CIA Spy: "Psychopaths & Manipulators TARGET This Type Of Woman!" (Spot A Con Man)| Andrew Bustamante
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- Опубліковано 1 чер 2024
- 100x your confidence NOW: Radical Confidence, here: radicalconfidence.com/
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If you’re anything like me and are obsessed with true crime and serial killer documentaries then guys, THIS episode is for you!!!
Today’s episode of Women of Impact is ABSOLUTELY PACKED with information and tactics so you can spot manipulators and their sleazy grooming process BEFORE they can sink their teeth into you!!
Too many women feel helpless and powerless in situations where they realize they fell for the wolf in sheep's clothing. The reality is, 1 in 10 people are either a psychopath, sociopath, or a narcissist. And while there are differences between the 3 types of abusers, one thing they all have in common is that they will manipulate and con you for their benefit.
This episode, with former CIA spy Andrew Bustamante, is here to educate and equip you to take control and protect yourself from people who don’t have your best intentions at heart.
Andrew is the absolute expert in spotting these con-artists and has spent years of his life and career studying them! So he is super experienced, knowledgeable, and practical when it comes to spotting & shutting down manipulators.
We cover SOOO much in this episode, including:
- The 3 warning signs someone is the “1 out of 10” and is actively trying to manipulate and control you
- The natural vulnerabilities most women have to being conned, and how to put up guardrails to protect yourself so you can avoid becoming a victim
- How real world con artists like the Tinder Swindler, Dirty John, Ted Bundy, and Elizabeth Holmes target and hunt for their victims
- International espionage tactics that the CIA and cons use to influence and manipulate people and how you can spot the signs and get out before it’s too late
- Little things you can do to break your people-pleasing behaviors and shut down a manipulator
- How you can test the empathy of someone new if you are suspicious of their intentions
- The system an abuser will use to SLOWLY manipulate you
- Why it’s SO important to be cautious about who you trust and not let new people in too quickly
- How master manipulators use seduction, intimacy and sex to control you
- Understanding the foundation and context behind seemingly suspicious behaviors in a person
- How you can slow things down, protect yourself, and make decisions in your best interest
- And SOOO much more!!
Seriously guys, the odds of you coming across a con artist is virtually guaranteed, and whether it’s protecting yourself from a toxic romantic relationship, or protecting your grandma from a “helpful” neighbor that seems a little TOO friendly, learning these tactics can help you STOP the con before it starts and even potentially save your life.
Learn your spy superpower: everydayspy.com/spyquiz
Chapter Markers:
🤷♀️ [00:00] Successful women are vulnerable
🎯 [12:10] How con artists hunt you down
🧪 [32:54] Testing for empathy
🕵️ [1:09:58] CIA interrogation techniques that cons are using against you
📝 [1:37:31] Breaking down real world con artists’ methods
❌ [2:05:07] Warning signs of manipulation
Follow Andrew Bustamante:
Website: everydayspy.com
Instagram: / everydayspy
Podcast: / @everydayspypodcast
Follow Me, Lisa Bilyeu:
Website: www.radicalconfidence.com/
Instagram: / lisabilyeu
Facebook: / lisabilyeu
X: / lisabilyeu
If you want to dive deeper into my content, search through every episode, find specific topics I've covered, and ask me questions. Go to my Dexa page: dexa.ai/lisabilyeu
Themes: Confidence, Relationships, Business, Mental Health, Self-Improvement - Розваги
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
I was this years ago and the professor said unique and now took test again and more like a guy! 🤦♀️😂. Am I logical now and can detect con people now???🙏🙏
Ok no s. And don’t want to do that at all!!!! I want more and not scare anyone away!
I want long term energy. Too many fakes
So is he saying because don’t sleep with someone we are withholding intimacy and being manipulative??? What?
Powerful talk and number one! Thank you to the both of you!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Everyday Spy is awesome! 😎
Words tell you nothing. Consistent actions tell you everything.
💯
You got that right! I keep telling my narcissistic boyfriend that but I'm pretty much just talking to myself while he continues to act in ways that have proven over and over that there's no way he could sincerely care about me like he SAYS he does. If he did, he would NEVER treat me this way. He took me far from my family and friends, did something to my car so it no longer runs, refused to take me to get my driver's licence renewed and he leaves me here, out in the middle of nowhere, day after day. I'm alone in a strange place in the middle of the woods with no access to money or transportation. I cannot figure a way to get out of here because I can't afford to even get an Uber This is only a small sampling of his 'actions' while he tells me daily with his 'words' how much he loves me. It truly sickens me. I'm not fooled by him at all; I see just what and who he is. BUT -- it took me until after the love bombing to figure that out and by then it was too late as I was already stripped of all my freedoms and methods of escape. I try not to worry and while I'm here alone I spend much of the day trying to figure a way out and I believe and have hope that I will find that way soon. But again to your point - actions trump words every time and if you find you're with someone whose actions belie their words in a negative way, RUN! And do not look back. I'm serious... You don't want to end up like I have or maybe even worse. Sorry for rambling, your comment really struck a nerve in me with how totally accurate it is and how important it is. Thanks for putting it out there. 🙂🙋👌
Yup, his actions screamed psycho
Women love attention! In my experience with several narcissists in pursuit of me, they are very consistent in the beginning-trying to see you or contact you everyday! Consistency does wonders in capturing a woman’s heart. The love bombing feels good and their goal is to get you in bed so you can have a soul tie with them and be stuck with them. That part never works because I am abstinent until marriage. Sometimes I don’t even have to reveal this. I just blocked another narcissist after two weeks of their crazy nonsensical behavior! I took a liking to the “good” things about him but it’s not worth my sanity dealing with someone that’s broken. Never settle ladies. You deserve a healthy relationship with a healthy man!
Lol guys don't think about soul ties
Well said!
@@tggchat But men do.
They are called Bad Boys and they get away with it because women are attracted to them. And when they get used and dumped they can’t handle the rejection. Welcome to the party ladies.
This is excellent and true. It’s not normal attention though, it’s excessive bordering on creepy obsessive attention and you feel it. It feels off, and they will always make those tiny cutting remarks that you can easily miss or that they will pass off as jokes (careful though, the covert Narc will not do that, they’ll insult themselves). Good men don’t make jokes about women. You’ll feel it in your gut.
A normal level of attention is ok, the borderline excessive attention is where women get caught and have forgotten how to differentiate.
After a relationship with a narcissist and then a sociopath, never again will I fall for a con man. The man I have now is the best.
I escaped from a DV situation from a sociopath too, you and I know how heavy and horrific dealing with that can be1 May I inquire as to where you met your new man?
I need pointers as to where to start to find my mr right! I've been trawling reddit to see where other people met their partners on posts from single people in my city also looking for their mr right too!
In this world verify everything.
Meet people in real life and vet carefully.
Date like a detective. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record. When you meet a shark in the dating pool swim away. Discernment.
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
You’re so fortunate. All the best, sincerely.Narcissists/Sociopaths/Con Men / are demonic and they’re everywhere. These are truly end times!
@@igitha..._ after the conman I met my beautiful man at a gig. But it took a few years to settle in and commit, as we both had been burnt
Praise God! 🙌🏽
Slow roll all relationships! Narcs don’t have a long attention span and their grandiosity won’t allow themselves to be a pursuer for too long as it’s ego insulting to them. They’ll move on and show you who they are.
👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽 THIS 💯
Totallly! Valuable information! [Now I realize, in hindsight, why I got love-bombed in 4 DAYS with a proposal & engagement ring (a placeholder & PROP!) -- the rest was HELL!] Heed Andrew's advice -- no matter your gender -- these types of perpetrators really exist!
I agree because they are lazy and want instant gratification. They give up when they run into boundaries.
Not ture. Some narcs find a target, and hang on for 29 years. With biological children, in the middle, you cannot actually get away completely. Big mess. Family court is dysfunction 101 + abuser = victim trapped.
Facts
This is why I teach my sons and daughters to take their time with potential romantic interests. Keep your distance for quite a while. Enjoy their company but reserve yourself while you deliberately observe them in many situation.
and this is precisely why the abusive con artist wants to *rush* into things, to blindside someone before they can see what they are... yep! taking time to get to know each other isn't a concept the abuser/con artist will tolerate.
@@athanaisdc Exactly, they take advantage of the initial rush of emotions and endorphins of new attachment.
@@athanaisdcunfortunately, my intelligent sadistic, narcissistic psychopathic ex, and I don't claim that lightly, was very patient, but he also lovebombed my whole family and friends at a time we did not have that term or understanding. I had friends from countries who took kissing very seriously and thought that men should ask them to marry in six months as they take relationships and marriage seriously. I delayed marriage, thinking he would appreciate it, not knowing he would resent me for it and second guessing myself. He didn't rush me at all for sex (which would later become an abuse in itself) and was very patient, easy going, loving, very funny, generous, and gentle. I had already been in a bad relationship. His aunt set us up. I had known her two years. He always knew he was going to hurt me and take advantage of me. He wanted a wife and children to look normal so he could lead his double life undetected and distance himself from his unknown past. Once we had children I was trapped because I had to stay to protect them from being alone with him, but I kept comparing to the abusive experience I had previously and thinking it wasn't possible to have met two people this dark. I didn't fully comprehend, I was so naive. Now I recognize I was exposed to this as a child too, in extended family, teachers, and classmates. They develop this early and my parents were teaachers and my beautiful, loving, capable, positive mum wanted peace and was a people-pleaser. I could not be as good as her. I was taught to question my own part. My dad could not see evil. He was a very loving person and teacher. It was good for teaching, but we didn't have terms like narcissism as a scientific term, NPD or realize it in my grandfather and my aunt. However, they were not psychopathic, but charming and decent and my grandpa had great integrity in his public life in the same way that the real, full blown narcissists and psychopaths are decent and charming when they are reeling you in and fooling you and everyone around you, which makes it very hard to admit when they start treating you otherwise covertly, and it is such a scary, unsettling disappointment, but one which must be tackled head on. No one will believe you and it gets very dark very fast once they know you know. Don't tell them what you know. Plan.
Never jump in.
nearly 7 years after a 3 year relationship with a narc and i'm still healing - today, his current girlfriend apologised to me and thanked me for going out of my way to warn her 6 years ago
all these years no one believed me, and now it's so ironic that she's the one giving me the validation i needed
Validation always comes in the end. still waiting for mine from others 11 years later. don’t need it though. I no longer care. got some validation recently, from my replacement and having a conversation with both of them(i believe in no contact but was in a waiting room that I couldn’t leave). I was friendly, it no longer hurts/i no longer care. From the conversation I realised she had No confidence, clinging onto him, probably living in a fog. I realised she was where I once was. I did not feel sorry for her, she actively took him away, and was not nice in her dealings with me at the time, broken women that I was. I never knew who he was until then. Despite debilitating pain of the first 3 years after breakup , it was probably nothing to what had happened to me while living with him(yet I didn’t know it was the relationship. I thought it was me), I gave them a genuine smile as I left. I wished them well, but silently I was thanking her so much for setting me free. Had she not have come along I doubt I’d have been here now. I doubt she has any idea of the covert stuff she is living with and how it’s probably affecting her health and well-being.
Ya these guys can look so nice kind and perfect to the outside world that it make you look like you're the troubled one. Only someone else in a relationship with them really knows. You were lucky to get out and good uou told the girlfriend after you. Well done.
Wow
@@sarahmurphy-nf4yl it's been a whirlwind of emotions - healing is also not for sissies, sigh
Once you break my trust, you won't get it again. Period.
Exactly, same here!
My ex-husband ran off because I told him "no" too many times, asserted my boundaries, and figured he was full of crap. I trusted him until his stories didn't match, so I tracked him and ran a background on him. Then filed for divorce, just when he thought he could crawl back thinking I would be begging for his love. I must be a different kind of woman. I saw my dad be dishonest to his mom, my mom's, and his ex-wives and girlfriends. Once I catch dishonesty, I am going to do a background on patterns. The lesson learned here, is to do the background first before you get serious in a relationship. It's a big time and money saver.
Truths
Good for you girl! I am glad for you
And it seems you found the way to do the checking but than to allow to trust if the check is positive. I got so distrustful and can't now get the chill side of me back. Tbh. I miss the chilled, maybe naive part of me. But never going back.
Yes it's good to be aware of this stuff. For me looking back at toxic relationships, there were warning signs that I ignored, and I understand them more now and myself better.
Yes yes...u can pay and pull that report IT'S A MUST DO!!!!! Always important especially since we have the ability to do so...but people really don't be thinking about that at all smh I was one of them✋🏽
Actually finding out every town they lived in, county and city arrest records and court rulings after adjudication is public knowledge, therefore free. You get more indepth information than the abridged version you get from a data mining company like Intellius that overcharge. Use your brain and do the digging. It tells more of the story. You can check driver's license status once they get a speeding ticket, because some public court records list their DL#'s. If you've ever shared assets, you can run a credit check on them and find out all the naughty financial issues they didn't tell you about. Use your head ladies. Knowledge is the power of making the informed decisions of cutting those manipulative users off. We got better things to do with our time.
I've started telling people to remember that humans are the worst predators I've known, and they should be treated accordingly. I've left a marriage of over 35 to a grandiose narcissist that literally almost killed me, whether by threat, situation or so much stress it almost ended me and I am very leery of people now.
Vulnerability is beautiful, but when a guy gets mad because you’re not vulnerable that’s a huge red flag go run. If this person doesn’t understand that maybe you’ve been hurt badly and you need to go slow then they’re not worth your time.
Love this perspective. If they really love the person you will go at a slow place
Pace , working through, prove it.
vulnerability is EARNED. trust is earned. when they want to start chipping away to get to that too early in, they are just trying to break in to damage you and take from you. i have always said, its funny how most men will go around agreeing that "men" are all liars and cheaters... but then most men also get pissed off when we don't put a religious-like faith in them instantly. if they aren't willing to slowly get to know you and earn the trust, they are not to be trusted.
❤
That owns the world against me for failing him cause he disguised himself as someone who hurt me.
"being hurt badly" especially familialy from early childhood or developmental years is the very source traumas that are root causes of cluster b personality disorder trauma psychological coping mechanisms. Getting mad is factually not a correct response, however, If vulnerability and intimacy is not the direction observably being moved towards in an interpersonal relationship, it is factually a self sabotaging behavioral pattern to the relationship.
Remember, there is no such thing as "ex CIA"...
Seriously, how many of these guys claim that one! It makes it easy to shut down the questions on their secrecy and questionable behavior. So many seem to fall for it though.
@@cdaz55I met a narc who told me stories about him being in the army, then told me to not bother looking for photos of him in uniform as there were none.
Red flag.
A lot of con artist claim to be military from my experience. I'm a military Widow so a lot of the times I can call them out on the things they say that don't make sense because I know how it works. However a lot of people don't know how the military works so they fall for the lies
I don't get it, is that a saying?
Unless their DEAD they are always sitting in a basket somewhere.
Yep....i lost my 14 yr career, home of 14 yrs and relationship with my son effected horribly.... i try to forgive myself everyday...and am praying for a financial miracle to rebuild
YOU are that miracle.
Check out @DrSonjaStribling - she's learned how to find her strength after such adversity!
@831VibezTribe
How did you lose your career and home after 14 years?
Rebuild your life and be thankful that you have learned an incredibly important lesson. You will make it good again.❤
wowwho are u living my life but mine was 15 yrs and my son was 17and even 15yr job same same its scary im broke i havnt been this broke since the 90si dont know how ill b able to pay anybills mortgage just gots to trust God cuz idont want to be homeless with my baby dogs so stay strong really dont think we have a choice remember a mustard seed amount of a knowing ,faith thats all it takes
I grew up in a family full of narcissists and sociopaths, once I see a trait that is in any way recognizable of this type, I will have nothing to do with them. Thank goodness I've never personally gotten involved with these creatures, myself but I have seen the damage they do. Surround yourself with good people and you will be happy.
Yes. Amen. 🙏 People do NOT understand what an insane amount of pain and confusion is associated with this kind of manipulation and unnatural stunted bonding that occurs at the earliest stages of life for the children of cluster B personality types. Narcissistic and histrionic and antisocial… it’s like growing up in a nightmare, but you don’t realize it’s abnormal for so many years…. Thank you for the comment and good luck and God bless. My heart goes out to you.
You are smart to have survived and learned from this so well. You sound incredibly healthy, considering. So many of us walk into the familiarity because we are trapped by the feeling of home, combined with the sense of excitement which is really their thrill at luring us, not realizing it is only the surface charm and not what is under the covers waiting to parasitically predate on and destroy us.
@@pokemonpro8438 Sending you love and healing, my friend. We will be stronger and wiser after walking through the hottest of hells. Only the bravest of souls dare to play this videogame of life, through, hey?
@@pokemonpro8438 Yes, they are very good at pretending to be normal but they can only keep it up for so long. Most people have too much self-pride or integrity to do the things these "people" do to get what they want (to use others). Most people also feel embarrassed about bad behavior, these people do not. I wish you well.
@@CADYALLISON Thank you, I appreciate that, hopefully you no longer have to deal with these "people" and also God bless.
I use a relationship worksheet. I write down the pros and cons of the relationship. Are the pros consistent?
Then I ask these questions:
1. What are some of the red flags that you noticed from the beginning?.
2. Why did you ignore it.?
3. What do you want to do now?
4. What will it cost you if you stay?
5. How does this person make you feel?
6. How did this relationship end?
Keep these worksheets and review them so that you can correct the pattern.
This is excellent advice! Thank you for sharing.
Excellent!
These are great! Thank you!
Great information. Thank you. I call it relationship autopsy. Evaluate your past relationships to determine if there is a pattern
And why the relationships ended.
The red flags, misalignments and dealbreakers. .
Its about breaking the cycle.
We are most aligned with people who are similar to ourselves.
In this world verify everything. Discernment . A background check is a necessity. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record.
Romance chemistry and attraction does not create relationship success.
We cannot change anyone. Do not collect red flags and dealbreakers. Date like a detective. Investigate like the FBI.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
The 10 Essentials Of A Secure Partnership-by Dr Stan Tatkin
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel
The Genetic Makeup Of Cheating - Maken Murphy podcast
The Science Of Cheating--Maken Murphy podcast
Never Forgive Infidelity - Sam Vaknin podcast
Cheating Triangulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin podcast
The Mask You Live In Documentary
Seek Good Character A Reminder To Us All David Tian PhD podcast
Magnetic Narcissists Pathological Charisma----Sam Vaknin podcast
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
Fantastic! These days yes a worksheet like this is smart and necessary
I needed to hear this ….. I was missing my ex and I started to remember how horrible he actually was !!!
Same for me just thinking of the way he treated me and made me feel quickly makes me snap out of any delusion.
Its best to remember the percentage of the bad times to recognize the lesson learned why the relationship ended. .Relationship autopsy of your past relationships to determine if there is a pattern. Breaking the cycle.
We are a common denominator in our relationships.
The Duluth Power And Control Wheel
In this world verify everything. Discernment. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record. A stranger can say anything. A background check is a necessity. Fact check. References from people who know him. We commonly are attracted to the familiar. Someone who resembles our childhood caregivers. IMAGO
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
The Mask You Live In Documentary
The Science Of Cheating- Maken Murphy podcast
Seek Good Character A Reminder To Us All - David Tian PhD podcast.
Ive Scanned 250,000 Brains This Is Really How Men Think Dr Daniel Amen and Lisa Biyeu podcast
Missing! I’m wishing mine would move even further than five states away or whatever it is😂😂
It's like the euphoric recall a drug addict gets when they remember all the "good times." Not even thinking about how it nearly destroyed your life.
Everyone is calling me too much and paranoid when I am saying that at end, we never know who really is in front of us. My mother is one of them… Never trust anyone, ever. The gut is the right one.
In this world verify everything. Discernnent. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
A stranger can say anything. A background check is a necessity. Date like a detective. Investigate like the FBI.
Adults choose their relationships.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? by Jonathon Aslay
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
The Science Of Cheating--Maken Murphy podcast
Magnetic Narcissists Pathological Charisma----Sam Vaknin podcast
The Mask You Live In Documentary
Seek Good Character A Reminder To Us All David Tian PhD podcast.
@iris. Yes , mine too, and she made me (until i was 50) and everyone else believe that my father was the bad guy..
"Trust No One" Benjamin Franklin, Versailles France, Circa 1783.
This is excellent. This is what the public dialogue needs right now-CIA level intelligence about liars and conartists.
Yeah, because we can’t tell.
They won't tell us
They know we know, we know they know, we know they know we know.
It’s because he’s was one of them. And still might be. His words are too fluid to not be.
this isn't cia intelligence... he leads in talking about myers-briggs which even high school students learn in psych, but he doesn't even have a grasp of the jungian cognitive functions and hes wrong about entps. he was only right about most women scoring isfj on the tests but even that means nothing when the tests are going by dichotomy merely...
It has taken me an entire lifetime to stop blaming a 'bad picker' and instead understand there are so many manipulators and conmen out there - and to make it my whole business to never give the benefit of the doubt when dealing with the unknown and humans - I'm not talking about being paranoid. I'm talking about understanding many people just do not approach life and have standards such as mine and I must be keenly aware that the vast majority will not be for me. Time and time again I was astonished at how I ended up with a relationship where the person was someone I could not/should not - be with - to my detriment - and that there was very little that was benefiting me - and where all the benefit was coming from me
Every vulnerable person, regradless of his/her age or gender, needs to watch this extremely important, informative content in the name of self-protection.
Sex, not gender. To be a woman It’s not a feeling
Lisa I've watched almost every single podcast from Andrew on youtube. You not only asked him the most unique questions ive heard him be asked, but also asked questions that i feel he genuinely saw as good questions he enjoyed engaging in. Absolutely great work.
Completely agree she was asking the questions I’ve wanted all the other people to ask him. This is pure gold
Women and men need to look at themselves and say no matter how much I failed no matter what I’ve done and how far behind I am I am so worthy of being treated with decent respect and love❤!! don’t ever settle
You don't ever think of learning to walk as overcoming failure. Learning to have healthy relationships is a journey. Lessons get learnt all the time.
This❤
Adding that in the Know, Like, Trust phase, we often “Like” bc the manipulator is mirroring you back to yourself. That’s why they feel like such a soulmate. All manipulation.
True! & as another expert gives further credence to the KLT (Know/Like/Trust) phase: "You essentially fall in love with yourself!" -- thinking you've found your soulmate, with familiar comfortable relatable "similar interests" -- being mirrored by a hijacking "Hijackal" [Hijack@ss] soul-less manipulative Energy Vampire or Emotional Vampire.
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
In this world verify everything. Discernment. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record A background check is a necessity. Trust needs to earned.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Yeah, and that’s narcissism too. It’s just the flip side of it. It’s important to love someone for their unique qualities in who they are, not just seek validation, which can happen when we didn’t get enough of it in childhood, or get enough of it in general.
"The thing that is really precious is our sense of independence. And once you merge your sense of independence with someone else it's hard to get it back." YES!!!
In this world verify everything
Never doubt patterns. Aka The Track Record. A stranger can say anything.
Discernment. .A background check is a necessity.
Standards boundaries a bs detector and a backbone 💪.
Never tolerate disrespect.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
Magnetic Narcissists Pathological Charisma----Sam Vaknin podcast
The Genetics Of Cheaters --Maken Murphy podcast
The Mask You Live In Documentary.
Seek Good Character A Reminder To Us All David Tian PhD podcast
Oh yes! That fusion that felt so intoxicating is likely going to destroy your sense of self faster than you can ever realize.
@sherriflemming3218 our state offers free online court records. I try to find out a man's middle name and age early on and run the free check. It won't tell you if they did something in another state, or obviously if they get away with crime. It's still worth a look. Also, yes there are one in 10 psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists in society. But when you consider they find their targets online, you can consider a much higher percentage in dating sites. Now days, I go with the mindset, prove to me you are NOT a dark triad person, if I meet a man online dating.
The reason I never married. And still glad I didn't.
I'm thankful to be single. I didn't marry the wrong man. We are commonly attracted to the familiar. Someone who resembles our childhood caregivers. IMAGO
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future Sam Vaknin podcast
The Genetics Of Cheaters --Maken Murphy podcast
The Mask You Live In Documentary
Seek Good Character A Reminder To Us All David Tian PhD podcast
ps, as an enfj i have fallen into the trap of trusting people who did nothing to earn the trust.
Same
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
In this world verify everything
Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
Discernment. A stranger can say anything.
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
As someone who grew up in a very dysfunctional home and learned to abandon myself at an early age, I too have this problem
Trust is earned always!
Don't get trapped into these useless letters they mean nothing.
My ex literally said he can “mold and change himself to fit any situation and get what he wants and win”
He literally told me that about 2 weeks in.
This is when I started my digital diary and documented everything
I’m about 3 months after months of love bombing, I noticed he completely pulled away. Causing me to start chasing.
This lasted just a few days before I remembered all of the podcast that I listen to.
All 3 months I noticed he would ask me for things, want to spend the night a lot because it was closer to his job, and he would want me to buy him things.
Educate yourself ladies.
What an obnoxious ass he must have been, bet your so glad you got out of that.
Stories like this send chills down my spine. Really, really dark people out there. I personally know someone like this that is the most charming,charismatic, and socially “talented” person I know. I’ve always known something was off with him but I was always fascinated by how he was able to control people like a puppet master. I had an inside joke with myself that he didn’t have friends but rather a cult. Anyways, we ended up gracefully separating after I let him know that I knew who he really was.
I was a Correctional Officer. I had an inmate tell me, " Im in here for Murder", " not for lying". Spoken like a true Dark Tryad.
Indeed. You are correct. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record. The Dark Triad is Narcissism Machevalian and Psychopathy.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
I’m Confused. What is the significance of this comment? How is that comment manipulative, that the inmate said? Was it the truth?
I'm also confused about the dark triad remark
Sam Vaknin has excellent podcasts on The Dark Triad. The definition is Narcissism Machevalian and Psychopathy.
Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record. Personality and character is fixed.
All criminals have blank records until they're caught. In this world verify everything. A background check is essential. Verify facts.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Snakes In Suits by Robert D Hare
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker ( A PhD in human behavior)
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
Snakes In Suits by Robert D Hare
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
In this world verify everything. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record. Discernment. A background check is a necessity. Verify facts. A stranger can say anything. Trust needs to be earned.
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
After I married my ex husband I never trusted him. After we got married he told me that sex was me, not him…His boundary was I wasn’t allowed to have sex unless he came to me… That was a red flag to me. Over the yrs he used sex to punish me… So if he would normally want sex once a month & I made him upset he would make me wait another month. I learned not to try to seduce him through him slapping my hand. He was a huge gaslighter as well! He treated me like a child, one that he didn’t like lol. We were married for 30 yrs. He never told me that I was beautiful or smart. No credit for anything that I did. He took all the credit for our home projects . He was stoic & showed no compassion for my suffering , not even when I lost my parents. I had to be very methodical to get him to divorce me bc he was very good at looking perfect to the world. We’ve been divorced for 3 yrs & I’m so at peace being alone. I’m 58 & I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be in another relationship again!
OMG your husband sounds mentally disturbed. I am so glad you escaped his clutches. Be careful of going from the frying pan into the fire.. a rebound relationship can bring another dangerous type to you. Take another few years to be single until you fully recover from your ex husbands abuse. After awhile you'll seriously enjoying being single and free from hassle and enjoy friends and hobbies.
Be safe always. Be happy now and live your best life.
God bless 🙌
@@sarahmurphy-nf4yl Thank you for your kind supportive words! It has been 3 yrs since our divorce. I just got back into working out & it feels great! I’m taking care of my mental & physical health!
I’m not sure if I could ever be with a man again. I’m very content being alone! I’m at peace for the first time in my life! I don’t need the porn addiction or any womanizing that men justify bc they’re men lol. I date occasionally & it’s very disappointing to say the least! My BS detector goes off a lot! 😂
I really just prefer to have guy friends without any sex… no extra benefits here!
In my mind I think it would be nice to find love & not be alone but my body says hell no… I’m a Christian so I seek God for truth & he always tells me when a man isn’t right for me. He told me before I got married to Jim but I was only 24 & I didn’t understand that God was warning me, but I’m 58 today and now I listen to God’s warnings!
God bless you as well! ❤️
Er, let me tell you something you are overlooking. You were never "in" a relationship for 30 years. You were someone's prisoner/slave.
Your ex husband sounds like he had heavy narcissistic traits with some sadistic tendencies. You are lucky to be rid of him. Rebuild your life and get to know anyone over a long period of time. Spend time discovering what you like to do and make some friends. Good luck! 🤞
Yeah I would of ✌🏾 he’s a 🤡
INFJ here and just out of a relationship with a Narcissist. I wish I would have known all of this 2 years ago. The abuse I went through is out of this world, and how he’d know how to get me back every time 🤯
Very valuable insights, Thank you ❤
I'm a infj did u ever start to think u were the narcissit that how I feel in my relationship even thow I know the gaslighting done to me is fact and her not owning up to anything as soon as we get close or I think we are about 2 be she starts a fight then I feel guilty and apolitigize non stop and now I can't get her to say she loves me
All the time. But now I feel that that’s the point. They steal so much of your personality and bait you to the point where then you act out of character. At least that’s true for me. I wouldn’t recognize myself.
But I know for a fact that I don’t act like this with other people and my intentions are pure. I don’t do things to get something in return and certainly do I not get pleasure in seeing someone else’s pain. If that is you, you are NOT the narcissist.
INFJ too, so glad you’re out. Took me far too long. Doubtful of my own intuition. Free for 5 years but it wasn’t my first experience.
some part of you knew, i would guess... but you wanted to have faith in him when he told you not to believe yourself.
@@richardvaughan8765 the narcissist always exports their own negative qualities to others. every negative thing they are, they will point their finger and tell others "U ARE!" so yes, when you are in a relationship with a narcissist they will try to make you feel like you are the selfish abusive @hole. every time, not just with an infj victim.
I'm 47 years old female . Why didn't I hear this before!!! Life changing
Because our society is ran by personality disorders and so many things are.
Just be glad you didn't experience it.
Try to find a copy of "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. What it boils down to is that women have been made vulnerable by being conditioned to be nice, to people-please. Women put themselves in dangerous situations because they are afraid to be seen as "rude", as Huberman details. And woe be unto her who does not meet societal expectations. Prepare to be torn to shreds by other women. So pick your poison, because once a group of women decides they don't "like" you because you don't behave the way they think you should and go on social media and assassinate your character, you may prefer the killer. Once you quit doing everything others want you to do, have a mind of your own, and start exerting your free will, I think you will find the number climbs from 1 in 10 to 99 out of 100. Take it from someone who has Asperger's, the price of not folding to the will and demands of others is incredibly steep.
This guy is fantastic. I will rewatch this. Every woman needs to protect themselves.
Indeed Safety first. In this world verify everything. A background check is a necessity. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
The Mask You Live In Documentary
The Genetics Of Cheaters by Maken Murphy podcast
About 30% of women have personality disorders while only 18% of men do.
I have been in relationship with several severe, abusive and cheating narcissists, and both of my parents have narc traits. What I learned is that there is no such thing as an innocent victim of a narcissist (outside of childhood). We want something from them that in a way is our OWN narcissistic desire, that's why it's so easy to fool us. We have to be willing to give up the desire to be desired, wanted, and provided the "fantasy" life, or else we are very easy to manipulate. Take ownership and NEVER compromise for wanting to be "in a relationship", be "valued by some hot guy," or any other idolatrous behavior. Until we give up our OWN self centered desires we can fall for this crap.
Yep. This very dynamic also happens among Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)/SLDD [Self-Love Deficit Disorder] + Narcissist/Sociopath/Covert Narcissist/"wolf in sheep's clothing".
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
In this world verify everything. Discernment. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record A background check is a necessity.
We are commonly attracted to someone that resembles our childhood caregivers. IMAGO. Safety first.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? Lundy Bancroft
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
The Genetics Of Cheaters - Maken Murphy podcast
Seek Good Character A Reminder To Us All - David Tian PhD podcast.
Magnetic Narcissists Pathological Charisma----Sam Vaknin podcast
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
We commonly choose partners that resemble our childhood caregivers. Attracted to the familar.
In this world verify everything. Discernment. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record A bqckground check is a necessity. Verify facts.
Dont count red flags and dealbreakers.
Everyone wants and needs something. It’s about give and take. Healthy levels of narcissism are necessary, but it’s not called narcissism then, it’s called healthy pride and self-respect.
I agree with you to an extent. There is usually childhood trauma behind it. And can the desire be rooted in trauma and neglect etc... and cause many to "settle" so they get that hidden desire/need met. Yes. Can it be our own narcissistic desire, yeah but it depends. It can be a human desire that was never met without it being narcissistic. I say this, because many women and men already fault themselves plenty for "failing" to listen to their gut, failing to pay attention to red flags, and for failing to leave an abuser sooner and the list goes on. Many times it is not their fault. Ultimately as adults yes we are responsible! If it is rooted in childhood trauma and childhood environment, we need to give a large space of compassion and not blame to beautiful souls that usually are the ones that end up as narcissists targets. Again, yes there is a healing junction in someones journey where they need to take responsibility for healing, growing, educating self and avoiding toxic destructive relationships. But in the beginning a target needs validation and self compassion.
So true about social norms.
When I was 20 years old, I was walking to my apartment in broad day light and noticed a guy following me. There were so many opportunities for me tell someone, or just go into a restaurant, but I didn't want to look like I thought "I was pretty enough." or not be believed. I walked home with the intent, that I would walk right into my unit and shut the door. He got into my unit before me.
Be careful out there. I didn't end up getting hurt that day, luckily. But it was close ... but the social norms women are taught just benefit preditors more and they know it. Good example mentioned here of Ted Bundy.
And to add, I didn't even call the police afterwards. It didn't even cross my mind.
Agree. That incident, could have been the start of a "pattern", or even among multiple other "dots" (happening in isolation, not realizing you're "Not Alone") yet to be connected, perpetrated by a cunning serial repeat offender whose actions may eventually escalate...a potential "Me, Too" movement, yet to be uncovered & exposed for what it really was or is.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker pdf and podcasts ( A PhD in human behavior)
Safe People by Henry Cloud book and podcasts
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft book and podcasts
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD
In this world verify everything. Discernnent.
Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
A background check is a necessity. Verify facts.
Standards boundaries a bs detector and a backbone 💪 Always be aware of your surroundings. Situational awareness and intuition.
When you meet a shark swim away.
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
The Science Of Cheating--Maken Murphy podcast
The Genetics Of Cheating Maken Murphy podcast
The Mask You Live In Documentary
Be careful if you love in the same unit.. they can come back even years later. That's a pattern with burglars to try same houses again after a few years or to tell other criminals about it.
If someone is following you, be paranoid because they don’t care if you’re pretty or not! They care if you’re alone
@@e.zwegat7130 Wise words.
[Same scenario also occurs when perpetrators try to somehow "get you alone" for an impromptu "meeting"/"discussion" or other matter -- particularly, at a time when the perpetrator realizes they're losing "control"/"possession"/"enmeshment" over you, whether you are attempting to "break away", "break-up", "break-free", "leave", "divorce", &/or "escape" from that perpetrator: the most perilous, hazardous time...even per statistics.]
This happens in friendships as well- not only romantic or familial relationships. Sadly, so many malignant narcissists claim their former failed friendships and relationships were with narcissists when they themselves are the abusive narcissists. This information is helpful. Beware of what people tell you because they will show you who they are soon enough.
In this world verify everything
Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
Discernment. A stranger can say anything.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
Be careful with people who subtly blame all their ex partners for why it didn’t work out.
This is why it is so important not to jump into relationships with someone you really don’t know. Meet their friends and family. Check out the stories they tell about their ex’s. Find out how this person ended the relationship- not just what he tells you.
Run like hell when you hear “ I love you” in the first month!
@sherriflemming3218 Very Good I have read a good number of books on here.
I will also add Seduced by a Sociopath by Donna Anderson, Becoming Toxic Person Proof by Sarah K thompson, Charm to Harm by Amy Lewis Bear, How to Spot a Dangerous Man by Sandra L Brown
Knowledge is power!
Thank you for the reading material! Agree with everyones comments! I vet everyone, man or woman, romantic or not! It does take me time, but it can be done!
Sometimes when nothing is very obvious, keep a dream journal noting how you react to that dream. Very often the subconscious senses things which the conscious might miss
What's trippy for me is I was friends with a person whom I ALMOST started a relationship with, when I first met him, I didn't have a good feeling about him, but unfortunately, I shrugged it off. Then one time, I had a dream that I was bitten by a green snake, I looked up the (biblical) meaning (I believe in Christ, so ofc some meanings can vary in dreams) & I learned that a green snake represented betrayal including betrayal of trust; I was oblivious to the red flags, the manipulation & the exploiting, & the lying that was going on in the "friendship"... after I cut ties with him, I looked back & I just thought about that dream & everything just connected together like a puzzle. I just thank God for getting me out of that relationship, forgave him (no, I did NOT come back to him), & moved on with my life (difficult journey, but worth it). So yea, at least for me, that just confirms your point on how the subconscious senses things the the conscious can't.
I’m an INTJ female so I repel con men. Ask any salesman I’ve dealt with 😂…and I mentioned the word ‘salesman’ about 10 minutes before the guest did 😅
Same here!
Please interview Andrew Bustamante and his wife together!
You look like you got trouble written all over you
2:06:38 Your discussion of autism here is SOOOOO true! I have a high functioning autistic son and worry about his social interactions all the time, particularly law enforcement or others on that parallel spectrum that might see him as prey. Frustration is a huge part of his life because of that struggle to communicate and be understood. I pray for him a LOT!
The church stole my nephew with autism. watch who you let around you and in your social groups or if anyone takes a liking to him as a person.
INFJ here. Supposedly the rarest of all personalities. ISFJ never heard of. I prefer being alone but I am energized by good people.
same
Me three! 😃
Me four! 🙋
Same here
Nope, i trust my intuition and its the greatest protection
I would bet you've experienced a couple of times where you reneged on your Intuition & learned to your disappointment to really trust your Intuition. Most Intuitives do.
As an INFJ woman of past 60, I’ve experienced a few different types. So grateful that this is finally out there.
It’s scary that the ones that are supposed to protect and keep safe are usually the ones who refuse to be policed, so become people in power to feed off the vulnerable.
Truly need to learn what is being taught here. Thank you so much. The unhealthy benefit of the doubt mindset has to go, especially for anyone vulnerable.
Definitely standing up and challenging the “ norm “ western society needs massive change.
I was raised by a pathological malignant narcissist con man. I loved my dad so much. He was charming & funny & interesting & people flocked to him like moths to a flame. He was a human wrecking ball. He was my dad. He brought the sunshine. And then he took it away. I watched my dad con & screw over every single person in his orbit, even his elderly widowed mother. Even his own kids. He really couldn't help himself. If he saw a mark, he was gonna take advantage of that mark, somehow, some way. It was if he was driven to it. Everyone that liked my dad was a mark, & everyone liked my dad. Right up until he screwed them over. It was just who he was. He exploited weaknesses like a crocodile hunts gazelle in a river.
P.S. He was a salesman. Real Estate. Very successful. He was also married six times. He was married to another woman when he married my mom.
My partner was also a salesman all his life cheated lied everything under the sun. He also became a real estate agent. Salesman jobs are perfect for manipulative people.
Ugh!!
This is gold, his advice is gold!
So true, about societal norms too... Women are not taught how to fight with male aggressors; when attacked, most of them just curl up and wait, either for him to stop, for some help to come or to die.
This book might help, i think: Fight Like a Girl...and Win: Defense Decisions for Women by Lori Hartman Gervasi
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? by Jonathan Aslay
In this world verify everything.
Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
Discernnent. A stranger can say anything. Date like a detective. Investigate like the FBI. A background check is a necessity. Verify facts.
Romance chemistry and attraction does not create relationship success. Trust and respect are the foundation of healthy relationships.
Self defence and tactical training is empowering.
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
Magnetic Narcissists Pathological Charisma-Sam Vaknin podcast
The Mask You Live In Documentary
The Science Of Cheating--Maken Murphy podcast
I've Scanned 250,000 Brains This Is Really How Men Think - Dr Daniel Amen and Lisa Biyeu podcast
Thanks
I fight back now. I did then too, but it’s not good.
They have no chance when fighting off a male unless they are armed
Self defence and tactical training will teach you skills. One program in America is IMPACT. Martial arts, kickboxing classes are other classes that teach skills. There are also personal alarms available for purchase.
Learning how to recognize predators ( discernment) and how to deal with them. Always be aware of your surroundings. Situational awareness and intuition. You are responsible for your personal and public safety. This is empowerment.
This applies to intuition:
If it feels wrong it is wrong
If it requires too much conspicuous effort it is fake
If it is too good to be true its not true
In today's world verify everything
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker ( A PhD in human behavior) pdf and podcasts.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Snakes In Suits by Robert D Hare
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
How To Spot A Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved by Sandra L Brown
I'm considered a targeted individual. I've lived in my neighborhood for twenty years and in my community for over thirty years without any legal issues or problems. Suddenly, out of nowhere, long time neighbors came after me, began harassing me and vandalizing my home. When I couldn't get help from law enforcement, I knew they were involved. I'm a very strong, confidant, out going, intelligent, empathetic, kind woman who lives alone. Apparently, being a single attractive woman living alone makes one an easy target in our world today.
Very true!
I am in the exact same situation. I think it’s politically motivated.
I just subscribed to your channel in hopes that we can connect. I am in Phoenix experiencing the same issues.
What is so special about you that these people would spend thier time doing whatever it Is you think they're doing
@MartineReed do you have some political power? If not it makes zero sense.
One of the weirdest experiences I had as a young adult was an after work drinks date with a coworker I was super into, who suddenly looked at me and asked me “What’s your deepest secret?” I was so stunned, I didn’t have an answer, and he kind of got mad.
"Think for yourself; question authority" ~ Bill Hicks 1:15:50
Good one! [& another: The "Milgram Shock Experiment" -- Stanley Milgram, a psychologist at Yale University, carried out one of the most famous studies of obedience to authority in psychology. He conducted an experiment focusing on the conflict between obedience to authority & personal conscience.]
Andrew Bustamante is a great guest.
Tell them no flat out. The reaction gives them away immediately!!! They don’t accept the word no.
My dad is married to a woman like “Dirty John.” She has destroyed his relationship with me. Keeps him isolated. He got a large inheritance.
😢❤
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING AUTISM! This means a lot to me
I always get mistaken for a narcissist 😢
Wow. Until he said this I didn't understand why my mother always thought I would kill her one day (she watch too much crime shows; still don't know why she thought/think this) and why people think I hate them.
Yes, thank you
This is used and old overused label. Yes there are some autistic people, not enough that this is a relevant comment
@user-dz1Irc4wk2t You're mistaken.
I love what this man says and how he speaks, he is so articulate.
Thanks Lisa for inviting him.
I also think MBTI is a fantastic tool.
Know-like-trust!! OMG!! As a feeler I can tell you our Achilles’ heel is to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Always our blind spot.
Yeah. & the "Loyalty" factor, "give 'em a 2nd chance", "through thick & thin", "for richer...for poorer" (the subtly over-time jobless hobosexual parasite who can't seem to hold down a job, financially reckless; in-between relationships & unfinalized divorce from the "estranged" wife they vaguely claim they "plan to leave SOON"); explain away their misbehaviors &/or "victimhood": "they're having a bad day", "they're going through tough times", blah, blah, blah...[It's ALL one, big: CON!]
Remember, people can have criminal records expunged that’s what a friend of mine. That’s a cop stated so you still have to be careful if you do not find any research on them.
Thanks for sharing this. [Another thing learned is that these perpetrators are unlikely to change, & only get worse over time.]
This man is amazing. Thank you so much. He explains CULTS so well. He clarifies the difference between Autism and cluster B personality disorders and how they get misunderstood. I really appreciate his insight and perspectives. We must guard our mind.
Watching this as an INTJ woman…
👁️👁️
👄
As a fellow INTJ woman, I was taking notes!
😂😂 INTJ female also wondering if there’s still more to know…
@@2twentysixYeah, uncover the layers of that narcissist & EXPOSE them for who they really are!
Wow he’s the only one who can explain mbti in simple but understanable words 👏
Psychotropic medications also make people numb with no highs and lows of normal emotions
Not everyone reacts or benefits in the same clinical manner regarding Psych Meds.
My journal was my greatest asset, dealing with a narcissist. Also I noted fights, drunk driving, binges, etc on the kitchen calendar. There was the pattern in its truest colors. No lying.
I have been going throught PTSD due to a covert narcassist and the manipulations and fear. I had so many fears and questions and keep wondering certain things and feeling unsafe, not being able to sleep properly and not trusting myself or know if I can ever trust others but OMG this Talk has answered SO many questions! A 100x Thank you! ❤
Have you considered trauma therapy? EMDR + CBT. Self care is very important. Find things to do that give you joy and peace. Be kind to yourself.
Here are some healing books. I hope they help. Take care.
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma---Bessell Van Der Volk
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? by Jonathon Aslay
More personal development books- podcasts.
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma---Bessell Van Der Volk
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? by Jonathon Aslay
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
The Four Pillars of Self Love - Sam Vaknin podcast
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
Never Forgive Infidelity - Sam Vaknin podcast
Cheating Triangulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin podcast
The Mask You Live In Documentary
The Genetics Of Cheating - Maken Murphy podcast
I've Scanned 250,000 Brains This Is Really How Men Think - Dr Daniel Amen and Lisa Biyeu
Seek Good Character A Reminder To Us All - David Tian PhD podcast
Magnetic Narcissists Pathological Charisma----Sam Vaknin podcast
@sherriflemming3218 Very good list I've read a lot of these books also. It's an excellent way to gain knowledge!
@@lf3554 Thank you! They're helpful books. Many people cannot afford therapy. The Hoffman Process - the actual workshops are more effective than the book apparently. Personal development seminars are beneficial.
I like that the person just listed books and a podcast 😊
I’m an INFJ and you answered all of my questions in the first 20 minutes.
I’ve been trying to make the connections in all this.
Thing is I learned to identify con artists now and being in a state of limerence is a depression.
Spent a lot of life being a sole trouper, hanging onto mental wellness and dealing with narcissists.
They are odd and think you’re god or something to take on an army against you because there’s recruiting people saying you’re the one who doesn’t know better.
What a life to live. Of course I learned but I mean it really took awhile to understand everything. Even when I was being taught this stuff, I could only get surface levels of it at a time. It was TOUGH to imagine.
It goes without saying, Lisa Bilyeu is fantastic at interviewing. Andrew Bustamante is a great interview. I find him quite interesting. Thank you
This is the best UA-cam interview I have ever watched about this very interesting topic. Andrew Bustamante explains everything in an understandable manner - thank you so much!
Wow!!! Lisa's guests are always so amazing, insightful and incredibly helpful!
Would love to see an interview with Crappy Childhood Fairy too!
Lisa thank you for everything you're doing to help women live their best lives!
Yes!!!
🙌🏻 Lisa is making us all strong and empowered! Thank you so much love!!!
Masterclass right here so.many gems here
This interview can litterally save our Lives. Thanks and I will definately watch and watch again. There's alot to learn here.
Yep. I'm glad that I fought through my own blind spots and eventually left the person who isolated, manipulated, and abused me.
It was just as difficult to find and heal the reasons for my attraction to people who I saw as "strong," but who were actually so weak in character that they felt they had to control others to have self worth. The anger is fading, the triggers are fading... but it's a lifetime process to be empathetic, loving and open without feeling the need to rescue or be rescued.
50:22 what Andrew is saying here is so on point and is a reminder that our family systems are primarily the reason why we have these thoughts of looking silly! We don’t even have safe homes to go back to and are trying not to bring embarrassment and shame to ourselves!
THIS IS A MUCH NEEDED WATCH!! I BEG ALL WOMEN AND MEN TO WATCH THIS show!!!
Okay 🔥... An interview I didn't know I needed to hear.
Best ever! I married a con man!!!! This is so important!!!
Great show with Andrew, thank you both.
Priceless information. I deal with narcissistic abuse often.
Those people need to be locked away for life.
Wouldnt that be a blessing!
Agreed!!! ❤️🩹❤️🩹
@@sherriflemming3218please God! 🙏
💯
In this world verify everything. Discernment. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record.
A background check is a necessity. Monitoring behavior during dating.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Women
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
Magnetic Narcissists Pathological Charisma----Sam Vaknin
Seek Good Character A Reminder To Us All - David Tian PhD podcast
The Mask You Live In Documentary
The Genetics Of Cheating - Maken Murphy podcast
I manage someone with antisocial personality disorder it is the oddest thing - trying to express why her language is hurtful, rude and unprofessional and being met with a wall of judgement and dismissal. She constantly throws people under the bus.
Why do you keep her in your team? She can make you look bad too eventually.
Indeed she can cause major problems in your workplace.
His suggestion for how to determine if someone is a psychopath or sociopath, struck a raw nerve with me. We have an epidemic of flakiness in our society. I would say 80% of the things people call me to ask me to do they not only don’t follow through, they don’t respond to calls or texts about why they didn’t follow through and then they never call to even apologize because they’re embarrassed or whatever their reason is. I literally had a friend out of town wanting to come rent my spare room. I got it ready halfway she never showed never called then out of the blue called again three months later said she was on her way. Would be there in two days, we busted our butt to get it ready. She came into town never showed never called got an apartment with somebody else and never apologized.. I have a girl who calls me every day and says, can I come over and see you then never shows never calls back never apologizes it’s totally off the chain, upsetting how people act these days. So no, I would not use a reaction to being stood up as proof they’re a socio/psychopath. People are over being manipulated and if you’re so self entitled it’s nothing to you to stand people up, you’re not worth it‼️
This was really good. I’d change the word “secret” to private. Secret often feels manipulative. But privacy demands respect.
And yes, he has gorgeous hair 🥰
In this world verify everything. Discernnent. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
A stranger can say anything. A background check is a necessity. People rarely change.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
This was by far my favorite episode yet, so fascinating! Really hoping we get to see more episodes with Andrew.
Hard to believe it’s only 10% of the population. I think it’s way higher.
Among the nurses and doctors, definitely 😢
I am a care worker, and I see many ugly stuff every day.
This work environment is really insane.
No I don’t agree that once someone gets into your secret life, you can never kick them out.
You can kick them out. When you divorce a person, whether a friend, a family member, or a lover, sometimes in order to do this fully, they must be kicked out of your secret life. Sure they were privy to your innermost workings as an individual at some point, but not anymore.
"Unless you're aware of what your vulnerabilies are, you're blind to how you're being duped."
- Andrew Bustamante
Dang, why didn't I hear of this?! That explains the structure of how manipulative people work. This saying is like a secret weapon against manipulators if you ask me
Literally taking notes!
In this world verify everything
Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
Discernnent. A stranger can say anything.
A background check is a necessity. Verify facts.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
The Mask You Live In Documentary
The Science Of Cheating-- Maken Murphy podcast
Ive Scanned 250,000 Brains This Is Really How Men Think - Dr Daniel Amen and Lisa Biyeu podcast
They don't care of your suffering
Awesome talk, I loved everything about it, thank you! 💖
Such a great episode!! Thank you:)
Gold interview! Thank you Lisa!
So many light bulb moments, so valuable, so many questions answered. Thank you both.
WOW! This is so fascinating!! Wish I would've watched this several years ago!!! So enlightening! Thank you for this ❤
Stunning Informative. Thankyou
I loved this interview! Thank you for sharing this information
This was brilliant, learned so much! Thanks you. Will listen again!
Thank you so very much for this information. I’m hoping to put this into practice from here forward.
You are both such a blessing!!! 🙏🏻
Wow Wow Wow. Great interview, so interesting. One of the top 3 interviews I've heard on this channel, if not #1. Thank you
Interesting and informative, thank you.
Brilliant interview 🌟 Thank you both💜💜
This was so powerful and helpful for me; thank you both SO MUCH !! I will use this information, to help myself and those I care about.
One of his best interviews. Thank you.
Literally a life saving interview. i already listened to it twice. thank you so much.
Amazing guest and episode. Thank you!
This is so helpful. Thank you both!
Thank you so much! I am grateful for this wisdom! It helps us protect ourselves.
There is so much gold in this podcast. Thank you for a fascinating and truly useful conversation.
Wow!! More tools for How To navigate this world and protecting our self. Thank you Lisa and Andrew!!!!
Amazing! Best yet! Thank you