Clutter & Escapism - how to break the avoidance cycle keeping your house a mess
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- Опубліковано 15 вер 2024
- Messy House Psychology / Breaking the Cycle of Escapism and Clutter Forever / Clutter Solutions / Escapism Psychology Explained: Today's video discusses a very real phenomenon that is rarely discussed - the relationship between avoidance behaviors or escapism and a cluttered, messy house. This relationship is a two way street that can begin from either issue and can result in an avoidance cycle that can feel impossible to break free from. This video will discuss how and why we might get sucked into the cycle, the negative impact on our life, and discuss real solutions that will help us make positive changes in this area of our life and beat both escapism and clutter for good! I hope you find it insightful and helpful!
✧ Nena Lavonne holds a BA & MA in Psychology and is a certified life coach, author, and motivational speaker who specializes in self development and clearing mental and physical clutter. Nothing brings her more happiness than helping others lead more meaningful, joyful, and fulfilling lives. Nena also has a weekly podcast called "Pathways To Happiness" which is available on multiple platforms.
Playlists mentioned in this video:
✧ CLUTTER PSYCHOLOGY & SOLUTIONS PLAYLIST: • Real Decluttering Solu...
✧ ESCAPISM PLAYLIST: • Overcoming Escapism - ...
Clutter Solutions Videos:
✧ A Real Solution for Clutter: • A REAL SOLUTION FOR CL...
✧ Why Your House is Always Messy & How to Fix it Forever: • The MESS and CLUTTER w...
Understanding the Avoidance Cycle:
✧ Anxiety Avoidance Cycle Video: • THE AVOIDANCE ANXIETY ...
✧ This channel is dedicated to self-growth and improving well-being through decluttering and transforming the toxic habits that keep us from living our best life! Thanks so much for watching!
✧ If you need additional support and feel that your mental health is suffering, seeking help from a licensed mental health professional can provide further guidance, support, treatment options, and coping strategies. This channel is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Nothing on this channel is intended to substitute therapy. Please know that positive change is possible!
✧ Twitter : / nenalavonne
✧ Instagram: / nena.lavonne
✧ Podcast: www.buzzsprout...
✧ Beauty of Mind Store (Psychology, Self Development, Philosophy, and Mental Health Apparel by Nena Lavonne): my-store-11576...
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Hello Friends! I hope this video is insightful and helpful - it is a phenomenon I see all the time that is often overlooked! Please take a moment to say hello in the comments, and don't forget to like, share, and subscribe if you haven't! Please check out these further resources if you need additional support in these areas: CLUTTER PSYCHOLOGY & SOLUTIONS PLAYLIST: ua-cam.com/play/PLkVTKW7Z-_4z7A3fbz8is8PGmH02qa9oq.html
and ESCAPISM PLAYLIST: ua-cam.com/play/PLkVTKW7Z-_4xQDUAn9UiUi3e6H6J3rN7z.html
Have an incredible day!
Much Love!
Nena xo
😊 so glad it was helpful!
i followed one of your tips on creating a routine - starting with something super tiny and giving it a home. it's "only" my keys and the dog's leash, and I've managed to keep it for two months !🥺🥺
That is awesome! Celebrate! Please keep me posted! :)
I decided 5 months ago that I couldn't stand my dishes piling up and sitting for days and getting gross. It made me ashamed, even though I live alone. I taped a piece of paper above the sink and beginning May 1, committed to washing dishes at least once a day. I wrote the date each day I did the dishes. Well, I haven't missed a day since then. Now I am doing a 5-minutes a day challenge. I'm on week 3. I missed 3 days because I felt sick. Of course, I end up cleaning more than 5 minutes, but I have given myself permission to quit after 5 minutes. The idea is to remove as much pressure/anxiety as possible so I will START doing something. And this week, I added a piece of paper taped up in the bathroom to record when I wash my face and brush my teeth. I had a lot of awful stuff happen in my life just before and during the pandemic, and my place decended into chaos and I became kind of feral. So, I am now pulling out of all of that. I wish you succesd!
@@HTNPSullivan Taping up a paper is such a good idea. I too struggle with the same things so I might just do that!
@gekkoberry371 It's almost like a game. To see if I can keep the streak going without a break. It's also just encouraging when I look at that paper and see rows of dates, showing me just how long I've been doing this. Now I never go to bed without making sure there are no dirty dishes in the sink, or anywhere else. I now usually wash up right after a meal because now I realize how much easier that is. It rarely takes more than 10 minutes to do dishes because there usually are just a few, even when I make a full sit down meal. But, I live alone, so people with families will have more to clean up. Still, waking up to a clean sink and counter and dining table sets the tone for the day.
@@HTNPSullivanWell done on your progress. It is not easy. Thank you for sharing. We truly are not alone in our struggles struggles. 🌻
Sleeping is my form of escaping.
i use to do that in my early teens and 20's
My boyfriend of 9 1/2 years who lived with me for about 6 years left me. No notice, just called a few weeks after going to our place in FL and said he met somebody new and he was happier than he'd ever been. I was stunned. We planned to retire together. That was last September. My place is a reflection of the trauma I experienced from the abandonment.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are right, trauma can definitely be liked to both clutter and escapism. It is possible to overcome, however. Don't give up hope!
I am so sorry you had to go through that and can understand how gut wrenching it is and no amount of words I say can make you feel better but you can overcome this.
Wow. This really hit me in so many ways. I've always been fairly neat and organized, but the last few years something drastically changed. Since I have ADHD, I thought maybe the meds were no longer working. Then "life" hit, and so did depression. I'd keep trying to make myself tackle something. Anything. The more I tried to force myself to be my old, organized self, the more anxious I got. The more anxious, the more defeated. The more defeated, the more I avoided. And then the more I avoided, the more I looked around the house and saw how cluttered it was -- and, you guessed it, I became more anxious which fed my panic/escape button. Thanks for this video! It's helped identify why I feel so defeated and how I can overcome it.
You are very welcome, Charles! I'm so glad you found it helpful! I have a whole playlist on this topic pinned in the comments if you feel like you need further support! Thanks for being here!
You just described me to the T. !! Everything ! We could be twins !! It’s very hard ! Im sick of this merry go round ! As I’m sure you are too ! I just found this video n is literally my first one !!! Im gonna start listening to her list !! Hope you’re doing better and are further down the road learning .. glad to talk with you if you’re inclined .. 😊
I may know “how” to declutter, but I’ve never understood “why” I end up in the same cycle. Thank you for having such thorough videos. I love how relatable you are, appreciate you sharing the why, and your encouragement is a joy!! Please keep up the great work! 🥰
Hi Lindy! Thank you so much for your kind words.
Yes! Exactly.
Nena, you just put your finger on the spot. Escapism was my favourite mode in childhood. Extraordinary hardships that threatened my very integrity caused me to go into avoidance. I struggle with procrastination and avoidance everyday. I really dislike a disorganized space, and much clutter but I am a habitual collector. Ppl often come to me to request this or that. And so its a struggle. Love your useful video which made more sense of,my issue. Thank you!
You are so very welcome! I am happy to hear that you found the video helpful, Sadia! ♥️♥️♥️
I’m so glad I found this video. My “avoidance” tendencies are definitely at play! I have long established patterns of using retail therapy as an avoidance technique. I’ve begun to see how this happens as I’ve done virtual window shopping regularly. I’ll leave multiple tabs open for these shops but I don’t buy them. I’ve started noticing my shopping impulses when I’m in a brick & mortar store too. All my thrift shopping contributes to the clutter. Even if I “got such a great deal” on the items. That’s my hunting system - finding things that typically cost a bundle more than I pay for them. Sometimes I get things for others because the deal is too good to pass up.
I’ve seen some other videos here about clutter but I don’t recall them speaking about this particular topic in relation to it. Thank you!
You are so welcome! Happy you found the channel! :)
I got about half way through the video and had a panic attack. Apparently, even talking about this feels threatening more than I thought it would. I grew up in a house with a narcissistic parent and lived under the threat of violence daily. I coped by escaping into books and eventually into writing my own mental novels, some of which I've managed to get into written form. I never connected trauma and escapism with clutter because I was OCD neat as a pin in childhood. Now I'm an older adult dealing with chronic pain. Escapism is still my coping mechanism, and the state of my home shows it. I'm not sure what to do when even watching a short video sends me into a panic attack. How do you face changing a coping mechanism that has been vital to survival since childhood?
Baby steps and lots of prayer! Soak your feet in Epsom salts and feel refreshed.
In therapy, if my therapist says "planning" or "routine", my chest gets tight. So I get you. Two things: find ways to take the pressure off of yourself but still do stuff; and find a technique for calming yourself, like a breathing technique for example. I am currently doing what I call a 5-minute Task Challenge. I have a general idea of what needs to be done in each room. I don't plan anything. I chose a spot that needs work and the deal with myself is I can stop after 5 minutes. I normally keep going, of course, for maybe an hour. I also take a before and an after photo of the spot I cleared. And my therapist allows me to text her to share the photos and report what I got done. That boosts my commitment to sticking with this 5 minute daily challenge. I can see that having a plan will make it easier to pick a task. But for now, this simple approach is helping to release the anxiety. And every time I complete my task, I feel more hopeful and confident that I am capable of making my home a clean and relaxing place, for ME. Maybe this gentle approach is something you could try. Just be sure to write down what you accomplished, and maybe do the before and after photo, so you can be proud of yourself. Don't minimize anything that you get done. It all counts! Good luck 👍 💓
@@HTNPSullivan That sounds like an amazing idea! I've finally managed to get moved off a waiting list and will have an appointment with a new therapist next week. I'll talk to her about this approach as well. TY 😊
Oh my god this. it wasnt physical but i really relate. It feels like who we are is the escapist doesnt it? And then theres that really loud inner critic too.
@@EarthIncompatible Good for you…I wish you a good fitting-for-you therapist! For me, ‘prayer’ is NOT a good suggestion! At this moment, this vid sounds like she is telling me all the things that are wrong with me and I feel even more overwhelmed than ever. I have ADD, and lots of pain when I move. The pandemic didn’t help, either! Sullivan’s 5 minute idea may be a good one! Thank you for that.
OMG! This is my life ! I have gotten to the point that
I can’t deal with it so I escape and what do I do shop
And spend money on things I don’t need and just add
To the clutter! I don’t let anyone come into my apt not
Even my grandchildren I feel awful about that. I can’t
Sleep at night worrying about it I dream of having a nice
Organized apt but wake up and avoid it now it is to the point
Of feeling very overwhelmed. I am 73 and think if something
Happens to me my family will see how I am living I get very
Upset about that! I love to do crafts I have 2 circuit machines
Still in boxes I haven’t used I have a tiny apt I thought by
Buying those it would force me to declutter so I could set
Them up and start doing the crafts that I love.
Your videos are right on point with me I am going to start
Watching all of them hopefully I will start implementing
Them.
Thank you so much
You are so welcome, Annmarie! Yes! This is something that truly affects many people. Please know there are solutions that aren't overwhelming! I'm so glad you are finding the channel helpful!
I have so much stuff too & am in your age bracket. I’ve found that what helps me is really focusing on ONE small area, like one drawer. Then I don’t get overwhelmed. I’ve recently started on a horrible room that is jam packed with boxes & bookshelves & papers. (I was a teacher for decades.) I focused ONLY on one shelf of one bookshelf to get started. Made definite progress! I’ve finally dealt with the books in that one room. (I have many, many other rooms & bookcases-100s of books.) But I’ve made myself just move to one more box & deal completely with it. I hope this helps. You can do this!
@@GQ-yj5oy I’m so sorry for the losses you’ve experienced so early in life! Just know that you can get better. The key is baby steps. Nena’s videos are great. I also have been helped by Dana K. White’s channel & her books. And Mel Robbins’s trick for getting started: countdown like for a rocket launch (5,4,3,2,1) & then just get up & do 1 thing! I set my timer for motivation. Best wishes! You can do this!
I'm right there with you! Hugs sister!
We should be friends! Hang in there, you have a lot of support here
I've just started your video. Its the 2nd one of yours I've watched. I was SAd as a child from 9 months old til a teenager by my stepfather, his father, neighbors, snd other family members. Ive been in therapy on and off for over 30 yrs, im now a 60 yo Nana. My life is spiraling out of control, things are escaping the closet I've put them in to not remember. Ive always been OCD so i had a very tight reign on my life. Im no longer able to work. My house has been cery clean and orderly until I stopped working 3 yrs ago and went mostly on bed rest. Now my home is a disaster, my deck is a disaster, my yard is a disaster. My new therapist is wonderful. I e been seeing her on and off a few months, as my health allows. Ive just this week told her about the state if my home and surroundings. She asked if its a reflection of the "inside" of my life, the inner turmoil coming out and manifesting itself in the turmoil it is my living space. YES!! Deep down if course I knew this but to have her verbalize it for me was such a release! Shes going to help me, she iffered to send skilled therapists to my home to help me. I of course told her i would be too humiliated for that. She explained to me that these people understand and work with people who have mental health issues through, obviously, no fault of their own. Thats the 1st time that someone said outloud to me that i had "mental health issues". It was almost a slap in my face. I didn't see myself that way. I saw it as seeing a therapist when i was having a hard time coping. That was alot to take in for me, I'm a nurse, its my job to help people, or it was until I became unable to work. Its very humbling and upon reflection i realize that i do have mental health issues that i certainly need to deal with so that i can move forward and have, for the first time, a happy and fulfilling life. So today i found you. Today I've started organizing my life with the help of my therapist and with your videos. Im starting in the most important room in my home, my kitchen/pantry. Then im going to tackle my deck so that i can go outside and enjoy my coffee. Thank you for these videos and please excuse the grammatical errors, apparently my new phone doesn't automatically correct ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your story...I'm so glad you found the channel and I am happy you are here. That's wonderful that you have found support through your therapist and the videos! Please keep me posted!
I just hired a skip. Clearing my home of trauma clutter. I am excited. I can't breath nor can clean my home. Cause their is no empty space. From here on....a fresh, spacious, clear home. That l will enjoy keeping clean.
Good for you! Here’s to a fresh new chapter! ♥️😊
How did you get on, Grace? Did doing it all in one go with the hired skip work?
What is a skip??
@@Jesus-x3d It's a large metal container that people hire, keep outside the house/business and put waste into, and then the company comes and takes it away. It is often used for house renovations. They come in different sizes. The volumes range from capacity to take 20 bin bags, up to 440 bin bags, and the usual one takes 50 bin bags.
I had a moment a few weeks ago that's gotten me started on fixing it. It's been years since I got out of a bad relationship. I was standing in the kitchen, looking around, and I heard a voice in my head say "this is yours". I'd buried my head in the sand so hard I forgot this is actually my home and I can do what I want with it. I'm in control now. I regret not starting earlier, but I won't regret starting on it now.
Thank you. That's what I've been doing since my divorce 11 years ago. So hard to live a life after being a stay at home mom homeschooling my kids. Still after all these years, I feel like I need to take everybody else's opinion or approval for everything I do.
How many people here with cluttered homes who have a background of neglect or abuse in some form? Trauma background? We can be in a fight, flight, or freeze position.
Just my 2 cents worth.
Absolutely can be a factor! Thank you for sharing!
This really hit the nail on the head for me. I thought my clutter issue was a result of procrastination, but the underlying reasons (the why) never seemed to fit. Escapism is a better explanation for the behavior that is impacting so many areas of my life!!Thank you for this.
Thank you for sharing! It can feel like a relief to finally pinpoint the issue because from there, solutions can be found! I'm so glad you found the video helpful, Cathy! Please keep me posted!
Same!
I've felt the same exact way. I always say that I need to stop procrastinating and clean and declutter.
Does this apply to reading books and watching videos on organizing and decluttering, instead of dealing with our clutter?
Hi Bev! That is a great question. It can be, but many times when we are endlessly researching and preparing without actually making changes, it can be something called "action faking" (I have a video about that). It can also be based out of hopelessness and failing to have the belief that change is also possible - we know its an issue so we focus on it mentally, but do not take meaningful steps because we don't think we can do it (even though we absolutely can!) So, it really depends on the situation and there person! :)
My cluttering began some 40 years ago, when the back half of my rental garage space was enclosed to become a storage room, which I rented. Out of sight, out of mind was a convenient method of avoiding the accumulation of stuff. Then came my first bout with feeling paralyzed and overwhelmed at the disorder and size of the piles. Easily triggered by feelings of overwhelm, resulting in inaction, is a theme in my life. Distraction for decades was my coping mechanism, and the amount of stuff grew. About seven years ago, I participated in an online de-cluttering support group challenge, did several rounds, and achieved a lot! Then I abruptly lost my rental home and again went into frozen overwhelm, followed by the nearby Nov. '18 Camp Fire and then the pandemic. Distraction became my way to cope, and here I am, very slowly climbing out of the hole.
Please know you are not alone! I am so sorry you lost your rental home, that must have been very difficult. I'm so happy, however, to hear that you are making progress! Glad you found the channel, and hope it will be helpful!
Hours bingeing on UA-cam and eating junk food? Yep, you’ve called it! That’s my “ostrich” behaviour. I have total paralysis when it comes to decluttering. Too many difficult issues in my life currently, I don’t have the energy to make any more healthy decisions. Escapism and avoidance are my companions.
Thank you for sharing. I hope the difficult situations improve soon! There is a playlist pinned in the comments that you might find helpful. Seeking support can also be helpful! Hang in there!
How to get over this .. sailing in same boat
@@shilpaprasoon2706well you showed up here !! I heard a saying in AA years ago when getting sober .. you’re getting ready to get ready. !! I loved that !! This is my first video that I found so I stopped to take a listen n of course read the comments.. I’m so glad I’m not terminally unique. !! Lol. !
Thank you for sharing this. My husband was the hoarder. He passed away very unexpectedly and I am left with the mess. I am slowly trying to clean it up but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by it all. I guess all I can do is clean a little bit every day but I can't help but wonder if I will ever look at this house and feel like it's mine.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Cynthia! It is natural to feel overwhelmed! Sometimes decluttering and cleaning can be therapeutic! It WILL eventually feel like it is your house. Be patient and practice self-love. You will get there!
I’m in the same boat as you, only add cluttered parents who passed away on top of my husband, and the avalanche has hit.
Call that reality show hoarders where they send a team in to help clean it out
If U can do yard sales, try too ell as much as U can f U have a good place to do it, with helpers & lots of traffic & parking. Try to do as U use to do a Fr.,Sat. & Sun. sale. week-end after week-end if U can swing it.
I would B doing that if I had my own health, helpers & a place to sell every week-end. I use to several yrs ago, before I broke my back!
I made easily around $500 to $900 each day selling things at yard sale prices!
I want to do that again so I can B free of all the stuff nOW in my apt. due to loss of storage & unwilling * unable to pay for storage for things I am NOT keeping..
Sell,sell,sell & put money into your pockets.
I feel so good when I can do that!!
Stuff finds a new home & gets used & I get free of clutter & put a few bucks into my pockets..
I have been living in the same flat for 30 years now, so things have accumulated over time. Some progress has been made but I keep procrastinating so the process is taking very long. Most time I think about addressing 'stuff' I don't arrive at taking action. This negatively impacts my self-esteem and causes me extra anxiety.
My day job is stressful. When I arrive home I'm really tired so I hop on the couch and watch UA-cam for hours. I also suffer from major depressive disorder. Thank you for this video. Much appreciated. 🌻
My husband and I have a problem when we clean out the house with a dumpster much more comes back. We made a point to tell family and friends no when they try to store or give us their crap. The other problem is adult children who moved home dumped their trash and moved out. Clothes is another issue. I really want a clean neat house and when I try its like I have not done a thing. I just gave up.
Don't give up! There is always hope! The playlist pinned in the comments might help!
I am new here and have watched the other videos on escapism. For me, I think escapism has been due to being tired of responsibility. I am so tired of having to be responsible. While writing what I was tired of being responsible for, it dawned on me that I have had a false sense of responsibility for other's lives that stemmed from childhood. Light bulb moment - this is the root of my escapism (another video suggests we get to the root) - weight has been lifted. I can make myself a priority! I am responsible for my elderly widow mom, who lives in another state, but I have health aides who come into the home.
I'm so glad you had a light bulb moment! Self-understanding can change everything! Very happy for you!
Small steps just don't work for me to keep going! I don't do any of it for so long ONE small step is so exciting and such an improvement I celebrate my acheivement for weeks and do nothing more. Meanwhile, the situation has gotten worse than before the small step. :/ I need HUGE steps so I can start over but have a disability and can't lift the things that are in the way of bigger steps.
Just do what you can do! I personally feel that small steps are huge! :)
@@NenaLavonne When your life is nothing but small steps and always has been when big ones are needed it's impossible to feel as you do! So it doesn't make any sense to reply back with what works for you when I've already said what I have. Your video ALREADY tells us you think this works ... because it works for you.
I sm so pleased to have come across your channel. I thought my clutter was only the result of health issues, my parents moving from their home into assisted living, caring for my parents, and escapism. I see now the escapism is the primary issue. Avoiding mental discomfort seems to be my primary motivation.
I recently discovered Patrick Teahan's channel devoted to recovery from childhood trauma. . I discovered from him i am stuck in survival mode due to being a survivor of childhood trauma. I never categorized myself that way. It is helpful to know where you are so you can learn how to move from victim to victorious. I am thankful to God for the info from you both. This is so timely i was afraid of choosing to escape when there is so much that needs to be done. I removed the games from my phone months ago. Step by step its a process i can only fail if i quit!
Exactly, you only fail if you quit! Please keep me posted! You got this!
I subscribed. 1 minute in, you had me- thank you this is a very shame filled topic. Almost spit out my tea- gripping. You are easy to listen to, i'm happy to make some growth here, i'm ready. Just started caretaking a hoarder.
Love the painting. (Squirrel!) 😅
Fellow squirrel here 😊 Warmest welcome to the channel! I truly hope you find it helpful 💛
I'm not as severely affected as some with this problem, but I certainly need to break a cycle. I've been working on it for over two years now. How did I do it? I finally came to a point - it just hit me - that all this STUFF is just in my way and weighs heavily on me. So I started getting rid of things that I have looked at for years. It was difficult, but once I took it to the thrift store, I didn't even remember what I got rid of, didn't miss any of it, and realized where this could take me. I need to do this more often, but I'm getting there. One easy thing I do is I make a To Do list every day with only two or three chores on it. I get to choose the chores. I work hard to make sure I get up and do them. I have realized that I'm getting a TON of stuff done. I have a long way to go, but I know it won't happen by itself. It has to be ME showing some responsibility.
Hey Maggie! That is wonderful! I agree with you - sometimes I would agonize about whether or not to give something away, but after it was gone, I never thought about these items or missed them at all. I think taking that first step makes all the difference in the world. Great comment! :)
I find your videos so helpful. You named the issue and explained the why. That's huge.
Glad it was helpful! Sometimes just figuring out the root of the problem can be a major step in change! Happy you found the channel!
This seems to be the key to unlocking what’s holding me back! Can’t thank you enough
You are very welcome, Aimee! So glad it was helpful!!! ♥️😊
thank you Nena, always on point. I feel like the hoarding has been/is a maladaptive protection and a form of escapism in itself because it keeps me busy and makes me avoid addressing other issues in my life...
Through self-awareness, change is absolutely possible! :)
Helpful words indeed, been slowly breaking the cycle of my clutter and escapism. My problem is I do find escapism helpful at times but then I get mad at myself for avoiding things so long. Its been a tough cycle for me to break, it has helped me to start doing small steps. Glad I found this channel.❤️
I'm glad you found the channel also! Please know that small steps are progress! In time, you will notice big changes!!!
This channel could not have showed up in suggestions at a better time!
I was raised by a hoarder, I’ve made a lot of progress but clutter is definitely still a thing. I’m also just starting to pack for a move with my grandmother, the hoarder that raised me.
My grandmother has become gracious in trusting me with going through things (I’m so proud of her for being able to do that!) but I do hope I can help her work through some of the deeper emotions as well. I’d hate to only deal with the surface level of it.
tldr; this kind of insight could be helpful for us both, thank you💕
I'm so glad you found the channel and very happy you are finding it helpful! Please keep me posted!
Nena - again, just another fabulous video, you get better and better. You nail all the psychology of hoarding and clutter. As i might have said before I work with those who live with clutter (and squalor and filth sadly), and I was wondering if you wanted to do a video on one very practical aspect. And that is the prosaic reality of the physical health hoarding has (mould, vermin droppings, rotting materials). I nearly always see a correlation between a decline in physical health and the state of the home people live in. One friend at one point developed a sudden flare up of her auto immune diseases, and due to my medical education and background, she came to me frequently about this. However, I had not been to her home in a ver long while, and when I did, it became very clear WHY she had probably had this happen. Her house and yard was now so bad it was under a Govt clean up order as she had a severe rodent infestation, and rotting mouldy furniture outside the house was clearly mould ridden. It did not take too long for me to connect the risks between clutter and physical health. As much as th emind body connection is relevant here too, the physical effects of vermin dropping and infestations, mould, dust, rotting food etc, cannot be understated.
I just feel this would be a valuable video! I love your inputs
Yes, thank you for your input! And I'm so glad you are finding the channel helpful!
Oh, oh, I know the answer! I've just recently found your channel and am hoping to finally make some headway.
Hi Kellie! Warmest of welcomes! So happy you are here! Please keep me posted on your progress! 😊
This is the first video I have watched on your channel. I can relate. One of my tendencies is…I have many tasks, decluttering projects big and small. I am most at peace when my home, spaces, anything that needs to be addressed with a follow up phone call, email, appointment, etc. I’m great at procrastinating! I’ll put all of those things off by doing what is probably the easiest. Then something big comes along and I’ll do EVERYTHING in my power to finish all those tedious tasks I previously put off just to avoid that one new thing that came up.
Thank you for sharing, Grace! I think many people can relate!
New subscriber, looking forward to pulling this weed out by it's roots. Understanding myself helps me not to judge myself and I love that you deal with that aspect, not surface issues. Knowledge based advice not another floof channel! Thank you!
Yes! Self-understanding is EVERYTHING. From there we can begin make significant changes in our lives using methods that actually work for us. :) Warmest of welcomes to the channel, Ellen!
Oh Yes!!
Clutter Blindness!!
I have had this for years!!
I want to change!!
I found your video to be very interesting & I really hope I can change.
I’m so glad to hear that! So happy you found the channel! Please keep me posted on your progress! I believe in you! 😊
I like your new background “set”! It’s much happier & lighter & brighter! And, yes, I’m watching this video instead of doing stuff I should be doing. :)
Awww, thanks, Vivian! It's my new office! :) So glad you like it!
I don't collect stuff, but my house is a mess! I moved in 7 months ago and still haven't cleaned it. I have C-PTSD and the only things I want to do are eat, sleep, an watch TV, not necessarily in that order. I will do the dishes only when I run out of clean ones or I can't stand the smell coming from the sink. The situation is compounded by my 11 rescue cats, who shed and track litter everywhere. Don't worry, I take care of them properly. I clean the litter boxes every day no matter what. They always have clean water and fresh food. Two of them have special food and one needs medication twice a day. They both get this special attention. But the floors are covered with cat litter, clumps of hair, and dried cat puke. Every time I think about cleaning, I either freeze or get really angry... and then I don't do anything. This situation is driving me nuts, yet I simply can't get myself to act. GAH!!! >:(
HI There! It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now, between the C-PTSD and caring for your 11 rescue cats. That's a big responsibility, and it's totally understandable that mustering the energy to clean the whole house can feel overwhelming. You're clearly taking good care of your cats, which is fantastic! Perhaps one solution for the the messy house is to start by breaking down the cleaning into smaller, more manageable tasks. Even 10 or 15 minutes a day can make a big difference. Remember, there's no shame in asking for help either. Most importantly, please be kind to yourself. C-PTSD can sometimes make everyday tasks feel incredibly difficult. Focus on the small wins - every cleaned dish, every swept floor - is a victory!
I'm so glad I found your video. I'm surprised I didn't find it sooner. It's 4:30 in the morning and I'm usually always on UA-cam this time of day, and at 8, and at 10, and at noon, as the clutter builds up around to the point that sitting down at my desk reminds me of climbing into the pilot's seat in a fighter jet. Hopefully your other videos will help, because I'm not really feeling it from just this one, but I am feeling a wave of optimism now. I find it a little ironic that procrastination is something that can be done right now.
welcome to the channel! I have full playlist of support on this topic :)
good words of wisdom !!! thanks Nena . . . all the best my friend... Jeff
Thank you for your kind words, Jeff! I hope you are doing fantastically well! 😊😊😊
I engage in both of these mechanisms. I think the most beneficial effect of your video was to make me realize that they are two entirely separate motivations. I have been able to start clearing the clutter after setting a financial goal, then achieving it. This action resulted in me feeling emotionally stronger with less vulnerability, and more agency in my life. That was one issue. The next issue is to understand why I'm hiding from the world?! If my house is a huge mess, I'm too ashamed to let anyone inside, thus allowing me to hide and feel protected! Yeah, I have to address this issue, or stay stuck! Thanks for not offering an oversimplified, one-size-fits-all method.
You are very welcome! I’m so glad to hear you found it helpful! 💛
That was priceless, Nena. Always good to know how to put things in perspective. Thanks a lot for sharing. Peace and love 🙏❤️🙏
So glad you enjoyed, my friend! 😊
This is huge. Thank you.
You're so welcome! I'm glad it was helpful, Kristina!
Oh crap. Nail on the head. The house was organised before hubs was diagnosed with cancer and died-and the trauma around his health and loss triggered masses of problems from my own C-PTSD, escapism from my miserable childhood, shame and guilt, retail therapy (which I now see as a version of escapism)-no end to it. Now I have another insight into why I have all these yarn-related projects prepped for but never acted upon.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’m glad the video was insightful - it’s always helpful when we deepen our self awareness. Self compassion is needed because there is always a reason for our behavior. Wishing you all the best 💛
My parents' home was cluttered and fell into disrepair, and was shameful for me. Until the last several years, my wife and I kept an orderly home. But now with clutter--much coming from my clothes and books--I feel depressed, shameful again, and feeling hopeless. I feel like I'm repeating in part the nightmare of my childhood.
Well, the great news here is that you made the connection! Many people feel this way, but can't figure out why. My guess is that if you begin taking action - even if it is very small or goes very slowly, that you will begin to feel more empowered and less hopeless. Please keep me posted!
Nena, you’re the BOMB! Thanks for all of your insight. 💐☀️👍🏻☺️🤓
Awww, thank you so much! 😊 So glad you are finding the channel helpful! ♥️
I now understand its my escaping and avoidance behavior that is the root of my clutter. Thanks for helping me have that realisation.
You are so very welcome! It was a huge realization for me as well. Please keep me posted on your journey! 🌸💕
Wow this hit home big time! This is my struggle! Where have you been all this time!!
Hey Vickey! I'm so glad you found it helpful! Welcome to the channel! :)
Thank you so much Nina for this and all of your videos. This is the one I needed to hear. Now I need to learn what to do about it. You are very much appreciated. Thank you for making a difference.
You are so welcome! I'm so very glad you have found the channel helpful! :)
Thank uou for the video....
I have been battling this week.., so overwhelmed.
Anxiety gone crazy..
I'm so sorry you are going through this, Gail. Feeling overwhelmed is no joke. Please take care of yourself and seek support if you need to
This is so helpful to me! I had not realized what was going on with me - I am definitely using escapism to get through the day because I have been in a very difficult life situation for the last two years. My main problem is paper clutter, which I struggle with even on a good day, so when everything fell apart for me last year, it just became overwhelming.. I think for me it is a perfect storm of not being overly organized to begin with, having too much stuff in too small of a space, and not having good systems in place to manage it all. I am starting to accept and deal with things so I found this video at the perfect time. I will check out your other videos on the subject as well. Thank you.
I’m so very glad to hear it was helpful! Please keep me posted on your journey 😊💛
@SharonKBM - I can relate to your situation as I have struggled with paper clutter that seems to be breeding and no system to manage everything. I sold my house and moved to an apartment after my partner died (6 months before pandemic) as I couldn’t bear to live there - too many memories of him. My current space is so small and in addition to the paperwork, I have a lot of things that are not just “stuff” I can donate (I have donated a lot already), they are valuable and also very sentimental. I realize that in order to become organized (something that does not come naturally), I need to be able to have a space or home for everything, otherwise I will forever have packed drawers, closets, and piles / stacks of things that are impinging on spaces they shouldn’t be in. Did I mention I have 2 storage units filled with my partner’s antique furniture collection and items from my parents’ home (my father has passed and my mother is in a nursing home) that I am paying a small fortune for? I long for a clean uncluttered space as this is wreaking havoc with my mental health. I am so bogged down in grief and loss. I feel like I am swimming against the tide. I am SO tired.
@NenaLavonne - I feel guilty and lazy even thinking about this, but I feel like I have too much going on to do this alone. I need help. It would be a dream to have someone who was part therapist, part life coach, and part professional organizer help me. Do you have any recommendations? Thank you in advance. 🙏🏻 Apologies this is so long! 😊
@@karennardi2578 I am so sorry you are going through so much. You have experienced many significant losses in a very short period of time and it is understandable that you feel overwhelmed with everything. ❤ I wish I could offer advice with the decluttering but I am challenged in this area, too.
Oh Yes. I recognize this problem and have for many rears. Made multiple attempts in different ways but never really succeeded. I will check out the extra support as I want to recover. Now I am crying and afraid.
Thank You so much for reaching out to others.
You are very welcome, my friend! And you are not alone! Many of us struggle with this. Thankfully, we can transform this behavior through awareness and intention!
I grew up in clutter w/a bipolar mom. Escapism was a survival technique in the chaos. 56 yrs later I've never lived in a clean home.
I am exhausted by the mess now. I have decluttered many times but have no idea how to maintain it.
I have a playlist that you might find helpful! There is always hope!
This is totally me. The clutter is very discouraging.
I’ve so been there! Please don’t be discouraged! There is a playlist pinned in the comments that you might find helpful ♥️
I found I have been using avoidance & escapism since I was a child!! I can almost always avoid or escapefrom reality like a PRO!!! Please Help!
I have a few videos on this topic that you might find helpful!
Wow- just what I needed to learn today. Your video is well thought out and explained and simple enough to understand. ❤
So very glad it was helpful ♥️😊
Thank you - hoping this will be helpful to a loved one👏🌈❤️
You are very welcome! I hope it is helpful ♥️
Wow, just wow. I feel like you are in my head right now. Lol
Thank you for this video.
You are so welcome! Glad it was helpful, Tessa!
I saw myself in many of the behaviors and now have a plan because of your video.
That’s wonderful! Please keep me posted on your journey! 😊♥️
Im a clean freak and thats my escaping, i clean and day dream as a way to avoid arguments or awkard silence, when im angry i take my frustration out on the bath tub, scrubbing it till my hands are raw, i did how ever have one room i wouldn't touch, the spare room that was once going to be a nursery, when i lost the baby i just didn't want to do anything with that room except just throw random stuff in, so hang in there it can go in each direction, don't let others or your self pigeon hole your emotions and way of life, just know that when you are ready baby steps and a Lil self regulation can lead to turning things around
Thank you so much for sharing, and I'm so sorry for your loss. You said it perfectly when you mentioned baby steps - we have to remember even the smallest of steps are progress!
I found the video helpful in that in relates my escapist tendencies to clutter. I daydream a lot and have done since I was little. There was no clutter in my parental home so I've previously put the escapism into a separate box to the clutter issue.
That said, I think there's a social dimension to all this that needs addressing. My wife is much the main source of clutter in our house. I maintain it though by retreating into my head partly because it's fun and partly to avoid domestic conflict.
Yes, you are right! There certainly can be a social dimension to this! I have a video about clutter and relationships that talks about solutions when partners are not on the same page about clutter. I think many people can relate to your comment!
@@NenaLavonne Thanks. I guess you mean this one? I shall watch it tonight: ua-cam.com/video/7bBODtjqAXk/v-deo.html
Your nearing 30k subscribers well deserved sweetie🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉. Your videos always put me in a positive mindset💙✨x!
Thank you so much, and I'm so glad to hear that, Harry!!!
I have two types of clutter. One is escapism. But the other is fear of poverty in old age causing me to not have things like heat. I can't afford oil already - but I was able to get solar when I made more money, so I ended up hoarding electric blankets - most of which only last a season or two before breaking no matter which brand. And things like space heaters. And other things. I feel like I finally feel like I have enough heat sources until I die but almost all of my relatives were freezing cold when they got older and spent a fortune on keeping the heat up to 72.
Such an insightful video... OMG look at your channel grow!!! How exciting! You so deserve it and so many people will get help thanks to your wonderful videos. BTW I love the painting in the BG... and you look absolutely gorgeous! I agree about how peaceful it feels to have a de-cluttered home. I find it a deep necessity for my own inner peace. Big luv'n hugs 💗💞
Thank you so much, my beautiful friend! I have missed you on YT! How is everything? :)
@@NenaLavonne Awww you're so kind. I"ve missed you & YT too! But it's been for some awesome things. I started shooting a lovely role on a film that started one week after the series I was on wrapped. This film finishes at the end of next week. It's all been a beautiful magical whirlwind since early May. But I have a vid for August's energy update coming out tomorrow. I just had to do one lol! I was truly happy to see how much your channel has grown since I last saw you. Huge congrats!!!
My three five minute declutter commitments are to shine my sink, clean my island and sweep my kitchen! I commit to doing this every day for two weeks!
Sounds fantastic! Please keep me posted! :)
Just subscribed:) It’s the first video of yours that I’ve watched, and I was just struck by how insightful and inspiring your message is to me! I’m looking forward to going through your playlists!!
Warmest of welcomes to the channel! I truly hope you find it to be helpful! :)
I love the way you deliver the message and explain the psychology of clutter and avoidance so well without shaming. 💜💜💜 You’re saying everything I try to help others understand. Thank you for this amazing video.
You are so very welcome! Very happy to hear that it resonated with you! 💛
You did it, hit the nail on the head.
I’ve totally been there!
Wow! This makes so much sense. I'm really impressed and inspired by these videos. Time to make some changes! 🎉
Welcome to the channel, Jace! Keep me posted on your progress!!! :)
I have decided to get professional cleaners in. Decluttered, but overwhelmed re cleaning. Just my flowers and skirting boards
Keep me posted! :)
I could not help but listen and think instead of Clutter what if this was excess weight.
I wish you could cover this topic.🙂♥️
Great suggestion! :) I hope you found the video helpful!
Knowing my problems at 36th year of my life
Thankfully
♥️♥️♥️
Wow this is exactly what I needed
So glad it was helpful ♥️
Escapism and Avoidance...like watching this video instead of cleaning up! 😂😂😂
Esscapism can be beneficial on occasion, but avoidance can be detrimental. I hope you found the video helpful! 😊
Oh wow. I like this video. 1st of yours I have ever seen. You are so insightful into my life and thoughts even though we have never met lmao
I’m so very glad you found it helpful! Warmest welcome to the channel. ♥️ You might find the playlist pinned in the comments to be helpful 😊
Thank you so much Nena. I'm so glad I found your channel 😊
You are very welcome! I'm so glad you are here, Maddy! I'm glad the videos have been helpful!!!
Thank you for the beautiful and insightful video message. I do struggle with clutter and I do use escapism to avoid thinking about things. I am very aware of my clutter, but I seem to get stuck in making decisions and don't get very far when I try to declutter and straighten things up. I have ADD and my counselor has brought up that this may be a coping mechanism that I created to help when I am worried about something, and that is not helpful to things like keeping a tidy house. I look forward to your other videos and I will try to make some progress in my house this weekend, and put down the goofy Facebook video playlist that seems to be so fascinating to my brain.
I have many videos about ADHD as well :) I'm very glad you found the channel, and I'm happy you are here! Please keep me posted on your progress!
I have trauma and adhd so, i feel like, i agree with you, but like that the solutions are not tenable because of the psychological weight that I carry. Its like its so much effort, so haard to sustain, even to declutter a little bit. And I see it and its so demoralizing to cosnider how to clear it when theres so much. and I've been escaping since I was a child, its like the main part of my identity almost. Its like one of the main things I do. Escapism (including not clearing clutter). I've meditated and done mindfulness for several years, made huge progress, but not doing escapism is like, so hard. its like a sort of painful bordom if its not what i want to do. theres insiried creativity, thats like better than escapism with the advantages of work, work is shit I hate it and leisure is 'fun' but in truth, empty and miserable after a short amount of time.
How can I use solutions when theres such a big psychological weight. it feels hopeless. and hearing you describe it just sounds like a description of how fucked i am. i know im not but still. also i found it frankly, upsetting and stressful to hear this video. Its not your fault. But like, I do this for a reason. When I've treid consistently doing decluttering, say, and not escaping, its like, its only been sustained temporarily and then the forcing myself to do it just falls by the way side and it goes back to normal.
And can I say clutter doesnt begin the cycle. Trauma does. it happened that caused the cycles. that and habit.
Very sensitively presented- great job!
I truly hope you found it helpful! 💛
I've moved due to my job and life has happened to me. Dealing with multiple types of trauma which caused anxiety and severe depression. I'm dealing with all of this while still trying to maintain my career. When the weekend comes, I'm mentally drained and physically exhausted from work so I tend to rest and spend time with my elderly pets. I feel ashamed because I never used to be like this.😔
I'm so sorry you are feeing overwhelmed! It sounds like you are going through a lot. I think it is wonderful, however, that you are self-aware and have an understanding of why you are feeling this way. Be self-compassionate and seek support if you are able (even if just from an online community). There is no need to feel ashamed! Clutter can be a result of many of the things you mentioned. Start small and just do what you can. You will notice that even the smallest bit of progress can feel empowering!
Thank you for this video!!
You are so welcome! I’m very glad to hear you found it helpful! ♥️
Thank you for videos and support
You are so welcome! Happy you found the channel! ♥️😊
Love your background in this video.
Beautiful and calming :-)
🌸💕😊
What if it is my wifes clutter and escapism is driving me nuts? I find the mess very triggering as regards a very messy, dysfunctional, traumatic childhood, yet my need/desire for some tidiness is viewed as the sickness... I just need to be more like her and learn tune it out. Simple!
Wow!! Dot on, Nena!! Avoidance for sure!! Working on it!! 😃
🌸💕😊
I am stuck on the very necessary step of literally getting rid of things, mostly clothes. I don’t know why I don’t want to get rid of things. I like all my things and I think I have persuaded myself that I love having soooooooooo much. I’m sure it’s somehow related to the death of my Mom less than a year ago but I have to say, without a doubt , I have had way too many clothes as far back as junior high school and I just turned 54 so it’s not particularly the loss of my mother. I am also in my first year of sobriety and I think shopping and hoarding or “collecting “ and working on my new apartment has become a good and bad method to remain alcohol free. Maybe I am just not ready yet because I’m not bothered by having too much stuff very often really. I believe things are problems that we define as such and I believe I will change when I choose to or when I can’t stand it any longer or develop other challenges or pastimes. Thank you at any rate for your video. You’re impressive and knowledgeable and professional.
Hi Christine! So happy to have you at the channel. I can relate to the clothes issue! Please check out the playlist in the description box, I think you might find it helpful!
This just came into my feed. Great information that I need. Just subscribed and I'm going to watch more of your videos. Thank you!!!
Warmest of welcomes here! I love your screen name :)
Great video Nena!!!!))😊😊😊🌺🌸🌺
Thank you! 🤗
Hello and thank you... all you have said is true and it helps me understand why it is happening... you are right I have to sit and analyze..... thank you so much
You are so very welcome! I’m so glad to hear that the video was insightful, and I am happy you are here 💛
I have always been messy, since childhood. My mother was legally blind. I am the oldest child. The only other daughter is 14 years younger then me. I was the housekeeper, dishwasher, cook, laundry etc. The only room I had control of was my room, which I kept so messy no one else wanted to be in there! Yeah!! I was such an important member of the household that they did not say anything about it! Today I tend t stack things up. I keep the kitchen & bathroom clean, but everything else is well, a mess. I am an escaper?🤯
Maybe you just have some resistance since it sounds like you had so many responsibilities when you were younger and from what you are describing, possibly did not feel that all your contributions to the household were always acknowledged. As an adult, however, we can learn to appreciate ourselves & our efforts and begin to create whatever type of space we want to live in as a gift for our own selves.
The way you do everything is so special, to me you are perfect
Awww, thank you!
Thanks a ton. :)
You're welcome! Very glad it was helpful!!! :)
Really enjoyed watching your lovely videos ❤. A big thumbs up from Chris and Jane 🎉
Thank you so much 😊
Thank you nena for kind advice very appreciated
I’m glad it was helpful, David! I hope you are having a wonderful week so far! 😊♥️
i’ve never had a problem with it untill the past two years - my home was always spotless - now i’m drained by life and omg - not happy with my home at all anymore
I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you find the channel helpful. Positive change is always possible!
Thank you God bless ❤
You are very welcome ♥️🙏😊
You are spot on with all your content.
I’m so glad you are finding it helpful, Sally! ♥️😊
My messiness is a combo of avoidance and ADD.
I think many people can relate to this comment :)
Thank you!
You are very welcome! Glad it was helpful! 💛💛💛
I'm going to listen to all. These are great. How do you know this stuff?
That's great, Val! I have a BA and MA in Psychology and I struggled with clutter for years, so it was something I had to get to the bottom of! :)