BPD and Physical Intimacy (Sex)
Вставка
- Опубліковано 27 тра 2024
- Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
shorturl.at/bxB05
Cope with your BPD symptoms using my BPD Card Deck: The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
We're going to talk about BPD and physical intimacy (sex). BPD is a mental health disorder that can cause a lot of difficulty in relationships, particularly with regards to physical intimacy. I'll be covering topics like trauma, physical closeness, and love. I hope that this video can help you learn more about what BPD is and how it affects you and your relationships.
Physical intimacy is a problem many individuals with BPD experience, whether male or female. These issues have been found through research to be based on impulsive desire to connect physically too quickly, reduced satisfaction from physical intimacy, increased boredom related to physical intimacy, avoidance of physical intimacy altogether, greater preoccupation with physical intimacy, and multiple complaints pertaining to physical intimacy.
Research also illustrates that individuals with BPD report more problems with physical intimacy related to fear and anxious symptoms following an experience of physical intimacy, and general difficulties with performance pertaining to physical intimacy.
Individuals with BPD were found to have more intimate encounters than those who did not have BPD. This was broken down and it was found that factors that impact frequency of encounters include if you’re in an ongoing relationship or not, and the level of rejection sensitivity or anxiety. If you’re in an ongoing relationship or have a higher level of rejection sensitivity or anxiety, intimate encounters were found to be equal to those without BPD.
Watch the video to find out about about how you can strengthen your connection to others, to include intimacy encounters.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
UA-cam: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
After a long battle with BPD I've decided to quit dating or trying to have children. Life has been easier. Depressing. But easier.
I respect your choice, but don't let BPD determine your life course. Therapy can help.
@@DrDanielFox I've tried therapy but unfortunately live in a small town and no where near close to any place that takes that stuff seriously. I'm unfortunately on my own. I told my current therapist that I was pretty much checked out on life and nothing would probably change that and she said alrighty see ya in a month lol.
@@ScottVeggies oh honey I'm so sorry. There is absolutely nothing worse than an invalidating and uncaring therapist! But one thing is true about BPD - it really does start to ease up in your 40's, even without regular therapy. And people are finding their soulmate in their 60s nowadays so you still have time. I have to believe that. I'm 41, without a therapist and I just broke up with my boyfriend of nine years. If I don't continue to believe that I still have a chance at finding a love that isn't a roller coaster ride I would honestly have no incentive to continue to try to be better. I already enjoy my own company to be honest but I continue to try to better myself so that I can be a better partner to someone eventually. So I've got to believe that I'll find someone one day and I won't be a hot mess when I do, instead I will have settled down enough to just enjoy it. There are eight billion people in this world. And most of them are not looking for perfection, just forward movement. So keep working as if that person will fall in your lap one day and you need to be ready. Even if it never does trying to be a better partner is going to make you a better partner to yourself. By the end of it you may be happy that you got to enjoy your own company for your entire life!
Anyway that's my two cents. if this is your expression of radical acceptance more power to you. Just don't sell yourself short because it honestly does get better!
Similarly here ... but it stinks when you tell yourself no, then the best guy walks into your life & then you (i) self sabotage and push him away b4 anything can start. Then he won't get outta my brain - limerence (but not a sex thing). I think i have quiet bpd traits and bdd - i could never be good enough for him or anyone.
This is a great topic Dr. Fox!!
I agree. It’s definitely lonely. A dog helps. But I’m unwilling to try it again, no matter how tempting it may seem. It’s one thing I can control!
So I was diagnosed with BPD, Bi-polar 2 and Sexual Addiction. I'm alot of fun, lol! Throw in that I was raised in the Bible belt and deeply love Jesus, yet was also raised to be single without kids, I've got a strange relationship with sex. I love it. It's my favorite hobby. I've always been very happy with my body and super comfortable in the bedroom, but I need to emotionally connect on a deep level for the sex to matter. And in the moments I've been able to achieve that ultimate emotional high through sex, I'll literally sacrifice anything to keep that feeling going and sex with that singular person becomes the only thing that matters to me. Sex defines the rest of the relationship for me. Because of my high intensity in every aspect of life, men seem to only be able to "deal" with that for around a year or two. Once I enter a breakup, I'll spend the next 3 years single and sexless until I either lose my mind from lack of physical intimacy or a man actually piques my interest. Cycle repeats. Exhausting. I'm highly sexual yet highly monogamous. I need someone who is the same.
I’m the same but I won’t go that long single in between relationships. But I can see how my age and life circumstances can change that both ways
I actually resorted to swinging at one point ...thinking that my partner will stay with me if I try to make our relationship "spicier" by involving other people. I thought maybe he is bored of me so rather than lose him try to spice it up. I had no idea that I had BPD when I made that choice. Now that I'm aware.. I started to notice I don't like swinging and it makes me anxious when brought up....I prefer to be only us. We've been together for 20 years now...and only tried it a handful of times.. I thought I wanted him to think I was open-minded cause I grew up in a strict religion. I made a lot of dumb choices because of bpd. The shame is hard.
You'll shake off the shame once you make yourself aware that you are not the shame. You experimented and it didn't work out, now you know and you can now do better for yourself. Hang in there :)
Involve other people to spice it up? You're mentally sick bro go see a doctor.Thats just wrong in so many ways.
I’ve told my partner they can sleep with someone else so they don’t get bored. What you’ve written is relatable.
We cannot degrade our hopes and our standards: if you don’t want to share your partner, don’t.
I relate to this, in fact it was always very stresfull cause I had the idea that as soon as I run out of creativity my partner will leave me.
A line from a rap song i listen to comes to mind, "whenever you show me love, i feel attacked" I've caught myself accusing my partner (of 7 years) of objectifying me× when he just wanted to cuddle. I used to assume intimacy, was a pathway to sex, that if someone was showing me affection, they were being Manipulative.
All of this hits so close to how my thought process is.. I always question when anyone mentions cuddling or anything nice really. I alway seem to connect someone being nice to they want something from me
What song is that?
@@braknazwy9346 so, the rapper BONES (elmo o'kennedy) has an alter ego - SurrendorDorothy, and the song is RoughAroundTheEdges
@@braknazwy9346 after looking up the lyrics I think he says Inact instead of Attacked 😅 Either way lol
@@jessicacranmer4436 so crazy to think we all live different lives but have these experiences that gave us these beliefs. Thank you for affirming I'm not alone and I hope you/we can build trust in new experiences and change these beliefs 💌
I am currently undiagnosed but my partner has struggled with BPD and Bipolar Disorder as well as PTSD and many other diagnoses. Along my journey with Dr. Fox I have come to understand her infinitely better and I cannot thank you enough for everything you post to this channel. You are literally saving lives here.
You guys sound compassionate ♥️
This Situation reminds me of my boyfriend and i. We also watched a couple of His Videos and it helps me to understand myself and my boyfriend to understand bpd a bit better. Wishing you Bote Lots of beautiful times together and patience for The harder days.
No excuse of infidelity
I very much appreciate you taking on this topic and addressing it with the same gentle professionalism as always. ❤️
You are so welcome!
World top bpd expert make everything easy to understand
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
I do enjoy your sense of humor! Although you come across as extremely professional at all times, you do insert some fantastic snarky humor at times! I loved when you suggested that telling your partner that they were a lazy slob and we’re terrible in bed might not be the best way to build intimacy lol I had to laugh out loud at that part.
Wow, thank you!
Just change the channel name to "Dr. Courage Saves Us All." I've been following this channel for a couple of years, or more, and the quality has remained very good. Thanks for being there when I am not all here. 🤣
I have problems with intimacy I avoid it.
Can you pleaaase do a video on BPD and comorbid BDD or Body Dysmorphic Disorder?
I second this Dr. Fox. This would be wonderful if you could do a video on Body Dysmorphia
yes, Dr. Fox, do you have a video on body dysmorphia; along with facial dysmorphia ? ❤
Hello Dr. Fox, thank you for your efforts to help decrease BPD stigma. I read a study once that said pwBPD are more likely to be abused by their partners than to abuse their partners. Is this true? I've found it to be true in my life, before learning to develop strong boundaries. You kind of touched on this in another video, basically about us being easy targets for toxic people, and not really recognizing how toxic they are to us. I just see that it's such a common problem in the BPD community, but it's rarely talked about by professionals like you, who don't just automatically place the blame on the pwBPD. It would be so great if you could make more videos about this. Thanks. 😊
Dr. Fox you soothe me when I'm not doing well
Thank you so much Dr. Fox for having this channel and thank you for posting the BPD videos! You have made things become more clear to myself and I cannot thank you enough!
You are amazing. Thank you for your videos
This is a very hot button issue, and it is great to hear that I am not to blame. This gives me hope.
Been struggling with this for so long, thank you so much for this video! 🙏👏
You are so welcome!
Thank you so much for this video...my husband gets upset with me often because of my disliking being touched...when he touches me (even just my arm or leg) my discomfort with the smallest touch...I know some of it is my ptsd and also my hatred for my body...from age 8 I was bullied relentlessly for being overweight so when I am touched it feels so uncomfortable and I don't know how to make things better
I haven't watched the video yet - reading comments first!
But I know exactly how u feel!!
I've been married for over 27 years and the last 10 or so have been a bit rough for me.
My husband has got his own struggles and thought maybe it would be best that he changes room to sleep - so we're "separated" for about 7 years.
I got weird feelings when he touches me, even just a plain hug.
@@JDforeveralone ...that is so true about the hug...for me I feel so awkward being hugged
My gf is like this, is it only when your mad, or is it overstimulation?
@@1969MAN ...I definitely don't want to be touched when I'm mad...but when I'm not mad and I get touched it's such an uncomfortable feeling...might be over stimulation...and if I ask him to stop and he doesn't, I end up getting mad...I don't understand it at all because I love him more than life
Thank you for this video ! I emailed you requesting this a few months ago so I was so glad to see it!
Thank you for the suggestion!!
Thank you. Impulsive behaviour does not always correlate with infidelity. It can be an outcome when multi varient factors occur. Both partners have to grow together is absolutely spot on. 100% accurate regarding physical appearance and the lens too.Great advice. First reaction is building a case, mind reading and connecting dots looking for other reasons linked to abandonment or rejection. You are so helpful. Thank you
I’m glad you found this video helpful.
Thanks for this video.
Thank you for this.
Thank you!
I love this video. So much compassion for other but with a hint of cut the shit out 🤣 I dig it. Thank you for this.
You’re very welcome and I’m glad that it was helpful for you
Hi Daniel, could you talk about trust issues from past relationships in BPD? I find myself being really afraid to get into new relationships and as soon as we start to get a little bit close I kind of push them away.
Yes. Thanks
I'd be really interested in that. I'm afraid of being in a relationship
Thanks dr fox i just bought your books. 😊
Great video!
Glad you enjoyed it
For me it's the fact that I'm demisexual (which is widely misunderstood and misused, it's not just a preference but an orientation that there NEEDS to be a deep emotional connection to bring about the enjoyment and even function of physical intimacy). It's not just in my head, I've been rejected enough to be 35 and never had a girlfriend. When you combine these two factors you get someone that (as far as many are concerned) essentially doesn't want to have sex, and that actually discourages possible connections from forming and that comorbidity actually prevents either situation from improving.
I've basically settled for never being with anyone at this point. If someone decides to prove they're willing to be the exception then great, but I've made my peace with it at this point. That being said I think we try to jump into being physically intimate too quickly nowadays, and I don't think that's proving beneficial for most people (even excluding alternate orientations).
Thank You. Lauro. Toluca México. After Years of adiction Activity relationships are very damaged by neurosis. I'll take care.🙏 24 secs
I miss my girl with BPD
You will never forget her! They are unique especially the first days of extreme intimacy and fun! However, they are unstable and confused! You will never understand what goes in their minds! You might see that intimacy could trigger them in a bad way so they start distancing! It’s a quite complete disorder!
@@nabman7425i surely wont forget mine but its not sustainable for a relationship
She .started Withholding Intimacy. That was IT FOR ME. Like you said Intense in the beginning. Like those Love Rushes i would feel...what makes me CRAZY is i talked to her about AND she said. Yes we shouldn't be doing this to each other..,AND then she just cut it off. The Problem asking what the Problem is....😮
It can be really challenging when a partner starts withholding intimacy. Communication is key in situations like these, so it's good that you talked to her about it. Remember, relationships take effort from both sides to work through any issues.
@@DrDanielFox Yes. But there was no closure or answers. That was the Mind altering experience. I literally had to rewire my brain.
Well this is a weird one for me. Having suffered from BPD almost all my life. My experience with intimacy was messed up from the beginning. I would always force myself to do sexual acts despite me not wanting to do them. It was like "self rape". I guess I did it because my first boyfriend dumped me on the phone cuz i said I won't have sex with him. I would always force myself to do
I’m sorry to hear about your experience. The pairing of sex and your conceptualization of it can certainly be confusing. Teasing this apart and exploring what that core Contin is can help you get a better understanding and perhaps reach some level of calm and peace. I wish you well.
Did you have to drink or otherwise self-medicate before you got 'in the mood'. My GF (Quiet BPD) doesn't even ever want to have sex unless she has had a lot to drink. And then she seems to turn into a different woman, and is almost insatiable
@@rumannkoch4864o
Same
The more I look into bpd the more it bothers me. I knew a girl who despite her behavior I started to feel she was vulnerable, easily manipulated and scared of her emotions but also very dismissive and cold .
I felt she was overly promiscuous and she was seeing multiple dudes but she also threw herself at me and also stopped intimacy right after she started it. I never got mad at her and tried talking to her, she was just be quiet as I spoke. She made it almost impossible to see her but I managed to be so available that I was there easily . Guys came and went as she slept in my arms,l for months, I had told her I had love for her months before, she sent me a Kanye west song “wolves” earlier on. But she kept getting mad for no reason and discarded me when I had questioned if she was honest w me since she eventually said she wasn’t seeing anyone and we were gonna do things together now, I then gave her flowers after I was getting upset with her after all those months of dishonesty, she discarded me then.
I was convinced she was a cruel selfish person, bordering on evil bc of the things she would say ,the timing of how she would react and her constant gaslighting . I called her out, and s narcissist claimed I was a narcissist and a bad communicator, and pretended he was he savior and she ended up with him telling herself they were soulmates. My fear of her being manipulated happened infront of me . He said there was nothing to note about her behavior and it was me being this terrible person w her .
I wish she knew , I made excuses in my head and never thought about a disorder but instinctively treated her the right way but she was so arrogant yet it seemed she somewhat understood she had issues but not once did she ever open up. I cringe at what that predatory guy has done to her, yet if I were to reach out I’d like look I’m “hoovering”
I just avoid intimate relationships altogether. It's too detrimental to my well-being. I'll keep good friends instead.
I understand and respect your choice. Be well.
I find myself having such a high sex drive and feeling such intense excitement und love und joy during sex - because of having extremly strong feelings in general (having BPD) - that partners mostly just can't keep up with it! And this leads to me feeling not being as desired and loved back as I so desperately would like to and it triggers my rejection sensitivity! It's a real struggle. And being socialized as female, always told that as a woman I must feel less desire than a man and he will always initiate sex, really causes even more deep insecurities and doesn't help. It's so hard not to take that personal like "he does not find me as attractive"!
I feel so alone with that, anyone else struggling with this?
I feel exactly the same and it’s causing huge problems in my relationship
Feeling you, girl. Just same, it took me awhile to understand that there are people with different understanding and attitude towards sex. They have different sexual appetite as well. And that them not wanting any sex, doesn’t mean not loving you.
Dr. Fox, is this something you could get into a bit more. Or rather do more videos about intimacy? I'm sure I'm the way I am regarding sex because of childhood and adult abuse but possibly other reasons. In any case I'm sure I'm not the only one. Thank you
No, you're not alone. My GF (Quiet BPD) doesn't even ever want to have sex unless she has had a lot to drink. And then she seems to turn into a different woman, and is almost insatiable.
After long talks spanning over a year, she has gradually opened up about sexual abuse when she was very young, by a relative, which she does not recall the details of, and being raped when she had just started HS.
Hope you have someone you can trust to help you overcome this.
Physical intimacy provoked me a lot of anxiety in most of my relationships since my first sexual encounter. I wonder if there is a link betwen the impulsivity to engage in fast intimicy a the need for approval and to retain the favorite person. Is it common that BPDs that tend to focus on sexual intimacy as a way to get attention, company and approval from their partners?
When I first met my GF (Quiet BPD) she sex-bombed me. When we got together we would always have quite a bit to drink, and then had lots of sex. But her drinking became a problem. She became hyper-sexual, almost insatiable (I couldn't keep up), and it seemed to me that she did not care if it was me or some other guy. I had to help her after falling, hurting herself, and passing out many times. She would tell me that she was no good and that she didn't want 'this' (relationship). But I saw the good things in her, and wanted to help so I stayed with her, even through a panic attack that resulted in her going to the emergency room.
After long talks spanning over a year, she has gradually opened up about sexual abuse when she was very young, by a relative, which she does not recall the details of, and being raped when she had just started HS. Then she stopped drinking altogether. Now she doesn't even ever want to have sex, and we just cuddle and hug.
The way I look at it: it is a vicious cycle - the PwBPD will seek out a partner for casual, wild sex in order to fulfil her need for validation that she is desirable (confusing sex for love and attention), then sex-bomb that partner to keep him from leaving (separation anxiety), then feel guilt for her actions (substance abuse and meaningless sex), the sabotage the relationship until the man has been dragged into her problems so much that he quits the relationship (burden is off her). And then after a short period of loneliness, she starts the cycle up again. I also think that this toxic cycle is a way of self-punishment as the PwBPD has extremely low self-esteem.
@rumannkoch4864 interesting... the Quiet BPD woman I dated briefly was physically intimate short of sex. The opposite. Whenever an opportunity arose, she seemed to disassociate and it went to a hug or a cuddle. Needless to say, we didn't date long, and we never ended up having sex. So strange...
I would say this is a very accurate statement.😉👍🏻
It’s almost like a form of trauma bonding a person to them so they will never be abandoned.
After my partner of 11 years has just left and I feel like my BPD is a major cause. I took the time to do DBT to be a better partner 6 years ago. Now I feel like I need to come with a warning label. I am trying to move on and focus on myself healing to be a better partner in the future. But I feel like no one will ever want to deal with all of this. What do I do?
Can you please links to research you mention in the videos?
It is a sexual dysfunction based disorder where the Bpd person may want to be sexual but does not understand how to express that sexuality in a way that is healthy and productive so it leads to unhealthy and counterproductive relationships. Shame is another major part since when you are ashamed you may like it but don't know how to accept it so Bpd people push it away. Another example is hugging as well in the sense that they may need a hug badly but do not know how to accept it so they push it away. Accepting intimacy means accepting empathy from your partner which Bpd people do not have since they only communicate using sympathy. It can also mean a fear of physical contact due to trauma.
Skeptical about the likelihood of infidelity. Maybe your point was within the context of a long term committed relationship(?) My (limited) experience is that the impulsivity includes risky sexual behavior and concealing multiple partners in a cycle of brief encounters. I have heard of this being referred to as "monkey branching."
Hi Dr. Fox can you make a video on what happens when a person with BPD gets cheated on? I was in a very intense relationship with someone that cheated on me and I have BPD I am really struggling with a lot of congitive dissonance he cheated on me for a whole year and lied for so so long almost two years... please help
It's rather difficult being touch and sexually starved as someone with BPD when I don't have the confidence to meet anyone, due to low self-worth ad how I've made a disgusting mess of my life. At this point I'm basically just an "incel."
Me too. You're not alone.
@@vickij8417 It's a shame that this is what this society produces. Emotional pain and developmental issues, at least for me.
@@iuhuiyubh987h ....don't give up. Constant work to retrain the way we think and see our value.
Progress from a vicious mouse to a meek cat. Chicks dig cats
Just get out. I was with one for 28 years. Dont do it. There is a reason its been called incurable. 100 maybe 1000 of years has seen it. Modern times has a pipe dream. It can be masked or contolled for periods of time, even years. But its in there. I wanted to stay forever with her. But it'a not possible. They just keep ripping and tearing you apart to were there is nothing left to do that to.. Then you are empty, exhausted and defeated. My parents are still with us and have been married for 67 years. I know what it looks like
That was not possible for me. Im 46 and feel that i gave everything. There is nothing left. Im positive regarding anything else but being nice to someone in the romatic realm is not for me. I mean the genuine type. I can superficially do it. But genuine never again.
The intimacy you had at first is NOT coming back, you've been devalued.
You can desperately cling to the relationship you think you have with someone with BPD, but the conclusion is 99% inevitable.
And it's going to hurt.
A lot.
There is nothing you could have done differently that would have made a difference.
Seek help when that time comes.
It's important to prioritize your well-being and seek support when needed.
I live north of Dallas, where are you located? I need therapy. I need help finding a therapist and I don’t have insurance
I've decided to no longer date. I have no crushes and plan not to get close to anyone. Im happier.
Can you please do a video with pregnancy? I’m experiencing old and new symptoms after my symptoms going dormant for many months that it felt like my BPD didn’t exist. I treated it with microdosing psilocybin mushrooms in an consistent on and off pattern, a lot of self help work by myself before I went to dbt for a short period (I barely remember the work or techniques done with them sadly because it was mostly over cam.) It feels like the hormones of the pregnancy is undoing a lot of my hard work and I’m hoping I’ll be able to snap back into it after this pregnancy is over.
Are you a fan of yoko taro?
I can agree during and after pregnancy i feel like i have borderline personality. Can it be hormone inbalance.
@@MrMaddy24 lmfao yes. Emil is my son
Dr. Fox, if it's not too much to ask, are you currently open to new clients? And what is your rate? I have BPD, and am thinking of moving to TX at some point, and I'm worried about finding a good therapist.
I'm not, but my assistant Jasmine is but she can only see people in TX. Be well
So is BPD curable? I literally don’t know what to do, been speaking to my gf about me thinking I have BPD and all I can think about is me being a bad person, thinking my relationship is gonna end and if it does, I’ll never get another relationship because apparently everyone should run for the hills if their partner has BPD, I wish I was normal
If you first see there is something in you that needs to get treated and get treatment, I think you will be in a much better place than most. Many don't seek help or treatment.
Most counselors say it can't be cured. It is for a lifetime
Since you are speaking on this topic can woman sometimes want more children to fill a void they may feel of chronic emptiness that can sometimes be all encompassing since pregnancy is such an internal feeling of closeness like no other? Especially in woman with BPD or BPD traits ?
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and raising awareness about this important issue.
My ex partner could easily have sex like 6 times a day without complaining of any discomfort. She just LOVED and became attached to that one person UNTIL you argue and then her work mates would come out from the woodwork (the beta males who will take midnight chats when she’s bored etc).
Thank you for sharing your experience. Relationships can be challenging, but it's always a learning opportunity for personal growth.
Hey Dr. Fox, my ex with BPD was completely unable to reach orgasm in sex. She has never had an orgasm in her entire life, not with me, any of her exes, or even by herself. Do you find there too be a connection between someone who has BPD and had been sexually abused at a young that created a mental block/defense against being completely relaxed and able to reach orgasm? I assume it was a dissociative defense mechanism from past abuse that rewired their brains and their relationship to sex for the rest of their lives. But I'm not an expert, so i don't know if my theory is correct or not. Thank you for your videos!
Thank you for sharing your experience and question. It's important to remember that everyone is different and there can be various factors that affect a person's ability to reach orgasm. While there may be a connection between past trauma and sexual difficulties, it's best to consult with a mental health professional or therapist for a more accurate assessment and guidance.
Same for me. I always focus on my partner's pleasure. I dont count, and I mostly have to control my disassociations( my mind always goes away, sometimes to very bad places of my past, when I have an intimate relationship).
I grew up thinking the only way I could get attention from men was by being some kind of "sexual Jesus", I had to give them sex, to exist: but I very rarely felt pleasure( or orgasms), most of these interactions were, unfortunately, very abusive.
I was even a street sex worker during my teenagehood, so a lot of bad things happened.
Now I am 37, I had one serious relationship, he was violent and abusive( like my adoptive father), I managed to get rid of him, but too late.
Now I only hook up with strangers I will never see again, mostly when I am drunk and in a confused blak out. It is sordid.
So I have decided to stop seeking for sexual interactions, or intimate relationships:
I am just not wired for this. I have refuged my self in an imaginary erotic fantasy world. It is kind of sad. I am craving for a simple, gentle, genuine, human's contact; probably since birth. Thanks to evolution: Dogs are there, with their adorable faces and their absolute gentleness!!!
I had alot of trouble because my ex husband was an Australian infantry soldier and he put me through basturdiasion Aka he would scare me I'd go to leave the room and he would pin me down until I settled from anxiety adding trauma to trauma I learnt not to cry he took fight and flight from me I only had fawn now he had used the kids against me emotionally sexual cowersion I need help you seen to understand I have major trust issues from rejection 😢 please help
Sending you love, ive been in similiar, look for resources and assistance near you, keep looking, tell people of authority if you can, like Drs, the childrens school may also have resources.
II’d like to hear more on the definition of intimacy-period.
Like trust and safety in relationship.
If folks feel unsafe-which is many-w/without bpd-due to fear of abandonment and rejection ‘physical intimacy’-is just an act/dopamine hit-sex.
Explains the HIGH incidence of porn addiction, which then perverts the beautiful aspects of TRUE intimacy.
High incidence of promiscuity for both male and female is indicative of looking for love in all the wrong places . Sex is easy, with a culture that is oversexualized surely does not help.
As a person of faith who has struggled immensely with relationships but also has an idea of how God wants us to experience relationship-all aspects-I continue to ask God why SO MANY SUFFER and seemingly are incapable of ‘intimacy’.
That said I am learning it is because God FIRST loved me, that I can love.
It is HIS love His Spirit that brings peace, rest and ultimately intimacy.
Just as He is grieved when we wander from His love and suffer, I too am grieved for all who suffer!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the definition of intimacy. It's a complex topic that encompasses trust, safety, and emotional connection in a relationship. I understand your concerns about the impact of fear of abandonment and rejection on physical intimacy. It's important to explore and understand these dynamics to foster healthy and genuine connections with others.
I lost the love of my life by keep pushing him away. And I can’t forgive myself
It was the very thing that I want the most, love, partnership and family. What to do? Please help.
Please, tell us how reliable academic research could ever be conducted on infidelity and BPD? How could those results ever be reproduced in another lab?
How would an intellectually honest, academically rigorous, researcher articulate this so as to NOT misrepresent this topic of infidelity, without gaslighting the public?
It's not about reproducing it, but collecting data from couples or individuals who engage in infidelity.
Ew, intimacy. My then husband came home once from a unemployment emotional support group gathering, having been told he lacks emotional intimacy in his relationship, and that that is a main problem. I took it to mean we weren't having enough sex. He said that wasn't it, and I wasn't sure what he meant then, cause I thought we were plenty emotionally connected. However I did used to grit my teeth and try to visualize Brad Pit while in bed with him. I was as emotionally disconnected as possible. Soon I started pretending to be asleep, and waiting for his sleep breathing to begin before feeling safe to fall asleep myself, then outright going to the couch to sleep. I still sleep in a single bed and have no want of a double bed. I said to my last boyfriend (after divorce) that I never want to have sex again, and I meant it. Though I quite readilly pour all my feelings out on UA-cam!
Thank you for sharing your story and being open about your experiences.
My understanding Dr Fox is that Personality disorders stem from childhood neglect or neglect as a baby?
This is a common misconception that narrows the root of personality sorter. Personally, stores are complex they don’t all come from past abuse or neglect experiences. There are a variety of different trajectories that can lead an individual to develop a personality disorder. Great question and thank you.
But most of the research says that trauma or neglect is usually a part of it, why are we turning away from calling it like it is and if there are some exceptions then we can still say "usually or mostly it is trauma or neglect", it's like people are so concerned with not offending parents...
I got it. We just have to word it correctly. Bpd is not the cause of earlier sexual encounter or physical assault. But Dr. Doesnt BPD cause them to place themselfs in situations that can cause a earlier sexual encounter or greater risk of sexul assault? So its not the bpd causing it. The cause is they placing themselves in sitiations that are high risk. The corelation is bdp causing the placement of themseelves in that sitiatuation. And the cause is the situation they put themselves in. Is that how it goes?
Coalition between bpd & bdsm???
I'm not aware of any correlation.
@@DrDanielFox why do u think ppl engage in it, do u believe it goes no to childhood jw
I am inclined to agree with you, Amanda..my time in safe, sane, and consensual bdsm was the most balanced..no self harm, clarity, communication, discipline, positive body image, and the trauma be released from the body.
With the wrong partner, tho, its devastating.
The best to you!❤
There are a lot of Personality disorders not just BPD
There aren't that many.
I just quit sex. And i don’t Trust anyone.
Some people can't even touch grass.
This video provides a comprehensive overview of physical intimacy issues for those with BPD, exploring impulsive desires, boredom, avoidance, preoccupation, and more. A must-watch for anyone seeking to understand and improve their relationship with physical intimacy.
Thanks, @life-is-here
❤❤❤
The title 'how can you gain Emotional Balance'? ..... The only thing I have learned is 'emotional numbness' OMG .. then my coping numbness is attributed to another 'condition' Then I have to numbly accept the rationale because there is no way you could even PHATHIOM where "I" am coming from..... and some how - out of nowhere I think ... somehow YOU must know more than I DO ...just maybe it is time for you guys to start a 'recruiting army' of knowledgable therapist...cause..... life is just getting harder and harder... post trauma is the NORM!!! ....there is no 'normal'
❤
These diagnoses are interesting to consider, but being labeled, or labeling oneself is limiting and unhealthy...
True but we do it, it's always possible to use healthy labels for identification too.
Thanks for the advice, And yes, I tried what I read the other day and it was mind blowing to see her writhing with pleasure and ready for anything. It started when I learned to last at least 30 minutes go’ogling the latest by Greyzar Drinbo and now she keeps dragging me back lol
omg you called me out lol as my partner says it often to me lol "how about instead of telling me what my problem is you ask me " lmfao you don't know my bro size lol ok you know it lol its hard not to be stuck in the guessing or assuming issue when you have high rejection/anxiety issues lol as i also have GAD and panic disorder lol even last night while my partner and i were gaming taking turns because i got so paniced over feeling he was gonna be hurt by me gaming more ehtne him (as i feel that's a big thing people can belive is going on ) so i keep asking is it your turn or do you want to do this fight .... i asked so often he started to get frustrated and said to stop asking i will let you know if i want to game or something like i woudent have offered you a turn if i wanted to game ..... but it truly is my issue of guessing assuming as I'm constely worried I will get the interaction wrong if i don't stay vigulent lol its such a hard thing to try and brake ...... its so automatic ...... i just become so pigglet when it comes to social interactions with this fear of rejection and abandonment i automatically assume i can tell when they are annoyed with me or feel im getting overly zelus in my interactions .....and this happens with everyone i meet even more so with my intamte partner ......... on another note im a little lost on some of the beginning .... with talks of physical intimacy ....... what about with people with BPD whos high rejection worry and anxiety who tend to have sex with someone they don't want to........ this all has been so hard for me to understand as with my partner physical sex used to be a way to rest my worry of connection (made huge progress on that ) but as we are in an open relationship i have come to a realization that when i go for a hook up i can end up in a moment where i have sex with someone even though once i meet them im not really wanting to but feel i have to to not make them feel rejected but in turn makes me feel used this has been such an issue with me in my life even before i got with my partner ....it just became more in my face cuz i am comftrble having sex with my partner way more ethne some of the men I've had sex with..... and it allowed me to see its cuz i don't want to hurt there feelings or make then see me as a bad person o i just go along with it I've been working hard now at it but still this is a real thing that happens ...... wouldn't that be do to my BPD ...... why im confused on the beginning part of its no different then non BPDers
I’m glad you found it helpful. Be well
Simply genius! And yes, I tried what I read the other day and it was mind blowing to see her writhing with pleasure and ready for anything. It started when I learned to last at least 30 minutes go’ogling the latest by Greyzar Drinbo and now she keeps dragging me back lol
Lol I did everything my ex wanted and what I thought he wanted and I still ended up at the psych ward lmao
They definitely cheat.. the fear of abandonment causes them to have multiple back-ups for when their worst fear takes place(you leaving).
My ex wife cheated too. They suck and are selfish
Dr. You are down playing this. Please be real
❤🎉
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
Got it. bpd does not cause infidelity. Impulsive behavior does. Bpd causing imlulsive behavior is the correlation with infidelity. Bit the cause 2:29 is umpuslive behavior. One "BPD" does not cause the other "infedelity".
BPD ni what?
What is BPD?
Borderline personality disorder.
“Not yet diagnosed” such an annoying phrase. “As someone with BPD tendencies…” is much better. Screw diagnosing it. Unless you’re trying to fill out government funding paperwork. A lot of people aren’t getting “diagnosed”. You can overcome the symptoms by doing a lot of work (DBT etc.) it’s a stigmatizing label.
Too many ads in your videos
Say bpd is just about trauma, we didn't get what we deserve as kids
It's not just about trauma, there's more to it. We need to see it as such to deal/manage it well. Take care
I would say that yes mainly cuz of trauma in childhood! However, the sad thing is that you carry that trauma to adulthood and start abusing the good ppl who really love you!
I wish the German political activist Naomi Seibt could watch this. You can lead a horse to water....
Thanks for your comment.
Very informative, I tried what I told you about and it was mind blowing to see her writhing with pleasure and ready for anything. It started when I learned to last at least 30 minutes go’ogling the latest in Greyzar Drinbo's PE Solution and now she just can't have enough
I'm so glad to hear that you found the information helpful and that it had such a positive impact on your experience! Keep exploring and trying new things, and remember to always prioritize open communication with your partner.
this guy is an trucel
How do these attitudes and behaviors differ from the general population? These things do not seem exclusive to BPD. Are you just making shit up for click bait? You have focused on BPD in your videos and are garnering income through doing so. I've seen this in many people who specialize in a particular aspect of anything, i. e., fishing for topics and creating content on this basis. You have so many disclaimers in your video it does not seem like you are saying anything at all. Quit pathologizing things that are just normal variations in the way people relate to sex.