Telling a young child that their behavior is “sinful” will do nothing to teach that child how to correct that behavior and it will only instill shame in them when they inevitably fail to do so. Children behave “sinfully” because they inherently lack impulse control, empathy, emotional regulation, rational reasoning, coping mechanisms etc. and it’s our job to teach them these things. The natural consequence of spilling a cup of water as you mentioned is not that water falls on the ground; it’s that you have to clean it up (as opposed to getting yelled at as many of us with harsh parents experienced). Gentle parenting is much more about the parents than the children as it’s the parents who have to exhibit self-control, manage triggers, heal their trauma and model “good behavior.”
As a Christian, I agree with you. Explaining why it’s sinful/unloving is needed as well as modeling/teaching those things you mentioned. I pray and hope all Christians woke up to this. To me, the sweet thing about parenting is we get to experience and learn how our Father in heaven is towards us, we’re to model His love.
I was not aware of my sin growing up considering I was a “good” child. I struggle even now to see my true sinful self just because I’m not doing the “major sins” if you will. I think it’s very important to instill in your child that they are sinful and the do need a savior and showing them the right way to handle things biblically because the truth is every human is sinful. But even milena and Jordan aren’t saying to tell your kids they are sinful and they will learn, it’s also showing them how important repentance is
I feel like there’s a time and place to let children know their behavior is sinful. Telling a toddler their behavior is sinful is expecting them to process emotions and act in a way that even adults can’t.
Not necessarily. Because the Bible says train up a child in the way the should go. And that is mainly because we adults weren’t told at young ages that what we are doing is sinful and taught and shown how to live. Many of us got conflicting messages. Parents saying do as I say not as I do or parents living sinful. So you have to start young. Now yes, you have to deliver and explain it in a way they can understand but we have to call things what they are. No different than if a 7 year old asks you about sex of bodies or whatever. You would explain it not in a graphic way but in a matter of fact way and also explain what the Lord’s view is on sex. Because they will certainly get the explanation some way and it good to set the standard and guidelines at a young age so as they grow they have a solid and biblical foundation
Only if you associate sin with shame. Sin is anything outside the Will of God. Teaching our children God’s Will includes pointing out what is NOT God’s Will. No shaming, no guilt only correction and a lot of Grace. It’s actually a beautiful way to parent
@@judijackson4197 of course. I think we are on the same page but we are missing something from each others point. I never mentioned shame or condemnation. That is the spirit of the enemy that can come on us when corrected. It has nothing to do with pointing out the sin. That is something we should do as Christians. Like you said telling them what they should and should not do. So yes we have to talk about the not so good feelings that come about as well. That is why positive reinforcement, reminding them of their identity in Christ, speaking life over them etc is important. Because the enemy tries to get kids at a young age and will try to tear them down whenever he can
@@niyaotis5805 I agree with you! However nowhere in the Bible does it say our job is to point out another’s sin. Even our kids. That’s what the Holy Spirit and The Word is for. We are instructed to take the log out of our own eye before the needle out of another’s. No one is perfect therefore there is never a time or place to condemn someone else.
@@judijackson4197 we can totally agree to disagree! I personally would never parent my kids this way. I think it could truly do more harm than good. There is no amount of action that could ever keep us from sinning. We are sinful by nature. It’s who we are. Of course we correct our children but pointing something out in them that is inevitable is counterproductive to me.
Permissive parenting is what this sounds like. Gentle parenting is authoritative parenting which has strong boundaries, but delivered with care and love.
I think you should do some research on permissive parenting because that’s exactly what it sounds like you’ve been doing. Gentle parenting is NOT letting your kids walk all over or letting them think it’s their way or no way. Gentle parenting is authoritative parenting. It’s validating your childrens feelings while also setting clear boundaries and teaching appropriate ways to deescalate difficult situations. Also, you can most definitely be a Christian and allow connection with the Lord while also gentle parenting. It seems like you believe it’s one or the other. I don’t understand your statement about how gentle parenting/your child knowing how to regulate their emotions won’t matter in the future if they don’t know Jesus.
I absolutely agree with what you’ve said here, it’s all about balance and ensuring that boundaries are in place to provide structure of what is and what is not acceptable.
I think what they mean is that we can validate, help regulate emotions (as much as any fallen sinful human being can) but if they truly do not know the Lord then they truly can not walk in the spirit of God. They cannot truly and fully produce the fruits of the spirit. When one if saved, the Holy Spirit helps us to grow in our holiness, to be more like Christ. If one is not saved but is taught to "regulate" emotions it means nothing at all.
A few things the Lord recently showed me in regards to gentle parenting as the movement it is today: Am I spending more time learning from popular IG accounts about parenting than I am from the word of God? Because once I sat down and found all the scripture on parenting, my eyes were opened to see how the Bible doesn’t *always* align with *most* gentle parenting methods. The biggest one- why does the WORLD love gentle parenting so much?? If this is a parenting style that the world endorses and teaches, I HAVE to step back and question if this is biblical parenting to the fullest. Maybe some tips and tools can be helpful from gentle parenting, but I want to be a parent that lives by the Bible and Gods ways for parenting, even when it might be hard or contradictory to what the world does.
Love this. Convicting for me, as I have received a lot of info of different kinds from social media rather than digging into the word and seeing how the Lord desires me to live, or what to in parenting, marriage, other relationships etc...
I have an early education background, I have either been taking care of kids, in school learning about child development or in a school working with school age kids for the past 18 years. A big piece of authoritative parenting that people miss is the heavy focus and teaching to parents about their child’s brain development. For example, A toddlers brain is incapable of manipulation. Their brains simply cannot do it. If a toddler or young child is displaying/using manipulative tactics it’s because they were taught how to do that, usually by trial and error. For lying for example, that is actually a good sign of a healthy brain development. It’s still important to tell the child that lying is not okay but punishing them harshly for it is not developmentally appropriate and it won’t really do anything besides make them fear you, which can turn into trauma/an abusive situation very quickly. You have to know where your child’s brain is at in its development and then adjust your expectations of them to match and continue to keep track of what is developmentally appropriate for them and what is not. I’m not perfect of course. I am human, and flawed. Understanding brain development to know what is developmentally appropriate is the key here, and that’s what most parents don’t know and what leads to very permissive parenting. Some good points though. It was insightful and helpful and validating in a few areas for me.
This is helpful I honestly always thought it was permissive parenting so I was weary of it but how everything and Malena is explaining it makes sense! Lol I don’t have kids yet but thinking about these things now too! Lol
The only danger here is not understanding what gentle parenting is. Gentle parenting is parenting with clear boundaries, you all think it's gentle speaking and not taking actions. You think it'd permissive parenting when it's not
I think the thing that people are realizing with this type of parenting is not necessarily conflating with with permissiveness but acknowledging how easy it can be to accidentally become permissive due to it. That’s the issue that most people I know that discuss this have experienced themselves and noticed in others. The gentleness can be confused at a certain point and many many many parents who utilize it end up feeling shame for getting stern or using discipline at all even. So the theory itself might not be permissive in nature, but the danger of falling into it is very real and all too sneaky.
I don’t think there is a misunderstanding in definition, but a disagreement in philosophy on how humans should conduct themselves and how that should be taught to our children. For example, gentle parenting focuses a lot on acknowledging emotions and helping your child express those emotions “appropriately”. This looks like “I see your angry that I won’t let you do this, but you can’t hit mommy, instead you can hit this pillow”. While God created all emotions, not all emotions are appropriate at certain times. It’s okay to be angry when someone sins against God, but it’s not okay to be angry when your fleshly desires are not met. We are to teach our children to be slow to anger, practice self control, and pray to God for the strength and wisdom in those situations. This is applicable for all emotions and actions. Biblical parenting is addressing the sinful nature of our hearts, and relying on scripture to guide our children through life’s problems, as opposed to looking at secular research to try to validate our children’s behavior. There is nothing that researchers can discover that God doesn’t already know,and he gave us his Word so that we may know him. Therefor, no children psychologist has something more significant to say than Gods very own word. There is a ton the Bible has to say about the issues parents are trying to address in their children and it should be our first resource. Unfortunately a lot of the information that is put out through some of the most popular gentle parenting accounts contradict scripture.
That’s what gentle parenting should be, but I have yet to see anyone genuinely exact that. Every single Child I have been around who is being raised with “gentle parenting “ is entitled af, selfish, unruly children that most people can’t stand to be around. There’s a balance, but it’s not as easy as comments like this and mommy bloggers make It seem
I think the name doesn’t really matter that much because lots of people who gentle parent are technically being extremely permissive, if this weren’t the case we wouldn’t have this confusion. So yes, gentle parenting is a scale like anything else in life. And they are being descriptive in the definition of gentle parenting that they are trying to avoid.
@@shananeufeld2093 just because milena is confused doesn’t mean everyone is confused… since the start I saw multiple people reach out to her and explain that what she was doing wasn’t gentle parenting but permissive parenting. Which by the way “permissive-gentle parenting” isn’t even a thing hahahaha once you’re permissive parenting, you’re not gentle parenting. And if you’re not following every badly researched trend milena jumps on there’s no reason for you to really be offended 😊 God bless you have a great day 🫶🏻
Yeah but gentle parenting a child who is not being receptive ends with the parent using an alternative method to gentle parenting or they just let it go and the kid wins.
If you watched the video you’ll still get the point that they’re trying to make, it doesn’t really matter what it’s called. 😊 She’s not saying gentle parenting is bad, she is essentially saying while gentle parenting don’t forget to keep the Lord at the center of your parenting. ♥️🙏🏻
If you really break it down, the main differences between gentle parenting vs biblical parenting is that gentle parenting teaches your child is inherently good/good intentioned and you should parent based on that assumption, vs the Bible telling us that we are all sinful and driven by sinful impulses. This is a key difference that changes a lot of the gentle parenting approach if we want to do it in a biblical way.
Yeppp it’s a theology issue. One can be used to shame though, so if they’re going to go that route of “you were born sinful” they have to be reaaaalllly careful not to shame their kids when their ”sinning” and to not hold them to unrealistic standards for their development and age. because that will ruin the relationship.
I am still an advocate for gentle/conscious parenting, but I do have some parts of it that I take into my own discernment. I don't only teach okaying feelings, I tell them it's okay to feel xyz, but it is not okay to exhibit your feelings in this way. And I also don't completely hide my own feelings from my kids lest they think I am a robot or like their actions don't affect the people around them. I will tell them when I'm feeling mad or frustrated, I just make sure to not take it out on them. I don't want my kids to get lost in their feelings, but I also want them to be okay with feeling certain ways because I was definitely made to feel like I was never allowed to be upset or mad or disappointed about things growing up. God does want us to use the feelings He put inside of us, He just does not want us to take our feelings and use them as excuses or weapons on others.
I feel like something else that is so important that I feel gentle parenting lacks, is that sometimes making the right decision hurts. Like sometimes it hurts our feelings and doesn’t feel good. Just because it doesn’t feel good doesn’t mean it’s bad. That’s why it’s so important to know the difference between right and wrong.
gentle parenting doesn’t have anything to do with whether or not the child wants to do something or if they like something or not. Gentle parenting by definition leads with empathy. Gentle parenting says, “I know it makes you angry that we have to turn the tv off. Mommy doesn’t like having to stop something she’s enjoying to do something she doesn’t want to do either. Its a bummer to feel that way. But sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do.” Non gentle parenting in contrasts says, “Turn of the tv now because I said so. I don’t care if your angry. Stop complaining and obey or face a consequence.” With gentle parenting the child learns that their parents don’t dismiss their feelings, that their feelings are part of being human BUT they are being called to something higher. With non gentle parenting they learn that their parents don’t know, care, or believe how they feel and obey out of fear of retribution. You will never lead a child to Christ through fear.
Gentle parenting doesn't mean everything has to be good, it just means you're delivering the things that may feel unfair or sad for your child kindly or fairly
I hardly EVER comment on videos but… did you just compare your children not regulating emotions and acting out to SINNING?! What?! Didn’t you take college classes for early childhood education, did what you learn just fly out the window because it’s not developmentally appropriate to expect your child (yours being toddlers) to always do the “right” thing and lose it sometimes when they don’t get what they want when they want it. I can’t imagine the shame of being told you’re sinning on top of that. Validation does not equal giving in, it looks like,” ok, I get that you’re feeling mad because mommy won’t let you have cookies for breakfast, but cookies won’t give your body the energy you need to play and learn at school. Maybe you can have one with your lunch. For breakfast do you want eggs or yogurt?” Not ohhh you’re crying, here just take the cookie. Laughable that the time stamp there was labeled wisdom, which would mean that you’re all knowing and sharing knowledge with others. This is just another loony trend amongst influencers at the moment, if you truly want parenting advice so many books are in audible form so you can listen to them while commuting if you don’t have the time to read. This.. this is not it.
I love your guys hearts for the Lord and how he is using you guys so much lately. I am a a Christian mama, wife myself and I am in the thick of it with an almost 3 year old son and a 9 month old daughter. Ever since you’ve been having God lead you more through your social media content I’ve been listening/following/watching even closer cause it’s been so beyond relevant to what I’ve been dealing with lately also.
I wish Milena wouldn’t interrupt Jordan so much and talk over him. Other than that you guys gave some good points. I always thought gentle parenting was dangerous and won’t ever incorporate it into our household
Most of what she explained she was doing is permissive parenting. They don’t have a clue of what gentle parenting is. Most of what they said that they do now is gentle parenting 😂
Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting. It is authoritative parenting. Boundaries. Permissive parenting doesn't have boundaries. It seems there is a misunderstanding here. 🤔
I see it from both sides and I agree with alot of what they are saying. There is a middle ground certain aspects of g.p are good but it still misses the mark.
Is it not actually important to understand that the Bible was written for adults?? Self control is important...but not actually even possible for a child under 4. I think we have to have the Bible principals and understand what's even possible in the scope of a child's brain development. I think extremes are really detrimental.
Children are capable of much more than we think in 2023. They are capable of practicing self control, I’ve seen it with my kids! The “experts” of our time are NOT all knowing. Also, the Bible is not just for adults. There is so much wisdom for children. Several of the kings in the Bible were children who were mentored to serve God and they were considered great kings!
Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go & he will not depart from it.” The Bible is not age specific. As a child my mom would teach me lessons WITH verses. So now as an adult, I can recall that my mom said xyz & I can find it in the Bible. Repetition is key.
From MY understanding, Authoritative Parenting is treating your child with respect & understanding their brain development/psychology. (My son is 2, I’ve used a form of ‘gentle parenting’ aka authoritative parenting since he was born.) I’ve had a mind shift change completely when parenting. I always remind myself, “he is 2, he is learning, etc.” so it allowed me to BREAK my own standards of expecting my kid to just listen. I started using phrases like, “okay, let’s skip to the bubble bath” “momma has to cook your pancakes” “we have to cut it before you eat” etc etc etc. I didn’t feel like any of that was permissive. It allows my child insight to like.. you can’t eat a frozen pancake it has to cook and really allowing him to see that.. he’s progressed in a VERY positive way. He now narrates what I’m doing to me.. which I think is a form of him trying to regulate himself in the moment with my support. There will always be an off day. Kids won’t listen at all. Parents won’t have patience. Parents may yell. Children may yell. We are ALL human. I think parenting just has A LOT to do with how well a parent can understand and regulate themselves FIRST, before their child.
THANK YOU. So glad you called this out. I’ve tried gentle parenting my strong-willed 5 year old the last few years and MAN did it back fire. The Lord has been urging me to step it up a notch and do it His way because we are doing her a major disservice the way things are going.
So I listened to this because I’ve liked watching milenas previous videos about gentle parenting and to my surprise you clearly don’t know the definition of gentle parenting. Yes it’s about validating emotions but emotions come and go so it’s about having emotional maturity as kids age. Obviously it’s harder for kids to get through emotions , not because they are sinful but because their brain isn’t fully developed. As my son has aged, his tantrums have decreased in length and intensity. I made sure he understands emotions and what he can do if he is feeling this way. But his brain is also more developed so he has less tantrums. In gentle parenting you address what they shouldn’t be doing but what they should do instead . This is how we act , not this way because this shows kindness .
You’re parenting style has been permissive parenting NOT gentle parenting. I wish you both would have researched what gentle parenting actually is. It seems as to what you’re doing now is actually closer to gentle parenting
fellow biblical-gentle parenting mama here 👋🏼 + one thing I cling to is that that scripture tells us to first reprove, and then rebuke. the reproving is a gentle correction, and rebuking is a more stern response if the gentle correction isn’t effective. I also always teach my daughter (only two years!) that she has the power of making a decision to either obey her parents or she can choose disobedience, but an age appropriate consequence will follow (we do not spank), and I have found that this is the closest to scripture (because we choose to sin) and most impactful thing I have done thus far. she most always chooses to obey when I use Biblical terminology. 🫶🏼 using Biblical terminology + application to our lives has been a game changer.
Do you have an example you can give as to how you communicate this and under what circumstances? I love this idea and have a a two year old girl, but want to make sure she understands clearly
I use biblical terminology in our every day life, so it’s hard to pick just one example. 🥲 I am constantly pouring into her, so this can look like “when you take someone’s toy away from them, that’s a rude action, and we are called to have self control and patience” or “when you hit mama, you’re not practicing loving affection, and we know that love is gentle and kind, not hurtful.” these are just two things that popped into my head because I’ve said those two statements very recently 😆 In other times where I want her to choose obedience, it may look like a full blown tantrum because she doesn’t want to come to the car and be put in the car seat, because she can’t have m&m’s at the store, or inside the house from playing, and I politely acknowledge her emotions, apply biblical terminology, and kindly state, “right now you have the choice to obey mama or you can choose disobedience” - if she chooses to throw herself on the ground beside the car, I tell her that her consequence is that she doesn’t get to watch her DVD player once buckled, or if she chooses to hit me when we come inside, I will sit her in time out for 2 minutes.. I promise if you start saying it this way, you’ll see a difference in how they respond. I used to not do any of these things, but only coddle her feelings, and we were quickly heading down a slippery slope, and we were going fast.. I’m so thankful I let go of the worldly wisdom + replaced with The Words Wisdom. I have a much different child than I did a month ago!
***you’ll see a difference because THEY have the power to choose the consequence over obedience. God gives us this same power. we choose to sin, knowing there’s consequences for what we are doing. 🫶🏼
I don’t think the word obeying really applies to gentle parenting. But gentle parenting is also not permissive parenting. I think it would be helpful to actually define the parenting style more clearly. I think this is really just an example of that milena and presumably Jordan have moved from one parenting style to another This is essentially a critique of the limitations of gentle parenting.
Gentle parenting to me is helping my children through a difficult time without yelling-threatening-hitting-ignoring, getting through it/past it then teaching them or modeling ways to navigate feelings or anything that comes their way. For example yes I will address if my child screamed about not getting something they wanted that it’s obviously not ideal to have such an extreme reaction that will not help them or anyone else involved. I don’t see my kids as being something to dominate rather I see this time to teach and assist. My job is to help them grow into healthy capable adults. Again this is MY personal relationship with parenthood and how I’m raising my children, everyone finds what works for them!
This IS what GP IS….. it’s teaching them hiw to navigate things while ssko saying this behavior is not ok and will not be rewarded. It takes a patient adult to GP because it tests us. I pray for all of these kids growing ip with this religious belief…. Yes everyone has the right to teach their kids their views but… it’s hard hearing that people are unintentionally hurting their kids
I also don’t think you need to call your children a sinner either when addressing their sin. Not once does The New Testament refer to Christians as sinners, we are called saints. I think you can speak life and obedience without referring to them as a sinner. You can just begin with God, created you to be this and right now you’re not acting as you were created and then go on to teach how to act.
Honestly milena I’ve been a long time follower and this podcast really disappointed me. Gentle parenting has nothing to do with the child, but actually with the parent and their traumas and handling their children without their traumas from their childhood. I would think as a person who was brought up in a more traumatic home. You would understand that and give that love to your kids. Yes, God is also love and he instills that an us but you are their parent. I really feel like more research on gentle parenting should’ve been done before making a podcast episode about this.
I think following one parenting concept is going to be difficult cuz kids need range. They need discipline, order, and guidance that’s laced with gentleness, kindness and love.
This was really interesting! I was defensive at first because I love the concept of gentle parenting, but hearing how to parent your children Biblically first, and gently second has really shifted my view point.
I have had these exact thoughts recently about gentle parenting. I am so glad you guys are seeking to get to your kids’ heart level and show them their need for Christ through biblical/gentle discipline. ❤️
I’m not done with the video yet but most of the examples she’s giving of what she did is permissive parenting not gentle. Like I always do the whole bath example (the assertive one) and I gentle parent. In my house we have boundaries and discipline.!
I’m not a parent or a Christian, so I can’t speak to that part of it, but I am a nanny and have been working with kids for over a decade. It seems like you are making a common mistake of confusing gentle parenting with permissive parenting. Gentle parenting should be authoritative and maintain the appropriate roles of care giver and child. There are a lot of negative consequences with permissive parenting for both child and parent, but you can maintain a respectful relationship with your child while also keeping boundaries and expecting directions to be followed.
Milena, I have watched you off and on for many years and this has made my heart so happy to see your growth! A couple of years ago watching your videos, I did notice your gentle parenting approach and I think it subconsciously made me pull away from your videos a bit. Partly because I have felt the same way about gentle parenting seeming so appealing on the surface, however feeling the conviction about its effectiveness for training them in the way they should go. I have seen a big shift in you as a whole and in your content and I am excited to catch up on a lot of your most recent videos/podcasts! Thank you for sharing truth and boldly discussing topics that can be touchy/controversial these days. Praise God!
Natural consequence to a cup being spilled is the child having to clean up their mess. Natural consequences are effective if you understand how to implement them.
I love what Jordan said about the mega church scene. I wish more people spoke up about this. Most of those people are not even saved but believe they are because they’re preaching a watered down gospel. It’s all about you and how to live your best life now, not reminded we are sinners and need to turn from our sins and pick up our crosses everyday and repent.
As of Mum of three, and with definite anger issues (of which I am working on) gentle parenting to me is providing firm boundaries, to listen and feedback their emotions as well as emulate and be the leader when it comes to regulating my emotions. Not sure what form of gentle parenting you have been exposed to, but it's not the same as I have seen.
And as far as merging their religious beliefs into their parenting, as you said being that leader and modeling to their children is in fact a form of teaching them to do the same.
TOTALLY agree on finding that happy medium! Doing one extreme or the another in any aspect of life is never good. And most importantly keeping parenting biblical! And showing our kids love and Grace on top of discipline
But gentle parenting is all about the happy medium What they are talking about is permissive parenting. In gentle parenting you try and meet children's needs , and prevent behaviour .
I love this. The word sin itself in the Hebrew means "ignorance of Truth" so when our children ( even us) are acting out it's because we are operating off a belief, thoughts, emotions that are not true. All those things are valid and even the Lord doesn't want us to deny and ignore what we're going through, but God wants us to repent in those moments. That word repentance means "to return to Truth". His truth gives us clarity, peace his truth living in us ground us which is a revealing of who we truly were meant to be.. im learning so much and your channel has truly blessed me. I give you honor for many things you guys have helped me with! Praying the Lord keeps you strong and keeps your heart gentle and quiet to continue to hear his voice 🕊️
When Milena first started talking about gentle parenting on her personal UA-cam channel there was something in me that felt it was wrong even though it sounded good. I prayed about it and talked to my husband and was quickly convicted with all these points. I love that she is speaking what she has learned because I think it is so important because satan disguises things as looking so delicious yet they are not giving God the glory. I truly loved this episode!!
Well it’s a good thing that she was doing permissive parenting not gentle parenting. What she’s doing now is closer to gentle parenting. Gentle parenting includes discipline and not letting your children walk all over you. It’s unfortunate that they make this video and don’t know what gentle parenting is
Love this perspective. I have felt this way too. I read a book a year or 2 ago called Risen Motherhood and it was SO helpful in parenting in a more biblical way amongst an age where everyone has an opinion/parenting method or advice.
My heart is screaming that the biggest misconception is the idea that biblical parenting isn’t gentle. The Word has so much compassion, love and mercy for us to model after, but, as is the habit of man, we’ve departed from that model and labeled our flawed way “biblical”. God’s wisdom isn’t what needs improvement- it’s our application of it. I think we all need a reminder of Proverbs 21:30 sometimes in this world (especially with social media)- “There is no wisdom nor understanding nor counsel against the Lord” P.S. I know we all long to love the best we can, but look at the condition of the world right now. What if it isn’t God’s will to parent “gently” like the world encourages.
I love this convo so much. I also like gentle parenting but don’t agree with everything. It’s great to hear you guys’ perspective as parents. Thank you for sharing guys!!!
Absolutely loved this and am in such agreement about balance in parenting techniques. Also, side note, Milena, you look so beautiful like this. This is my favorite look of yours ever. Natural beauty just shining through.
I respectfully disagree with your assessment and characterization of gentle parenting. I do think it can for sure be unrealistic and exhausting. But the natural consequences for me, using your example, if the milk is spilled then they no longer have milk (and have to clean it up if old enough to do so). They lose privileges when they don’t follow the expectations that are clearly and repeatedly stated. For me it’s not about obedience and control. I think that viewing parenting through a religious lens may be where we differ, since I am not a religious person. Also I believe gentle parenting is different for various stages of your child’s life-I at least take it as authoritative yet loving (respectful) in a balance that works for the unique situation/ child’s temperament and personality.
👏🏼THIS 👏🏼 RIGHT 👏🏼 HERE. I have been following your channel since before I had my 3 kids and have always loved your parenting style and looked to your channel for insight. Something was always off in my values with gentle parenting but I couldn’t pin point what it was until I read Parenting with Love & Logic. It was like a mixture of gentle parenting but with assertiveness and if I remember correctly had a biblical background (I read a few books lol) this book opened up a new way of parenting for me that sounds a lot like what you guys are talking about here. So glad you felt convicted in this area and are now speaking about it.
He was on point when he said teenagers dont want to go to thier parents. There is an overwhelming shane we experience at that point when we let them down-- that we disconnect to protect ourselves
I don't know much about biblical parenting because I'm not a parent yet, but I work with many young children and their parents as an educator. This is what I've gathered: many people try to be a gentle, authoritative parent but unfortunately end up becoming a permissive parent instead. Most parents have the best intentions when raising their kids but don't hold their boundaries firm enough. For example: I had a new child in my class today who refused to speak to me and expected me to baby him like his mother does. I asked him maybe twenty times if he wanted milk or water to drink for lunch. I gave him all of the prompts that he could answer in case he was confused, nervous, or needed help answering... still nothing. He was clearly testing me. (this child has no disabilities or language barrier). At a certain point I raised the stakes and held his lunch over the trash can, asking him if he wanted to eat his lunch... still nothing. He even looked to the other teacher to come "rescue" him... Long story short: I ended up tossing a child's Tupperware lunch container into the garbage can. (I took it out when he wasn't looking, so that he could eat it later. I'm not a monster LOL) It was a logical consequence for disrespecting the person who feeds him-- a lesson that he needed to learn. You bet your bottom he didn't disrespect me after that and answered when spoken to. If I had not held my ground, the child would have been rewarded for his disrespectful behavior. Kids are resilient. They're not stupid or fragile. It is our responsibility as caretakers to teach them how to behave, so that they don't grow up to become monsters. That requires discipline. There's really no way around it. A gentle parent gives opportunities to resolve an issue before delivering the consequence, then uses the consequence as a learning experience. A permissive parent gives in and rewards the disrespectful behavior. Permissive parenting is creating a bunch of little narcissists and I'm not here for it.
The child’s temperament is what determines which type of parenting approach works for you and your family. Certain things can be talked out, while other things can’t (safety and non-negotiable issues). When you have more than one child, one may need more discipline than the other but the rules and consequences or rewards should apply across the board for all. Be consistent. Let your yes be yes and no be no.
this is all wrong as you aren't talking about gentle parenting, you're talking about permissive. Either you did this, or learned from someone who also had it wrong?
I went to my parents all throughout my life. It was simple because I trusted them, and I knew they loved me unconditionally. I won't say it was always easy, but I did. My parents were believers, we were loved, and disciplined. They weren't perfect. But one thing that was consistent was we knew we were loved no matter what, and knew we could trust them.
Loved this! Sounds very similar to the parenting style we have been using. We recently did a course with a group of other young parents (hubby and I are 24 and we have a 2yo son and 4mo daughter), it’s called “Growing Kids God’s Way” and it was amazing! Would highly recommend to anyone wanting to do Biblical parenting. They constantly back up all their knowledge with scripture and encourage addressing the child’s heart to point them to Christ. 🤍
This is very eye-opening. As A teenager I was not validated by my parents as much, but my youth leaders were always there for me, and I felt so comfortable going to them. My mom never resented that she thanked them still to this day. I love that y’all said surround your kids and pray but they may go to you with any problem, but if they don’t, they go to people in the church and people who share the same values.
I love that you touched on getting down on the child’s level. I think that’s something my parents weren’t able to understand and probably didn’t even have the resources in order to do. I think it’s vital to understand where our children are at developmentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. To gauge what they should understand and how to help them understand what they cannot. Deepening the lessons as they grow older. I think it helps to understand okay my child is 2. What are they going through at this age? What do they know and do not know?etc. Bringing yourself to step into their shoes and as the Bible would say, putting another before yourself. Seeing how they are viewing something can deescalate a temper tantrum, for example, because you are now able to understand why the temper tantrum is even happening and you can help them in the ways they need in that particular situation. I can see that if I had that growing up, how much more I would be able to handle and regulate my own emotions now.
i feel like you don’t know what gentle parenting is. I highly recommend connected families and discipline that connects with the heart of your child. Gospel centered and gentle like jesus. I’m a mom of 4 ages 6, 8, 10, 11 so trust me, i’m in the thick of it more than most 😅 Literally every movement is dying to myself and gently loving and guiding and correcting my kids. Yes sure sometimes they need to take a bath and you just need them to listen but most of the time the reason they don’t want to take a bath is because something happened that day where they felt like they didn’t have control and they made an agreement with the devil about their identity and it doesn’t sit well and they hurt. That’s where gentle parenting steps in to ask “what’s up buddy?” cause that’s what Jesus does. If your expect first time obedience you will miss the opportunity to break and void that contract with the enemy they signed that day. Not totally sure how old your kids are but if you don’t make that space safe by age 4, there is no way that your 11 year old kid will feel safe enough to bring their burdens to you for fear of it being perceived as disobedience. It sounds like your heart is in the right place but please please heed the wisdom of parents farther down the road.
Can you make this a series? I'm currently caring for 2 and 3 year old girls in Believing family and as a Believer myself it's important to me to figure out how to respond in those situations that require discipline. They're so impressionable and they deserve the best I have to offer so I want to learn the best I can.
This has helped me so much guys! I really needed to hear this! I was suffering for so long wondering what was wrong and what was right…. Thank god you guys have opened my eyes. Can you do more of these videos about parenting.
I appreciate you guys being open about your parenting, I'm a mom of two and I'm trying do parenting different than the previous generations before me. There's a lot of fear and anxiety instilled in my family and I don't want to raise codependent children. I'm trying to teach them it's okay to not be perfect and make mistakes while also teaching them to be compassionate and respect boundaries. It's not easy
There's some really wrong theology in this conversation. 😕 I won't go into detail, but maybe also consider that children bear the image of God. We should treat them as IMAGE BEARERS! I personally prefer to frame my view of my children from that perspective, not that they're "little sinners"
So happy I stumbled upon this. I have been struggling with some aspects of gentle parenting once of which being the lack of consequences bringing out the worst in my children. As a Christian I whole heartedly believe that a biblical perspective on parenting changes your parenting techniques. Instead of looking to the world for parenting advice we should look to the WORD you are completely correct. Thank you for sharing your prospective.
Will you ever make a podcast on why you do Botox and lip filler? It is of the world. Every women on Instagram and UA-cam have filler. Why do you have it as a believer? Is Jordan okay with that decision? Just curious Milena!
@@allyssa5090 which video is it? because the two videos I saw with the words “filler or Botox”, she only talked about that she has had it. That’s pretty much it. And said she doesn’t need fixing. Then told us that we should pray for revelation that we don’t need fixing either. But she still gets Botox, lifts, and lip filler? I wonder why she still chooses to do it. Not trying to be rude or insensitive but isn’t she being a hypocrite? Jordan is a believer also, I would think he would tell her she is beautiful and encourage her with scripture of her identity in Christ! Not the world’s standard. God made us in His image. We are beautiful in His eyes. I know nobody is perfect but Milena is a influencer. Her and Jordan chose to be in public eye with UA-cam and podcast. I’m just a little confused here
@@lyla2082 It’s a pretty recent video - she says she has previously gotten filler and Botox, but that she no longer is. And that it’s a personal conviction!
Telling your young children that they are sinful can cause so much damage. This is the cause of religious trauma and separation from the church. I think it can be dangerous to go too far down that path.
Yes this is so good! I am thankful that the Lord is showing y’all these things and it’s a great topic to address! I teach my kids that the reason they need to obey is not just because mom says to obey, but because the word of God does and that He is the final authority. We read Ephesians 6:1 together often and refer back to the Word. Even when I fall short and sin against them and God, we talk about that and I will be quick to apologize to them and ask the Lord for forgiveness. They need to see us doing that too and see repentance at work. I believe that the goal in teaching our children to be obedient to us is so that they will one day learn how to be obedient to the Lord, with the help of the Holy Spirit.
My husband and I have been on SUCH a similar journey: recognizing secular parenting strategies for what they are and leaning into Biblical principles to guide our household. I saw one of your earlier videos where you were demonstrating a secular parenting strategy and I started to pray for you guys. Not viciously like "help them see what I'm seeing" but praying that your hearts would change on this, and that your eyes would be open since you have a following and other believers are looking to you. It gave me straight up chills several times to listen to this video and hear how far you've come. You are SO BRAVE because of course you're going to get attacked for this, but know that I am so thankful for you. I also don't feel as alone anymore, especially after reading all the comments in support. Notice I said "secular parenting" instead of gentle because I actually think *that* is the differentiation you're trying to make!!! Correct me if I'm wrong. Secular vs. Biblical. Fully secular parenting is NOT Biblical and is based on the idea that children are inherently good. If you believe in the Bible and that we are all (children included) sinful by nature, then Biblical parenting will align with your views. For anyone who does not believe fully in the Bible, anything other than secular parenting going to be a VERY tough sell, and we will always get backlash about even using the word "sin." My friends who do secular parenting genuinely believe their children are inherently good, and they are baffled that I don't. That's not to say I am shaming my children constantly, quite the contrary, I'm helping them identify sin in their life, being honest about the sin in my own life, and attempting to walk our family to the cross daily. We talk about repentance and FORGIVENESS. We don't let past sins hang over us because God doesn't! We talk about how he forgave us so we can and should forgive each other. But again, this is going to be lost on someone who refutes the idea that human beings are sinful by nature. Once you make that change in viewpoint and apply it to your parenting, everything changes and you see secular parenting for what it is. We can all argue until we're blue in the face over who gets to "use" the word gentle in our parenting strategy title, but really when you name it what it is: secular vs. Biblical, it helps point out the FOUNDATIONAL differences (I think at least) We can all use the word gentle! We can all be gentle!!!! Trust me, my Biblical parenting is MUCH more gentle and loving than my secular parenting ever was.
Love this conversation! Thank you for sharing. I came to the same conclusion and had the same convictions for our son a couple years ago (he’s now 7). Raising him according to the textbook gentle parenting method wasn’t teaching self control or obedience. As a society we tend to go to extremes rather than finding that balance. Would love for you to unpack this further!
Guys, gentle parenting does not mean not having boundaties. It means using connection to get them to follow, not punishments or shame, bribery or force. One uses force, not to be ”assertive” but because they’ve runnout of tools and don’t know what else to do. Educate yourself Milena!
I just have to say I am loving this more natural look! Milena, you have brown so much in the 3 years or so that I’ve been watching you, amazing to see!!!
Gotta love when people don’t do any research on what they’re talking about. You clearly don’t know what gentle parenting is and are mistaking it for permissive parenting
Thanks for having this conversation guys. I’ve realised that it’s not “Gentle parenting” or “Biblical parenting” the Bible has so much to say about how correction should be done. Gal 6:1 “…restore him in a spirit of gentleness” so Biblical parenting should be gentle and loving. Not how the modern gentle parenting movement understands it, but as the Bible defines it. We should correct (not validate sinful emotions) but it NEEDS to come from a place of love and love as defined in 1 Cor 13:4 “kind and patient.” We ought to correct our children as we’d like to be corrected…in love and kindness. You’re absolutely right in saying that the key problem in gentle parenting is that it doesn’t address the heart, as Christian’s it should be alllll about what’s going on in their (and our) heart. We can’t validate every emotion they’re feeling. Because often our emotions and feelings are sinful. And if they never learn that how they behave at times is sinful, how will they ever see their need for Christ! And if they never learn to obey their parents and honour them with their words, tone and actions they miss out on a promise that God gives Eph 6:1-3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” We ought to love our children too much to allow them to walk unchecked in whatever sinful emotion they feel. But when we correct, we need to check ourselves and make sure we’re not sinning either by doing it harshly and without loving kindness.
Developmentally, I don't think teaching about sin and self control is realistic for a 1-3 yo. Their brain is only in the primitive stage and this is why they need lots of grace. We can't expect them to live up to the standards of Christian divinity that is clearly called to adults. The Bible is mostly silent when it comes to children other than telling adults to be more like children. Children should be protected throughout their childhood to set them up for a successful adulthood where they are able to have self control. How do we prepare them? With boundaries, verbal correction with words they understand. Some adults don't even understand the complexities of sin. Yes, no, good, bad. Simple. Meltdowns at 3 are normal, at 4 or 5, they aren't. A 3 yo should be able to safely express their emotion as long as they aren't hurting themselves or others. A 5 yo who can fully communicate with words should not express their emotions the same as a 3 yo who can't. Personally, I smack their hand or diapers but to communicate their behavior is dangerous towards themselves or others at the toddler stage. Once we can communicate with words, I transition to a time out and talk. Older kids, I take away a privilege. My kids know the boundaries and a well adjusted in public spaces and social situations. I have a son who is 4 with a development delay and speech delay, but we don't have any behavior issues outside of how my other children behave. I just meet him where he is developmentally. It is all about what your child can understand verbally and what they can express verbally. My kids get plenty of verbal warnings before a further step is taken to correct their behavior.
Are you referring to gentle parenting or respectful parenting? Roslyn Ross & Janet Landsbury do an incredible job laying out the foundation as to why respectful parenting works well. I agree with this to an extent but also keep in mind true respectful parenting sets clear and strong boundaries for children. Sometimes there’s a misconception that it’s “permissive” which is just not the case. I highly recommend The Theory of Objectivist Parenting and No Bad Kids. Great books! Love the viewpoint of approaching this all from a biblical perspective.
They are not against to gentle parenting they are explaining how the Lord put in their eyes the magnifying glass on each concept of it & came conviction of what God speaks in his word. They are pleasing God not the world. Thank you guys for sharing ❤
this was so encouraging to me. i never watch your podcasts (i just don’t love podcasts- nothing to do with you!) but i prayed last night for God to show me where i need to make a change in my parenting and then today i just randomly clicked on your podcast channel and this was the first video i saw. thank you for speaking on this! i pray that the Lord encourages you to continue to speak on these “spicy” subjects!
Shepherding a child’s heart by Ted Tripp is the best book by far about discipline! It’s dry at first but hang on until like the 7th chapter, it gets soooooo good!
I think learning right from wrong is all a toddler can handle… adding sin in there is whole other level for them to try to comprehend. I think knowing what sin is, is important but I think age appropriateness is needed
Sinful? They are Childern, they are learning. Bring a teacher, or child therapist. Someone professional on the podcast. Nothing to do with Jesus, they can follow Jesus and have a tantrum. Like they can’t be prefect. Y’all lie and Sin or have. You can meet them at their level and be firm.
I’m definitely drawn to gentle parenting, but sometimes the way it’s presented to us by these “experts” (some of which aren’t even parents yet themselves or are brand new to parenthood and haven’t yet dealt with the craziness that is toddlerhood), is that you cannot get mad at your kids, your kids will only and always respond to you calmly explaining why they can’t hit their sibling (when it’s happened for the 15th time in an hour), etc, it just isn’t a one size fits all like they make out. My two daughters are strong willed and the way one responds to my parenting style is not at all how the other one responds to it. We’re all learning, and the first child often falls into being the guinea pig because we are imperfect people, and sinners ourselves. I am continually praying for God’s guidance through this whole parenthood thing.
Wowww love, love, love this shift in your lives about Christ in all areas. We can see how God has been speaking to you both to use this channel as a vehicle to preach the gospel. Jordan, example on denominations being created just bc we want to be accepted, and we are bringing that to our homes and kids, instead of parenting Jesus way. Sooo good, tk you for sharing 👏🙏
Thank y’all for bringing this conversation to your platform. It needs to be had! I’ve had much conviction about gentle parenting and it just did not go well with our 3. It only enabled their sinful nature and we would see where they began to rationalize that their behavior wasn’t problematic. Kids are extremely smart and gauge our behavior towards them very well. To the point my kids wanted to negotiate rather than to obey. We can validate them and their emotions and seek to maintain a heart connection. But children feel most safe when they feel the adult in their life is “in control”. The same way we feel about our Heavenly Father. Parenting is such a huge topic that hardly content or books can span the nuances of it all. It’s a life lived experience. I appreciated the conversation
Milena and Jordan. I am glad you spoke up on this. I will say one thing that called me to be more of a gentle parent was actually a book that Milena suggested and it was the title Gentle Discipline by Sarah Ockwell Smith. Reading the book I quickly realized that the gentle parenting in the book was not the same as the gentle parenting trending now. It was much more authoritative which I loved. I think the permissive gentle parenting that is trending in this generation is the problem and I 100% agree with your point of view. I know many will not but in due time people will come around and realize the dangerous slope that permissive parenting truly is.
Telling a young child that their behavior is “sinful” will do nothing to teach that child how to correct that behavior and it will only instill shame in them when they inevitably fail to do so. Children behave “sinfully” because they inherently lack impulse control, empathy, emotional regulation, rational reasoning, coping mechanisms etc. and it’s our job to teach them these things. The natural consequence of spilling a cup of water as you mentioned is not that water falls on the ground; it’s that you have to clean it up (as opposed to getting yelled at as many of us with harsh parents experienced). Gentle parenting is much more about the parents than the children as it’s the parents who have to exhibit self-control, manage triggers, heal their trauma and model “good behavior.”
Your child needs to know right and wrong. Telling a child a behavior is sinful is not the same as yelling at them.
As a Christian, I agree with you. Explaining why it’s sinful/unloving is needed as well as modeling/teaching those things you mentioned. I pray and hope all Christians woke up to this. To me, the sweet thing about parenting is we get to experience and learn how our Father in heaven is towards us, we’re to model His love.
I was not aware of my sin growing up considering I was a “good” child. I struggle even now to see my true sinful self just because I’m not doing the “major sins” if you will. I think it’s very important to instill in your child that they are sinful and the do need a savior and showing them the right way to handle things biblically because the truth is every human is sinful. But even milena and Jordan aren’t saying to tell your kids they are sinful and they will learn, it’s also showing them how important repentance is
Yes definitely @alyssarodriguez5541
YES ❤
I feel like there’s a time and place to let children know their behavior is sinful. Telling a toddler their behavior is sinful is expecting them to process emotions and act in a way that even adults can’t.
Not necessarily. Because the Bible says train up a child in the way the should go. And that is mainly because we adults weren’t told at young ages that what we are doing is sinful and taught and shown how to live. Many of us got conflicting messages. Parents saying do as I say not as I do or parents living sinful. So you have to start young. Now yes, you have to deliver and explain it in a way they can understand but we have to call things what they are. No different than if a 7 year old asks you about sex of bodies or whatever. You would explain it not in a graphic way but in a matter of fact way and also explain what the Lord’s view is on sex. Because they will certainly get the explanation some way and it good to set the standard and guidelines at a young age so as they grow they have a solid and biblical foundation
Only if you associate sin with shame.
Sin is anything outside the Will of God.
Teaching our children God’s Will includes pointing out what is NOT God’s Will.
No shaming, no guilt only correction and a lot of Grace. It’s actually a beautiful way to parent
@@judijackson4197 of course. I think we are on the same page but we are missing something from each others point.
I never mentioned shame or condemnation. That is the spirit of the enemy that can come on us when corrected. It has nothing to do with pointing out the sin. That is something we should do as Christians. Like you said telling them what they should and should not do. So yes we have to talk about the not so good feelings that come about as well. That is why positive reinforcement, reminding them of their identity in Christ, speaking life over them etc is important. Because the enemy tries to get kids at a young age and will try to tear them down whenever he can
@@niyaotis5805 I agree with you! However nowhere in the Bible does it say our job is to point out another’s sin. Even our kids. That’s what the Holy Spirit and The Word is for. We are instructed to take the log out of our own eye before the needle out of another’s. No one is perfect therefore there is never a time or place to condemn someone else.
@@judijackson4197 we can totally agree to disagree! I personally would never parent my kids this way. I think it could truly do more harm than good. There is no amount of action that could ever keep us from sinning. We are sinful by nature. It’s who we are. Of course we correct our children but pointing something out in them that is inevitable is counterproductive to me.
Permissive parenting is what this sounds like. Gentle parenting is authoritative parenting which has strong boundaries, but delivered with care and love.
Totally right
I think you should do some research on permissive parenting because that’s exactly what it sounds like you’ve been doing. Gentle parenting is NOT letting your kids walk all over or letting them think it’s their way or no way. Gentle parenting is authoritative parenting. It’s validating your childrens feelings while also setting clear boundaries and teaching appropriate ways to deescalate difficult situations.
Also, you can most definitely be a Christian and allow connection with the Lord while also gentle parenting. It seems like you believe it’s one or the other. I don’t understand your statement about how gentle parenting/your child knowing how to regulate their emotions won’t matter in the future if they don’t know Jesus.
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I absolutely agree with what you’ve said here, it’s all about balance and ensuring that boundaries are in place to provide structure of what is and what is not acceptable.
I think what they mean is that we can validate, help regulate emotions (as much as any fallen sinful human being can) but if they truly do not know the Lord then they truly can not walk in the spirit of God. They cannot truly and fully produce the fruits of the spirit. When one if saved, the Holy Spirit helps us to grow in our holiness, to be more like Christ. If one is not saved but is taught to "regulate" emotions it means nothing at all.
@@veronicaespinoza1505 yes!! Amen👏👏
Agree. Many people misunderstand a lot of things. She definitely needs to do more research on the topic before putting out the content.
A few things the Lord recently showed me in regards to gentle parenting as the movement it is today:
Am I spending more time learning from popular IG accounts about parenting than I am from the word of God? Because once I sat down and found all the scripture on parenting, my eyes were opened to see how the Bible doesn’t *always* align with *most* gentle parenting methods.
The biggest one- why does the WORLD love gentle parenting so much?? If this is a parenting style that the world endorses and teaches, I HAVE to step back and question if this is biblical parenting to the fullest. Maybe some tips and tools can be helpful from gentle parenting, but I want to be a parent that lives by the Bible and Gods ways for parenting, even when it might be hard or contradictory to what the world does.
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Amen!!
Love this. Convicting for me, as I have received a lot of info of different kinds from social media rather than digging into the word and seeing how the Lord desires me to live, or what to in parenting, marriage, other relationships etc...
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I have an early education background, I have either been taking care of kids, in school learning about child development or in a school working with school age kids for the past 18 years. A big piece of authoritative parenting that people miss is the heavy focus and teaching to parents about their child’s brain development. For example, A toddlers brain is incapable of manipulation. Their brains simply cannot do it. If a toddler or young child is displaying/using manipulative tactics it’s because they were taught how to do that, usually by trial and error. For lying for example, that is actually a good sign of a healthy brain development. It’s still important to tell the child that lying is not okay but punishing them harshly for it is not developmentally appropriate and it won’t really do anything besides make them fear you, which can turn into trauma/an abusive situation very quickly. You have to know where your child’s brain is at in its development and then adjust your expectations of them to match and continue to keep track of what is developmentally appropriate for them and what is not. I’m not perfect of course. I am human, and flawed. Understanding brain development to know what is developmentally appropriate is the key here, and that’s what most parents don’t know and what leads to very permissive parenting. Some good points though. It was insightful and helpful and validating in a few areas for me.
YES❤❤
I would love for this to turn into a series on biblical parenting and the real life application of it.
I just bought this book called Risen Motherhood that talks about mothering by the Bible’s terms. I hope it is good, I have heard good things about it.
Gentle parenting doesn’t equal permissive parenting. I think you may have confused that. It’s a huge misconception.
yes
💯 Agreed!
This is helpful I honestly always thought it was permissive parenting so I was weary of it but how everything and Malena is explaining it makes sense! Lol I don’t have kids yet but thinking about these things now too! Lol
The only danger here is not understanding what gentle parenting is. Gentle parenting is parenting with clear boundaries, you all think it's gentle speaking and not taking actions. You think it'd permissive parenting when it's not
I think the thing that people are realizing with this type of parenting is not necessarily conflating with with permissiveness but acknowledging how easy it can be to accidentally become permissive due to it. That’s the issue that most people I know that discuss this have experienced themselves and noticed in others. The gentleness can be confused at a certain point and many many many parents who utilize it end up feeling shame for getting stern or using discipline at all even. So the theory itself might not be permissive in nature, but the danger of falling into it is very real and all too sneaky.
I don’t think there is a misunderstanding in definition, but a disagreement in philosophy on how humans should conduct themselves and how that should be taught to our children. For example, gentle parenting focuses a lot on acknowledging emotions and helping your child express those emotions “appropriately”. This looks like “I see your angry that I won’t let you do this, but you can’t hit mommy, instead you can hit this pillow”.
While God created all emotions, not all emotions are appropriate at certain times. It’s okay to be angry when someone sins against God, but it’s not okay to be angry when your fleshly desires are not met. We are to teach our children to be slow to anger, practice self control, and pray to God for the strength and wisdom in those situations. This is applicable for all emotions and actions. Biblical parenting is addressing the sinful nature of our hearts, and relying on scripture to guide our children through life’s problems, as opposed to looking at secular research to try to validate our children’s behavior. There is nothing that researchers can discover that God doesn’t already know,and he gave us his Word so that we may know him. Therefor, no children psychologist has something more significant to say than Gods very own word. There is a ton the Bible has to say about the issues parents are trying to address in their children and it should be our first resource. Unfortunately a lot of the information that is put out through some of the most popular gentle parenting accounts contradict scripture.
That’s what gentle parenting should be, but I have yet to see anyone genuinely exact that. Every single
Child I have been around who is being raised with “gentle parenting “ is entitled af, selfish, unruly children that most people can’t stand to be around. There’s a balance, but it’s not as easy as comments like this and mommy bloggers make
It seem
Just because you permissive parented and called it “gentle parenting” doesn’t mean that’s what everyone does 🤯
I think the name doesn’t really matter that much because lots of people who gentle parent are technically being extremely permissive, if this weren’t the case we wouldn’t have this confusion. So yes, gentle parenting is a scale like anything else in life. And they are being descriptive in the definition of gentle parenting that they are trying to avoid.
If you aren’t permissive gentle parenting, you shouldn’t have any reason to be so defensive 😆
@@shananeufeld2093 just because milena is confused doesn’t mean everyone is confused… since the start I saw multiple people reach out to her and explain that what she was doing wasn’t gentle parenting but permissive parenting. Which by the way “permissive-gentle parenting” isn’t even a thing hahahaha once you’re permissive parenting, you’re not gentle parenting. And if you’re not following every badly researched trend milena jumps on there’s no reason for you to really be offended 😊 God bless you have a great day 🫶🏻
Yeah but gentle parenting a child who is not being receptive ends with the parent using an alternative method to gentle parenting or they just let it go and the kid wins.
If you watched the video you’ll still get the point that they’re trying to make, it doesn’t really matter what it’s called. 😊 She’s not saying gentle parenting is bad, she is essentially saying while gentle parenting don’t forget to keep the Lord at the center of your parenting. ♥️🙏🏻
If you really break it down, the main differences between gentle parenting vs biblical parenting is that gentle parenting teaches your child is inherently good/good intentioned and you should parent based on that assumption, vs the Bible telling us that we are all sinful and driven by sinful impulses. This is a key difference that changes a lot of the gentle parenting approach if we want to do it in a biblical way.
Yeppp it’s a theology issue. One can be used to shame though, so if they’re going to go that route of “you were born sinful” they have to be reaaaalllly careful not to shame their kids when their ”sinning” and to not hold them to unrealistic standards for their development and age. because that will ruin the relationship.
I am still an advocate for gentle/conscious parenting, but I do have some parts of it that I take into my own discernment. I don't only teach okaying feelings, I tell them it's okay to feel xyz, but it is not okay to exhibit your feelings in this way. And I also don't completely hide my own feelings from my kids lest they think I am a robot or like their actions don't affect the people around them. I will tell them when I'm feeling mad or frustrated, I just make sure to not take it out on them. I don't want my kids to get lost in their feelings, but I also want them to be okay with feeling certain ways because I was definitely made to feel like I was never allowed to be upset or mad or disappointed about things growing up. God does want us to use the feelings He put inside of us, He just does not want us to take our feelings and use them as excuses or weapons on others.
I feel like something else that is so important that I feel gentle parenting lacks, is that sometimes making the right decision hurts. Like sometimes it hurts our feelings and doesn’t feel good. Just because it doesn’t feel good doesn’t mean it’s bad. That’s why it’s so important to know the difference between right and wrong.
gentle parenting doesn’t have anything to do with whether or not the child wants to do something or if they like something or not. Gentle parenting by definition leads with empathy. Gentle parenting says, “I know it makes you angry that we have to turn the tv off. Mommy doesn’t like having to stop something she’s enjoying to do something she doesn’t want to do either. Its a bummer to feel that way. But sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do.” Non gentle parenting in contrasts says, “Turn of the tv now because I said so. I don’t care if your angry. Stop complaining and obey or face a consequence.” With gentle parenting the child learns that their parents don’t dismiss their feelings, that their feelings are part of being human BUT they are being called to something higher. With non gentle parenting they learn that their parents don’t know, care, or believe how they feel and obey out of fear of retribution. You will never lead a child to Christ through fear.
@@laurenmooers1723 this makes SO much sense. Maybe I just haven’t had the best models of gentle parenting
Gentle parenting doesn't mean everything has to be good, it just means you're delivering the things that may feel unfair or sad for your child kindly or fairly
HUGE POINT.
I heard a quote I love that speaks to what you’re saying: gentle parenting is not always biblical, but biblical parenting is always gentle. ❤
I love this!
How is always obeying without questioning gentle? It doesn’t teach them to think for themselves.
I hardly EVER comment on videos but… did you just compare your children not regulating emotions and acting out to SINNING?! What?! Didn’t you take college classes for early childhood education, did what you learn just fly out the window because it’s not developmentally appropriate to expect your child (yours being toddlers) to always do the “right” thing and lose it sometimes when they don’t get what they want when they want it. I can’t imagine the shame of being told you’re sinning on top of that.
Validation does not equal giving in, it looks like,” ok, I get that you’re feeling mad because mommy won’t let you have cookies for breakfast, but cookies won’t give your body the energy you need to play and learn at school. Maybe you can have one with your lunch. For breakfast do you want eggs or yogurt?” Not ohhh you’re crying, here just take the cookie.
Laughable that the time stamp there was labeled wisdom, which would mean that you’re all knowing and sharing knowledge with others.
This is just another loony trend amongst influencers at the moment, if you truly want parenting advice so many books are in audible form so you can listen to them while commuting if you don’t have the time to read. This.. this is not it.
THIS ❤
I LOVE this comment!!
I love your guys hearts for the Lord and how he is using you guys so much lately. I am a a Christian mama, wife myself and I am in the thick of it with an almost 3 year old son and a 9 month old daughter. Ever since you’ve been having God lead you more through your social media content I’ve been listening/following/watching even closer cause it’s been so beyond relevant to what I’ve been dealing with lately also.
Idk what god you are listening to but God would never tell you to tell your kids this.
I wish Milena wouldn’t interrupt Jordan so much and talk over him. Other than that you guys gave some good points. I always thought gentle parenting was dangerous and won’t ever incorporate it into our household
Most of what she explained she was doing is permissive parenting. They don’t have a clue of what gentle parenting is. Most of what they said that they do now is gentle parenting 😂
Please understand what gentle parenting IS before you talk about it
Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting. It is authoritative parenting. Boundaries. Permissive parenting doesn't have boundaries. It seems there is a misunderstanding here. 🤔
Yepp
I see it from both sides and I agree with alot of what they are saying. There is a middle ground certain aspects of g.p are good but it still misses the mark.
Is it not actually important to understand that the Bible was written for adults?? Self control is important...but not actually even possible for a child under 4. I think we have to have the Bible principals and understand what's even possible in the scope of a child's brain development. I think extremes are really detrimental.
Children are capable of much more than we think in 2023. They are capable of practicing self control, I’ve seen it with my kids! The “experts” of our time are NOT all knowing. Also, the Bible is not just for adults. There is so much wisdom for children. Several of the kings in the Bible were children who were mentored to serve God and they were considered great kings!
Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go & he will not depart from it.” The Bible is not age specific. As a child my mom would teach me lessons WITH verses. So now as an adult, I can recall that my mom said xyz & I can find it in the Bible. Repetition is key.
The Bible is for everyone
From MY understanding, Authoritative Parenting is treating your child with respect & understanding their brain development/psychology.
(My son is 2, I’ve used a form of ‘gentle parenting’ aka authoritative parenting since he was born.)
I’ve had a mind shift change completely when parenting. I always remind myself, “he is 2, he is learning, etc.” so it allowed me to BREAK my own standards of expecting my kid to just listen. I started using phrases like, “okay, let’s skip to the bubble bath” “momma has to cook your pancakes” “we have to cut it before you eat” etc etc etc. I didn’t feel like any of that was permissive. It allows my child insight to like.. you can’t eat a frozen pancake it has to cook and really allowing him to see that.. he’s progressed in a VERY positive way. He now narrates what I’m doing to me.. which I think is a form of him trying to regulate himself in the moment with my support.
There will always be an off day. Kids won’t listen at all. Parents won’t have patience. Parents may yell. Children may yell. We are ALL human. I think parenting just has A LOT to do with how well a parent can understand and regulate themselves FIRST, before their child.
Perfect response !!! I have a 3 year old and she is the same exact way . Truly understanding where they are in development is key .
THANK YOU. So glad you called this out. I’ve tried gentle parenting my strong-willed 5 year old the last few years and MAN did it back fire. The Lord has been urging me to step it up a notch and do it His way because we are doing her a major disservice the way things are going.
So I listened to this because I’ve liked watching milenas previous videos about gentle parenting and to my surprise you clearly don’t know the definition of gentle parenting. Yes it’s about validating emotions but emotions come and go so it’s about having emotional maturity as kids age. Obviously it’s harder for kids to get through emotions , not because they are sinful but because their brain isn’t fully developed. As my son has aged, his tantrums have decreased in length and intensity. I made sure he understands emotions and what he can do if he is feeling this way. But his brain is also more developed so he has less tantrums. In gentle parenting you address what they shouldn’t be doing but what they should do instead . This is how we act , not this way because this shows kindness .
You’re parenting style has been permissive parenting NOT gentle parenting. I wish you both would have researched what gentle parenting actually is. It seems as to what you’re doing now is actually closer to gentle parenting
fellow biblical-gentle parenting mama here 👋🏼 + one thing I cling to is that that scripture tells us to first reprove, and then rebuke. the reproving is a gentle correction, and rebuking is a more stern response if the gentle correction isn’t effective.
I also always teach my daughter (only two years!) that she has the power of making a decision to either obey her parents or she can choose disobedience, but an age appropriate consequence will follow (we do not spank), and I have found that this is the closest to scripture (because we choose to sin) and most impactful thing I have done thus far. she most always chooses to obey when I use Biblical terminology. 🫶🏼 using Biblical terminology + application to our lives has been a game changer.
Do you have an example you can give as to how you communicate this and under what circumstances? I love this idea and have a a two year old girl, but want to make sure she understands clearly
I use biblical terminology in our every day life, so it’s hard to pick just one example. 🥲 I am constantly pouring into her, so this can look like “when you take someone’s toy away from them, that’s a rude action, and we are called to have self control and patience” or “when you hit mama, you’re not practicing loving affection, and we know that love is gentle and kind, not hurtful.” these are just two things that popped into my head because I’ve said those two statements very recently 😆 In other times where I want her to choose obedience, it may look like a full blown tantrum because she doesn’t want to come to the car and be put in the car seat, because she can’t have m&m’s at the store, or inside the house from playing, and I politely acknowledge her emotions, apply biblical terminology, and kindly state, “right now you have the choice to obey mama or you can choose disobedience” - if she chooses to throw herself on the ground beside the car, I tell her that her consequence is that she doesn’t get to watch her DVD player once buckled, or if she chooses to hit me when we come inside, I will sit her in time out for 2 minutes.. I promise if you start saying it this way, you’ll see a difference in how they respond. I used to not do any of these things, but only coddle her feelings, and we were quickly heading down a slippery slope, and we were going fast.. I’m so thankful I let go of the worldly wisdom + replaced with The Words Wisdom. I have a much different child than I did a month ago!
***you’ll see a difference because THEY have the power to choose the consequence over obedience. God gives us this same power. we choose to sin, knowing there’s consequences for what we are doing. 🫶🏼
Great points! 💓
@@abbiestringer2057such great advice. I love how it’s all leading back to Jesus but also being stern in what you expect. Love this! 💗
I don’t think the word obeying
really applies to gentle parenting. But gentle parenting is also not permissive parenting. I think it would be helpful to actually define the parenting style more clearly. I think this is really just an example of that milena and presumably Jordan have moved from one parenting style to another
This is essentially a critique of the limitations of gentle parenting.
Gentle parenting to me is helping my children through a difficult time without yelling-threatening-hitting-ignoring, getting through it/past it then teaching them or modeling ways to navigate feelings or anything that comes their way. For example yes I will address if my child screamed about not getting something they wanted that it’s obviously not ideal to have such an extreme reaction that will not help them or anyone else involved. I don’t see my kids as being something to dominate rather I see this time to teach and assist. My job is to help them grow into healthy capable adults. Again this is MY personal relationship with parenthood and how I’m raising my children, everyone finds what works for them!
Yes thank you, I think this is closer to the actual definition of gentle parenting vs permissive.
This IS what GP IS….. it’s teaching them hiw to navigate things while ssko saying this behavior is not ok and will not be rewarded. It takes a patient adult to GP because it tests us. I pray for all of these kids growing ip with this religious belief…. Yes everyone has the right to teach their kids their views but… it’s hard hearing that people are unintentionally hurting their kids
I also don’t think you need to call your children a sinner either when addressing their sin. Not once does The New Testament refer to Christians as sinners, we are called saints. I think you can speak life and obedience without referring to them as a sinner. You can just begin with God, created you to be this and right now you’re not acting as you were created and then go on to teach how to act.
Honestly milena I’ve been a long time follower and this podcast really disappointed me. Gentle parenting has nothing to do with the child, but actually with the parent and their traumas and handling their children without their traumas from their childhood. I would think as a person who was brought up in a more traumatic home. You would understand that and give that love to your kids. Yes, God is also love and he instills that an us but you are their parent. I really feel like more research on gentle parenting should’ve been done before making a podcast episode about this.
Totally agree
Yeah this is emotional abuse to the children. They have no idea what “sinful” means- even if you think they do.
I think following one parenting concept is going to be difficult cuz kids need range. They need discipline, order, and guidance that’s laced with gentleness, kindness and love.
So, gentle (authoritative) parenting. That's what you're describing.
This was really interesting! I was defensive at first because I love the concept of gentle parenting, but hearing how to parent your children Biblically first, and gently second has really shifted my view point.
The happy medium parenting model, filtered through the Bible. Praise God that He placed it on your hearts to share. More of this please!
I have had these exact thoughts recently about gentle parenting. I am so glad you guys are seeking to get to your kids’ heart level and show them their need for Christ through biblical/gentle discipline. ❤️
I’m not done with the video yet but most of the examples she’s giving of what she did is permissive parenting not gentle. Like I always do the whole bath example (the assertive one) and I gentle parent. In my house we have boundaries and discipline.!
I’m not a parent or a Christian, so I can’t speak to that part of it, but I am a nanny and have been working with kids for over a decade. It seems like you are making a common mistake of confusing gentle parenting with permissive parenting. Gentle parenting should be authoritative and maintain the appropriate roles of care giver and child. There are a lot of negative consequences with permissive parenting for both child and parent, but you can maintain a respectful relationship with your child while also keeping boundaries and expecting directions to be followed.
Milena, I have watched you off and on for many years and this has made my heart so happy to see your growth! A couple of years ago watching your videos, I did notice your gentle parenting approach and I think it subconsciously made me pull away from your videos a bit. Partly because I have felt the same way about gentle parenting seeming so appealing on the surface, however feeling the conviction about its effectiveness for training them in the way they should go. I have seen a big shift in you as a whole and in your content and I am excited to catch up on a lot of your most recent videos/podcasts! Thank you for sharing truth and boldly discussing topics that can be touchy/controversial these days. Praise God!
Natural consequence to a cup being spilled is the child having to clean up their mess. Natural consequences are effective if you understand how to implement them.
I love what Jordan said about the mega church scene. I wish more people spoke up about this. Most of those people are not even saved but believe they are because they’re preaching a watered down gospel. It’s all about you and how to live your best life now, not reminded we are sinners and need to turn from our sins and pick up our crosses everyday and repent.
As of Mum of three, and with definite anger issues (of which I am working on) gentle parenting to me is providing firm boundaries, to listen and feedback their emotions as well as emulate and be the leader when it comes to regulating my emotions. Not sure what form of gentle parenting you have been exposed to, but it's not the same as I have seen.
Exactly my thoughts…
And as far as merging their religious beliefs into their parenting, as you said being that leader and modeling to their children is in fact a form of teaching them to do the same.
I’m so happy to see you coming around to a balanced biblical approach! Perfect!
TOTALLY agree on finding that happy medium! Doing one extreme or the another in any aspect of life is never good. And most importantly keeping parenting biblical! And showing our kids love and Grace on top of discipline
But gentle parenting is all about the happy medium
What they are talking about is permissive parenting. In gentle parenting you try and meet children's needs , and prevent behaviour .
I love this. The word sin itself in the Hebrew means "ignorance of Truth" so when our children ( even us) are acting out it's because we are operating off a belief, thoughts, emotions that are not true. All those things are valid and even the Lord doesn't want us to deny and ignore what we're going through, but God wants us to repent in those moments. That word repentance means "to return to Truth". His truth gives us clarity, peace his truth living in us ground us which is a revealing of who we truly were meant to be.. im learning so much and your channel has truly blessed me. I give you honor for many things you guys have helped me with! Praying the Lord keeps you strong and keeps your heart gentle and quiet to continue to hear his voice 🕊️
Balance is everything! Love this episode 🤍
When Milena first started talking about gentle parenting on her personal UA-cam channel there was something in me that felt it was wrong even though it sounded good. I prayed about it and talked to my husband and was quickly convicted with all these points. I love that she is speaking what she has learned because I think it is so important because satan disguises things as looking so delicious yet they are not giving God the glory. I truly loved this episode!!
Yes! Same here ❤
Well it’s a good thing that she was doing permissive parenting not gentle parenting. What she’s doing now is closer to gentle parenting. Gentle parenting includes discipline and not letting your children walk all over you. It’s unfortunate that they make this video and don’t know what gentle parenting is
Love this perspective. I have felt this way too. I read a book a year or 2 ago called Risen Motherhood and it was SO helpful in parenting in a more biblical way amongst an age where everyone has an opinion/parenting method or advice.
Great book! I recommend it for all mothers!!
My heart is screaming that the biggest misconception is the idea that biblical parenting isn’t gentle. The Word has so much compassion, love and mercy for us to model after, but, as is the habit of man, we’ve departed from that model and labeled our flawed way “biblical”. God’s wisdom isn’t what needs improvement- it’s our application of it. I think we all need a reminder of Proverbs 21:30 sometimes in this world (especially with social media)-
“There is no wisdom nor understanding nor counsel against the Lord”
P.S.
I know we all long to love the best we can, but look at the condition of the world right now. What if it isn’t God’s will to parent “gently” like the world encourages.
So good! ❤
I love this convo so much. I also like gentle parenting but don’t agree with everything. It’s great to hear you guys’ perspective as parents. Thank you for sharing guys!!!
Absolutely loved this and am in such agreement about balance in parenting techniques. Also, side note, Milena, you look so beautiful like this. This is my favorite look of yours ever. Natural beauty just shining through.
I respectfully disagree with your assessment and characterization of gentle parenting. I do think it can for sure be unrealistic and exhausting. But the natural consequences for me, using your example, if the milk is spilled then they no longer have milk (and have to clean it up if old enough to do so). They lose privileges when they don’t follow the expectations that are clearly and repeatedly stated. For me it’s not about obedience and control. I think that viewing parenting through a religious lens may be where we differ, since I am not a religious person. Also I believe gentle parenting is different for various stages of your child’s life-I at least take it as authoritative yet loving (respectful) in a balance that works for the unique situation/ child’s temperament and personality.
👏🏼THIS 👏🏼 RIGHT 👏🏼 HERE. I have been following your channel since before I had my 3 kids and have always loved your parenting style and looked to your channel for insight. Something was always off in my values with gentle parenting but I couldn’t pin point what it was until I read Parenting with Love & Logic. It was like a mixture of gentle parenting but with assertiveness and if I remember correctly had a biblical background (I read a few books lol) this book opened up a new way of parenting for me that sounds a lot like what you guys are talking about here. So glad you felt convicted in this area and are now speaking about it.
He was on point when he said teenagers dont want to go to thier parents. There is an overwhelming shane we experience at that point when we let them down-- that we disconnect to protect ourselves
I don't know much about biblical parenting because I'm not a parent yet, but I work with many young children and their parents as an educator. This is what I've gathered: many people try to be a gentle, authoritative parent but unfortunately end up becoming a permissive parent instead. Most parents have the best intentions when raising their kids but don't hold their boundaries firm enough.
For example: I had a new child in my class today who refused to speak to me and expected me to baby him like his mother does. I asked him maybe twenty times if he wanted milk or water to drink for lunch. I gave him all of the prompts that he could answer in case he was confused, nervous, or needed help answering... still nothing. He was clearly testing me. (this child has no disabilities or language barrier). At a certain point I raised the stakes and held his lunch over the trash can, asking him if he wanted to eat his lunch... still nothing. He even looked to the other teacher to come "rescue" him... Long story short: I ended up tossing a child's Tupperware lunch container into the garbage can. (I took it out when he wasn't looking, so that he could eat it later. I'm not a monster LOL) It was a logical consequence for disrespecting the person who feeds him-- a lesson that he needed to learn. You bet your bottom he didn't disrespect me after that and answered when spoken to. If I had not held my ground, the child would have been rewarded for his disrespectful behavior. Kids are resilient. They're not stupid or fragile. It is our responsibility as caretakers to teach them how to behave, so that they don't grow up to become monsters. That requires discipline. There's really no way around it.
A gentle parent gives opportunities to resolve an issue before delivering the consequence, then uses the consequence as a learning experience. A permissive parent gives in and rewards the disrespectful behavior. Permissive parenting is creating a bunch of little narcissists and I'm not here for it.
The child’s temperament is what determines which type of parenting approach works for you and your family. Certain things can be talked out, while other things can’t (safety and non-negotiable issues). When you have more than one child, one may need more discipline than the other but the rules and consequences or rewards should apply across the board for all. Be consistent. Let your yes be yes and no be no.
this is all wrong as you aren't talking about gentle parenting, you're talking about permissive. Either you did this, or learned from someone who also had it wrong?
I went to my parents all throughout my life. It was simple because I trusted them, and I knew they loved me unconditionally. I won't say it was always easy, but I did. My parents were believers, we were loved, and disciplined. They weren't perfect. But one thing that was consistent was we knew we were loved no matter what, and knew we could trust them.
I just need to pause the video and say it .. Milena you look absolutely STUNNING ! You are radiating truly !!! God bless❤
Loved this! Sounds very similar to the parenting style we have been using. We recently did a course with a group of other young parents (hubby and I are 24 and we have a 2yo son and 4mo daughter), it’s called “Growing Kids God’s Way” and it was amazing! Would highly recommend to anyone wanting to do Biblical parenting. They constantly back up all their knowledge with scripture and encourage addressing the child’s heart to point them to Christ. 🤍
I would love for y’all to go in more depth on this with different approaches of what it looks like to biblically gentle parent at different ages
This is very eye-opening.
As A teenager I was not validated by my parents as much, but my youth leaders were always there for me, and I felt so comfortable going to them. My mom never resented that she thanked them still to this day.
I love that y’all said surround your kids and pray but they may go to you with any problem, but if they don’t, they go to people in the church and people who share the same values.
LOVE! We want to raise families that are GOD centered, not CHILD centered. God, spouse, children. Order is so key.
I love that you touched on getting down on the child’s level. I think that’s something my parents weren’t able to understand and probably didn’t even have the resources in order to do. I think it’s vital to understand where our children are at developmentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. To gauge what they should understand and how to help them understand what they cannot. Deepening the lessons as they grow older.
I think it helps to understand okay my child is 2. What are they going through at this age? What do they know and do not know?etc. Bringing yourself to step into their shoes and as the Bible would say, putting another before yourself. Seeing how they are viewing something can deescalate a temper tantrum, for example, because you are now able to understand why the temper tantrum is even happening and you can help them in the ways they need in that particular situation.
I can see that if I had that growing up, how much more I would be able to handle and regulate my own emotions now.
Without just being told: “don’t cry”, “don’t be angry”, etc. Where there is no direction on what I am to do when I have strong emotions.
i feel like you don’t know what gentle parenting is. I highly recommend connected families and discipline that connects with the heart of your child. Gospel centered and gentle like jesus. I’m a mom of 4 ages 6, 8, 10, 11 so trust me, i’m in the thick of it more than most 😅 Literally every movement is dying to myself and gently loving and guiding and correcting my kids. Yes sure sometimes they need to take a bath and you just need them to listen but most of the time the reason they don’t want to take a bath is because something happened that day where they felt like they didn’t have control and they made an agreement with the devil about their identity and it doesn’t sit well and they hurt. That’s where gentle parenting steps in to ask “what’s up buddy?” cause that’s what Jesus does. If your expect first time obedience you will miss the opportunity to break and void that contract with the enemy they signed that day. Not totally sure how old your kids are but if you don’t make that space safe by age 4, there is no way that your 11 year old kid will feel safe enough to bring their burdens to you for fear of it being perceived as disobedience. It sounds like your heart is in the right place but please please heed the wisdom of parents farther down the road.
Can you make this a series? I'm currently caring for 2 and 3 year old girls in Believing family and as a Believer myself it's important to me to figure out how to respond in those situations that require discipline. They're so impressionable and they deserve the best I have to offer so I want to learn the best I can.
I’m soo confused because I thought she was all about gentle parenting and what she would preach on her channel and now she’s not for it 🤔
This has helped me so much guys! I really needed to hear this!
I was suffering for so long wondering what was wrong and what was right….
Thank god you guys have opened my eyes.
Can you do more of these videos about parenting.
I appreciate you guys being open about your parenting, I'm a mom of two and I'm trying do parenting different than the previous generations before me. There's a lot of fear and anxiety instilled in my family and I don't want to raise codependent children. I'm trying to teach them it's okay to not be perfect and make mistakes while also teaching them to be compassionate and respect boundaries. It's not easy
There's some really wrong theology in this conversation. 😕
I won't go into detail, but maybe also consider that children bear the image of God. We should treat them as IMAGE BEARERS! I personally prefer to frame my view of my children from that perspective, not that they're "little sinners"
So happy I stumbled upon this. I have been struggling with some aspects of gentle parenting once of which being the lack of consequences bringing out the worst in my children. As a Christian I whole heartedly believe that a biblical perspective on parenting changes your parenting techniques. Instead of looking to the world for parenting advice we should look to the WORD you are completely correct. Thank you for sharing your prospective.
Good job! Happy to see the changes and growth in you both!
I highly recommend "Parenting toward the Kingdom"
Will you ever make a podcast on why you do Botox and lip filler? It is of the world. Every women on Instagram and UA-cam have filler. Why do you have it as a believer? Is Jordan okay with that decision? Just curious Milena!
She actually did make a video on this if you look back through her UA-cam channel!
@@allyssa5090 which video is it? because the two videos I saw with the words “filler or Botox”, she only talked about that she has had it. That’s pretty much it. And said she doesn’t need fixing. Then told us that we should pray for revelation that we don’t need fixing either. But she still gets Botox, lifts, and lip filler? I wonder why she still chooses to do it. Not trying to be rude or insensitive but isn’t she being a hypocrite? Jordan is a believer also, I would think he would tell her she is beautiful and encourage her with scripture of her identity in Christ! Not the world’s standard. God made us in His image. We are beautiful in His eyes. I know nobody is perfect but Milena is a influencer. Her and Jordan chose to be in public eye with UA-cam and podcast. I’m just a little confused here
@@lyla2082 It’s a pretty recent video - she says she has previously gotten filler and Botox, but that she no longer is. And that it’s a personal conviction!
@@lyla2082 Vanity is bondage video
I recommend that you make a quick google search about Milena. You'll find a lot of interesting information about her on a well-known discussion site.
Telling your young children that they are sinful can cause so much damage. This is the cause of religious trauma and separation from the church. I think it can be dangerous to go too far down that path.
Yes this is so good! I am thankful that the Lord is showing y’all these things and it’s a great topic to address! I teach my kids that the reason they need to obey is not just because mom says to obey, but because the word of God does and that He is the final authority. We read Ephesians 6:1 together often and refer back to the Word. Even when I fall short and sin against them and God, we talk about that and I will be quick to apologize to them and ask the Lord for forgiveness. They need to see us doing that too and see repentance at work. I believe that the goal in teaching our children to be obedient to us is so that they will one day learn how to be obedient to the Lord, with the help of the Holy Spirit.
My husband and I have been on SUCH a similar journey: recognizing secular parenting strategies for what they are and leaning into Biblical principles to guide our household. I saw one of your earlier videos where you were demonstrating a secular parenting strategy and I started to pray for you guys. Not viciously like "help them see what I'm seeing" but praying that your hearts would change on this, and that your eyes would be open since you have a following and other believers are looking to you. It gave me straight up chills several times to listen to this video and hear how far you've come. You are SO BRAVE because of course you're going to get attacked for this, but know that I am so thankful for you. I also don't feel as alone anymore, especially after reading all the comments in support.
Notice I said "secular parenting" instead of gentle because I actually think *that* is the differentiation you're trying to make!!! Correct me if I'm wrong. Secular vs. Biblical. Fully secular parenting is NOT Biblical and is based on the idea that children are inherently good. If you believe in the Bible and that we are all (children included) sinful by nature, then Biblical parenting will align with your views. For anyone who does not believe fully in the Bible, anything other than secular parenting going to be a VERY tough sell, and we will always get backlash about even using the word "sin." My friends who do secular parenting genuinely believe their children are inherently good, and they are baffled that I don't. That's not to say I am shaming my children constantly, quite the contrary, I'm helping them identify sin in their life, being honest about the sin in my own life, and attempting to walk our family to the cross daily. We talk about repentance and FORGIVENESS. We don't let past sins hang over us because God doesn't! We talk about how he forgave us so we can and should forgive each other. But again, this is going to be lost on someone who refutes the idea that human beings are sinful by nature. Once you make that change in viewpoint and apply it to your parenting, everything changes and you see secular parenting for what it is.
We can all argue until we're blue in the face over who gets to "use" the word gentle in our parenting strategy title, but really when you name it what it is: secular vs. Biblical, it helps point out the FOUNDATIONAL differences (I think at least) We can all use the word gentle! We can all be gentle!!!! Trust me, my Biblical parenting is MUCH more gentle and loving than my secular parenting ever was.
Love this conversation! Thank you for sharing. I came to the same conclusion and had the same convictions for our son a couple years ago (he’s now 7). Raising him according to the textbook gentle parenting method wasn’t teaching self control or obedience. As a society we tend to go to extremes rather than finding that balance. Would love for you to unpack this further!
Guys, gentle parenting does not mean not having boundaties. It means using connection to get them to follow, not punishments or shame, bribery or force. One uses force, not to be ”assertive” but because they’ve runnout of tools and don’t know what else to do. Educate yourself Milena!
I just have to say I am loving this more natural look! Milena, you have brown so much in the 3 years or so that I’ve been watching you, amazing to see!!!
Gotta love when people don’t do any research on what they’re talking about. You clearly don’t know what gentle parenting is and are mistaking it for permissive parenting
Wasn’t your degree in child development? Where is your research..?
Thanks for having this conversation guys. I’ve realised that it’s not “Gentle parenting” or “Biblical parenting” the Bible has so much to say about how correction should be done. Gal 6:1 “…restore him in a spirit of gentleness” so Biblical parenting should be gentle and loving. Not how the modern gentle parenting movement understands it, but as the Bible defines it. We should correct (not validate sinful emotions) but it NEEDS to come from a place of love and love as defined in 1 Cor 13:4 “kind and patient.” We ought to correct our children as we’d like to be corrected…in love and kindness.
You’re absolutely right in saying that the key problem in gentle parenting is that it doesn’t address the heart, as Christian’s it should be alllll about what’s going on in their (and our) heart. We can’t validate every emotion they’re feeling. Because often our emotions and feelings are sinful. And if they never learn that how they behave at times is sinful, how will they ever see their need for Christ! And if they never learn to obey their parents and honour them with their words, tone and actions they miss out on a promise that God gives Eph 6:1-3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” We ought to love our children too much to allow them to walk unchecked in whatever sinful emotion they feel. But when we correct, we need to check ourselves and make sure we’re not sinning either by doing it harshly and without loving kindness.
Developmentally, I don't think teaching about sin and self control is realistic for a 1-3 yo. Their brain is only in the primitive stage and this is why they need lots of grace. We can't expect them to live up to the standards of Christian divinity that is clearly called to adults. The Bible is mostly silent when it comes to children other than telling adults to be more like children. Children should be protected throughout their childhood to set them up for a successful adulthood where they are able to have self control. How do we prepare them? With boundaries, verbal correction with words they understand. Some adults don't even understand the complexities of sin. Yes, no, good, bad. Simple. Meltdowns at 3 are normal, at 4 or 5, they aren't. A 3 yo should be able to safely express their emotion as long as they aren't hurting themselves or others. A 5 yo who can fully communicate with words should not express their emotions the same as a 3 yo who can't. Personally, I smack their hand or diapers but to communicate their behavior is dangerous towards themselves or others at the toddler stage. Once we can communicate with words, I transition to a time out and talk. Older kids, I take away a privilege. My kids know the boundaries and a well adjusted in public spaces and social situations. I have a son who is 4 with a development delay and speech delay, but we don't have any behavior issues outside of how my other children behave. I just meet him where he is developmentally. It is all about what your child can understand verbally and what they can express verbally. My kids get plenty of verbal warnings before a further step is taken to correct their behavior.
Are you referring to gentle parenting or respectful parenting? Roslyn Ross & Janet Landsbury do an incredible job laying out the foundation as to why respectful parenting works well. I agree with this to an extent but also keep in mind true respectful parenting sets clear and strong boundaries for children. Sometimes there’s a misconception that it’s “permissive” which is just not the case. I highly recommend The Theory of Objectivist Parenting and No Bad Kids. Great books! Love the viewpoint of approaching this all from a biblical perspective.
I just appreciate how quickly you two got to it! great, honest topic.
Cannot wait for a deeper dive into all of these!!
I am glad you are talking about this because I see how gentle parenting effects the children in school
Id love for you to explain this.. sounds interesting
They are not against to gentle parenting they are explaining how the Lord put in their eyes the magnifying glass on each concept of it & came conviction of what God speaks in his word. They are pleasing God not the world. Thank you guys for sharing ❤
Thank y’all soooooo much for making this video 🫶🏼
this was so encouraging to me. i never watch your podcasts (i just don’t love podcasts- nothing to do with you!) but i prayed last night for God to show me where i need to make a change in my parenting and then today i just randomly clicked on your podcast channel and this was the first video i saw. thank you for speaking on this! i pray that the Lord encourages you to continue to speak on these “spicy” subjects!
Shepherding a child’s heart by Ted Tripp is the best book by far about discipline! It’s dry at first but hang on until like the 7th chapter, it gets soooooo good!
This book literally tells you to hit your kids out of “love”… it has terrible theology and that concept is not biblical at all. Dont read this book
I think learning right from wrong is all a toddler can handle… adding sin in there is whole other level for them to try to comprehend. I think knowing what sin is, is important but I think age appropriateness is needed
I don't see what's so hard about it. its just missing the mark..
Sinful? They are Childern, they are learning. Bring a teacher, or child therapist. Someone professional on the podcast. Nothing to do with Jesus, they can follow Jesus and have a tantrum. Like they can’t be prefect. Y’all lie and Sin or have. You can meet them at their level and be firm.
Agreed
I’m definitely drawn to gentle parenting, but sometimes the way it’s presented to us by these “experts” (some of which aren’t even parents yet themselves or are brand new to parenthood and haven’t yet dealt with the craziness that is toddlerhood), is that you cannot get mad at your kids, your kids will only and always respond to you calmly explaining why they can’t hit their sibling (when it’s happened for the 15th time in an hour), etc, it just isn’t a one size fits all like they make out. My two daughters are strong willed and the way one responds to my parenting style is not at all how the other one responds to it. We’re all learning, and the first child often falls into being the guinea pig because we are imperfect people, and sinners ourselves. I am continually praying for God’s guidance through this whole parenthood thing.
Wowww love, love, love this shift in your lives about Christ in all areas. We can see how God has been speaking to you both to use this channel as a vehicle to preach the gospel. Jordan, example on denominations being created just bc we want to be accepted, and we are bringing that to our homes and kids, instead of parenting Jesus way. Sooo good, tk you for sharing 👏🙏
Milena looks absolutely gorgeous!! Her skin looks stunning. Her natural beauty is so pretty!!!
9 minutes in and she’s interrupted her husband 5 times, let him speak…
This was such a good conversation. Can ya'll do a part 2?
Thank y’all for bringing this conversation to your platform. It needs to be had! I’ve had much conviction about gentle parenting and it just did not go well with our 3. It only enabled their sinful nature and we would see where they began to rationalize that their behavior wasn’t problematic. Kids are extremely smart and gauge our behavior towards them very well. To the point my kids wanted to negotiate rather than to obey. We can validate them and their emotions and seek to maintain a heart connection. But children feel most safe when they feel the adult in their life is “in control”. The same way we feel about our Heavenly Father. Parenting is such a huge topic that hardly content or books can span the nuances of it all. It’s a life lived experience. I appreciated the conversation
I loved this episode so much! Praise God for His faithfulness in pruning your family to become more like Him 🫶🏼
Milena and Jordan. I am glad you spoke up on this. I will say one thing that called me to be more of a gentle parent was actually a book that Milena suggested and it was the title Gentle Discipline by Sarah Ockwell Smith. Reading the book I quickly realized that the gentle parenting in the book was not the same as the gentle parenting trending now. It was much more authoritative which I loved. I think the permissive gentle parenting that is trending in this generation is the problem and I 100% agree with your point of view. I know many will not but in due time people will come around and realize the dangerous slope that permissive parenting truly is.
Also Milena Authoritative Parenting and Authoritarian parenting are two VERY different things. ☺️❤️ praying that the Lord continues to guide you.
So encouraged by this! ❤️ Love learning alongside you guys!