"When I talk about my trauma I feel like I'm lying!" ep.177
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
- This week licensed therapist Kati Morton discusses the many reasons we can feel like we are lying when disclosing past trauma in therapy. She explains why our trauma memories aren’t always there or easy to recall, and the reasons we invalidate, and minimize our experiences. She then digs into how to move past being abandoned by your therapist, as well as how to know when you should stop therapy. Kati then talks about what we should focus on first when starting therapy with a limited number of sessions. This and so much more in this week’s episode.
Ask Kati Anything ep. 177 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT
Audience questions:
1. Why do I feel like I’m lying when thinking about opening up about past trauma? I really want to open up to my therapist about a past memory of me being SA’d by my brother but the problem is I didn’t have that memory until I was SA’d again some years later by someone else...
2. I've been with my therapist for over 2 yrs and despite her being very consistent, reliable and reassuring, I can't move past the feeling that some day she's going to say she's not going to see me anymore. It's not so much a fear of her leaving me but...
3. If you have a limited number of sessions available to you, how can you decide what issues take priority? My university only offers 6 free sessions to students and I don't have the money to pay for therapy, but I have a lot to work on...
4. Can you talk about how to know when to stop therapy? It's been about a year and a half and each week it is always very helpful. I started during a very low, hard, isolated season but am now in a healthier environment now with more...
5. Is healing from SA the same process no matter when it happened (childhood vs adulthood) ? This happened to me as an adult from my partner and I have recurrent nightmares and flashbacks and a lot of shame. I see a lot of information about healing from childhood...
6. Is it possible that all of my struggles and diagnosed conditions, OCD, ADHD and Autism, are in fact just behaviors caused by childhood trauma?...
7. How do you deal with not being open up due to having trust issues? I have been seeing my therapist for a while now and still haven't woken up. She suggested seeing a new therapist, but I had a therapist before her and it was the same...
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Good morning everyone! If you find AKA helpful, please share it on you socials - you never know who may want to join in!
❤ Thanks so much for all you do for us Kati. Your amazing. These answers really helped me out for the next time I see my therapist. BTW.. how to I buy your book Traumatized? 💛
@katimorton. Hello good evening Nikki from uk here yes these mental health podcasts are always interesting and helpful lately I have been hitting a low dark space always trying to find myself yes I do share your podcast and tell people ❤❤
@katimorton how can I contact you?
@@mariaweisner6566the link to the book is near the bottom of the description of this video.
My mom told me all the time during my childhood. I was to sensitive. 😢
That's one way to rationalize being insensitive to your child's emotional needs.
My mum tried to belt that sensitive side of me away.
Sounds like I was better off w/o a present mom then.
@@sparrowbarnesmusic5864same. Also so sorry that happened.
boomerism is a cancer on the human race
THE TITLE ALONE HAS ME IN TEARS THIS IS LITERALLY HOW I FEEL ABOUT ANYTHING ANYTIME I TRY TO TALK ABOUT IT
Omg yes,as a now 61 year old and if I ever mention any of this with my close friends, who all had either healthy or reasonable healthy formative years,childhoods. I either feel like I'm over sharing or making it up or just looking like I'm indulging in self pity .I'm about to read ,The body keeps the score
Yes, me too. You summed that up really well thanks
Timestamps!
Q1 - 0:19
Q2 - 25:52
Q3 - 34:15
Q4 - 40:15
Q5 - 45:27
Q6 - 53:51
Q7 - 59:11
@Lemonady thank you for the time stamps
@@ryannesumbry4130 You're welcome! ❤
🙌🏼thank you!
Inner child work has been healing, but I am glad time travel isn't a thing. If I were to talk to younger me, I would tell her to unalive herself. Surviving was not worth it. I am happier now. I am safe now. I am okay....but I'm not fine at all.
@@MrEpsilonZero please don't misunderstand. I did trauma therapy for years. I'm happy. I'm loving my best life. It just wasn't worth what I went through.
I don't think it's appropriate to start blaming children for "sexual abuse" - they are CHILDREN. They are acting out.
Also some therapists refuse to believe their clients have been abused.
@@daisy7066 I'm not sure you meant to reply to me?
Hey, I really felt your comment there and I can get similar thoughts. What has helped me gain perspective is how much wiser and knowledgeable I've become as a result of everything, and that I'm now in a somewhat unique position to be able to help others. My life wasn't worth it for me, but I think it can be redeemed through service. I have found it's easier to maintain my outlook after some work on myself. I got hope for you.
Hang in there.
@@3_m_1_7 hey there, I love the sweet and earnest tone of your comment, and I know you mean well, so thank you for that. I used to think the same thing- that what I went through qualified me to help people. And it does, sure, but there are easier ways to learn how to help people. I didn't need to live a life of unrelenting childhood abuse only to jump from the frying pan into the fire when I married my abusive ex. I then somehow got a brain infection, almost died, found out I have DID, and have had multiple hospitalizations that have left me with horrendous CPTSD flair ups that occur every time the dates of those hospitalizations come around. I also have a few chronic illnesses that zap my energy and limit what I can do. I'm a highly driven person stuck inside a body that cannot do the things I want to do. It is torment.
Do I help people? Of course. Did I need to go through all of that to learn that helping people is good and right and something I should do? Absolutely not.
Thank you Kati for all you do!!, this podcast came out at just the right time, as I get ready for a day of eight psychotherapy clients 🙏🙏 (I feel like I should be paying you for Supervision… All I can do is be a Patreon supporter and gift your book to my clients lol)
You must be a wonderful psychotherapist ❤
For the person who is experiencing "body disgust" but has no memories of being abused: I think it's possible to have a seemingly minor event or comment in childhood really impact your thoughts about yourself. For instance, when I was little, my parents told this "hilarious" story about how when I was born, the tired doctor came out of the delivery room and accidentally announced that I as a boy instead of a girl. Funny, right? For YEARS I thought there was something wrong with my "private parts" that made the doctor say this. As you see, 60+ years later, I still carry around this STUPID thought. 🙃
I'm constantly gaslighting myself trying to convince myself it wasn't that bad...
Narcissistic mom and then narcissist husband 21 yrs that i left 2 yrs ago. Both try to rewrite my memory and history by telling me things didn't happen that did.
So then I do it to myself....
I feel like question 6 was asking more if her diagnosis of autism etc is instead trauma behaviours ?
Well, for better or worse, so many things came rushing in when you were doing question 1. I have been dx'd with DID and somehat working on not being flooded. We have kids (and older folx) in total denial where esp kids "like?" To think they are lying then feel guilt and shame for lying rather than putting the guilt and shame where it belongs. I have hospitalization that pretty much prove I'm not actually "making it up" and at some point, the hardest thing about accepting DID as real is knowing what it means to have parts. Abuse occurred.
I think we all have pieces of memories carried by our inner child even if they don't have names etc. Kids are told they are lying.
Ok, well maybe they aren't. Ww don't have reference to normal. I had a bleeding ulcer at 10, something happened, well something stressed me out right? More than just the school bully. I have memiries when before I was three (we moved when I was 3 and they took place in that house.) I feel lucky to have objective data.
Lucky? See. This gets f'd up. Number one and addons are definitely grist for the therspy mill today. Thanks to all who wrote it and added on.
We are all real people listening. Keep asking questions. You are helping many when she answers. For better or worse? Its all grist and validating. Thanks. Sorry long.
@Kati Morton.iv never had long term therapy iv only had therapy on video call and once face to face but my therapy session was both only 12 session's and it was only 1 day a week iv tried CBT therapy tried changing my mood s and thought and emotions and trying to feel better but still nothings changed i feel stuck in my anxiety and depression still fighting to find myself ❤❤❤
My SAFE Alliance Counselor gave me a "Flashback Protocol"...It Works for Me 💖
Oh yes. It is sad people think “no way” you had that bad a growing up or even tell you “well your here now right, you’re okay”……
Thank you Kati ❤
Keep going you are amazing
Thanks Kati and questioners! This was an interesting episode. Then again, arent they all?!
The UK and NHS are shit when it comes to mental health, my parents and I spent £5600 over 8 years of therapy. People who don’t have money have to wait upwards of 2+ years for those 6 sessions.
My father always tells me that I have a mind like a sieve, and he's always blaming me for it. But what really pisses me off is that he forgets the most important things in his job or always forgets a lot of things. When I point out the contradiction he loses his mind and now because of this i really have a mind like a sieve
because the f$!$! pressure that he puts on me
i forget everything
Could you the topic of being born dr*g addicted? I've had a lot of major life events throughout every part of my life. My biological mother did oxy***tin and then c*cain with my little sister. She was later charged with m**der for a very violent crime. I want to understand better as i havent planned to meet her (yet) Thank you for all the education you are able to offer to people ❤
I am afraid to bring up past therapist and past experiences with therapists to my current therapist.
Why would we lie? No reason!
See I have the added trouble of my parents brushing off my memories as fake just because they don't remember it so I don't know what's real or not.... even with the abuse I sustained from close family. And looking at them now makes me wonder if it really happened because these two memories are not at all who they ever were....
I'm not trying to be insulting, but what if you're wrong? What if it was a dream?
Hi! I have been struggling because I'm falling asleep whenever I'm home. It feels like any down time causes me to sleep, even my break at work. When I'm on, I'm on. I can do all the things at work. But as soon as I know I can breathe, I pass out. As a background, I have type 2 bipolar, well controlled with medicine. I thought maybe it is some low level depression, but I don't feel depressed like I have in the past. Is there something I'm missing?
Do you feel exhausted all day everyday? Do you wake up with a headache and/or a sore throat?
I enjoy the retro intro with the little song 😋
That title is very appropriate
Thank u. I will definitely give it a try to get it out in therapy. Anxiety high just thinking about talking about it. Gotta get it out at some point though right. Thanks again.
7 rings, Ariana Grande!!!❤❤❤❤❤
The fact that the story was exactly like mine.. wow. Thank you so much.
Thank you Kati Ma'am for everything.❤❤❤
hii! where do we ask the questions?
On the Community tab of this channel, Kati posts every Sunday saying it's time for questions
@@raywood8187 ok ty!
Sorry, meant to say she posts every week @@bingbride
@@raywood8187 haha its ok!
Good Morning Kati
Time stamps anyone 👀
Kati, Thank you so much for your videos. Your videos saved me and I had a massive breakthrough. I was able to put the final piece to the puzzle and realized I was abused by my father. Once I said it out loud I felt relief and now I can move forward. My question is do I share this with my siblings/family? what’s the benefit for them knowing since my father has passed away years ago.
Hl
I read a book called The Highly Sensitive Person and realized it's my Super Power!...in a Very Good way 😊. I encourage you to research more on the highly sensitive person to see if that resonates with you and I bet you'll Love what you find! You Are Rare!!! A Gem! 😊
This was a good episode with a lot of questions that were pertinent in my own therapy. I have a good working relationship with my therapist and we've been working for about a year. I suffer from C-PTSD and have NO memories from 0-3 years old and virtually no memories from 3-20 years old. But here's my QUESTION: Are there any exercises that can help prime your brain to make memory recall more likely? I already have a deep mistrust of my own memory doubting whether a memory is real or not. I know you can force yourself to remember something and I've all but accepted that there are some memories I'll never get back, but can I condition myself to "comfort or relax" my brain into thinking that recalling memories is safe? Thank you for your videos.
In the right environment, maybe psychedelics could help open your mind. I would do this with someone trained, though. It helps take away so.e of the blockades. But you have to be ready to face some pain and anger. This is just my take though.
Having no memories from 0-3 years is normal - I thought you should know that, so you aren't expecting those to pop up
"The only person you can count on 100% is us." What if you can't even trust yourself? ... you know, just curious 😉
❤❤❤ great episode
This video really hit home, enough I am having to watch it in sections. I'm about halfway through now but need to take a break and come back to it. Thank you for this video so much, I'm now considering talking to my therapist about things.
Usually other people think I'm lying.
Thank you so much!!!! ❤❤❤ You have no idea of how much you already helped me with your videos!! I was googling about the first question's topic last week. I have the exact same issue about a very similar situation. The memory only came to surface after cutting ties with the person. It felt very real when it was triggered, along with a very strong emotional reaction... but after some time I just felt like I was lying to myself. So weird...
The video was very informative, thank you!! Greetings from Brazil!🌴
i love you and appreciate you so much, with boundaries.
oh jeez. I related to the "I feel like I'm lying about how this affected me" and what you said to that felt like a lightning bolt.
Wow that was so helpful 😊
24/7
💝💝
Dad (narcissist/perpetrator) told me I am "too sensitive" because I don't like his nonsense!
Just because he was abused, doesn't give him(or gave) the right to abuse me similarly. (Another generation). He acts entitled as my biological dad, to lecture, put me down, or to hit me, for anything. I didn't ask for the abuse. He told me to apologize to him for not putting up with his b.s. Some nerve of him! He caused the problem, not me. He invalidated me "you misinterpreted what I said" implying it was my fault. His "bad" not mine.
He doesn't like uppity women who say "no" to him.Tough luck for him!
I am "uppity" and damned proud of it!