its really inspirational seeing a creator with OCD who is open about it. Gives me some comfort. Cheers.
Nicole you just gave me a great idea to work the Hyperindividualism with my class for an activity we must do related to something called "Peace day", where we must explore the concept of peace or revolve around it. I`d wish I could show your video to them, but I`m from a non-english speaking country. Nevertheless, the concept you work on here is great. Thank you so much, because I had no idea what subject to work on to make it different lol you saved me
Your self-awareness and the ability to accept your past shortcomings or just different ways of functioning that no longer work for you/you no longer agree with is so resfreshing. For me at least it's not an easy process, admitting you can be a screw-up and letting go of rigid ideas of who you are/were, even forgiving yourself for not knowing better and you talking candidly in your videos about ways you've learnt to be more aware gives me solace and hope
this reminds me of that one birdsrightsactivist tweet, "I am feel uncomfortable when we are not about me?"
i have ranted countless times to myself about this, thank you for giving me a source to cite
this is the first time i've heard abt anything like this and ur so real for this, ty nicole for bringing up this topic
I loooove your videos, a lot of what you said made me think about my social psychology classes. This society is sooo messy lol
You’re amazing have a great dayyyy :))🌟
I think your statement regarding being an only child resonated with me because being an only child you learn more about what you love, how to keep yourself busy without needing others and then you visit friends who have siblings and there is so much 'what about me' 'why did she get that when i didnt' and so on. It's easier as an only child with learning the world isnt just yours because you cant really argue the point with your parent being like 'well remember when blah happened etc.' its either yes you can have this or no you can't etc. idk i went way off on a tangent...also another one with 'the main character energy' i love doing this because it reminds me to enjoy details of my life but I also like to remember to zoom out and remind myself how small and insignificant we all are in the grand scheme of the universe. that keeps me humble and from being a pick me gal (Because i 100% do it still but im aware of it and constantly rein myself in)
Really good video and i'm going to try to not 'dump' back to someone if they do it to me, like to try and stop needing to relate and hold some of my internal thoughts for myself to think and reflect on without the need to share. xx
Love this. Also, not everything is a conversation that needs to be had by everyone. Not everything needs to be up with the latest trends or the highest form of video art possible when it's really just people living their everyday lives and putting it on the internet! Not everything requires or deserves critique or like theory applied to it, especially when people did not ask! Just because you can say something doesn't mean you should, and just because these people's lives are so accessible to you doesn't entitle you, ethically speaking, to comment upon and judge them.
nicole you are genuinely so smart and well spoken we love you 😘😘
Oh I love this take! One thing that has helped me when I talk to people irl, when they talk about how they have happy healthy relationships with their family and they didn’t experience abuse lols… I noticed that I tend to have negative emotions there and I do start to feel jealous or what about me-esque so I say something like “I am genuinely happy that this was your experience but I had the complete opposite experience and it was not good. Therefore I do not understand your experience and it makes me a little jealous. Because I don’t understand I cannot contribute anything to this conversation without it sounding bitter and/or very sarcastic. But I am genuinely happy for you because I love you and want the best for you and nobody should have to go through the bs that I did.” I’ve found this has helped because I want to be open and honest but I don’t want to take away from their moment and pull a what about me, but I also can’t sound genuinely happy. So 🤷🏻♀️ anyways I think these days some people have such an inflated sense of self and they just need to be reminded that the world doesn’t revolve around you? Like you are only the main character in your life, but not in anyone else’s, you’re not the centre of the literal universe. I think it’s great that everyone is so individualistic and so themselves, but not to the detriment of others! Be yourself but also know that you’re not the only person in the world!!! That being said I think those of us that seek out this kind of content and conversations are genuinely trying to be better people. I also think some of this effect can be closely related to the FOMO. Idk it’s kinda weird hearing this in words because it is something I’ve been hyper aware of for a while? Not to trauma dump, not that anyone will read this lols, but my mum does this shiz! Like I was picked on a criticised my entire life by my parents for any single little flaw, like any time I was ever displaying some sort of negative trait they would pick on me immediately. (Mostly because apparently I was too much like my grandmother and aunty and that was absolutely not okay) so I’ve literally been hyper aware of every single thing about myself and personality my entire life. So when I talk to someone I put the other person first and me second. But I really notice the selfishness of people when I do this. Like at this point it’s kind of an unconscious thing for me and the best way I’ve managed it is like cut down my relationships lols. But whenever I have a conversation with my mother, like I will just mention something about myself and she immediately will jump in with a what about me point!!!!! Like immediately turns the conversation around to her!!!! And I’m just like okay? And just kinda drop the conversation because god forbid I have one singular conversation where I can talk about myself in my own home???? Anyways sorry to trauma dump for the zero people that read this stream of consciousness lols
Oh my goodness this is exactly all the thoughts I’ve had in brain and I’m glad to know someone else agrees. I also had thought it was me just being mean or not accommodating enough but glad to hear this idea vocalized!
I love your content, this actually makes like a lot of sense. I’ve been thinking about this lately!
You put into words exactly how I've been feeling recently-- but also highlighted a few things I haven't even considered and new things for me to work on so I can grow as a person.
I feel like the hyperindividualism trend has translated into real life in drastic ways. People aren't using basic manners, they are constantly playing the oppression olympics or "i had it worse because of xyz," or of course the classic "but did I ask though??" 'joke' at every word you speak out loud. It pisses me off greatly, tbh, because so many people are so self-centered now that when someone has a real problem all people do is make it about themselves.
I'm guilty of this too! Even though my intentions are good, I have ADHD and my way of connecting with people is sharing similar experiences I've had to make them feel less alone-- the down side of that is that not everyone connects the same way I do, and it can easily lead to trauma dumping or someone getting the impression I'm trying to wannup them.
The reason why my ADHD is significant here is that I think us neurodivergent people are more likely to fall into this trap because we struggle with social interactions. We see people do a bunch of this kind of thing online and think "that must be how we should connect!" when... it isn't.
I know personally I've had a hard time separating reality from fiction because I've grown up with technology at my fingertips. People have said I talk like I'm a movie character when that is how I genuinely think and interact-- but the reason why its genuine is because of how overly influenced I was in childhood that I now dramatize everything and struggle to communicate effectively on top of that. I believe I'm not the only one who has experienced something similar as well.
Because the internet is so new and our generation is the first one to truly grow up with it, we are seeing the effects of what being chronically online from a young age does and we do not know how to combat it just yet. I think what will be interesting down the road is how future generations combat or give into hyperindividuality.
This shit is so true...expecially whnen it comes to cis people on trans tiktoks, shorts, or video. Even worse is ppl who claim to be "uncomfortable" with what you are doing.If you are uncomfortable speaking english....work on your english. If you are uncomfortable with your weight....gain confidence or lose weight. Quit blaming others for your personal problems. Somebody minding their own business while bing 100 lbs overweight? Doesn't affect you. They aren't asking you to date and let's not pretend like they would anyway.
honestly tho, so many arguments with transphobes just boil down to “i’m uncomfortable” and it’s like NO ONE NEEDED TO KNOW THAT! how about u move on and let ppl live? i’m not even trans but it just rly gets under my skin
@@imaneclair4836yes! It’s like “ok??? Be uncomfortable quietly.”
@@sassyhulk7685 yall are such blatant hypocrites it's embarrassing. trans weirdos are the first to throw a temper tantrum about any perceived slight against them. they never just 'move on' they make it literally everyone elses problem. the entire existence of being trans is 'i am not comfortable with my own body, and i'm going to make it everyone else in the worlds problem instead of going to therapy and figuring out why i think i need to be a woman if i wear a dress'
hello!! it’s a really nice and important video, thank you for making it! also wanted to say that you look ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS
I really appreciate the way your brain connects all these different things I’ve seen on tik tok or UA-cam passively into a much larger trend. A nasty brain is a strong brain
Crying at clementine being a republican
i had a talk w her don’t worry
@@NicoleRafiee clemmy apology vid coming soon
@@ragadoodle720clementine better know how to play the ukelele 😂😂
Almost definitely too young to vote so...
this was so eye opening and such a helpful perspective check
On the same topic, sorta, I was in middle school when the hate against Twilight seemed to be at its peak. In private, I enjoyed the movies and it was a fun thing to bond with my mom over. But publicly, I was my school’s #1 Twilight hater. It was like I had internalized Twi-phobia. There are plenty of things to validly criticize Twilight on, but 13-year-old me just wanted others to see them as “not like other girls”. I think my self-hatred for enjoying Twilight was the first domino that led to more unhealthy thoughts on more serious issues that I still struggle with.
Now, I’ve finally let myself simply enjoy media, even if it’s “bad”. And if I stumble upon a song or a book that I don’t enjoy, I’ll shrug and move on. Me not liking something doesn’t mean that thing is the worst thing ever and it shouldn’t exist and blah blah. It simply means that thing just wasn’t made for me.
YES OMG IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS PHENOMENON FOR SO LONG BUT WAS NEVER ABLE TO PUT IT IN WORDS
Your hairstyle is so pretty ❤ 🎀 I'm excited to watch this✨
SH MENTION /// omg no you mentioning bread reminded me of something I used to see so frequently on tiktok in 2020/2021. I really like bread making videos, so I would get a lot of bread scoring (cutting patterns into dough with a blade before baking it) on my fyp, and nearly every bread scoring video would have comments like "my arms be like" "I want to do this to my skin" "me at any minor inconvenience" and it was so so distressing. I feel so bad for the creators of those videos because it must be awful to get so many comments saying those things on nearly every video. and if anyone replied to the comments saying that maybe they shouldn't have commented that, they would always get told that they're allowed to make jokes like that because it's how they cope. I never saw anyone talking about it and it felt like I was the only one who thought it was an issue
I really appreciate how you came at this topic with a lot of empathy; I don’t trauma-dump in comment sections (or at least I try to be aware of when I feel the urge to do it and can backtrack) but I struggle to have empathy for people who have very different opinions from me. I hate saying that because it makes me feel like a terrible person, but I think that struggle is a combo of my autism* and this algorithmic internet experience. I’m not exposed to enough people with different experiences and opinions, so I don’t get to practice understanding those people. I don’t use most of the mainstream social media platforms anymore, but UA-cam absolutely plays into this feedback loop for me (and many people - the alt-right pipeline is real).
*disclaimer: not all autistic people have low empathy, but many do. I experience both low empathy and hyper-empathy, and it’s as confusing as it sounds. I’m working on it in therapy.
Tak mnie to ostatnio denerwuje xD fajnie, że o tym mówisz 💖
this is my first time seeing a vid by you & it's funny that i didn't expect to comment about myself on a vid about commenting about yourself lolll but as a fellow person with ocd i will usually comment if someone talks about it hahaha - i know how hellish erp can feel, and i hope you are doing well! stay strong and you got this and i'm sure are only getting stronger by the day
I really appreciate the way you speak about OCD, it's quite literally the first time I've truly related to any OCD representation I've seen.
overall really concise video! i liked the examples you made, no matter how random they may seem, because i really do feel like it is all connected
I’m so glad that you talked about this! Honestly though…I don’t think I ever posted a comment like that, at least on a video that’s completely off topic. Like I wouldn’t say anything rude or self-pitying on happy videos. For a time though I was really depressed, like for about a year I think. I had a lot of videos on my for you page for venting and I did talk about my stuff there(I’m not sure if that counts since it was on topic for the video) I never posted anything but I would trauma dump to my friends and stuff like all the time. I know that isn’t the same exact thing as this, but I see what-about-me as something that can happen in real life too. Like sometimes I had brought down the mood with my issues, a.k.a. self-deprecating jokes. It’s been years since then and like most of the people here I’ve grown to realize that I shouldn’t have done things to that extent. I probably made this all about me, but I feel it’s important to also say that this stuff goes on outside of the internet. Sorry for this being so long 😅
I think that the most negative aspect of this “what about me” is that it can hurt a lot of creators/ musicians/ artists when they make creative decisions people don’t agree with. I saw this with Big Thief’s new release of Vampire Empire. I don’t think that the statements themselves are bad, but it’s bad when people have expectations that people are going to change to cater to them. (The statements can obviously still be bad in themselves though).
i was gonna make a "what about me" joke about this video not being for me, but after actually watching the whole video, thanks for adding your perspective on them. i will not publicly make an ass of myself while people are trying to just make videos
That is so relatable… Especially the part, which in my personal case is that I used to be in an unhappy relationship and now I’m single (which I feel miserable about) and damn… It’s like I legit HAVE to bring that fact up each time I see a happy couple or hear about someone’s positive experience 😭 I couldn’t help that… What about me what about me must feel nice to be happily in love and I’m such an unlucky loser and soooo on. Damn… I gonna do better from now on. Thanks for the video!
i guess i’ve never thought of making “edgy joke” comments as trauma dumping because 100% of the time i do it on a video that already has hundreds of thousands of comments. i never actually expect anyone to see what i wrote. i’ve always thought of it more as screaming into the void or making a joke with myself. after watching this video, i’m definitely gonna stop it all together though.
Tbh I don’t think MOST of those kind of comments are being ‘edgy’ or ‘funny’. But if you gotta tell someone your mom died when they’re having a good time with their mom, it’s time to seek some counseling. My dad was a douche and he died last year; i mourn a lot of things about him, but I’m not going to my friends family pics and talking about my dead dad. Wtf
If y'all ever look at ASMRtists comments there is so much trauma dumping. Like you will be watching a video that someone posted titled "Tapping on cool boxes ASMR" and there will be comments like "Your videos are the only things that keep me going because I get hit by a truck everyday because every farmer in the town hates me, due to my mom's cancer which made her turn evil sorceress and curse the farmer's land. So they take their vengeance out on me by running me over daily and calling me slurs. Without your videos I would unalive myself."
Like wtf, I get you want to show appreciation, but saying that someone's vids are the only thing keeping you from high diving off the gold gate bridge is hella problematic. Like this person doesn't KNOW you. I don't remember if you did a deep dive on parasocial relationsips (I gotta search the back log now), but if you haven't that might be a good one to look into.
Even true crime channels have comments like that 😅
I don't think it's that serious of an issue.
I had this experience in real life recently on a course, where the teacher/instructor was talking about
men’s mental health (which is so important to talk about!!), and a girl in the course interrupted with ‘but I’m not a man’…
I had a friend who trauma dumped all the time and was never happy for anhone, it came back to us having to validate her etc etc. i then had another friend who was SO picky and negative with everything (she always said she needed a therapist but never went to one), that it became burdensome just to talk to her. thankfully ive removed them both from my life. whataboutmeism comes in many forms, but they all are just as toxic
omg I've experienced this too!! I'm happy that you've removed them from your life, because for me when I was with them I also started acting like that too for a while and it really affected me mentally because I could never be happy about anything. it really taught me that it's true what people say, picking the right friends is actually important. I hope you've found better friends who will listen to you and build you up now :)
Ty for talking about this! A lot of people including me needed to hear this.
P.s. nice audio quality on this video :)
Your Frenemies vid came up in my recommended (you reminded me I have one of their hoodies and that I should sell it for a couple hundred bucks!). Anyway, I appreciate this video so much! I see people I know in real life who do this and I honestly want to send this to them because WOW it’s all so true and actually so important to be aware of, because the “what about ME?!” Can spiral out of control and push people away in real life if it’s unchecked.
Anyway, subscribed! You’re awesome 🙏🏼
This helped me a lot like. Seriously thank you