Me too I’m 58 and I’m still trying to heal from all the damage my mother put me thru. Everything about this video is spot on. Not all of us are blessed with mentally healthy parents.
Too much rang true... recovery is a long journey starting with letting yourself grieve for what may have been, knowing no matter how you behaved it would not have made a difference.
Hi Suki, recovery is a long journey which can take years and grief is a big part. Grieving for the loving parent who didn't exist and knowing that however we behaved would have made no difference is important as it means we can let go of the self-blame. Self-blame can help us to survive in childhood in terms of giving us hope in a hopeless situation - 'if I am different this can all be different and they will love me' can be slightly less painful than 'nothing I do will make any difference.' Best wishes to you.
I was the scapegoat. Abandoned and homeless at 16 exactly like you said. Again, like u said underachieving as a form of submission. But found success in my 30s which they hated. Covertly sabotaging my success so I went NC. NC was the first time in my life I felt peace.
Hi Onnie, It is hard to come to terms with the lack of love. At least by knowing this information we can learn that they are not capable of love or they have a warped, dysfunctional idea of what love is. Then we can be aware that it is not our fault. This helps in recovery. Take care.
There’s also the Invisible Child. That was me and then I was the scapegoat when all my siblings grew up and moved out of the “home.” Currently I am healing by videos such as this one, and reparenting. Two pathological narcissistic marriages followed by a decade long relationship with a cheating, narc male was my fate. All due to “trauma bonding.” That last one was the bad daddy of them all. Well. At last, I know the source. Mommy dearest. She’s 87 and a three day car drive away. Only now am I coming out of it . . . BUT having a healthy relationship with a man is highly unlikely. Number one dating sites are scary. Number two I am much younger than my chronological years and no man I’ve met at my age is healthy physically. And it seems to me the single men are all really fucked up like my ex husbands. They’re just cruel to their women so why would anybody want to be with one? I am proud to announce I stopped the toxic cycle. I gave my two children the childhood I wish I had and they both are happy well-adjusted adults with healthy relationships and careers. I however am a struggling writer and I am single as the day is long.Amor fati
Yes Congratulations!!! We cycle breakers need to celebrate not passing on this dysfunctional pattern to our children. We certainly were never celebrated in our family of origin as a scapegoat so kudos to you on a job well done!
@@dnk4559 Yes! To you too. And now I can talk honestly to my son about what happened, and he is very supportive. It's wonderful to be around him and his wife, and little girl. A healthy and supportive family is possible. Woo hoo! Much love
This was my mother through and through. I am trying so hard to overcome how much damage she's caused. Thank you for this information. It is needed.
Thank you. I wish you all the best.
Me too I’m 58 and I’m still trying to heal from all the damage my mother put me thru. Everything about this video is spot on. Not all of us are blessed with mentally healthy parents.
Too much rang true... recovery is a long journey starting with letting yourself grieve for what may have been, knowing no matter how you behaved it would not have made a difference.
Hi Suki,
recovery is a long journey which can take years and grief is a big part. Grieving for the loving parent who didn't exist and knowing that however we behaved would have made no difference is important as it means we can let go of the self-blame. Self-blame can help us to survive in childhood in terms of giving us hope in a hopeless situation - 'if I am different this can all be different and they will love me' can be slightly less painful than 'nothing I do will make any difference.'
Best wishes to you.
I was the scapegoat. Abandoned and homeless at 16 exactly like you said.
Again, like u said underachieving as a form of submission. But found success in my 30s which they hated. Covertly sabotaging my success so I went NC. NC was the first time in my life I felt peace.
I am glad that you have found success and are feeling more at peace now.
Rageeeee, my father to a T. Shit kinda hard when you realize your dad didn’t really love you . Idgaf, you don’t abuse someone you love
Hi Onnie,
It is hard to come to terms with the lack of love. At least by knowing this information we can learn that they are not capable of love or they have a warped, dysfunctional idea of what love is. Then we can be aware that it is not our fault. This helps in recovery. Take care.
@@childrenofnarcissists 💗!!
There’s also the Invisible Child. That was me and then I was the scapegoat when all my siblings grew up and moved out of the “home.” Currently I am healing by videos such as this one, and reparenting.
Two pathological narcissistic marriages followed by a decade long relationship with a cheating, narc male was my fate. All due to “trauma bonding.” That last one was the bad daddy of them all. Well. At last, I know the source. Mommy dearest. She’s 87 and a three day car drive away. Only now am I coming out of it . . . BUT having a healthy relationship with a man is highly unlikely. Number one dating sites are scary. Number two I am much younger than my chronological years and no man I’ve met at my age is healthy physically. And it seems to me the single men are all really fucked up like my ex husbands. They’re just cruel to their women so why would anybody want to be with one?
I am proud to announce I stopped the toxic cycle. I gave my two children the childhood I wish I had and they both are happy well-adjusted adults with healthy relationships and careers. I however am a struggling writer and I am single as the day is long.Amor fati
Congratulations on breaking the cycle.
Yes Congratulations!!! We cycle breakers need to celebrate not passing on this dysfunctional pattern to our children. We certainly were never celebrated in our family of origin as a scapegoat so kudos to you on a job well done!
@@dnk4559 Yes! To you too. And now I can talk honestly to my son about what happened, and he is very supportive. It's wonderful to be around him and his wife, and little girl. A healthy and supportive family is possible. Woo hoo! Much love
@@childrenofnarcissists Indeed! Thank you for your videos. The more of us that heal from this the better our world will be.
@@KatWoodland blessings to you!
I still don't understand how the narcs all behave exactly the same. Does this support the concept of some type of demonic possession?
Hi King Bee,
I have just done a video on Archetypes and Narcissists which looks at some ideas of why narcissists are all so similar.
@@childrenofnarcissists Please post the link here if possible. Again, thank you for your content!
@@KatWoodland Hi Kat,
I took that video down. I am going to redo and improve it as soon as I have time. Thanks!