When I told a Kindergarten class that I was pregnant, one of them raised their hand and said that her daddy was pregnant too! I just laughed and said "okay honey", and then she said " his baby is made of cheeseburgers!" 😂
One of my littles told me his sister was in the class next door but they didn't play because his mommy and her mommy don't like each but they both love daddy!😮😂😂😅
My brother and sister were in a hospital room together before surgery. The nurse came in and asked with a smile which one was the boy and which one is the girl. My sister, 6 at the time, look at the nurse and said, “if you can’t tell a boy from a girl you have no business being a nurse.” 😂
I always told my kinders parents that I’ll believe half of what they tell me about home, if you believe half of what they tell you about school! 😂😂👍🏼. Please speak with me first!!
Shit I'll be using this next year for my high school classes! Thanks 😊 shout out to all teachers what we do is not easy and definitely not for the money 🤑😂💪🏾
Anything that sounded hard to believe or outrageous, I always asked my son follow up questions. I made sure to clarify the story with him so he could understand what he saying. 😄🤪 I started substituting when he was in 2nd grade and yes, it is funny to hear what the littles say about their parents and families! 🤣
Walked into the lobby of a church we were visiting. Some old guy walks up to our 3 year old son and asked him what his favorite toy was...kid said it was 'hookers'. (Those would be semi trucks and trains that hook.). Total silence in the lobby.
My daughter worked as a nanny and, when she was expecting, the children (3 & 5, I think) pleaded with her to take the baby out so they could play with it. "We'll be very careful and put it right back when we're done!" Apparently, they thought there was a latch to open, like the trunk of a car! 😂😂
I have a little girl in my class who only speaks Spanish (I'm the aide). At the beginning of the year it took some time for her to get the idea that she was supposed to line up at recess when the teacher blew the whistle. One day one of my boys asked why she was always last in line. I said, "because she doesn't line up when Mrs. P. blows the whistle." He looked at me and said, "I think it's because Mrs. P. blows the whistle in English and K only speaks Spanish. Mrs. P should learn to blow the whistle in Spanish." :)
I’m a hairstylist not a teacher but here you go. I had a kid go on about how you shouldn’t run with scissors and eventually started going on about how you shouldn’t run with other sharp objects and eventually said “you shouldn’t run with hoe’s” I had to stop and laugh he of course meant the gardening tool but my mind went to the other kind of “hoe.” It gets better his dad chimes in and said “You can do that in college”… me and all my coworkers were dying of laughter.
Former stylist here! I remember some adorable stories as well as some stories that I think mom or dad wouldn’t have wanted to be shared with me, while they were sitting in the lobby! 😂
My husband was a special ed para, and he told me that the strangest thing he ever said to a kid was, 'Please stop licking the concrete...' I work retail and recently told a kid who looked about kindergarten age to, 'Please stop licking the balloon ribbons, that's just nasty.'
Dance teacher here…. “Don’t lick your ballet shoes!” And “Put your leotard back on.” To a 15yr old!! Had on a sports bra & her leotard was bothering her!!! 🤦🏻♀️. I keep saying one day I’m gonna write a book of the things I’ve had to say or thinks my dancers have said!!! 🤣🤣🤣. They keep it real!! I love my job!!
Several years ago I had a kinder come in the room on the first day of school. He looked me in the eyes and asked if I had a cell phone. He said he wanted me to call his mom and tell her everything was alright, because “ she is a mess.”
My little people just stared and stared when we first started school. One day I finally asked, “what are you guys looking at?😂😂”. The school was predominantly black, I am not. One little boy asked, “…is your hair real? Can we touch it?” 😂😂😂😂 my hair is white/grey. I let them, giggle fest ensued, as they touched my hair. “Ooooooh, it’s sooooo soft! Feels like clouds!”😂😂😂
I had a Kindergarten boy tell me that he was getting an iPhone for his 5th birthday and wanted to share his code. I explained that he should only tell his parents and no one else. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, “That’s okay. You’re old and won’t remember it anyway.” Sadly, the little “darling” was right because I forgot it almost immediately. 😩
Last year, I worked as a one-on-one paraprofessional for a kindergarten student. I was there to manage her behavior which tended to be violent. Most of the time, she wasn't violent. One day, she turned to me and sweetly asked me if I have a job.
saying, she tended to be violent, makes me think she was violent more than just a little bit of the time. If she wasn’t violent most of the time, why did she need an aid?
This is more sweet than funny, and my students are in Pre-Kindergarten, but they asked me if my doctor had to take a long time to listen to my heart because I love them so much. We were using stethoscopes on Valentine's Day. I will never forget that Circle Time moment. I am very fortunate to have such a fun career.
Had a child bring a box of condoms to school and pass them out as ballones. Principal walked in with a guest. Three look on his face was priceless. I quickly looked up and said they are balloons today. It was a great laugh. When mom picked up the child she was mortified.
I mean condoms might be ok to pass out at like a high school or college but definitely not in kindergarten. They are way too young to understand what those are for. But in my defense, I learned what a condom was for when I was in 5th grade, which was my last year of elementary school.
When my son was in kinder, I had just given birth to his brother. His teachers asked him if he helps feed his baby brother. He said no to her. She then asked why? He said “because I don’t have milk in my boobs.” Her and the teacher aide laughed so hard and again when the teacher told me about it. 😅
I'm going back to the 80s... I was wearing green tights (panty hose), yes I know I know but they were a thing back then, when a little boy stopped dead in his tracks, looked me up and down and said " Miss, why have you got legs like the incredible Hulk?" Guess what? Never wore them again
Taught Kinder for 7 years. At least once a week I had to make a call that started with “Everything is ok, but I just want you know what your kid is telling people…”
One hot Sept day, I had a crisp white shirt and brown/white plaid slacks. A kdgn girl ran up, hugged my knees, and said, "Oh, Mrs B, I just love you!!! You look just like a clown!!' (I never wore those slacks again....)
One of my kindergarteners told me that she knew a secret. Without skipping a beat, she told me that last night when her mother left for work, her dad's "secret friend" came over and they "took a nap" together. Then her dad told her not to tell her mom and he would get her ice cream.
I was subbing a kindergarten class one time, and a kid told me “mommy and daddy smoke plants for me so I can sleep”! After referring to admin, turns out the boy was talking about the diffuser with bergamot oil. 😂 Kids say the darnest things! 🤣🤣
I enjoy wearing rings and my kindergartners were like “that’s her wedding ring!” I’m not married but I thought it was adorable. They also love to guess your age. You could be decades younger and older in the same conversation lol 😂❤
I had a kinder baby shout out in the middle of class, “What’s wrong with your arm?!” After worriedly looking all under and around my arm I asked him what he meant, and he had the gall to walk up to me and grab my quite large “bat wing” and say “This right here. What happened to your arm?” I about died…😵😂🤣 I told him “honey, that’s just my under arm fat, now go sit back down on your dot!” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
My grandson was about 3 or so and he liked to jiggle my "bat wing". Then he looked at me with awe and said, "Oh, Nonna, I just love your fat!" I have never felt bad about them since!
I was helping one of my kinders near the beginning of the year, and while we were at the back table he asked to go to the restroom. When he came back he had the most awestruck look on his face and proceeded to tell me, "Teacher! That's the first time I went poop at school!" This child will be in 5th grade and taller than me one day, but I will still remember the time he told me about his first school bowel movement 😅
When I was a kid my dad would make a big deal about flushing the toilet after I pooped (I was toilet training). He would say “Let’s flush these puppies!!” Then one of us would flush. He was trying to make it fun. Apparently I went to school and told the teachers that we flush puppies down the toilet at home. My dad got a call from the office…
Here's 1 about me. When I was about 5 or 6, one of my aunts told me at a family gathering I was getting big. My parents told me I had responded, "You're getting kind of big, too."
@@miajones777 I always said kids and old people say whatever comes to mind. Kids because they don’t know any better and old people because they don’t give a s***! I just turned 60 last November, so I’m getting to that point in life! LOL!
def 12, I had a 5th grader tell me about how him and his older brother go under bridges with spray paint and make art on the walls. I was like oh okay nice art with your brother lol.
Oh I know that from experience 😂😂 I had my niece over one time back when she was five and me and my sister had come back from town (had to get animal feed, 50lb bags) and she wanted to help me take the feed to the barn so I told her yes she could help. Now, she's only 5 so I know her idea of helping is just keeping me company really anyway we get done and going back in I hold the backporch door open for her and she goes "Wait aunt Sarah wait for me, don't forget me!!" And I said "I ain't gonna forget you, what makes you think I'm going to forget you?" And I kid you not without skipping a beat or thinking about it at all she says with full confidence " Cuz you're old and forgetful!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣I was 28 at the time (31 now) and I still get a kick out of that 😂😂😂😂😂😂 kids say the darndest stuff LOL
Last year was my first year in 5th grade. I had taught 5th grade earlier in my career and loved that grade. Unfortunately, a fifth grader of the 80's is not the same as a 5th grader of 2024!! One morning after a sleepless night, I attempted to demonstrate how to do a math problem, but I made a mistake. Someone said Mrs. Chan doesn't even know how to do math! After a severe rebuke, no one tried that again! For a few in that class, if they were thinking it, they were saying it. It was basically the immature ones that could not control their mouths.
This was hilarious! I had the "my mom sell drugs" before, to which another child responded "oh, also my brother do that from my house!" where the first kid explained, annoyed, "no, my mom is works at the DRUG store, where they have FANCY drugs." Then there's the kindergartner who informed me that their daddy "doesn't have a bedroom anymore because mama makes him sleep in the doghouse on the couch"; another shared that "granny says mommy only married daddy for his jeans" (translation: genes, I hope...). Like you said, parents ought assume that those of us who work with little ones know ALL their business. 😁
Ok my kids are grown but years ago idk how the subject of what your parents did for a living my child said mommy is a call girl for pickup! I worked at Sears my job was to call people to tell them the merchandise they purchased from the catalog was ready to be picked up at the store 😮😅
When my son was like 4-5 he was sitting in the backseat while I was driving and said “Mama, you are not supposed to be drinking and driving, what if the police see you?” I almost spit that coffee all over my dash. Now I can’t help but wonder what he was telling his teacher about that. 😂
Recovering from surgery at the moment and need a cane for a bit of extra support. A kindergartener at my school said to me “are you old and have forgotten how to walk?”
Not kindergarten, but Pre-K. I wore the same cardigan twice within a week or two time period, and one of the Pre-K girls came up to me and said "you keep wearing the same clothes. You need to get new ones." 🤣
I was working in a day care with the preschool group. A small group of four year olds went to the play house. One little girl, clearly the leader, said "Okay, okay, I'm the mommy but I'm not going to work today because I got laid off."
O yeah. A friend had a kindergarten kid. She told her teacher and the class all about her baby brother. Then after Christmas, teacher asked what she got baby brother for Xmas. She told the teacher that "daddy buried him in the woods" needless to say, there was a police investigation. But there had never been a baby brother.
My sister did this same thing as a kindergartener. Then, as a second grader, she told them that our father had his arm cut off in a farming accident and she needed to go back home to help out. She was labeled as having a “big imagination” but grew up to be a habitual liar.
A more innocuous version: my older brother had a beloved dachshund called Albert, back when he was my parents' only child. At some point, my parents had to part with Albert - maybe moved somewhere that didn't allow pets? this was before my time - and my brother was disconsolate. This ended up with a phone call from school, after a teacher approached him to ask why he was crying, only to be told, "They *_sold_* him! 😭 They sold my brother Albert!"
I put a pretty large, abandoned bird's nest on the science table for the children to study. Pretty cool. One of the boys walked in and spotted it. He said "wow!! Is that weed?" Oh boy...
Ok, this wasn't a school teacher, but something that happened to my OB. He and his wife had given their kindergarten-aged son a Lil Tyke golf club set. One day mom gently swatted her son on the butt with one of the plastic clubs to get his attention. Later, lil dude went to church on Sunday and told his ENTIRE Sunday school class that "mama beat me with a golf club". They had some MAJOR explaining to do.
I was shopping in an antique mall with my mother, sister and three year old nephew. We were taking turns carrying him because well, three year old in antique mall!😳 I was carrying him and he was wiggling around. I knew the problem and was trying to move him around when he loudly proclaimed to the entire store “ Aunt Brenda, you’re hurting my penis!” Silence. Then laughter. Thank goodness my sister quietly asked if I wanted her to take him. Yes, please!!🥴
When I was younger my Momma was fostering and eventually wanting to adopt 3 family members. All 3 children were taken away from our family b/c one of the kids was mad b/c they had gotten in trouble before they left for school and had went to school and told his teacher that my Momma beat him with a whip and hung him upside-down by his toes. needless to say, they were taken out of our home and sent to another foster home where they were abused and molested. Teachers shouldn't believe everything they hear. Also, the school did no investigation and just took the children out of our home. It was a sad day for our family and a disgrace to my Momma's good name, if they had invested they would have discovered #1 no whip #2 no dungeon to hang him upside-down. LOL smh
My son was once “that kindergartener”. One time he was adjusting himself and his teacher told him to stop so he yells across the room “I’m fixing my penis!” So I get the phone call home. At least he used proper terminology! The second time his teacher called me was because he mooned some little boys in the bathroom. I had to act all serious when the teacher called, but as soon as I hung up the phone I busted out laughing so hard o was crying!!!
I had a kindergartener tell me about his mom’s red shoes and how much he hates them. When I asked him why he hates them, he said because if my mom puts them on and shows my dad, I have to go to bed early and they lock their bedroom door! 🤭
I was a hospice nurse. So my son went to kindergarten and proudly told the teacher his mama was a nurse, then as a after thought he turned back around and said “ but all her patients die”.
I worked in an elementary school last year and for most of the year, I worked in a 'split' kinder/1st grade classroom (it was more like 75% first-graders and 25% kindergarten, which is why I used quotes) and one kindergartener asked how old I was. I jokingly used an old lady voice and said "I'm 122 years old!" (I added 100 to my real age.) He went, "Shouldn't you be dead by now?!" Another day, we had a read-aloud (I don't remember the book) and they had to glue pieces of a snowman on construction paper and write a reason why their snowman melted. There were some good answers: 'He climbed into a volcano!' 'He drank hot chocolate!' 'It was summer!' My favorite answer was, 'My snowman melted because he got struck by a nuclear bomb!' (This was a kid who was always misbehaving!)
@@lindickison3055 When I realized more and more *grand*parents were ten years younger than I (which means I could have taught THEM), I realized it was time to retire.
I had a kindergartener tell me about her sister's period. I went on to the next child real quick and this next child asks why I don't want to hear about the period.
We just did parent teacher conferences like...2 weeks ago. I told one kid to remind his grandma that she had a conference with me that afternoon. He told me, "She already said she's not coming." in the loudest possible kindergarten voice. I asked him to remind her anyway.
Years ago, one of my kindergartners gave me a big hug and said, "I just LOVE you! And you're so soft. Are you going to have a baby?" I was not pregnant. Another one came up to me with a very serious look and said, "I have to tell you. I took your pocketbook and went through it..." I said, "Well, I appreciate that you told me the truth." She continued, "...and did you know that you have a roll of Lifesavers in it?" Kindergartners are great!!! 🥰🤪🤩
Probably the craziest story was when I was an intervention teacher for kindergarten reading. I had one kid in my group excuse themself to go to the toilet, came back into the class with sleeves rolled all the way up past their elbows only to say to the two teachers “Don’t worry- I fixed it”. Ummm fixed what and how??? 😮
When my great granddaughter was five and my grandson was nine, I heard screams and cries from my great granddaughter. I went out to see what was going on, she shouted, "Kevin called me the N word!" I turned to her cousin and I was about to wash his mouth with soap when he defended himself by saying, "Well, she's an N-word." When I asked both of these two blond blue eyed heathens what was the insult. Both answered that the N-word was the worst thing you could call a person, but neither knew what the N-word was.
Aww, the washing the mouth out with soap..has anyone done that to you? It’s horrible and abusive. My dad did it to me at age 4 or 5 for eating sand. I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy.
@@Jesusandcoffee3382 it's very effective. I bet you've never eaten sand again. And if you follow the bored teacher channel, you know how much teachers suffer at the hands of ill mannered parents and students. In my house we believed in educating our children. Yes, sometimes they got a chanquletazo, sometimes they got their mouths washed with soap. Usually it was only once. Today, all three of my children are professionals, the grandkids are all in various stages of finishing college and the great grandkids are all good students in high school. That's more than I can say about most papered and cosseted gringo kids. So, you do you -- my descendants will eat yours alive 😉
Can so identify. But one thing that alarms me is what comes out of my mouth...like "Please don't lick the bottom of your shoe. You just stepped out of the bathroom. "🤦♀️
I was a private duty nurse for a 1st grader in her regular first grade classroom. One day the teacher asked her students for their homework from the night before. One little boy raised his hand and said “but we didn’t have any homework last night” and before the teacher could reply a little girl corrected him and said “Yes we did! You don’t know about it because you were abstinent!”
I got a call asking me what happened in my class one day. We had been talking about weather, and we went outside and made little clouds by puffing air out of our mouths. One child told his mom, "We went outside and smoked." The parent, director, and I all got a big laugh out of that!
Kinder told a bunch of us at recess that her dad proposed to her mom last night. When we asked what mom said, kid replied, “She was mad because she didn’t have any pants on!”😂😂😂
When I was in kinder, my Granny was my primary afterschool babysitter. We went to a department store one day and the clerk was rude to her, so I defended her by saying, "Well, my Granny has pink teeth that she can take out and set in a jar by the sink. Can YOU do that?!" My Granny was already self-conscious about her new dentures and absolutely mortified.
A new teacher across the hall used to ask her class "What's new?" One little guy said "My mommy got her tubes tied!" Then another asked "What are tubes, Miss -?" She stopped asking "What's new?" after that!
Not Kindergarten, but PreK, a student asked me why I was fat (which, admittedly, I am). I said "I don't know, what do you think?" to see what he would say. His response was absolute gold. "Was it because you ate junk food even when your mom told you not to?" to which I said "Absolutely."
My son's kindergarten teacher called me to tell me that my son had explained to a busload of kindergarteners the birds and the bees. David was gifted and reading on a sixth grade level. I asked if he at least gave them accurate information. Through her giggling, Miss Barbara said, "He used all the correct medical terms and only messed up one that he referred to as the Filipino tubes. He's an adult now with 2 B.A.'s and a M. A. and runs a university math tutoring center and yes, every once in a while, we still kid him about the Filipino tubes.
I teach first but one of them told me their grandma smokes weed before helping her with her homework because that “ math shit too hard these days and works my nerves “ lol haha 😂
A friend told me that one night he and his wife were watching a horror movie after putting their 6 year old to bed. He woke up and asked if he could watch with them. They said no that it's not a movie for kids. He said, "so it's a movie for adults?" Yes. Next day my friend got a call from his son's teacher. Apparently his son told the teacher his parents were watching an "adult movie" and he watched some of it.
This reminded me of when my son was in 1st grade in 1992. I stopped at a video store that Friday afternoon and got a family movie that he had wanted to see. That night, I put the movie in the VCR to start it up while my son went to use the bathroom. I'm glad I did, because when the movie came on, my husband and I were shocked. It was a porno!!! 100% XXX rated and they were doing the deed plain as day. I took the movie out and told my son it was broken and I would take it back and get another copy the next day. A friend of mine worked at the video store and told me it was impossible for that to even happen because of whatever system they use there. So I had him put it in a VCR (no other people were in the store) to check it out. His mouth dropped. So yeah, they had to rethink their system, LOL!
Kindergarten kid went in telling everyone about his Dad harvesting all his weed. One of the othe kids parents was a police officer. First kids Dad was busted and the next week at morning news the children informed everyone that the pigs showed up at his house over the weekend.
My brother in law is a cop that worked with the DEI for a while doing undercover drug busts. His kids LOVED telling their teachers that their dad bought drugs for a living. I often picked them up from school and had to explain more than once that while that was technically true, it was all on the up and up.
I have worked as a nanny since 1990. My first job in California, I had one little boy that I was watching. He was probably 5 or 6 at the time. We had spent the afternoon swimming at the club, doing the waterslides etc. I turned my back for less than a minute to say something to someone and when I turned back around, the child was floating face down in the water. I raced over to grab him out of the water, ready to use my cpr. When I did he looked at me, grinned and said "I can do the dead mans float!" Omg! After my heart stopped racing, we went home, swim day done. Lol
Oh man, kid's blurts out are so innocently savage. Got to love it. When I was that innocent age, there had been a family event that turned out quite boozy. So as they were all to drunk to drive home. So most of the family stayed overnight at my grandma's home were the party had been hosted. Little me woke up in the morning, wanting to snuggle in with mum and dad, but somehow they directed me to the makeshift bedding of my ount and uncle (I can only guess the were a little more hangover than these two... it was a loooong time ago). When I crawled in between them, I was flabbergasted by the hairy chest of my uncle. My dad was 100% bold in that region. I was impressed and went on asking: how do you make sure that you don't get lice and fleas in there?". Both my uncle and aunt laughed so hard while I was completely oblivious. In fact, when I wanted to go pet some stray dog or cat, my mum always told me "no, we don't want to do that. Their furs are full of lice and fleas".
So cute! I have been teaching pre k. special needs for 47 years! God bless me! Lol, so many stories don't know where to start! The best thing brought to school a live mouse in a backpack! Nothing compares to the innocence, honesty, and love of a child.
Once, my cousin in 1st grade asked why my grandma was wearing diapers because she's not a baby. When my mom explain that sometimes adults need dipers too he just literally said "SO NOW GRANDMA IS A BABY GRANDMA??" I couldn't even laugh😭🤣🤣
I told one of my kinder classes once jokingly that we were going to try to "get our life together". All of the kids seemed to understand what I meant except for one, who was really concerned about it. When I asked him what was wrong, he looks at me and goes "Miss, my LIFE?? I can't get my life together, I can't even read!!"
My grandson did not want to go to school. He was six years old. I asked why. He says it’ll be too long. I said just be patient and listen. You will learn how to read, count. He was very happy when I told him that and went with a smile. But when he came home after school, he was really mad. I said, “What’s going on? Why are you so angry?” He responded, “They didn’t teach me anything. I don’t even know how to read, and I’m not going back.”
Years ago, when I was about 4, I told my doctor that my dad read trashy books. My mom had to correctly say: "No he likes World War 2 and reads war books." Little me went: "But you call them trashy books Mommy...." Yeah well she did.
I was discussing with my Kinders about pizza spirit night. My Reading Coach’s daughter called out, for everyone to hear, “my mom can’t eat pizza because it gives her diarrhea!” OMG!😂
I was teaching abroad in an international school and all classes were taught in English to students whose primary language was otherwise. One Monday morning, a sweet angelic kindergarten boy came up to me so excitedly, bright eyed and broad smiled to tell me the new English word he learned over the weekend and he said " teacher, teacher, f#$% you". 😱😂🤣
One day, I asked a kindergartener in my class why he didn’t do his homework. He said it was because he needed help. I asked him if he asked his mom or dad for help. He said, “Yes, but mommy said she was too busy and daddy was looking at girls on his phone.” 🤦🏻♀️
I have a memory of me because my siblings thought it was hilarious! There is a nursery rhyme that goes "Polly, put the kettle on"! I was unironically repeating: "Polly on her potty, Polly on her Potty, Polly on her potty and we'll all have tea! "
It’s so crazy that kid got daddy’s “apple juice” out the house, and even crazier if that kid drank it. I’m a grown woman and can’t drink fireball. Most of us adults think the kids don’t hear things, but they do. When I was pregnant with my son my step son used to go to school and tell everyone I ate a baby.
As I was teaching I mentioned to my Hubby," Mr. Chan". A student called out," Who is Mr. Chan?" One of my darlings did not miss a beat and said, "That is her dog!" 🙂
My mom was also a teacher. A kindergarten came in and for show and tell gave a dramatic performance of her mom giving birth. She would not quit, and the other kids were totally intrigued!
I am a TK teacher in a private school. Once I said something was "damp" outside in the playground. A student looked at me and said that I just used bad word (damn). Now I never use the word damp, I just say a little wet.
Little friends were listening to a story about underwater sea creatures. The teacher asks what the dangling things are called on the octopus. Little boy raises his hand and answers proudly. "Testicles!"
I told my kindergarten class that my mom turned 63. It was her 36th birthday. I told my great aunt she had cracked legs - varicose veins was the real truth. In junior high school, I told the teachers that my dad worked in a gas station. He was an anesthesiologist.
During the Christmas holiday, I was wearing a Santa hat to get into the spirit of the season. To get to my car to go to lunch I had to walk through the kindergarten area. Students were running to open doors for me all the time. I thought it was sweet, but didn't understand why. It finally dawned on me...they thought I was one of Santa's elves!🎅
I have so many….i was doing a lesson for Earth Day on things we could do to protect our planet. We read the book “ Michael Recycle”. We talked about conserving water, like turning the water off while brushing your teeth. A little boy raised his hand and very proudly announced his parents take a shower together so it’s only 1 shower and not 2. It caught me off guard, it is so hard not to laugh, but you just gotta keep it moving. I cracked up after he was out of the room. It makes it hard to look them in the eye at conference time! Lol
As I was dropping my first grader off at school he loudly announced to one of his teachers and everyone in the near vicinity that his big brother and sister used to be nice, but now they have things things that make them mean. I laughingly had to explain that his siblings were 12 &13 and we had a conversation about puberty and hormones. 😳🙄🤣
I told my kinder teacher in 1981 that I was having strawberry daiquiris @ the beach w/my mom & her best friend. Mom had convinced me that mine were darker red bc I like my drinks "stronger" aka more strawberries. But also, no rum! My poor mom.
I have several. I was working summer reading program one year and had a college student from a very privileged and sheltered background assisting me. One of the Young 5s explained to her how the bail system worked. His sister also gave her details about their mother working at an adult toy store. An acquaintance of mine, her husband worked for a beverage distributor and delivered soft drinks to local businesses. When their daughter was in kindergarten or 1st grade, they had to write what their mom or dad did for a living. The daughter wrote “My dad sells coke.” When the startled teachers started to ask the girl questions, she added, “He pushes it.” She was thinking of her dad pushing flats on a dolly. Needless to say, it was apparently an interesting phone call home.
My roommate was bringing our neighbors kinder home from school. 'What did you learn today". "We learned people are all kinds of colors. Black, yellow, red, Auntie what color are you?" "Well I guess I'm flesh colored" The little girl laughed and said "Auntie you so silly. Only toilets flush!"
When I told a Kindergarten class that I was pregnant, one of them raised their hand and said that her daddy was pregnant too! I just laughed and said "okay honey", and then she said " his baby is made of cheeseburgers!" 😂
😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂
That is a future Katt Williams right there.lol
One of my littles told me his sister was in the class next door but they didn't play because his mommy and her mommy don't like each but they both love daddy!😮😂😂😅
😂😂😂
My brother and sister were in a hospital room together before surgery. The nurse came in and asked with a smile which one was the boy and which one is the girl. My sister, 6 at the time, look at the nurse and said, “if you can’t tell a boy from a girl you have no business being a nurse.” 😂
Hahaha lol
Darn 6-year-olds don't know how androgynous they are especially in Scrubs lol.
😂😂😂
Ouch!!!😅
😂
I always told my kinders parents that I’ll believe half of what they tell me about home, if you believe half of what they tell you about school! 😂😂👍🏼. Please speak with me first!!
Our youth pastor said the same thing about teenagers.
Good line 😊
Shit I'll be using this next year for my high school classes! Thanks 😊 shout out to all teachers what we do is not easy and definitely not for the money 🤑😂💪🏾
@@kpodley 😬😬😬
Anything that sounded hard to believe or outrageous, I always asked my son follow up questions. I made sure to clarify the story with him so he could understand what he saying. 😄🤪
I started substituting when he was in 2nd grade and yes, it is funny to hear what the littles say about their parents and families! 🤣
Walked into the lobby of a church we were visiting. Some old guy walks up to our 3 year old son and asked him what his favorite toy was...kid said it was 'hookers'. (Those would be semi trucks and trains that hook.). Total silence in the lobby.
Our three year old called them that, too 😂 It was so funny, we let it go for a few months before teaching him the correct words.
😂🤣🤣🤣🤣
Buddy. Buddy-- it’s. It’s a trailer
My daughter worked as a nanny and, when she was expecting, the children (3 & 5, I think) pleaded with her to take the baby out so they could play with it. "We'll be very careful and put it right back when we're done!" Apparently, they thought there was a latch to open, like the trunk of a car! 😂😂
Love it😂😂😂😂
@@Swe231 I just wish it was that easy...
@@njsmkmmsthatsit3518 I agree because I would have done it myself🙂
I have a little girl in my class who only speaks Spanish (I'm the aide). At the beginning of the year it took some time for her to get the idea that she was supposed to line up at recess when the teacher blew the whistle. One day one of my boys asked why she was always last in line. I said, "because she doesn't line up when Mrs. P. blows the whistle." He looked at me and said, "I think it's because Mrs. P. blows the whistle in English and K only speaks Spanish. Mrs. P should learn to blow the whistle in Spanish." :)
I love it😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Omg...
😂😂😂😂
Blow that whistle in Spanish!😂❤❤❤
I’m a hairstylist not a teacher but here you go.
I had a kid go on about how you shouldn’t run with scissors and eventually started going on about how you shouldn’t run with other sharp objects and eventually said “you shouldn’t run with hoe’s” I had to stop and laugh he of course meant the gardening tool but my mind went to the other kind of “hoe.” It gets better his dad chimes in and said “You can do that in college”… me and all my coworkers were dying of laughter.
Former stylist here! I remember some adorable stories as well as some stories that I think mom or dad wouldn’t have wanted to be shared with me, while they were sitting in the lobby! 😂
😂😂😂😂
Years ago, I had a student tell me that her mom sometimes has to shave her dad's butt.😂
LMAO...oh my goodness ..way too much info before i've had coffee this morning..
😂😂😂 I would not be able to keep a straight face at that Parent/ Teacher meeting. Hahaha
NOOO!!! 😂😲😂
Oh my! That could mean sooo many things!🤦🏽♀️
@@D2BR I hate to think too much about it
I was a Nanny for 17 years. Here’s a sentence I never thought I would hear myself say, “Please take your toes out of your mouth and eat your carrots.”
Yes!
I had a moment like that when I had to explain why we don’t zip people up into suitcases
It’s like you stop and say, what is my life!
😂😂😂😂 accurate
My husband was a special ed para, and he told me that the strangest thing he ever said to a kid was, 'Please stop licking the concrete...'
I work retail and recently told a kid who looked about kindergarten age to, 'Please stop licking the balloon ribbons, that's just nasty.'
Dance teacher here…. “Don’t lick your ballet shoes!” And “Put your leotard back on.” To a 15yr old!! Had on a sports bra & her leotard was bothering her!!! 🤦🏻♀️. I keep saying one day I’m gonna write a book of the things I’ve had to say or thinks my dancers have said!!! 🤣🤣🤣. They keep it real!! I love my job!!
When I taught K, I had one little munchkin give me a big hug, only to then comment, “Gee, you’re wide!” 💀
You got lil arms. Everyone is wide
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
I’m almost certain that was my nephew 😂😂😂😂😂 that has him written all over it!
Several years ago I had a kinder come in the room on the first day of school. He looked me in the eyes and asked if I had a cell phone. He said he wanted me to call his mom and tell her everything was alright, because “ she is a mess.”
🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂
I bet she was anxious, and he know what she was experiencing.
😅😂😂😂😂 that’s cute
My little people just stared and stared when we first started school. One day I finally asked, “what are you guys looking at?😂😂”. The school was predominantly black, I am not. One little boy asked, “…is your hair real? Can we touch it?” 😂😂😂😂 my hair is white/grey. I let them, giggle fest ensued, as they touched my hair. “Ooooooh, it’s sooooo soft! Feels like clouds!”😂😂😂
Ahh... ❤❤❤ Such cute innocent child curiosity!! I love it!! ❤❤😊😊
Aw! I love this. ❤
Aww how sweet 😊
😇
😂😂😂😂 I just love the innocence of the children! ❤
I had a Kindergarten boy tell me that he was getting an iPhone for his 5th birthday and wanted to share his code. I explained that he should only tell his parents and no one else. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, “That’s okay. You’re old and won’t remember it anyway.”
Sadly, the little “darling” was right because I forgot it almost immediately. 😩
😂😂😂
Last year, I worked as a one-on-one paraprofessional for a kindergarten student. I was there to manage her behavior which tended to be violent. Most of the time, she wasn't violent. One day, she turned to me and sweetly asked me if I have a job.
saying, she tended to be violent, makes me think she was violent more than just a little bit of the time.
If she wasn’t violent most of the time, why did she need an aid?
@@spiralroseshe was violent enough to merit having me. She also could not sit still.
Aaahahahaha! That just means you do your job pretty well! 😂😂
@@tomreingold4024ADHD with poor impulse control or...? That’s hilarious that she was like, “why do you just sit here all day, mister?”
@@miajones777thank you. I like to think so.
This is more sweet than funny, and my students are in Pre-Kindergarten, but they asked me if my doctor had to take a long time to listen to my heart because I love them so much. We were using stethoscopes on Valentine's Day. I will never forget that Circle Time moment. I am very fortunate to have such a fun career.
Had a child bring a box of condoms to school and pass them out as ballones. Principal walked in with a guest. Three look on his face was priceless. I quickly looked up and said they are balloons today. It was a great laugh. When mom picked up the child she was mortified.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I mean condoms might be ok to pass out at like a high school or college but definitely not in kindergarten. They are way too young to understand what those are for. But in my defense, I learned what a condom was for when I was in 5th grade, which was my last year of elementary school.
Why don't parents keep inappropriate things locked up
When my son was in kinder, I had just given birth to his brother. His teachers asked him if he helps feed his baby brother. He said no to her. She then asked why? He said “because I don’t have milk in my boobs.” Her and the teacher aide laughed so hard and again when the teacher told me about it. 😅
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hilarious 😂
I just laughed out loud🤣
Well....he's not wrong😅😅😅
I'm going back to the 80s... I was wearing green tights (panty hose), yes I know I know but they were a thing back then, when a little boy stopped dead in his tracks, looked me up and down and said " Miss, why have you got legs like the incredible Hulk?" Guess what? Never wore them again
Taught Kinder for 7 years. At least once a week I had to make a call that started with “Everything is ok, but I just want you know what your kid is telling people…”
13 years in middle school, and I had to make that exact same phone call at least once a week! Lol!
One hot Sept day, I had a crisp white shirt and brown/white plaid slacks. A kdgn girl ran up, hugged my knees, and said, "Oh, Mrs B, I just love you!!! You look just like a clown!!' (I never wore those slacks again....)
Could be worse and they all cried because they were scared of clowns.😂
😂😂😂😂
Little kids are the bomb. And skinny dipping if you're not skinny is called chunky dunking
One of my kindergarteners told me that she knew a secret. Without skipping a beat, she told me that last night when her mother left for work, her dad's "secret friend" came over and they "took a nap" together. Then her dad told her not to tell her mom and he would get her ice cream.
🫣😳
Goodness gracious.
Wow...That's just wrong. No wonder why some kids harbor such deep resentments towards parent( s)
@@SammyJ96That is despicable! Making your child cover and lie for you, and allow them to be aware of your dirty deeds. Just gross.
@@sharonsimmons6427 Totally agree with you!
I was subbing a kindergarten class one time, and a kid told me “mommy and daddy smoke plants for me so I can sleep”! After referring to admin, turns out the boy was talking about the diffuser with bergamot oil. 😂 Kids say the darnest things! 🤣🤣
Mommy and Daddy probably smoke different plants, once he goes to bed.
I enjoy wearing rings and my kindergartners were like “that’s her wedding ring!” I’m not married but I thought it was adorable. They also love to guess your age. You could be decades younger and older in the same conversation lol 😂❤
im 24 i had a kinder guess im 70 :D
I had a kinder baby shout out in the middle of class, “What’s wrong with your arm?!” After worriedly looking all under and around my arm I asked him what he meant, and he had the gall to walk up to me and grab my quite large “bat wing” and say “This right here. What happened to your arm?” I about died…😵😂🤣 I told him “honey, that’s just my under arm fat, now go sit back down on your dot!” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
My grandson was about 3 or so and he liked to jiggle my "bat wing". Then he looked at me with awe and said, "Oh, Nonna, I just love your fat!" I have never felt bad about them since!
Lol we had a lovely elderly couple who lived next door my brother complimented her big ole muscles it was the large fat hanging under her upper arms 😅
My daughter asked her grandma why her muscles grow upside down😂😂
@@denielhardin9643 that’s too funny! Write that one down! 🥰👍🏼❤️
A similar thing happened to me, except this Kinder proceeded to squish my arm and make it jiggle. 😂
I was helping one of my kinders near the beginning of the year, and while we were at the back table he asked to go to the restroom. When he came back he had the most awestruck look on his face and proceeded to tell me, "Teacher! That's the first time I went poop at school!"
This child will be in 5th grade and taller than me one day, but I will still remember the time he told me about his first school bowel movement 😅
What a way to be remembered 😂
When I was a kid my dad would make a big deal about flushing the toilet after I pooped (I was toilet training). He would say “Let’s flush these puppies!!” Then one of us would flush. He was trying to make it fun. Apparently I went to school and told the teachers that we flush puppies down the toilet at home. My dad got a call from the office…
Here's 1 about me. When I was about 5 or 6, one of my aunts told me at a family gathering I was getting big. My parents told me I had responded, "You're getting kind of big, too."
Ohhhhh this is classic 😂😂😂😂
@@miajones777 I always said kids and old people say whatever comes to mind. Kids because they don’t know any better and old people because they don’t give a s***! I just turned 60 last November, so I’m getting to that point in life! LOL!
I can attest to that. I work in a nursing home. People say the darnedest things😂😂😂😂
Until children get to be about 11 or 12 years old, they have absolutely NO FILTER. Whatever pops into their brain, falls out of their mouths.
def 12, I had a 5th grader tell me about how him and his older brother go under bridges with spray paint and make art on the walls. I was like oh okay nice art with your brother lol.
Oh I know that from experience 😂😂
I had my niece over one time back when she was five and me and my sister had come back from town (had to get animal feed, 50lb bags) and she wanted to help me take the feed to the barn so I told her yes she could help. Now, she's only 5 so I know her idea of helping is just keeping me company really anyway we get done and going back in I hold the backporch door open for her and she goes "Wait aunt Sarah wait for me, don't forget me!!" And I said "I ain't gonna forget you, what makes you think I'm going to forget you?" And I kid you not without skipping a beat or thinking about it at all she says with full confidence " Cuz you're old and forgetful!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣I was 28 at the time (31 now) and I still get a kick out of that 😂😂😂😂😂😂 kids say the darndest stuff LOL
It's the other way around, it falls out of their mouths, then pop in their brains. I swear 😂😂
11-12 have no filter. 13-14 doesn't either, but only on days ending in "y".
Last year was my first year in 5th grade. I had taught 5th grade earlier in my career and loved that grade. Unfortunately, a fifth grader of the 80's is not the same as a 5th grader of 2024!! One morning after a sleepless night, I attempted to demonstrate how to do a math problem, but I made a mistake. Someone said Mrs. Chan doesn't even know how to do math! After a severe rebuke, no one tried that again! For a few in that class, if they were thinking it, they were saying it. It was basically the immature ones that could not control their mouths.
This was hilarious! I had the "my mom sell drugs" before, to which another child responded "oh, also my brother do that from my house!" where the first kid explained, annoyed, "no, my mom is works at the DRUG store, where they have FANCY drugs."
Then there's the kindergartner who informed me that their daddy "doesn't have a bedroom anymore because mama makes him sleep in the doghouse on the couch"; another shared that "granny says mommy only married daddy for his jeans" (translation: genes, I hope...). Like you said, parents ought assume that those of us who work with little ones know ALL their business. 😁
Ok my kids are grown but years ago idk how the subject of what your parents did for a living my child said mommy is a call girl for pickup! I worked at Sears my job was to call people to tell them the merchandise they purchased from the catalog was ready to be picked up at the store 😮😅
That’s awesome
When my son was like 4-5 he was sitting in the backseat while I was driving and said “Mama, you are not supposed to be drinking and driving, what if the police see you?”
I almost spit that coffee all over my dash.
Now I can’t help but wonder what he was telling his teacher about that. 😂
As a Paediatric RN working in Recovery Room, we had little kids coming out of anaesthetics also telling all the family secrets!😮😂
Grown ups too! LOL!
Ohhhh do tell!!!! What’s your favorite??
Recovering from surgery at the moment and need a cane for a bit of extra support. A kindergartener at my school said to me “are you old and have forgotten how to walk?”
Not kindergarten, but Pre-K. I wore the same cardigan twice within a week or two time period, and one of the Pre-K girls came up to me and said "you keep wearing the same clothes. You need to get new ones." 🤣
🤣 🤣
I was working in a day care with the preschool group. A small group of four year olds went to the play house. One little girl, clearly the leader, said "Okay, okay, I'm the mommy but I'm not going to work today because I got laid off."
O yeah. A friend had a kindergarten kid. She told her teacher and the class all about her baby brother. Then after Christmas, teacher asked what she got baby brother for Xmas. She told the teacher that "daddy buried him in the woods" needless to say, there was a police investigation. But there had never been a baby brother.
Why ... lol. Oh my God.
This is interesting
What tv shows are they letting that child watch?!
My sister did this same thing as a kindergartener. Then, as a second grader, she told them that our father had his arm cut off in a farming accident and she needed to go back home to help out. She was labeled as having a “big imagination” but grew up to be a habitual liar.
😮😮
A more innocuous version: my older brother had a beloved dachshund called Albert, back when he was my parents' only child. At some point, my parents had to part with Albert - maybe moved somewhere that didn't allow pets? this was before my time - and my brother was disconsolate. This ended up with a phone call from school, after a teacher approached him to ask why he was crying, only to be told, "They *_sold_* him! 😭 They sold my brother Albert!"
Had a kinder come up to me and ask if I could help button her sweater, because it "wasn't coming together." Poor baby was trying button a zipper 😭😂
Ahhh!!! The poor kid! ❤
I put a pretty large, abandoned bird's nest on the science table for the children to study. Pretty cool. One of the boys walked in and spotted it. He said "wow!! Is that weed?" Oh boy...
At least you know that he's never been directly exposed to weed before, because he clearly has no idea what it looks like. 😂
Ok, this wasn't a school teacher, but something that happened to my OB. He and his wife had given their kindergarten-aged son a Lil Tyke golf club set. One day mom gently swatted her son on the butt with one of the plastic clubs to get his attention. Later, lil dude went to church on Sunday and told his ENTIRE Sunday school class that "mama beat me with a golf club". They had some MAJOR explaining to do.
I was shopping in an antique mall with my mother, sister and three year old nephew. We were taking turns carrying him because well, three year old in antique mall!😳 I was carrying him and he was wiggling around. I knew the problem and was trying to move him around when he loudly proclaimed to the entire store “ Aunt Brenda, you’re hurting my penis!” Silence. Then laughter. Thank goodness my sister quietly asked if I wanted her to take him. Yes, please!!🥴
Oh nooo 😂😂😂😂😂
When I was younger my Momma was fostering and eventually wanting to adopt 3 family members. All 3 children were taken away from our family b/c one of the kids was mad b/c they had gotten in trouble before they left for school and had went to school and told his teacher that my Momma beat him with a whip and hung him upside-down by his toes. needless to say, they were taken out of our home and sent to another foster home where they were abused and molested. Teachers shouldn't believe everything they hear. Also, the school did no investigation and just took the children out of our home. It was a sad day for our family and a disgrace to my Momma's good name, if they had invested they would have discovered #1 no whip #2 no dungeon to hang him upside-down.
LOL
smh
@Vir2ousWarrior unfortunately school employees are mandated reporters. The county or district then investigates. Sounds like they didnt.
My son was once “that kindergartener”. One time he was adjusting himself and his teacher told him to stop so he yells across the room “I’m fixing my penis!” So I get the phone call home. At least he used proper terminology!
The second time his teacher called me was because he mooned some little boys in the bathroom. I had to act all serious when the teacher called, but as soon as I hung up the phone I busted out laughing so hard o was crying!!!
I had a kindergartener tell me about his mom’s red shoes and how much he hates them. When I asked him why he hates them, he said because if my mom puts them on and shows my dad, I have to go to bed early and they lock their bedroom door! 🤭
I was a hospice nurse. So my son went to kindergarten and proudly told the teacher his mama was a nurse, then as a after thought he turned back around and said “ but all her patients die”.
With this comment section , who needs comedy show ?! 😂😂😂
EXACTLY!
I worked in an elementary school last year and for most of the year, I worked in a 'split' kinder/1st grade classroom (it was more like 75% first-graders and 25% kindergarten, which is why I used quotes) and one kindergartener asked how old I was. I jokingly used an old lady voice and said "I'm 122 years old!" (I added 100 to my real age.) He went, "Shouldn't you be dead by now?!"
Another day, we had a read-aloud (I don't remember the book) and they had to glue pieces of a snowman on construction paper and write a reason why their snowman melted. There were some good answers: 'He climbed into a volcano!' 'He drank hot chocolate!' 'It was summer!' My favorite answer was, 'My snowman melted because he got struck by a nuclear bomb!' (This was a kid who was always misbehaving!)
Always felt a bit off when a grandparent came to visit - noticeably younger than I!!
@@lindickison3055 When I realized more and more *grand*parents were ten years younger than I (which means I could have taught THEM), I realized it was time to retire.
The boy who said it was a bomb will grow up to be a writer.
One of my kinders told me they don't go to church on Sunday, they go to Costco 😅
I had a kindergartener tell me about her sister's period. I went on to the next child real quick and this next child asks why I don't want to hear about the period.
One of my students told me that her dog was on her period. It was funny.
We just did parent teacher conferences like...2 weeks ago. I told one kid to remind his grandma that she had a conference with me that afternoon. He told me, "She already said she's not coming." in the loudest possible kindergarten voice. I asked him to remind her anyway.
Years ago, one of my kindergartners gave me a big hug and said, "I just LOVE you! And you're so soft. Are you going to have a baby?" I was not pregnant.
Another one came up to me with a very serious look and said, "I have to tell you. I took your pocketbook and went through it..." I said, "Well, I appreciate that you told me the truth." She continued, "...and did you know that you have a roll of Lifesavers in it?"
Kindergartners are great!!! 🥰🤪🤩
Probably the craziest story was when I was an intervention teacher for kindergarten reading. I had one kid in my group excuse themself to go to the toilet, came back into the class with sleeves rolled all the way up past their elbows only to say to the two teachers “Don’t worry- I fixed it”.
Ummm fixed what and how??? 😮
When my great granddaughter was five and my grandson was nine, I heard screams and cries from my great granddaughter. I went out to see what was going on, she shouted, "Kevin called me the N word!" I turned to her cousin and I was about to wash his mouth with soap when he defended himself by saying, "Well, she's an N-word." When I asked both of these two blond blue eyed heathens what was the insult. Both answered that the N-word was the worst thing you could call a person, but neither knew what the N-word was.
😂😂😂😂
Priceless!❤
Aww, the washing the mouth out with soap..has anyone done that to you? It’s horrible and abusive. My dad did it to me at age 4 or 5 for eating sand. I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy.
@@Jesusandcoffee3382 it's very effective. I bet you've never eaten sand again. And if you follow the bored teacher channel, you know how much teachers suffer at the hands of ill mannered parents and students. In my house we believed in educating our children. Yes, sometimes they got a chanquletazo, sometimes they got their mouths washed with soap. Usually it was only once. Today, all three of my children are professionals, the grandkids are all in various stages of finishing college and the great grandkids are all good students in high school. That's more than I can say about most papered and cosseted gringo kids. So, you do you -- my descendants will eat yours alive 😉
I saw a family deal with a “she used the s word” situation. In that case the 9 yo sister had called her 4 yo brother “stupid”
Can so identify. But one thing that alarms me is what comes out of my mouth...like "Please don't lick the bottom of your shoe. You just stepped out of the bathroom. "🤦♀️
The things we say lol
I was a private duty nurse for a 1st grader in her regular first grade classroom.
One day the teacher asked her students for their homework from the night before. One little boy raised his hand and said “but we didn’t have any homework last night” and before the teacher could reply a little girl corrected him and said “Yes we did! You don’t know about it because you were abstinent!”
😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂
I got a call asking me what happened in my class one day. We had been talking about weather, and we went outside and made little clouds by puffing air out of our mouths. One child told his mom, "We went outside and smoked." The parent, director, and I all got a big laugh out of that!
My daughter's K teacher told me that one baby brought a $100 bill to school and showed everyone how 'Daddy rolled it up and sniffed a powder with it".
😮
😂🤣😳
No waaaaaaayyyyy!!!! 😮😅
wow, that's sad!
O my
Kinder told a bunch of us at recess that her dad proposed to her mom last night. When we asked what mom said, kid replied, “She was mad because she didn’t have any pants on!”😂😂😂
When I was in kinder, my Granny was my primary afterschool babysitter. We went to a department store one day and the clerk was rude to her, so I defended her by saying, "Well, my Granny has pink teeth that she can take out and set in a jar by the sink. Can YOU do that?!" My Granny was already self-conscious about her new dentures and absolutely mortified.
A new teacher across the hall used to ask her class "What's new?" One little guy said "My mommy got her tubes tied!" Then another asked "What are tubes, Miss -?" She stopped asking "What's new?" after that!
I'm a librarian, yesterday I had a second grader tell me they impressed that i could get off the ground after looking for a book. Thanks.
Not Kindergarten, but PreK, a student asked me why I was fat (which, admittedly, I am). I said "I don't know, what do you think?" to see what he would say. His response was absolute gold. "Was it because you ate junk food even when your mom told you not to?" to which I said "Absolutely."
My son's kindergarten teacher called me to tell me that my son had explained to a busload of kindergarteners the birds and the bees. David was gifted and reading on a sixth grade level. I asked if he at least gave them accurate information. Through her giggling, Miss Barbara said, "He used all the correct medical terms and only messed up one that he referred to as the Filipino tubes.
He's an adult now with 2 B.A.'s and a M. A. and runs a university math tutoring center and yes, every once in a while, we still kid him about the Filipino tubes.
I had a kindergartener tell me "my dad had hair from the back of his head put on top, but he doesn’t like to tell people." 😂😂
I teach first but one of them told me their grandma smokes weed before helping her with her homework because that “ math shit too hard these days and works my nerves “ lol haha 😂
A friend told me that one night he and his wife were watching a horror movie after putting their 6 year old to bed. He woke up and asked if he could watch with them. They said no that it's not a movie for kids. He said, "so it's a movie for adults?" Yes. Next day my friend got a call from his son's teacher. Apparently his son told the teacher his parents were watching an "adult movie" and he watched some of it.
This reminded me of when my son was in 1st grade in 1992. I stopped at a video store that Friday afternoon and got a family movie that he had wanted to see. That night, I put the movie in the VCR to start it up while my son went to use the bathroom. I'm glad I did, because when the movie came on, my husband and I were shocked. It was a porno!!! 100% XXX rated and they were doing the deed plain as day. I took the movie out and told my son it was broken and I would take it back and get another copy the next day. A friend of mine worked at the video store and told me it was impossible for that to even happen because of whatever system they use there. So I had him put it in a VCR (no other people were in the store) to check it out. His mouth dropped. So yeah, they had to rethink their system, LOL!
Ohhhh myyy 😂😂😂😂😂
Oh my God LOL aaahhhhhhh!!!
Hilarious
@@lisaobrien4898 Oh my, thank goodness you viewed it before your son saw it!!!!
wow wow wow
When I was three, someone asked me what my mom did. We were potty training at the time and I said, "she pees!"
That’s right☝🏽My 3&4 year olds tell me Everything that goes on and what doesn’t go on in their house! 😂
The moment you said, "I'm nosey", you became my very best friend!!!😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣
Kindergarten kid went in telling everyone about his Dad harvesting all his weed. One of the othe kids parents was a police officer. First kids Dad was busted and the next week at morning news the children informed everyone that the pigs showed up at his house over the weekend.
😂
My brother in law is a cop that worked with the DEI for a while doing undercover drug busts. His kids LOVED telling their teachers that their dad bought drugs for a living. I often picked them up from school and had to explain more than once that while that was technically true, it was all on the up and up.
Funniest thing I heard was a little boy saying ‘ I bet if cows could vote, they would vote not to get eaten ‘.
Mad funny. I remember getting in trouble in kindergarten cause I told my friend his "sculpture" looked like a turd :)
I’m sure it indeed looked like a turd!! 😂😂😂
I have worked as a nanny since 1990. My first job in California, I had one little boy that I was watching. He was probably 5 or 6 at the time. We had spent the afternoon swimming at the club, doing the waterslides etc. I turned my back for less than a minute to say something to someone and when I turned back around, the child was floating face down in the water. I raced over to grab him out of the water, ready to use my cpr. When I did he looked at me, grinned and said "I can do the dead mans float!" Omg! After my heart stopped racing, we went home, swim day done. Lol
Oh My gosh, I couldn't imagine
Oh man, kid's blurts out are so innocently savage. Got to love it.
When I was that innocent age, there had been a family event that turned out quite boozy. So as they were all to drunk to drive home. So most of the family stayed overnight at my grandma's home were the party had been hosted. Little me woke up in the morning, wanting to snuggle in with mum and dad, but somehow they directed me to the makeshift bedding of my ount and uncle (I can only guess the were a little more hangover than these two... it was a loooong time ago). When I crawled in between them, I was flabbergasted by the hairy chest of my uncle. My dad was 100% bold in that region. I was impressed and went on asking: how do you make sure that you don't get lice and fleas in there?". Both my uncle and aunt laughed so hard while I was completely oblivious. In fact, when I wanted to go pet some stray dog or cat, my mum always told me "no, we don't want to do that. Their furs are full of lice and fleas".
LMAO sells drugs on the corner.
So cute! I have been teaching pre k. special needs for 47 years! God bless me! Lol, so many stories don't know where to start! The best thing brought to school a live mouse in a backpack! Nothing compares to the innocence, honesty, and love of a child.
I was pregnant at 40 and stopped coloring my hair just to “be safe.” A little boy at the park asked me “when is your grandchild going to be born?”
Once, my cousin in 1st grade asked why my grandma was wearing diapers because she's not a baby.
When my mom explain that sometimes adults need dipers too he just literally said
"SO NOW GRANDMA IS A BABY GRANDMA??" I couldn't even laugh😭🤣🤣
I told one of my kinder classes once jokingly that we were going to try to "get our life together". All of the kids seemed to understand what I meant except for one, who was really concerned about it. When I asked him what was wrong, he looks at me and goes "Miss, my LIFE?? I can't get my life together, I can't even read!!"
That one was the smartest kid in the class😂
My grandson did not want to go to school. He was six years old. I asked why. He says it’ll be too long. I said just be patient and listen. You will learn how to read, count. He was very happy when I told him that and went with a smile. But when he came home after school, he was really mad. I said, “What’s going on? Why are you so angry?” He responded, “They didn’t teach me anything. I don’t even know how to read, and I’m not going back.”
@@hkbritt0920 He wanted to be on the fast track to success🤣🤣🤣
Years ago, when I was about 4, I told my doctor that my dad read trashy books. My mom had to correctly say: "No he likes World War 2 and reads war books." Little me went: "But you call them trashy books Mommy...." Yeah well she did.
I was discussing with my Kinders about pizza spirit night. My Reading Coach’s daughter called out, for everyone to hear, “my mom can’t eat pizza because it gives her diarrhea!” OMG!😂
I was teaching abroad in an international school and all classes were taught in English to students whose primary language was otherwise. One Monday morning, a sweet angelic kindergarten boy came up to me so excitedly, bright eyed and broad smiled to tell me the new English word he learned over the weekend and he said " teacher, teacher, f#$% you". 😱😂🤣
"Tie your own pee-pee shoelaces" There is so much true here!
One day, I asked a kindergartener in my class why he didn’t do his homework. He said it was because he needed help. I asked him if he asked his mom or dad for help. He said, “Yes, but mommy said she was too busy and daddy was looking at girls on his phone.” 🤦🏻♀️
I have a memory of me because my siblings thought it was hilarious! There is a nursery rhyme that goes "Polly, put the kettle on"! I was unironically repeating: "Polly on her potty, Polly on her Potty, Polly on her potty and we'll all have tea! "
It’s so crazy that kid got daddy’s “apple juice” out the house, and even crazier if that kid drank it. I’m a grown woman and can’t drink fireball. Most of us adults think the kids don’t hear things, but they do. When I was pregnant with my son my step son used to go to school and tell everyone I ate a baby.
As I was teaching I mentioned to my Hubby," Mr. Chan". A student called out," Who is Mr. Chan?" One of my darlings did not miss a beat and said, "That is her dog!" 🙂
I asked how her Thanksgiving break was and she said, "My dad got diarrhea for days."
My mom was also a teacher. A kindergarten came in and for show and tell gave a dramatic performance of her mom giving birth. She would not quit, and the other kids were totally intrigued!
A child asked me what do I want to be when I grow up.
I am a TK teacher in a private school. Once I said something was "damp" outside in the playground. A student looked at me and said that I just used bad word (damn). Now I never use the word damp, I just say a little wet.
Little friends were listening to a story about underwater sea creatures. The teacher asks what the dangling things are called on the octopus. Little boy raises his hand and answers proudly. "Testicles!"
How do teachers not bust out laughing? Especially c when something is inappropriate and you have to correct them.
I told my kindergarten class that my mom turned 63. It was her 36th birthday. I told my great aunt she had cracked legs - varicose veins was the real truth. In junior high school, I told the teachers that my dad worked in a gas station. He was an anesthesiologist.
During the Christmas holiday, I was wearing a Santa hat to get into the spirit of the season. To get to my car to go to lunch I had to walk through the kindergarten area. Students were running to open doors for me all the time. I thought it was sweet, but didn't understand why. It finally dawned on me...they thought I was one of Santa's elves!🎅
I have a child who keeps reminding me that I am old. I am 59 and just got my certification.
I had one tell the policeman who came for safety day that her mom had handcuffs too with purple fur on them.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😅😅😅
I have so many….i was doing a lesson for Earth Day on things we could do to protect our planet. We read the book “ Michael Recycle”. We talked about conserving water, like turning the water off while brushing your teeth. A little boy raised his hand and very proudly announced his parents take a shower together so it’s only 1 shower and not 2. It caught me off guard, it is so hard not to laugh, but you just gotta keep it moving. I cracked up after he was out of the room. It makes it hard to look them in the eye at conference time! Lol
As I was dropping my first grader off at school he loudly announced to one of his teachers and everyone in the near vicinity that his big brother and sister used to be nice, but now they have things things that make them mean. I laughingly had to explain that his siblings were 12 &13 and we had a conversation about puberty and hormones. 😳🙄🤣
I told my kinder teacher in 1981 that I was having strawberry daiquiris @ the beach w/my mom & her best friend. Mom had convinced me that mine were darker red bc I like my drinks "stronger" aka more strawberries. But also, no rum! My poor mom.
I have several.
I was working summer reading program one year and had a college student from a very privileged and sheltered background assisting me. One of the Young 5s explained to her how the bail system worked. His sister also gave her details about their mother working at an adult toy store.
An acquaintance of mine, her husband worked for a beverage distributor and delivered soft drinks to local businesses. When their daughter was in kindergarten or 1st grade, they had to write what their mom or dad did for a living. The daughter wrote “My dad sells coke.” When the startled teachers started to ask the girl questions, she added, “He pushes it.” She was thinking of her dad pushing flats on a dolly. Needless to say, it was apparently an interesting phone call home.
"The math ain't mathin'". 😂
My roommate was bringing our neighbors kinder home from school. 'What did you learn today".
"We learned people are all kinds of colors. Black, yellow, red, Auntie what color are you?"
"Well I guess I'm flesh colored"
The little girl laughed and said "Auntie you so silly. Only toilets flush!"