Habitual negative thoughts
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- Опубліковано 4 жов 2024
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Today I want to talk about how negative thought patterns are sometimes learned habits. They are triggered by some negative event, the tax letter, then I do the action, which is catastrophizing, and then I get rewarded, which is the relief of reality not being as bad as the insane catastrophe I constructed in my brain.
My answer to this was that a state of anticipation (for bad things to happen) was much more pleasurable to my mind than just accepting the unknown. It sucks because you can easily end up sabotaging yourself just to prolong that feeling. Like not showing up for an exam because you know you'll fail it even though showing up would at least help you get a better feel for what the subjects are to help you prepare for next time. It's so easy for this turn into a cycle and for you to never feel ready.
I've done this for the past decade, misery is comfortable and it's so easy to get into the habit of putting things off just to get your "I'm not good enough" fix. Impostor syndrome was my drug and I shot up every day.
What made me change? I stopped hanging out with toxic people, opened up to the friends that supported me and made a small change to my inner monologue.
Instead of setting vague goals like "I should do better at x", I made all goals definite: "I will address problems when they happen".
My 30s will be much better then my 20s and I WILL ALWAYS wait until after the rollercoaster ride to decide if it's scary or not!
This is an amazing comment - that the bad known is easier to swallow than something completely unknown is such a trap.
I feel like that first paragraph applies to me more than I would like to accept but I never realized. Thanks for posting that
There needs to be more people like you in their field! Thank you so much for speaking publicly about this. As one who constantly self-sabotages, I find tremendous value in hearing others walk through their neuroses. Please please please continue to explore these topics I.e. impostor syndrome. 💕 u man!
This was one of your videos that resonated the most with me. Very insightful. You should do one where you discuss how you mitigate the impact of this habit in your life and any techniques you may have found to try and unlearn it.
I don't even care about how you present your topics. The topics, discussion and the community that comes with your videos are all super awesome and are super interesting, glad someone is making content like this, it's alot more thoughtful and critical than most videos on youtube.
MPJ, this is what separates you from most other intelligent developers. You are a thoughtful human being, not to mention fun and witty. Catastrophizing is a sad state of mind ... if it helps any, you are not alone! Keep up the great work.
You basically explained to me my mental problems. I wonder how common this is by people. Great video.
So funny. I completely relate. I was telling myself this morning "that pain in your eye socket is NOT brain cancer, it's simple congestion related pain." Very nice breakdown, I will show my wife I think there's things in here for her to see. The next step is to tie this to your recent bad jobs, depression episode, the two must be linked.
You basically just described my life. If I really want something I often imagine all the possible ways that it would just blow up in my face and not happen. It usually works out, but a few weeks ago I lost my chance at landing the absolutely perfect job. Not because I was unqualified or someone else got it (I later learned that I was the only person being interviewed) but because of budget cuts, right before my 4th and final interview, they withdrew the position. I was devastated, I still am in a way, but I catastrophized the situation by imagining such an unlikely event of the company withdrawing the position and they did!
Wow this hit hard. I've always had this feeling but it was hard to put it into words and you have just described it perfectly.
Thanks for this video. I watched it in a few days after watching the previous video about habits and using that knowledge. As I am working remotely, it was helpful for me to set up some strategy of habits in the morning. So far it is going very well.
Regarding negative thoughts, it is a very interesting thing to consider - the reward of the relief. I believe it is helpful you pointed it out. I was so much doing it for that reward..(every month I could throw a party they didn't kick me out from the apartment as I would be producing drugs or inviting herds of reindeers to stay overnight) and I was so not aware of it.
I cannot stop thinking about mindfulness meditation(learned from the book "Full Catastrophe Living") while watching your musing episodes. Especially this one. I was catastrophizing (kind of got to the point "I am so happy and my life is so cool, there must be something wrong in it, what will happen next.." )and still am but I learned to recognize it and to cut the path very quickly by focusing on something else or on nothing to not get deeper and deeper. So I have found distraction and clearing mind from the thoughts as my solutions to that state, happy to discover more, maybe from next videos : )
Keep doing what you are doing on this channel because it is really great!
Great video, so relatable and humble of you to talk about such issues everyone faces at least once.
Wow, how well you directed the catastrophe and taught us by awesome example
Awesome. Always loved the "musings" epsiode and was wondering if and when you would do something like this again :D Thanks for the episode!
Not that all the other videos you made are bad, because they are awesome, at least for me. But, this one is the best. The examples and the connections are neatly picked and presented. Keep up the good work dude. Cheers!
Thank you!!!!
A+. I can completely relate to your experience with catastrophizing, and I also never realized what my reward has been all this time! Now that I know, I think it will help quite a lot in breaking me out of some of my more negative catastrophizing scenarios. Thanks MPJ.
Thx, MPJ. You produce content I still love coming to after several years.
❤️❤️❤️
That was great MPJ. I was having catastrophic thinking just before watching this video.
A few things...
1) Id like to see you in a big budget movie as the bad guy that takes over all the satellites or something.
2) @6:37 thats oddly specific.... and COMMON. I know several devs actually going through this exact situation right now. Thank you for sharing that, exposing a common fear.
3) @7:17 Ive rarely seen a youtube video where someone seems so human.
4) A possible way out of your catastrophizing : force yourself to think of the possible POSITIVE outcomes first. Do it for 30 days (morgan spurlock technique).
Awesome thank you for sharing this very personal aspects of your life. Good to know one is not alone with this problem
I think it is a very good first step to discover, that these things are just trained patterns and not necessarily just part of your personality. That's already a great achievement, because you start reflecting it, while you're doing it (again). Reflecting already takes out a lot of its severeness. You can say to yourself: "oh , I know that one. Here comes the Catastrophizing again."
I think the crucial thing is, to observe oneself without or with as less judging as possible and not trying to NOT do something, but to just observe it thouroughly. At some point you may be able to find some reasons or know why and how this pattern started. If you know where it comes from or at least you have some explanation for it, it's much easier to change it.
Oh man, this episode could not have been better timed. Thank you. Love your work!
Great episode. Really enjoy your musings.
This space is much more appealing that your upstairs studio. I've been missing the bookcase.
mpj, you are awesome! Thank you for all your videos:)
Amazing content MPJ.. it is insane how similar I see my self-compared to you. The extroverted/crazy/learn-driven developer. Thanks again for this video :)
I like this. I used to like when you went on walks outside and did rants or discussed what was on your mind.
MPJ - very good video. Going to show it to my kids.. Maybe they will get it when someone else explains it.
It may be different for every person but the way you presented catastrophizing makes so much sense to me given my personal experiences with it. I also want to say I loved the insight about the three components of habits, I think its the kind of generalized knowledge I can apply widely but immediately to myself.
Also, I LOVED the music in this episode. Reminds me of my favorite RPG/anime moments. I hope you'll share where its from, this is the kind of stuff I listen to when I work.
Your productions are increasing in awesomeness according Moore's law, keep it up! =D
Great contribution MPJ. I love your videos!
I feel like I've been going through something like this as of late at my work. My manager has always been hinting that I'm just not good enough to work on his team. Every time I feel like I'm making headway, I hear something from him that doesn't sound all that great.
I'm catastrophizing that the meeting that we will have on Monday morning will be one that's not favourable and I'll be out of work. Could also be the other way around, but I have no idea.
Wow very insightful. I do catostriphising all the time it was nice to learn more about it.
This is so good. Thank you for this video.
Great video as always, thanks for sharing your experience with what I believe many developers struggle with. I certainly do. As "best move" described below, forming logical counterarguments to your feelings is one of the best ways to deal with this. I went to a wonderful therapist who helped me learn those habits. It requires constant practice, but so does anything worthwhile in life: relationships, skills, work, friendship, love, etc.
I think that approach might work well for some. Im not sure its universally applicable - some catastrophic thinking of mine is solidly backed by well-constructed logic, and some thoughts are not really assailable by logic at all. Another aspect Ive heard is that that some people become addicted to the post-catastrophizing reasoning itself, building another habit loop. I know best move probably doesnt agree with me that this is how it works - not sure where I stand, still learning.
Fun Fun Function when I read “Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody” by Robert Brockway it made me realize how little control I have and it helped me release some of my fears. It’s actually an amazing read, humorous while explaining how many different ways humanity and our planet could end. Pick it up!
It sounds like you read "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg :). Awesome book, and a great episode!
"Feeling Good" -- Dr. David Burns is the source of Thinking Traps, he called them cognitive distortions.
Thank you so much for this information!
Great video but I'm not sure if I agree with your conclusion. In my opinion, we castraphize not to reap a future benefit of relief but because there is comfort in negative thoughts, and more specifically, in the emotions they elicit. Even though humans can rationally understand that a feeling is doing harm, we often succumb to the enjoyment that accompanies it. Being furious and upset can be wildly addictive. So too can irrational rumination.
In what way do you think its addictive, then? You say we do it for the enjoyment, but you dont agree with me that the enjoyment is the relief?
I LOVE your show, thanks!!
Check Cognitive Behavioral Therapy(CBT). Basically, embrace and accept your fear of a specific catastrophy, don't try to avoid it, even try to fuel it. Then, stick with it until you 'automagically' get better with time(you will definitely, given enough time). Difficult and counterintuitive in the beginning, but sets you free at the end. Helps me. But need to stick to it and learn the techniques to do it(e.g. writing down thoughts on a paper and later reading them when it has passed and many more). Problem with the reward part is that you don't let your brain fix it on his own. And it will do so if you stick with the feeling, time will show your brain that this is not an actual danger and it will learn for the next time - you will have more capacity to not pay that much attention next time it happens.
Great video MPJ... I realise that I catastrophize everything, to the point where it's really consuming... I need to try and get it under control, because everything is becoming a damn panic lately... I don't know how everything can stress me out so much, and I always feel like I'm one step away from being fired... It's crazy.
Anyway, I really enjoy your occasional non-coding videos - some really great insights! Cheers!
Yep, been there done that - especially the firing thing. Listening to Eckheart Tolles the Power of Now on audible is my goto panic medicine when I get into that place. Ive also learned recently that oNe can treat this with CBT.
wonderful video mpj!
From what I've found, the reward component of the habit cycle always boils down to pleasure of some sort. Maybe the drink you get in the morning lets you feel pleasure because it helps you feel awake and feeling awake is pleasurable to you. If you think about it this way I find it's easier to pin point what about a habit gives you said pleasure.
An interesting bit about that is the more the habit is performed the earlier you will feel that sense of pleasure. We start predicting the pleasure so to say. This earlier effect is one of the reasons figuring out why you get rewarded with pleasure is harder to track.
Handy to Know (( Keep up the Good work )- i Only say this as i am not a Programmer i have watched a Numerous few of the Ones not Related to Computing its Crosses Over to Other Fields So Well , U Should Do More i would definitely Watch.
Up at 5 in the morning watching one of my fav youtubers!
In 10:30 minutes I learned a lot! Thx bro!
Great video! It kinda reminds me of the first chapter of a Subtitle Art Of Not Giving a F book.
mpj musings ... always a good watch. Thanks mpj and Happy New Year!
Thank you for making this video! it makes a lot of sense.
WoW, I hadn't thought of that before.
Awesome like always.
Great video mpj
I love these kind of videos, seriously,
Well said good sir.
I related sooo much with catastrophizing while opening my letters :D :D :D amazing content!
The second example with the letter is more speaking to me
@funfunfunction First of all, thanks for this show, it really help me to relax and breath out from all my job stress by making me aware of the fact that I'm not alone to have such behaviors and habits.
Ok, now here a suggestion, can you disable your camera autofocus as it makes the video kind of blurry sometimes. It would, IMHO, improve a lot your records quality.
Thanks!
Well, if I didnt have the AF on I would be out of focus all the time. ;) the problem is the camera in this case though, I did not use my main which has much better live focus.
It's true that you move a lot ^^ Thanks for answering me by the way :D That's kind of you! keep it up with this channel, I hope you the best, it help a lot and you naturally fit it in front a camera.
I am an optimist so in my case wasn't the catastrophism but the assumption that If I would have worked just a little bit harder... and then just a little bit again... I would have been able to control almost everything. Maybe I've learned something now, since I have slowed it down and I enjoy what I do and it seems I've learned to let go bad what it has to go bad. I've gone so deep that sometimes I feel almost relieved when something goes bad. Maybe I did the entire loop and I'm going crazy on the other side, I don't know. :-)
You are making all this to feel kind of funny :)
This video just described me.
Sounds like a coping mechanism but a very bad one. Good thing is you've understood and identified it as such and can better deal with it now 👍
It is indeed a very bad coping mechanism. Hope to make some adjustments going forward and maybe a followup video with learnings.
Me: Why are you hitting yourself?
Them: Because it feels so good when I stop.
This is so true!!
I was fired , and it hurts, it's making me doubt of all my capacities
Also like your sketches!
this is literally me..
me: I've been so tired these past few days... my colleague: It won't last for long... me: *OH SHIT I'M GETTING FIRED SOON*
Wow! I didn't know that about the reward of the catastrophizing. But what's the solution though?
Having a habit of catastrophizing is definitely very bad. What to do about it is way less clear. As with any habit, CBT might be effective, and maybe other habit busting techniques such as the ones described in The Power of Habit (the book I got the brain damage example from)
I feel like "fatalism" is a general habit of smart people, you just know a more ways of things could go wrong, and smarter you are - the more realistic catastrophes you can imagine - more realistic they look - more scared you are
very good episode. if it makes sense you might thing of the reverse: habitual positive thoughts
All the love to MPJ
Love it!
That is an amazing episode mate.
Have you discovered any helpful strategies for reducing catastrophizing?
Hopefully I will, during the coming months. Video update if so!
Although I'm not a Buddhist, this seems to be the point (partly) of the 7th step of the Noble Eightfold Path.
Hey, you look like Johnny Depp, and the Guy in prison break who got his hand cut :) hehe .nice content !
Thanks for this video :D it gives me a lit. Currently, I am living in Finland ( I guess the environment is quite the same ) :D
There is a book called encambio and agilmente by a neuroscientist (Estanislao Bachrach) that talks about these automatic negative thoughts.
What if my brain released dopamine when I learnt I was a catastrophizer? Am I reinforcing my habit of watching your videos? By the way, I love the new intro!
Dopamine and serotonin are the only two things I really enjoy.
Nice space :P
Great one!
in addition you need to know that feelings are addictive like drugs, so if you are used to pain, you prefer pain, i know it's strange, but research into it
7:15 HAHA you made me laugh, great video
This reminds me of the imposter syndrome, where I think I'm the only one struggling with issues like this.
Oh crap, that is bang on, why did I not make that connection!?
You spelled "thoughts" wrong in the thumbnail. 😬
Dang!
Love this episode! I think your intro is a little too long, I always end up skipping it :( Actually I don't even think you need an intro :D didn't good mythical morning ditch theirs?
So did you manage to replace that habit? What are you doing now that gives the same reward?
Oh, the background focus is super-annoying.
The background focus annoyed me just after reading this comment.. hahahaha
Yeah, sorry about that. The camera I use is so bad at finding my face compared to my main.
It was a concealed OCD test :)
Interesting! but, here is my two cents, I don't think I agree with you on the reward part, maybe you're describing the reward *you* are getting from this habit. I speculate if you thought about it longer, you might come up with another reason as to why you fall for that trap reputedly.
As someone who have been through an episode in my life where I had the exact same negative habit, I can tell you, and I might be wrong too, that my reason for catastrophizing came from this weird mix between being a perfectionist and, the infamous, impostor syndrome; this idea that I'm not as good as this guy or that guy is more hardworking and more skilled in this thing that I'm supposed to be good at, and I'm, in a way, not as good as I look to people ..etc. I had this (stupid) idea that being hard on myself was the right way to make sure I'm doing my best all the time; so I started, *willfully* thinking about the same things you described (getting fired, being jailed, ... etc.) to, sort of push myself mentally, and *emotionally* to do more, or perform better, and .. oh man did that work!
Sadly, one will be paying the price from his mental, psychological, and physiological health and wellbeing.
This was an important episode for me. As a CTO, freelance web designer and developer, and a creative that never feels like my head is above water, I constantly struggle with these issues -- it has led to project failure, issues at work, and has even stifled my creativity on a personal level (I normally write and illustrate outside of my day job, and I haven't done either -- at least consistently -- in several years due to a constant feeling of pressure/stress/tension, and an overwhelming sense of fatigue).
Awesome. Only the Background music is often Not good for attention
MOAR
love uuuuu
So. I'm not the only one...
Holy shit jag trodde jag var den ända.
Where is the background music from?
Epidemic sound
Has anyone yelled Vipassana at you yet? :) Seeing the habitual thought patterns as (essentially) lies, or at the very least not actually representative of any truth is one of the side effects of Vipassana/mindfulness meditation.
My mind is a trap for mind traps.
I'm reading a book called Lincoln's Melancholy and it is changing my understanding about "negative thoughts" and catastrophizing (spelling), as you call it. I disagree these are habits and the thesis of your vid.
My claim is not that they are overall, but that some are. It would also help if you cited why you disagree. :)
Way to kick off 2018. They let you into the co-working space after they see how you make coffee? :)
They have not been made aware yet
i think you need more sun, go somewhere where it is more sunny than sweden
You should start doing Kotlin videos and rename your channel funfunfun ;)