I wasn’t aware that this was common. I make eye contact very briefly with my therapist but I spend most of the sessions glancing around the room or down at the floor.
I used to do the same, when i did therapy. In one of the sessions i realised about it and said it out loud to my therapist: i just realised that i find it difficult to make eye contact when i'm talking to you. We talked about it for a while and at that time i got to the conclussion that it was because of how much more vulnerable i felt. Not doing eye contact with her while telling her some painful stuff about me, made me feel a lot safer. I think thats why some therapist lay their clients on a couch looking elsewhere. But thats just my guess.
My problem is that I do't understand a patient-therapist relationship. I'm supposed to open up and tell you everything, but you aren't my friend. You're still a stranger to me. I don't know who you are, what you like, or how I can relate to you.
I know I’m late responding to this but I’ve been in and out of therapy for many years. I’ve thought the same thing. I have issues looking people in the eyes as well. What it comes down to is your own choices, beliefs and thoughts. Are you willing to take that leap of faith to trust someone new? At one point in your life you had to do the same thing with your friends. This is no different unless you want it to be. But if you don’t open up, if you are not willing to do the work, expose that vulnerability even though a part of you is screaming “WTF ARE YOU DOING” then you’re not ready. Don’t waste the time or money. You’re in there to get better. No matter how long it takes. It’s at YOUR own pace. Not your therapist’s. But at some point if the therapy is to work, you have to try to let them in. Even if it’s just sharing ONE thing about yourself at a time. Also, I understand trust issues too, may be a factor. Some trust more easily than others. But then again if someone can’t trust ANYONE... then it’s going to be a very, very lonely life.
I felt the same when I started. Then it connected with me that this can be a feature, not a bug. A therapist is also someone with whom you are literally paying to help with your emotional labor and has been trained to do. So you can talk with them even about the things you won’t tell your friends for fear of overburdening or overwhelming them, because the relationship is transactional. You can safely use this relationship to push yourself somewhat into more vulnerable spaces in a Pre-proscribed, safe environment/arena where you don’t have to worry that whatever you confess or expose will ever come back to destroy the rest of your life. Of course, you need a therapist you can have some level of emotional rapport with to feel comfortable with revealing such exposure, but this can be somewhat true when seeking *any* medical professional. This can all be really difficult depending on your level of access to available options, though. :(
One thing that my therapist told me about is that sometimes certain eye positions are connected to different emotions. I didn't believe her at first because but we practiced spotting (I think she called it something like that) and I realized I do look in certain spots when I have certain emotions. I have a thinking spot and a frustrated spot and a sad spot etc. So it might be more than not making eye contact. You might be looking in your emotion place when you're talking about something and just not know it.
ojiverdeconfleco here's a link www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/brainspotting-therapy I was so skeptical and I'm even still a little skeptical because it seems so strange. But I swear I experienced it just like it says in that article.
I struggle with looking at my therapist...and I am pretty sure it is related to my anxiety and/or low-self esteem. What I do notice, however, is that I am able to look at her when she talks. Maybe that is a place to start.
I also look at my therapist when she talks but when I talk I stare at a painting in the room.. and cant make eye contact she hasn't said anything but I feel its because I'm embarrassed and kinda feel like she's going to judge me on whatever I'm m saying
[For background, I have ADHD and CPTSD] Honestly, I simply find eye contact distracting. Making eye contact a lot makes me more aware of my own facial expressions and gestures which can (and often does) cause me to lose my train of thought or just to be less mindful of what I'm feeling. I've let my therapist know about this and she didn't think it was anything to worry about.
Actually my eye contact rage is almost certainly cptsd related. The fact that it's triggered not just by the demand of me doing it but even hearing someone (even fictional) say any kind of variation of "look at me while I'm speaking to you" or "look at me, i need to know that you're listening" or "my eyes are over here" (lessened if it's in reference to someone staring at boobs. But not entirely eliminated) absolutely sets it off and sends me into violent fantasy realms where all I can focus on is all the different ways i could maybe make someone bleed or break a limb. Well it probably falls in line with similar things that cause a similar reaction in me that have been linked to the same kind of trauma associated with the eye contact (threats of physical punishment/abuse/embarrassment. My birth name. People not listening or understanding what I'm saying. And people using any kind of stern or aggressive voice.)
Same dude same i make enough eye contact but it becomes difficult for me to realise my feeling and vent out rather I end up intellectualising my emotions.
Thank you Katie! I struggle with eye contact so much with my teachers and other people I see as “adults.” I become hyper-aware of the length of time I am making eye contact and no matter how long I hold it I either feel like it was too long or not long enough. I am working on letting myself trust that the people I interact with won’t judge me for this and if they do, not to let it get to me.
Look into low oxytocin. Supplemental oxytocin improves eye contact and social anxiety. Hopefully you’re in a country where they’ll make it easy for you to be treated.
I used to be that, practice on your therapist, it will help you with other people. Also ask them about mindfulness and being present, eye contact is hard because you're thinking about other things and usually worried the person can tell what you're thinking. If you're present you're focused on the conversation more. Worked wonders for me, and I was severely, SEVERELY socially anxious. Now I'm damn near goddamn normal.
I'm terrible with eye contact. Definitely in therapy. I think it's just my anxiety. In session, I stare at her desk, her office phone, or I stare at something and count. My SW will tell me to look at her when it's serious, and that's hard. I just think it's the anxiety.
This is so true I struggle A lot making Eye contact with Anyone I find it kinda scary and I cant consentrate on people I will find my attention floating I have adhd so yeah I am trying now
Davron diagnosed at 7, The only proper diagnoses i have me and my councellor Agree i have anxiety but she cant diagnose me but adhd has always been there
Seriously? OMG This is so cool! Hi again!!! II can't b believe we we like the same kind of videos!!!! UA-cam twin!And I know right? Like I have this problem with my therapist too!!!! But honestly I have it with everyone, also my teraphsist looks exactly like a disney character ( I m not saying this in a bad way, in fact she is pretty)but the thing is whenever I look at her in the eyes I get distracted by thinking about Disney movies so I prefer to look somewhere else so I don't get so distracted.....
I have trouble making eye contact in general. I am not on the autism spectrum, it is more like my anxiety and self-esteem. Oddly, I can do it when I am teaching and such, but in my personal life, especially with people I am not as close to, I have major trouble with.
I struggle with this.. eye contact was a form of a abuse at a point of my life. My counselor knows that when I lack eye contact “ my brain goes into shut down mode” and I just stop hearing and such of what people have to say. I’ve had this issue for a long time. On a positive note it has gotten better, it does take time. Emotional abuse is nothing to joke With.
I had a therapy session in the winter evening one day and lights went out. I struggled to make eye contact in the previous sessions and I found so much easier to talk about my feelings in the dark, not trying to read the reaction or keep an eye contact
I would like to encourage the person who asked the question that making eye contact can be hard but once you get used to your therapist and feel more relaxed in sessions, you will be able to make eye contact. For me personally it took me several months but later I was able to do it. Thank you Kati for your useful videos.
Thanks for the video! I'm on the autistic spectrum as I've been diagnosed with mild Asperger's, but knowing I'm not the only one that struggles with eye contact makes me feel less isolated and weired ❤️
OMG I really, really love your videos. I discovered you a couple of months ago and am going through all your videos youve uploaded here on UA-cam. Even though I dont know you personally or have never met you, when you "speak" to us/me I actually do feel like Im talking to you. Like to someone I would LOVE to talk to. To me, you have an amazing power to connect with people. Thank you for your time and effort on your work as a therapist AND those videos to help people. Really amazing!!! Please dont ever stop :D wish you all the best
This is such an interesting topic! As someone that does work with ASD usually, its a totally different experience. I often work with kids that get over stimulated by eye contact. And taking "eye breaks" is common in sessions. Just closing eyes or turning the lights off can be incredibly grounding. In music therapy it also different because a lot of the time I use the music to read the clients. I can go whole sessions without a single word being spoken. I also like to incorporate signing because it is a way to get the clients eye contact towards your face without them feeling like its forced. They are simply listening with their eyes instead :P
ASL Anissa -- Eye contact breaks, ohh that sounds refreshing. I would love to someday work with a therapist who let me know explicitly that I could look away, even if only for a little while, without consequence.
Does any autistic person come to you saying that they WANT to work on their eye contact though? I’m autistic and I dislike any therapy that tries to change me for no reason, including therapy that pressures me (or even “gently leads me”) to make eye contact. I gain no benefit from it; it is the other people around me that benefit from this. Non-autistic people always try to encourage autistics to make eye contact but they don’t understand that we don’t gain anything from it, and why should we change just to make non-autistic people more comfortable?
@@avery-brown that’s an awesome point! And I definitely should clarify. Eye contact is NEVER a “goal” in my sessions. Our practice knows and understands that eye contact is really something that is only taught to benefit neurotypical ppl. It doesn’t serve much benefit for an autistic person. It actually can make it more difficult for them to focus and process what you are saying when they are focusing on maintaining eye contact. Some of the kids I work with struggle to balance the senses enough to hear and process what I am saying, so I use sign language to help encourage them to see and hear what I’m saying rather than just hear it. They don’t look at my eyes when I’m signing, but they do look in my direction which can help then focus on what I am doing rather than other things in or outside of the room. Looking in my direction isn’t something that is always necessary for my clients, but for some that struggle to tune out other things, seeing me talking to them can help them focus on what I am saying better. Neurodiversity is just that. It’s diversity. Every person I work with is completely different. Some have similar characteristics and struggles, but they are all unique. I adjust to them not to what is neurotypical.
I've always thought I was the only one trying to "escape" my therapist's gaze and unvoluntarily let my eyes wander across the room! Thanks for that video, and letting me know I'm not the only one avoiding eye contact! I'll try my best in the future to stop doing that :) ❤️
I struggle a lot with eye contact. Mine is due to the glare of hate and disgust mymom use to burn from her eyes and then scream at me until I cried. My therapist knows and we practice eye contact. She has kind eyes, and the is an incredibly vulnerable feeling for someone when never got that as a kid. It is comforting when I can look up. But I also don't want to cry so holding onto that is short lived.
This is me! Before I got out of counseling, I could never make eye contact with my counselor even when talking about simple things. Glad to know I'm not the only one. Thank you so much for your videos. They have helped so much ❤️
Thank you so much for covering this! I swear you always happen to cover everything I always struggle with, and it's so helpful. I'm in DBT Therapy and it's incredibly hard for me to always make and keep eye contact with my individual therapist. I've been with him for a year now (emphasis on him), and I've managed to grow more comfortable with him, but it's still hard. I've never been comfortable with males at all. I'm not the best at eye contact in general, but it's especially terrible with males. That's partly why my BPD is mostly the result of bad relationships with males. I've always managed to get myself so immediately attached to any male I begin to form a relationship with - both platonic and romantic feelings. This has especially hindered our relationship, but we're working through it. He's been extremely helpful and cooperative, and I'm very thankful and appreciative for him. It's hard for me to build my trust for men, but he's managed to do it more and more with each and every session.
When I make eye contact with myself in the mirror for more than a few seconds it triggers derealisation. Maybe this is why I avoid eye contact and find it hard to make it with anyone. Though even before I ever had derealisation I struggled to make eye contact.
I used to struggle with eye contact when I was so much more anxious, less so with my psychologist, and mainly because when I get anxious I start focusing on one eye and can't look at them with both eyes and I feel they can see it. A minor incident with my sister she said you can't tell the difference (looking at one eye) so now when I get nervous I just focus on one eye and I find it easier to maintain eye contact. Sounds weird, but anyway it works. Now I feel like I hold eye contact nearly too intensely, especially with my therapist, but I'm not anxious about it. And when I'm thinking I break it, cause I'm more focused on the thought.
Thank you so much for another great video I struggle with this so much 3 years with the same therapist and I’ve never given her eye contact so this has been so helpful, thank you! 💜
I got to this point for the first time in 33 years since my first therapy appointment. I took it as a sign I was finally getting to the root of my problem.
And than it's me, a client who looks always into the eyes of my therapist but for me it's so helpful to process all the information my therapist gives me and obviously to connect with her.
I struggle to maintain eye contact. Especially when talking about difficult subjects. She always manages to get me to at least look for a second so I don't dissociate away.
great video! I look away quite often when I talk about stuff that deeply touches me in therapy, but managing to make eye contact at the end of "exposing" things that were hard to talk about gives me such a strong feeling of connection and care from my therapist that it's always worth the struggle and very powerful/healing!
I always worry my therapist will think I'm lying if I dont make eye contact but when I talk through difficult stuff I find myself looking around the room
In everyday life eye contact with people is SO HARD. I find myself watching their mouth more than their eyes. I'm not sure why, but I feel like I can understand them better when I watch their mouth
I don’t struggle with eye contact, but I do have ADHD so I fidget like all the time.. We have gotten around this by me constantly having Tangle Toys and fidget cubes with me. It helps a lot.
singinwithceline as someone who suffers from ADHD I can definitely relate to the fidgeting when having a conversation face-to-face with people. I don't really struggle with eye contact but sometimes I do find it difficult to focus when someone is having a conversation with me and my mind tents to drift off and loses focus or would sometimes look away quickly if something catches my attention.
I had a therapist who used to shame me and literally snap at me when I couldn’t maintain eye contact. I’m a minute or so into the video and already feel so much better 🥺💕
Thank you for all your work with mental health awareness! You are a blessing, your videos are a powerful presence in my recovery. Therapy can be so very difficult, all the tips you give as well as the knowledge you share helps to make it all bearable.💕Thanks again!
this is a great video! its hard for me to make eye contact in general when talking with anyone, for me eye contact means confidence in what you're saying and i've never felt that really it also means understanding and i feel somehow vulnerable when i make eye contact with people. when i was with my therapist i found it easier to make eye contact though if i was talking about something hard for me/triggering i wouldn't make eye contact but stare off at something else or at whatever i was fiddling with.
My therapist understood that if I was making eye contact then I was fine , but whenever I was admitting something serious or something painful I'd look anywhere but at her . She never called me out on it , only when she couldn't hear me she'd move my chair until I was sitting directly in front of her . I tend to mumble or whisper when I'm uncomfortable 🤷🏽♀️
I struggle with making eye contact; I guess it makes me feel too vulnerable, like people can see right through my outward disposition...but I’ve tried to get better at least glancing towards others when speaking with them...
this video is amazing, ahh kati your videos really are great. I can't be the only one who doesn't make much eye contact with anyone much so this video really helps. thank you kati☺️have a wonderful day xx
My therapist is really great and experienced, but if there's silence, she stares RIGHT at me and into my eyes without moving by an inch. I can make eye contact with her at other times, but these moments (that happen multiple times a session) really make me lose my train of thought and make me uncomfortable because of the exaggerated staring. Now that I think about it, I guess I should really bring it up some time.
Ady P That's weird...... I know some therapists feel they can get more out of people when they stare at them though, because people feel starter and blitt things out. I do think it's an abuse technique though, and don't think it's right to stay with a therapists that seeding doesn't respect you enough to stop staring...
Yes, VERY important to remember that if the client is on the autism spectrum then you should not by any means try to make them make eye contact. If I were asked to work on more eye contact, then I would be completely unable to concentrate on the conversation and get anything out of therapy. And this is true for a LOT of autistic people. And I PROMISE : we are listening! Even without eye contact.
I couldn’t relate more! I always find myself staring at the door handle for a straight hour but I just can’t help but realise I’m looking into someone’s eyes and there looking back ugh gives me the eeby jeebies.
Wow! Kati your videos are amazing and really helpful!! I struggle to make eye contact with my therapist. I didn't realize how much it would affect my recovery! Thx for the heads up!! Xx
I just asked a question almost identical last week and I was so excited to see that you answered! I was just wondering if could go more into body language.
I wish I had seen this video back when I was still getting therapy. I would always focus on the same 2 points in the room and I was annoyingly aware of it the entire time. I wasn't sure how to bring it up or what to say because she hadn't done a great job guiding me or helping me with the issues I was struggling with. She expected me to dig myself out of my own hole but never really helped me find the tools I needed to do that in the first place.
I think most of the time I have issues with eye contact it's because I don't want to see how the other person is feeling towards me, or in response to what I'm saying. I get afraid that if I look, I'll see pity or indifference... In therapy I tend to look in specific places and I've noticed that my posture changes, too. My therapist is not pushy at all, and I'm grateful for that, but I do think I've gotten used to him being that way and have gotten into the habit of not encouraging myself to make better eye contact. It's also hard to cry in front of him, too, even though I feel like I spend so much time crying in my free time lol! But at least Im not paying him to watch me cry hahaha! Someone mentioned in another comment about looking in certain places when they feel certain ways. That might be a factor as well. I think I could benefit from trying to make eye contact more often. Maybe it will help me not feel that emotion as strongly. Maybe I can practice with him when I feel safe and it will influence how I interact with everyone else... Thanks for all the great videos Kati. You really do help me understand myself. What you do here is so important
Hi Kati! Could you do/have you done a video about people who need help but won't accept any? Since my granddad passed away several years ago, my grandmother has become depressed, anxious, reclusive, passively suicidal and reckless with her health. Our family have tried to help her and be there for her but she won't accept help from us or seek professional help. She now seems to be developing dementia and it has exacerbated everything I mentioned above. Now she really is more at risk of accidentally hurting herself in her confusion and being unable to look after herself, but she won't let us help her or go see a doctor. She just wants to lie down and die, but dementia doesn't kill you quickly. We don't want to watch her slowly decline in indignity. We're at our wits end and we don't know what to do.
What I tend to unconsciously do is slowly start making eye contact throughout the conversation. In the beginning I don’t but more towards the end I start looking up more. Thank you for another great video Kati
Thanks Kati. I have a question. I feel like almost every time I see my T I have a new crisis or trauma that came up over the week. I feel like as a result we never get a chance to work on any one thing for more than a session or two. I'm trying to cut myself some slack because I'm getting hit with a lot right now, but I worry that I'll never get stable enough to work on my core issues. Should we work on whatever comes up or should I be trying to focus on one thing? What are the pros and cons of both those options?
Hi Kati, I have Autism so I struggle making eye contact with everyone! This video made me feel at ease! Your awesome! And I hope you keep making videos:)
This came up in therapy for me this week, I find it so hard to look at her for more than a few seconds at a time. I seem to spend most of my time looking out the window when I speak to her. Also I hate sitting in silence in therapy and find myself trying to talk about anything rather than silence. Great video Kati, very helpful. Thank you. xoxo
I relate to this video. Eye contact for me with anyone is a major struggle. When i was talking about my past trauma and first began talking about my self harm and eating issues i never made eye contact once but after a few months i began making eye contact. I havent got autism i just find it difficult. Love your videos kati💖 I love you Kati thank you for your continued support and taking time out to make videos love your videos they're so useful.
This makes me feel so much better! I struggle to open up ALOT. its something im working on, but ive always been worried that my therapist might think im lying about something because i have such a hard time looking them in the eyes while im talking about something.
What a good question. I’ve always found eye contact difficult both in therapy and everyday life, but I do try really hard (more when people talk to me than when I talk to them)
I sometimes make way to much eye contact that I feel like I might catch feelings, but when talking about stuff I find embarrassing I don't hold eye contact
Personally I love these videos they make talking about my feelings and struggles with not just a professional counselor or psychologist but with my friends as well and one of them is both a friend and a psychologist it's blended in with the Friendship so she's sort of teaching me to look up at her like a mother does with her child and that in itself is very comforting still have difficulty showing her the tears and the fear percolating inside is it different for getting mental health support if you have down syndrome and we mostly do our sessions over the phone or a breif catch up after church
When I went to my guidance counsellor at school I couldn't keep my eyes off her , I was kind of scared and everything around her when I was looking at her was blurry. I couldn't really give out sentences either so she offered to do all the talking while I gave short one word answers or gave her a nod or a shake of the head for yes or no.
Thank you, I really needed this video.I really struggle with eye contact in therapy especially when we talk about difficult stuff. Glad I'm not alone on this :) Thank you for your great work Kati
Thank you Kati for this video it has help me understand my emotions about eye contact. Thank you for the suggestion on a better way to make contact with a therapist.
This is something I struggle with and I had a really bad session today. Found it really difficult to make eye contact. My eyes were pretty much anywhere else in the room and was too agitated to focus :/ blegh. It's so helpful to hear a therapists perspective though. Thank you ask always kati ♥
I just got back from therapy and I was wondering just that! I'm back after two years of quitting because I was scared to face things. But I finally feel ready again.
cute shirt Kati. I do good with eye contact in therapy except when it's the hard stuff. I am going to try what you said maybe looking at something that is close by to my therapist then moving slowly to her. Good tip.
I relate so much to this because I'm scared of being judged by what has happened to me..(I guess?) I tend to find that I also drift into kinda... idk how to say it exactly. Kinda like. No longer being there, and then, I realize that we spent some time not saying anything and I freak out in my mind wondering what to say! I do end up speaking but normally I wait for the therapist to say something before I do sometimes.
That's a awsome video!! For me it's very hard because I'm shy and sometimes I guess that what I'm talking to my therapist is very "bad" and I'm a bad person for think like this way. But she is very nice, and patient. Sometimes I said looking to the floor for the first time and then (when I notice that it's not a big deal, and saw her reaction is okay from what I said), I said again looking to her.
I'm not currently in therapy, but I have struggled with eye contact over my lifetime. One thing that helped me was practicing eye contact on teachers. I knew they weren't looking at me specifically, so there was less anxiety, when I needed a break, I could stop and look at my notes, and as I practiced I still had to be present and absorb the information from the lesson. If you attend school, church, seminars, or meetings with lots of people, try practicing eye contact with the speaker and work your way up to one on one conversations. Hope this helps!
Hi kati! Recently my brother has been diagnosed with celiac disease, he always used to eat gluten (for 17 years!!!) but was never affected by it however due to his recent diagnosis and terrible stomach aches he takes the diagnoses to the extreme. Gluten is in almost every product or it contaminates many products so this diagnosis has made life at home difficult. Especially with the whole 'making separate meals' and buying gluten free products which cost a lot of money and he doesn't even eat them!!! My brother was already a super picky eater without being a celiac but now that he has been diagnosed he hardly eats, it makes him grumpy, he takes a lot of time off of school and he doesn't talk to anyone. He's also very conscious of his weight. My brother has never been one to care about weight, in fact if anything he wants to gain more weight because he is extremely skinny! I think that the fear of gluten is taking over his life and I was wondering if this could lead to an eating disorder? He's not himself anymore so I hope you can help! Thank you
Freckles & Constellations It sounds like some sort of eating disorder from what you've written, maybe start by speaking to him about your concerns & if he doesn't take it seriously speak to your parents / your doctor. It's better to get these issues addressed sooner
It took me a long time to get the hang of eye contact. When I was younger people used to tell me that "it looks like I'm staring at their soul", so I got used to just not looking at people because it seemed to bother them so much. Now I look at people for a few seconds, then look away and look back, and the whole time kinda try to think of something else so I don't look at them "too much". And I have to concentrate on those things every second that I'm ever talking to anyone...
you mention having clients on the autism spectrum, as a person with asd, depression and anxiety I would love of you could do a video about people with more "functional" asd comorbid with mental health difficulties, love your videos btw ❤
Hi thanks for the videos, i have dermatillomania and i am now seeking help after 7 years of picking and scaring.... you are really helpful and i really appreciate what you do on here 😢❤🖒
Hi Kati, I love your videos and have been watching them for the past...few years. I found many of them super helpful ❤ Can you maybe make a video about anxiety and depression when you move to a different city alone for university? I already suffer from both a little. I've gotten so so much better this past year. However, I'm very scared that I will be worse once I move alone. Thanks so much xoxo
As someone on the autism spectrum, eye contact can feel really intimidating in my experience. I’ve had a problem with just dissociating a lot in general and eye contact can actually make it worse for me (Turn Off Reality has sort of been my go-to response for stress in general, including overstimulation). Some of us ground better with physical sensations, and paying attention to a therapist’s other body language has been a good substitute for me personally. Communicating my ‘presence’ with good ol’ words has also helped.
I don't make eye contact, aside from a quick glance every now and then... to me, making eye contact will open you up for someone to see your thoughts/ past actions.. also if they have an outside energy attached to them, it could jump into you.. knowing that makes me cautious of who I can look in eye
I wasn’t aware that this was common. I make eye contact very briefly with my therapist but I spend most of the sessions glancing around the room or down at the floor.
Michelle Mendenhall I do the same thing
yes
YES
yup
I used to do the same, when i did therapy.
In one of the sessions i realised about it and said it out loud to my therapist: i just realised that i find it difficult to make eye contact when i'm talking to you.
We talked about it for a while and at that time i got to the conclussion that it was because of how much more vulnerable i felt.
Not doing eye contact with her while telling her some painful stuff about me, made me feel a lot safer.
I think thats why some therapist lay their clients on a couch looking elsewhere. But thats just my guess.
My problem is that I do't understand a patient-therapist relationship. I'm supposed to open up and tell you everything, but you aren't my friend. You're still a stranger to me. I don't know who you are, what you like, or how I can relate to you.
It can be awkwardly one-sided. Perhaps easier to view the experience as a confessional, in a religious sense.
I know I’m late responding to this but I’ve been in and out of therapy for many years. I’ve thought the same thing. I have issues looking people in the eyes as well. What it comes down to is your own choices, beliefs and thoughts. Are you willing to take that leap of faith to trust someone new? At one point in your life you had to do the same thing with your friends. This is no different unless you want it to be. But if you don’t open up, if you are not willing to do the work, expose that vulnerability even though a part of you is screaming “WTF ARE YOU DOING” then you’re not ready. Don’t waste the time or money. You’re in there to get better. No matter how long it takes. It’s at YOUR own pace. Not your therapist’s. But at some point if the therapy is to work, you have to try to let them in. Even if it’s just sharing ONE thing about yourself at a time.
Also, I understand trust issues too, may be a factor. Some trust more easily than others. But then again if someone can’t trust ANYONE... then it’s going to be a very, very lonely life.
I felt the same when I started. Then it connected with me that this can be a feature, not a bug. A therapist is also someone with whom you are literally paying to help with your emotional labor and has been trained to do. So you can talk with them even about the things you won’t tell your friends for fear of overburdening or overwhelming them, because the relationship is transactional. You can safely use this relationship to push yourself somewhat into more vulnerable spaces in a Pre-proscribed, safe environment/arena where you don’t have to worry that whatever you confess or expose will ever come back to destroy the rest of your life. Of course, you need a therapist you can have some level of emotional rapport with to feel comfortable with revealing such exposure, but this can be somewhat true when seeking *any* medical professional.
This can all be really difficult depending on your level of access to available options, though. :(
One thing that my therapist told me about is that sometimes certain eye positions are connected to different emotions. I didn't believe her at first because but we practiced spotting (I think she called it something like that) and I realized I do look in certain spots when I have certain emotions. I have a thinking spot and a frustrated spot and a sad spot etc. So it might be more than not making eye contact. You might be looking in your emotion place when you're talking about something and just not know it.
Rebecca M That is very interesting, never heard about it. I'm gonna look it up, thanks for sharing!
ojiverdeconfleco here's a link www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/brainspotting-therapy
I was so skeptical and I'm even still a little skeptical because it seems so strange. But I swear I experienced it just like it says in that article.
😲😲😲😲😲 wow, learning something new today. That might be a tip I needed.
I struggle with looking at my therapist...and I am pretty sure it is related to my anxiety and/or low-self esteem. What I do notice, however, is that I am able to look at her when she talks. Maybe that is a place to start.
I also look at my therapist when she talks but when I talk I stare at a painting in the room.. and cant make eye contact she hasn't said anything but I feel its because I'm embarrassed and kinda feel like she's going to judge me on whatever I'm m saying
I feel the exact same way
[For background, I have ADHD and CPTSD] Honestly, I simply find eye contact distracting. Making eye contact a lot makes me more aware of my own facial expressions and gestures which can (and often does) cause me to lose my train of thought or just to be less mindful of what I'm feeling. I've let my therapist know about this and she didn't think it was anything to worry about.
Actually my eye contact rage is almost certainly cptsd related. The fact that it's triggered not just by the demand of me doing it but even hearing someone (even fictional) say any kind of variation of "look at me while I'm speaking to you" or "look at me, i need to know that you're listening" or "my eyes are over here" (lessened if it's in reference to someone staring at boobs. But not entirely eliminated) absolutely sets it off and sends me into violent fantasy realms where all I can focus on is all the different ways i could maybe make someone bleed or break a limb.
Well it probably falls in line with similar things that cause a similar reaction in me that have been linked to the same kind of trauma associated with the eye contact (threats of physical punishment/abuse/embarrassment. My birth name. People not listening or understanding what I'm saying. And people using any kind of stern or aggressive voice.)
Same dude same i make enough eye contact but it becomes difficult for me to realise my feeling and vent out rather I end up intellectualising my emotions.
Thank you Katie! I struggle with eye contact so much with my teachers and other people I see as “adults.” I become hyper-aware of the length of time I am making eye contact and no matter how long I hold it I either feel like it was too long or not long enough. I am working on letting myself trust that the people I interact with won’t judge me for this and if they do, not to let it get to me.
What about patients with social anxiety ? I can't make eye contact with anyone.
Same here. 😟
Look into low oxytocin. Supplemental oxytocin improves eye contact and social anxiety. Hopefully you’re in a country where they’ll make it easy for you to be treated.
ahhh same . it sucks
I used to be that, practice on your therapist, it will help you with other people. Also ask them about mindfulness and being present, eye contact is hard because you're thinking about other things and usually worried the person can tell what you're thinking.
If you're present you're focused on the conversation more.
Worked wonders for me, and I was severely, SEVERELY socially anxious. Now I'm damn near goddamn normal.
May I ask if you have made any progress?
I'm terrible with eye contact. Definitely in therapy. I think it's just my anxiety. In session, I stare at her desk, her office phone, or I stare at something and count. My SW will tell me to look at her when it's serious, and that's hard. I just think it's the anxiety.
only came across this channel 2 weeks ago and after binge-watching all your videos I can say I already feel a lot stronger so thankyou
I thought this was just me!!! Thank you Kati, seriously from the bottom of my heart... I feel so much less abnormal and shitty xx
Yay!!! xoxo
she put therapist and friend. ☺ it made me smile
This is so true I struggle A lot making Eye contact with Anyone I find it kinda scary and I cant consentrate on people I will find my attention floating I have adhd so yeah I am trying now
Ingvild Kvakestad were you diagnosed with it ? Or just supposing to have adhd?
Davron diagnosed at 7, The only proper diagnoses i have me and my councellor Agree i have anxiety but she cant diagnose me but adhd has always been there
Seriously? OMG This is so cool! Hi again!!! II can't b believe we we like the same kind of videos!!!! UA-cam twin!And I know right? Like I have this problem with my therapist too!!!! But honestly I have it with everyone, also my teraphsist looks exactly like a disney character ( I m not saying this in a bad way, in fact she is pretty)but the thing is whenever I look at her in the eyes I get distracted by thinking about Disney movies so I prefer to look somewhere else so I don't get so distracted.....
clarita pena hi can You something?
Ingvild Kvakestad Hi sure
We love you Kati. Thanks for all your support. ❤
Vivian Viti 6
I have trouble making eye contact in general. I am not on the autism spectrum, it is more like my anxiety and self-esteem. Oddly, I can do it when I am teaching and such, but in my personal life, especially with people I am not as close to, I have major trouble with.
Kat hey I'm somewhat like you just that I have a kid that is autistic. So yeah I maybe autistic though I'm undiagnosed.
I struggle with this.. eye contact was a form of a abuse at a point of my life. My counselor knows that when I lack eye contact “ my brain goes into shut down mode” and I just stop hearing and such of what people have to say. I’ve had this issue for a long time.
On a positive note it has gotten better, it does take time. Emotional abuse is nothing to joke With.
Proud of you Jessie!
I had a therapy session in the winter evening one day and lights went out. I struggled to make eye contact in the previous sessions and I found so much easier to talk about my feelings in the dark, not trying to read the reaction or keep an eye contact
I would like to encourage the person who asked the question that making eye contact can be hard but once you get used to your therapist and feel more relaxed in sessions, you will be able to make eye contact. For me personally it took me several months but later I was able to do it. Thank you Kati for your useful videos.
Thanks for the video! I'm on the autistic spectrum as I've been diagnosed with mild Asperger's, but knowing I'm not the only one that struggles with eye contact makes me feel less isolated and weired ❤️
ellie kate - You are not alone, for sure. ^_^
OMG I really, really love your videos. I discovered you a couple of months ago and am going through all your videos youve uploaded here on UA-cam. Even though I dont know you personally or have never met you, when you "speak" to us/me I actually do feel like Im talking to you. Like to someone I would LOVE to talk to. To me, you have an amazing power to connect with people. Thank you for your time and effort on your work as a therapist AND those videos to help people. Really amazing!!! Please dont ever stop :D wish you all the best
This is such an interesting topic! As someone that does work with ASD usually, its a totally different experience. I often work with kids that get over stimulated by eye contact. And taking "eye breaks" is common in sessions. Just closing eyes or turning the lights off can be incredibly grounding. In music therapy it also different because a lot of the time I use the music to read the clients. I can go whole sessions without a single word being spoken.
I also like to incorporate signing because it is a way to get the clients eye contact towards your face without them feeling like its forced. They are simply listening with their eyes instead :P
ASL Anissa -- Eye contact breaks, ohh that sounds refreshing. I would love to someday work with a therapist who let me know explicitly that I could look away, even if only for a little while, without consequence.
ASL Anissa your job sounds very interesting...
My son has autism
Does any autistic person come to you saying that they WANT to work on their eye contact though? I’m autistic and I dislike any therapy that tries to change me for no reason, including therapy that pressures me (or even “gently leads me”) to make eye contact. I gain no benefit from it; it is the other people around me that benefit from this. Non-autistic people always try to encourage autistics to make eye contact but they don’t understand that we don’t gain anything from it, and why should we change just to make non-autistic people more comfortable?
@@avery-brown that’s an awesome point! And I definitely should clarify. Eye contact is NEVER a “goal” in my sessions. Our practice knows and understands that eye contact is really something that is only taught to benefit neurotypical ppl. It doesn’t serve much benefit for an autistic person. It actually can make it more difficult for them to focus and process what you are saying when they are focusing on maintaining eye contact. Some of the kids I work with struggle to balance the senses enough to hear and process what I am saying, so I use sign language to help encourage them to see and hear what I’m saying rather than just hear it. They don’t look at my eyes when I’m signing, but they do look in my direction which can help then focus on what I am doing rather than other things in or outside of the room. Looking in my direction isn’t something that is always necessary for my clients, but for some that struggle to tune out other things, seeing me talking to them can help them focus on what I am saying better. Neurodiversity is just that. It’s diversity. Every person I work with is completely different. Some have similar characteristics and struggles, but they are all unique. I adjust to them not to what is neurotypical.
I've always thought I was the only one trying to "escape" my therapist's gaze and unvoluntarily let my eyes wander across the room! Thanks for that video, and letting me know I'm not the only one avoiding eye contact! I'll try my best in the future to stop doing that :) ❤️
I struggle a lot with eye contact. Mine is due to the glare of hate and disgust mymom use to burn from her eyes and then scream at me until I cried. My therapist knows and we practice eye contact. She has kind eyes, and the is an incredibly vulnerable feeling for someone when never got that as a kid. It is comforting when I can look up. But I also don't want to cry so holding onto that is short lived.
Proud of you Katie!
It’s been 5 years with my therapist and I STILL find the eye contact hard. I would say 90% of the time, I’m looking down or somewhere else.
This is me! Before I got out of counseling, I could never make eye contact with my counselor even when talking about simple things. Glad to know I'm not the only one. Thank you so much for your videos. They have helped so much ❤️
that thumbnail hahahaha (I struggle with eye contact in general so this is gonna be interesting)
I thought it was a funny too!! haha!!!
I LOVE my therapist she's so easy to talk to💝
I appreciate this so much. I’ve been working on trauma in therapy lately and eye contact has been super difficult. Thank you!
Thank you so much for covering this! I swear you always happen to cover everything I always struggle with, and it's so helpful.
I'm in DBT Therapy and it's incredibly hard for me to always make and keep eye contact with my individual therapist. I've been with him for a year now (emphasis on him), and I've managed to grow more comfortable with him, but it's still hard.
I've never been comfortable with males at all. I'm not the best at eye contact in general, but it's especially terrible with males. That's partly why my BPD is mostly the result of bad relationships with males. I've always managed to get myself so immediately attached to any male I begin to form a relationship with - both platonic and romantic feelings. This has especially hindered our relationship, but we're working through it.
He's been extremely helpful and cooperative, and I'm very thankful and appreciative for him. It's hard for me to build my trust for men, but he's managed to do it more and more with each and every session.
When I make eye contact with myself in the mirror for more than a few seconds it triggers derealisation. Maybe this is why I avoid eye contact and find it hard to make it with anyone. Though even before I ever had derealisation I struggled to make eye contact.
Why do I love it so much the way you say "Welcome"?
I used to struggle with eye contact when I was so much more anxious, less so with my psychologist, and mainly because when I get anxious I start focusing on one eye and can't look at them with both eyes and I feel they can see it.
A minor incident with my sister she said you can't tell the difference (looking at one eye) so now when I get nervous I just focus on one eye and I find it easier to maintain eye contact. Sounds weird, but anyway it works.
Now I feel like I hold eye contact nearly too intensely, especially with my therapist, but I'm not anxious about it. And when I'm thinking I break it, cause I'm more focused on the thought.
i love the way you say welcome every video!
Thank you so much for another great video I struggle with this so much 3 years with the same therapist and I’ve never given her eye contact so this has been so helpful, thank you! 💜
Yay! I am so glad it was helpful :) xoxox
I got to this point for the first time in 33 years since my first therapy appointment. I took it as a sign I was finally getting to the root of my problem.
And than it's me, a client who looks always into the eyes of my therapist but for me it's so helpful to process all the information my therapist gives me and obviously to connect with her.
I struggle to maintain eye contact. Especially when talking about difficult subjects. She always manages to get me to at least look for a second so I don't dissociate away.
great video! I look away quite often when I talk about stuff that deeply touches me in therapy, but managing to make eye contact at the end of "exposing" things that were hard to talk about gives me such a strong feeling of connection and care from my therapist that it's always worth the struggle and very powerful/healing!
I always worry my therapist will think I'm lying if I dont make eye contact but when I talk through difficult stuff I find myself looking around the room
In everyday life eye contact with people is SO HARD. I find myself watching their mouth more than their eyes. I'm not sure why, but I feel like I can understand them better when I watch their mouth
Just got the notif, cant watch atm, BUT I LOVE THE THUMBNAIL 😂😂👀
Cant wait to wait later!!!!
I love how 38 seconds in you talk about the autism spectrum. I was like “it’s my people” 🤣
I don’t struggle with eye contact, but I do have ADHD so I fidget like all the time.. We have gotten around this by me constantly having Tangle Toys and fidget cubes with me. It helps a lot.
singinwithceline as someone who suffers from ADHD I can definitely relate to the fidgeting when having a conversation face-to-face with people. I don't really struggle with eye contact but sometimes I do find it difficult to focus when someone is having a conversation with me and my mind tents to drift off and loses focus or would sometimes look away quickly if something catches my attention.
I had a therapist who used to shame me and literally snap at me when I couldn’t maintain eye contact. I’m a minute or so into the video and already feel so much better 🥺💕
Thank you for all your work with mental health awareness! You are a blessing, your videos are a powerful presence in my recovery. Therapy can be so very difficult, all the tips you give as well as the knowledge you share helps to make it all bearable.💕Thanks again!
this is a great video! its hard for me to make eye contact in general when talking with anyone, for me eye contact means confidence in what you're saying and i've never felt that really it also means understanding and i feel somehow vulnerable when i make eye contact with people.
when i was with my therapist i found it easier to make eye contact though if i was talking about something hard for me/triggering i wouldn't make eye contact but stare off at something else or at whatever i was fiddling with.
My therapist understood that if I was making eye contact then I was fine , but whenever I was admitting something serious or something painful I'd look anywhere but at her . She never called me out on it , only when she couldn't hear me she'd move my chair until I was sitting directly in front of her . I tend to mumble or whisper when I'm uncomfortable 🤷🏽♀️
I struggle with making eye contact; I guess it makes me feel too vulnerable, like people can see right through my outward disposition...but I’ve tried to get better at least glancing towards others when speaking with them...
this video is amazing, ahh kati your videos really are great. I can't be the only one who doesn't make much eye contact with anyone much so this video really helps. thank you kati☺️have a wonderful day xx
Of course! I am glad you found it helpful :) xoxo
This is so needed for me personally. This is something that I have struggled with since I started therapy again.
Hi Kati, love your videos. Thanks for all you do
Of course! I am so glad you find them helpful :) xoxox
My therapist is really great and experienced, but if there's silence, she stares RIGHT at me and into my eyes without moving by an inch. I can make eye contact with her at other times, but these moments (that happen multiple times a session) really make me lose my train of thought and make me uncomfortable because of the exaggerated staring. Now that I think about it, I guess I should really bring it up some time.
Yeah, just tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Or ask her why she does it.
Ady P That's weird...... I know some therapists feel they can get more out of people when they stare at them though, because people feel starter and blitt things out. I do think it's an abuse technique though, and don't think it's right to stay with a therapists that seeding doesn't respect you enough to stop staring...
Yes, VERY important to remember that if the client is on the autism spectrum then you should not by any means try to make them make eye contact.
If I were asked to work on more eye contact, then I would be completely unable to concentrate on the conversation and get anything out of therapy. And this is true for a LOT of autistic people.
And I PROMISE : we are listening! Even without eye contact.
I couldn’t relate more! I always find myself staring at the door handle for a straight hour but I just can’t help but realise I’m looking into someone’s eyes and there looking back ugh gives me the eeby jeebies.
Wow! Kati your videos are amazing and really helpful!! I struggle to make eye contact with my therapist. I didn't realize how much it would affect my recovery! Thx for the heads up!! Xx
I just asked a question almost identical last week and I was so excited to see that you answered! I was just wondering if could go more into body language.
I wish I had seen this video back when I was still getting therapy. I would always focus on the same 2 points in the room and I was annoyingly aware of it the entire time. I wasn't sure how to bring it up or what to say because she hadn't done a great job guiding me or helping me with the issues I was struggling with. She expected me to dig myself out of my own hole but never really helped me find the tools I needed to do that in the first place.
I think most of the time I have issues with eye contact it's because I don't want to see how the other person is feeling towards me, or in response to what I'm saying. I get afraid that if I look, I'll see pity or indifference...
In therapy I tend to look in specific places and I've noticed that my posture changes, too. My therapist is not pushy at all, and I'm grateful for that, but I do think I've gotten used to him being that way and have gotten into the habit of not encouraging myself to make better eye contact. It's also hard to cry in front of him, too, even though I feel like I spend so much time crying in my free time lol! But at least Im not paying him to watch me cry hahaha!
Someone mentioned in another comment about looking in certain places when they feel certain ways. That might be a factor as well. I think I could benefit from trying to make eye contact more often. Maybe it will help me not feel that emotion as strongly. Maybe I can practice with him when I feel safe and it will influence how I interact with everyone else... Thanks for all the great videos Kati. You really do help me understand myself. What you do here is so important
Hi Kati! Could you do/have you done a video about people who need help but won't accept any?
Since my granddad passed away several years ago, my grandmother has become depressed, anxious, reclusive, passively suicidal and reckless with her health. Our family have tried to help her and be there for her but she won't accept help from us or seek professional help.
She now seems to be developing dementia and it has exacerbated everything I mentioned above. Now she really is more at risk of accidentally hurting herself in her confusion and being unable to look after herself, but she won't let us help her or go see a doctor. She just wants to lie down and die, but dementia doesn't kill you quickly. We don't want to watch her slowly decline in indignity. We're at our wits end and we don't know what to do.
I am fine making eye contact with literally everyone, but I can't do it in therapy. I just stare at the floor lol.
same! I know the colour of the carpet but not the eyes of the therapist
I struggle with this a lot in therapy. Thanks for explaining! It helps me feel more normal about my struggle.
What I tend to unconsciously do is slowly start making eye contact throughout the conversation. In the beginning I don’t but more towards the end I start looking up more. Thank you for another great video Kati
Thank you Katie! Great video. I have struggled with this for a long time. And I can only see out of one eye, ha! 😅, so thank you!!!
Thanks Kati. I have a question. I feel like almost every time I see my T I have a new crisis or trauma that came up over the week. I feel like as a result we never get a chance to work on any one thing for more than a session or two. I'm trying to cut myself some slack because I'm getting hit with a lot right now, but I worry that I'll never get stable enough to work on my core issues. Should we work on whatever comes up or should I be trying to focus on one thing? What are the pros and cons of both those options?
Hi Kati, I have Autism so I struggle making eye contact with everyone! This video made me feel at ease! Your awesome! And I hope you keep making videos:)
I have a hard time with eye contact with anyone at all. It feels so vulnerable and scary to me. Thanks for talking about this! 💕
This came up in therapy for me this week, I find it so hard to look at her for more than a few seconds at a time. I seem to spend most of my time looking out the window when I speak to her. Also I hate sitting in silence in therapy and find myself trying to talk about anything rather than silence. Great video Kati, very helpful. Thank you. xoxo
I relate to this video. Eye contact for me with anyone is a major struggle. When i was talking about my past trauma and first began talking about my self harm and eating issues i never made eye contact once but after a few months i began making eye contact. I havent got autism i just find it difficult. Love your videos kati💖 I love you Kati thank you for your continued support and taking time out to make videos love your videos they're so useful.
i'm looking forward to your collab video with The Rewired Soul! ;)
This makes me feel so much better! I struggle to open up ALOT. its something im working on, but ive always been worried that my therapist might think im lying about something because i have such a hard time looking them in the eyes while im talking about something.
This is a video I didn’t know I needed, thank you Kati ❤️
What a good question. I’ve always found eye contact difficult both in therapy and everyday life, but I do try really hard (more when people talk to me than when I talk to them)
I sometimes make way to much eye contact that I feel like I might catch feelings, but when talking about stuff I find embarrassing I don't hold eye contact
Personally I love these videos they make talking about my feelings and struggles with not just a professional counselor or psychologist but with my friends as well and one of them is both a friend and a psychologist it's blended in with the Friendship so she's sort of teaching me to look up at her like a mother does with her child and that in itself is very comforting still have difficulty showing her the tears and the fear percolating inside is it different for getting mental health support if you have down syndrome and we mostly do our sessions over the phone or a breif catch up after church
When I went to my guidance counsellor at school I couldn't keep my eyes off her , I was kind of scared and everything around her when I was looking at her was blurry. I couldn't really give out sentences either so she offered to do all the talking while I gave short one word answers or gave her a nod or a shake of the head for yes or no.
Thank you, I really needed this video.I really struggle with eye contact in therapy especially when we talk about difficult stuff. Glad I'm not alone on this :) Thank you for your great work Kati
Thank you Kati for this video it has help me understand my emotions about eye contact. Thank you for the suggestion on a better way to make contact with a therapist.
This is something I struggle with and I had a really bad session today. Found it really difficult to make eye contact. My eyes were pretty much anywhere else in the room and was too agitated to focus :/ blegh. It's so helpful to hear a therapists perspective though. Thank you ask always kati ♥
You have a really soothing voice, like damn
Love you Kati! Thanks for all the help and information 💛
I just got back from therapy and I was wondering just that!
I'm back after two years of quitting because I was scared to face things. But I finally feel ready again.
Welp my therpist now watching your videos, becouse i told him accently that these videos help me. Yep that happened
HAPPY DAY Katie 💛 love your platform of advice
cute shirt Kati. I do good with eye contact in therapy except when it's the hard stuff. I am going to try what you said maybe looking at something that is close by to my therapist then moving slowly to her. Good tip.
Your videos are so helpful. Thank you! Love you, Kati!
I relate so much to this because I'm scared of being judged by what has happened to me..(I guess?) I tend to find that I also drift into kinda... idk how to say it exactly. Kinda like. No longer being there, and then, I realize that we spent some time not saying anything and I freak out in my mind wondering what to say! I do end up speaking but normally I wait for the therapist to say something before I do sometimes.
Great video! I have anxiety and it used to be an issue but I've gotten better. You have beautiful eyes btw!
Thank you kati amazing question
That's a awsome video!! For me it's very hard because I'm shy and sometimes I guess that what I'm talking to my therapist is very "bad" and I'm a bad person for think like this way. But she is very nice, and patient. Sometimes I said looking to the floor for the first time and then (when I notice that it's not a big deal, and saw her reaction is okay from what I said), I said again looking to her.
I'm not currently in therapy, but I have struggled with eye contact over my lifetime. One thing that helped me was practicing eye contact on teachers. I knew they weren't looking at me specifically, so there was less anxiety, when I needed a break, I could stop and look at my notes, and as I practiced I still had to be present and absorb the information from the lesson. If you attend school, church, seminars, or meetings with lots of people, try practicing eye contact with the speaker and work your way up to one on one conversations. Hope this helps!
Hi kati! Recently my brother has been diagnosed with celiac disease, he always used to eat gluten (for 17 years!!!) but was never affected by it however due to his recent diagnosis and terrible stomach aches he takes the diagnoses to the extreme. Gluten is in almost every product or it contaminates many products so this diagnosis has made life at home difficult. Especially with the whole 'making separate meals' and buying gluten free products which cost a lot of money and he doesn't even eat them!!! My brother was already a super picky eater without being a celiac but now that he has been diagnosed he hardly eats, it makes him grumpy, he takes a lot of time off of school and he doesn't talk to anyone. He's also very conscious of his weight. My brother has never been one to care about weight, in fact if anything he wants to gain more weight because he is extremely skinny! I think that the fear of gluten is taking over his life and I was wondering if this could lead to an eating disorder? He's not himself anymore so I hope you can help! Thank you
Freckles & Constellations It sounds like some sort of eating disorder from what you've written, maybe start by speaking to him about your concerns & if he doesn't take it seriously speak to your parents / your doctor. It's better to get these issues addressed sooner
It took me a long time to get the hang of eye contact. When I was younger people used to tell me that "it looks like I'm staring at their soul", so I got used to just not looking at people because it seemed to bother them so much. Now I look at people for a few seconds, then look away and look back, and the whole time kinda try to think of something else so I don't look at them "too much". And I have to concentrate on those things every second that I'm ever talking to anyone...
you mention having clients on the autism spectrum, as a person with asd, depression and anxiety I would love of you could do a video about people with more "functional" asd comorbid with mental health difficulties, love your videos btw ❤
The thumbnail made me LOL. Katie the goofball.
So true, very relatable. Another fab video. Thanks Kati. Xx
Hi thanks for the videos, i have dermatillomania and i am now seeking help after 7 years of picking and scaring.... you are really helpful and i really appreciate what you do on here 😢❤🖒
Hi Kati, I love your videos and have been watching them for the past...few years. I found many of them super helpful ❤ Can you maybe make a video about anxiety and depression when you move to a different city alone for university? I already suffer from both a little. I've gotten so so much better this past year. However, I'm very scared that I will be worse once I move alone. Thanks so much xoxo
As someone on the autism spectrum, eye contact can feel really intimidating in my experience.
I’ve had a problem with just dissociating a lot in general and eye contact can actually make it worse for me (Turn Off Reality has sort of been my go-to response for stress in general, including overstimulation).
Some of us ground better with physical sensations, and paying attention to a therapist’s other body language has been a good substitute for me personally. Communicating my ‘presence’ with good ol’ words has also helped.
It’s so weird because when I break eye contact my therapist does too, and looks back when I look back 😳
I don't make eye contact, aside from a quick glance every now and then... to me, making eye contact will open you up for someone to see your thoughts/ past actions.. also if they have an outside energy attached to them, it could jump into you.. knowing that makes me cautious of who I can look in eye
I love the style of your recent videos!