How Am I Doing 4 Months After Surgery??
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
- Hi! I'm Dara Hoffman-Fox, creator of the "Conversations with a Gender Therapist" UA-cam channel, and it's the 4-month anniversary of my breast reduction surgery. I'm excited to share with you how I am doing, ESPECIALLY when it comes to how much better I feel about my body, my gender identity, and all around finally feeling like "me"! :)
Sports Binder mentioned in the video:
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I like to use people's name, this way I don't need to know someone's identity and I know I will not misgender someone.
I was misgender at a restaurant. I did not respond so they said it again. Still I didn't respond. They then put their hand on the table in front of me. I looked up and said "oh". I told them I'm deaf (I am totally deaf in my left ear and I'm hard of hearing out of my right). Being deaf is another big hurdle for people because people think everyone is like them (my grandfathers long time ago said we can cut off your ear....lol. I'm like then they'll make fun of me more. I was made fun of because of my hearing from my biological family more then anyone else. Also not being born in this country didn't help either because, you guess it, I was made fun of from my biological family.) After this ordeal I told them my identity and they went about the order with them not addressing me again.
I use lip reading. This is why I've never really learned ASL. Back in the early days of my life(in the 1st grade) our class started to learn sign language (not ASL). SO, yes, I was introduced to sign language but never learned enough to have a full conversation.
So, when we look at someone, mostly we judge them by the way we are raised.
You see someone with 2 eyes, you expect them to have perfect vision unless they wear glasses. You see someone with two ears, you expect them to have perfect hearing. Unless they wear hearing aids. You see someone living in the states, they sound like they're from the states and they're white. They must be an american. Not true....
We grow up being taught that everyone is a like. When actually we are all different. Your eyes can and will fool you based on your beliefs.
Ugh I hate getting misgendered I get misgendered by customer service people but honestly its EVERYWHERE it drives me insane and I feel so anxious and scared I don't know what to say. I always get "ma'am, ladies, girls" it makes me so uncomfortable and cringey
I had top surgery a little over a month before your reduction so I'm on a similar timeline and I relate SO much to what you said about your tolerance for being misgendered dropping. Before it was easy to just say, well, they obviously think I'm female because of my chest (I didn't bind) but now that I feel like I'm presenting more in line with my actual identity it hurts more when other people don't see me that way.
Yep, exactly!
But her face still looks very feminine. My mother's chest is basicly flat too but I don't see her less of a woman. You are making it too easy for yourself I think.
I really hate being called 'sir'...Why don't customer service checkout people just say thanks or hi? No need to say madam or sir! In the 1980s and 1990s nearly nobody said it now the last decade EVRYone is saying it.....
hay i know this reply is late but its probably the younger generation coming into the workforce older gen z/younger melinials being more "polite" then our gen x predecessors i have worked customer service for years and it feels rude not too ma'am and sir the customers even though i personally use neutral pronouns
i'm seventy two and next week i see my doctor to get t blockers so i can see how it feels. i hope you aren't too sensitive that i feel like what they call in India 'the third sex" and i hope to get castrated and not be a man nor a woman. i bring this personal thing up because i think there is a period when people transition when they go into a "third sex" look be it MtF or FtM...this is why they are called 'sir' or 'ma'am'...in my opinion. my point is that this is what i seek. btw, i didn't know if you were MtF or FtM until i watched this video...no offense, Dara. we are all different and transition differently, to be sure. insofar as the substance of your videos which i have been viewing for several months, you are simply the best therapist here: Good Job !
Wish I could actually see your results 🙃😫
I'm so happy for you! You, talking about this click moment is just great :)
I had to look up "click moment" and found a book about it that I'm now going to get! :)
Well you look great lol , interesting reduction surgery, I not see a lot about that on UA-cam.
Glad it’s going good.
Winks
Lisa
Thanks! And yes, I've noticed that too! Glad to put my story out there in the hopes of helping :)
Love, love, love this! I'm having a bad sensory day and while I was eating mashed potatoes to calm down, I said "I need Dara. Dara's vlogs won't be full of music, music changes, and all sorts of things that make me anxious." And breast reduction! Woot! Congrats. I still wish I'd pushed for what I wanted when I got my reduction, not just the "smaller, in proportion" that the patriachal-biased plastic surgeon agreed to give me.
I'm glad you are doing well. God bless.
Thank you for sharing this Dara! Your openness and honesty about your gender journey has really helped me recently. It shows how discovering one's gender does not have to be a super sad, painful experience but can rather be an exciting and ongoing self discovery process. I am exploring my newly discovered non binary identity and was looking for a midground between a binder and a sports bra for those days when I need a flatter chest but also need to breathe and this sports binder looks perfect-thanks for recommending it! I hope your recovery goes well and I'm so happy to hear that you're feeling more at ease within your own body and self.
Thanks for your kind words! I'm so glad to hear that you think the sports binder will help, it makes such a big difference in my comfort and is just what I need :)
Hi. I'm a 14 year old male transgender but I'm not sure if I should start my transition yet. Can I get some help on what to do please?
Hi. Depends on the situation with your family and friends, if they are supportive and you're sure, go for it. As you are so young, you should talk to your doctor and aim for getting puberty blockers to stop the maleness developing too much till you're old enough to go onto cross-sex hormones.
Glad your doing well! Lol first day of spring and it's snowing in Nashville!
We'll be getting snow next week :)
i'm very glad you're feeling closer to your true self :) I find it refreshing that you just recently became aware of your gender preference in more depth and detail. i'll definitely want to look at your older videos to see what motivated you to go through such an experience. And maybe see if you had been aware of your dysphoria all your life and such.
This is helping me find my own gender little by little also.
It's really odd how not aware I was about it but also I can tell it was juuuuust below the surface. I mainly needed the information that I could be nonbinary, instead of either female or male. Once I realized that, it was like something cracked open and I could finally start exploring it.
That's awesome. I always had an inkling i leaned towards the female side, even if just a bit. But am scared to come into it, being born male.Still looking into that.
Do you do free weight work at the gym? It’s one of the things I’m thinking about for post care: my want for regular cardio and weight training vs healing and scar minimization.
At the moment I'm doing cardio plus weight bearing exercises. I really enjoy free weights but am bad at staying consistent with it lol. There's a trainer at my gym who is very trans friendly who said she could work with me on that, so if I can scrape up the dough for it I'm gonna give that a try :)
How soon after were you able to start doing cardio and some weights? I know everyone's timing is different, but I've heard people who started doing things at 2 weeks, one person I follow waited 3 months, and kept it easy for an additional 3 months after that.
Hope you are feeling well. Good luck with your recovery
Thank you! :)
You are an inspiration, thank you for posting
Happy to help!
Glad your doing better.
Thank you :)
Congrats!
:D
Dara you are great. Idk what some of these hate comments are really about... Even after reading them, I'm still mind blown by the ignorance and the nonsensical keyboard warrior cries from the misery loves company underworld... Anyway, much love to you. You're and inspiration. Thanks for all you've done. Stay true stay you!
Same to you!