i'm a gay man, and got raped by a teenage women as a kid , and i still feel emotionally numb to this day. i well never get over the feelings associated with, and i don't know where to start for help
There is help available! I would strongly suggest finding a specific therapist that is trained in complex trauma and or sexual violence. Healing is possible 🙏
Trauma awareness is vital to help men. As a victim myself you explained my childhood fears and anxiety. It took 40 years too long to feel empowered to tell my story. I do feel empowered now to no longer allow my perpetrator to keep me silent any longer. Treatment works and helps to grow stronger. I’m no longer a victim but a survivor. Thanks for your work.
I was molested for a period of time which started around age 9 and though I tried to keep it secret, in high school a girl I Knew who was the cousin of my sister's friend found out I was abused and said she thought I would have beat him up because when I was 15 when she found out, I was muscular and in good shape; I guess she couldn't picture me as a small 9 to 11 year old boy.
I am a survivor of three years of sexual abuse. It started when I was 19, in late adolescence. I spent seven years in mental health, and no one ever asked about my life or past. I fought for 30 years to come back from this. (I want to say that as a gay man, it was just as hard to understanding myself, just in the other direction.) Male image was definitely a part of dealing. And I just want to affirm that male sexual abuse, although prevalent among younger boys, still happens to young men and adults. Everything he says is true, but some of us were used and abused by a person who was simply controlling and abusive. The process is similar. Thank you for this video. Just remember it is not just young boys.
I would like to say that this post gives me hope. Hope for our society. They or rather we do not have all the answers yet but at least we seem to be trying. I am in the same boat as some of you that the statute of limitations has long since run out. I am now 51 yrs old, my abuse started when I was 11 and ended at 18. I went through the substance abuse, then rehab, then my dad threw his own ignorance thought all I needed was a good career. which I suffered through 23 yrs. Now here I am, tomorrow will be my 2nd session with my therapist. I tried everything else I could think of including working 24/7, all the drugs and alcohol I could get my hands on, religion and spent my whole life running from it. Might just as well try this too. You all hang in there and never stop trying. Maybe I'll update in the future.
Matthew my advice is to find a group of sexually abused men and disclose all the details, write it down, read it out loud,write it down over and over and talk to the group and you are never going to forget it but talking about it without restraints helps. I know.
I get angry at this thing about how its so hard to believe men are victims. Is it culture or some genders roles? It doesnt seem to serve men whatsoever, the belief that men are so strong, even as little kids. It seems to really harm men who suffered childhood abuse, adding more shame.
I only just disclosed recently. I don't even like talking to my support worker and psych about anything because it triggers me and takes weeks to get back to normal
I think he's a professional talking about what his job has trained him what to say. I goto recovery meetings and the therapist who runs the group is a recovered alcoholic. I am recovered heroin addict and disagree with his choice of recovery for heroin. He still thinks that cold turkey is the best for detoxing off Heroin. Even now with so much fetanal in dope. Relapsing is guaranteed death scenting
I feel that there is incredible resistance, by women, to the fact that women do evil things to others. Unfortunately the evil of the mother is shunned, disregarded and even totally denied as possible.
It took me 40 years of dissociation and a major breakdown till I disclose to myself and others. Yes, I’ve spent years thinking that something is wrong with me sexually but couldn’t put my finger on it. My attacker was within the family and he did it to many boys and girls until he got caught
Adult males are also assaulted, such as college aged men, etc. It's not only male children. This is also part of the stigma, when the assault happens at a point in their lives when men feel they *should* be able to fend off their attacker. We need to be careful to not only speak of this as a children's issue.
I've been looking for info on the topic of women raping men for 20 years, ever since a close friend of mine shared some disturbing events that happened to him as a young adult & the ensuing trauma bond. It's really sad and upsetting subject but I'm glad to finally find more info.
I broke up with my feminist girlfriend because she was constantly minimizing my perspective as a male survivor of sexual abuse. I acted up when I cut her off because of the anniversary of my assault. I just got sick of all the endless nit-picking and her emotional defense of feminism where every argument ended with her trying to shame me for disagreeing with her or being critical of feminism. meanwhile she says she was raped repeatedly, but then I found out that just meant that she was verbally pressured into having sex multiple times.
Even if a victim was a muscular teenager, if the abuser raised and programmed him to think that's his fate, or 'obligation', the kid will have no fight in him, as he's been raised to think he's not worth fighting for. Plus he could be abused by others who use the same triggers. It's way more complex than being physically overpowered. Every rape victim should prosecute. No exceptions. Only the abuser imagines exceptions.
You mention (around minute 27) that there are many similarities between men's and women's experiences and we could learn a lot from sharing that with each other. For the last 12 years or so, I've been co-leading groups for abuse survivors based on Dr. Dan Allender's work as it was developed by Open Hearts Ministry in Kalamazoo, MI. Dan is part of their board of advisors to help them continue to develop and refine the program. Guess what? We often do mixed groups. Of course, it is easier for some to be in a single gender group at first. The similarities are very big. And for the women, it is an amazing dynamic for them to be in a group where men are speaking healing into their lives as well as even weeping over their stories. Likewise it is a great thing for the men to tell their stories to other men-and women-and be accepted for who they are not what happened to them. One thing that it's done for me is to be better able to hear women's stories at a depth I wish men in general could experience. In talking with many women, I've seen over and over that they resonate with the idea that sexual abuse is not just a bodily invasion but an invasion of something they sense as sacred. That's one thing I think is a difference: at least in magnitude.
I wish I could join you, I'm currently working on it with EMDR and the truth is, it doesn't always help, if at all. And I have the feeling that my therapist is at a loss.
When I was a kid from the age of 5 till 11 or 12, I would get sexualy abused by my grandmother every day for summer vacations, and I taught it was normal, I didn't tell anyone because I know it was not right... now I'm 21 and idk man it's very messed up
I was molested went I was 8 thru 12 I keep as a secret for 15 yrs cause of embarrassing in disgust now the in 27 it still embarrassing is like he took mine manly away but I’m straight I’m attracted too female
+jasonasdecker What an idiotic video! Why would the percentage of abuse be higher for men among non family than family? Just because they are boys? Who is being found to commit most physical abuses and murders of children. You stupid idiot I have been asking and looking for help for 30 plus years do some effing research. I have not been believed
I don’t find any any healthcare providers that specialize in sexual abuse by mother’s and their son’s. What is the long term effects and psychological effects that these men have later in their lives ?
The belief that a man who seeks out and perpetrates sexual crimes against a boy is a heterosexual... is ridiculous. That is nothing more than feminist ideology to keep the focus on heterosexual males as being the primary offender of children, based on the power imbalanced narrative. The reality is if you are a male and you intentionally seek out a male child…. then that is a homosexual attraction in the Offender. The victim’s sexuality is not part of the equation because the Offender is attracted to the gender, and not a perceived sexuality in the child. I think it idealistic with regards to your comment on Men and Women healing together. As victim/Survivors we can as a collective come together to create environments and processes for healing regardless of gender or sexuality differences but, I believe there is a emotional if not Spiritual healing that comes from men working with other men, and the same for female victim/Survivors. Like it or not men and women are different, and the dynamics of sexual violence perpetrated against us and our responses to that trauma are different. At some point we are going to have to speak truth into the discussion if we are ever to get ahead of sexual assault but, I do not see that happening until we open up the Sexual Assault Response Community to Male Victimization which presently it is not. In Canada we have a female dominated to exclusivity response community that is based on the feminist ideology of Male as Offender Only and Female as Victim Only. This despite studies which have shown since the early 80’s that 35% of all sex crimes against children are committed by females.
This is very interesting. I'm surprised that many men feel gay after being rapeing or molested . I knew I liked women from the start and being raped never changed that.
As explained, and I believe clarified to me, by a therapist : rapists of males, especially if they are violant towards their victims, despise their own homosexuality, hense their wish to destroy their object of attraction; namely the victim.. [I have only listened to 12 minutes of this excellent talk; but the point I am making seems counter to what is being said here. I will return later . . .]
Imagine you are married and love your wife. You have a female boss at work. You have a lot of debt o pay and it isn't easy to switch jobs. One day your female boss hint you that you are to be her fuck puppet or else fuck off the job. If you bend down you are raped. Not too hard to Imagine, isn't?
God never said he doesn't. Man said he doesn't, but god never did. Believe that he does accept you until he directly tells you otherwise. Go out and actively make the decision to be happy with who you are because what other choice is there?
I guess you have to further your business plan,but your wrong about men and woman healing together.and theres not many men Ive ever known who say anything to a woman the same as they do to other men.You have lots of knowledge but little wisdom....I guess you can help some people but lasting healing is only through a spiritual awakening....sweat lodge,born again,buddhism ectect...)I dont think they know this in your "occupation",but noone ever has been cured by talking about the past,and you cant give what you dont have.
i'm a gay man, and got raped by a teenage women as a kid , and i still feel emotionally numb to this day. i well never get over the feelings associated with, and i don't know where to start for help
There is help available! I would strongly suggest finding a specific therapist that is trained in complex trauma and or sexual violence. Healing is possible 🙏
Please get some help 🙏.
First therapist I've ever seen that understood and believed what we've gone through.
Trauma awareness is vital to help men. As a victim myself you explained my childhood fears and anxiety. It took 40 years too long to feel empowered to tell my story. I do feel empowered now to no longer allow my perpetrator to keep me silent any longer. Treatment works and helps to grow stronger. I’m no longer a victim but a survivor. Thanks for your work.
I was molested for a period of time which started around age 9 and though I tried to keep it secret, in high school a girl I Knew who was the cousin of my sister's friend found out I was abused and said she thought I would have beat him up because when I was 15 when she found out, I was muscular and in good shape; I guess she couldn't picture me as a small 9 to 11 year old boy.
It’s crazy how some people can’t realize how insane their reactions can be when hearing someone disclose their story
I am a survivor of three years of sexual abuse. It started when I was 19, in late adolescence. I spent seven years in mental health, and no one ever asked about my life or past. I fought for 30 years to come back from this. (I want to say that as a gay man, it was just as hard to understanding myself, just in the other direction.) Male image was definitely a part of dealing. And I just want to affirm that male sexual abuse, although prevalent among younger boys, still happens to young men and adults. Everything he says is true, but some of us were used and abused by a person who was simply controlling and abusive. The process is similar. Thank you for this video. Just remember it is not just young boys.
Are you okay now?
I would like to say that this post gives me hope. Hope for our society. They or rather we do not have all the answers yet but at least we seem to be trying. I am in the same boat as some of you that the statute of limitations has long since run out. I am now 51 yrs old, my abuse started when I was 11 and ended at 18. I went through the substance abuse, then rehab, then my dad threw his own ignorance thought all I needed was a good career. which I suffered through 23 yrs. Now here I am, tomorrow will be my 2nd session with my therapist. I tried everything else I could think of including working 24/7, all the drugs and alcohol I could get my hands on, religion and spent my whole life running from it. Might just as well try this too. You all hang in there and never stop trying. Maybe I'll update in the future.
Matthew my advice is to find a group of sexually abused men and disclose all the details, write it down, read it out loud,write it down over and over and talk to the group and you are never going to forget it but talking about it without restraints helps. I know.
Great video. This will help a lot of people understand men who were abused as children.
I get angry at this thing about how its so hard to believe men are victims. Is it culture or some genders roles? It doesnt seem to serve men whatsoever, the belief that men are so strong, even as little kids. It seems to really harm men who suffered childhood abuse, adding more shame.
I only just disclosed recently. I don't even like talking to my support worker and psych about anything because it triggers me and takes weeks to get back to normal
I think he's a professional talking about what his job has trained him what to say. I goto recovery meetings and the therapist who runs the group is a recovered alcoholic. I am recovered heroin addict and disagree with his choice of recovery for heroin. He still thinks that cold turkey is the best for detoxing off Heroin. Even now with so much fetanal in dope. Relapsing is guaranteed death scenting
I think there's an extra layer of shame that keeps males who were abused by other males from speaking out.
I feel that there is incredible resistance, by women, to the fact that women do evil things to others. Unfortunately the evil of the mother is shunned, disregarded and even totally denied as possible.
Yeah that does happen, but things are changing. People are getting aware.
It took me 40 years of dissociation and a major breakdown till I disclose to myself and others. Yes, I’ve spent years thinking that something is wrong with me sexually but couldn’t put my finger on it.
My attacker was within the family and he did it to many boys and girls until he got caught
Adult males are also assaulted, such as college aged men, etc. It's not only male children. This is also part of the stigma, when the assault happens at a point in their lives when men feel they *should* be able to fend off their attacker. We need to be careful to not only speak of this as a children's issue.
I think any man that rapes another man should get the death penalty and I’ll pull the switch.
I've been looking for info on the topic of women raping men for 20 years, ever since a close friend of mine shared some disturbing events that happened to him as a young adult & the ensuing trauma bond. It's really sad and upsetting subject but I'm glad to finally find more info.
We love you no matter what. Know this!
I broke up with my feminist girlfriend because she was constantly minimizing my perspective as a male survivor of sexual abuse. I acted up when I cut her off because of the anniversary of my assault. I just got sick of all the endless nit-picking and her emotional defense of feminism where every argument ended with her trying to shame me for disagreeing with her or being critical of feminism. meanwhile she says she was raped repeatedly, but then I found out that just meant that she was verbally pressured into having sex multiple times.
Yup. Been a few months and I don't regret it one bit. I'm sure glad I did it before the election! lol
Being pressured to have sex IS rape
Men Too!!!!!!!!!!!
Even if a victim was a muscular teenager, if the abuser raised and programmed him to think that's his fate, or 'obligation', the kid will have no fight in him, as he's been raised to think he's not worth fighting for. Plus he could be abused by others who use the same triggers. It's way more complex than being physically overpowered. Every rape victim should prosecute. No exceptions. Only the abuser imagines exceptions.
Amen 🙏 we need to take DRASTIC steps to properly handle this situationally and as a society
I think a man that rapes a young boy should get the death penalty.
You mention (around minute 27) that there are many similarities between men's and women's experiences and we could learn a lot from sharing that with each other.
For the last 12 years or so, I've been co-leading groups for abuse survivors based on Dr. Dan Allender's work as it was developed by Open Hearts Ministry in Kalamazoo, MI. Dan is part of their board of advisors to help them continue to develop and refine the program.
Guess what? We often do mixed groups. Of course, it is easier for some to be in a single gender group at first. The similarities are very big. And for the women, it is an amazing dynamic for them to be in a group where men are speaking healing into their lives as well as even weeping over their stories.
Likewise it is a great thing for the men to tell their stories to other men-and women-and be accepted for who they are not what happened to them.
One thing that it's done for me is to be better able to hear women's stories at a depth I wish men in general could experience. In talking with many women, I've seen over and over that they resonate with the idea that sexual abuse is not just a bodily invasion but an invasion of something they sense as sacred. That's one thing I think is a difference: at least in magnitude.
I wish I could join you, I'm currently working on it with EMDR and the truth is, it doesn't always help, if at all. And I have the feeling that my therapist is at a loss.
Yes there is a need for designated services for men because the women’s centers for S.A. Are not adequately trained nor are they open to treating men
When I was a kid from the age of 5 till 11 or 12, I would get sexualy abused by my grandmother every day for summer vacations, and I taught it was normal, I didn't tell anyone because I know it was not right... now I'm 21 and idk man it's very messed up
I was molested went I was 8 thru 12 I keep as a secret for 15 yrs cause of embarrassing in disgust now the in 27 it still embarrassing is like he took mine manly away but I’m straight I’m attracted too female
great video, God bless
It is not just don't ask the questions it is also complete lack of belief that a woman could do that.
+jasonasdecker Men are less likely to disclose partially because we are less likely to be believed, first hand experience.
+jasonasdecker What an idiotic video! Why would the percentage of abuse be higher for men among non family than family? Just because they are boys? Who is being found to commit most physical abuses and murders of children. You stupid idiot I have been asking and looking for help for 30 plus years do some effing research. I have not been believed
The majority of male sexual abuse survivors were raped or molested by men
You know that does as much good as telling a rape victim that it is not a sexual act. Just curious you ever done that?
jasonasdecker I believe you I know you’re telling the truth and I know that women yes women do this every day
I don’t find any any healthcare providers that specialize in sexual abuse by mother’s and their son’s.
What is the long term effects and psychological effects that these men have later in their lives ?
The long term effects those men have later in their lives is becoming themselves sexual abusers or pedos. Sadly
The belief that a man who seeks out and perpetrates sexual crimes against a boy is a heterosexual... is ridiculous. That is nothing more than feminist ideology to keep the focus on heterosexual males as being the primary offender of children, based on the power imbalanced narrative. The reality is if you are a male and you intentionally seek out a male child…. then that is a homosexual attraction in the Offender. The victim’s sexuality is not part of the equation because the Offender is attracted to the gender, and not a perceived sexuality in the child.
I think it idealistic with regards to your comment on Men and Women healing together. As victim/Survivors we can as a collective come together to create environments and processes for healing regardless of gender or sexuality differences but, I believe there is a emotional if not Spiritual healing that comes from men working with other men, and the same for female victim/Survivors. Like it or not men and women are different, and the dynamics of sexual violence perpetrated against us and our responses to that trauma are different.
At some point we are going to have to speak truth into the discussion if we are ever to get ahead of sexual assault but, I do not see that happening until we open up the Sexual Assault Response Community to Male Victimization which presently it is not. In Canada we have a female dominated to exclusivity response community that is based on the feminist ideology of Male as Offender Only and Female as Victim Only. This despite studies which have shown since the early 80’s that 35% of all sex crimes against children are committed by females.
This is very interesting. I'm surprised that many men feel gay after being rapeing or molested . I knew I liked women from the start and being raped never changed that.
Is there away i can talk with this man?
As explained, and I believe clarified to me, by a therapist : rapists of males, especially if they are violant towards their victims, despise their own homosexuality, hense their wish to destroy their object of attraction; namely the victim.. [I have only listened to 12 minutes of this excellent talk; but the point I am making seems counter to what is being said here. I will return later . . .]
*Please someone clarify me how a man can be sexually abused by women?*
@@paulparsons4003 Really is that it.... But how's that abusing? I mean any man can stop a woman if he don't want intimacy with her.
Imagine you are married and love your wife. You have a female boss at work. You have a lot of debt o pay and it isn't easy to switch jobs. One day your female boss hint you that you are to be her fuck puppet or else fuck off the job. If you bend down you are raped. Not too hard to Imagine, isn't?
@@LL_-wf1tw Thanks dude now i understood very well.
Children shouldn’t be introduced to sex wether they like it or not . It causes so many issues
@@billsettles4603 One way or another they find it, unfortunately.
It happened and I’m attracted to men but I know that God doesn’t accept that . It’s so hard to deal with .
God never said he doesn't. Man said he doesn't, but god never did. Believe that he does accept you until he directly tells you otherwise. Go out and actively make the decision to be happy with who you are because what other choice is there?
Emile, you are wrong on that. There is two scriptures in the Bible that speak of it.
God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.
@@vickierodriguez8154 Study Harder!
I guess you have to further your business plan,but your wrong about men and woman healing together.and theres not many men Ive ever known who say anything to a woman the same as they do to other men.You have lots of knowledge but little wisdom....I guess you can help some people but lasting healing is only through a spiritual awakening....sweat lodge,born again,buddhism ectect...)I dont think they know this in your "occupation",but noone ever has been cured by talking about the past,and you cant give what you dont have.
Ok buck
@@kevinakin4851 Sure Kevin