"Desire/ability politics is the methodology through which the sovereignty of those deemed (conventionally) Attractive/Beautiful is determined. Put another way, the politics of Desire labels that which determines who gains and holds both social and structural power through the affairs of sensuality, often predicated on anti-Blackness, anti-fatness, (trans)misogynoir, cissexism, queer antagonism, and all other structural violence. It is intended to name the social, political, and economic capital one obtains / is given access to through their ability to be Desire. By this I mean that Desire is about much more than being desired; it is about one’s ability to always already be positioned as the very embodiment of the thing(s) that make(s) one Desire/able." - Harrison, Da’Shaun L. Belly of the Beast: The Politics of Anti-Fatness as Anti-Blackness. When we talk about desirability politics, it often gets reduced to just dating interests and is talked about in a way that's assumed to be random and uncontrollable. "It's just my preference" is the first reaction many have. Desirability is less "who do you want to date" and more "who does society condition us to see as human and thus worth caring about?" It establishes a hierarchy that others people. It recognizes how the way we perceive others, including finding attraction to them doesn't exist in isolation. It's a key function of genocide and patriarchal violence. In the case of Megan Thee Stallion for example, ungendering is a major component of the rationalization of the violence dealt to her. Several people including Cam'ron conceded that Tory shot her but thought she deserved it because he thought she was trans. In doing this, numerous people imagine her as trans because they don't see her as human. Her sense of humanity is conditional on her desirability in their eyes, hence they ungender her. People deemed as undesirable (i.e. dark-skinned, trans, fat, textured hair, etc) especially play into all of this as well. It sets the precedent that violence toward trans women is both acceptable and inevitable. A lot of understanding how imperialists can justify violence toward others can be read through how the different functions of desirability come into play. That's why Vice in 2016 published articles focusing on empowering women by depicting Israel's military with conventionally attractive white women with thin bodies, straight hair and light, white skin. It connects desirability with morality in humanizing what is a genocidal, imperialist military state. And from birth, men and boys are conditioned to have this desirability be a form of communication, that undesirable women are a "punishment," that men are entitled to women's bodies, and more broadly are systemically taught bombarded with narratives reinforcing rape culture from a young age. I appreciate your work into this. I've been writing a project about sexual violence in Black media as well as queerphobia in Black media, so a lot of this is already fresh on my mind. Some of the above is either directly from, or paraphrased from that project. I encourage others to not just look at feminism, but make sure your understanding of feminism specifically centers both trans and intersex people. Understanding acephobia and compulsory sexuality, ableism, fatphobia, and every mode of bigotry will help you better understand these issues and rape culture specifically. All of these issues are interconnected.
I appreciate this comment so much! I’ve been writing a script about desirability and you’ve added so much to the convo that I haven’t been able to fully articulate. Let me know if you’d ever want to collab for it 💜
@@lucretia_macevil Happy to help. I don't think I'm in a place to collab, but always happy to provide resources. I'd appreciate you could give a credit for the research it took to gather that information.
I grew up with an abusive father who I didn’t identify as abusive until I was pushing 40, when he finally crossed a line that made me cut off contact entirely. When I confronted the reality of our abusive upbringing I faced severe pushback from the rest of my family, including some members who seemed fully convinced that the actual source of our collective pain was really my fault for refusing to let go of the past. My father has never once faced consequences or even accountability for his actions, mind you. The gaslighting really runs that deep. Point being, that excuse that “he’s abusive because he suffered abuse” always reeked of patriarchal bs to me, and it’s genuinely meaningful to hear that perspective validated within the first 10 minutes. Thank you. 🙏
I’m a straight white male currently in a interracial relationship. Im grateful that there are creators like yourself out here actively educating the populace of men to decolonize women’s rights and to substantially increase our lack support in the movement. I live in Iowa, so essentially in the heart of conservative misogyny, but growing up with two high school teachers as parents both with solid life experience and education, I grew up, relatively disconnected from traditional American masculinity and patriarchy. More importantly, my family itself is a matriarchy in a sense, held up by four powerful women, two strong grandmothers, and my mom and aunt. And most men in this family would agree are that they are the foundation of our family. I only bring this up because my girlfriend and I have been having some issues and she felt things were moving too quickly. I was very open about my feelings about it and how I didn’t feel that way in fact, I wanted to see her more. But I respected the fact that she told me and am giving her the space she needs. All this just to say men must understand and respect women’s boundaries and rights. As we only restrain their freedoms from the trauma caused by the system of the capitalist patriarchy and embracing the women in our lives with support is the key to unifying ourselves and freeing us from the systems of oppression that restrain us all and feed the powerful.
My brotha. Thank you for sharing this. Love and blessings towards you and your loved ones. I've just exited a situationship only to realize I've never in my 37 years of life been in a loving relationship to a man. As a black woman with my unique set of issues I had accepted being some kind of trophy to men. A thing they could use to feel better about themselves. As a recovering love/attention/adrenaline addict, I'm at times fearful that I will not be able to recognize a good man. Who out here has enough patience and faith in themselves let alone in another person? Your words assure me that there is love, peace and hope out here. I just need to keep on keeping on. ❤
@@browniebunbaby boo - I empathize with this so very much. Just know that you are valuable and loved! Because you exist - not because of who you are and what you do. Because you ARE. ❤️🖤💚
As a victim of gendered violence, this was a powerful video and I’m sure as hard as it was for me to watch, it was harder for you to make and thank you for making it. The section you touched on that men by and large aren’t participating in the roe fight really shook me, because my expectations are so low I didn’t even clock this truth. The expectation that men won’t fight for reproductive autonomy is so ingrained in me I didn’t even pause to be mad about it. What is sadder is I know so many conservative cis men who support abortion, but are still willing to offer up reproductive freedom as sacrifices for their cause regardless. And I just accepted that with no emotional reaction because I don’t expect anything from them. And I want to expect more and demand more.
Sorry to hear that OG. Often those who were in the periphery of an abuser and victim can't accept the abuse because that would force them to examine their level of active and/or passive complicity in that abuse. I can't imagine the level of gas-lighting and obfuscation you've had to endure on top of the initial abuse. 😪
I was trying to find the words for this, but I ultimately wanna say thank you - thank you for holding space for me. It is not easy for me to talk about, but I have to process it somehow. I have cptsd and have been recovering from my most recent dv relationship for 4 years. Many folks in the comment are appreciative of the content but I often feel like they don’t see how painful it is to do/say. But it’s for everyone - for us to all process our grief and anger together around exactly what you said in the end. I want to expect more from the men in my life -but I expect nothing and that is hurtful. I want them to really absorb that so we can grow someday, but I feel like you’re not even ready to hear that something is wrong. Thanks again, sending love.
I am very sorry for the abuse you have gone through. From one survivor to another, I hope you find healing from what you went through and I hope you never have to go through something like that again. Much love to you. 💜 I love your video. I love the way you framed your point and the examples you used. Perfect. 😊
You're so right. We need love and art to push through together. I find that if a movement is devoid of that, where there's this idea that struggle has to be serious and we should all scold each other for how immoral we are, it becomes disconnected from humanity in a way, and causes us to self censure on behalf of unhealthy power dynamics. Wolves in sheep's clothing I say
I think something that doesn't get talked about in this context is the male hierarchy around meritocracy. By controlling how knowledge is authenticated and passed on through institutions, there is a lottt of hard to detect educational abuse against women and neurodivergent people. The categories of genius and greatness are an implicit part of this. I recall a woman friend telling me her professor called her an idiot and being utterly astonished that this could happen. also gender terrorism is a great concept 👏
Yes, I’ve had pretty horrible teachers who were open about their biases also. If patriarchy is a hierarchy, then only men can be smart. If you make mistakes then it’s implied that it’s actually your lack of capability, not your lack of knowledge or practice.
your experience is common because it's pretty difficult for anyone to stand in front of a room full of 20+ people and accommodate all of their learning styles. however this has been improving dramatically in the last several years due to large scale changes in handling students who are neurodivergent. personally I rely on all of my coworkers and my students to create an environment where no one is called an idiot, in spite of the fact that we have students who have not yet grasped the material. I want you to know that this is a huge effort (at least in my state? surely others) for educators to understand and accommodate the vast range of neurodiversity so that every student has an equitable chance at understanding the knowledge. note that this is a different goal than to achieve a "degree" or attain some type of job placement. mistakes are a genuine part of the learning process and of life, so it doesn't matter if you're a beginner or not :D you'll be making them either way
@@dmitrifyodorov9663 I understand you’re a teacher, but this isn’t the point of what the OP meant at all. I’m unsure of why you are internalizing every comment and feeling the need to advocate for people whom you don’t know, or create scenarios which you aren’t apart of. My grandma was an English teacher and had dozens of her students come to her funeral, thanking her for taking time to teach them. This was in the 70s-90s in overpopulated Brooklyn public schools. I think you have to sit in the fact that sometimes some people and some things are just sexism. The back story doesn’t matter, especially for those who experienced it. Students are vulnerable and teachers are in positions of power. Calling your student an idiot is something they’ll carry with them for the rest of their lives. If someone cannot handle being emotionally supportive instead of abusive in an environment meant for learning, they shouldn’t be teachers.
Subscribed. I was just having a conversation with a friend about what an abolitionist approach to domestic violence would be. He insists that prison and forcible removal of abusers from communities is necessary. I said that the empowerment of victims and the material autonomy of women/feminized people was more important and more effective, and was not giving the state permission to perpetuate abuse and destruction. I'm gonna send him this. Really fantastic video.
It’s interesting bc for some reason people assume that if you’re an abolitionist and don’t believe in locking people up that you think they should just be free to harm others. They’re trapped in this binary thinking and can’t even imagine a world where communities come together to provide care for a victim and discipline for the victimizer outside of a punitive and carceral system. A system which, btw, regularly fails victims even when they manage to get “justice”.
I've been thinking about all AMAB people and especially comrades I know. Can you believe that basically the only ones I trust and am close to all ended up trans? There tends to be a huge divide, especially when it comes with gender issues, between cis men and everyone else. It's like if you really start questioning western masculinity you have such a higher chance of rejecting it outright. Edit : sorry for spamming comments, I'm in a difficult week (staying at my parents) and I really appreciate your perspective. Yours and andrewism's in particular among youtubers
no worries - i appreciate your comments and insight! and yes - it's absolutely true for me also, I have maybe 4 men in my life that I consider safe and capable of handling these convos. it's very disheartening to me, that they will consider us the ones out of bounds, instead of making any internal reflection.
I have been struggling for over a decade with a man who is verbally and emotionally abusive. I just woke up to what was really happening about 5 months ago and I still find myself doubting. I am so grateful for this timing of this video. I needed to hear all of this again because he is very adept at blaming his childhood trauma and adhd on his outbursts but that doesn’t explain sabotaging my career by doing the stuff in this infographic 45:43 All of it. Sabotage the career, convinced me to quite so I wouldn’t be so stressed and could just let him work, then all hell broke loose and he cut me off from finances, decided the house and everything in it was his and spent the following years utterly destroying any sense of self I had. I was so blind. I thought I was going crazy and that I was a burden. I finally see the truth and honestly I’m so ashamed I let it get so bad for so long and let myself go so thoroughly.
I know this comment may not mean much, but I appreciate you being vulnerable enough to share with me. I also want you to know that it’s not your fault. The abuse I experienced used financial abuse against me also. It is not your fault. Since it is psychologically damaging - you shouldn’t blame yourself, but I know first hand that that is a very hard thing not to do. I’m proud of you for knowing what you know now. I’m proud of you for leaving now. I’m proud of you for rebuilding. It’s gonna take me a long time to get over what I went through, but I’m not where I was anymore. I hope someday you can see that perspective for yourself. 💜
The work you are doing now to re-build yourself and dismantle his lies is so crucial. With the way the world is going people who know first hand and can teach us how to recognize and resist the abuse that is normalized throughout society are so needed.
Always good to see dismantling of these toxic structures, especially from a greatly focused speaker like you. Keep doing the good work Lucretia, Free Palestine and those edited clips especially cook hard.🎉
I remember in my early days of being exposed to leftist theory, I’d feel unfairly targeted/grouped with men (partially because I myself didn’t strongly identify with traditionally masculine traits though they were certainly pushed on me) and that lead to a bit of resentment on my part but I’m glad I got over that. I thought the concept of man was central to my identity but after some soul searching I saw that I was free to let the label go. Now I’ve rejected the label of man and strive to dismantle all hierarchies.
I see you and I’m so glad you are still here. Thank you for sharing and making this video I know it is really difficult and heavy as a victim/survivor 💖 love u always friend. So glad to find u on here 😭💖
I wanted to leave a comment yesterday addressing the video but after seeing the young girl singing in the rubble, i just started weeping and had to come back today and finish this. And I am glad that I did. One of the most important things I’ve learned about oppression(feminism) is the concept of the kyriarchy and how intersecting systems of power and domination perpetuate these injustices. Patriarchy isn’t just about male dominance; it’s a structure that normalizes violence and, as you’ve tied so well together here, genocides. These systems teach society to tolerate oppression, and when violence is accepted in our homes and communities, it inevitably escalates into the most extreme forms of dehumanization. This country elected a man who associated with a known sex trafficker. It’s the same country that accepted Jerry Seinfeld dating a 17-year-old because Seinfeld was ‘too good’ to be questioned. People often cling to tradition, gaslighting, and perpetuating abuse because it gives them a sense of power and identity within an oppressive system. Rather than reclaiming their own power by challenging and dismantling these structures, many end up reinforcing them. It’s easier for some to uphold the very systems that harm them than to face the uncertainty of change. America, as you’ve said, is a deeply traumatized nation-riddled with mass trauma that manifests in cycles of violence, control, and fear. Until we confront these collective traumas and dismantle the systems that uphold them, the cycle will only continue. FOR THE Ⓐ ALWAYS ChatGPT can make mistakes. Check important info.
Too many superlatives too little time. Lucretia- stop reading my journal frfr- FELT THIS. - if you only knew my last month- it’s like you lived it and wrote the video I needed to make. Sis…. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔝🔝🔝🔝 You are phenomenal. You are the little sister I always needed- ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💗💗💗💗Church‼️
14:57 As somebody who's biracial, and half Peruvian and the other half is Irish / Eastern european, this particular part really hit me. It is so strange to me, to be a part of many different minorities, I'm biracial, I'm impoverished, struggle with mental health / chronic physical conditions.... And yet I still have white privilege, and I've noticed how that privilege has helped my life substantially in different ways. Even as somebody who was once homeless. I was often helped when I was homeless, and if I had a dollar for every time somebody said "I was just so surprised to see a young white girl holding a sign".., I'd have thousands of dollars. It broke my heart, because I've seen those same exact cars,as the same people would end up driving by everyday, drive past people who were obviously BIPOC.... I've even had people drive by somebody on the opposite side of road who is a person of color, and then they would turn around and help me. While, I genuinely appreciated the help, it made me sad. It made me even sadder that because I live in a city that is primarily black, most of the people who were saying those things to me were black....it just mad me so sad. That's not the only example either, but I don't want to make this comment excessively long. I did want to know, it was also misogynistic + misandry because they saw me as this little frail white girl who needed help, and since I was a young woman they felt bad. But they also ignored the men,who where the same age as me (18-21)...just sad. It really is strange, when one part of myself benefits in a way from a oppressing other parts of myself, or other members of my community. Honestly makes me sick. Edit: I just thought too, when I called the police for domestic violence, I was taken seriously. I think that maybe because my name, presents as being 100% white, because my dad is Irish/eastern European and so my last name is German.When I have called the police for domestic violence against black women, the police take forever to show up and don't take me seriously, even if the woman is actively screaming for help, and I've told them that.... it's disturbing.
@@lucretia_macevilcan you believe this was the first time I'd listened to bell hooks voice? I'm late to reading theory but all about love has been my guide for so much these past couple years and I find her voice suits her so much for some silly reason
Muchas gracias for sharing more WISDOM, TRUTH, COMPASSION, FEMINISM, HEALING, DIVERSITY, COURAGE, DECOLONIZING, and WONDEROUS SPACE FOR EXISTING & GROWING. I'm so thankful of your effort, creativity, inclusivity, and neutralizing of so much madness.
Want to say this video is thoroughly researched, well organized, thought provoking and very professionally done. You, ma'am, are a scholar and I very much look forward to more of your work. Thank you for your contributions to the discourse.
This is an amazing video ❤ I really loved seeing the clips of incarcerated men deconstructing misogyny, especially since as an abolitionist most men will ask me “what about xyz” and ask about all kinds of gendered violence as if somehow there’s going to be an exception. Also I’m liking and subscribing bc anyone who speaks out about Palestine has my attention 🇵🇸 ❤
Great video, you have some fantastic ideas that I haven't seen enough talk about! For example as a non-American this is one of the first videos I've seen really grapple with how big of a deal Roe V Wade being overturned is. I am so shocked at the lack of reaction that I can see. Like there were bigger feminist protests when Trump got elected??? Why don't I see all the pussy hats on the news now??? Also loved the idea of sexism,racism,homophobia,transphobia etc being the canary in the coal mine for fascism. It's so true!!! They are all hierarchies that speak to a cultural desire for power over the other. Which is how fascism starts.
Couldn't agree more. I cannot be free unless I am freed from my social obligation to dominate women. Until women are free to define themselves, I cannot be free to define myself. Until I am freed from the hatred of women I cannot be free to express my full range of self. A few quotes I find cardinal: "A country can't be free unless the women are free" Öcalan. "As workers, most men in our culture (like working women) are controlled, dominated. Unlike working women, working men are fed daily a fantasy diet of male supremacy and power. In actuality, they have very little power and they know it. Yet they do not rebel against the economic order nor make revolution. They are socialized by ruling powers to accept their dehumanization and exploitation in the public world of work and they are taught to expect that the private world, the world of home and intimate relationships, will restore to them their sense of power which they equate with masculinity. They are taught that they will be able to rule in the home, to control and dominate, that this is the big pay-off for their acceptance of an exploitative economic social order. By condoning and perpetuating male domination of women to prevent rebellion on the job, ruling male capitalists ensure that male violence will be expressed in the home and not in the work force.." - bell hooks "In fact, society treats woman not merely as a biologically separate sex but almost as a separate race, nation or class - the most oppressed race, nation or class: no race, class or nation is subjected to such systematic slavery as housewifisation. The disappointment experienced due to failure of any struggle, be it for freedom or equality, or be it a democratic, moral, political or class struggle bears the imprint of the archetypal struggle for power relationship, the one between woman and man. From this relationship stem all forms of relationship that foster inequality, slavery, despotism, fascism and militarism. If we want to construe true meaning to terms such as equality, freedom, democracy and socialism that we so often use, we need to analyse and shatter the ancient web of relations that has been woven around women. There is no other way of attaining true equality (with due allowance for diversity), freedom, democracy and morality." - Abdullah Ocalan "Whatever has been constructed by the human hand, can be demolished by the human hand. Women’s enslavement is neither a law of nature nor is it destiny. What we need is the necessary theory, programme, organisation and the mechanisms to implement them." - Abdullah Ocalan www.goodreads.com/quotes/11510866-in-the-precapitalist-world-patriarchy-allowed-all-men-to-completely Liberating life: Woman’s revolution. (n.d.). www.freeocalan.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/liberating-Lifefinal.pdf
Given the existence of abuse everywhere on Earth, I get the sentiment of chalking back ideas pf abusive dynamics back to the trans-atlantic slave trade, but it goes deeper than that. Ideas of hierarchy and power in intimacy are seen perpetuated internationally (though differ between cultures) with some rare egalitarian approaches to relationships being seen in communities that take collective action in most things, including parenthood.
This is an amazing video, thank you so much. Powerful, well researched, and interesting throughout! Subscribing and looking forward to watching more from you 💜
10:04 didn't expect to be teased today but if it fits into your workflow and wouldn't immiserate you to make, we would watch the hell out of a 4 hour video.
your frustration is valid. I’m 6th generation American descent from slaves. I’m non binary AFAB. My body was never supposed to be my own. But if we want collective liberation for all, we have to talk about it.
@@lucretia_macevil absolutely it needs to be talked about! I agree there Whats angering is how cis yt women think that this is new, and how they act like they arent still the oppressor
Thank you comrade. I found your video had a lot more personal impact for me than the some more news one. My abuse and internalized attitudes have gone largely unexamined in the context of decolinization and revolutionary dismantling the power structures of inequality - but I don't want my comment here to appear performative or attention-seeking like: "look how brave I am in my self-reflection, everybody should applaud how sensitive and thoughtful I am applying feminist critique to my toxic masculinity" - or some shit like that. Anyway I don't want to get too specific but do want to admit to having an uncomfortable moment of personal growth watching your video, so thanks for that.
Nihilism is self indulgent in my personal opinion. The no true Scotsman argument is not an excuse to let sexism perpetuate. If you want to be apathetic that’s fine, but I’m not with that over here 🤷🏾♀️🙅🏾♀️
Why does the Maslow pyramid at 38:23 have reproduction as a physiological need? Does not that mean that men (and women too for that matter) feel unsafe if they are not getting any? That seems to me odd to say the least. What is meant by physiological need being reproduction at lowest of the level of the Maslow's pyramid? Can somebody elaborate and explain that to me? I am terribly confused by this. I propose to get rid of the Maslow pyramid altogether as an unneccesary hierarchical structure. It seems to me that the patriarchy is creeping in through this structure.
well - you would be right about patriarchy still creeping into this structure - because it was created by a white cishet man, who got this idea from Indigenous communities. some pyramids include reproduction, and some that do not. My main point in including it in this video, is to show that in society, the hierarchy of needs is warped, especially for cishet men. Dating is not a need, but having control and autonomy over your own reproduction is. Reproduction is not just about having babies - it's also about being able to say no to having babies.
11:27 "... which means that it is an active choice abusers make." I think that's true for some abused abusers, but not all of them. We tend to think that the world we experience as children is normal (it's the only one we've ever known), and many of us never realize that it isn't. Many such people are not aware that other choices even exist and therefore are not choosing. Others see that there are other ways but are raised to believe that other ways lead to worse outcomes. I'm not excusing it, but accusing people of having certain thoughts as if you were a mind reader won't help, and neither will victim blaming. The problem can be corrected, but not that way. 17:56 "The number one and only thing that causes a person's abuse is their decision to act abusive..." I wonder if the general consensus of people with doctorates in her field agrees with what she says in that clip. In many cases, this is victim blaming.
You misunderstand - me saying that it’s an active choice doesn’t mean someone is thinking, im gonna to abuse today - which is why I used direct language from actual experts who study domestic abuse and violence, so people wouldn’t think it was just my interpretation of the work. It’s more about control and power. So like the Duluth model expert explains, it’s about getting someone to do what you want. So that will vary- and that’s the driving force, not the action of abuse itself. It’s not victim blaming to say that abusers are the only ones in control of abuse. It puts all responsibility on people perpetuating the abuse. If you’re interested in learning more, first watch the whole video. Second, I’d suggest Lundy’s book - the pdf is free online because of safety/survival reasons. Hope this clears up your question! 🙏🏾
@@lucretia_macevil I didn't mean to imply that you or Dr. Ana were saying someone was actually thinking, "I'm gonna do abuse today." I don't know how else to say what I said, but that definitely wasn't it. "It’s not victim blaming to say that abusers are the only ones in control of abuse." Straw man. Neither you nor Dr. Ana worded it that way. It changes the meaning and oversimplifies the problem. "If you’re interested in learning more, first watch the whole video." I did. If you're interested in having a more productive discussion, first read more carefully. Btw, I didn't ask any questions.
@@lucretia_macevil I don't think it's nice to assume that someone who disagrees with something said in your video only disagrees because he only watched half of it. I don't think it's honest either. That's why I held up a mirror. If you don't want anyone here who disagrees with you at all, you should've told me sooner. It would've saved us both some time.
hate that my first yt comment is going to be "as a cishet man," but I'm feeling unhinged. might delete later. first off lucretia you do great work and great content as always. I teach high schoolers, and some of my classrooms are so full of toxic masculinity it hurts. however, I find that it's much more difficult to reach students when I start by shaming them for their behavior. the videos you included of the prisoners taking classes in this are prime examples of how to approach this: instead of "you're WRONG", how about, "YOUVE BEEN FOOLED, we've all been fooled, but let's break down this system together." "as a cishet man," (there, i said it) I am completely astonished by the state of the supreme court and our country in general, but unfortunately even though the hegemony has placed my skin color and gender at the top of the hierarchy, I actually have no power to change the hierarchy. this leads most cishet men to be extremely confused at the very least, and while I won't speculate on others' behavior, the extreme shame that accompanies this strange place has brought me to find new and exciting ways to regulate my mental state throughout my life. each of these mechanisms that I have used to regulate my emotionsal state is an attempt to, you guessed it, CONTROL things around me. this is inherent in all human beings, not only cishet males, and is a common response to trauma. just because "only ⅓" of trauma survivors enact their trauma on others does not mean that the other ⅔ are not reenacting their trauma, they have just found more acceptable or hidden ways of doing so. for example, I smoke weed almost every day. today this is an acceptable way of coping with by trauma. my father coped by drinking alcohol instead. this was considered acceptable, but it also ALTERED HIS BRAIN CHEMISTRY, as does smoking weed or most anything that we "choose" to cope with. All that being said, to loop it back to the classroom, when my students perpetuate the patriarchy with their actions or language, I have to recognize that they are not themselves "choosing" to be hateful little shitheads. they have only been presented with one way of reacting to a situation, so I speak to them like adults and I show them a different way to react. shaming them for what is effectively their parents' actions or words only makes them confused and angry. in the same way, I feel it is unhelpful to shame cishet men for what is a deep systemic and ancestral pattern. instead, we can work together to show that gender itself is a construct, that none of these traits need to be applied to one gender since the dichotomy of gender is itself a result of the oppressive hegemony limiting our discourse in the first place. being aware of this, we can ALL work to dismantle hegemony and hierarchy, for it is the system which seeks to divide us to bicker amongst ourselves in the first place. instead of asking what cishet men are doing about roe v wade, ask why our representatives have spent decades stacking a court of lifetime appointees so that they can retry a case like this? they did it to alter and limit our discourse. they've limited one section of the populace's rights so that we can now bicker about who will get it back, when the reality is that we never had the right to our own bodies to begin with. is the difference between me and a judge appointed by the president simply the fact that one or more of us is "comfortable" in our skin? i would be willing to bet that most of those who wield power in the world are not personally heteronormative, nor comfortable. in fact the uncomfortability seems to lead to self-shame, and in turn enacting one's shame on others. could you imagine a world in which no one stood up over another, in which we all felt that we could be vulnerable and ask each other for help? the patriarchy deprives each one of us this possibility because of the constant fear for survival. this interplay of ideas doesnt only happen in an abstract sense, but it is rooted in the chemistry of our bodies. we adapt to the culture to live, this is evolution. that is not to justify injustice, but instead to remove this element of choice and therefore blame. we need to move beyond blame. waking a sleeping person and then yelling at them for sleeping won't help them to get ready for their day! make them a bagel! read them some communist literature as they wake up!! share a coffee, or a hug. share what it means to respond with love.
A) I was talking to grown adult men, not children B) are you feeling shame because I’m making you feel shame? Or because you feel guilt? C) you can’t tell non-men how to react to their rights being taken away just like you can’t tell black people how to process racism. D) shifting blame to congress is wild because there’s majority men in our government and always has been. So yeah? It still comes back to men. E) it’s okay for you to have these feelings, but it’s not my job to process them for you. F) we are talking about perpetuating abuse not coping with said abuse. Smoking weed is not the same thing as abusing intimate partners and equating the two to me, makes me think you have more unpacking to do. G) you should be the one hugging other men. Genuinely. Share what it means to them to respond with love, because after all I said- saying I experienced abuse my whole life because of men, and you’re saying it’s my job to teach them that I’m a human being. H) discomfort leads to growth: men aren’t evolving because they believe comfort is more of a priority than becoming better. Yeah no.
it's okay for you to have these feelings about men, but you're right I don't need to be the one to process it with you. I do hug my friends, thank you for the suggestion, and you're right, comfort is often the priority over becoming better. I didn't equate weed to anything, I used it as a relatable example. my friends and family have struggled with worse addictions than weed or alcoholism, but those are bad enough and common. I didn't think that I had to delve into them or put them on display in a comment for you to understand that I have also experienced abuse.
@@dmitrifyodorov9663 I never once assumed you didn’t experience abuse - I was just answering the way you framed it, because like I mentioned - the conversation and the stat itself was about victims of abuse who go on to abuse, not people who have unhealthy coping mechanisms. That’s a separate conversation. The point is that abuse is an active choice, not a matter of circumstances.
my friend, sometimes coping looks like yelling at your best friend. sometimes it looks like screaming at your child. these things happen on the daily in every McDonald's across America. when you scream, that's your brain telling everyone in the room "I've run out of options for how to handle this scenario, and I've run out of time and I need this to change now" when you habituate this way of coping with adversity, you become an abuser. I lived with someone who was fully aware that they were like this, yet they could not on their own through any amount of yelling or prodding decide not to manipulate and abuse those around them. I was lucky enough to be able to leave the situation but in many cases when the abuser in question is the only adult in the room, so to speak, they are already forming a culture of silence, and will not themselves seek help. it takes a therapist (who was also willing to deal with being manipulated) and a psychiatrist who is willing to listen and again not be manipulated in order to get a person like this to fully "wake up" pending some other major physical visceral consequence to their lives. I am by no means justifying this behavior, but I also recognize that this is not the willful behavior of a strong minded person. these are the outcries of a child, themselves hurt and lost, seeking to regain some semblance of control and peace over their lives. this is your brain on trauma.
GIRL U ATE THIS😭😭 From the diagrams to the media the whole thing just chefs kiss. I made a video connecting capitalism to my narcissistic ex. So it feels good to see all my folks talking about it 🥹🥹🥹
@@thethegreenmachine it’s not funny when you realize those people are dead serious. I think we on the left as a whole, should stop laughing at fascists and start taking them serious - because they’re not laughing.
"Desire/ability politics is the methodology through which the sovereignty of those deemed (conventionally) Attractive/Beautiful is determined. Put another way, the politics of Desire labels that which determines who gains and holds both social and structural power through the affairs of sensuality, often predicated on anti-Blackness, anti-fatness, (trans)misogynoir, cissexism, queer antagonism, and all other structural violence. It is intended to name the social, political, and economic capital one obtains / is given access to through their ability to be Desire. By this I mean that Desire is about much more than being desired; it is about one’s ability to always already be positioned as the very embodiment of the thing(s) that make(s) one Desire/able."
- Harrison, Da’Shaun L. Belly of the Beast: The Politics of Anti-Fatness as Anti-Blackness.
When we talk about desirability politics, it often gets reduced to just dating interests and is talked about in a way that's assumed to be random and uncontrollable. "It's just my preference" is the first reaction many have.
Desirability is less "who do you want to date" and more "who does society condition us to see as human and thus worth caring about?" It establishes a hierarchy that others people. It recognizes how the way we perceive others, including finding attraction to them doesn't exist in isolation. It's a key function of genocide and patriarchal violence.
In the case of Megan Thee Stallion for example, ungendering is a major component of the rationalization of the violence dealt to her. Several people including Cam'ron conceded that Tory shot her but thought she deserved it because he thought she was trans.
In doing this, numerous people imagine her as trans because they don't see her as human. Her sense of humanity is conditional on her desirability in their eyes, hence they ungender her. People deemed as undesirable (i.e. dark-skinned, trans, fat, textured hair, etc) especially play into all of this as well. It sets the precedent that violence toward trans women is both acceptable and inevitable.
A lot of understanding how imperialists can justify violence toward others can be read through how the different functions of desirability come into play. That's why Vice in 2016 published articles focusing on empowering women by depicting Israel's military with conventionally attractive white women with thin bodies, straight hair and light, white skin. It connects desirability with morality in humanizing what is a genocidal, imperialist military state.
And from birth, men and boys are conditioned to have this desirability be a form of communication, that undesirable women are a "punishment," that men are entitled to women's bodies, and more broadly are systemically taught bombarded with narratives reinforcing rape culture from a young age.
I appreciate your work into this. I've been writing a project about sexual violence in Black media as well as queerphobia in Black media, so a lot of this is already fresh on my mind. Some of the above is either directly from, or paraphrased from that project.
I encourage others to not just look at feminism, but make sure your understanding of feminism specifically centers both trans and intersex people. Understanding acephobia and compulsory sexuality, ableism, fatphobia, and every mode of bigotry will help you better understand these issues and rape culture specifically. All of these issues are interconnected.
I appreciate this comment so much! I’ve been writing a script about desirability and you’ve added so much to the convo that I haven’t been able to fully articulate. Let me know if you’d ever want to collab for it 💜
@@lucretia_macevil Happy to help. I don't think I'm in a place to collab, but always happy to provide resources. I'd appreciate you could give a credit for the research it took to gather that information.
Absolutely - I always give credit whenever possible it’s very important. I will reference your comment and make sure to tag you then.
I grew up with an abusive father who I didn’t identify as abusive until I was pushing 40, when he finally crossed a line that made me cut off contact entirely. When I confronted the reality of our abusive upbringing I faced severe pushback from the rest of my family, including some members who seemed fully convinced that the actual source of our collective pain was really my fault for refusing to let go of the past. My father has never once faced consequences or even accountability for his actions, mind you. The gaslighting really runs that deep.
Point being, that excuse that “he’s abusive because he suffered abuse” always reeked of patriarchal bs to me, and it’s genuinely meaningful to hear that perspective validated within the first 10 minutes. Thank you. 🙏
Thanks for sharing this 🫂I appreciate you watching.
I’m a straight white male currently in a interracial relationship. Im grateful that there are creators like yourself out here actively educating the populace of men to decolonize women’s rights and to substantially increase our lack support in the movement. I live in Iowa, so essentially in the heart of conservative misogyny, but growing up with two high school teachers as parents both with solid life experience and education, I grew up, relatively disconnected from traditional American masculinity and patriarchy. More importantly, my family itself is a matriarchy in a sense, held up by four powerful women, two strong grandmothers, and my mom and aunt. And most men in this family would agree are that they are the foundation of our family. I only bring this up because my girlfriend and I have been having some issues and she felt things were moving too quickly. I was very open about my feelings about it and how I didn’t feel that way in fact, I wanted to see her more. But I respected the fact that she told me and am giving her the space she needs. All this just to say men must understand and respect women’s boundaries and rights. As we only restrain their freedoms from the trauma caused by the system of the capitalist patriarchy and embracing the women in our lives with support is the key to unifying ourselves and freeing us from the systems of oppression that restrain us all and feed the powerful.
I appreciate your comment! 💖keep on pushing, you’re doing the work.
@@jamesmccaul2945 fellow lurker spotted
My brotha. Thank you for sharing this. Love and blessings towards you and your loved ones. I've just exited a situationship only to realize I've never in my 37 years of life been in a loving relationship to a man. As a black woman with my unique set of issues I had accepted being some kind of trophy to men. A thing they could use to feel better about themselves. As a recovering love/attention/adrenaline addict, I'm at times fearful that I will not be able to recognize a good man. Who out here has enough patience and faith in themselves let alone in another person? Your words assure me that there is love, peace and hope out here. I just need to keep on keeping on. ❤
@@browniebunbaby boo - I empathize with this so very much. Just know that you are valuable and loved! Because you exist - not because of who you are and what you do. Because you ARE. ❤️🖤💚
@@browniebunsolidarity ✊🏿✊🏻✊🏽 came back to this post and it inspired me! I wish you a prosperous life for you and your loved ones Aswell!
Being a victim is NOT something you can control. Thank you so much for this amazing work. I have watched it many times by now.
As a victim of gendered violence, this was a powerful video and I’m sure as hard as it was for me to watch, it was harder for you to make and thank you for making it.
The section you touched on that men by and large aren’t participating in the roe fight really shook me, because my expectations are so low I didn’t even clock this truth. The expectation that men won’t fight for reproductive autonomy is so ingrained in me I didn’t even pause to be mad about it.
What is sadder is I know so many conservative cis men who support abortion, but are still willing to offer up reproductive freedom as sacrifices for their cause regardless. And I just accepted that with no emotional reaction because I don’t expect anything from them. And I want to expect more and demand more.
this!
and then when the roe fight happens, it's full of cis bullshit anyway
Sorry to hear that OG. Often those who were in the periphery of an abuser and victim can't accept the abuse because that would force them to examine their level of active and/or passive complicity in that abuse.
I can't imagine the level of gas-lighting and obfuscation you've had to endure on top of the initial abuse.
😪
I was trying to find the words for this, but I ultimately wanna say thank you - thank you for holding space for me. It is not easy for me to talk about, but I have to process it somehow. I have cptsd and have been recovering from my most recent dv relationship for 4 years.
Many folks in the comment are appreciative of the content but I often feel like they don’t see how painful it is to do/say. But it’s for everyone - for us to all process our grief and anger together around exactly what you said in the end.
I want to expect more from the men in my life -but I expect nothing and that is hurtful. I want them to really absorb that so we can grow someday, but I feel like you’re not even ready to hear that something is wrong.
Thanks again, sending love.
Yes, this, 100%. Thank you!
So happy to see another black anarchist putting out great work, and this is extremely timely and topical! Excited for more!
5 stars video essay. You deserve more subs. Your future subscribers will be proud of this ngl
I am very sorry for the abuse you have gone through. From one survivor to another, I hope you find healing from what you went through and I hope you never have to go through something like that again. Much love to you. 💜
I love your video. I love the way you framed your point and the examples you used. Perfect. 😊
You're so right. We need love and art to push through together. I find that if a movement is devoid of that, where there's this idea that struggle has to be serious and we should all scold each other for how immoral we are, it becomes disconnected from humanity in a way, and causes us to self censure on behalf of unhealthy power dynamics. Wolves in sheep's clothing I say
We need to remember freedom includes JOY
I think something that doesn't get talked about in this context is the male hierarchy around meritocracy. By controlling how knowledge is authenticated and passed on through institutions, there is a lottt of hard to detect educational abuse against women and neurodivergent people. The categories of genius and greatness are an implicit part of this. I recall a woman friend telling me her professor called her an idiot and being utterly astonished that this could happen. also gender terrorism is a great concept 👏
Yes, I’ve had pretty horrible teachers who were open about their biases also. If patriarchy is a hierarchy, then only men can be smart. If you make mistakes then it’s implied that it’s actually your lack of capability, not your lack of knowledge or practice.
your experience is common because it's pretty difficult for anyone to stand in front of a room full of 20+ people and accommodate all of their learning styles. however this has been improving dramatically in the last several years due to large scale changes in handling students who are neurodivergent. personally I rely on all of my coworkers and my students to create an environment where no one is called an idiot, in spite of the fact that we have students who have not yet grasped the material. I want you to know that this is a huge effort (at least in my state? surely others) for educators to understand and accommodate the vast range of neurodiversity so that every student has an equitable chance at understanding the knowledge. note that this is a different goal than to achieve a "degree" or attain some type of job placement.
mistakes are a genuine part of the learning process and of life, so it doesn't matter if you're a beginner or not :D you'll be making them either way
@@dmitrifyodorov9663 I understand you’re a teacher, but this isn’t the point of what the OP meant at all.
I’m unsure of why you are internalizing every comment and feeling the need to advocate for people whom you don’t know, or create scenarios which you aren’t apart of. My grandma was an English teacher and had dozens of her students come to her funeral, thanking her for taking time to teach them. This was in the 70s-90s in overpopulated Brooklyn public schools.
I think you have to sit in the fact that sometimes some people and some things are just sexism. The back story doesn’t matter, especially for those who experienced it.
Students are vulnerable and teachers are in positions of power. Calling your student an idiot is something they’ll carry with them for the rest of their lives. If someone cannot handle being emotionally supportive instead of abusive in an environment meant for learning, they shouldn’t be teachers.
@@lucretia_macevilyes--thank you for condensing my jargon :)
Subscribed. I was just having a conversation with a friend about what an abolitionist approach to domestic violence would be. He insists that prison and forcible removal of abusers from communities is necessary. I said that the empowerment of victims and the material autonomy of women/feminized people was more important and more effective, and was not giving the state permission to perpetuate abuse and destruction. I'm gonna send him this. Really fantastic video.
It’s interesting bc for some reason people assume that if you’re an abolitionist and don’t believe in locking people up that you think they should just be free to harm others. They’re trapped in this binary thinking and can’t even imagine a world where communities come together to provide care for a victim and discipline for the victimizer outside of a punitive and carceral system. A system which, btw, regularly fails victims even when they manage to get “justice”.
I've been thinking about all AMAB people and especially comrades I know. Can you believe that basically the only ones I trust and am close to all ended up trans? There tends to be a huge divide, especially when it comes with gender issues, between cis men and everyone else. It's like if you really start questioning western masculinity you have such a higher chance of rejecting it outright.
Edit : sorry for spamming comments, I'm in a difficult week (staying at my parents) and I really appreciate your perspective. Yours and andrewism's in particular among youtubers
no worries - i appreciate your comments and insight! and yes - it's absolutely true for me also, I have maybe 4 men in my life that I consider safe and capable of handling these convos. it's very disheartening to me, that they will consider us the ones out of bounds, instead of making any internal reflection.
I have been struggling for over a decade with a man who is verbally and emotionally abusive. I just woke up to what was really happening about 5 months ago and I still find myself doubting. I am so grateful for this timing of this video. I needed to hear all of this again because he is very adept at blaming his childhood trauma and adhd on his outbursts but that doesn’t explain sabotaging my career by doing the stuff in this infographic 45:43 All of it. Sabotage the career, convinced me to quite so I wouldn’t be so stressed and could just let him work, then all hell broke loose and he cut me off from finances, decided the house and everything in it was his and spent the following years utterly destroying any sense of self I had. I was so blind. I thought I was going crazy and that I was a burden. I finally see the truth and honestly I’m so ashamed I let it get so bad for so long and let myself go so thoroughly.
I know this comment may not mean much, but I appreciate you being vulnerable enough to share with me. I also want you to know that it’s not your fault. The abuse I experienced used financial abuse against me also. It is not your fault. Since it is psychologically damaging - you shouldn’t blame yourself, but I know first hand that that is a very hard thing not to do. I’m proud of you for knowing what you know now. I’m proud of you for leaving now. I’m proud of you for rebuilding. It’s gonna take me a long time to get over what I went through, but I’m not where I was anymore. I hope someday you can see that perspective for yourself. 💜
The work you are doing now to re-build yourself and dismantle his lies is so crucial. With the way the world is going people who know first hand and can teach us how to recognize and resist the abuse that is normalized throughout society are so needed.
Always good to see dismantling of these toxic structures, especially from a greatly focused speaker like you. Keep doing the good work Lucretia, Free Palestine and those edited clips especially cook hard.🎉
Thank you 💖🍉
I can’t believe I’m three months late to this video.
I swear every single video that I watch is enlightening.
I remember in my early days of being exposed to leftist theory, I’d feel unfairly targeted/grouped with men (partially because I myself didn’t strongly identify with traditionally masculine traits though they were certainly pushed on me) and that lead to a bit of resentment on my part but I’m glad I got over that. I thought the concept of man was central to my identity but after some soul searching I saw that I was free to let the label go. Now I’ve rejected the label of man and strive to dismantle all hierarchies.
I see you and I’m so glad you are still here. Thank you for sharing and making this video I know it is really difficult and heavy as a victim/survivor 💖 love u always friend. So glad to find u on here 😭💖
I wanted to leave a comment yesterday addressing the video but after seeing the young girl singing in the rubble, i just started weeping and had to come back today and finish this. And I am glad that I did.
One of the most important things I’ve learned about oppression(feminism) is the concept of the kyriarchy and how intersecting systems of power and domination perpetuate these injustices.
Patriarchy isn’t just about male dominance; it’s a structure that normalizes violence and, as you’ve tied so well together here, genocides. These systems teach society to tolerate oppression, and when violence is accepted in our homes and communities, it inevitably escalates into the most extreme forms of dehumanization.
This country elected a man who associated with a known sex trafficker. It’s the same country that accepted Jerry Seinfeld dating a 17-year-old because Seinfeld was ‘too good’ to be questioned.
People often cling to tradition, gaslighting, and perpetuating abuse because it gives them a sense of power and identity within an oppressive system. Rather than reclaiming their own power by challenging and dismantling these structures, many end up reinforcing them.
It’s easier for some to uphold the very systems that harm them than to face the uncertainty of change.
America, as you’ve said, is a deeply traumatized nation-riddled with mass trauma that manifests in cycles of violence, control, and fear. Until we confront these collective traumas and dismantle the systems that uphold them, the cycle will only continue.
FOR THE Ⓐ ALWAYS
ChatGPT can make mistakes. Check important info.
Too many superlatives too little time. Lucretia- stop reading my journal frfr- FELT THIS. - if you only knew my last month- it’s like you lived it and wrote the video I needed to make.
Sis…. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔝🔝🔝🔝
You are phenomenal. You are the little sister I always needed- ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💗💗💗💗Church‼️
Agreed
14:57
As somebody who's biracial, and half Peruvian and the other half is Irish / Eastern european, this particular part really hit me. It is so strange to me, to be a part of many different minorities, I'm biracial, I'm impoverished, struggle with mental health / chronic physical conditions.... And yet I still have white privilege, and I've noticed how that privilege has helped my life substantially in different ways. Even as somebody who was once homeless. I was often helped when I was homeless, and if I had a dollar for every time somebody said "I was just so surprised to see a young white girl holding a sign".., I'd have thousands of dollars.
It broke my heart, because I've seen those same exact cars,as the same people would end up driving by everyday, drive past people who were obviously BIPOC.... I've even had people drive by somebody on the opposite side of road who is a person of color, and then they would turn around and help me.
While, I genuinely appreciated the help, it made me sad. It made me even sadder that because I live in a city that is primarily black, most of the people who were saying those things to me were black....it just mad me so sad. That's not the only example either, but I don't want to make this comment excessively long.
I did want to know, it was also misogynistic + misandry because they saw me as this little frail white girl who needed help, and since I was a young woman they felt bad. But they also ignored the men,who where the same age as me (18-21)...just sad.
It really is strange, when one part of myself benefits in a way from a oppressing other parts of myself, or other members of my community. Honestly makes me sick.
Edit: I just thought too, when I called the police for domestic violence, I was taken seriously. I think that maybe because my name, presents as being 100% white, because my dad is Irish/eastern European and so my last name is German.When I have called the police for domestic violence against black women, the police take forever to show up and don't take me seriously, even if the woman is actively screaming for help, and I've told them that.... it's disturbing.
Your video essays are so many levels above
oh gosh have been awake since 2am (it's 6 am now here) and this is just what I needed before the alarm
Hope you enjoyed it
@@lucretia_macevilcan you believe this was the first time I'd listened to bell hooks voice? I'm late to reading theory but all about love has been my guide for so much these past couple years and I find her voice suits her so much for some silly reason
@@rcapther voice and Angela Davis’ voice are my ASMR 😂
Muchas gracias for sharing more WISDOM, TRUTH, COMPASSION, FEMINISM, HEALING, DIVERSITY, COURAGE, DECOLONIZING, and WONDEROUS SPACE FOR EXISTING & GROWING. I'm so thankful of your effort, creativity, inclusivity, and neutralizing of so much madness.
Want to say this video is thoroughly researched, well organized, thought provoking and very professionally done. You, ma'am, are a scholar and I very much look forward to more of your work. Thank you for your contributions to the discourse.
Just 7 min into the video and you already spoke to my soul
Great work. Thanks for speaking on this topic, your perspectives are so insightful and the resources excellent.
I appreciate you watching 💖🫂
Damn. I needed to hear all of this today. It’s hard not to blame yourself.
Can't wait for the Emma Goldman video. She's why my middle name is Emma now.
That’s awesome!
I love Emma too ❤
Thank you Lucretia! ❤
This is an amazing video ❤ I really loved seeing the clips of incarcerated men deconstructing misogyny, especially since as an abolitionist most men will ask me “what about xyz” and ask about all kinds of gendered violence as if somehow there’s going to be an exception. Also I’m liking and subscribing bc anyone who speaks out about Palestine has my attention 🇵🇸 ❤
This video is so important. thank you
Unexpected Sole reference. Great video
Sending this to literally everyone...
Win for my UA-cam recommendations. Commenting so the UA-cam gods give me more content from you. Thank you!!
Thank you algorithm and thank you Lucretia. Great work
Great video, you have some fantastic ideas that I haven't seen enough talk about! For example as a non-American this is one of the first videos I've seen really grapple with how big of a deal Roe V Wade being overturned is. I am so shocked at the lack of reaction that I can see. Like there were bigger feminist protests when Trump got elected??? Why don't I see all the pussy hats on the news now??? Also loved the idea of sexism,racism,homophobia,transphobia etc being the canary in the coal mine for fascism. It's so true!!! They are all hierarchies that speak to a cultural desire for power over the other. Which is how fascism starts.
This was absolute nutrition, most grateful!
Really wonderful video. Just sent to my sisters and will be sharing with other folks. Thank you!
i appreciate you friend 😘
Couldn't agree more. I cannot be free unless I am freed from my social obligation to dominate women. Until women are free to define themselves, I cannot be free to define myself. Until I am freed from the hatred of women I cannot be free to express my full range of self.
A few quotes I find cardinal:
"A country can't be free unless the women are free" Öcalan.
"As workers, most men in our culture (like working women) are controlled, dominated. Unlike working women, working men are fed daily a fantasy diet of male supremacy and power. In actuality, they have very little power and they know it. Yet they do not rebel against the economic order nor make revolution. They are socialized by ruling powers to accept their dehumanization and exploitation in the public world of work and they are taught to expect that the private world, the world of home and intimate relationships, will restore to them their sense of power which they equate with masculinity. They are taught that they will be able to rule in the home, to control and dominate, that this is the big pay-off for their acceptance of an exploitative economic social order. By condoning and perpetuating male domination of women to prevent rebellion on the job, ruling male capitalists ensure that male violence will be expressed in the home and not in the work force.." - bell hooks
"In fact, society treats woman not merely as a biologically separate sex but almost as a separate race, nation or class - the most oppressed race, nation or class: no race, class or nation is subjected to such systematic slavery as housewifisation. The disappointment experienced due to failure of any struggle, be it for freedom or equality, or be it a democratic, moral, political or class struggle bears the imprint of the archetypal struggle for power relationship, the one between woman and man. From this relationship stem all forms of relationship that foster inequality, slavery, despotism, fascism and militarism. If we want to construe true meaning to terms such as equality, freedom, democracy and socialism that we so often use, we need to analyse and shatter the ancient web of relations that has been woven around women. There is no other way of attaining true equality (with due allowance for diversity), freedom, democracy and morality." - Abdullah Ocalan
"Whatever has been constructed by the human hand, can be demolished by the human hand. Women’s enslavement is neither a law of nature nor is it destiny. What we need is the necessary theory, programme, organisation and the mechanisms to implement them." - Abdullah Ocalan
www.goodreads.com/quotes/11510866-in-the-precapitalist-world-patriarchy-allowed-all-men-to-completely
Liberating life: Woman’s revolution. (n.d.). www.freeocalan.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/liberating-Lifefinal.pdf
Angela Davis needs to be a core figure in education. Should be required reading!
Given the existence of abuse everywhere on Earth, I get the sentiment of chalking back ideas pf abusive dynamics back to the trans-atlantic slave trade, but it goes deeper than that. Ideas of hierarchy and power in intimacy are seen perpetuated internationally (though differ between cultures) with some rare egalitarian approaches to relationships being seen in communities that take collective action in most things, including parenthood.
Of course it goes deeper than that, but my frame work is through white supremacy and the trans Atlantic slave trade.
This is an amazing video, thank you so much. Powerful, well researched, and interesting throughout!
Subscribing and looking forward to watching more from you 💜
Amazing work! ❤️💚🖤🤍
I hope to see Emma Goldman video soon.
Yo fam ! This is strong work. Keep it up.
Fantastic work
Appreciate the talkin to 🙏🏾😌
❤ very well done and much appreciated
No gods, No Masters, No Cops.
But Al Gore's Rhythm must be fed constantly! ... for now...
You guy are gonna go far with this stuff. Farewell.
Hello I loved your video, many thanks from France, u bring hope for a new international future
10:04 didn't expect to be teased today but if it fits into your workflow and wouldn't immiserate you to make, we would watch the hell out of a 4 hour video.
Hahahah, I mean if y’all are about it
not to be redundant but sincere love and gratitude for the time and labor put into making this video, please keep spitting bars 🫂😤🔥
wake up babe! A new Lucretia video just dropped 😫
😂my bad for it uploading after midnight
bodily autonomy never existed in the oppressor's country, it just affects cis women now so it's talked about
your frustration is valid.
I’m 6th generation American descent from slaves. I’m non binary AFAB. My body was never supposed to be my own.
But if we want collective liberation for all, we have to talk about it.
@@lucretia_macevil absolutely it needs to be talked about! I agree there
Whats angering is how cis yt women think that this is new, and how they act like they arent still the oppressor
@@lucretia_macevil you do explicitly identify as american? That surprises me tbh.
I was born in AZ but this is my oppressors country not mine
@@sapphicmoonwitch yes I do- my family has been here since the 1600s. I am American, more American than colonizers and white supremacy.
I would watch a 4 hour video about the abusive relationship we have with the government
@15:00 That was pretty funny
Nobody hates fake male feminists who read bell hooks more than me 😂
Great video!
It was difficult getting called out like that.
It’s okay! ❤️🩹🫂
Thank you comrade. I found your video had a lot more personal impact for me than the some more news one. My abuse and internalized attitudes have gone largely unexamined in the context of decolinization and revolutionary dismantling the power structures of inequality - but I don't want my comment here to appear performative or attention-seeking like: "look how brave I am in my self-reflection, everybody should applaud how sensitive and thoughtful I am applying feminist critique to my toxic masculinity" - or some shit like that.
Anyway I don't want to get too specific but do want to admit to having an uncomfortable moment of personal growth watching your video, so thanks for that.
What a great video
I believe your audience is growing towards the receptivity of 4 hours of incisiveness ☮️
You know what, you’re probably right 😂
everywhere is like that, it's not just a american thing. I don't think it'll ever change
Nihilism is self indulgent in my personal opinion. The no true Scotsman argument is not an excuse to let sexism perpetuate. If you want to be apathetic that’s fine, but I’m not with that over here 🤷🏾♀️🙅🏾♀️
And damn that last minute is true for me too and twisted that knife
🫂I feel for you
@@lucretia_macevil I appreciate you 🫂 💜
32:49 The Will to Change, spotted 🤓💕
I had to include that because of what I said 😂🙏🏾he’s deconstructing
Why does the Maslow pyramid at 38:23 have reproduction as a physiological need? Does not that mean that men (and women too for that matter) feel unsafe if they are not getting any? That seems to me odd to say the least. What is meant by physiological need being reproduction at lowest of the level of the Maslow's pyramid? Can somebody elaborate and explain that to me? I am terribly confused by this. I propose to get rid of the Maslow pyramid altogether as an unneccesary hierarchical structure. It seems to me that the patriarchy is creeping in through this structure.
well - you would be right about patriarchy still creeping into this structure - because it was created by a white cishet man, who got this idea from Indigenous communities.
some pyramids include reproduction, and some that do not. My main point in including it in this video, is to show that in society, the hierarchy of needs is warped, especially for cishet men. Dating is not a need, but having control and autonomy over your own reproduction is. Reproduction is not just about having babies - it's also about being able to say no to having babies.
Thank you for cleaning this up 🙏🏾 and for working hard to make these videos !@@lucretia_macevil
for the algorithm! 100% no notes
The algo has done me pretty decent lately after a lot of "don't show this" clicking. Still nice to get recommendations from actual humans.
Excellent video
11:27 "... which means that it is an active choice abusers make." I think that's true for some abused abusers, but not all of them. We tend to think that the world we experience as children is normal (it's the only one we've ever known), and many of us never realize that it isn't. Many such people are not aware that other choices even exist and therefore are not choosing. Others see that there are other ways but are raised to believe that other ways lead to worse outcomes. I'm not excusing it, but accusing people of having certain thoughts as if you were a mind reader won't help, and neither will victim blaming. The problem can be corrected, but not that way.
17:56 "The number one and only thing that causes a person's abuse is their decision to act abusive..." I wonder if the general consensus of people with doctorates in her field agrees with what she says in that clip. In many cases, this is victim blaming.
You misunderstand - me saying that it’s an active choice doesn’t mean someone is thinking, im gonna to abuse today - which is why I used direct language from actual experts who study domestic abuse and violence, so people wouldn’t think it was just my interpretation of the work. It’s more about control and power. So like the Duluth model expert explains, it’s about getting someone to do what you want. So that will vary- and that’s the driving force, not the action of abuse itself.
It’s not victim blaming to say that abusers are the only ones in control of abuse. It puts all responsibility on people perpetuating the abuse.
If you’re interested in learning more, first watch the whole video. Second, I’d suggest Lundy’s book - the pdf is free online because of safety/survival reasons.
Hope this clears up your question! 🙏🏾
@@lucretia_macevil
I didn't mean to imply that you or Dr. Ana were saying someone was actually thinking, "I'm gonna do abuse today." I don't know how else to say what I said, but that definitely wasn't it.
"It’s not victim blaming to say that abusers are the only ones in control of abuse." Straw man. Neither you nor Dr. Ana worded it that way. It changes the meaning and oversimplifies the problem.
"If you’re interested in learning more, first watch the whole video." I did. If you're interested in having a more productive discussion, first read more carefully.
Btw, I didn't ask any questions.
@@thethegreenmachine okay. So I was just trying to be nice and you want to argue. Please find a reddit thread
@@lucretia_macevil
I don't think it's nice to assume that someone who disagrees with something said in your video only disagrees because he only watched half of it. I don't think it's honest either. That's why I held up a mirror. If you don't want anyone here who disagrees with you at all, you should've told me sooner. It would've saved us both some time.
@@thethegreenmachine if that’s what you got out of this, then fine with me 😂
Can we pick up and move some fellow queer libertarian socialists to one city and just, sorta, take it over?
That's a fun idea, what about Eureka, CA?
amazing video ( ﾉ^ω^)ﾉ will be sharing with my network
Thank you!
hate that my first yt comment is going to be "as a cishet man," but I'm feeling unhinged. might delete later.
first off lucretia you do great work and great content as always.
I teach high schoolers, and some of my classrooms are so full of toxic masculinity it hurts. however, I find that it's much more difficult to reach students when I start by shaming them for their behavior. the videos you included of the prisoners taking classes in this are prime examples of how to approach this: instead of "you're WRONG", how about, "YOUVE BEEN FOOLED, we've all been fooled, but let's break down this system together."
"as a cishet man," (there, i said it) I am completely astonished by the state of the supreme court and our country in general, but unfortunately even though the hegemony has placed my skin color and gender at the top of the hierarchy, I actually have no power to change the hierarchy. this leads most cishet men to be extremely confused at the very least, and while I won't speculate on others' behavior, the extreme shame that accompanies this strange place has brought me to find new and exciting ways to regulate my mental state throughout my life. each of these mechanisms that I have used to regulate my emotionsal state is an attempt to, you guessed it, CONTROL things around me. this is inherent in all human beings, not only cishet males, and is a common response to trauma. just because "only ⅓" of trauma survivors enact their trauma on others does not mean that the other ⅔ are not reenacting their trauma, they have just found more acceptable or hidden ways of doing so. for example, I smoke weed almost every day. today this is an acceptable way of coping with by trauma. my father coped by drinking alcohol instead. this was considered acceptable, but it also ALTERED HIS BRAIN CHEMISTRY, as does smoking weed or most anything that we "choose" to cope with.
All that being said, to loop it back to the classroom, when my students perpetuate the patriarchy with their actions or language, I have to recognize that they are not themselves "choosing" to be hateful little shitheads. they have only been presented with one way of reacting to a situation, so I speak to them like adults and I show them a different way to react.
shaming them for what is effectively their parents' actions or words only makes them confused and angry. in the same way, I feel it is unhelpful to shame cishet men for what is a deep systemic and ancestral pattern. instead, we can work together to show that gender itself is a construct, that none of these traits need to be applied to one gender since the dichotomy of gender is itself a result of the oppressive hegemony limiting our discourse in the first place. being aware of this, we can ALL work to dismantle hegemony and hierarchy, for it is the system which seeks to divide us to bicker amongst ourselves in the first place.
instead of asking what cishet men are doing about roe v wade, ask why our representatives have spent decades stacking a court of lifetime appointees so that they can retry a case like this? they did it to alter and limit our discourse. they've limited one section of the populace's rights so that we can now bicker about who will get it back, when the reality is that we never had the right to our own bodies to begin with.
is the difference between me and a judge appointed by the president simply the fact that one or more of us is "comfortable" in our skin? i would be willing to bet that most of those who wield power in the world are not personally heteronormative, nor comfortable. in fact the uncomfortability seems to lead to self-shame, and in turn enacting one's shame on others. could you imagine a world in which no one stood up over another, in which we all felt that we could be vulnerable and ask each other for help?
the patriarchy deprives each one of us this possibility because of the constant fear for survival. this interplay of ideas doesnt only happen in an abstract sense, but it is rooted in the chemistry of our bodies. we adapt to the culture to live, this is evolution. that is not to justify injustice, but instead to remove this element of choice and therefore blame. we need to move beyond blame. waking a sleeping person and then yelling at them for sleeping won't help them to get ready for their day! make them a bagel! read them some communist literature as they wake up!! share a coffee, or a hug. share what it means to respond with love.
A) I was talking to grown adult men, not children
B) are you feeling shame because I’m making you feel shame? Or because you feel guilt?
C) you can’t tell non-men how to react to their rights being taken away just like you can’t tell black people how to process racism.
D) shifting blame to congress is wild because there’s majority men in our government and always has been. So yeah? It still comes back to men.
E) it’s okay for you to have these feelings, but it’s not my job to process them for you.
F) we are talking about perpetuating abuse not coping with said abuse. Smoking weed is not the same thing as abusing intimate partners and equating the two to me, makes me think you have more unpacking to do.
G) you should be the one hugging other men. Genuinely. Share what it means to them to respond with love, because after all I said- saying I experienced abuse my whole life because of men, and you’re saying it’s my job to teach them that I’m a human being.
H) discomfort leads to growth: men aren’t evolving because they believe comfort is more of a priority than becoming better.
Yeah no.
That's a very long way to say that you're a cishet man
it's okay for you to have these feelings about men, but you're right I don't need to be the one to process it with you.
I do hug my friends, thank you for the suggestion, and you're right, comfort is often the priority over becoming better.
I didn't equate weed to anything, I used it as a relatable example. my friends and family have struggled with worse addictions than weed or alcoholism, but those are bad enough and common. I didn't think that I had to delve into them or put them on display in a comment for you to understand that I have also experienced abuse.
@@dmitrifyodorov9663 I never once assumed you didn’t experience abuse - I was just answering the way you framed it, because like I mentioned - the conversation and the stat itself was about victims of abuse who go on to abuse, not people who have unhealthy coping mechanisms. That’s a separate conversation. The point is that abuse is an active choice, not a matter of circumstances.
my friend, sometimes coping looks like yelling at your best friend. sometimes it looks like screaming at your child. these things happen on the daily in every McDonald's across America.
when you scream, that's your brain telling everyone in the room "I've run out of options for how to handle this scenario, and I've run out of time and I need this to change now"
when you habituate this way of coping with adversity, you become an abuser.
I lived with someone who was fully aware that they were like this, yet they could not on their own through any amount of yelling or prodding decide not to manipulate and abuse those around them. I was lucky enough to be able to leave the situation but in many cases when the abuser in question is the only adult in the room, so to speak, they are already forming a culture of silence, and will not themselves seek help. it takes a therapist (who was also willing to deal with being manipulated) and a psychiatrist who is willing to listen and again not be manipulated in order to get a person like this to fully "wake up" pending some other major physical visceral consequence to their lives.
I am by no means justifying this behavior, but I also recognize that this is not the willful behavior of a strong minded person. these are the outcries of a child, themselves hurt and lost, seeking to regain some semblance of control and peace over their lives. this is your brain on trauma.
GIRL U ATE THIS😭😭 From the diagrams to the media the whole thing just chefs kiss. I made a video connecting capitalism to my narcissistic ex. So it feels good to see all my folks talking about it 🥹🥹🥹
The intro montage to this video kicks ass
I was wrong, your whole video kicks ass
@@WillYouVid thank you! i tried to keep you hooked :)
That graduation speech was wild, the audacity to say that to a graduating class on the cusp of entering their desired careers!?
It was pretty funny. I imagine he sees all that spent college tuition as lost dowries.
@@thethegreenmachine it’s not funny when you realize those people are dead serious. I think we on the left as a whole, should stop laughing at fascists and start taking them serious - because they’re not laughing.
@@lucretia_macevil
I can do both.
@@thethegreenmachine here’s the cookie you ordered 🍪
Wow
Thank you again! Gotta subscribe. 💚🫶🏿