"power hungry control freak", that describes my ex perfectly, the sad and shocking thing is, I had become completely hooked on her, to the extent that I had withdrawn symptoms without her. Then I started fighting back and she is no longer in my life, but I'm still in recovery. The frog in the hot water is a good analogy.
It's a very normal réaction. These people are addictive because of all the up and down they make us live through. I hope you're doing better now. Stay healthy.
Scary how rather accurate the video is David... Every single bit of it was used. Along the self harm, self del...30 bus... But now, 3 months free of that...Person. I can tell you all, it does get better. Just need to ACTIVELY try to heal, listen to what David's saying, journal, and abandon any hope for a future togheter with someone that never really exist. Life feels so much easier now without a para-site attached to my neck, might sound mean, but that's what it was. Moving to another country, getting a better job, meeting new people, going out of the isolation that I've been through for the past year and a bit... Feels GREAT! So keep on going every minute, we all are going to make it ❤
@@DeMarsCoaching Trying my best which is truly enough. Wasn't for her hah. But, part of my journey brother, was also aided hugely by your work. So, I'll be forever in your debt. I'll try to send you a message on the website these days. Thank you so damn much for your work!
Thanks for such a real to me video, David! Exactly what happened! One thing was isolation. He was so bad when we went anywhere, with others or just in public, that I would rather stay home. He could go out by himself and be the miserable person that he was. You are so right, when you say, if you can’t fix it, it’s over! End it!😎❤️
I noticed after me and my bpd gf of 4 years broke up for the 3rd time I’ve went no contact and after 3 months my face looks fuller my health got better and my over all happiness came back! I seen her a week ago and I told her I forgive her and told her to never contact me or try to come back into my life again. You could see she was upset but I told her my feelings for her are gone for good. Such a sad thing someone has to live with. 😢
They really drain you. The sad part is you do not see it until it is over and done and some time with no contact goes by. These people are messed in the heads and WILL do the most egregious things to try to hurt you. They just disgust me. If anyone remotely reminds me, through their actions, of my borderline ex I cut it off immediately. Being involved with these types of people is dangerous to yourself. It is impossible to save these people from themselves. They drag you out into deep waters and pull you under with them. The best thing to do it to look at it for what it was. The ability to learn and grow and better yourself as a person. We truly are better off without them and the abuse in out lives. Glad to hear you are mentally well and on the path to recovery my friend. Stay strong!
It's always a sad thing when you have no choice but to cut someone out of your life completely for your own good. But it's the only thing you have to do. Stay healthy.
@@brianbondy5667Yeah. This apply to narcissistic people as well. I got dumped by someone because I was "too sick to be her boyfriend" I was upset at first, but after a week I realised it was a blessing. At the time I was dying of a liver failure so I was often at the hospital. She came to visit me only twice (I got admitted 56 times in almost 2 years) and she would call and scream at the nurses because I couldn't speak to her (I was in a coma) so I had to manage her AND the fact that I was dying. I was the one who has to reasure her, not the other way around. When I returned home after my transplant, she tried to come back in my life. You're better alone than with someone like this.
4:40 that’s my story David…. no car on my end, no investment on her end. Cannot make her feel good anymore, rides, dates. Easy for her to leave and find somebody else that can meet her needs.
Healing family from California. Thnx for another awesome video!! Yes! I lost a sense of who I was. I lost my values and became someone I didn’t know 😭 he isolated me from my luving family. I would have taken him bak but thanx to u David I found myself again, in therapy, luving myself more and much more. Thank u David for helpin me ❤couldn’t have done this without u… Run from them!!!
My ex owes me $3000 I lent her for rent in an apartment we were both going to move into together. She manipulated and discarded me and now lives there by herself. I’ve gone no contact now but she said she’d pay me back each month but isn’t. I don’t want to contact her but am resentful for the money. She totally took agency over the two years together. I didn’t notice until I started getting sick.
I lent a “friend” a lot of money which was my foolishness. I had a feeling I wouldn’t get it back and that’s become the reality going on six years. She said she couldn’t work but I see she’s living in a new McMansion going on three years now. She got what she wanted and had gone AWOL. I realize every word she said was a lie but she turned out to be a real point of sale. It’s really a shame she’s not a good person.
Abuse is abuse even if the borderline /narcissist doesn't do it on purpose or if they say its a joke im not laughing nobody would they just can't help them selfs it's all about them its like they feed on you and you get drained slowly while you can't talk about what your feeling because they will feel attacked and if you talk about it it has to be quick because everything has to be fun fun fun It really is like having a relationship with a child in a grown body but it doesn't start of that way of course
Je vais écrire mon commentaire en français parce que je suis très fatigué. Je viens de rentrer à la maison. J'ai manqué quelques vidéos depuis Noël. Je vais les écouter plus tard. J'espère que vous avez passé du bon temps avec votre famille et que vous avez pris le temps de vous reposer un peu. Merci David pour ces précieux conseils et de prendre le temps de répondre à nos questions. Je souhaite une bonne et heureuse année à tous. Vous aurez sûrement un bouton "translate in english" en bas du commentaire. Merci de votre compréhension.
David, thank you for your videos I’ve watched many over the years. Question: After severe narc abuse from a co parent who uses the kids to hurt you; how does someone recover from the devastation? I am currently in therapy, but the more this drags on the more it takes a toll on my health. I’m frightened. It’s been so bad, and getting worse every month. Thank you, David.
My ex BPD recently married her lover. She let me know after 2 years of no contact. Since then she has been posting regularly about her childhood traumas, her hypersensitivity and the fact that she now loves herself thanks to her (old and very rich) husband. My question for you: why does it work with him, whom she took in a hurry at first to avoid loneliness?
The reality is it does NOT work with him. As this marriage evolves, and it will, her toxic traits will come out. I have an ex borderline that I have kids with, thank god they are almost adults and I am almost done dealing with her. She has been in a relationship for the past 8 or 10 years and I can literally tell how her relationship is going based on how she treats me. She will not contact me for weeks or months then, when she starts to devalue him in the back and fourth swings she will text me with some meaningless stuff. She will come out to the car when I pick them up and put on her "sweet voice" and talk about meaningless stuff. You can't win with an undiagnosed/ untreated borderline. The only true way to get yourself back is to cut them out of your life and go no contact or as little contact as possible. It is tough at the start as these people are very addictive no matter now toxic and messed up it sounds. Heal yourself and work on being a better person to create a space for a healthy amazing person to fill.
She doesn't love herself because of anyone. She doesn't love herself and needed someone else to give her an identity. She is so unstable she is very impulsive. She is clearly not healed from her childhood trauma and is completely reliant on others to help he rfeel better. People this sick will seek another this sick so they never leave them. Someone that has no boundaries and will assume all responsibility for them. If you love yourself and cannot be with this person then the person that can be with her does not love themselves. Monkey branching and stopping and starting relationship like she does is what makes people feel empty inside the most. She carries shame and does not like who she is and she lacks self reliance whoch means she must find someone to carry her through life and make her feel better and also never leave her. You cannot have your own identity and place your needs before hers if you want to be with her.
@@DeMarsCoaching Thank you for your analysis. I really feel sorry for her, for them. They deserve to get there too. I congratulated her on finding a good husband; apart from that, there's nothing more I can do.
@@brianbondy5667 Thanks for the comment. I hope that time will overcome the difficulties involved in these relationships. It's a tragic disorder and I empathize with both parties.
@@Ppsy_777 So true! These relationships create chaos in the non BPD person but, You really have to feel for the person with BPD. What an unfortunate awful way to have to go through life. I wish them all the best and hope for their happiness. That only came after healing myself.
No he is the other way, he works and wants lots of money, I think him having money is control, he likes paying for everything again that's power, and then you dependent on him so that's again control in a way ,also you feel like your together, you feel loved, but your not , cos one day ,it's chucked back at you that he does everything even though you didn't have a choice
Thank you, David. A big thank you for coaching me during the holiday break. This was another great video, I’m going to save it. I appreciate everything you do to help us understand these people better❤️🩹
"power hungry control freak", that describes my ex perfectly, the sad and shocking thing is, I had become completely hooked on her, to the extent that I had withdrawn symptoms without her.
Then I started fighting back and she is no longer in my life, but I'm still in recovery.
The frog in the hot water is a good analogy.
When you started fighting back, I bet she raged and smeared you black. Talked behind your back to ruin your reputation. These people are cancer.
It's a very normal réaction. These people are addictive because of all the up and down they make us live through. I hope you're doing better now. Stay healthy.
Good to see you! These people are so unstable that relationships are so unstable too and it causes addiction.
Scary how rather accurate the video is David... Every single bit of it was used. Along the self harm, self del...30 bus...
But now, 3 months free of that...Person. I can tell you all, it does get better. Just need to ACTIVELY try to heal, listen to what David's saying, journal, and abandon any hope for a future togheter with someone that never really exist. Life feels so much easier now without a para-site attached to my neck, might sound mean, but that's what it was. Moving to another country, getting a better job, meeting new people, going out of the isolation that I've been through for the past year and a bit... Feels GREAT! So keep on going every minute, we all are going to make it ❤
Wow lots of changes for you, I hope they feel good and not too scary. Thank you.
@@DeMarsCoaching Trying my best which is truly enough. Wasn't for her hah. But, part of my journey brother, was also aided hugely by your work. So, I'll be forever in your debt. I'll try to send you a message on the website these days. Thank you so damn much for your work!
Thanks for such a real to me video, David! Exactly what happened! One thing was isolation. He was so bad when we went anywhere, with others or just in public, that I would rather stay home. He could go out by himself and be the miserable person that he was. You are so right, when you say, if you can’t fix it, it’s over! End it!😎❤️
Hi Rory! Like a misbehaven boy that you have to pull put of public places because they're so embarrassing?
@@DeMarsCoaching I just got a visual of me trying to pull him out of anywhere, him kicking and screaming!! Made me chuckle!!😎❤️
She said it was her autism.. what an insult to empathetic loving autistic people...
My ex tried to pull that bs too
People on the spectrum can also be diagnosed with BPD and NPD. Its not her autism or her mental illness that abuses you. Its just her that does it.
David, If I had to summarize my relationship with my x, I couldn't have done it better than how you explained everything in this video!
Thank you and I am also very sorry.
I noticed after me and my bpd gf of 4 years broke up for the 3rd time I’ve went no contact and after 3 months my face looks fuller my health got better and my over all happiness came back! I seen her a week ago and I told her I forgive her and told her to never contact me or try to come back into my life again. You could see she was upset but I told her my feelings for her are gone for good. Such a sad thing someone has to live with. 😢
They really drain you. The sad part is you do not see it until it is over and done and some time with no contact goes by. These people are messed in the heads and WILL do the most egregious things to try to hurt you. They just disgust me. If anyone remotely reminds me, through their actions, of my borderline ex I cut it off immediately. Being involved with these types of people is dangerous to yourself. It is impossible to save these people from themselves. They drag you out into deep waters and pull you under with them. The best thing to do it to look at it for what it was. The ability to learn and grow and better yourself as a person. We truly are better off without them and the abuse in out lives. Glad to hear you are mentally well and on the path to recovery my friend. Stay strong!
It's always a sad thing when you have no choice but to cut someone out of your life completely for your own good. But it's the only thing you have to do. Stay healthy.
@@brianbondy5667Yeah. This apply to narcissistic people as well. I got dumped by someone because I was "too sick to be her boyfriend" I was upset at first, but after a week I realised it was a blessing. At the time I was dying of a liver failure so I was often at the hospital. She came to visit me only twice (I got admitted 56 times in almost 2 years) and she would call and scream at the nurses because I couldn't speak to her (I was in a coma) so I had to manage her AND the fact that I was dying. I was the one who has to reasure her, not the other way around. When I returned home after my transplant, she tried to come back in my life. You're better alone than with someone like this.
It is Brandon and its nice to see your compassion is still intact.
Glad u went no contact! I did the same after 8 years after he discarded us. Still healing, still a long way to go. U did the best thing
4:40 that’s my story David…. no car on my end, no investment on her end. Cannot make her feel good anymore, rides, dates. Easy for her to leave and find somebody else that can meet her needs.
Hi Morty! Good to see you mate, do all those great things for yourself and never give your life away for another selfish person.
Healing family from California. Thnx for another awesome video!! Yes! I lost a sense of who I was. I lost my values and became someone I didn’t know 😭 he isolated me from my luving family. I would have taken him bak but thanx to u David I found myself again, in therapy, luving myself more and much more. Thank u David for helpin me ❤couldn’t have done this without u… Run from them!!!
My ex owes me $3000 I lent her for rent in an apartment we were both going to move into together. She manipulated and discarded me and now lives there by herself. I’ve gone no contact now but she said she’d pay me back each month but isn’t. I don’t want to contact her but am resentful for the money. She totally took agency over the two years together. I didn’t notice until I started getting sick.
Forget about the money
It shows you what it would be like if she was still in your life
@@motowngirl5891 yeah good point. A $3000 lesson. We nearly had a kid together. It would have been hell.
I lent a “friend” a lot of money which was my foolishness. I had a feeling I wouldn’t get it back and that’s become the reality going on six years. She said she couldn’t work but I see she’s living in a new McMansion going on three years now. She got what she wanted and had gone AWOL. I realize every word she said was a lie but she turned out to be a real point of sale. It’s really a shame she’s not a good person.
Abuse is abuse even if the borderline /narcissist doesn't do it on purpose or if they say its a joke im not laughing nobody would
they just can't help them selfs it's all about them its like they feed on you and you get drained slowly while you can't talk about what your feeling because they will feel attacked and if you talk about it
it has to be quick because everything has to be fun fun fun
It really is like having a relationship with a child in a grown body but it doesn't start of that way of course
💯
Good video, David
Je vais écrire mon commentaire en français parce que je suis très fatigué. Je viens de rentrer à la maison. J'ai manqué quelques vidéos depuis Noël. Je vais les écouter plus tard. J'espère que vous avez passé du bon temps avec votre famille et que vous avez pris le temps de vous reposer un peu.
Merci David pour ces précieux conseils et de prendre le temps de répondre à nos questions. Je souhaite une bonne et heureuse année à tous.
Vous aurez sûrement un bouton "translate in english" en bas du commentaire. Merci de votre compréhension.
Yes, perfect translation. Thank you and happy 2025!
77%…. The other 23% are the scapegoats 😆
🤗❤️👍Hugs from Georgia
Woo hoo
David, thank you for your videos I’ve watched many over the years.
Question: After severe narc abuse from a
co parent who uses the kids to hurt you; how does someone recover from the devastation?
I am currently in therapy, but the more this drags on the more it takes a toll on my health.
I’m frightened. It’s been so bad, and getting worse every month.
Thank you, David.
You talked about my ex girlfriend David
My ex BPD recently married her lover. She let me know after 2 years of no contact. Since then she has been posting regularly about her childhood traumas, her hypersensitivity and the fact that she now loves herself thanks to her (old and very rich) husband. My question for you: why does it work with him, whom she took in a hurry at first to avoid loneliness?
The reality is it does NOT work with him. As this marriage evolves, and it will, her toxic traits will come out.
I have an ex borderline that I have kids with, thank god they are almost adults and I am almost done dealing with her. She has been in a relationship for the past 8 or 10 years and I can literally tell how her relationship is going based on how she treats me. She will not contact me for weeks or months then, when she starts to devalue him in the back and fourth swings she will text me with some meaningless stuff. She will come out to the car when I pick them up and put on her "sweet voice" and talk about meaningless stuff. You can't win with an undiagnosed/ untreated borderline. The only true way to get yourself back is to cut them out of your life and go no contact or as little contact as possible. It is tough at the start as these people are very addictive no matter now toxic and messed up it sounds. Heal yourself and work on being a better person to create a space for a healthy amazing person to fill.
She doesn't love herself because of anyone. She doesn't love herself and needed someone else to give her an identity. She is so unstable she is very impulsive. She is clearly not healed from her childhood trauma and is completely reliant on others to help he rfeel better.
People this sick will seek another this sick so they never leave them. Someone that has no boundaries and will assume all responsibility for them. If you love yourself and cannot be with this person then the person that can be with her does not love themselves. Monkey branching and stopping and starting relationship like she does is what makes people feel empty inside the most. She carries shame and does not like who she is and she lacks self reliance whoch means she must find someone to carry her through life and make her feel better and also never leave her. You cannot have your own identity and place your needs before hers if you want to be with her.
@@DeMarsCoaching Thank you for your analysis. I really feel sorry for her, for them. They deserve to get there too. I congratulated her on finding a good husband; apart from that, there's nothing more I can do.
@@brianbondy5667 Thanks for the comment. I hope that time will overcome the difficulties involved in these relationships. It's a tragic disorder and I empathize with both parties.
@@Ppsy_777 So true! These relationships create chaos in the non BPD person but, You really have to feel for the person with BPD. What an unfortunate awful way to have to go through life. I wish them all the best and hope for their happiness. That only came after healing myself.
No he is the other way, he works and wants lots of money, I think him having money is control, he likes paying for everything again that's power, and then you dependent on him so that's again control in a way ,also you feel like your together, you feel loved, but your not , cos one day ,it's chucked back at you that he does everything even though you didn't have a choice
👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
Primero
Thank you, David. A big thank you for coaching me during the holiday break. This was another great video, I’m going to save it. I appreciate everything you do to help us understand these people better❤️🩹
Hi Stephanie! Thank you always and always good to see you. I appreciate you too!