Bill Burr - Advice: From Japan

Поділитися
Вставка
  • Опубліковано 4 лют 2013
  • billburr.com/ and www.allthingscomedy.com/
  • Комедії

КОМЕНТАРІ • 342

  • @randyfletcher86
    @randyfletcher86 9 років тому +707

    I love how every other advice Bill Burr gives about women ends with "Dude, just rub one out and see if you still think it's a good idea" XD

    • @Goblin_Hands
      @Goblin_Hands 8 років тому +45

      +randyfletcher86 It's fantastic advice. If a picture is worth a thousand words, living a day must be countless. No amount of words could make Bill Burr truly understand the situation and it's factors or even the people involved 100%, so a personal and clear decision without the influence of a dick sometimes gives the best answer.
      It's also important to note that much of human progress has been driven by this insane and lustful force.

    • @joshuarosales7554
      @joshuarosales7554 5 років тому +49

      @@Goblin_Hands the 3 minutes after jacking one off is the most clear a man will think ever.

    • @ZeranZeran
      @ZeranZeran 5 років тому +8

      It's good advice.

    • @E-0921
      @E-0921 5 років тому +3

      Like Bill said, there's this thing that could crush an empire 5 minutes or less and you think it's your friend. Our dicks are dreamers and a lot of times they dream too damn big.

    • @deleteduser121
      @deleteduser121 4 роки тому +4

      Thats why masturbation when done in moderation is a weapon against depravity.

  • @sidjtd
    @sidjtd 5 років тому +156

    0:26 I’m half Japanese raised outside of the US and I’m extremely offended at your impersonation of Asians.
    Please do it more often

    • @bigbromiki1
      @bigbromiki1 Рік тому

      listen to matt and shane secret podcast, he does the best japanese accent

  • @andresi8692
    @andresi8692 5 років тому +58

    Ladies and gentlemen, Bill Burr. He's got the wisdom of a Japanese Sensei in an American bar, wrapped in a Bostonian accent, delivered through the internet. Bravo, Bill... you nailed this one.

  • @simunator
    @simunator 9 років тому +484

    I lost it at samurai sword

  • @murphymcpoyle1735
    @murphymcpoyle1735 5 років тому +75

    “Oh Jesus, maybe you should have.”
    That was an amazing twist.

  • @phucdo6085
    @phucdo6085 7 років тому +147

    0:25 lol Bill's attempt at Japanese "apekatuuuwwww"

  • @outdoormirrorist3404
    @outdoormirrorist3404 10 років тому +268

    Bill Burr = a voice of sanity in a world gone mad.

    • @CamRebires
      @CamRebires 4 місяці тому

      Ye call that mad?!

  • @mightymoeish
    @mightymoeish 7 років тому +348

    "round-eye" Bill is so clever

    • @SippingVino
      @SippingVino 5 років тому +2

      mightymoeish cut my sides up

    • @gangstalicious8006
      @gangstalicious8006 5 років тому +1

      Oh man i know I'm a bit late but that's a good one

    • @TIENxSHINHAN
      @TIENxSHINHAN 5 років тому

      Native Americans used to call white people round eye

    • @landonic81
      @landonic81 5 років тому +2

      I'm dead

    • @FrecklePecker
      @FrecklePecker 5 років тому +8

      It's a "Balls of Fury" reference. That's where I got it from. And no, that's not a porno, it's a comedic movie.

  • @vizthekid3470
    @vizthekid3470 7 років тому +93

    "Go rub one out right now" Bill is the only guy I would ever take that advice from and not question it.

  • @biiind
    @biiind 11 років тому +27

    "You're stepping into the world of her bad decision." Mind was blown, great point.

  • @shawnharris4747
    @shawnharris4747 5 років тому +69

    "Come on man don't do it" as I'm litteraly looking at a Reeses peanut butter cup

  • @kbbusiness24
    @kbbusiness24 9 років тому +193

    " one very japanese woman " lol

  • @peteranon8455
    @peteranon8455 9 років тому +51

    "I'm a piece of shit, but I don't think I'm that much of a piece of shit." -Bill Burr

  • @moburgsmyhero6974
    @moburgsmyhero6974 8 років тому +150

    samurai sword to the jugular...lmao

  • @TheFolkes1
    @TheFolkes1 4 роки тому +29

    *"Think back when you were a kid and you thought about meeting the woman of your dreams, is that how you imagined it ?"*
    The best advise I've ever heard, genius and Bill probably didn't even notice.

    • @seanmatthewking
      @seanmatthewking 3 роки тому +2

      Okay, I guess all men are going to have to show up everywhere on white horses to get any woman.

    • @why772
      @why772 2 роки тому

      Is one's view of such a thing as developed as can be when you're a kid?

  • @smokythearsonist7119
    @smokythearsonist7119 9 років тому +66

    "you want a samurai sword going in your jugular?!"

  • @Wavemaninawe
    @Wavemaninawe 8 років тому +353

    I didnt know Bill had a fetish for japanese women with southern accents.

    • @LastAvailableAlias
      @LastAvailableAlias 8 років тому +10

      +Wavemaninawe They make awesome southern fried tofu

    • @Wavemaninawe
      @Wavemaninawe 8 років тому +6

      +LastAvailableAlias
      I heard that they also have a predilection for nascar and rhinestone trucker caps.
      Good thing that Nia seems confident and doesnt need to prove herself.

    • @steveeaton7038
      @steveeaton7038 8 років тому +10

      +LastAvailableAlias Fried chicken fried rice

    • @mrdropkicker1
      @mrdropkicker1 5 років тому +3

      I mean.... I get it

    • @jcnot9712
      @jcnot9712 5 років тому +2

      Wavemaninawe I can only think of that one episode of Always Sunny.

  • @NORTHSHOREEDITS
    @NORTHSHOREEDITS 4 роки тому +14

    Round eye 😂😂bruh I’m dying

  • @chaz9808
    @chaz9808 8 років тому +39

    Damn I was in tears laughing so hard at this.

  • @sp33kz
    @sp33kz 8 років тому +9

    "My lightsaber's not fuckin workin" HAHAHAHAHA

  • @slplp3
    @slplp3 10 років тому +42

    I lived in Japan for 6 years, there are A LOT of loveless marriages. At least she told him she was married, that's not how my situation went down.

    • @cristianrios8804
      @cristianrios8804 4 роки тому +2

      If you read this
      Please, tell us your story

    • @seanmatthewking
      @seanmatthewking 3 роки тому +8

      Cristian Rios He can’t. He got samuraied and thrown in the straightened river or w/e tf Bill said lol

  • @SirWalterSansRien
    @SirWalterSansRien 5 років тому +64

    The average 28 year old American that goes to work long-term as an English language specialist in Japan is typically not some alpha horndog, let's be real. They tend to be sensitive and lonely. They want meaning and romance. This guy might have given YEARS of his life away to this woman, serving as nothing more than her sidepiece, an accessory to this messy and depressing thing that is her life. But he realized he wanted more, and could maybe still find something more. I respect his decision to do what was right for him.
    Even though I totally would have smashed that.

    • @MRJTD99
      @MRJTD99 5 років тому +5

      Could've got away with both tbh

    • @awakenow7147
      @awakenow7147 5 років тому

      Well said man.

    • @debaser1042
      @debaser1042 5 років тому +1

      Have you met many Japanese to English translators? I would guess that many of them are Japanese-Americans in the first place.

    • @ppumpkin3282
      @ppumpkin3282 5 років тому +3

      Translators make minimum wage. They are are dime a dozen. Lots wrong with a roll in the hay.
      Years ago, I lived in NYC. I had several room mates - one was a Japanese woman. She had an attractive married japanese woman who came to stay for visit. Since my roommate had a small room I joked to my roomate "hey Kumi can sleep with me tonight" - she laughed, but then her married friend came to join me in my bed that night. Maybe its a Japanese thing.

    • @ConfusedGeriatric
      @ConfusedGeriatric 4 роки тому +1

      Really had me for the whole first bit then you came down to my scumbag level at the end. Bless you brother

  • @fooooooooooooooo
    @fooooooooooooooo 5 років тому +5

    4:45 "well maybe you should have" Evil laugh 😂

  • @strangestdudehsp
    @strangestdudehsp 11 років тому +5

    Bill Burr is now my favorite comedian.

  • @justinp627
    @justinp627 7 років тому +8

    "Relax, stand down. I got this"

  • @landonic81
    @landonic81 5 років тому +4

    I lost it at "round eye" 😂😂😂

  • @andrewd1923
    @andrewd1923 9 років тому

    Incredible story. Awesome

  • @1320Bushido
    @1320Bushido 4 роки тому

    Thank for the heads up.

  • @milkymanway
    @milkymanway 9 років тому +78

    Having affairs is pretty common in Japan, and sexless marriages are at least somewhat common. I really respect this guy for not doing it, but I would understand if he did go through with it. It's too bad, but that's how it is out there. That's one of the reasons why their sex/porn industry is so huge. Prostitution is legal as long as it is within certain districts (every major city has a red-light district) and prostitutes work in licensed businesses. There's also "host" clubs that are for women,which are basically male escorts who are paid to hang out, drink, talk to, and basically act like a boyfriend (but hosts don't have sex with their clients, surprisingly, considering how much money they make). The sexual dynamics in Japan are pretty screwed up and its sad, but it has a lot to do with their culture/social expectations

    • @perrybb2
      @perrybb2 5 років тому +15

      Cheating and sexless marriages are common pretty much everywhere my guy

    • @AmmaraSHAH773377
      @AmmaraSHAH773377 5 років тому

      Never realised how sleezy the highschool host club anime was befor e i finally learnt about a female host thing and put the two together

    • @seanmatthewking
      @seanmatthewking 3 роки тому

      Mason Stahl They can be more common in some places.

    • @skateboarding118
      @skateboarding118 3 роки тому

      @@perrybb2 It is expected that you have a side chick(s) in Japan. Marriages are mostly solely a business partnership, that’s it. You generally don’t even live with the person you’ll marry prior to marriage, and you don’t wait around in non-marriage limbo. You get married shortly after meeting each other. Then you both go your separate ways, spending long long hours at work. Office affairs are the norm there. I’m half Japanese.

  • @lightningfarronxp8899
    @lightningfarronxp8899 4 роки тому +13

    Mad respect on dudes part. I would have told her straight up "go get a divorce and explain to little billy why you split up first. Then we'll talk". If theres even a slight chance of them working it out, ill wait it out. Maybe im too empathetic.

    • @jc.1191
      @jc.1191 3 роки тому +1

      That's a cheater, hell no

  • @immaog34
    @immaog34 11 років тому

    You,Mr. Burr, are absolutely awesome! I'd love to meet u someday!

  • @BNG1Fdarest
    @BNG1Fdarest 7 років тому +2

    I love this man's wisdom! you the shit Bill...seriously..you the man

  • @ZeranZeran
    @ZeranZeran 5 років тому +3

    "Now she's walking back thinking.. what's wrong with MY light sabre?" lmao what

  • @cameronm2877
    @cameronm2877 5 років тому

    Been binge watching these

  • @Rikitocker
    @Rikitocker 10 років тому +5

    "Duk duk dowwwww ... how people jump on that shit!" Hahahahaha ...

    • @inpropagation
      @inpropagation 7 років тому

      Come on now Billy Dickbrain, Japanese language is flat as fuck and relatively easy to pronounce. It's the grammar and syntax that gets super complicated.

  • @coreymoseley
    @coreymoseley 11 років тому

    BILLLLLLLLLLLLL.....much love all the way from Barbados dude.

  • @donzaloog1400
    @donzaloog1400 11 років тому +6

    He made the right choice there. don't break up a family with a kid. If she's not happy let her grow a pair and divorce her husband. That family gonna come to an end, that doesn't mean you have to be the catalyst.

  • @RageRomantic
    @RageRomantic 4 роки тому +2

    Japanese is not that are to learn. Best thing to do is get the fact that it’s “ridiculously hard” out of your head as that’s an initial barrier.
    My daughter loves anime so as all the good parents do, I stayed up late for a whole month teaching myself Japanese & now I’m in a position to be able to teach her the basics & more. Start with hiragana, then katakana, then kanji.
    Japanese language is a lot easier to learn than people think. Anyone can learn it but you can’t if you’re telling yourself it’s impossible.

  • @myheartisinyou
    @myheartisinyou 10 років тому +2

    ROUND EYE LOL HAHAHAH this guy is the best

  • @danielbrown1724
    @danielbrown1724 3 роки тому +6

    Our penises really do have a mind of their own.
    “Relax, stand-down, I’ve got this”🤣🤣
    Bill is always on point, I love this bloke 🤘🤘🤘🤘😆

  • @iCircleKi
    @iCircleKi 5 років тому +7

    I’m bringing back white racial slurs with ya. Round eye is now in my collection.

  • @maxd2215
    @maxd2215 5 років тому +2

    Last train gone... Isn't that convenient... 😁 exactly Bill

  • @bencrow9497
    @bencrow9497 5 років тому +1

    “Round eye” 😂😂🤣🤣

  • @TetraVaalBioSecurity
    @TetraVaalBioSecurity 11 років тому +3

    "Round eye" LOL.

  • @pavlovsworld9122
    @pavlovsworld9122 4 роки тому

    If I was to rank the best advice burr has ever recorded this one would be number 1.

  • @NecromancyKing
    @NecromancyKing 9 років тому +6

    Sounds like the plot to "The Grudge" xD

  • @devinbrown4454
    @devinbrown4454 3 роки тому

    Do it!!!

  • @randymitchell5432
    @randymitchell5432 6 років тому

    Bill Burr!! Too Funny!!! #1 !!

  • @AE-ss6tq
    @AE-ss6tq 5 років тому

    Man these stories are crazy. Suspenseful as fck.

  • @appuswami6611
    @appuswami6611 5 років тому

    This is one if this best Hahahahahah

  • @Georgenparis
    @Georgenparis 5 років тому +1

    I love how people look to this guy for advice lol I’ve heard a few of these and he seems to give good advice who’d a thought lol

  • @danielchoy7030
    @danielchoy7030 5 років тому +4

    Bill Burr on japanese: Tek Tak Taoooo

  • @aMANinaSUIT
    @aMANinaSUIT 8 років тому +3

    I lived in Japan for 7 years and am desperately trying to move back there.

  • @devinbrown4454
    @devinbrown4454 3 роки тому

    "Round eye" fuuuuccckkkk!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @JinJung24
    @JinJung24 8 років тому +2

    "oh jesus"
    fucking laughing my ass off

  • @Matthew-ve7uv
    @Matthew-ve7uv 8 років тому +1

    "Round eye"! Haha, fuck, I never heard that, it's fucking brilliant!

  • @jama3335
    @jama3335 11 років тому +3

    samurai sword to the jugular ahahahah fuck i was on the floor at this point

  • @LonelyGamr
    @LonelyGamr 3 роки тому

    Funniest one ever lol

  • @raywhite9069
    @raywhite9069 5 років тому

    I love when Bill gets hit with a fast ball or sudden turning point in a story "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK!?" Hahahaha

  • @hijeejoo398
    @hijeejoo398 7 років тому +29

    A very Japanese woman.

  • @OoooHan
    @OoooHan 9 років тому +8

    What a guy

  • @stevenpham6734
    @stevenpham6734 6 років тому +2

    Bill Bur is my lord savior!

  • @booperman2011
    @booperman2011 5 років тому

    "What the fuck is wrong with my thing" 😂😂😂

  • @mutantturtlewax347
    @mutantturtlewax347 5 років тому

    Hilarious!

  • @KMcNally117
    @KMcNally117 5 років тому

    2:03 best bit

  • @ConcordDown
    @ConcordDown 5 років тому +1

    He did it 100%! Just wan'ts to confirm from Bill if that's ok :D

  • @peepinyowindow4517
    @peepinyowindow4517 5 років тому

    Bill “tak tak tow” burr

  • @eBenkyou
    @eBenkyou 5 років тому +2

    I have been in Japan for 19 years. It really isnt that hard to learn. You just have to put in the time.

  • @alvinperlas
    @alvinperlas 10 років тому +2

    sounds like the same plot from the Grudge... uurraruauauruaurruauruauuaruauuruaurauuaaaaaa!!!

  • @jeraldr2
    @jeraldr2 5 років тому

    I AM ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING! 0:15 - 0:30

  • @Shadowcam00
    @Shadowcam00 8 років тому +6

    Best to cover your ass. Don't get yourself involved with other people's relationship problems, especially coworkers. If it's someone you meet online or something, and you don't have any normal contact with them, then that's different; but people connected to your personal or professional circle are trouble.

    • @notrealy180217
      @notrealy180217 8 років тому

      +Cam108 Most of us would agree. So its easy to say that its never really an accident. Some people get off to betrayal.

  • @chasdehen87
    @chasdehen87 5 років тому

    Lmao Round eye? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @OneEyedJackNLD
    @OneEyedJackNLD Рік тому

    2:06 😂😂😂

  • @MrBlazzin101
    @MrBlazzin101 5 років тому +13

    Scar frace?? Don't think I've seen that one

    • @jackmioff100
      @jackmioff100 5 років тому +2

      That's the Japanese version.

  • @tracystephens5014
    @tracystephens5014 5 років тому

    0:24 lmfao!!!

  • @hjojo1
    @hjojo1 5 років тому

    *I said stand the fuck down!* LOL

  • @jamesr169
    @jamesr169 11 років тому +1

    ITS OVER 9000!!!!

  • @TheHereticAnthem20
    @TheHereticAnthem20 5 років тому

    3:42 hahahahahaha

  • @qwertqwert-ns9jl
    @qwertqwert-ns9jl 4 роки тому

    Omg haha

  • @marcosalazar5339
    @marcosalazar5339 5 років тому

    “Do you really want that on you’re resume?”

  • @midevilmonkeyterd
    @midevilmonkeyterd 8 років тому +7

    even an American who learns Japanese is the bottom of the list in confidence . . . depressing as fuck.

    • @habib205
      @habib205 7 років тому

      midevilmonkeyterd Depressing as fuck if you let it be depressing.
      Learn from his mistakes and make the best out of a bad situation, that is always really the only option.
      Feeling bad will solve nothing but actually make everything more worse as you are miserable, in order to succeed you always have to see the light in order to stay motivated.

    • @midevilmonkeyterd
      @midevilmonkeyterd 7 років тому

      you took me serious.... calm down.

    • @habib205
      @habib205 7 років тому +1

      midevilmonkeyterd Dude there is literally no way for me to determine a double meaning out of your comment haha.
      There is no need to calm down because im as calm as can be hahaha.

  • @nasdpmlima6248
    @nasdpmlima6248 4 роки тому +2

    Burrs japanese!!!! Batabawwwwwww

  • @doommuffinz5276
    @doommuffinz5276 5 років тому

    "STAND THE FUCK DOWN!"

  • @user-vo2ik8gd7l
    @user-vo2ik8gd7l 5 років тому

    His Japanese impression fucking killed me haha

  • @strengthbeyond8162
    @strengthbeyond8162 7 років тому +9

    eh tete taouu

  • @AGCreationsflorida
    @AGCreationsflorida 5 років тому

    Round eye lmfao

  • @prestonthegodless1005
    @prestonthegodless1005 7 років тому +130

    Japanese girl in japan....
    Do it
    Where is your honor
    Your sense of colonialism??
    Shame

    • @Ethan-fh9lq
      @Ethan-fh9lq 6 років тому +1

      Is a Japanese person criticizing someone from another country for colonialism?
      edit: or maybe you mean something else by colonialism and we're just having a translation mix up. Or wait? Are you saying he should do it? I'm confused. Is it honorable to do it or not to? Sorry I'm stupid.

    • @99names16
      @99names16 6 років тому +6

      That is hilarious man hahah

    • @jaredraynor9067
      @jaredraynor9067 5 років тому +2

      Its a haiku ethan...

    • @gabos7892
      @gabos7892 5 років тому +2

      -Round eye

    • @BuBbLeBaThJaKe
      @BuBbLeBaThJaKe 4 роки тому

      Jared Raynor that’s not a haiku lol haikus are 5-7-5

  • @BLANDMEDlA
    @BLANDMEDlA 4 роки тому +16

    it's funny because while we're listening to this, we're all imagining the same woman.

    • @baguih007
      @baguih007 4 роки тому +2

      Holy fuck man

    • @dreday5880
      @dreday5880 4 роки тому +2

      Does she perchance have that shoulder length mushroom type hairstyle?

    • @virksaab9454
      @virksaab9454 3 роки тому +1

      BIG TITTIES

    • @jordonlewis
      @jordonlewis 3 роки тому

      The girl from the wolverine

  • @anydaynow
    @anydaynow 5 років тому +2

    What I heard was it’s not cheating if it’s purely physical. According to some t.v. show I saw a decade ago about japan. Like, it was common practice for partners to solicit sex workers.

  • @arleatham
    @arleatham 8 років тому +5

    I lived in Japan for 2 years. I would never live there ever again.

    • @arleatham
      @arleatham 8 років тому +16

      ***** The culture is far too different from America. You will always be the foreigner there, no matter how well you speak, or have integrated. Japanese society is racist towards anyone who is not 100% ethnically Japanese. I am a tour guide for Japanese people and am referred to as a "foreigner" in my own country. I could go on and on, but to keep it brief, myself or my children would never be accepted, to be employed I would owe my company my life and never see my family, and the rights I get to enjoy as an American, are almost nonexistent over there.

    • @HooverBeast
      @HooverBeast 8 років тому +1

      +Andrew Leatham that same self-obsessed inner voice in the japanese is the same reason why they have/had way too many salary men worked to death, (suicide commiting) samuraris, a declining birth rate where ADULT diapers outnumber the babies, so many desperate women, a persisting isolationist attitude, etc. you see obsession in every single degree that your head can turn

    • @aiaraki6846
      @aiaraki6846 3 роки тому

      @@arleatham I feel you. I'm Japanese, but grew up speaking english as my first language.
      I understand the Japanese people a bit more now. The reason why discrimination is a big part of the Japanese people is because of their strong idea of "good manners" and "common sense".
      Japanese "common sense" and "good manners" has over ridden natural human communication. Anything that doesn't fit in is feared and most often rejected(though secretly admired).
      ...btw, i think there's still hope tho...for all of us.

  • @Pvaultingfenderbass
    @Pvaultingfenderbass 3 роки тому

    Did a year of college in Japan and I gotta say, I’m not sure how non-Japanese-speakers have fun there. No one speaks English unless you’re in the very center of each big city.
    But fun fact, the best Japanese women are the ones who don’t speak English.
    日本語喋れる外国人はいつも喋れない人より楽に日本に生活できる 🤙🏻 喋れないと外人ハンターしか付き合えない
    Learning Japanese was tough, but a fair price for being able to (imo) properly enjoy the cleanest safest and most beautiful island nation on Earth

  • @asianniga
    @asianniga 8 років тому

    OVER 9000!?

  • @ianmccullough5910
    @ianmccullough5910 9 років тому +3

    Sounds like the movie Gung-Ho with Micheal Keaton in it.

    • @shanedog9082
      @shanedog9082 5 років тому

      Hahahaha, I thought the same thing when he was talking about the Japanese shaming. Well played sir

  • @arjunkansara5870
    @arjunkansara5870 5 років тому +1

    R O U N D. E Y E

  • @williehughes1690
    @williehughes1690 5 років тому

    How you say watching anime and being taught Japanese from his old school karate and Ken do teacher that's how

  • @TheBearrish
    @TheBearrish 11 років тому

    Where did he get that from?

  • @SeanP7195
    @SeanP7195 11 років тому +2

    LMAO @ "if round eye fucks yer woman"

  • @faekz
    @faekz 6 років тому +1

    The culture is different there with marriages I know many married people that have bf and gfs. But still stay married for kids

  • @ianjuliano1356
    @ianjuliano1356 5 років тому

    "you ever see scarfrace"

  • @SigmaChicken09
    @SigmaChicken09 5 років тому

    2:03