Dr. Mark, I know you are a very busy person and professional, but please don’t stop sharing these talks. Your compassionate insight has been so helpful for me and many others on the struggle to understand and accept our NPD traits and diagnosis. Among other things, I struggle to feel compassion for myself, and once again I felt identified with your talk today and even teared up at the end; with feelings of compassion and even a little bit of appreciation of myself for surviving… this was a first for me. Thank you so much.
Thank you for sharing that. It really means a lot to me to know that you find the content helpful! Congrats on an exciting first with respect to feeling some self compassion and appreciation. Keep up the good work. :)
I second this. I’ve only just discovered your channel and have been pacing myself, not listening to all the videos at once, lest they run out. They really help me to feel seen and fundamentally okay. I notice as soon as I hear the intro music, my nervous system begins to calm. I feel like someone else has ‘got it’ and I can relax.
Olá! Estou verdadeiramente encantada com este canal. E este vídeo foi fantástico. Estou plenamente convencida de que este é o caminho certo para entender o NPD.
Your knowledge about these childhood calamities and the pain and suffering involved is clearly not simply academic. You're providing a seemingly rare, yet priceless service. Thanks for what has obviously been a lot of your own work, and for expressing your experience and professionalism in these videos.
Thank you so much. Like many others here, I find your talks to be an island of understanding and compassion in a sea of derision and hatred. I'm not used to feeling good about self. I'm not used to seeing myself as a survivor who deserves to live - only as a monster who hurts people and someone the world would be better off without. Thank you, Doctor, for helping me to understand that, flawed as I am, I derserve to be here, too.
I didn't know that BPD could go into remission. I'm just learning that even NPD can go into remission as well, up to 53%. And for those who've been hurt by a narcissist, the most likely marker to go into remission is personal exploitation in relationships. That gives me so much hope that other channels don't talk about. How did you get such great help? I've always heard that BPD is resistant even for willing to get treatement too.
My lovely daughter was taken for many years and when returned struggles with this, it is intense. I am grateful to find your compassionate explanation for NPD. Thank you, I am hoping for her healing,
@HomeFromFarAway - “I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.” - J.R.R. Tolkien. The Lord of the Rings. The Return of the King. Book Six. The Grey Havens.
Could you do a case study on a vulnerable and a grandiose narcissist? Like maybe from your personal experience you could construct a scenario? It would also be interesting to see a dialogue with the narcissists and the therapist.
The first time that l have come across a channel that doesn't take a one dimensional approach to this topic. Me experience of narcissistic people in intimate relationships is that they initially do love or care for you, but their pathology eventually sabotages the relationship. It must truly be lonely and tormented world to live in.
Thank you Dr. Ettensohn. You are one of a kind and you inspire me. I wish there were more people like you who treat others with compassion and kindness. There is only negativity out there for people who struggle with this condition and your videos are sacred. I cannot thank you enough.
I'm so happy I found your videos. There are so many videos demonizing those with NPD and that's not helpful to anyone. I love multiple people with NPD and finding compassionate information lifts some of the heavy sadness I feel. Thank you.
That was beautiful, Dr. Mark. I especially liked the part about the potato sprouts. I have listened to all your podcasts and they have helped me tremendously in healing the hurt I've experienced in past narcissistic relationships. You are a blessing! Please continue these podcasts, we need you here. Also I was wondering if you could discuss trauma bonding in a future podcast. Thank you so much.
I'd be interested in that too. In the meantime, I've found Ben's videos at Raw Motivations channel helpful on the trauma bond. I'm not sure if it's a clinical term that this doctor would use, but it does exist and Ben's videos really helped me break free from it.
So so loving and understanding video. My husband has NPD and before running into your videos I had no hope and never looked at this as a disorder. I hated the actual person. I took everything personal. Not that's he sick. Having a different outlook makes me have more empathy and pity. Now I pray for my husband instead of demonizing him. He was dealt a rough hand of cards. I know what is needed for healing now of course not settling for bad behavior or even throwing him away. But true work to break this generational curse. Thank you you're awesome
I feel sorry for him. Hope he gets help but my God the things he intentionally did to me to hurt me is horrible Problem he thinks he normal nothing's wrong.. What happens to them when they get older I noticed it was hard to hide
God Bless you Dr Ettensohn many of us have suffered these traumas as young children as have our loved ones, but maybe not to the extent others have? so dodging these larger caliber bullets at a young age doesn't mean we were left unscathed, the severity of our experiences in our adult relationships with trauma-affected people seems to be the bullet we thought we escaped? the good news is many of us have sought to resolve our own trauma by way of heartache and healing as well as education cycles, So for me, this understanding that you offer is actually the closure and freedom to move forward with our lives from a perspective of the true nature of this disorder and the ability to forgive and learn from this so as we may avoid those unhealed from these disorders? thank you so much.
I like this. While they do have a tendency to ruin people's lives,I've always felt a deep pitty for them. Many become that way due to abuse,neglect etc not all are simply" born" entitled
Yes. The attachment style most correlated with vulnerable narcissism is fearful-avoidant. That is a combo between avoidant and anxious/preoccupied attachment styles.
your channel made me understand what is wrong with my parents and little sister it is triggering it reminds me their cruelty and selfishness but it also makes me understand their pain and traumas
I really appreciate you because this is how I feel but everybody focuses on the bad in them and not what they been thru to even have to become this way…you rock Dr. Mark
Love is the answer, and it must flow all directions. I can't stand video titles out there. No, I dont want to know how to get revenge. I love them ❤ and I have started showing myself some of that love as well. I don't want anything but good for them. They have suffered enough at the world's hands, and at their own hands. I have always felt desperately ill inside when hearing that I will know I've healed when I become indifferent. I don't want to be indifferent. I want to always love them. Forever. And I want to feel loved myself. And I'm the one that can love ALL of us, even if they can't. I have three narcissists and a two borderlines I will love until the end of time. I am only in (limited) contact with one. And one has passed on.
Thank you so much. so compassionate and understanding. I always come back to listen to this. It gives me comfort. I feel so seen and understood. Thank you for everything you do. Have a good day and a good life ⭐
I'm curious what has you empathize and try to bring more understanding to narcissism? It's surprising to see someone care when the vast majority of people are just telling people ways to hurt the narcissist. You might be the only one and this is so necessary to add your voice to this platform. Please keep making these videos 🙏
😂 So I'm a sprouty potato that still grew into 🥔 😋 a delicious plant though maybe under a water logged cave. My theory is that those of us who develop narcissistic disposition would have unalived ourselves if we hadnt. It's our little parachute. Now we have to prevent blowing that parachute in everyone elses face.
Dang man... the last thing I expected to find browsing content about Narcissism was something so eloquently put, with such moving, powerful metaphors, grounded in Evolution by Natural Selection and everything. I doubt it's gonna make me hate the Narc in my life any less, after they have - indirectly, but still - caused my cat's death, but it's okay. Understanding should not preclude hating. I can do both. Thank you for this! :D
Understanding is the beginning step to not hating. You'll be free if you can eventually forgive. You don't ever have to forget or to excuse terrible or abusive behavior to do that. God bless.
THANK YOU FOR STRENGTHENING ME to encourage someone to seek help. even though i've prepared an entire encouraging playlist for him YOUR CHANNEL, THIS VIDEO ALONE!!!!!! may be all that i need to direct him to!! gonna place it at the top of that list. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nah. I appreciate the other videos, but as far as this one concerns I call maladaptive, inappropriate, apologetic and incoherent bs. No offence, but... Every adult has to reap what they sow to some degree. Wether properly socialised or not. If you find yourself an adult that not only survives, but thrives, not in a shelter, but in a real house, made up not by make shift debris, but by the very life force of adults and children alike, and for good measure topping off with never ever repenting... Then compassion (not that you'd likely be able to process it other than "predator nourishment ") is simply not an adequate response. As for resilience... yeah, sure. But since overindulging is an extremely frequent factor, I'd compare it to having compassion with a formerly starving person fell into cannibalism, but whom now is overweight from too many innocent human meat snacks. "Hell to pay" are words that comes easier to mind. If not in this life then in the next. Saint Peter is pretty unequivocal about unapologetic reavers...
When did anyone say that people with NPD shouldn't have to "reap what we sow?" Given the karmic, cause-and-effect nature of life, we DO inevitably reap what we sow, just like everyone else. If your contention is that pwNPD don't deserve compassion or help because we do horrible things, I think you're going to find this entire channel disagreeable. There are tons of places on the internet where you can find unlimited support and camaraderie in bashing pwNPD. This is one of the only internet-based oases wherein we can find compassion and hope from a licensed mental health professional. Please allow us to savor and utilize this empathy and guidance without being attacked.
@@jaimebanks8377Funny thing.. The people who speak like this, when I’ve communicated with them, I find that they use a lot of projection and deflection. This is usually within a short conversation. They attack others, but claim they’re being attacked. They insult others, while claiming to be “put down”. They speak with so much hatred towards those with NPD, yet when you probe deeper into why they claim the person is a Narcissist, the answer is usually riddled with “subtle jabs”, “backhanded insults”, etc. So many examples that could be easily explained by their own hyper vigilance, which is evident in my own interactions with them. I’m not talking about the original commenter specifically, but just the energy he brought is similar to those I just described. I bring this up, because I was like this with everyone, believing I was being mistreated all the time, only to realize I’m the common denominator. I find those who speak from a place of hate and animosity, are likely in denial of their own actions and behavior, needing to vehemently scapegoat a particular person in order to absolve themselves of accountability. Facing yourself is the hardest thing you can do. It’s painful. I’m not making assumptions about the original commenter, again.. just his energy reminds me of others I’ve spoken to, who obviously lack insight. It’s always the ones fantasizing about revenge and pay back, that scare me the most. That’s quite maladaptive and toxic in itself.
Well Dr Mark that reduced me to tears. I truly love my wife and we are still together but she has destroyed me many times and I’ve had to fight my way back into my children’s lives many times . On one hand I won’t to say are you out of you mind praising these people for their resistance to rise from the ashes only to inflict her pain onto her family. Then I spend some time with her and put it behind me only to go through it again . I don’t know the answer to any of this but at what stage are people held accountable for their actions .
@conkayias8989 - It sounds like you and your family have been through a lot. In this video, I am talking in the abstract about a form of mental illness that can present in different ways. Some individuals may be very destructive in their relationships, but others may tend to isolate and suffer quietly. As I’ve said in other videos, the person you are thinking about when watching this content may or may not fit . Many people have ‘diagnosed’ someone hurtful in their lives as having NPD without really understanding what NPD actually is or the different ways it can manifest. Please also know that much of my content is for people who identify as struggling with these issues personally. For them, a message of hope that recognizes the resiliency necessary to survive early relational trauma and emotional neglect can be very helpful and healing. As for your personal relationship with your wife, you are entitled to set boundaries that protect your rights and the rights of your family. No one here is saying you shouldn’t hold people accountable for their hurtful behaviors. But people who are trying to heal from a mental illness need to have a space where their inherent goodness and worth can be acknowledged. These aren’t mutually exclusive prospects.
I will remove comments that are abusive to any individual (including myself) or population. This includes comments that are abusive toward pwNPD.
Dr. Mark, I know you are a very busy person and professional, but please don’t stop sharing these talks. Your compassionate insight has been so helpful for me and many others on the struggle to understand and accept our NPD traits and diagnosis. Among other things, I struggle to feel compassion for myself, and once again I felt identified with your talk today and even teared up at the end; with feelings of compassion and even a little bit of appreciation of myself for surviving… this was a first for me. Thank you so much.
Thank you for sharing that. It really means a lot to me to know that you find the content helpful! Congrats on an exciting first with respect to feeling some self compassion and appreciation. Keep up the good work. :)
I second this. I’ve only just discovered your channel and have been pacing myself, not listening to all the videos at once, lest they run out. They really help me to feel seen and fundamentally okay. I notice as soon as I hear the intro music, my nervous system begins to calm. I feel like someone else has ‘got it’ and I can relax.
Olá! Estou verdadeiramente encantada com este canal. E este vídeo foi fantástico. Estou plenamente convencida de que este é o caminho certo para entender o NPD.
Nicely said. Feels really great to listen to compassionate voice when dealing with these traits!
7.06 this part is quite heartbreaking to be honest, and a beautiful analogy.
Your knowledge about these childhood calamities and the pain and suffering involved is clearly not simply academic. You're providing a seemingly rare, yet priceless service. Thanks for what has obviously been a lot of your own work, and for expressing your experience and professionalism in these videos.
Thank you so much. Like many others here, I find your talks to be an island of understanding and compassion in a sea of derision and hatred. I'm not used to feeling good about self. I'm not used to seeing myself as a survivor who deserves to live - only as a monster who hurts people and someone the world would be better off without. Thank you, Doctor, for helping me to understand that, flawed as I am, I derserve to be here, too.
❤️
Thank you ❤❤ Not NPD but BPD in full remission for 5 years. Your compassion is in your voice.
I didn't know that BPD could go into remission. I'm just learning that even NPD can go into remission as well, up to 53%. And for those who've been hurt by a narcissist, the most likely marker to go into remission is personal exploitation in relationships. That gives me so much hope that other channels don't talk about.
How did you get such great help? I've always heard that BPD is resistant even for willing to get treatement too.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 I've worked at it since I was 25. I remitted in 2007 but was still married to a malignant narcissist. DBT helped!
Thank you so much... This is much more helpful than all those others on UA-cam who keep trying to convince me that a narcissist is pure evil...
I so agree. They are people too, even if they are harder for us to relate to.
I don't think we can have safe boundaries if we don't fully understand the whole person
The humanity displayed in these words... If every human had just a fraction of your compassion the world would be a much better place. Thank you.
My lovely daughter was taken for many years and when returned struggles with this, it is intense. I am grateful to find your compassionate explanation for NPD. Thank you, I am hoping for her healing,
I hold back tears every time I listen to this
@HomeFromFarAway - “I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.” - J.R.R. Tolkien. The Lord of the Rings. The Return of the King. Book Six. The Grey Havens.
This was beautiful, I don't have npd...but I am a borderline in a relationship with a person who has npd...and it's so hard at times.
Could you do a case study on a vulnerable and a grandiose narcissist? Like maybe from your personal experience you could construct a scenario? It would also be interesting to see a dialogue with the narcissists and the therapist.
He did a good video on the misunderstanding about covert vs. overt narcissists that will likely answer some of that.
The first time that l have come across a channel that doesn't take a one dimensional approach to this topic. Me experience of narcissistic people in intimate relationships is that they initially do love or care for you, but their pathology eventually sabotages the relationship.
It must truly be lonely and tormented world to live in.
Thanks for watching. I think the last sentence of your comment would apply to many types of mental illness.
Thank you Dr. Ettensohn. You are one of a kind and you inspire me. I wish there were more people like you who treat others with compassion and kindness. There is only negativity out there for people who struggle with this condition and your videos are sacred. I cannot thank you enough.
I'm so happy I found your videos. There are so many videos demonizing those with NPD and that's not helpful to anyone. I love multiple people with NPD and finding compassionate information lifts some of the heavy sadness I feel. Thank you.
❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your excellent understanding with us! Incredible work! You've filled in SO many blanks.
That was beautiful, Dr. Mark. I especially liked the part about the potato sprouts. I have listened to all your podcasts and they have helped me tremendously in healing the hurt I've experienced in past narcissistic relationships. You are a blessing! Please continue these podcasts, we need you here. Also I was wondering if you could discuss trauma bonding in a future podcast. Thank you so much.
I'd be interested in that too. In the meantime, I've found Ben's videos at Raw Motivations channel helpful on the trauma bond. I'm not sure if it's a clinical term that this doctor would use, but it does exist and Ben's videos really helped me break free from it.
I am so grateful to you for making these videos.
Thanks for watching!
Wao! So true and Beautiful and sad at the same time!…true resilience and amazing.
So so loving and understanding video. My husband has NPD and before running into your videos I had no hope and never looked at this as a disorder. I hated the actual person. I took everything personal. Not that's he sick. Having a different outlook makes me have more empathy and pity. Now I pray for my husband instead of demonizing him. He was dealt a rough hand of cards. I know what is needed for healing now of course not settling for bad behavior or even throwing him away. But true work to break this generational curse. Thank you you're awesome
I feel sorry for him. Hope he gets help but my God the things he intentionally did to me to hurt me is horrible Problem he thinks he normal nothing's wrong.. What happens to them when they get older I noticed it was hard to hide
Right because praying is going to magically fix his crippling personality disorder..... 🤦🏼
Thank you. Please keep posting these; it's quality stuff.
Thanks, will do!
God Bless you Dr Ettensohn many of us have suffered these traumas as young children as have our loved ones, but maybe not to the extent others have? so dodging these larger caliber bullets at a young age doesn't mean we were left unscathed, the severity of our experiences in our adult relationships with trauma-affected people seems to be the bullet we thought we escaped? the good news is many of us have sought to resolve our own trauma by way of heartache and healing as well as education cycles, So for me, this understanding that you offer is actually the closure and freedom to move forward with our lives from a perspective of the true nature of this disorder and the ability to forgive and learn from this so as we may avoid those unhealed from these disorders? thank you so much.
I like this. While they do have a tendency to ruin people's lives,I've always felt a deep pitty for them. Many become that way due to abuse,neglect etc not all are simply" born" entitled
Is it possible for a vulnerable narcissist to have an anxious preoccupied attachment style?
Yes. The attachment style most correlated with vulnerable narcissism is fearful-avoidant. That is a combo between avoidant and anxious/preoccupied attachment styles.
Anyone entering therapy for NPD should get the best help possible....
The prognosis for recovery is not good, but I wish them luck.
your channel made me understand what is wrong with my parents and little sister it is triggering it reminds me their cruelty and selfishness but it also makes me understand their pain and traumas
U sir, took the words out of my mouth! Thnx 4 sharing. 👏
I really appreciate you because this is how I feel but everybody focuses on the bad in them and not what they been thru to even have to become this way…you rock Dr. Mark
Love your Chanel based on research stands out from other ones. New subscriber!
This was amazing to listen too
Thank you.
WoW (Words of Wisdom) Carl Roger’s words gave me goose bumps! I need to use those wise words in my own dealings w harsh truths-make shifts! WoW
I’m reading your book, now. Thank you!
Hope you enjoy it!
Love is the answer, and it must flow all directions. I can't stand video titles out there. No, I dont want to know how to get revenge. I love them ❤ and I have started showing myself some of that love as well. I don't want anything but good for them. They have suffered enough at the world's hands, and at their own hands. I have always felt desperately ill inside when hearing that I will know I've healed when I become indifferent. I don't want to be indifferent. I want to always love them. Forever. And I want to feel loved myself. And I'm the one that can love ALL of us, even if they can't. I have three narcissists and a two borderlines I will love until the end of time. I am only in (limited) contact with one. And one has passed on.
Thank you so much. so compassionate and understanding. I always come back to listen to this. It gives me comfort. I feel so seen and understood. Thank you for everything you do. Have a good day and a good life ⭐
You are so welcome
I'm curious what has you empathize and try to bring more understanding to narcissism? It's surprising to see someone care when the vast majority of people are just telling people ways to hurt the narcissist. You might be the only one and this is so necessary to add your voice to this platform. Please keep making these videos 🙏
😂 So I'm a sprouty potato that still grew into 🥔 😋 a delicious plant though maybe under a water logged cave. My theory is that those of us who develop narcissistic disposition would have unalived ourselves if we hadnt. It's our little parachute. Now we have to prevent blowing that parachute in everyone elses face.
Dang man... the last thing I expected to find browsing content about Narcissism was something so eloquently put, with such moving, powerful metaphors, grounded in Evolution by Natural Selection and everything.
I doubt it's gonna make me hate the Narc in my life any less, after they have - indirectly, but still - caused my cat's death, but it's okay. Understanding should not preclude hating. I can do both. Thank you for this! :D
Thanks for watching. 🙂
Understanding is the beginning step to not hating. You'll be free if you can eventually forgive. You don't ever have to forget or to excuse terrible or abusive behavior to do that. God bless.
Thank you for creating and sharing.
Beautiful.
Thank you. 😊
Thank you 🙏
THANK YOU FOR STRENGTHENING ME to encourage someone to seek help. even though i've prepared an entire encouraging playlist for him YOUR CHANNEL, THIS VIDEO ALONE!!!!!! may be all that i need to direct him to!! gonna place it at the top of that list. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
💜
It s funny more than anything
Nah. I appreciate the other videos, but as far as this one concerns I call maladaptive, inappropriate, apologetic and incoherent bs. No offence, but...
Every adult has to reap what they sow to some degree. Wether properly socialised or not.
If you find yourself an adult that not only survives, but thrives, not in a shelter, but in a real house, made up not by make shift debris, but by the very life force of adults and children alike, and for good measure topping off with never ever repenting...
Then compassion (not that you'd likely be able to process it other than "predator nourishment ") is simply not an adequate response.
As for resilience... yeah, sure. But since overindulging is an extremely frequent factor, I'd compare it to having compassion with a formerly starving person fell into cannibalism, but whom now is overweight from too many innocent human meat snacks.
"Hell to pay" are words that comes easier to mind.
If not in this life then in the next. Saint Peter is pretty unequivocal about unapologetic reavers...
"I call maladaptive, inappropriate, apologetic and incoherent bs. No offense."
None taken.😆
@@healnpd Haha. Perhaps somewhat an overly hyperbolic choice of words… 😬
When did anyone say that people with NPD shouldn't have to "reap what we sow?" Given the karmic, cause-and-effect nature of life, we DO inevitably reap what we sow, just like everyone else.
If your contention is that pwNPD don't deserve compassion or help because we do horrible things, I think you're going to find this entire channel disagreeable.
There are tons of places on the internet where you can find unlimited support and camaraderie in bashing pwNPD. This is one of the only internet-based oases wherein we can find compassion and hope from a licensed mental health professional. Please allow us to savor and utilize this empathy and guidance without being attacked.
@@healnpdLOL
@@jaimebanks8377Funny thing.. The people who speak like this, when I’ve communicated with them, I find that they use a lot of projection and deflection. This is usually within a short conversation. They attack others, but claim they’re being attacked. They insult others, while claiming to be “put down”. They speak with so much hatred towards those with NPD, yet when you probe deeper into why they claim the person is a Narcissist, the answer is usually riddled with “subtle jabs”, “backhanded insults”, etc. So many examples that could be easily explained by their own hyper vigilance, which is evident in my own interactions with them. I’m not talking about the original commenter specifically, but just the energy he brought is similar to those I just described. I bring this up, because I was like this with everyone, believing I was being mistreated all the time, only to realize I’m the common denominator. I find those who speak from a place of hate and animosity, are likely in denial of their own actions and behavior, needing to vehemently scapegoat a particular person in order to absolve themselves of accountability. Facing yourself is the hardest thing you can do. It’s painful. I’m not making assumptions about the original commenter, again.. just his energy reminds me of others I’ve spoken to, who obviously lack insight. It’s always the ones fantasizing about revenge and pay back, that scare me the most. That’s quite maladaptive and toxic in itself.
Well Dr Mark that reduced me to tears. I truly love my wife and we are still together but she has destroyed me many times and I’ve had to fight my way back into my children’s lives many times . On one hand I won’t to say are you out of you mind praising these people for their resistance to rise from the ashes only to inflict her pain onto her family. Then I spend some time with her and put it behind me only to go through it again . I don’t know the answer to any of this but at what stage are people held accountable for their actions .
@conkayias8989 - It sounds like you and your family have been through a lot. In this video, I am talking in the abstract about a form of mental illness that can present in different ways. Some individuals may be very destructive in their relationships, but others may tend to isolate and suffer quietly. As I’ve said in other videos, the person you are thinking about when watching this content may or may not fit . Many people have ‘diagnosed’ someone hurtful in their lives as having NPD without really understanding what NPD actually is or the different ways it can manifest. Please also know that much of my content is for people who identify as struggling with these issues personally. For them, a message of hope that recognizes the resiliency necessary to survive early relational trauma and emotional neglect can be very helpful and healing. As for your personal relationship with your wife, you are entitled to set boundaries that protect your rights and the rights of your family. No one here is saying you shouldn’t hold people accountable for their hurtful behaviors. But people who are trying to heal from a mental illness need to have a space where their inherent goodness and worth can be acknowledged. These aren’t mutually exclusive prospects.
tired of having string and rocks and everyone else has a tent and are like why dont u have a tent well i had no choice in having in a tent.
4:46 sad.
♥