This Is How You DON'T Play Baldur's Gate 3 Act 1 (Jamieking Edition)
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- Опубліковано 31 січ 2024
- Watch as Phil has his hand held through the mystical world of Faerûn by chat and not understand even the basics of Baldur's Gate 3.
Continuing the handholding and failure click here for Act 2 • This Is How You DON'T ...
This is my first attempt at a TIHYDP, there are a few errors in the video I missed I hope the errors don't takeaway from the final product. - Ігри
The parasite in Phil's head is gonna die of starvation
Ironic, considering Phil is a parasite himself.
Almost feel bad for it
Lol
😂😂😂
This just in! Washed up streamer learns 80% chance to hit does not mean 100% chance to hit!
He's played so many games for so many years and never learned the golden rule: if it's not 100% accurate, it's 50%.
ive failed 99% options before. there should be an achievement for that though
@@airiakizuki5592 Exactly. Hell in Gen 1 Pokemon even 100% wasn't a guarantee because of a bug which meant even 100 accuracy moves still had a 1/256 chance of missing lol.
Has he played xcom?
@@batboy555 Yup. Enemy Unknown and the weird spin-off third person shooter The Bureau: XCOM Declassified.
“Turn based mode? What’s that? I’ve playing for thirty hours”
This man is allergic to reading.
And then he never follows up with it. He makes a comment to complain and just *refuses* to learn.
Puts sorcerer on the front line. Tries to hide the rogue in broad daylight. Does ranged attacks in melee range. Targets distant enemies with melee attacks while next to other enemies. Targets self and allies without realizing it. I've seen this man cast spells that give advantage while under the status effect of conditions that give disadvantage (negating the advantage AND wasting a spell slot). I almost feel like he's bad on purpose so he can have an excuse to not play this game.
Honestly, it's not really a waste because a regular roll is far superior to rolling at a disadvantage tbfh
And then he uploads the unedited footage and calls it a playthrough... Nobody can get any information from one of Phil's play through. Other than this is how you don't play that game.
What’s funny is Giving advantage to negate the Disdvantage is smart but we know he didn’t plan it he just cast the wrong spell I. His mind
Big ups for sitting through his BG3 playthrough and making this. I would have died of brain rot within the first 5 minutes
Honestly
God has to answer for the creation of this man. I imagine he got tired of his complaining and just kicked him off a cloud into existence.
“Oh I’m going to be born now? What if I don’t want to be?”
“The doctor took me out of the womb and cut my umbilical cord, how is that fair?”
“So I’m supposed to breathe? I have to remember to do that? That’s fucking bullshit!”
“You see every-time I try to walk I fall, like I have legs why am I falling? that’s not fair!”
“Can I not eat solid food? I see other people eating regular food, but I can’t? This is starting to piss me off”
We both know God can't possibly be involved in the creation of that thing 😂
If DSP had the mental capacity and the social skills to play an actual game of Dungeons & Dragons, he’d be an astonishingly accurate depiction of a ‘that guy’. Never pays attention, constantly blames the game and its mechanics, and has no respect for other characters.
Now I want a dnd show with phil hosted by an extremely masochistic DM and players that are constantly plotting to get Phil's pc killed.
@@left-2-write28if I could stomach speaking to this man for 90 seconds. I would offer my DM services for this. But I like my one shread of sanity left.
“Oh a shadow of a dragon just went over us. It wont let me look up to see the dragon! Great game design guys!”
He’s so *dumb* the shadow is the games way of showing you that *because* it’s not the kind of game that lets you look up. Likely there is no dragon model up there to save on time and resources for something you’re gonna see in a cutscene in five seconds anyways. Gods he’s so infuriating.
Also he could have seen that dragon earlier on at the druid grove as you can look through the telescope right next to the lady you save from the bugbear
Every single character he's ever created is always just named dsp, the creativity of a fking vegetable.
Always male as well. Always has a beard. Always white with no skin condition or scars. Always little body fat with high muscle. His lack of creativity is insane.
At least for ONCE he didn't make a white dude with a goatee and black hair color... that makes him look exactly like himself.
23:04 "Life's only value to me is as currency. Doesn't matter to me otherwise."
Well, that's a disturbing insight into Phil's mind.
I wouldn't say disturbing, but pathetic. Money isn't everything, and one day it's all gonna be worth nothing. Yeah money's important, but to an extent. Other than that, it isn't everything.
@@lman2047no it’s absolutely disturbing. That kind of mindset is typically the one adopted by history’s most heinous individuals Mao, Stalin, Hitler to name a few.
Dave's the new Hitler confirmed lmao.
Tbh you comparing a streamer to Hitler or Stalin is just as concerning if not more-so.
Who cares what Dave thinks but at least he's not undermining the actual atrocities of history and world wars by comparing them to absolute buffoons.
It would be better if you made a comparison to actual psychology terms such as sociopathy. Would really narrow things down, be more relevant, and less ridiculous.
Ironically the people who complain the most about idiots, are idiots themselves.
Withers shamed him for it too, honestly love that
@@NightKnocker316 Withers is such a great character, I love it.
“You literally just cant play this game” I’d love to see Phil try to beat the game on honour mode without his precious saves 🤣
As someone who had 0 experience with DnD, I had to put in some hours to really understand wtf was going on in this game but Jesus. The fact that he's hours into the game and doesn't even understand opportunity attacks is mind-blowing.
I had no D&D experience and got things pretty quickly. Phil is confused by mechanics in Hr 100 introduced in Hr 2
1:32:45 Astrarion: "Honestly, you have no sense of fun."
This basically sums up Phil's playthrough of BG3 so far 😂🤣
It sums up his entire life. The only person duller and more boring than Phil is his wife. Kat isn't even an NPC, she's a poorly rendered background object you aren't supposed to look at for to long.
Phil doesn't know what fun is. It was a red flag once he said he hates music. I've never heard someone say they don't like music
Astarion was the star of this playthrough 😂
42:10 shows off just how delusional Phil is as a person. "Your Mother tried to attack us first." Phil you walked INTO THE CAVE. THE CAVE WITH TRACKS LEADING INTO IT. A CURRENTLY OCCUPIED CAVE. And MURDERED a wounded Animal. That would be like Phil breaking into someone's house and then SHOOTING the occupents who are trying to eat dinner and nurse they're currently sick grandmother back to health. And then claiming "Well that attacked me first." ignoring the fact that you BURGURLED THEIR HOME PHIL.
bro how can Phil be this much of a fucking prude when Lae'zel is coming onto him
like bro i WISH the frog woman would come onto me
he has a wife dood!
Because Waifus clearly have cooties!
He’s was saving himself for Halsin 🥰🥰🥰🥵🥵
@@someguyinawheelchair4405 the fact Halsin is the most wholesome companion while Phil is a salty rage goblin is so funny to me.
Yikes, get some standards dude
For a guy that play RPGs, him not knowing what a cleric is very sad.
Also why did he pick a sorceress class? Should have picked an easier class to play as.
Yeah Sorc isn't very beginner friendly.
even sadder is that one of the games this guy is actually "good" at is FF6, he made a playthrough of it and it's probably the only one where he gives useful commentary and information, but he's still somehow unaware
Take a drink every time Davie says "magic missile doesn't miss right?"
I value my liver, actually.
The fact that Phil sold Astarion out to the vampire hunter made it all the more perfect when he leaves Phil's party with all his shit. And he was shocked that Astarion would leave? He literally sold him out for no other reason than a cheap laugh. What an idiot.
Timestamp bro
@Manjozo he sells Asterion out at 1:54:40
Astarion got the last laugh on dude.
Astarion leaving Phil with all of his good items is one of the most beautifully karmatic things to happen to him. And there was nothing he could do about it 😂
I gotta admit, Dipshitphil whiffing non-stop against the most random and basic of enemies is very amusing XD
I also love how his chat is saying that him failing and floundering is entertaining yet _he's_ complaining and saying it's trash XD If it wasn't already obvious that people want to see him fail and suffer instead of succeeding XD
Side-note: When he was stupid enough to antagonize Vlaakith, the fact that she kills the player with the "Wish" spell just further proves that she's no goddess, just a very powerful caster. Any strong enough Wizard can use that spell XD
searched this on a whim, I was not disappointed.
There's one thing I will comment on magic missile isn't a crutch it's one of the best damaging spells in the game it's a casters bread and butter. It's one of those spells you take all the time it's that damn good.
for sure. magic missile being guaranteed damage that you can scale to your wish with the cast level and being able to be distributed among multiple targets is insanely strong. quite frankly its a bit too good, always end up using it. spellsparkler, reverberation and the illuminated+2dmg ring is stupid.
if you have high illithid level you can also use it to abuse cull the weak to an absurd degree.
all in all i would say its a very robust spell
@@AL3Z72 lol. Robust indeed
@@AL3Z72 real chads don't use the illithid abilities
There are builds based on the spell. Hes a clown.
"It's one of those spells you take all the time it's that damn good."
i mean, most people would define that as a crutch. it's something you _have_ to take with you.
magic missile is a great spell but it's also a great example of WotC's awful (lack of) game design philosophy. they're completely allergic to change if it means changing one of the things they view as "iconic" for the brand (sacred cows). they have hyped themselves into a corner by being "the definitive tabletop RPG" and are too afraid of criticism for all the wrong reasons. they literally think that people will stop playing the game if they can't beat the average DM's adventure by casting fireball in every room.
this is why fireball is absurdly high value, given its spell level and damage dice. in game terms, you're just plain stupid if you don't take the spell. it's sad, really, they'd rather pidgeonhole casters into a few spells for the sake of "i cast fiyabawl" and "i cast haste" than actually balance the game. then they nerfed all the other spells to make it _seem_ like they've balanced the game.
The worst thing about dave is his belief that anything above %50 is supposed to be 100%.
I have avoided any his BG3 content cuz i love DnD and BG3 so much and i am going to rage seeing him play this.
I cant wait to fully finish this game so i can watch how terribly he does without spoilers
I have never skipped ahead in a TIHYDP as aggressively as that Harpy encounter. Fucking hell, if he stopped waffling for a solid 30 seconds or more after every individual input it might've been over in a reasonable amount of time.
this video's amazing dude. i didn't think anyone would make a TIHYDP for BG3 since he plays it in the most mentally draining way possible, same way he did with Minecraft a couple of years ago. just sits there, learns nothing and relies on chat whilst talking out of his ass about things he doesn't understand.
cheers to you for managing to sit through all this and make something watchable out of it. keep it up ♥
Thank you so much for the lovely comment, I'm so glad that you (along with others) enjoy the video.
@@TheJK369it's pretty hilarious watching him, because he just sucks at games, and he'll blame it on something or someone other than his suck skills. As someone who's new to D&D, and still to understand the rules or catch up on the humongous lore behind it, I can still say that I can understand the game better than Phil.
His constant hand holding in this game takes a 10 minute fight, and turns it into an hour fight. He needs the chat to tell him everything. Watching him play the game gives me a headache
Get him harpies. Also sanctuary the boy helps alot
50:55 was unexpected and fkn hilarious
Tbf DarkScalePhil is pretty good
turns off karmic hahaha
And he almost got an aneurysm during Bugbear Assassin encounter...
42:10 "Your mother attacked me, I had no intention of fighting" as he engaged in combat because he failed to click sneak attack with Astarion, then failed to threaten the owlbear into submission... dear lord.
I can't tell you, how long I've waited for someone to do a "This is how you don't play" of this game. Thank you.
Nobody told me Tusk the pig was voiced by Phil 😂
The music and montage of him fumbling the forge made me ack ack ack with laughter. Fantastic edits bro, always a fun watch.
At least he is right about 1 thing .....magic missile does not miss. 🤣🤣
"GAWD why do I have to PLAY THESE GAMES DOOD! There's no hulk hogan or matching colors and shapes like a REAL GAME DOOD!"
I'm amazed there's still people giving him money.
Wow easy there, let's not call them dentheads "people", they don't deserve that title yet.
1:33:20 you really expect phil to empathize with a person in need of a donation to save his life? Cahm on man get real!
He has saved a lot in this, and in Fallout, but his Doom 2 playthrough was the height of save abuse. He literally saved seconds apart at times.
my favorite is when he makes the classic rookie mistake of saving himself into a position where he has 10 health and has to kill an entire room full of monsters to get any back.
everytime i keep coming back to this vid because every 5 damn minutes theres a "did he really just do that?? i need to take a break from this-" moment
I wonder how much it would blow DSP's mind that boxing matches, where sometimes they're only 6 inches apart don't have a 100% hit rate. Like fuck man, use half a brain cell of imagination there not going to sit there and take it.
As someone with hundreds of hours in bg3 and even played a ton of early access i couldnt watch his bg3 playthrough raw. Thanks for making it manageable with funny edits 👍 doing the lords work!
This was as fascinating and amusing as it is infuriating. Thank you for your self-sacrifice in editing this for us. I grant you **Inspiration**.
When DSP wastes a spell slot on a bird that was exhausted and had perfect health was just honestly the most stupidest thing I seen someone do in this game. 10/10 stupidity
im not even 10 minutes in and im loving this, man. The editing style, the info you give us, this is a good TIHYDP, be proud, this is amazing
EDIT: thank you so much for blurring out the tip total garbage, no one bothers to do that, so the fact you did shows the effort
keep this a series please this has me rollin😂🙏🏾
Phil surprised at his first game over saying it's too nuanced and beginner unfriendly while he was just chillin' in the necrotic aura is hilarious
Wow, didn't think this was your first TIHYDP until I read the description, well done. No fluff, good meme edits. Makes for very meaningful, kwuality khantent.
Nice What We Do In the Shadows clip, didn't expect that one
2:29:52 Typical DSP reads a guide or got told by his chat and he still fucks up his attempt at recruit Minthara.
Bro he would have fucking HATED Minthara. If he thought Astorian was evil Minthara would have been worse and unlike Astorian, Minthara is a beautiful and attractive babe and we all know that beautiful women scare Phil.
@@JoeyCentral She's also similar to Lae'Zel and is rather straight forward with her sexual advances if you get her approval high enough, Minthara's lines about Dark Elf society being a matriarchy would probably get under his skin.
@@chaptermastermarneuscalgar6926 soo true. He would be ranting “ohhh here we go again with the horny 14 year old sex crap!” Meanwhile he giggles like a little girl as his character is getting a gay wedding with Halsin.
I honestly think he is a closeted homosexual at this point and is in denial of it. Theres no way that there is any love with him and that disgusting blob of a wife he has, so it is clearly just a facade.
Lol, I find it funny how Phil is quite literally inept at EVERY single game he tries to play. I mean it! Somehow, some way, he'll always find the objectively slowest, suboptimal ways to slog through any game unfortunate enough to pop inside of his console. In a weird way, I gotta give him props. It takes genuine talent to suck ass at SO MANY video games.
this is more of a "dents' chat play bg3" rather than just a TIHYDP XD
Holy shit this makes me feel a lot better about my playthrough
Same.
Didn't have half the problems Phil had 😂
Then again we have brains and not gin rot brain
I kind of want to go through these streams and find every time Dave pretends he understands the lore and correct it but I don’t think I can handle that level of torture and will continue groaning and cringing when he does so by myself
He was actually going to load a save because he was scared of failing a dice roll that just needed a 2 to be successful. Oh boy.
3:12:53 the game is not insanely clunky. I play on series X. I find they did a fantastic job with console. Yes, this game is best played on pc with mouse and keys. But they did great. And it’s super smooth. Sometimes you have to right thumb click so you can move your curser around to make sure you click on the right thing. But it’s great. He should choose place item in world, instead of drop item. But like you’ve been saying, we all know Phil can’t think, even though at anytime he can pick up a controller and play any game at a professional level. Lol
As a PS5 playeer I fully agree. While not 100% the same as mouse and keyboard.
Larian did pretty much a perfect job of making the game playable with a controller.
“Nobody beat this game. They’re all lying.”
I’ve beaten the game twice and gotten to Baldur’s Gate with two origin characters and a dark urge (the dark urge I’m restarting because mods didn’t work with the last patch and I don’t mind that much because I have fun with this game I learned the mechanics of and enjoy greatly.)
Just say it’s not your kind of game man. Sheesh.
Not only that there is the percentage of players who got the trophy for beating the game lol. This man’s veins are filled with cope.
Amazing work my guy, thank you! Can't wait to lose my sanity to this!
50:58 - nice.
Really good TIHYDP-style video btw. Very robust and meaningful.
It's funny there's a 9 out of 10 chance that whenever I continue this video I'll hear "I missed! It was a 60 percent chance and I missed! Critical miss, miss" lmaoo
Damn son, even the dice gods don't like Phil, lmao.
this is hilarious great job 👍
I’m gonna be honest, I never knew you could smash his ass with the forge. I always just slowly took him down while reactivating the lava flow to weaken him
Why did he play without a healing class in his group? A lot of this could’ve been avoided if he had shadowheart in party :/
Experience DSP watchers... Does DSP EVER stop complaining? If the slightest thing doesn't go his way, he immediately complains and calls the game trash, even when it is his own stupid decisions... Its infuriating lol
That’s been DSP for 16 years
@@theblackcousintoast to that man. Been kind of watching comps of Phil just being a bitch cause he sucks at games. Up until recently, never watched his content or even knew he existed till two years ago
@@theblackcousini understand why he has detractors. I thought people were being hard on the guy, but man every time he opens his mouth it grinds my gears.
he actually used to be better, or at least more entertaining, when he didn't have stream chat to hold his hand, but he was well known for insulting game developers to an absurd degree for what amounts to his own stupidity, MGS being the most famous example
Chat plays bg3.
15:00 he sees he is taking damage, and does nothing. Did he skip gale's dialogue?
He didn't skip the dialogue he just doesn't pay attention to it
Why does he even bother putting tutorials on if he's not going to read any of it?... Every single damn game.
He hates when it gives him a block of text to read because of his eyesight and attention span. He doesn't like when the games give him a tutorial mission either. The only ones he actually likes are when it integrates the tutorial into the gameplay.
The ddf Dent defense force in the conents is in full swing, lol.
I think his constant complaining is because he is intensely insecure, so it get be his fault if he misunderstood a rule, made a bad decision, or didnt read a feature.
Also, he is so incredibly unlucky it just adds to the hilarity of it. "I want fair dice rolls" "grrr why do this dice not roll what I want"
“Well no one’s really aiding so I’m just going to guess” pig lagoon: “I don’t know what to do but no one is telling me what to do so now I can blame you all when I make the wrong choice”
Good job bro
You should just play the game "YOU CAN'T YOU CAN'T JUST PLAY THE GAME" ok Phil...
Phil is such a dent
The Dent Hivemind.
"She's a high half elf cleric...I'm gonna assume that means magician"
His first episode energy is obnoxious. You could tell right off the bat that he hated this game.
Phil turning karmic dice off was from a guide. There are several guides that claim turning off karmic dice increase your chances to succeed on dice rolls . I remember my first playthrough of BG3 and my gods I was bad, but even with guides and chat handholding him the entire way, he still manages to fail in such a spectacular way
i love how many awful gaming guides there are online, he probably got it from a random IGN guide or something. i remember looking up the best way to beat Ancient Dragon in Dark Souls 2, and i clicked on an IGN guide. i was trying to do this late in the first playthrough, so around SL 90 or something, and i found it to be too difficult. the fucking clown in the guide was SL 200, meaning he had over double the stats that I had and I would have to grind for an insane length of time to get that. most people who take the game seriously don't go past 125, even when you restart the game and it becomes harder
16:17 the game had enough of phil’s stupidity and just closed it for him
You’re not supposed to “know” everything that happens in a game, you’re supposed to learn.
3:42:53 "She's done absolutely nothing, zero actions in the story to make you believe a single word she said"
Except... you know... literally protecting you from the influence of the Absolute this entire time...
UA-cam Chat plays Baldur's Gate 3.
How does he hit every vine? I didn't even remember those things being a hazard in the game.
2:18:08 is so perfect it could be a song
Phil "it's a broken game mechanic they can't see me"
The game everyone spotted in A CLEARLY LIT AREA
Absolutely classic
2:05:30 rough timestamp for the worst misunderstanding of Gale’s storyline I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Easily my favorite part of the video just for how competently stupid he is
Hey may I ask what your export settings are for this video? as I can see that you have vp09 as a codec for this video and I have only ever been able to get AVC for 1080p video clips
I honestly couldn't tell you what the settings were sorry, truth be told I'm still learning the ins and outs of all this
Wow, that's a lot of dead air
There was so much dead air, I really should have added it all up thinking about it now
I love how Phil's "guessing" about a game he's playing crazy levels of late. Phil, just say you read a guide and the guide told you who/what the dream visitor is and that's why you dont trust them. You keep claiming that you're on a spoiler free run, but several actions of yours and your "thoughts" magically leading you to decisions that for someone not spoiled on actions taking part in Act 3, its pretty hard to believe that you havent been spoiled on the entire game.
Makes 6 figures.
"WHATS TURN BASED MODEEEEE DERRRRRRRRRRR!?!?!?!"
Its 100% self explanatory philbert. Its a mode, stay with me here, that is TURN BASED. *Mind Blown*
Man, he hasn't bitched about a game this much since Elden Ring.
man, i thought i had bad rolls but jfc its actually impressive how poorly he rolls fucking constantly
turning off karmic rolls is actually a terrible idea. i'd consider myself an old school gamer but in a PC game it just amounts to you quickloading more frequently, unless you want to do some kind of ironman challenge run.
@@CrizzyEyes thats completely fair if you wanna play it more like a videogame. i play dnd and i treated the game like a normal session. if i fuck up a roll, oh well, unlucky. i just have to live with the outcome. but thats fun for me & i get that its not for everyone, so im glad the devs put karmic dice in as an option
1:43:36 I did the same thing Phil did and jumped down there and died, but then I went to my inventory and used a Feather Fall scroll too 😂
BG3 has a messed up way of teaching you a mechanic lol
Bro lol... I had such a great time on my first playthrough. His first game over had me actual laughing out loud. What in the literal hell am i watching holy shit XD
he makes me so angry when he bitches about crashing when hes really babyman raging at a game, "AND NOW IT CRASHED MY WHOLE PWAYSTASHUN", like he actually doesn't suck, its the game dood.
phil "I have too many options!"
me: then why on planet earth did you pick a magic based class then. options are golden when you are a magic user
Him assuming that Shadowheart wants to do the biz makes perfect sense. All the companions throw themselves at you one after the other at the same time and most of them are pretty much demanding you drop your pants right then and there. So thinking she's asking for the exact same thing at the exact same time just in a little more coy fashion is not irrational in any way.
The movement distance is in meters, not feet. So his complaining about not being able to move a 'foot' is... I dunno. I just can't.
1:43:48 the way he’s acting leads me to believe he did that on purpose. Some of the stuff Phil found on his first playthrough couldn’t have happened without a guide. I’m almost 100 percent sure this denthead read a guide.
It's either he is using a guide or his chat is telling him about stuff, it could also be a combination of both in his "doesn't exist" discord.
@@TheJK369lol. “Doesn’t exist” discord. That’s jokes. He’s so regarded
he does this on the regular now, it's really obvious and quite sad
Incidentally you left out the part of his "hype is just for the launch" where it was something like 2 weeks after the "lauwnchuh", since he put a 5-7 day break between each stream of BG3.
This is how you dont play
A QM Production
Starring Phil Burnell also starring Kat
Tonights episode
TIHYDP Balder Gate 3
This is how you dont play
Act 1
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He should play a fighter champion specifically not saying he’d be good at it but he would have less options to worry about A source I mean, there’s a lot to take into consideration, you don’t have as many spells as a wizard, but you do have ways to optimize each individual spell