@@thegreenthunder5416 i know, I know... it's bunch of gay's doing each other when the world ain't looking and when they want an orgy there is the Noble Piss Price, where most will be pissed upon by this one, two or a few selected including the board of pisser's
yeah this is one of the best. Why the hell didn't Cracked make their own TV show like MAD did. I always bought MAD when i was a kid but this is FAR better than MAD TV ever was.
@@John.satan.social They don't actually add any, it is naturally occurring in the milk because they use a light fermentation process. These days it is just because it is their tradition formula/process but when they started it was used because it helped the chocolate last longer so it could be shipped all over the country long before modern food preservatives were created or refrigerated food transport trucks and trains that could get stuff to the other side of the country before it would go bad. Other chocolate companies could only sell their products in limited areas back then. Why they still use that same process for all their milk chocolate is a mystery to me.
When I was a teenager I worked at a local candy store, where everything was made on site and they encouraged us to try everything so we could tell the customers how good it was. They were right, the chocolate at that place was INCREDIBLE and for about a year afterward all commercial chocolate just tasted like brown crayons.
Actually, one of the largest studies about how chocolate is good for you wasn’t published by a chocolate company (directly or indirectly). It was published by a guy trying to make a point about how easy it was to get a fraudulent paper published. Sadly, the demonstration worked far too well. Edit because people cannot read the replies with the source: John Bohannon’s “study” called, “Chocolate with high Cocoa content as a weight-loss accelerator” is the study I’m referring to.
@@kucimaka8092 I used this obscure thing called Google to find a ton of articles about it in a shorter time than you took to type your lazy sarcastic whiny comment demanding a source
@@Ed_man_talking9 I didn’t say that. But, there is a large difference between, “nutritional value” and “good for you”. Technically speaking, even soda has nutritional value (diet soda does not, which is terrifying if you think about it)
As always, these are pure gold. How about doing one about the music industry? Actually,there's enough shady business practices there for an entire series.
Yeah, I know a lady who actually got offered to sign with a label and turned it down because she realized the music industry just truly isn’t for her. Very shady practices, didn’t want to be a part of that.
You gotta be having a f*cked up day to just sit on the kitchen counter like it's a normal thing to do. Does her 4 walls with a different wall on top not have another window that she can stare out of?
Or we could just wish them a stable, comfortable economic situation instead of excessive wealth, and maybe their kids won't grow up as money-gorged, attention-starved, insufferable reality TV fodder. That said, yes, they are enjoyable and educational.^^
This is the kindest thing anybody has said on this channel, though I actually agree with Hazukichan that money isn't at all what I'm after (other than, like, I'd prefer for my kids not to starve and stuff). Also Swarnedu, HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM!?
@@jasonblalock4429 Damn right. Way more than chocolate. In bed with China who has bought their entire water production and more. Plus I'll never forget the shit they pulled in the 70s, convincing women in 3rd world countries that their sugar packed baby formula was healthier than breast milk. There's a vast section of hell reserved for Nestle execs.
I love how they get the point out about almost all chocolate is farmed using slavery, but technically not slavery because they are paid, except worse than slavery because they are paid so little they can't meet there basic needs and often many kick the bucket.
@@Eteric So hold on... not being able to meet basic needs is the benchmark for being a slave or not? Great so I can just steal a whole human and give them all their basic needs and whamo... not a slave anymore! You people are literally too stupid to solve problems because you don't even understand anything. Slavery is not being unable to meet basic needs. Some of these people are "real" slaves... but you are watering what that means down because you like most others here are a bunch of virtue signalling clowns with so many vanity morals you can't keep track of them all to the point where you are just a pathetic ball of hypocrisy. Keep blowing that hot air folks... Global Warming needs a boost!
@@Eteric no. Please don't try to relativize slavery? That being said, the US is still a backwater country when it comes to labour laws and public services.
Eh, nope. I can take $1,000 to one of those little towns and live for months. They get paid what they need. If you don’t like it, you should open your own factory and pay them more, because without the ones they have now, they would ALL starve. Idiot.
Do you love society and all the things you enjoy about it? Well, let me tell you all the immoral, disgusting things that happens in reality that makes your fantasy a dream come true.
There's an easy way to reduce chocolate intake - just switch to high chocolate chocolate. When there's less milk and sugar in the stuff, you will eat much less. I find that 75% chocolate is the sweet spot for me, pun intended. If that doesn't help, try 99%, I guarantee you will not be able to eat more than a small piece of that.
Bruh. I was able to eat 100g of 99% chocolate in one sitting. Then I switched to 100% coco and still was able to eat the same amount. This thing is highly addictive. It's the same with alcohol - better stay away completely.
@@MBTIinRealLife from my own case study when I offered my friends and family 99% chocolate, you're obviously an outlier. No amount of addiction helped any of the persons in my experiment. Most also declined 75% chocolate as too bitter.
@@rosalee477 Bitter chocolate is the only authentic chocolate. It's vice versa, high sugar percentage chocolate is the one who's barely recognizable as chocolate.
@@cracked if you do please address the theme park episode claim of "theme parks pay their employees so little that the "have to live in motels" claim" That one really bothered me as to how blatantly dishonest and oversimplified it is. Saying this as someone who has and i currently lives in a motel, i can tell you even in a place where the cost of living isnt super high and im not exactly low paid, living in a motel isnt something someone who is paid low can afford by themselves. Its not a commentary on how theme parks pay people low. Its a commentary on how difficult housing can be to get in the US. And im not the typical eat the rich, seize the means of production and burn the landlords person. Im not for any of that. But there are practices in place in housing that can put someone in the non traditional housing sector and once there it can be really hard to get back into the traditional housing sector. For instance, for what i pay in motel rent, or less, i could hoenstly have a mortgate and be owning my own home. That has not much to do with how much i make. I make the money. But what i dont have is credit. Which is what is required to get traditional mortgages. A job is only one part of credit. I have a good job. But i havent always. I also have bad credit factors in my past. This isnt my employers responsobility to pay me enough that i can somehow pay off all my old bills and have a white picket fence in front of a nice picture book house. Its not the money that they are making or not that causes them to live in motels. Not by itself. Also not everyone who lives in a motel does so because thats all they can get. In many cases thats a lifestyle choice of its own for reasons other than income. Some people actually choose to live like that simply because the 9 to 5 cookie cutter perfect house and wife and 2.5 and a dog isnt for them. Motels are weekly monthly, or even nightly. If you decide that you want to transfer to a different city with your company you now dont have a crap ton of stuff to figure out to do that. You put in for the transfer and it gets approved and you load up your car and drive. If you schedule it right you dont even give up any nights at the motel. And if you live in motels right, its even possible that if you are on their preferred guests program or whatever they call it, you might even be able to transfer remaining days from one to another. No stupid deposits, putting your home up for sale, no lease to negotiate out of, or back into on the other side. But its not just because theme parks pay so little. If someone is living in a motel they may actually be paying more than someone paying a mortgage.
Yay, sources of information listed! Love you guys. Honestly, if food designers can come up with a convincing imitation of chocolate that can be produced *without* destroying forests somewhere in Africa, then I'm all for it.
It'd have to contain sugar and caffeine, which would make it just as bad... while going without those would make it far less addictive and pleasing. Then there's that thing about it triggering endorphins or something, a similar experience to love? Which is probably also hard to fake in a substitute. I think the better solution here would be to simply go "this is either worth it for me, or not... but I will at least stare down the relevant facts before I decide".
@@hazukichanx408 By sugar, you mean high fructose corn syrup right? Because actual chocolate may be made with real sugar, but the crap we Americans get rarely is. I've had real chocolate from EU, and it's ruined me for the flavorless dirt we usually have. So key word would be "convincing" imitation. Not there yet.
There's far less deforestation within bean to bar chocolate - and even with fair trade! (Fair trade on the whole pays farmers less compared to transparent trade efforts, so it'd be interesting to compare how that impacts local forests.)
@@solvseus Yeah well, if you forgive me being a snooty European for a just a moment: US-American "chocolate" is ... well, certainly a healthier way to give a candy bar a nice glossy coating than latex color would be. But honestly, you'd think the sort of scientists who can come up with something unhealthier than refined sugar could come up with a convincing mix of artificial flavors; I think it's the lack of cocoa butter.
I taught my employees about "chocolate flavored" candy now that Easter candy is back. They didn't know why, but they hated that stereotypical Easter "chocolate". Hard same.
If I recall correctly, Hershey's treated its chocolate with butryic acid to make it resistant to spoilage (due to the dairy) and this stable shelf life characteristic got it to become part of WW2 military rations. Hershey sold huge amounts of chocolate to the US military during the war. By the end of the war, the slightly sour "barfy" taste had become accepted as normal to American palettes. Other chocolate makers actually started adding in butyric acid to their chocolate to help meet customer expectations on flavour. People who grew up with chocolate tasting that way (mostly Americans and to a lesser degree Canadians, who get a mix of US and European brands...) are habituated to the taste and don't find it particularly remarkable (although they can often use it to tell American and European chocolate apart). American commercial grade chocolate is generally considered pretty bottom tier in Canada (or pretty generic for baking) but we don't freak at taste either. It's just the cheap stuff to us (along with the slightly better North American Cadbury and Nestlé stuff). Swiss and Belgian (with French, German and UK as less common options) chocolate are the go-to premium consumer chocolate in Canada.
History Channel did a series on the food that made America. Hershey was one of the episodes and his demand to use real milk instead of powdered; the issues that caused, and ultimately, the solution to stabilize the concoction (so it wouldn't curdle)
butryic acid is basically stomach acid, I believe... so yeah, it's the same component. I'm one of the odd Americans who doesn't really like Hershey's chocolate. Despite it being the "norm" here, I can't really stand the taste and prefer chocolate from other countries. I really like Japanese and Swiss chocolate a lot.
@@crazyli Oh man, I love Meiji chocolates! Japanese and Swiss chocolates are velvet on the tongue. However, if you want a different kind of authentic chocolate experience, buy chocolate from Grenada! The grow a lot of cacao there and their bars are a amazing.
I seriously stopped this video 1/2 way through cuz I remembered I still have some chocolate in the freezer....I'll be right back! The grocery store had a 10 for $10 on thr Aero flavored 105 gram bars! Calories? Who gives a shit when I'm getting my fix! Now, back to Roger!
I enjoyed this, as a European, as its partly true for us too. Unfortunately for you yanks cross the pond, your chocolate has probably had more treatment than a Pirelli tyre. 😂
@@joshyoung1440 well, reality is that what most of yanks think is chocolate can only be categorised as "chocolate flavoured sweet" in Europe as it would have way less cacao...
Roger Horton: Jack Hunter Fairly Compensated Employee: Jordan Breeding Chocolate Lady: Anna Breeding Sexy Chocolate Animator: Pablo Hernan Blua Writer: Cezary Jan Strusiewicz even the credits are funny!
Another brilliant rendering from Cracked (and Mr Horton). Funny, my girlfriend lounges on our counter like that. Used to wonder where all the footprints were coming from. They turn up on my guitars too, but I'm not going to ask.
That "vomit" taste in American chocolate is due to the fact that, when Milton Hershey developed milk chocolate, the milk would curdle during the mixing process. Then during WW2 American soldier would introduce this chocolate to Europeans. Nowadays the process don't curdle the milk but to keep that taste they would add the butyric acid.
As a British person I've always been baffled by the American import chocolate in our stores because they literally aren't chocolate or taste like chocolate. It's like they removed all the cocao and replaced it with more butter, sugar and some brown food colouring. Of course this could simply be the only products the stores are willing to import are the cheap stuff so maybe more upmarket brands actually taste like chocolate but thus far I'd rate American chocolate as sub-Nestlé tier. For those curious of my complete chocolate tier list: Best - Lindt - Upmarket brands like Ferrero and independent producers. - Galaxy - Cadbury - Nestlé - Anything produced in America (not to be confused with American brands who produce things locally in the UK and thus have to follow our higher food standards.) Feel free to bicker about which sugared butter block is better and how your preferred obesity facilitator makes my tier list look like the wrapper filled trash bin currently sitting near you.
If you think that's bad, let's talk about American "cheese"... Not just what we call American cheese, but pretty much whatever is in the supermarkets. Make it cheap and full of sugar, that's the American way.
@@SomethingBeautifulHandcrafts Oh don't get me started on American cheese and the BS companies use to circumvent FDA definitions. "cheese flavored" is a popular way to make lard slices sound like actual cheese.
The part that got me was the chocolate mascot bit. Like zero people buy M&M's for the mascots, so their whole change the (female) green one to be less sexy is ridiculous.
I'm probably going to get criticized for this, but based on my own experiences, I don't really have a high opinion of Japanese chocolate. It's not that they CAN'T make decent chocolate (the fillings in some of their choco cornets is proof of that). But when It comes to bars, their stuff always seems so weak (as I have often said, a Meiji dark bar tastes like milk, a Meiji milk bar tastes like white, and I don't WANT to know what a Meiji white bar tastes like.). It's sort of the same story with India. Decades of having Cadbury stuffed down their throats by the British has left a standard for overly sweet, overly milky chocolate, and dark chocolate there is hard to find, or sell.
I had no idea the reason American chocolate tasted like puke was because it contains the same acid. That's fascinating and gross. Really nailing the creepy standing behind you and staring intently bit Jordan. Keep it and this awesome series up!
Butyric acid is most commonly found in pretty much all dairy. In fact, the milk in milk chocolate is the source of butyric acid. Dark chocolate would have right around none of it.
Butyric acid / butyrate is an important energy source for colon cells and reduces the risk of colon cancer (I researched the effect of diet on CRC once upon a time) ...When it is from certain types of microbiota fermentating insoluble fibre in the gut, not when ingested directly along with a ton of sugar and refined saturated fats and other junk.
Every time I see a show bragging about how many tons of candy this or that company makes, I wonder how many acres of trees it takes to grow the cocoa beans.
I don't mind that it's awful for my health, or at least: I knew that before. But I really hate that it's killing forests. I would have liked to know how much of a difference fair trade chocolate makes; of course the ads look lovely, but then they always do.
It is actually a thing. I work in facility where also chocolate pudding is made. Every used batch of cocoa is registered in system and it's traceability is confirmed (UTZ). That's at least here in Europe in our facility.
The frustrating thing about fair trade is that they're requiring farmers to pay for certification - and it pays out less to farmers than transparent trade networks like Uncommon Cacao and Meridian Cacao. So it's not a perfect system but it's better than nothing?
Every food item has to be farmed in somewhere that was once natural habitat. Its just that chocolate farming is _unnecessary_ and doesn't really do a whole lot to feed people. The best way to stop trashing the environment is to stop overpopulating, but cutting out unnecessary crops could certainly do a bit too. If you want something just as bad, take a look at palm oil...
This reminds me of a factory I worked at. Was to clean the machines after each use for the next supply to be processed through and damn....the filth i would see take place with the food you people out here bought at greebes bakery....after filing reports...i was fired....they pay under the table so of course got away with it.
As a Swiss watching this, it just hit me that not a SINGLE chocolate I see aired here involves sexy women 😳 It's just either cooks making chocolate or melted chocolate over coca.
Yet when Swiss chocolate is advertised in the U.S., they combine the cooks making chocolate with a woman REALLY enjoying said chocolate. ua-cam.com/video/70FFS9P-wVw/v-deo.htmlsi=D4qnzi16FCFX0nkJ
there is something special about roger ruining everything that I take for granted and leaving me wondering what if anything these days is real at all...
How to know your are eating real chocolate: 1.- Buy cocoa powder 2.- Warm a glass with milk 3.- Try to mix cocoa in the warm milk (is a little hard and take time) 4.- Taste it! 5.- Notice that nearly all commercial chocolate presentation is a mix of fat and sugar.
Cocoa butter is legit, cocoa powder is often de-oiled and has a very bland taste if not "activated" by oil or some other kind of fat (whole milk f.e.) Add the cocoa powder first, then a sip boiling water (that's called blooming). I makes it easier to mix with cold liquids.
I love the video, but I have one important argument: cookie monster would probably leave piles of stuffing, or skittles or something. PLEASE make a note of it!
@@cracked THAT'S IT!!!!! I'm putting together a research team, and we're gonna get to the bottom of this... I don't care how many hundreds of thousands of dollars in grants it takes!
The European response in these comments is weird to me. Sure it's a nightmarish industry of imperialist exploitation & ecological destruction... but God as our witness, we're the best in the world at it.
So, after weeks of searching for ANY updates on this story, I learn from a Cracked video that the U. S. Supreme Court decided that Nestle owning actual slaves was perfectly alright?
Owning slaves is annoying. You have to buy them, feed them and when they get sick or die, you ruin the investment you did. It way easier to have wage-not-slaves. With them you don't have to care if they die, get sick or starve. Just hire another one for the same or even less as the one that got killed yesterday.
I hate when chocolate does contain so little cocoa, that it can no longer be called chocolate (at least here in Europe), but is still marketed as one by clever packaging that merely implies "chocolate" or replaces it with "chocolate flavour" :)
this guy is the richest man on earth. he owns insurance companies, fast food restaurants, telecommunication company, credit card facilities, winery, beer company, smartphone brand, chocolate company, energy drink company and dozens more.
I was typing something else, but my Horton Industries X2000 keyboard auto-corrected anything that wasn't absolutely praising Roger and all of his businesses. So, all hail Roger, and all hail every branch of Horton industries.
@@CJStr Too bad. You should've read the fine print. Now, back in your hole. I hear someone is bringing you some chocolate. Kudos though if that was yours. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but those three words are worth a thousand mental images.
This video made me pull out some Nestle morsels to eat while listening because it's the only chocolate I could find. Good stuff. The video. Not so much the morsels.
The person who does the writing for these skits deserves a Nobel Prize in writing.
Now I gotta know what a video called If Noble Prizes Were Honest looked like
@@thegreenthunder5416 i know, I know... it's bunch of gay's doing each other when the world ain't looking and when they want an orgy there is the Noble Piss Price, where most will be pissed upon by this one, two or a few selected including the board of pisser's
yeah this is one of the best. Why the hell didn't Cracked make their own TV show like MAD did. I always bought MAD when i was a kid but this is FAR better than MAD TV ever was.
@@BullwinkleFFMn Who needs the expense of making a TV show when there's UA-cam?
Not exactly accurate many times, but Roger is funny
The factory employees in Hershey Pennsylvania literally rioted over low wages back in the day
I can just imagine all the little Oompa-Loompas walking the picket line, like tiny little singing penguins...
Pretty sure Hershey's is also the number one offender on the butyric acid.
He's talking about the modern slaves in Africa that harvest the cacoa
@@John.satan.social They don't actually add any, it is naturally occurring in the milk because they use a light fermentation process. These days it is just because it is their tradition formula/process but when they started it was used because it helped the chocolate last longer so it could be shipped all over the country long before modern food preservatives were created or refrigerated food transport trucks and trains that could get stuff to the other side of the country before it would go bad.
Other chocolate companies could only sell their products in limited areas back then. Why they still use that same process for all their milk chocolate is a mystery to me.
If it tastes good, it's good for you.
When I was a teenager I worked at a local candy store, where everything was made on site and they encouraged us to try everything so we could tell the customers how good it was. They were right, the chocolate at that place was INCREDIBLE and for about a year afterward all commercial chocolate just tasted like brown crayons.
did u notice any slavery?
Actually, one of the largest studies about how chocolate is good for you wasn’t published by a chocolate company (directly or indirectly). It was published by a guy trying to make a point about how easy it was to get a fraudulent paper published. Sadly, the demonstration worked far too well.
Edit because people cannot read the replies with the source: John Bohannon’s “study” called, “Chocolate with high Cocoa content as a weight-loss accelerator” is the study I’m referring to.
nice argument Senator, why don't you back it up with a source?
@@kucimaka8092 I used this obscure thing called Google to find a ton of articles about it in a shorter time than you took to type your lazy sarcastic whiny comment demanding a source
so chocolate, even in its most bitter form without any sugar, provide almost no nutritional value?
@@Ed_man_talking9 I didn’t say that. But, there is a large difference between, “nutritional value” and “good for you”. Technically speaking, even soda has nutritional value (diet soda does not, which is terrifying if you think about it)
@@kucimaka8092 My "source" is that I made it the fuck up!
He’s pretty good at making people not like anything
As always, these are pure gold.
How about doing one about the music industry? Actually,there's enough shady business practices there for an entire series.
Good heavens that's some truth right there.
you don't like our music because it's good. it's mediocre at best, but we make you hear it so many times, you think you like it.
Yeah, I know a lady who actually got offered to sign with a label and turned it down because she realized the music industry just truly isn’t for her. Very shady practices, didn’t want to be a part of that.
He did one on music festivals.
I'm pretty sure it mentions how Labels barely pay their stars now and a lot of them barely break even with touring.
Yes, that would be great.
I love that she's sitting on the counter. That is a mood.
You gotta be having a f*cked up day to just sit on the kitchen counter like it's a normal thing to do. Does her 4 walls with a different wall on top not have another window that she can stare out of?
I love that Jordan gets his wife to be in these. I really hope that whole family is massively monetarily successful, I enjoy the fuck out of these
Or we could just wish them a stable, comfortable economic situation instead of excessive wealth, and maybe their kids won't grow up as money-gorged, attention-starved, insufferable reality TV fodder. That said, yes, they are enjoyable and educational.^^
that his wife? holy shit she hot! ;
Wait , is that really his wife?... i thought she was his daughter
This is the kindest thing anybody has said on this channel, though I actually agree with Hazukichan that money isn't at all what I'm after (other than, like, I'd prefer for my kids not to starve and stuff).
Also Swarnedu, HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM!?
Next video:
"If your wife was honest"
*insert cringy facebook minion meme*
This is pure gold. Thanks Horton for curing my chocolate needs, at least for today.
Tony’s Chocolonely makes Fair Trade Certified chocolate, as does Theo.
🤣👍🏻
How much worse could dark chocolate be for you than milk chocolate? Because I thought I, for one, was having fewer problems with dark.
Is there any chance you could do a straight up "If Nestle ads were honest"? Because Nestle is just the worst.
Look at the title. Specifically what's in parentheses.
😭😭😭😭
@@bryangoodwin6579 Nestle is MUCH more than chocolate. That's the point.
They can't say the corporations name
@@jasonblalock4429 Damn right. Way more than chocolate. In bed with China who has bought their entire water production and more. Plus I'll never forget the shit they pulled in the 70s, convincing women in 3rd world countries that their sugar packed baby formula was healthier than breast milk. There's a vast section of hell reserved for Nestle execs.
I love how they get the point out about almost all chocolate is farmed using slavery, but technically not slavery because they are paid, except worse than slavery because they are paid so little they can't meet there basic needs and often many kick the bucket.
Just want to note for those not getting it, this also makes many Americans slaves since they can't meet basic needs.
@@Eteric So hold on... not being able to meet basic needs is the benchmark for being a slave or not? Great so I can just steal a whole human and give them all their basic needs and whamo... not a slave anymore! You people are literally too stupid to solve problems because you don't even understand anything. Slavery is not being unable to meet basic needs. Some of these people are "real" slaves... but you are watering what that means down because you like most others here are a bunch of virtue signalling clowns with so many vanity morals you can't keep track of them all to the point where you are just a pathetic ball of hypocrisy.
Keep blowing that hot air folks... Global Warming needs a boost!
@@Eteric no. Please don't try to relativize slavery?
That being said, the US is still a backwater country when it comes to labour laws and public services.
@@Salted_Fysh wake up to the reality of life in America today.
Eh, nope. I can take $1,000 to one of those little towns and live for months. They get paid what they need. If you don’t like it, you should open your own factory and pay them more, because without the ones they have now, they would ALL starve. Idiot.
Do you love society and all the things you enjoy about it? Well, let me tell you all the immoral, disgusting things that happens in reality that makes your fantasy a dream come true.
There's an easy way to reduce chocolate intake - just switch to high chocolate chocolate. When there's less milk and sugar in the stuff, you will eat much less. I find that 75% chocolate is the sweet spot for me, pun intended. If that doesn't help, try 99%, I guarantee you will not be able to eat more than a small piece of that.
Bruh. I was able to eat 100g of 99% chocolate in one sitting. Then I switched to 100% coco and still was able to eat the same amount. This thing is highly addictive. It's the same with alcohol - better stay away completely.
@@MBTIinRealLife from my own case study when I offered my friends and family 99% chocolate, you're obviously an outlier. No amount of addiction helped any of the persons in my experiment. Most also declined 75% chocolate as too bitter.
Higher percentage chocolate is too bitter, you can barely tell it's chocolate
@@rosalee477 Bitter chocolate is the only authentic chocolate. It's vice versa, high sugar percentage chocolate is the one who's barely recognizable as chocolate.
@@BoraHorzaGobuchul so you are telling me, you are hired by that slavery induced vile chocolate conglomerates. That makes sense!
Did we ever get a Horton Honest Ad "If Cracked Were Honest"? That'd be pure chocolate bliss!
They don't want that smoke 🤣
If Facebook were honest. 🤣🤣🤣
Honestly... I've very much considered it.
@@cracked do it
@@cracked if you do please address the theme park episode claim of "theme parks pay their employees so little that the "have to live in motels" claim"
That one really bothered me as to how blatantly dishonest and oversimplified it is.
Saying this as someone who has and i currently lives in a motel, i can tell you even in a place where the cost of living isnt super high and im not exactly low paid, living in a motel isnt something someone who is paid low can afford by themselves.
Its not a commentary on how theme parks pay people low. Its a commentary on how difficult housing can be to get in the US. And im not the typical eat the rich, seize the means of production and burn the landlords person. Im not for any of that. But there are practices in place in housing that can put someone in the non traditional housing sector and once there it can be really hard to get back into the traditional housing sector.
For instance, for what i pay in motel rent, or less, i could hoenstly have a mortgate and be owning my own home. That has not much to do with how much i make. I make the money. But what i dont have is credit. Which is what is required to get traditional mortgages.
A job is only one part of credit. I have a good job. But i havent always. I also have bad credit factors in my past.
This isnt my employers responsobility to pay me enough that i can somehow pay off all my old bills and have a white picket fence in front of a nice picture book house.
Its not the money that they are making or not that causes them to live in motels. Not by itself. Also not everyone who lives in a motel does so because thats all they can get. In many cases thats a lifestyle choice of its own for reasons other than income. Some people actually choose to live like that simply because the 9 to 5 cookie cutter perfect house and wife and 2.5 and a dog isnt for them. Motels are weekly monthly, or even nightly. If you decide that you want to transfer to a different city with your company you now dont have a crap ton of stuff to figure out to do that. You put in for the transfer and it gets approved and you load up your car and drive. If you schedule it right you dont even give up any nights at the motel. And if you live in motels right, its even possible that if you are on their preferred guests program or whatever they call it, you might even be able to transfer remaining days from one to another. No stupid deposits, putting your home up for sale, no lease to negotiate out of, or back into on the other side.
But its not just because theme parks pay so little.
If someone is living in a motel they may actually be paying more than someone paying a mortgage.
Thank you for addressing the workers part. Truly honesty and accurate.
Yay, sources of information listed! Love you guys.
Honestly, if food designers can come up with a convincing imitation of chocolate that can be produced *without* destroying forests somewhere in Africa, then I'm all for it.
It'd have to contain sugar and caffeine, which would make it just as bad... while going without those would make it far less addictive and pleasing. Then there's that thing about it triggering endorphins or something, a similar experience to love? Which is probably also hard to fake in a substitute. I think the better solution here would be to simply go "this is either worth it for me, or not... but I will at least stare down the relevant facts before I decide".
@@hazukichanx408 By sugar, you mean high fructose corn syrup right? Because actual chocolate may be made with real sugar, but the crap we Americans get rarely is. I've had real chocolate from EU, and it's ruined me for the flavorless dirt we usually have. So key word would be "convincing" imitation. Not there yet.
@@hazukichanx408 What about a substitute made of pure endorphines?
There's far less deforestation within bean to bar chocolate - and even with fair trade! (Fair trade on the whole pays farmers less compared to transparent trade efforts, so it'd be interesting to compare how that impacts local forests.)
@@solvseus Yeah well, if you forgive me being a snooty European for a just a moment: US-American "chocolate" is ... well, certainly a healthier way to give a candy bar a nice glossy coating than latex color would be.
But honestly, you'd think the sort of scientists who can come up with something unhealthier than refined sugar could come up with a convincing mix of artificial flavors; I think it's the lack of cocoa butter.
Another masterpiece! I had the displeasure of touring the Hershey's chocolate factory. Smelled like death and sadness in there.
basically that's how Cadbury gets the soft flowing caramel inside a Caramilk bar.
I misread "touring" as "torturing" for a second and I got a bit concerned.
Hmm, you must be a clairvoyant or something.
I taught my employees about "chocolate flavored" candy now that Easter candy is back. They didn't know why, but they hated that stereotypical Easter "chocolate". Hard same.
Hard to sell crucifixion and resurrection, chocolate is easier
@@sergiowinter5383 And so the church of Chocolatism begins
@@sergiowinter5383 In fairness, egg-laying rabbits are more believable.
As someone who didn't grow up in America the commercials of the Easter Bunny laying chocolate eggs is just layers of confusing.
@@seekittycat Even England at least has it with the Cadbury bunny.
We need a “if amusement parks were honest” set. There’s more than one part to them.
We’ve done that one already!
I do believe there is one on Disneyland... I think. Don't quote me on that.
@@cracked where is it then ?🤔🤨
@@jmason2838 Well, I'm no expert, but a quick SEARCH found it for me! SMFH
@@jmason2838 Just look it up, ua-cam.com/video/Olj7yPkkY1Y/v-deo.html
I always thought that US chocolate smelled faintly "barfy" but just thought it was a wire crossed in my brain. Thanks for the validation, Horton.
If I recall correctly, Hershey's treated its chocolate with butryic acid to make it resistant to spoilage (due to the dairy) and this stable shelf life characteristic got it to become part of WW2 military rations. Hershey sold huge amounts of chocolate to the US military during the war. By the end of the war, the slightly sour "barfy" taste had become accepted as normal to American palettes. Other chocolate makers actually started adding in butyric acid to their chocolate to help meet customer expectations on flavour.
People who grew up with chocolate tasting that way (mostly Americans and to a lesser degree Canadians, who get a mix of US and European brands...) are habituated to the taste and don't find it particularly remarkable (although they can often use it to tell American and European chocolate apart). American commercial grade chocolate is generally considered pretty bottom tier in Canada (or pretty generic for baking) but we don't freak at taste either. It's just the cheap stuff to us (along with the slightly better North American Cadbury and Nestlé stuff). Swiss and Belgian (with French, German and UK as less common options) chocolate are the go-to premium consumer chocolate in Canada.
History Channel did a series on the food that made America. Hershey was one of the episodes and his demand to use real milk instead of powdered; the issues that caused, and ultimately, the solution to stabilize the concoction (so it wouldn't curdle)
You probably ate year old chocolate
butryic acid is basically stomach acid, I believe... so yeah, it's the same component. I'm one of the odd Americans who doesn't really like Hershey's chocolate. Despite it being the "norm" here, I can't really stand the taste and prefer chocolate from other countries. I really like Japanese and Swiss chocolate a lot.
@@crazyli Oh man, I love Meiji chocolates! Japanese and Swiss chocolates are velvet on the tongue.
However, if you want a different kind of authentic chocolate experience, buy chocolate from Grenada! The grow a lot of cacao there and their bars are a amazing.
I love the woman bundled in the corner indulging in the candy. Something lovely about it.
Roger just tell me my man how do you get this power to keep your face straight while saying all those things
I seriously stopped this video 1/2 way through cuz I remembered I still have some chocolate in the freezer....I'll be right back! The grocery store had a 10 for $10 on thr Aero flavored 105 gram bars! Calories? Who gives a shit when I'm getting my fix! Now, back to Roger!
it's ok, no one cares what you do!
@@Ding471 Ummmm.... you do.
I enjoyed this, as a European, as its partly true for us too. Unfortunately for you yanks cross the pond, your chocolate has probably had more treatment than a Pirelli tyre. 😂
Lol vucanized "chocolate"
AAAAAAHHHHHH Hahahaha oooh oh my goodness 🤣🤣😂😅
Good One 🤣😂👍😎
Greetings from Texas 🤠❣️ WOW 😳 didn't realize how much I missed funny people 🤣😂
"As a European"
"Yanks"
"'Cross the pond"
"Pirelli *tyre"*
Drop another hint about where you're from, I don't think everybody got it
Europeans sure love to brag about exploiting African slave labour...
@@joshyoung1440 well, reality is that what most of yanks think is chocolate can only be categorised as "chocolate flavoured sweet" in Europe as it would have way less cacao...
Roger Horton: Jack Hunter
Fairly Compensated Employee: Jordan Breeding
Chocolate Lady: Anna Breeding
Sexy Chocolate Animator: Pablo Hernan Blua
Writer: Cezary Jan Strusiewicz
even the credits are funny!
" -Fairly Compensated Employee- Chocolate gremlin: "
I laughed way too hard when he grabbed the leftovers from under the table. 10/10
He is Roger Horton to me
sometimes these videos start with making you think that you are still watching ads
Another brilliant rendering from Cracked (and Mr Horton).
Funny, my girlfriend lounges on our counter like that. Used to wonder where all the footprints were coming from. They turn up on my guitars too, but I'm not going to ask.
Did you check the top of the washing machine? LOL ;)
@@SoapinTrucker 😂👍
Children and Horton's Brand Ad's. Keeping it real since conception. 💜
That "vomit" taste in American chocolate is due to the fact that, when Milton Hershey developed milk chocolate, the milk would curdle during the mixing process. Then during WW2 American soldier would introduce this chocolate to Europeans. Nowadays the process don't curdle the milk but to keep that taste they would add the butyric acid.
As European I've never even heard of this butyric acid thing and I work in facility that produces chocolate pudding.
@@jothain I imagine you don’t produce the chocolate but buy it as an ingredient used to produce the pudding
@@masterYoshimistsu I do not think it is used much outside of America.
@@masterYoshimistsu no, we don't buy that as an ingredient.
Well, a quick search tells me it's good for the gut! LOL ;)
I didn't know how much I needed to see Roger in a chef's hat until this video.
As always, be sure to check our sources in the description, and our HONEST t-shirt store right here >>> the-cracked-dispensary.creator-spring.com/
Nice
Um, I get cravings for red meat instead.....
Why doesn't someone answer emails?
I so love these...roger is a legend
Do funeral industries and also airplane industry
"I don't think chocolate tastes good if I can't taste the tears of the child laborers in it"--Some chocolate executive probably
As a British person I've always been baffled by the American import chocolate in our stores because they literally aren't chocolate or taste like chocolate. It's like they removed all the cocao and replaced it with more butter, sugar and some brown food colouring. Of course this could simply be the only products the stores are willing to import are the cheap stuff so maybe more upmarket brands actually taste like chocolate but thus far I'd rate American chocolate as sub-Nestlé tier.
For those curious of my complete chocolate tier list:
Best
- Lindt
- Upmarket brands like Ferrero and independent producers.
- Galaxy
- Cadbury
- Nestlé
- Anything produced in America (not to be confused with American brands who produce things locally in the UK and thus have to follow our higher food standards.)
Feel free to bicker about which sugared butter block is better and how your preferred obesity facilitator makes my tier list look like the wrapper filled trash bin currently sitting near you.
Yeah, even people from Britain, which is known in Europe for having bad chocolate (like Cadbury) think American chocolate is bad.
@@xWatanukix Hey, British chocolate isn't bad. It's mediocre at worst.
If you think that's bad, let's talk about American "cheese"... Not just what we call American cheese, but pretty much whatever is in the supermarkets. Make it cheap and full of sugar, that's the American way.
That‘s funny, I always thought of british chocolate as exactly that - tasting like overly sweet fake mush. I don’t want to try american lol
@@SomethingBeautifulHandcrafts Oh don't get me started on American cheese and the BS companies use to circumvent FDA definitions. "cheese flavored" is a popular way to make lard slices sound like actual cheese.
I'm so glad y'all brought this one back. It's definitely one of my favorite series on UA-cam
Seeing Roger back over the past few videos is great. I want all of Hortons products haha
A couple of my neighbors actually grow their own cacao trees. I'm gonna get some of their pods and make my own chocolate
The part that got me was the chocolate mascot bit. Like zero people buy M&M's for the mascots, so their whole change the (female) green one to be less sexy is ridiculous.
"Unlike our competitors we kept her sexy as hell" hahaha
Always a pleasure listening, wise words of Roger
"Coked-out bird..." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Has Jordan always been in these videos with Roger? If not I'm loving him and his random appearances.
Just since I rebooted it last year!
@@cracked bless you!!! I'm glad to see Crack in this new direction
Used to read the Cracked magazine as a kid. Glad you guys are still around and kicking.
Haha, I cannot believe it took me this long to find this amazing channel, it has my chaotic humor written all over it.
Welcome to the Roger party!
Get comfy. Grab some snacks. 😂
checking your pfp, chaotic humor sounds about right/j
“Cookie Monster scat” made me spit my water out.
Ah theobroma cacao, the shit of the gods!
I have lived in Japan and Brazil. Chocolate is the Universal period craving. Chocolate is crack.
Same in Italy my friends!
Germany, too.
The snack that can substitute crack -GOLDFISH- CHOCOLATE!
@@manwhoismissingtwotoenails4777 The crack that smiles back.
I'm probably going to get criticized for this, but based on my own experiences, I don't really have a high opinion of Japanese chocolate. It's not that they CAN'T make decent chocolate (the fillings in some of their choco cornets is proof of that). But when It comes to bars, their stuff always seems so weak (as I have often said, a Meiji dark bar tastes like milk, a Meiji milk bar tastes like white, and I don't WANT to know what a Meiji white bar tastes like.).
It's sort of the same story with India. Decades of having Cadbury stuffed down their throats by the British has left a standard for overly sweet, overly milky chocolate, and dark chocolate there is hard to find, or sell.
Most chocolates sold commercially have more sugar and artificial flavourings than actual cocoa solids.
I had no idea the reason American chocolate tasted like puke was because it contains the same acid. That's fascinating and gross.
Really nailing the creepy standing behind you and staring intently bit Jordan. Keep it and this awesome series up!
Butyric acid is most commonly found in pretty much all dairy. In fact, the milk in milk chocolate is the source of butyric acid. Dark chocolate would have right around none of it.
Butyric acid / butyrate is an important energy source for colon cells and reduces the risk of colon cancer (I researched the effect of diet on CRC once upon a time)
...When it is from certain types of microbiota fermentating insoluble fibre in the gut, not when ingested directly along with a ton of sugar and refined saturated fats and other junk.
It doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that Nestle would be involved in the shadiest parts of the chocolate world.
All industries are being slowly methodically subverted by the cuddlefishgangsters worms that have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
Hershey's.
Mars and Hershey's are evil. Nestle makes the Devil blush.
Every time I see a show bragging about how many tons of candy this or that company makes, I wonder how many acres of trees it takes to grow the cocoa beans.
Okay, "cookie monster scat" made me do a spit take :)
I don't mind that it's awful for my health, or at least: I knew that before.
But I really hate that it's killing forests.
I would have liked to know how much of a difference fair trade chocolate makes; of course the ads look lovely, but then they always do.
It is actually a thing. I work in facility where also chocolate pudding is made. Every used batch of cocoa is registered in system and it's traceability is confirmed (UTZ). That's at least here in Europe in our facility.
The frustrating thing about fair trade is that they're requiring farmers to pay for certification - and it pays out less to farmers than transparent trade networks like Uncommon Cacao and Meridian Cacao. So it's not a perfect system but it's better than nothing?
Every food item has to be farmed in somewhere that was once natural habitat. Its just that chocolate farming is _unnecessary_ and doesn't really do a whole lot to feed people. The best way to stop trashing the environment is to stop overpopulating, but cutting out unnecessary crops could certainly do a bit too. If you want something just as bad, take a look at palm oil...
@@jothain thank you, that's very helpful to know 🙂
I'm glad I can only eat the products specific authentic local chocolate producer...
no, wait, that sounds like I'm addicted to it already.
This reminds me of a factory I worked at. Was to clean the machines after each use for the next supply to be processed through and damn....the filth i would see take place with the food you people out here bought at greebes bakery....after filing reports...i was fired....they pay under the table so of course got away with it.
As a Swiss watching this, it just hit me that not a SINGLE chocolate I see aired here involves sexy women 😳
It's just either cooks making chocolate or melted chocolate over coca.
Yet when Swiss chocolate is advertised in the U.S., they combine the cooks making chocolate with a woman REALLY enjoying said chocolate. ua-cam.com/video/70FFS9P-wVw/v-deo.htmlsi=D4qnzi16FCFX0nkJ
I lost it at "dung-colored calorie ball"
"coagulated sugary bean goop" Fuck I'm glad I subscribed, that is excellent writing!
I get WAY to much joy out of these then I should. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Cracked should produce a 30 minute show with Roger talking about all the BS in the world.
I am literally trying to write a pilot of that
YESSSSSSSSS!
@@cracked Watch the “History of the World” video (20min long) if you need inspiration!
You'd need a LOT more than 30 minutes for that. Religion ALONE could occupy several hours.
A Cracked version of Last Week Tonight, I'd watch the hell out of that.
there is something special about roger ruining everything that I take for granted and leaving me wondering what if anything these days is real at all...
How to know your are eating real chocolate:
1.- Buy cocoa powder
2.- Warm a glass with milk
3.- Try to mix cocoa in the warm milk (is a little hard and take time)
4.- Taste it!
5.- Notice that nearly all commercial chocolate presentation is a mix of fat and sugar.
Cocoa butter is legit, cocoa powder is often de-oiled and has a very bland taste if not "activated" by oil or some other kind of fat (whole milk f.e.)
Add the cocoa powder first, then a sip boiling water (that's called blooming). I makes it easier to mix with cold liquids.
I'd love to see "If the military was honest" video in the future.
And in just under 15 seconds, they compare one of the most popular food stuffs in the west in color and consistency to human feces! 😂🤣
When we all know that really describes peanut butter.
You should have mentioned how kinda lax the FDA regulates chocolate compared to Europe. Fringing insects dude!
Now with the extra portion protein.
Love having you back, Roger!
Now do factory farms.
Yes please!
I absolutely loved this. I'm in tears. Now, where did I put my Hershey bar? Also, where can I buy a Horton bar of chocolate substitute?
"unlike our competitors, we've kept her sexy as heck" shots fired 😄
You can't say "hell" or something?
@@mcdadaisyou offended by it or something?
„We at Horton“
This line alone is gold
I love the video, but I have one important argument: cookie monster would probably leave piles of stuffing, or skittles or something. PLEASE make a note of it!
NO HE POOPS CHOCOLATE
@@cracked THAT'S IT!!!!! I'm putting together a research team, and we're gonna get to the bottom of this... I don't care how many hundreds of thousands of dollars in grants it takes!
@@brknglasses2734 yeah, no, it's chocolate, I checked. Yet another reason why I'm not allowed back to Sesame Street workshop.
@Capt'Wes Starwind that's rough! If it makes you feel any better I'm not allowed within 1km of Gonzo for... similar reasons...damn lawyers...
@@brknglasses2734 yeah, it actually does.
This is why I only eat 70-90% cacao. Honestly any more sugary than that and I feel like puking.
I have officially stopped breathing ever since I have encountered CRACKED & good hearted Mr Roger Horton 😂😂😂😂😂😂
In Europe Hershey would be classed not as chocolate but chocolate flavoured candy because of its ridiculously low cocoa content.
The European response in these comments is weird to me.
Sure it's a nightmarish industry of imperialist exploitation & ecological destruction... but God as our witness, we're the best in the world at it.
Nice dig at M&M's/Mars company for punking out over a something that's not even real.
thank you times 1 million for putting your sources in the description. I use it to help spread the word about this channel :)
So, after weeks of searching for ANY updates on this story, I learn from a Cracked video that the U. S. Supreme Court decided that Nestle owning actual slaves was perfectly alright?
You're welcome haha
Owning slaves is annoying. You have to buy them, feed them and when they get sick or die, you ruin the investment you did. It way easier to have wage-not-slaves. With them you don't have to care if they die, get sick or starve. Just hire another one for the same or even less as the one that got killed yesterday.
Roger is who brought me to Cracked. and he keeps bringing me back
Rodger and Team Cracked , thank you ! Passion for the truth and hope is humanities greatest weapon ! 🖖!
The sheer artistry here
If he ever goes missing, we are all going to know who did it.
I like how she sits there on her kitchen counter eating the chocolate like fucking gollum eating a fish
Now I need to buy some chocolate.
yes go ahead, no one is putting a gun to your head, your life your choice!
I love how perfectly Roger plays devil's advocate...
Way to air this a day after my Hershey Chocolate Tour ride 🫥
I hate when chocolate does contain so little cocoa, that it can no longer be called chocolate (at least here in Europe), but is still marketed as one by clever packaging that merely implies "chocolate" or replaces it with "chocolate flavour" :)
CHOCOLATE
flavored.
Do one for vegan exotic/"organic" food peddling industry.
Keep consuming.
THIS, ORGANIC FOOD
this guy is the richest man on earth. he owns insurance companies, fast food restaurants, telecommunication company, credit card facilities, winery, beer company, smartphone brand, chocolate company, energy drink company and dozens more.
Thank you so much for making these videos! I absolutely love every bit of Roger I can watch ❤️ Keep up the good work! /Fredrik from 🇸🇪
Jokes on Rodger.
I eat generic candy. I expect my candy to be the absolute worse for me.
You call you candy healty iont want it.
Cracked team is BRILIANT
I was typing something else, but my Horton Industries X2000 keyboard auto-corrected anything that wasn't absolutely praising Roger and all of his businesses.
So, all hail Roger, and all hail every branch of Horton industries.
Cookie monster scat. Please give that writer a raise, or at least box of chocolate for that one.
Or let me out of the Writer Dungeon...? I miss my family.
@@CJStr Too bad. You should've read the fine print. Now, back in your hole. I hear someone is bringing you some chocolate.
Kudos though if that was yours. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but those three words are worth a thousand mental images.
BACK INTO THE DUNGEON, CEZARY
Well, it is the most important room in the house.
@@cracked You say that as if I'm physically capable of leaving.
I wonder if people in the future will look back at corporations in a similar manner that we look back at monarchies.
This video made me pull out some Nestle morsels to eat while listening because it's the only chocolate I could find. Good stuff. The video. Not so much the morsels.
He’s like a salesman except he wants to sell you into not buying anything ever again
That's the best chocolate commercial on the internet.🤣🤣
"Cookie monster scat" 😂🤣😂🤣😂
I absolutely love these videos, thanks for the content.
Always a pleasure, Roger.
This is somehow more depressing than any of the other Honest Ads
thank you for making the chocolate version of the coffee cracked ad - the world needed this one!