12 Signs of Autistic Masking | Your Child is hiding Their Autism
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- Опубліковано 19 січ 2024
- 12 signs of masking or camouflaging Autistic traits.
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My son does ALL of these things and I’ve mentioned it to therapists , physicians and the school since he was 2… I was told he has ADHD . He’s now almost 18 and was finally told he has Autism and ADHD. He did not get the support he needed and is now trying to figure it all out. I feel for him and I’m angry at the system that ignores parents. Love your videos! ❤
Thank you so much for sharing. 😊
My sons about to turn 4 and I’ve lost count how many times I’ve spoken to “professionals” and they just will not assess him. 😩 I know he’s not “neurotypical” I know it but I’m only his mum so 🤷🏻♀️😩 sending you love, I’m so sorry the system failed your son.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
@@Livingthefreelife Hang in there! You will find someone who will listen. You might see that change when he starts school if he hasn’t already! ❤️❤️❤️
@@Livingthefreelifesimilar . I feel school doesn’t even know anything about masking , I don’t think my neuro even
Does . My son doesn’t look autistic apparently therefore…
I mask a lot in public situations. I'm 17 female and was diagnosed at 14 (I wasn't given a level but I was told I have milder autism, so I assume I'm level 1)
Last week I had a meeting with my parents and some social workers. I forgot my sunglasses at home and I had to push through the whole hour long meeting with neon lights and LED lamps. By the end I was scratching myself under the table and squirming around. My mom, when we got out, asked "You're mad, why are you mad?" and I just snapped at her "I'm not mad, I FEEL LIKE MY HEAD IS EXPLODING"
I got a lecture about the fact I didn't bring sunglasses, and my dad said "You could've just asked" while I really couldn't have, knowing their usual reactions.
this type of thing happens far too often, where people just aren’t listened to and understood. Thank you for sharing. Sorry you had such a hard experience in your meeting.
I’m autistic and have ADHD. I had learnt to mask both at school and home because I grew up in an Asian family and they are very unsupportive of these things. Masking is exhausting and I started masking at such a young age. Thank you for being such supportive parents so that they don’t have to go through what I and many other people did with having such unsupportive parents.
You give a voice to our kids who haven’t completely found theirs yet!🩷🩷🩷 We appreciate you being here!❤️❤️❤️
I had really strict parents, teachers, and caregivers who basically forced me to mask. I was often beaten and punished for anything I did which wasn't suitable to them. I was also very anxious about being bullied, and this was a major reason why I tried very hard to mask as much as I could. I hated myself all my life, and tried my best to please others. I didn't even know what autism was until 45, at which time I realized that is the answer I'd been searching for my whole life. It explains so much, and I'm very greatful to finally have an answer. Understanding masking is what helped to realize that it's not about what you show on the outside that matters. It doesn't change who you are on the inside, and that will continue to affect your life in spite of your best masking ability. I feel as though greater acceptance would come with greater visibility, as it did with the LGBTQIA+ community. Silence leads to death, and suicide is the second leading cause of mortality for ASD individuals. Masking is self-injurious.
Thank you for sharing. You make some very important points. And I hope society is getting better, are you in the US? 45 years is a long time to not know!
@@7Aheadfamily Yep, the good ol' USA. I was diagnosed with ADD, but I always suspected there was more to the story. I grew up in a small town, and it was prior to Aspergers even being in the DSM 4, yet. So, I doubt that anyone really knew what they were dealing with.
Thanks for helping to raise aweness and educate. Hopefully, it reduces suffering.
Thanks. 🙏 And thank you for your story. It is so helpful to hear your perspective and experience.
When I was growing up I always had to hide that I was experiencing sensory overload because whenever I mentioned it I was almost always accused by people in my family of lying, attention-seeking (e.g. I was often accused of copying some of my sister’s behaviors for attention (even though she is level one and better at masking than I am (since I was level two when I was younger) most of the time), or of being overly dramatic.
I am sure it was very difficult when the parents aren’t educated. It happens too often.
Related to sign two I sometimes had emotional outbursts during social gatherings (especially on holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and one or two mother’s days). My parents and some of my other relatives interpreted this as selfishness and attention-seeking at the time (back in the 1980s, and early 1990s).
That is very unfortunate. I’m sorry you had to go so long being misunderstood. Big Family gatherings can be difficult in many ways.
@@7Aheadfamily Including the fact that these gatherings would often trigger sensory overload because some of my relatives are quite noisy.
So true, we know about that….
Autistic Meltdowns for Thanksgiving
ua-cam.com/video/Zuw3ZDY8SyI/v-deo.html
Thank you so much for sharing. Your videos have been a blessing, & I am able to advocate better for my child as I learn from you.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
I'm 25 years old now and have level 2 autism coupled with being higly gifted. I used to try to hide my autism a lot in school (unsuccessfully I might add) and I was punished for stimming rather than being allowed to exhibit those behaviors which of course only made things worse. I remember my parents physically stopping me from stimming because "it looks weird, stop doing that!"
Now as an adult I don't have the energy to mask anymore and I also do not see the point. I love being able to be myself including stimming as much and in any way that I need/want to. I have stopped caring about what other people think of me for the most part and am now much more focused on my own needs and desires instead! Needless to say, my quality of life has improved greatly since then. I believe all of us autistic people get to a point eventually where we realize that our own well-being and happiness is more important than keeping up a facade to fit into a society that wasn't made for us in the first place.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
I remember seeing someone do a fist clench (or two) as part of the process of suppressing a hand stim in a video that I saw on a different UA-cam channel (I think it might have been one of the older videos on the autism family UA-cam channel).
The disadvantage of suppressing a hand stim in this fashion is that it can sometimes be misinterpreted as “aggressive body language” (at best). I remember this happening to me on more than one occasion during my teen years.
Sometimes trying to suppress a stim can result in body language that can be even more easily misinterpreted.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
Thank you so much for sharing perspectives from autistic adults when sharing this important info - so helpful in understanding the full picture and long term results of masking ASD.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
Personally, I mask more at home or anytime I'm around my immediate family, I've masked so much that I think they don't even actually know what I'm like anymore so I think they would judge me if i start to stim. My friends, on the other hand, have always seen me stim and they are very accepting of me so I tend to mask more at home rather than in public.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
Thank you!! Your children are being and feeling seen and heard. Thank you for seeing, hearing and supporting your children!!!!
You are so kind!💙💙
Great information with good comment examples from viewers. 👍🏼
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
Thank you. Thank you. This video is so heartfelt and empathetic, and I teared up at the end when you did! And I learned a lot! Autistic masking seems like such a complicated subject. We humans are socially motivated and long to be loved and accepted, so it's no surprise that autistic children even as young as two would start learning to mask. You were absolutely spot on about the future scenario Simon will face in elementary school. That scenario, and others like it, are guaranteed to happen, but Simon is so incredibly fortunate to have a home where he is free to be himself as well as the opportunity to make friends with other autistic children at his preschool.
I'm also now very curious about what your special interest is. 😉 I hide mine, too. 😉
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
I vote for not forcing them to mask. I am so relieved that I don’t have to mask to do anything , I’d rather not do the thing so I don’t have to mask. I have suffered 😭many years of forcing myself to go to bday parties or other events but now that I know I’m autistic I just don’t go. I can now be me and live in peace. No more hiding in back rooms, or drinking alcohol to get through. I just don’t go.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
Masking is very tiring, my mental health got so bad I had a depressive episode at age 11. I got diagnosed at age 13 and I didn’t even know who was that person under the mask and I had incredible identity issues. I even had imposter's syndrome over my diagnosis but I'm getting better with that. Please tell your children to not mask and be their true selves because if they mask they won't know who they are and they will suffer with mental health issues like many of us do. Thanks for reading.
Thank you for sharing this. You are not the only one who has said they felt like they didn’t know who they were because of masking.
A number of people that I know (including some relatives and friends) one hundred percent believe that if a person is able to mask well enough for a diagnosis to be delayed that it means that the person is “not autistic enough for it to matter” and therefore that support services would not be needed in the first place.
The doctor who diagnosed Simon pointed out when he was masking and showing learned traits already, even at 2-years-old. I appreciated the education and learned a lot, since I really didn’t know about masking at that time. It’s too bad most people aren’t educated on this subject.
@@7Aheadfamily I think this ties in with the misconception that some neurotypical people have that “Everyone is a little autistic.”
Right.
It's incredible to me that even just ten or fifteen years ago, it was commonly thought that children could "outgrow" or "lose" an autism diagnosis. It's obvious that those children just learned to mask. I wonder how their mental health is doing today.
@@higherground337 Some people still believe that a person can outgrow autism, the effects of right hemisphere damage (e.g. from a right hemisphere stroke at or around the time of birth), and migraines, for example. Some members of my family (including my parents) still believe that I have outgrown all of the above.
In fact I have not outgrown any of them. I still have at least two to three optic migraines per week on average and I experience sensitivity to light and nausea whenever I have them. I don’t usually vomit when I get these, though, because I don’t usually eat when I am experiencing nausea. This results in me having an unusual eating schedule. My parents (for example) sometimes attribute this to me being either nervous or lazy depending on the mood that they are in whenever I mention this. Therefore I usually only mention it to them a couple of times per year (usually during allergy season).
My autism symptoms have remained largely unchanged over the last ten to fifteen years. My symptoms now are pretty much level one. They used to be level two. Therefore at least this has improved. I still struggle with eye contact, sensory sensitivities, and understanding body language, though.
As for any right hemisphere symptoms that don’t overlap as much with autism symptoms I deal with a combination of hemineglect and prosopagnosia. Specifically (regarding hemineglect) someone can put a hot fudge sundae in the left side of my visual field and I might not notice it. This can happen even though I have always enjoyed ice cream since around preschool or kindergarten age. I also have prosopagnosia. I don’t recognize any faces including my own. If my hairstyle is changed I literally won’t recognize myself in the mirror. One time around fourth grade I didn’t recognize my teacher’s aide because she had a perm. I didn’t talk to her for most of the day because I thought that she was a stranger. This was back in the 1980s when everyone was told to “never talk to strangers”. I only recognize people based on their voice. If they are not talking I don’t recognize them.
In addition I struggle with understanding body language and I cannot smile voluntarily unless I am looking in a mirror because I have no idea what my face is doing otherwise. Whenever I mention this to my parents in phone conversations I am just told to “relax”, “be myself “, to “not overthink things”, to practice smiling in front of the mirror, and to always act like I am interested in whatever the other person is interested in. I am also told to mirror their body language to establish rapport (as some self-help books also suggest). Whenever I try that it always backfires because it looks like I am mocking the other person. I am also told to laugh at any jokes that the other person tells. I am expected to do this even though I am not able to laugh voluntarily. I am also sometimes told to “just think positively, not negatively”. I could go into more detail but this is enough to convey the basic idea.
As for mental health effects those can vary from one person to another. In my case it seems to be limited to some occasional anxiety but not enough to need medication for. I used to also experience some mild depression during my teens (back in the 1990s) but not enough to need medication for. I don’t seem to have this anymore, though.
Pretending to understand, I’ve done that all my life and still do it. Yes not good for mental health. I’m trying to learn to ask when I’m in a safe place. But it’s hard to get out of the ‘habit’ of masking and pretending I’m understanding everything. Thank you for a brilliant video.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
Thanks for teaching all of us how to be accepting of those with autism ❤
Thank you for your heartwarming comment!💕💕
My son is an adult now, but I remember how he couldn't stand the seafood section of the grocery store. I would grab a coffee bean, and he would hold it under his nose when we'd walk by the fish. You mentioning the jolly rancher brought that memory back.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
I’m not sure if I mask very much or very well, people seem to pick up that I’m kind of weird or different, but I have pretended to understand jokes or directions someone was trying to give me so they wouldn’t think I was stupid.
I need things explained in excruciating detail sometimes.
Thank you for sharing. 😊❤️😊
I'm an autistic adult and here's how I would explain the feeling of masking. It feels like I'm running a marathon every day at every moment until I get home. Imagine being a 5 year old forced to run a full adult marathon every day of your life. It's exhausting! That's why we crash once we get home, I struggle to get basic chores done once I get home because I crash so bad. Now that I'm diagnosed, I do my best to not mask as much as before and it's still insanely hard and I crash every night but, I'm at least able to get home and maybe do ONE chore. Like, imagine spending the day at work but, because your different, you get a treadmill put to the max speed and max incline in your shoes. And, once you think you might start to get used to that speed, you suddenly get a new treadmill in your shoes that can go twice as fast and twice as steep. That's how I feel after masking, this might be different for a different autistic person. When I get too tired, I become unable to do some of my masking but, by that time, I already feel like I've ran 4 marathons in a row and I'm probably struggling to even stay awake but, I still need to finish getting through my day. I don't know where I was going with this but, the point is, masking is the HARDEST thing and most "painfull" thing ever. I've gone through hell and back, through 2 surgeries (6 more to go minimum), countless injuries, countless abuse and, yet, masking is one if not THE hardest thing I've gone through and still go through. I go through a minimum of 3 burn-outs per year, generally, closer to 4-6 burn-outs per year and, I could probably avoid all of them or at least 4 of them if I didn't mask/didn't feel the need to mask. It's just been ingrained into me basically since I was born, so I can no longer not mask and I'm stuck in this. If I only do light masking, people think that I'm a drug addict or on drugs in public because of my stimming, I get followed in stores and it's embarrassing especially since I'm the type of person that my doctor has to force me to take my meds because I'll do anything to avoid any and all kinds of meds let alone drugs.
Sorry for the long text, this is just my perspective, not every autistic person is the same and not all autistics will agree with me.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
I have worked with youth on the spectrum professionally now for 21 years. I believe stemming is heathy and important. With a background in psychology and special education, I can tell you that All people stem, not just individuals with disabilities. Ever tap a pencil on the table in a long boring meeting, or bounced you leg up and down to help you focus during a long day at work? Of course you have, all humans do it! The only difference with people on the Autism spectrum is the Ways they stem are unusual, so they are easier of others to spot!
Also, in general, masking is something people should not have to do. Every person should have a right to be themselves. People somehow think all people should be the same, but that is not true.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
9:27 “I laughed a lot about stuff and often laughed too much as a child and held stuff in”
I can really relate to this as sometimes I will laugh at things that weren’t supposed to be funny then they look at me weird then I laugh at the situation and after I feel upset inside.
I can also relate to waiting to speak to build better responses but sometimes I focus too much on trying to remember something specific that I end up “losing more” of my response. Sometimes I need time to process and people just don’t get that.
I have also been stimming more around my family instead of doing it alone exclusively as over time I’m getting more and more stressed with the demands.
When ever I talk about this with my mom and such she sees it as me trying to agure when I just want to be heard.
I don’t understand how to go about this as I’m 18 now and have felt this way for a few years and I just feel like something about me is falling apart.
Also I love your channel and my family does love me a lot.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
I like the video clips that are playing throughout.
Hmm... I thought kids were always small children. Then, I realize this. Teens and young adults, can behave like children too. I find this very true. I thought this was only a thing in fiction media. Yet, I still act like a child. It's not just small children. Teens, and young adults can be kids too. Something like this happens in real life as well. In a scene from the Spider-Man 2 2004 film. When a civilian man sees Spider-Man. Who is now unmasked and exhausted. Who's identity is none other than Peter Parker. The man says about such as, "He's still just a kid ". That moment in the movie. Gave me memories, and motivated me. When people mention me. They grown ups say that I'm still just a kid. I am happy behaving like one. I'm like a kid too. In my personality, heart, views of the world, and mind.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
Child care and protection, is always a first and good thing. For parents and guardians alike. A needed idea and in case of emergency. In a situation like this occurs. I may be legal of age. A young adult, young man. I feel like I'm still just a kid. In my heart and mind. I am still a kid, a baby child who needs pampering and attention by my family. I am happy to still be this way. I am an adult boy child.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
I didn’t really start hiding interests until college or graduate school and even then I only did this because I felt that I couldn’t do well in my classes if my interests were not the same as those of my professors.
I see my kids hide their interests. I definitely see it in myself too.
I have sent me overload and I stand all the time
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
I mask at school and keep my feelings to myself all day and then when i get home i just go into EXTREME meltdown and self harm its eo EXHAUSTING for me. I masked ALOT in year 7 they didn't understand my autism or masking at all but now i don't mask as much and they know alot more about me ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
@@7Aheadfamily thank you for replying to me ❤
You are very welcome. ❤️
I often felt like I had to pretend to understand when I was younger. My sister also did this sometimes when she was younger.
That would be difficult
I think another sign of masking is deleting internet history. I often have found myself deleting things that pertain to my special interests and research on autism.
Interesting. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
I masked my way through life for 46 years before I realized I’m autistic.
I was raised to obey the rules, ignore my own needs, and to please people.
Those are very dangerous things to teach anyone, which is the reason I’m so against aba now.
Seeing my son mask his way through public school every day then have horrible anxiety and meltdowns from the moment we picked him up were the reasons we decided to homeschool.
I don’t think we should suppress our children’s traits, anywhere or for any reason. We should support them to be and act authentic.
That is great that you are able to homeschool. Many kids benefit from homeschooling. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I don't really notice masking but constantly need breaks but I definitely stop stimming this is from someone who is fairly successful
You are successful. What year of college are you in now?
@@7Aheadfamily I graduated in 2012
That’s so awesome!
So masking takes a lot of energy from you. Is there anything that you find is helpful to make it less draining?
I finally found out this week when my assessment is going to be (I remembered you asked me to keep you updated). It's going to be 2 1/2 years. So I'll be 36 by the time I hopefully get a diagnosis. I've been sent some more tests to fill out (I already did the AQ-50 and scored 48). I wonder what my parents will put on the "Informant Questionnaire - Developmental Information" as my Mom worked at my primary school (with some autistic kids, too) and saw how different I was between school and home, but seems in denial about me being autistic. I also have to do the CAT-Q, on which I score higher than autistic/neurotypical males and females on "compensation", much higher on "assimilation", and higher than autistic males and NT females on "masking". So maybe it'll all work out.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
In school we just had to write essays and mine was about how much more those with mental disabilities struggle when they go undiagnosed. I understand that struggle a lot because currently I don’t have a professional diagnosis only working through the self diagnosis process.
Thank you for sharing! Good luck on your essay!💕💕💕
I also have masking 22 years for such a long time actually because I was mainstream before at my school previous years .
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
thanx.
Most welcome
When I was growing up my parents noticed that my behavior was usually worse at home than it was in school. They interpreted that as meaning one of two things.
1. I was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
2. I hated them and I was saving everything negative for them.
In actuality it was neither of the above but neither my doctors nor any of my teachers ever explained that (despite my diagnosis). This was back in the 1980s and part of the 1990s.
That was a harder time back then. Even when I was growing up ADHD was thought of as a punishment to give to a child so I saw many parents just not get their kids diagnosed. They used punishment instead, which can seemingly work temporarily but also ruin relationships and cause even more problems
@@7Aheadfamily It doesn’t help that some people that I know (including some relatives) who demand that people on the spectrum mask all the time (24/7/365) also allege that ADHD is a “bogus diagnosis” because they heard something to that effect on a talk show, on a local news channel, or in a favorite program on satellite radio.
That is so sad there is so much incorrect information out there.
Hopefully this channel helps dispel some of those myths.
The smell of the air conditioner in a car also bothers me. Another thing that bothers me is the smell when the heat in my building comes on after it has been turned off for a long time. I live in an old building that uses radiators for heat.
Yes! Simon hates that smell too of the heater in the house. after I take a shower, Simon will come to me and smell my hair if some other smell is bothering him. He likes the smell of my shampoo.
I used to mask so much when I was younger. Now I stim instead of masking, and it feels a lot better 🙂
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
I sometimes feel stuck with the whole masking thing. If I don’t mask, then my autistic behaviors lead to me needing more support (which isn’t always there). If I mask, then I get burnt out. I hope that in time autistic people will be accepted to a degree where we don’t need to mask to “make it” in life because we will have the support that we need. I think part of the problem is unmasking is confusing for neurotypical people. Once an autistic person is fairly independent, it’s hard for people to let the autistic person go back to where they were before. It seems like people get unmasking confused with regression, faking, and even sudden onsets.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
The thing is if a child can mask or imitate others I was told they are too smart and self aware of social situations to have autism. Plus if they are social they are not autistic.
I think that’s a very common misconception. My son Simon is very social, but he is autistic. He has issues understanding social cues. He takes things super literal. He will often repeat lines that he’s heard other people say not understanding the concept or the reason behind it. So in his situation, at least he has a strong desire to be social, but he hast to be taught how to do it. I hope that makes sense. In most cases for women who are autistic they don’t get diagnosed until they are older, because they are so self-aware and mask so often and so well
YOU READ MY COMMENT ON THE VIDEO, OMG!!!!!!Thanks:)
Edit for other people watching this video: you’ll find my comment in this video starting at 16:43.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
I mask some signs like stims but there are other signs that I can't mask like apraxia of speech, thinking literally, and social awkwardness. I hate masking but I do it to keep others more comfortable around me.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
7 Ahead - My true story on if one of these 12 signs of masking autism I'm actually struggling with
1. ( A seemingly different personality at home ) : The way I talk to my friends if I had any is different than how I talk to my parents at home , I feel more myself when at home
2. ( Emotional outburst after social event ) : When I go to school the toxic social environment full of very bad students and laid back teachers is too much & the frustration is too much to hold in when I get home
3. ( Tired when coming home ) : I only have this issue when on a Monday & Tuesday
4. ( Mimicking ) : This only happens sometimes when I'm at school to try to communicate with my peers
5 . ( Not stimming ) : Its hard not to do so when I'm in a testing room at my school during the actual test when the classroom is completely quiet
6 . ( Scripting ) : This rarely happens
7 ( Avoiding Social Interaction ) : This is mainly a issue only at my school because of the bad social environment full of disrespectful people not just students its like Chicago in west teenessee
8 ( Pretending To Understand ) : If me and my parents disagree on a topic then that's when I pretend to understand them like me trying to win the argument
9 ( Showing No Emotion ) : I don't have that sign its the complete opposite almost like I may be bipolar , not saying I have that disorder but a possibility
10 ( Hiding that you are dealing with sensory overload ) : If my parents or something at home upsets me or someone at my school insults me based off my body appearance / personality then it causes me to have a sensory overload or and a meltdown . Being yelled at by someone also triggers me the most
11 ( Hiding Interests ) : This is only a thing between me and my parents when communicating
12 ( Burnout / Depression ) : This happens to me after my meltdown periods and I've had alot of those issues
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
@@7Aheadfamily no problemo
❤️
So ive started to realize that me behaving differently at home and school was me masking
Thank you for sharing!😊😊😊
my son does not connect with people he does not know. we can get him to say hi to someone. but you can tell it is just a word to him. but saying hi to his family he sees us most of the time.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
Thanks for this video! I've noticed recently that my 3-year-old, whom we suspect is on the spectrum, is doing the scripting thing recently when he meets other kids. He'll say things like "DO YOU WANT TO PLAY?" or "DO YOU LIKE MEET THE LETTERS?" at the top of his lungs. I think this is happening because he was hitting and physically pestering other kids at preschool, so his teacher taught him how to talk to the other kids instead. I've noticed he sometimes does this too when I encourage him to interact a certain way, such as when I told him he could ask a prospective preschool if they had an ABC puzzle or when I explained to him that while he can always hug mommy and daddy, he needs to ask other kids before hugging them. Should I be concerned about this? I don't want him to mask who he is, but he does need to learn how to respect physical boundaries of other kids.
Well, there are definitely a lot of challenges that come with autism, there are also a lot of blessings. Ezra is by far our happiest child, and isn’t that what everybody really wants? We talk about this a little at the end of this video…
3 Sensory Autism Mistakes at Great Sand Dunes National Park
ua-cam.com/video/mcokJ5fMotE/v-deo.html
Here’s another video where we address this topic a little bit…
My Child has Autism. Now What?
ua-cam.com/video/ka7dVqGs-cI/v-deo.html
I want to control my emotions because i was afraid of hurting my family and so i started to take meds and i have a fear of taking to many
Medication can be a big help depending on the situation. Talk to your doctor about your concerns. He/she should be able to know how much would be too much.
For me personally, stopping a stim because someone noticed never really felt like masking. This is because I always felt like my stims were subconscious, not conscious. When someone notices the stim, it puts it into the conscious mind, defeating the purpose of the stim. Masking isn’t my intention behind stopping a stim when someone notices it. My intention behind this is to avoid a conscious stim, which just doesn’t feel the same to me. Perhaps I’m masking more than I realize, but I just don’t know how to fall back into a subconscious stim after someone notices it without taking a break from the stim. I do feel like me preventing a stim in the first place would be masking but not stopping a stim when someone notices it.
Thank you for explaining that. We appreciate your comment and being honest.
During childhood (and even in college) people often told me that I had no emotions because I was masking.
That makes sense. a lot of people mask that way. What was usually your response?
@@7Aheadfamily I would usually respond that I do have emotions. The other person would usually say that I don’t because I am like either Spock or Data on Star Trek.
Yeah, that’s so interesting, would you ever stop masking so they could see how you really are after a conversation like that?
@@7Aheadfamily I only tried that about three or four times in college that I can remember. I have found that when I don’t mask that people often tell me that I am acting like someone five years old or younger and then they would ask me why I was in college instead of kindergarten (or even preschool).
Sorry to hear that. Yeah, that’s no fun when people are rude like that.
does isolateing your self so you dont get judged count as masking? you are defo right about masking being bad and its not good to do but to me its nicer than getting bullyed ( and even if i mask i still do ) i also have to mask at home cus its loud so i just say im 'streaming' so i can be my self by my self
My list is more for helping parents recognize that the child is masking. Every individual needs to do what they feel is best for their own health.
ye its defo acurate i think from my experianses @@7Aheadfamily
Thanks for sharing❤️
Masking lead me to autistic burnout and major depressive episode. I also gain a lot of CPSTD for it that i deal with this day.
One example of this trauma is i have something i call perception anxiety, it means i can never really be comfortable if there is another person with me in the house, not matter who it is. Being with someone close to me always gives me a level of stress and anxiety and i only fully comfortable if i am alone.
My parents are separated, i was raised by my mother and the autism comes from there, so my mother's family was very much understanding because other people in the family already showed traits, so it was our normal. But i gained all my real world trainning on masking with my father's side of the family. Since they are not familiar with autistic traits at all, and not very understanding of it, so i was forced to high mask a lot and do a lot of things that made me uncomfortable.
I did not visit them since my burnout and i think a part of me is afraid because i don't have the same ability to mask i had before and my limit to things i can deal with before a meltdown got way smaller since then.
The scripting thing actually created a few funny moments, because i do it a lot.
I do a a script of possible responses and counter responses but sometimes people go off script and i do not. So i gave to them an answer that makes no sense to their last phrase said to me. 😂
I do believe some level of masking might be necessary, but like for work, workplaces are really not very inclusive in general and depending what you want to do you will have to mask to able to do it.
Sometimes if you talk about your disability and struggles you are not taken seriously after it, as if you less for it. I do believe this can improve and it should but unfortunately this is how society is today. The majority of companies wants to appear be inclusive for status but not actually be for real in a way that matters.
But not everyday life, not all the time, i lived like this for a long time and is a horrible way to live and really harmful.
Another example of not understanding things is for instructions, like, if they are not clear instructions i will have trouble understanding. But if you ask questions like for a superior or and adult most of the times is seem as a confrontational stance. Like you are confronting them. So, we pretend to understand things that we don't to not seem as direspectfull for people.
This happen last year with my manager, i wa asking question because i had trouble understanding, and i could see her get mad at me more at every question i asked because she thought it was obvious and i should know and was doing it on purpose.
A masking thing i do to this day is i always had trouble looking at people's eyes, so i look behind their heads and i looked around a lot to give me breaks from it.
I did not bother me that you compare, because you have two autistic children, and autism is genetic and is an spectrum. People only get diagnosed when seriously impact their lifes but a lot family members can show traits. And even in a not autistic family, i am ok with it, i want all people to be comfortable, autistic or not, neurodiverget and neurotypical, to be accepted and have their boundaries respected.
This is why some gatekeeping in our community bothers me a lot, some people go to other people and say "you don't have a diagnosis, you have no business here" but maybe they have a trait similar to ours and can find help with us, what is the problem with that?
It does not bother me when people compare to relate and understand better like you did, it only bothers me when they do it in a way of diminishing our strugles like 'i also have this, is not that bad', this happens to me a lot (most on adhd traits that are a whole other level not misunderstanding) and is really frustanting. Like, yes, a lot of adhd traits people experience once in a while, but adhd people experience everyday day, multiples times a day, we never experience something else.
I think people should just let them be themselves don’t have to mask
Thank you so much for sharing. 😊
@@7Aheadfamily no problem at all 😊
❤️
I masked myself in social situations as well as at home, because I don't feel safe either when I am with my parents and family. I always feel they are going to hate me because I am weird and troublesome and the way I talk seems brainless to them. So when my mom was asked, she said I have always been normal and excellent, because she never knows I will only be my true self when I am alone with my imaginary friends.
Thank you for sharing!❤️❤️ We really appreciate you telling us your story!💜💜
I don't even know what causes me to have an anxiety attack or a autism meltdown
Do you know what usually is happening right before? Are there any patterns you can look for, like, do the attacks usually happen at certain times of the day? I am sorry you go through that.
Ive been masking my adhd and my pddnos and i have the wrost mental state i have major depression i have anger issues i possibly could have alot of anxiety disorder gad it also possible that me getting scared could cause me to feel like i have ptsd which i know that i don't i also get Paranoia and i also can get stress so much i could become sick
Thank you so much for watching and sharing ❤️. Your story is amazing ❤️
Does Ezra still sit in the baby chair ? He's getting so big ! Have you tried having him sit at the table? Maybe you guys could get him a baby table and chair and practice there first!
I take meds and alot of the time i take deep breathe
Thank you for sharing!💜💜💜
I can memory I was steaming vocal and my mum’s partner need not got get it so my mum just laughed about it
Thanks for sharing
👍🏼
❤️
I probably don't have autism but I realize I may prescript or whatever its called (I don't really know). I get anxious after planning several interactions, and I do this absent-mindedly. I don't think I have autism but I find it surprising that I have done this multiple times without noticing.
😊Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by challenges in 3 specific areas. An individual must have struggles in all of these three areas in order to be autistic: social interaction, communication difficulties, and repetitive behaviors. So you’re right, a lot of people have many of the signs, but you have to have struggles in all three areas in order to have autism. Hope this helps! Thank you for sharing!💜💜
I’ve masked for years now I don’t even know if I have a personality anymore….
I am sorry. Do you have someone close, like a friend or family member who you can share with?
I'm watching this video again after watching many other videos and I noticed all your signs videos are 12 signs. Is there a reason why you always do 12? I like it because most videos on UA-cam are 10, so 12 feels like a bonus!
When we were first making videos, we did all sorts of numbers three, five, seven, nine, and one time we did 12 and it blew up. it got so many views that we just started doing 12 as a theme🩷😊
We appreciate you asking! Hope this helps!💕💕
@@7Aheadfamily That's really cool! Maybe other people feel like 12 has 2 as a bonus as well! Thank you for replying :D
Of course!❤️❤️❤️
I’m a different person at work as I’d rather be “normal” which I’ve had some flack over. I was unable to talk about the weekly ad flyer as my coworker thought it was annoying. How am I supposed to talk to u if you tell me to shuuush? (Not directed at u, btw). I’m tired of pretending to be something I’m not. I never began to really mask until I reached my mid teenage years (I’m almost 20 now)
I want to quote South Park here:
“I just wanted to do my job and live my life like any normal person, but instead you've made everybody focus on my handicap all week long.”
“Look, I don't want to be treated different. I don't want to be treated special orh-or treated gingerly. I just want to be ridiculed, shouted at, and made fun of like all the rest of you do to each other.”
Seriously why do I only ever repeat quotes from movies and tv shows over and over again?
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
Movie is my favorite
That’s so cool!
My name is Bella and I'm autistic an attitude speech
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
I related to every single one of these and I don't know what I should do with this information now I have never taken an autism test and I don't think my parents would believe me because my friend has really bad autism and I don't have symptoms as bad as he does.
That is a difficult situation to be in. Communication with someone who can help is so important when you have a concern about anything in life. If it might be more helpful at first to reach out through a school counselor for advice, that can sometimes be a good route and place to start. ❤️
Ok thank you I will try
We are here for you❤️
My kid didnt mask at school, instead he did some subtle stims instead of the more noticable ones. the teachers did not pay attention to him because there were other autistic kids who needed more attention. I got hired at his school and saw that he was stimming at school and avoiding touch from all the kids. I'm glad i got to work at his school and see how he was doing. I took him out of school though because he started running off too often and the school was too full of kids with not enough teachers. The special needs kiddos weren't getting enough attention. I also never masked at school but wasn't paid attention to because i got good grades other than grades that depending on me talking. I would think that me not willingly talking till i was 13 would've been paid attention to by at least one teacher but it wasn't. Childhood bullies sure had a fun time calling me mute as a joke though. I never expressed emotions on my face even to this day i still don't. I dont feel comfortable forcing myself to do a expression so i just have a emotionless expression. I did try once to copy some kids but it backfired. I gave up and just stayed to myself. Not showing emotions is my default, trying to do emotion expressions would be masking for me. I do try to mask my sensory overloads as a adult but i end up crashing for hours needing time alone to recover. I have to work up the courage to wear noise cancelling headphones in public 😅
Wow! Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry yugos bullied. It is too bad that happens so often.
Amazing parents. Did you do anything different with Simon as he is mild?
Thank you for your comment!❤️❤️❤️
Here is a video that may clear up your question
Simon’s story… Diagnosis of Mild Autism in 2-year-old
ua-cam.com/video/uGl3bLiDHJg/v-deo.html
But what if you never knew that you were masking your autism/pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specific you whole life
From the many comments on this channel, I think many are in this boat.
If they have that skill, then they are able to adapt.
Thank you for sharing!🩷💕❤️
Dose Simon mask??? ❤❤❤
I have not yet seen Simon Mask.
Some of my relatives claim that anyone who stims is inherently unemployable and therefore a person cannot survive without masking.
Hmmmm. Well, I know people who are employed and have level 3 autism, so….. I think there needs to be opportunities for different and flexible work environments. Usually there doesn’t have to be huge changes. Just a workplace made for a more neurodiverse group of people. Sometimes I feel that traditional employment is designed for only non autistic people. And that is society’s problem. (In my opinion)
When i stim i get walk back and forth
Thank you for sharing!😊😊😊
Hi, everybody in the seven head family Rocky here. I have autism I got diagnosed as an adult. For so many years because people thought I was trying to have a mask my autism, me and my friends call it carrying boxes. But once people know you’re at mass comes off and you can drop those boxes you feel better it’s like carrying a weight. And it’s difficult to, and unfortunately my school at the time did not know anything about autism and high Folketing autism. They told my mom that I was mentally retarded which I am not. Yes I am autistic. Yes I have ADHD. Yes I have Tourette’s but I’m not ID. I’m just different which our school did not know anything about at all. Anyways yes I hate masking. It sucks totally
Thank you for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
If i forget my meds i could lose control of my emotions
Thank you for sharing your story❤️❤️❤️
I was always tired when I came home from school. When I told my parents this they would often say “I know what that’s like, I was bored in school too.” That’s part of what I experienced in school, but it’s not the whole story.
Sometimes when Non Autistic people try to show empathy for autistic people, they get it wrong. Thank you for your patience.
My baby is 3 and sometimes when he flaps his hands he looks around and if someone is seen him he claps his hands I feel like aba therapy help him know that he can do other things like clapping his hands instead of flapping
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
there's nothing wrong with flapping
@@emilily6513 no there is nothing wrong with it but in therapy they help them to try other options for them to stim.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
@@emilily6513 Agreed, mostly. My parents and teachers tried (still do) to get me to stop flapping but I was never able to (now I shake pens instead, but same idea). That said, I wish I had been able to stop, because I can see how it's annoying after being around others who do it. I don't resent my parents for trying.
Do you mind me asking what the near death experience was 😮
Of course! We talk all about it in this video
ua-cam.com/video/yiIeM951KCc/v-deo.html!
The problem is it is a really real world out there we all mask. The world is cruel and children need to learn that early
I agree that we all mask to a certain extent. But I disagree that children need to learn about the cruel world early. In my opinion, we need to protect children’s innocence for as long as we can. It is a cruel world! But it is the responsibility of the parents and caregivers to make sure that the child they are caring for is not introduced to the cruel world until they are ready for it. Having a happy childhood where the child is loved unconditionally is gift that every child deserves.
@@7Aheadfamily my grandfather began working in copper mines at age 9. This was here in the United States. Children are way more resilient than some people think. My dad never hid the harshness of the real world. My mom hated that. As an adult now the parent who prepared me for life was my dad. I would have not had a successful life if my mom raised me. If we were watching the news I had a question it was not dismissed by dad. Mom would not answer. They would argue when he would tell me the truth. Mom left eventually. It was the Best thing she ever did for me.
Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story and watching and commenting. ❤️
Masking can lead to anxiety and depression, I think people should not judge people based on what they do, I hope I don't have to mask
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️😊❤️
Who you are at work, and who you are at home. Everyone acts diffrent.
Thank you for your insight❤️❤️❤️
My parents aren't abusive they're nice but they are very stubborn
Thank you for sharing❤️We appreciate you being here. ❤️
One stim is very childish and involves putting a finger in my mouth
lol! 😁 yeah. People may not know how to respond to that. 🤷♀️
I always pretend to understand
Thank you so much for sharing. 😊
@@7Aheadfamily anytime 😌
❤️
“My husband and I have five kids, and our two youngest are autistic.” Get your tubes tied.
We love our autistic children, just as much as are non-autistic children. We believe that each one of our children have a special place and important place in our family. If we decide to get pregnant again and have another child, we don’t know if they will be autistic or not, but if they are, we will support them and love them just the same.❤️
ua-cam.com/video/jmWGSmdbH6o/v-deo.html
@@7Aheadfamily That channel you sent me a video of is of a Mormon family, which severely restricts birth control.
That church is not called Mormon. That is a nickname that they would rather not have people use. And as a matter of fact… the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints doesn’t restrict birth control. (But many of them do have big families, so I can see how that can be presumed) but did you hear their message on the video we linked? Thank you for checking out that video BTW. Most people in the comments don’t ever click on The other videos we link, so we appreciate that you are willing to listen even when we disagree. A lot of people are surprised that we have chosen to have another child with five already, (even if Autism was out of the picture) so we are used to talking about it. It may seem strange or even crazy, but if you were to enter our home, you may be surprised to see just how normal we are. For us, Having a big family is more ❤️ love! Simply more people to love! 💕
@@7Aheadfamily That's fine. Except that many years ago their UA-cam channel was called "(The) Mormon Family."
That's interesting. I didn't know that.
I prefer your vlogs that include your kids & whatever activities they have goin on at the time. Today's vlog is informative but you seem 2 do alot of these type of vlogs now days & there jus not as fun..
Thank you so much 😊 for sharing!!! We appreciate that feedback. We do need to do more like that again.
Hello thanks for All amazing awesome vlogs could I please say all your sons best amazing awesome big brothers ever and all your daughters best amazing awesome big sisters ever and all your sons best amazing awesome little brothers ever and all your daughters best amazing awesome little sisters ever could I please be all your sons best friend ever and all your daughters best friend ever and all your family best friend ever
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
Stop exploiting your child on social media
Thank you for your concern and for taking the time to share it. We appreciate that. We don't claim to be perfect at our parenting, but rather, we share our journey to connect and share with others along the way. Not sharing and reaching out helps no one, so good or bad; that is how our family has chosen to live. We have shared the good, bad, and the ugly from our journey traveling to all the National Parks in an RV. All of our kids have permission to take down any video if they choose to do so, and Simon has that option as well as he grows. Believe me, we are not doing this because we want to, but rather because we feel called to. I am sure that doesn't make sense to most, but that is okay too. Thanks again for expressing your concern.❤️❤️❤️
Calm down
@@7AheadfamilyW
@@JuliansStuffRoblox Very calm. Just think parents that do this to their children are disgusting.
@@jaimereynolds258 ok