👋🏻Hey all! Hope you enjoyed this video! Let me know your thoughts on Good Guy Syndrome! 😇😇 🚨Come join my NEW Relationship Bootcamp! be.ultranormal.co/relationship-bootcamp?YTE159& - Chris
This is called "the mental load" and it's why women often find that they have to keep track of all the household organisation, because men don't take initiative in seeing what needs to be done. Also, the number if men who expect their wife to take on their interests, friends, and hobbies but do not expect to do the same with hers is easily observable by looking at couples that you know, and asking single men and women what their expectations for couple's hobbies are.
It seems like it all the man's fault. But when I spoke and listened, wanted to make it better. She didn't. So I let her go. It's all good and dandy if the person wants to connect. But this day and age I think it's not possible.
I highly recommend the books ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’ and ‘Way of the Superior Man’. Both have really helped our relationship and myself as an individual.
I'm a guy but I often find myself in role reversal. Cuz I can relate to all of this but it was my female partner than made me feel.this way and she was engaging in good guy syndrome.
Knowing that we broke up because I fit into some of these that you described and she dumped me because I failed to understand these things at the time. Should I reached out after being dumped? It's been more than a month since we last talked.
I've totally been doing this. It was like a shot to the gut, very humbling. Is there any way to win her back, if she is at the point of being emotionally checked out and asked for divorce?
There is only one thing to do. You need to check out. It seems that we need to cater to women every whim. F that! If you really tried it will reveal to you smth, that it's not worth it.
@@zondors is permanently single and thinks the answer is to be *less* nice to women. Good luck with that, matey. Jon, your best bet is to ask your partner what she still feels is missing in the relationship and how that would manifest, in her opinion, and then ask your other female friends to help you achieve it. If you don't have many female friends, ask hers. Tell your partner that you would like to have time to hei the hang of this, but make a point of saying that you want to work on your friendship so that even if you do separate, you can keep her in your life. Remember, she is a person you care about *first*, and your wife *second*. And the first thing is far more important to retain than the second.
@@xzigalianisiochfhradha3204 I am single by choice. As every time when I tried to connect there might be a slight chance, where somebody is decent or normal. Never is. So I stopped looking. And became indifferent to women. As my needs never was met. And in this day and age I don't think that women deserve anything, the same me I don't either so why bother.
You don't need to cater to a women's every whim, at all. Build yourself like you would do a business. a) create an unbeatable product b) keep iterating that product. A lot of people don't do either, and then complain when nobody buys what they're selling.
I disagree. The 2 biggest myths about narcissism online are: 1) Narcissistic behaviors equal Narcissistic personality disorder and 2) Narcissistic behaviors in a partner will always be present. 1) Narcissistic behaviors equal Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This one is a huge misunderstanding. Just because someone displays narcissistic traits-doesn’t mean they have full-blown NPD. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a clinical diagnosis, and it involves a persistent pattern of behaviors that affect every aspect of someone’s life, including their relationships, self-image, and emotions. NPD is rare, but people casually label someone as “a narcissist” without understanding the clinical side of it. Such a small percentage of people actually have this, and a good portion of people who do, respond well to treatment and show high rates of regression. In reality, most people show narcissistic behaviors at some point-especially when they’re stressed, insecure, or reacting to something in the moment. When a relationship is breaking down and breakup, divorce or separation are on the table, this is a perfect environment for these behaviors to manifest (both in yourself and your partner). Overreacting, being defensive, being unable to listen to someone else because internally you're struggling? That doesn’t make you a narcissist; it makes you human. Most 'narcissistic behaviors' are situational and changeable with awareness and effort as well as influence from a partner. 2) Narcissistic behaviors in a partner will always be present. Behaviors can change. A partner showing narcissistic tendencies doesn’t mean they’re incapable of growth. When it comes to relationships and a relationship breakdown, the biggest influence on a partners behavior is their own partner. If you act in the ways that a lot of the 'narcissist influencers' out there tell you too (disrupting their reality, calling them out on their lies, putting down hard boundaries on subjects that you don't want to talk about). all of this equals invalidation and/or feels like someone trying to control you. This in turn actually INCREASES narcissistic behaviors in *any* partner. Actually disrupting narcissistic behaviors takes a softer approach and a much more empathetic approach. I speak more about it here: ua-cam.com/video/shEmRpgR3yQ/v-deo.html
I do agree - it's a question of balance - call it narc or otherwise - women exist with such patterns that are always asking for one-sided emotional or material "wants" that cannot be satisfied, and that get into an emotional loop of dissatisfaction at the guy, so the guy becomes "responsible" for everything that she sees as lacking from her life. Lack of emotional awareness or control in a woman. I am facing such. She even fought her own mother. No, going after satisfying all the needs of a person who is not satisfiable is a losing game, you'll still be guilty of lacking something on all fronts as normalization negates all you've done so far.
@@zondors You're not obliged to be in a relationship with a narcissist. Wait until you know a person well before dating them so you can identify red flags before becoming attached. Leave at the first incident of abuse until you see changed behaviour.
I understand my own emotions. I self reflected a lot. And came to realisation that a lot of women are not worth the effort. And that's that. You can say all you want that it's mens fault and that but like you said it's 50/50. Wich I rarely see women do. Self reflection and acountability. Yes I know myself well enough to say that I am attracted to wrong women to begin with. So F that communication because every time I did I was literally spat on. Yes I know my mistake my mistake is being attracted to sh**ty women. I take my accountability on that.
I don't believe at any point I stated that it's all men's fault? I spoke about how to take 100% ownership of your 50%. In relationships that involves getting rid of the illusion of blame, I speak about it more here: ua-cam.com/video/p1LpIiVXavs/v-deo.html
@@BeUltranormal I think maybe you went too broad brush with your advice, and it came off as very demeaning to men (you are replaceable). You make a lot of assumptions about what a hypothetical man is doing, and what he thinks. Also about a hypothetical wife, who is just getting the bare minimum. The problem is there are abusive wives out there who are demeaning and cruel to their husbands, and your advice to take ownership of your part, would be bad advice for someone who may be taking too much responsibility over issues already. Just like men, Women are not born knowing instinctively how a "healthy" relationship works, they can learn to be toxic in relationships too. You say that women being dissatisfied is the result of the man not being present or only focusing on providing essentials (not her fault at all), while also telling men that they need to take full responsibility for meeting her expectations and not place blame. Seems like a big double standard. Not saying all your points are invalid, just offering perspective. Are you familiar with Robert Greene's "No More Mr. Nice Guy"?
Psychologically speaking, it's more likely that you aren't bringing as much to the relationship emotionally as your female partner. That's one difference between men and women, ON AVERAGE, definitely not always, but on average, men withdraw while women pursue. That means on average men do provide less, emotionally, in relationships. This is just the truth. There are other ways men do provide in relationships, but emotionally? Women are much better than us at this, and there is overwhelming evidence of that fact. But you do need to decide whether the relationship is worth it to you, for yourself. You cannot force your partner to give their all to a relationship, and that means if you want it to work, you have to be fully invested in the relationship no matter whether your partner is. If you stop giving 100% because you believe your partner is not giving 100%, that is just using your partner to justify your own lack of investment in a relationship. You have to make a choice: Either give 100% or leave. This advice is excellent advice, and it's fully in line with all of the study of successful long-term marriages. It is not saying women are perfect, but it is saying what you MUST do as a man, if you want to have a successful relationship. You can feel free to think women aren't worth this effort, but in that case, you had better just give up, because you will never have a good relationship if you don't follow this advice.
@kitsunin4690 I'd like to see these supposed studies. What is an emotional contribution to to the relationship anyway? My parents for example: When a husband starts talking about his day, and a wife tells him he needs to stop whining all the time and handle it, is that emotionally contributing to the relationship? It's good advice for some, but makes a lot of negative assumptions about men, and assumes the best of women. If you can't see that it speaks mostly to your prejudice against men.
good video.. need a lot of time to fully digest the content. times are changing and being masculine is not just providing and being the rock.. BUT can you blame men? for the majority of males, providing, working long hours, sacrificing opportunities and growth just to be with the person they love is itself love for them.. men are not inherently jerk, manipulative and that they don’t care because they can’t be emotional after work.. they’re just too tired and for the majority of us, not being emotional is us just being us. comfortable at own skin..
The truth is that men ARE emotional (human beings are all emotional), most just learn little to zero tools to understand and manage them. So they suppress them until they come out in toxic ways. So, yes, men often learn that showing love is to work long hours etc etc... until they realize the hard way that isn't what is valuable in a modern relationship. So when they get broken up with, then they can go one of two ways: a) bitter and angry because they believe women are entitled, ungrateful and selfish OR b) shameful, guilt ridden and self-sabotaging because they screwed things up so badly they believe they should never be in a relationship ever again.
That's definitely something that a lot of people tell themselves. The idea that they are perfect, shouldn't change and that loyalty and trust to you shouldn't be earned. It makes us feel better in the moment, but it's not the reality.
👋🏻Hey all! Hope you enjoyed this video! Let me know your thoughts on Good Guy Syndrome! 😇😇
🚨Come join my NEW Relationship Bootcamp! be.ultranormal.co/relationship-bootcamp?YTE159&
- Chris
This is called "the mental load" and it's why women often find that they have to keep track of all the household organisation, because men don't take initiative in seeing what needs to be done.
Also, the number if men who expect their wife to take on their interests, friends, and hobbies but do not expect to do the same with hers is easily observable by looking at couples that you know, and asking single men and women what their expectations for couple's hobbies are.
It seems like it all the man's fault. But when I spoke and listened, wanted to make it better. She didn't. So I let her go. It's all good and dandy if the person wants to connect. But this day and age I think it's not possible.
I highly recommend the books ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’ and ‘Way of the Superior Man’. Both have really helped our relationship and myself as an individual.
Thanks for the recs! It's been a while since I read both tbh, I'll have to revisit again v soon :)
I'm a guy but I often find myself in role reversal. Cuz I can relate to all of this but it was my female partner than made me feel.this way and she was engaging in good guy syndrome.
Knowing that we broke up because I fit into some of these that you described and she dumped me because I failed to understand these things at the time. Should I reached out after being dumped? It's been more than a month since we last talked.
how i wish all men are capable of thinking as you do
Ha, thanks, although shifting thinking is all about how ideas are sold to you. I'm trying to spread the message as it was spread to me, that's all :)
I've totally been doing this. It was like a shot to the gut, very humbling. Is there any way to win her back, if she is at the point of being emotionally checked out and asked for divorce?
There is only one thing to do. You need to check out. It seems that we need to cater to women every whim. F that! If you really tried it will reveal to you smth, that it's not worth it.
@@zondors is permanently single and thinks the answer is to be *less* nice to women. Good luck with that, matey.
Jon, your best bet is to ask your partner what she still feels is missing in the relationship and how that would manifest, in her opinion, and then ask your other female friends to help you achieve it. If you don't have many female friends, ask hers. Tell your partner that you would like to have time to hei the hang of this, but make a point of saying that you want to work on your friendship so that even if you do separate, you can keep her in your life. Remember, she is a person you care about *first*, and your wife *second*. And the first thing is far more important to retain than the second.
@@xzigalianisiochfhradha3204 I am single by choice. As every time when I tried to connect there might be a slight chance, where somebody is decent or normal. Never is. So I stopped looking. And became indifferent to women. As my needs never was met. And in this day and age I don't think that women deserve anything, the same me I don't either so why bother.
You don't need to cater to a women's every whim, at all. Build yourself like you would do a business. a) create an unbeatable product b) keep iterating that product.
A lot of people don't do either, and then complain when nobody buys what they're selling.
@@BeUltranormal I like how you put it. And yes I'm learning now from my mistakes. I think it's about boundaries, values..
With a narcissistic women these are out of the window
I disagree. The 2 biggest myths about narcissism online are:
1) Narcissistic behaviors equal Narcissistic personality disorder
and 2) Narcissistic behaviors in a partner will always be present.
1) Narcissistic behaviors equal Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
This one is a huge misunderstanding. Just because someone displays narcissistic traits-doesn’t mean they have full-blown NPD. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a clinical diagnosis, and it involves a persistent pattern of behaviors that affect every aspect of someone’s life, including their relationships, self-image, and emotions. NPD is rare, but people casually label someone as “a narcissist” without understanding the clinical side of it. Such a small percentage of people actually have this, and a good portion of people who do, respond well to treatment and show high rates of regression.
In reality, most people show narcissistic behaviors at some point-especially when they’re stressed, insecure, or reacting to something in the moment. When a relationship is breaking down and breakup, divorce or separation are on the table, this is a perfect environment for these behaviors to manifest (both in yourself and your partner). Overreacting, being defensive, being unable to listen to someone else because internally you're struggling? That doesn’t make you a narcissist; it makes you human.
Most 'narcissistic behaviors' are situational and changeable with awareness and effort as well as influence from a partner.
2) Narcissistic behaviors in a partner will always be present.
Behaviors can change. A partner showing narcissistic tendencies doesn’t mean they’re incapable of growth. When it comes to relationships and a relationship breakdown, the biggest influence on a partners behavior is their own partner. If you act in the ways that a lot of the 'narcissist influencers' out there tell you too (disrupting their reality, calling them out on their lies, putting down hard boundaries on subjects that you don't want to talk about). all of this equals invalidation and/or feels like someone trying to control you. This in turn actually INCREASES narcissistic behaviors in *any* partner.
Actually disrupting narcissistic behaviors takes a softer approach and a much more empathetic approach. I speak more about it here: ua-cam.com/video/shEmRpgR3yQ/v-deo.html
I do agree - it's a question of balance - call it narc or otherwise - women exist with such patterns that are always asking for one-sided emotional or material "wants" that cannot be satisfied, and that get into an emotional loop of dissatisfaction at the guy, so the guy becomes "responsible" for everything that she sees as lacking from her life. Lack of emotional awareness or control in a woman. I am facing such. She even fought her own mother. No, going after satisfying all the needs of a person who is not satisfiable is a losing game, you'll still be guilty of lacking something on all fronts as normalization negates all you've done so far.
@@zondors You're not obliged to be in a relationship with a narcissist. Wait until you know a person well before dating them so you can identify red flags before becoming attached. Leave at the first incident of abuse until you see changed behaviour.
I understand my own emotions. I self reflected a lot. And came to realisation that a lot of women are not worth the effort. And that's that. You can say all you want that it's mens fault and that but like you said it's 50/50. Wich I rarely see women do. Self reflection and acountability. Yes I know myself well enough to say that I am attracted to wrong women to begin with. So F that communication because every time I did I was literally spat on. Yes I know my mistake my mistake is being attracted to sh**ty women. I take my accountability on that.
I don't believe at any point I stated that it's all men's fault? I spoke about how to take 100% ownership of your 50%. In relationships that involves getting rid of the illusion of blame, I speak about it more here: ua-cam.com/video/p1LpIiVXavs/v-deo.html
@@BeUltranormal I think maybe you went too broad brush with your advice, and it came off as very demeaning to men (you are replaceable). You make a lot of assumptions about what a hypothetical man is doing, and what he thinks. Also about a hypothetical wife, who is just getting the bare minimum.
The problem is there are abusive wives out there who are demeaning and cruel to their husbands, and your advice to take ownership of your part, would be bad advice for someone who may be taking too much responsibility over issues already.
Just like men, Women are not born knowing instinctively how a "healthy" relationship works, they can learn to be toxic in relationships too.
You say that women being dissatisfied is the result of the man not being present or only focusing on providing essentials (not her fault at all), while also telling men that they need to take full responsibility for meeting her expectations and not place blame. Seems like a big double standard.
Not saying all your points are invalid, just offering perspective.
Are you familiar with Robert Greene's "No More Mr. Nice Guy"?
Psychologically speaking, it's more likely that you aren't bringing as much to the relationship emotionally as your female partner. That's one difference between men and women, ON AVERAGE, definitely not always, but on average, men withdraw while women pursue. That means on average men do provide less, emotionally, in relationships. This is just the truth. There are other ways men do provide in relationships, but emotionally? Women are much better than us at this, and there is overwhelming evidence of that fact.
But you do need to decide whether the relationship is worth it to you, for yourself. You cannot force your partner to give their all to a relationship, and that means if you want it to work, you have to be fully invested in the relationship no matter whether your partner is. If you stop giving 100% because you believe your partner is not giving 100%, that is just using your partner to justify your own lack of investment in a relationship. You have to make a choice: Either give 100% or leave.
This advice is excellent advice, and it's fully in line with all of the study of successful long-term marriages. It is not saying women are perfect, but it is saying what you MUST do as a man, if you want to have a successful relationship. You can feel free to think women aren't worth this effort, but in that case, you had better just give up, because you will never have a good relationship if you don't follow this advice.
@kitsunin4690 I'd like to see these supposed studies. What is an emotional contribution to to the relationship anyway? My parents for example: When a husband starts talking about his day, and a wife tells him he needs to stop whining all the time and handle it, is that emotionally contributing to the relationship?
It's good advice for some, but makes a lot of negative assumptions about men, and assumes the best of women.
If you can't see that it speaks mostly to your prejudice against men.
@@zondors based
What about this, but for women?
I'm sure someone out there has made that video if that's what you're looking for?
good video.. need a lot of time to fully digest the content. times are changing and being masculine is not just providing and being the rock..
BUT can you blame men? for the majority of males, providing, working long hours, sacrificing opportunities and growth just to be with the person they love is itself love for them.. men are not inherently jerk, manipulative and that they don’t care because they can’t be emotional after work.. they’re just too tired and for the majority of us, not being emotional is us just being us. comfortable at own skin..
The truth is that men ARE emotional (human beings are all emotional), most just learn little to zero tools to understand and manage them. So they suppress them until they come out in toxic ways.
So, yes, men often learn that showing love is to work long hours etc etc... until they realize the hard way that isn't what is valuable in a modern relationship. So when they get broken up with, then they can go one of two ways: a) bitter and angry because they believe women are entitled, ungrateful and selfish OR b) shameful, guilt ridden and self-sabotaging because they screwed things up so badly they believe they should never be in a relationship ever again.
Don't pay attention to such videos. Be yourself. If she is not a high value woman... nothing will stop her from leaving you !
That's definitely something that a lot of people tell themselves. The idea that they are perfect, shouldn't change and that loyalty and trust to you shouldn't be earned.
It makes us feel better in the moment, but it's not the reality.