Addressing All 25 Year Old Thinkers
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- Опубліковано 22 чер 2024
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▼ Timestamps ▼
────────────
00:00 - Introduction
02:17 - The mind is out of our control
03:01 - What does the mind want?
05:26 - Becoming worse at life
09:55 - “I’m already too far behind”
11:57 - Things are better in your head
13:54 - It’s about not quitting
17:23 - Take the L
20:49 - Recap
23:10 - Questions
────────────
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Just an odd thing to notice, this message is 5 days before the upload.
0:05
I felt that “are?!”
@@hollo7104 i feel like ive watched this episode before o.o its weird
is this a glitch in the matrix? am i the protag?
You have spoken to me directly. I'm going for coaching with your company, but I need help with relationships / general social skills AND getting shit done... Can your personal coaching provide both of these?
Hi, Doctor K. As a man a really appreciate the empathy you direct to our gender, it's so rare. Do you answer questions in videos? I have a report that I think can help a lot of men if you analyze it.
I just got cooked
Me a little, I’ve got better recently as when I start thinking scenarios I intervene on myself, and go “nope no more thinking until you do something about it”
@@dogetaxes8893 Thank you, i actually wrote this down to explain in simple words the "Be careful about feeding the mind" point.
Ye same
Cooked? Yes. Burnt? Far from it. All you gotta do now is get sauted, seasoned, and ready to eat.
@@maverickmarcellana4249 🔥
WE ARE GETTING TO 26 YEAR OLD WITH THIS ONE 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥
Raahhhhhh🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅
where the mediocre rappers & beatmakers🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥
I aam
Are we?
WHAT IF I DONT WANT TO 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥
Luckely this video is not about me cause im 26.......
Whew, that was close
Thanks for commenting this, I thought I was the only idiot thinking this
Those poor 25 year olds
@@juxtapos1034 same lmao
kkkkkkkk
''We suffer more in imagination than we do in reality''
- Seneca
"People make up quotes on the internet for internet points"
- Abraham Lincoin
"Get this man a true"
-Morgan Freeman
"I farted"
-Albert Einstein
We enjoy ourselves more in imagination than we do in reality
"people quoting quotes are cringe"
-Donald trump
Holy shit. It's actually creepy how much that meme represents myself. 100% accurate, every single sentence (yes, im a troubled individual)
I feel called out 😂
Literal zodiac signs
Not all of it for me but the stuff about imaginary anthologies and girlfriends is scarily accurate
anthologies and inner monologue for me lol
Everything for me, but im 20. Hope i get better soon so i dont get more depressed. I think the main problem for me is i dont have a job so i cant do anything cause i dont matter without a job. Thats why i dont even talk with people anymore yk, wanting, trying and nothing happens.
When I was 20s, I feel I had to accomplish so much. Now, in near mid-30s, I take life casually. Set 2-3 big goals and set a process. Time will do the work.
What goals you set?
Love this. I’ve definitely mellowed out as I’ve gotten older.
Agreed. I think main issue is that we are told from a young age that you have a set of goals that you must follow in life in order to have a happy and fulfilling life. Not only that, but there is this notion that if you dont complete these arbitrary goals others say you should be following, that you're a failure that wont amount to much. We call these goals "Milestones." There's this idea that first we must go to shool, then we must go to uni, then get a job to pay off a crap load of debt from going to uni, then you must get into a relationship (preferably in a cis het relationship according to society), then you must get married, then you must buy a 3 bed 2 bath house, then you must have 2.5 kids and a dog, then you must work yourself into oblivion to save up for this thing called "retirement" which is the one time you're allowed to be lazy a do what you want. But if you're old enough to retire, can you really enjoy not working if your body is failing you more and more as you age? I just think we've been sold something that doesn't work for us anymore. Im not trying to be pessimistic, im trying to say that instead of following a prescribed path, we must go on paths that are more suited to allowing for people to grow more organically. Im not sure how that would work but I think that maybe it could be done?
@@megzarie look into r/FIRE
bro im 19 and felt the same as you now
dude you have no idea about how good you really are lol
not just because of your knowledge, but you know how to communicate with people. you're just one of us. that's why we relate so easily
the majority of doctors out there doesn't have this oratory and familiarity. you're a different breed, my friend. a truly God's gift 💜
I recognize the archetypes he's speaking about in thought patterns but I didn't hear a single solution in there.
@@keithmurray5791 his solution was crystal clear for me: go outside, meet people, have real experiences, allow yourself to make mistakes. living and thinking by your own is not gonna end well. just make it happen.
Just observe what your mind does. If it's a thought loop, resolve it. If it's theory crafting, stop it and collect some data. Keep one thought in your head for a long period of time and stop quitting.
If you want something actionable. Meditate for 20 minutes each day, and just see what your mind does. If you get lost in thought bring your attention back. Congratulations, You just did a rep like in the gym. After a few weeks you will get noobie gains and your life will feel a lot different.
If you have adhd, try ohm meditation. Otherwise breath meditation will do just fine.
@@keithmurray5791did you watch the video? He said that if you are the 25yo thinker then the main thing you need to do is go out there and get real world experience in whatever it is you are thinking about
@@keithmurray5791 "You can write down your thoughts", "Accept that you're not gonna be good when you start out", "Accept that it's gonna be a bruise until you bridge the gap between your imagination and reality". Most of it still boils down to just growing a pair of balls, get out of your own head and experience life.
Literally the whole section from 13:54 - 20:49 addresses solutions. It's even called "It’s about not quitting" and "Take the L". Maybe you just need to watch the video again man. Just looking at the archetypes is just identifying symptoms, and he definitely did more than just that in the video.
I’m not a guy (since this seems to be directed at man) but have always been exactly like this. Thinking it’s so addicting, is literally like a placebo drug that replaces life, you’re not achieving shit but you can somehow feel like you do just by thinking about it.
It’s almost infuriating how much success, and how quickly, came into my life as soon as I started putting to use this wild mind (I’m a comic author) to actually create.
90% of things that Dr.K teaches apply to both sex!
Directed at men but don't act like it can't apply to you, try it out and see what parts of your thinking are more masculine and stuff!
That's wonderful!
Wish I had the will to create anything. I can't even do a sketch anymore.
@@stevensmith1031 Not true cuz you just created a narrative in your kind which means you can still create stories. You just need to stop worrying abt if its good
"Imagination is an emotional coping mechanism," this one hits so hard because I always do this everyday.
I find it hard to stop imagining, but I love it since it gives me plenty of ideas to write, and since I want to be a writer I think it's safe to imagine, I think it comes down to what you're spending your imagination into
Repeating this in replies to comments I find relevant.
There's a defence mechanism called Autistic Thinking (no offence, just the name), where you imagine as a substitute to reality. Literally this.
The good part is, it assumes the best of us. It goes like:
First we think of an ideal scenario I our head. It doesn't work. There's frustration.
Next, we try to go around it and LIVE, experience, get around the problems.
If not, we finally give up and say "Okay, let's try the best we can, let's imagine it can happen." Like Dr. K said.
We all do it actually, when we face things we cannot fix. Helps coping too. But autistic thinking starts to become a problem when we "default" to it. Before exploring the first 2 options(trying for ideal scenario, and facing/accepting reality).
Hope this reaches you :)
When you finally realize the problem and start to actually drive forward, for a while, you will feel like you're doing something wrong because the pain you feel won't decrease at all(it actually might increase).
But you just gotta remember that you've barely moved for a long time in your life. Moving constantly will surely feel exhausting and wrong even at a slow speed. Don't give up. Things get easier over time. You might encounter problems you've never had before, but you will be done with ones you always had at some points and the new problems will start to feel like wonders you discovered rather than illnesses you were born with.
Wise words, well said. I've been working in my current role with 8 years & only just making headway now on moving on out (I actually feel like I'm trauma bonded to that place), the changes are terrifying but it's better than stagnating...I remind myself of that every day
I was going to say this is an underrated comment until I saw you only left it 9h ago!
Very well said. ✅
This channel makes me feel less terminally unique and for that I am eternally grateful.
Dr. K really has his fingers on the pulse of young mens' psyches and I admire him for pushing forward in both his understanding and willingness to teach what he's learning.
No, it doesn’t always get better. Stop lying…..
@@phoenixfireclusterbomb You're right. It doesn't. As long as you're doubting and even looking away from the hope you have somewhere in your heart. You might feel hopeless and you might even insist that's not how you 'feel' but that just how it 'is', the thing that has been making you to watch Dr.K's videos and even live a comment still exists, and you gotta accept it if you wanna make a progress on anything.
As a 25 year old who is currently unemployed, has no dating experience, has spent the last 3 years constantly looking at the past and how I wasted time, and spend alot of my current time daydreaming about how good the future could be, this video read me for filth lol. I will start fixing this by stopping using my crutch of always daydreaming about the future.
I also dwell on alot of mistakes and need to stop doing that, I must come to acceptance or "resolution of thought" as Dr.K put it.
Thank you Dr.K, you are truly a gem. It feels like I can search about any issue I am going through, and I can find a video you've made on it.
You go man. Any progress?
@@YashhC my bro it has been 6 days hahaha, taking it day by day
@@boredguy5805 lesgetit
Ugh, its sad this is so insanely accurate for me. Its really difficult to stop as well, its as if i dont actually feel like getting better because "i have nothing worth going through the troubles for"
bro get out of my head 😂, no seriously I feel this tho
Repeating this in replies to comments I find relevant.
There's a defence mechanism called Autistic Thinking (no offence, just the name), where you imagine as a substitute to reality. Literally this.
The good part is, it assumes the best of us. It goes like:
First we think of an ideal scenario I our head. It doesn't work. There's frustration.
Next, we try to go around it and LIVE, experience, get around the problems.
If not, we finally give up and say "Okay, let's try the best we can, let's imagine it can happen." Like Dr. K said.
We all do it actually, when we face things we cannot fix. Helps coping too. But autistic thinking starts to become a problem when we "default" to it. Before exploring the first 2 options(trying for ideal scenario, and facing/accepting reality).
Hope this reaches you :)
I am 42 and only just worked out i have been doing this most of my life. Future projection and imagining was my way to try and anticipate any scenario for control.. i wanted to ve sure i could control myself in any situation. As Dr K said, this invariably meant i would be disappointed or feel inadequate when things didnt go as planned.
Im learning to go into things "blindly" - not anticipate/expect anything and only remind myself i am safe and will handle come what may. See new things as an adventure as opposed to a trial of doom.
Its a very hard place to get out of when the mind has been your only source of comfort and validation.
Thanks for sharing your experience, this seems to be the case for a lot of people out here. I'm glad you took steps to improve your situation.
I'm a little older and same boat. He says in the video this probably started in your teens, but I remember doing this from the start. Everything is true about how living life in your head is so much better and it keeps you from experiencing life. Is there not a point where you are so far behind that it's going to be hard to find people who can relate to you? Particularly if you started this behavior at 5 and continued to 40. How do you sit with a woman or employer or whomever and be like okay you lived a life and assume I'm an adult, but I've only imagined what living and gaining experience was like. Then you have a choice to just fake it, be quiet and let people assume experience not there only to have them get more and more suspicious. Eventually they find out you are lacking critical life experience. Or option 2 is you can confess from the start and scare people away that you're a weirdo. Most people will not even be able to comprehend what you're telling them. Either way it just seems like you lose. Hide the truth and people will see you as suspect. Tell the truth and people will see you as inferior, immature, weak, etc.
Thank you for the comment. I needed to read that last part about going into things blindly - that’s something I realized I need to learn how to do too
The last segment basically explains the source of my social anxiety. I expect too much perfection in my interactions, and when they don't go as expected I'm devastated.
Facts
Is it better to live with imaginery love, or try and fail and never have a real life love? Or both? I think most ppl these days have whole imanigery LIVES... especialy ppl who survived bad childhood only because they had imaginery lives...
Repeating this in replies to comments I find relevant.
There's a defence mechanism called Autistic Thinking (no offence, just the name), where you imagine as a substitute to reality. Literally this.
The good part is, it assumes the best of us. It goes like:
First we think of an ideal scenario I our head. It doesn't work. There's frustration.
Next, we try to go around it and LIVE, experience, get around the problems.
If not, we finally give up and say "Okay, let's try the best we can, let's imagine it can happen." Like Dr. K said.
We all do it actually, when we face things we cannot fix. Helps coping too. But autistic thinking starts to become a problem when we "default" to it. Before exploring the first 2 options(trying for ideal scenario, and facing/accepting reality).
Hope this reaches you :)
Got a lot from this video personally, the start-stop analogy really describes how I try learning new skills, quickly realize the time and effort required is too great, and then I stop and the process starts over again whenever I feel motivated to try learning that skill again. I'm gonna push myself to get past that initial period of struggle and doubt, one thing at a time
It's like he said: just ease your foot onto the accelerator. I started writing fiction four years ago. Writing just 750 words every day, but sticking with it no matter what. I now write around 1800 words every day, it feels easier, and my writing is much better. You got this! You just have to start small and stick with it!
"Are" He's been speaking hindi recently
That was out of the blue ....the way he said it i laughed so hard...😂😂😂
😂
I thought it was the japanese exclamation 😂
I thought my mans had been on a dummy anime binge. Broke my neck from the whiplash.
ARA ARA
Avoid failure and you'll never do it. Abandon perfection and you'll do a masterpiece.
How do you guys compress 25 minutes of video into a single sentence?
@@kairostimeYT Leaving a lot behind. I've just compressed the last part.
Although, it is a good excersice to summarize videos like this. You have to understand what Dr K says, analyze what suits you and what doesn't, and express it with your own words.
That makes no sense.
cringe af, this is wishful thinking.
@@user-uc6ez8wn9k It makes all the sense. You cant play without failing and cant keep going if you seek perfection. Youll be disappointed
the "i'm behind" feeling doesnt really go away when you just can't afford to move out and have no prospects to start a family as you encroach on 30....
yo the breakup one was too real... literally had to do that
You can easily find love and start a family at 30. Well, not easily, it is incredibly difficult to overcome your biases and mental blockades. But trust me - once you do, you will find it is not that hard to get along with someone
@@iluxa-4000 biases and mental blocks aside... It's just hard as hell to meet anyone anymore. Plus I'm just constantly "behind" feeling. Going into my 20s I really thought I was going to be moved out and at least getting serious with someone but I wasted a year trying to make a relationship work and moving out probably won't happen until I have someone to live /with/ since it's nigh impossible to Even make rent on one income nevermind get approved for a mortgage.
@@evan12697 But it is possible. And the feeling of missing out or being behind is entirely in your head. You can't take every single possibility, you can't succeed everywhere, and most importantly - you don't know how much other people suck :D Everyone is only showing their successes, and never talk about how much they struggle in life. I hope you'll find your way out, I really do
@@evan12697 Yeah, the atomization of society is really hard to deal with. I ended up dropping out of college (twice) because of some poorly timed medical issues I was having and the DIFFERENCE between college, where even if you have never talked to a person before, the familiarity of seeing them, is so much more comforting and non-isolating then, when I dropped out, where if you even get the strength to talk to a stranger at all 9/10 you will NEVER EVER see that person again. Is staggering.
I'm not really an extrovert, but just seeing familiar faces wherever you go is really nice,idk.
It also made interactions SO MUCH EASIER with people. Again even if the MOST interaction you have ever had with a person is just waiting on the elevator to get to your floor, if you do start talking to them it doesn't really feel like your starting from ground zero because you have kind of made a silent report with them. Where as when your not in that environment you literally are going from never seeing a person your whole entire life to talking.
I do think their is a reason why when a lot of people talk about how they found their long term Gf, it always starts with consistently running into them at a shared event until they finally start talking then dating. And that doesn't exist unless your willing to pay a 100$ a month for a gym membership, anymore. And even in places where it does exist people don't really interact with each other, or engage with the space. In college it is the opposite you are their to engage fully with the space, and everyone in the area heavily encourages it. I miss it😞
I hope it isn't arrogant of me to add to what he's saying but I've learned a lot in my own ongoing struggles with this. He mentions that the thinker wants things to be perfect, and when they aren't they hit the gas and don't try again. So, we should open ourselves up to the consequences and potential failures.
It's normal to ask "what if I fail?" but something I and a lot of others never consider is "What if I don't fail?" What if you try something and it actually goes super fucking well? What if it's a total success? You will never find that out because you never tried. The thinker avoids failing by never trying, but he also avoids success. It's something I need to keep telling myself.
I have the thinker mindset and I have severe anxiety and I am afraid of failure, but I'm not afraid of the possibility of failure, I'm afraid of the likelihood of failure. I don't do anything unless I'm 100% confident I will succeed or be able to handle failure without much issue. If I have to pick something, I choose the option with the lowest chance of failure.
The "what if I don't fail" mentality doesn't help because I'd never take a gamble to begin with unless I was totally impartial to the possible outcomes. The problem for me isn't that I'm not thinking positively, it's that I can't deal with failure or bring myself to do things that I need to do even if I have a significant risk of failure.
Or more commonly, "what if i fail, but learn something important in the process?
Thank you. I cant explain it but you have answers to all of the major questions that were left unanswered in my life for the longest time. You have been helping me tremendously
Just turned 25 two weeks ago and boy, it hurt that I am doing a lot of these things, especially wanting to reverse the clock. I am very grateful that you give lessons/information like this freely to lost people like me. It's tough knowing that there's only the present, and the actions done by the present me determines how I will mold the person that will control this body in the future. I will be going back to university and "starting my life" in the next semester, which I guess is getting the car moving in your analogy. No more wishing I could go back in time with my current knowledge, or comparing myself to the other cars driving much faster than me on this road of life. I hope to become dental surgeon, but the future me might change his mind, either way, it's a goal, and a start to something better, much better than getting lost in my own head. Hoping that everyone that watches this video see's it in seven or so years time and see how much they have changed.
Good luck everyone.
1. You want to do something, but you can’t find the perfect thing to do.
2. You figure out the best possible option and want to go for it, but it turns out you’re too old or poor to pursue it.
3. You settle for “the next best thing” and go all in, but slowly notice that it’s neither fulfilling nor are you particularly exceptional at it.
4. You start again at step 1.
OH THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GONNA EXPLAIN in comments.
There's a defence mechanism called Autistic Thinking (no offence, just the name), where you imagine as a substitute to reality. Literally this.
The good part is, it assumes the best of us. It goes like:
First we think of an ideal scenario I our head. It doesn't work. There's frustration.
Next, we try to go around it and LIVE, experience, get around the problems.
If not, we finally give up and say "Okay, let's try the best we can, let's imagine it can happen." Like Dr. K said.
We all do it actually, when we face things we cannot fix. Helps coping too. But autistic thinking starts to become a problem when we "default" to it. Before exploring the first 2 options(trying for ideal scenario, and facing/accepting reality).
Hope this reaches you :)
When you talked about how the thinkers actually exert way more energy than everyone else -- that was a profound and liberating thing to hear. It makes so much sense and really makes me feel less like there's something wrong with me and more like i actually can succeed if i get things figured out.
W-What about the 33 year-old thinker?
Welcome aboard friend
It’s too late to become a 25 year old thinker 😔
@@Oof316 Oh no!
I'm 32 and i see myself in most of these.. ✌️😶
You are now promoted to THE thinker 💪
Thank you, im 20 years old with the same exact mindset. I didn't realise that other people were going through the same thing. I will improve my life now. Thank you so much.
I remember seeing this meme a couple years ago and relating to it, thanks for making this
your icon looks like that drawing of a cat with human ears😭🖤
Turn 25 into 35, and all of this is my lived experience, to the tee, 100%
Turn 35 to 55 and this is me
@@Sh0n0 damn thats tough. Im a little early to the thinker stuff i guess at 20
Holy crap this is actually me! I've always had this problem where i have an idea that i think sounds good or i would like to do but i could only think about it. It was fun to think about but i would never act on it even if i became frustrated that i wasn't doing anything about it i would always just be stuck.
Amongst other things this affects Dr K i think you just helped me crack something thats plagued me for so many years wide open THANK YOU!!
I have this problem too
Ironically enough I watch these videos to “imagine success” without ever achieving it. I know that I can’t change who I am but watching videos like this and essentially role-playing making progress is better than sitting around doing nothing. It makes me feel like there’s hope even if only for a few seconds of my day.
Well how I went through with this was essentially playing really hard freaking games, think about completeting it efficiently ..... Finally succeed and slowly apply it irl
Of course, I started reading novels first to increase my attention span, that was more important
It’s a process my friend, take it step by step, one little success by one little success ❤
The fact that you are able to recognize that is already a big step. You got this man
Take it slow. Go to sleep the same time each day, ditch the unhealthy food, days when your not working, go work out or just take a long walk. Goes a long way.
Best however you can do is apply for a job that requires physical labor, that's a paid work out each day. And your forced to go to work, thus leaving you without any choice paralysis.
Your body is as much you, as your mind is. Take care of your body, and your mind will improve dramatically. The foundational key to a sound mind is a sound body.
Hi Dr K. I just want to say that your videos have been life changing. I’m an Indian American in my mid twenties with ADHD, and I’ve been able to make so many positive changes in my life in just the past month, just from watching your videos. I quit smoking, I started waking up at 6 AM everyday, meditating, going for walks, sleeping on time. And I feel amazing having done all these things. Thanks to all these changes, I’ve been able to make time for my hobbies like learning piano and working on my creative writing. I signed up with your coaching platform just last week in order to ensure that I keep the positive momentum going! Thanks for your hard work, I look forward to your future videos!
I love how you're just being you! ie saying 'are'. It's refreshing!
I can say "aare" and make you feel refreshed everyday. 😉
@@beatblastdeathWhy do men need to be creepy for no reason? I wish we all could realise that it is a person behind the screen with thoughts and feelings before saying things like that.
I used to be this way and ive been working really hard lately and ive made a lot of changes in my life. Ive started to get a better grasp on my life and truthfully im doing a lot better now but i still have some work to do. Still its truly fascinating to see a section of my life so clearly talked about and put into words. It helps me see how far ive come and brings me peace. I just turned 26 today too lol. What a coincidence
Wow, sounds cool. I like the saying "Life begins outside of your comfort zone" , which is a nice way of saying don't be afraid of self-reflection and personal growth.
Hey, I’m 30 and this super relates to me as I’m sure it does with many at any age with similar experiences here.
I do get angry that I end up daydreaming constantly of doing the action without actually going and doing the action.
Projects build up. Anxiety to finished or starting builds up. I loop for comfort by using my imagination to keep me grounded from some intrusive thoughts and imagine myself doing the action. Maladaptive daydreaming isn’t a term yet used for diagnosing or even a disorder but I do like the term and I do relate to it considerably still even as a 30 year old. Honestly my imagination has both healed me with comfort and cursed me with inattentiveness and pausing when doing simple little tasks.
Outside to go do gardening, brain does a pause; oops instead let’s just daydream about something else now. I snap out of it and continue my gardening and feel embarrassed. Hours in bed with my thoughts. It’s exhausting and I didn’t even start a task. It’s diagnosed ADD and other generalized anxiety disorder.
Having a comforting fictional character to love and supports me but knowing he’s imaginary. That I can live with happily. But just not the daydreaming constantly scenarios after scenarios. Sometimes it doesn’t even make sense when I’m daydreaming of some other world. Like I’ve shifted into a different timeline and realize I’m screwed up in that one as well.
Being a 30 year old I can relate to this.
I try not to day dream or create scenarios but it just happens. Trying a lot harder to control those scenarios but ending giving into but this video made me realise that it's not gonna payoff. I need to work towards getting myself propel towards the goal and not think that I'm far behind. This video has really helped me and I hope that you'd also find it helpful and achieve those goals and tasks that you're supposed to.
Oh wow this one is spot on, after all these years I didn't think you would say something that resonated with me so much anymore.
Personally this Truly resonates with me, had a bad few years and withdrew within myself, been working on clawing my way back out. Great advice as always!
Literally me, youtube algorithm knows I only mentally cook then nearly never serve in reality...
Perfect video, thank you so much sir!
I’ve never needed a video more than now wow. You caught me in a spiral for this exact reason. Wow
You live in Now ONLY Forever
I am like extremely good at managing speeds and gas loss of cars (shockingly even for my 30+ years driver father) and as well bad at living life. So when you started gas-brakes analogy It just blew my mind with insights. Truly love your content, Dr. K. Wish, some day I and everyone you try to help will manage the life things, great thanks for everything you do for us.
What Dr. K said about demolishing your expectations to start over instead of imagining doing things differently in the past was such a simple fact yet so eye opening.
🙏🙏🙏
Hmm. This video made me think, "I need to stop thinking so much." Love your videos Dr. K. Thank you!
Im 24 and this is a great generalization of my growth. I didn't quite know these habits outright, but i noticed the changes i needed to make subconsciously and started at it. This wraps it all into a very nice perspective
it feels so gratifying when dr k explains in much clearer sense what I think I'm doing wrong with everything I do. I know I do a bunch of this stuff but I cant get pass the thinking stage of how to get past it. I always just get stuck in the awareness part and its always so funny how the answer always just boils down to just live.
Holy Doctor K, it is so refreshing to actually see that problems in my mind for fricking 25 years actually have clinical explanation. The Perfectionist, the thinker, and slamming the break every time something has been going on. It is like seeing for the first time what everyone else has been seeing, and why it is so fucking hard for me. It reminds me to change the meaning of not everything has to be perfect into nothing has to be perfect, like ever, considering all it has been is on my mind, not in the real world. Just getting hard reality check and I'm glad.
I will try to less frequently slamming the break. It is not that the break is not without reasons, but it is that anything that could potentially ruin it even by a little, I slam a break. That's where I always feel like I am a perfectionist because all the scenarios I have seen on my head has been without a hitch. I am not a delusionist, but even if I am not, you never anticipate failures when you think about scenarios anyway, so it's always been better on my mind. My ideals are actually pushing me to slam a break, even when the failures are inconsequential irl, but the mind wants it perfect because my mind has been using thoughts and imaginations as coping mechanism, so why real world?
I have also been struggling with indecisions about what to do with my life because of this, I think. There are so many potentials and paths I could take, but if I just take a survey of it, and see a little rock on a way, I choose some other paths else to take.
Hey Dr K, nice work with this video. I really think this is what I needed, because the problem in this one really described everything I struggle with. Based on my personal expiriences I would add to this meme phrases like: "can't simply go to sleep, gets knocked out when exhaustion is too much" , "can't focus on his actions even at work" or even "thinks he is immune to addictions because he thinks everything is under his control"
But after watching your solutions I personally still think that its too little. I feel like I need some sort of action i can practice to fight my overthinking. Simply knowing to not give up on a daily basis will not help people like me in a visible way. Could you expand on that maybe?
Thanks for all you do!
This comment is literally you overthinking
Man I relate to this too. But I got out of this. Turn out it’s depression. Like I knew it, but I thought it so corny so I haven’t visited a therapist. But lately I did, she prescribed me 3 types of drugs and now I’m actually living g. Like feeling emotion, control my body, do what I want etc. I’m alive. I’ve wrote the comment above, hope more people will see it. But man, please give it a try. I’ve switched 2 therapist to find one that actully cared about my situation, even though during the session she is seem care but not that enthusiastic as I dreamed. But she is just a professional that have read the situation on 100%. So please try it, most importantly don’t loose no hope, that the thing that saved my life.
@@bartosznaswiecie1179 To a worm a grain is a whole meal, but to a man it's a mear scrap.
Everyone has different amounts of stuff they need before understanding comes.
The action to practice is meditation, and you can do that anywhere.
Dude , you nailed it! Now my favorite YT channel!
17:28 I’m over here thanking you, for a better insight on why I run in circles in my own mind sometimes.🙏🏻
You may have just saved my life. I'm only 23, but I've been dealing with this problem for a very long time. Your insight has helped me realize things that I think I can use to finally help myself. Never seen your channel before, but when this show up in my recommended feed I felt a bit blessed.
So thank you.
There has never been more perfect timing for something I have needed in my entire life.
God this video stresses me out, cause for years I've been just completely happy being in my own head 24/7... while I always knew that it isn't the healthiest life style, I still enjoy it very much and sort of see it as a major personality trait that I have? Like what else do I have if I'm not just the airhead that can't focus on anything lmao
I think once you boil this down, this becomes less of a question of "what else do I have?" and more of a question of "what am I willing to go and get?"
There's a certain amount of risk involved in accomplishing anything, and the question is what are you prepared to do to become more than "just the airhead that can't focus on anything"?
are you successful in life ?
Being in your head and not being able to focus are two different things. I daydream very often but there is still a tight focus on a given topic in those dreams. When I can't focus it's often because there are too many external stimuli (social media, games, tv, friends etc) or cues for internal stimuli (repetitive though loops or extremely complex imaginary structures branching out) and this creates something like an unconscious oppotunity cost calculation.
Thinking is great. Thinking about what to think about while not being able to act on anything isn't.
@@merkuree I think that's a better way to look at this, thank you very much
@@Ranas-qm8vn I wouldn't say I'm a complete fuck up, I got a job I like and a handful of good friends. But there is a lot more that I'd like to accomplish, like having my own place, having a boyfriend, get a higher education and some hobbies. So no, I wouldn't call myself successful in life.
Incredible video Dr. K. Thank you so much for all of the content you make and the information you share :)
holy shit, thank you so mutch
i've been in that state for far too long now and never knew what was wrong with me.
i dont know if i will get better or overcome this shit but i will try my best to get things done.
again thank you
This video... changed my life.
Wow. This is exactly the problem i've been dealing with that I haven't been able to really diagnose and resolve myself. THANK YOU
oof, i‘m a 25 year old thinker
For me, I’ve learned reality is often better than the circus I create in my head. My life has brought unexpected experiences that changed everything. I never could have ever imagined those happening.
i think. exactly like this at 19 with my full time job. never worked physical labor while doing full time college but these experiences and opportunities are really helping me get out of my insecurities.
"Cultivate things that create a resolution of thought" is the main takeaway for me.
Taking the L for my previous years is way too hard but still, as I lived my whole life stuck in my own head, this became the most helpful piece of content on this platform for me. I watched this in the stream but good thing I decided to watch it from the start. And I didn't pay a single dime for this. I don't feel stuck, I feel weightless
I have had a rough few days, what you explain are all symptoms of what my mind does. I will take this advice and work on doing it.
Just started a new job in my forties yesterday working way more hours for less pay (but importantly more "status"). One of the poitives is that I'll simply be too busy to constantly think about my underachievent in life. I'm really anxious about such a big change but I'm optimistic that even though I'm “way behind in life", things can still get better.
I'm 34 and living in parents basement. Unemployment sucks. Also have a medically complex daughter to support.
It does suck bro. We feel you. Lets start small on something and grow from there😊
universe will be blessing you soon hold on
@@johnclark7903 thank you
@@johnclark7903 telling people something like this makes them think their fate isn´t in their own hands. I get the supportive sentiment tho
@@crisis3739 i completely agree. Here is what I’ve learned thou, you have free will for things to not go your way, but anytime someone does something amazing or incredible it’s not them it’s god.
When I used to be like this it wasn't because I was convinced I couldn't do anything/was scared like you say. It was more that I felt like I had already thought out and knew what everything would be like, so I felt no need to actually go and do it. Even though I expected that I could do it if I tried hard and long enough. That way I could skip out on all the hard parts that I had imagined would be there along the way. I definitely did not in any way at all feel like I was doomed to failure, like you put it. I just did not feel like I needed anything enough to put in the effort that I knew would be required. Like why would I want to be great so much?
In a way I'm still not out of it, even though these days I do a whole lot. I just started sort of positioning myself in a way that by just following my impulses from moment to moment I'm actually interacting with the world. So I'm sort of accidentally accomplishing stuff without much actual effort or discipline. What I mean is I started taking random opportunities that present themselves to me, saying yes to more things, speaking more without thinking, and hanging out in places where things just happen to me. I still don't have any clear goals or certainty of my desires. I'm not pursuing anything, just going with the flow. Which is still an improvement, arguably.
I used to think that I should let go of my desires to be at peace but lately I've been trying to cultivate them, just to have some direction. Though I'm finding that extremely difficult. Letting go is just so easy because everything is always fine and will always be fine, no matter what happens. But that sounds like a vaguely boring and insignificant life. I just can't prove to myself why I should care so much.
Really great vid dr K, some of those points hit but it's nice to hear how the mind functions as always. Super interesting stuffs😄
It’s never too late to start. I started studying right after high school in 2016. It went very well the first year, but my discipline and motivation lost a battle with depression so I started to skip classes and ended up failing all my exams in the 3rd semester.
I dropped out and started working in a cardboard factory. The job was very physically demanding and it was mentally challenging to do the same monotonous tasks 8 hours a day. But over time I started enjoying the simplicity of it and as I got better I could see that the veterans started to treat me more as an equal. I felt a sense of mastery and my confidence grew.
I started to reflect on my future after 4.5 years of working in the factory. As much as I enjoyed my colleagues, I didn’t want to work there for the rest of my life.
So I applied to the same university I dropped out of and started studying again when I was 25. That was 2 years ago and I’m almost done with my bachelors degree in Machine Learning & Software Engineering.
Now in hindsight I realize that I was not mentally ready for the responsibilities required for studying at university. But that’s okay. Everyone develops and live at their own pace, and it’s never too late to pursue your goals and dreams
Bachelor’s in machine learning? I thought that was more of a specialisation/major for a master’s degree. Anyways congrats:) I also need to finish school, just have to write that damn thesis
My main take away is to think new thoughts. Simple but affective
Thank you, you hit the nail on my head and I really needed to hear that.
thank you so much for finding a topic to talk about that helps me so much
I'm 25. The part about expectations was correct. I've been lowering them not destroying them. The rest is hit or miss.
the '' if i only knew '' refers to some situations that if you knew how to handle them at the time, the course of your life would be different in this moment.
my dear sensei....
I loved this video fr. I've really not taking time for myself and thinking about this kind of stuff. This opened my mind on what i need to start doing for my growth. THanks doc.
8 days in the future and my mind is blown!! But fr I appreciate this talk I really needed it! See if I can change my mindset now at 20 instead of 25 haha.
Had a plan for my life from 2020-late last year, was excited to take on the world. A few major setbacks (long-term relationships ended, poor career decisions, family health) and now i’m pretty much in this exact category.
I genuinely do not see myself doing much of anything with my life at this point; I have a stable job and a place to stay (in a rural town with nothing to do, to be fair) but I have too many responsibilities to move on now and there is little point in wasting money on school, even if I could. Plus, every one of my friends I met in college are now thousands of miles away, never mind the fact that I lost contact with all of them when I was struggling last year.
I’m not “depressed” anymore, but I don’t think there is much more to do after this. I feel like i’m 75 years old, yet I turned 25 a week ago. Wish i’d have kept the momentum and just crashed at the end, would have been more pleasant than this.
Your reality is what you make it. You may have responsibilities but i doubt those responsibilities are so massive that they paralyse you into living the same day after day. You obviously want change so start making it happen now
We have the same story - mine had addiction added to it. I succeeded breaking the habit and now like - what point is there in any of this bs?
Im 25 now and 2 years ago i literally did wake up and make a hard right turn at 65 mph and ended up upside down out front of my job
Leaving a sub to this amazing channel. This video is what I needed. Thank you so much.
6:25 my experience with this is when I switched secondary schools early.
I retreated into my head. I went from care free, loving life and unashamed to this cowering shadow of myself.
It held me back for so many years but I've taken my life back.
I literally started coping with MDD when I switched schools
It's sort of good to know this isn't unique to me
I had to keep rewinding because I was day dreaming
So basically, life sucks and you have to lie to yourself to believe it doesn't suck to cope. And then when something little inconvenient happens, its back to square one because living under society other people created caused these problems.
Yup
This has been such an eye opener. I have to constantly think about every problem before acting and that has honestly led to more failure. Kind of makes sense why I have not regretted decisions made impulsively. If I act out of impulse I accept the consequences so much quicker than acting after thinking about the god damn problem for weeks.
I used to have a lot of these problems when I was younger. Now that I’ve got my mind under control I’m a lot happier, but still this video is super useful and has a lot of wisdom. I still work hard to be mentally healthy. It’s kinda like being obese and then after losing the weight you still workout and diet because you understand just how important they really are
if you started doing this in your teenage years than you're lucky, I'm doing this since i was 4 or 5 years old and my brain is fried, I'm just existing with no brain, no soul, no feelings, no consciousness, no perception about anything. just the body is there.
I used to do this around 14 y/o when I start question my world/friendship and before this video I was crying on how I'm a stupid human being for not accomplish anything since there and people should avoid me because they will meet a failure.
Well, your body is you. Your bones, your flesh, your blood, your guts. All is you. Time to go feral. Run out, and howl like a wolf as you run until your completely exhausted. The pain will give you meaning.
Dear 25 year old thinker. I was once you. I thought I had to go to college or I wasn't anybody. Let me tell you how this works out. Learn a trade. Plumbing can be nasty at times but mostly not and you can make more money on the side than you will at a 40 hour job at a plumbing company. You will have to work both jobs though but you will be rolling in money. Second choice, Hvac which is heating and air. Easy work with a little more thinking and some selling. Third choice, Pipe fitter, which is plumber without any shit EVER. But you will be welding and working hard but making shit tons of money. 4th choice, Carpenter or painter. The money isn't great but the job is not really hard. 5th choice, truck driver: It sucks and the money isn't great. 6th choice, car salesman. This is something that you are either great at or you suck so bad that your career will be over with in 3 months. If you are smart you can do any of these jobs and you don't have to be really smart. You will be doing pretty well in 2-3 years. If you arent as smart as you think you are, you will know it very quickly. If you can do any of the above jobs, you will have more money than your college graduate friends from high school. You are not behind, you just took your time. Life is harder than you think. Much harder but you can do it . The hardest part of you life will be getting up at 4:30 am in order to get to work at 6 am and using plastic box shitters (portolets, always bring your own toilet paper). Also there is a difference between college grad life and trade life. You will make many new friends, life long friends that will help you out and help you to feel better. Tradesmen, especially unionized men will give you a sense of brotherhood that college never could.
I'm very thankful that, although this describes me, it does not describe me perfectly. The fact is, I'm here watching this video because I have faith that things can change, even at my age, and I'm looking for help to do so.
I wish I knew the exact words to say to someone in my situation for whom things truly look hopeless, however hopeful they may actually be. Thank you to this channel for having those words so I can learn them
Dr. K, it is quite scary how ur content is aligning with my current problems
1) don't quit = STOP SLAMMING ON GAS AND THEN ON BREAKS
2) Its gonna be a ROUGH ROAD
3) START EXPERIENCING = practice really= see the gap btw imagination and reality, TAKE REAL DATA INPUTS
4) you don't need to live up to expectations = you should demolish them
5) START OVER AGAIN does not mean going back into time, it means to demolish the big castles and actually starting living life
6) Pain of the world is not the way that world is, pain of the world is your imagination about what the world should be and reality what the world is = SEE IT AS IT IS
7) the things that we think are solutions to our problems does actually opposite, it propagates them = THOUGHTS that lead to more line of thoughts is wrong kind of thinking = cultivate RESOLUTION OF THOUGHT ---------TRY SOME THINGS, take real inputs
8) Anytime mind is unwilling to accept the consequences, it ll keep us paralyzed = ACCEPTANCE to consequences
Excellent, thank you for breaking it down like notes.
As a physics student i have to say for a doctor your physics and math knowledge is pretty decent.The video was also great😂
This is so wild, just yesterday I was struggling with getting myself to sit down and finish my schoolwork for the week. I asked myself, why am I not doing my homework when I expressly need to do it and I know the deadline is today? I thought back to what motivated me to step back into college, and realized that all it took was one tiny step and then it snowballed from there. The motivation to do my HW all along was by thought resolution. I started cleaning my room, as that seemed like the less daunting task. By the time I finished cleaning my room I was actually excited for the feeling of resolving the next thought.
I had this phase much younger at like 8th grade and it only took 3-4 years to gradually get out of it. That way of thinking really was eating at me and now I'm much more free and sociable and confident and I get tired in a different way but a more productive way
This dude is HILARIOUS! cheers🍻
If I catch myself thinking: oh if I did this and that then I would be happier. I think: or I might have died in an accident. The reality is that I might have. We don't know. It might have been worse.
Brother I needed this I’m going to be 25 in two months and I’m in a bad mood recently.i feel like i wasted my life and now I’m an adult with no happy experience and I didn’t reach my goals. Thank you for this please talk more about us
I normally dont write the comments, I just think what I would write and never do it. But that video maybe the most important one Ive ever watched, because I finally understood my problem. This time I didn't let myself imagine as I write this comment and the only way I could create it, was by actually writing it... In effect I wanted to do it so badly that here I am. Thank you Dr. K for all the videos you made. Ive been watching you for years but thats my first comment that Ive not only thought, but actually wrote. Thank you for helping me understand myself :)
This video literally gives me the solution how to fix my problem. I've been going to the gym for 2 months but i feel like quitting since there is no joy when im there. Sure it feels a little bit nice with when lifting heavy weight. but i even ended up getting myself comfortable at the gym that i now rather not do anything new or try diff work out and other exercises. Its cause im too busy in my head thinking that the gym would give me a fix but i realize i still need to stick to it in order to see actual results. (I've been very suicidally past 2 days cause i really dont like the gym and i have hard time accepting that life is pain) Its hard for me to accept to do something i dont enjoy doing. Gym has brought me some benefits and forced myself to go outside also.
The worst part is. Even though after watching this video and seeing what i need to do in order to fix this. I will still go back to my mind being a slave to it cause life feels alot less worse that way even if it ends up me being depressed.
It doesnt matter what vid i watch or words of advice i hear from anyone. I will still choose the comfortness at home and in my mind. I genuinely think some people like me are just a lost cause and that we are just meant to "lose" in the end. Whether its through suicide of not being able to take it anymore or just shutting yourself in and lose all the time in the world till ur dead.
Everyday im fulfilling that prophecy. And i dont think i will be getting out of this loop. Today has been extra rough to. Im already imagining myself ending it soon.
Don't give up, king. You're smashing it.
Onwards!
2 months of going to the gym esp when you feel no joy is such a huge achievement… I’ve been trying to do that for the past ten years but never managed tbh. Also getting comfortable with a gym routine and sticking with it sounds really good, that way you dont have to think each time about what to do so it removes some of the mental friction. You’re doing so well, I think you underestimate yourself. I know you probably won’t be able to believe this now (because I never believed it either until it happened), but this darkness will pass. Hang in there friend.
Well anybody can do anything.
I was facing the same problem. I was very suicidal in these past weeks and have been facing constant negativity ever since I finished high school. I got a job as an English teacher last year and my negativity was turned into great joy for a while, but then it came back after some months. I quit the job and stayed most of my time at home, away from my friends (cuz they live in my former town) and crying about how much I hated being alive.
STRAIGHT TO THE POINT: I love organizing my life through plans and algorithms and I've been doing this for 10 years already (I'm 26 now). I used pretty much all kinds of organization you may think about and now I'm working with an algorithm of construction and another one of deconstruction. This methods revolutionized my way of doing tasks, progressing in my projects and dealing with problems, but I still felt depressed and wanted to die. I asked myself why and then I got the answer: I look at things the wrong way. What is the definition of suffering, pain, boredom? There's none. What is pleasant for someone may be a torture for somebody else. Our brains are programmed to recognize almost everything as a problem, but this loop can be inverted. Then I added a tool called 'Inversion' to one of the algorithms and it's purpose is to turn any argument, fear or unaccomplished will upside down. And you know what? It worked. I'm feeling happy now, not overjoyed, but definitely better than before because all my problems have become solutions. You can definetely control how you can see life and any element on it.
Dr. K : do something and get data to get a resolution.”
Me:
>Attempts to do something
>makes a fool out of myself
>start thinking about how badly I fucked up and what I should’ve done
This isn't a bad response in and of itself
You just need to continue with new data in hand
Be fucking ballsy, go for it
Maybe the problem lies in how you react to having been made a fool of
@@3van660 I don’t know how I’m even supposed to react. Am I supposed to enjoy looking like a jackass and becoming someone’s inside joke and gossip for their friend group for the rest of the year or do I just keep quiet and look like an autistic incel the whole time and also be made into a joke.
You have to make the mistakes that you end up learning from sooner or later. There's no way to avoid them, just delay them and make them worse to experience. It's not about being grateful for looking stupid, it's about getting that part over and done with.
@@raphaelalavi9385 Learn to be fine with people gossiping about you behind your back. It's hard and takes time but the sooner you do the sooner you'll be happy
Hi! Are you planning to do more interviews with every-day people in the future?:) Just watched a few, and they are super relatable and interesting!
Thank you. I've been wondering for a while now what the right balance between being thoughtful and over thinking is. From now on, I'll try to set the line depending on how much experience I have in the area. More experience allows more thinking. But in areas without experience, thinking should be avoided.
The thing is, in most cases, being a hard thinker has made me successful. Not only has it "satisfied the brain" but it's also made me quite successful professionally. But then in some cases it has done the complete opposite. Which has confused me a bunch. But now when I reflect, it seems I can summarize the successful thinking as thinking in areas with experience, as you explain.
VERY useful for us young men
For me, the reason I stay in my head is that reality is often disappointing. Every time I put myself out there I've had bad experiences. Every time it gets harder to convince myself that it's worth it. Pushing on when every previous experience has failed just seems like I am disingenuous to my own lived experiences.
13:58 for you my friend.
Edit: that's life.
You play video games? How many times do you have to play something before becoming decent? But games feel good so it's not as punishing when you fail.
Real life events HURT. Godamn they hurt.
Your issue isn't how do I succeed, it's how do I ignore the failures?
@@triarii9257 The problem is becoming numb to repeated failure is not the same thing as succeeding. And if I do eventually achieve what I set out to do and become a jaded burned out wreck of a human being in the process was it really worth it? I don't have an issue with things being difficult, I have an issue with my results not being proportional to my efforts.
@@mathius_dragoon532 yes, seeing your efforts not result in proportional rewards is one of the worst aspects of modern life.
Video games and other media has been predatorial on this and made it worse for us all.
The cruel cold thing to say would be "tough shit, you crying because you don't have 6 pack abs after doing situps for a month? It takes 3 years, boy." (Replace abs with whatever your goal is)
And that ain't factually wrong but I've been there in the pits where it felt like nothing I did mattered, there was no visible progress, and just existing was painful.
The problem with all those masculine self-help alpha energy videos is that they don't address how much it hurts to drag yourself through barbed wires over and over, look down, and see you only moved a centimeter, if at all. Hell, sometimes it feels like you moved backwards.
Personally, I have found the trick to be faith. Blind faith and stop looking down.
But this is hard when you're a toxic thinker (like the video references) and you're extra sensitive to failure like me, and I believe, like you as well.
Also, heads up, the perspective of "I put in X so I should get Y" is a very toxic entitled mentality. I'm not disregarding the pain you feel upon failure, but in no other field in nature is this true. A cat could spend days hunting for a mouse only to lose track of the mouse. An elephant could spend days looking for water only to die of dehydration.
There needs to be a change from "I deserve that mouse, I chased it for 3 days, I deserve that meal"
To
"I CAN get that mouse. If I don't, I'll get another one. I don't care what I need to do, I WILL get A mouse. Because I believe. Because other people got that mouse. And if they can get it, so can I. And because I have no choice. I hate not having a mouse to eat."
Anyways, without continuing that analogy, I hope you get my point.
From an outside perspective, this is the perspective shift you need to keep moving. But if you don't, that's fine. I've been there, and I know everyone needs to do things in their own way and their own time.
But the one emotional catalyst that gets everyone sooner or later is the realization that they don't have a choice. Life is a fucking saw game, I swear.
So, hey, based on what you're writing, I feel you. And I don't think any less of you no matter how quickly or slowly you grow. I'm just going to be one random anon on the Internet rooting for you. Because I'm here too, dealing with repetitive failure, seeing myself move backwards more than forwards at times. But I don't have a choice because the only thing I hate more than the pain of change is where I am now. But that's not always true and I often relapse into my old bad habits. Tough shit for me too, eh?
@@triarii9257 personally I've given up id much rather be in my head than in cruel reality
"Think for a second." That's literally what got me into this mess.
Headspace was my first experience of meditation and it worked great for me in an extremely traumatic period of my life. I think it helped turning this traumatic experience into a trauma growth rather than anything else.
26:20 First time I got rejected, was such a relief, I felt like the world is opened to me.
Hell yeah brother I'm proud of you 🫡
Yup I've been rejected 8 times for what's called a band 6 position in my profession but got 1 on the 8th. I felt like giving up in fact I did for periods but stagnation irrefutably felt worse.