I have selective mutism as well, I’m nearly 13 and I hate it when people tease me for being shy. I’m constantly being picked on in class for being myself. I’ve had selective mutism since I was 4 & never spoke to anyone except most of my family, I couldn’t speak to my peers, or my teachers. I even struggle to talk to my grandparents. I’m so glad people with selective mutism make these videos! Xx
@@erinmaree7738 Sorry for the slow reply! I feel so sorry for you because I know exactly how you feel. I will be making another video soon explaining how I managed to recover fully xx
I’m selective mute I only talk to my very close two friends and if I have to my parents I have bad social anxiety and I had a bad experience in school when I said something I didn’t mean too-
Same my teachers used to put pressure on me to talk I couldnt so they punished me I remember sitting in the corner with my toy bunny feeling like I wasn't a normal and didnt deserve to be there.. it was horrible
I was born with selective mutism and severe social phobia I feel like I can't connect with anyone in school and I feel like an outcast outside of the house
oh gosh, well social anxiety is a very difficult thing to overcome and deal with and I really can't give advice because I don't even know myself! All I can say is that I hope everything turns out okay xx
I remember when I was back in school and I was treated like a troublemaker because I would literally say nothing all class.. all the time it felt like I had to squash it down... I felt so ashamed and guilty.. I thought it was because I wasn't good enough or I was doing something wrong in general... it was like I was biting a bullet the whole time... no wonder I felt overwhelmed all the time, I was an outcast... always trying to suppress my true nature, try to blend in... because.. I didn't blend in.. I was... an outcast... to the core... that was it though... because in the playground I was struggling with stress and anxiety and overwhelm.. always trying to be someone I wasn't.. I think I'm still that way now.. because of bad programming... I felt utterly excluded... I had outbursts at secondary.. like in the office or Mrs G whatever.. It was so hard, I was dealing with a personal issue... how would anyone else have known what it was like.. I was just so alone, I literally felt empty and felt like I didn't relate to anyone.. I simply just DID not relate... that's why I was always like whats the big fuss about socialising.. because I never understood it exactly.. I always felt left out... so lonely in the corner of the room.. the anxiety and Asperger's held me back from opportunities.. like the girl I was talking about etc... and talking to classmates or making friends.. I always felt like I was being looked down on from the start... always having nothing to say.. I couldn't see 'the trail' left behind from others mental states.... i was invisible to that shit. like i was living somewhere else entirely.. even in secondary i felt the same.. isolated, stressed, overwhelmed... It was because of my condition, Asperger's and selective mutism.. and what made it worse was others prejudices towards me.. making me feel like it was me vs the world... trying to prove myself... because of these prejudices and denial etc.. I felt like a outcast and reject.. and when I was in math's class I could have swore that others knew it too.. in fact someone even had this nervous laugh... I always have felt stressed and its no wonder why... I was being made and manipulated in situations I wasn't comfortable with. I put on a mask to protect myself... I just bloody hope im not still wearing this mask...
i'm the opposite...hard faced cocky a fighter...i never learned anything in school infact they never did tame me...i slowly tamed myself after getting my girlfriend pregnant and being a dad...it's a shame too because i actually learn stuff instantl no problem so if i just had normal parents who had control of their child and made him have respect i would've done well...i'm normally the wise one when conversing with people, i got kicked from all school and a school for bad kids from the beginning i was like this like a girl when developing, talking at months old running around by 1 first day of nursery i remeber watching all doors locked seeing chairs and planning my toilet break escape and pulled it off flawlessly and ran home...lol crazy life....i'm surprised i'm here in my sweet ass room at 26 surrouded by my great ass earnings after it all...talk about a maverik
Melissa I’m taking abnormal child psychology and learned about mutism. I had to watch 4 videos so I could get my answer on the quiz. I realized there are so many different ways that children can get better. In the video one child was on medication plus she had to have cognitive therapy. The boy was just on meds And gradually took a while to kick in but it final did. I was glad I watch these movies and it made me happy that they were both taking outside the home and there social was absolutely beautiful and know they have friends
omg i've had selective mutism basically my whole life (i'm almost 19 now). and i mean like really bad. my whole life is just filled with uncomfortable situations ugh glad i'm not alone! even tho i'm pretty much alone irl
I've had Selective Mutism since I was born. It has caused me to miss out on so so so much in my life. I've never been able to participate in gym classes and raising my hand in class is a nightmare. School was and still is hell. I've been bullied because i couldn't talk and I've been taken advantage of my entire life by classmates and other peers. Because of SM I have trust issues because of people embarrassing me and taking advantage of me.
Supernatural Dayzz oh no it is honestly so horrible and I look back on my child hood not liking it at all , I wish that I could help everyone but I can't and I don't know how to. Thankfully things got better for me and I became able to be really confident and I think that because I am more happy with my life and it makes me more confident as a person! I hope that things will change but the only way I changed was when I moved to a new school and had a fresh start xx
When I’m at home I’m really loud and have no problem talking but as soon as I go to a store or school or something my voice goes down to a whisper. And I hate it when the situation calls for me to talk louder. I’ve tried to, but I just can’t. And whenever someone at school talks to me I just nod my head and answer in the shortest way possible when I have to. I’d love to talk to them but I just feel that I can’t. But I think I’ve gotten slightly better because I can talk to random strangers and teachers, but after I run the conversation through my head over and over until what I said sounds dumb. I’ve been trying to stop doing it but I usually don’t have any distractions. Whoops, I just realized how long this has gotten. I’m going to stop here before it gets any longer.
My friend Grace is very similar. Her brother says at home she never shuts up, and when she and I text she texts full on paragraphs and we have amazing conversations, but when she and I are in class or group together, she can't even say three words before her face goes red and she hyper ventilates. She's still the funniest, sweetest girl ever and I still view her as one of my best friends! If you ever need anyone to message or turn to I'm always here
I'm 12 years old and have had selected mutism. I feel like I'm having anxiety over EVERYTHING. Whether it's my health my pets health or my family's health i can't stop worrying. And at school I feel like there is something in my throat and I can't speak. I try soooooo hard but I can't. My grandfather is so rude he yells at me for not speaking. When I was 9 I spoke to him for the first time since I was a baby he ignored me later said "see what it feels like!!" When I'm at school I have NO confidence. I'm afraid to move. I can't even stand up from my chair without having a flash of anxiety go through my body. And my mom is so supportive of me and I have therapy and meds. I'm so afraid I will never get better. And people act like I'm fine and act like nothing is wrong and people yell at me to chill. I hate that. I just want to not worry about everything and not be afraid of everything and everyone. It brings me down. Can anyone relate??😔😔😳😳😳
emmaluvsreborns when reading this I related so much! Thank you for your comment! I think your grandfather is out of order however he probably doesn't understand the condition and that is the problem these days. People don't seem to understand, and I struggle to give advice but all I can say is you're not alone and I've now recovered and I'm very happy xx I was about 13 when I started getting better and I am nearly fully better. Don't worry things will turn out okay but unfortunately it just takes time xx
Im 12 and I feel like something is in my throat as well. I went art therapy in yr6 and I spoke to another select mute girl! I also go to a place called cahms in England but still isn't helping. It is especially hard in yr7😞
year seven is really difficult, but that was actually the year where I started to get a bit better because I was meeting people that didn't already know me as the 'shy' girl so I could create a new personality for myself so to speak x
Georgie thankyou but it's terrible because about 70% of the people came from my own school but thankyou for sharing that with me it and this video let me know that i wasn't alone
@@Georgiecarr i dont know if i have sm, when i talk to strangers i get really nervous and anxious, but i do it because i have to but when i do i stutter and mess up so i get really nervous and scared, but i do it because i have to, is that sm?
I've had selective mutism all my life I'm now 25 and still the same. Watching your video I hope to be confident one day. Listening to you is very helpful.
Lauran C Hello. I know it's so horrible Selective mutism. I also hate it. The older you get though it does get easier trust me. Do you have much support? I've just started talking to someone new and I'm getting more confident everyday. So I believe you will get there. Just don't rush do everything in your own time. Don't let anyone put you down.
I had selective mutism and didn't speak at school expect whisper to a really close friend and a couple of other friends. Not many people really understood it and I remember going to psychologists and was on medication for a little which didn't really help. When I was 12 and started at secondary school I started to speak and gain more and more confidence slowly. Now 16, I am confident enough to speak in front of the class and do orals. What you have explained is extremely similar to how I felt.
You are a very strong person. Overcoming Selective Mutism by yourself (or even with help) is extremely difficult!! I had mine since early in elementary school, no thanks in part to their strict rules, and my abusive Special Ed teachers. When I graduated 5th grade, that summer I thought I could overcome it as soon as I started middle school. Boy was I wrong! The night before school started back up, I had a nightmare I was on the bus and still couldn't talk, and the nightmare came true the next morning!! I didn't make any progress at all until I was in 8th grade, and at that I'd whisper inaudibly. When people would ask why I didnt talk, one of my friends in 7th grade would say "She talks, just in a different language". It would make me laugh! (It eased the tension, Which I felt plenty of. She was so cool!) I had another really good friend, in my class, and I talked in complete audible sentences to her, but quietly, on the last day of middle school. That summer, 2 girls from across the street, who would also be going to my middle school, came over and spoke to me often (bless their hearts their my saviours!!) and broke me out of my shell! When school started back up and I went to high school, I could finally talk quietly to everyone but boys!
Lucy Jo Louise x I remember questions like what's your favorite colour! And I just couldn't answer because my brain was like why would they care I cant tell them. I used to play with one friend in her house and I'd be normal but in school I'd be shut up and I felt alone one day I stopped talking to her at all...I could go on but it's so refreshing seeing people with it too
My best friend has the same as u! It can be frustrating but I take my time and I help her make sure she is feeling comfortable and safe with me and my family she is jsut an amazing girl!!!
I had this up until last year when I was fourteen and can now talk to almost anyone but am now very social awkward because of the lack of social situations I was put into when I was younger. I had about five different people come into the school and try to help me by talking to me and trying to have me express my feelings through writing. Personally I think that this made me feel about as uncomfortable as putting me in a room of people because I was taken out of my regular class and put on the spot to go into a quiet room with a table, crayons and such. I felt out of place and like there was something wrong with me. I felt paralyzed when someone would try and talk to me and was so scared in younger grades that I would not even nod or move but sometimes wet myself. I later on stopped feeling as strongly and stopped wetting myself and started to nod to familiar people but never to strangers. The elementery school I went to blamed my mom for not talking and thought that she had done something to me to make me afraid enough or that she had tramatized me and I got it from that when it only started when I started going into school. I was excluded from school events like plays and reading sessions and was often put at levels of reading levels much easier than I was at because they had no proof I was understanding what I was reading and that led up to junior high. I too was placed into unwanted social situations like swimming lessons, ballet and eventually after school activities but would cry. I do not feel I benefitted very much to anyone coming in to speak with me about my problem although most young kids do. I finally got over it after my homeroom teacher put me into groups with another girl that seemed to be more extroverted and tried to get to know me throughout the year. My teacher then had me come in every morning before school started with said friend to sit in the class empty and if I felt comfortable, talk, if not, I could write. It did not put me on the spot with an adult and I was in a familiar area with someone I got to know better though that year. I very much enjoyed this video and can relate to a large majority of what you mentioned although I do not feel that my selective mutism was connected with my self confidence. Overall great video and really hope that your video makes some parents going through this possibly understand it a bit better!
thank you so much for your comment! this was so interesting to read and I also used to wet myself too a lot and when I researched about it there is definitely a connection. I am going to be doing another one of these videos soon but talking about it with my mum and her views on it and how difficult it was for her, is it okay if I'm able to mention your comment in the video because your story is from a different perspective and I would love to talk about it in the video , is that okay? x
Oh my gosh I just finished watching all the rest of the videos I missed from you regarding this topic and just saw you commented. I'm so sorry for how late this is I honestly don't use this account often but yes if you would ever like to use parts of that experience you can, I loved listening to the differences in our situations and how other people reacted. Thank you.
i cried watching this because everything completely relates to me & i got in trouble a lot in middle school for not talking. now that i'm in high school though i've gotten better and can actually talk & have fun at school instead of being trapped and scared.
rebekah hello,. I believe my stepdaughter has this. She doesnt even talk to us in the house. Only time she talks is when she is trying to earn her phone back once it was taken away,.. to get it back she would be completly normal and once she gets her phone back, she goes right back at not talking. She is finishing 8th grade now and will be going to high school in September. Could you please tell me what has helped you get better. I am soo happy you are doing better bu the way
I suffer from selective mutism. I have a hard time making friends, so I only have about 2 friends. They don't understand me. I can talk perfectly fine over face time with them and over the phone, but in public I'm dead silent. When they sit with their other friends and I sit with them, I'm left out. Their friends don't understand either. Everyone in my school gives me weird looks too. In the hallway they look at me like I'm disabled and CAN'T speak, but really I can speak and want to speak more than anything. People don't let me sit by them at lunch or on the bus. In gym class they purposely hit me with the ball just to put me in an uncomfortable situation.. Even if they're on my TEAM they hit me with a ball to be a jerk and make me feel weak. In the lunch line people cut in front of me just because they know I won't do or say anything about it. Every second of this video was relatable. I felt relieved that other people have gone through what I am going through with in my life. It makes me a little bit more confident that you have broken your silence and I hope that one day I can "break the silence" too! xx
Leggo my Eggo Wiffles it's so sad to hear things like this because it's so relatable to me, unfortunately people don't understand and that's why I want to do more videos to spread awareness and all I can say is that things will change as you grow up and as you move on to different stages of your education and I think I will do a video trying to help people that suffer to recover if I feel I am able to xx
I had this and was a child in the 70s ! No understanding! At all. In my primary school the teacher said I would have to leave the school if I didn’t talk! I was terrified!
I grew up having this in the 2000s and nobody understood me. And it continued into to be something that affected me in my adult life. I really wish people had understood that I wasn’t trying to ignore them. I think one of the most frustrating thing for me at this point is that my mom doesn’t understand this or mental health.
So glad to see how many people do Selective Mutism on this video! Also, I say “do” not “have”, as SM is not a disease, it is just a phase! For those who do SM, I know the struggle of this: little kids who won’t stop asking your name, people trying to use sign language, nonstop questions of “Will you talk to me?”, etc. It’s all very akward. I’m in the middle of fixing SM. When I was little I never smiled with friends. Now I smile at random strangers. One time at a party in Kindergarten I was shaking like crazy when I was eating cake only because my teacher was there. Now, I whisper to my whole class and most of my teachers. (This took a whole year) The next step I whispering openly class instead of in people’s ears. Next, talking. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬 I know what being pressured to talk is like. Same with stepping out of line / doing something wrong (AHHHHHHHH) And when people don’t understand that you don’t want to talk. And when you are the center of attention. People judging you, people asking if it’s because of them, feeling like you are a tiny ant in a world of sky scrapers, feeling stuck in your own head, being on vacation and scanning the room for that one family member you don’t talk to before talking, feeling like you are drowning in a room echoing with loud sounds (like talking). Selective Mutism may be scary, but (if you do it) YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for making this video because I've had this since I was 5 and nobody ever really understands what it is. I hope more people understand it because it has affected my life so much. It's an absolutely awful feeling and when I was younger some people didn't understand and they thought it was a choice of not speaking and they would yell at my and it would be so much worse. It still affects me today but I've gotten a lot better and I hope everyone else is doing well. I truly appreciate this video, it made me feel better!!! Thank you!!!
Thank you so much for your comment! I'm glad to hear that you have gotten better, but you're not alone it does affect me too still now but as I get older I get so much better! I think other peoples lack of understating is one of the things that can make the condition worse, but I hope in the future people and teachers will become more aware! thank you! x
i also got diagnosed early and i'm now 19 and i still have it. i've gotten better, but i still can't talk to adults or anyone else in my family other than my parents and sister :s
Were any of you in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for it or medication? Just wondering if your parents tried interventions or just thought you’d grow out of it. I have a 7 year old son with SM
YES FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT! Everything in this video describes me. Including the fact that being forced into talking totally clams me up like nothing else, and gives me a nice anxiety ride to go along with it. I love how at the end you mentioned thinking of yourself as a person everyone loves, that's great advice. I had a similar background, where people would say hello to me and I would not reply. I remember also feeling helpless as a kid like, why am I different than them? And even up to recently my quietness (which I now think is SM) has made me feel insecure. But I think I've gained more discipline... it's a thing where many times I literally cannot speak, but certain moments I can force myself to talk. Even if it's awkward, even if it comes out super messy, I tell myself it's good practice and I'll get better. I think I will, I just have to keep pushing forward and remember that my quietness DOES NOT DEFINE ME. It's not who I am. I am more than this. I am created in the image of the one true God, and He makes everyone special and beautiful. No exceptions. (Also you have an awesome personality just saying!😊)
Am I the only one who panicked when they were little and the teacher would say, *”don’t raise your hands I’m picking randomly”* I was always scared so I’d try to hide, I always got picked but my teacher would get mad because I was to quiet...I got really upset so I just ended up only speaking to my very best friend and my family..my voice changed a lot and everybody was so surprised when I accidentally said something loud, they thought my voice was weird because they never heard it before and I was really scared, I didn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the day..I got really scared of talking to people because I thought they’d judge me, I only talk to my family and my best friend...my other friends I don’t really talk too..
Fluffy Duck this is exactly how I felt! And teachers used to pick on me to ‘boost my confidence” when in reality it does the opposite. I used to think my voice is weird and it stopped me wanting to talk but no I just don’t care anymore. I’m going to do a video on how I recovered soon xx
Georgie Carr yeah like, it doesn’t help at all when they yell at us, and it’s good your doing a video on how you recovered, so it can help people recover to! :D
I have selective mutism I feel like when I go to school I feel so scared it's like I freeze and I feel like people are just watching me I still don't talk to my teacher and any adults I talk to my friend I never used to talk to my friends because of my voice my voice is really high once I was at camp this girl asked me something and I didn't answer and she called me rude I felt like crying an getting in trouble that's the worst
PowerGirlGirl70 I used to hate my voice too and that's probably why I couldn't talk, it's awful isn't it. Since I started doing UA-cam I actually began to like my own voice because I hear it all the time and it's made me so much more confident when talking to people. I hope you're okay cx
Thank you for the video Georgie! I was diagnosed with selective mutism when I started pre-school, (early to mid 90s). I received speech therapy up until the age of 14. Today, at 29 years old, I still struggle with it, not as bad as before, but there is still a struggle, especially when wanting to get to know someone. I would deliver best when we exchange thoughts on social media, messenger... but when it comes to meeting in person I'm not myself and I can't act like the person I am today, except with close friends and family. I did everything I could think of to overcome this. I waitressed for 8 years, bartended for 2 years, worked in customer service for over a decade, I taught English overseas for 4 years. I've traveled SOLO to over 20 countries. Ive been working non-stop since the age of 15. I had no choice but to survive on my own to make ends meet, even though I knew I still struggled with selective mutism/anxiety and I knew I had to take some time to see a specialist about it but never really had the time nor money to meet with one. I didn't even know how I could start doing that. Now I am currently living in South America, and I have been on a mental break for months. I still travel very lightly, not as much as before but I have noticed a huge difference in focus which is another problem I struggled with FOR YEARS. The main thing I want to fix is being comfortable when having a conversation with someone I don't know. Anyway, I have always been a confident person but when it comes to dating my mind shuts down and I sound like someone who just started learning English a week ago. Again, I have gotten much better, overcame so much, but I still don't sound natural and the last thing I want to do is start telling the people who I want to date that I have selective mutism. I apologize if I rambled on, just wanted to talk my background... So, how has dating worked for you? Thank you, Natasha
I never had a boyfriend until I had recovered from my SM but I think that was because I was about 13 fish when I recovered and my first boyfriend was when I was 14. I have had no problems dating since then and I feel completely confident thankfully. there are still situations that I struggle with, but they are more social situations than anything. thank you so much for your long comments because they help to develop my understanding of SM further. I struggle to give advice on this condition because I know how difficult it is, but I hope things are okay xx
I am 50 years old. I have seen a minimum of ten psychiatrists and none of them has diagnosed me with SM. They even comment that I am very quiet. Not quiet-but silent. I have taken so many RX's and no help.Something was triggering my depression, anxiety, and social anxiety disorder.After last night's Christmas and how embarrassed I was to not be able to speak in the group and abruptly leave the room, I knew there was something else wrong. I've been this way for thirty-five plus years. I traced my condition back to being verbally bullied by my brother. Each time I said something he'd say "shut up, you're stupid", "you're dumb". So, as the years went on when i tried to speak publicly and before i'd say what was on my mind, i heard my brother's insults coming from the people i was speaking with. So, i stayed mum. But as the years went by it became more apparent to myself and others of how quiet i was. Complete embarrassment. I've avoided crowds and can only speak to people on a one on one basis to this day. I'm glad i searched my condition on the web and found all of you fellow sufferers. Professionals aren't even aware of our conditions because, from what i could find, we are only .08% of the population. Sorry if i rambled. I'll pray for all of us and we are not alone. if you'd like to email me to compare our conditions, my email is paulpalmer222@yahoo.com ....Hang in there!
Thanks for posting. I had Selective Mutism from birth to age 13. I'm eighteen now and am doing great. I would encourage anyone who is still suffering from SM to have hope, because SM can be beaten and once a person beats it they will be much stronger because of it. I also think people with SM develop a strong sense of individuality and that can help distinguish a person later in life.
I couldn't agree more, having got through this myself I can confidently say that people suffering from this can recover eventually and that you do end up stronger with the ability to deal with curating situations so much better than others. It can make you stronger in the end xx
I think this definitely relates a lot with social anxiety. I can totally relate. I get so afraid to go somewhere out in public alone. Afraid of people watching me, or having strangers try to talk to me. This awkward, uncomfortable, and weird feeling. Hard to describe but I appreciate you being so open with it!
Selective mutism is hard, I didn't talk to most members of my family because I'd never really met them.People don't know just how hard it is. I grew up for five years with very limited support from anyone, it made me feel neglected and upset. It's very pressuring when someone who you don't know or don't like just asks, why don't you talk? Every day I went through this at school, all the kids would question me on a daily basis, all the teachers tried to force me into talking, all except three people. Three people in my life made me feel safe and secure, not even family. Two friends and my old principal. Too see people from my kind of background talking about it just makes me feel so overjoyed. In my first two years I just wandered the grounds alone and doing nothing, that all changed when another lonely girl joined, she made me feel wanted and when people saw I could talk and I was a good person inside they made an effort. These days I still get bullied and I still get those stupid questions. It is so discouraging and I had to go to a clinic to help me. Early childhood was the worst time in my life. Adults think they know but they don't. They don't know until they experience it and can put themselves in our shoes. That was how I talked to my first adult. For two years he tried to get me to talk and when the third year came, he understood. When someone cares so much about you that they can understand you it makes you feel so great. 95% of teachers who think they know what they are talking about when they try to help don't. They left scars. I'll never forget what they tried to force me into. But now I'm a complete chatterbox, that proves if you choose to care it truly makes a difference.Next time you think you know how a selective mute feels, think again because sometimes you really don't(that's to you viewers not the channel owner)
My son has this. He never spoke until he was 5. We had him in speech therapy and everything, but now we realize that it was an anxiety issue. He is 8 now and speaks. Thank you so much for sharing this! It helps me understand what he is thinking. Thank you!
This was super interesting! Found this video because I just made one on my personal experiences growing up with selective mutism. You are so much more informed than me. I always thought that when I started talking to people it was over and never gave much thought about it - despite being extremely shy to this day. Even when you talked about not being able to enter rooms or talk in certain situations because you just can't, that still happens often. It's so frustrating when people don't understand or just think I'm being stubborn. I'm ok with flying overseas alone but for some reason I still struggle with talking on the phone or ordering meals. It's so strange.
Jessie Heath (jessiebiscuit) I just went and watched your video too! And yeah it's still a struggle to do little things but I always try and push myself xx thank you so much for commenting! I subscribed to your channel! Xx
I have 2 daughters who have selective mutism. Both also have ADHD and Dyslexia. It seems to be hereditary. Your video describes me, and my daughters. suffering from selective mutism and dealing with selective mute children I have some parenting tips. One child is 14 and one is 26, so I have had time to reflect on these girls. With my 26 year old I just kept telling her to say hi back or the other children will think you are being rude. I had difficulty understanding that it is a mental illness that the child cannot control. Fortunately, with my second child I am able to understand it better. I worked very hard making friends for my child, and she had cousins, close to her age, that she would spend a lot of time with. When the kids are young parents are the ones who are put off by the mutism. They think the child is being rude. Then I found a friend that she likes. In the beginning I would carry on the conversations for my daughter. (no awkward silence. ) Then I would use the friend to get her to do sports. When I wanted my daughter to try something new I would talk her friend into going with us. (She is now very comfortable at her sport, and no longer needs her friend to go with her) Most important thing is to maintain a great relationship with these children, because they are quick to shut down and any tiny insult or anger towards the child is amplified in their mind by 100. My older daughter grew out of her mutism when she had her first child. My second child is doing fantastic and talks almost everywhere. She does not talk to my in laws, because she was pushed to communicate here. It is a long difficult road just have patience and all will turn out fine. ** strange note my daughters would order at only 1 restaurant - This restaurant was loud, people threw paper at each other, and the waters were supposed to be rude to you, (strang)**
thank you so much for your comment! having comments like this really helps me to try and understand the condition myself and I will be making another video including some of other peoples stories (I hope you don't mind if I discuss some of yours). I am glad to hear that they have both managed to overcome this disorder. Thank you very much for your comment! x
The restaurant thing might have been that it's been easier for them to talk to people who are rude than those who are too friendly. I'm not sure if this makes sense but I personally find it easier to talk to people who are slightly rude to me rather to those who are overly friendly. Friendly people are the worst because they never leave you alone.
Wow, when you talked about the swimming part in your childhood, it made me realize that THAT is why I don't have a swimming license right now. It's because of the SM I had (from the day I was born to 10 years old) . I have never thought about it like this before and how it affects my everyday life right now. Great video and good to hear that you are (kinda) recovered from this!
7 Alias hi! Thanks for commenting, it's nice that you can relate to me but I haven't been swimming in years because it brings back bad memories aha but I'm sure I'll be fine xx :)
Well I'm sure you have plenty of other things you like doing instead of ughh *swimming*. lol. Maybe you will like swimming again eventually tho, you never know. Take it easy and small steps at the time! :) Have a good day or night or whenever it is there. c:
my 5 year old has selective mutism and i just wanted to tell everyone that has this condition, that we love hearing you and we dont care and wont judges if you make mistakes we just love hearing ur taughts and geting to know ur personality.
In year 6 I had a teacher where everyday I would have to read a part of a book to them in a room with no one else apart from the teacher and I just couldn’t do it and they just kept saying “come on just speak you aren’t going back to your lesson until you speak” and it was so bad
Loved your video and thanks for making it. Selective mutism is something we almost never talk about, this is literally why I didn't know that I had it for years until someone I knew mentioned that they had it. I looked it up and to my surprise, it perfectly described years of my life. Thankfully I'm slightly better now and someday I might be even able to speak to all the people or pick up phone calls without hating my own existence.
...i think im a selective mute...i have always been like that, i can totally relate. i havent spoken in school for 8 years, apart from my really close friends, i cant even talk to most of the people in my friend group coz im affraid that they will juge me
CaraBrown hey ARMY 😂💚 But I think I'm selective mute as well. I used to think that I was just VERY shy... But now that I'm thinking about selective mutism, it all makes sense
I know I'm 3 years late but the worst is when the teacher calls on you and you have to answer. Oof I hate that. Idk if this is possible but I think its developing over time because I knew I was pretty shy at like 5 but I'm 11 and I'm starting to get really bad anxiety
Does anyone have it a lot of the time but every now and then feel like a rush of energy then all of a sudden feel your able to talk and do all the things you usually can't, for me this happens so sometimes I think I'm over it but it always comes back again
This is true! That rush of energy I sometimes force on myself nowadays to make me do things I don't feel comfortable with. Obviously this is so difficult for people still suffering with SM but I hope everything turns out okay x
Charlotte rose Stephens yes I get this a lot. Also when I drink coffee suddenly words come to me and I'm wishing it could be like that all the time but to much caffeine later drains me. Maybe there is a chemical imbalance?
I get adrenaline rushes all the time, or I did until I couldn't keep up with the stress any longer and began getting weak and fatigued. The mutism became worse with the fatigue, anxiety being replaced by depression and emptiness.
Thank you so much for this video! My son has this and it helps me understand him so much better. I can see many of the things I’ve done to try to “help” him have only hurt him. I’ve forwarded this video to him and I hope he’ll read the comments. Also. I totally admire how you’ve overcome this.
Thank you so much, I hope your son will recover soon because that is possible! I know how difficult it is to suffer from the condition but I also know how difficult it is for the parents of the sufferer. xx
This is awesome! Congratulations for overcoming your anxiety. My daughter (6) had SM which is how I came across this video. Your video helped. We definitely won’t pressure her. We are trying to boost her confidence as much as we can. It is so hard. Thank you.
It's so strange to look back at things now knowing that it isn't a normal way for a child to behave. I knew I was different and didn't fit in but why didn't an adult pick up on that and help me? I never spoke to anyone apart from close family members, even when the attendance register was being read at school I couldn't answer. I started growing out of it when I was about 14/15. I'm 32 now and have really bad problems with depression and anxiety, I'm also seeing a therapist who is pretty certain that I'm on the autism spectrum.
I had a friend with SM (from age 8-14 years) and today I'm 30 so it was some years ago. But I did not knew, NO BODY knew why she was not talking. I remember when I often told her "you don't have to be ashame of your voice, you have a cute voice" (once I heard when she spoke to her dad, she did not know I was in her room) . I think every parent should tell friends/parents about this condition because I think that she felt more anxity when I told her that about her voice and other stuff like "please, cant you just talk, I know you can because I heard you once" etc. I often wonder if she talk today. All I know is that in grade 9 she still does not spoke a single word.. ps. Thanks for sharing your story and sorry for my english :)
I can.. well not so easily.. but I can talk to complete strangers that I probably will never see again but not my friends or best friend I've known all my life or teachers or anyone (except family) I know but I find it easy to talk to people online. 😂😂 and in school I litteraly have a breakdown when it's drama.. no one knows I gotta work with people I don't know or bullies
Thank you for the video, I have a son that suffers from this condition and I am trying to help him overcome it, and watching your video has helped me understand what is going on in his head. Thank you for sharing your experience with us! :)
That's such a shame. It's horrible to hear when children suffer from this because they don't know how to help themselves and they feel trapped. As he gets older things will get better x
Susan Shapiro it's hard to explain but things get so much better over time and you begin to deal with it and can eventually overcome it. It is possible and it will be alright xx
My mum told me today that I had selective mutism for 4 years (I was too young to remember apart from a few scenarios). I think it defiantly makes sense now why there are some days where I can't walk into my classes, not because I don't want to, but because I physically can't. Its really hard to explain that to people because they think I'm just skipping class and its infuriating. Thank you for helping me make sense of this :)
This is very helpful, my 6 year old son has selective mutism and he says he doesn't talk because he's scared, I've tried to explain to him that nothing will happen, but he just feels like something will. We've been taking him to a psychologist and he says that we're at the point where there needs to be consequences for him not talking, I don't really agree with that, especially after watching your video, the school speech therapist has told us to let him be, not to force him to talk, that it will come from him. That's what I think will be best for him, thanks for your video, as a parent it's really helpful to hear from people that have this same condition.
I'm sorry to hear that because it's so difficult to treat children because they don't know. I definitely don't think that consequences for not talking is a good idea because when you suffer from selective mutism you aren't choosing not to talk, there is a barrier that stops you. it's so hard to explain and it difficult for some people to understand but I always wanted to talk to people, in fact I tried very hard but nothing would come out apart from giggling. It would be like punishing a child that cant walk for not walking, it's not their fault. I think letting him know that there it is okay and that he will be alright. I wasn't very happy as a child, but as I got older I became a lot happier which increased my confidence significantly. I hope that he will get better with age xx
This is so sad. Ify so much tho. Like whenever I felt like I didn't belong I became completely quiet and didn't talk! You are such a sweet girl defending other girls. Good Job! New subbie
This is so awesome, I personally never understood this concept and now I understand a lot more. Really interesting, and it's definitely opened my eyes.
Thank you for the video! I got diagnosed with selective mutism when i was 4. In my memory I didn't talk till i was 15 in a classroom setting. Atm i am a junior in high school. People think i'm weird..I don't have friends. I just sit in the back and feel the only place that understands me is the internet. My mom refuses to believe I have it..since I scream of happiness at home and when i'm not home I shush. She will never understand it..People at my school like to call me on all those stupid social media apps..weird freak..if you talked no one would hate you. everyone hates you because you are a freak who won't talk. I even got told to harm myself..I haven't made it to adulthood yet and it's causing me pain..I went for a few years to behavioral therapy..but nothings helps :c I really don't know what to do with myself. I suffered from cancer..and a bad childhood and when I thought..that I was healthy I would be fine..I just felt lonelier..I feel so lonely I wish I was sick again sometimes and ik its horrible..but it's the truth :c -Thats my life thru selective mutism so far :)
This is such a great video, thank you so much for sharing! I've experienced panic attacks in the past and I've had problems with anxiety so I understand you on some level, you should be so proud to have come through this!! ☁️️🌸💜
i have selective mutism but i’ve already overcame sooo many of my fears and i can now talk to my peers without being scared and it’s really the best feeling ever because i don’t have to deal with the amount of anxiety i use to deal with. i yet still have people like some of my extended family to open up my voice to them and it’s coming along slowly. going out of selective mutism slowly is the #1 best thing i’ve done and i’m proud of myself.
I have had this my entire life, but thankfully it's not as bad as it was when I was younger. I am now 12. I didn't talk at all in preschool, just one kid, but only when no one was around. I did go to counselling, one was quite forceful, so I went to another and they slowly made me talk, and we played games and talked about my week, and it helped me, I did that until like 1st grade. I do regret not talking to people because I never talked to my great granpap and I wish I did, actually I planned on say something the next time I saw him but I couldn't, so I talk to family members more. I say hi and thankyou and such really quietly to a point where no one can here me, and I hate it cause everyone thinks I am being rude, but I am really kind and courteous. I do really want to talk to people, but I panic and think they're gonna judge me, and find me weird. I am weird and I know people judge me by the way people act around me. I can hear it in their voices they treat me like a young child, and I am mature for my age, people have thought I am an upper classman in highschool, but im not! I don't have many friends I trust, and my one friend I do some what trust, I am not even her first choice. For example, I have a feild trip coming up and I need someone to sit by on the bus, but my one friend says she already has a partner and her partner the only thing they ever talk about is this one boy who is 2 years older than us. So now I have to sit by someone I don't like or I am uncomfortable with. It is not just talking I worry about its how I act, dress, or how i do my hair I think people will judge me and say I look dumb I guess I don't have much confindence. I am also like scared to talk or tell my mom anything I feel she will think I am doing something I am not supposed to, so i feel that my entire family judges me and the only person I can truly trust is myself which sounds sad and depressing! XD But I have one important question I love film and photography, and I have been wanting to start a UA-cam channel, did your UA-cam channel help ou with your selective mutism?? Thanks for reading!
Abbie Fausnaugh hi! I can completely relate to everything you're saying! I used to feel self conscious about my voice and about the way I looked. But I almost started to get angry at myself and tell myself it's all in my head and I mentally forced myself to be happy and to try. It's difficult. But my UA-cam channel helped massively, it made me realise my voice was not weird and people could see the confident me on UA-cam so it meant that in real life I was more confident because they would be used to it :) I would highly recommend making one xx
Ok, thanks. I'm going to try and get enough confidence in myself to ask my mom. Also, thank you for making this video, I have never met anybody with selective mutism and thought i was strange or alone. xx
I had SM from age 4- 10 when I had an idea to pretend I was a hyper bubbly person, so I tried it out and that's what worked really well. My involuntary rules were I would talk to my best friend and her mom but I wouldn't talk if her dad was near by. It applied to anyone I didn't like. I H A T E D being labeled and judged as being "shy", quiet, and all of the synonyms of those words that people would say I am. I would get so annoyed that people couldn't get past that and just treat me like a normal kid. I used to get punished for not talking to my grandpa by not being allowed to play on the computer for a week. I was told I was very rude and would get in trouble all the time for that. It only made me more determined to never talk. I also hated my childhood and I'm so glad it's over. I thought I was the only person in the world who was born with this "flaw" and I only found out that SM was an actual thing that people have a few years ago! I love hearing people's SM stories.
I have selective mutism and just yesterday I went live on instagram and talked to my friends and I sent a video of me to my very best friend that has never heard me talk... I am still working on talking to more people because I don’t talk to my grandmas or grandpas, friends, teachers... because I have so much anxiety. Thank you so much for this video!
Sara's Sassy Channel it's nice to see that I'm not alone people are like me as well I talk to my friends it's so embarrassing when my friends tell people I don't talk and when my grandma asks if I can even talk I never talk to teachers I find it easy to talk online my parents push me to talk I always fail my work and skipped school for a year. It's so weird to think that people see me as a shy weird person when I really am not Hope this helped you :)
when I made my youtube channel it really helped to bring out my confidence! Talking to a camera and online made me almost get used to it and made me feel more comfortable with talking to people in real life. xx
I've recently been meeting up with people with autism who brought up the subject of selective mutism. I'm starting to recognise why I didn't start speaking until I was around 6 and finding out more about it because of seemingly intractible communication problems I'm experiencing over 30 years later - which I think may well be related. Thank you for articulating it so well.
I'm 20 now and I've had selective mutism for as long as I can remember. But I never really feel anxiety unless there's a situation where I am being really pressured by someone. Most of the time I can feel very calm with people outside my family and wanting to start talking is not even in my head anymore. I have lived with this condition for such a long time that I forgot that I have it.
I have a friend with selective mutism (she's moved to another province) and seems to be doing well and has a job as a server so I assume she's overcone it too. I've been trying to learn more about it since I never delved too much into it back then, I just accepted that she never talked at school or when we hungout but we would text and talk online all the time. People didn't make it easier with all the pressure they put on her by asking to hear her voice, I feel bad looking back now because I would ask a few times too. Good video!
I've been diagnosed with selective mutism every since I was 4. I still have it to this day and your video is really inspiring to me! I don't see many youtubers talk about this topic and I don't have any friends that understand what selective mutism is or have this anxiety disorder. I would only talk to my mom, dad, and brother as well. I was also homeschooled during high school. I hating going to school, and talking face to face with people too! I hated people judging me as well! I still to this day feel very alone about this. I was very depressed when I was 14/15. I hate looking back at my childhood. One of the reasons why I started my youtube channel was to help me grow confidence and become less shy. By the way I'm camera shy! I'm an extremely shy person! I would love to be friends with you, maybe we could talk in private. I feel like we would have a lot in common. I hope to become where you are now as I'm not yet comfortable talking in front of a camera. Your gorgeous by the way! ❤️❤️❤️Love your video! Do you have Instagram? Mine is @jazzminkaita
aww thank you so much! I'm so glad you commented and I hope that things turn out okay, as it is very difficult. Of course we can talk whenever Ive just subscribed to your youtube channel! and yes I do have Instagram mine is Georgieee_carr, ill add you when I get home from sixth form later! xx
Your welcome and thank you for making this video! I still struggle a lot with selective mutism. I think talking with someone like you would help me a lot. Your so sweet! Thank you so much for subscribing to my channel! I really appreciate it and it means so much to me.I just subscribed to your beautiful channel as well! I also just followed you on Instagram! Sounds good and I'm looking forward to hearing from you! 💕💕💕
I’ve had selective mutism my entire life, and i feel really emotional every time I’ll think about it, there’s just so many things that ur not able to do knowing the everyone else can do it without worry. And i know that there’s loads of other people out there suffering the same thing but not knowing anyone else with it is just hard, especially when you want to be able to talk to someone who knows fully well of what’s going on
I think I have selective mutism. Half way through my first year in high school my parents decided for our family to move to another country. I couldn't speak to anyone at school and it really affected my grades. It's been 2 years since then and nothing's changed. I even had to repeat a year...
Moving to another country is a massive thing and that has defiantly caused this. Fortunately as you get older you will get better and find it easier but it just takes time xx
I've had selective mutism for as long as I can remember. When I was in school I never said a word, expect for the rare occasion, but I do have some memories of my early elementary school years talking outside of the classroom. I like to think I would have overcome it eventually if I didn't have some of the teachers I had in elementary. I feel like they only exacerbated it because instead backing off and letting me warm up to everyone in the classroom like my mom suggested, they, thinking they knew better than my mom, tried pressuring me into talking. They only succeeded in giving me anxiety attacks. I had a teacher who once threatened me with a counselor referral when I wouldn't verbally ask to throw my trash away after lunch. And my fifth grade teacher used to make fun of me when I scratched at my arms, neck and face, which I tend to do when I'm feeling upset or pressured. I can still remember her asking me if that was some kind of new sign language. (I feel like I should mention that when I say I scratch at my arms I'm not hurting myself, I do it like I have an itch.) I'm 28 years old, still suffering with selective mutism, but I'm also trying to find a job and hopefully somewhat overcome it.
This was a very interesting video!! I have anxiety and worry about everyone! I feel the same. I don't/didn't want to talk to people because I was always worried I would say the wrong thing. When I was in college I would have a panic attack because I was so worried I would go to the wrong class room. I would always carry about my class list so I could double check everyday. Some people don't get what it's like. Great video!
You feel you are the only one who has this when you are young. I wish i could hug my younger self and tell that it'd be fine because it was never that way. I never felt comforted by anyone for my situation. It was a miserable experience to go through 10 years of silence.
I remember myself not being able to talk when I was 3 but it didn't last long I started talking to a lot of people when I was 6 probably cuz when I went to primary school, it was a new school and nobody knew me and I could be a new person so that's probably where I got the confidence to talk?
I used to have this as a child I never knew it was a thing until today. I used to be completely mute in elementary school. The schools thought I was going through something at home or that I was traumatized. The school had social workers give weekly check ups at my home. And I had counselors at school. I don’t think anybody knew what I had. I now suffer from anxiety on the daily and I used to get panic attacks a few years back. I’m just now realizing my anxiety goes much further back then I thought.
I’m a freshmen in high school, I was born with selective mutism. In kindergarten I wouldn’t say a word to the teacher and I would have to whisper in my friends’ ears to talk to them. In 1st grade I started raising my hand and actually talking to people. As of today though now in high school it’s different, I feel like I can’t have a real conversation with people, everybody thinks I’m stupid even though I’m in two honors classes. I’m just quiet and observant, that doesn’t make me dumb. I can really only have normal conversations with like 4 people in my class. Everybody looks at me like I’m a loser or something, nobody at school actually knows I have selective mutism. My family on the other hand, they all obviously know that I have selective mutism, I think my parents think it’s cured or something, they never mention it, my brothers use it as an insult when we get into an argument, if I stop talking they say “his selective mutism just kicked in” like I can’t control it, I just feel like nobody gets me, nobody understands me, for the first like 10 years of my life I didn’t even know I had selective mutism and I was first informed by my brother during and argument. I remember in 7th grade when we went over vocab words the teacher would call on people to come up with sentences using that word in the right way, every time the teacher called on me I couldn’t talk. Now anytime anybody at my school tries to talk to me I just smile at them and they think I’m weird, I think that everybody else thinks I’m some sort of creep because I’m constantly alone, I hate having to worry about every word that comes out of my mouth, please somebody give me some advice
I have low level Selective Mutism (SM). 90% of people with SM also have Social Anxiety. However, 10% do not have Social Anxiety. I think the nervous system freeze response might have something to do with SM. There's some good info on the freeze response within Stephen Porges Polyvagal Theory. There are quite a number of interviews with him on UA-cam. Also, have a look at Irene Lyon's nervous system work, particularly the idea of functional freeze.
i'm 13 and i've had it since the age of 4 and still have it now. i only talk to my mum, brothers and nanna and 3 friends, everyone else i can't talk to
+gg beauty, I think its just little steps. Over time you learned to take bigger risks however you were always in charge of the situation and you weren't forced into it. That's kind of how it happened to me.
The only people I can talk to is my mom, my big brother and a few close friends. Anytime I try to talk to someone else my throat closes up and it's hard to breathe. My dad's an alcoholic and my parents have broken up. My mom got married to another man and they've been together for a few years, turns out he's an alcoholic too, and when he's drunk he gets abusive.They did make a promise to never drink again, but I still don't trust him or feel safe around him. Five years ago my brother got leukemia (blood cancer) and his legs got amputated, he has prostheses now and is recovering, but every night I'm scared because anything might happen, my stepdad might drink and start doing something to my mom, or something might happen to my brother, I guess it's paranoia. I do go to a therapist but my mom comes with me, so I whisper something in her ear, and she explains it to the therapist, but I don't feel like I can say everything I want to say there because my mom's there. I can't even write on paper to communicate to someone, I'd rather force a word or two.
My niece has this. She's 10 now. But for about 5 years she never spoke to me. Now she still doesn't talk, but will make eye contact and gesture. She always spoke to my kids though (her cousins.) So it's interesting to hear your perspective on this. Great video.
I wasn't diagnosed with selectively mutism because my parents added it up to me just being shy. But since I'm too afraid to actually say anything I never told anyone I physically can't say anything. When I do talk my voice is too low according to other people and when I have to a presentation in class I feel like I'm being pressured and my voice is quiet and shaky and I'm terrified and end up forgetting what I was even going to present in the first place. I might tell my father... He might help me, I don't know... I think this might've originally from 6th grade because I used to get bullied a lot. It was from threatening me to wear certain things on certain days or for me to get into a fight with them (I got into a fight with them in 7th grade and it ended with me getting jumped and my hair pulled) or to curse at the teachers I love or even to skip class since I was a goody-goody back then. They used to insulted me daily and it didn't my confidence at all... And you want to know the icing on the cake? They used to be my friends. It didn't help that I actually developed depression during my 2nd half of 7th grade due to issues at home... I told my mom she told me I was just shy... It's really becoming a problem now since I'm getting older... I'm 16 and can't do a presentation without physically shaking or freezing up so I don't know what to do... This used to be so much easier in Elementary School...
ινσяу try talking to your mum about it again and tell her how you feel exactly because it helps me that my family understand it now so if I feel uncomfortable they know. I used to hate presentations because I hated the sound of my own voice but since I started UA-cam I've accepted my voice is normal and now I love doing presentations because I just pretend I'm confident. It's really difficult to explain and I'll probably do a video on it but I hope things get better for you! I'm 18 and I recovered from SM and I'm super happy now so I hope you will be too xx
Are there some kids with selective mutism who get overlooked because they actually will speak when spoken to by adults in school, but just is incapable of talking to any other kids in school?
yeah that's me. i can't talk with certain people at school and i don't talk first with people at all. so i have no friends and people look down on me and don't care about me..they treat me lower than everyone else. just because i'm quiet.
I also had selective mutism all way through pre school and middle school. It all got better in high school. I still have it sometimes as an adult now. I am very quiet with a new group of people but after a while I start getting all chatty and funny. I start getting out of my shell more.
I don’t know if I have selective mutism, maybe it’s just mild. I suppose when I need to talk I can talk but it’s not really me. Like once I say something I’m like “wtf why did I say that, I would never say that” and then I come up with a better response. I am absolutely petrified of talking I hate it so much, I feel like whatever I say people will just judge me. And I want to talk so badlyyyyyy but people think it’s because I just don’t want to but I do. I try to talk and sometimes nothing even comes out. People sometimes think I’m being rude if I don’t say hello back and stuff. And also sometimes I talk and it’s just so quiet and I don’t mean it. I try to talk louder but I can’t. I absolutely am just hating life and myself honestly feel like I’m missing out on my teenage years (I’m 15). I have hardly any friends but that’s probably because I can’t actually talk to anyone else😂 Recently I went for a haircut (well I tried to) but me and my mum were outside in the car and I felt like I couldn’t get out, I thought I was about to faint. Just the thought of having to say hello as I walk in and then people looking at me PETRIFIES ME honestly the thought makes me want to burst out into tears😂 I don’t know if you’ll reply or even see this but this is the first video if really watched on selective mutism and omg I couldn’t relate more. I used to spend every night being sick at the thought of sports day. People looking at me gives me so much anxiety. I used to always wish I could just stay in silence my entire life. I tried to learn sign language once just so I could pretend I was deaf😂
I was diagnosed with aspergers but I'm totally fine around people I'm comfortable with, I don't struggle with any symptoms other than social anxiety and I used to have selective mutism as a child. I'd be totally confident and get on great with my closer friends but I couldn't talk around anyone else. I moved schools when I was 11 and I never settled again after that, I was only comfortable around my one bestfriend who just ended up ditching me because everyone thought I was so mute and queit it was weird.
I have a Son of 8 years old who unfortunately is getting worse rather then better with his selective mutism. To get any professional help is a complete battle with schools / doctors especially in the county where I live. The number of people who he will talk to is reducing as well as what he enjoys doing. For example he started tennis club in the summer holidays he has been once and now he no longer wants to go as he says he feels anxious and scared about going as it is for too long. He no longer talks to my partner (not his biological mum). Hence why I read many articles and many youtube videos such as this one. It is just a sad situation as he now complains that his friends are bossy, but I have to try and explain to him they are not being bossy it is just that if you cannot talk to them to tell them what you want to play they will tell him what to do.
EFT (tapping ) is a great tool for selective mutism. My daughter suffered from it and it inspired me to write my books Happy Tapping with Mia & Charlie & Energy EFT For Teenagers both are on Amazon. EFT is a tool that can really help with anxiety and stress, especially in school and around friendships, starting a new school, exam stress, bullying etc. We thought we were the only family but now there seem to be many, something that social media has helped to bring people together. Well done for highlighting Selective Mutism. I will share this to my EFT page @PaulaKennedyEFT :-) x
This is a great video. Thanks so much. Nice to know I'm not alone! I didn't speak at school or kindy to ANYONE from the age of 3yrs - 6yrs old. Doctors thought it was to do with my parents violent r/s. No idea if that was it though. Very interesting subject to discuss.
I'm 21 and I've had selective mutism all my life. I just recently found out about it and it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one. I find it really hard to get a job because I'm unable to speak. I've gotten better at talking to strangers but only if they talk to me first because I don't want things to become awkward when they say hi or ask me a question and I don't respond. I love people and I don't want them to think I don't like them so I do my best to answer, but I can't get myself to ask them a question.
I have a friend with selective mutism and I am doing everything I can think of and nothing is working However your video was extreamly helpful and so was the people in the comment section enlighning me as to other ways this mental illness affects her for 2 reasons 1 being that I have been grasping straws up until now and contemlapting ways to help has resulted in sleepless nights and the only solution her mother has suggested thus far has been to ask her questions to get to know her which has not worked many of the questions I have asked have been meet with a shrug and I could ask her to communicate via text but I dont want to apply any pressure and reason 2 being I have something to compare against because my mother claims that my friend might be pressured into keeping quiet and she says that the team of specialists believe that as well and whenever her mother would come to pta meetings at school she would ask for free aduio equipment and things of that nature so no I have something to compare my friends testemony of slective mutism againt although I genuinly belive that her mother hasn't done anything to this child its worth investigating all possibilitys if it means helping my friend
Captain Mattachu thankyou for your comment. It is common for SM to be caused by trainer, abuse, strict parents and an uncomfortable environment at home. However mine was defintely in my genes as my dad had it too as a child. Not pressurising her will be the best thing for her. Just try and talk to her without asking questions and without expecting an answer and eventually she might start to talk very slowly. It took me 13 years to overcome this. So it is a very long process. Also maybe her parents aren't helping her condition by the way they act around her without realising it. They might believe they're helping when they're not. Hope everything turns out okay xx
@@Georgiecarr you dont know how much your comment means to me because I have been contemplating SM alot lately and I recently hit me the urgancey of this matter, I only have 2 more years of high school left to help my friend and her mother has limes disease and has had it for 20 years meaning it is more important than ever that she be able to speak if her mother were to die she would be on her own and I would hate to see that happen to anyone so the sooner I can help her the better
I wish I could help too. I know how difficult it is, but it is something that your friend may be able to fully recover from in the future and with your help and support I am sure that that will happen. xx
I have done more videos on this condition and will be doing some more in the future! :) xx
❤
I have selective mutism as well, I’m nearly 13 and I hate it when people tease me for being shy. I’m constantly being picked on in class for being myself. I’ve had selective mutism since I was 4 & never spoke to anyone except most of my family, I couldn’t speak to my peers, or my teachers. I even struggle to talk to my grandparents. I’m so glad people with selective mutism make these videos! Xx
@@erinmaree7738 Sorry for the slow reply! I feel so sorry for you because I know exactly how you feel. I will be making another video soon explaining how I managed to recover fully xx
Erin Maree same
I’m selective mute I only talk to my very close two friends and if I have to my parents I have bad social anxiety and I had a bad experience in school when I said something I didn’t mean too-
I always thought I was the only one that never spoke
me three
Me four
Omg same I still can’t talk to teachers or my friends in secondary school
That was me. I'm 57 and just now figuring out that I wasn't just "painfully shy".
Same my teachers used to put pressure on me to talk I couldnt so they punished me I remember sitting in the corner with my toy bunny feeling like I wasn't a normal and didnt deserve to be there.. it was horrible
I was born with selective mutism and severe social phobia I feel like I can't connect with anyone in school and I feel like an outcast outside of the house
oh gosh, well social anxiety is a very difficult thing to overcome and deal with and I really can't give advice because I don't even know myself! All I can say is that I hope everything turns out okay xx
James Eller same
I remember when I was back in school and I was treated like a troublemaker because I would literally say nothing all class.. all the time it felt like I had to squash it down... I felt so ashamed and guilty.. I thought it was because I wasn't good enough or I was doing something wrong in general... it was like I was biting a bullet the whole time... no wonder I felt overwhelmed all the time, I was an outcast... always trying to suppress my true nature, try to blend in... because.. I didn't blend in.. I was... an outcast... to the core... that was it though... because in the playground I was struggling with stress and anxiety and overwhelm.. always trying to be someone I wasn't.. I think I'm still that way now.. because of bad programming... I felt utterly excluded... I had outbursts at secondary.. like in the office or Mrs G whatever.. It was so hard, I was dealing with a personal issue... how would anyone else have known what it was like.. I was just so alone, I literally felt empty and felt like I didn't relate to anyone.. I simply just DID not relate... that's why I was always like whats the big fuss about socialising.. because I never understood it exactly.. I always felt left out... so lonely in the corner of the room.. the anxiety and Asperger's held me back from opportunities.. like the girl I was talking about etc... and talking to classmates or making friends.. I always felt like I was being looked down on from the start... always having nothing to say.. I couldn't see 'the trail' left behind from others mental states.... i was invisible to that shit. like i was living somewhere else entirely.. even in secondary i felt the same.. isolated, stressed, overwhelmed... It was because of my condition, Asperger's and selective mutism.. and what made it worse was others prejudices towards me.. making me feel like it was me vs the world... trying to prove myself... because of these prejudices and denial etc.. I felt like a outcast and reject.. and when I was in math's class I could have swore that others knew it too.. in fact someone even had this nervous laugh... I always have felt stressed and its no wonder why... I was being made and manipulated in situations I wasn't comfortable with. I put on a mask to protect myself... I just bloody hope im not still wearing this mask...
i'm the opposite...hard faced cocky a fighter...i never learned anything in school infact they never did tame me...i slowly tamed myself after getting my girlfriend pregnant and being a dad...it's a shame too because i actually learn stuff instantl no problem so if i just had normal parents who had control of their child and made him have respect i would've done well...i'm normally the wise one when conversing with people, i got kicked from all school and a school for bad kids
from the beginning i was like this like a girl when developing, talking at months old running around by 1 first day of nursery i remeber watching all doors locked seeing chairs and planning my toilet break escape and pulled it off flawlessly and ran home...lol crazy life....i'm surprised i'm here in my sweet ass room at 26 surrouded by my great ass earnings after it all...talk about a maverik
sorry i like telling my story and i also enjoyed reading all of yours, thank you and god bless
I've had selective mutism ever since I can remember. I like that you're talking about it. Not many people do.
Kiersten Tilley thank you I really hope that everything turns out okay and that you're happy xx
oh the puns
My selective mutism was so bad in elementary :/ bad memories
Same
Middle school😭💔
AAAAAAAAA I thought I was the only ARMY who had selective mutism
Me too
Melissa I’m taking abnormal child psychology and learned about mutism. I had to watch 4 videos so I could get my answer on the quiz. I realized there are so many different ways that children can get better. In the video one child was on medication plus she had to have cognitive therapy. The boy was just on meds And gradually took a while to kick in but it final did. I was glad I watch these movies and it made me happy that they were both taking outside the home and there social was absolutely beautiful and know they have friends
omg i've had selective mutism basically my whole life (i'm almost 19 now). and i mean like really bad. my whole life is just filled with uncomfortable situations ugh
glad i'm not alone! even tho i'm pretty much alone irl
Yes im not alone too
@Samy González What do female voice cracks sound like... This sounds so cute, like shy girl. Makes me want to meet ya & help :)
Hii, overtime have u like learnt stuff that helps u deal with it better, or is it still just as bad. If u could share some tips, I’d love that!
I've had Selective Mutism since I was born. It has caused me to miss out on so so so much in my life. I've never been able to participate in gym classes and raising my hand in class is a nightmare. School was and still is hell. I've been bullied because i couldn't talk and I've been taken advantage of my entire life by classmates and other peers. Because of SM I have trust issues because of people embarrassing me and taking advantage of me.
Supernatural Dayzz oh no it is honestly so horrible and I look back on my child hood not liking it at all , I wish that I could help everyone but I can't and I don't know how to. Thankfully things got better for me and I became able to be really confident and I think that because I am more happy with my life and it makes me more confident as a person! I hope that things will change but the only way I changed was when I moved to a new school and had a fresh start xx
Thank You, I love that you made this video because not a lot of people have heard about SM!
SAME! you're not alone. we're in this together ;//
gg beauty at what age you moved to the new school??
sorry it too so long to reply, I didn't see your comment. but I was 12 :)
When I’m at home I’m really loud and have no problem talking but as soon as I go to a store or school or something my voice goes down to a whisper. And I hate it when the situation calls for me to talk louder. I’ve tried to, but I just can’t.
And whenever someone at school talks to me I just nod my head and answer in the shortest way possible when I have to. I’d love to talk to them but I just feel that I can’t.
But I think I’ve gotten slightly better because I can talk to random strangers and teachers, but after I run the conversation through my head over and over until what I said sounds dumb. I’ve been trying to stop doing it but I usually don’t have any distractions.
Whoops, I just realized how long this has gotten. I’m going to stop here before it gets any longer.
My friend Grace is very similar. Her brother says at home she never shuts up, and when she and I text she texts full on paragraphs and we have amazing conversations, but when she and I are in class or group together, she can't even say three words before her face goes red and she hyper ventilates. She's still the funniest, sweetest girl ever and I still view her as one of my best friends! If you ever need anyone to message or turn to I'm always here
This is exactly like me
I'm 12 years old and have had selected mutism. I feel like I'm having anxiety over EVERYTHING. Whether it's my health my pets health or my family's health i can't stop worrying. And at school I feel like there is something in my throat and I can't speak. I try soooooo hard but I can't. My grandfather is so rude he yells at me for not speaking. When I was 9 I spoke to him for the first time since I was a baby he ignored me later said "see what it feels like!!" When I'm at school I have NO confidence. I'm afraid to move. I can't even stand up from my chair without having a flash of anxiety go through my body. And my mom is so supportive of me and I have therapy and meds. I'm so afraid I will never get better. And people act like I'm fine and act like nothing is wrong and people yell at me to chill. I hate that. I just want to not worry about everything and not be afraid of everything and everyone. It brings me down. Can anyone relate??😔😔😳😳😳
emmaluvsreborns when reading this I related so much! Thank you for your comment! I think your grandfather is out of order however he probably doesn't understand the condition and that is the problem these days. People don't seem to understand, and I struggle to give advice but all I can say is you're not alone and I've now recovered and I'm very happy xx I was about 13 when I started getting better and I am nearly fully better. Don't worry things will turn out okay but unfortunately it just takes time xx
Im 12 and I feel like something is in my throat as well. I went art therapy in yr6 and I spoke to another select mute girl! I also go to a place called cahms in England but still isn't helping. It is especially hard in yr7😞
year seven is really difficult, but that was actually the year where I started to get a bit better because I was meeting people that didn't already know me as the 'shy' girl so I could create a new personality for myself so to speak x
Georgie thankyou but it's terrible because about 70% of the people came from my own school but thankyou for sharing that with me it and this video let me know that i wasn't alone
@@Georgiecarr i dont know if i have sm, when i talk to strangers i get really nervous and anxious, but i do it because i have to but when i do i stutter and mess up so i get really nervous and scared, but i do it because i have to, is that sm?
I've had selective mutism all my life I'm now 25 and still the same. Watching your video I hope to be confident one day. Listening to you is very helpful.
Melody Stokes thank you so much for commenting and I hope that you recover and I really think you will! Xx
gg beauty Thank you. Xx
Melody Stokes I'm 13 hoping to Get rid of it before I'm before I'm older I hate having selective musism
Lauran C Hello. I know it's so horrible Selective mutism. I also hate it. The older you get though it does get easier trust me. Do you have much support? I've just started talking to someone new and I'm getting more confident everyday. So I believe you will get there. Just don't rush do everything in your own time. Don't let anyone put you down.
Same age, same problem !
I had selective mutism and didn't speak at school expect whisper to a really close friend and a couple of other friends. Not many people really understood it and I remember going to psychologists and was on medication for a little which didn't really help. When I was 12 and started at secondary school I started to speak and gain more and more confidence slowly. Now 16, I am confident enough to speak in front of the class and do orals. What you have explained is extremely similar to how I felt.
You are a very strong person. Overcoming Selective Mutism by yourself (or even with help) is extremely difficult!!
I had mine since early in elementary school, no thanks in part to their strict rules, and my abusive Special Ed teachers. When I graduated 5th grade, that summer I thought I could overcome it as soon as I started middle school. Boy was I wrong! The night before school started back up, I had a nightmare I was on the bus and still couldn't talk, and the nightmare came true the next morning!!
I didn't make any progress at all until I was in 8th grade, and at that I'd whisper inaudibly. When people would ask why I didnt talk, one of my friends in 7th grade would say "She talks, just in a different language". It would make me laugh! (It eased the tension, Which I felt plenty of. She was so cool!) I had another really good friend, in my class, and I talked in complete audible sentences to her, but quietly, on the last day of middle school.
That summer, 2 girls from across the street, who would also be going to my middle school, came over and spoke to me often (bless their hearts their my saviours!!) and broke me out of my shell! When school started back up and I went to high school, I could finally talk quietly to everyone but boys!
I am suffering from this rn, it is rlly hard at school because there r some people who just don't understand me😔. But I kno that I'm not alone x
Lucy Jo Louise x I remember questions like what's your favorite colour! And I just couldn't answer because my brain was like why would they care I cant tell them. I used to play with one friend in her house and I'd be normal but in school I'd be shut up and I felt alone one day I stopped talking to her at all...I could go on but it's so refreshing seeing people with it too
My best friend has the same as u! It can be frustrating but I take my time and I help her make sure she is feeling comfortable and safe with me and my family she is jsut an amazing girl!!!
Lucy Jo Louise x I feel ya
How old are you?
Lucy Jo Louise x I’m struggling to 😭
I had this up until last year when I was fourteen and can now talk to almost anyone but am now very social awkward because of the lack of social situations I was put into when I was younger. I had about five different people come into the school and try to help me by talking to me and trying to have me express my feelings through writing. Personally I think that this made me feel about as uncomfortable as putting me in a room of people because I was taken out of my regular class and put on the spot to go into a quiet room with a table, crayons and such. I felt out of place and like there was something wrong with me. I felt paralyzed when someone would try and talk to me and was so scared in younger grades that I would not even nod or move but sometimes wet myself. I later on stopped feeling as strongly and stopped wetting myself and started to nod to familiar people but never to strangers. The elementery school I went to blamed my mom for not talking and thought that she had done something to me to make me afraid enough or that she had tramatized me and I got it from that when it only started when I started going into school. I was excluded from school events like plays and reading sessions and was often put at levels of reading levels much easier than I was at because they had no proof I was understanding what I was reading and that led up to junior high. I too was placed into unwanted social situations like swimming lessons, ballet and eventually after school activities but would cry. I do not feel I benefitted very much to anyone coming in to speak with me about my problem although most young kids do. I finally got over it after my homeroom teacher put me into groups with another girl that seemed to be more extroverted and tried to get to know me throughout the year. My teacher then had me come in every morning before school started with said friend to sit in the class empty and if I felt comfortable, talk, if not, I could write. It did not put me on the spot with an adult and I was in a familiar area with someone I got to know better though that year. I very much enjoyed this video and can relate to a large majority of what you mentioned although I do not feel that my selective mutism was connected with my self confidence. Overall great video and really hope that your video makes some parents going through this possibly understand it a bit better!
thank you so much for your comment! this was so interesting to read and I also used to wet myself too a lot and when I researched about it there is definitely a connection. I am going to be doing another one of these videos soon but talking about it with my mum and her views on it and how difficult it was for her, is it okay if I'm able to mention your comment in the video because your story is from a different perspective and I would love to talk about it in the video , is that okay? x
Emma Clarke I relate honestly copy and paste and that's me
Oh my gosh I just finished watching all the rest of the videos I missed from you regarding this topic and just saw you commented. I'm so sorry for how late this is I honestly don't use this account often but yes if you would ever like to use parts of that experience you can, I loved listening to the differences in our situations and how other people reacted. Thank you.
i cried watching this because everything completely relates to me & i got in trouble a lot in middle school for not talking. now that i'm in high school though i've gotten better and can actually talk & have fun at school instead of being trapped and scared.
rebekah hello,. I believe my stepdaughter has this. She doesnt even talk to us in the house. Only time she talks is when she is trying to earn her phone back once it was taken away,.. to get it back she would be completly normal and once she gets her phone back, she goes right back at not talking. She is finishing 8th grade now and will be going to high school in September. Could you please tell me what has helped you get better. I am soo happy you are doing better bu the way
I suffer from selective mutism. I have a hard time making friends, so I only have about 2 friends. They don't understand me. I can talk perfectly fine over face time with them and over the phone, but in public I'm dead silent. When they sit with their other friends and I sit with them, I'm left out. Their friends don't understand either. Everyone in my school gives me weird looks too. In the hallway they look at me like I'm disabled and CAN'T speak, but really I can speak and want to speak more than anything. People don't let me sit by them at lunch or on the bus. In gym class they purposely hit me with the ball just to put me in an uncomfortable situation.. Even if they're on my TEAM they hit me with a ball to be a jerk and make me feel weak. In the lunch line people cut in front of me just because they know I won't do or say anything about it. Every second of this video was relatable. I felt relieved that other people have gone through what I am going through with in my life. It makes me a little bit more confident that you have broken your silence and I hope that one day I can "break the silence" too! xx
Leggo my Eggo Wiffles it's so sad to hear things like this because it's so relatable to me, unfortunately people don't understand and that's why I want to do more videos to spread awareness and all I can say is that things will change as you grow up and as you move on to different stages of your education and I think I will do a video trying to help people that suffer to recover if I feel I am able to xx
Georgie That would be such a great video and I just realized I haven’t been subbed to you so you just got a new subscriber!
Leggo my Eggo Wiffles aw thank you so much for subscribing :) xx
I relate so much. I was a child in the 80s so there was no understanding at all.
I think even now people still don't really understand and I think it's about sharing awareness and showing how common it is x
I had this and was a child in the 70s ! No understanding! At all. In my primary school the teacher said I would have to leave the school if I didn’t talk! I was terrified!
Me too, I was told the teacher would break my fingers if I didn't speak.
I grew up having this in the 2000s and nobody understood me. And it continued into to be something that affected me in my adult life. I really wish people had understood that I wasn’t trying to ignore them. I think one of the most frustrating thing for me at this point is that my mom doesn’t understand this or mental health.
So glad to see how many people do Selective Mutism on this video! Also, I say “do” not “have”, as SM is not a disease, it is just a phase! For those who do SM, I know the struggle of this: little kids who won’t stop asking your name, people trying to use sign language, nonstop questions of “Will you talk to me?”, etc. It’s all very akward. I’m in the middle of fixing SM. When I was little I never smiled with friends. Now I smile at random strangers. One time at a party in Kindergarten I was shaking like crazy when I was eating cake only because my teacher was there. Now, I whisper to my whole class and most of my teachers. (This took a whole year) The next step I whispering openly class instead of in people’s ears. Next, talking. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬 I know what being pressured to talk is like. Same with stepping out of line / doing something wrong (AHHHHHHHH) And when people don’t understand that you don’t want to talk. And when you are the center of attention. People judging you, people asking if it’s because of them, feeling like you are a tiny ant in a world of sky scrapers, feeling stuck in your own head, being on vacation and scanning the room for that one family member you don’t talk to before talking, feeling like you are drowning in a room echoing with loud sounds (like talking). Selective Mutism may be scary, but (if you do it) YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for making this video because I've had this since I was 5 and nobody ever really understands what it is. I hope more people understand it because it has affected my life so much. It's an absolutely awful feeling and when I was younger some people didn't understand and they thought it was a choice of not speaking and they would yell at my and it would be so much worse. It still affects me today but I've gotten a lot better and I hope everyone else is doing well. I truly appreciate this video, it made me feel better!!! Thank you!!!
Thank you so much for your comment! I'm glad to hear that you have gotten better, but you're not alone it does affect me too still now but as I get older I get so much better! I think other peoples lack of understating is one of the things that can make the condition worse, but I hope in the future people and teachers will become more aware! thank you! x
Such a harsh thing to go through. My prayers go out to anyone who suffers from this. YOU WILL OVERCOME!
Corttney Dunkin I could give you a whole paragraph but you will get bored. Most of the time feels like you are an ant in a world of sky scrapers.
I was diagnosed when I was 3 and I'm nearly 18 and still can't to anyone but my mum and sisters.
boob the builder oh wow I hope that one day things will change as it did with me I'm sorry I can't give any advice as such xx
boob the builder oh wow I hope that one day things will change as it did with me I'm sorry I can't give any advice as such xx
i also got diagnosed early and i'm now 19 and i still have it. i've gotten better, but i still can't talk to adults or anyone else in my family other than my parents and sister :s
Same with me
Were any of you in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for it or medication? Just wondering if your parents tried interventions or just thought you’d grow out of it. I have a 7 year old son with SM
YES FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT! Everything in this video describes me. Including the fact that being forced into talking totally clams me up like nothing else, and gives me a nice anxiety ride to go along with it. I love how at the end you mentioned thinking of yourself as a person everyone loves, that's great advice.
I had a similar background, where people would say hello to me and I would not reply. I remember also feeling helpless as a kid like, why am I different than them? And even up to recently my quietness (which I now think is SM) has made me feel insecure.
But I think I've gained more discipline... it's a thing where many times I literally cannot speak, but certain moments I can force myself to talk. Even if it's awkward, even if it comes out super messy, I tell myself it's good practice and I'll get better. I think I will, I just have to keep pushing forward and remember that my quietness DOES NOT DEFINE ME. It's not who I am. I am more than this. I am created in the image of the one true God, and He makes everyone special and beautiful. No exceptions.
(Also you have an awesome personality just saying!😊)
Am I the only one who panicked when they were little and the teacher would say,
*”don’t raise your hands I’m picking randomly”*
I was always scared so I’d try to hide, I always got picked but my teacher would get mad because I was to quiet...I got really upset so I just ended up only speaking to my very best friend and my family..my voice changed a lot and everybody was so surprised when I accidentally said something loud, they thought my voice was weird because they never heard it before and I was really scared, I didn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the day..I got really scared of talking to people because I thought they’d judge me, I only talk to my family and my best friend...my other friends I don’t really talk too..
Fluffy Duck this is exactly how I felt! And teachers used to pick on me to ‘boost my confidence” when in reality it does the opposite. I used to think my voice is weird and it stopped me wanting to talk but no I just don’t care anymore. I’m going to do a video on how I recovered soon xx
Georgie Carr yeah like, it doesn’t help at all when they yell at us, and it’s good your doing a video on how you recovered, so it can help people recover to! :D
I convert my feelings onto poetry
Tbh,I've never heard of this before.Really interesting!
I have selective mutism I feel like when I go to school I feel so scared it's like I freeze and I feel like people are just watching me I still don't talk to my teacher and any adults I talk to my friend I never used to talk to my friends because of my voice my voice is really high once I was at camp this girl asked me something and I didn't answer and she called me rude I felt like crying an getting in trouble that's the worst
PowerGirlGirl70 I used to hate my voice too and that's probably why I couldn't talk, it's awful isn't it. Since I started doing UA-cam I actually began to like my own voice because I hear it all the time and it's made me so much more confident when talking to people. I hope you're okay cx
Some girl say hi to me but I didn't say anything and she called me rude I was holding back tears
I suffer from this and thats why i get bullied..
I understand you , stay strong, tell your relatives so the stupid bulleys would go away, good luck!!!
You are better than your bullies
Omg same
I also have selective mutism but when it comes to bullies my anger makes anxiety go away my mouth opens for me to talk shit. God bless the bullies
Mostly everyone ignores me I always talk to myself but I still lonely
anyone who has selective mutism wanna be friends? I would like to be friends with someone who has the same disorder like me :)
Hi :)
yes
Mee
I have no friends so heyyyyyyy
I have selective mutism all my life. And it is hard for me to make friends.
Thank you for the video Georgie! I was diagnosed with selective mutism when I started pre-school, (early to mid 90s). I received speech therapy up until the age of 14. Today, at 29 years old, I still struggle with it, not as bad as before, but there is still a struggle, especially when wanting to get to know someone. I would deliver best when we exchange thoughts on social media, messenger... but when it comes to meeting in person I'm not myself and I can't act like the person I am today, except with close friends and family. I did everything I could think of to overcome this. I waitressed for 8 years, bartended for 2 years, worked in customer service for over a decade, I taught English overseas for 4 years. I've traveled SOLO to over 20 countries. Ive been working non-stop since the age of 15. I had no choice but to survive on my own to make ends meet, even though I knew I still struggled with selective mutism/anxiety and I knew I had to take some time to see a specialist about it but never really had the time nor money to meet with one. I didn't even know how I could start doing that. Now I am currently living in South America, and I have been on a mental break for months. I still travel very lightly, not as much as before but I have noticed a huge difference in focus which is another problem I struggled with FOR YEARS. The main thing I want to fix is being comfortable when having a conversation with someone I don't know. Anyway, I have always been a confident person but when it comes to dating my mind shuts down and I sound like someone who just started learning English a week ago. Again, I have gotten much better, overcame so much, but I still don't sound natural and the last thing I want to do is start telling the people who I want to date that I have selective mutism. I apologize if I rambled on, just wanted to talk my background... So, how has dating worked for you?
Thank you,
Natasha
I never had a boyfriend until I had recovered from my SM but I think that was because I was about 13 fish when I recovered and my first boyfriend was when I was 14. I have had no problems dating since then and I feel completely confident thankfully. there are still situations that I struggle with, but they are more social situations than anything. thank you so much for your long comments because they help to develop my understanding of SM further. I struggle to give advice on this condition because I know how difficult it is, but I hope things are okay xx
I am 50 years old. I have seen a minimum of ten psychiatrists and none of them has diagnosed me with SM. They even comment that I am very quiet. Not quiet-but silent. I have taken so many RX's and no help.Something was triggering my depression, anxiety, and social anxiety disorder.After last night's Christmas and how embarrassed I was to not be able to speak in the group and abruptly leave the room, I knew there was something else wrong.
I've been this way for thirty-five plus years. I traced my condition back to being verbally bullied by my brother. Each time I said something he'd say "shut up, you're stupid", "you're dumb". So, as the years went on when i tried to speak publicly and before i'd say what was on my mind, i heard my brother's insults coming from the people i was speaking with. So, i stayed mum. But as the years went by it became more apparent to myself and others of how quiet i was. Complete embarrassment. I've avoided crowds and can only speak to people on a one on one basis to this day.
I'm glad i searched my condition on the web and found all of you fellow sufferers. Professionals aren't even aware of our conditions because, from what i could find, we are only .08% of the population. Sorry if i rambled. I'll pray for all of us and we are not alone. if you'd like to email me to compare our conditions, my email is
paulpalmer222@yahoo.com ....Hang in there!
Thanks for posting. I had Selective Mutism from birth to age 13. I'm eighteen now and am doing great. I would encourage anyone who is still suffering from SM to have hope, because SM can be beaten and once a person beats it they will be much stronger because of it. I also think people with SM develop a strong sense of individuality and that can help distinguish a person later in life.
I couldn't agree more, having got through this myself I can confidently say that people suffering from this can recover eventually and that you do end up stronger with the ability to deal with curating situations so much better than others. It can make you stronger in the end xx
I think this definitely relates a lot with social anxiety. I can totally relate. I get so afraid to go somewhere out in public alone. Afraid of people watching me, or having strangers try to talk to me. This awkward, uncomfortable, and weird feeling. Hard to describe but I appreciate you being so open with it!
thank you for sharing, I find it difficult to describe as well, I just hope that your inner confidence can grow! x
Selective mutism is hard, I didn't talk to most members of my family because I'd never really met them.People don't know just how hard it is. I grew up for five years with very limited support from anyone, it made me feel neglected and upset. It's very pressuring when someone who you don't know or don't like just asks, why don't you talk? Every day I went through this at school, all the kids would question me on a daily basis, all the teachers tried to force me into talking, all except three people. Three people in my life made me feel safe and secure, not even family. Two friends and my old principal. Too see people from my kind of background talking about it just makes me feel so overjoyed. In my first two years I just wandered the grounds alone and doing nothing, that all changed when another lonely girl joined, she made me feel wanted and when people saw I could talk and I was a good person inside they made an effort. These days I still get bullied and I still get those stupid questions. It is so discouraging and I had to go to a clinic to help me. Early childhood was the worst time in my life. Adults think they know but they don't. They don't know until they experience it and can put themselves in our shoes. That was how I talked to my first adult. For two years he tried to get me to talk and when the third year came, he understood. When someone cares so much about you that they can understand you it makes you feel so great. 95% of teachers who think they know what they are talking about when they try to help don't. They left scars. I'll never forget what they tried to force me into. But now I'm a complete chatterbox, that proves if you choose to care it truly makes a difference.Next time you think you know how a selective mute feels, think again because sometimes you really don't(that's to you viewers not the channel owner)
My son has this. He never spoke until he was 5. We had him in speech therapy and everything, but now we realize that it was an anxiety issue. He is 8 now and speaks. Thank you so much for sharing this! It helps me understand what he is thinking. Thank you!
This was super interesting! Found this video because I just made one on my personal experiences growing up with selective mutism. You are so much more informed than me. I always thought that when I started talking to people it was over and never gave much thought about it - despite being extremely shy to this day. Even when you talked about not being able to enter rooms or talk in certain situations because you just can't, that still happens often. It's so frustrating when people don't understand or just think I'm being stubborn. I'm ok with flying overseas alone but for some reason I still struggle with talking on the phone or ordering meals. It's so strange.
Jessie Heath (jessiebiscuit) I just went and watched your video too! And yeah it's still a struggle to do little things but I always try and push myself xx thank you so much for commenting! I subscribed to your channel! Xx
Same! I don't like to talk on the phone either!
my daughter is turning 13 next month and she's diagnosed selective mutisum. And seeing you and knowing you've gotten over the disorder brings me hope
I have selective mutism. And it's so strange how it affects people differently. See I wouldnt be able to sit at the camera like you and talk.
I have 2 daughters who have selective mutism. Both also have ADHD and Dyslexia. It seems to be hereditary. Your video describes me, and my daughters. suffering from selective mutism and dealing with selective mute children I have some parenting tips. One child is 14 and one is 26, so I have had time to reflect on these girls. With my 26 year old I just kept telling her to say hi back or the other children will think you are being rude. I had difficulty understanding that it is a mental illness that the child cannot control. Fortunately, with my second child I am able to understand it better. I worked very hard making friends for my child, and she had cousins, close to her age, that she would spend a lot of time with. When the kids are young parents are the ones who are put off by the mutism. They think the child is being rude. Then I found a friend that she likes. In the beginning I would carry on the conversations for my daughter. (no awkward silence. ) Then I would use the friend to get her to do sports. When I wanted my daughter to try something new I would talk her friend into going with us. (She is now very comfortable at her sport, and no longer needs her friend to go with her) Most important thing is to maintain a great relationship with these children, because they are quick to shut down and any tiny insult or anger towards the child is amplified in their mind by 100. My older daughter grew out of her mutism when she had her first child. My second child is doing fantastic and talks almost everywhere. She does not talk to my in laws, because she was pushed to communicate here. It is a long difficult road just have patience and all will turn out fine. ** strange note my daughters would order at only 1 restaurant - This restaurant was loud, people threw paper at each other, and the waters were supposed to be rude to you, (strang)**
thank you so much for your comment! having comments like this really helps me to try and understand the condition myself and I will be making another video including some of other peoples stories (I hope you don't mind if I discuss some of yours). I am glad to hear that they have both managed to overcome this disorder. Thank you very much for your comment! x
The restaurant thing might have been that it's been easier for them to talk to people who are rude than those who are too friendly. I'm not sure if this makes sense but I personally find it easier to talk to people who are slightly rude to me rather to those who are overly friendly. Friendly people are the worst because they never leave you alone.
Wow, when you talked about the swimming part in your childhood, it made me realize that THAT is why I don't have a swimming license right now. It's because of the SM I had (from the day I was born to 10 years old) . I have never thought about it like this before and how it affects my everyday life right now. Great video and good to hear that you are (kinda) recovered from this!
7 Alias hi! Thanks for commenting, it's nice that you can relate to me but I haven't been swimming in years because it brings back bad memories aha but I'm sure I'll be fine xx :)
Well I'm sure you have plenty of other things you like doing instead of ughh *swimming*. lol. Maybe you will like swimming again eventually tho, you never know. Take it easy and small steps at the time! :) Have a good day or night or whenever it is there. c:
I am very happy that you uploaded thus video, I never knew this was a thing xx hope your okay :)) 💗💗
GraceNiamhxx I have selective mutism it's really hard
my 5 year old has selective mutism and i just wanted to tell everyone that has this condition, that we love hearing you and we dont care and wont judges if you make mistakes we just love hearing ur taughts and geting to know ur personality.
In year 6 I had a teacher where everyday I would have to read a part of a book to them in a room with no one else apart from the teacher and I just couldn’t do it and they just kept saying “come on just speak you aren’t going back to your lesson until you speak” and it was so bad
Loved your video and thanks for making it. Selective mutism is something we almost never talk about, this is literally why I didn't know that I had it for years until someone I knew mentioned that they had it. I looked it up and to my surprise, it perfectly described years of my life. Thankfully I'm slightly better now and someday I might be even able to speak to all the people or pick up phone calls without hating my own existence.
...i think im a selective mute...i have always been like that, i can totally relate. i havent spoken in school for 8 years, apart from my really close friends, i cant even talk to most of the people in my friend group coz im affraid that they will juge me
CaraBrown I totally understand you and I know exactly how it feels I'm jsut sorry I don't have much advice to share xx
CaraBrown hey ARMY 😂💚 But I think I'm selective mute as well. I used to think that I was just VERY shy... But now that I'm thinking about selective mutism, it all makes sense
I think I grew up with this. I kind of wish I had known about it as a kid and my parents had understood it.
I know I'm 3 years late but the worst is when the teacher calls on you and you have to answer. Oof I hate that. Idk if this is possible but I think its developing over time because I knew I was pretty shy at like 5 but I'm 11 and I'm starting to get really bad anxiety
Does anyone have it a lot of the time but every now and then feel like a rush of energy then all of a sudden feel your able to talk and do all the things you usually can't, for me this happens so sometimes I think I'm over it but it always comes back again
This is true! That rush of energy I sometimes force on myself nowadays to make me do things I don't feel comfortable with. Obviously this is so difficult for people still suffering with SM but I hope everything turns out okay x
Thank you for your encouragement, is it okay to email you ? Thanks x
yes of course my email is georgieecarr@yahoo.co.uk x
Charlotte rose Stephens yes I get this a lot.
Also when I drink coffee suddenly words come to me and I'm wishing it could be like that all the time but to much caffeine later drains me. Maybe there is a chemical imbalance?
I get adrenaline rushes all the time, or I did until I couldn't keep up with the stress any longer and began getting weak and fatigued. The mutism became worse with the fatigue, anxiety being replaced by depression and emptiness.
Thank you so much for this video! My son has this and it helps me understand him so much better. I can see many of the things I’ve done to try to “help” him have only hurt him. I’ve forwarded this video to him and I hope he’ll read the comments. Also. I totally admire how you’ve overcome this.
Thank you so much, I hope your son will recover soon because that is possible! I know how difficult it is to suffer from the condition but I also know how difficult it is for the parents of the sufferer. xx
This is awesome! Congratulations for overcoming your anxiety. My daughter (6) had SM which is how I came across this video. Your video helped. We definitely won’t pressure her. We are trying to boost her confidence as much as we can. It is so hard. Thank you.
thank you, I hope things work out for her xx
It's so strange to look back at things now knowing that it isn't a normal way for a child to behave. I knew I was different and didn't fit in but why didn't an adult pick up on that and help me? I never spoke to anyone apart from close family members, even when the attendance register was being read at school I couldn't answer. I started growing out of it when I was about 14/15. I'm 32 now and have really bad problems with depression and anxiety, I'm also seeing a therapist who is pretty certain that I'm on the autism spectrum.
when I was in primary school I didn't talk at all for about 3 years, I'm much better now but I just wanted to thank you for making this video
Bella May thank you so much for your comment! Xx
I had a friend with SM (from age 8-14 years) and today I'm 30 so it was some years ago. But I did not knew, NO BODY knew why she was not talking. I remember when I often told her "you don't have to be ashame of your voice, you have a cute voice" (once I heard when she spoke to her dad, she did not know I was in her room) . I think every parent should tell friends/parents about this condition because I think that she felt more anxity when I told her that about her voice and other stuff like "please, cant you just talk, I know you can because I heard you once" etc. I often wonder if she talk today. All I know is that in grade 9 she still does not spoke a single word.. ps. Thanks for sharing your story and sorry for my english :)
Thank you! And hopefully your friend has recovered now! xx
I can.. well not so easily.. but I can talk to complete strangers that I probably will never see again but not my friends or best friend I've known all my life or teachers or anyone (except family) I know but I find it easy to talk to people online. 😂😂 and in school I litteraly have a breakdown when it's drama.. no one knows I gotta work with people I don't know or bullies
Thank you for the video, I have a son that suffers from this condition and I am trying to help him overcome it, and watching your video has helped me understand what is going on in his head. Thank you for sharing your experience with us! :)
That's such a shame. It's horrible to hear when children suffer from this because they don't know how to help themselves and they feel trapped. As he gets older things will get better x
My daughter is 4 and she has this. It's breaking my heart, but seeing how aware you are and how you've overcome it gives me hope.
Susan Shapiro it's hard to explain but things get so much better over time and you begin to deal with it and can eventually overcome it. It is possible and it will be alright xx
My mum told me today that I had selective mutism for 4 years (I was too young to remember apart from a few scenarios). I think it defiantly makes sense now why there are some days where I can't walk into my classes, not because I don't want to, but because I physically can't. Its really hard to explain that to people because they think I'm just skipping class and its infuriating. Thank you for helping me make sense of this :)
This is very helpful, my 6 year old son has selective mutism and he says he doesn't talk because he's scared, I've tried to explain to him that nothing will happen, but he just feels like something will. We've been taking him to a psychologist and he says that we're at the point where there needs to be consequences for him not talking, I don't really agree with that, especially after watching your video, the school speech therapist has told us to let him be, not to force him to talk, that it will come from him. That's what I think will be best for him, thanks for your video, as a parent it's really helpful to hear from people that have this same condition.
I'm sorry to hear that because it's so difficult to treat children because they don't know. I definitely don't think that consequences for not talking is a good idea because when you suffer from selective mutism you aren't choosing not to talk, there is a barrier that stops you. it's so hard to explain and it difficult for some people to understand but I always wanted to talk to people, in fact I tried very hard but nothing would come out apart from giggling. It would be like punishing a child that cant walk for not walking, it's not their fault. I think letting him know that there it is okay and that he will be alright. I wasn't very happy as a child, but as I got older I became a lot happier which increased my confidence significantly. I hope that he will get better with age xx
This is so sad. Ify so much tho. Like whenever I felt like I didn't belong I became completely quiet and didn't talk! You are such a sweet girl defending other girls. Good Job! New subbie
I come back to this video every once in a while to remind myself that I'm not alone ♡
Katinnity aw Thank you for commenting. Im going to try and make another one of these videos soon now that I understand it more xx
This is so awesome, I personally never understood this concept and now I understand a lot more.
Really interesting, and it's definitely opened my eyes.
Holy shit the fireplace on the background. Humor master right here
sorry? xx
@@Georgiecarr Oh no it's great. I didn't mean it to come across as mean spirited. Its funny :-)
@@PetteriWar ahh okay haha, apologies xx
Thank you for the video! I got diagnosed with selective mutism when i was 4. In my memory I didn't talk till i was 15 in a classroom setting. Atm i am a junior in high school. People think i'm weird..I don't have friends. I just sit in the back and feel the only place that understands me is the internet. My mom refuses to believe I have it..since I scream of happiness at home and when i'm not home I shush. She will never understand it..People at my school like to call me on all those stupid social media apps..weird freak..if you talked no one would hate you. everyone hates you because you are a freak who won't talk. I even got told to harm myself..I haven't made it to adulthood yet and it's causing me pain..I went for a few years to behavioral therapy..but nothings helps :c I really don't know what to do with myself. I suffered from cancer..and a bad childhood and when I thought..that I was healthy I would be fine..I just felt lonelier..I feel so lonely I wish I was sick again sometimes and ik its horrible..but it's the truth :c -Thats my life thru selective mutism so far :)
This is such a great video, thank you so much for sharing! I've experienced panic attacks in the past and I've had problems with anxiety so I understand you on some level, you should be so proud to have come through this!! ☁️️🌸💜
aw thank you so much Jordan! I hope that your anxiety is okay xx
WOw I didn't know this was a thing...Really interesting, thanks so much for sharing and letting us into your life! 💕💕💕
i have selective mutism but i’ve already overcame sooo many of my fears and i can now talk to my peers without being scared and it’s really the best feeling ever because i don’t have to deal with the amount of anxiety i use to deal with. i yet still have people like some of my extended family to open up my voice to them and it’s coming along slowly. going out of selective mutism slowly is the #1 best thing i’ve done and i’m proud of myself.
this is kinda illiterate but oh well
Could you describe some of the steps you took to overcome? Our son age 6 has sm.
I have had this my entire life, but thankfully it's not as bad as it was when I was younger. I am now 12. I didn't talk at all in preschool, just one kid, but only when no one was around. I did go to counselling, one was quite forceful, so I went to another and they slowly made me talk, and we played games and talked about my week, and it helped me, I did that until like 1st grade. I do regret not talking to people because I never talked to my great granpap and I wish I did, actually I planned on say something the next time I saw him but I couldn't, so I talk to family members more. I say hi and thankyou and such really quietly to a point where no one can here me, and I hate it cause everyone thinks I am being rude, but I am really kind and courteous.
I do really want to talk to people, but I panic and think they're gonna judge me, and find me weird. I am weird and I know people judge me by the way people act around me. I can hear it in their voices they treat me like a young child, and I am mature for my age, people have thought I am an upper classman in highschool, but im not! I don't have many friends I trust, and my one friend I do some what trust, I am not even her first choice. For example, I have a feild trip coming up and I need someone to sit by on the bus, but my one friend says she already has a partner and her partner the only thing they ever talk about is this one boy who is 2 years older than us. So now I have to sit by someone I don't like or I am uncomfortable with. It is not just talking I worry about its how I act, dress, or how i do my hair I think people will judge me and say I look dumb I guess I don't have much confindence. I am also like scared to talk or tell my mom anything I feel she will think I am doing something I am not supposed to, so i feel that my entire family judges me and the only person I can truly trust is myself which sounds sad and depressing! XD
But I have one important question I love film and photography, and I have been wanting to start a UA-cam channel, did your UA-cam channel help ou with your selective mutism?? Thanks for reading!
Abbie Fausnaugh hi! I can completely relate to everything you're saying! I used to feel self conscious about my voice and about the way I looked. But I almost started to get angry at myself and tell myself it's all in my head and I mentally forced myself to be happy and to try. It's difficult. But my UA-cam channel helped massively, it made me realise my voice was not weird and people could see the confident me on UA-cam so it meant that in real life I was more confident because they would be used to it :) I would highly recommend making one xx
Ok, thanks. I'm going to try and get enough confidence in myself to ask my mom. Also, thank you for making this video, I have never met anybody with selective mutism and thought i was strange or alone. xx
Abbie Fausnaugh you are definitely not alone, there are loads of people that have SM or some form of anxiety. I realised this as I got older xx
I had SM from age 4- 10 when I had an idea to pretend I was a hyper bubbly person, so I tried it out and that's what worked really well. My involuntary rules were I would talk to my best friend and her mom but I wouldn't talk if her dad was near by. It applied to anyone I didn't like. I H A T E D being labeled and judged as being "shy", quiet, and all of the synonyms of those words that people would say I am. I would get so annoyed that people couldn't get past that and just treat me like a normal kid. I used to get punished for not talking to my grandpa by not being allowed to play on the computer for a week. I was told I was very rude and would get in trouble all the time for that. It only made me more determined to never talk. I also hated my childhood and I'm so glad it's over. I thought I was the only person in the world who was born with this "flaw" and I only found out that SM was an actual thing that people have a few years ago! I love hearing people's SM stories.
I have selective mutism and just yesterday I went live on instagram and talked to my friends and I sent a video of me to my very best friend that has never heard me talk... I am still working on talking to more people because I don’t talk to my grandmas or grandpas, friends, teachers... because I have so much anxiety. Thank you so much for this video!
Sara's Sassy Channel it's nice to see that I'm not alone people are like me as well I talk to my friends it's so embarrassing when my friends tell people I don't talk and when my grandma asks if I can even talk I never talk to teachers I find it easy to talk online my parents push me to talk I always fail my work and skipped school for a year. It's so weird to think that people see me as a shy weird person when I really am not Hope this helped you :)
when I made my youtube channel it really helped to bring out my confidence! Talking to a camera and online made me almost get used to it and made me feel more comfortable with talking to people in real life. xx
I've recently been meeting up with people with autism who brought up the subject of selective mutism.
I'm starting to recognise why I didn't start speaking until I was around 6 and finding out more about it because of seemingly intractible communication problems I'm experiencing over 30 years later - which I think may well be related.
Thank you for articulating it so well.
I'm 20 now and I've had selective mutism for as long as I can remember. But I never really feel anxiety unless there's a situation where I am being really pressured by someone. Most of the time I can feel very calm with people outside my family and wanting to start talking is not even in my head anymore. I have lived with this condition for such a long time that I forgot that I have it.
I know how you feel. Pressure is the worst thing for someone suffering from SM. That is the main thing that I have learned! xx
I have a friend with selective mutism (she's moved to another province) and seems to be doing well and has a job as a server so I assume she's overcone it too. I've been trying to learn more about it since I never delved too much into it back then, I just accepted that she never talked at school or when we hungout but we would text and talk online all the time. People didn't make it easier with all the pressure they put on her by asking to hear her voice, I feel bad looking back now because I would ask a few times too. Good video!
I've been diagnosed with selective mutism every since I was 4. I still have it to this day and your video is really inspiring to me! I don't see many youtubers talk about this topic and I don't have any friends that understand what selective mutism is or have this anxiety disorder. I would only talk to my mom, dad, and brother as well. I was also homeschooled during high school. I hating going to school, and talking face to face with people too! I hated people judging me as well! I still to this day feel very alone about this. I was very depressed when I was 14/15. I hate looking back at my childhood. One of the reasons why I started my youtube channel was to help me grow confidence and become less shy. By the way I'm camera shy! I'm an extremely shy person! I would love to be friends with you, maybe we could talk in private. I feel like we would have a lot in common. I hope to become where you are now as I'm not yet comfortable talking in front of a camera. Your gorgeous by the way! ❤️❤️❤️Love your video! Do you have Instagram? Mine is @jazzminkaita
aww thank you so much! I'm so glad you commented and I hope that things turn out okay, as it is very difficult. Of course we can talk whenever Ive just subscribed to your youtube channel! and yes I do have Instagram mine is Georgieee_carr, ill add you when I get home from sixth form later! xx
Your welcome and thank you for making this video! I still struggle a lot with selective mutism. I think talking with someone like you would help me a lot. Your so sweet! Thank you so much for subscribing to my channel! I really appreciate it and it means so much to me.I just subscribed to your beautiful channel as well! I also just followed you on Instagram! Sounds good and I'm looking forward to hearing from you! 💕💕💕
I’ve had selective mutism my entire life, and i feel really emotional every time I’ll think about it, there’s just so many things that ur not able to do knowing the everyone else can do it without worry. And i know that there’s loads of other people out there suffering the same thing but not knowing anyone else with it is just hard, especially when you want to be able to talk to someone who knows fully well of what’s going on
I found you beacuse I have selective mutism and I’m very proud of you for postering this!💗
Lorin Williams aw thank you I hope you're okay! Xx
I think I have selective mutism. Half way through my first year in high school my parents decided for our family to move to another country. I couldn't speak to anyone at school and it really affected my grades. It's been 2 years since then and nothing's changed. I even had to repeat a year...
Moving to another country is a massive thing and that has defiantly caused this. Fortunately as you get older you will get better and find it easier but it just takes time xx
I've had selective mutism for as long as I can remember. When I was in school I never said a word, expect for the rare occasion, but I do have some memories of my early elementary school years talking outside of the classroom. I like to think I would have overcome it eventually if I didn't have some of the teachers I had in elementary. I feel like they only exacerbated it because instead backing off and letting me warm up to everyone in the classroom like my mom suggested, they, thinking they knew better than my mom, tried pressuring me into talking. They only succeeded in giving me anxiety attacks. I had a teacher who once threatened me with a counselor referral when I wouldn't verbally ask to throw my trash away after lunch. And my fifth grade teacher used to make fun of me when I scratched at my arms, neck and face, which I tend to do when I'm feeling upset or pressured. I can still remember her asking me if that was some kind of new sign language. (I feel like I should mention that when I say I scratch at my arms I'm not hurting myself, I do it like I have an itch.) I'm 28 years old, still suffering with selective mutism, but I'm also trying to find a job and hopefully somewhat overcome it.
This was really interesting, I've known someone with this before and it's interesting to hear your perspective on it xxx
This was a very interesting video!! I have anxiety and worry about everyone! I feel the same. I don't/didn't want to talk to people because I was always worried I would say the wrong thing. When I was in college I would have a panic attack because I was so worried I would go to the wrong class room. I would always carry about my class list so I could double check everyday. Some people don't get what it's like. Great video!
thank you so much for sharing! I completely know what you mean! it really is horrible and I'm glad they you have been able to talk about it xx
Thabk you for sharing this! My daughter is 7 and I’ve just recently learned this is what she is suffering from.
You feel you are the only one who has this when you are young. I wish i could hug my younger self and tell that it'd be fine because it was never that way. I never felt comforted by anyone for my situation. It was a miserable experience to go through 10 years of silence.
I remember myself not being able to talk when I was 3 but it didn't last long I started talking to a lot of people when I was 6 probably cuz when I went to primary school, it was a new school and nobody knew me and I could be a new person so that's probably where I got the confidence to talk?
Certified _weirdo yeah that's probably why I was so much better when I moved up to a knew school because nobody knows me! Xx
I used to have this as a child I never knew it was a thing until today. I used to be completely mute in elementary school. The schools thought I was going through something at home or that I was traumatized. The school had social workers give weekly check ups at my home. And I had counselors at school. I don’t think anybody knew what I had. I now suffer from anxiety on the daily and I used to get panic attacks a few years back. I’m just now realizing my anxiety goes much further back then I thought.
I’m a freshmen in high school, I was born with selective mutism. In kindergarten I wouldn’t say a word to the teacher and I would have to whisper in my friends’ ears to talk to them. In 1st grade I started raising my hand and actually talking to people. As of today though now in high school it’s different, I feel like I can’t have a real conversation with people, everybody thinks I’m stupid even though I’m in two honors classes. I’m just quiet and observant, that doesn’t make me dumb. I can really only have normal conversations with like 4 people in my class. Everybody looks at me like I’m a loser or something, nobody at school actually knows I have selective mutism. My family on the other hand, they all obviously know that I have selective mutism, I think my parents think it’s cured or something, they never mention it, my brothers use it as an insult when we get into an argument, if I stop talking they say “his selective mutism just kicked in” like I can’t control it, I just feel like nobody gets me, nobody understands me, for the first like 10 years of my life I didn’t even know I had selective mutism and I was first informed by my brother during and argument. I remember in 7th grade when we went over vocab words the teacher would call on people to come up with sentences using that word in the right way, every time the teacher called on me I couldn’t talk. Now anytime anybody at my school tries to talk to me I just smile at them and they think I’m weird, I think that everybody else thinks I’m some sort of creep because I’m constantly alone, I hate having to worry about every word that comes out of my mouth, please somebody give me some advice
I have low level Selective Mutism (SM). 90% of people with SM also have Social Anxiety. However, 10% do not have Social Anxiety.
I think the nervous system freeze response might have something to do with SM.
There's some good info on the freeze response within Stephen Porges Polyvagal Theory. There are quite a number of interviews with him on UA-cam.
Also, have a look at Irene Lyon's nervous system work, particularly the idea of functional freeze.
Gary Barton thank you for letting me know!
i'm 13 and i've had it since the age of 4 and still have it now. i only talk to my mum, brothers and nanna and 3 friends, everyone else i can't talk to
It's so hard to give advice as I don't know what made me recover but after time my confidence grew I hope the same happens to you xx
+gg beauty, I think its just little steps. Over time you learned to take bigger risks however you were always in charge of the situation and you weren't forced into it. That's kind of how it happened to me.
Thanks for sharing your story! I can relate to a lot of what you said
The only people I can talk to is my mom, my big brother and a few close friends. Anytime I try to talk to someone else my throat closes up and it's hard to breathe. My dad's an alcoholic and my parents have broken up. My mom got married to another man and they've been together for a few years, turns out he's an alcoholic too, and when he's drunk he gets abusive.They did make a promise to never drink again, but I still don't trust him or feel safe around him. Five years ago my brother got leukemia (blood cancer) and his legs got amputated, he has prostheses now and is recovering, but every night I'm scared because anything might happen, my stepdad might drink and start doing something to my mom, or something might happen to my brother, I guess it's paranoia. I do go to a therapist but my mom comes with me, so I whisper something in her ear, and she explains it to the therapist, but I don't feel like I can say everything I want to say there because my mom's there. I can't even write on paper to communicate to someone, I'd rather force a word or two.
oh wow that's awful, I hope you're okay! sorry for the slow reply. I hope things are much better now xx
My niece has this. She's 10 now. But for about 5 years she never spoke to me. Now she still doesn't talk, but will make eye contact and gesture. She always spoke to my kids though (her cousins.) So it's interesting to hear your perspective on this. Great video.
This is actually the first time that I feel soooooo understood.....I'm in tears...
Grace Vergest Thank you for commenting! I filmed this video a couple of years ago now so I think I’m going to film an updated version xxx
@@Georgiecarr you're welcome
Oh,. thank you for sharing your story and being so brave, your doing a great job to help others.
I wasn't diagnosed with selectively mutism because my parents added it up to me just being shy. But since I'm too afraid to actually say anything I never told anyone I physically can't say anything. When I do talk my voice is too low according to other people and when I have to a presentation in class I feel like I'm being pressured and my voice is quiet and shaky and I'm terrified and end up forgetting what I was even going to present in the first place. I might tell my father... He might help me, I don't know...
I think this might've originally from 6th grade because I used to get bullied a lot. It was from threatening me to wear certain things on certain days or for me to get into a fight with them (I got into a fight with them in 7th grade and it ended with me getting jumped and my hair pulled) or to curse at the teachers I love or even to skip class since I was a goody-goody back then. They used to insulted me daily and it didn't my confidence at all... And you want to know the icing on the cake? They used to be my friends. It didn't help that I actually developed depression during my 2nd half of 7th grade due to issues at home...
I told my mom she told me I was just shy... It's really becoming a problem now since I'm getting older... I'm 16 and can't do a presentation without physically shaking or freezing up so I don't know what to do... This used to be so much easier in Elementary School...
ινσяу try talking to your mum about it again and tell her how you feel exactly because it helps me that my family understand it now so if I feel uncomfortable they know. I used to hate presentations because I hated the sound of my own voice but since I started UA-cam I've accepted my voice is normal and now I love doing presentations because I just pretend I'm confident. It's really difficult to explain and I'll probably do a video on it but I hope things get better for you! I'm 18 and I recovered from SM and I'm super happy now so I hope you will be too xx
Are there some kids with selective mutism who get overlooked because they actually will speak when spoken to by adults in school, but just is incapable of talking to any other kids in school?
yeah that's me. i can't talk with certain people at school and i don't talk first with people at all. so i have no friends and people look down on me and don't care about me..they treat me lower than everyone else. just because i'm quiet.
I also had selective mutism all way through pre school and middle school. It all got better in high school. I still have it sometimes as an adult now. I am very quiet with a new group of people but after a while I start getting all chatty and funny. I start getting out of my shell more.
I don’t know if I have selective mutism, maybe it’s just mild. I suppose when I need to talk I can talk but it’s not really me. Like once I say something I’m like “wtf why did I say that, I would never say that” and then I come up with a better response. I am absolutely petrified of talking I hate it so much, I feel like whatever I say people will just judge me. And I want to talk so badlyyyyyy but people think it’s because I just don’t want to but I do. I try to talk and sometimes nothing even comes out. People sometimes think I’m being rude if I don’t say hello back and stuff. And also sometimes I talk and it’s just so quiet and I don’t mean it. I try to talk louder but I can’t. I absolutely am just hating life and myself honestly feel like I’m missing out on my teenage years (I’m 15). I have hardly any friends but that’s probably because I can’t actually talk to anyone else😂 Recently I went for a haircut (well I tried to) but me and my mum were outside in the car and I felt like I couldn’t get out, I thought I was about to faint. Just the thought of having to say hello as I walk in and then people looking at me PETRIFIES ME honestly the thought makes me want to burst out into tears😂 I don’t know if you’ll reply or even see this but this is the first video if really watched on selective mutism and omg I couldn’t relate more. I used to spend every night being sick at the thought of sports day. People looking at me gives me so much anxiety. I used to always wish I could just stay in silence my entire life. I tried to learn sign language once just so I could pretend I was deaf😂
I was diagnosed with aspergers but I'm totally fine around people I'm comfortable with, I don't struggle with any symptoms other than social anxiety and I used to have selective mutism as a child. I'd be totally confident and get on great with my closer friends but I couldn't talk around anyone else. I moved schools when I was 11 and I never settled again after that, I was only comfortable around my one bestfriend who just ended up ditching me because everyone thought I was so mute and queit it was weird.
You're so strong girl!! X
I have had issues like this. which I put down to no confidence or anxiety coming on at the wrong time. really good video x
I have a Son of 8 years old who unfortunately is getting worse rather then better with his selective mutism. To get any professional help is a complete battle with schools / doctors especially in the county where I live. The number of people who he will talk to is reducing as well as what he enjoys doing. For example he started tennis club in the summer holidays he has been once and now he no longer wants to go as he says he feels anxious and scared about going as it is for too long. He no longer talks to my partner (not his biological mum). Hence why I read many articles and many youtube videos such as this one. It is just a sad situation as he now complains that his friends are bossy, but I have to try and explain to him they are not being bossy it is just that if you cannot talk to them to tell them what you want to play they will tell him what to do.
EFT (tapping ) is a great tool for selective mutism. My daughter suffered from it and it inspired me to write my books Happy Tapping with Mia & Charlie & Energy EFT For Teenagers both are on Amazon. EFT is a tool that can really help with anxiety and stress, especially in school and around friendships, starting a new school, exam stress, bullying etc. We thought we were the only family but now there seem to be many, something that social media has helped to bring people together. Well done for highlighting Selective Mutism. I will share this to my EFT page @PaulaKennedyEFT :-) x
❤️I had that too.I didn't know it's an actual concept with a lot of people dealing with this same problem.
This is a great video. Thanks so much. Nice to know I'm not alone!
I didn't speak at school or kindy to ANYONE from the age of 3yrs - 6yrs old. Doctors thought it was to do with my parents violent r/s. No idea if that was it though.
Very interesting subject to discuss.
I'm 21 and I've had selective mutism all my life. I just recently found out about it and it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one. I find it really hard to get a job because I'm unable to speak. I've gotten better at talking to strangers but only if they talk to me first because I don't want things to become awkward when they say hi or ask me a question and I don't respond. I love people and I don't want them to think I don't like them so I do my best to answer, but I can't get myself to ask them a question.
I have a friend with selective mutism and I am doing everything I can think of and nothing is working However your video was extreamly helpful and so was the people in the comment section enlighning me as to other ways this mental illness affects her for 2 reasons 1 being that I have been grasping straws up until now and contemlapting ways to help has resulted in sleepless nights and the only solution her mother has suggested thus far has been to ask her questions to get to know her which has not worked many of the questions I have asked have been meet with a shrug and I could ask her to communicate via text but I dont want to apply any pressure and reason 2 being I have something to compare against because my mother claims that my friend might be pressured into keeping quiet and she says that the team of specialists believe that as well and whenever her mother would come to pta meetings at school she would ask for free aduio equipment and things of that nature so no I have something to compare my friends testemony of slective mutism againt although I genuinly belive that her mother hasn't done anything to this child its worth investigating all possibilitys if it means helping my friend
Captain Mattachu thankyou for your comment. It is common for SM to be caused by trainer, abuse, strict parents and an uncomfortable environment at home. However mine was defintely in my genes as my dad had it too as a child. Not pressurising her will be the best thing for her. Just try and talk to her without asking questions and without expecting an answer and eventually she might start to talk very slowly. It took me 13 years to overcome this. So it is a very long process. Also maybe her parents aren't helping her condition by the way they act around her without realising it. They might believe they're helping when they're not. Hope everything turns out okay xx
@@Georgiecarr you dont know how much your comment means to me because I have been contemplating SM alot lately and I recently hit me the urgancey of this matter, I only have 2 more years of high school left to help my friend and her mother has limes disease and has had it for 20 years meaning it is more important than ever that she be able to speak if her mother were to die she would be on her own and I would hate to see that happen to anyone so the sooner I can help her the better
I wish I could help too. I know how difficult it is, but it is something that your friend may be able to fully recover from in the future and with your help and support I am sure that that will happen. xx