How to get Instant Freedom from Toxic Clutter (with Dr. John Delony)
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- Опубліковано 30 тра 2024
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Interesting. Bundt cake. As a birthday present I gave my oldest son my very best and only recipe for pound cake + a bundt pan + some money but he knew the recipe was the gift. Last yr for Xmas I gave my kids tickets to Lego Land and this year have purchased tickets for a local Nutcracker. I'll keep my brain on alert for something to do as a family for next year. They love the idea.
Will your cookbook ever be an already printed version like your other books?
@@lwangelsbg In the future we’d like to be able to offer that :)
Are there any gluten free bundt cake recipes in your book?
@@margueritecallahan5592 Good question! Yes, you can make almost all of them gluten free by swapping out the cake mix with a gluten free cake mix ❤️
This is going to sound crazy, but once I was in my 30s and realized how abused I was by my mother, seeing my Christmas tree with the ornaments she gave me just made me irrationally angry. Every single time. They were cute ornaments! They were all different and sort of this adorable set that all were unique. But I had such anger when I was forced to think about her.
So.. I boxed them up and gave them to a family that lost theirs in a house fire. They were soooo appreciative and I knew they wouldn’t feel the same anger that I did. And I bought myself ornaments that made me happy with no connections to her.
Two families happier because I gave those away.
It sounds like you need to get rid of the anger as well.
@@murielbaith5445 I have zero anger Left. That was 15 years ago.
@@diane9812, good for you!
That is one of the best things I’ve read. I wish everyone could see the negativity the way you did and free themselves of it instead of continuing to allow it to be a burden. Thank you for sharing!!
💛
My parents divorced when I was 3. They never got along afterwards and my father has passed. I was pleased to discover that my maternal grandmother had kept pictures of my mom and dad together when they were younger to give me a picture of something I couldn’t see.
This is a really good perspective, I think it will be helpful to others, thank you!
I agree, I think they are important to save for the children.
No, some kids will not respond positively to it, so people should be emotionally prepared for a variety of responses. My parents separated when I was a week old and my brother was 11 months old. They divorced when we were 1 and 2. Our maternal grandparents kept our parents' wedding photos and gave them to us when we became young adults. We didn't want them. We threw them away with no regrets at all. Our grandparents should've thrown them away at the time of the divorce rather than giving to us to deal with. It's not the kids' job to deal with getting rid of their parents' baggage, including wedding photos.
Yes. I was thinking of the invaluable genealogical information that photos, letters, etc.become in a matter of decades. We have letters.from great-grandparents that tell a story that my kids would never know otherwise. These are treasures for family history researchers.
I kept the pictures of my son's father and I from when we were together. He has every right to see that he was created in love and that we were once happy. I wish his father all the best and am so thankful for having him in my life. Keeping those photos for my son allows him to have some comfort and closure .
I got divorced after 27 years of marriage and I got the photos. What I did for my two adult children was create a photo album for them each and included pictures of my former husband and myself. Just because it didn't work out for us as a married couple we were still their parents, and a family, and I wanted to honor that for them. I gave the photo albums to them the Christmas after the divorce. We laughed, cried and reminisced the entire afternoon. I believe it was very healing for them to focus on the good times we had as a family.
That’s beautiful, I learned that when you say I will love you forever…that forever still stays in that time space. Sometimes its not meant as a forever into the future but people should remember that it’s a cycle that was completed once divorce happened. Life doesn’t end, it’s just the end of the cycle but in that space you created children and maybe there was grandchildren and they need to know their history too.
That meant more to them than any other gift you could have given. I need to do the same thing.
I wanted to give my kids pictures of us but they said they didn’t want them. I figured it would be good for them to know they came from love. Thank you. I’m going to put together albums and put them aside for when they’re older.
@@honeyyork1337 Good idea. When they are older, your children may well have more interest in the photographs. We tend to see ourselves more as part of history as we age; when we are young, history is something that happens to others! I try to hang back - like you are - and let children ask for themselves, in their time.
I wish more divorced parents would do what you did.😊
As a StepMom who thinks the first Wife is atrocious, I never once thought about getting rid of her photos. She's the Mother of my Stepchildren, the photos belong to them, and I will do my part to preserve them until they take possession.
You sou like a mentally balanced person who can have a boundary and behave very well! I wish the world had more of you!
Amen. I had to do this too. My husband had no attachment to photos but I kept a photo box for him just in case.. and gave duplicates to my stepkids
Don’t be step anything you are a bonus mom and they are your bonus kids 😊
@@aadvising5259 I love that! Bonus mom!❤
👏 Bravo . What a wonder example you are setting for your stepchildren. You may not notice it but they do. And so does your relationship with your husband . 👍
As an adult child of divorce, I appreciate that I have a few wedding photos of my parents, although neither of them would display those photos in their homes. I still like seeing them and knowing that, while their marriage didn't work out, there was a time when that was a loving relationship and I was born out of that love. And there are also people in those photos who are no longer with us and they look their best dressed up for a special event. So, while you might not want to keep large framed portraits, if you do have kids I would recommend maybe putting some of those photos in a memory box for your children and letting them decide.
My parents divorced when I was young it's been fun seeing different pictures. And also hearing stories. But there are some in my family that are having a harder time letting go of what wasn't there. Instead of looking at the today's and the tomorrows like they spoke about. So much rich information in this video If everybody listen to this in the world it would be such a game changer. Because there's so many different things they talked about was powerful
I gave my adult son the wedding pictures when I had married his father. (We divorced when my son was 8.) There have been a number of times I recalled fun times I had with his father with my son. I have also told him I was glad I married his father because I have him as my son.
I have kept quite a few of my wedding photos despite being divorced, just in case my son wants to reflect on them and on who the people were who once loved each other enough to bring him into the world. And, yes, the family photos and who was there are also part of the bigger picture, as well. I decluttered many of the photos but made sure I kept a few good ones and I hope he appreciates seeing them one day.
"Letting them decide." Key wise words here. This is all a very touchy space, as can be seen from other comments.
I ABSOLUTELY APPRECIATE and AGREE
" My grandfather is not inside this jacket" ....!!! Emotional, powerfull and helpfull statement. Thank you for this and your conversation in total...
I kept my dad's housecoat. I wore it almost daily for the past ten years. It has holes in it now so I put it away. It felt everyday like his arms were around me.
I’m not quite ready to turn loose of dad’s USAF uniform or mom’s favorite dressy outfit but your post made me think👍
@@gpg9516Frame those treasured items and display them with Love. Don't allow someone to make you feel that it's not important to You. Once has gone you can't get it back so either display it or put them in acid free boxes and look at them once or twice a year. You don't want to regret throwing something of value to you and could make you feel Dishonored find get sick over it. Depressed. Lastly, look at your real estate space and see what you can really keep.
"I am allowing the memory of a man I love to weigh me down" by keeping the jacket .....
I got rid of all my childhood journals because I had a lot of hard things happen in my childhood and reading the entries brought it all back. I threw away the journals and got a therapist. Never looked back! Great video!
Thanks for this comment. I have a tub full of journals and have been wondering what to do with them
@@TheEllaTB My old journals have been SO helpful in my healing. It's suprising to see how things really went down and how I've altered my memory over the years. I'll never throw them out.
@@TheEllaTB My mom gave me all her journals when she died in Feb this year. I don’t know how I’d get through living without her if I didn’t have them. Such a comfort to hear her voice, read her struggles/successes - just see how she coped. Makes me feel more normal and less alone. At one point she wrote “Hello Ashley, dear” back in like 1987. I nearly lost it!
I can relate. While journaling & holding onto those journals is a valid path towards healing for some, for me I prefer not to hold onto any writings that came from a time of turmoil. It does the opposite for me, no matter how much I've tried to see it the way others do. For me it's been far more cathartic to rip up & toss out those writings. Sheer relief.
@@TheEllaTB sell them on eBay!!! You could even digitize them and then sell that 😅
Dawn,
I've only been following you for 2 weeks, but you have impacted my life. I'm 68, retired and it's my husband and me now. I've decluttered about 15 bags since listening to you. Probably doesn't sound like a lot, but I recently spent a week in the hospital with an infectious blood disease. God allows things for a reason! When I came home he wouldn't let me do anything. He was cooking, doing laundry etc. He said I don't know how you do what you do. I was working and doing all of the house work and mowing etc with the yard. He told me to quit work and honestly I don't think I could have gone back at that time. I had been on antibiotics for 8 weeks and they did a number on my body. Praise God my infection was gone, but other things were out of wack. I just want you to know how much I've enjoyed your videos. They have made a big difference. God bless you
Wow Charlene, I’m so short for all you’ve been through but so glad we found each other ❤️ prayers for continued health and extra energy!
Those antibiotics will really mess with the body's balance. My digestions was totally messed up for a couple of years, with silent reflux, too. check out Good Bye Leaky Gut for a healing protocol, and buy a good strong probiotic from the health food store to replenish all that the drugs have killed off, and eat healthy things to feed those good microbes back to work in your system.
That is true! As soon as husband and I retired 5yrs ago I thought I would have time to do whateverrrr I wanted....wrong! he was diagnosed with Parkinsons (there were issues before that time but we had NO clue)...and I am now his caretaker, as I should be after 50yrs! lol. But before that we had remodeled our little house a bit and redid our kitchen and I boxed up everything and put in totes in utility room except for one cupboard of essential, plate, knife fork cup, two pots etc that I kept in a box and then realized after we were done many months later that I never had to go into those stored totes.....once! it really opened my eyes between "want and need" also in the last 11 months I have lost my Mother, a special needs older cousin, my Aunt (moms sister) and then my only brother just had a heart attack and was diagnosed with severe diabetes! so my plate was full, and I came to the conclusion that I want function in my life not form...I dont want knick knacks, lots of kitchen ware, unneeded small appliances, bathrooms full of stuff and my two daughters want none of this stuff, so I have literally been donating to thrift stores, humane society (sheets towels comforters cleaning supplies) food banks, given what stuff I had left of Mom's away, gotten rid of my doll collection, you name it and I am feeling GOOD! let it go in to the world and live a new life with someone else, I know what I need and want now and it is not a lot of stuff! I keep very busy taking care of husband, plus doing all the yard work, puttering with my plants, being on my computer, and then sitting on the porch with a cuppa and watching the world go by, my life is small and simple and I am Blessed.
I’m trying to get organized again. But I don’t know how or where to start. I need help.
you are so inspiring!
This helped me so much I don't need to archive my kids whole lives. I have kept everything. Thank You!
This was such a timely message! My mom passed away 6 months ago. We didn't have a good relationship, I spent 55 years begging her to love me, but I was unacceptable due to her expectations of who she wanted me to be. Now I'm stuck trying to understand how to grieve her surrounded by my own clutter and stuff from her that reminds me that I was a disappointment in her eyes. I finally get to be me. I don't even know who I am, but yet I get to choose because life is for the living. Here's to letting the clutter leave my life and home and finding joy and peace in my life so I can live a fulfilled life in the future. Thank you so much for this video!!!
You sound like a new person! Get on with it
I can’t relate, when you became a young adult why did you continue to seek approval you knew she wouldn’t give?
I know the feeling of begging a mom for over 50 years to love me. I am so sorry you know that exquisite pain, too. :(
Proud of you for working on letting go !!! Happiness will get here !!!
@@marylut6077I am sure it’s because every child wants to be loved by their mother. It’s in our DNA to want to be accepted and unconditionally loved by our mother.
I wish you success in your journey and hope you find peace.
Yes to ALL of this! The divorce pictures made me smile (I know that sounds strange). So for my Sister's first wedding I made everything...the dress...the flowers... EVERYTHING. I remember when she got divorced she was hesitant to get rid of the photos because it showed the work I had put into the wedding. I came over with a disposable bbq grill and a lighter and told her to burn that! I put a few months into the wedding garb but I will have a lifetime of wanting my sister to be happy and healthy.
This is awesome Theresa!
And to be clear not all divorces are bad but hers was painful and so was their short marriage. Seeing anything about any of it was not good for her.
You are a GEM! What a kind release that was for her.
I am sure she treasures having you as her sister
@@cailie I hope so. We have always been close but during those rough times I think for sure we appreciated having each other. She is 4 years older but we were together so much that people thought we must be fraternal twins. 😂
Such a super interview. Thank you. My husband passed away 6 months ago and I am dealing with boxes and boxes of stuff that I don’t want to keep because I am not interested in the hobbies he had. Not to mention no room in my tiny apartment. But the weight of the guilt of not wanting to keep his stuff is overwhelming. You have moved me forward. I can see the light!!! Thank you.
Pretend that your dad is holding an item asking you if you can use it? You only have to choices yes or no, but thank you for thinking about me. No harm no foul. There is no right answer except would you use it and saying no doesn't mean you love him any less. And I am up to my neck in clutter because I never asked myself what do I want in my life. This has been so eye opening
Ps I said dad because it removes ownership of the item from it belonging to your husband to it belonging to another male that you loved.
Light bulb moment: we are not biologically wired to see 20 year old photos of ourselves. This is something I’ve never even considered! But resonated on every level! Helping me process old photos I’ve lost of my twins in the day they were born, thinking I’m a terrible mother for that. Thank you for empowering me to release that!
The idea of grieving the past is so powerful and liberating. Thankyou Dawn for bringing these valuable insights to our attention, empowering even more people- thanks!
I have a 35 qt stockpot full of photos that I struggle to let go but don’t necessarily want either. This also helps me release them with some fear and grief but ultimately giving me freedom 🎉 **keeping the ones I feel sentimental about and mailing the ones with other people to them so they can decide what to do with them* also I’ve seen Bookmen’s have random photos for sale so I’ll see if they want some of they ones I’m letting go of.
I just remembered; have you checked websites dedicated to lost photos!? It’s a needle in a haystack but when people find random photos then there’s websites for uploading them so people can find them!!
Not biological wired? Sounds like a BS diagnosis to me. Before camera's there were painter's. Am I going to fall apart seeing a picture of myself when I was 20 years old? Nonsense.
Holy cow, you have my deepest sympathy if you personally responsible for death of your baby, and possibly weren’t totally present for the raising and nurturing of your surviving baby.
I recently moved to Mexico and have an apartment here. Most places come furnished and there is limited storage. People here just aren't focused on STUFF! They really only have what they need and they use things until it breaks and is not fixable. I sold most of my stuff and could only bring the basics. It's freeing in lots of ways. I do WANT some things that I left behind but I am waiting for Black Friday to buy an instant pot and a few other items that I use a lot. Other than that, there is only so much space in my place. People here are so much more social and involved in community than back in Canada. It's refreshing.
Two real-world examples I used being both a minimal mom fan and they trained marriage and family therapist, within the last year: my mom and dad downsized, so anything my mom wanted to give me, I would be very honest with her by saying I'll take it only if I can donate it if it doesn't work out, otherwise it's fine to not give it to me. That helped her gauge her own interest in the item and it's fate. This summer my in-laws who live in the south, tried to give me and my daughter who were visiting several bulky winter jackets. A couple were not our style at all, but my son and husband, not on that trip, may have wanted them. I found myself saying that I will take them only if they are OK that they may end up being donated. Again, it gives freedom to both people that is you, the item owner, want to know the fate of that item, I am not the guaranteed source of its future. That conversation, while slightly awkward, it's a lot less awkward than taking something and worrying that they're gonna ask where it is when they visit. It also helps to bore people to death with your decluttering stories. It sets the stage that you are not the dumping ground for things that they don't want when they declutter. 🤣
Fantastic! Thank you for giving us the words to free ourselves ❤
Ooooohhh!! What a great way to handle that kind of awkward giving! Thank you for sharing that.
What a great way to handle things. Along similar lines, I decided to donate 20+ year-old towels that my in-laws had given my late husband and I because they didn’t want them anymore. They were angry that I was donating them, so I asked if they would like them back? Thinking about it, they calmed down as they realised that they didn’t want these things and it’s unfair to expect others to keep them instead, for them.
Excellent contribution. Thanks!! (From South Africa)
My Mom is a compulsive shopper (a real disorder!). When guilt would overcome her she would give us (the kids) all this "stuff". I have been give sooo much stuff, but I always felt bad donating it because I thought it had emotional value to her and she was passing it on to me in a sentimental way ( this was before I understood the disorder).
Now I simply say I do not need/ want anything, so then the responsibility is put back on her. I will help her donate it (she is 85 years old so getting out is a little difficult).
Point here is drawing a hard line in the sand with everyone...we are not their personal dumping ground, we are not responsible for their stuff or the reason they have this stuff...
Thank you for giving me the words to use...it will make this challenge I face easier.
I had written a long detailed comment but then remembered less is more. My mom died when I was 10 she was 27. All I was left with was 2 pictures of her and a handful of memories. Those shared pictures and memories have held her close to my heart for over 40 years.
🥰 What a beautiful treasure you have in those momentos, and even more so in the memories. They're just a drop in the bucket of how much your mama loved you. My mother died when I was 8, and she was 33.
@@salishheights2320 ❤
I live on the West Coast, my mom lives on the East Coast. We have a very "challenged" relationship, mostly due to her own mental health issues (not to say I have none, just that hers are extreme and deeply-established by her own toxic upbring).
So, she shows love by sending me things. I can't think of any gift she has ever given me that I wanted or needed. Luckily, she's very old and neither of us can afford to travel, so she doesn't see that I've kept nothing she sends me. But she does ask, and some things I'm more honest about not wanting, which she often takes as personal rejection.
But here's the breakthrough: I have told her exactly what I want and praised her efforts when she carries through. 2 years ago, I told her the thing I most wanted as a birthday/Christmas gift was homemade peanut butter cookies. I absolutely LOVE from-scratch peanut butter cookies, but never get around to making any. My mom lives alone, has no social life, not a lot of ready cash, but making cookies is something easy for her. And I really appreciate both the effort and the result. And that saves her money wasted on items I fail to appreciate.
Just putting it out there that, if you regularly get gifts from a friend or family member who is terrible at selecting gifts, then maybe game the system by defining what you would really appreciate and why. I defined showing me love as making me my favorite cookie from scratch, and what mother can resist that?
Do you ever send her anything? It sounds like that's how she experiences love and so that's how she expresses it, through gift giving
"It's not your job to manage others, if they can't handle it, they're not invited." Amen! This is precisely why my husband and I had 4 people at our courthouse wedding and unfortunately why my paternal grandfather(who was at our wedding) can no longer be in my life, he can't handle his temper and I'm a mama to two children, I can't manage him while also properly tending to my babies.
"If they can't handle that, then they're not invited" 😂 Wow, that's a keeper!
Amen
Dawn, You are so right about not being in debt. My Hubby & I worked really hard to pay off over $35,000 in credit card debt & then pd off our house in 19 yrs vs 30 yrs. It was very hard to stop going out to eat & buying excess junk but we did it & when we pd our last house payment 6 yrs ago there was that burden that was gone. I fight the statistic about getting into debt again. We do still use credit cards but we pay them off every month so we don't pay interest. It is very freeing. Great video.
I agree that getting out of debt can be freeing, but someone gave me another perspective that I feel is worth sharing. A friend of mine was saying that she felt the burden to find a job before the end of her fixed term contract because she needs a salary to pay the mortgage on her house and to take care of her family. She had some savings and was thinking about spending it on the mortgage to reduce the monthly cost and thereby the burden of it. But her financial advisor explained that in her situation, the money was more valuable in savings than in lowering the monthly mortgage cost. If she would not find a job in time, she could use her savings to pay for the mortgage and take care for her family for a little while. If she would spend her savings on lowering the mortgage, she would get a lower bill each month, but she wouldn't be able to pay it because she already spent her savings. So even though getting out of debt is a great pursuit, it might not be the best destination for your money at a given moment in time!
@@elisec1309 I would agree with that. Hubby & I both had jobs the entire time we were paying off our debt & house. We also were able to refinance our house towards the ends & got a 1.99% rate & we couldn't pass that up. We worked even harder & were able to pay it off. I will say for about 3 years my Hubby had an excellent (to us anyway) paying job & we took full advantage of that extra $ he was making to pay off the house.
Dawn, even before the end of this video, I had the thought... You are a modern day Esther. You were created for such a time as this! Your quest for knowledge, your down to earth approach, all of the ways God created you was for this time. For setting people free! Well done!
Our grown son was killed in a car wreck in 2017, a few months later my uncle passed, then my dad, then my sister died unexpectedly within another month….we had to clear out so many spaces that I vowed to not do that to anyone…it was so emotional going through each item to donate or throw away…. After 2017/2018 losses we began our journey of less!!
I started asking my friends of items they had gifted me if they would like them back! You would be surprised how many wanted them back, so before donating ask the gift giver if they would appreciate it back also….my husband and I are very clear that we would rather go on a walk, play a game or visit a local event than be given something to sit in a shelf!!
All of our family knows we only want them to spend their time not money !!
Good Bless from the Texas Hill Country!!
I just gave pictures of my ex and I to my adult children. We didn't have a wedding( jp) but a lot of photos from when they were little and with all of us. I told them the choice of keeping was up to them. I never felt bad when seeing pictures of my current husband (34 years) with his ex and daughter. Now she has those pictures as well. We as adult parents have to remember that these pictures are our children's memories as well.
While you were talking about deleting photos of your children my 21 year old was asking me for photos of when he was younger. I am so thankful I didn't delete them. Just because I may not like a photo doesn't mean they will not like it. We have digital photos now you can store them on a hard drive that doesn't take up much space.
Wow! Since I'm in Remedial Decluttering, I may listen to this again. My mother gave me a Precious Memories Noah's Ark bank when my son was an infant thinking it was perfect for his room. It wasn't; the colors were all wrong. It wasn't until after she passed away that I felt the freedom to get rid of it. Now that my son is married, I am trying to be very careful in what gifts I give them. I don't want to give ANY item that requires display because they need to be in charge of their own decorating. For Christmas this year: Stockings filled with consumable items and cash.
I do not want you to live in fear of giving your grandchildren good gifts because your mother gave a gift that you didn’t appreciate.
I’ve made clear to my daughter and granddaughter that I bought those gifts for them based on what I thought was good but for dupe gifts and lack of interest, donate. That way someone will appreciate it. I’ve always done this with gifts from my mother. A thank you for the thoughtful gift but you don’t have to keep forever.
@@lorihamlin3604 You have modeled great behavior for them.
You have given me the confidence I needed to let go of two portable closets full of clothing that no longer fits and is hopelessly dated in style. I've been walking by these closets in my garage for over 25+ years because I was going to lose the weight/get the job that required suits/sell them online... I bagged up everything for donation and for recycling then took the closets apart. I loaded the bed of my husband's truck with 7 large trash bags full and delivered them to a charity and the recycling center. I had a bit of a wobble when I first started bagging the clothes but I just hung in there and got it done. Two weeks later I'm still a little teary eyed but that's just from the fact that it took me way too many years to deal with it. I don't regret getting rid of the clothes and I wish I had done it sooner. Thank you for your videos! You truly helped me tackle something I didn't think I could.
👏❤️👏❤️👏
Wow! Good for you. Congrats on your Huge step forward 🍀🍀🍀
Well done you!! That was a huge emotional task that you accomplished. Sending you hugs!
Wow! That's awesome 💚
Sooo motivating!! Thank you for sharing!!
I love Dr John! I have a blender that I only use to grind egg shells for our many chickens. It is starting to fail so I shopped for a replacement. At only $25 not a big deal, right? Then my retrained brain thought "hey, I already have a food processor that I don't use...turns out it is perfect for grinding the egg shells! I don't need a blender after all!
Yay! This is awesome Marcia!!!
I read just today ground eggshells are good for birds. Do you bake first? Do you offer them all year or only in the spring (nesting time)?
@@louannhuber2651 all year round and no need to bake! Since I also cook up their cracked eggs, so they can have the protein, I just pour the shells, water and all in with the cooked eggs...but we have LOTS of hens!
I have an apron from my great grandma and both grandma's after they past. I actually use them and it's tied to so many memories of seeing them making cookies or Thanksgiving. I only take things I will actively use, not just look at.
I appreciate this video. I have a great deal of anxiety and a cluttered home. I know I need to keep on decluttering but I get easily overwhelmed and go into freeze mode. This video was encouraging. ❤️
Same here 🙋🏻♀️
If overwhelmed, reframe it as a long term process and dedicate 25 minutes a day to decluttering😊
If you are freezing and easily overwhelmed when decluttering, you may appreciate Dawn's friend Dana K White from A slob comes clean. Her no-mess decluttering method ensures only progress, one small step at a time.
@@shelleytimmons6952 thank you, I will check it out!
When I get overwhelmed by decluttering, I get rid of the box full . Leave the project, do another box, bag, whatever, the following week. It then becomes a habit, little by little. Rome was not built in one day. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Xxx
Dawn, I gave my wedding album and pictures of my former husband/wonderful father to our adult daughter. She loves them and will share with our grandchildren. To this day, our relationships are healthy, and she thanks us for the supportive environment she grew up in.
I kept my wedding album from my first marriage because 90% of the pictures are professional, beautiful pictures of my family. My current husband doesn’t mind because it was an important part of my past life.
I have never heard the phrase that "your childhood biography becomes your adult biology," but I've got to say that it is SO true. I have the most severe form of PTSD because of my childhood "biography." Hopefully, by trying to reframe my abuse as a "biography," I can at least heal a little bit.
You're so humble Dawn. WE ALL AGREE WITH JOHN!!! YOU ARE SUCH A BLESSING TO OUR HOME AND FAMILY!!!!
Thank you Katy, that means more than you know!! ❤️
Well said! Dawn you are such a blessing! Thanks for teaching us “how to” with such kindness! May God Bless You Richly!🤗
As a trauma certified music therapist, who works with folks experiencing grief and mental health challenges, this was spot on! So much wisdom and knowledge are packed into this short interview. Thank you, Dawn!!!
This is awesome to hear, thank you Noel!
@@TheMinimalMom this is my second or third time watching it so I can soak it all in!! Absolutely found soo much value in this interview!!!
i would love to do something like this with art or writing! in college i remember writing an essay about writing as therapy but back then it was still iffy
You for sure changed my life when I watched your videos and figured out I didn't need bigger closets...but less stuff! It has been a continual journey, but a definite mindset change!
Truth!
Well said! Def need to keep in mind while my husband and I dream of having a big house. The things will just pile up stressing us out even more!
I found this conversation quite interesting. As someone who is in my mid 7th decade of life I find it much easier to let go of things. My children are 43, 47, and 50. Now they are happy to have some of the things that I saved of theirs. My oldest son loved having his favorite pull toy to give to his son and watch him have as much joy as he did playing with it. What happens to it now is up to them. Instead of just giving them stuff when I die, I am asking them now if they want to have it. Sometimes it is yes definitely and with other things they say no. They do not feel that they are under any obligation to take it. When my mother died, my sister took a photo of things that she had. She and I got the first choice. Then it was opened up to our children. If no one wanted the things they were donated.
I think when it comes to pictures of former partners, how you feel depends a lot on how secure you are with yourself and your present relationship. My son married a young widow with two young children when he was in his mid 30s. The children asked if they could call him Papa which he loved, but when he asked them about adoption they wanted to keep their father's name. His wife asked if he minded that she keep out a picture of her 1st husband with his children. She also kept his name along with my son's name. None of that bothered my son because he knew that she loved the man and he was not going to try to take that away from her. Now after 5 years of marriage the children are adopted and have taken his name.
That is all tremendous! >
That's Wonderful!
This was probably the most beneficial and well-timed video I've ever seen on UA-cam, Dawn. This video brought me to tears. It felt so freeing to hear these words. I've been struggling so much with my house and identity and it's probably 95% because of toxic clutter. I'll probably need to watch this 5 more times before I find the strength to stand up for myself and my family, but I think I can get there. Thank you, Dawn.
One thing that made me rethink decluttering was hearing people tell me that personal items can help dementia patients remember. So sure, I keep on top of the clutter, but there are things, like my first Barbie, or a Christmas ornament my sister made me when she was little that bring back so many happy memories.
I think you are wise to have this forethought. It's very easy in the 30's and 40's to think you won't have a different outlook on life or that your needs will ever change. Now that im in my mid 50's. I am looking at things a bit differently. I don't recommend clutter but i am seeing value in having held on to some things for reasons beyond their practical usefulness
Yes, this is what holds me back from getting rid of the sentimental things. My mom and I were so close and she died of Alzheimer’s. She would cry and save everything is slipping away. Ugh. I have gotten rid of a lot but the letters and photos are the most difficult. My mom and her family were prolific writers. She kept them all and I inherited every card and letter from her extended family. They have all passed on now and because I knew these people as well it is so hard to toss all these hand written things. I will have sometimes I am able to do it and other times when it causes me more grief and anxiety to throw them away. So I try to just be kind to myself and do what I can. I think I have the fear of getting Alzheimer’s too so that makes it even more difficult to get rid of things that coils jog my memory. The one thought I do hold onto is that I don’t want my children to have this struggle, even though it want be as emotional for them. However, why should they have to spend part of their lives handling what I haven’t. Take Care all of you.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve replayed the section about feeling like we are responsible for regulating other people’s emotions. You are so right- no one is responsible for the emotional reactions of other people, even your family members. I almost starting crying because I can think of so many situations where I’ve downplayed the conversation that was happening or changed the subject because I could see someone was getting upset by what someone else was saying. That’s on both of them- not me. Thank you for giving me this “peace” of advice (I have peace knowing this moving forward). I love when you both get together and talk. So eye opening.
Having feelings is ok. Being stuck there, forever is different. Stuffing feelings can lead to addictions ... It's ok to feel, process, move on. ....
I can’t relate, what do you think created that toxic attitude in you?
I quickly downsized and let go of so much-things that were my Mom’s. They were her memories, not mine. I donated thinking that people would find them and be thrilled at their “great thrift find”. I’ve never missed anything.
Omg Dawn, the first 7 seconds I was " YES, YES, and YES to all of the above". Also you're so right about getting out of debt. I had about 30k of debt (although to ME it felt like a MILLION $) for over 20 yrs and absolutely NOTHING to show for it, just everyday life being a single mom and raising 2 kids and using credit cards when the pay check wasn't enough. So I wasn't trying to find an easy way out like filing for bankruptcy. I wanted to pay my debt but I kept begging the creditors to at least lower my interest and they wouldn't so I ended up going a different route. It took me almost 5 years but I DID IT !!! I finally did it and I swore that I would never find myself in that predicament ever again unless I lose my job. It's the best feeling EVER !
I scanned “winner” photos 20 years ago for parent’s anniversary. I continue scanning “winners” as I go through boxes and albums of photos and pull out worthy photos. Its a process but glad I still have those cute toddler pics of my kids and they appreciate seeing their “winners” as adults. Definitely good medicine to trash the loser photos as well.
Amazing video, both of you. I am a recovering people pleaser, and what he said about allowing others to determine my value resonated deeply with me. I have felt this shift in the last year or two, and I realized when he said that that I now value myself regardless of what anyone else thinks of me. My value and worth come from God, not from other people. So freeing! Now. I just need to work on that debt...
That is beautiful Yvonne💚
When my grandparents passed away I was 20 just starting to get a foot in life. I didn't have much furniture and my mom and her siblings were in the process of sorting through their house and getting it ready to sell it. There was this one sideboard I saved form going into the dumpster. I still have it and it's in our entryway. I plan on refinishing it to make it more my style so I can keep it for a long time. I love habi g a piece of them in my home. Also my granddad used to repair clocks and watches as a hobby. He had a while room full of broken watches and clocks, hundreds. My mom couldn't possibly keep them all. She saved a few pretty ones (which she still don't know what to do with them since they are really outdated).
I kept a small alarm clock, it does not work but the bells still do. It just reminds me of him so much, I loved him dearly and I'm so happy to be keeping something that was of value to him. Also it's pretty and makes a great little piece of decor.
What I'm trying to say: if it weighs you Don, get rid of it. If it's a sweet memory I think it's okay to tie some memories and emotions to objects.
The talk about grieving reminded me of a conversation I recently had with a friend who is now divorced. We talked about the grief of unrealized dreams and what should have been. The things related to that dream aren't going to make the dream suddenly become true when it's related to a loss of a relationship.
I second what Dr John said at the end, Thank you, Dawn for the peaceful and purposeful conversation you share with us. There is so much noise and chaos online. I am grateful that I know when I start one of your videos that I will not be met with that, but with a video that is real, has a purpose, and brings peace and comfort- not fear, jealousy, anxiety, FOMO, etc.
💚💜💚 Same 💚💜💚
What if I give it up and then when it's gone I regret my decision.
Thank you Emalee, that means more than you know!! ❤️
@@colleenkielczynski1696 regret is part of life, and I believe we can all handle feelings better than we think we can. If you regret something you gave up, don’t rush to fill that hole with things or try to replace what you gave up. Just let yourself feel the regret, the grief. It will be okay.
I’m a young senior. I slightly down sized when I moved into my current house seven years ago - and I still have 100 unopened boxes of stuff that followed me from my previous house. This is actually good, because for several years after I moved I had so much stuff in my garage that no cars could be parked inside - now I can park two cars in my garage. One of the drivers that has been helping me part with these things that no longer have anything to do with my life is the reality of what will happen to all my stuff when I pass on. The fact is that no one in my family really needs my stuff. They already have their own houses and plenty of their own stuff. Without making a massive project out of it, I open a box every now and then and sell off what can be sold, donate what doesn’t sell but still is useful, and into the dumpster with whatever remains. I’m trying to get my house down to the common stuff that I really need or use, and will be easy for the executor of my estate to quickly settle up. I particularly pay attention to rehoming items that would just get thrown away. I have definitely found more of a sense of freedom and relief as my excess possessions leave my life.
I am deep in grief at the moment after losing two of the most important people in my life. I really appreciate and ponder these viewpoints re:clutter because I can find little content addressing the issue with sensitivity. “Grief needs a witness” is so beautiful, Dawn. It is difficult to process through the belongings of a loved one and is further complicated when these items are a part of your story as well. Simply saying the memory is not in the item is incorrect and can come across as dismissive, especially to those beginning the grief journey. I would actually argue that having that simplistic view is “avoidance of grief.” Sometimes the item is what sparks the memory and processing that memory is a vital part of the grief journey.
I'm so sorry for your tragic losses. Our 4th born died a summer ago after a grueling first month in the hospital. I think John said that last time he and Dawn did a show together, too, that "grief needs a witness." That thought has helped me SO much as I've processed our loss. My counselor loved it, too. May God fill you with His unspeakable peace in the weeks and months ahead.
Very, very, well said. Thank you for that
@@salishheights2320 so sorry for your loss of your little one .
We lost our first little granddaughter.
I love the way everything was put in to words. “My grandfather isn’t in this jacket.” Over the years, I have definitely held on to things for far too long because I felt like by letting them go it would dishonour my loved ones who had passed.
My older children’s father and I divorced when they were 10 and 4. Years later, I went through the pictures…I didn’t want them. I asked my daughter and son to go thru the pictures He was their dad (he passed several years ago) and we went thru the pictures , there were happy times and we laughed as we remembered. I am remarried so there are more pictures that we all share.
In December 1987 we had our second son. In January 1988, I found him, forever sleeping; a victim of SIDS. We were sent literally hundreds of cards, letters, notes; many from very unexpected people. We were also given a Polaroid photo of our dead baby by staff at the Casualty department. It was incredibly thoughtful and kind, but he wasn’t there, and it looked awful. All that stuff lived in a box, at the back of a cupboard, along with a lock of his hair. A couple of years ago, I realised that when my husband and I are gone, our three adult boys will need to clear the house. We decided it was time to let them go. He’d be 35 next weekend; his three brothers don’t deserve the pain of sifting through the evidence of that short, bittersweet time. We sorted everything out and nothing changed. We still think of him, we still love him. We let that stuff go, and nothing happened. ❤
I kept the wedding photos from my 1st marriage for our son. My (now) husband and I gave the pictures from his 1st wedding to their daughter. I think it might do the kids some good, knowing that their parents once loved each other.
I agree. My daughter cherishes those pictures from the wedding of her dad and I. Her dad has passed away and she has limited things of his from his life and those things were given to her from me, like jewelry, pictures etc.
They need to see both parents even if it is only in pictures.
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve been feeling so much guilt lately for not video recording and photographing my children enough. I’ve been carrying so much weight and guilt about that. Especially since I work as a photographer creating beautiful work for others of their children yet I fall short with my own. His words about enjoying the moment you are in with your children and letting go of having to capture each moment was great! I’d love another video like this where we dive into virtual “stuff” I’ve got atleast 15,000 photos and don’t look through them because it’s overwhelming😩
This! Except I don't want to hear about digital photos ~ aaaaaaah!!! 😄
Yes! I could have written this myself and I’m also a photographer. 😊 I share that guilt, but it stems for around feeling the need to capture everything in photos and video rather than living in the moment. I have hundreds of thousands of photos from the last ten years that I am slowly trying to organize use and make albums of because I don’t want to leave my children with all this digital clutter.
I think he went too far with not keeping photos of your children growing up. I’m grateful that my mom gave us our pics from childhood. And my pics of my kids is a great reminder of happy childhoods. And my adult children are wonderful people. I value those memories the pics show.
He didn’t say he keeps none of them. None of us took 10 pictures a day of our kids with a cell phone. Put it in perspective with today’s technology.
Wow this gave me answers of how to free myself and gain more time. I’ve spend hours upon hours.Sorting my kids memory boxes and taken photos of their drawings and literally every item. Put them on my laptop in folders and backed them up on 2 external hard drives. It’s 100 percent living in the past and not grieving their childhood. Even though I love those moments it does weight on my when I look at these photos, I feel sad and wish I could go back in time. I’ve never thought of myself as someone who lives in the past because I’m more focused on future worries and anxious but this category I do focus on the past. It disrupts my happiness now. I have thousands and thousands of photos I am obsessed with organizing. This is very opening. The question now is what do yo still complete the project but do it more simply.
Simplified!!! I’m sure your kids will love the carefully selected favorites that you can share with them when they’re older. ❤
I have been anxious too about this burden I felt of still having to make albums of 14 years worth of pictures. After seeing this video I have decided to take a shortcut: I want to pick only the nicest pictures and make a year-album of it. So, not the whole vacation of 80 pictures, but just a few. Make a thin album for each year. This should be feasible. Okay, this is my plan! I wish you and me good luck in our photo-quest!! 😂 Much ❤ from Janette
@@janeweston826 Thank you Jane. I’m going to do the same. The other thing is not being as neurotic about the order of the photos. I have one year of printed photos sprawled out on my bedroom floor in piles. My kids came in the bedroom a few days ago and they were hand picking the ones that caught their eyes. At that point I realized maybe it doesn’t matter the order as much as just getting them in a book. This would save a ton of time. It makes me physically uncomfortable to not have everything in order😰. I may need to let go on this one and save hours of my life lol. Great luck to you as well. Enjoy the moments as you go through the photos🥰. Happy Thanksgiving!
Every time you interview John, I get some mind-blowing revelation of truth! “You are not in charge of their emotional regulation. That’s their grown-up job!” As a woman, that’s a truth that spans across a wide range of scenarios! ❤
I requested his book from our library consortium!
I feel so much better and pulled together since decluttering and downsizing. Our house is paid for after 15 years. College for three kids is paid for. Thank-you Dawn !
My Grandson would disagree with the picture statements. He is 13 and it means the world to him that I took the time to make him his memory albums. Also my children who are in their 40's love looking at their albums. Granddaughter who is 27 and Grandson who is 21 love them too. I also spend time chatting with them about their present time life and future goals. It is a lovely balance.
I think if you consider the context was toxic clutter, that is things that make you feel bad, then If the photos make you feel good, they don’t fall under this category.
Guess I'm really sentimental lol but I love looking through my kids artwork. Of course I couldn't save everything, but the examples I do have make me smile.
One of my kids doesn't seem to care that I saved it but two of them seem honored that I did so and they also enjoy looking through and reminiscing about their childhood.
“Find ways to unhook from other peoples ideas for your life.” So true, paying off debt, letting go of stuff, life is more present-I realize I do sleep better, wow. Love your content.
Dawn - I have to share with you that I made my very first bundt cake today. Vanilla & chocolate. I treated myself to my first Bundt cake tin (for my birthday) and then made it today. It was such a success. I'm so proud and my new go to favourite cake for my family. All thanks to you. God bless you. Maria. UK. 🙏💕 Ps. Oh and of course I will be purchasing your bundt cake digital book. Good luck with that and well done for all your hard work creating it. Such a fantastic cause. 💕
This is so awesome to read Maria! Great job and thank you!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Hey! Fantastic episode!! We are huge DR fans! We have been processing inherited things from 3 deaths. It’s comforting to think, “so-and-so isn’t in this garment, or book, or cake pan” and they would want me to be in a peaceful home. And that it’s ok to acknowledge the size we are and stage we are in and move on accordingly.
When I got divorced (with 3 young children) I gave my wedding photos to my parents for safekeeping because I wanted to burn them, but also knew I would regret it. I am SO glad that I still have my gorgeous wedding pictures to share with my children. If I didn't have kids, I would have lit them up LOL
I totally agree...when you're out of debt, you just don't (or desire) to have 'stuff' in your life. Then when you also start to minimize...you need even less.
At some point I realized that the money I wasted on something I thought was a good idea at some point, is not less wasted by my keeping this useless item cluttering my living space.
I also came to realize how often I found ‘sentimental’ things stored in boxes or whatever, and I only even remembered I had them when trying to clean and “organize”.
The times I spent at my grandparents house were some of the best times of my childhood. They died when I was still quite young. I’m 58 now. I have no thing from them. And I don’t need any thing to remember them.
I’m nowhere near as decluttered as I want to be, but you are helping so much! Thank you!!
What a wonderful broadcast today. I needed to hear this. I may listen again. I've been decluttering my room for an entire day, I made a dent. I actually hung up 4 HS senior pictures. ( all 4 of us at same age, resemblances are awesome) I've been saying I would do that for 2 years. It's done. Now back to sorting!!!
My husband and I were both married before, I have children. We both keep our photos from before, we have shared them together and talked about good moments in our lives. They are in cupboards, although they didn’t have children, they both wanted some photos of happier days that included deceased members of their families.
At the beginning I was a little cautious about looking at his photos as she left him and I wasn’t certain he didn’t still harbour feeling for her. 8 years on I know we both love each other and his ex contributed to making him the great man he is. My ex is still very much in our lives, and we have family get togethers that are fun. We don’t display our old lives photos in communal areas but the children have some in their rooms….their Dad is their Dad he isn’t an ex!
I also have photos of my parents, divorced too…. I would have been horrified if they were destroyed. They are a part of my history, and my childrens.
I bought a “nutri-bullet” to make smoothies. I didn’t do it. It sat on my counter. When my nephew went to college & gave it to him & his roommates. They used it all the time. The same thing with the coffee maker that uses pods. I bought one because my husband & I don’t drink coffee (gasp). So I figured that when we entertained, we’d just use that for coffee. However,we don’t really entertain at our place so it wasn’t getting used. Again, I gave it away to my nephew & his college roommates. Now, if things change, we’re talking about doing renovations & making our indoor space bigger which would result in more entertaining space…I can always buy another coffee maker. The stress of looking at that coffee maker that went unused was ridiculous. I saw it as a waste of space & money. Giving it away to my nephew & his friends who used it daily & appreciated it made me feel much better. The same thing with the smoothie maker.
You are the favorite Aunt who anticipates their needs.
Thank you so much for touching on the grief subject - in past year I’ve lost my mom, husband & brother. There are a lot of items that I’m going through and not ready to let go of yet, but this was a great insight when I am ready to let the items be passed on and to understand not being burdened by their belongings.
I'm so sorry for all of your losses, and so back to back.May it bring you peace for now to know you can hang on to special things, and peace later as you go through the rest, remembering, and letting things go. When you're ready, it's healing. No rush. 💕
@@johill1174 💕thank you so much 💕
@@salishheights2320 💕thank you so much 💕
I brought home a lot of the stuff my dead loved ones had only to realize many months after that safekeeping them won't bring them back. That helped me keep only the very best items that I cherish , love and use. And their memory won't ever go away, I carry them in my heart. Good luck going through your grief.
What a great episode. Amazing value. Clutter truly is psychological. Just like weight and other demons we fight with. Thank you.
Dawn, this interview with Dr. Delony has been so helpful. The pictures thing is such an area of struggle for me. I have realized that my camera can’t capture a moment as well as our brain can. I have said that I can either be a historian of my life or I can live it, but I can’t do both. It has definitely been hard to put a camera down because I enjoy it so much and I love recording and making memories to leave for the family and friends that I love. I love photography as a hobby. I enjoy history. And I enjoy people and their stories. But Dr. DeLony so correct when he says that we are just not designed to do this record things, look back and compare. I struggle with deleting and it such a “digital” mess on my computer right now. What a great conversation he had with you and I enjoyed him so much. Thank you both!
When my parents died my sister and I split up the photos that were kept in a jumbled mess in the piano bench. I got home neatly placed my stash in a cardboard box lined with newspaper to protect them. Then I moved. And in the move i came across a box of newspaper, i didn't dig thru the box but just said only you would box up newspaper and tossed the box in the dumpster. And truthfully I haven't missed the photos or the painful memories that they brought up of an abusive home life. I have two photos I cherish my grandparents wedding day and my first baby photo.
My mom had several picture albums and boxes of negatives. Now it is overwhelming me to know what to do with them. I do enjoy looking at them, but it's been years. The reality is that my kids don't know most of the folks in the pictures, so they don't mean anything to them. It's hard to just throw them away.
This was so helpful. He distills so much in each sentence. I know I’ll watch this again! Thanks, Dawn. Yes, you are a calm voice in a sea of anxious people. 🎯
Oh my gosh, Dawn, thank you for this interview! Even where the questions weren't directly applicable to my life or current chapter, everything was SO relevant and valuable. John is so wise and kind; I am very much looking forward to listening to more from him 😊
Thank you, Dawn!!!!! For introducing John and everyone at Ramsey!!!! May God bless you always in all ways!!! You've blessed my life, my marriage, our children and future generations. Thank you also for introducing me to Dana K. White! I am so humbly grateful for you. Thank you!!!!!!! 🙏 ❤️
I literally cannot get enough of you two! Please please do more and more content!
Oh Dawn, I just started watching your channel and I need to tell you a quick story. My husband needs to get out of a tough job, but at 55 we don’t have enough money to retire. We decided to solve the problem by selling our house, cars, and everything we own and wander around the cheaper countries of the world for about 10 years. We can make what we’ve saved for retirement last 3 times as long! BUT that means we have to get rid of everything!!! We have room in our son’s house for about 4 bins of photos and keepsakes and we’ll each have a carry-on suitcase with us. Your sweet words about getting rid of things that we don’t need in this season, wisdom about things that have been passed down, and not worrying about “what if I need it” have all made this part of our adventure so much easier. Even though our reasons are so much different than yours, the wisdom is the same and has comforted my heart and released me from so much turmoil! Thank you!!! ❤❤
Beautiful chat, Dawn. Thought provoking truths...wrapped in kindness.
ABSOLUTELY. We have to take care of everyone's emotions. I stopped.
This has helped me so much today..I watched it twice! On my summer to do list, I wrote “ decide what to do with two of my Grandmother things..a bench that is need of a fix up and a secretary desk that I’ve only used for storage. Needless to say, what you talked about has helped. Donations will be made and I’ll let go. This will apply to many other things I’ve held onto. Thank you.
Hearing “I want to live in the present, not the past “ really helped me.
Thank you
"Start the habit and then reward ourselves" nicely put, this made so much sense! Get into the habit and then purchase the better version in case that the one you are using is not serving you properly, you already have the habit of doing it so it be a well thought purchase. Thank you for this!
Building a non-anxious life....Love that saying!
Loved the part with sentimental items! We got my Mums car after she passed. We were in a car accident last week, everyone ok but the car that was in perfect condition was totaled. I am having trouble with getting rid of this car. I know it is not her and she will be glad we were safe. The airbag we can’t replace saved us. Thanks.
I've spent the past couple years watching videos about grief, hoarding, and clutter because...reasons. This was one of the best I've seen. Thank you 🙏
My mom passed away two years ago and I inherited all her stuff. Most of it went, but I kept some useful and/or pretty kitchen items. However, my childhood was traumatic as my mom had mood disorders coupled with alcoholism, and every time I saw her items they reminded me of her and some of the neglect and abuse that had to do with meal times. I decided to box them up, even though they were useful, to see how it affected me. I realized I was thinking of her less often, which was very good for my mental health (less anxiety and depression). Now I have to make a decision about a beautiful vase, but that is shrouded in a dark cloud 😞. My point is, even useful and/or beautiful things can be toxic clutter if they carry emotional baggage and/or bad memories.
This was such a beautiful, heavy comment.
I think if you are able to donate the beautiful vase, the dark cloud will disappear from it and the next owner will see only its beauty, not the cloud you see it wrapped in. You will see it go from your life, but someone else will love to have it. I struggle with emotional attachment to "stuff". Maybe take a photo of it first? Good luck whatever you decide.
30 seconds in and I can already tell this video is gonna be spot on for me right now! Thanks for posting this!
This was so wonderful. My mom has my wedding photos from my first wedding to my abuser. My oldest children came from that, I love and treasure them more than anything and my experience with that man doesn’t and shouldn’t dictate the way they get to know him as he is as a father. I couldn’t have those items, but I know it’s important for them to be able to choose to let go of or keep them - it’s not my decision to make to erase their past or part of their history because it was painful for me. It’s their story too. I did let go of anything that was “mine” that was shared. It was so cathartic. For years I held onto coffee mugs. Plain white mugs. A set of 8 that never got used because touching them made me want to vomit but I couldn’t bring myself to be wasteful. One day I finally donated them and I wanted to cry seeing the shelf with only 3 mugs - 2 my mom bought me with sentimental value and one that my father lovingly handed down to me that was my favorite of his when I was a kid. It was my first taste of “my own home”. So freeing!
Oh my! I am WELL aware of how much my clutter effects me. I feel discouraged and overwhelmed every single day!!!!!!
Dawn THANK YOU! Every episode you post seems always to be an answered hotline from God. Yesterday I was wondering what to do with my wedding album now that I’m divorced. I decided that my relationship w my (ex) husband has been a radical journey in my life with Christ, and we are closer now than when we were married. I keep these albums in my Christmas trunk to remember that holy moment, the tough long trial together, and how God has redeemed the time and grown us both through that often fiery trial. I also realize that as I am now disabled and had to leave a job I loved that this process of decluttering “stuff” and all the insights that you give each episode can also be essential for the process of decluttering toxic relationships and changing your life journey. This is a beautiful, crazy new journey and I’m thrilled that you have been placed in my life for such a time as this. God bless ❤️
Wonderful conversation. I really like the visual of "unhooking" myself from other people making decisions in my life to build a life that feels peaceful and meaningful to me.
When I don’t see something I gifted to someone on display in their home, I know I missed the mark. My mother tucked the gifts my brothers gave her in a closet: they all lived close to her. When I visited, she asked me to go find things I wanted in her closet! After that, I made charitable contributions in her name for her birthdays and Christmases.
"All along it wasn't actually the stuff" Sums it up. Nailed it!!
I love it when you and Dr. John do a video together. Sometimes I just need to hear it is OK from more than one person. Also, on the gifts, I told my siblings if I gift you something you don't like, "I'm OK WITH WHAT YOU DECIDE TO DO WITH THE ITEM." And so we made it a habit of asking what we want or need or help with when we are planning and giving gifts to each other. Especially when we happen to be at the store and we video call or text with pictures of the items before purchasing. Being honest with one another helps to keep unwanted items at bay.
ok the Divorce wedding photos.. I just went through that with photos we have a son who is now 30 so I simply put ALL photos of his dad and I in a photo box for him because he is the only person that would want them lol both of us are remarried 20 plus years I didn't want my husband to have to deal with those when I am gone..at least that is how I looked at this situation :}
Don't throw away wedding albums - unless you have no kiddos. Kiddos deserve to see where they came from and know that Mom and Dad loved each other. It's OK to through out life sized photos you kept over the mantle - just take a picture of those and print/stuff into the album.
Not for kids whose parents are divorced. My parents separated when I was a week old and my brother was 11 months old. They divorced when we were 1 and 2. Our maternal grandparents kept our parents' wedding photos and gave them to us when we became young adults. We didn't want them. We threw them away with no regrets at all. Our grandparents should've thrown them away at the time of the divorce rather than giving to us to deal with. It's not the kids' jobs to deal with getting rid of their parents' baggage. I honestly think many people struggle to move on because they create shrines to the past as a way to avoid facing and normalizing their current reality.
@@lisacrews3060 I’m divorced and my daughter is happy I kept the wedding pics of her father and me. I asked her just now to make sure. Each person deals with life differently, just my perspective. :).
@@lisacrews3060 My oldest half-sister never knew her dad. My mother & her dad divorced before she was born. Mother left her wedding photos with her mother, on the opposite coast. My half-sister was really grateful grandmother kept the few photos, because there came a time ( right after she had kids of own ), that she wanted to know everything about her dad. And as it turned out, he wasn’t even aware she existed.
@@lovuforeverable @Sun Shine
My parents had a toxic 8 year marriage full of adultery and alcoholism (admitted to) from the beginning. My grandparents pleaded with my mother not to marry my dad because there was no way it would go well. My mother decided to "trick' him into having a baby 6 years into the chaos to, as she said, "to inspire him to become a responsible person." It didn't work. 11 months later I was born because she didn't believe she could get pregnant while nursing a baby. He was falling down drunk the day I was born. She threw him out when I was a week old. Then there were the years of their remarriages (4 total) all of which were disastrous and toxic behaviors that have lasted to this day now that they're about to turn 80, and it keeps getting worse now that their filters are gone.
So no, it doesn't make any rational sense that my brother and I would want pictures of the beginning of that train wreck from mom's parents who tried to warn her away from it. They never could see their daughter was toxic and were deluding themselves that we would want pictures of their wedding just because they're our parents. It was clueless on a grand scale to think we'd want mementos of the start of that mess.
@@sunshine3914 See my response above to Lisa Winburne. It wouldn't let me link to you.
Wow, there were some really important points in this discussion. The bit about not being responsible for someone else's emotional reactions - that's a huge thing for a lot of us (women especially) to unlearn. I think there was something similar in another video about moms taking on the responsibility of making sure the whole family enjoys Christmas, as if we could.
You two make a great duo. You should do a podcast together! I bought John's book after watching an earlier interview with him. And he's absolutely right about Dawn! She got me into decluttering, and I'm starting a coaching business to help others declutter.
THIS! I could listen to these two chat for hours.
I love you Dawn! You and your channel have been a gift in my life helping on so many levels.
Thank you for sharing this interview, especially about the wedding photos. Not everyone has as good a working relationship with their ex as I had with mine so that bears remembering when things like this come up. Recently, the wife of a couple we stood up for at their wedding 30+ years ago just sent me a candid photo of their dad (who is now passed) and me. As much as I love my children, I respect my partner's feelings and I talked with him about it before sending it to the kids. This man of mine is one in a million and his reaction was so loving and generous. First he complimented me on how pretty I looked. Then he said something that made me so grateful for him. He said my kids deserved to see their parents captured in a happy moment. I'm so grateful for that gift.