@@PH28538 it looks like my other comment disappeared. In my experience, they do come back. I have had several men ghost me and they have ALWAYS come back, this has happened to me probably dozens of times from 5 different men. One time it took him 6 years.
Dude, they just replace you and avoid the break up feelings. Maybe it hits them MUCH later, maybe it doesn't, but they are conditioned to avoid difficult feelings and accountability and their mind works to prevent them from that. Whether that be working excessively, meeting other people, spending time with friends etc. They are more likely to never contact again as reaching out means they have to be vulnerable and puts them into a position of being rejected which is their primary fear to begin with.
@kryssis69 No, I'm not. A narcissist doesn't have to avoid any negative feelings or pain from the break up because they have no empathy and simply don't care. They have nothing to avoid. They simply seek a new source of supply to cater to their need for admiration and sense of entitlement.
They don’t actually care. Their goal is to play stupid mind games vs actually seek a healthy relationship where you both learn and help each other grow.
Bro just ignore them and move on with your life. I was abandoned by someone I loved. They don’t give a shit. They’re probably with the next guy/girl. Move on! I have someone in my life now that wants to be there. I spent months of my life trying to look up these videos and waiting to get an avoidant back. Just move on. Trust me it will get better.
@@philipcrocker My guy, proceed with caution. Have the talk about what went wrong and willingness to go to therapy together or separately. Don't accept them back freely, ESPECIALLY if they haven't done the work.
They want and deserve love, too, just like everybody else. They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships.
My ex just moved on. We were together 4.5 years and I asked about the future. To avoid it, he immediately jumped into a new relationship. I feel bad for him. He’d rather start over than become close. It’s really sad.
Irony is they END UP ALONE because people get SICK 😫 of the, ghosting, breadcrumbing and Selfishness. At some point you realize that they will NEVER CHANGE. They will never be who you need them to be. They are TOO Damaged
@@PatriciaPeeters-g4gMy ex had Damaged tattooed on her chest!! With a circle around it. Red flag right!?? It was the wrong word. It should have said I’m totally FU-KED
That’s very sad because with the right person anyone can flourish if both people are aware and working. Together and honest communication always constant is key so I disagree
@@TheJosiejumper exactly. People have such a fairytale idea of love. LOVE IS A CHOICE. ONE YOU MAKE EVERY DAY. LOVE IS HARD. ITS WORK. ITS HURTS. ITS VUNERABILITY. LOVE IS A SACRIFICE. We shouldn't even say "I love you." We should say "im willing to suffer for you."
@@ommitedommited154 this is not meant as anyway across the board but in my personal experience it comes with age and experience and hurting however it’s a slog yes and it’s boring 95% of the time and you see the worst of a person but it’s the belief that your working to a common goal peace harmony and happiness and growth always growing
For a week of not contacting im surprised he message today. He said, was thinking of you and just wanna say Hi and hope youre doin well. What does he meant? Is he checking if im miserable? I replied saying im doin my best to be Good. I hope you too and take care. And he said he miss me but he isnt ready. Not sure if that was for the relationship that he isnt ready or the trip he planned to visit me here... Anyway im moving on step by step.. i plan next time to not reply when he messaged again.... Im living my peace..
It’s a nothing message, meant to only check to see you are still attached. Kinda like a validation thing. It doesn’t talk about any changes, any second thoughts, you message back and that validation gets met showing you still care and and still in their loop
That's what I call the "check-in" text and believe it or not, your ex is somewhat expected to send one or more of these sooner or later and I've got just the vid for that. Discussed that in one of the vids, including how to handle that kind of message and when and/or how to reply, including what not to text, (so watch to the end of the vid) here: ua-cam.com/video/tev2-lrJq7o/v-deo.html
Partially agree with this, you gotta operate from your own frame. If they eventually don't show up you give them the gift of closure and walk away... now that's something they do not like because they now have to sit with the consequences of their choices. In this video, it's explaining how you have to fall in their frame to make it work, that's inherent weakness and it will destroy you in the long run. Be empathic, don't take thing personal, sure. But always operate from a position of STRENGTH.
I am avoidant and we DO NOT comeback ... leaving someone made me feel relax... relationship is very big risk for us, we have to show our vulnerabilty that is very very scary... so when a relatIonship ends we feel relax and out of DANGER
Sometimes it feels like being with a avoidant is all about there needs and in there tempo and on there terms. What about they try to heal themself and try to see what the other one also needs to be happy in a relationship. If you are a disorientated/ambivalent style and the otherone is avoidant, i think you need somehow to meet in the middle or it can feels to hard for the one with disorientated/ambivalent.
I left my avoidant ex 6 months ago. We were together 6 years on and off. She broke up 3 times in that six years. I was addicted to her and we have a child together. 6 months ago I began to call her out. Saying I have needs of intimacy time together . She pulled away and I broke up, realising she can't meet my needs. it was hard in the beginning but I'm still in no contact. Sometimes she writes about something regarding my son. But we never talk about personal things anymore. And it feels better and better
No contact for nearly 9 months with a guy who came on strong and then retreated, then discarded me. We were never even a thing. Just a few coffee catch ups where he told me he really cared about me and asked if I wanted a relationship. Then he started friendzoning me out of nowhere. I doubt he even misses me. How long does no contact actually go for before it works? I noticed him not putting in any effort and his words and actions not matching, so I texted saying “I’ll leave you alone” meaning, I’ll give you space to reach out when you’re ready as I’m not used to people not communicating. Well he went off his brain on text and accusing me of not wanting anything further to do with him. So what could I do? He wanted me to fuck off and when I fucked off he got shitty that I fucked off. No clue where to go from here?
Run Run as fast and as far away as possible. Say something like, thanks for the time I could spend with you, but I recognised I have some inner work to do to not let an unhealed avoidantly attached person undermine my self worth. I saw the potential of you, but until you actively try to change through therapy it is unreachable and I wish to be not contacted anymore
@@sevenpounds1463 He treated me like shit then when I reacted to his bad behaviour, I was the bad guy. Fortunately I don’t need to say anything as he went ghost mode back in March. Kept beating myself like it was my fault, but he was probably just out to play mind games with me. It still hurts.
Same situation.. they want you close in the friendzone so you don't deal with other guys and give them the attention.. He could have you in mind as a possible gf but maybe you're a distraction. If you stay very close to him in the friendzone long enough he may never consider you girlfriend so keep some distance. Talk, go out less.
Same situation. Was blindsided by a text late at night saying she wants to explore with someone else and how I’m a “simp” Really shitty thing to experience from someone you were close with and there for (she was getting kicked out and I offered her a place to stay, said I’d sleep downstairs and the offer isn’t intended to come across with a secret agenda as my ma was homeless and is just way she raised me) Once I read that text I checked out completely. Blocked her and have no intention of speaking again. She messaged me on a different number asking if I was still mad and to be friends… I declined as acting like it never happened is not gonna work. She said I was too emotional and hung up on stuff in the past. So blocked that number aswell. 4 months ago now She has started coming into my work to ask how my family are and what I have been up to. There is no respect, no empathy. Just the selfish need to get some validation, no matter what boundaries they cross.
Mine replaced me 3 weeks later. Pretty sure she knew the guy. Gave me the whole I need time and space to think and be alone. You need to find someone who can appreciate you even though I did everything for them. The whole it’s not you it’s me speech. I treated them way too good. And I got dropped like I was trash. I love her and miss her even still after she shattered my heart into pieces. Been 2 months and the ruminations are horrible.
But when the avoidant begins to breadcrumb you after a break up, how to know if they are trying to rekindle things, or are just looking for validation?
Here's my recommendation. You need to be patient in order to have a clear vision for those. I know this for sure because I've been through those situations over 10 times with 3 ex-avoidants. Neither give them assurance nor push them away. Just wait and see with neutral attitude. That's all I can say.
@chickenpop1666 thanks for the advice. But it's tough to find that neutral stance. Doing nothing at all may make an avoidant give up, and another one try harder, it's impossible to know.
It's important to emotionally detach from the situation(ship). If you have the ability to keep the person as a "friend" and create that as a healthy boundary, you may stay connected. Usually, it's the avoidant wanting to stay just friends after they've taken everything from you, but I was the one who had to set this boundary with him to stop the push-and-pull in this non-committal sweet talk and love-bombing once and for all. Luckily, we've never made it to actually be in a relationship and I stopped it early enough. He's in therapy, which I appreciate. I have a secure attachment, but noticed his behavior pushed me into an anxious space. It's all good now, despite him seemingly still breadcrumbing me. I just see it as a 'friend' checking in with me wanting to say 'hi' just as I check in with his well-being. He has a lot of mental issues. I think he just fears being alone. Reframing and telling myself that, in the end, we all just want to be loved, also helped me.
Don't go back to an avoidant that is not aware of their issues and is actively working on it! With every round you get more devalued and mentally destroyed. It's like a drug addiction
Good afternoon, I've been in NC for awhile now we separate for 10 months now I've been posting pic on my Whatsapp and noticed she's been seeing them why ? And last text was like 5-6 months ago to tell her to change her mail cuz I'm still recive still her mail in my apartment what does this mean Thank you.
She thought the grass was greener on the other side, she feels guilt, regret and shame and she is sending breadcrumbs, to see if it’s safe to reach out again. I would ignore completely, as if you approach her she will run away again and if she comes back NOT healed she will shut down again and leave you. It will hurt you!
If she hasn't bothered to change her mailing address, then it's safe to say the mail that's been routed to you isn't really that important to her, considering how long it's been. Anyway since it's been many months since the breakup, it's best to consider the facts I've mentioned here first as this lets you determine whether there's still a real shot or not: ua-cam.com/video/YVViZmY2x0I/v-deo.html and/or take the free quiz at www.breakupbrad.com/quiz Good luck!
It was one month relationship, he said he wanted to marry me but because of his in consistent behaviour I started questioning him does he like me only because for marriage i tick boxes or he really likes me. Then some arguments happened he broke up. After two days of break up I expressed how mych I like him that I love him, we can work on it My father also knows about us please we can talk. He was very admant that It will never work out. I was devasted that he did not even try and he said intially he genuinely liked but now he does not like me anymore. After that It will 4 months I did not contact him. He is my colleague so I maintained professional boundary but never contacted personally. Did I do too much of begging?
So, they initiate a no contact scenario and then it destroys them lol. It’s surely hell for an anxious, but they initiated. Do they think people will just chase them down?
@@breakupbradbrowning I watched it. Thank you. He did come back for a week after NC, and I saw effort of him calling me and trying. After a busy weekend he had me feeling in a way I didn’t like previously to the breakup, so neither of us reached out after that busy weekend. I deserve a man who is consistent………… I give him all his control and space back to live how he wants to.
Been there, done that. When you respect their space, they go and find someone else because they assume you have abandoned them, and they should find someone before you do.
The bird example was on point, but not intentionally. The bird wanted closeness, sure, but why? To get nourishment. Something for itself. And once it had its fill, it took off. Means to an end. My DA ex was always the ends to every means. Very selfish, even pathologically at times by objectifying, manipulating, and using. My advice, after a 4 year nightmare that progressively chipped away at my mental health, confidence and peace, is to leave and never return. Only people willing and able to self reflect can change. Only those able to take accountability for their actions and responsibility for themselves have any chance at growth or healing. In all those years, my ex never took accountability, responsibility, or showed an ounce of compassion or remorse for the hurt he caused. Toxic hope will feed you any lie to hold on. To just wait. No! Evaluate the reality of them and their limitations. Love them, miss them, but leave them. They aren’t able to show up in healthy, loving, close, real relationships. It’s not your fault, it’s just how they’re built. They’re doing nothing to change it, and sticking around only enables the toxic behaviors. If you love them, if you respect you, go.
@@marguskiis7711 Are you extrapolating from your own limited experience or do you have data that women never return? Because I have data and experience that they do. They all don't but some do, sort of like men.
@@Mudpuppyjunior let's make it logical and statistically clear. Who have more options, men or women. Women, a lot of more. Who initiate the large majority if divorces? Women, 70 -80%. How many women return to their ex husband after divorce? Less than 5%. So, what we are talking about? It is just obvious and logical. No need to argue.
@@Mudpuppyjunior Yeah, I’ve grappled with whether or not he was also a narcissist. Yet, with how pathologically selfish DAs commonly tend to be (I have never observed an exception, but I suspect there are some), they are highly narcissistic. It’s all on a spectrum, tho, of course. My ex wasn’t sadistic, just felt no empathy. (He was far removed from any vulnerable or soft feelings.) He was very attached to his “good guy” image, but not grandiose. He emotionally neglected and invalidated regularly and reliably, but he didn’t typically tear me down. So, one label or another, he was not suited for a real relationship. And it takes willful blindness and strong denial for him to not see that about himself. Like, okay, if you’re not suited for it-stop pursuing it. I can respect someone being upfront and honest about their limitations. Not these users and liars.
He came back after 6 months of no contact with message. He replied with congratulations bbe on my story Should I reply to him, & tell him if he’s avoidant or not.? What should I do?
Folks don’t waste your time on “how to get your avoidant back “ I did everything that said on the video and more, but after over a year I stopped if they value you they wouldn’t leave and treat you like shit for loving them! Alot of these people if not all are abusive, watch Kim Saeed video on dismissve avoidnats for a different perspective!
@@Sergiovsousa yes it is easier said than done. The road you have to go now is hard. I am just here to tell you it's worth it and you can do it eventough it may not feel like it right now. Go inside you and see why you let yourself get treated this way. What red flags you missed. Learn about avoidance and that this is not a reflection of you and your worth but a reflection of them. I can recommend coach Ryan, Ken Reid and the other half (Maria). They are really good channels
Here are the most common reasons for being blocked and my thoughts about it, including what to do: y2u.be/s52sRweJlm8 and don't forget to take the quiz if you still want to know what your chances are and/or still have questions on what to do after, at www.breakupbrad.com/quiz
I'd assume that with my dismissive avoidant friend it'd be his fear of being hated that would make him come back or cling more to me again. He's also a people-pleaser. He has this immense fear of being hated by people, even though he does behave in a way that people would that he's aware of. He told me once why. He said he's not a good person and to be hated because of the things he did during his deployment in Afghanistan. I assured him that as a 20-year old soldier he was innocent and did what was asked of him, but his trauma makes him think differently. He also said he only became dismissive avoidant about 7 years ago when his PTSD came at full force to him in his 30s; he only received his official diagnosis a few months ago at 36. He said he wasn't like that before and even had a happy marriage for some years with two children. He's now facing divorce and is in therapy to heal a lot of things. I went no contact with him once before, and yes, he then ramped up the love-bombing after that and even called it an addiction. I knew immediately it was limerence. It took even myself a while to emotionally detach from it. And yes, I agree one should match their energy.
Hello, thanks for sharing your experience. When it comes to dealing with an avoidant, it's understandable they can be really hard to understand at times. However, they want and deserve love, too, just like everybody else. They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships. Hire me as your coach if you're willing to give it another go of if you just want to talk about your situation in general, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching
Its not worth time be with avoidant becos seems like illution, breadcrumb all about their emotions hot n cold put n pull, up n down in the end you'll lost yourself, insecure unhappy
I feel like these sorts of videos don’t ever address how anyone is supposed to feel enthusiastic about someone who puts them through such exhausting games, instead of being turned off by their childishness. They don’t address how it’s frustrating for people to repress their own positive feelings instead of experiencing the joy of being open and having another person simply be delighted by it, instead of their muted or negative reactions saddling their every positive urge with Pavlovian baggage. I guess the idea is anyone who isn’t interested in the games wouldn’t be watching, which is fair enough. And I’m not one of those people who think avoidants don’t deserve love or patience or a chance to fix their attachment. I just feel like I have never seen a video address how damaging it is to someone’s self-esteem to even play the games, how tiresome and unsexy it is to deal with someone who’s emotionally immature, how it robs someone of the beautiful moments of joyful romantic confession that other relationships get to have.
No, it does not. Female DAs just move on fast, find another source. My ex gf is an avoidant. She dumped me out of the blue, without any proper reason. I went NC. She found another man within some month and wrote me how good the man is.
If she wrote you she is not over you Still you dodged a bullet and I hope you can see that and continue your healing journey. The goal is indifference and to never let an avoidant come into your life again (being able to detect them early on)
Women have options. If she has less emotion (dismissive avoidant) it is easy. DA dudes will try to keep you around for hookups or attention after break up. Idk which is worse. She sounds ruthless.
@@ЕленаАпостолова-ж1з most likely she doesn't has less emotions. If she would have actually less emotions she is not avoidant. She just can't process emotions and she is running from them, but boy oh boy they will catch up and hit her like a train. It's really possible, that she develops serious health issues because of that. Never be jealous of avoidants and because it seems like they do way better. They are right at the entrance to hell and most of them bring this chaos to the people close to them
Please stop these exback bs videos. Let's to videos on shaming some of these people who conducted bad behavior as a warning or to get them to change their behavior.
Any avoidant worth their salt will not respond to any sort of no-contact. A good avoidant will avoid the hell out of you forever and not blink an eyelid. These avoidants that come back after a period of no-contact are weak and pathetic, they are letting the team down !!
Yeah, they come back...but THEY LEAVE again OVER and OVER and OVER. There is NO HOPE with an AVOIDANT.
Will they comeback if they ghost you after the break up?
Women do not come back.
@Alixir1228in my experience, I have had multiple ghosters come back months or years later.
Jup i am for the 6 time? In no contact. Fed up
@@PH28538 it looks like my other comment disappeared. In my experience, they do come back. I have had several men ghost me and they have ALWAYS come back, this has happened to me probably dozens of times from 5 different men. One time it took him 6 years.
Dude, they just replace you and avoid the break up feelings. Maybe it hits them MUCH later, maybe it doesn't, but they are conditioned to avoid difficult feelings and accountability and their mind works to prevent them from that. Whether that be working excessively, meeting other people, spending time with friends etc. They are more likely to never contact again as reaching out means they have to be vulnerable and puts them into a position of being rejected which is their primary fear to begin with.
You are describing narcissists.
@kryssis69 No, I'm not. A narcissist doesn't have to avoid any negative feelings or pain from the break up because they have no empathy and simply don't care. They have nothing to avoid. They simply seek a new source of supply to cater to their need for admiration and sense of entitlement.
No hes absolutely right.
@@kryssis69 he is describing female avoidants.
They don’t actually care. Their goal is to play stupid mind games vs actually seek a healthy relationship where you both learn and help each other grow.
Bro just ignore them and move on with your life. I was abandoned by someone I loved. They don’t give a shit. They’re probably with the next guy/girl. Move on!
I have someone in my life now that wants to be there. I spent months of my life trying to look up these videos and waiting to get an avoidant back. Just move on. Trust me it will get better.
@@feelsb4reals_ this!
They now want to be there...
@@philipcrocker My guy, proceed with caution. Have the talk about what went wrong and willingness to go to therapy together or separately. Don't accept them back freely, ESPECIALLY if they haven't done the work.
This vid is for you: ua-cam.com/video/4gTXF42Vnhw/v-deo.html
Who in the right might wants to study these complicated and problematic people to get them back? 🤦
😂😂😂 you just made me question my life. Been watching these during breakups since like 2018
They want and deserve love, too, just like everybody else. They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships.
@@AndreyChaykaSeagull Making me question my own sanity 🤪
My ex just moved on. We were together 4.5 years and I asked about the future. To avoid it, he immediately jumped into a new relationship. I feel bad for him. He’d rather start over than become close. It’s really sad.
Irony is they END UP ALONE because people get SICK 😫 of the, ghosting, breadcrumbing and Selfishness. At some point you realize that they will NEVER CHANGE. They will never be who you need them to be. They are TOO Damaged
Women always find some fool.
Nobody is "Too damaged", its all about willingness to do the inner work.
@@marguskiis7711 and here you are going around the internet complaining about "not being allowed the opportunity to be said FOOL"...let that sink in.
Damaged means at one point they were fine. It also means they can be repaired. Say the real reason THEY ARE FUKED
@@PatriciaPeeters-g4gMy ex had Damaged tattooed on her chest!! With a circle around it. Red flag right!?? It was the wrong word. It should have said I’m totally FU-KED
they're so addicted to me that they'd rather continue the no-contact period lol 😂
It’s NOT WORTH IT. Trust me. Don’t bend yourself into a pretzel to accommodate a messed up person. Put them in rotation or hook up and get rid. 👍🏻
…yep, I agree. Avoid the avoidant at all costs as far as any sort of relationship goes.
I would die for her. She was supposed to be my wife.
That’s very sad because with the right person anyone can flourish if both people are aware and working. Together and honest communication always constant is key so I disagree
@@TheJosiejumper exactly. People have such a fairytale idea of love.
LOVE IS A CHOICE. ONE YOU MAKE EVERY DAY.
LOVE IS HARD. ITS WORK. ITS HURTS. ITS VUNERABILITY. LOVE IS A SACRIFICE.
We shouldn't even say "I love you."
We should say "im willing to suffer for you."
@@ommitedommited154 this is not meant as anyway across the board but in my personal experience it comes with age and experience and hurting however it’s a slog yes and it’s boring 95% of the time and you see the worst of a person but it’s the belief that your working to a common goal peace harmony and happiness and growth always growing
For a week of not contacting im surprised he message today. He said, was thinking of you and just wanna say Hi and hope youre doin well. What does he meant? Is he checking if im miserable? I replied saying im doin my best to be Good. I hope you too and take care. And he said he miss me but he isnt ready. Not sure if that was for the relationship that he isnt ready or the trip he planned to visit me here... Anyway im moving on step by step.. i plan next time to not reply when he messaged again.... Im living my peace..
It’s a nothing message, meant to only check to see you are still attached. Kinda like a validation thing.
It doesn’t talk about any changes, any second thoughts, you message back and that validation gets met showing you still care and and still in their loop
He wants to keep you on the hook
Breadcrumbs
That's what I call the "check-in" text and believe it or not, your ex is somewhat expected to send one or more of these sooner or later and I've got just the vid for that. Discussed that in one of the vids, including how to handle that kind of message and when and/or how to reply, including what not to text, (so watch to the end of the vid) here: ua-cam.com/video/tev2-lrJq7o/v-deo.html
@@breakupbradbrowning thanks I'll watch it.. I appreciate your message. More power to you. Keep educating us. 👍
Partially agree with this, you gotta operate from your own frame. If they eventually don't show up you give them the gift of closure and walk away... now that's something they do not like because they now have to sit with the consequences of their choices. In this video, it's explaining how you have to fall in their frame to make it work, that's inherent weakness and it will destroy you in the long run. Be empathic, don't take thing personal, sure. But always operate from a position of STRENGTH.
I am avoidant and we DO NOT comeback ... leaving someone made me feel relax... relationship is very big risk for us, we have to show our vulnerabilty that is very very scary... so when a relatIonship ends we feel relax and out of DANGER
I have had multiple avoidants come back, typically months or years later. Once it took 6 years.
Don’t date anyone then stop wasing people’s time
So take some ducking g responsibility and STOP dating! Get hookers!!
Don’t date anyone than if it’s that dangerous to you
Stop selfsabotating and being a victim and reflect on your own actions in a relationship. You destroy some good people for no reason.
Sometimes it feels like being with a avoidant is all about there needs and in there tempo and on there terms. What about they try to heal themself and try to see what the other one also needs to be happy in a relationship. If you are a disorientated/ambivalent style and the otherone is avoidant, i think you need somehow to meet in the middle or it can feels to hard for the one with disorientated/ambivalent.
I left my avoidant ex 6 months ago. We were together 6 years on and off. She broke up 3 times in that six years. I was addicted to her and we have a child together. 6 months ago I began to call her out. Saying I have needs of intimacy time together . She pulled away and I broke up, realising she can't meet my needs. it was hard in the beginning but I'm still in no contact. Sometimes she writes about something regarding my son. But we never talk about personal things anymore. And it feels better and better
No contact for nearly 9 months with a guy who came on strong and then retreated, then discarded me. We were never even a thing. Just a few coffee catch ups where he told me he really cared about me and asked if I wanted a relationship. Then he started friendzoning me out of nowhere. I doubt he even misses me. How long does no contact actually go for before it works? I noticed him not putting in any effort and his words and actions not matching, so I texted saying “I’ll leave you alone” meaning, I’ll give you space to reach out when you’re ready as I’m not used to people not communicating. Well he went off his brain on text and accusing me of not wanting anything further to do with him. So what could I do? He wanted me to fuck off and when I fucked off he got shitty that I fucked off. No clue where to go from here?
Run
Run as fast and as far away as possible.
Say something like, thanks for the time I could spend with you, but I recognised I have some inner work to do to not let an unhealed avoidantly attached person undermine my self worth. I saw the potential of you, but until you actively try to change through therapy it is unreachable and I wish to be not contacted anymore
@@sevenpounds1463 He treated me like shit then when I reacted to his bad behaviour, I was the bad guy. Fortunately I don’t need to say anything as he went ghost mode back in March. Kept beating myself like it was my fault, but he was probably just out to play mind games with me. It still hurts.
Same situation.. they want you close in the friendzone so you don't deal with other guys and give them the attention.. He could have you in mind as a possible gf but maybe you're a distraction. If you stay very close to him in the friendzone long enough he may never consider you girlfriend so keep some distance. Talk, go out less.
Run...
Same situation. Was blindsided by a text late at night saying she wants to explore with someone else and how I’m a “simp”
Really shitty thing to experience from someone you were close with and there for (she was getting kicked out and I offered her a place to stay, said I’d sleep downstairs and the offer isn’t intended to come across with a secret agenda as my ma was homeless and is just way she raised me)
Once I read that text I checked out completely. Blocked her and have no intention of speaking again.
She messaged me on a different number asking if I was still mad and to be friends…
I declined as acting like it never happened is not gonna work. She said I was too emotional and hung up on stuff in the past.
So blocked that number aswell.
4 months ago now
She has started coming into my work to ask how my family are and what I have been up to. There is no respect, no empathy. Just the selfish need to get some validation, no matter what boundaries they cross.
Mine replaced me 3 weeks later. Pretty sure she knew the guy. Gave me the whole I need time and space to think and be alone. You need to find someone who can appreciate you even though I did everything for them. The whole it’s not you it’s me speech. I treated them way too good. And I got dropped like I was trash. I love her and miss her even still after she shattered my heart into pieces. Been 2 months and the ruminations are horrible.
But when the avoidant begins to breadcrumb you after a break up, how to know if they are trying to rekindle things, or are just looking for validation?
Here's my recommendation.
You need to be patient in order to have a clear vision for those.
I know this for sure because I've been through those situations over 10 times with 3 ex-avoidants.
Neither give them assurance nor push them away.
Just wait and see with neutral attitude.
That's all I can say.
@chickenpop1666 thanks for the advice. But it's tough to find that neutral stance. Doing nothing at all may make an avoidant give up, and another one try harder, it's impossible to know.
It's important to emotionally detach from the situation(ship). If you have the ability to keep the person as a "friend" and create that as a healthy boundary, you may stay connected. Usually, it's the avoidant wanting to stay just friends after they've taken everything from you, but I was the one who had to set this boundary with him to stop the push-and-pull in this non-committal sweet talk and love-bombing once and for all. Luckily, we've never made it to actually be in a relationship and I stopped it early enough. He's in therapy, which I appreciate. I have a secure attachment, but noticed his behavior pushed me into an anxious space. It's all good now, despite him seemingly still breadcrumbing me. I just see it as a 'friend' checking in with me wanting to say 'hi' just as I check in with his well-being. He has a lot of mental issues. I think he just fears being alone. Reframing and telling myself that, in the end, we all just want to be loved, also helped me.
Breadcrumbing is just validation, it will be the same.
Don't go back to an avoidant that is not aware of their issues and is actively working on it!
With every round you get more devalued and mentally destroyed. It's like a drug addiction
What is an avoidant who privately is very loving and emotional or is that just cautious
Good afternoon, I've been in NC for awhile now we separate for 10 months now I've been posting pic on my Whatsapp and noticed she's been seeing them why ? And last text was like 5-6 months ago to tell her to change her mail cuz I'm still recive still her mail in my apartment what does this mean Thank you.
She thought the grass was greener on the other side, she feels guilt, regret and shame and she is sending breadcrumbs, to see if it’s safe to reach out again. I would ignore completely, as if you approach her she will run away again and if she comes back NOT healed she will shut down again and leave you. It will hurt you!
She have found another man already
If she hasn't bothered to change her mailing address, then it's safe to say the mail that's been routed to you isn't really that important to her, considering how long it's been. Anyway since it's been many months since the breakup, it's best to consider the facts I've mentioned here first as this lets you determine whether there's still a real shot or not: ua-cam.com/video/YVViZmY2x0I/v-deo.html and/or take the free quiz at www.breakupbrad.com/quiz Good luck!
It was one month relationship, he said he wanted to marry me but because of his in consistent behaviour I started questioning him does he like me only because for marriage i tick boxes or he really likes me. Then some arguments happened he broke up. After two days of break up I expressed how mych I like him that I love him, we can work on it My father also knows about us please we can talk. He was very admant that It will never work out. I was devasted that he did not even try and he said intially he genuinely liked but now he does not like me anymore. After that It will 4 months I did not contact him. He is my colleague so I maintained professional boundary but never contacted personally. Did I do too much of begging?
So, they initiate a no contact scenario and then it destroys them lol. It’s surely hell for an anxious, but they initiated.
Do they think people will just chase them down?
Female DAs will find another man really soon.
I do believe they want to be chased; it's a game.
@@the_blue_lotus_portal I do too…….. he can reach out when he’s done the work. Chasing for the same outcome is an easy pass for me.
This vid is for you: ua-cam.com/video/4gTXF42Vnhw/v-deo.html
@@breakupbradbrowning I watched it. Thank you.
He did come back for a week after NC, and I saw effort of him calling me and trying. After a busy weekend he had me feeling in a way I didn’t like previously to the breakup, so neither of us reached out after that busy weekend. I deserve a man who is consistent………… I give him all his control and space back to live how he wants to.
Been there, done that. When you respect their space, they go and find someone else because they assume you have abandoned them, and they should find someone before you do.
I must say its good video.
Thank you for the support. Please like and subscribe to my channel if you haven't already.
The bird example was on point, but not intentionally. The bird wanted closeness, sure, but why? To get nourishment. Something for itself. And once it had its fill, it took off. Means to an end.
My DA ex was always the ends to every means. Very selfish, even pathologically at times by objectifying, manipulating, and using.
My advice, after a 4 year nightmare that progressively chipped away at my mental health, confidence and peace, is to leave and never return. Only people willing and able to self reflect can change. Only those able to take accountability for their actions and responsibility for themselves have any chance at growth or healing.
In all those years, my ex never took accountability, responsibility, or showed an ounce of compassion or remorse for the hurt he caused.
Toxic hope will feed you any lie to hold on. To just wait. No! Evaluate the reality of them and their limitations. Love them, miss them, but leave them. They aren’t able to show up in healthy, loving, close, real relationships. It’s not your fault, it’s just how they’re built. They’re doing nothing to change it, and sticking around only enables the toxic behaviors. If you love them, if you respect you, go.
Men return if you find another man. Women -- never.
@kaylinnb
Sounds like a narcissist.
@@marguskiis7711
Are you extrapolating from your own limited experience or do you have data that women never return?
Because I have data and experience that they do. They all don't but some do, sort of like men.
@@Mudpuppyjunior let's make it logical and statistically clear. Who have more options, men or women. Women, a lot of more. Who initiate the large majority if divorces? Women, 70 -80%. How many women return to their ex husband after divorce? Less than 5%. So, what we are talking about? It is just obvious and logical. No need to argue.
@@Mudpuppyjunior Yeah, I’ve grappled with whether or not he was also a narcissist. Yet, with how pathologically selfish DAs commonly tend to be (I have never observed an exception, but I suspect there are some), they are highly narcissistic. It’s all on a spectrum, tho, of course.
My ex wasn’t sadistic, just felt no empathy. (He was far removed from any vulnerable or soft feelings.) He was very attached to his “good guy” image, but not grandiose. He emotionally neglected and invalidated regularly and reliably, but he didn’t typically tear me down.
So, one label or another, he was not suited for a real relationship. And it takes willful blindness and strong denial for him to not see that about himself. Like, okay, if you’re not suited for it-stop pursuing it. I can respect someone being upfront and honest about their limitations. Not these users and liars.
Im going through the most please help me
He came back after 6 months of no contact with message.
He replied with congratulations bbe on my story
Should I reply to him, & tell him if he’s avoidant or not.?
What should I do?
Heal yourself and learn from your mistakes/ patterns.
Unless they've done healing, you're only headed toward heartbreak.
If you don’t deel comfrtable responding and you feel like you can’t trust him then don’t respond.
You can di whatever you do, it does not mean anything.
Folks don’t waste your time on “how to get your avoidant back “ I did everything that said on the video and more, but after over a year I stopped if they value you they wouldn’t leave and treat you like shit for loving them! Alot of these people if not all are abusive, watch Kim Saeed video on dismissve avoidnats for a different perspective!
right
Problem is she blocked me! So I´m not giving her the space and time she asked me because she herself took care of time...
Be happy about it.
Forget her and move on. I was also there 4 months ago. As soon as you see there is no future with an avoidant it gets way easier.
That’s a gift not a problem, if she blocked you that means doesn’t even value or respect you!
Easy to say to get over it...we were BOTH victims of circunstances
@@Sergiovsousa yes it is easier said than done. The road you have to go now is hard. I am just here to tell you it's worth it and you can do it eventough it may not feel like it right now.
Go inside you and see why you let yourself get treated this way. What red flags you missed. Learn about avoidance and that this is not a reflection of you and your worth but a reflection of them.
I can recommend coach Ryan, Ken Reid and the other half (Maria). They are really good channels
Here are the most common reasons for being blocked and my thoughts about it, including what to do: y2u.be/s52sRweJlm8 and don't forget to take the quiz if you still want to know what your chances are and/or still have questions on what to do after, at www.breakupbrad.com/quiz
Just dont end in a push pull situation and that will happen if both of them dont work with there own attactment style.
If I move on and live my life then I wouldn’t be with that avoidant again 😅
I'd assume that with my dismissive avoidant friend it'd be his fear of being hated that would make him come back or cling more to me again. He's also a people-pleaser. He has this immense fear of being hated by people, even though he does behave in a way that people would that he's aware of. He told me once why. He said he's not a good person and to be hated because of the things he did during his deployment in Afghanistan. I assured him that as a 20-year old soldier he was innocent and did what was asked of him, but his trauma makes him think differently. He also said he only became dismissive avoidant about 7 years ago when his PTSD came at full force to him in his 30s; he only received his official diagnosis a few months ago at 36. He said he wasn't like that before and even had a happy marriage for some years with two children. He's now facing divorce and is in therapy to heal a lot of things. I went no contact with him once before, and yes, he then ramped up the love-bombing after that and even called it an addiction. I knew immediately it was limerence. It took even myself a while to emotionally detach from it. And yes, I agree one should match their energy.
Hello, thanks for sharing your experience. When it comes to dealing with an avoidant, it's understandable they can be really hard to understand at times. However, they want and deserve love, too, just like everybody else. They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships. Hire me as your coach if you're willing to give it another go of if you just want to talk about your situation in general, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching
Its not worth time be with avoidant becos seems like illution, breadcrumb all about their emotions hot n cold put n pull, up n down in the end you'll lost yourself, insecure unhappy
I feel like these sorts of videos don’t ever address how anyone is supposed to feel enthusiastic about someone who puts them through such exhausting games, instead of being turned off by their childishness. They don’t address how it’s frustrating for people to repress their own positive feelings instead of experiencing the joy of being open and having another person simply be delighted by it, instead of their muted or negative reactions saddling their every positive urge with Pavlovian baggage. I guess the idea is anyone who isn’t interested in the games wouldn’t be watching, which is fair enough. And I’m not one of those people who think avoidants don’t deserve love or patience or a chance to fix their attachment. I just feel like I have never seen a video address how damaging it is to someone’s self-esteem to even play the games, how tiresome and unsexy it is to deal with someone who’s emotionally immature, how it robs someone of the beautiful moments of joyful romantic confession that other relationships get to have.
No, it does not. Female DAs just move on fast, find another source.
My ex gf is an avoidant. She dumped me out of the blue, without any proper reason. I went NC. She found another man within some month and wrote me how good the man is.
If she wrote you she is not over you
Still you dodged a bullet and I hope you can see that and continue your healing journey. The goal is indifference and to never let an avoidant come into your life again (being able to detect them early on)
Women have options. If she has less emotion (dismissive avoidant) it is easy. DA dudes will try to keep you around for hookups or attention after break up. Idk which is worse. She sounds ruthless.
@@ЕленаАпостолова-ж1з most likely she doesn't has less emotions. If she would have actually less emotions she is not avoidant.
She just can't process emotions and she is running from them, but boy oh boy they will catch up and hit her like a train. It's really possible, that she develops serious health issues because of that.
Never be jealous of avoidants and because it seems like they do way better. They are right at the entrance to hell and most of them bring this chaos to the people close to them
@@sevenpounds1463 avoidants never admit they are wrong.
There's a fine line between an avoidant and a narcissist. Might wanna check this out first: ua-cam.com/video/dgODxDWRsjY/v-deo.html
Please stop these exback bs videos. Let's to videos on shaming some of these people who conducted bad behavior as a warning or to get them to change their behavior.
Omg what a pita just get a new partner
I used to be avoidant i was just attracted to people that didnt really give fuck.. Those who loved me or liked me i took for granted
Women do it, yes. Love the jerks.
Any avoidant worth their salt will not respond to any sort of no-contact. A good avoidant will avoid the hell out of you forever and not blink an eyelid.
These avoidants that come back after a period of no-contact are weak and pathetic, they are letting the team down !!
What the fuckkkk
The team of ego egotisticals and attention seekers
I don’t know whether I am an avoidant or anxious, can one have both?
Fearful Advoidant is both anxious and dismissive avoidant.