Insider Tips: Rid Yourself of Your Toxic Partner (with Sarah Davison)
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- Опубліковано 12 вер 2022
- Never heard before tips on how to break up with a toxic partner (especially a narcissist) - from the horse's mouth!
Interview for Heartbreak to Happiness Podcast with host Sara Davison and Guest Sam Vaknin.
If you would like support for coping with any of the issues raised do visit www.sara davison.com for our online support groups and coaching.
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I meant nothing to the narcissist because I wasn’t good enough for him VS I meant nothing to the narcissist because he isn’t capable of having a person mean something to him. I’m going to embrace the second idea.
"An intimate terrorist" -- this is exactly how it feels. And others don't believe you.
My narc pretended to be a different person to get me interested, then exposed the wounded child to play on my empathy. It's hard to let go of the person you thought they were, even knowing that's not the real them.
Exactly👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 you are so right saying that is hard letting go the person you thought and hoped he was even you know so well that he is NOT . wish you all the best 🌸
Professor Sam Vaknin, how can we ever thank you enough?! We cannot. But THANK YOU anyway. Because of your amazing work , I am now not only emotionally but also physically healthy- again !!
Omg, this broke open levels of awareness for me about the dynamics between myself in relationship to a partner who displayed narcissistic behavior. I wondered how I could fall for it while I was in such a good state of being. I thought the bait was something else, but I now understand that it was his openness to show me his wounds and my internal need to mother again, so I wanted to mother him back to health and well-being. That makes so much sense to me.
I am a mom of a 20 year old daughter and I see her healthy, emotionally regulated, individuated and ready to take flight and I am confident she has all she needs to be able to navigate through life. My part in rearing her and being her primary caregiver is done- just as it should be.
I didn't realize the vulnerability of empty nest syndrome and how being in this state made me very susceptible to someone that offered me the opportunity to mother again. Holy shit! This is enlightening. If you know the bait then you can better unravel from the hold the illusion has on you. Thank you!
Fantastic webinar Sara and Sam.
I have trained with Sara as a divorce coach and I have been listening to Sam for years now!
He articulates narcissistic abuse better than anyone else I know. Thank you Sam.
Thank you Sara.
its so true about no one else in the community recognizing these dynamics.
100% my ex, I can relate to everything ... Its tough love, no boundaries, lies, Im crazy, I imagined it, I wouldnt cheat but have proof, disregards proof and makes excuses, fantasy of being wealthy when not, life of party, blaming. He really knew how to play me until I had him removed. He wants me back and he still isnt working on things.I am happier by myself and his own family said I can do better because of the same patterns with his ex girlfriends.
Absolutely right that we know things aren’t right and we don’t need examples of things to look out for. We knew, but yes, we have issues and learn the hard way. Some of us learn from this experience and some of us don’t
If only I knew all this before I divorced, the divorcing process would have been less crazy-making for me.
What’s a great video !
I personally have had the misfortune of personally knowing a Narcissist, a malignant Narcissist and a Psychopath !!!!
I needed this. I have 2 kids with someone that demonstrates a lot of narcissistic traits and co-parenting is not possible. Its hard to explain to the kids why he pops in and out of their lives but all I can do is give them love and be present emotionally and physically. Thank you for providing clarity.
sending love. I can relate
Very Profound Conversation.....
Thanks Sam for explaining so clearly. 😊
What was Chris Watts who killed his wife and two kids.? I have been wanting to ask you .
Never stops being chilling.
I tried to stay friendly and share time with our kids, and it further solidified his judge-y voice in my head.
Thank you professor.
Dr. Prof. Sam Vaknin
“Top three priorities.”
I would love to hear more about the dissonance the victim of narcissistic abuse feels, when they are being helped by a person like you, whom is also a narcissist. Is this the same dissonance a victim could feel about the narcissist they are in a relationship with, stemming from the abuse intertwined with the self love the narcissist awakes in the victim?
Great Q
I love people that intrigues me. Who challenges challenges of the mind. Life is like chess. 3,2 million moves!!
Also if it is your father? (significant other) I'm was pleasing my father. Not anymore because it is enough. Choosing for my own health, life, and happiness. Luckily I had a great loving band with my grandfather who was my crucial figure. And my mother was my fathers target also. When I was little I already new things were not normal. I set my boundaries the last 2 years but he could not cope with that so he told me he does not want me in his life anymore. And I'm okay with that. It is time for me. Thank you Prof. Sam Vaknin for your lessons!
Thank you Sam.
Make a bloody list - thank you Sam
Sounds like the narrative of my life.
I have seen the damage a narcissist parents has on children and what those children are like as adults. It truly strikes fear in my heart to think that the system is not supporting the mental health of children. Unfortunately, this very same narcissist didn't like to use protection for at least 40 years of his almost 60 years of life, so the number of children he has spawned is currently unknown.
Thank you so much.
Loved this video Sam. Clearer and clearer each time. Excelent interview, congrats
Wouldn't the fact that with identical twins one can turn out a narcisist and the other doesn't, indicate that narcisism doesn't have a genetic underlay?
Yes, it would. I used it as an example of how nurture affects the formation of narcissism. With siblings, nature (heredity) seems to predispose to narcissism.
More tremendous work and educating here from Dr./Professor Vaknin. I love that the interviewer is listening and absorbing, and asking natural questions. She is all of us... Ugh, the part about modeling is so good it gave me chills. Well done.
Great content...So great listening to Professor Vaknin the descriptions are so clearly defined. Thank you
This is fantastic.
Sam and Sarah- i love your work
That was great! Thank you Sam and Sarah!
Thank you, Sam.
29:49 Second strategy put like that is exactly how it goes
Love the interviews with others
BRILLIANT
Simply the best!❤
Still cant figure out if it really is me that causes the volcano to erupt, like she says it is.
Are there more male narcissists than female , because of the lack of mother love.
Where is the guarantee that the child, my daughter, will come back to me after 10 years, as you say, or hopefully sooner? Do they mature enough to realize the narc's game when they're 16-18? What is the "maturing mechanism", where is the guarantee that the promise of coming back will realize? My daughter plays a savior for her father, who has trauma (and denial) with his dead alcoholic mother and "Dickensian" cruel father. She wants to help him and cooks for him but she doesn't want to see me. It's horrible. He is saving her from "an incompetent, horrible mother creature" (like his mom was for him), he thinks he's doing her a favor, saving her from me. It's unbearable for me.
I'm thinking about lawsuit with a psych exam for all of us during the lawsuit process. It's a brutal idea to put her through this. Will she hate me for this? But prioritizing is a good idea. She is the most important here, not me. Should I let her, a teenager, decide her own fate? She is also not a mature person and in a
There is no garantee.
Statistically, being a very good role model and showing how a mature adult behaves will eventually increase the odds that the children change behaviour down the line. (Especially if the role figure did their best to protect the kids from abuse)
But not all children will do that or want to do that.
Your kids might realize it as young adults. Or in their thirties, or once they have kids of their own, or after you've passed away. Or never.
@@imenehaupt7197 Thank you for your answer. She is attending therapy with a child psychologist and I strongly believe this is a good sign. We will be good. Soon, I hope.
@@ivana5240 regardless of the result, what you are showing her, how you are treating her, is an actual act of unconditional love. I hope that she will see the beauty of what you are doing and return your love (and grow to love herself as well).
It usually takes time for kids because them accepting your behaviours as fair and loving also means them having to accept the behaviours of the narc as unfair and abusive. It's hard for a kid to stomach the fact that one of their parents never loved them and never will.
Wish you the best!
This is hard to listen to…thank you…
Prof Sam your understanding is just unbelievable. I am speechless.🥹
Thank you so much.