Bates threads that line between being a sweet, stand-up guy and one who would murder a man in a back alley, on principle, and then move on like nothing had happened.
Every time I look at this scene I want to cry...Anna and Bates are the strongest characters in the series without a doubt, they went through terrible things and their love remained intact. I love this series😭
I can't hold my tears whenever I see Bates burst out crying, thinking about what Anna endured with him unable to do anything against it. Great acting from them both.
@@elhadjhabbouche663 I agree that the acting was fantastic, they make us viewers feel like we are going through this with them...Anna is my favorite character, every time she cries I cry along with her, this series is the best I've ever seen💗
@@mistermysteryman107 I'm very well mentally, thank you. Did you pay attention to what happened to Anna? This is something that happens every day to millions of women and they all blame themselves for it and then think it was their fault. Anna herself says that she thought she was "spoiled" for him, and that's why she doesn't tell Bates about what happened . Next time I suggest you have something called empathy and see how hard it is to bear
@@Martina-CasselAnna is my favorite alongside Lady Mary. It's true that Joanne Froggatt did an amazing job in her acting, especially in the scenes where she's sad or in pain.
@@shadieeryaqati4514 Could you explain to us what the point is, then? Cause it sounded very toxic to me as well actually 😅 I think Mr Bates is a very complicated character and definitely not 100% goody goody, and this scene is the perfect representation of his character to me.
The chemistry between these two is absolutely amazing. This scene is heartbreaking. The care and compassion he gives her is absolutely amazing. Bless anyone who has gone through this horrible experience experience.
The way this couple love each other is how most people want to be loved. It's just a good thing Mrs. Hughes told Bates the truth. Secrets are poison and can destroy a relationship, even one as good as Bates and Anna.
3:28-7:31 This story arc hits too close to home for me. I wish I had someone to be as kind and gentle with me, as Mr. Bates was with his loving wife Anna.
So sorry you had to endure such a horrible thing. I hope you managed to overcome it and found some peace of mind, and that you are doing well in your life.
@@elhadjhabbouche663 Thank you for your words of kindness. Yes, I have moved forward in my life, raising my daughter to be strong, brilliant, beautiful, bold and brave.
@@m.layfette6249I'm happy to read such positive news. You have a daughter, thus a beautiful goal that will keep you focused on the greatest job that is raising a child. I know you will give her beautiful values and strong protection. I pray for you and your family. May God keep on being on your side each day of your lives. 😊
To all those who have had this horrid experience - if you did not then or have now a Bates in your life, then please accept what he says to Anna as if he says it to you. Dear ladies, you are not spoiled. ❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹🌹
You are in no ways ruined, beloved. Like Bates told Anna, you are loved and even higher and holier for being who you are in spite of the pain you've suffered.
Thank you for this. I cried as I watched these outstanding actors portray these wonderful characters. Brendan Coyle is my all-time favourite actor and I have missed him lately. Downtown Abbey was unforgettable and these two actors contributed to this success immensely. I've enjoyed the follow-ups, but these two characters will always be my favorites.
His heart was breaking, thinking he did something to make her stop loving him.. her heart was breaking thinking he wouldn’t want her anymore… oh the angst! So heartbreaking 💔
Joanna Froggatt and Brendan Coyle played that whole storyline beautifully. To this day I can’t watch the beginning of the scene where Anna is attacked because though we don’t see it, we know what was going to happen. As for Bates, I think he knew perfectly well it was Green all along. It was a tough storyline to watch play out, but it was so well done.
I love everything about how they come together as a couple. Bates only went this far because he knew something was wrong with his wife. he knew it from the second he saw her right after it happened. he was just trying to comfort and protect her but he didn't know what was going on. and when he finally finds out what's going on he immediately felt guilty for not being there for his wife, immediately sought her out and comforted her and assured her that what happened to her was not her fault. it doesn't change the way he sees her in any negative way. he did everything he needed to do as a husband and that includes not killing Green. they already went through him nearly getting executed for murder. he wasn't going to put her through that again no matter how mad he was or how much Green deserved it
One day when we were watching this episode and I was extremely angry my husband asked me what was wrong. When I was 19 and at a party I was drugged and raped by a man that I still remember his face. I told husband and he asked why I hadn't told anyone. I had been a young police officer at the time and knew I would not be believed even if they did catch that young architect I had no evidence. That nearly broke my husband even though I was 66 when I told him.
So many times Fellowes brought these two to the brink of hell and back again. They weathered many storms and ALWAYS came back twice as strong and even more in love.
I was just wishing you'd post this scene two days ago while I was rewatching the series. I don't like this storyline at all. I watched it all the way through once but I now skip the first scene of it at least. But this is one of the few scenes that really got me, seeing Bates cry. That was heartbreaking. That and when Cora and LG finally came together after Sybil's death, Cora's crying sounded too real. That got me. But I love Bate's and Anna together. He can throw daggers with his eyes or look all soft and mushy. Good actor.
NO victim of sexual assault should ever feel "spoiled" or "at fault" or "ruined" ... and therefore should NEVER feel "ashamed." I understand that's easier said than done for a victim so traumatized, but the fault lies with the CRIMINAL who attacks and overpowers his victim. And nobody who TRULY loves the victim would ever believe otherwise. Peace to all victims ...
Truly a man who knows how his own strength is dangerous - but keeps it in check - always a good match for the softening Anna. Vile thing to have had happen to her :(
I’ve seen the series more times than I can remember but I always have to skip this part of the story. All of it. Because the acting and directing are done so well that my own PTSD is triggered. I can see why it happened for the story and as a survivor I think it was done very respectfully.
secrets and Lies Only protect the perpetrators!!. she has a good Man > But having been in a situation I can understand. But I learned in My Marriage that a good Man is actually a great man and deserves the truth.35 years married and He is the one person I can say Never judged Me. when I see them I remember the sadness and Pain as I told him crying.. I hope they have the Marriage I have and enjoy it all.
@@summersnowflake70 Yes 100% But lets me warn You. the Haters and miserable people will try and steal Your Joy. they will Lie they will act like something is soooo Bad you HAVE to see how bad it is and get mad too right ? { example. This is something to call a woman a slave over right. MY Husband Had a physically demanding Job so when He came Home I would get Him a cold drink while He changed and then he would spend time with out children while I was cooking dinner or something.} she thought MY getting Him a cold drink and letting him decompress for 10 to 20 Min was being walked over Like a slave. I just roll My eyes and walk away. P.S. he now brings me a cold drink after I work out or come home from a day running around
Buongiorno.....non ho mai perso una puntata neanche dall' ospedale e vi aspetto con la nuova serie ma com è possibile che non ci sia un traduttore? Spero in una Vostra risposta❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Bates didn't make it easy for Mrs. Hughes or Anna. Anna didn't feel safe telling him because she knew how he'd react. He immediately made it worse for her by saying he was going to kill him!
Mrs Hughes is a very strong woman… So for someone like her to lose her contenance when facing Bates’ interrogation about *who* it was, when he had obviously guessed it… 😢
When did this happen? In the early years of Downton Abbey? In the description it says 3 months ago so l wondered if it's the new DA they're filming now?
Absolutely not. It was the valet to the man who wanted to court Mary. He had no idea his valet was a scumbag. I have to say, though it took time in the story arc, Mary came through for Anna in a huge way.
In my country, Australia, it is available through Netflix, Foxtel, google play movies and tv, Amazon prime and Binge.... Unfortunately, these things are regional so I do not know where it would be available where you live. There is however boxsets so buying the dvd's might also be an option? Hope this helps.
I don't know why, but Mr. Bates or the actor seems to have a tense look. It just seems like he could get angry, but maybe I read into stuff to much. Is it his character or what he has gone through or is it just a facial expression? Is the actor an intense person? EDIT: I looked into it and with his British and Irish background he just is a strong/fierce person.
so.. all British and Irish people.. of which I am one. both.. are fierce? lol.. sorry.. it all depends, FOR ANY RACE on the face of the earth what emotion they re feeling and their personality... not BECAUSE of what race they are. I would love to know your 'research' on this one, lol. The actor is portraying a very upset man of his time. An ex soldier from world war one. he is devastated about what Anna was put through.. he is hurting FOR HER. He portrays this in his acting in this scene very well. i wonder if you are a young man.. hard to tell from your youtube tag. did you know.. if you are.. that there have been studies done which say young men, ion particular, have trouble up to their early 20s reading emotions from peoples' faces. I am rather surprise you said you don;t know what he had a rather tense look.. He was portrayed the husband of a lady who had been raped.. surely that is why.
As noble a character Mr Bates this. This isnt reality. Even now, and ESPECIALLY times past victims of S/A were overwhelmingly blamed if believed or outright called liars, and often faced discipline from their husbands or even employors if indentured servants or just servants if they came forward. Often, a woman being attacked, assaulted and S/Ad was seen as a crime against her husband or father.
The show puts the entire focus on Anna’s husband’s reaction to her ordeal, rather than her own process of healing and recovery. That’s just plain messed up.
nope..its building tension in the story which come sout later when he is accused of murder. This is the foretelling of that storyline and highly relevant. Most loving husbands would feel like ths. The story line where she was raped and how she looks later in the scene does portray her emotions but men are allowed to be upset when this happens to.
I never liked Bates. He always seemed like he could snap and kill everyone yet he acts polite and with moral superiority. He always seemed fake to me. Just an opinion
whining and crying. Mr. Bates was crippled in the First World War. Anna was raped. Mr. Bates was in prison for a murder he did not commit. He had a vengeful wife and is upset about Anna being raped. Whining and crying? lol.. well OF COURSE.. do you expect them to do a number out of a musical at this point?
Bates threads that line between being a sweet, stand-up guy and one who would murder a man in a back alley, on principle, and then move on like nothing had happened.
treads
And get away with it
And No One would Judge Him if they Knew the truth.
That's the kind of man every woman truly wants.
The perfect man if you ask me
Every time I look at this scene I want to cry...Anna and Bates are the strongest characters in the series without a doubt, they went through terrible things and their love remained intact. I love this series😭
I can't hold my tears whenever I see Bates burst out crying, thinking about what Anna endured with him unable to do anything against it. Great acting from them both.
@@elhadjhabbouche663 I agree that the acting was fantastic, they make us viewers feel like we are going through this with them...Anna is my favorite character, every time she cries I cry along with her, this series is the best I've ever seen💗
They are so strong that they keep secrets and lie. Yes. Such strength of character. Your mentality is so out of whack.
@@mistermysteryman107 I'm very well mentally, thank you.
Did you pay attention to what happened to Anna? This is something that happens every day to millions of women and they all blame themselves for it and then think it was their fault. Anna herself says that she thought she was "spoiled" for him, and that's why she doesn't tell Bates about what happened . Next time I suggest you have something called empathy and see how hard it is to bear
@@Martina-CasselAnna is my favorite alongside Lady Mary. It's true that Joanne Froggatt did an amazing job in her acting, especially in the scenes where she's sad or in pain.
Broke my heart when she said I'm spoiled for you.
Sadly, some people (men and women…though a small minority of either) would actually take it that way. 😞
His words proved to her just how much he loves her.
But there is something so powerful about his response!!
That lip quiver is some of the most amazing acting ever.
She’s an amazing actress.
She must had to draw deep from somewhere for that! I'll bet people watching on set started crying.
I came in to say that.. epic physical and emotional control.
You are made higher to me and holier because of your suffering - that part broke me
Can u imagine someone understanding that and realizing that?
What a gift would be life, after all.
I don't like that line. So the more she suffers the more she is worth? I would have preferred that he likes her just as much as before.
@@Verrie77 Congratulations. You're misinterpreting the entire fucking statement.
@@shadieeryaqati4514 Why thank you :D And you just missed the fact that people think differently across the world :)
@@shadieeryaqati4514 Could you explain to us what the point is, then? Cause it sounded very toxic to me as well actually 😅 I think Mr Bates is a very complicated character and definitely not 100% goody goody, and this scene is the perfect representation of his character to me.
The chemistry between these two is absolutely amazing. This scene is heartbreaking. The care and compassion he gives her is absolutely amazing. Bless anyone who has gone through this horrible experience experience.
The way this couple love each other is how most people want to be loved. It's just a good thing Mrs. Hughes told Bates the truth. Secrets are poison and can destroy a relationship, even one as good as Bates and Anna.
3:28-7:31 This story arc hits too close to home for me. I wish I had someone to be as kind and gentle with me, as Mr. Bates was with his loving wife Anna.
So sorry you had to endure such a horrible thing. I hope you managed to overcome it and found some peace of mind, and that you are doing well in your life.
@@elhadjhabbouche663 Thank you for your words of kindness. Yes, I have moved forward in my life, raising my daughter to be strong, brilliant, beautiful, bold and brave.
@@m.layfette6249I'm happy to read such positive news. You have a daughter, thus a beautiful goal that will keep you focused on the greatest job that is raising a child. I know you will give her beautiful values and strong protection. I pray for you and your family. May God keep on being on your side each day of your lives. 😊
@@m.layfette6249 ❤
Peace be with you
I liked the subtle way this was handled, not getting into gruesome details about the assault. Well done.
As a victim of SA myself, I truly feel Anna’s pain. I, too, felt spoiled and ruined when it happened.
Me too …
What's your point?? Other than seeking sympathy..
*hugs* - the person who did it to you is the ruined one, not you.
To all those who have had this horrid experience - if you did not then or have now a Bates in your life, then please accept what he says to Anna as if he says it to you. Dear ladies, you are not spoiled. ❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹🌹
You are in no ways ruined, beloved. Like Bates told Anna, you are loved and even higher and holier for being who you are in spite of the pain you've suffered.
Honestly the amount of tears I've shed watching this programme.😢
I always cry when he talks about how much he loves her omg ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
He's right. The shame is the attacker's, not the victim's. The attacker chose to assault someone.
The victim is just an unfortunate target who happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
@sharonjensen3016 not always the wrong place at the wrong time. Some people go out of their way to find a particular person
Tell that to India
Still makes me cry like a baby, when Bates tells Anna that he is proud of her and loves her.
The music...
Thank you for this. I cried as I watched these outstanding actors portray these wonderful characters. Brendan Coyle is my all-time favourite actor and I have missed him lately. Downtown Abbey was unforgettable and these two actors contributed to this success immensely. I've enjoyed the follow-ups, but these two characters will always be my favorites.
His heart was breaking, thinking he did something to make her stop loving him.. her heart was breaking thinking he wouldn’t want her anymore… oh the angst! So heartbreaking 💔
This scene was incredibly emotional, kudos to the actors who put us in that moment with them…they were amazing!!!
Joanna Froggatt and Brendan Coyle played that whole storyline beautifully. To this day I can’t watch the beginning of the scene where Anna is attacked because though we don’t see it, we know what was going to happen. As for Bates, I think he knew perfectly well it was Green all along. It was a tough storyline to watch play out, but it was so well done.
I totally sympathize with Bates but it crushes me to see Mrs Hughes put in this impossible situation
I love Anna and Bates. They are such an amazing couple.
I love everything about how they come together as a couple. Bates only went this far because he knew something was wrong with his wife. he knew it from the second he saw her right after it happened. he was just trying to comfort and protect her but he didn't know what was going on. and when he finally finds out what's going on he immediately felt guilty for not being there for his wife, immediately sought her out and comforted her and assured her that what happened to her was not her fault. it doesn't change the way he sees her in any negative way. he did everything he needed to do as a husband and that includes not killing Green. they already went through him nearly getting executed for murder. he wasn't going to put her through that again no matter how mad he was or how much Green deserved it
@@l.a.3479 thank you i appreciate it
I think this is one of my-all time fav couples on television.
One day when we were watching this episode and I was extremely angry my husband asked me what was wrong. When I was 19 and at a party I was drugged and raped by a man that I still remember his face. I told husband and he asked why I hadn't told anyone. I had been a young police officer at the time and knew I would not be believed even if they did catch that young architect I had no evidence.
That nearly broke my husband even though I was 66 when I told him.
I hope you both were able to heal together
ABSOLUTELY a stunning theatrical scene !! All 3 actors are to be commended !!
Stunning, raw and honest !😢❤
So many times Fellowes brought these two to the brink of hell and back again. They weathered many storms and ALWAYS came back twice as strong and even more in love.
One of the most beautiful scenes in Downton Abbey ❤❤
Best characters and couple
Anna and Mr Bates love shines through everytime. xx ❤❤
I was just wishing you'd post this scene two days ago while I was rewatching the series. I don't like this storyline at all. I watched it all the way through once but I now skip the first scene of it at least. But this is one of the few scenes that really got me, seeing Bates cry. That was heartbreaking. That and when Cora and LG finally came together after Sybil's death, Cora's crying sounded too real. That got me. But I love Bate's and Anna together. He can throw daggers with his eyes or look all soft and mushy. Good actor.
Absolutely remarkable acting. I love this whole scene
Anna should never be sad a day in her life. Never.
MR GREEN WHEN I CATCH YOU -
Their characters did not deserve this.
I luv a real man. Hard when he needs to be - gentle when he needs to be.
NO victim of sexual assault should ever feel "spoiled" or "at fault" or "ruined" ... and therefore should NEVER feel "ashamed." I understand that's easier said than done for a victim so traumatized, but the fault lies with the CRIMINAL who attacks and overpowers his victim. And nobody who TRULY loves the victim would ever believe otherwise. Peace to all victims ...
Truly a man who knows how his own strength is dangerous - but keeps it in check - always a good match for the softening Anna. Vile thing to have had happen to her :(
Someday, just someday, I hope to find someone with who I can share this type of love.
The acting is absolutely brilliant
“ You have been made higher and holier because of the suffering you’ve been through “ WHOOOO these men today can learn from Mr Bates I tell you what!
Anna and bates are you both class actors they are good together and played a brilliant part in all of Downton fantastic acting 👍👍👍❤️❤️❤️❤️
Absolutely endearing! I love Bates!
I love these characters so much they are my favorites in this series!
Never ending pain for mr and mrs Bates
Do I just enjoy crying??? Is that why I do this to myself???
I’ve seen the series more times than I can remember but I always have to skip this part of the story. All of it. Because the acting and directing are done so well that my own PTSD is triggered. I can see why it happened for the story and as a survivor I think it was done very respectfully.
It was billed the most shocking episode. What I found shocking was kiri te kanawah playing Australian opera singer Nellie Melba.
Ils sont excellents ! 👏👏👏👏👏
Best couples in this show:
-Anna and Bates
-Carson and Mrs Hughes
-Robert and Cora
mary and matthew as well. they were the best for me
Sybil and Tom deserve to be on that list
secrets and Lies Only protect the perpetrators!!. she has a good Man > But having been in a situation I can understand. But I learned in My Marriage that a good Man is actually a great man and deserves the truth.35 years married and He is the one person I can say Never judged Me. when I see them I remember the sadness and Pain as I told him crying.. I hope they have the Marriage I have and enjoy it all.
@@summersnowflake70 Yes 100% But lets me warn You. the Haters and miserable people will try and steal Your Joy. they will Lie they will act like something is soooo Bad you HAVE to see how bad it is and get mad too right ?
{ example. This is something to call a woman a slave over right. MY Husband Had a physically demanding Job so when He came Home I would get Him a cold drink while He changed and then he would spend time with out children while I was cooking dinner or something.} she thought MY getting Him a cold drink and letting him decompress for 10 to 20 Min was being walked over Like a slave.
I just roll My eyes and walk away.
P.S. he now brings me a cold drink after I work out or come home from a day running around
John Bates was a gentle man but harm his loved ones, he becomes a beast.😢
Buongiorno.....non ho mai perso una puntata neanche dall' ospedale e vi aspetto con la nuova serie ma com è possibile che non ci sia un traduttore? Spero in una Vostra risposta❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Bates didn't make it easy for Mrs. Hughes or Anna. Anna didn't feel safe telling him because she knew how he'd react. He immediately made it worse for her by saying he was going to kill him!
I cant do this storyline. Brought too much pain .
I never did learn who pushed him from the train platform.
Someone else he had victimized.
Green didn't die at King's Cross or any other station. He died at Piccadilly.
Mr Bates is truly a family "enforcer" - he is very scary in his politness
Mrs Hughes is a very strong woman…
So for someone like her to lose her contenance when facing Bates’ interrogation about *who* it was, when he had obviously guessed it… 😢
That’s how a man should love a woman! Truly!
WHY are these not full episodes?
When did this happen? In the early years of Downton Abbey? In the description it says 3 months ago so l wondered if it's the new DA they're filming now?
The description says season 4 episode 5 . And this is their official account i think. They always post old stuff
Loved Downton Abby
It wouldn’t be murder, it would be justice. And all a stand up guy needs, is for stand up guys to be on the jury.
Please dear Lord,please tell me that dear Mrs. Hughes is NOT insinuating what I think she is....not to Anna. If so, I fully agree with Mr. Bates' ire.
I give the tv show 💯 out of 💯
En français svp merci
I’m reading between the lines that the guilty person was someone from “upstairs?”
Absolutely not. It was the valet to the man who wanted to court Mary. He had no idea his valet was a scumbag. I have to say, though it took time in the story arc, Mary came through for Anna in a huge way.
Dove si può vedere questa serie meravigliosa mi sapete dire grazie
Where are you?
In my country, Australia, it is available through Netflix, Foxtel, google play movies and tv, Amazon prime and Binge.... Unfortunately, these things are regional so I do not know where it would be available where you live. There is however boxsets so buying the dvd's might also be an option? Hope this helps.
I don't know why, but Mr. Bates or the actor seems to have a tense look. It just seems like he could get angry, but maybe I read into stuff to much. Is it his character or what he has gone through or is it just a facial expression? Is the actor an intense person? EDIT: I looked into it and with his British and Irish background he just is a strong/fierce person.
so.. all British and Irish people.. of which I am one. both.. are fierce? lol.. sorry.. it all depends, FOR ANY RACE on the face of the earth what emotion they re feeling and their personality... not BECAUSE of what race they are. I would love to know your 'research' on this one, lol. The actor is portraying a very upset man of his time. An ex soldier from world war one. he is devastated about what Anna was put through.. he is hurting FOR HER. He portrays this in his acting in this scene very well. i wonder if you are a young man.. hard to tell from your youtube tag. did you know.. if you are.. that there have been studies done which say young men, ion particular, have trouble up to their early 20s reading emotions from peoples' faces. I am rather surprise you said you don;t know what he had a rather tense look.. He was portrayed the husband of a lady who had been raped.. surely that is why.
As noble a character Mr Bates this. This isnt reality. Even now, and ESPECIALLY times past victims of S/A were overwhelmingly blamed if believed or outright called liars, and often faced discipline from their husbands or even employors if indentured servants or just servants if they came forward. Often, a woman being attacked, assaulted and S/Ad was seen as a crime against her husband or father.
What happened?
I loved these two, IMO they were the "super couple".
Every woman who has been through this hopes to have her husband/ boyfriend etc react like him.
I'd rather sware to God as my witness ... NOT on anybody's grave .
❤
❤
The t in Valet would not be pronounced except for American audiences I suppose.
British pronunciation, at least in Yorkshire where this is set, does articulate the t.
MrBaets
Magyarul
Religion does like to shame women for the actions of men.
🙁 💜
🥳🏆
Did he kill the valet?
No, another one of his victims pushed him
Remind me, was it a stranger?
It was Lord Gillingham's valet
@@lscn12 Thank you. Did Mr. Bates exact revenge against him?
@@tonyameredith7081 No, it was another victim of his that pushed him in front of the bus
So is he upset for her or his ego.
He's upset because some monster has hurt the woman he loves most 🙄
The show puts the entire focus on Anna’s husband’s reaction to her ordeal, rather than her own process of healing and recovery. That’s just plain messed up.
It's a very well acted, gorgeous looking, but poorly written show.
She was burying it and pushing away her husband. That's how she was dealing with it.
nope..its building tension in the story which come sout later when he is accused of murder. This is the foretelling of that storyline and highly relevant. Most loving husbands would feel like ths. The story line where she was raped and how she looks later in the scene does portray her emotions but men are allowed to be upset when this happens to.
It is handled like it was at that time.
I never liked Bates. He always seemed like he could snap and kill everyone yet he acts polite and with moral superiority. He always seemed fake to me. Just an opinion
Bates and Anna are the most annoying characters in the show. Always whining, crying, and having a problem. Couldn’t stand either of them!
whining and crying. Mr. Bates was crippled in the First World War. Anna was raped. Mr. Bates was in prison for a murder he did not commit. He had a vengeful wife and is upset about Anna being raped. Whining and crying? lol.. well OF COURSE.. do you expect them to do a number out of a musical at this point?
Millions of fans would tell youno
definitely melodrama machines but they have their moments
Absolutely beautiful scene !
Bates reacted as somebody who really loves Anna ..
Threats of violence was not an act of love, it scared her and meant he wasn't emotionally safe to confide in when she needed to be honest