How to Be a Good Listener (and Why Bother) - Prof. Jordan Peterson
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2017
- Psychology professor Jordan B. Peterson explains how you can really listen to people in a conversation and why you should make the effort.
This clip contains two excerpts of Jordan Peterson’s lecture “2017 Personality 10: Humanism & Phenomenology: Carl Rogers” held at the University of Toronto. You can watch it entirely here: • 2017 Personality 10: H...
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Thank you Jordan. I learnt more from watching one of your videos than I've learnt from every other human I've met in my 40 years on this planet. I've watched probably 30 of your videos in the last 2 days when I was choosing by God , i'd say to be aloud to finally be given the chance to listen to what id say is the wisest real humanitarian that is yourself. This couldn't have happened at a better time than right now although I could have used this vast amount of wisdom and knowledge before my marriage fell apart 3 years ago but I hold no anger towards her over it because my drinking was the problem. Alcoholic family background but no excuse for letting myself go and now think it was for the best for me to learn to grow up and I'm still going to use this chest of information to better myself moving forward on this insane, exciting journey of mystery and adventure. This was truely a god send. Thank you for this gift you've giving me. The fog and vision is clearing. Ill pass on your life knowledge to as many people as possible that will listen to me. You've also got me hooked on reading as much as possible about all the other intellects you've studied and mentioned in your teachings, piaget,, fraud, dostoievski etc. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Didnt mean for this message to be so long and maybe you'll never get to read it but I'll know that at least i took time to acknowledge you for your time and dedication to helping lost souls around the world like myself to reestablish my belief in this chess game we call life. Mr Peterson fella, you'll be talked about for thousands of years to come as one of the best scholars who ever walked the earth. Legend.
Best regards for u and your family for health and strength from west Belfast. Ireland.
@@johnmurphy3078 talks like solomon years of old 6star royalty
Wow, and here I thought I was s good listener. Turns out I listened without direction, without knowing why I was listening, all because I didn't have anything to say. To get to a place that is better than where we started off? That's a much better reason to listen.
Absolutely. Even I considered myself that I am a good listener. Now after listening to this talk my conviction has become stronger that conversations should be heart-to-heart. This 'bettering' of each other is the direction.
@@kirtirajlahiry8135 well said
I’m always thinking about what I’m going to say when it’s my turn to speak again and I don’t even pay attention to what the other person is saying. However, I tend to do this more in normal conversation and not when I’m debating a topic or in an argument.
@@selfgen2 Anxiety
It's unbelievable how many bad listeners there are and how you notice that good listening is actually really important and actually a gift. I see myself as a good listener now, but not because I am like that from the beginning but because I worked at least on that. And I am sure that many will agree with me here if they talk and the other person listens in the sense of just dull listening, it's actually much more like "hearing". But the only thing you get from the other side is, for example, if you tell a bad story about yourself and talk about how hard and bad it affected you, the person from the other side only tells you how much worse things actually happened to himself and how much it could have been worse and suddenly it's all about the feelings and experiences of the other one. And I'm sure 90% of the people you know are like that. It's the same the other way around. For example you tell them you went to a great birthday party and the other side replies that they have seen a much better one. Maybe it is hard to not put the focus on yourself and telling the other one about how much worse / better things you've experienced but if you are aware of exactly that point, why not show pity or understanding to the other person? Why not ask the person more questions so that they feel understood and addressed? So that the person feels that someone is listening and that it is really only about this person who wants to be listened to. Even if we refrain from the fact that the other person has no bad intentions and downgrades us, it actually happens unconsciously and many are not even aware of it. In the meantime, when someone tells something, I listen, I ask questions as Jordan Peterson also mentioned and the end result may not be that both have learned something, but definitely that both are better, which Jordan Peterson clearly mentions here . In the end, it's about both of them having improved
Excellent points you make.
Not to be bad talking american but I've noticed a different culture in the states where too many people do the exact things u mention and where I'm from in Belfast Ireland when I was a kid there 25 years ago most people would listen to your stories first and try to give back uplifting positive feedback to who ever was talking at the time. Everybody, even strangers almost always helped out anybody that they seen who needed some sort of help and with not looking anything back in return only that the person in need was show how helped in their predicament. Even if u ran out of common things like milk,butter , bread etc , it was taken as just an unsaid, never spoken rule that all and any neighbours door that was knocked automatically gave food or ration s to who needed it and vice versa . I real sense of community and everybody helped each other out when they could. Thats a real dinosaur thats almost extinct in the north east US from what I've seen myself. Its a pity.
I know american culture was probably helping out their neighbors like that back years ago but I've only seen it a happen a single handful of times in my 20 years in the US. I hope you don't take offense of what I said , its not my intention to demean a culture ,its just an observation.
Still a great country in many many ways . Thats for sure 👍 . Thank you. Peace
to to
@@johnmurphy3078 I think it's really fascinating how it even depends on the culture. What you are telling about how it is in Ireland is really very interesting! I'm not from the USA and I didn't know that it would be handled that way there, but I would like to have this approach as it is in Ireland everywhere, that's really great and I can imagine that you really miss it. Everyone would miss something like that! I mean, even if you tell strangers about your problems, they suddenly start talking about how they are doing and suddenly start telling a story. Really interesting, thank you very much for sharing your experience, it's good to know that there are places where it's not common and where there are good listeners :)
Ya sure had a lot to say for such a good listener lol.
@retired mango it's a little known fact. Glad to clear that up for you all.
How does that make you feel?
my god I wish I had this man as a professor when I was at university
Amen!!!!! A thousand times over.
& a therapist!
*Listening is an action in which the miracle of understanding takes place.*
Very true what he says. Quite often how we respond to even a seemingly boring conversation can make it interesting.
He is talking about active listening. Focusing on the persons words and maybe paraphrasing to let the other person know they are being heard and understood.
you heard of chris voss and his concept of mirroring?
Beautifully explain
These thumbnails are great.
Thank you, that's really nice of you to say.
Well if somebody doesn't want to get involved in a reciprocal relationship, you listen. You'll still learn something and when you're gone maybe that person will realise that they have been listened to for once.
This guy is freaking brilliant
So much admiration and respect for this man.
If I had someone like this to help me analyze my thoughts, ideas, intentions, and emotions, while I was in my late teens or early 20's, wow! Who knows what I could have become? Peterson has a phenomenal thinking pattern. He's really off the charts.
I just realized this why I never got married. There was never any true synergy. They always thought I was amazing, now I see its cause i listened to them and then acted on what I heard (favorite food, etc). They never listened to me but rather tried to superimpose upon me the identity, thoughts and force actions they thought I should have.
that's sad...
You should read “No more mr nice guy”
I know exactly what you mean and that works for awhile especially when you’re infatuated with someone incredibly but it fades as you are making yourself to be the best for them but that may not be the best for you over time. It’s exactly what I want and probably many others screaming they want to be themselves and also have another person that can also be theirselves and really click together and not have to think about their next moves in any social click between one another. It just flows, the synergy a lot of my friends don’t understand that at my age so I often feel I am just asking for too much but it seems like a more than reasonable thing when explained and you explained it in a way that brought light to a place I thought I was wrong. Thank you :)
@@bigclericeric6281 I’m actually going through that with my wife right now we are almost at 5 years of marriage and I’m kinda and asshole if we arnt making progress as people. The good news was that I was able to get through to my wife when I demonstrated how much I pay attention and that my wife hasn’t put the effort to do the same thing. Once she became aware of it she has tried to become better at listing. Sometimes I wonder how much of our stress in a relationship is because we don’t know what we don’t know and until inspiration from your self reflection or a good friend illuminates the problem you are ignorant that a problem needs to be faced to begin with. I think this is why most peoples relationships fail as we are often lacking because of lack of knowledge of self.
In this sense I believe Jordan Peterson has been acting as that close friend in how he delivers his lectures from a personal stand point. This is also why he is so beloved by more people then he could ever hope to know.
And that's when I realized I need more of this man's wisdom in my life.
Confucius said: *“Without knowing the force of words, it is impossible to know more.”*
What did he say? I wasn't listening.
He said to listen to people
He said im stupid
lmao thanks dad
Nobody knows but it's not important. You just need to be able to tell people you listen to a lot of Jordan Peterson and are an intellectual now.
Cellus KH that’s funny you still clicked on the video
Such valuable information, i had to download this vid.
did you download it? i wonder do you still remember this video or did you get better at listening?
So much consideration needed
Very interesting and uplifting.Give people time to sort out things in their own minds and then come to conclusions and don't rush them either
Hey, thanks for sharing this video! This is very good!
I need this on paper
This clip didn't really make much sense to me for several years, until I realised "you have something to tell me" meant "you know something about me that I don't"
i find you absurd
This. And the reverse is true as well-what do you know (or THINK you know) about me that I don’t? Hard feedback to swallow for all involved…
This is a very helpful video. I see myself as a strong listener, but I'm not as good as I could be. I see myself expressing ideas and thoughts to impress those around me to showcase my knowledge and intelligence, rather than to further the conversation. It's a selfish tendency that I must work on going forward.
Golden as always. ✨ JBP rules!
Listening is the key to showing respect.
Thank you kermit
Not bad at all. Thanks for the time and effort.
Thank you !!!
Two brains are better than one. Listen to what others have to say because they will certainly speak some truth or something that you don't know of. Truth in communication produces health. When someone doesn't listen, it indicates it's might not be a therapeutic relationship. If you think someone is dull in communication it's because you do not listen carefully. A good listener can always find talkers speak something interesting about themself.
-Ask questions to keep the conversation going
-the goal of listening is to produce better results in a conversation.
-you get what you pay for
I’m watching this and thinking this professor’s name rings a bell, and then I found the book “12 rules for life” on my bookshelf 😂 I’m going to read it now.
How is it?
@@hole1274 If you listen to his lectures you're not missing out on too much. But you can read it for the sake of reading i guess, I quickly found out a lot of the content in he book are things he talks about in several courses he taught
Hi
Hi
I like it! " It is the case that two brains are better than one." and " The exchange of truth is curative."
Simply the best
a great great teacher!
I'm jealous of the students he has had. I would love a professor like Dr. Peterson
read his books
@@dylaancannon6498 I read some, but I think his live lectures would be mesmerising to be at. The feeling would be diffrent
I would offer that these lectures are for prospective psychologists: they must be able to listen to their patients for tens of minutes. Many of them.
this is awesome
P I'm so thankful that you're there I mean I'm listening totally and you hit on a lot of my issues have to do with communication
To me a good listener is the person that listen what you have to say, then offers a different view of what was said, not to be "against" the opinion of whoever you are talking to, but to have a different view of the experience that person is talking about. basically try to understand if that person thought about that perspective in life. Make them think. Also, avoiding talking about personal experiences is a must, after all when listening it's not about us, it's about whoever is in front of you. Also it's not repeating what he/she said and after that saying "oh yeah, I totally understand what you are saying". :p
Jorden doing well here here's got even the guys in the class listening to him,not easy Hy 😀
Omg i Love this Guy i want him to be my Professor
very interesting
Yeah my dad always try to teach me the difference between listening to someome vs hearing them out. You pay attention! It's difficult to do but it isn't impossible
I learn something everything I listen to peterson
Thanks dad.
5/5
Fantastisk!
maan, the final part got me
So, there's for some reason a stigma around Jordan Peterson. I don't know why. But I was curious and watched a couple of his videos. Although I don't agree with everything he says, he did enrich me and I am happy that I did as he suggests: Listen to someone outside of your comfort zone.
Find out why and quickly recognize how foolish it is.
What is the difference between to hear and to listen?
'Truth produces health'
How to be a good listener? Listen to the night mother carefully and make sure her will is obeyed.
dochmbi Psst... I know who you are. Praise Sithis!
Cicero is a goon and a half
elder scrols rulessssssssssssssssssss
Its like he is speaking to me. I have exactly the situation he described.
Never thought about it like that. What result do you want from the conversation, both parties better off than when they started otherwise what are you trying to achieve?
1.
Im a small business owner, and I always am working in my store. I always thought I was a decent listener, but over the years it's been nuts the things total strangers have said to me just because I listen to them. Blue collar, hard working man crying about some crazy dream where they dround their son and it twisted them up because they don't know why they'd think of that. A man who owns a construction company crying about his family members addiction issues. Elderly women crying because her cancer is back and she's not sure she wants to do chemo again. I can't even remember most of them because it happens usually once a week. The only shitty part is I can never find someone who will listen to me.
Ikr that's the worst part about being a listener; most of the time no one else listens when it's your turn to speak
Being on the employee side of it, listen to what people have to say. Be honest and sincere and give them credit when credit's due. A lot of people don't like compliments but I'm sure you know the ones that do. LOL. Your men will do anything for you if they think you'll do the same for them. I'm hard-working man and I'll tell you what there's nothing better than a boss thats been there done that and actually gives a shit. Considering a majority spends more than half our life workin.
Listening to do this, while doing something else. Like to think I am learning something..
If you listen people are really weird.
Depends if you already know them, also depends how garded that person is. People on the internet, when annonymous are generally candid strangers so yeah they do tend to be really weird.
What brand are those laptops? mmm i can see several laptops. That room is big.
😊
I never knew i did this till i heard it. I love listening but when people genuinely listen to me, i don't believe it 😭
Crucial conversation…. It’s a good book
Listening is more important than speaking.
Does he teach at an English speaking university in Asia?
of course i half listened to this like it was a podcast
im at 4:25 and just realized i've not listened a dam thing
gotta replay
So many words that i do not kw
I feel like i am a good listener, but struggle with what people say, regarding big words to which i think some people misunderstand (if that makes sense) words they don't fully know, Almost like when the government try and use big words to throw people off when they're not educated enough to understand the words they're saying.
Would a conversation with the purpose of entertainment fall into this category? One is not necessarily trying to become better, just make everyone in the conversation temporarily happier.
Temporary happiness manifests itself the same way temporary sadness influences your own thoughts when you lay in bed at night. Every happy moment you share with a person can become a happy hour, a happy day, a happy week, and an overall improved life. You shouldn't dismiss the power of a happy moment such as a entertaining conversation
@@tonydraht I like your style of thinking. Ill use that. Thanks
I'm so bad at listening, I had to watch this twice, for about half the information presented.
1 minute into "How to Be a Good Listener"
me: ah fuck i wasn't listening
I don't know, I like to talk to those people who can give me some information which is helping me to grow (e.g- sharing ideas about business, politics, history, culture,art etc). I look for knowledge from people but when I talk to someone who likes to talk about girls, gossip, cars and other bullshit stuff, I just can't concentrate on them! I like to gather ideas, not wasting shit talks! But I have one more problem, I am shy towards the older elderly people but can talk to my same age or younger than me! Any tips??
I understand what you’re saying, but the truth is everybody you meet knows something that you don’t. Maybe it will be more interesting for you if you make it a challenge for yourself to find out what that dumb person knows that you don’t. Find out what makes them think and feel the way they do and you might just learn something about people, which is information that will help you grow. Don’t write anybody off
3:30 "What makes a relationship therapeutic?- If you have a real relationship, it's therapeutic. If isn't, what you have is not a relationship. God only knows what you have.."
4:11 "If you listen to people, they will tell you the weirdest bloody things so darn fast you just cannot believe it. So if you're having a conversation with someone and it's dull, then you're stupid. That's why. You're not listening to them properly, because they're weird. They're like wombats or rhinoceroses, they're strange creatures. And so, if you were actually communicating with them, and they were telling you how weird they really are, it would be anything but boring."
*CONFESSION*
Being a 27 year old man I'm pretty shabby at socialising. Although I have a couple of close friends I can share anything with, I have never really felt like my skills made that happen. Always a feeling of not having connected with anyone ever in my life organically. It's killing me. It's on my mind so much that it even affected my studies & career thereby or so I think. And grappling with anxiety & arguably futile mental rituals is only creating more of a disappointment. I really wanna be good at socialising, making smart conversation, LISTENING, replying appropriately, being witty, & all the other good things. I really wanna live a good life.
You are a sensitive man. You are much further ahead than most. You recognize the issue while far too many people can’t even do that. I have been a psychotherapist for over thirty years and I can tell you that there are very very very few good listeners. Just a tip as you listen to others...listen beneath the words to their feelings, longings and passions. All the best.
Just try to ask questions about what they say, a conversation can go many different ways if you ask them things. For example, if someone tells you that they have a dog, you can ask them how old is it, what is his name, what kind of dog is it, how did he met it, etc. It depends on the theme of the conversation, but you can extend it in many ways if you ask them. Just be honest with your answers, you have to try to answer with honestly everytime, if you can. And listen to what the person says, remember to answer to what they say with questions or with your opinions, let them know you are actually listening to them instead of just being dull. Hope you are doing well bro, don't feel ashamed about being kinda bad at socializing (i am too, and I'm 20 years old, if that makes you feel better) :)
Should say why you should be a good listener.
Look around, I do not really have many relationships at all in the end !!!
2:35 this is why LSD could be good when used properly, brings out the truth
If anybody wants to talk, I'll listen 😁
So how to be a good listener without asking too many questions??
had to restart this 5 times
but how do you do this and formulate a fluid conversation
listen carefully and speak honestly. you learn the nuances and get familiar with a wider range of people over time and energy
Speak truth and try to discover things you don't know yet... And practice.
pretend like you are having a conversation with yourself in your head
@@matthewbrennan3127 Nice Tip!
Thank you
@@zamawia3681 Other things I've learned since I wrote that comment are to have as many conversations with new people as you can: ask about where they grew up, their job (and why they chose their job), their hobbies, and their drive in life. Find out as many things about them as they can and ask more about stuff they seem to like to talk about. Other than Jordan Peterson David Snyder is another good guy on youtube to watch
This video ua-cam.com/video/Xl4RuPAIE_E/v-deo.html is also about being a good listener by removing barriers and learning about active listening.
I mean honestly it's crazy there even needs to be a video on this in the first place/that it is a topic of discussion. Is it genuinely difficult to pay attention what someone has to say? 🙃😂
At least everybody's got a sense of humor I try to listen to other people because I know they're sick of hearing me say anything I might as well hear what they have to say cuz I know I'm not that interesting lol
I feel 99.314% more intelligent now. Time for a slice of pi.
Wonderful Video! Listening is definitely an important skill to master if you want to improve your relations with others. I made a video similar to this one, so if you want, feel free to check it out. 😉
I would love to agree with this, but .. if I were to have a conversation with someone who believed the Earth was flat, it would be pointless. There are positions for which this technique will not advance understanding. The context of this must be conversations held in a mutually encompassing framework. So much of our political discourse, conversations about vaccines, religious conversations and the like, are so far afield, that there really is no point in trying to listen to the 'other'.
These monologues at places of education concern me. There's no debate or challenge. Just a lecturer giving opinions as fact. I'm not saying about JP who I think has points, but no wonder a whole generation of our brightest minds have been bent in a way of doctrine if this is how they spend their day.
Listen to LEARN not to REPLY.
I need to be a better listener.
Who's here because their classes are about to start after lockdown?
The 8 people that disliked this were hired by Sam Harris.
Lol
Yeah just listen to what people are saying acknowledge them act interested or at least try That's about it Jordan can make a 45-minute lecture out of that off and wonder what it would be like to be born with a high IQ I don't know myself cuz I don't have one I'm guessing I'm about in the middle maybe low end I hope not
I’ve seen far far better professors…. He’s kind of all over the place.
Mental Health First Aiders start by saying I’m going to tell you why I’m write, and I’ll win if you agree.
M.H.Injured be like I still hurt please make the pain stop.
M.H. First Aiders be like, your wrong, your not trying hard enough.
How do I send this to my dad without sending this to my dad? 😅
Does he not know that there are people out there who are actually just boring
Super interesting but I can't stop hearing kermit the frog lol
'Two ears, one mouth'. Listen twice as much as you speak.
I’m sorry but I just can’t get Kermit The Frogs voice out my my head
There's more black hair in this room than in all of China.