I’m 26 and feel this so hard. Never had a girlfriend, never had a “real” adult job, and I’m going to grad school now because my bachelors degree got me absolutely nothing valuable. Most of my male cousins and friends around my age are already married and/or have kids, and often I feel like an overgrown teen boy. Yet somehow, I’m optimistic for the first time in my life. I’ve finally accepted that I spent my youth being a perpetual screwup because I was too scared to face reality. Self sabotaging is an addiction that I am still training myself to overcome.
I'm 28 and on the same boat 😅 I have self sabotaged me my whole life because of social anxiety and stuff and only now I'm starting to slowly improve I guess
Based on his wiki Dr. K battled video game addiction during his undergrad from 2000-2003, then overcame it in India. He later finished his undergrad in 2007. At 28, he started his medical degree in 2010, which he completed by 32-33 in 2014, marking a remarkable comeback and success story. Even mentors can be “behind in life.”
I am dealing with video game addiction as well. I'm going to try his social group method and hopefully find people who can build me up. Hopefully I can build them up as well. I've been blessed with a good friend who helped me figure out that I can go into technology, but unfortunately he lives on the other side of the country. I'm going back to school, maybe I should join the volleyball club or try out for the swim team This is really interesting, especially considering I just turned 22. If your comment is correct, that means Dr K is 20 years older than me. Hopefully I'll be successful twenty years from now but I'm glad he was able to become successful
I think he is excellent mentor for that exact reason it was so bumpy road. I find those who excel in studies and life and do record time things, are very bad at helping other people.
I hope this will encourage someone. I began studying software development when I was 35, a stay-at-home mom lacking any formal technical education. I landed my first job as a junior dev at the age of 36. I am 44 now, and a senior dev. I wouldn't be where I am now if at 35 I had succumbed to the fear that I was too old or too far behind to even try.
Good for you! 👏👏👏 I have a similar story: got into Info Sec as a mid-level architect. That was in 2017. Today, I'm the director of the department with more than 70 people ⭐️
Wow! That's really impressive! How were you able to land a dev job after only a year of learning? I tried to get into software development for 3 years, but ended up nowhere. Then, I gave up. Now, I work in a totally different field.
36 this year and just started my PhD. I won't really start my career for another 2-3 years, but I'm finally pursuing a life that I love. Hang in there guys, it's worth finding your passion and going after it.
All the best @hunterarmstrong8367. Your comment inspires me. I'm 35 and starting on a higher degree or postgraduate. My undergrad did not have the best results but catching up now and making up for les than desired results in my undergrad and hoping I can do a phd sometime in the future despite my past results and catch up to my peers.
Good luck! I hope you keep being motivated :) At 35 I want to go back to college now and get at least BA - not sure if I'll push to the PhD (my family expected me to be already finishing), but I'm ~5 years in the field after starting over from scratch and want to get at least some formal training on it to make more of my possibilities. It's good to attempt "just" the one next big thing :)
I needed to hear this today. I am 40 with no career (just an alright job) no wife, no kids, nothing really so to speak. I was a heroin addict from the ages of 15-31. The next 5 or 6 years were spent cleaning up the mess of a life I created through my addiction. I keep going in this loop of no one wanting to be with me due to the things I do not have or have not accomplished, being depressed because I am lonely, then accomplishing even less. I am so far behind my peer group that its not even funny. I have given myself a 3-year deadline to improve my situation and I am trying to do all the things suggested in this video. I can only pray that it will work for me too... Please do not use drugs. Even if you manage to not overdose or go to prison the real pain starts when you get clean and see how much of your life that you wasted.
You got this brother, this random UA-cam user believes in you, you already accomplished a lot by cleaning yourself, things will be difficult but don't give up. Despite how much I need to catch up there's one thing I've learned when it comes to attempt positive changes in your life, even if it doesn't quiet work as you expected at the end of it, the results are far better than thinking years later: "What if I had tried that day anyway?"
What you've accomplished so far is already really really impressive. Please stay strong and continue on your self-improvement journey, no matter how incremental it might be at times. I believe in you!
@@00Mike55 You are very right. As someone who has many regrets, I will say it's not the things I failed at, it's the ones I never even tried that eat me up at night. However, thanks for your vote of confidence. Unfortunately finding a wife and building a family before I am far too old is proving to be harder than kicking heroin. lol
@@Ghetto_Bird I am doing my best so thank you for the kind words. Unfortunately, due to my age and amount of time wasted I am on a bit of a time crunch. I turn 41 this winter so if I am ever going to have a kid/family it's going to have to happen in the next few years (hence the deadline I have set). Fingers crossed I will achieve my goals and my deadline will simply pass with no actions need.
Points for me; 1. It's possible, even in biology, to catch up. It's the last reps which matter. 2. Be careful of your environment, who you hang around, your physical environment. 3.Your emotions are controlling you. Acknowledge your emotions, notice the shame behind your inaction. Shame sabotages you, makes you believe you're destined to fail. 4. Who you are is determined by your actions- play close attention to "I" statements- how you view your own identity. Don't let ego based statements control who you become. End statement: It's 100% possible to catch up. It's up to you to realize the tricks your mind plays on you. Get help. Change your environment. Your mind is trying to convince you against your better judgement, to protect you from pain, but this cycle will leave you stuck.
Just stop comparing yourself to other people. Heck if you want to feel better compare yourself to people that died younger than you. Morbid as it sounds, all the years you are living are "extra" and you realize there is no obligation to catch up or whatever.
honestly his points are kinda thin, what does biology trail of catching up relate to social catching up at all? btw that was just one example, there a many example in biology of not catching up . The point is youtube is so saturated with positive comment it lack critical thinking, look how positive the top comment are
Im 27 years old right now, spent about 6-7 years of my twenties high on herion and methamphetamine, but here i am clean 1 year in. I missed so much time and "catching up" is something im trying to fast track right now. Its frustrating and disappointing how much time i waisted. No savings no home to call my own no friends pretty much no life.. I hope everyone the very best in getting along in life. Because i know how it feels to be left behind
Same here pretty much! Congratulations on your year of sobriety! 😊🙌 That's awesome!!! 😁✊ I'm almost 28, & all I've known since I was 18 is addiction, homelessness, trauma, abuse, loss.. I've never had a place of my own to live, haven't been able 2 work a "regular" job in years due 2 traumatic events, pregnancy, mental health struggles, & physical limitations. I have no friends, & am stuck living with my narcissistic ex, cuz I literally have no where else 4 me 2 go, as my car that I used 2 live in is now undrivable & has been parked @ his parents house the last few yrs cuz I don't have the money 2 fix it. I HAVE been married, twice, both marriages were abusive. I HAVE given birth to 3 babies but I was forced into giving 2 up for adoption, & have been robbed of the opportunity 2 be a mother 2 my oldest. It's so damn hard, 2 want & desire connection, but are unable 2 due 2 current circumstances & unable 2 find anybody who is willing 2 invest their time & patience into a friendship with me b4 they automatically pass judgement on my personal struggles😩😔
Congrats on a year clean! That’s is so much more ahead than you where a year ago, very proud of you for accomplishing your goal and we’re rooting for you!
Wish you the best of luck man. Do your best to focus on the future and what's coming! Just keep doing your best and your effort with be inevitably rewarded :)
I was fighting back tears when he mentioned shame. This has been my last decade, being emotionally driven and focused and not actually pursuing what made me get into college in the first place. 31 now, I'm going to start becoming a doctor again. I have to make the steps and believe in myself along the way. I hope you all do the same.
43, female. I've battled migraine and insomnia since 18. Migraines suddenly stopped in 2020. June according to last entry in my diary. My sleeping problems have decreased significantly. I'm so far behind my friends and younger siblings: no career, no kids, no partner, few friends, live in a shady neighborhood, etc etc. But I'm not worried about not reaching any specific goals. For me it's the journey itself I look forward to. I want to experience life for the first time since childhood as a healthy and fully present being. ❤ from Sweden
I highly recommend you do Pranamaya exercise for your Insomnia , it's a wonderful powerful breathing exercises . I had insomnia for a decade and I completely eliminated it using this exercise everyday for 10 mins . I would also recommend you to start meditating as well (Transcendental meditation) . These two probably saved my life , since I wouldn't agree to live with insomnia for much longer . I would also recommened you to do tongue exercises as weak tongue can cause breathing blocks during sleep and lower quality of breathing overall . And lastly and most obviously , aerobic exercise! just run 15 mins a day! You can also start doing some Yoga stretches as well to improve body . Anyways I hope it can aid you in your life . Peace .
I am turning 30 soon. No major career, no degree or major certifications, no house or apartment, no girlfriend, wife or kids, BUT after 10 LONG years of struggling I finally learned to accept reality and break out of depression. Now is just to focus on making money so I can get those things.
Dude for real ? I'm in the same situation. You know what else gives me hope ? Longevity science, i've wasted my 20's pretty much, but what if it's possible to feel just as energic as a 20 year old during my 30's by applying all these new scientific breakthroughs ? It might not be too late but we have to stop being lazy.
You don’t need money for a girlfriend. If you are trying to basically buy the affection of someone out of your league, I guess you would need a lot of money. But if you want a normal girlfriend who is in your league, you just need to learn to treat her and yourself with respect and kindness. The redpill idea that girlfriends are essentially purchased is hugely self sabotaging. Roosh was a single guy, chronically online, living in his mom’s basement, spending all his time sabotaging other men’s happiness. We forget that way too easily.
@@DivineLogos Let me reformulate your sentence to make more sense: Most people, especially the ones that have their life together, want a partner who also has her/his life together.
20:33 “When you start to believe something about yourself, it starts to shape what you choose to do or not do… the beliefs you have about yourself start to shape your actions and determine your future - and what always happens with the beliefs you have about yourself is that they become _self-fulfilling prophecies.”_ Setting a reminder for myself here.
I'm 33 and going back to school because I want to do something that I like and that's computing. I wasted 15 years of my life working at my dads restaurant like a slave so he could retire. That period was the most painful for me because of how toxic that environment was, Gordon Ramsay on Hells Kitchen seemed tame to what my dad was like. I had stuff thrown at me and bullied by him and my coworkers. But I still did not leave. I hope I can become a programmer and put my past behind me. I'm rooting for everybody here in the comments section. It's not too late for us and we will smash all of our goals. *We can do this* ❤
I'm 35, I spent most of my 20s as an unemployed/under-employed, reclusive shut-in, spent 5 years after that in a shithole factory making windows but I started to make some real change when I finally took the plunge on doing martial arts. From that I built a great social network and I began to develop an interest for human behaviour and a passion for mental health so I kicked around the idea of studying psychology at Uni. I then found out I had been carrying an injury for 2 years, had a surgery for it and remained out of the game for a whole year. Decided late last year as I was recovering from the surgery that I'd stop breaking myself down and rotting in a shithole for a pittance and take a chance to make something of myself by getting into Uni, so I did my STAT (an aptitude test to improve my selection rank) at the end of last year, performed well and got accepted at the start of this year. Now I just got through my first semester of my psych undergrad with 4 distinctions, a high distinction, and a lot of lessons learned. I just started really getting my health back on track with regular trips to the gym, daily walks, evening yoga and quitting drinking. I have a job as a commercial cleaner to pay my way, good hourly rate, I mostly work alone which suits my introverted self, and I'm in discussion to get more hours at the moment. I'm also still going strong with a DnD group and games days some of my martial arts friends formed, I'm so glad I met these people, they have been the best support network I've ever had in my life. There was a lot of discomfort, uncertainty, and insecurity I had to face, there have been a lot of challenges and doubts I've had to contend with, a lot of questions of whether I belong or if this is the right thing to do, but all in all I think I'm where I need to be and I'm slowly but surely picking up the pieces and I'm optimistic it'll all fall into place soon enough.
One important thing to remember is that the feeling of "falling behind" happens to most people. It's not something that goes away when you do what's socially acceptable. Anything worth doing will require an amount of effort that will leave you out of some experience that seems extremely important. The only thing that matters is pushing for what you feel is important to you, and there's always time for that, irregardless of how far you are from "other people". All that matters is that you get to do what you care about while accepting that you'll miss out on something else by doing that.
Just ran into an old high school friend from ten years ago. I'm 28, one year older than him, but he has a great career and a new family. Meanwhile, I just graduated college after 6.5 years on active duty, no real career, no wife, no kids, and honestly still no direction despite having a newly acquired degree... It's depressing as hell sometimes to think of how "behind" I am, but it's great to have Dr. K's perspective. The timing of this vid was incredible.
I'm 29 and also used to compare myself to others all the time. After 8 years of being in University from constantly failing, everyone else felt ahead of me in life. The difference began when I realised that their stages of progress meant nothing in my journey. I focused on my own goal, then what resources I have, then on my plan to make and measure progress. It cut out all the other irrelevant junk (such as what anyone else is doing). After a few years, I didn't even realise I have surpassed my peers in so many ways. I own my own $720k house, earn almost twice as much in wages than them, and am well on the way for even more progress. I know it's easier said than believed, but life is not a race. Who knows? Maybe your friend rushed into having a family and could have serious issues with their less-carefully selected wife. Maybe he rushed into a job in a toxic working environment and no way to progress. We don't know. Frankly, it doesn't matter. You have a new degree, and have so many options for who you want to work with, who you want as a partner and who you want to be. We may have walked the longer road, but as Doctor K said, we don't need to identify with our struggles. Rather, we can identify with our plans and values.
@@RonaldinhoPopper I'm at a similar path as yours buddy I'm 28 and I'm finally graduating (hopefully *tm) and don't have any experience in job. But because of one of my main obstacles; my family farming business, I have a clear understanding of this workfield. And since I'm into tech and entrepreneurship I have another advantage. Oh and a killer credit score. :D just paid a massive loan that I was hoping to be able to pay in 36 months. I did this IN LESS THAN 10 MONTHS. :D god I love business. Who needs to be an employee?
Dude, active duty is a Real Thing(TM) all by itself. Even if your time in felt easy, or at least not challenging, it is still a big deal that sets you apart from the vast majority of humans ever. To be clear, I’ve said thing deprecating my time as an intel weanie to legit operators and tough dudes, and they’ve universally hemmed me up over it. Appreciate your service for what it was: volunteering your time in pursuit of something greater than yourself, without expectation of aggrandizement. It changed you in ways you may not even be aware of. As a 43 year old stay-at-home dad and Tricaratops using my GI bennies to learn trade skills, I find myself much more capable of dealing with the suck of life than a lot of my peers who didn’t serve, forex.
In my early 20s I felt like a complete loser. I felt way behind everyone else in life. I went through a journey that exactly matches what Dr. K describes in this video. I started weightlifting, going to networking events, and learning a well-paying skill, despite my initial fear of those activities. If you stick with something constructive past the most difficult starting phase, your self-image and your very reality will change for the better. There is no greater feeling in life.
@@Cyghfer I've always thought about coding as a career but my real passion is writing. Problem is I'm not sure how viable it is to get a degree for that, while coding is basically a guaranteed job
@@bevvvy1374 A lot of jobs hinge on good writing ability, but yeah, studying programming is a safer bet for solid income. I'm lucky in that I genuinely enjoy programming and building software. I didn't pursue it just for the money - that's a ticket to misery and lack of fulfillment. I think it's really, really important to pursue something that you genuinely enjoy, but it also needs to be balanced with practicality.
40 years old. Failed in business. Lost life savings in day trading. Accumulated loads of debt. Failed in relationships(almost got married but due to aforementioned reasons). Now trying to catch up and make up for my "lost decade" of depression that had me doing jobs that isn't part of my diploma just to survive and eat. Lots of weird health issues too. Your video's timing is extremely apt because now I am trying to change and trying my best dusting off formal shirts and constantly going for Job Interviews. Thanks for this.
I’m 28, no job no credit score, no rental history spent 15 years on psych drugs in zombie mode until lockdown when my dr closed his practice and I went cold Turkey on benzodiazepines and antipsychotics. I finally got my driver’s license at 26 and am making slow progress escaping a bad abuse situation. These videos are really helping. Thanks.
Something that has helped me change my thinking is ‘challenging my ego’. What I do, is when my brain says I’m lazy or I can’t do something, I ask myself “why?” Then the ego will respond and I ask “why?” Again and I keep doing this process until I get to the root. Usually, these thoughts are imprinted onto us by other people, places, and things (it’s environmental). It’s a good start to rebuild your mental.
I think a really big issue here is for individual’s that are unable to change their environment or don’t know how to. A lot of times the solution to these types of issues are a change in environment, but when you have no where to go to or have no financial means to get there, that solution is always out the window resulting in staying broken or suicide.
Don't feel so bad. Even in a different environment, all the cockroaches in your head will come with you. It's actually much easier to accomplish nearly anything that's locally possible, in your local area that you know as your home, than it is to do the same in a new, unknown environment. The only thing a new environment is good for is the forceful push it might give to do something new.
Pretty much this. I live in a comfortable yet toxic environment. I have my own room, a small source of income (enough to treat myself with food and small expenses, not enough to move out) My whole life i've never been a social person, i grew up in the countryside with only 1 friend i've occasssionally visited but he sort of moved on to do other things and i stopped coming over his place cuz he's was busy most of the time. I live with my mom, whom i genuinely hate and find to be a despicable person despite the few good things she does And my older brother, who constantly belittles me for not doing enough work and such. To the point i avoid every possibly interaction with him. I'm always nagged to find a job and get a driver's license, but finding a job for a socially inept person with no connections is, extremely difficult. In the ideal scenario i would find a job abroad and move there for a long while, to try living alone for once and escape the daily sense of judgement. But i have no experience with "real jobs", i don't have experience with applying for things, i don't know the documents needed, whether it's safe bet or not. The ignorance and lack of a comfortable amount of money just makes it feel impossible.
Once I left my parents house my mental state was able to change. You can change your environment by getting to know other actual good people who have your best internet in mind. It took me a while to learn who is looking out for me and who is only there for their own self interest.
Something that soothes my mind on this topic is that: My age now being 31 and just finishing my first year of college is actually and advantage in the field I am going in. The maturity I developed prior allows me to focus on actually learning and growing rather than the wows and wonders of entering the adult world. It also helps that I established the ability to study hard and stay focused. The industry I am walking into will inherently prefer an individual who is older over younger, though it values skill more than all else. Skill can be developed at any age, so this isn't a problem. Finally comparing yourself to your peers is fine so long as you don't use that as a measuring stick for your own success. Everyone develops at their own pace, and the biggest battle is recognizing that your life is your own. Beating yourself up because someone else is seemingly better off is honestly dumb. I know people who make 6 figures who are miserable, so your ideal image may not be the best for you personally.
I'll be starting grad school next fall at the ripe old age of 33 🤓 the life experience will be an asset in my field too. In fact, I've spoken with a few programs already and some of them have more students like me, who have gone off and spent a decade or more having a career and then returning to switch, than "traditional" 22-year-old grad students. Go us!
@@lilymulligan8180 there’s a small part of me that I imagines what it would have been like if I went to college later. I winged my years in university instead of using it to genuinely learn and grow. I didn’t have the awareness I have now.
I agree, I (used) to beat myself up a lot, and then I told myself later why tf did I actually do that (I mean I know why-low self esteem), but I’m like what did it actually accomplish.
I'm turning 26. I screwed up university big time. The hectic job market, the world turning on his head in the past few years (+ my country being a mess in general) paired with my indecisiveness and fear of failure plunged me in a 4 year long depression which I only recently crawled out of - heavens know how. My 7 year relationship is hanging by a thread, job prospects are not doing great. Moved back with my parents for the time being, and that's when things started "looking up". The family was incredibly supportive when they saw how much I suddenly changed as I came out of depression. My life by all and any metrics is really not doing well. Every area of my life I am severely lagging behind. But I believe that for the first time in a long long time, I am not stressed out of my mind, I am in clear control of my thoughts and emotions, and aware of my surroundings. I feel AMAZING despite the dreadful circumstances. This is where life begins. Time to catch up.
Hey buddy :) , I’m 19 and I also just messed up in university really badly 🙁 I want to give up so badly but the reality is I was so cognitively paralyzed and impaired by my fear of even attempting to fully commit all my time and energy into school that it costed me and I’ve spiraled into a nightmare of nothingness for the past year. I really never reached out when I should’ve and suffered in silence. I didn’t expand my social circle. I didn’t take action when I felt I was able to. It seems I get in my own way; always. And I’m really at a loss because the intimidation of being successful and allowing myself to try are so intense. I just wanted to know how life has changed for you honestly, I’m 19 and I’ll turn 20 in 8 months and I just really would love to hear from someone who’s older because I’m more willing than ever to just allow myself to absorb and reflect the stories and advice from others. Even then, I’d genuinely just love to know if anything has changed for you my friend, I hope this comment finds you well. :)
A person cannot remake themselves without suffering, for he/she is the marble and sculpture. A lot of us here has suffered so much and so we've fallen behind. I pray everyone here reaches to where they need to go in this life. Thanks Dr.K.
0:00: 📚 It is possible to catch up in life and overcome setbacks. 2:55: 🧠 The body and mind have the ability to catch up and grow after periods of setback or adversity. 6:16: 💪 Getting help for a small portion of the journey can lead to exponential growth when catching up in life. 8:46: 🗣 Changing your environment and the company you keep is crucial for catching up in life. 11:40: 👥 To insert yourself into a group, make eye contact, smile, and introduce yourself. Ask open-ended questions to engage in conversation. 15:08: ⚡ The mind sabotages us when we try to catch up in life due to emotions and logical reasoning controlled by emotions. 17:50: Shame and lack of belief in oneself lead to thoughts of failure and sabotage. 20:34: 🧠 Beliefs about oneself shape actions and determine future outcomes, becoming self-fulfilling prophecies. 24:11: 🧠 Your mind uses logic to try to convince you of certain beliefs, but getting help and changing your environment can help you catch up in life. Recap by Tammy AI
I'm 28 and I started catching up in life recently. A lot of what I've changed has come from always being a "Yes Man" to any sort of social event and whenever the voice in my head tells me to wait to do something I question it, ask it "why wait?", and then do what isn't comfortable, but needs to be done. The last year and especially the last 3-4 months have been going great for me and I don't plan on stopping.
How did you overcome the brain implosion about "but how can anyone find my company attractive? Theres definitely something wrong and shady" when someone is inviting you?
I struggle with meaning and what most therapists don't talk about is the "pain" of doing all this. It's super hard, deteroriating and lonely. It's you who pull the last rep no matter what gym or trainer you've on your side. Through this shape-shifting and crafting, somewhere you 'emerge' and that's encouraging but deeply agonizing at the same time. Thank you Dr. K for saying it's painful.
Its comforting to know I'm not alone. And it might sound macabre but Im glad there's people out there who have it worse than me and still fight for themselves. I dropped out of HS in 2013 due to illness and experienced nothing but more trauma and failure. I got sicker mentally and physically until in 2019 i couldn't take it anymore. The right meds helped me take baby steps. In 2020 I enrolled in second chance adult HS. I made my A-levels this June. I'm hopeing to enroll in a EE bachelor's programme this fall at 29. I might graduate by the time im 33 and have my first career ever then. I do absolutely feel behind, but I also know I had reasons. If it had worked sooner, I would have done it sooner. Obviously it didn't, so theres no reason to lament about it further. I gotta keep going. One day I'll be 33 anyway. With or without a career.
The last two sentences are pure gold. I'm 31 years old trying to restart college (I dropped out freshman year) and I feel so fucking behind. But that's it. One day I will have 3X, with or without a career.
I love hearing stories of other people whose lives went differently than expected but are turning out fine. I feel like I had never really gotten my life back properly after my depressive episode in 2013, but now I'm back in school and things are getting better and I've decided I'm going to be OK.
As Socrates said : “Focus your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new” I hope this change someone’s insight towards life and time as it did for me, God bless you all
The biggest gamechanger for me is not to compare myself to others. I created my own realistic goals with what I had and be content when I achieve them. The point is not that you're "behind" but you ACT on changes to be better with your life. If you dwell on your issues (everyone on here has their own story) it will just pull you back. But if you keep faith in yourself and push forward through your obstacles you will be the greatest CEO....of your own life.
I think the easiest to see this is when adults learn musical instruments. If they are really determined, they improve so quickly. They might not become world-famous musicians, but they for sure become good enough to accompany themselves, write songs, play for their families during holidays, etc. I would just caution over trying to hit too many birds with 1 stone. e.g. Gong to a party (because socialising), but the party will be in French (because wanting to try speaking French) and there will be Karaoke (because getting over singing in front of people/being center of attention), etc... I think it's wise to choose 1 thing to focus on at a time.
I'm 33, from 18 to 28 (1 decade) I was basically aimless, didn't had a job, failed my academic attempts, didn't do much aside from being in my room playing video games and/or watching youtube videos. I had a distance relationship with a girl from another part of the country, from my 21 to my 28 (7 years). When we broke up (things were not sustaining themselves any longer, both of us needed help) I was so devastated emotionally, that I developed strong anxiety symptoms like never before, in front of that crisis I knew... I just could do 2 things, or I vanish myself from existence, or I try putting things together, overcome my fears (accept and embrace them), and go accomplish the stuff I needed to become an independent and functional human being.. turns out that things ended up going well, in about just 1-2 years I had a job (software engineer) and a new girlfriend (this time face to face relationship), and 1 year after I was living together with that person. We don't plan to have children but we have a dog, lol (never had a dog before either). It was painful to confront so many hard situations, still is in some cases, so after postponing the inevitable for 10 years... I finally was faced with the decision, and I concluded that the pain of trying to live a better life was less than the pain of trying to die, because I was seriously considering it.
Good stuff man. But you didn't explain how you become a software engineer. I've just earned my degree in mechanical engineering and I'm very very anxious about my future. Any tips?
@@MP-ut6eb I guess it depends a lot on circumstances around you, like your country, job opportunities, the moment in time... What I did was, first, taking like a free government course about "basic web development" after which I didn't feel I was ready to do any real job... and after one year or so, I found an another opportunity to do a Bootcamp, also for free (I'm from Spain). And in that Bootcamp they helped me a lot with the CV and finding a first job and put our expectations really high. After applying for several jobs, doing some interviews, and not being accepted, at the end I was accepted by a Startup company, and worked there for 6 months, the experience was quite bad since Startup expected too much from me, and luckily after checking other job opportunities I was contacted by a middle sized company and was accepted as a Junior, now I've 5 years there and I'm no longer junior. My tip is go full maniac with Linkedin, sell yourself the best you can, exude self-confidence, and don't be afraid to fail... right now may be harder to find the first job than some years ago (due to more people applying for software engineer positions), but is still possible. Keep honing your skills, specialise in something, like FE or BE or whatever you like most, and let them be reflected in your CV and Linkedin profile, keep applying for job positions, and trust your own possibilities and potential. You have a degree, so you have already a better starting point. It's ok to be anxious, just don't let the anxiety make you give up. I learnt the hard way that is better to endure and accept pain than quitting things to avoid it. Quitting makes you feel worthless and hopeless.
I'm 20, dropped out of school after 8th grade. Spent my teens here and there doing nothing, had no friends. Went through the guilt, loneliness, shame,, self sabotaged like thrice.. . Going back to school after 5 years in autumn. This video really reminds me of the harder times I had and also how I've kind of gotten over this feeling of being behind/accepted it. i feel like im only now starting my journey, its rather exciting. there definitely is light on the other side of the tunnel lol.
@jacuci91 I also dropped out of school in 9th grade in 2010 (or rather, was forced to), because my country went to the crapper and the majority of the population could not afford to live there, so to answer your question, despite it being law, one way of dropping out is moving to another country. My path was harder than the norm (graduate after 12th and then university) and sometimes I wish I could have continued the normal way, but I pursued the studies that I wanted later on and now work as a Software Engineer. While not the end of the world, I certainly don't recommend anyone drop out if they get the choice.
Every once in a while you come across something that makes everything you've been doing for a while click. This video just did that for me. Sincerely, Thank you. First video, Subscribed. I've been on a self improvement journey for the last 2 years (I'm 30 now). These 2 years have been beyond terrible, to say the least, as I was behind in everything from my health to relationships, career and finances. I had to work on all of them at the same time and face everything I've been avoiding for a decade. But it's also been the most fulfilled I've ever felt. And watching this video made me relive many of those experiences. Honestly, I might've struggled a bit less if I saw a video like this back then, probably. To anyone who is in a similar situation, my best advice is to just start doing any positive habit. Start small, and where you can. Even if it's as insignificant as fixing your bed the moment you get up or brushing your teeth around the same time. Make it so easy you can't say no. Then once it develops into a habit, do another good habit right after it (habit stacking). In my case, I went from waking up at the same time to ->cold shower ->running ->study ->skin care routine ->morning greeting family/friends -> protein n carbs rich breakfast. I procrastinated and missed a lot but made sure to get back to it everytime and in about a year and a half, my morning routine got set. The amazing thing is, in the process of fixing my morning routine, my evening to bedtime routine got fixed as well. In just 2 years, I went from: Barely able to run 500 meters to running 21 kms (half marathons), doing 50kms every week. Messed up sleep, waking up 8-11 am to now 3 am without needing an alarm. No social life to close family relationships and regular outings with friends. Camera shy and procrastinating for years to my first youtube video Never employed to getting my first job Water phobia to learning to swim Not able to do 1 pullup to 8 pullups in one set. 80kg to 65kg (lost 15kgs in 4 months) Unfortunately, I have yet to get a girlfriend but at this point I'm not insecure about it anymore. Also, my job situation is not set yet since I decided to get back to studying and pick up the right skills for a proper career rather than short term quick money. So yes, I still have many things to work on but I'm whole worlds away from that guy who almost gave up on his life cos he didn't know where to even start fixing things. As messed up as your life is, it's possible man. We all start somewhere. I took my first few steps and I'm already dreaming of greatness lol. Seriously though, call it newbie delusion but I'm starting to be convinced I can achieved anything with time as long as I keep at it. My channel is for that exact purpose- to see if someone like me who had a messed up life can really achieve greatness with brutal accountability and discipline.
I'm 30 and I just finished med school, and I always feel shitty about the fact that Im 5-6 years older than most of my peers. But the fact that you started med school at age 28 (meaning that I might even be ahead of you time-wise) and turned out to be such a great doctor and giving so much value back to society means that age doesnt mean much, its all about mindset. Hope your channel grows and you dont stop making contect. Thank you for the video.
Volunteer work has been the biggest thing to get me out of my social circle and into something new. I would never be able to do that otherwise and it's been working out well for me!
So relatable. Even having a degree and working in IT for 4 years as a SDET I still feel I'm lagging behind. No house, no partner, others peer making more than you. Sometimes it feels once you achieve something the goal only get moved to another one.
I agree 100%. I dropped out of an IT degree 10 years ago to figure out what I want to do career wise and I'm still not any further forward. Although I'm now happily married with a 3 year old and a 1 year old, there is still a part of me that feels like a failure for not having a career. I'm resigned to the fact that us humans (in my opinion) are never truly content with what we have, there is always something we crave. Even though, from the outside, it could look like we have everything
I’m 27 & at 20 I had a problem with psychosis. But I pulled myself out of it & immediately started on making my room a functional & safe feeling space for me. Now I’m working really hard on compromising with myself & doing what I can to heal, including getting rid of people who aren’t good for me & understanding who is healthy for me. Now I’m higher functioning than I have been in years & I am happier now than I have ever been before.
Man, that hits close to home. I'm 28 now, and like you, I had a psychotic event when I was 18/19 that left me hospitalized for about a year and a half. It really set me back quite far. Somehow, I managed to work my way out and life just got so much better, and I was finally felt like I was living a life, rather than existing in one. Then a few years ago I had some back-to-back tragedies occur in my life, which pretty much sent me tumbling back down. It's been a dark period for a while, but I recently managed to get myself enrolled into a program to get certifications in a field I'm interested in. It's only been three weeks, but it's done wonders for me to actually put myself in a situation that feels like I'm working towards something other than rotting away. Some days it feels hard to keep up the hope, yet the fire never truly burns out. I did it once before, I'm sure I can do it again. Glad to hear your life has improved significantly, friend!
“Seek discomfort” was a motto of mine when I was at my healthiest. I tended to find uncomfortable (but safe and healthy of course) situations lead to my biggest growth. Going to the gym when I didn’t want to and pushed a little harder when I was tired, doing new things I’ve always put aside/wished I’d do/never done, took opportunities when they came. More recently I haven’t followed that much. I’ve missed opportunities, had decreasing physical and mental health. It’s okay to say no to things. I’ve found that being comfortable has led me to less personal happiness than what I used to have when I put myself into self-challenges and struggle as much as I could. I was learning a lot, best physical shape I’d ever had, strongest relationships I’ve ever had and valued. Dont be afraid to struggle. It’s a sign you’re at least trying. And don’t be too hard on yourself for being kind to yourself, and choosing to live.
Thank you for this. I've gone through a rough period thanks to chronic depression for 6 years (supposed to be a 3 year course) during university. Because of this I was not able to make the most out of uni life. I didn't make use of the facilities that my school provided me, I didn't join any societies and meet new people and I'm pretty sure that I've forgotten everything that I've learned during those years. I still have a very tiny and nagging voice of insecurity in the back of my head whenever I view fb profiles or insta profiles of the people with whom I used to study in school. But there's no point in wasting my time and energy in being jealous of someone else's success. I'll pick myself up and keep moving forward from now on. I'll crawl if I have to in order to get to the finish line of whatever challenge that's in front of me. I used to have very ambitious goals in life. But after I've gone through everything these past 6 years, my main goal from now on is to never fall into the void that is depression ever again. Edit: Hopefully that main goal of mine will change in the future. But for now, I'm not placing lofty expectations on myself. I'm going to put my head down and keep chipping at life and see how it goes.
Hey man. I have a similar story as yours. Wasted of my 4 college years with 2 extra on lock down and the last and maybe more years with depression (need to get help on this still). How'd you get out of depression?
I get you. I went to uni in lockdown for three years and never reaped the benefits of uni. That’s why at least this year I want something that all the previous years got before Covid. Or at least some of it again.
@@spectrum910 Hey man really sorry for the late reply. My psychiatrist labelled my depression as chronic depression. So he started me on a Prozac medication. I also went to a psychologist but I stopped after a couple of months later because it cost too much. I'm currently doing self-therapy through HealthyGamer (not sure if it's the best idea).
Every time Dr.K talks about starting med school at 28 I feel hopeful for myself. I'm turning 26 tomorrow and I've been stuck in college. I started college since 2014, grew up with mentally and emotionally abusive parents, and I still live with them. My siblings are lucky to have moved out, and sometimes I just can't help but cry at night because I feel like I'm still stuck in this house that feels like a jail. I literally have to always fight for myself and what I believe in to my parents and honestly it's just so exhausting. I've also had several nights where I just want to stop existing despite performing yoga, meditation, and eating healthy on a daily basis. This has been a tunnel I've been walking in for years and honestly I genuinely do not know when I'll reach the end, but, since I've discovered Dr.K I have actually started to see the light at the end of it.
Hi, my situation is different than yours, but I did all the right self-help things (yoga, meditation, etc.) and it wasn't working, then I moved halfway across the country and went back to school and realized... it's being away from my parents, and I feel more free to explore life. My parents were not abusive, but I did feel stifled. I think if your parents are abusive, you probably would experience the same thing or even more strongly when you escape.
@theoldaccountthatiusedtous6767 i work on the weekends, it's a part-time job and it's just for a humble coffee shop. i've been working there for 10 months, and i get you. despite my social anxiety, despite the dread i feel for waking up very early in the morning to prepare going to work, my environment there feels more loving, and healthy, compared to my environment at home. i'm a hardcore introvert so it's really difficult for me to socialize and would rather just stay at home, but the little time i go to work where i'll be away from my parents for the whole day actually doesn't seem so bad. and through that job too i'm learning what it's like to feel loved, to have someone be interested in you genuinely - just that sense of community, you know? that i never feel at home. i actually decided to re-enroll again and pursue a degree i actually want, so i can earn more, and eventually, move out. and honestly all this is possible because dr.k has helped me dig into myself more, and figure out which parts of me has actually been conditioned.
raises hand* 38yro Alcoholic (in recovery).... Have a decent job (that I'm burnt out in)... But, mental health has been a struggle/work in progress the last couple years. I definitely expected more out of myself at this stage. But, just getting sober increased my motivation 100x... Hoping this is useful
Not only have you given us novel ways to look at life situations, but you have validated some of our existing approaches to life as well, thereby building momentum. I had a fork in the road as to whether or not I should graduate with my class in college or stay longer and pursue a degree with more career prospects. I also took a little bit of time to think about what my life SHOULD look like. The work ethic I developed to stay with the more lucrative career actually ended up putting me far ahead of everyone else by the time my 20s were over. Taking some time to think about details saves years of headache down the road.
I’m 23 and I just finished my associates degree.. now I will be transferring to a 4 year. It took me a while, but I’m glad that I’m finally taking a step forward.
I’m 29 married and a kid, I dedicated 7 years into plumbing and decided this wasn’t for me anymore 5 years into photography, I still want to continue that as a side hustle but I decided to change my environment and joined the army as a 25B (IT) plan to go to college. I’m getting a lot of back lash for it but my mindset is now or never. If you wasted time by tryna find the easy way out you gotta figure out where you need to struggle a little to prosper..
I am almost 30 years old. I am, for all intents and purposes, a 4th year medical student in limbo. I began school in fall of 2015. it is now 2023. Due to various circumstances (some in my control, others out of it), i still have yet to complete all my board exams required to obtain a residency training position. My closest friend from med school is now entering his 3rd year of residency; it feels like i am way behind in everythign because of the set backs I've experienced. Part of the problem was COVID throwing me off. others were familial drama that caused me to fail an attempt at my boards which led to me being stuck in limbo. Part of it is my hatred for change, and fear of the new and big upcoming changes. part of me is glad i failed. part of me is upset i failed because i am scared to move onto the next stage of life. but i am sick of being left behind. I just want to move on. I am terrified i screwed up and wont ever catch back up. I have spent time scribing for the last year and a half though. I chose to be a virtual scribe in this limbo so as to remain attached to the clinical world and build connections; as a result i work at Yale University. I've built a lot of connections due to this and now, i know i have help for that last 10-20% for residency match.
This video uploaded at a very convenient time for me. I just started getting back into art THIS MORNING after giving it up sophomore year of high school to prioritize “more important” things (my studies). That was 7 years ago. Now that my academic endeavors have been going poorly, I have been thinking about the things that I actually valued when I was younger for about a month now. I picked up a pencil for the first time in so long and just… drew. I really enjoyed it, but then the doubt came. “Imagine where you’d be if you never gave up art. You’ll never catch up, it’s a waste of time.” Then Dr. K comes along and says, “stop that.” I’m still so young and I have to recognize that I’m being ridiculous and even unfair to myself. So thanks. You always come at the right time.
For some people some things comes as easy as breathing. I too enjoy art but to be honest I think my actual advantage is at speaking or writing. I'm barely holding myself back now for example. :D
I will be 30 in few months, I feel an immense sensation of overwhelm because of this thing. Got several estates, no major financial challenges thanks to my family (also my downfall, always played the victim and blamed others for they never pushed me in the right direction), bachelors in Linguistics from an OK university which I hated so deeply but felt it was my only option as I was self limiting back when I was younger (It took me 8 years to finish it). I always ran away from all the responsibilities that I knew will hunt me later in my life, all in my 20s, got into drugs, spent my time being a drunk fool running with a balloon like brain. When I graduated 2 years ago, I had a terrible break up with my fiancee and my family went abroad, I started to live alone, took tens of responsibilities and got into all sorts of calamity like depression, panic attacks, anxiety, brain fog, derealization, suicidal thoughts etc. I think losing that many things within a short period of time broke me. Yet, I started to switch my patterns of failure with orderly things. Started to learn about the things I was scared of throughout my life such as math, computer science, and many more. Brain fog and derealization still persists, not gonna lie, it does feel like fighting against an inexorable enemy and I may not be %100 again, I am still going in and doing as much as I can. But everything considered, I can say, I felt perhaps like first time in life, I have a genuine interest to gain knowledge and to use it for the people. I am yet to overcome the feelings of regret and feeling like an impostor, a product of wasting a decade and a half but I am determined to make my bread out here, even go for a CS masters degree. I wish good luck and blessings upon all of you feeling the same way, also send my gratitude to Dr. K to provide guidance for lost souls like me.
Omg the massive changes nearing 30. Same happened to me. Got me down for over a year but I think I can start pulling myself back up now. This was good to hear! Good for you
I’m 40 now and I feel younger than I did in my twenties, when I was lost, depressed and anxious… so much of it is in our minds! I have to say that the 30’s has great potential! You are still young, healthy, but a bit more wise… and wisdom can never be bad! I felt like the world was my oyster in my 30s. You have lots of time still. Good luck!
I just started watching and I already have this idea in mind - catching up is not only possible, it is basically invevitable, because our growth in life is never linear, and it comes to a halt later on. So you have plenty of time to get what's yours
I can relate to this. I dropped out after high school and never went to college to pursue other goals. I failed, and at 26 I went to college (correspondence) and got a computer science degree as plan B. At 30 I landed a software engineers job and started from scratch. Im 36 now and a senior engineer, but I fell like im playing catch up because people younger than me are lead engineers even thou I am as capable and knowledgeable as them, I lack enough experience. But I hope to catch up in the next 2-3 years and make an impact to my career.
Minor Correction for Sports Science at 6:11 Dr K. says that "if someone does 8 reps for 30 years, they will not be as physically strong as someone who does 10 reps for 3 years" This is false, and it's because as long as you're doing those 8 reps with hard effort and it is actually physically challenging, and you progressively overload (add reps/weight), you will usually be far stronger. In order for Person A (8 reps for 30 years) to be weaker, they'd have to be training with a difficulty that is low, as in they could do still do 10+ reps after finishing a set, without progressive overload. Where he is right though, is that *it is* the last few reps that are most valuable for *muscle growth*. When you train close enough to failure (~3 - 0 reps in reserve), your body has enough of a signal for muscle growth to occur. Strength, specifically, comes from the progressive overload (heavier and heavier weights), and lower rep ranges (1-3, 3-6, 5-10~) are more conducive to training for strength. [10-20, 20-30, are still conducive to muscle growth, but not efficient for strength training. You can even do sets for 30+ reps, but they just aren't as efficient and can become more cardio than hypertrophy training]
This actually reminds me of a book I've read recently called The Flinch. According to it, our "fight-or-flight" response and natural fears of wild life now work in our everyday life. It's really difficult for some people to take on anything unusual for them like learning something new or simply talking to strangers. Commonly it's caused by our brain considering such actions too risky. It makes us think of numerous ways of failing in doing something new, thus preventing us from possible negative emotions and, unfortunately, development, too. All in all, people need to overcome these thoughts and doubts in order to progress
Stumbling onto this video a week after turning 30 and feeling completely lost having completed my masters post pandemic and not knowing where to go from here. Thankyou for this insightful video. Surely one to be taking notes and i can already tell ill be coming back to it when i need to recalibrate and for encouragement time and again. Been binge watching ur content lately and it's god send. Heard ur story abt how you got into medicine which was pretty unconventional and its awe inspiring. Sending love from India xo grateful that youre sharing your knowledge and expertise with us
Feel like the same topics come up, but its nice to have reminders every now and then, and he does get better at explaining it each time more concisely and efficiently.
Try to remember he's not making each new video with the mindset..."oh what should we talk about today to add to the knowlege of anyone whose seen every video I've made..." he's doing it, as he did from the start, making videos that would support the most of us in his mind at once
I'm 37 and have been in a relationship for a grand total of 3.5 years of my adult life. I feel like I'm 10 years behind, and effectively have whole swats of time in my past I remember nothing about. So it's legit eating at me. Sounds like a good video for me. @3:22 My head stopped hurting. Got a burst of energy from you saying that :)
I began my programmer career at age 37. It was a do or die situation more or less, now I still struggle with social awkwardness and isolation, and having 2 kids makes it real hard. But just like you said in the video, I just needed a little help, and even though I didn't actively searched for it, it arrived in a random encounter in my son's Judo class. Next step will be to somehow give myself motivation to advance my programming skills cause I'm too comfortable staying a junior+ programmer, although I work on a few "backup plans" in my own time. Thinking about changing work and going through job interviews make me sick to my stomach.
@@SPQR_14 The company I work in for the last 6 years were looking for an iOS programmer for 6 months before they gave me the job, most if not all of them were in their 20s bit sure, Ill tell them I can't be a true programmer 🤣
hey I'm old you but without kids wanna help each other? whatever terms you choose but I'm learning js I'm doing fine texting worse with taking f2f haha but enough confidence to push it forward
@@SPQR_14Bro so what who cares? try be competitive in regular job replaced by migrants XD why so deafeatistic making it harder for others keep own complexes for yourself I got computer at 19yo didn't use for anything else than gaming on university at 22 seen guys who coded from kindergarten with such thinking you are destined for hell on earth 😂
@@szymonbaranowski8184 It's not "complexes" it's just common sense. The vast majority of people going into programming start at least in their 20's if not in their teens. At 37 you will be so far behind, not just in natural ability and skill, but in knowing the newer trends of the industry. Case in point, this dude is trying to learn Javascript lmao...
I found it more helpful to become less dependent on my social circle before I expanded it. Starting to enjoy doing activities alone, etc, building confidence
Battled an eating disorder for literally my entire teen years (kicked in around 8ish. Hit mastery when I was 12 and spired out until around 19) Hit uni in a foreign country and that- seeing myself literally alone in a room with no one in the world (my family stayed in my home country)- was my wake up call. I’m seeing a lot of people mentioning addiction and what that takes away from you which is absolutely horrible but realising you have *NO* personality or interests whatsoever it’s so painful as well. There’s no way for me to make friends at this point. This horrible addiction dug me into a whole I couldn’t see through. I had “friends” but since my personality was approaching a blank piece of paper I was mostly an afterthought in my group of friends. A presence often forgotten at the back of the group, the sort of person for whom nobody stopped when they tied their shoelaces and I often ended up going home without saying goodbye and with nobody noticing. I’m now in my early 20’s trying to figure out people and life and who the hell I am. This video really helped.
'who the hell i am' -this is KEY, this is what you need to double down on -discover what sparks joy for YOU! discover your wants and your needs, discover what makes you passionate and excited! You DO have a personality, but i suspect it is buried, hidden away for protection, from fear of shame/non-acceptance. It may also be that like me you are a 'people-pleaser' squashing yourself down to fit into another persons' moulding, becoming small and invisible in the process. I started discovering who i was/what i liked etc when i was mid 30's. If you are a people-pleaser, learn about it -you'll be lacking boundaries and find it challenging to say no to people
I am 27 now, never had a relationship, depressed game addict for the most part of my life. I just finished my propadeutic year for Informatics, summa cum laude. I am starting to catch up now. I've also registered for a "summer school", which is 6 evenings spread throughout the next 1.5 months hoping to meet like-minded people there.
I like the part where you said multiple emotional thoughts can have the same goal of not doing something. I just went for a walk and thought about how I'm usually self-conscious about even just speaking out loud or walking confidently for reason xyz even when no one around knows me or cares. There's always a thought that is holding me back, and even though it tends to modulate to a different kind of thought, being aware of what it's making me do is how I was able to operate past it.
I’m 33 and I’m in my last semester of nursing school. I do feel behind career wise but I have a family that I’ve given my attention to. My youngest off for kids is 5 and going to school this year. I’m ahead in family life but not in money and career. I’m cool with it mostly. However I do wish that I had been able to give my kids better opportunities up until now
Such an absolute masterpiece! I wish I saw this about 5 years ago. By now I did catch up, and for everyone who is in my shoes: 1: this is exactly how you do it. Please start today! 2: sure, it is not going to be easy, but it is not even remotely as difficult as you think it is. You can do it, and that's an actual fact.
This channel brings me so much comfort. I'm going through a lot in life right now and this channel helps a lot honestly. I've been watching healthy gamer for over a year now. I wish I had found this channel sooner. :)
This is the stuff I needed to hear! I've been a hardcore gamer since I started grade school with my parents treating me as roommates rather then family, so I'd game heavily before and after school for about 8 hours a day and getting 5 hours of sleep with no goals in mind. Now I'm 27 with a wife and kiddos and I'm trying to go to college to become a counselor while still dealing with my gaming addiction but somewhat manageable about 2-3 hours. I love your content and I'm trying my best to catch up and have a actual career path in mind!
Summary Highlights (between 9 -21 mins): Surrounding yourself with the right company is crucial for personal growth and success. Changing your environment can aid in addiction recovery. Techniques like attending events and using simple greetings can help expand your social circle. Approaching a group with eye contact, a smile, and a clear intention can help you join their conversation. Asking open-ended questions promotes deeper conversations and connections. Changing our social environment can shape our behavior and thinking. Shifting our physical environment can help shift our thinking. Asking for help from various sources can contribute to catching up in life. The two things that sabotage us when trying to catch up are our emotions and our mind's tendency to give us reasons to not catch up. Our emotions have control over our logical thinking, even if we try to be logical. The direction of all these thoughts is to discourage action. Shame plays a role in stopping people from taking action by making them believe that all efforts will lead to failure. Decompressing the emotion behind these thoughts can be done through various methods such as meditation or psychotherapy. Beliefs about oneself shape actions and determine the future by influencing choices and activities. Logic is used to refute one's own logic and discourage action, indicating that the thoughts are more emotional in nature.
A huge obstacle are companies that over analyze people and want them even younger with zero judgement so they can be easily manipulated. They want the ones that had a perfect start. The rest can suck it and end up in the service industry with no chances of making it back to their aspired careers. There’s gotta be protection programs for people in their 30’s and late 20’s against the rough start bias. The discrimination is even deeper these days.
I started to cry when watching the last minutes of the video, but not because of sadness, or at least not entirely, but because I felt a sense of peace, maybe a sense of... hope, a sense that maybe, just maybe I can try what I've always wanted to do, it was so... weird anyway, thanks as always Dr. K
Im currently 22 going on 23 in August, and this really caught my eye. I've been in a downward spiral of feeling like i didn't belong in this world. Going through life living with an abusive mother since my stepdad died when i was 9 until she passed away when i was 18. I felt free, but i had no direction. Throughout the years of my life, i didn't do well in school, i suffer from ADHD, i dropped out of college, and I never really had a positive male role model. Im right now trying to find a better direction in life that being going back to college or serving in the military, anything to find purpose. I hope I finally fulfill my goals
Just graduated last spring at 33. The next step is getting a permanent job instead of a seasonal job, but I still feel a little behind in the game of saving enough money for retirement, getting back into dating after a 8 year hiatus, ect. This video definitely put things into perspective for me though, something to think on.
@MP-ut6eb I worked a seasonal job this summer into fall, but just literally last Tuesday got accepted for a permanent job across the country. Just keep going man, we got this bro!
@MP-ut6eb yep, it's just about taking the momentum and keep the eyes on the prize/goal. Might be my military background, but I find it easy to motivate myself if I have something to look forward to.
I like this except for the whole explaining yourself as to why you said hi… just smile and be like “hi how are you all doing today?” If they respond then you’re in the clear to introduce yourself and interact. It’s that simple. Go have fun now!! 😊
I can not express the amount of help Dr K has been to me. He literally describes exactly the way my thoughts have been stopping me from progressing. Since ive started following Dr K my life has improved immensely.
I've already "caught up" but I'm glad this video exists for others who were where I was. It takes a lot of work to get over experiencing a difficult childhood.
36 and still behind. All my friends have gotten married, had kids, and working on their second home and I'm just... here. I put my career above everything else in my 20s, had to slow down for health reasons, and I'm not doing to bad for myself comparatively speaking and much better off than my parents were. However, I cannot maintain a healthy relationship for the life of me. I know I grew up in an unhealthy household but it had an effect on me. Have some other issues too.
Loving this channel, I`ve been figuring out this stuff on my own for a while, but it`s absolutly great to hear it from somoene else and get some new insights. Thank you!
This made me realise how much of a better place I am in compared to last year. I don't mean to brag around others who are struggling to catch up, but it just feels nice getting some confirmation that I am getting there
35. My life has absolutely been ruined by anxiety and you just perfectly broke down the struggle that I have been having my entire life. Everytime opportunities come my way I turn them down or ignore them because i am convinced that I'm not good enough to execute them which ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy of me being a loser and a bad artist. I'll bookmark this and listen to it regularly because it's so helpful to see it analyzed this way. Thank you.
The question is should you even try to catch up or isn't it just better to live in your own pace and stop comparing yourself to people who got their college degrees at age 23? Would like to hear your guys opinion on this?
I’m 30, and been feeling behind with work, life, etc due to a lot of circumstances; one day it dawned on me (I guess recently?) after a networking meeting that I don’t need to rush anywhere, as long as I meet my goals step by step. I think sometimes, we just look at ourselves and don’t really discuss with others that they’re behind in life and so are we, that it’s almost a shameful thing, really. I feel behind in my career, but that’s okay. I’m doing career coaching with two different people, so slowly I’ll understand with clarity as to what am I even supposed to do. I’m doing toastmasters next week, heck, maybe that’ll help with social anxiety. I don’t really like public speaking or going up to people, but maybe it’ll be a good life skill to have. I’m doing therapy. I’m going back into a video game orchestra this coming autumn because why not try doing something new(?) and bring myself after a burn out. Maybe I’ll get back into dance later this year once things go more steady. Just take it one step at a time, and remember we’re all in the same boat. No. You’re not a failure, you’re not behind, you’re just in a different milestone and that’s okay.
@@BigGamingBossMan Nah, it’s okay. Sometimes life throughs very unfortunate circumstances from childhood that affects us into adulthood, it can be a hard struggle to get out of a mental loop. I did my first meeting of toast masters yesterday to improve on my public speaking skills/work on my job interview skills/how I present myself in public; it was nerve wracking but fun! Can’t wait to make more progress.
was diagnosed with adhd and pddnos when i was 6 or something i struggled to get by in a normal school so i went to special ed. i catched up so much that i can work as a software engineer + server management. i got 2 diplomas in IT. 1 of them i passed 3 years ago and the other one i just got a few weeks ago and my next diploma hopefully in about 2 months. compared to everyone in my special ed class i got the most diplomas and furthest education wise. my life turned around a whole lot. i started off with everyone telling me i couldnt do anything and was a loser and stupid etc. to now everyone telling me that i can do everything i want to. and that iam gonna be succesfull in life. so thats pretty awesome and iam more than proud of myself and where ive gotten.
This is so true! I always was a big partyer from when I was 17-22. Unexpectedly, I found out I was going to be a father. I felt ultra behind compared to all my friends, but i stopped messing around got me a decent job, grinded every day for raises and found myself with a house at 24, married and still grinding to this day. None of my friends have houses yet and all are in apartments or live at home. It’s NEVER EVER too late to start. Therapy has changed my life
4:04 - attachment and behavioral catch up 5:45(6:02) 11:35 15:01 - how the mind sabotages you when you try to catch up 1.15:50(16:43) - emotions 16:30 - the mind may appear logical, but it’s controlled by emotions 2.19:50
This really helped me to hear. I didn't have close friends growing up until I was 16. I am 23 now and about a year ago my best friend of 6 years and at the time roommate nearly died from attempting suicide. It was like my worst nightmare come to life. He's now been a lot better, has a great girlfriend and other friends. I've been struggling in college and to believe in myself and never had any serious boyfriends. He asked to take a break from being friends when he moved out half a year ago because I wasn't ok and he had to deal with a lot. We're going to try to be friends again this coming semester and I'm terrified of being rejected again. I haven't felt like I could possibly face it or move on with my life but I'm trying and will continue to do so. Good luck to everyone else in the comments, just keep swimming.
It’s a shame he metaphorically treated you like a toy that can be put in and out of a cupboard as and when he feels like it….especially after you have been presumably very supportive of him at his worst. I can understand why you are anxious.
this is such a good topic for me, I had abusive parents and at some point they kicked me out of the house, I had to stop my school but luckily still had a job. Problem was finding a place to live, after a year of being homeless I finally found a small appartment and felt like I was super far behind on other people my age because I had to quit school. So I started school but didn't feel comfortable with the age gap so started a home study. I worked during the daytime and studied at night got a girlfriend things were good ish (lots of problems show up if you don't receive mail for a year ) My girlfriend and I wanted to live together and the topic of college debt somehow came up. Her parents then said to my face they don't want to have such a loser on their dinner table and she had to break up with me. Which made me feel even worse about my situation and started trying to catch up even more so I started working 2 jobs to try and earn more money to pay of the college debt. Somewhere around here my mom passed away who I occasianlly still had contact with I worked 2 shifts after eachother some days only had 3 hours of sleep I did this for a while before my body broke down and got into a burnout. I am still unable to work fulltime even after 5 years (lots of things happened to make the situation worse), I had to give up on this feeling of feeling behind in life and just try and start working on my own wellbeing step by step adding things to my life to add more structure and increase the strain on my body that I could handle. In the beginning I coudn't even do chores, somehow they gave such a massive headache I pretty much coudn't move the rest of the day. Doing much better since the start of this year and am looking for some work I can do a couple hours a week, hopefully I am recovered soon.
26 young man, experienced mental illness from 22-25, now finally breaking through and experiencing triumphs. after being out of work for 4 and half years, I can tell you, there is ALWAYS TIME. It's only now that I've stopped playing video games, i've started journalling consistently, im reaching out to people and making friends, setting up healthy social settings, and am about to undertake a Barista course that will help me find work in a cafe making coffee for people. the one thing you need to learn, is to take it easy on yourself, start doing simple things, small improvements, and do what you love, and things will just work out. I've been seing a therapist for 8 months and that was all i needed internally to start to feel better. it truly is wonderful, there is always time to catch up! : ) the best mindset you can take up is that you have time. just latch onto anyone you know, whether it a be a friend or older relative, who didnt start to progress until they were in their 30,40,50s etc, and hold onto the belief that you have even more time than they do. it will set your mind into a state of joy and motivation and belief.
Our mind sees our attempts as failures!!!! 😳😳😳 That.. hit me!!! I've done amazing things on my own and because it wasn't my definition of "perfect" or exactly the way I wanted it FELT like a failure and I wouldn't give myself credit or properly celebrate myself.
Being late in life has made it a lot easier honestly. Didn’t go to college right after high school. Saw how tons of my peers ended up in crippling debt to make like 15% more than me in the same organization. So instead I saved and then focused on getting a scholarship, was able to get college completely paid for, now I’m competing for job with people with zero experience in the field I’ve been in since a freshman in high school. Now my trajectory looks excellent, I’m getting paid more with no debt, and if I need a graduate degree to move up or move on I’ll easily be able to pay out of pocket.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Catching up may be a science but the way I fall behind is an art
:')
i am going to write this quote in my quote journal😂😂
This is beautiful
Literally me haha
this is the best quote of 2023 😂😂😂
I’m 26 and feel this so hard. Never had a girlfriend, never had a “real” adult job, and I’m going to grad school now because my bachelors degree got me absolutely nothing valuable. Most of my male cousins and friends around my age are already married and/or have kids, and often I feel like an overgrown teen boy. Yet somehow, I’m optimistic for the first time in my life. I’ve finally accepted that I spent my youth being a perpetual screwup because I was too scared to face reality. Self sabotaging is an addiction that I am still training myself to overcome.
Keep up the great work! I just got my bachelors in Mech Eng at 28, hoping to start a masters or medschool at 30
I'm self sabotaging right now lol
you got this
You feeling bad at 26 makes me feel worse at 29 haha. I'm sure there's a 34 year old reading this in envy.
I'm 28 and on the same boat 😅 I have self sabotaged me my whole life because of social anxiety and stuff and only now I'm starting to slowly improve I guess
Based on his wiki Dr. K battled video game addiction during his undergrad from 2000-2003, then overcame it in India. He later finished his undergrad in 2007. At 28, he started his medical degree in 2010, which he completed by 32-33 in 2014, marking a remarkable comeback and success story. Even mentors can be “behind in life.”
What an anime protagonist. :D
From simp to chad
I think it kind of has to be a prerequisite to be a mentor. Setbacks are the most important lessons overcome and learnt to inspire people.
I think that’s so awesome that he overcame video game addiction, he can really understand how gamers think for real
I am dealing with video game addiction as well. I'm going to try his social group method and hopefully find people who can build me up. Hopefully I can build them up as well.
I've been blessed with a good friend who helped me figure out that I can go into technology, but unfortunately he lives on the other side of the country. I'm going back to school, maybe I should join the volleyball club or try out for the swim team
This is really interesting, especially considering I just turned 22. If your comment is correct, that means Dr K is 20 years older than me. Hopefully I'll be successful twenty years from now but I'm glad he was able to become successful
I think he is excellent mentor for that exact reason it was so bumpy road. I find those who excel in studies and life and do record time things, are very bad at helping other people.
I hope this will encourage someone. I began studying software development when I was 35, a stay-at-home mom lacking any formal technical education. I landed my first job as a junior dev at the age of 36. I am 44 now, and a senior dev. I wouldn't be where I am now if at 35 I had succumbed to the fear that I was too old or too far behind to even try.
Good for you! 👏👏👏
I have a similar story: got into Info Sec as a mid-level architect. That was in 2017. Today, I'm the director of the department with more than 70 people ⭐️
Thanks for the motivation!
@@Crywolf1337 You are welcome. Успех в начинанията!
@@Claudia-lq3ns Sounds impressive! I am glad you could achieve so much and now have an inspiring story to share.
Wow! That's really impressive! How were you able to land a dev job after only a year of learning? I tried to get into software development for 3 years, but ended up nowhere. Then, I gave up. Now, I work in a totally different field.
36 this year and just started my PhD. I won't really start my career for another 2-3 years, but I'm finally pursuing a life that I love. Hang in there guys, it's worth finding your passion and going after it.
Man.. All the best.
I'm 37 and in two minds about starting PhD.
Best of luck ❤
All the best @hunterarmstrong8367. Your comment inspires me. I'm 35 and starting on a higher degree or postgraduate. My undergrad did not have the best results but catching up now and making up for les than desired results in my undergrad and hoping I can do a phd sometime in the future despite my past results and catch up to my peers.
Thanks for this! I'm 28 and going nowhere anytime soon. But maybe there's hope for me yet!
Good luck! I hope you keep being motivated :)
At 35 I want to go back to college now and get at least BA - not sure if I'll push to the PhD (my family expected me to be already finishing), but I'm ~5 years in the field after starting over from scratch and want to get at least some formal training on it to make more of my possibilities. It's good to attempt "just" the one next big thing :)
I needed to hear this today.
I am 40 with no career (just an alright job) no wife, no kids, nothing really so to speak. I was a heroin addict from the ages of 15-31. The next 5 or 6 years were spent cleaning up the mess of a life I created through my addiction.
I keep going in this loop of no one wanting to be with me due to the things I do not have or have not accomplished, being depressed because I am lonely, then accomplishing even less. I am so far behind my peer group that its not even funny.
I have given myself a 3-year deadline to improve my situation and I am trying to do all the things suggested in this video. I can only pray that it will work for me too...
Please do not use drugs. Even if you manage to not overdose or go to prison the real pain starts when you get clean and see how much of your life that you wasted.
Try to help even 1 person and i think it will make you feel good.
You got this brother, this random UA-cam user believes in you, you already accomplished a lot by cleaning yourself, things will be difficult but don't give up. Despite how much I need to catch up there's one thing I've learned when it comes to attempt positive changes in your life, even if it doesn't quiet work as you expected at the end of it, the results are far better than thinking years later: "What if I had tried that day anyway?"
What you've accomplished so far is already really really impressive. Please stay strong and continue on your self-improvement journey, no matter how incremental it might be at times. I believe in you!
@@00Mike55 You are very right. As someone who has many regrets, I will say it's not the things I failed at, it's the ones I never even tried that eat me up at night. However, thanks for your vote of confidence. Unfortunately finding a wife and building a family before I am far too old is proving to be harder than kicking heroin. lol
@@Ghetto_Bird I am doing my best so thank you for the kind words.
Unfortunately, due to my age and amount of time wasted I am on a bit of a time crunch. I turn 41 this winter so if I am ever going to have a kid/family it's going to have to happen in the next few years (hence the deadline I have set). Fingers crossed I will achieve my goals and my deadline will simply pass with no actions need.
Points for me;
1. It's possible, even in biology, to catch up. It's the last reps which matter.
2. Be careful of your environment, who you hang around, your physical environment.
3.Your emotions are controlling you. Acknowledge your emotions, notice the shame behind your inaction. Shame sabotages you, makes you believe you're destined to fail.
4. Who you are is determined by your actions- play close attention to "I" statements- how you view your own identity. Don't let ego based statements control who you become.
End statement: It's 100% possible to catch up. It's up to you to realize the tricks your mind plays on you. Get help. Change your environment. Your mind is trying to convince you against your better judgement, to protect you from pain, but this cycle will leave you stuck.
Thank you! Usually it'd take me a while to synthesize a video like this into some good points.
Just stop comparing yourself to other people. Heck if you want to feel better compare yourself to people that died younger than you. Morbid as it sounds, all the years you are living are "extra" and you realize there is no obligation to catch up or whatever.
He also said that we need help for that last little bit, like a weightlifter who needs a spotter for the last rep or two.
@@Kevin_Street Just curious, who are you guys comparing to in order to feel "behind" in life? Elon Musk? Jeff Bezos? Your peer group?
honestly his points are kinda thin, what does biology trail of catching up relate to social catching up at all? btw that was just one example, there a many example in biology of not catching up . The point is youtube is so saturated with positive comment it lack critical thinking, look how positive the top comment are
Im 27 years old right now, spent about 6-7 years of my twenties high on herion and methamphetamine, but here i am clean 1 year in. I missed so much time and "catching up" is something im trying to fast track right now. Its frustrating and disappointing how much time i waisted. No savings no home to call my own no friends pretty much no life.. I hope everyone the very best in getting along in life. Because i know how it feels to be left behind
Same here pretty much! Congratulations on your year of sobriety! 😊🙌 That's awesome!!! 😁✊ I'm almost 28, & all I've known since I was 18 is addiction, homelessness, trauma, abuse, loss.. I've never had a place of my own to live, haven't been able 2 work a "regular" job in years due 2 traumatic events, pregnancy, mental health struggles, & physical limitations. I have no friends, & am stuck living with my narcissistic ex, cuz I literally have no where else 4 me 2 go, as my car that I used 2 live in is now undrivable & has been parked @ his parents house the last few yrs cuz I don't have the money 2 fix it. I HAVE been married, twice, both marriages were abusive. I HAVE given birth to 3 babies but I was forced into giving 2 up for adoption, & have been robbed of the opportunity 2 be a mother 2 my oldest. It's so damn hard, 2 want & desire connection, but are unable 2 due 2 current circumstances & unable 2 find anybody who is willing 2 invest their time & patience into a friendship with me b4 they automatically pass judgement on my personal struggles😩😔
Good luck brother, congratulations on a year clean! You got this
Congrats on a year clean! That’s is so much more ahead than you where a year ago, very proud of you for accomplishing your goal and we’re rooting for you!
1 year is an incredible accomplishment. Congrats.
Wish you the best of luck man. Do your best to focus on the future and what's coming! Just keep doing your best and your effort with be inevitably rewarded :)
I was fighting back tears when he mentioned shame. This has been my last decade, being emotionally driven and focused and not actually pursuing what made me get into college in the first place. 31 now, I'm going to start becoming a doctor again. I have to make the steps and believe in myself along the way. I hope you all do the same.
43, female. I've battled migraine and insomnia since 18. Migraines suddenly stopped in 2020. June according to last entry in my diary. My sleeping problems have decreased significantly. I'm so far behind my friends and younger siblings: no career, no kids, no partner, few friends, live in a shady neighborhood, etc etc. But I'm not worried about not reaching any specific goals. For me it's the journey itself I look forward to. I want to experience life for the first time since childhood as a healthy and fully present being. ❤ from Sweden
Thank you for sharing this great attitude and perspective! I needed to hear something like this today. I wish you all the best :)
That's a great attitude imo! I mean the real problem ?and not the society bs) is the shady neighborhood!! Gotta leave! You got this! Stay safe ☺️
I highly recommend you do Pranamaya exercise for your Insomnia , it's a wonderful powerful breathing exercises .
I had insomnia for a decade and I completely eliminated it using this exercise everyday for 10 mins .
I would also recommend you to start meditating as well (Transcendental meditation) .
These two probably saved my life , since I wouldn't agree to live with insomnia for much longer .
I would also recommened you to do tongue exercises as weak tongue can cause breathing blocks during sleep and lower quality of breathing overall . And lastly and most obviously , aerobic exercise! just run 15 mins a day!
You can also start doing some Yoga stretches as well to improve body .
Anyways I hope it can aid you in your life . Peace .
I feel you! recovering from ME/CFS, diagnosed n on disability since 2014. I cant wait till im working and living again
Since you’re from
Sweden, is this pressure to live up to societal pressure and status quo any different in Europe than in the USA?
I am turning 30 soon. No major career, no degree or major certifications, no house or apartment, no girlfriend, wife or kids, BUT after 10 LONG years of struggling I finally learned to accept reality and break out of depression. Now is just to focus on making money so I can get those things.
Dude for real ? I'm in the same situation. You know what else gives me hope ? Longevity science, i've wasted my 20's pretty much, but what if it's possible to feel just as energic as a 20 year old during my 30's by applying all these new scientific breakthroughs ? It might not be too late but we have to stop being lazy.
You don’t need money for a girlfriend.
If you are trying to basically buy the affection of someone out of your league, I guess you would need a lot of money. But if you want a normal girlfriend who is in your league, you just need to learn to treat her and yourself with respect and kindness.
The redpill idea that girlfriends are essentially purchased is hugely self sabotaging.
Roosh was a single guy, chronically online, living in his mom’s basement, spending all his time sabotaging other men’s happiness.
We forget that way too easily.
@@danxdanx8877We only have to do the right thing right now.
There is only this moment, always.
@@youtubename7819Most women, especially the quality ones want a man who makes at least average money.
@@DivineLogos Let me reformulate your sentence to make more sense: Most people, especially the ones that have their life together, want a partner who also has her/his life together.
20:33 “When you start to believe something about yourself, it starts to shape what you choose to do or not do… the beliefs you have about yourself start to shape your actions and determine your future - and what always happens with the beliefs you have about yourself is that they become _self-fulfilling prophecies.”_
Setting a reminder for myself here.
Thoughts become things.
@@SnoozeCruisin commented to remind myself again
I'm 33 and going back to school because I want to do something that I like and that's computing. I wasted 15 years of my life working at my dads restaurant like a slave so he could retire. That period was the most painful for me because of how toxic that environment was, Gordon Ramsay on Hells Kitchen seemed tame to what my dad was like. I had stuff thrown at me and bullied by him and my coworkers. But I still did not leave. I hope I can become a programmer and put my past behind me.
I'm rooting for everybody here in the comments section. It's not too late for us and we will smash all of our goals. *We can do this* ❤
I wish you the best. I've wasted my time so much in nothingness. Now learning programming. Cheers!
You got this man , we got this 👍
Learning how to program is difficult but I know surviving that was to so I have no doubts you'll be a great programmer one day.
@@claudiusbuser no
tf
I'm 35, I spent most of my 20s as an unemployed/under-employed, reclusive shut-in, spent 5 years after that in a shithole factory making windows but I started to make some real change when I finally took the plunge on doing martial arts. From that I built a great social network and I began to develop an interest for human behaviour and a passion for mental health so I kicked around the idea of studying psychology at Uni. I then found out I had been carrying an injury for 2 years, had a surgery for it and remained out of the game for a whole year. Decided late last year as I was recovering from the surgery that I'd stop breaking myself down and rotting in a shithole for a pittance and take a chance to make something of myself by getting into Uni, so I did my STAT (an aptitude test to improve my selection rank) at the end of last year, performed well and got accepted at the start of this year.
Now I just got through my first semester of my psych undergrad with 4 distinctions, a high distinction, and a lot of lessons learned. I just started really getting my health back on track with regular trips to the gym, daily walks, evening yoga and quitting drinking. I have a job as a commercial cleaner to pay my way, good hourly rate, I mostly work alone which suits my introverted self, and I'm in discussion to get more hours at the moment. I'm also still going strong with a DnD group and games days some of my martial arts friends formed, I'm so glad I met these people, they have been the best support network I've ever had in my life.
There was a lot of discomfort, uncertainty, and insecurity I had to face, there have been a lot of challenges and doubts I've had to contend with, a lot of questions of whether I belong or if this is the right thing to do, but all in all I think I'm where I need to be and I'm slowly but surely picking up the pieces and I'm optimistic it'll all fall into place soon enough.
One important thing to remember is that the feeling of "falling behind" happens to most people. It's not something that goes away when you do what's socially acceptable. Anything worth doing will require an amount of effort that will leave you out of some experience that seems extremely important. The only thing that matters is pushing for what you feel is important to you, and there's always time for that, irregardless of how far you are from "other people". All that matters is that you get to do what you care about while accepting that you'll miss out on something else by doing that.
Just ran into an old high school friend from ten years ago. I'm 28, one year older than him, but he has a great career and a new family. Meanwhile, I just graduated college after 6.5 years on active duty, no real career, no wife, no kids, and honestly still no direction despite having a newly acquired degree... It's depressing as hell sometimes to think of how "behind" I am, but it's great to have Dr. K's perspective. The timing of this vid was incredible.
I'm 29 and also used to compare myself to others all the time.
After 8 years of being in University from constantly failing, everyone else felt ahead of me in life.
The difference began when I realised that their stages of progress meant nothing in my journey. I focused on my own goal, then what resources I have, then on my plan to make and measure progress. It cut out all the other irrelevant junk (such as what anyone else is doing).
After a few years, I didn't even realise I have surpassed my peers in so many ways. I own my own $720k house, earn almost twice as much in wages than them, and am well on the way for even more progress.
I know it's easier said than believed, but life is not a race. Who knows? Maybe your friend rushed into having a family and could have serious issues with their less-carefully selected wife. Maybe he rushed into a job in a toxic working environment and no way to progress. We don't know. Frankly, it doesn't matter. You have a new degree, and have so many options for who you want to work with, who you want as a partner and who you want to be.
We may have walked the longer road, but as Doctor K said, we don't need to identify with our struggles. Rather, we can identify with our plans and values.
Same here. I'm 28. Just enrolled in college
Although true sometimes everything looks better from the outside looking in.
@@RonaldinhoPopper I'm at a similar path as yours buddy
I'm 28 and I'm finally graduating (hopefully *tm) and don't have any experience in job.
But because of one of my main obstacles; my family farming business, I have a clear understanding of this workfield. And since I'm into tech and entrepreneurship I have another advantage.
Oh and a killer credit score. :D just paid a massive loan that I was hoping to be able to pay in 36 months. I did this IN LESS THAN 10 MONTHS. :D god I love business. Who needs to be an employee?
Dude, active duty is a Real Thing(TM) all by itself. Even if your time in felt easy, or at least not challenging, it is still a big deal that sets you apart from the vast majority of humans ever.
To be clear, I’ve said thing deprecating my time as an intel weanie to legit operators and tough dudes, and they’ve universally hemmed me up over it.
Appreciate your service for what it was: volunteering your time in pursuit of something greater than yourself, without expectation of aggrandizement. It changed you in ways you may not even be aware of. As a 43 year old stay-at-home dad and Tricaratops using my GI bennies to learn trade skills, I find myself much more capable of dealing with the suck of life than a lot of my peers who didn’t serve, forex.
In my early 20s I felt like a complete loser. I felt way behind everyone else in life.
I went through a journey that exactly matches what Dr. K describes in this video. I started weightlifting, going to networking events, and learning a well-paying skill, despite my initial fear of those activities. If you stick with something constructive past the most difficult starting phase, your self-image and your very reality will change for the better.
There is no greater feeling in life.
What's the skill if you don't mind me asking?
@@bevvvy1374 Programming. I attended a coding bootcamp in 2017 and I'm very happy with my career direction now.
@@Cyghfer I've always thought about coding as a career but my real passion is writing. Problem is I'm not sure how viable it is to get a degree for that, while coding is basically a guaranteed job
@@bevvvy1374 A lot of jobs hinge on good writing ability, but yeah, studying programming is a safer bet for solid income. I'm lucky in that I genuinely enjoy programming and building software. I didn't pursue it just for the money - that's a ticket to misery and lack of fulfillment.
I think it's really, really important to pursue something that you genuinely enjoy, but it also needs to be balanced with practicality.
@@Cyghfer This. I tried coding and I don't enjoy it. I have no idea what I can do that I'll actually enjoy that's also a valuable skill.
40 years old. Failed in business. Lost life savings in day trading. Accumulated loads of debt. Failed in relationships(almost got married but due to aforementioned reasons). Now trying to catch up and make up for my "lost decade" of depression that had me doing jobs that isn't part of my diploma just to survive and eat. Lots of weird health issues too. Your video's timing is extremely apt because now I am trying to change and trying my best dusting off formal shirts and constantly going for Job Interviews. Thanks for this.
Be strong and be courageous. You have many years available to build your success on the difficult lessons you learned.
Good luck in your interviews, you got this!!
Thank you for sharing, that genuinely gives me a little more hope and motivation for myself
Good luck!
I wish you all the best pal
I’m 28, no job no credit score, no rental history spent 15 years on psych drugs in zombie mode until lockdown when my dr closed his practice and I went cold Turkey on benzodiazepines and antipsychotics. I finally got my driver’s license at 26 and am making slow progress escaping a bad abuse situation. These videos are really helping. Thanks.
Benzo addiction is no joke. THat shit is probably the hardest stuff to kick!
dwell into vitamins and organic food
body won't rebuild without it's primal food fix itself
better to eat 1/3 but of better quality
Hey! I hope you're doing better now! Its been 8 months since you posted this, can you give us an update?
Charas ganja mereko pyara😂
same but worse
Something that has helped me change my thinking is ‘challenging my ego’. What I do, is when my brain says I’m lazy or I can’t do something, I ask myself “why?” Then the ego will respond and I ask “why?” Again and I keep doing this process until I get to the root. Usually, these thoughts are imprinted onto us by other people, places, and things (it’s environmental). It’s a good start to rebuild your mental.
I think a really big issue here is for individual’s that are unable to change their environment or don’t know how to. A lot of times the solution to these types of issues are a change in environment, but when you have no where to go to or have no financial means to get there, that solution is always out the window resulting in staying broken or suicide.
This!
If you're broke just get rich
Don't feel so bad. Even in a different environment, all the cockroaches in your head will come with you. It's actually much easier to accomplish nearly anything that's locally possible, in your local area that you know as your home, than it is to do the same in a new, unknown environment. The only thing a new environment is good for is the forceful push it might give to do something new.
Pretty much this.
I live in a comfortable yet toxic environment. I have my own room, a small source of income (enough to treat myself with food and small expenses, not enough to move out)
My whole life i've never been a social person, i grew up in the countryside with only 1 friend i've occasssionally visited but he sort of moved on to do other things and i stopped coming over his place cuz he's was busy most of the time.
I live with my mom, whom i genuinely hate and find to be a despicable person despite the few good things she does
And my older brother, who constantly belittles me for not doing enough work and such. To the point i avoid every possibly interaction with him.
I'm always nagged to find a job and get a driver's license, but finding a job for a socially inept person with no connections is, extremely difficult.
In the ideal scenario i would find a job abroad and move there for a long while, to try living alone for once and escape the daily sense of judgement. But i have no experience with "real jobs", i don't have experience with applying for things, i don't know the documents needed, whether it's safe bet or not.
The ignorance and lack of a comfortable amount of money just makes it feel impossible.
Once I left my parents house my mental state was able to change. You can change your environment by getting to know other actual good people who have your best internet in mind. It took me a while to learn who is looking out for me and who is only there for their own self interest.
Something that soothes my mind on this topic is that:
My age now being 31 and just finishing my first year of college is actually and advantage in the field I am going in. The maturity I developed prior allows me to focus on actually learning and growing rather than the wows and wonders of entering the adult world. It also helps that I established the ability to study hard and stay focused.
The industry I am walking into will inherently prefer an individual who is older over younger, though it values skill more than all else. Skill can be developed at any age, so this isn't a problem.
Finally comparing yourself to your peers is fine so long as you don't use that as a measuring stick for your own success. Everyone develops at their own pace, and the biggest battle is recognizing that your life is your own. Beating yourself up because someone else is seemingly better off is honestly dumb. I know people who make 6 figures who are miserable, so your ideal image may not be the best for you personally.
I'll be starting grad school next fall at the ripe old age of 33 🤓 the life experience will be an asset in my field too. In fact, I've spoken with a few programs already and some of them have more students like me, who have gone off and spent a decade or more having a career and then returning to switch, than "traditional" 22-year-old grad students. Go us!
This was so well said! Especially your last two sentences, it relieved my mind a lot. Thank you for this! ❤
@@lilymulligan8180 there’s a small part of me that I imagines what it would have been like if I went to college later. I winged my years in university instead of using it to genuinely learn and grow. I didn’t have the awareness I have now.
I agree, I (used) to beat myself up a lot, and then I told myself later why tf did I actually do that (I mean I know why-low self esteem), but I’m like what did it actually accomplish.
Starting late is not an issue.
Being stuck at there for 8 years is
I'm turning 26. I screwed up university big time. The hectic job market, the world turning on his head in the past few years (+ my country being a mess in general) paired with my indecisiveness and fear of failure plunged me in a 4 year long depression which I only recently crawled out of - heavens know how.
My 7 year relationship is hanging by a thread, job prospects are not doing great. Moved back with my parents for the time being, and that's when things started "looking up". The family was incredibly supportive when they saw how much I suddenly changed as I came out of depression.
My life by all and any metrics is really not doing well. Every area of my life I am severely lagging behind. But I believe that for the first time in a long long time, I am not stressed out of my mind, I am in clear control of my thoughts and emotions, and aware of my surroundings. I feel AMAZING despite the dreadful circumstances.
This is where life begins. Time to catch up.
Hey buddy :) , I’m 19 and I also just messed up in university really badly 🙁 I want to give up so badly but the reality is I was so cognitively paralyzed and impaired by my fear of even attempting to fully commit all my time and energy into school that it costed me and I’ve spiraled into a nightmare of nothingness for the past year. I really never reached out when I should’ve and suffered in silence. I didn’t expand my social circle. I didn’t take action when I felt I was able to. It seems I get in my own way; always. And I’m really at a loss because the intimidation of being successful and allowing myself to try are so intense. I just wanted to know how life has changed for you honestly, I’m 19 and I’ll turn 20 in 8 months and I just really would love to hear from someone who’s older because I’m more willing than ever to just allow myself to absorb and reflect the stories and advice from others. Even then, I’d genuinely just love to know if anything has changed for you my friend, I hope this comment finds you well. :)
A person cannot remake themselves without suffering, for he/she is the marble and sculpture. A lot of us here has suffered so much and so we've fallen behind. I pray everyone here reaches to where they need to go in this life. Thanks Dr.K.
0:00: 📚 It is possible to catch up in life and overcome setbacks.
2:55: 🧠 The body and mind have the ability to catch up and grow after periods of setback or adversity.
6:16: 💪 Getting help for a small portion of the journey can lead to exponential growth when catching up in life.
8:46: 🗣 Changing your environment and the company you keep is crucial for catching up in life.
11:40: 👥 To insert yourself into a group, make eye contact, smile, and introduce yourself. Ask open-ended questions to engage in conversation.
15:08: ⚡ The mind sabotages us when we try to catch up in life due to emotions and logical reasoning controlled by emotions.
17:50: Shame and lack of belief in oneself lead to thoughts of failure and sabotage.
20:34: 🧠 Beliefs about oneself shape actions and determine future outcomes, becoming self-fulfilling prophecies.
24:11: 🧠 Your mind uses logic to try to convince you of certain beliefs, but getting help and changing your environment can help you catch up in life.
Recap by Tammy AI
I'm 28 and I started catching up in life recently. A lot of what I've changed has come from always being a "Yes Man" to any sort of social event and whenever the voice in my head tells me to wait to do something I question it, ask it "why wait?", and then do what isn't comfortable, but needs to be done. The last year and especially the last 3-4 months have been going great for me and I don't plan on stopping.
Awesome, keep moving forward and putting yourself out there in uncomfortable situations.
hell yeah dude gonna try to do that too
How did you overcome the brain implosion about "but how can anyone find my company attractive? Theres definitely something wrong and shady" when someone is inviting you?
@@Nworthholf Maybe it's cuz I'm in my late 20s, but I don't have that sort of feeling when I've been invited to anything.
@@AnkleMusic I'm 28, and that crap was with me my entire life and I've got no idea what to do about it :c
I struggle with meaning and what most therapists don't talk about is the "pain" of doing all this. It's super hard, deteroriating and lonely. It's you who pull the last rep no matter what gym or trainer you've on your side. Through this shape-shifting and crafting, somewhere you 'emerge' and that's encouraging but deeply agonizing at the same time. Thank you Dr. K for saying it's painful.
Its comforting to know I'm not alone. And it might sound macabre but Im glad there's people out there who have it worse than me and still fight for themselves.
I dropped out of HS in 2013 due to illness and experienced nothing but more trauma and failure. I got sicker mentally and physically until in 2019 i couldn't take it anymore.
The right meds helped me take baby steps. In 2020 I enrolled in second chance adult HS. I made my A-levels this June. I'm hopeing to enroll in a EE bachelor's programme this fall at 29. I might graduate by the time im 33 and have my first career ever then. I do absolutely feel behind, but I also know I had reasons. If it had worked sooner, I would have done it sooner. Obviously it didn't, so theres no reason to lament about it further. I gotta keep going. One day I'll be 33 anyway. With or without a career.
I hope you can make the most from your life💪
Hope you make it 💪
The last two sentences are pure gold. I'm 31 years old trying to restart college (I dropped out freshman year) and I feel so fucking behind. But that's it. One day I will have 3X, with or without a career.
I love hearing stories of other people whose lives went differently than expected but are turning out fine. I feel like I had never really gotten my life back properly after my depressive episode in 2013, but now I'm back in school and things are getting better and I've decided I'm going to be OK.
All the best!
As Socrates said : “Focus your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new” I hope this change someone’s insight towards life and time as it did for me, God bless you all
Thank you really a great quote and very helpful
The biggest gamechanger for me is not to compare myself to others. I created my own realistic goals with what I had and be content when I achieve them. The point is not that you're "behind" but you ACT on changes to be better with your life. If you dwell on your issues (everyone on here has their own story) it will just pull you back. But if you keep faith in yourself and push forward through your obstacles you will be the greatest CEO....of your own life.
I think the easiest to see this is when adults learn musical instruments. If they are really determined, they improve so quickly. They might not become world-famous musicians, but they for sure become good enough to accompany themselves, write songs, play for their families during holidays, etc.
I would just caution over trying to hit too many birds with 1 stone. e.g. Gong to a party (because socialising), but the party will be in French (because wanting to try speaking French) and there will be Karaoke (because getting over singing in front of people/being center of attention), etc... I think it's wise to choose 1 thing to focus on at a time.
Thank you for sharing :)
I'm 33, from 18 to 28 (1 decade) I was basically aimless, didn't had a job, failed my academic attempts, didn't do much aside from being in my room playing video games and/or watching youtube videos. I had a distance relationship with a girl from another part of the country, from my 21 to my 28 (7 years). When we broke up (things were not sustaining themselves any longer, both of us needed help) I was so devastated emotionally, that I developed strong anxiety symptoms like never before, in front of that crisis I knew... I just could do 2 things, or I vanish myself from existence, or I try putting things together, overcome my fears (accept and embrace them), and go accomplish the stuff I needed to become an independent and functional human being.. turns out that things ended up going well, in about just 1-2 years I had a job (software engineer) and a new girlfriend (this time face to face relationship), and 1 year after I was living together with that person. We don't plan to have children but we have a dog, lol (never had a dog before either). It was painful to confront so many hard situations, still is in some cases, so after postponing the inevitable for 10 years... I finally was faced with the decision, and I concluded that the pain of trying to live a better life was less than the pain of trying to die, because I was seriously considering it.
Well done man. So happy for you.
Well done. Congrats 🎉
Good stuff man.
But you didn't explain how you become a software engineer.
I've just earned my degree in mechanical engineering and I'm very very anxious about my future. Any tips?
@@MP-ut6eb I guess it depends a lot on circumstances around you, like your country, job opportunities, the moment in time... What I did was, first, taking like a free government course about "basic web development" after which I didn't feel I was ready to do any real job... and after one year or so, I found an another opportunity to do a Bootcamp, also for free (I'm from Spain). And in that Bootcamp they helped me a lot with the CV and finding a first job and put our expectations really high. After applying for several jobs, doing some interviews, and not being accepted, at the end I was accepted by a Startup company, and worked there for 6 months, the experience was quite bad since Startup expected too much from me, and luckily after checking other job opportunities I was contacted by a middle sized company and was accepted as a Junior, now I've 5 years there and I'm no longer junior.
My tip is go full maniac with Linkedin, sell yourself the best you can, exude self-confidence, and don't be afraid to fail... right now may be harder to find the first job than some years ago (due to more people applying for software engineer positions), but is still possible. Keep honing your skills, specialise in something, like FE or BE or whatever you like most, and let them be reflected in your CV and Linkedin profile, keep applying for job positions, and trust your own possibilities and potential.
You have a degree, so you have already a better starting point. It's ok to be anxious, just don't let the anxiety make you give up. I learnt the hard way that is better to endure and accept pain than quitting things to avoid it. Quitting makes you feel worthless and hopeless.
I'm 20, dropped out of school after 8th grade. Spent my teens here and there doing nothing, had no friends. Went through the guilt, loneliness, shame,, self sabotaged like thrice.. . Going back to school after 5 years in autumn. This video really reminds me of the harder times I had and also how I've kind of gotten over this feeling of being behind/accepted it. i feel like im only now starting my journey, its rather exciting. there definitely is light on the other side of the tunnel lol.
That is wonderful! Good luck on your journey and hope you'll find joy in it too🌱❤️🩹
@jacuci91 I also dropped out of school in 9th grade in 2010 (or rather, was forced to), because my country went to the crapper and the majority of the population could not afford to live there, so to answer your question, despite it being law, one way of dropping out is moving to another country.
My path was harder than the norm (graduate after 12th and then university) and sometimes I wish I could have continued the normal way, but I pursued the studies that I wanted later on and now work as a Software Engineer. While not the end of the world, I certainly don't recommend anyone drop out if they get the choice.
Good Luck ❤
keep your head high. You are not behind! Everybody has their own timeline!
Join the army. My guy, easy way to start a new life
Every once in a while you come across something that makes everything you've been doing for a while click. This video just did that for me.
Sincerely, Thank you. First video, Subscribed.
I've been on a self improvement journey for the last 2 years (I'm 30 now). These 2 years have been beyond terrible, to say the least, as I was behind in everything from my health to relationships, career and finances. I had to work on all of them at the same time and face everything I've been avoiding for a decade. But it's also been the most fulfilled I've ever felt.
And watching this video made me relive many of those experiences. Honestly, I might've struggled a bit less if I saw a video like this back then, probably.
To anyone who is in a similar situation, my best advice is to just start doing any positive habit.
Start small, and where you can. Even if it's as insignificant as fixing your bed the moment you get up or brushing your teeth around the same time.
Make it so easy you can't say no. Then once it develops into a habit, do another good habit right after it (habit stacking).
In my case, I went from waking up at the same time to ->cold shower ->running ->study ->skin care routine ->morning greeting family/friends -> protein n carbs rich breakfast. I procrastinated and missed a lot but made sure to get back to it everytime and in about a year and a half, my morning routine got set. The amazing thing is, in the process of fixing my morning routine, my evening to bedtime routine got fixed as well.
In just 2 years, I went from:
Barely able to run 500 meters to running 21 kms (half marathons), doing 50kms every week.
Messed up sleep, waking up 8-11 am to now 3 am without needing an alarm.
No social life to close family relationships and regular outings with friends.
Camera shy and procrastinating for years to my first youtube video
Never employed to getting my first job
Water phobia to learning to swim
Not able to do 1 pullup to 8 pullups in one set.
80kg to 65kg (lost 15kgs in 4 months)
Unfortunately, I have yet to get a girlfriend but at this point I'm not insecure about it anymore.
Also, my job situation is not set yet since I decided to get back to studying and pick up the right skills for a proper career rather than short term quick money.
So yes, I still have many things to work on but I'm whole worlds away from that guy who almost gave up on his life cos he didn't know where to even start fixing things.
As messed up as your life is, it's possible man. We all start somewhere.
I took my first few steps and I'm already dreaming of greatness lol.
Seriously though, call it newbie delusion but I'm starting to be convinced I can achieved anything with time as long as I keep at it.
My channel is for that exact purpose- to see if someone like me who had a messed up life can really achieve greatness with brutal accountability and discipline.
I'm 30 and I just finished med school, and I always feel shitty about the fact that Im 5-6 years older than most of my peers. But the fact that you started med school at age 28 (meaning that I might even be ahead of you time-wise) and turned out to be such a great doctor and giving so much value back to society means that age doesnt mean much, its all about mindset. Hope your channel grows and you dont stop making contect. Thank you for the video.
"I feel shitty after finishing med school" oh shut up... The humblebrags are just endless.
@@SPQR_14wait what??
@@SPQR_14 ong bro he just tryna flex on us
There is no way you feel shitty after finishing med school
Volunteer work has been the biggest thing to get me out of my social circle and into something new. I would never be able to do that otherwise and it's been working out well for me!
So relatable. Even having a degree and working in IT for 4 years as a SDET I still feel I'm lagging behind. No house, no partner, others peer making more than you. Sometimes it feels once you achieve something the goal only get moved to another one.
What's SDET?
@@derickndossySoftware Development Engineer in Test. OP, you know what you need to do--transition to production.
I agree 100%. I dropped out of an IT degree 10 years ago to figure out what I want to do career wise and I'm still not any further forward. Although I'm now happily married with a 3 year old and a 1 year old, there is still a part of me that feels like a failure for not having a career. I'm resigned to the fact that us humans (in my opinion) are never truly content with what we have, there is always something we crave. Even though, from the outside, it could look like we have everything
@123NiallMc Yes, I studied biology and psychology and they teach that humans always want the next thing. It is a survival mechanism.
I’m 27 & at 20 I had a problem with psychosis. But I pulled myself out of it & immediately started on making my room a functional & safe feeling space for me. Now I’m working really hard on compromising with myself & doing what I can to heal, including getting rid of people who aren’t good for me & understanding who is healthy for me. Now I’m higher functioning than I have been in years & I am happier now than I have ever been before.
That's amazing!
Man, that hits close to home. I'm 28 now, and like you, I had a psychotic event when I was 18/19 that left me hospitalized for about a year and a half. It really set me back quite far. Somehow, I managed to work my way out and life just got so much better, and I was finally felt like I was living a life, rather than existing in one. Then a few years ago I had some back-to-back tragedies occur in my life, which pretty much sent me tumbling back down. It's been a dark period for a while, but I recently managed to get myself enrolled into a program to get certifications in a field I'm interested in. It's only been three weeks, but it's done wonders for me to actually put myself in a situation that feels like I'm working towards something other than rotting away. Some days it feels hard to keep up the hope, yet the fire never truly burns out. I did it once before, I'm sure I can do it again.
Glad to hear your life has improved significantly, friend!
@@JM-pk2nv thank you so much! I’m really happy for you & I hope we both continue to improve
@@kontakt360 thank you so much!
You forgot to mention the "I should've done this before" cognitive trap. You also made a whole video about it. Awesome video hgg, I love them!!
Can you send me the video ? Can't seem to find jt
Where is the video
What is that video called?, I feel that I'm in that trap right now.
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best is today.
Bruh I need this video so bad
“Seek discomfort” was a motto of mine when I was at my healthiest. I tended to find uncomfortable (but safe and healthy of course) situations lead to my biggest growth. Going to the gym when I didn’t want to and pushed a little harder when I was tired, doing new things I’ve always put aside/wished I’d do/never done, took opportunities when they came. More recently I haven’t followed that much. I’ve missed opportunities, had decreasing physical and mental health. It’s okay to say no to things. I’ve found that being comfortable has led me to less personal happiness than what I used to have when I put myself into self-challenges and struggle as much as I could. I was learning a lot, best physical shape I’d ever had, strongest relationships I’ve ever had and valued. Dont be afraid to struggle. It’s a sign you’re at least trying. And don’t be too hard on yourself for being kind to yourself, and choosing to live.
Thank you for this. I've gone through a rough period thanks to chronic depression for 6 years (supposed to be a 3 year course) during university. Because of this I was not able to make the most out of uni life. I didn't make use of the facilities that my school provided me, I didn't join any societies and meet new people and I'm pretty sure that I've forgotten everything that I've learned during those years. I still have a very tiny and nagging voice of insecurity in the back of my head whenever I view fb profiles or insta profiles of the people with whom I used to study in school. But there's no point in wasting my time and energy in being jealous of someone else's success. I'll pick myself up and keep moving forward from now on. I'll crawl if I have to in order to get to the finish line of whatever challenge that's in front of me. I used to have very ambitious goals in life. But after I've gone through everything these past 6 years, my main goal from now on is to never fall into the void that is depression ever again.
Edit: Hopefully that main goal of mine will change in the future. But for now, I'm not placing lofty expectations on myself. I'm going to put my head down and keep chipping at life and see how it goes.
Hey man.
I have a similar story as yours.
Wasted of my 4 college years with 2 extra on lock down and the last and maybe more years with depression (need to get help on this still).
How'd you get out of depression?
Thank you for your story, keep working hard, you're doing good.
I get you. I went to uni in lockdown for three years and never reaped the benefits of uni. That’s why at least this year I want something that all the previous years got before Covid. Or at least some of it again.
@@spectrum910 Hey man really sorry for the late reply. My psychiatrist labelled my depression as chronic depression. So he started me on a Prozac medication. I also went to a psychologist but I stopped after a couple of months later because it cost too much. I'm currently doing self-therapy through HealthyGamer (not sure if it's the best idea).
bro your videos helped me more than years of therapy. Everything makes sense and I can see where I need to change my behavior. Keep up the good work
Every time Dr.K talks about starting med school at 28 I feel hopeful for myself. I'm turning 26 tomorrow and I've been stuck in college. I started college since 2014, grew up with mentally and emotionally abusive parents, and I still live with them. My siblings are lucky to have moved out, and sometimes I just can't help but cry at night because I feel like I'm still stuck in this house that feels like a jail. I literally have to always fight for myself and what I believe in to my parents and honestly it's just so exhausting. I've also had several nights where I just want to stop existing despite performing yoga, meditation, and eating healthy on a daily basis. This has been a tunnel I've been walking in for years and honestly I genuinely do not know when I'll reach the end, but, since I've discovered Dr.K I have actually started to see the light at the end of it.
Hi, my situation is different than yours, but I did all the right self-help things (yoga, meditation, etc.) and it wasn't working, then I moved halfway across the country and went back to school and realized... it's being away from my parents, and I feel more free to explore life. My parents were not abusive, but I did feel stifled. I think if your parents are abusive, you probably would experience the same thing or even more strongly when you escape.
@theoldaccountthatiusedtous6767 i work on the weekends, it's a part-time job and it's just for a humble coffee shop. i've been working there for 10 months, and i get you. despite my social anxiety, despite the dread i feel for waking up very early in the morning to prepare going to work, my environment there feels more loving, and healthy, compared to my environment at home.
i'm a hardcore introvert so it's really difficult for me to socialize and would rather just stay at home, but the little time i go to work where i'll be away from my parents for the whole day actually doesn't seem so bad. and through that job too i'm learning what it's like to feel loved, to have someone be interested in you genuinely - just that sense of community, you know? that i never feel at home.
i actually decided to re-enroll again and pursue a degree i actually want, so i can earn more, and eventually, move out. and honestly all this is possible because dr.k has helped me dig into myself more, and figure out which parts of me has actually been conditioned.
I start law school at 31. Also saw people in their 50s taking law exam.
@@anngocch i'm wishing you the best! let's all make it to graduation 🫶🏻
I've had a similar experience to you - only older. Let's get to that graduation 🎓💖
Thank you as always Dr. K
I'm 43 and need to do a LOT of catching up. This was absolutely solid gold! (7/15/23)
If you don’t mind me asking, where are you at as of today? (8/21/24)
raises hand* 38yro Alcoholic (in recovery).... Have a decent job (that I'm burnt out in)... But, mental health has been a struggle/work in progress the last couple years. I definitely expected more out of myself at this stage. But, just getting sober increased my motivation 100x... Hoping this is useful
Not only have you given us novel ways to look at life situations, but you have validated some of our existing approaches to life as well, thereby building momentum.
I had a fork in the road as to whether or not I should graduate with my class in college or stay longer and pursue a degree with more career prospects. I also took a little bit of time to think about what my life SHOULD look like.
The work ethic I developed to stay with the more lucrative career actually ended up putting me far ahead of everyone else by the time my 20s were over.
Taking some time to think about details saves years of headache down the road.
I’m 23 and I just finished my associates degree.. now I will be transferring to a 4 year. It took me a while, but I’m glad that I’m finally taking a step forward.
Nice, 21 and starting my associates in September.
I am 23 i was in the same boat too. I fucked up my associates but i am on my road to a 4 year university too. 😁
Get married ASAP, life is lonely on the other side of 30
@@BlueBobbinthis says more about you than anyone else
I’m 29 married and a kid, I dedicated 7 years into plumbing and decided this wasn’t for me anymore 5 years into photography, I still want to continue that as a side hustle but I decided to change my environment and joined the army as a 25B (IT) plan to go to college. I’m getting a lot of back lash for it but my mindset is now or never. If you wasted time by tryna find the easy way out you gotta figure out where you need to struggle a little to prosper..
I love this quote "everyone is at there own time, focus on yours" or "don't focus on others time, focus on yours."
I am almost 30 years old.
I am, for all intents and purposes, a 4th year medical student in limbo. I began school in fall of 2015. it is now 2023. Due to various circumstances (some in my control, others out of it), i still have yet to complete all my board exams required to obtain a residency training position. My closest friend from med school is now entering his 3rd year of residency; it feels like i am way behind in everythign because of the set backs I've experienced.
Part of the problem was COVID throwing me off. others were familial drama that caused me to fail an attempt at my boards which led to me being stuck in limbo. Part of it is my hatred for change, and fear of the new and big upcoming changes. part of me is glad i failed. part of me is upset i failed because i am scared to move onto the next stage of life. but i am sick of being left behind. I just want to move on. I am terrified i screwed up and wont ever catch back up.
I have spent time scribing for the last year and a half though. I chose to be a virtual scribe in this limbo so as to remain attached to the clinical world and build connections; as a result i work at Yale University. I've built a lot of connections due to this and now, i know i have help for that last 10-20% for residency match.
This video uploaded at a very convenient time for me. I just started getting back into art THIS MORNING after giving it up sophomore year of high school to prioritize “more important” things (my studies). That was 7 years ago.
Now that my academic endeavors have been going poorly, I have been thinking about the things that I actually valued when I was younger for about a month now. I picked up a pencil for the first time in so long and just… drew. I really enjoyed it, but then the doubt came. “Imagine where you’d be if you never gave up art. You’ll never catch up, it’s a waste of time.” Then Dr. K comes along and says, “stop that.” I’m still so young and I have to recognize that I’m being ridiculous and even unfair to myself. So thanks. You always come at the right time.
For some people some things comes as easy as breathing.
I too enjoy art but to be honest I think my actual advantage is at speaking or writing.
I'm barely holding myself back now for example. :D
I will be 30 in few months, I feel an immense sensation of overwhelm because of this thing. Got several estates, no major financial challenges thanks to my family (also my downfall, always played the victim and blamed others for they never pushed me in the right direction), bachelors in Linguistics from an OK university which I hated so deeply but felt it was my only option as I was self limiting back when I was younger (It took me 8 years to finish it). I always ran away from all the responsibilities that I knew will hunt me later in my life, all in my 20s, got into drugs, spent my time being a drunk fool running with a balloon like brain. When I graduated 2 years ago, I had a terrible break up with my fiancee and my family went abroad, I started to live alone, took tens of responsibilities and got into all sorts of calamity like depression, panic attacks, anxiety, brain fog, derealization, suicidal thoughts etc. I think losing that many things within a short period of time broke me. Yet, I started to switch my patterns of failure with orderly things. Started to learn about the things I was scared of throughout my life such as math, computer science, and many more. Brain fog and derealization still persists, not gonna lie, it does feel like fighting against an inexorable enemy and I may not be %100 again, I am still going in and doing as much as I can. But everything considered, I can say, I felt perhaps like first time in life, I have a genuine interest to gain knowledge and to use it for the people. I am yet to overcome the feelings of regret and feeling like an impostor, a product of wasting a decade and a half but I am determined to make my bread out here, even go for a CS masters degree. I wish good luck and blessings upon all of you feeling the same way, also send my gratitude to Dr. K to provide guidance for lost souls like me.
Omg the massive changes nearing 30. Same happened to me. Got me down for over a year but I think I can start pulling myself back up now. This was good to hear! Good for you
I’m 40 now and I feel younger than I did in my twenties, when I was lost, depressed and anxious… so much of it is in our minds! I have to say that the 30’s has great potential! You are still young, healthy, but a bit more wise… and wisdom can never be bad! I felt like the world was my oyster in my 30s. You have lots of time still. Good luck!
I just started watching and I already have this idea in mind - catching up is not only possible, it is basically invevitable, because our growth in life is never linear, and it comes to a halt later on. So you have plenty of time to get what's yours
I can relate to this. I dropped out after high school and never went to college to pursue other goals. I failed, and at 26 I went to college (correspondence) and got a computer science degree as plan B. At 30 I landed a software engineers job and started from scratch. Im 36 now and a senior engineer, but I fell like im playing catch up because people younger than me are lead engineers even thou I am as capable and knowledgeable as them, I lack enough experience. But I hope to catch up in the next 2-3 years and make an impact to my career.
The biggest, most important take away... "the mind tries to protect you, but leaves you stuck."
Protect me from what?
@@penguingobrrbrr353
Fear of the unknown , fear of messing up, fear of failing
Minor Correction for Sports Science at 6:11
Dr K. says that "if someone does 8 reps for 30 years, they will not be as physically strong as someone who does 10 reps for 3 years"
This is false, and it's because as long as you're doing those 8 reps with hard effort and it is actually physically challenging, and you progressively overload (add reps/weight), you will usually be far stronger. In order for Person A (8 reps for 30 years) to be weaker, they'd have to be training with a difficulty that is low, as in they could do still do 10+ reps after finishing a set, without progressive overload.
Where he is right though, is that *it is* the last few reps that are most valuable for *muscle growth*. When you train close enough to failure (~3 - 0 reps in reserve), your body has enough of a signal for muscle growth to occur. Strength, specifically, comes from the progressive overload (heavier and heavier weights), and lower rep ranges (1-3, 3-6, 5-10~) are more conducive to training for strength.
[10-20, 20-30, are still conducive to muscle growth, but not efficient for strength training. You can even do sets for 30+ reps, but they just aren't as efficient and can become more cardio than hypertrophy training]
This actually reminds me of a book I've read recently called The Flinch. According to it, our "fight-or-flight" response and natural fears of wild life now work in our everyday life. It's really difficult for some people to take on anything unusual for them like learning something new or simply talking to strangers. Commonly it's caused by our brain considering such actions too risky. It makes us think of numerous ways of failing in doing something new, thus preventing us from possible negative emotions and, unfortunately, development, too. All in all, people need to overcome these thoughts and doubts in order to progress
"just" is a tough word at the beginning
@@youregonnaburnalright7333 yeah, I didn't think about that😅
Stumbling onto this video a week after turning 30 and feeling completely lost having completed my masters post pandemic and not knowing where to go from here. Thankyou for this insightful video. Surely one to be taking notes and i can already tell ill be coming back to it when i need to recalibrate and for encouragement time and again. Been binge watching ur content lately and it's god send. Heard ur story abt how you got into medicine which was pretty unconventional and its awe inspiring. Sending love from India xo grateful that youre sharing your knowledge and expertise with us
Great video Dr. Very insightful, and hopeful Thanks!
Feel like the same topics come up, but its nice to have reminders every now and then, and he does get better at explaining it each time more concisely and efficiently.
I think the same topics come up because people are experiencing the same problems
@@SGV_777 We should come up with new problems so that there is more variety!
I agree! Hearing the same advice multiple times makes it stick much more
Try to remember he's not making each new video with the mindset..."oh what should we talk about today to add to the knowlege of anyone whose seen every video I've made..." he's doing it, as he did from the start, making videos that would support the most of us in his mind at once
@@Malinanaanilmao hahaha
I'm 37 and have been in a relationship for a grand total of 3.5 years of my adult life. I feel like I'm 10 years behind, and effectively have whole swats of time in my past I remember nothing about. So it's legit eating at me. Sounds like a good video for me. @3:22 My head stopped hurting. Got a burst of energy from you saying that :)
I began my programmer career at age 37. It was a do or die situation more or less, now I still struggle with social awkwardness and isolation, and having 2 kids makes it real hard. But just like you said in the video, I just needed a little help, and even though I didn't actively searched for it, it arrived in a random encounter in my son's Judo class.
Next step will be to somehow give myself motivation to advance my programming skills cause I'm too comfortable staying a junior+ programmer, although I work on a few "backup plans" in my own time. Thinking about changing work and going through job interviews make me sick to my stomach.
You can't just become a programmer at 37... I mean you can try... But you will never be truly competitive with all the people that started as teens.
@@SPQR_14 The company I work in for the last 6 years were looking for an iOS programmer for 6 months before they gave me the job, most if not all of them were in their 20s bit sure, Ill tell them I can't be a true programmer 🤣
hey I'm old you but without kids
wanna help each other?
whatever terms you choose
but I'm learning js
I'm doing fine texting worse with taking f2f
haha but enough confidence to push it forward
@@SPQR_14Bro so what who cares?
try be competitive in regular job replaced by migrants XD
why so deafeatistic making it harder for others keep own complexes for yourself
I got computer at 19yo didn't use for anything else than gaming
on university at 22 seen guys who coded from kindergarten
with such thinking you are destined for hell on earth 😂
@@szymonbaranowski8184 It's not "complexes" it's just common sense. The vast majority of people going into programming start at least in their 20's if not in their teens. At 37 you will be so far behind, not just in natural ability and skill, but in knowing the newer trends of the industry. Case in point, this dude is trying to learn Javascript lmao...
I found it more helpful to become less dependent on my social circle before I expanded it. Starting to enjoy doing activities alone, etc, building confidence
Battled an eating disorder for literally my entire teen years (kicked in around 8ish. Hit mastery when I was 12 and spired out until around 19) Hit uni in a foreign country and that- seeing myself literally alone in a room with no one in the world (my family stayed in my home country)- was my wake up call.
I’m seeing a lot of people mentioning addiction and what that takes away from you which is absolutely horrible but realising you have *NO* personality or interests whatsoever it’s so painful as well. There’s no way for me to make friends at this point. This horrible addiction dug me into a whole I couldn’t see through. I had “friends” but since my personality was approaching a blank piece of paper I was mostly an afterthought in my group of friends. A presence often forgotten at the back of the group, the sort of person for whom nobody stopped when they tied their shoelaces and I often ended up going home without saying goodbye and with nobody noticing. I’m now in my early 20’s trying to figure out people and life and who the hell I am. This video really helped.
'who the hell i am' -this is KEY, this is what you need to double down on -discover what sparks joy for YOU! discover your wants and your needs, discover what makes you passionate and excited!
You DO have a personality, but i suspect it is buried, hidden away for protection, from fear of shame/non-acceptance. It may also be that like me you are a 'people-pleaser' squashing yourself down to fit into another persons' moulding, becoming small and invisible in the process. I started discovering who i was/what i liked etc when i was mid 30's.
If you are a people-pleaser, learn about it -you'll be lacking boundaries and find it challenging to say no to people
I am 27 now, never had a relationship, depressed game addict for the most part of my life. I just finished my propadeutic year for Informatics, summa cum laude. I am starting to catch up now. I've also registered for a "summer school", which is 6 evenings spread throughout the next 1.5 months hoping to meet like-minded people there.
I like the part where you said multiple emotional thoughts can have the same goal of not doing something. I just went for a walk and thought about how I'm usually self-conscious about even just speaking out loud or walking confidently for reason xyz even when no one around knows me or cares. There's always a thought that is holding me back, and even though it tends to modulate to a different kind of thought, being aware of what it's making me do is how I was able to operate past it.
I’m 33 and I’m in my last semester of nursing school. I do feel behind career wise but I have a family that I’ve given my attention to. My youngest off for kids is 5 and going to school this year. I’m ahead in family life but not in money and career. I’m cool with it mostly. However I do wish that I had been able to give my kids better opportunities up until now
Such an absolute masterpiece! I wish I saw this about 5 years ago. By now I did catch up, and for everyone who is in my shoes:
1: this is exactly how you do it. Please start today!
2: sure, it is not going to be easy, but it is not even remotely as difficult as you think it is. You can do it, and that's an actual fact.
This channel brings me so much comfort. I'm going through a lot in life right now and this channel helps a lot honestly. I've been watching healthy gamer for over a year now. I wish I had found this channel sooner. :)
This is the stuff I needed to hear! I've been a hardcore gamer since I started grade school with my parents treating me as roommates rather then family, so I'd game heavily before and after school for about 8 hours a day and getting 5 hours of sleep with no goals in mind. Now I'm 27 with a wife and kiddos and I'm trying to go to college to become a counselor while still dealing with my gaming addiction but somewhat manageable about 2-3 hours. I love your content and I'm trying my best to catch up and have a actual career path in mind!
Summary Highlights (between 9 -21 mins):
Surrounding yourself with the right company is crucial for personal growth and success.
Changing your environment can aid in addiction recovery.
Techniques like attending events and using simple greetings can help expand your social circle.
Approaching a group with eye contact, a smile, and a clear intention can help you join their conversation.
Asking open-ended questions promotes deeper conversations and connections.
Changing our social environment can shape our behavior and thinking.
Shifting our physical environment can help shift our thinking.
Asking for help from various sources can contribute to catching up in life.
The two things that sabotage us when trying to catch up are our emotions and our mind's tendency to give us reasons to not catch up.
Our emotions have control over our logical thinking, even if we try to be logical.
The direction of all these thoughts is to discourage action.
Shame plays a role in stopping people from taking action by making them believe that all efforts will lead to failure.
Decompressing the emotion behind these thoughts can be done through various methods such as meditation or psychotherapy.
Beliefs about oneself shape actions and determine the future by influencing choices and activities.
Logic is used to refute one's own logic and discourage action, indicating that the thoughts are more emotional in nature.
Im just gonna comment to came back later
A huge obstacle are companies that over analyze people and want them even younger with zero judgement so they can be easily manipulated.
They want the ones that had a perfect start. The rest can suck it and end up in the service industry with no chances of making it back to their aspired careers. There’s gotta be protection programs for people in their 30’s and late 20’s against the rough start bias. The discrimination is even deeper these days.
I started to cry when watching the last minutes of the video, but not because of sadness, or at least not entirely, but because I felt a sense of peace, maybe a sense of... hope, a sense that maybe, just maybe I can try what I've always wanted to do, it was so... weird
anyway, thanks as always Dr. K
Im currently 22 going on 23 in August, and this really caught my eye. I've been in a downward spiral of feeling like i didn't belong in this world. Going through life living with an abusive mother since my stepdad died when i was 9 until she passed away when i was 18. I felt free, but i had no direction. Throughout the years of my life, i didn't do well in school, i suffer from ADHD, i dropped out of college, and I never really had a positive male role model. Im right now trying to find a better direction in life that being going back to college or serving in the military, anything to find purpose. I hope I finally fulfill my goals
Just graduated last spring at 33. The next step is getting a permanent job instead of a seasonal job, but I still feel a little behind in the game of saving enough money for retirement, getting back into dating after a 8 year hiatus, ect. This video definitely put things into perspective for me though, something to think on.
Brooo this is identical to me, aside the age (im 29 but i started lagging behind earlier). 29 about to graduate, not dating for last 8 years.
@MP-ut6eb I worked a seasonal job this summer into fall, but just literally last Tuesday got accepted for a permanent job across the country. Just keep going man, we got this bro!
@@sceayr Seasonal job into your field?
Thanks brother, same to you.
@MP-ut6eb yep, it's just about taking the momentum and keep the eyes on the prize/goal. Might be my military background, but I find it easy to motivate myself if I have something to look forward to.
Extremely relevant.
I like this except for the whole explaining yourself as to why you said hi… just smile and be like “hi how are you all doing today?” If they respond then you’re in the clear to introduce yourself and interact. It’s that simple. Go have fun now!! 😊
@@syalda0001 And if they don't respond, I gave them an opportunity to blow me off. Assert yourself.
I can not express the amount of help Dr K has been to me. He literally describes exactly the way my thoughts have been stopping me from progressing. Since ive started following Dr K my life has improved immensely.
You literally just changed my entire life and my feelings of doomed outlook about never catching up.
I've already "caught up" but I'm glad this video exists for others who were where I was. It takes a lot of work to get over experiencing a difficult childhood.
Dr K is always condescending-free, I love it!
For me, this means respect ❤
Can I be condescending to you?
36 and still behind. All my friends have gotten married, had kids, and working on their second home and I'm just... here. I put my career above everything else in my 20s, had to slow down for health reasons, and I'm not doing to bad for myself comparatively speaking and much better off than my parents were. However, I cannot maintain a healthy relationship for the life of me. I know I grew up in an unhealthy household but it had an effect on me. Have some other issues too.
Loving this channel, I`ve been figuring out this stuff on my own for a while, but it`s absolutly great to hear it from somoene else and get some new insights. Thank you!
This made me realise how much of a better place I am in compared to last year. I don't mean to brag around others who are struggling to catch up, but it just feels nice getting some confirmation that I am getting there
35. My life has absolutely been ruined by anxiety and you just perfectly broke down the struggle that I have been having my entire life. Everytime opportunities come my way I turn them down or ignore them because i am convinced that I'm not good enough to execute them which ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy of me being a loser and a bad artist. I'll bookmark this and listen to it regularly because it's so helpful to see it analyzed this way. Thank you.
The question is should you even try to catch up or isn't it just better to live in your own pace and stop comparing yourself to people who got their college degrees at age 23? Would like to hear your guys opinion on this?
I’m 30, and been feeling behind with work, life, etc due to a lot of circumstances; one day it dawned on me (I guess recently?) after a networking meeting that I don’t need to rush anywhere, as long as I meet my goals step by step.
I think sometimes, we just look at ourselves and don’t really discuss with others that they’re behind in life and so are we, that it’s almost a shameful thing, really.
I feel behind in my career, but that’s okay. I’m doing career coaching with two different people, so slowly I’ll understand with clarity as to what am I even supposed to do.
I’m doing toastmasters next week, heck, maybe that’ll help with social anxiety. I don’t really like public speaking or going up to people, but maybe it’ll be a good life skill to have.
I’m doing therapy.
I’m going back into a video game orchestra this coming autumn because why not try doing something new(?) and bring myself after a burn out.
Maybe I’ll get back into dance later this year once things go more steady.
Just take it one step at a time, and remember we’re all in the same boat.
No. You’re not a failure, you’re not behind, you’re just in a different milestone and that’s okay.
This is good advice. This is how I see it too now.
@@BigGamingBossMan 🤷🏻♀️ Well, such is life. I can now only make the best of my circumstances.
@@Dianecites exactly. Sorry for sounding like a jerk there good luck on your journey
@@BigGamingBossMan Nah, it’s okay. Sometimes life throughs very unfortunate circumstances from childhood that affects us into adulthood, it can be a hard struggle to get out of a mental loop.
I did my first meeting of toast masters yesterday to improve on my public speaking skills/work on my job interview skills/how I present myself in public; it was nerve wracking but fun! Can’t wait to make more progress.
@@Dianecites well done! Stepping out of your comfort zone will always lead to progress. Please keep it up
was diagnosed with adhd and pddnos when i was 6 or something i struggled to get by in a normal school so i went to special ed. i catched up so much that i can work as a software engineer + server management. i got 2 diplomas in IT. 1 of them i passed 3 years ago and the other one i just got a few weeks ago and my next diploma hopefully in about 2 months. compared to everyone in my special ed class i got the most diplomas and furthest education wise.
my life turned around a whole lot. i started off with everyone telling me i couldnt do anything and was a loser and stupid etc. to now everyone telling me that i can do everything i want to. and that iam gonna be succesfull in life. so thats pretty awesome and iam more than proud of myself and where ive gotten.
This is so true! I always was a big partyer from when I was 17-22. Unexpectedly, I found out I was going to be a father. I felt ultra behind compared to all my friends, but i stopped messing around got me a decent job, grinded every day for raises and found myself with a house at 24, married and still grinding to this day. None of my friends have houses yet and all are in apartments or live at home. It’s NEVER EVER too late to start.
Therapy has changed my life
4:04 - attachment and behavioral catch up
5:45(6:02)
11:35
15:01 - how the mind sabotages you when you try to catch up
1.15:50(16:43) - emotions
16:30 - the mind may appear logical, but it’s controlled by emotions
2.19:50
Started my Pre-Dental journey last year at 23. Started feeling really defeated recently and this video helped a lot! Thank you!!!
This really helped me to hear.
I didn't have close friends growing up until I was 16. I am 23 now and about a year ago my best friend of 6 years and at the time roommate nearly died from attempting suicide. It was like my worst nightmare come to life. He's now been a lot better, has a great girlfriend and other friends. I've been struggling in college and to believe in myself and never had any serious boyfriends. He asked to take a break from being friends when he moved out half a year ago because I wasn't ok and he had to deal with a lot. We're going to try to be friends again this coming semester and I'm terrified of being rejected again. I haven't felt like I could possibly face it or move on with my life but I'm trying and will continue to do so.
Good luck to everyone else in the comments, just keep swimming.
It’s a shame he metaphorically treated you like a toy that can be put in and out of a cupboard as and when he feels like it….especially after you have been presumably very supportive of him at his worst.
I can understand why you are anxious.
this is such a good topic for me, I had abusive parents and at some point they kicked me out of the house, I had to stop my school but luckily still had a job.
Problem was finding a place to live, after a year of being homeless I finally found a small appartment and felt like I was super far behind on other people my age because I had to quit school.
So I started school but didn't feel comfortable with the age gap so started a home study. I worked during the daytime and studied at night got a girlfriend things were good ish (lots of problems show up if you don't receive mail for a year )
My girlfriend and I wanted to live together and the topic of college debt somehow came up. Her parents then said to my face they don't want to have such a loser on their dinner table and she had to break up with me.
Which made me feel even worse about my situation and started trying to catch up even more so I started working 2 jobs to try and earn more money to pay of the college debt.
Somewhere around here my mom passed away who I occasianlly still had contact with
I worked 2 shifts after eachother some days only had 3 hours of sleep I did this for a while before my body broke down and got into a burnout.
I am still unable to work fulltime even after 5 years (lots of things happened to make the situation worse), I had to give up on this feeling of feeling behind in life and just try and start working on my own wellbeing step by step adding things to my life to add more structure and increase the strain on my body that I could handle.
In the beginning I coudn't even do chores, somehow they gave such a massive headache I pretty much coudn't move the rest of the day.
Doing much better since the start of this year and am looking for some work I can do a couple hours a week, hopefully I am recovered soon.
Thanks!
26 young man, experienced mental illness from 22-25, now finally breaking through and experiencing triumphs. after being out of work for 4 and half years, I can tell you, there is ALWAYS TIME. It's only now that I've stopped playing video games, i've started journalling consistently, im reaching out to people and making friends, setting up healthy social settings, and am about to undertake a Barista course that will help me find work in a cafe making coffee for people.
the one thing you need to learn, is to take it easy on yourself, start doing simple things, small improvements, and do what you love, and things will just work out. I've been seing a therapist for 8 months and that was all i needed internally to start to feel better. it truly is wonderful, there is always time to catch up! : )
the best mindset you can take up is that you have time. just latch onto anyone you know, whether it a be a friend or older relative, who didnt start to progress until they were in their 30,40,50s etc, and hold onto the belief that you have even more time than they do. it will set your mind into a state of joy and motivation and belief.
Before I watch: I hope this addresses executive dysfunction, trauma, and dealing external circumstances that held us back
Our mind sees our attempts as failures!!!! 😳😳😳
That.. hit me!!! I've done amazing things on my own and because it wasn't my definition of "perfect" or exactly the way I wanted it FELT like a failure and I wouldn't give myself credit or properly celebrate myself.
perfectionism and inner critic are biches! XD
Carl Gustav Jung - 'I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.'
This video legit feels like it's talking straight to me! Been on UA-cam for like 10 years and never watched anything that hits this close.
Being late in life has made it a lot easier honestly. Didn’t go to college right after high school. Saw how tons of my peers ended up in crippling debt to make like 15% more than me in the same organization.
So instead I saved and then focused on getting a scholarship, was able to get college completely paid for, now I’m competing for job with people with zero experience in the field I’ve been in since a freshman in high school.
Now my trajectory looks excellent, I’m getting paid more with no debt, and if I need a graduate degree to move up or move on I’ll easily be able to pay out of pocket.