Hi Dr C, I'm always open to therapy. Sadly, there are many therapists who just don't understand narcissism and I think a lot of us have grown frustrated by this. A bad therapist can harm more than heal. I've wasted a lot of time with gaslighting therapists. Channels such as yours genuinely help. Thank you for all you do!
Nobody understands how deep the wounds go, esp when you were raised by one. I'm literally fighting cancer right now, by myself, and compared to the nightmare inside my head and heart from narcissistic abuse, the cancer is like nothing. That says a lot right there.
Yes, me too.🤚🏻 Thank you Dr. Carter. You have so many people out here who are very thankful for your demeanor, empathy, kindness, hard work and willingness to share your knowledge. Boy, you’ve really gotten me through some tough days. I really appreciate you! God bless you in return. ❤️
I have made significant growth & have more peace of mind as a result of understanding why my parents behaved as they did, due to Dr Carters explanations of Narcissism.
"You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending." Focussing on good character, being humble and having a teachable heart. Thanks, Dr C
@@DrLesCarter The first sentence is going around on the internet as a quote attributed to CS Lewis, but it is not known who actually wrote it, and he did not. I should've written Anon.
Lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed by the broken experiences/disappointments/relationships from the past. Those thoughts recur and somehow I try to deflect them. But sometimes I cannot and just lie down doing nothing. Thank you very much for reinforcing and reminding us that growth is probably the only viable choice to move forward!
I understand that feeling of being overwhelmed by hurts from the past. I've been choosing to forgive those from my past, because "they know not what they were doing". The hardest is forgiving myself for taking it all inside and letting it change my life. I've had to do this over and over and over, but I truly believe I am one step closer to a complete healing every time I do. I hope you find your path to growth as well.
That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I am not broken. My new emblem is the phoenix that rises from the ashes to live again. The narcissist did not break me. I have used the experience to understand where I went wrong and I look forward to everyday of life and what it will teach me. I have also learned that life is in the details; I will never win any medals but if I can live a life of integrity and love then I will have made it all worthwhile.
I was broken when young because my parents were/are abusive. I was taken from them at 16 for my safety. My mother was vindictive and held a huge grudge for getting busted and dad did nothing. I was on my own, without a loving or supportive family. Mom made dad stop paying for my college so I had do do it in my own. I slept on the floor in my apartment because I couldn't afford a bed for months. I used the experience to get multiple jobs, work hard, get my education. I found free therapy at a local clinic. I worked hard to not be a victim and make a career for myself. It worked, to my surprise, after a lot of very hard work. I was very sad and cried a lot, sad over the betrayal of my parents. They never improved. I got stronger and all these years later I have a successful business and a good life. I no longer call or visit my parents. The sadness is replaced with healing and life is peaceful. I have scars of the past but they don't rule me like they once did..they're less "sharp" since I'm no longer exposed to abuse and have kinder, better people in my life. My therapist is a good support when I need her. It took years of feeling lost and sad but what I learned in therapy through the years snowballed in time. I learned boundaries and how to cope. And got strong enough to let go of the toxic people in my life.
I'm ready to move on from my brokenness. I dwelt in the house of sadness for as long as I plan to. I think one thing that really helps is to wrap your mind around something that really interests you. Keep your mind busy and occupied. It's good to be helpful with others as well, I always feel like I've spent my time well when I've helped someone. In time you forge a new road away from the old broken down road.
I am so glad you are finding your way back to a fulfilling life, everything you said is true. When I do those things I feel much better too. Although sometimes I need to give myself a kick up the bum to get there 🙂 hope you continue on your journey in this positive way x
Comeback to our inner being helps us to heal up our brokenness and, at the same time, it rises up from abyss as like Phoenix bird rising from its own ashes. Dr. Les Carter, thanks for one more useful video!
Absolutely! So glad you got that person back because of this doc too, because I lost my inner self too to some good degree at some point. The so-called loss of the FORMER good (Idealization phase) of a narc ONCE AND FOR ALL is such a gain, its not even funny. The REAL ME is back! Signing off (incidentally or IS IT) from Phoenix, AZ!
Looking forward to this teaching. One of my favorite things is the Japanese art Kintsugi (I think I spelled it right). They repair broken pottery with gold, making it more beautiful, valuable, and unique than before. Dr. C, I might see if I can do this to a DRC mug I ordered.
Sometimes, when I look up & reflect at the struggles I have had while knowing a narc. I feel so humble. I am willing to do anything to be happy again. I am a soul journer who is willing to join forces with others. Yes, I am developing my character. Am I broken? Probably. Putting humpty dumpty back together again.
jo: your screen name could be 'humpty dumpty' so cute and telling. I always enjoy reading 📚 your 📫 post throughout the narc channels. ¹⁰sept : Stay Blessed 🙏
I was broken before the covert dark triad narc. Narc father so my template for life was its normal its not. Got to keep some positives. I am comfortable by myself. I will help those who ask for it. 409 views in 35 minutes that says something great about your content.
Again, Dr. C, you’ve hit the nail on the head! I’ve decided to give up the broken mindset of “Humpty Dumpty” and switch the Japanese art of Kintsugi in which broken pottery is repaired with gold and made even more strong while more beautiful! Living a life of good character, self respect, and strong boundaries is my goal for mending my “brokenness” from divorce, toxic relationships, alcoholism, professional ambiguities and family struggles. Thank you for addressing this topic! Bonnie L.
Wow this was a real breakthrough message. Thank you yet again Doctor Carter for helping us with your wisdom! I learned we can have pity or power. I take the power in a humble, kind and respectful way to myself and others. Please keep your messages coming! We as Survivors can use our experiences no matter how emotionally painful as a springboard for helping others! I love that.Much peace to you Doc.
There will.never be a time when a narcissist will.have empathy for anything or anybody, stop.looking for it stop.expecting it. There Narc lens is always focused on them, you cannot share hurts or disappointments with these people That's ammunition for them to come at you save your time,your peace fix your self Thanks Dr Carter this blog is a.God sent.
Broken & battered after growing up in a toxic home and then long term marriage to a covert narcissistic ex husband. Divorced a couple of months ago. I'm still experiencing nightly upsetting or very sad dreams. I've gone no contact which has helped. I'm journaling and have a great support system of family and friends. Some days I do just fine. While other days, like today, I experience a entire array of emotions. Anger, sadness, loneliness and confusion. The confusion comes from my trying to understand the whole thing, my role in it and even how and why I didn't see it a lot sooner. 😢
Dear Doctor Carter, thank you for your kindness and dedication to help us. You may not know but you show God's kindness in your good principles. Thank you. Your in my prayers.
Therapy works, as long as you don't find yourself sitting in the office of a psychotherapist who's a narcissist (or worse). My first two experiences with therapists were both empathic people who were wonderful human beings. I had another who asked me if I was going to sue him because he recognized that he had crossed a line. He cost me dearly in time and money, having to recover from PTSD for years. PTSD breaks your spirit AND your will. The fact is that there are too many psychotherapists who lack empathy for others. I have had 3 clients (2 psychologists and 1 LCSW) who are all narcissists and in no way fit to be offering therapy to others because they're so self-absorbed, need to feel superior to others, and exploit the people who come to see them for money. One even exclaimed to me, "I've had one patient for 6 years!", as if that's something to be proud about. I told her it's unfortunate she didn't have the skill set to help the woman who clearly trusted her. Another bragged about how she didn't pay her nanny and only covered her expenses for food while she lived with their family (which is considered human trafficking in California), and how she cheated on all her continuing education credits for the last 10 years. The third bragged about how she exploited one of her "friends" for a trip to Australia. She claimed she didn't have the money to travel, but said her friend wanted a relationship with her, so she was able to convince her to pay her way. These are all well-educated women who are therapists and bragging about how they exploit others and cheat on their required CEs to keep their qualifications? All 3 are no longer my clients. Finding an empathic therapist who has the skillset needed to actually move you forward can be challenging AND expensive. When you're "broken" you often don't have the money required to pay for therapy, much less for one who is truly experienced enough to really know what works versus what they were taught at uni. ...and God help anyone who was unfortunate enough to have tangled with someone with a Cluster B disorder because few psychologists receive any education on Cluster B disorders, much less on how to help someone who was unfortunate enough to be traumatized by one of them. 30 years ago I thought therapy was the healthiest, most responsible action someone could take in moving their life forward. Now I'm much, MUCH wiser and have educated myself, and therapists must earn my respect and trust now. From what I understand, it's far more productive to see a good hypnotherapist rather than a psychologist. It's unfortunate more people don't know this fact.
It seems that it's common for narcissist to have experienced childhood abuse and therefore it's common that individuals who have experienced childhood abuse generally struggle with narcissistic behaviors. But there isn't much talked about for individuals who have endured childhood abuse but don't necessarily exhibit higher incidences of narcissistic behaviors. Dr. C please help me to understand this dynamic better.
My Narc has been dead for 6mths now. Recovery has been hard....grief....but not grief because of his death. Grief for a relationship that could have been but was not, a marriage that could have been beautiful. But accepting who he really was and choosing to understand the disease has done wonders for me. Grief is over, my joy is back and life is moving forward for me. Have lived through my Dad's alcoholism with the help of Alanon. Acceptance and serenity, emotional detachment and courage has been my mantra for the last 8 yrs. I am physically healthy....emotionally stable and spiritually sound. Thank you Dr. C. and Dr. R. For all you knowledge and encouragement , you two are a God send!! Blessings to you both!!😄❤
SO VERY happy for you & a beautiful summation of a dark journey...inspirational for all of us walking this path of brokenness 🙏🙌& 💯 Dr C & Dr R have been pivotal in my healing❤
A beautiful attitude towards life....I liked a statement I read this week that reminding us that Jesus called us to be the "Salt" rather than "Sugar" of the earth.
Thank you for this Dr Carter. Very nicely put , I shall make significant efforts to follow this positive advice. I have been described as being stubborn by many , I hope to turn this around to a positive form of the trait and help others , but listen more. Twenty years as a Cop took its toll , now is time to rebuild.
So encoraging dr.C. Two years of following you has finaly set me free from narc. relationships with several narc. single women, to whom I’ve been their slave and underdog. Thanks to you and my dear Lord, I’m free to embrace love again. Next month on a date with the most humble, caring, serving and beatiful lady. Hi to Gus🐾 He plays a very important part in this😀. Kimothy❤️🇩🇰
Life deals you with problems which are at times difficult to overcome but these times show me that your never to old to learn and grow and experiences shape the person you’ve become 🌸
Excellent talk....I myself.." Lots to say on this...Lost home, Fire, Family passing, Social dysfunctional nature of the everyday/ pandemic community, which we all endured and still do.. A Monk's lesson to share/ helped me on philosophy of life Quote "What's hat's done is finished !! and the nature of Impermanence or ( impermanent) nature of life if I am saying, correctly...All changes the message?? Find Peace my point My story complicated, ( me) however, ..." Faith and Volunteering " I am not perfect, helped, . I stepped forward from pain....instead of waking circles in anger and self destruction in time and space" Life's not fair....period, But in faith...the Sun and In life..."newer days" are ahead for me, and "other's", if we " see it " or them all ..."before us"...... and not what is behind/ past Thanks Peace
I started learning about alcoholism because one kind of alcoholism really seemed to fit my NarcEx, in particular, Jeckle and Hyde Alcoholism. I read everything I could on the subject, until I read a passing reference to how the Jeckle and Hyde Alcoholic had many traits in common with a person with NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER. ---> The more I read about NPD, and especially the traits of Covert or Vulnerable NPD, the more it really seemed to be a perfect fit with almost every trait she exhibited! Then I started binge watching Dr. C. (and many others, as time went by...) I went NO CONTACT as the first action I took on the road to my recovery. What an AMAZING sense of relief, I felt! ---> Now, I'm just about at the end of my third year of successful NO CONTACT, and well on my way to being quite healthy. I doubt that I would have ever even started on the road to recovery, let alone found out how to be happy, had it not been for Dr. C. and watching his many helpful UA-cam videos! ---> Thanks again, Doc!
@@DrLesCarter And I didn't skip my 1/2 of the responsibility, either! I learned a whole lot about my family and myself that I had no idea about. My dad, my brother and my Mom's Mom were Narcissists. Myself, my Mom and my Mom's Dad were Co-dependents/people pleasers/enablers. I never met my Mom's Dad. I guess my Grandpa was the first one to realize his mate was a Narc, and split when my Mom was 2 or 3... well maybe he didn't know the clinical term, but he knew She was MESSED UP! It's complicated. Imagine me taking over 65 years to find out about NPD and how and why my whole family was screwed up (including me). I really, really wish that NPD and the other cluster "B" disorders were part of my grade school or high school curricula. I might have made a better thing out of the last 40 or 50 years of being a "Serial NPD Relationship Recidivist". It will not happen with me, again. I'm 70 now, so it might not happen again, anyway, because I could croak before hand! But I won't be fooled again, if I DO get another chance!
I love Gus I just had to put 2 of my 16year old Border Collies who were brothers ..(,one belonged to my narcissistic husband of 30 years ,) who didn't care his dog was sick...they both passed within 4 months of each other broke my heart but thinking back of all the happiness they gave me over the years it has helped to heal..thank you Dr. CARTER for your healing and support in working through getting back to loving who I am
I can't do what 10 thous people tell me to do so jus stay the same song come s to mind but omg Les carter both doc lisa s are here to help us and help understands life and humans and everyone vents .
Small encouragement. Just some plain kindness caused me to know hope. I took it. I have this beautiful opportunity to share it today. Your plain common sense helps.
Thank you Dr Carter! You're always so inspiring and lift many spirits as you speak! You're so down to earth and so easy to listen to! Thank you again for your worldly wisdom and expertise to lead the broken ones and help us to grow! I am one of your biggest fans!
Thank you Dr carter thank you for this video. My brockenes will start with having boundaries, and not giving the benefit of the dought. You know what you are talking about on Narcissistic personality disorders. I appreciate your advice very much. 🌟👍💯
Thank you, Dr. Carter, I listen to your channel every day, many times over ... and, I learn tremendously from you every day ... this particular video is full of wisdom ...result: better quality of mental health, better quality of life. Just great!
Developing the ability to find a positive in any negative situation is a good skill to have, and brokenness doesn't need to define you foreevermore as a victim. Dedicating your experience to positive growth facilitates a great ability to endure with composurer. The difference is you can recognise and know how to move forward without getting hurt.
Hello Dr. Carter. I imagne a video were you give a lot of good advices and, on close up, those great landscapes paintings you have. Congratulations to your artist wife.
' we find strength in sharing experiences'. One of NAMI 5th principle of support. Sharing has become a way to turn my brokenness into growth. Nami = nat'l alliance for mental illness. ¹⁰sept
Thank you Dr C. I appreciate your guidance when I lose faith a bit. So easy to drop into negativity and think nothing will change. But it’s up to me and how I build my character. What a beautiful path.
Thank you so much for these thoughts, and your positivity, so needed in my life right now. Getting past the brokenness is not easy but so very necessary. I truly appreciate. You have taught me so much, thank you!
Yes, you can turn brokenness into growth. I am a living example and believe it is necessary for growth to occur. The last 5 years have been, well, let's call it a regeneration. I finally awoke to my prior conditioning of serving a narcissist my Father. I was the last child of 6 kids, so his skills were perfected by this time. His conditioning lead me to a narc business partner and having a marriage with a narcissist; I got the 2 for 1 narc special : D. After awakening and realizing what narc abuse was, I had to create a whole new set of values, boundaries, a moral compass and learn how to behave and navigate in my new world; no more people pleasing, no more doing things for others before myself, no more of my old life. Though it wasn't over yet, people could see and sense that I was weak during this time and would take advantage, especially my family. This pain and suffering I endured has made me so emotionally strong and aware that I feel like I've reached a different level consciousness. I truly live in the present moment and am not consumed by emotion and reaction anymore. It's almost like going to hell before you get to heaven. I hope everyone that is or has gone thru narc abuse heals and becomes the beautiful person in which they are naturally. Thank you Dr. C for talking about an important topic for our healing.
So basically you can stay depressed OR you can turn the sorrow outward and be angry at others ( become bitter and small) OR you can choose to grieve it out...learn from it (whatever it is) , grow (up) and be helpful to others who are hurting in the same you are or were wounded..
I don't know how I feel about this 1 Dr.C... I don't like starting my day with tears running down my face! What's really strange this time is realizing that I USED TO do/be what's talked about here. So, I had it right & lost it? I had a screwed up childhood, as in, my own mother hated me just for being born & ruining her life ~ had unstable childhood & then had me at 17, before "pro-choice" gave females a choice. My birth screwed-up her life & those around her, as it turned out. I was 16 when found out that my Dad, family & last name were all a lie. "Surprise!" As I grew up, had no doubts how she felt about me & she made my life miserable in every way possible. Experienced every kind of abuse growing up, but no one talked about it or called it that back then. But school is where I shined! Teachers loved me & I loved school. At school, I was "good". Got all "A's". Hated weekends. (Looking back, think some teachers knew home was bad, but in 1960's...) Oldest of 4 kids - 2 she loved & adored & 2 of us the opposite. I was responsible for daily housework & watching the kids, while getting good grades in school. I was ripe old age of 10 & up. My baby brother was a handful!! Wow! Hyperactive, too smart, always getting in trouble - really a challenge for ANY parent, let alone my mother!😏 We were the 2 she didn't like at all & got daily whippings. Him for stuff he did, like making fires, breaking things, lying, stealing food from kitchen...& me cuz', "I was s'posed to be watching him." Life sucked & I couldn't wait to graduate & get the hell out of there, away from HER! Brother & I were bonded & I love him to this day❣️ School was my refuge, where I was happy & treated well, praised & stuff. Well, I did graduate, at age 16 (almost 17), having been "skipped" semesters in grades 4 & 6. Got into drugs, ran away alot in early teens, until God sent me a "Mom" who could love me! 💗 Changes absolutely everything!!! Adults & my legal family thought I'd just be a druggie, etc. They'd tell mother that I'd hate kids cuz' of having to raise hers. People who knew me from family thought I was a lost cause. "Ha!" They didn't know my "heart-adopted" Mom! (God had plans, I think.) After grad, moved out with a boyfriend - never looked back. "My turn to live." I was then able to enjoy my "💗Mom" & she became my only Mom. My teachers & 💗Mom are why I became a preschool teacher. In daycare, I spent most of children's day with them & loved them as if my own. I did fir them what my teachers did for me. I felt that I can make sure that they feel loved & good all day, every weekday, no matter what was going on at home. Went to Community College at night & got AA degree while working daycare. It was what I was born to do! No doubt! The kids loved me. I loved them. And parents loved it too. Best years of my life! Thanks to my little brother, turns out I have a gift for "problem kids" -- not problems; just little more challenging. I do great with them & found teachers sent theirs to me. I'd found a way to "turn the bad from my life into good". Single parents have it really tough! I don't know how they do it, 24/7!?! They let me know how much they appreciated me loving & caring about them & their kids. ("bonus!") When had to retire early, helped raise my niece (stayed close to that 1 brother) until she was 6; her parents had a lot of problems. Sadly, no children of my own, but was neighborhood's favorite babysitter & often kids just came over to play, or we'd go to the pool. Me & kids are just a "natural". Without knowing it, had done what Dr. C is talking about here & it IS still amazing to me how good it felt! (Had my 💗Mom loving me all that time too. She was my "rock".) Wish I could say things are still like that. But I can't. Life & health dealt too many blows & I now realize that I eventually succumbed to that. Don't let that happen to you! Now, all I have is the comparison - then to now. Trust me, you don't want that! Guess I have some more crying & thinking to do now. I am what you never want to be ~ helpless & hopeless in the end years of your life. NOW, my shit defines me. Don't recall giving up & giving in, but I guess I did. Life will continue trying to knock you down ~ sometimes pummeling you relentlessly. DON'T LET IT BEAT YOU! It's only clear in hindsight, I think. You don't want to be where I am now. Guarantee you that. Nothing feels as good as overcoming, but more than that, taking the bad stuff & putting it to good use, REALLY IS the BEST feeling inside!! And turning it around like that is conquering it... winning... & "the best revenge", if you will.
"There is a difference between a broken spirit and a broken will." I love that! Thank you, Dr. C.
Hi Dr C, I'm always open to therapy. Sadly, there are many therapists who just don't understand narcissism and I think a lot of us have grown frustrated by this. A bad therapist can harm more than heal. I've wasted a lot of time with gaslighting therapists. Channels such as yours genuinely help. Thank you for all you do!
Yup!
And that’s why these videoes are such a safe space to heal and grow
@@kimothy1377 For sure!
Nobody understands how deep the wounds go, esp when you were raised by one. I'm literally fighting cancer right now, by myself, and compared to the nightmare inside my head and heart from narcissistic abuse, the cancer is like nothing. That says a lot right there.
@@allywolf9182 You are not alone ... I'll be praying for you
not sure where i would be now without the last several months of Dr C on UA-cam 😎
Me too
Yes, me too.🤚🏻 Thank you Dr. Carter. You have so many people out here who are very thankful for your demeanor, empathy, kindness, hard work and willingness to share your knowledge. Boy, you’ve really gotten me through some tough days. I really appreciate you! God bless you in return. ❤️
Dr. C. is a remarkable voice of reason’ when we must work at recovery’ after trusting a viper: a misogynistic-paranoid clusterA/B abuser type!
I have made significant growth & have more peace of mind as a result of understanding why my parents behaved as they did, due to Dr Carters explanations of Narcissism.
Life giving.
"You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending."
Focussing on good character, being humble and having a teachable heart. Thanks, Dr C
Great way to put it!! Dr. C
@@DrLesCarter The first sentence is going around on the internet as a quote attributed to CS Lewis, but it is not known who actually wrote it, and he did not. I should've written Anon.
Absolutely!!
I just wanna mention, it's very beautiful to see this quiet dog in the background of the video.
Lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed by the broken experiences/disappointments/relationships from the past. Those thoughts recur and somehow I try to deflect them. But sometimes I cannot and just lie down doing nothing. Thank you very much for reinforcing and reminding us that growth is probably the only viable choice to move forward!
Options #1 and #2, no way.
I understand that feeling of being overwhelmed by hurts from the past. I've been choosing to forgive those from my past, because "they know not what they were doing". The hardest is forgiving myself for taking it all inside and letting it change my life. I've had to do this over and over and over, but I truly believe I am one step closer to a complete healing every time I do. I hope you find your path to growth as well.
@@reenierickard3399 truly transformative process. , thanks for that. You’re inspiring. xx
That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I am not broken. My new emblem is the phoenix that rises from the ashes to live again. The narcissist did not break me. I have used the experience to understand where I went wrong and I look forward to everyday of life and what it will teach me. I have also learned that life is in the details; I will never win any medals but if I can live a life of integrity and love then I will have made it all worthwhile.
I have in my mind a vision of my future that I am going to help others with my knowledge and experiences.
I agree. There’s a great and blessed task for us. Good to know we are needed and can be useful to others
I was broken when young because my parents were/are abusive. I was taken from them at 16 for my safety. My mother was vindictive and held a huge grudge for getting busted and dad did nothing. I was on my own, without a loving or supportive family. Mom made dad stop paying for my college so I had do do it in my own. I slept on the floor in my apartment because I couldn't afford a bed for months. I used the experience to get multiple jobs, work hard, get my education. I found free therapy at a local clinic. I worked hard to not be a victim and make a career for myself. It worked, to my surprise, after a lot of very hard work. I was very sad and cried a lot, sad over the betrayal of my parents. They never improved. I got stronger and all these years later I have a successful business and a good life. I no longer call or visit my parents. The sadness is replaced with healing and life is peaceful. I have scars of the past but they don't rule me like they once did..they're less "sharp" since I'm no longer exposed to abuse and have kinder, better people in my life. My therapist is a good support when I need her. It took years of feeling lost and sad but what I learned in therapy through the years snowballed in time. I learned boundaries and how to cope. And got strong enough to let go of the toxic people in my life.
Be a "person of growth", I really like that. ☺️
I'm ready to move on from my brokenness. I dwelt in the house of sadness for as long as I plan to. I think one thing that really helps is to wrap your mind around something that really interests you. Keep your mind busy and occupied. It's good to be helpful with others as well, I always feel like I've spent my time well when I've helped someone. In time you forge a new road away from the old broken down road.
I am so glad you are finding your way back to a fulfilling life, everything you said is true. When I do those things I feel much better too. Although sometimes I need to give myself a kick up the bum to get there 🙂 hope you continue on your journey in this positive way x
Keep your health and positivity going....
Comeback to our inner being helps us to heal up our brokenness and, at the same time, it rises up from abyss as like Phoenix bird rising from its own ashes. Dr. Les Carter, thanks for one more useful video!
Absolutely! So glad you got that person back because of this doc too, because I lost my inner self too to some good degree at some point. The so-called loss of the FORMER good (Idealization phase) of a narc ONCE AND FOR ALL is such a gain, its not even funny. The REAL ME is back!
Signing off (incidentally or IS IT) from Phoenix, AZ!
Helping to keep each of us on our path of growth! Thanks Dr C!
You're welcome, Rory! Dr. C
I have always been a lifetime learner.
Looking forward to this teaching. One of my favorite things is the Japanese art Kintsugi (I think I spelled it right). They repair broken pottery with gold, making it more beautiful, valuable, and unique than before. Dr. C, I might see if I can do this to a DRC mug I ordered.
I had not heard of that illustration, but it is quite apt. Thanks, Dawn! Dr. C
You're very welcome!
So cool!!!!! Can you send a pic?
Beautiful metaphor. I need to write this down and keep it for strength.
@@ceciliapadua7685 I'm sorry for the delay. I just saw this moments ago. I'll attempt to send a link...I failed. ☹️
Sometimes, when I look up & reflect at the struggles I have had while knowing a narc. I feel so humble. I am willing to do anything to be happy again. I am a soul journer who is willing to join forces with others. Yes, I am developing my character. Am I broken? Probably. Putting humpty dumpty back together again.
However broken you feel, just remember you are better than him, and always will be. You have feelings, something the narc will never allow…
jo: your screen name could be 'humpty dumpty' so cute and telling. I always enjoy reading 📚 your 📫 post throughout the narc channels.
¹⁰sept : Stay Blessed 🙏
Just when you think you're on top of the world these little brokenness moments show back up it's terrible I'm having a rough morning 😬
A year later and just sent this to someone is distress. So in love with free will. Much gratitude.
I was broken before the covert dark triad narc. Narc father so my template for life was its normal its not. Got to keep some positives. I am comfortable by myself. I will help those who ask for it. 409 views in 35 minutes that says something great about your content.
I wish there were more men and dogs in the world like Dr. Carter and gorgeous Gus.
You're kind. Dr. C
Again, Dr. C, you’ve hit the nail on the head! I’ve decided to give up the broken mindset of “Humpty Dumpty” and switch the Japanese art of Kintsugi in which broken pottery is repaired with gold and made even more strong while more beautiful! Living a life of good character, self respect, and strong boundaries is my goal for mending my “brokenness” from divorce, toxic relationships, alcoholism, professional ambiguities and family struggles. Thank you for addressing this topic! Bonnie L.
Wow this was a real breakthrough message. Thank you yet again Doctor Carter for helping us with your wisdom! I learned we can have pity or power. I take the power in a humble, kind and respectful way to myself and others. Please keep your messages coming!
We as Survivors can use our experiences no matter how emotionally painful as a springboard for helping others! I love that.Much peace to you Doc.
So pleased, Angela. Keep learning! Dr. C
Muuuch Love and Respect from around the World Dr.
So grateful. Dr. C
Character development as a means to happiness... my brain and heart just felt that. 🕊
So grateful to have Dr. C with me on life's highway🙏
Brokenness can lead to transformation
Another one I'll watch many times. Thanks again Dr. C for your encouraging words.
Thanks, Dawn. Dr. C
There will.never be a time when a narcissist will.have empathy for anything or anybody, stop.looking for it stop.expecting it. There Narc lens is always focused on them, you cannot share hurts or disappointments with these people
That's ammunition for them to come at you save your time,your peace fix your self Thanks Dr Carter this blog is a.God sent.
Broken & battered after growing up in a toxic home and then long term marriage to a covert narcissistic ex husband. Divorced a couple of months ago. I'm still experiencing nightly upsetting or very sad dreams. I've gone no contact which has helped. I'm journaling and have a great support system of family and friends. Some days I do just fine. While other days, like today, I experience a entire array of emotions. Anger, sadness, loneliness and confusion. The confusion comes from my trying to understand the whole thing, my role in it and even how and why I didn't see it a lot sooner. 😢
Thank you very very much for being here.
Dear Doctor Carter, thank you for your kindness and dedication to help us. You may not know but you show God's kindness in your good principles. Thank you. Your in my prayers.
Thanks so much for being an encourager, Amber. Dr. C
@@DrLesCarter thank you! 😊
Amen! Never stop learning come along side stay away from negative uninformed input
Therapy works, as long as you don't find yourself sitting in the office of a psychotherapist who's a narcissist (or worse). My first two experiences with therapists were both empathic people who were wonderful human beings. I had another who asked me if I was going to sue him because he recognized that he had crossed a line. He cost me dearly in time and money, having to recover from PTSD for years. PTSD breaks your spirit AND your will.
The fact is that there are too many psychotherapists who lack empathy for others. I have had 3 clients (2 psychologists and 1 LCSW) who are all narcissists and in no way fit to be offering therapy to others because they're so self-absorbed, need to feel superior to others, and exploit the people who come to see them for money. One even exclaimed to me, "I've had one patient for 6 years!", as if that's something to be proud about. I told her it's unfortunate she didn't have the skill set to help the woman who clearly trusted her. Another bragged about how she didn't pay her nanny and only covered her expenses for food while she lived with their family (which is considered human trafficking in California), and how she cheated on all her continuing education credits for the last 10 years. The third bragged about how she exploited one of her "friends" for a trip to Australia. She claimed she didn't have the money to travel, but said her friend wanted a relationship with her, so she was able to convince her to pay her way. These are all well-educated women who are therapists and bragging about how they exploit others and cheat on their required CEs to keep their qualifications? All 3 are no longer my clients.
Finding an empathic therapist who has the skillset needed to actually move you forward can be challenging AND expensive. When you're "broken" you often don't have the money required to pay for therapy, much less for one who is truly experienced enough to really know what works versus what they were taught at uni.
...and God help anyone who was unfortunate enough to have tangled with someone with a Cluster B disorder because few psychologists receive any education on Cluster B disorders, much less on how to help someone who was unfortunate enough to be traumatized by one of them.
30 years ago I thought therapy was the healthiest, most responsible action someone could take in moving their life forward. Now I'm much, MUCH wiser and have educated myself, and therapists must earn my respect and trust now.
From what I understand, it's far more productive to see a good hypnotherapist rather than a psychologist. It's unfortunate more people don't know this fact.
It seems that it's common for narcissist to have experienced childhood abuse and therefore it's common that individuals who have experienced childhood abuse generally struggle with narcissistic behaviors. But there isn't much talked about for individuals who have endured childhood abuse but don't necessarily exhibit higher incidences of narcissistic behaviors. Dr. C please help me to understand this dynamic better.
You either become an empath or narcissist when you come out of that situation
My Narc has been dead for 6mths now.
Recovery has been hard....grief....but not grief because of his death. Grief for a relationship that could have been but was not, a marriage that could have been beautiful. But accepting who he really was and choosing to understand the disease has done wonders for me.
Grief is over, my joy is back and life is moving forward for me. Have lived through my Dad's alcoholism with the help of Alanon. Acceptance and serenity, emotional detachment and courage has been my mantra for the last 8 yrs.
I am physically healthy....emotionally stable and spiritually sound. Thank you Dr. C. and Dr. R. For all you knowledge and encouragement , you two are a God send!! Blessings to you both!!😄❤
In Great shape in North Carolina!!!
SO VERY happy for you & a beautiful summation of a dark journey...inspirational for all of us walking this path of brokenness 🙏🙌& 💯 Dr C & Dr R have been pivotal in my healing❤
A beautiful attitude towards life....I liked a statement I read this week that reminding us that Jesus called us to be the "Salt" rather than "Sugar" of the earth.
"Man in Search of Meaning" is an excellent book. Viktor Frankl was a great mind.
More good stuff to ponder, thanks dr c 👍🏼
Thank you for this Dr Carter. Very nicely put , I shall make significant efforts to follow this positive advice. I have been described as being stubborn by many , I hope to turn this around to a positive form of the trait and help others , but listen more. Twenty years as a Cop took its toll , now is time to rebuild.
Kudos to you sir.
Best wishes!
Very encouraging, thank you. (Nice to see Gus again!)
Yes. I’ve missed Gus too
It Feels So Much Gooder to Thrive❣
Blame & Shame is A Really "LAME" Game 😋
(In all Diversities of the Word Lame)
Having life kick your ass can make you humble.
I liked that one very much. Thank you so much Dr. Carter❣️
So encoraging dr.C. Two years of following you has finaly set me free from narc. relationships with several narc. single women, to whom I’ve been their slave and underdog. Thanks to you and my dear Lord, I’m free to embrace love again. Next month on a date with the most humble, caring, serving and beatiful lady. Hi to Gus🐾 He plays a very important part in this😀. Kimothy❤️🇩🇰
I wish you well as you move forward, Kimothy. Dr. C
Life deals you with problems which are at times difficult to overcome but these times show me that your never to old to learn and grow and experiences shape the person you’ve become 🌸
Glad to hear your sound understanding and hope to direction of help.
So true! We are all broken at some level.
Excellent talk....I myself.." Lots to say on this...Lost home, Fire, Family passing, Social dysfunctional nature of the everyday/ pandemic community, which we all endured and still do..
A Monk's lesson to share/ helped me on philosophy of life
Quote
"What's hat's done is finished !!
and the nature of Impermanence or ( impermanent) nature of life if I am saying, correctly...All changes the message?? Find Peace my point
My story complicated, ( me) however, ..." Faith and Volunteering "
I am not perfect, helped, . I stepped forward from pain....instead of waking circles in anger and self destruction in time and space"
Life's not fair....period,
But in faith...the Sun and In life..."newer days" are ahead for me, and "other's", if we " see it " or them all ..."before us"...... and not what is behind/ past
Thanks Peace
I started learning about alcoholism because one kind of alcoholism really seemed to fit my NarcEx, in particular, Jeckle and Hyde Alcoholism. I read everything I could on the subject, until I read a passing reference to how the Jeckle and Hyde Alcoholic had many traits in common with a person with NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER.
---> The more I read about NPD, and especially the traits of Covert or Vulnerable NPD, the more it really seemed to be a perfect fit with almost every trait she exhibited! Then I started binge watching Dr. C. (and many others, as time went by...) I went NO CONTACT as the first action I took on the road to my recovery. What an AMAZING sense of relief, I felt!
---> Now, I'm just about at the end of my third year of successful NO CONTACT, and well on my way to being quite healthy. I doubt that I would have ever even started on the road to recovery, let alone found out how to be happy, had it not been for Dr. C. and watching his many helpful UA-cam videos!
---> Thanks again, Doc!
I love knowing that you're working it out! Dr. C
@@DrLesCarter And I didn't skip my 1/2 of the responsibility, either! I learned a whole lot about my family and myself that I had no idea about. My dad, my brother and my Mom's Mom were Narcissists. Myself, my Mom and my Mom's Dad were Co-dependents/people pleasers/enablers. I never met my Mom's Dad. I guess my Grandpa was the first one to realize his mate was a Narc, and split when my Mom was 2 or 3... well maybe he didn't know the clinical term, but he knew She was MESSED UP! It's complicated. Imagine me taking over 65 years to find out about NPD and how and why my whole family was screwed up (including me). I really, really wish that NPD and the other cluster "B" disorders were part of my grade school or high school curricula. I might have made a better thing out of the last 40 or 50 years of being a "Serial NPD Relationship Recidivist". It will not happen with me, again. I'm 70 now, so it might not happen again, anyway, because I could croak before hand! But I won't be fooled again, if I DO get another chance!
free will - free will - free will 😎
Thank you for these insights Dr. C! Hi Gus! 🐶
Beautiful words in the end of the video. Thank you, Dr. Carter 🙏🏻
You're most welcome. Dr. C
I love Gus I just had to put 2 of my 16year old Border Collies who were brothers ..(,one belonged to my narcissistic husband of 30 years ,) who didn't care his dog was sick...they both passed within 4 months of each other broke my heart but thinking back of all the happiness they gave me over the years it has helped to heal..thank you Dr. CARTER for your healing and support in working through getting back to loving who I am
Thank you for your invaluable help and support!
Thank you Dr. Carter 💯 Your expertise and time is truly appreciated.
Character development. Yes.
I can't do what 10 thous people tell me to do so jus stay the same song come s to mind but omg Les carter both doc lisa s are here to help us and help understands life and humans and everyone vents .
I definitely feel 💔heartbroken. Beyond belief. Neither my mom nor my daughter give a crap about our relationship. They are both superior to me.
Small encouragement. Just some plain kindness caused me to know hope. I took it. I have this beautiful opportunity to share it today. Your plain common sense helps.
Thank you Dr Carter! You're always so inspiring and lift many spirits as you speak! You're so down to earth and so easy to listen to! Thank you again for your worldly wisdom and expertise to lead the broken ones and help us to grow! I am one of your biggest fans!
Thank you Dr carter thank you for this video. My brockenes will start with having boundaries, and not giving the benefit of the dought. You know what you are talking about on Narcissistic personality disorders. I appreciate your advice very much. 🌟👍💯
Ur explanation are very clear and makes me feel worth of doing good from the state of brokenness. ..
I love your new intro!
Yes! Very inspiring!!! Thanks Dr C
Thank You Dr. 🙌
Thank you, Dr. Carter, I listen to your channel every day, many times over ... and, I learn tremendously from you every day ... this particular video is full of wisdom ...result: better quality of mental health, better quality of life. Just great!
I think you can read my mind Dr C! You seemed to be speaking straight to me. Thank you for your wisdom.
Sincerely God bless you. I'm grateful for this channel and the healing journey ☺️
Developing the ability to find a positive in any negative situation is a good skill to have, and brokenness doesn't need to define you foreevermore as a victim. Dedicating your experience to positive growth facilitates a great ability to endure with composurer. The difference is you can recognise and know how to move forward without getting hurt.
I am from Brazil and I am really glad for your videos.
So pleased to be with you there in Brazil. Dr. C
Very encouraging. Thank u
I have been broken both ways. Working very hard to be #3. Thank you for doing what you are doing!
You're why I do this! Dr. C
Such wisdom: thank you Doctor.
Thank you very much for your videos of wisdom , they are been a blessing . 🙏
Thx for always helping us to look inside ourselves, Dr. Carter. Always so appreciated!!
So true! We have all been broken at some level.
Hello Dr. Carter. I imagne a video were you give a lot of good advices and, on close up, those great landscapes paintings you have. Congratulations to your artist wife.
It's a joy being married to an artiste! Dr. C
Thank you so very much for your teaching, Dr. Carter. I've learned a lot and I thank God for you often!!!!
Thanks so much, Anne. Dr. C
Thank you!
Thank you, these videos serve as the springboard for a real paradigm shift
Thank you for this Dr. C.
Frankl's books have helped me so much.
' we find strength in sharing experiences'.
One of NAMI 5th principle of support.
Sharing has become a way to turn my brokenness into growth.
Nami = nat'l alliance for mental illness. ¹⁰sept
Thank you Dr C. I appreciate your guidance when I lose faith a bit. So easy to drop into negativity and think nothing will change. But it’s up to me and how I build my character. What a beautiful path.
This is exactly what I need to hear. Thank you Dr. C!
Beautiful. Thank you
So happy to see sweet Gus!
Thank you, Dr C! I very much appreciate your kind, wise encouragement.
And it looks to me like Gus is in harmony with your message.
I just find your channel. Thanks for sharing this ❤
Thanks, and stick around! Dr. C
Thank you, Dr. Carter. I needed this pep talk right now! It's like you can channel my psyche...
Thank you so much for these thoughts, and your positivity, so needed in my life right now.
Getting past the brokenness is not easy but so very necessary. I truly appreciate. You have taught me so much, thank you!
Yes, you can turn brokenness into growth. I am a living example and believe it is necessary for growth to occur. The last 5 years have been, well, let's call it a regeneration. I finally awoke to my prior conditioning of serving a narcissist my Father. I was the last child of 6 kids, so his skills were perfected by this time. His conditioning lead me to a narc business partner and having a marriage with a narcissist; I got the 2 for 1 narc special : D. After awakening and realizing what narc abuse was, I had to create a whole new set of values, boundaries, a moral compass and learn how to behave and navigate in my new world; no more people pleasing, no more doing things for others before myself, no more of my old life. Though it wasn't over yet, people could see and sense that I was weak during this time and would take advantage, especially my family. This pain and suffering I endured has made me so emotionally strong and aware that I feel like I've reached a different level consciousness. I truly live in the present moment and am not consumed by emotion and reaction anymore. It's almost like going to hell before you get to heaven. I hope everyone that is or has gone thru narc abuse heals and becomes the beautiful person in which they are naturally. Thank you Dr. C for talking about an important topic for our healing.
Thanks for such inspiring words! Keep leaning forward, Caro! Dr. C
So basically you can stay depressed OR you can turn the sorrow outward and be angry at others ( become bitter and small) OR you can choose to grieve it out...learn from it (whatever it is) , grow (up) and be helpful to others who are hurting in the same you are or were wounded..
I don't know how I feel about this 1 Dr.C... I don't like starting my day with tears running down my face! What's really strange this time is realizing that I USED TO do/be what's talked about here. So, I had it right & lost it?
I had a screwed up childhood, as in, my own mother hated me just for being born & ruining her life ~ had unstable childhood & then had me at 17, before "pro-choice" gave females a choice. My birth screwed-up her life & those around her, as it turned out. I was 16 when found out that my Dad, family & last name were all a lie. "Surprise!" As I grew up, had no doubts how she felt about me & she made my life miserable in every way possible. Experienced every kind of abuse growing up, but no one talked about it or called it that back then.
But school is where I shined! Teachers loved me & I loved school. At school, I was "good". Got all "A's". Hated weekends. (Looking back, think some teachers knew home was bad, but in 1960's...)
Oldest of 4 kids - 2 she loved & adored & 2 of us the opposite. I was responsible for daily housework & watching the kids, while getting good grades in school. I was ripe old age of 10 & up. My baby brother was a handful!! Wow! Hyperactive, too smart, always getting in trouble - really a challenge for ANY parent, let alone my mother!😏 We were the 2 she didn't like at all & got daily whippings. Him for stuff he did, like making fires, breaking things, lying, stealing food from kitchen...& me cuz', "I was s'posed to be watching him." Life sucked & I couldn't wait to graduate & get the hell out of there, away from HER! Brother & I were bonded & I love him to this day❣️ School was my refuge, where I was happy & treated well, praised & stuff.
Well, I did graduate, at age 16 (almost 17), having been "skipped" semesters in grades 4 & 6. Got into drugs, ran away alot in early teens, until God sent me a "Mom" who could love me! 💗 Changes absolutely everything!!!
Adults & my legal family thought I'd just be a druggie, etc. They'd tell mother that I'd hate kids cuz' of having to raise hers. People who knew me from family thought I was a lost cause. "Ha!" They didn't know my "heart-adopted" Mom! (God had plans, I think.) After grad, moved out with a boyfriend - never looked back. "My turn to live." I was then able to enjoy my "💗Mom" & she became my only Mom.
My teachers & 💗Mom are why I became a preschool teacher. In daycare, I spent most of children's day with them & loved them as if my own. I did fir them what my teachers did for me. I felt that I can make sure that they feel loved & good all day, every weekday, no matter what was going on at home. Went to Community College at night & got AA degree while working daycare. It was what I was born to do! No doubt! The kids loved me. I loved them. And parents loved it too. Best years of my life! Thanks to my little brother, turns out I have a gift for "problem kids" -- not problems; just little more challenging. I do great with them & found teachers sent theirs to me. I'd found a way to "turn the bad from my life into good". Single parents have it really tough! I don't know how they do it, 24/7!?! They let me know how much they appreciated me loving & caring about them & their kids. ("bonus!") When had to retire early, helped raise my niece (stayed close to that 1 brother) until she was 6; her parents had a lot of problems.
Sadly, no children of my own, but was neighborhood's favorite babysitter & often kids just came over to play, or we'd go to the pool.
Me & kids are just a "natural". Without knowing it, had done what Dr. C is talking about here & it IS still amazing to me how good it felt! (Had my 💗Mom loving me all that time too. She was my "rock".)
Wish I could say things are still like that. But I can't. Life & health dealt too many blows & I now realize that I eventually succumbed to that.
Don't let that happen to you! Now, all I have is the comparison - then to now. Trust me, you don't want that! Guess I have some more crying & thinking to do now. I am what you never want to be ~ helpless & hopeless in the end years of your life. NOW, my shit defines me. Don't recall giving up & giving in, but I guess I did. Life will continue trying to knock you down ~ sometimes pummeling you relentlessly. DON'T LET IT BEAT YOU! It's only clear in hindsight, I think.
You don't want to be where I am now. Guarantee you that. Nothing feels as good as overcoming, but more than that, taking the bad stuff & putting it to good use, REALLY IS the BEST feeling inside!! And turning it around like that is conquering it... winning... & "the best revenge", if you will.
Lots to ponder with what you say here, Sunny. Thanks for sharing all this. Dr. C
Awesome reasoning Thanks😁
I choose 3. Thank you
Thank you Dr C. Very interesting, helpful topic!
Hey Doc! Thank you for this really powerful message here, Dr. Carter. I really needed to hear this, man. I appreciate it very much. :) JV Johnny
So pleased. Thanks for the good feedback. Keep learning! Dr. C
Thank you for a very insightful video.
Just what I needed to hear. Thank you so much, Dr. C.
You are so welcome. Dr. C