'The Get' | what happened when I left Hasidic Judaism
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- Опубліковано 27 січ 2024
- The name in this essay has been changed.
This is a reading of a very personal essay that I wrote in 2010, shortly after leaving the Hasidic community. It does NOT reflect my life today, and how I feel now. Many years have gone by, and many old wounds have healed. But the essay remains a time capsule of those hard times as I transitioned onto a different path. I read it for the camera when we had a camera set up in our home for a different project, and I found the experience of reading out loud those raw, heartbroken moments to be deeply moving.
Please be gentle. I've been agonizing over whether I should publish this as it's extremely personal and would appreciate your kindness.
Frieda, this was absolutley one of the most poignant and moving videos I have ever seen. You were able to convey such pain, strength, vulnerability and hope all at the same time. Please know this really touched my heart and I know a lot of people like me will relate deeply... you are truly helping to make a community that seems so foreign to most people relatable through your work and your words here in this essay. Thank you!!
I can't agree more.
I know the pain is real. I, too, had a divorce 😢
Thank you for sharing such a personal aspect of your life in such a beautiful monologue. You are a brave and courageous woman, following your life’s journey on your own terms. Mazel Tov Frieda .
Frieda, your essay and presentation touched my heart. So heartfelt and honest. Shalom.❤
🩵💙🌳🌳🌈🔆😇@@karajarvis2254
🩵💙🌳🌳🌈🔆😇@@karenoquinn4702
Frieda, your words have touched me so deeply. I'm sitting here in bed, on the other side of the world in Australia, coffee in hand before the work day begins and suddenly i have tears, silent tears trickling down my face and without realising it, i am holding my breath, transfixed by your words. This was simply so beautiful - i thank you for sharing.
I'm in Australia also and this gabbed my heart also
As a Hasidic husband myself, I understand more than others what you went through.
חזק ואמץ! ס׳וועט נאך קומען גוטע צייטן.
איר זענט א הייליגע און לויטערע נשמה.
Beauty from ashes.
❤
❤💯%
💯!! Very touching to hear you say that!
Oy vey do you look at ALL as pure and holy souls, … ???
So beautifully relayed. The line about the Rabbi and his "acknowledgement of my presence" being seen as an act of kindness speaks volumes.
Im not jewish but i had the same feelings when my husband divorced me. I wasnt told about the court date. I just received a document in the mail. I can still feel the emptyness and hear the silence that enveloped me. That was 30 years ago.
@katherinemcmahon509 Did you not have warning? I hope things worked out well for you.
That is how I felt the day my husband left.
What country do you live in? Certainly not the US.
Yes. Same.
@@patarcher1813I'm in the US and that is how it works in my state. With no-fault divorce, if you are not the person who files, you don't know anything until you get a letter saying you are divorced. It's not even a copy of the official court document. I had to pay to get a copy of that.
Dear Dear Frieda, I was moved the first time you posted this. I am so happy you are sharing this to the wider group as well. You, my dear, are a writer. A beautiful writer. I can feel every second of this.
Remarkable, Frieda…I cried…and I was comforted
Thank you so much John.
🩵💙🌳🌈🔆😇🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵💙🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn 💙💙💙
How could we be anything *but* gentle? This is stunningly beautiful and I think you for sharing it.
He must have been a fool!
Seriously, you need that simple typo explained? I thank (😊) it wasted both our time, lol, but then again I didn't need to answer so that's on me.@@rileyfox4001
No he wasnt. She decided to change the course of her life and no longer be religious. He does not have to hop on a ride away from his faith...
@@anonymousanonymous-qx7mv🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I am honored that you chose to share something so personal with me and the others on this channel who follow you. Your kind and endearing spirit are what keep me looking forward to each and every time you post. Thank you for sharing. Peace, happiness and blessings to you.
Unreal 💔😪 going through this struggle in my hasidic marriage right now, too.
It's scary how the feelings are so well expressed.
It felt like this presentation was a personal gift.
How are all of you Hasidic Jewish ppl seeing and responding to this? I thought you were not supposed to have access to the internet?
Frieda, I went through the GET experience many years ago, and even though I’ve moved on just like you did, your essay put me right back into the dreary basement room where the “ceremony “ took place and I got the chills. You’re smart, strong and beautiful and I wait for your videos every week. Love your courage. Hinda
This made me cry. People really don't understand the pain. Not all marriages end in misery of abuse like the media wants you to believe. Some end in the misery of abandonment filled with love. So much love to you sister.
Oh heck - that was truly heartbreaking 💔. Your bravery in presenting this to the outside world is immense. Much love from an English Christian 💕💕
I'm moved by how poetically and vividly you describe your pain and sadness, and even more so that you do this without rancor or animosity. It shows your goodness, and is an example to me.
So heartbreaking, so
powerful. You express yourself beautifully.
"The same heart..." this was deeply moving and meaningful to share. It is received with respect and compassion!
There are instances when words fall short, sending a virtual hug..
"They don't know how far I've come with your support, only to come too far."
So beautiful and so gut-wrenching to hear. It's clear that your son's father is a good person who helped you to flourish and supported you as far as he felt he could. To leave such a sheltered community for the complete unknown just isn't an option for everybody - not everyone can go on that journey knowing it's taking them away from the only way of life they've known. It sounds like you've made peace with that and built a new relationship with the community which is much healthier and more rewarding.
What a stunning piece of writing. So brilliantly sharing the intimate alienation of a painful, powerful moment in your past. I'm sure that it remains not just in the past but in the fabric of 'you'.
Freida, you are dazzlingly intelligent but have a wonderful gift of emotional intelligence too.
Thank you for sharing, universally, for all of us stubborn but not bullish souls who feel it all but have to do it anyway.
❤
Oh sweet, Frieda! My heart breaks for you. I have felt your pain. I understand. How beautifully you presented your feelings. ❤️🙏🏻😢
U are a woman with deep core values and sensitivity. The way u expressed the happenings to you during the divorce echoes many other women who have been thru it also no matter what background. U gave them a voice and expressed so poignantly what they physically and emotionally went thru. Thank you . 😢
Hugs! You are a strong woman, my dear. There are so many things we aren't sure we can endure without dying!!!! And you did, you survived, and endured, as painful as it was, and thrived.
You're an excellent writer.
My heart broke with yours Frieda. You're such a strong woman. I applaud your courage in taking such a difficult step alone, and thank you so much for sharing it with us. I pray that love has or will find you again xx
There is something universal in your sentiments. The loss, the fear, the sadness, yet perhaps the relief. How frightening and profoundly sad it is when we become a stranger to someone. Beautifully written.
Wow, Frieda...my eyes are filled with tears of understanding as you recited this profound, magnificent piece. I am filled with gratitude to have heard these words, coming from your beautiful, authentic heart. Thank you for being so courageous and for sharing your soul.
This is the most heartbreakingly beautiful piece. Frieda you have such a unique capacity to see life, Judaism, culture through all its facets.
Your honesty and without putting anyone down is on another level. You're so genuine. I wish for you to find your place and be happy.
That essay absolutely penetrated my heart. I’ve watched your videos with other folks who are OTD, like yourself but this is the first time I’ve ever heard something that captures the contemporaneous experience as one makes their exit. It’s so achingly human. Thank you for publishing something so personal.
I heard your pain, I felt it, and I cried. You are valued and appreciated. ❤
Thank you ❤️
I am not Jewish but this transcends that difference. Your words reach out to each person who has gone through a personal heartbreak of whatever nature. If I were with you in person I think the only response to this would be to sit in silence letting our hearts feel the hurt and the healing together.
@MrsBrunke You sound quite poetic yourself.
Your pain and aloneness came through the screen and left me teary eyed. It's the price you paid for not being able to conform to a path laid out before you. I think you have since grown and found satisfaction and happiness. I have enjoyed your pursuits on video. Much success and love to you in your life ahead.
I almost feel ashamed to have such personal feelings given to me! it does give me a window into your life. you tugged at my Heart Strings today, The loss of a Child is very Painful and a lifelong struggle, grieving for a child is forever. Thank you for helping me know you!
You brought me to tears, and I have nothing but love and respect and thanks for your stubbornness and your intelligence and your ability to write.
You are so brave, and I’m afraid I’m getting ready to face the same situation, yet, I’m an old lady, 74 years old, and married for 31 years. I have no family or no where to go. I’m so afraid!
I shall light a candle and shall pray for courage and strength as you start a new phase in your life.
@AftonGroveKnitter I am not far behind you in age and have been married a very long time as well. I can feel your fear and I understand how hard it may be to face. I’m sure there will be a long grieving process that only you will be able to walk. But I think there will also be glimmers of light as well. You may find a freedom you haven’t known in ages. In order to preserve your health, I hope you will find some support from friends or a counselor to help you walk through this hard time, so you come out the other side mostly intact. If I had to face what you believe you are facing, I would have to also lean very hard on the Lord. I may not make it otherwise. I will pray for you to find peace in your journey.
Pray to Yahweh, say his name and he will hear you. Pray with all your heart and all your might.
Stay true to you. The road is long and hard but this too shall pass and you're going to be so much stronger and wiser
You can do this...one day at a time
This is so moving, so powerful, so poignant. Strenght and vulnerability into one. You are a very talented courageous woman. Thank you for sharing this with us. Sending hugs. 😢
Absolutely beautiful essay! ❤ my heart breaks for the pain you went through and I’m so happy you found your way and are thriving. Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal story. It is truly compelling.
Frieda, thank you for sharing something so deeply personal. You are brave to share your story. You are brave to remain true to yourself. Thank you.
I applaud your bravery in posting this. It is difficult to share our most heart felt feelings with the public , and this is exactly what you did. I applaud you.
Frieda you have such a way with words, and none moreso than with this baring of your soul. I would enjoy hearing more personal essays in the future.
Divorce is so heartbreaking no matter how it happens. Mine was fraught with so many court proceedings and was drawn out for years. But the death of a partnership and dream is always so painful. I have flourished and moved on, and it seems as though you and your son have done the same. Many prayers and blessings to you!! ❤
Oh my word. Poignant and tragic and beautiful.
I'm honored that you opened up to share this with us. It's so profound. thank you.
It's so moving how you could discribe your pain in such beautiful words. You have the spirit of a poet and a big heart ❤
I feel sad for both you and your ex-hubby. When couples grow apart, it doesn't make one person right or one person wrong but it does cause such sadness in both people in dealing with the changes. I hope both of you have been able to heal and have happy lives.
Oh Frieda, my heart aches for the pain you were feeling on this fateful day. Your prose is heartbreakingly beautiful You were brave beyond measure to take this journey. I so hope you have found peace and joy in your new life. You have more than earned it.
Dear dear Frieda, you have expressed so beautifully the heartache many of us have felt in having to leave someone deeply loved and cherished because of the comfort that was once enough but no longer is enough. I express it poorly but you have expressed it poignantly and honestly. I am truly sorry our had to experience the pain of the end of your marriage. The Hasidic traditions you share with us truly speak to human experience so very deeply. ❤
“I’m not alone…”
You’re right Frieda, and you never will be…much love to you and thank you for sharing such a raw time in your life with all of us. Shalom 🕊️🤍
Oh Frieda! I can only imagine how hard it was for you to speak this all in front of the camera, sharing, and baring your feelings to help us understand the depth of what you went through. You are brave, kind, gentle, and brilliant. Many others here have expressed more eloquently than I can how you have touched our souls today and how much we appreciate you and your channel. Thank you for your willingness to share all aspects of Hasidic life with us. You are a blessing to us and a real Mentsch. I know what it’s like to be stubborn, too, and leave behind family, friends, and religion. Now here I am all these years later converting to Judaism. Thank you again, dearFrieda. 💖🇮🇱❤️🩹
That was beautiful Frieda! You are very brave for sharing such a personal piece.
Would love to listen to any other of your essays in the future!
Oh Frieda. How beautiful and how sad.
Two things can be true at the same time. Thank you for sharing your two truths with me, with us. Keep writing, I know you have. Your words are heart felt, heart shared.
Your ability to capture emotions with your writing and sharing your life is a wonderful gift you have been given!
Gosh, this was powerful. I'm in awe of your honesty and ability to put words to those feelings. I got married and divorced young as well and I don't think I've ever acknowledged the emotions as clearly as you did here.
Dear Frieda, thank you so much for sharing this intimate, powerful and heartbreaking glimpse into this most seminal moment in your life. You have such a beautiful way with words. You describe even the emotionally painful, jarring moments and the finality of the ‘Get’ so poetically, and with such dignity. Thank you again for sharing yourself at your most vulnerable and at this moment of aloneness and exile. Regards, Mary x
Frieda what a beautiful video! You are a fantastic woman.
I was able to slip away from my Chassidic background because I was untethered, but in that lack of tethering, I was able to avoid, rather than face, my decisions. And while that spared me the immensity of feelings and sadness that you expressed here, it also robbed me of the courage and clarity of facing and expressing them. Thank you for sharing this.
This has broken my heart and made things in my life clearer to me. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I’m crying at the beauty of you a young woman expressing her heart wrenching thoughts and feelings so eloquently and beautifully. From your heart to print is incredibly difficult. I once felt that way. In time I healed but never entirely. You are brave not stubborn. Rest and stay strong. Rest and feel peace. Take care of your health. I know this trauma happened years ago. I know much has changed. I love you Frieda just as you are. ❤
OMG!! I just cried when I heard this. So vulnerable, so deeply painful and so overwhelming. Bless your strength.
So powerful. I like that you were able to be vulnerable and respectful at the same time.
Words cannot adequately express my amazement and tears for you for your vulnerability, openness, and courage. You expressed pure humanity and interconnectedness of humans. I can feel your ambivalence, sadness, and determination.
Thanks so much, Frieda. You have an incredible neshama. I've had two divorces that I didn't want and the death of my last spouse after 30+ years of marriage. None of it was easy. I can't say that having some kind of structure to this for you made it any better, because the hole in your life left by losing someone that close can barely be touched by anything outward. Each of these three experiences I lived required existing in a warped sense of reality where I was never really myself for at least a year, the last time for now 4 years. At least I think I'm coming out. I should think leaving a community in which you had grown up as well had to make that experience that much more alienating, disorienting, frightening, and challenging. Being the descendant of the "Stiff Necked People" had to stand you well. I must say, you speak your heart well and given when your video was made you likely always have. You faced what they demanded of you very bravely. However, this is entirely your experience of "the get", how did that relate to leaving the Satmar Hasids? I can guess, but I'd prefer not to. And, PLEASE, if what I'm asking is too difficult, please ignore this request. If I'm around in a few years perhaps, I'll ask again.
That was beautiful, thank you for expressing it in such a way. I think any divorce is a rending (speaking from experience) that it takes a very long time to get past and move on with any kind of sense of normalcy or goodness, but I had the support of my family and even his father I had to push away to support his son instead because we were very close. I cannot imagine the strength and love for yourself and your son it took to leave. I admire and respect you so much.
you are an absolutely genius writer. Truly the emotions in the piece made it so startlingly clear, I felt I was there with you in the room as you spoke to the rabbi, to your former husband, as you watched what went down. I cried.
Unbelievably moving. I admire your courage, your honesty with yourself and others, and your deep thinking.
Thank you Frieda, we feel your pain so well expressed in your essay. This is beautiful poetry.
Thank you dear Frieda for sharing this very personal essay with us. Your honesty and bravery are beautiful. I'm comforted to know many of your old wounds have since healed.
i admire you so much Freida even though your journey was very difficult you were able to follow your heart and you have created a wonderful life for yourself
Dearest Frieda What you're saying and in the way you're saying it is heartbreaking, heartwrenching, beautiful and so full of feelings and pain. Tears welled in my eyes as I listened to you read your essay. You're an amazing person. I've seen so many of your videos, and I love them all.
Thank you for this video, The Get, where you bear your heart, which resonates with me.
For a different reason, I've been there.
This essay and you reading it out loud was so touching, so moving and so heartfelt. I'm lost for words.
So proud of your bravery in sharing this personal essay. As a fellow writer, I know the strength it takes to let your most personal, emotional moments out there for the world to see. Thank you for allowing us to be in that moment with you.
Lovely, sweet Frieda, your essay is so authentic and beautiful. If i were Jewish, I would now be an old Bubby and I want to wrap you in my arms, ease this heartache and give you a little extra current that has ran throughout womanhood since our complicated beginning!❤❤❤ I'm so happy time has passed and the talented entrepreneurial life you have forged is proof of the strength the Rabbi knew God had given you. Even if he could not openly tell you so.❤❤❤❤✡️🕎
Frieda you’re so brave in sharing your story. My heart breaks for you for all your pain.
Very emotional and powerful. Amazing
That was deeply moving and brought me to tears. I really felt it. I hope your life now is filled with joy, beauty, and lots of love.
Thank you ❤️🌹
Frieda, thank you for sharing such a deep and personal part of your journey. It caused me to feel such sadness for you at that moment in time but also happiness knowing that you were following your heart. I have been a subscriber of yours since the first day I saw you on this platform. I love your work and even though I know nothing of the Hasidic community, your work makes it a little more relatable to this once-Christian man. Thank you again
This is astonishingly well crafted. Thank you so much for sharing. I hope you are able to share it with even wider audiences.
Your words left me breathless. Thank you for sharing.
I am so moved by this Frieda. How tough that was for you and how brave you were. I really feel your pain and sense of loss. Thank you so much for sharing something so intimate but difficult with us xx
So powerful, so sad but I am not sure that you really wanted the Get. I only hear sadness and no rancor. As a part of the non0rthodox world, I am surprised by the lack of bitterness and angry feelings. Because of your lovely and informative videos, I know that you have made a life. I wish for you more happiness and light. Thank you for sharing your essay.
I think you would be surprised to hear how many divorces in the secular world are also bittersweet! It's why releasing content like this is important. Sometimes things just don't work out, and ending it is for the best, but it is still painful.
Thank you for this gift you have given to all of us, in your own voice, from your own memories, and from the deep places of your heart and soul.
I cried Frieda. Tears were falling as yours at the same time. It requires a lot of strength to go this path alone, a strong character. (How many women did not have this force inside themselves ?) I have been there too. As you, I am stubborn, and the only flame in my life when I was 18 was freedom. Time has passed. I also see his father eyes in my son's, each nuance with old memories. I am free, I am happy. I have done what I needed to do. I share this particular time with you. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal piece of your life, this is precious. I hope we will meet one day ❤
I cried through this whole video
Brava Frieda. That was a brave thing to do and you did it beautifully.
I felt such anguish for you while watching this video. I have no words except I send peace and love and admiration and hugs. What a strong woman you are!
Wow! That was powerful. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and willing to share that with us!
Incredibly moving and so beautifully written. You have shared pain we all felt when having to leave. Your stubbornness ( although I prefer tenacity) has erred you well. You broke my heart when you talked of removing your wedding band.
So powerful and painful at the same time. Just made my heart sink hearing your thoughts and feelings put into words. Thank you for sharing your private painful moment.
Oh Frieda!! I was moved to tears by your poignant and heartfelt expression of what you experienced when receiving your get. You are so strong and such an excellent wordsmith. Thank you for sharing this very vulnerable and lonely time with us. May you continue to go from strength to strength in your journey. ❤
Thank you for sharing your most vulnerable moment with us. This was stunningly beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time
That was so very beautiful. You have honored the world by sharing it. Thank you.
This was absolutely incredible. So proud of how far you have come as a person. Wishing you the best for your future
Thank you for being so brave to share this with us. I’m so touched by your honesty and willingness to open up about your former life. Much love
Thank you for this. You risking the vulnerability to share this essay is a gift for us.
this is such a beautiful essay. it's heartbreaking and tragic, and beautiful in its sadness. i hope you have overcome this experience and still have hope in the joy of life.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Oh, Freida. Thank you for sharing this. It cuts to the bone and yet it is so gentle. Every blessing on you.
Wow. That was powerful. I needed a few minutes of silence when the video ended to process it. It touched my soul. Thank you for sharing.
😢 heartbreaking! Thanks for sharing such an intimate moment. It is as sad as poetically beautiful. You are an amazing person! Thanks for this beautiful channel!!
I just want to say that was beautifully put as an essay on a very personal topic. I substituted your situation for one that I'm dealing with in my own life, and that is what I needed to hear. So, thank you.
Dear Frieda:
What a brave, courageous woman you are! I just wanted to reach through my screen and hug you. To be able to write this essay out and actually read it on camera for many others to be a witness to takes more than I think I could ever do.
My hope for you is that through your bravery in sharing your story, that others may have the courage to take that single step to begin their journey.
You just left me with my eyes full of tears, you are a great and strong woman, I admired you! Hugs