I am so grateful you took the time to explain this in such detail, along with all your other songs. I really didn’t get it because subtlety seems to be your strong suit, thus I would never appreciate the intricacy without this. Great work 🙏 keep it up!
Yup. It's like we expect men to be angry and punch things. It's why I STAYED so long!! 😢 I love this song. I have a picture of a huge hole in the drywall of the antique store I had with my ex husband. It was huge. I wrote on it: fists don't have to hit skin to be scary.
I do greatly appreciate you telling us what you were thinking and what you were inspired by. Many musicians attempt to create a sense of mysteriousness or some other call to private importance with songs and when asked "what is it about" they wax poetic about "it's what it means to the listener that matters". I have to believe it means nothing and they wrote it with a thesaurus because it sounded clever when they say that.
You did it perfectly - I know a man who oftentimes acts very childish, but who tried for a very long time to make me feel as if I was a hysterical baby for feeling emotions. I am now free from the vast majority of harmul feelings it caused and I see his behaviour just as that - childish and immature, and being his problem, not mine.
I was married to that man, for far longer than I should have been... Never thought I would be grateful for a broken tooth. But it opened the door, and I was GONE...
I am an escapee of domestic violence, the police officer that answered my family’s call of 911 and had came to get statements to conduct interviews directly asked what we could have done to make my abuser upset with us and was entirely focused on justifying the abusive behaviour.
Im really really proud to have a brother who learned to grow past his anger and rage. When he amd i were younger it was so bad. But we've both grown. He's put work in. Its been years since ive seen him be th kind of angry that destroys things. Im so proud of the way he's grown.
thats so amazing, I'm working to get my own brother to that place. a few years back he broke his finger in one of those rage fits after he punched our pallet fence.
Fun fact: as a german I belived it was only happenig in movies that men would punch throught walls. Cause you dont do that in germany unless you wanna break your wrist and fingers. (No dry walls the thinnest walls are at least 20 ish cm thick and made from brick concrete and or steel.)
I didn't realize it was supposed to have a funny connotation to it as I just took it very seriously... But I have been in a relationship like this since I was 17 and now being older finally realizing how unfair and abusive it truly is really made me connect with this song so much!
Thank you so much! I needed this. I will be playing loud while cleaning and cooking. 😅 All I can think of is the huge hole left in the door by him for his excessive rage. How does he look at it everyday and still feel ok with his temper and emotional intelligence? I also wonder how he could be ok with continuous angry outbursts one that put me through a wall and left my body print neck down. He had the nerve to say it was his! Im like dude your 4X my size and weight how dare you! I was left bruised and hurt badly for a long time. I still have back pain I cannot explain from it. He promised to fix it as it was my place I was renting and I had no way to fix it myself at the time. I'm so sick of the countless times this crap happens and [they] feel entitled even in someone elses home. And, then I had surgery for a work accident and was in severe pain and was told to stfu and then had the experience of being compared to anybody else pain and I had no right to expressing my pain and or emotions. That type of stuff teaches you to learn to live life without them, and if you try to leave they smear you and make it hard and even sabotage you. Male violent anger/rage is not sexy in a relationship it's repulsive. I wantva man that can protect me and home without putting me in harm, and a man is supposed to protect a womans mind, body and spirit. God forbid I ever explain this to a man like that. Never again, I'd rather be alone then have injuries and holes in the wall with the manipulation that comes with it. Men like thay speak down on us and say we are making it all about us and selfish. What in Gods name kind of delusion is that. God created women from a mans rib, God expects man to treat woman and themselves as Gods design and many will never understand this or even care but pretend to be religious or something like that. Pffft! Ladies never ignore a single red flag ever and ever again! Know your worth!
It's been really interesting talking to a friend who is a trans woman who is on and off hormones due to financial instability and how she talks about how even just the hormonal differences significantly change her emotional reactions. It was honestly really validating as I am NB and it feels like my feelings and reactions never really mapped onto men or womens before. She says that she *feels* more and is often "a mess" on estrogen and other female hormones but that testosterone is way worse because its both numbing and also makes you explosive. I think the normalization of anger for men is just male favouratism. It's a really weird toxic consequence of patriarchy. Crying is just objectively better than being angry lol I've had partners (women) look down on me for crying so honestly I get why men don't do it. I've had others who encouraged and supported it which was nice but the negative experiences stick with you more. Testosterone is the explaination for it, but it isn't an excuse. Once I got my T levels up from working out more and improving my diet as well as starting doing trauma therapy I had to stop driving because I would go absolutely berserk. It's hard to say how much is the T and how much of it is breaking the cycle of going into a freeze or fawn state when threatened and instead swinging to the opposite end and going to the other extreme in a fight response.
Before I started taking estrogen I punched a tree with my bare fist. I'm a cis women with PCOS so I had higher testosterone than a cis women but lower levels than a cis man. So it is interesting to wonder how much that factors into it versus just having better self regulation? Idk my hormone levels also had something to do with my depression.
@@Char00000 I think that's probably true in that when you suppress rage and don't healthily work through it, it makes sense that that would turn into depression
It speaks to me on so many levels, and to many women I guess. I heard my whole life, from most men in my life that I was too emotional for caring about their disrespect or for being hurt by their bad behaviors, but those were the same men that would create such drama out of nothing, yell, hit, break things and somehow... this was not being emotional to them. And their anger is somehow always more valid than any emotion we can ever show. I love your line "emotional baby" and the reference to parenting because it's SO TRUE. They lose their cool so easily, so freaking fragile and we need to teach them how to regulate this anger or talk to them as if they were angry toddlers to insure they won't have a fit. But somehow we are the weak and emotional ones 👌
It is true that woman are often dismissed about their emotions but men also have their feelings dismissed too. It is completely unacceptable to throw destructive tantrums, to take your anger out on objects and people around you but the point I'm making is that men aren't very open about their emotions because they are told to 'man up' and grow thicker skin. I wish we lived in a more tolerant and kinder world where both men and women can be open about their emotions and get the help they need without being talked down to. I was debating even writing this because I was worried that I would get backlash for saying this.
you're absolutely correct! however it is those men that already tend to have aggressive outbursts, who keep the tradition of having to be 'strong and manly' (in a toxic way) alive and pass it down to their sons and students. in order to break that cycle, they would have to first admit to themselves that they have issues and hidden emotional pain, which those type of men won't easily do since they deem that as a weakness. of course there are also women who want men to stay that way, but the system itself is being kept alive by other men. i dont think you'll get backlash for this (i hope you won't ^^), as it's absolutely true in our society. but it's also a man-driven problem that women shouldn't have to pay the price for.
Get backlash? Why? You're 100% correct. Also what you said is part of feminist theory. The fact that the patriarchy hurts both men and women is like a core part of feminist literature.
Remember kids: Men who are unemotional have suffered the consequenses of allowing others to see them be vulnerable and now live in constant fear of ever allowing someone to hurt them like that again. And men who are overly emotional no longer think anyone cares for them at all and so they're lashing out to try and dampen that soul wrenching pain and emptiness with rage and anger. It all may seem irrational to some, but you gotta remember that we're all just a bunch of monkies that evolved from fish, shit doesn't have to make sense to everyone for it to be true.
The thing is women have also experienced hurt or rage from these things yet we are seen as irrational and hysterical to the point were women were kept in asylums for trying to express their hurt while it is normalized for men to act out. Remember there are people who have gone through the worst of the worst and don't take their anger out on anyone men shouldn't be using such things as excuses to treat the women in their lives like shit
![Paris Paloma - labour [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/jvU4xWsN7-A/mqdefault.jpg)
![Paris Paloma - labour [Official Video]](/img/tr.png)
Everything about this song reminds me of my Dad. So I sent it to my sister and we both love it.💕
I am so grateful you took the time to explain this in such detail, along with all your other songs. I really didn’t get it because subtlety seems to be your strong suit, thus I would never appreciate the intricacy without this. Great work 🙏 keep it up!
Yup. It's like we expect men to be angry and punch things. It's why I STAYED so long!! 😢
I love this song.
I have a picture of a huge hole in the drywall of the antique store I had with my ex husband. It was huge. I wrote on it: fists don't have to hit skin to be scary.
It's intimation and emotional unkindness, and it is abuse!
Unnecessary dominance reminiscent of a small dog barking too much and peeing on everything to mark their territory. 🙄😮💨
❤❤ I love the song
I do greatly appreciate you telling us what you were thinking and what you were inspired by. Many musicians attempt to create a sense of mysteriousness or some other call to private importance with songs and when asked "what is it about" they wax poetic about "it's what it means to the listener that matters". I have to believe it means nothing and they wrote it with a thesaurus because it sounded clever when they say that.
That's literally the funniest yet prettiest way of showing how us women feel about ill-tempered men and I will never stop listening to this song
Seems to me u wrote abt my dad 😅
Was the first ever song of yours that I caught live and boy was that exciting 🤍🌺
You did it perfectly - I know a man who oftentimes acts very childish, but who tried for a very long time to make me feel as if I was a hysterical baby for feeling emotions. I am now free from the vast majority of harmul feelings it caused and I see his behaviour just as that - childish and immature, and being his problem, not mine.
its a really great song, and great lyrics. I love hearing artist talk about the meaning behind the songs
Yessss loving finding your songs your amazing!!!❤❤
I was married to that man, for far longer than I should have been...
Never thought I would be grateful for a broken tooth.
But it opened the door, and I was GONE...
I am an escapee of domestic violence, the police officer that answered my family’s call of 911 and had came to get statements to conduct interviews directly asked what we could have done to make my abuser upset with us and was entirely focused on justifying the abusive behaviour.
Im really really proud to have a brother who learned to grow past his anger and rage. When he amd i were younger it was so bad. But we've both grown. He's put work in. Its been years since ive seen him be th kind of angry that destroys things. Im so proud of the way he's grown.
thats so amazing, I'm working to get my own brother to that place. a few years back he broke his finger in one of those rage fits after he punched our pallet fence.
Fun fact: as a german I belived it was only happenig in movies that men would punch throught walls.
Cause you dont do that in germany unless you wanna break your wrist and fingers. (No dry walls the thinnest walls are at least 20 ish cm thick and made from brick concrete and or steel.)
Your music makes me feel so seen. Thank you!
ngl the song is amazing but ur voice in general is so nice. i would watch a documentary abt ur music 100% ur voice is so soothing
Thats so cool! thank you for talking about your thoughts on the song!
I love u paris. I wish i could sing like u. It’s my dream. But i’m really happy for u 🥲
I love drywall so much and this just makes me love it wayyy more aaah love uuu :D
I didn't realize it was supposed to have a funny connotation to it as I just took it very seriously... But I have been in a relationship like this since I was 17 and now being older finally realizing how unfair and abusive it truly is really made me connect with this song so much!
It’s perfect ❤️
Thank you so much! I needed this. I will be playing loud while cleaning and cooking. 😅
All I can think of is the huge hole left in the door by him for his excessive rage. How does he look at it everyday and still feel ok with his temper and emotional intelligence? I also wonder how he could be ok with continuous angry outbursts one that put me through a wall and left my body print neck down. He had the nerve to say it was his! Im like dude your 4X my size and weight how dare you! I was left bruised and hurt badly for a long time. I still have back pain I cannot explain from it. He promised to fix it as it was my place I was renting and I had no way to fix it myself at the time. I'm so sick of the countless times this crap happens and [they] feel entitled even in someone elses home. And, then I had surgery for a work accident and was in severe pain and was told to stfu and then had the experience of being compared to anybody else pain and I had no right to expressing my pain and or emotions. That type of stuff teaches you to learn to live life without them, and if you try to leave they smear you and make it hard and even sabotage you. Male violent anger/rage is not sexy in a relationship it's repulsive. I wantva man that can protect me and home without putting me in harm, and a man is supposed to protect a womans mind, body and spirit. God forbid I ever explain this to a man like that. Never again, I'd rather be alone then have injuries and holes in the wall with the manipulation that comes with it. Men like thay speak down on us and say we are making it all about us and selfish. What in Gods name kind of delusion is that. God created women from a mans rib, God expects man to treat woman and themselves as Gods design and many will never understand this or even care but pretend to be religious or something like that. Pffft! Ladies never ignore a single red flag ever and ever again! Know your worth!
It's been really interesting talking to a friend who is a trans woman who is on and off hormones due to financial instability and how she talks about how even just the hormonal differences significantly change her emotional reactions. It was honestly really validating as I am NB and it feels like my feelings and reactions never really mapped onto men or womens before. She says that she *feels* more and is often "a mess" on estrogen and other female hormones but that testosterone is way worse because its both numbing and also makes you explosive.
I think the normalization of anger for men is just male favouratism. It's a really weird toxic consequence of patriarchy. Crying is just objectively better than being angry lol I've had partners (women) look down on me for crying so honestly I get why men don't do it. I've had others who encouraged and supported it which was nice but the negative experiences stick with you more.
Testosterone is the explaination for it, but it isn't an excuse. Once I got my T levels up from working out more and improving my diet as well as starting doing trauma therapy I had to stop driving because I would go absolutely berserk. It's hard to say how much is the T and how much of it is breaking the cycle of going into a freeze or fawn state when threatened and instead swinging to the opposite end and going to the other extreme in a fight response.
Before I started taking estrogen I punched a tree with my bare fist. I'm a cis women with PCOS so I had higher testosterone than a cis women but lower levels than a cis man. So it is interesting to wonder how much that factors into it versus just having better self regulation? Idk my hormone levels also had something to do with my depression.
@@Char00000 I think that's probably true in that when you suppress rage and don't healthily work through it, it makes sense that that would turn into depression
🖤
It speaks to me on so many levels, and to many women I guess. I heard my whole life, from most men in my life that I was too emotional for caring about their disrespect or for being hurt by their bad behaviors, but those were the same men that would create such drama out of nothing, yell, hit, break things and somehow... this was not being emotional to them. And their anger is somehow always more valid than any emotion we can ever show. I love your line "emotional baby" and the reference to parenting because it's SO TRUE. They lose their cool so easily, so freaking fragile and we need to teach them how to regulate this anger or talk to them as if they were angry toddlers to insure they won't have a fit. But somehow we are the weak and emotional ones 👌
It is true that woman are often dismissed about their emotions but men also have their feelings dismissed too. It is completely unacceptable to throw destructive tantrums, to take your anger out on objects and people around you but the point I'm making is that men aren't very open about their emotions because they are told to 'man up' and grow thicker skin.
I wish we lived in a more tolerant and kinder world where both men and women can be open about their emotions and get the help they need without being talked down to. I was debating even writing this because I was worried that I would get backlash for saying this.
you're absolutely correct! however it is those men that already tend to have aggressive outbursts, who keep the tradition of having to be 'strong and manly' (in a toxic way) alive and pass it down to their sons and students. in order to break that cycle, they would have to first admit to themselves that they have issues and hidden emotional pain, which those type of men won't easily do since they deem that as a weakness. of course there are also women who want men to stay that way, but the system itself is being kept alive by other men.
i dont think you'll get backlash for this (i hope you won't ^^), as it's absolutely true in our society. but it's also a man-driven problem that women shouldn't have to pay the price for.
Get backlash? Why? You're 100% correct. Also what you said is part of feminist theory. The fact that the patriarchy hurts both men and women is like a core part of feminist literature.
You should've been in the barbie movie
Remember kids: Men who are unemotional have suffered the consequenses of allowing others to see them be vulnerable and now live in constant fear of ever allowing someone to hurt them like that again.
And men who are overly emotional no longer think anyone cares for them at all and so they're lashing out to try and dampen that soul wrenching pain and emptiness with rage and anger.
It all may seem irrational to some, but you gotta remember that we're all just a bunch of monkies that evolved from fish, shit doesn't have to make sense to everyone for it to be true.
The thing is women have also experienced hurt or rage from these things yet we are seen as irrational and hysterical to the point were women were kept in asylums for trying to express their hurt while it is normalized for men to act out. Remember there are people who have gone through the worst of the worst and don't take their anger out on anyone men shouldn't be using such things as excuses to treat the women in their lives like shit