You’re right! Someone left because “his needs “ were not met. Discounted me because I would not be physical with him. He’s with someone else! I’m better off and free and no guilt.
Great advice! Men don't put all things on the table the first date, first month. They may have 6 mother's for their 6 kids. They may be living off their savings and haven't worked a couple of months. They may be still married and don't wear a ring and the wife moved out of state. From my experiences, unless you SPECIFICALLY ask...that info and many other relevant info is not shared. 9/10, there's always someone in the shadow that's readily available to participate sexually. It's your business like you said Tony. God is using you tremendously! Men need to stop having double standards about what should be communicated and women need to stop being an open book to someone who is not yet deemed worthy. Hush ladies....men have loads of secrets...Stop playing yourself!!! On point Tony!!!
This is the most sound and practical teaching I’ve heard on this topic. It makes so much sense, and so many woman get it wrong because of the way we’re taught to go about it. Ive made this mistake plenty of times and always wind up looking stupid when I don’t live up to the intentions I’ve set. I just got to the point where I don’t even mention it anymore. I just go with the flow and see where it goes. It definitely takes the pressure off and allows you the chance to really get to know someone without having that huge elephant in the room.
Thank you for this video. I will be 2 years celibate in January 2019. I always thought that if I told a man I was celibate and waiting until marriage that the right man would stay and the wrong one would run off. Now I know I was wrong this whole time Lol
I let my fellow know 1 month in due to that coming up. He's been supportive and he's never pressured me. He simply said he doesn't want to do anything I don't want to do. He's honoured me in this for the last 10 months. He asked how long it was I told him and he was both shocked and pleased....it's been great!! He's great!!
This totally makes sense to me. I almost gave in to a guy who I told I was abstaining until marriage, and I could tell he was disappointed in my weakness. The longest relationship I had while abstaining was with a guy who never brought up sex and I never told I was abstaining.
@@AmaLoveGoddessTV I don't think you should put that up on social media. Even if you disagree with Tony and want to disclose that information, you should only tell someone who you're dating and you see it going somewhere. That may be somewhere after date #3. I have learned that being too open has been to my detriment in dating.
@@AmaLoveGoddessTV I see. Well hopefully now that you have an alternative you'll get a different result. It's tough, but you'll come in contact with the right person who won't have an issue waiting because they know you're worth it ❤️.
When I used to meet ppl from so called dating sites, I was so tired of the bs, so disgusted with their lies and expectations of sex, I told them point blank, ain't happenin. Watch and see how fast they argue trying to disrespect your decision. You find out real quick who's in heat, and who's serious. All of them were in heat. So they all got dismissed.
This is right on time. I had my 1st conversation yesterday with a guy I had been seeing for about 3 weeks. Long story short he asked when we could have "relations". I told him I was waiting until marriage and he flipped out. We are no longer speak and I blocked him. Now I know how to handle the celibacy conversation differently.
Per usual Mr. Gaskins doesnt miss the mark....I've been skeptical of women advertising abstinance journeys, books, groups, ect simultaneously becoming consumed with it. When you approach your journey publicly like that you have men waiting, plotting in the background to prove you different or conquer you....its not a very smart move to do this as a woman...but AFTER you succeed you can create an empire for women giving them the Blueprint to how you did it...this man gives great advice 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Mr. Gaskins; I'm 38 years old and you've helped me tremendously on this subject matter. You have helped upgraded me as a single woman on the dating scene and how to maneuver, thank you, thank you. 💖
Well this message was for me ! I been doing this wrong ! I so thank you . I was telling men upfront 🤦🏽♀️ im going on 5 years living in Christ abstinence.
Tony, I have been a avid listener of your content. I've been celibate for three plus years now and I truly feel it was the best decision of my life. However, this was a vital piece of information left out in your videos preceding this callers question. I honestly feel like I’ve messed up time and time again because this information was key. I honestly feel that certain conversations are necessary in a relationship and neither party should be left to assume the others intentions. For example: I wouldn’t appreciate if a man didn’t disclose his sexual orientation to me or his std status, with his reasoning being it’s “his body”, certain things should be discussed at some point, not right away but eventually certain conversations are a must. I still enjoy your material, continue to be a blessing.
Aaliyah Giesel thanks! What you have to understand is that what you would appreciate from a man isn’t what you’ll get from a man. So you have to protect yourself as I said and not tell all your business bcuz he isn’t telling all of his. Some things I assume are common knowledge but I’m wrong for assuming. So I answer the questions I’m asked and this is when I was asked this question.
Thanks Tony, I appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post. Your right, we do have to keep somethings private. You've truly been a blessing, I've dodged so many bullets since becoming celibate, one being finding out my ex had a incurable std, (herpes). I genuinely mean it, when I say you've been a blessing, practically saved my life, had I been sexual active, I'm almost positive I would have a contracted this std from him. Your a good example to men as a whole. God is definitely working through you, thanks again. God Bless
I disagree as well. I've been abstinent for over 3 years. My current boyfriend of 15 months and I let each other know(him first) that we were waiting until marriage. At first he was not even looking for a relationship because he said most women seemed to expect that sex was going to be part of the deal, so he said he was simply looking for friends to go out and have "clean fun and wholesome dates" with. As we talked and told each other about our goals, values, etc., he realized BECAUSE I DID tell him, that I was the one for him. We have had the most beautiful, God blessed, relationship ever. I think the key is whether you have asked God to help you discern what you are looking for and dating with purpose.
I'm only halfway through Tony, I recently told a male friend that I'm not having sex unless I get married, and he confessed to me that he is waiting too due to a past regret. At the same time, I have the humility and maturity required to stop and listen regardless, I could learn something by simply listening. It's easy to do so. Also you are American and different cultures operate differently so we shall see. I haven't finished listening but I will. Also you are a man and I like to hear men's perspectives, especially Black men because Brothers are so poorly misrepresented in Western media. Listening is a skill we all need to be cultivating in this age, it's a cure for wilful ignorance. Lastly you mentioned something about your accent in another video. Keep being you, there are so many languages, dialects and accents on this good earth, that is a great thing. You speak clearly and share interesting ideas. Your accent it cool and you can reach different people just by being you. Peace to you and the other people in this comments section. Greetings!
Yea I saw the comments on IG & the Women were upset but I agree with you. Like you said when that moment comes, all you need to say is, Im not ready right now & leave it at that!
My thing is I don’t want to sit down with a man on a date if he isn’t already abstaining from sex until marriage. My standard for a date with me is that you are already abstaining from sex.
Your actions speaks louder then your words, a men knows what kind a women you are when he getting to know, just like a women does..he doesn’t need to know all your buisness
Tony, you know they are about to come argue you down about this like on instagram lol God Bless you brother. I dont know how you manage to get up everyday to give us knowledge when women are so hard headed.
Ha! I either intrigue or dissatisfy a man with my answer about my sex life. When asked if I'm sleeping with anybody, I just say "not you." The looks I get tell me all I need to know so my time isn't wasted on foolishness. LOL
I love this message! To the women who think they know everything please stfu. Your way hasn't worked. So try it this way! Tony is giving ya'll advice from a MAN'S point of view to help you. Take the advice or keep doing the way you have been doing. 🤷🏾♀️Choices.
I told a guy before our first date because the conversation of intimacy came up, I didn’t want to waste his time or my own. He said he was comfortable with it… he ghosted a few hours later. I can agree with holding back until the time is appropriate.
At the beginning of your podcast I was looking side ways at your position on not being open about abstinence but daaaang the longer you spoke you have convinced me 👀😂🤭🤐WOW!🤔
This is confusing because I thought the goal was to find someone who is like minded and shares your beliefs. If a man is abstaining to me that says that he is aware that he has discipline over his sexual desires which gives him confidence that he can do the same in marriage. And it also says he understands what God says about marriage and starting a relationship with a healthy foundation. Like others have said, the reason woman bring it up is to find like minded individuals, someone who admires you and wants to pursue you because of your relationship with Christ. Based on what you’ve said, yes you can make a man wait until marriage by not telling him but will he be sexual mature to remain faithful in the long run if he hasn’t exercised abstinence? And if you’re waiting until marriage and after six months of dating a person they ask the question is your goal to wait until marriage, what do you say? No would be a lie because in my heart that is my goal. I would like to understand your reasoning more and I’d appreciate your response.
Tiffany Jones I really appreciate your question and perspective sis. I would say however relisten to his point about how 99%men are first driven to procreate, even the good Christian man. This is his number one weakness. Chances of meeting a like minded man on abstinence is 1%. Now let’s say you unknowingly cross paths with the 1% . Let him be the one to admit it to you first because he is the minority in this case. If he is asking months down the line, answer him with a question....ask him is he ready to get married because that’s what he should really be asking. First marriage then sex... in that order. If he says no he is not ready to marry, then you say “I’m not ready for sex,” sis and keep it moving.
I'm glad you talked about this because I am one of the ones that have messed up in this area. Thank you so much for schooling me on how to handle this in the future.
I appreciate this message bro, I think women that jump out there upfront and tell men they are waiting until marriage put up unnecessary boundaries and fences IMMEDIATELY before the man even gets to develop any feelings or really gets to know her. It's a turnoff and can put the guy in the situation of thinking that she's more so looking to control the situation or have ulterior motives for being celibate. Especially if her relationship history suggests otherwise. Although I do believe before getting into a relationship with a man the women should make it known, dating is a different sorry. Also, if a woman is being celibate it should be about her relationship with GOD not due to her relationships with men. If she is not centering her body around her relationship with God then don't be surprised if there's no sex after marriage when "things" are not going right which is bound to happen. Lastly, there's nothing wrong with being celibate til marriage but there should be more than just that area that's dedicated to your walk.
Thank you for keeping 100 with us on this video. It allows me to keep my standards and give myself a chance to have more time to develop a relationship and truly see what it can be. I remember a guy I dated tried to tell me the same thing but now I truly get it.
ok i totally get it. when you were talking about it on ig, you mentioned what some of the women were saying and they were totally valid points, but with your response and reasoning behind it i totally get it and understand it. ive noticed that when guys bring up sex early on after meeting and talking with me, that’s what they’re looking for so i know i can cut them off cus they’re looking for something im not willing to give. a lot of times i’ve told men im abstinent so they’d leave me alone and guess what? it works like a charm.
I can agree; you don't need to mention it or bring it up unless you're asked and even when asked--all you need to say is "I'm not ready" or "sex is not on the table right now" and leave it at that---whatever variations of that and just make it clear that you do not have sex until you're ready / in a committed relationship. You definitely do not need to say you're waiting until marriage.
Big Bro Tony you read my mail today!!!! I have made this mistake so many times. My attempt in being transparent has failed me. Thank you SO MUCH for teaching me how to navigate thru this subject in dating.
When a man brings up this question, I literally answer as Tony has suggested and I set yay boundaries; and if he died to go beyond them, I will reinforce the boundaries and have the conversation again and again and again and if he keeps trying it then we don't continue forward. that's it.
Wow this is good. I'm not a virgin but I want to now wait until marriage... BUT I know that I have the propensity to sin and fall short. You're right that I shouldn't make a promise that I'm not sure I can keep.
I think women should tell a man that you're waiting until marriage .I told a man I waa celibate and he said if he knew i was celibate he would have never pursued me.Im glad he told me and im glad he told me what his intentions were. I have No time to waste on dating because God will not send me my HUSBAND if im dating Juju and fufu. The bible says do not awaken love before its Gods time. God will not send you anything or anyone prematurely. So i have to dissgree with you on this.Ive been celibate for a while ,listening to different videos, reading my bible etc and have learned quite a lot. Also there was only one man who respected my celibacy out of all the men ive come across and he insisted on being my friend . I havent talked to him but God did tell me he was my HUSBAND .God Also told me to be still and wait on him because hes not ready
You really do not need to say you're abstaining, just say you aren't ready / aren't having s*x right now and set your boundaries on what's okay---y'all can hold hands lol sit next to each other on dates, cuddle up close in the restaurant etc. you don't need to go beyond the belt to connect with someone to be affectionate and intimate with him. Men will try it lol men really will try it, have your private agreements with self, know your boundaries and walk away when it is time if it is not progressing
I can't say I agree. One needs to be honest. If a man is pressuring you to have sex and you want to remain abstinent until marriage, what happens when you say "I'm not ready"? You're leaving the door open for him to continue playing the game of seducing you. You are also playing the game. I see it as wasting time. A mature man will not do this.
When a man begins to bring up s*x etc, I don't get offended because as Tony says --- a man will try you, and they will so you just need to be wise when they do--doesn't mean that man isn't a good man. Even Tony tried Sheri and she had to set him straight! so that's all it is, just set your boundaries and go on about your business.
This episode made me laugh and sad at the same time. In another episode Tony shared that some days he wonders why God assigned him the area of love and relationships. This episode is prime example. There are so many fatherless Christian women who needed to hear these words IONS ago. I def had women share this with me and for the most part I followed their advice. But, it hits different coming from a man. As always, Tony told it straight, no chaser. It was simple, yet profound b/c we as women (especially honest, believers) just don’t think this way. Without natural *and* spiritual fathers, an entire generation of celibate women and virgins have struggled. It’s incredibly sad that so many adult women are getting more from an IG Live than from those who are supposed to be spiritual leaders or blood. While I get his point, I think some women share their faith & sexuality journey online to find/build community. Personally, I’ve done so to share where/ how I “failed.” I don’t know when I’ll find “success” on the topic, but I felt compelled to share the pitfalls I encountered. I am an extremely private person. Before becoming sexually active, I didn’t feel the need to share my journey or testimony. But, after my struggles, I decided to share b/c “we” aren’t hearing enough people say “it’s okay to wait” and that it is *possible*. I’ve met so many people over the years who don’t think people over 16 or 18 or 25 are virgins or celibate. AND It seems once people who “waited” get married, majority of them are not sharing their journey. But, overall, Tony is correct. I chuckled so many times. Thanks Tony, for your wisdom and willingness to be the big brother myself and many others need!
I totally agree with everything you're saying! My only question is if you know you want a committed relationship that leads to marriage, then when do you eventually tell him? Given the fact that you're already in an exclusive relationship...
@@robynmcpherson4045 Exactly, I get what he's saying but obviously you're not gonna wait until after you've said your vows to tell him lol i guess for me I would interpret it to be after the guy has already agreed to be exclusive with you...
I will definitely say I get what Tony is saying.I did tell my previous SO's the opposite of what Tony said and they took it as a challenge.They were trying to live up to what I was saying.But it was not the truth.I was in the relationship for 4 years and was a waste.If I say,no it means no.
on the business side of this video it makes me feel so much better that years ago Tony's life would get busy and he was not always able to do his podcasts like he wanted. now look at him!! it gives me so much hope as an entrepreneuer because my life was crazy on and off the last 14 months too but as of now i have been working the amount of hours i want to and know i need to to grow my business 🙏
You are like the brother I never had. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and sharing the truth. God bless you and your wife and the ministry you have together.
U gotta lay all ur cards on the table in the beginning. U gotta say what u want. If he can't do it let him go. The right guy will wait and work for it, especially if he is looking for the same things too. I will only date Christian men who have the same values as me. But I'm single cause Christian men are hard to find.
I respect the gems in here but this was all over the place socially. This basis of this commentary was to not hurt a man's feelings, when the basis should be keep your standards and find someone that respects it.
I never had to tell any man I was waiting until I get married because I got married a year after I graduated because I had to wait a year for my husband to graduate. He got married the same year he graduated. Any boy I dated before I got married was told, hold up, what are you doing? That is not for you. That is for my husband. When they said, I will be your husband. I said, I hear you on that, and walked away. When they try to have a conversation about sex, I would say. Look, I am a child and I plan to stay in a child's place and enjoy my childhood to the fullest. I do not plan to have to talk about this with anyone I date in order to convince anyone to stop trying, and you sure wont be taking it from me because if you do succeed in doing that, whatever goes in me by force is mine and I will keep it. Meaning I will cut it off and keep it in a glass jar. If I have to stop you again or if I have to talk to you about this again, I will set you free so you can move on to see if your player moves can work on some other girl. Hay, look at it this way, all you have to do is tell the next girl that you dated me and they will give you time of day, just knowing you were worth my time at one point in life. In fact, I will stay with you and act like you the best boyfriend ever and all you need to do is act like you love me so much that you will never cheat on me by telling any girl who tries to get your attention that you have a girlfriend that you are faithful to and watch she give you some. Just tell her no every time until she finds a way to get you alone and watch she rapes you. Than you can let me know it worked and you can go move on to date her. I'll move on to help the next brother get him some from those ignorant girls who loves to take boyfriends from girls who like to brag that they know they have a good man and no one can touch what is mine. The crazy part about this is, they all took me up on my offer to help them get some from other girls. So many haters fell for our games. I was one of the fellas, well respected, well protected, their Queen. In fact just the other day, now being year 2020 and I graduated 1989, one of my brothers seen me in a gas station and he did that scene from Coming To American, where the guy by the bathroom said, IT'S YOU! (and bow down to the ground to worship him). I turned to see Tank crazy tail bowing to me and went to lift him up and told him stop playing with me. All those people was looking at us like we crazy. That fool actually asked someone to snap a photo of us together. We laughed, hugged and I took him outside to talk. He talked about all the love and respect he still has for me to this very day. He said he would give his life for me and I know he is not playing because I have been protected by all the brothers who knew about the work I did for men even if I did nothing for them but speak to them with a smile on my face. Men can keep a secret because no girl ever found out the set up or game we played on them. The only thing that killed or hurt a lot of those girls is when they found out I was a virgin when I got married. They thought I was a hot girl when they seen me hanging with the boys. They never noticed that none of the boys ever, grab their stuff, cuss, spit on the ground, smoked, let their pants hang or grab my butt or any body part of mine like they did other girls. For boys who did not know me but thought I was hot, hearing that from the girls who hated me, they would get hurt by all my boys if they ever disrespected me in any way.
Oh boy I should of heard this first before I told someone I love for years , and we talked about marriage and getting engaged and some how the words were coming out and I had said I wasn't having sex until marriage . But you made so much sense that now I'm like hmmmm should I have said anything . I just didn't want us to waste time not talking about it .
A genuine question though, you say in this video to not talk about your journey which isn’t complete yet, and only talk about your testimony because to tell your current journey sets you up for failure and added temptation. You currently advertise your monogamy and that you are 100% faithful which is a journey that you’re currently on. I mean no disrespect or shots fired, I’m genuinely curious what makes your situation of advertising your current journey any different from what you are advising women not to do in regards to advertising their current journey with wanting to wait until marriage?
Your missing the point....he said dont advertise the journey until you get to the destination....HE IS MARRIED NOW...so if these women want to get married tbe journey to that GOAL doesnt need to be advertised..TESTIFY about it after u get there...he is married..GOAL FOR HIM IS MET..so he canbralk about how loyal his marriage is
In my experience of the journey, just date... have experiences, hold hands, a peck on the cheek, y'all can be affectionate in dating--you don't need to announce it all
my baby father was poor and I appreciated him. I wanted us to get married but he was to receive some money and he said that money is not to be shared with any woman so he didn't marry me. now he got that money and it's all done so he wants to marry me now. all I wanted is set good background for the kids not his money but the way this behave with me is making me second guess. when he was poor I was the source of financial stability in our lives. I lost allot of luxury I sold out for money to support us. this only made me a stronger person.
“God didn’t ever tell you to promote your journey, God told you to tell your testimony.”
That’s a good word!
That's right! Bible
“Every man you meet is fake until it is real.”
I read this comment as he said it in the video! So true!!!👏👏👏
*MESSAGE*
No Counterfeits this is so true and real, they soon show their real character
A word . 🗣🗣🗣
You’re right! Someone left because “his needs “ were not met. Discounted me because I would not be physical with him. He’s with someone else! I’m better off and free and no guilt.
Judgment Proof yes Amen 💯
Good for you!
Let him leave that let’s him know where his head was at
I wish I never told my game plan ahead of time 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ but now I know.
Same same 😣 but he's still around so we'll see....
Amen sis...and we will be that much stronger for it
Right 😩
same sis!!!
"If he can make love to your mind, he can make love to your body" - Great commentary!
Wisdom....EVERY MAN IS FAKE UNTIL IT IS REAL
23 and never had sex. I'm waiting until I'm married.
Yes 😊 well, lets just see if we can get good man...
“I’m not having sex right now.” Lol. I hope you’re still going strong boo💪🏾💯
Hope you succed
Great advice! Men don't put all things on the table the first date, first month. They may have 6 mother's for their 6 kids. They may be living off their savings and haven't worked a couple of months. They may be still married and don't wear a ring and the wife moved out of state. From my experiences, unless you SPECIFICALLY ask...that info and many other relevant info is not shared. 9/10, there's always someone in the shadow that's readily available to participate sexually. It's your business like you said Tony. God is using you tremendously! Men need to stop having double standards about what should be communicated and women need to stop being an open book to someone who is not yet deemed worthy. Hush ladies....men have loads of secrets...Stop playing yourself!!! On point Tony!!!
Fran Moore So true. Women do tell too much info giving those “players” ammunition.
DON'T ANNOUNCE YOUR MOVES BEFORE THEY ARE MADE! AWESOME TG!
This is the most sound and practical teaching I’ve heard on this topic. It makes so much sense, and so many woman get it wrong because of the way we’re taught to go about it.
Ive made this mistake plenty of times and always wind up looking stupid when I don’t live up to the intentions I’ve set. I just got to the point where I don’t even mention it anymore. I just go with the flow and see where it goes. It definitely takes the pressure off and allows you the chance to really get to know someone without having that huge elephant in the room.
💯💯💯
Thank you for this video. I will be 2 years celibate in January 2019. I always thought that if I told a man I was celibate and waiting until marriage that the right man would stay and the wrong one would run off. Now I know I was wrong this whole time Lol
Mayanah the ones I don’t want to be bothered with. I tell them so they can leave 😆
I let my fellow know 1 month in due to that coming up. He's been supportive and he's never pressured me. He simply said he doesn't want to do anything I don't want to do.
He's honoured me in this for the last 10 months. He asked how long it was I told him and he was both shocked and pleased....it's been great!! He's great!!
@@genevalivingstone1929 very sweet, I hope you two are still going strong! :)
@@missmcphee8859 Absolutely we are!!!!
@@genevalivingstone1929 awww yay!! 🤩❤ wish you all the best!!
This totally makes sense to me. I almost gave in to a guy who I told I was abstaining until marriage, and I could tell he was disappointed in my weakness. The longest relationship I had while abstaining was with a guy who never brought up sex and I never told I was abstaining.
@@AmaLoveGoddessTV I don't think you should put that up on social media. Even if you disagree with Tony and want to disclose that information, you should only tell someone who you're dating and you see it going somewhere. That may be somewhere after date #3. I have learned that being too open has been to my detriment in dating.
@@AmaLoveGoddessTV I see. Well hopefully now that you have an alternative you'll get a different result. It's tough, but you'll come in contact with the right person who won't have an issue waiting because they know you're worth it ❤️.
When I used to meet ppl from so called dating sites, I was so tired of the bs, so disgusted with their lies and expectations of sex, I told them point blank, ain't happenin. Watch and see how fast they argue trying to disrespect your decision.
You find out real quick who's in heat, and who's serious. All of them were in heat.
So they all got dismissed.
This is right on time. I had my 1st conversation yesterday with a guy I had been seeing for about 3 weeks. Long story short he asked when we could have "relations". I told him I was waiting until marriage and he flipped out. We are no longer speak and I blocked him. Now I know how to handle the celibacy conversation differently.
God just showed you who he is and saved you..
You go girl!
Nisa !! You went about the right way. Obviously he isn’t who God has for you is he left. Simple as that lol be glad
Ladies we been doing it wrong smh I listened to the beginning of this video over and over again. Such truth, much needed thank you
Yaaaaaas come on Brotha! Never mind the hard headed women that want to argue.
Per usual Mr. Gaskins doesnt miss the mark....I've been skeptical of women advertising abstinance journeys, books, groups, ect simultaneously becoming consumed with it. When you approach your journey publicly like that you have men waiting, plotting in the background to prove you different or conquer you....its not a very smart move to do this as a woman...but AFTER you succeed you can create an empire for women giving them the Blueprint to how you did it...this man gives great advice 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
You went IN. I, for sure, adopt you as my older brother. Go off sir. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I absolutely agree!!!👏🏾👏🏾 That’s my business! 😂😂😂
"You can not show up to a Chess game with Checkers" -Tony Gaskins
Mr. Gaskins; I'm 38 years old and you've helped me tremendously on this subject matter. You have helped upgraded me as a single woman on the dating scene and how to maneuver, thank you, thank you. 💖
I wish I knew this in my twenties.
Well this message was for me ! I been doing this wrong ! I so thank you . I was telling men upfront 🤦🏽♀️ im going on 5 years living in Christ abstinence.
Tony, I have been a avid listener of your content. I've been celibate for three plus years now and I truly feel it was the best decision of my life. However, this was a vital piece of information left out in your videos preceding this callers question. I honestly feel like I’ve messed up time and time again because this information was key. I honestly feel that certain conversations are necessary in a relationship and neither party should be left to assume the others intentions. For example: I wouldn’t appreciate if a man didn’t disclose his sexual orientation to me or his std status, with his reasoning being it’s “his body”, certain things should be discussed at some point, not right away but eventually certain conversations are a must. I still enjoy your material, continue to be a blessing.
Aaliyah Giesel thanks! What you have to understand is that what you would appreciate from a man isn’t what you’ll get from a man. So you have to protect yourself as I said and not tell all your business bcuz he isn’t telling all of his. Some things I assume are common knowledge but I’m wrong for assuming. So I answer the questions I’m asked and this is when I was asked this question.
Thanks Tony,
I appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post. Your right, we do have to keep somethings private. You've truly been a blessing, I've dodged so many bullets since becoming celibate, one being finding out my ex had a incurable std, (herpes). I genuinely mean it, when I say you've been a blessing, practically saved my life, had I been sexual active, I'm almost positive I would have a contracted this std from him. Your a good example to men as a whole. God is definitely working through you, thanks again.
God Bless
Aaliyah Giesel thank you! Keep pressing!
I hear you loud and clear Tony, "they" might not listen but I WILL!
Word
I hear him too, I got it!
Thank you so much for this Tony, not only should I keep my legs closed but I should shut my trap and open my brain... God bless you man.
"You don't get cool points, you get fool points"🙌👏
I disagree as well. I've been abstinent for over 3 years. My current boyfriend of 15 months and I let each other know(him first) that we were waiting until marriage. At first he was not even looking for a relationship because he said most women seemed to expect that sex was going to be part of the deal, so he said he was simply looking for friends to go out and have "clean fun and wholesome dates" with. As we talked and told each other about our goals, values, etc., he realized BECAUSE I DID tell him, that I was the one for him. We have had the most beautiful, God blessed, relationship ever. I think the key is whether you have asked God to help you discern what you are looking for and dating with purpose.
I'm only halfway through Tony, I recently told a male friend that I'm not having sex unless I get married, and he confessed to me that he is waiting too due to a past regret. At the same time, I have the humility and maturity required to stop and listen regardless, I could learn something by simply listening. It's easy to do so. Also you are American and different cultures operate differently so we shall see. I haven't finished listening but I will. Also you are a man and I like to hear men's perspectives, especially Black men because Brothers are so poorly misrepresented in Western media. Listening is a skill we all need to be cultivating in this age, it's a cure for wilful ignorance. Lastly you mentioned something about your accent in another video. Keep being you, there are so many languages, dialects and accents on this good earth, that is a great thing. You speak clearly and share interesting ideas. Your accent it cool and you can reach different people just by being you. Peace to you and the other people in this comments section. Greetings!
The best advice I’ve ever heard. Hands down
Yea I saw the comments on IG & the Women were upset but I agree with you. Like you said when that moment comes, all you need to say is, Im not ready right now & leave it at that!
I agree.
My thing is I don’t want to sit down with a man on a date if he isn’t already abstaining from sex until marriage. My standard for a date with me is that you are already abstaining from sex.
Your actions speaks louder then your words, a men knows what kind a women you are when he getting to know, just like a women does..he doesn’t need to know all your buisness
Tony, you know they are about to come argue you down about this like on instagram lol God Bless you brother. I dont know how you manage to get up everyday to give us knowledge when women are so hard headed.
We claim we want to be put up on game but can't handle the truth when it's given!!
😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵I really screwed it up😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😲😲😲😲😲😲 Tony is at it again!!
The sad thing about it is that many churches teach us to tell the that😵😵😵😵😲😲😲😲
This is the best emoji usage I've seen. These were my faces listening to this message. Everything just became clearer.
I admit I have been doing this thing wrong, thanks for this. It really changed my perspective. its the truth!!! Wow!! it's my business.
Ha! I either intrigue or dissatisfy a man with my answer about my sex life. When asked if I'm sleeping with anybody, I just say "not you." The looks I get tell me all I need to know so my time isn't wasted on foolishness. LOL
I love this message! To the women who think they know everything please stfu. Your way hasn't worked. So try it this way! Tony is giving ya'll advice from a MAN'S point of view to help you. Take the advice or keep doing the way you have been doing. 🤷🏾♀️Choices.
I told a guy before our first date because the conversation of intimacy came up, I didn’t want to waste his time or my own. He said he was comfortable with it… he ghosted a few hours later. I can agree with holding back until the time is appropriate.
I watched your live about this and I loved the advice you gave. Thank you for being real.
Update: This is deeper than yesterday. Thank you Tony 🙏🙏🙏.
Even while you’re healing, don’t tell your journey💕
I know that this is an old pod cast but it helps me so much moving forward.
At the beginning of your podcast I was looking side ways at your position on not being open about abstinence but daaaang the longer you spoke you have convinced me 👀😂🤭🤐WOW!🤔
This is confusing because I thought the goal was to find someone who is like minded and shares your beliefs. If a man is abstaining to me that says that he is aware that he has discipline over his sexual desires which gives him confidence that he can do the same in marriage. And it also says he understands what God says about marriage and starting a relationship with a healthy foundation. Like others have said, the reason woman bring it up is to find like minded individuals, someone who admires you and wants to pursue you because of your relationship with Christ. Based on what you’ve said, yes you can make a man wait until marriage by not telling him but will he be sexual mature to remain faithful in the long run if he hasn’t exercised abstinence? And if you’re waiting until marriage and after six months of dating a person they ask the question is your goal to wait until marriage, what do you say? No would be a lie because in my heart that is my goal. I would like to understand your reasoning more and I’d appreciate your response.
Tiffany Jones he’s so wrong on this topic. I’m glad someone agrees
Tiffany Jones I really appreciate your question and perspective sis. I would say however relisten to his point about how 99%men are first driven to procreate, even the good Christian man. This is his number one weakness. Chances of meeting a like minded man on abstinence is 1%. Now let’s say you unknowingly cross paths with the 1% . Let him be the one to admit it to you first because he is the minority in this case. If he is asking months down the line, answer him with a question....ask him is he ready to get married because that’s what he should really be asking. First marriage then sex... in that order. If he says no he is not ready to marry, then you say “I’m not ready for sex,” sis and keep it moving.
Remain Without sex until you are married. I was also confused on Tony viewpoint.
If a man values you, hewill wait after marriage.
You ain't never lied Tony ,I receive this whole WORD!!!👌💯
Food for thought. I did not think of it in the same manner as fasting. You are right. Can't set myself up for failure.
Engineer, Make time for Tony! Lol
I'm glad you talked about this because I am one of the ones that have messed up in this area. Thank you so much for schooling me on how to handle this in the future.
I appreciate this message bro, I think women that jump out there upfront and tell men they are waiting until marriage put up unnecessary boundaries and fences IMMEDIATELY before the man even gets to develop any feelings or really gets to know her. It's a turnoff and can put the guy in the situation of thinking that she's more so looking to control the situation or have ulterior motives for being celibate. Especially if her relationship history suggests otherwise. Although I do believe before getting into a relationship with a man the women should make it known, dating is a different sorry. Also, if a woman is being celibate it should be about her relationship with GOD not due to her relationships with men. If she is not centering her body around her relationship with God then don't be surprised if there's no sex after marriage when "things" are not going right which is bound to happen. Lastly, there's nothing wrong with being celibate til marriage but there should be more than just that area that's dedicated to your walk.
OMG ....this is soooooo profound!!!!!!!! thank you Tony!!!!!
You made some good points. I've been doing this thing wrong for so long. Thank you...thank you, and thank you!
Thank you for keeping 100 with us on this video. It allows me to keep my standards and give myself a chance to have more time to develop a relationship and truly see what it can be. I remember a guy I dated tried to tell me the same thing but now I truly get it.
I enjoyed every single bit of this !! MY GOODNESS too on point accurate , my goodness pure wisdom .
And it happened just like that!!!! 3 and 1/2 years of abstinence...but I thank God for forgiveness...and I'm back on it!
ok i totally get it. when you were talking about it on ig, you mentioned what some of the women were saying and they were totally valid points, but with your response and reasoning behind it i totally get it and understand it. ive noticed that when guys bring up sex early on after meeting and talking with me, that’s what they’re looking for so i know i can cut them off cus they’re looking for something im not willing to give. a lot of times i’ve told men im abstinent so they’d leave me alone and guess what? it works like a charm.
Brother, you just dropped so many truths. May the Lord truly bless you.
TY
BLESSINGS, My Brother, YOU STEPPED ON MY TOES.AGAIN AND AGIN. BUT FROM THIS DAY FORWARD ,I'M COMING OUT,AND MOVING FORWARD. YES YOU THE MAN. SHALOM
I can agree; you don't need to mention it or bring it up unless you're asked and even when asked--all you need to say is "I'm not ready" or "sex is not on the table right now" and leave it at that---whatever variations of that and just make it clear that you do not have sex until you're ready / in a committed relationship. You definitely do not need to say you're waiting until marriage.
Thank you for the advice, teaching and nuggets of wisdom
Big Bro Tony you read my mail today!!!! I have made this mistake so many times. My attempt in being transparent has failed me. Thank you SO MUCH for teaching me how to navigate thru this subject in dating.
This was so on point and clear. You made absolute sense. Such good Godly wisdom!!
When a man brings up this question, I literally answer as Tony has suggested and I set yay boundaries; and if he died to go beyond them, I will reinforce the boundaries and have the conversation again and again and again and if he keeps trying it then we don't continue forward. that's it.
Wow, didnt know this Tony. I've been celibate 5 yrs. This is powerful.
Wow this is good. I'm not a virgin but I want to now wait until marriage... BUT I know that I have the propensity to sin and fall short. You're right that I shouldn't make a promise that I'm not sure I can keep.
I think women should tell a man that you're waiting until marriage .I told a man I waa celibate and he said if he knew i was celibate he would have never pursued me.Im glad he told me and im glad he told me what his intentions were. I have No time to waste on dating because God will not send me my HUSBAND if im dating Juju and fufu. The bible says do not awaken love before its Gods time. God will not send you anything or anyone prematurely. So i have to dissgree with you on this.Ive been celibate for a while ,listening to different videos, reading my bible etc and have learned quite a lot. Also there was only one man who respected my celibacy out of all the men ive come across and he insisted on being my friend . I havent talked to him but God did tell me he was my HUSBAND .God Also told me to be still and wait on him because hes not ready
I completely understand now! Thank you 😊
Tony, you betta TEACH this thang👏👏👏.
You really do not need to say you're abstaining, just say you aren't ready / aren't having s*x right now and set your boundaries on what's okay---y'all can hold hands lol sit next to each other on dates, cuddle up close in the restaurant etc. you don't need to go beyond the belt to connect with someone to be affectionate and intimate with him. Men will try it lol men really will try it, have your private agreements with self, know your boundaries and walk away when it is time if it is not progressing
Excellent advice! 1st time I ever heard a man speak so intelligently & honestly on this subject.
Tony is right. I’ve applied this to my dating life. Most of the time, the topic of sex is not going to come up if you carry yourself in a Godly way.
I can't say I agree. One needs to be honest. If a man is pressuring you to have sex and you want to remain abstinent until marriage, what happens when you say "I'm not ready"? You're leaving the door open for him to continue playing the game of seducing you. You are also playing the game. I see it as wasting time. A mature man will not do this.
Woww..we’ve been doing things so wrong. You shedded light on something new
When a man begins to bring up s*x etc, I don't get offended because as Tony says --- a man will try you, and they will so you just need to be wise when they do--doesn't mean that man isn't a good man. Even Tony tried Sheri and she had to set him straight! so that's all it is, just set your boundaries and go on about your business.
This episode made me laugh and sad at the same time. In another episode Tony shared that some days he wonders why God assigned him the area of love and relationships. This episode is prime example. There are so many fatherless Christian women who needed to hear these words IONS ago. I def had women share this with me and for the most part I followed their advice. But, it hits different coming from a man. As always, Tony told it straight, no chaser. It was simple, yet profound b/c we as women (especially honest, believers) just don’t think this way. Without natural *and* spiritual fathers, an entire generation of celibate women and virgins have struggled. It’s incredibly sad that so many adult women are getting more from an IG Live than from those who are supposed to be spiritual leaders or blood.
While I get his point, I think some women share their faith & sexuality journey online to find/build community. Personally, I’ve done so to share where/ how I “failed.” I don’t know when I’ll find “success” on the topic, but I felt compelled to share the pitfalls I encountered. I am an extremely private person. Before becoming sexually active, I didn’t feel the need to share my journey or testimony. But, after my struggles, I decided to share b/c “we” aren’t hearing enough people say “it’s okay to wait” and that it is *possible*. I’ve met so many people over the years who don’t think people over 16 or 18 or 25 are virgins or celibate. AND It seems once people who “waited” get married, majority of them are not sharing their journey. But, overall, Tony is correct. I chuckled so many times.
Thanks Tony, for your wisdom and willingness to be the big brother myself and many others need!
He's baaaaack!!! 🙌🏽
I totally agree with everything you're saying! My only question is if you know you want a committed relationship that leads to marriage, then when do you eventually tell him? Given the fact that you're already in an exclusive relationship...
Mary R. I wonder that too...like, do you continue to say “I’m not ready” until the wedding or actually say what it is...
@@robynmcpherson4045 Exactly, I get what he's saying but obviously you're not gonna wait until after you've said your vows to tell him lol i guess for me I would interpret it to be after the guy has already agreed to be exclusive with you...
Mary R. See, I’m wondering if it’s more like after you’ve gotten the ring...
@@robynmcpherson4045 Yea I feel like that's a bit much though, that's just my opinion
If he stayed that long without it & you get a ring, he’s just going to appreciate you more when you tell him...
Strait game! Thank you sir, this is just what I’ve been looking for.
I will definitely say I get what Tony is saying.I did tell my previous SO's the opposite of what Tony said and they took it as a challenge.They were trying to live up to what I was saying.But it was not the truth.I was in the relationship for 4 years and was a waste.If I say,no it means no.
I personally like being upfront with people from day one I dont want to waste my time
on the business side of this video it makes me feel so much better that years ago Tony's life would get busy and he was not always able to do his podcasts like he wanted. now look at him!! it gives me so much hope as an entrepreneuer because my life was crazy on and off the last 14 months too but as of now i have been working the amount of hours i want to and know i need to to grow my business 🙏
You are like the brother I never had. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and sharing the truth. God bless you and your wife and the ministry you have together.
U gotta lay all ur cards on the table in the beginning. U gotta say what u want. If he can't do it let him go. The right guy will wait and work for it, especially if he is looking for the same things too. I will only date Christian men who have the same values as me. But I'm single cause Christian men are hard to find.
Tell a man your waiting for marriage and watch him keep his money in his wallet. No dates, no nothing.
TONNYYYY!!!! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌. Seriously tho... Thank you❤
I just started dating again and I was just thinking about how to approach this. Thank you for this video. Don't tell men about your game plan!
I respect the gems in here but this was all over the place socially. This basis of this commentary was to not hurt a man's feelings, when the basis should be keep your standards and find someone that respects it.
Professor Keu 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
I told him & he loves me even more
Salute 👏🏾👏🏾Appreciate the knowledge Bro 🤗
I never had to tell any man I was waiting until I get married because I got married a year after I graduated because I had to wait a year for my husband to graduate. He got married the same year he graduated.
Any boy I dated before I got married was told, hold up, what are you doing? That is not for you. That is for my husband.
When they said, I will be your husband. I said, I hear you on that, and walked away.
When they try to have a conversation about sex, I would say. Look, I am a child and I plan to stay in a child's place and enjoy my childhood to the fullest. I do not plan to have to talk about this with anyone I date in order to convince anyone to stop trying, and you sure wont be taking it from me because if you do succeed in doing that, whatever goes in me by force is mine and I will keep it. Meaning I will cut it off and keep it in a glass jar.
If I have to stop you again or if I have to talk to you about this again, I will set you free so you can move on to see if your player moves can work on some other girl. Hay, look at it this way, all you have to do is tell the next girl that you dated me and they will give you time of day, just knowing you were worth my time at one point in life.
In fact, I will stay with you and act like you the best boyfriend ever and all you need to do is act like you love me so much that you will never cheat on me by telling any girl who tries to get your attention that you have a girlfriend that you are faithful to and watch she give you some. Just tell her no every time until she finds a way to get you alone and watch she rapes you.
Than you can let me know it worked and you can go move on to date her.
I'll move on to help the next brother get him some from those ignorant girls who loves to take boyfriends from girls who like to brag that they know they have a good man and no one can touch what is mine.
The crazy part about this is, they all took me up on my offer to help them get some from other girls. So many haters fell for our games.
I was one of the fellas, well respected, well protected, their Queen.
In fact just the other day, now being year 2020 and I graduated 1989, one of my brothers seen me in a gas station and he did that scene from Coming To American, where the guy by the bathroom said, IT'S YOU! (and bow down to the ground to worship him). I turned to see Tank crazy tail bowing to me and went to lift him up and told him stop playing with me. All those people was looking at us like we crazy. That fool actually asked someone to snap a photo of us together. We laughed, hugged and I took him outside to talk. He talked about all the love and respect he still has for me to this very day. He said he would give his life for me and I know he is not playing because I have been protected by all the brothers who knew about the work I did for men even if I did nothing for them but speak to them with a smile on my face.
Men can keep a secret because no girl ever found out the set up or game we played on them. The only thing that killed or hurt a lot of those girls is when they found out I was a virgin when I got married. They thought I was a hot girl when they seen me hanging with the boys. They never noticed that none of the boys ever, grab their stuff, cuss, spit on the ground, smoked, let their pants hang or grab my butt or any body part of mine like they did other girls. For boys who did not know me but thought I was hot, hearing that from the girls who hated me, they would get hurt by all my boys if they ever disrespected me in any way.
Oh boy I should of heard this first before I told someone I love for years , and we talked about marriage and getting engaged and some how the words were coming out and I had said I wasn't having sex until marriage . But you made so much sense that now I'm like hmmmm should I have said anything . I just didn't want us to waste time not talking about it .
A genuine question though, you say in this video to not talk about your journey which isn’t complete yet, and only talk about your testimony because to tell your current journey sets you up for failure and added temptation. You currently advertise your monogamy and that you are 100% faithful which is a journey that you’re currently on. I mean no disrespect or shots fired, I’m genuinely curious what makes your situation of advertising your current journey any different from what you are advising women not to do in regards to advertising their current journey with wanting to wait until marriage?
Your missing the point....he said dont advertise the journey until you get to the destination....HE IS MARRIED NOW...so if these women want to get married tbe journey to that GOAL doesnt need to be advertised..TESTIFY about it after u get there...he is married..GOAL FOR HIM IS MET..so he canbralk about how loyal his marriage is
Needed to see this Tony, thank you for making this video and setting us straight! I never thought of it from this perspective
In my experience of the journey, just date... have experiences, hold hands, a peck on the cheek, y'all can be affectionate in dating--you don't need to announce it all
Makes sense to me! 👏🏽👏🏽
I’m so grateful for you Tony . I found you at the right time . Thank you for blessing my life with your words .
my baby father was poor and I appreciated him. I wanted us to get married but he was to receive some money and he said that money is not to be shared with any woman so he didn't marry me. now he got that money and it's all done so he wants to marry me now. all I wanted is set good background for the kids not his money but the way this behave with me is making me second guess. when he was poor I was the source of financial stability in our lives. I lost allot of luxury I sold out for money to support us. this only made me a stronger person.
So glad I listened to this....thank you!
”Don't attach your income to your sex life.” 🔥
Tony better go head speak on this ! And stop playing with these folks
I literally loved every bit of this podcast! You’re extremely helpful. God Bless