How to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Showing Up for Yourself | Mel Robbins
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- Опубліковано 15 січ 2024
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You NEED to put yourself first. It's not always easy but it's necessary if you're serious about creating a life you LOVE.
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The people upset, angry, and abusive towards you the moment you put boundaries in place... are the people who were taking advantage of you for the lack of them. STAY STRONG AND KEEP THOSE BOUNDARIES IN PLACE!!!
Hello how are you
Are you okay
I wish you happiness 🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀
You are Soo right! Blessing to you.🍀🌈🤗
❤🙏 🙏 ❤❤
It is really difficult to have this mindset at work place 😢 being a single parent I am so scared of loosing my job. I had been a polite introvert and now it’s getting worse because I am scared of left jobless
Recently I put some boundaries in place because I was being taken advantage of. A former friend decided, on her own, that I was to be at her beck and call for anything and everything. Her husband was beginning to use me too, for 'sitting' with her while he ran errands and picked up prescriptions and such. I live on the other side of town. She is perfectly mobile, just overweight. She likes to have everything done FOR her. Her 'learned helplessness' has given me the courage to say that I haven't the time, or I'm just too busy. She has cut off contact with me and has turned a few former friends against me, saying I'm selfish. I'm just no longer a doormat. ❤
Ewww. GOOD riddance!! Source in your schedule for new, positive greetings to come in
Those other people weren't your friends. If people reject you because you don't allow them to use you, then let them go. They're not for you, they're manipulators. You don't need them. Self care
Hey! 🌼 I just read your comment, and hats off to you for putting those boundaries in place. It's not easy when people don't respect your time and treat you like a doormat. You're not selfish for taking care of yourself - that's self-love, and it's super important.
Keep doing you! The right folks will get it and stick around.
I see that as a WIN! When your other mutual friends have had enough, they’ll reappear.
Aaaaaaaa
The problem is with stopping being this way is that people start to attack you for every little and big thing, basically it's either you stay this way because everyone got used to that convenience you provide taking you completely for granted or you stop it, but ruin all your relationships with people in your life.
Trust me when I tell you that the people who truly respect you most will stick with you and be on your side. When I turned 40 I stopped worrying about what others thought about me. I now have fewer but quality friends. When I started taking care of myself, and appreciate myself for who I am, things got much better.
@@RobertaBriffa thank you! I know what you mean and think the same overall, but really, that's the thing I think I've lost respect even of people who had tnfor me before... For now, for me, it seems all its doing is ruining all my relationship with people, even my family. Unfortunately I doubt I have a single person in my life who isn't used to how I was putting myself last, my whole life, so now they're doing that exact same thing, because even those who didn't seem like it, also started taking me for granted. I already cut off many people from my life, who are truly selfish, but the ones in it they're good people in general, with everyone, just not with me. I know I have only myself to blame, because I was always putting everyone's needs before my own, always being overly understanding, agreeing with all of it and letting things go, being cool, even things that didn't make me happy. It started with abusive narcissistic men, now that I got rid of them it seemed to have escalated to my other relationships. And with age it's not so easy to meet new people in life. I mean I have good friends, but our friendship has changed to the point of them always coming to me when they need it, saying I'm their true friend, but they mostly spend time with people who couldn't care less about them and I come last.
@karina did you listen to/watch the video? Someone saying what you are saying is the very first interview she does.
@@TravelPhotoWriter I watched half of it will finish in a bit. Yes, thank you the woman talking about is similar to what I feel and going through. The problem is I d've tried different ways to approach this, to change how people treat me, the more I stand my ground the worse it gets, the more they start to get annoyed by me and telling me I'm selfish
@@KarinaSwan yup, I know. It SUCKS to not be liked. The video is about sticking thru the discomfort of not being liked, until you reach the point you really know you don't give a bleep what those people think, because they're not true friends or fam who truly love you anyway (in a healthy way). Those are the ones who may end up flushed from your life eventually. If they just want the you that has no boundaries, then you are convenient. The stronger you doesn't PLEASE them, so they are UNPLEASED!... You will get stronger and realize SO WHAT if their interpretation is you're "self-ish"?! YES, I AM TAKING CARE OF MY SELF. You sure as hell don't want to be like them, so don't do what they do, don't think what they think, focus on WHERE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO RESPECT BOUNDARIES, both yours and their own, and move in that direction. HEALTHY PEOPLE 💛
OOHHH -- I HIGHLY recommend The Book of Boundaries by Melissa Urban!! Actual scripts for setting boundaries!! Available as an audio book too.
Few years ago I realised I was the only reaching out to everyone until I started to take care of myself. I lost everyone around me which helped me to practice solitude,it did help me grow so much.
And isn’t solitude a relief from all that pleasing and saving other people.
100 % agree with you. I'm 58 and adopted and realized I was the one doing all the work especially with my adult son and his family. They never reach out and I just got fed up with trying so I gave up and then learning how to live without the people I grew up with. It's amazing and empowering
I also realized that if I don’t text, call or send a reel to anyone (hate insta reels), I be completely forgotten like I don’t exist.
I've found that I'm much happier without a friend group that I always felt like I had to "fit in" but never would. I realize that I am all I need. I am my best friend. It's freeing and peaceful - joyful actually!
It's very important to cry about what we haven't cried yet or what we haven't been able to cry. Cry about it as many times you need, as long as you need, and be true to yourself about what you really felt at that moment.
I really needed to hear this message today. I've been struggling with a decision I made in a hurry a few weeks ago. I said YES when I should have said NO. I have been struggling with what I'm going to say to get out of this situation. I might enjoy this trip but I probably won't. When I finish this comment I'm going to send a text saying I'm grateful for the invite but I'm changing my mind and saying NO. Then I'm going to have a cup of herbal tea and go to sleep and not think about this another minute and not toss and turn all night!
Thank you Mel.
Put myself first by getting sober. I felt like I had to drink to socialize with my friends but I realized true friends don’t care what I’m drinking they enjoy my company, and distanced myself from those where that’s all we’d do 😁
Happened to me a while ago, as soon as I started saying I won't drink, they stopped inviting me to go out with them. But they still claim I'm their true friend and that they miss me. Yet they do nothing to try and see me, while I've tried on multiple occasions. You're right true friends won't care whether you're the sober one with them
Some years ago I told a friend I could not rush to help her because of another commitment. She then ghosted me. It was an extremely confusing and painful time for me. But over time I started to see cracks in our relationship and learned that I was missing out on major drama in her life. I came to a place of peace and acceptance.
Hello! I turned 50 and just started to set boundaries with the help of my therapist guidance. Im living the rejection of my mother. Its not easy, but I wont go back, I deserve to put myself first.
I get it
Keep up the boundaries
“Let Them”
Let people react how they are going to
You align yourself with your values
Don’t compromise
Exactly. A million percent, sweetheart. Put yourself first, it's a must. No is a complete sentence.
Iam 76 and still struggling, last year I told my niece I would not come to children’s birthday parties anymore. Too noisy, too stressful. She is still cool and distant with me more than a year later. It hurt but the way Mel explained it helped me understand. Love all your no nonsense, down to earth videos, Thank you
Good for you for placing that boundary. But maybe your niece took this particular “boundary” as an insult? If I were you, I would’ve offered to visit the kiddos on a day before, or after their bday since the partying is too much. That is, if you like these people. 😂❤
Respecting your peace! Good for you!!! You have to protect it, no one will do that for you. It's a shame that your niece doesn't see that.
Recovering People Pleaser here.... yep even a healer, empath, massage etc. I so related to this in many ways- I was a year and half when my mom was in the hospital for bipolar episodes and went to live with another family. I am 47 and have been unpacking this stuff and my behaviors, habits etc. and I am so focused on my self love and self care now. Thank you both. Mel I listen to every podcast- you are on fire! Taking back my health this year and Wellbeing.
Thank you so much. Love from Minnesota~
good to see you recovering and focusing on self-love and self-care. Unpacking and understanding our past behaviors can be a challenging but necessary process, and it sounds like you're doing it with so much strength. Sending you heaps of positive vibes from wherever you are in Minnesota! 🌈 It's fantastic that you're taking back control of your health and well-being.
I told my son and his woman, who I cant stand, that they wont be on my lease next October. I said that because she and I cant live in the same house. Now my son isn't talking to me because I confronted her about something and made her mad and he sides with her even on things that she was wrong about. He lost his power to a power hungry woman. I feel bad and tonight, I cried, yet I know I'm glad I stood up for myself. I'm confused.
Don't feel bad. He will need you before you need him. He is the one that is dependent on you. They are adults and need to have their own home. If he quit talking to you..OH WELL! Go live your life. He wouldn't be able to give me the silent treatment and still be living in my house.
❤ God Bless ❤❤
I am stunned, in awe, and floored that she has described me to a T.
Me too😮
Same. Something happened when I turned 40 that made me feel I just don’t give af anymore. I woke up and emotionally let go the “friends” in my life that rejected my authentic self
Yes! Agreed! The people unhappy about my new boundaries were those who benefited when I didn't have any. When I started showing up for myself, those people went away, including some family members....and you know what, that's okay. All of my anxiety went away with them and I'm much, much happier and I have real peace. I can still love them from afar and in my heart, wish them the best. I am no longer giving my energy to those folks. That energy has been refocused on me and my life and I feel the best I've felt in years because I'm using that energy to become the best version of me - eat healthy, exercise and explore new skills and hobbies. I've also noticed my husband drawing new boundaries with folks and he is also much happier. It's lovely to see how much our lives have improved - it is very empowering and peaceful at the same time.
thanks for sharing, I can so relate to this! Most of the anxiety just dissipated and I’ve found a new freedom. I’ve also lost family members but my respect for myself was greater than the feeling of guilt I got - when I stood up for myself. Sending love and light as it’s not easy to set and stick to those boundaries, but they’re so essential.
00:01 Self-love leads to setting boundaries and facing rejection.
02:45 People pleasing is about your inability to tolerate discomfort.
07:35 Putting yourself first leads to healthy relationships.
09:38 Becoming a 'yes' person leads to losing self-anchor and becoming overwhelmed.
14:52 Learning to stay true to yourself amidst discomfort is key to finding balance
17:16 Mel Robbins shares her experience of adaptation as a child.
21:56 People pleasing leads to stress and conflict
24:27 Physical impact of people-pleasing
28:52 Understanding the subconscious reasons behind our behavior is important for personal growth.
31:15 Recognizing people-pleasing behavior and its impact
35:59 Resentment is a sign of overextending yourself and a broken process.
38:05 Identifying and overcoming people-pleasing behaviors
42:34 Understanding my part, someone else's part, and the environment's role
44:44 Recognize the role of people-pleasing in your life
49:18 Stress is the root cause of 80% of diseases and health issues.
51:47 Help patients get to the root of their health issues
56:06 Building the ability to tolerate discomfort empowers you to set healthy boundaries and re-negotiate agreements.
58:22 Live aligned with what you want, even if others don't understand.
1:02:30 Stop seeking validation from people who don't understand your journey.
1:04:25 Finding your true authentic self requires self-reflection
1:08:40 Practice saying 'no' by switching your 'yes' to a pause
1:10:31 Learning to prioritize self-care and balance in life.
1:14:13 Recognize discomfort, say no, and be in charge of your life.
1:16:02 Learn to say no and prioritize yourself.
1:20:28 Enduring childhood bullying led to adopting multiple identities as a defense mechanism.
1:22:22 Belonging at work is about feeling honored and accepted for who you are.
1:26:48 Wearing masks is a result of hurt and fear.
1:28:47 Loving yourself is different for everybody
1:32:44 Train your mind to focus on what's going right.
1:34:38 Encouraging audience to subscribe and share the content
Such a nice summary
Thank you ❤
Thanks for this !!!! ❤
Oh thanks for summarizing!! I can refer to it!
This podcast gathered all of my many pieces.
Now, I’m putting together.
Mememememe times ahead.
Can’t allow others to dictate how you feel
Can’t control what others say or do
Only how we react
The stress and getting sick discussion really hit home for me
Those 5 questions !
Sometimes you have to completely cut people out of your life
I was in a toxic marriage
I got sick
Thyroid issues
Auto immune
Mental health issues like depression and anxiety
BC of the stress of the toxic relationship
It took a lot of courage to leave and I had to do and am still doing the work on myself
It was one of the hardest things I had to do …
To get a divorce and stop trying to please my partner
that is exactly how i felt as a healthcare worker... I killed and lost myself completely to please others and get people's approval. this is what i needed to hear.. can't help but to cry
Please don't cry anymore, your heart is so good and you put out tons of great Karma, take care of yourself. I wish you the best!! ❤
@@chrismacfly6122 thank you!
Manipulation and guilting is what created pleasing for me. When you say no ppl get angry
Let them be, and do you. ❤
I have always been a people pleaser, since I was a child. My mother has mental issues so I grow up beeing very insecure of my self and I could not put boundaries I was too scared to do that. But now I am starting to showing op more for myself and it feel so good.😊 I wish a had started it sooner but here I am doing it and I will not stop.
Mel if you see this , thank you very much for your effort and work. For some people it means a lot ❤.
Hlo
I realised not so long ago most of my life the people I consider as friends have always been exploiting me of many things and while all this was happening I never asked for anyting from people around me I am very self sustainable. When I started saying 'No' to giving out money or my time for tasks they ask me to do for them, they started changing, then and only then I realised-
"People will take from you what they can if they sense that you are the type of person who accepts and submits, they will push and push until they have established an exploitative relationship with you"
make boudaries, start respecting yourself and your time.
It’s absolutely insane that I am just now beginning to understand and can feel every single example of the childhood traumas that create the need to people please. Wow. Just wow
You will find out who your real friends are when you stop pleasing them. I lost several friends when I finally said no. They didn’t see or appreciate the growth I was making in myself.
I hear you. It's tough when setting boundaries costs you friendships, but it's also a way to filter out who's genuinely there for you. Real friends stick around through growth, supporting your journey. It's a bummer that some couldn't see that, but your well-being matters more
@@Existenza.x I believe these type of "friends" who cannot see or appreciate your growth says more about their own issues. The sad part, it's because of their encouragement and support that helped me grow. They preferred me to be broken to help them feel better about themselves.
@@unlockmywealth Totally get that. It can be so disheartening when people who were supposed to be your cheerleaders turn sour on your success. Like you said, it speaks volumes about their own insecurities. Makes you wonder if they ever truly wanted the best for you, or if they just needed someone to feel superior to. Sad truth is, sometimes growth means outgrowing certain relationships. You deserve friends who celebrate your wins, not ones who hold you back.
Hello how are you are you okay 🌷🌷🌷
@@seeyoulater2493 Yes absolutely. I wouldn't be where I am now, doing what I'm doing, and loving every minute of it. 🥰
Recently I said something to a friend due too letting things build up by not setting boundaries or saying anything.. Unfortunately I got annoyed because that person told a lie and I set the boundary and now that person won't speak to me.. So it's important for your own well-being to set these boundaries
This is the VERY SAME thing that happened to me.
Try people immediately telling you you're crazy and you're the one doing bad things, not them
They were not much of a friend
A lot of times …
We grew up feeling responsible for other people’s moods
I moved to a new school almost every year, sometimes more than once a year. At 12 I was sent away. I really identify with a lot that's said. I'm not as bad as I used to be, but still room for improvement. Thanks for this Mel and Dr S
Hi Mel! I'm Anna from Australia, I think you are awesome. I am a people pleaser, I find it very difficult to say no. I looked after my 3rd child for 24 years (he has adhd amongst other things), I was making myself very ill. I literally had to fall out with him & leave home to have my own life which has become much better but I still carry a lot of mum guilt. He hasn't been in contact for a year, I miss him terribly but I feel so relieved I no longer have to constantly try & please him. I still do it with others but not as severely, it's a hard habit to stop ❤
Courtney, your openness about your journey towards self-love and setting boundaries is truly commendable. It takes a lot of strength to recognize the need for change and then actively work towards it. Your experience with family and friends resonates with many of us navigating similar paths. Kudos to you for prioritizing your well-being and creating space for self-love. It's not an easy journey, but the fact that you're actively working on it is inspiring.
Loved this, many thanks ❤😊
Mel, you're saving and helping so many people, so happy to have found you, sending love from Australia ❤
Got to employ the Let Them theory in order to stop worrying about reactions and expectations. Still hard to do, but the theory helps.
I'm not going to make it for Christmas this year Mel,,,,bless you ,,,give Chris a hug for me ⚘😁
I so need to practice more of this!
This podcast like allllll ur others is right on time!!! Thanks a million!
Another amazing episode Mel thanks this brought me clarity and confirmation because I started 2024 with No being my favorite word not with any malicious intent but to affirm the boundaries I set for myself and others. On another note Oak is dope and I would have never known he didn't like himself. When you asked him what he liked about himself and he confidently started to name characteristics I thought wow for such a young man he's got it together because I love myself because I have too but if I had to give a list on why I can only come up with one my mental health depends on it. So I will sit with myself and come up with a list of 5 non physical characteristics on why I love myself. I truly enjoy you having him on the show because I love the way you interact with one another and miss that with my own mother. I was able to tell her anything and she would not judge me she didn't agree with some of the things I confided with her but she never judged she listened with love.🙏🏿❤👸🏼
Loved this podcast! So many aha moments!! Biggest takeaway..
"Be yourself, everyone else is taken.." ❤
Mel! Thank you for being here. Recently started listening to you as I fall asleep. Hearing you has helped me to wake up and put my self doubt aside little by little and long enough to:
1. Print my 2 year old daughters art onto totes, mugs, tshirts, wall murals etc for Christmas presents 2023.
2. Stair master at least 15 mins every day even if five mins at a time 3 times a day.
3. Feel worthy enough to write, record and sing my heart out again. Because I’m here to sing out for people who have no voice so that they can find their voice. And I am who my daughter is looking to as a compass for her life as an empowered human being. Would I want her heart to shrink and not be heard in this life?
Anyway, thank you again for being here.
Great work, keep it up
The timing of this could not have been better! I will be able to actually sleep tonight and stop ruminating on a series of recent life events causing my anxiety to be at an all-time high. This video helped make sense of it all soo much more than my therapist (who's awesome but doesn't "get it" it feels). Thank you!
Thank you so much! This is probably the most important topic in creating one's happier, authentic living.
Omg!! Courtney, we nust be in sync because i have been goin thru this for theast 5 months. Ive been listening to ALOT of Mel and I have these new goals that are so out of the norm for my family. I have 4 adult children and 1 of them is just weighing on me. I have always been a ppl pleaser, yes person, etc... ive started to build boundaries and its scary scary to me. Its uncomfortable, sometimes i cry because i feel im changing and nobody else around me is. Oh boy.... i just really needed to hear this todsy. Thank you and thank you Mel for all you do and all the great info you bring to us. I been tellin my son he needs to go so a therapist/psychiatrist but to be ho mnest, i think he could get so much more out of these and other podcasts 😀 i been thru years and years of therapy/psychs/meds, etc.... ive gotten more out of these podcasts in the last 5 months on self help, finances, coping skills, etc... then i have with over 30 yrs of "medical treatments".
What a handsome, well spoken young man your Oakley is! That was neat to get to hear from him after listening to his momma about a week ☺️
Not officially diagnosed but being treated as of a week now for ADD. Learning so much from you.
35:00 hit the nail on the head for me. Lifelong people pleaser and I am resentful of my friends reaching out. I know it isn't right to feel that way and want to change my ways. Thanks for this discussion.
Wow you two. You have hit so many significant points of the of the way I have been a people pleaser with my mother. My narcissistic mother. Your Insight your wisdom a practicality is exactly what my Capricorn brain needs to hear. I'm 58 year old adoptee and I catered to my mother until last summer. I'm dealing with all those things you're talking about and it's amazing and I applaud you and thank you from the bottom of my heart for affirming what I've been doing
First of all, thank you for this! I really needed to hear this today as I am working on a project for a women's group. This helped me focus my intention on the project and not worry how others will perceive it. My grandmother would say, "You can make some of the people happy some of the time, but not all of the people happy all of the time." No truer words, spoken.
Some people have motives about getting what they want, and it has nothing to do with honesty. They just want it their way. I've run into this problem on many occasions. Handing it over to them and realizing, later, they weren't even interested in it. That is more hurtful. You people-pleased for no reason!! Thank you, Mel for the reminder that we have to trust others when we stand true to ourselves and, yes, sometimes it will not be received well.
❤1990. Co-dependency no more really helped me grow. I read all her books and she had a much tougher journey then mine. Today, i have a strong center and everyone wants this or that. I do my best to stay what is true to me. I try avoid what i don’t like. Today, I say no. I don’t like that. No. Feel great. As you get older you develop experience and wisdom.
Omg ,so on point. I have to know exactly who I want to be before I can expect anyone else to. Maybe the word expect, is the wrong word. Educate them to know, is more how I need to handle it.
This is me. Now that I know more about myself and have been trying to make compromising changes. When I know my choice will have an effect on someone, I generally choose them and what they need even though doing so feels like a piece of me is dying sometimes.
Today I decided to work on the 2024 workbook, I’m kind of scared but excited on how I can possibly grow to be the best version of myself , listening to this has just brought so much perspective on how I can stop saying yes to please others❤
I loved hearing the story about your husband. That definitely resonated with me because I too was left pretty much to my own devices as a child and grew up seeking love and attention in all the wrong ways and places. I always put everyone before me and did so for years. Now at 60yrs young I'm learning how to say no and not giving a damn about what anyone thinks and it feels great. Thanks so much for having a great and uplifting podcast series ❤
Such a great podcast!!! Thank you !!! They all are 😊
Thank you ladies! Deep talk needed to hear this as I'm people pleaser snuggling with bitterness and resentment as i've been hurt by the people i cared & helped. I am working on myself setting boundaries before it affects my well-being. Again thank you so much
Reading all these comments and listening to about half of this episode (so far) has made the light bulb come on that I too am a people pleaser. Have been just for the sake of acceptance for way too long. It's likely part of the reason I'm not in love with myself these days. But the comments have also made me realize that there's way too many people in the world that are users and keep you around as long as you can do things for them. But once you set boundaries and say no they throw you away.
Though it is a great way to test to see who actually cares about YOU and not what you can do for them.
Oh my gosh... 5 minutes in... And this IS GOLD... 👌... Thank You MEL 💫💝
People pleasing started when I was a victim of family incest but my journey today has created a survivor and I've never allowed keeping others secrets to turn me into something that it could have. I strive for healing, love, purpose and connection for all. I'm most passionate about dogs but on the path to become my true authentic self. It's time to cultivate the seeds planted and begin to truly thrive ❤ thanks Mel I couldn't be doing this without you 😊
Thank you for this incredible share from two BeautiFULL Souls. So appreciate you sharing your truth, experience, learnings & wisdoms, and hearts. Much love and gratitude
I'm a new listener. Many things made my ears perk up. I especially liked the 1st guest speaker who was the Dr. I would have liked an introduction to these drop in guests.
this content by Ms. Robbins is a life-changer.
I love love love getting to see Oakley explaining his loving himself‼️🫶🏼🌎👍🏽🩵
Thank you for encouraging me to stay strong. I feel uncomfortable right now receiving passive-aggressive behavior. For once, after being the family care giver its time to figure out my own life. It's finally my turn. So I am trying to stay strong and do the right thing for myself.
Dr Neha is Amazing so glad she got together with Mel ..great together and I have learned a lot ! ..Thank you
Yes! The discomfort is guilt I have chronic pain and still tried to make everyone happy It’s taken me 69
Years to put myself first I had to do it My health depends on it
Anyone else have a UA-cam playlist they keep really good mental health videos to watch again? I feel like this is one I’ll watch many times
* The Dr - Wow. 👏
*Proud Mama bear listening & loving Oak telling us why he is liking & loving himself. 😊
OMgosh, this podcast is so "right on." I am in a different season in my life. The speaker on your podcast commented about the masks we were. I can be more my "authentic" self, when I am with my friends. Free, quick wit, light. I find it more difficult to be myself around my family. I seem to turn into myself and become quiet and reserved. After listening to your podcast, I am thinking on the discussion of validation...that I feel like I am being judged...thus, not feeling like I fit in. Thank you again for waking up the awareness of my thoughts and feelings. 2024 is going to be the year of change.
I have the very same feelings around family. I feel very judged.
Same! Can't really be myself around family and relatives. They dislike both my persona and the real me, and it's hard to even try being authentic. 1) It's easier when they diss my persona 2) And when I still try to be myself I become stiff, self conscience and I can often say things that obviously didn't pass my brain on the way to my mouth. It's like both my mind and body freeze , and I feel more fake than ever🙃 and stupid at that. It's my unconscious trying to stop me from the dangerous undertaking of being myself. My unconscious must be absolutely terrified.
I was too young to have words for what happened when I showed up as my true little self. But I sure learned it was a terrible idea to keep doing it..
Good luck with your healing 🌷❤️🩹
It's amazing how podcasts can hit home sometimes, right? Your realization about the masks we wear and feeling more reserved with family resonates. It's tough when you sense judgment and don't feel like you fit in. May this 2024 being year of change for everyone! Wishing you the courage to be authentically yourself, both with friends and family. 🌟✨
Excellent podcast! Thank you Mel!
I absolutely love this podcast! It is so important to understand where putting your boundaries are getting you.
I would love it if you could also list the names of your guests like the doctor on this podcast information too. Thanks
This is amazing. I want her as my doctor! I love the 5 questions that she asks when the patient is going home. Brilliant.
Wow I love this episode so much! i had this on my watch later for sooooo long.honestly,I am afraid to put myself first.just wow
Yes! I do feel that rejection with the healing.
❤Thank you Mel-this is soo greatly presented❤️
Thank You Mel.
❤❤❤ This is excellent thank you
Oh my gosh Mel. This is Soo good. Perfect for me right now. I have been so controlled by the fear of rejection. Sending you so much love and appreciation.♥️🤗🙏🏻
Thank you doc.❤ Thank you Mel.❤ I love you both.
Thank you!❤
Thank you my friend 🤜🤛💞🌹🙏
Absolutely right Courtney.... family and friends don't like it when we stand up for ourselves... i have always had to reach out and being a people pleaser, if i don't, catching up with others never happens... its ridiculous. I'm looking after myself more now....
@ Courtney from Louisiana - I hear you homie.
I’m from south Louisiana was born and raised. I moved away 9 years ago and what I’ve realized is that it is about culture, things that have been taught for generations. It isn’t about accepting or rejecting their culture. It is just about making a choice to live your life in a healthier more balanced way. And that’s 💯 OKAY 💚 👌
And they do take it personally.
But I’m here to tell you there is more people out there like us! Don’t let them tear you down! Keep being yourself! Keep setting those boundaries.
They don’t understand that what they are doing is abusive because it is all that they know.
💚💚💚 good luck to you! 😊
I truly feel that I am not allowed to be fully human with a full range of emotions in every friend group I've ever had.
This is the best Mel❤ thank you.
I LOVE this episode. I'm reminded of something another wonderful guest said, (wish I could remember her name), when you decide to keep the peace, "who's peace are you keeping,?"
Thank you so much for this video. It really reflects what happening with me currently. Also thank you Courtney for the question.
You are amazing this is definitely to help someone i dearly love iowa
I'm in tears now ( in a good way ) Thank you ! Xxx
Hi Mel, great video. When you show snippets of interviews with different people, I don’t know who the individual is. If your technical people could flash their name at the bottom of the screen that would be so helpful. That Doctor was absolutely wonderful. I just have absolutely no idea who she is. Thanks.
Dr Neha Sangwan 😊
Excellent conversation
I am going through something at a job I have been at for 12 yrs, I decided to start doing things for me at my new small business, and I am being treated like crap, I am feeling so guilty that I don’t want to give my soul to that place anymore, I have been trying of a million ways to fix it. But I can’t give them my everything anymore, or it’s going to k*ll me, my mental health already suffers, but I need to do this for me. I appreciate this video! Thank you!
You're doing the right thing. I've done things at my jobs in the past as best as 8 could and more, they only used me, never gave me anything but promises, I built their business or wealth or maintained, but was left with burn out and more. Do things for you, as soon as you can or you'll regret it.
Mel, thanks for this! I resonate with this completely. I have a situation with my family where I feel like they view me as a "hologram" type person, as in, just not wanting to know anything about how I really am in my life. Just to literally be there for them. I then, allow this into my workplace and feel resentful. I have started to be more prudent and I can do that at work but with my family, it will be hard work, as they have no willingness to change. If for example I get sick with a virus, they almost tell me off for getting sick, as if I am not allowed to be anything other than this holographic person. When they get sick, it is all sympathetic reactions. The only time I have resolved this is when my job took me to work abroad and they could not expect me to turn up for them when it was convenient for them! They arrange get togethers without my input and just expect me to turn up regardless! We had a traumatic childhood with family deaths, but this dysfunction is simply because it has become something normal that works for them but not for me!!! Arrangements cause me anxiety and when they cancel at the last minute, for whatever reason, that is OK but if I was to do that, I again am told off and considered selfish. The only way for me to deal with them is to literally just go with the flow. When I have tried to explain they just go ballistic 😮 and say I am selfish. They are living with masks on that is for sure. As it happens I am the healthier one out of the lot of them so luckily i must have a strong constitution and I have a few wonderful friends who really understand my situation. Some months it is easier to deal with them than others. I have a brilliant job and oftentimes work long hours. If it wasn't for that I would probably go aboard again 😮 I often feel my life is spent using energy on how to avoid these family get togethers without causing more drama. My only solution is to be passive aggressive for now 😢 but it is annoying and I hate it !!
Tell them no. Practise saying no. You can say it with kindness. Say yes to yourself. ❤
Loved this podcast! So informative and I can relate. I will share with others. Thank you! 🙏
So enlightening-thanks
Awesome episode. Very helpful.
I was 23 when my mother transitioned and the doctor said it was cancer. However I always knew it was because she was stressed and suffered from depression for so long and was never properly addressed (only with medication) 😢 ...Having 7 children and at the time 11 grandchildren with minimum help she was always saying yes and never to herself! She was only 54 and passed 3 days before her 55th birthday!
Prayers for her soul!
Aww loving everyone is my favorite thing
Well explained
Ok so my name is Courtney and I am a former people pleaser….so perfect for me today- I’m still working on it but I’m much better at it and the same thing…..old people in my life not liking the boundaries. 😂
Good morning Mel
Thank YOU
Amazing this podcast 😊
Thank you all for this video.
Thanks Mel so true I don't know how to show my true feelings because I don't want to hurt anyone 😢