This is me, 48 years old, married for 18 years.... this is my coming out story, unscripted. Thanks for watching. Be kind to one another, we are all human.
I want to thank you for your video. You words were very strong and powerful. This helped to answered questions that I had that were going on in my relationship with my wife. I completely understand why the more I offered affection the more it drove her away. Last year my wife of 23 yrs came out to me as bi, I told her that I already know and it was not an issue for me as she had chosen to be with me. We had talked about if she wanted to added a third person into our marriage, which I was not confirmable with at all as my wife is the only partner I have every been with. However just like in your journey, she started to pull back when I started to show more love and affection when she was completing her RN BSN. After watching your video, I was able to ask her are you sure your bi and not a lesbian. She confirmed that she was a lesbian. I asked her if she liked her friend that was staying with us after her lesbian partner broke up with her. She smiled so big and said that she did. I started to cry in front of her not over heart broke, but love. I had not seen her smile like that for years. I know that moment that I had to let her go as the ultimate form of love for her. I couldn't stand to know that if she chose to stay with me, it would only cause her more pain. This was all over Thanksgiving weekend this year. She did ask her friend if she liked her, and they went on their first date the other day. Just before they left for their date, I asked if I could take their picture in front of the house. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done, as it felt like I was giving her away. I was able to hold it together until I got in the house and started to cry. I know there was no chose and I had to let her go to be the best version of herself could be. So we have worked out the details, and we will be filing for divorce so we can both move on to the next chapter of our lives. But until then, I offered our pervious bedroom to my former wife and her girlfriend as it had a connecting bathroom and they could have total privacy. I have cleaned out our 3rd floor and turning into a bedroom for me. We all talk every night about things that come up with each of us. Long term we will both be getting our own places. I can't tell you how happy I am to see them both smile, and look forward to the day when I and introduce them as this is my former wife and her wife. People keep asking if I am ok, I have been though hell, but I am getting better every day. Last night was the first time I was able to sleep more than 2hrs for a week. I have welcomed my former wife's girlfriend into our home and totally support them in their journey. I tell everyone I talk to to please watch your video and it will explain so much. The way that we see it, there is only side of our divorce and that is the side of LOVE. My house supports all members of LGBTQ+ completely and totally. We have 1 daughter that is ace, 1 trans son, 1 gay son and boyfriend in our house, and my wife as a strong lesbian. I told my kids that if could not support my former wife then what would that say for my support in their eyes. The kids are totally ok with everything as they are almost all adults. I get a little bullied by them all, in good spirit of course, as the only cis straight man in the house. But I would not have it any other way. I love my whole family that they can all be their true selves. My former wife's girlfriend texted me today and made me cry 3 times reading her message thanking me for my support. I had to tell my former wife, hey your girlfriend is making me cry. Again thank you for posting your journey I have watch them all a number of times. Sorry for long message, but it means the world to me on our journey. LGBTQ+ Ally.
Reading this was so incredibly heartwarming! Thank you for sharing this portion of your journey here. Wish I could quantify for you the immense sense of joy I experienced reading it is. May the rest of your journey be richly blessed.
Amazing story. Late bloomer here too. 2 failed marriages and finding out that I was suppressing my feelings for a long, long time. My 2 children, who are adults now are so wonderful and supportive from the beginning of my journey. I'm a great relationship now and they just love my girlfriend. I wish you lots of happiness and love.
Wow. I’m so proud of you for sharing your story. I know it’s not easy for you to tell everyone what your feeling. Possibly might have had my eyes sweat. I love you mom💋
Thank you posting this Shannon. I can really relate to your story. I have experienced many things that you talked about, coming out later in life. I am still in the process of coming out. It’s pretty difficult at times. I appreciate your courage.
Wow. Thank you for your brave generosity in sharing your story. It is one that needs to be told so that little girls can contextualize their choices...and so that older little girls (51) feel less crazy when their truth arrives.
part of the reason i denied being a lesbian was because i actually somewhat enjoyed sex with men. Hear me out: I wasn’t attracted to their bodies and had to look away or fantasize about women in order to get off, and the only men who didn’t completely repulse me were effeminate ones. that being said, I enjoyed it because i found a certain beauty in the vulnerability/connection we shared, and of course things //physically// still felt good if they touched me the right way. Also, due to sexual traumas I learned to consciously associate discomfort with sexual pleasure (ie i’d force myself to be somewhat kinky and anticipate mental/physical discomfort) and would also use bdsm with men as a form of self harm. Even when I felt safe and genuinely enjoyed myself, I still felt like something was missing and I was increasingly dissatisfied and still tried not to pay attention to what I was looking at. it didn’t click for some reason until my last boyfriend and I broke up that I wasn’t just a bisexual who was “really curious about women” but i was a LESBIAN 2 year update: i was right, i’m definitely a lesbian
Wow that likes describes me. I never thought I was more then bisexual because I didn’t hate being with men, ( well some men lol), but it wasn’t even in the same ballpark as being with a woman. At least most of these years I’ve said I prefer women, but after having my son ( 9 months), and loving his father but as a friend.. I realized I’m not just “really bisexual”, lol, I’m a lesbian. Always have been. Explains a lot.
Maybe you are bisexual, but you just prefer women? From what you wrote you at least were able to have an emotional connection which lead to feeling good in bed. I think it is perfectly valid to be bisexual, but prefer a gender so much that you really prefer to be with that one. Also... I think people fantasize too much about something they don't have. Once you do get into a relationship with a woman, you may find out after some time of trying it that the novelty wears out and then similar relationship problems appear.
I'm so happy you finally found peace and acceptance for your true self, no matter if it took a while & was a journey. It breaks my heart, though, as a fellow late-bloomer, how hard we as women work to try to twist ourselves into what society expects us to be. The incredibly intense labour of it, because we were never taught from childhood to instead put that effort into claiming our own agency to be our authentic selves. It's never too late, though. I'm trying to teach my own kids to love their true selves, even as I'm still trying to teach myself.
Thank you so much for sharing. I'm just 30 but I consider myself a late bloomer lesbian and your story gives me some great insight. I've never been married because I always knew I didn't want to be married to a man. Yet never understood why and used to be really ashamed of my inability to fulfill my "duty". Compulsory heterosexuality is a terrible thing. I used to think I was sex repulsive or asexual as well. Some of my friends are, it's completely valid identity just not the right for me. The first year after I came out was very turbulent and painful but it worthed it. I've never felt like myself before and it's an adventure to discover who I really am. Being truthful to oneself can be really hard but it makes our lives worth living. I wish you the best life, lots of love and happy and supportive family.
Oh my god, I can’t express how much I related to your story. Especially the issues with intimacy and trying to rationalise it. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story so openly and honestly.
Such a good explanation, thank you. I have known I was a lesbian from the age of 6 but my late wife of 33 yrs made the decision that she was a lesbian in her 40's and with the help of counselling needed she to live her true life. She had to leave her husband and her young son which was terribly hard on her emotionally but she needed to do it to be honest with herself. I met her whilst she was going through this big lifestyle change and at times it was difficult for all involved as she didn't always share the angst she was experiencing. Your words have helped me understand what she must have been going through at that time and are helping me put a few more pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of our life together and helping me mourn her passing more fully and in an easier way. Thank you.
I am in awe of your strength and bravery. Good luck on your journey to living your life as your authentic self and finally finding a love that completes you.
I tip my hat to you, Shannon, for your courage in telling your story. You’ve been VERY informative to your growing number of viewers, promoting understanding to your life’s situation and efforts to reach a happy conclusion. I have liked and subscribed, and I hope you keep us up to date with your progress. We love you. ❤
Thank you so much for sharing your story, it is so helpful to hear I am not the only one. I'm 37 and I told my husband of my aversion to intimacy with him and my feelings towards women a few years ago, but we left it unaddressed. I'm finally in a place to pursue these feelings more and we are proceeding with a lot more communication than we ever had. I'm going to definitely check out those resources.
Thank you for sharing your story and yes I've just come out and 52. I really thought I was kissing my mind, I had no idea I was gay. Once I allowed myself to just feel what I was feeling without judgement I have blossomed and love myself so much more. Now I have met a wonderful woman and life is amazing😊❤xxx
This is amazing. Thank you for sharing your journey with us all even though its not something you were completely comfortable doing (though u looked very natural). ❤🤗❤🙏🏽🌹 I like how you said "its not about the sex , its about the intimacy and how you want to feel around the person u re with" Beautiful.💗
Welcome, it is so freeing when you come out. I did it at 27 and was not something that I ever thought would ever do. But it was the best thing. It is great to start the second part of our lives.
I am a really late bloomer ..... I was a guest on Les Keep it Real with Ali and Talie this week......Happy to run across this video ... I have never heard of Sexual Anorexia I am definitely going to read more about it.... Thank you again! Diane
Congratulations on coming out! That takes incredible courage and strength! You mentioned, however, in the title of your video about being a "late bloomer". When it comes to the subject of coming out, there's no such thing. In my opinion, everyone has to feel completely comfortable coming out when it feels right for them to do it, and that varies from person to person. Everyone has their own individual timeline. For example, you're not right if you come out at 16 years old, and you're not wrong for coming out at 50 years old. Personally, I'm 38 years old, and I came out at 26! It was my time to come out, and it's the exact same thing with you - your time was 48 years old. Coming out is a big deal, and it's beautiful thing to be celebrated at any age!
I just ran across your video and felt compelled to tell you how brave you are and that I hope you find a woman that you can give you happiness and intimacy...that is what humans need and without it...comes depression and confusion.
Thank you for this voice, even though I have been aware of myself since I was 12 years old and I consciously chose the path of being true to myself and I have been doing these little daily coming outs for years - such voices are very important and I appreciate them. Because they prove that being gay is not "choosing a comfortable path because you don't want to try for a man" but we are born with it and that's it :)
Really helpful! I loved the quote about not having context you dont spot the flags and you down play them. I would get strange sensations and euphoria around beautiful woman but always thought it was just the effect of beauty on the brain. Never did I look and think well I dont get those sensations around good looking men. And that confused me, so much confusion. I was given a movie to watch which I had no idea it was a lesbain movie and when I saw the woman kissing each other, I was shocked at the way my body was reacting, it never reacted that way when I saw a man and woman together. But I thought that maybe that was because it was novel and different. I remember thinking that that love was more real to me than the love I saw between a woman and a man. But immediately I felt, but that is selfish and I can't have that, I am not allowed to have that. I grew up very Catholic. I would get depressed because I couldn't figure out why I could not stop thinking about this girl, I had insomnia because I could not understand why, and my brain at the time and my programming meant that I did not even conceive that I might be lesbian.
I'm really proud of you for making this video. I am 27 and ended an almost 7-year relationship with a man because I just couldn't fulfill him in the way he deserved, or be fulfilled in the way I deserved. It's been so hard but I am relieved in knowing that even though you're 48, you can still live your truth. I felt/feel for the longest time that I'm "too late." But I know that's not true. Thank you
Thank you for sharing! You are gorgeous inside and out! I hope you are still doing well these days, I'll check out your other stuff for sure. Self-discovery can be difficult, especially later in life. Having to pick apart long held beliefs and staying true to yourself can be on ongoing process. WAY TO GO! ❤🎉❤
What a great video! You are so brave. I totally respect your honesty with yourself and imagine this will also benefit your partner to move on as well. Much prayers for the children. I have subscribed and hope to follow you through your journey.
Like the way you explained this I’ve had really bad anxiety lot of my life and feel sexuality was a big part of it as recently started telling people I’m gay and feeling more calm and balanced x
All the judgey comments here are ridiculous. They think they know this woman and her ex-husband and their relationship more than the people in it. Just let her tell her story jeez. Better late than never to be authentic with yourself.
Interesting too hear your story iam similar, ive come out as crossdresser myself iam just about to turn 60 , married 30years with one daughter 24 .. we both come from church upbringing as well....
This happened to my wife and I only she wasn’t as mature as you it sounds. She also is highly highly narcissistic so she abused me and gaslit me to such a high degree that she basically forced ME to call it quits and file for divorce. Worse two years of my life which is saying something considering other things I’ve gone through. Finally have my life somewhat back together. My ex grew up Jehovah’s Witness so if you understand anything about that you will know how that affected her coming out and her NPD. She is now with a woman and posts on social media with her and how happy she is. I know that took an extreme amount of courage for her to do. I don’t understand any of this because I’m straight as they come but I accept and empathize and understand that there are all kinds of different people in this world. I wish I didn’t have to go through what I went through with my ex wife, taking away a decade of my life with her living a lie or at least feeling safe enough to be honest and live her truth instead of hurting me. Thank you for sharing your story!
Beautiful lady well done for telling your story can relate to what your saying. Really admire your bravery and showing vulnerability it will inspire many others x
Thank you for sharing your story. A dear friend of mine knew she was lesbian as a teen, but was unable to fully live her truth because of her father. Even as an adult she was afraid of his wrath. She married a man who was very effeminate but understanding of her "bisexuality" and need to sleep with women. She died at 44 never fully being able to live her truth and know herself. I loved her for over 20 yrs as best friends eventhough we were never intimate. 💔
Wow, I love listening to your life story. It is so important to recognise those women who come to embrace thief sexuality later in life. Your experience an£ life is valid.
As long as you're honest with yourself and to your male partner if you have one, e.g. treat him with respect and don't cheat on him, then I wish you well. People change, people have realizations, people have needs and desires.
@@legioxciicorvus5917 The only one that should be ashamed is you. Grow up, little man. This woman is an amazing and strong person for doing this video.
My apologies for late reply.... I read 1. Late Bloomers; Awakening to Lesbianism After Forty by Robin McCoy, 2. Dear John, I love Jane 3. Lesbian Epiphanies: Women Coming Out Later in Life. Hope this helps
@@shannonharmstrong Thank you for your book share also! I just watched your video. Thanks for sharing. I'm in my fourties, came out as bi ten years ago and i'm struggling with being a lesbian for a year. I love latebloomerlesbian on reddit! You are beautiful and powerful!
Good on you for finding yourself. Many people never do throughout their whole life. This is over a year ago, so maybe you've found that special person now. You are hot and seem to be a lovely person too so I would say there's a good chance that's happened! Hope the covid crisis hasn't been too tough on you - being a nurse, you must have been in the frontline
Thank you! I am so happy with living now! As a nurse I work via giving support to the sickest and admire those on the front lines in these times. I am so grateful in finding my authentic self. Thank you!
Shannon, I am curious. Had you never experienced any feeling about women until only recently or had you built up a wall with your feelings? You got married when you were 30? For 18 years you were married. What kind of relationship was it like. One of friendship and companionship? I know these are personal questions. Forgive me for that. We are taught as girls that heterosexual is the norm. In reality, there is no norm. Norm is what in norm for each individual. You seem very courageous to me.
Thank you! I know I had built a wall around my soul/inner self/my true feelings. I really thought something was truly wrong with me as the reason our marriage could not be as strong as it could be intimately. Really thought I was just not into sex, maybe asexual. Feels amazing to be my true me.
I am glad you’ve hurdled that part of your life well. I may not have experienced what you had but all i can(from listening to you) is to just empathize to what you’ve been through. You’re brave and smart of a lady and i truly admire you for that. Finding your truth is finding your worth. God bless!
I like what you said about the norm, Sarah. There is no real norm, we label things to make it easier but sexual attractions are more complex than that.
@@shannonharmstrong What you said reminds me of what Thomas Mann came to believe, one of the greatest and most known authors of Germany, who was a closeted gay but lived as a straight person in a straight marriage for most of his life. He made the distinction for himself marriage: duty/obligation, real pleasure/intimacy: indulgence. (Sorry if these words don't make sense I'm not sure if i translated correctly.) He thought it was normal. Think it's interesting. Shows what it can do when you're told there is only one type of real love
@@harleyquiinnnn The romantic in me likes to believe that we love another person’s soul, not their genitalia. But in this country, so many people are just so hung up on the he has a penis, she has a vagina, and the two go together to form a relationship. The penis and the vagina are good for making babies. But what happens when two people of done with baby making? And what about those who are not interested in making babies?
You glossed over the prior sexual trauma in your early years. The thing I have found is most common among situations such as yours has been the reoccurring theme of sexual trauma in the woman's childhood or teen years. It clearly made intimacy with a male difficult for you to adjust to. Wifely duty overrode your discomfort and I can understand that, but the root of the unnatural inclinations you now have is the culprit. I'm not saying you can overcome it, or that you should be disdained for having this problem, but just simply the truth, however painful, is still the best way to live your life. May you find happiness in however you choose to deal with it.
@@shannonharmstrong maybe its time for you check out STRAIGHT SPOCE ,ORG,(SSO) TO SEE HOW THE MEN REALLY FEELS most we tell you what they want you to hear
💛 💙 Please post this on reddit.com/r/LateBloomerLesbians ! Some of us are married to men, some of us are dating them, and some of us are chronically single. But we well have one thing in common: we are late to the coming out game. A place for queer, gay, bi, pan, lesbian and questioning humans to share, give advice, and receive support! 💛 💙
Welcome to the real world? I tried being gay for 6 years, but that wasn't what I expected. Sexuality is a spectrum. You fall in love with a person, not with a body. Good luck with your journey! It is certainly worth exploring. Just take my advice: erxcluding 50% of the population in your love live is never a good idea. Neither as gay nor as hetero (which has the same exclusion). I expect you fell in love with your ex. The fact you were not mature enough to live your life within that relationship, is outside of your realm of resposnsibility. Mind you; I am not questioning your sexuality, since you never had a choice. Since you opened your mind, I hope you find love. And everybody is seeking for the exit, aftert 18 years of marriage. Heck, I could barely maintain 7 years with my 2 partners (no children involved). I really, really hope your title will come true: You blossom. Whichever way you choose. 💘🌹 And I am sure you weill, since you had the guts to share this video. Thank you for sharing! And, as an ex-gay man: I'd love to hate you! 🤣 Mèn, the humour between gay men and women is só great! We all couldn't stánd each other, but loved the heck out of us all! (By which I mean: no worries, we will all get along. Unless you're a drumpf supporter. Then you need therapy 😉)
I'm 44. Just verified my feelings in 2018. I am who I am. I don't need a name. I don't NEED TO IDENTIFY!!! I am what I am. I just want a woman. Men never did anything for me. Until I met a woman all my buttons were ramped up to a 1000%.... She turned out to ruin my heart, my life, my soul, my whole image of what a shit future I'm gonna have... I was better off staying indoors and not even looking her direction. Sorry but that's how I feel.
I want to thank you for your video. You words were very strong and powerful. This helped to answered questions that I had that were going on in my relationship with my wife. I completely understand why the more I offered affection the more it drove her away.
Last year my wife of 23 yrs came out to me as bi, I told her that I already know and it was not an issue for me as she had chosen to be with me. We had talked about if she wanted to added a third person into our marriage, which I was not confirmable with at all as my wife is the only partner I have every been with. However just like in your journey, she started to pull back when I started to show more love and affection when she was completing her RN BSN. After watching your video, I was able to ask her are you sure your bi and not a lesbian. She confirmed that she was a lesbian. I asked her if she liked her friend that was staying with us after her lesbian partner broke up with her. She smiled so big and said that she did. I started to cry in front of her not over heart broke, but love. I had not seen her smile like that for years. I know that moment that I had to let her go as the ultimate form of love for her. I couldn't stand to know that if she chose to stay with me, it would only cause her more pain. This was all over Thanksgiving weekend this year. She did ask her friend if she liked her, and they went on their first date the other day. Just before they left for their date, I asked if I could take their picture in front of the house. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done, as it felt like I was giving her away. I was able to hold it together until I got in the house and started to cry. I know there was no chose and I had to let her go to be the best version of herself could be.
So we have worked out the details, and we will be filing for divorce so we can both move on to the next chapter of our lives. But until then, I offered our pervious bedroom to my former wife and her girlfriend as it had a connecting bathroom and they could have total privacy. I have cleaned out our 3rd floor and turning into a bedroom for me. We all talk every night about things that come up with each of us. Long term we will both be getting our own places. I can't tell you how happy I am to see them both smile, and look forward to the day when I and introduce them as this is my former wife and her wife. People keep asking if I am ok, I have been though hell, but I am getting better every day. Last night was the first time I was able to sleep more than 2hrs for a week. I have welcomed my former wife's girlfriend into our home and totally support them in their journey.
I tell everyone I talk to to please watch your video and it will explain so much. The way that we see it, there is only side of our divorce and that is the side of LOVE.
My house supports all members of LGBTQ+ completely and totally. We have 1 daughter that is ace, 1 trans son, 1 gay son and boyfriend in our house, and my wife as a strong lesbian. I told my kids that if could not support my former wife then what would that say for my support in their eyes. The kids are totally ok with everything as they are almost all adults. I get a little bullied by them all, in good spirit of course, as the only cis straight man in the house. But I would not have it any other way. I love my whole family that they can all be their true selves. My former wife's girlfriend texted me today and made me cry 3 times reading her message thanking me for my support. I had to tell my former wife, hey your girlfriend is making me cry.
Again thank you for posting your journey I have watch them all a number of times. Sorry for long message, but it means the world to me on our journey.
LGBTQ+ Ally.
Reading this was so incredibly heartwarming! Thank you for sharing this portion of your journey here. Wish I could quantify for you the immense sense of joy I experienced reading it is. May the rest of your journey be richly blessed.
Amazing story. Late bloomer here too. 2 failed marriages and finding out that I was suppressing my feelings for a long, long time. My 2 children, who are adults now are so wonderful and supportive from the beginning of my journey. I'm a great relationship now and they just love my girlfriend. I wish you lots of happiness and love.
Rosemarie Gill thank you so much ! I wish you all the happiness as well!
@@shannonharmstrong Thank you. All the best to you. Stay in touch.
Wow. I’m so proud of you for sharing your story. I know it’s not easy for you to tell everyone what your feeling. Possibly might have had my eyes sweat. I love you mom💋
I hope my sons are half as supportive and mature as this comment shows. You've raised an amazing person
Awwww, now that would mean the world to her.
And it shows character on your part.
I wish you and your family well.
Late bloomer here. 17yrs married. Teenage daughter. Totally understand. Out for 3 yrs now. It’s truly liberating. The intimacy was the big factor.
Thank you posting this Shannon. I can really relate to your story. I have experienced many things that you talked about, coming out later in life. I am still in the process of coming out. It’s pretty difficult at times. I appreciate your courage.
You are so welcome!
Wow. Thank you for your brave generosity in sharing your story. It is one that needs to be told so that little girls can contextualize their choices...and so that older little girls (51) feel less crazy when their truth arrives.
part of the reason i denied being a lesbian was because i actually somewhat enjoyed sex with men. Hear me out: I wasn’t attracted to their bodies and had to look away or fantasize about women in order to get off, and the only men who didn’t completely repulse me were effeminate ones. that being said, I enjoyed it because i found a certain beauty in the vulnerability/connection we shared, and of course things //physically// still felt good if they touched me the right way. Also, due to sexual traumas I learned to consciously associate discomfort with sexual pleasure (ie i’d force myself to be somewhat kinky and anticipate mental/physical discomfort) and would also use bdsm with men as a form of self harm.
Even when I felt safe and genuinely enjoyed myself, I still felt like something was missing and I was increasingly dissatisfied and still tried not to pay attention to what I was looking at. it didn’t click for some reason until my last boyfriend and I broke up that I wasn’t just a bisexual who was “really curious about women” but i was a LESBIAN
2 year update: i was right, i’m definitely a lesbian
Thanks for viewing and sharing! Life/emotions/connections are so complex..Glad you shared your exploration in finding who you are!
Same!!
Wow that likes describes me. I never thought I was more then bisexual because I didn’t hate being with men, ( well some men lol), but it wasn’t even in the same ballpark as being with a woman. At least most of these years I’ve said I prefer women, but after having my son ( 9 months), and loving his father but as a friend.. I realized I’m not just “really bisexual”, lol, I’m a lesbian. Always have been. Explains a lot.
You're describing compulsory heterosexuality to a "T"!
Maybe you are bisexual, but you just prefer women? From what you wrote you at least were able to have an emotional connection which lead to feeling good in bed. I think it is perfectly valid to be bisexual, but prefer a gender so much that you really prefer to be with that one. Also... I think people fantasize too much about something they don't have. Once you do get into a relationship with a woman, you may find out after some time of trying it that the novelty wears out and then similar relationship problems appear.
You’re so well spoken and concise! Thank you for this video.
I'm so happy you finally found peace and acceptance for your true self, no matter if it took a while & was a journey. It breaks my heart, though, as a fellow late-bloomer, how hard we as women work to try to twist ourselves into what society expects us to be. The incredibly intense labour of it, because we were never taught from childhood to instead put that effort into claiming our own agency to be our authentic selves. It's never too late, though. I'm trying to teach my own kids to love their true selves, even as I'm still trying to teach myself.
All the best.
Thank you so much for sharing. I'm just 30 but I consider myself a late bloomer lesbian and your story gives me some great insight. I've never been married because I always knew I didn't want to be married to a man. Yet never understood why and used to be really ashamed of my inability to fulfill my "duty". Compulsory heterosexuality is a terrible thing. I used to think I was sex repulsive or asexual as well. Some of my friends are, it's completely valid identity just not the right for me. The first year after I came out was very turbulent and painful but it worthed it. I've never felt like myself before and it's an adventure to discover who I really am. Being truthful to oneself can be really hard but it makes our lives worth living. I wish you the best life, lots of love and happy and supportive family.
Thank you!!
Oh my god, I can’t express how much I related to your story. Especially the issues with intimacy and trying to rationalise it. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story so openly and honestly.
Such a good explanation, thank you. I have known I was a lesbian from the age of 6 but my late wife of 33 yrs made the decision that she was a lesbian in her 40's and with the help of counselling needed she to live her true life. She had to leave her husband and her young son which was terribly hard on her emotionally but she needed to do it to be honest with herself. I met her whilst she was going through this big lifestyle change and at times it was difficult for all involved as she didn't always share the angst she was experiencing. Your words have helped me understand what she must have been going through at that time and are helping me put a few more pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of our life together and helping me mourn her passing more fully and in an easier way. Thank you.
You are SO brave. Thank you for making this video; it will help many people...more than you will ever know.
I hope so! I'll be posting an update very soon.
I'm still figuring it out myself so seeing those that are older then me makes me feel less crazy
Yay! Yes...there is no timeline as to figuring out/learning about yourself!
Me too
I am in awe of your strength and bravery. Good luck on your journey to living your life as your authentic self and finally finding a love that completes you.
Thank you!!! I am really finding my happy self
You are so brave! You've pretty much explained my life! Thank you!
I tip my hat to you, Shannon, for your courage in telling your story. You’ve been VERY informative to your growing number of viewers, promoting understanding to your life’s situation and efforts to reach a happy conclusion.
I have liked and subscribed, and I hope you keep us up to date with your progress.
We love you. ❤
Going through this right now. Thank you so much for sharing
Thank you so much for sharing your story, it is so helpful to hear I am not the only one. I'm 37 and I told my husband of my aversion to intimacy with him and my feelings towards women a few years ago, but we left it unaddressed. I'm finally in a place to pursue these feelings more and we are proceeding with a lot more communication than we ever had. I'm going to definitely check out those resources.
You are so welcome! Stay hopeful and keep searching for your happiness!
Thank you for sharing your story and yes I've just come out and 52. I really thought I was kissing my mind, I had no idea I was gay. Once I allowed myself to just feel what I was feeling without judgement I have blossomed and love myself so much more. Now I have met a wonderful woman and life is amazing😊❤xxx
This is amazing. Thank you for sharing your journey with us all even though its not something you were completely comfortable doing (though u looked very natural). ❤🤗❤🙏🏽🌹
I like how you said "its not about the sex , its about the intimacy and how you want to feel around the person u re with"
Beautiful.💗
Welcome, it is so freeing when you come out. I did it at 27 and was not something that I ever thought would ever do. But it was the best thing. It is great to start the second part of our lives.
Couldn't agree more! Thanks!
I am a really late bloomer ..... I was a guest on Les Keep it Real with Ali and Talie this week......Happy to run across this video ... I have never heard of Sexual Anorexia I am definitely going to read more about it.... Thank you again! Diane
Congratulations on coming out! That takes incredible courage and strength! You mentioned, however, in the title of your video about being a "late bloomer". When it comes to the subject of coming out, there's no such thing. In my opinion, everyone has to feel completely comfortable coming out when it feels right for them to do it, and that varies from person to person. Everyone has their own individual timeline. For example, you're not right if you come out at 16 years old, and you're not wrong for coming out at 50 years old. Personally, I'm 38 years old, and I came out at 26! It was my time to come out, and it's the exact same thing with you - your time was 48 years old. Coming out is a big deal, and it's beautiful thing to be celebrated at any age!
I just ran across your video and felt compelled to tell you how brave you are and that I hope you find a woman that you can give you happiness and intimacy...that is what humans need and without it...comes depression and confusion.
The Lesbian Chronicles is a great podcast. I can relate to it so much. I also recommend Emily’s Late Life Lesbian Journey on UA-cam.
Thank you for this voice, even though I have been aware of myself since I was 12 years old and I consciously chose the path of being true to myself and I have been doing these little daily coming outs for years - such voices are very important and I appreciate them. Because they prove that being gay is not "choosing a comfortable path because you don't want to try for a man" but we are born with it and that's it :)
Really helpful! I loved the quote about not having context you dont spot the flags and you down play them. I would get strange sensations and euphoria around beautiful woman but always thought it was just the effect of beauty on the brain. Never did I look and think well I dont get those sensations around good looking men. And that confused me, so much confusion. I was given a movie to watch which I had no idea it was a lesbain movie and when I saw the woman kissing each other, I was shocked at the way my body was reacting, it never reacted that way when I saw a man and woman together. But I thought that maybe that was because it was novel and different. I remember thinking that that love was more real to me than the love I saw between a woman and a man. But immediately I felt, but that is selfish and I can't have that, I am not allowed to have that. I grew up very Catholic. I would get depressed because I couldn't figure out why I could not stop thinking about this girl, I had insomnia because I could not understand why, and my brain at the time and my programming meant that I did not even conceive that I might be lesbian.
It takes a lot of courage to share your story with us. Thank you and I hope you find the love you are looking for🙂❤️👍
I'm really proud of you for making this video. I am 27 and ended an almost 7-year relationship with a man because I just couldn't fulfill him in the way he deserved, or be fulfilled in the way I deserved. It's been so hard but I am relieved in knowing that even though you're 48, you can still live your truth. I felt/feel for the longest time that I'm "too late." But I know that's not true. Thank you
Your video is still helping people. I am one. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing! You are gorgeous inside and out!
I hope you are still doing well these days, I'll check out your other stuff for sure.
Self-discovery can be difficult, especially later in life. Having to pick apart long held beliefs and staying true to yourself can be on ongoing process.
WAY TO GO! ❤🎉❤
What a great video! You are so brave. I totally respect your honesty with yourself and imagine this will also benefit your partner to move on as well. Much prayers for the children. I have subscribed and hope to follow you through your journey.
I came out in 2004 I was 24/25 it took my parent it took them while for them to come around. And thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know your journey could help a lot of people.
What a huge change mid life. So glad you found the happiness and peace you deserve. This should be helpful to so many others having similar issues.
Such an amazing video. Thank you!❤
You're so welcome!
Shannon you are absolutely incredible.
Thank you!! 💜
Like the way you explained this I’ve had really bad anxiety lot of my life and feel sexuality was a big part of it as recently started telling people I’m gay and feeling more calm and balanced x
All the judgey comments here are ridiculous. They think they know this woman and her ex-husband and their relationship more than the people in it. Just let her tell her story jeez. Better late than never to be authentic with yourself.
You seem like a really sweet and lovely woman.
Thank you!
This took great courage and strength. Now you can be your authentic self - congratulations!
Interesting too hear your story iam similar, ive come out as crossdresser myself iam just about to turn 60 , married 30years with one daughter 24 .. we both come from church upbringing as well....
This happened to my wife and I only she wasn’t as mature as you it sounds. She also is highly highly narcissistic so she abused me and gaslit me to such a high degree that she basically forced ME to call it quits and file for divorce. Worse two years of my life which is saying something considering other things I’ve gone through. Finally have my life somewhat back together. My ex grew up Jehovah’s Witness so if you understand anything about that you will know how that affected her coming out and her NPD. She is now with a woman and posts on social media with her and how happy she is. I know that took an extreme amount of courage for her to do. I don’t understand any of this because I’m straight as they come but I accept and empathize and understand that there are all kinds of different people in this world. I wish I didn’t have to go through what I went through with my ex wife, taking away a decade of my life with her living a lie or at least feeling safe enough to be honest and live her truth instead of hurting me. Thank you for sharing your story!
Beautiful lady well done for telling your story can relate to what your saying. Really admire your bravery and showing vulnerability it will inspire many others x
Thank you for sharing about this!!
Thank you for your story
Thank you for sharing your story. A dear friend of mine knew she was lesbian as a teen, but was unable to fully live her truth because of her father. Even as an adult she was afraid of his wrath. She married a man who was very effeminate but understanding of her "bisexuality" and need to sleep with women. She died at 44 never fully being able to live her truth and know herself. I loved her for over 20 yrs as best friends eventhough we were never intimate. 💔
Wow, I love listening to your life story. It is so important to recognise those women who come to embrace thief sexuality later in life. Your experience an£ life is valid.
I really admire you. I can see that you are a very "Multi dementional" as a person and because of that i admire you!
dimensional
I resonate with your story a lot. Thank you for sharing your story
Thank you for viewing.
Beautiful story!
As long as you're honest with yourself and to your male partner if you have one, e.g. treat him with respect and don't cheat on him, then I wish you well. People change, people have realizations, people have needs and desires.
Hello! Same here! Thank you for sharing!
U are so brave thanks so much your story helps us all
thank you for sharing!
I admire you for your courage. I'm trans and I've always been attracted to women. I consider myself a lesbian.
Uauuu so wonderful you being yourself after all those years good luck to you. I hope you find someone who is true and than deserve you.
Great stories below and of course yours, fab!
Congratulations! How wonderful.
thank you for sharing
You are very brave. I wish you and Rob all the happiness in the world
Paris Harrison thank you so much!
@@legioxciicorvus5917 The only one that should be ashamed is you. Grow up, little man. This woman is an amazing and strong person for doing this video.
Wow. Thank you very much. I was wondering if you could recommend a couple of the books you mentioned about late in life lesbians?
My apologies for late reply.... I read 1. Late Bloomers; Awakening to Lesbianism After Forty by Robin McCoy, 2. Dear John, I love Jane 3. Lesbian Epiphanies: Women Coming Out Later in Life. Hope this helps
@@shannonharmstrong Thank you for your book share also! I just watched your video. Thanks for sharing. I'm in my fourties, came out as bi ten years ago and i'm struggling with being a lesbian for a year. I love latebloomerlesbian on reddit! You are beautiful and powerful!
You are awesome!! Way to go!
Good on you for finding yourself. Many people never do throughout their whole life. This is over a year ago, so maybe you've found that special person now. You are hot and seem to be a lovely person too so I would say there's a good chance that's happened! Hope the covid crisis hasn't been too tough on you - being a nurse, you must have been in the frontline
Thank you! I am so happy with living now! As a nurse I work via giving support to the sickest and admire those on the front lines in these times. I am so grateful in finding my authentic self. Thank you!
👏👏😁😁😘😘 you should be proud of yourself you be happy from now on
THANK YOU! 😭💜
Shannon, I am curious. Had you never experienced any feeling about women until only recently or had you built up a wall with your feelings?
You got married when you were 30? For 18 years you were married. What kind of relationship was it like. One of friendship and companionship? I know these are personal questions. Forgive me for that.
We are taught as girls that heterosexual is the norm.
In reality, there is no norm. Norm is what in norm for each individual.
You seem very courageous to me.
Thank you! I know I had built a wall around my soul/inner self/my true feelings. I really thought something was truly wrong with me as the reason our marriage could not be as strong as it could be intimately. Really thought I was just not into sex, maybe asexual.
Feels amazing to be my true me.
I am glad you’ve hurdled that part of your life well. I may not have experienced what you had but all i can(from listening to you) is to just empathize to what you’ve been through. You’re brave and smart of a lady and i truly admire you for that. Finding your truth is finding your worth. God bless!
I like what you said about the norm, Sarah. There is no real norm, we label things to make it easier but sexual attractions are more complex than that.
@@shannonharmstrong What you said reminds me of what Thomas Mann came to believe, one of the greatest and most known authors of Germany, who was a closeted gay but lived as a straight person in a straight marriage for most of his life. He made the distinction for himself marriage: duty/obligation, real pleasure/intimacy: indulgence. (Sorry if these words don't make sense I'm not sure if i translated correctly.) He thought it was normal. Think it's interesting. Shows what it can do when you're told there is only one type of real love
@@harleyquiinnnn The romantic in me likes to believe that we love another person’s soul, not their genitalia.
But in this country, so many people are just so hung up on the he has a penis, she has a vagina, and the two go together to form a relationship. The penis and the vagina are good for making babies. But what happens when two people of done with baby making? And what about those who are not interested in making babies?
You're fantastic !!!
so proud of you!
Thank you!
Its about intimacy and how you want to feel around the person you are with.
You are beautiful.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Thanks for listening
I have had problems with touch too!
Thanks for sharing!
Hooray!!!
So true thank you so much
awesome video, glad you know now who you are!!!!
You glossed over the prior sexual trauma in your early years. The thing I have found is most common among situations such as yours has been the reoccurring theme of sexual trauma in the woman's childhood or teen years. It clearly made intimacy with a male difficult for you to adjust to. Wifely duty overrode your discomfort and I can understand that, but the root of the unnatural inclinations you now have is the culprit. I'm not saying you can overcome it, or that you should be disdained for having this problem, but just simply the truth, however painful, is still the best way to live your life. May you find happiness in however you choose to deal with it.
32 years of marriage and im trying to find my truth. I do love my husband.😥
It is a hard journey. I will always love my husband, soon to be ex. We will always have a very special friendship and have great mutual respect.
@@shannonharmstrong maybe its time for you check out STRAIGHT SPOCE ,ORG,(SSO) TO SEE HOW THE MEN REALLY FEELS most we tell you what they want you to hear
proud of you ❤
Thanks for sharing! 💜
💛 💙 Please post this on reddit.com/r/LateBloomerLesbians !
Some of us are married to men, some of us are dating them, and some of us are chronically single. But we well have one thing in common: we are late to the coming out game. A place for queer, gay, bi, pan, lesbian and questioning humans to share, give advice, and receive support! 💛 💙
Thank you! I shared the link when first posted :) Hoping to help others
Welcome to the real world?
I tried being gay for 6 years, but that wasn't what I expected.
Sexuality is a spectrum. You fall in love with a person, not with a body.
Good luck with your journey!
It is certainly worth exploring.
Just take my advice: erxcluding 50% of the population in your love live is never a good idea.
Neither as gay nor as hetero (which has the same exclusion).
I expect you fell in love with your ex.
The fact you were not mature enough to live your life within that relationship, is outside of your realm of resposnsibility.
Mind you; I am not questioning your sexuality, since you never had a choice. Since you opened your mind, I hope you find love.
And everybody is seeking for the exit, aftert 18 years of marriage. Heck, I could barely maintain 7 years with my 2 partners (no children involved).
I really, really hope your title will come true: You blossom. Whichever way you choose. 💘🌹
And I am sure you weill, since you had the guts to share this video.
Thank you for sharing!
And, as an ex-gay man: I'd love to hate you! 🤣
Mèn, the humour between gay men and women is só great!
We all couldn't stánd each other, but loved the heck out of us all!
(By which I mean: no worries, we will all get along. Unless you're a drumpf supporter. Then you need therapy 😉)
The redit and podcast references are appreciated! Thank you, from one LBL to another 🫂
❤️❤️❤️SLAYYYYY
Bravo.
Good for you! It is who you are..no different than the color of your eyes...simple as that! 👍
Their time where LGBTQ wasn’t talk about 20 some year ago with was taboo.
I glad for you. I hope you will find a woman with whom you will be happy.
Thank you for this 🙏
So are you and your hubby still living together? You said your communication is very good but I wonder what day to day life is like.
Cute 😊
Proud of you :)
Thank you!
Good for you.
❤❤😊
🏳️🌈love is one 🏳️🌈❤❤👸👸
Id like to know that woman.
I'm 44. Just verified my feelings in 2018. I am who I am. I don't need a name. I don't NEED TO IDENTIFY!!! I am what I am. I just want a woman. Men never did anything for me. Until I met a woman all my buttons were ramped up to a 1000%.... She turned out to ruin my heart, my life, my soul, my whole image of what a shit future I'm gonna have... I was better off staying indoors and not even looking her direction. Sorry but that's how I feel.
I'm a lipstick lesbian. 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋