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Came up with technique today Rapid technique of integrated healing - reflect negative memory into the present moment, see the memory visualized in the present - reflect positive memory in the present moment, memory of your eyes when you look at someone you care about, and memory of your eyes when someone looking at you with appreciation - bridge the two memories into the present moment
@@armandsusen6277 cuz he’s a clinical psychologist and these are things he would go through with his patients. Psychologists aren’t cheap. That’s what I mean. He’s telling us how to solve our problems. He wrote a book about, 2 books about how to sort our lives out. Amazing.
"Remembering him is the only way that I get to keep him with me, so I'll take the pain." .... Perfectly said. 2008 our son John at age 22 2018 our son Joe at age 37 Thank you from one grieving mother to another. God bless you.
That's how I beat severe depression. I thought and processed every memory I could think of that could've caused it. Apologized to myself for things I couldn't have changed and let go of people that brought out the worst in me. Face it! I've never felt better. It's almost like a spiritual awakening, and it's freeing. It's so incredibly freeing.
@moniquemannaert3468 looking at the issue from all sides and views. Works best if it's for childhood trauma and realizing there was nothing you could have done to change it. And holding on to that piece released the trauma. At least, that's how it worked for me. I believe to heal and truly heal. You have to be willing to let go of what hurt you.
These are good efforts. Ultimately I believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ addresses the human condition. Our sins and the sins others have inflicted on us leave deep wounds. Jesus has given me healing and salvation from sin. It is still a walk with the Holy Spirit in sanctification and repentance, but through Christ my soul has been saved from darkness and sin. He really is loving and mighty to save. He can give us real peace unlike anything the world can ever offer. I pray God bless you and heal you. 💛
I'm a paramedic and I have PTSD about a job I went to years ago. 4 month old baby with a skull fracture from an abusive father. This advice is so true and I now feel better equipped to handle this kind of situation again.
Oh yeah and what will ou do exactly ? Quit your job ? Or stp feeling emotions when you will see other armed/dead kids ? It is a real question by the way.
There's a reason why poor and uneducated countries believe in a nothingness in the sky to believe. Uneducated and poor countries are easier to control. ONLY through education can we eradicate religion!
I'm learning that some past events affected me more deeply than I could recognize at the time (because it wasn't safe to process in the moment). As I work through the residual undercurrents, I become more aware how much my life was shaped by "surviving." I'm so grateful for the mentoring & practical suggestions from Dr P. Such a Life Saver. This video is spot on.
I agree completely. When you are in the thick of chaos or survival, it's impossible to process it. It's when things calm down that it hits me. My mother was an alcoholic so I'm a ACA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic). Give me a crisis and I can micro manage it just fine. When it calms and I can take a breath, the anxiety of "normal" messes with me. So then I get to deal with it.
I'm the grown alcoholic child of an alcoholic. alcoholism has been in my family for Generations I plan on keeping it going strong with my sons.. in all seriousness? alcoholic parents are not good parents they might love you but they're alcoholics
💯💯 Same.. Everytime my life is "calm", I still have no peace, because then it's time to deal with everything that hasn't been processed yet, because there was simply no time to work through things, because I had to survive..
if you can't voluntarily bring it to mind, it's enormously helpful to keep it there after it's arrived-then write about it, or draw or paint about it, or play an instrument about it. The meaning and fulfillment you derive from this is indescribable.
Writing in a journal was incredibly helpful for me. Whenever the thoughts would come, I would write it all down as well as my reaction and feelings toward them and just absolutely everything that came to mind. It helped me to go to sleep or move on with my day and after a few days, the bad thoughts became much more rare.
I think what he deserves is an audience who take him seriously enough that they make changes in their lives . That transforms our planet into a better place too.
Man I’ve been dealing with just every bad memory, and it just plagues me every time. No matter how much I talk about it, I don’t feel like it gets any less painful. But I love the consolation that I’m not the only one that feels plagued by these, I’m glad there’s more than one way to move past those types of memories
I think you nailed it better than anyone. God brought him here now during this time because we need him the most now. As far as I’m concerned, when he passes away, they can make room next to any of those old Egyptian kings and bury him inside one of the pyramids. He’s earned that.
@@Sertorius799 no, this is 2+2 , and it's my rule to not share the explanation for this equation... but there's my comment. It's only 2% of what I think, but in case you're interested...
Best man ever living now in our toxic-trashy era. We're so blessed to have him & these golden advices he freely gives to us in this desperate times. We should protect & appreciate this man 💪
Could you explain what you learned exactly from this ? Because it is very basic what he just said.... Yes he said it in a complicated way, but the content of these sentences are basic. SO please explain to me what you learned just now that you didn't in "20 years of therapy".
For me exposure therapy is working. Abusive and neglectful relationship 3 years ago made me not trust ANYONE. Didnt even make new friends. Now I'm opening up more to people. Still not enough but I have the urge and want to open up more and trust people again. Early dating attempts failed to the point I'd get anxiety attacks. But now I'm slowly getting there more and more. They say time heals everything. But it's not exactly true. Doing things heals everything. Progressing in life and facing your fears when you're ready.
@yareyaredaz So I’m confused on what you wrote. You said that your bad relationship has made it for you to not trust anyone. But how does that make logical sense? Anyone you meet is not your ex so why would you not trust the new person? I don’t see your logic here. Or is this beyond logic and is it straight up feelings that have taken over and now your feelings don’t let you trust anyone?
I can relate, a couple of relationships from more than 5 years ago gave me the craziest trust issues, anxiety and made me isolate myself and not wanna talk to anyone at all for a while to the point where I nearly lost my social skills, felt completely insecure and lost and still do. Been tryna get out more and meet new people but everytime I meet someone, the anxiety kicks, I start panicking to where I cant even think of what to say and overthink everyhting i do say.
@alexmendez3681 You may not understand, if you lack this particular experience. As JP explained it‘s about a part of our ancestral nervous system which keeps us in stressful alarm mode until we fully understand by working it through. If the first logical argument in mind does not reduce the stress symptoms, you simply have to dig deeper
@@alwinmitter2161 You said absolutely nothing with those words. You wrote a sentence that says "than we need to work it through.". That is my question, what exactly is "it"? Is it simply your feelings that have overtaken logic?
Been dealing with PTSD and my therapist has explained this exact thing. Spent a couple of weeks dissecting my trauma with her and I'm in a lot better head space now. I'm no longer afraid to talk about it, and I don't get the same anxiety when something reminds me of it. Y'all can do it.
Actual psychology advice from the Professor. Nice. My baby sister died when I was 2. I'm sure I am being an overprotective dad to my 3 daughters as a result. My older brother is now a Consultant Paediatric Oncologist.
eh, at 2 years old you wouldn't understand the loss well enough to know what was gone, so you wouldnt be compensating for that. you could definitely be compensating for something later in life though
@@angrytedtalks Even though you were only little, of course the trauma in your family, the pain and sadness, affected you and made you feel threatened and not safe. Living in a family that is grieving. Even fetuses are affected by a mother's stress. When your children are old enough to understand, you could explain why you're overprotective. They'll appreciate knowing. Good luck and take care.
Sometimes i just Lay down and my stepmothers yelling just blasts in my head like i am 6 again. Thank you for helping me understand it, i was always confused about what is going on in that moment.
It may be helpful to tell yourself (out loud because being able to hear yourself is important], I am not a child and you do not have control or any affect on me. It will take several times, but when you consistently do this, you will break hold of this past trauma.
i had tears in my eyes listening to this. i have some memories that aren't specifically good and they make me so stressed that i just completely block them off since it's the only thing i can do. i have never thought that'll I'll be able to find a solution but here it is, thank you Doc!
Sometimes, all one has left is a memory, and as painful as that memory may be, one does not want it to disappear. We buried our firstborn son, as a baby, and he struggled horribly while he died in my arms. That was 45 years ago. We lost twin boys 22 years after the birth of our firstborn son, and we haven’t forgotten them either, but it is the awful pain and struggle that Daniel (our firstborn) had to suffer through that haunts my unwelcome dreams. That, and the thought of his autopsy. We have several other (living) children, and eight grandchildren, for whom we are most grateful 🙏🏻, but no number of children will ever remove the memory of Daniel, and in truth, I don’t want him to disappear, despite the pain. Remembering him is the only way that I get to keep him with me, so I’ll take the pain. Losing a child is an immortal sadness. Love and All Good Things, Jesse.🌹
This is such a tender issue here but what I think heis trying to get across is not to forget! Such a horrific thing as loosing your boys! Is bury your loved one but celebrating what little life and love they would have had from such wonderful people!!it’s no fair and it’s just not right and I don’t have any right to tell you guys how you should feel in any proclivity of your feeling and life you should remember but maybe divide,or compartmentalize..?and take that you brought somthing so beautiful but to only have it but for a second!!!!! And I’m so sorry for your unbearable losses and may god Bless you and your family!😢
@@Raypatrick66 Thank you, Ray!🙏🏻♥️🙏🏻 I shared this aspect of our lives because JP never covers this kind of loss and memory. I’m not sure that he can. Hopefully, others who nurse the same wound will feel less alone for my sharing. Love and All Good Things, Jesse.🌹
I lost my youngest daughter a year and a half ago. I've gone through a lot of trauma in my life and pulled through it. Her death is the one thing I struggle to deal with daily now. Sorry for your loss too 💙
God bless you all! May you all feel comforted by the fact that they are alive and happy with God himself, and they look forward to the day you all are united in heaven again.🙏♥️
I have only been listening to JP for a little bit, and the more I listen to him, the more I wished that I had heard of him earlier in my life. In my teens to be exact. A lot of things he talks about, iv dealt with and endured through my own experiences in life growing up. The battles and struggles, the uneasy and awkwardness of it all… fumbling through to find my path, my way in life. And as cliché as it may sound, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and or nobody said life was easy… The fact of the matter is… I can only pin point it all down to one thing.. the reason that kept me driving thru, the reason that I am still alive… Is “faith”! For me, this is the absolute bottom line. I simply…. Believe! I trust in God that he lays the path ahead. Like closing your eyes and leap off that cliff edge.. as Vulnerable as you can be.. and believing that he catches you!. 😊 Whatever works for you right?… This works for me. Whoever reads this.. don’t give up!
You have no idea how badly i needed to hear this right now. I am under an unbearable amount of stress from work and psyce issues. And on top of that my girlfriend of 8 years left without saying a word. I have fought a battle with myself the past 24 hrs unlike i have ever mustered, and have finally started to deal with some of my many underlying problems. These usually pop up at the most inconvenient times, and puts me in to an overwhelming anxiety attack that lasts for usually a whole day. Crippling my ability to think and act rationally. I guess it is a bit late for the signal to blossom in terms of saving my relationship, but at least i can muster the day without crawling in bed and laying shaking up in a ball. Sincerely, Thank you so much for your work Jordan.❤
You are absolutely a God-sent. I know your advice is being read and heard my millions of people. Even without reading it it's spreading by word-of-mouth because your advice is so helpful to people that are hurting. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
It's not a "big bad moment" that haunts me and brings me down. It's the tiny little one but a constant moment that tells me that I'm worthless no matter what I do.
I've got SO MANY memories that plague me starting from earliest childhood up to and including the present. I get such a cortisol surge the veins in my temples swell instantly. At least I think it is a cortisol surge causing those vains to swell and throb. My therapist certainly didn't know. Five years ago those memories caused me to drop to the ground in a heap. I'd be walking down the street then suddenly I'd be down on the sidewalk with my hands on my face like The Scream. I'm making progress. Made a lot of progress.
When I have nightmares; then when I wake up, remember that it was something that happened when I was growing up. Rethinking and reimagining those experiences has helped stopped the nightmares coming back . . .
mine is significantly less important i’m sure, but, i used to have this nightmare of me not having my legs shaved in front of people and feeling embarrassed. after it happened a lot of times i remembered the dream and thought: “but you actually go in front of people without shaving your legs and you never cared about it” i swear the nightmares went away. Now i dream im seating in a toilet out in the open though.
As a person who was severely depressed for one whole year till something like 3-4 months before I know what it feels like to be sad, anxious, desperate and emotionally masochistic, but Thanks to the inner power and boredom from depression, I changed my life myself And now I appreciate the moment the girl that betrayed me, so that I could learn a bit more about what is love, I don't get sad when I commemorate these things, I really smile I think that's the thing that psychologists call Happiness, From severe depression to happiness, it's possible entirely
I'm so very glad I discovered your site!!!!!❤ I'm 64 and know some of the things I need to do to help myself, with anxiety having ruled my life for so long. You have made so much more things clearer to me!! Thank you. Peace and Love.
My daughter's death was 21 years ago. It still haunts me from time to time. It comes, it passes. It momentarily stuns and saddens me. I'll mope about for five to 15 minutes, then I'm fine. Some things you never forget.
Me too. 20+ times a day I have memories that usually make me curse out loud before I even realize I am speaking, and this usually comes along with a sudden twitch of my neck or upper body. It’s been happening for a few years now and has gotten worse. It got to the point where I literally thought I had Tourette’s but i’ve come to realize it’s just a constant flow of bad memories
I got bullied a little bit as a kid but it was nothing I couldn't handle. But the environment made me grow a tough shell. It was quite complicated to try to get rid of the armor, open up more and show my softer sides. But: Now, as an adult, I happened to get bullied at my school. But it was manageable because I was an adult and I had my husband who I could talk to when I came home. I didn't let the bullies control my life. I kept being tough. But it all culminated in a big spectacle where the bullies started a show in the middle of a lesson in front of everyone blaming ME for all kinds of stuff. They used any little thing they could to trash my reputation. In that situation my anxiety was through the roof but I just had to sit in my place and think think think how to answer and come out of this shitshow in a way that harms me the least. And I'm so proud of myself because I kept a calm look and acted very adult. And still, a year later my brain brings back the memory and the horrible anxious feeling, cos I keep thinking of what I could've said or done to make it better. But there is nothing else I can come up with than what I did. But it felt and still feels so unfair.
By God's will, I hope they receive the same karmic treatment they lashed out! And I hope you can recover from your ptsd soon... But remember that God plans out our life to test us, so rejoice in the fact that you triumphed in that battle with whatever meager intellectual defensive measures you had at that time! It was a victory worth relishing, never regret it!
This is exactly what I need right now, Thank you for this Prof. Jordan Peterson. Its okei to suffer or punish yourself from your past for a certain period of time and from it, but try to make a changes for yourself.
I noticed that just telling somebody the embarrassing memory (that's my issue, humiliation and the anxiety that comes with it) will stop it from encroaching on my mental and making me cringe.
You comment spoke to me. I have discovered a personal pattern that kept coming up really a story i would tell often - take it for a spin if it feels right for you.... i kept telling this story for awhile... for 1 thing it made me happy that i figured it out - i survived it. Basically mom used to yell & berate me around 3rd grade making me feel stupid when doing math homework. So from then i would work hard then slack off which averaged into a “C” grade. Giving me more time to play. My 7th grade teacher asked why i do well then I don’t. When she asked i knew why. So i became an A/B student. Years later i was so happy she asked, & proud I figured out why! Problem solved... I succeeded or so i thought. At 62, i had come a long way and had many great moments, some not so much & a big dream was possible but kept getting stuck. Then had to create a video in a seminar. Seemed like 80% of the people were able and 20% were not. I am very creative & when i set my mind up i can do anything most of the time. Every week the remaining folks would hear how 5 more did it! Yahoo! This time it hit me hard! All on zoom call - in my imagination i saw myself look to the left & looked to the right at the remaining bunch. This was in my skill level!!!! WTF! Im not in the mediocre group! Im in the mediocre group! Oh God!!! Am I mediocre? Oh yeah!!! It came to me - I had connected the dots why this story kept coming up - when i became a “C” student in 3rd grade i knew that i belonged in the “mediocre” line & i could see myself walking to it. It became my IDENTITY!!! As a child i made that interpretation without even knowing until I started to ask questions. I did pretty ok / good in life but never the really big dreams - close but just didn’t happen. Once i reflected on this for a moment i realized, great things don’t happen to mediocre people! I focused on my identity. Things started to really move forward. Wow. Ask yourself, what does that embarrassment & anxiety mean? Think for a moment - anything come up? Did you need to step into a line for a particular group or a particular label or did that mean a “certain” life lesson? I hope this sparks something for you! You’re trying by your comment. Hope you have an aha moment.
My older brother died 5 years ago in a car accident so it was an extremely quick and unexpected tragedy that changed my life. A year after his passing I started university, carried on with life as I knew he would have wanted me to, made a load of new mates and was very social, I thought I was fine and was managing the loss as well as I could. One random night out after I drank too much, I nearly ended my life by jumping off a multi story car park, ridden with depression that I tried to avoid and escape but deep down knew I had. One of the memories that haunts me was one night I had with my bro where we promised to travel the world and see places together, which we’ll never get to do. It’s only until I spoke about this to a close family member that a weight had lifted off my shoulders. I don’t think I can create a plan to deal with this memory, as Jordan suggested, but I found talking about it extremely helpful. I hope anyone who reads this that is struggling finds the strength to do the same🙏
@@kipkopkikopog It’s talking about it. Some people just can’t let go of their supposed damaged reputation as Mother Theresa. I don’t she held that kind of contempt of an unforgivable sin never to be admitted to the hall of all sins -that are forgiven as far as the east from the west. Messed up.
What about death I don't fear death at all but what triggers my stress is my son who I lost to cancer at the age of 4 from cancer also I just lost my mother last June how do you deal with that!
@@angie1598 We need to talk. Explaining the unseen through apologetics? Kind of like putting into words that which can’t be described in words. Quantumatic conundrum? Who better to solve the problem, but one who has difficulty having any bias? Judgement of the living and of the dead, who are not born again. Angels born stillborn? Toasted to the circuits than maintain order in the most calculated, methodical, scientific, ethical, not religious way. So what’s my question? To be or not to be. Signed lucky boy, saved by grace through faith.
I’ve had a dreadful memory where people are after me and it has plagued me for years! It has left me in tears at times and Jordan’s idea of dealing with it at a conscious level never occurred to me but sounds like an excellent way of dealing with it. I hope this video makes its way back to me so I can edit my comment with the results of consciously dealing with it!
I've had this happen to me with a lot of embarrassing moments that pop up again in life, I was a pretty awkward kid and blurted out things that made no sense or weirded people out. Those memories would come to surface and hit me pretty hard, it's a good thing I was able to work through them in a similar manner to how Jordan advises. I can't let those types of things creep up on me, or let them define who I am, acknowledge it happened and move on. All you can do.
Damn, thank you. I really needed this today. I had a very bad fight with a co-worker that had been harassing me resulting in her getting fired and me quiting the next day from her friend's treatment towards me. I've been sent threats since I left months later. I've been afraid they are going to find where I work by accident and harass me. I am in love with my work community now at the new job and have bosses that would definitely kick her out for me. I really needed that perspective.
I dated a woman who seemed like a dream at first, but with a weird gut feeling with no evidence behind it. We moved in together after a year, and she took the mask off and began treating me like less than nothing. I started dedicating all of my time, money and energy to being the man she'd want and to help fix her mental health. Then one day I looked at her depression medication bottle and realized there were all 30 pills remaining, and when I asked her about it she lied about missing a day or two and took one in front of me, and when I checked later I found all 30 pills in the bottle I poured out on the couch she slept on. When I asked about the other lies, I found out she never went to DBT like I stated my boundary was for dating someone with BPD, she cheated on me multiple times and when I asked her to leave, she pretended to try and kill herself and I had to call the police, begging them to get her treatment for BPD. Only two days later I found out she had left the hospital early because I received a dozen photos of her with another man nude. She slandered me and lied to everyone about what happened, filed a revenge restraining order to look like the victim based entirely on easily provable lies. I am 6'6" and fairly attractive and charming, so I hooked up with a dozen women in Tinder to feel "even" in some stupid perverse way, but it only made things worse. Then I was broken, abusing legal drugs for months and not sleeping from the racing feeling of betrayal, rage, grief, shame, guilt, everything. I then pulled two no call no shows on my job I love, and they told me I could come back when the doctor approves my insomnia was treated. I woke up and realized that woman I loved never existed and yet how much I'd grown from the experience. I continued going back to the gym and started to feel a lot more confident. I found out who my true friends were, who I would have certainly killed myself from shame if not for their very real love. I was able to focus on a dream career path instead of worrying about supporting the two of us, and I am now extremely bold about my boundaries in a relationship. I went on a date a week ago where the girl was dismissive of the waiter and say things to make me feel ashamed of little attributes about myself, constantly testing me in a way that felt more predatory than flirty. After dinner, I simply told her our values aren't compatible but I wish her the best, and it felt like I was in the shoes of a nieve younger man standing up to that abusive ex.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I was an answer to a question I have had many times of men that I know. I am so happy that you were able to move forward from that relationship and set boundaries with open eyes. I wish you the best.
Good for you. People make time for what's important to them. You're making yourself a priority. Please 🙏 trust your instincts. Be your own priority. (As a single person without kid's.. , which is what I gather after reading everything before I responded.)
You've really been through the wringer. I bet she was charming and fun in the beginning. Good for you for calling off-side on that date you had. Take care, and be safe.
Wow what a story . She is evil ! I too have been with evil people. Luckily I never married any of them or had children with them so please continue to look for those red flags! It's really hard dating these days I have pretty much given up
Thank u ! I been in therapy for like 4 years now. I do get those memories and I get pissed off and I pray about it and I pray for that person that hurt me. I hate him still but I'm not a victim I'm a surviver.
As long as your a survivor! It means you're still surviving. I suggest...talk to yourself in the mirror...tell yourself all the beautiful things about you, you L-o-v-e! Be grateful for every part of you that's healthy and do as many things that make YOU happy. If you stop letting negative things that pop in your head uninvited, last more two seconds before you intentionally replace it with a (*beautiful picture thought), you will learn to thrive better than before! Much Love! *beautiful pic- I pop up every time: a pic i took Honolulu beach, twin native tiny toddlers in bright yellow (my fav color) bathing suits. Much Love!
Same here. I have relived my trauma over and over and over again to where it doesn't have the same effect, but my dreams. My dreams make me relive other trauma I haven't dealt with that I thought I dealt with.. and I wake up in tears...... 😣
Well this sounds familiar.. Dreams are on the subconcious level and are the most difficult to deal with, because if one cannot reach all the information needed for healing in a wake state, it's difficult to work on healing.. I've found a way though; Remember (or write down) what it is you've been thinking or dealing with during the day, then if you have a dream, write as much as you can down (better than just remembering, because confusing things are harder for the brain to remember, as time is the enemy in this scenario to keep a clear image..) Then compare the two for missing links.. Even when it doesn't seem obvious, there's always a link.. Even when you have to go an entire week back in your memories, there will be a link with the dreams.. In time you get better at interpreting what your brain does when processing information, especially in dreams.. And after some practice, you will be able to puzzle some things together that are burried in the subconcious mind, and once known at the surface, you can work through them like when dealing with memories..
@@Elketjeable very good advice! I assumed a dream diary is just a way of remembering things immediately after waking so it doesn't get forgotten, like walking through a doorway, it fades or disappears. That's very smart, to think critically what it means to yourself personality, and to trust that interpretations need to be identified, so the reason can be addressed and heal . :). Take care
@@humbleisme2381 thank you for sharing that, and so sorry you are suffering:( be kind to yourself and read the comment below, that is a really good suggestion that may help you. The body sends signals in broken ways sometimes, like having headaches or back pain because the energy from thoughts have to go somewhere. I'm not perfect either, just recently realized how stubborn it has been to not exercise or eat healthy. Great word for it I just learned is to "reframe" the way you think about it. And make sleep as comfortable and restorative as possible. Darkness and white noise is important too. Any kind of light your eyes will still be able to see as you are sleeping. One last thing, if after everything hasn't helped, your environment and your support system(the people who you associate with in your life), may be harmful for your wellbeing and need to be changed. Best wishes
This sounds like complex PTSD. The nervous system gets trapped in the memory. I'm currently in therapy and my therapist suggested EMDR to process these memories. If anyone is going through this and you're able, definitely look up an EMDR therapist. It's been incredible.
My new therapist is combining EMDR with IFS and it works better for me than EMDR alone, because I have quite a few episodes of severe trauma and abuse, and sometimes EMDR is too overwhelming, so we combine and some things I definitely processed via IFS with milder stress responses. EMDR is a wonderful tool, but works very much like a hummer on me 🙈 We use it on days when I’m less stressed and I’m more emotionally stable so I can handle it.
Yeah I used to put in subconscious mind and tend to forget snd later address it but it seems to have a haunting memory now! But I am also struggling with realizing to use this strategy to look at it in future how to deal with it even though I did I actually did use it and said no but I need to tell myself that I have said no and refused to give in any one’s bullshit!
Yes. I had a support group that ended up not being supportive. I am ok with being challenged or corrected. But if you rely on a support group and they are not supportive in time of need then you do not have a support group.
We all carry our trauma. The Lord Jesus carries the most. We use it to build our character and empathy towards the suffering of others instead of letting it tear us down and end up just perpetuating the cycle of abuse. I learned that because of Jesus. I believe he is the only truth in this world
@@mikayugu316 But what if those that hurt you so bad in childhood are now gone? You don't get to tell them of the damage they caused! Or that you were never allowed to have your own opinions...😶 I desperately need to let go in order to finally be the true self that is hidden within. Constantly being in fight or flight mode is sucking the will to live right out of me 😭 Sometimes I think I just was not made to handle this world! An Empath so I am told. More like a bloody DOORMAT... Enough is enough!!! Thankyou Mr Peterson. With my big 'ol heart. Suddenly it doesn't seem so heavy...✨ Please take care of yourself. God bless 🙏
This is Jordan Peterson. The psychologist giving the smallest glimmer of help to those desperately needing it. Not the hateful, spiteful Twitter addict.
He is very right, I’ve been through thick and thin growing up as a kid. I can tell you what he is saying is 100% correct. You cannot run from the things you want hidden. You have to face it voluntarily!!
Thank you, the stress has been hard to deal with and I had not been able to deal with it. I now am dealing with them... What you have been through is so others (and yourself) can be better people. It's called your testimony. People think we need another miracle to get over the next hurdle. Not true, we need to be honest with each other and confess our fault with others we trust and be amazed when they get freedom while we get free or at least now have the freedom to do so when they are ready. Thank you sir for being real, the truth is always so much more amazing. When others really grasp this it will change their life as you know. Stay vulnerable and humble.
This is so true. Both with small things, and especially large things. Deal with it, and you won't have to deal with it anymore. You can be the master of your own psyche. Well said Jordan! Thanks for sharing this
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Came up with technique today
Rapid technique of integrated healing
- reflect negative memory into the present moment, see the memory visualized in the present
- reflect positive memory in the present moment, memory of your eyes when you look at someone you care about,
and memory of your eyes when someone looking at you with appreciation
- bridge the two memories into the present moment
What if you've done it so many times that to even past being numb.
Man, he’s basically giving advice that we should be paying hundreds of dollars an hour to hear. Love this man.
Hush you 😂
Why
@@armandsusen6277 cuz he’s a clinical psychologist and these are things he would go through with his patients. Psychologists aren’t cheap. That’s what I mean. He’s telling us how to solve our problems. He wrote a book about, 2 books about how to sort our lives out. Amazing.
I've heard it from various others and it's in many books that cost $20
He cares
"Remembering him is the only way that I get to keep him with me, so I'll take the pain." .... Perfectly said.
2008 our son John at age 22
2018 our son Joe at age 37
Thank you from one grieving mother to another. God bless you.
So very sorry. 🕊
May your sons rest in peace
That’s a tall order for most people.
That's how I beat severe depression. I thought and processed every memory I could think of that could've caused it. Apologized to myself for things I couldn't have changed and let go of people that brought out the worst in me. Face it! I've never felt better. It's almost like a spiritual awakening, and it's freeing. It's so incredibly freeing.
Spanish?
@@rubenfernandez3578 no abla Español. Sorry😅
Where did you learn how to process?
@moniquemannaert3468 looking at the issue from all sides and views. Works best if it's for childhood trauma and realizing there was nothing you could have done to change it. And holding on to that piece released the trauma. At least, that's how it worked for me. I believe to heal and truly heal. You have to be willing to let go of what hurt you.
These are good efforts. Ultimately I believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ addresses the human condition. Our sins and the sins others have inflicted on us leave deep wounds. Jesus has given me healing and salvation from sin. It is still a walk with the Holy Spirit in sanctification and repentance, but through Christ my soul has been saved from darkness and sin. He really is loving and mighty to save. He can give us real peace unlike anything the world can ever offer. I pray God bless you and heal you. 💛
It just struck me now people who hate this man actually needs him the most
No, misinformation is a terrible thing to spread.
The same thing happens with Jesus
He’s long since stopped being Jordan “Clean Your Room” Peterson in favor of Jordan “Telling Me To Use Less Paper Towels is Tyranny” Peterson.
@@tom-foureven if that's true, it doesn't mean hate is the right response. OP specifically said people who hate him.
I'm a paramedic and I have PTSD about a job I went to years ago. 4 month old baby with a skull fracture from an abusive father. This advice is so true and I now feel better equipped to handle this kind of situation again.
Oh yeah and what will ou do exactly ? Quit your job ? Or stp feeling emotions when you will see other armed/dead kids ? It is a real question by the way.
I thank God that I came across Jordan. He is a beautiful person who has helped me better understand my anxiety and depression.
There's a reason why poor and uneducated countries believe in a nothingness in the sky to believe. Uneducated and poor countries are easier to control.
ONLY through education can we eradicate religion!
Me too. I am so grateful 🙏 to have found Jordan. I dtsrt and end each day with him.
I'm learning that some past events affected me more deeply than I could recognize at the time (because it wasn't safe to process in the moment). As I work through the residual undercurrents, I become more aware how much my life was shaped by "surviving." I'm so grateful for the mentoring & practical suggestions from Dr P. Such a Life Saver. This video is spot on.
I understand what you're saying .
So well said.
I agree completely. When you are in the thick of chaos or survival, it's impossible to process it. It's when things calm down that it hits me. My mother was an alcoholic so I'm a ACA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic). Give me a crisis and I can micro manage it just fine. When it calms and I can take a breath, the anxiety of "normal" messes with me. So then I get to deal with it.
I'm the grown alcoholic child of an alcoholic. alcoholism has been in my family for Generations I plan on keeping it going strong with my sons.. in all seriousness? alcoholic parents are not good parents they might love you but they're alcoholics
💯💯 Same.. Everytime my life is "calm", I still have no peace, because then it's time to deal with everything that hasn't been processed yet, because there was simply no time to work through things, because I had to survive..
if you can't voluntarily bring it to mind, it's enormously helpful to keep it there after it's arrived-then write about it, or draw or paint about it, or play an instrument about it. The meaning and fulfillment you derive from this is indescribable.
Writing in a journal was incredibly helpful for me. Whenever the thoughts would come, I would write it all down as well as my reaction and feelings toward them and just absolutely everything that came to mind. It helped me to go to sleep or move on with my day and after a few days, the bad thoughts became much more rare.
Art is an expression of one’s self. Art is something we learn from. And people don’t realise, is that our own art can teach ourselves.
true. good plan.
Love that!
Thank u. I will try this!
The most real human being on this planet, thank you JP!
Wow, such a life wisdom just here on youtube for the grab. This man deserves a statue!
I think what he deserves is an audience who take him seriously enough that they make changes in their lives . That transforms our planet into a better place too.
I thought he deserved a Nobel prize? No, not any more🤣
👏
Man I’ve been dealing with just every bad memory, and it just plagues me every time. No matter how much I talk about it, I don’t feel like it gets any less painful. But I love the consolation that I’m not the only one that feels plagued by these, I’m glad there’s more than one way to move past those types of memories
Hope you're doing alright 💜
He’s a guide and a teacher just like Socrates ,Plato ,Aristotle or any of the Greats ,but he is here right now 🤙
I think you nailed it better than anyone. God brought him here now during this time because we need him the most now. As far as I’m concerned, when he passes away, they can make room next to any of those old Egyptian kings and bury him inside one of the pyramids. He’s earned that.
I feel the same way!!! Thank God I'm a witness!!
🙄
@@margottfon330 I’m open to opinions , could you please share yours so we can come to a compromise
@@Sertorius799 no, this is 2+2 , and it's my rule to not share the explanation for this equation... but there's my comment. It's only 2% of what I think, but in case you're interested...
Best man ever living now in our toxic-trashy era. We're so blessed to have him & these golden advices he freely gives to us in this desperate times. We should protect & appreciate this man 💪
Thank you! This is currently going to save my life. 20 years of therapy never taught me this.
Hang in there, you got this!!!
Thank you for saying this.
Could you explain what you learned exactly from this ? Because it is very basic what he just said.... Yes he said it in a complicated way, but the content of these sentences are basic. SO please explain to me what you learned just now that you didn't in "20 years of therapy".
For me exposure therapy is working. Abusive and neglectful relationship 3 years ago made me not trust ANYONE. Didnt even make new friends. Now I'm opening up more to people. Still not enough but I have the urge and want to open up more and trust people again. Early dating attempts failed to the point I'd get anxiety attacks. But now I'm slowly getting there more and more.
They say time heals everything. But it's not exactly true. Doing things heals everything. Progressing in life and facing your fears when you're ready.
I think I understand alot more of why I had bad panic attacks. I'm greatful to read what you shared.!
@yareyaredaz So I’m confused on what you wrote. You said that your bad relationship has made it for you to not trust anyone. But how does that make logical sense? Anyone you meet is not your ex so why would you not trust the new person? I don’t see your logic here.
Or is this beyond logic and is it straight up feelings that have taken over and now your feelings don’t let you trust anyone?
I can relate, a couple of relationships from more than 5 years ago gave me the craziest trust issues, anxiety and made me isolate myself and not wanna talk to anyone at all for a while to the point where I nearly lost my social skills, felt completely insecure and lost and still do.
Been tryna get out more and meet new people but everytime I meet someone, the anxiety kicks, I start panicking to where I cant even think of what to say and overthink everyhting i do say.
@alexmendez3681 You may not understand, if you lack this particular experience. As JP explained it‘s about a part of our ancestral nervous system which keeps us in stressful alarm mode until we fully understand by working it through. If the first logical argument in mind does not reduce the stress symptoms, you simply have to dig deeper
@@alwinmitter2161 You said absolutely nothing with those words. You wrote a sentence that says "than we need to work it through.". That is my question, what exactly is "it"? Is it simply your feelings that have overtaken logic?
I’ve officially adopted you as my inner father voice for all the advice I never got! Thank you for all you do!
Dr Peterson, psychologist and professor, is a terrific father figure and role-model
That is an amazing idea. I never thought of it! I lack a positive male authority/father figure voice and I'll see if I can adopt him too
;_;
@@jenrich111 his daughter is a perfect example of how he is a good father.
Been dealing with PTSD and my therapist has explained this exact thing. Spent a couple of weeks dissecting my trauma with her and I'm in a lot better head space now. I'm no longer afraid to talk about it, and I don't get the same anxiety when something reminds me of it. Y'all can do it.
I appreciate whoever clips these into segments so help spread the message.
Dr Peterson, you are a blessing to this generation
Actual psychology advice from the Professor. Nice.
My baby sister died when I was 2. I'm sure I am being an overprotective dad to my 3 daughters as a result.
My older brother is now a Consultant Paediatric Oncologist.
Like the tie and socks
eh, at 2 years old you wouldn't understand the loss well enough to know what was gone, so you wouldnt be compensating for that. you could definitely be compensating for something later in life though
sad 😔 sounds v a x related.
@@lilc5353 Quite definitely not. That was 1966.
@@angrytedtalks Even though you were only little, of course the trauma in your family, the pain and sadness, affected you and made you feel threatened and not safe. Living in a family that is grieving. Even fetuses are affected by a mother's stress. When your children are old enough to understand, you could explain why you're overprotective. They'll appreciate knowing.
Good luck and take care.
Anyone who grew up in a abusive chaotic home felt this. 🕊️💚💯👁️Meditating & journalling helped ease my life long anxiety .
Sometimes i just Lay down and my stepmothers yelling just blasts in my head like i am 6 again.
Thank you for helping me understand it, i was always confused about what is going on in that moment.
It may be helpful to tell yourself (out loud because being able to hear yourself is important], I am not a child and you do not have control or any affect on me. It will take several times, but when you consistently do this, you will break hold of this past trauma.
@@nolaonyt Thank you very much, thankfully i am at a point i can not only bear more, but also grew alot further than those things reach.
Best wishes.
I cry everytime I listen to this sagacious man...
i had tears in my eyes listening to this. i have some memories that aren't specifically good and they make me so stressed that i just completely block them off since it's the only thing i can do. i have never thought that'll I'll be able to find a solution but here it is, thank you Doc!
The longer you suppress them, the worse your stress gets. I’m so glad you’re healing now
Sometimes, all one has left is a memory, and as painful as that memory may be, one does not want it to disappear.
We buried our firstborn son, as a baby, and he struggled horribly while he died in my arms.
That was 45 years ago.
We lost twin boys 22 years after the birth of our firstborn son, and we haven’t forgotten them either, but it is the awful pain and struggle that Daniel (our firstborn) had to suffer through that haunts my unwelcome dreams. That, and the thought of his autopsy.
We have several other (living) children, and eight grandchildren, for whom we are most grateful 🙏🏻, but no number of children will ever remove the memory of Daniel, and in truth, I don’t want him to disappear, despite the pain.
Remembering him is the only way that I get to keep him with me, so I’ll take the pain.
Losing a child is an immortal sadness.
Love and All Good Things,
Jesse.🌹
This is such a tender issue here but what I think heis trying to get across is not to forget! Such a horrific thing as loosing your boys! Is bury your loved one but celebrating what little life and love they would have had from such wonderful people!!it’s no fair and it’s just not right and I don’t have any right to tell you guys how you should feel in any proclivity of your feeling and life you should remember but maybe divide,or compartmentalize..?and take that you brought somthing so beautiful but to only have it but for a second!!!!! And I’m so sorry for your unbearable losses and may god Bless you and your family!😢
@@Raypatrick66
Thank you, Ray!🙏🏻♥️🙏🏻
I shared this aspect of our lives because JP never covers this kind of loss and memory. I’m not sure that he can. Hopefully, others who nurse the same wound will feel less alone for my sharing.
Love and All Good Things,
Jesse.🌹
I lost my youngest daughter a year and a half ago. I've gone through a lot of trauma in my life and pulled through it. Her death is the one thing I struggle to deal with daily now. Sorry for your loss too 💙
@@Shellyshocked
{{{Tabby}}}
You do not struggle alone.🙏🏻😘💕
Thankfully, death isn’t permanent. You’ll see her again shortly - God Willing!🙏🏻♥️🙏🏻
Jess.🌹
God bless you all! May you all feel comforted by the fact that they are alive and happy with God himself, and they look forward to the day you all are united in heaven again.🙏♥️
I have only been listening to JP for a little bit, and the more I listen to him, the more I wished that I had heard of him earlier in my life. In my teens to be exact.
A lot of things he talks about, iv dealt with and endured through my own experiences in life growing up.
The battles and struggles, the uneasy and awkwardness of it all… fumbling through to find my path, my way in life.
And as cliché as it may sound, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and or nobody said life was easy…
The fact of the matter is…
I can only pin point it all down to one thing.. the reason that kept me driving thru, the reason that I am still alive…
Is “faith”!
For me, this is the absolute bottom line.
I simply…. Believe!
I trust in God that he lays the path ahead.
Like closing your eyes and leap off that cliff edge.. as Vulnerable as you can be.. and believing that he catches you!. 😊
Whatever works for you right?…
This works for me.
Whoever reads this.. don’t give up!
You have no idea how badly i needed to hear this right now. I am under an unbearable amount of stress from work and psyce issues. And on top of that my girlfriend of 8 years left without saying a word.
I have fought a battle with myself the past 24 hrs unlike i have ever mustered, and have finally started to deal with some of my many underlying problems. These usually pop up at the most inconvenient times, and puts me in to an overwhelming anxiety attack that lasts for usually a whole day. Crippling my ability to think and act rationally.
I guess it is a bit late for the signal to blossom in terms of saving my relationship, but at least i can muster the day without crawling in bed and laying shaking up in a ball.
Sincerely,
Thank you so much for your work Jordan.❤
It's time for Tme Out. Rest a bit and cup of coffee...
You are absolutely a God-sent. I know your advice is being read and heard my millions of people. Even without reading it it's spreading by word-of-mouth because your advice is so helpful to people that are hurting. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
This short made me remember a bunch of my cringey memories from when I was a kid
It's not a "big bad moment" that haunts me and brings me down. It's the tiny little one but a constant moment that tells me that I'm worthless no matter what I do.
Talk about it
It's ok bro me too
Everyone has worth..
You're not trust me
Yeah and for some reason it’s always one that the chance are everyone else has forgotten about
I've got SO MANY memories that plague me starting from earliest childhood up to and including the present. I get such a cortisol surge the veins in my temples swell instantly. At least I think it is a cortisol surge causing those vains to swell and throb. My therapist certainly didn't know.
Five years ago those memories caused me to drop to the ground in a heap. I'd be walking down the street then suddenly I'd be down on the sidewalk with my hands on my face like The Scream.
I'm making progress. Made a lot of progress.
❤ Jordan Peterson, you are rescuing from Video to video, post for post so many lives that I just can say, thank you for being a part of my lifetime.
I was just in the grips of an assault from 50 years ago when I picked up my phone for a recipe, and this post appeared. VERY helpful.
Wow, incredible, what a smart man. I have a lot of respect for this guy, most of the time he says the truth.
Best free advice you’ll ever get in your life… thank you sir.
When I have nightmares; then when I wake up, remember that it was something that happened when I was growing up. Rethinking and reimagining those experiences has helped stopped the nightmares coming back . . .
mine is significantly less important i’m sure, but, i used to have this nightmare of me not having my legs shaved in front of people and feeling embarrassed. after it happened a lot of times i remembered the dream and thought: “but you actually go in front of people without shaving your legs and you never cared about it” i swear the nightmares went away. Now i dream im seating in a toilet out in the open though.
Bro, I needed this. I really really needed this. Thank you for uploading this…
Yea me 2. I needed it to.
As a person who was severely depressed for one whole year till something like 3-4 months before
I know what it feels like to be sad, anxious, desperate and emotionally masochistic, but Thanks to the inner power and boredom from depression, I changed my life myself
And now I appreciate the moment the girl that betrayed me, so that I could learn a bit more about what is love, I don't get sad when I commemorate these things, I really smile
I think that's the thing that psychologists call Happiness,
From severe depression to happiness, it's possible entirely
I'm so very glad I discovered your site!!!!!❤ I'm 64 and know some of the things I need to do to help myself, with anxiety having ruled my life for so long. You have made so much more things clearer to me!! Thank you. Peace and Love.
Thank you ❤️ Dr.Peterson
This is an excellent idea !!! May everyone who has dealt with trama or very difficult situations be fully healed!! Be strong and kind 😊❤️
My daughter's death was 21 years ago. It still haunts me from time to time. It comes, it passes. It momentarily stuns and saddens me. I'll mope about for five to 15 minutes, then I'm fine. Some things you never forget.
Sorry for your loss.
@@Bdamazyn Thank you.
My condolences 🙏🤍. Sending love and a tight hug.
@@humbleisme2381 Thank you.
This couldn't have come to me at a better time in my life absolutely on point this man is brilliant
This is basics of treatment of psychology
Me too. 20+ times a day I have memories that usually make me curse out loud before I even realize I am speaking, and this usually comes along with a sudden twitch of my neck or upper body. It’s been happening for a few years now and has gotten worse. It got to the point where I literally thought I had Tourette’s but i’ve come to realize it’s just a constant flow of bad memories
He have so much wisdom
This guy is awesome! So simple and yet powerful.
I got bullied a little bit as a kid but it was nothing I couldn't handle. But the environment made me grow a tough shell. It was quite complicated to try to get rid of the armor, open up more and show my softer sides. But: Now, as an adult, I happened to get bullied at my school. But it was manageable because I was an adult and I had my husband who I could talk to when I came home. I didn't let the bullies control my life. I kept being tough. But it all culminated in a big spectacle where the bullies started a show in the middle of a lesson in front of everyone blaming ME for all kinds of stuff. They used any little thing they could to trash my reputation.
In that situation my anxiety was through the roof but I just had to sit in my place and think think think how to answer and come out of this shitshow in a way that harms me the least. And I'm so proud of myself because I kept a calm look and acted very adult. And still, a year later my brain brings back the memory and the horrible anxious feeling, cos I keep thinking of what I could've said or done to make it better. But there is nothing else I can come up with than what I did. But it felt and still feels so unfair.
By God's will, I hope they receive the same karmic treatment they lashed out! And I hope you can recover from your ptsd soon...
But remember that God plans out our life to test us, so rejoice in the fact that you triumphed in that battle with whatever meager intellectual defensive measures you had at that time!
It was a victory worth relishing, never regret it!
This is exactly what I need right now, Thank you for this Prof. Jordan Peterson. Its okei to suffer or punish yourself from your past for a certain period of time and from it, but try to make a changes for yourself.
I noticed that just telling somebody the embarrassing memory (that's my issue, humiliation and the anxiety that comes with it) will stop it from encroaching on my mental and making me cringe.
You comment spoke to me. I have discovered a personal pattern that kept coming up really a story i would tell often - take it for a spin if it feels right for you.... i kept telling this story for awhile...
for 1 thing it made me happy that i figured it out - i survived it. Basically mom used to yell & berate me around 3rd grade making me feel stupid when doing math homework.
So from then i would work hard then slack off which averaged into a “C” grade. Giving me more time to play. My 7th grade teacher asked why i do well then I don’t. When she asked i knew why. So i became an A/B student.
Years later i was so happy she asked, & proud I figured out why! Problem solved... I succeeded or so i thought.
At 62, i had come a long way and had many great moments, some not so much & a big dream was possible but kept getting stuck. Then had to create a video in a seminar. Seemed like 80% of the people were able and 20% were not. I am very creative & when i set my mind up i can do anything most of the time.
Every week the remaining folks would hear how 5 more did it! Yahoo! This time it hit me hard! All on zoom call - in my imagination i saw myself look to the left & looked to the right at the remaining bunch.
This was in my skill level!!!! WTF! Im not in the mediocre group! Im in the mediocre group! Oh God!!! Am I mediocre? Oh yeah!!!
It came to me - I had connected the dots why this story kept coming up - when i became a “C” student in 3rd grade i knew that i belonged in the “mediocre” line & i could see myself walking to it. It became my IDENTITY!!! As a child i made that interpretation without even knowing until I started to ask questions. I did pretty ok / good in life but never the really big dreams - close but just didn’t happen. Once i reflected on this for a moment i realized, great things don’t happen to mediocre people! I focused on my identity. Things started to really move forward. Wow.
Ask yourself, what does that embarrassment & anxiety mean? Think for a moment - anything come up? Did you need to step into a line for a particular group or a particular label or did that mean a “certain” life lesson?
I hope this sparks something for you! You’re trying by your comment. Hope you have an aha moment.
Protect. This. Man. FOREVER!
he is so intricate and articulated but in a way that is easy to understand
My older brother died 5 years ago in a car accident so it was an extremely quick and unexpected tragedy that changed my life.
A year after his passing I started university, carried on with life as I knew he would have wanted me to, made a load of new mates and was very social, I thought I was fine and was managing the loss as well as I could.
One random night out after I drank too much, I nearly ended my life by jumping off a multi story car park, ridden with depression that I tried to avoid and escape but deep down knew I had.
One of the memories that haunts me was one night I had with my bro where we promised to travel the world and see places together, which we’ll never get to do. It’s only until I spoke about this to a close family member that a weight had lifted off my shoulders.
I don’t think I can create a plan to deal with this memory, as Jordan suggested, but I found talking about it extremely helpful. I hope anyone who reads this that is struggling finds the strength to do the same🙏
🤗
Basically means face your fears head on🤞🤞💪💪💪
through dealing with past manifestations of those fears, exactly
@@kipkopkikopog It’s talking about it. Some people just can’t let go of their supposed damaged reputation as Mother Theresa.
I don’t she held that kind of contempt of an unforgivable sin never to be admitted to the hall of all sins -that are forgiven as far as the east from the west. Messed up.
Not really 😂 He explained it so well yet you could grab just one part of it.
What about death I don't fear death at all but what triggers my stress is my son who I lost to cancer at the age of 4 from cancer also I just lost my mother last June how do you deal with that!
@@angie1598 We need to talk. Explaining the unseen through apologetics? Kind of like putting into words that which can’t be described in words. Quantumatic conundrum?
Who better to solve the problem, but one who has difficulty having any bias? Judgement of the living and of the dead, who are not born again. Angels born stillborn? Toasted to the circuits than maintain order in the most calculated, methodical, scientific, ethical, not religious way. So what’s my question?
To be or not to be. Signed lucky boy, saved by grace through faith.
I love him so much. I know I’m growing because he validates techniques I do for myself. Intuitively healing/maturing. Thank you so much for posting.
this is exactly what i teach other Service-members in meditation, thank you again Dr. Peterson for helping save lives
Facing old traumas and fears face forward takes back some control and might reduce the sense of helplessness.
I’ve had a dreadful memory where people are after me and it has plagued me for years! It has left me in tears at times and Jordan’s idea of dealing with it at a conscious level never occurred to me but sounds like an excellent way of dealing with it. I hope this video makes its way back to me so I can edit my comment with the results of consciously dealing with it!
I've had this happen to me with a lot of embarrassing moments that pop up again in life, I was a pretty awkward kid and blurted out things that made no sense or weirded people out. Those memories would come to surface and hit me pretty hard, it's a good thing I was able to work through them in a similar manner to how Jordan advises. I can't let those types of things creep up on me, or let them define who I am, acknowledge it happened and move on. All you can do.
Thank you, Dr. Peterson for your valuable insight on many issues.
Thank you yet again Jordan Peterson
My memories plague me every single day 😢
Same.
Damn, thank you. I really needed this today. I had a very bad fight with a co-worker that had been harassing me resulting in her getting fired and me quiting the next day from her friend's treatment towards me. I've been sent threats since I left months later. I've been afraid they are going to find where I work by accident and harass me. I am in love with my work community now at the new job and have bosses that would definitely kick her out for me. I really needed that perspective.
I love and admire this man. I pray for you whenever I “see” you, for the LORD to protect you from this crazy world.
This man's impeccable style and sense of class 👏 👌 🙌
I dated a woman who seemed like a dream at first, but with a weird gut feeling with no evidence behind it. We moved in together after a year, and she took the mask off and began treating me like less than nothing. I started dedicating all of my time, money and energy to being the man she'd want and to help fix her mental health.
Then one day I looked at her depression medication bottle and realized there were all 30 pills remaining, and when I asked her about it she lied about missing a day or two and took one in front of me, and when I checked later I found all 30 pills in the bottle I poured out on the couch she slept on. When I asked about the other lies, I found out she never went to DBT like I stated my boundary was for dating someone with BPD, she cheated on me multiple times and when I asked her to leave, she pretended to try and kill herself and I had to call the police, begging them to get her treatment for BPD.
Only two days later I found out she had left the hospital early because I received a dozen photos of her with another man nude. She slandered me and lied to everyone about what happened, filed a revenge restraining order to look like the victim based entirely on easily provable lies. I am 6'6" and fairly attractive and charming, so I hooked up with a dozen women in Tinder to feel "even" in some stupid perverse way, but it only made things worse. Then I was broken, abusing legal drugs for months and not sleeping from the racing feeling of betrayal, rage, grief, shame, guilt, everything.
I then pulled two no call no shows on my job I love, and they told me I could come back when the doctor approves my insomnia was treated. I woke up and realized that woman I loved never existed and yet how much I'd grown from the experience. I continued going back to the gym and started to feel a lot more confident. I found out who my true friends were, who I would have certainly killed myself from shame if not for their very real love. I was able to focus on a dream career path instead of worrying about supporting the two of us, and I am now extremely bold about my boundaries in a relationship.
I went on a date a week ago where the girl was dismissive of the waiter and say things to make me feel ashamed of little attributes about myself, constantly testing me in a way that felt more predatory than flirty. After dinner, I simply told her our values aren't compatible but I wish her the best, and it felt like I was in the shoes of a nieve younger man standing up to that abusive ex.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I was an answer to a question I have had many times of men that I know. I am so happy that you were able to move forward from that relationship and set boundaries with open eyes. I wish you the best.
This is encouraging. Ty.
Good for you. People make time for what's important to them. You're making yourself a priority.
Please 🙏 trust your instincts. Be your own priority.
(As a single person without kid's.. , which is what I gather after reading everything before I responded.)
You've really been through the wringer. I bet she was charming and fun in the beginning.
Good for you for calling off-side on that date you had. Take care, and be safe.
Wow what a story . She is evil ! I too have been with evil people. Luckily I never married any of them or had children with them so please continue to look for those red flags! It's really hard dating these days I have pretty much given up
Thank u ! I been in therapy for like 4 years now. I do get those memories and I get pissed off and I pray about it and I pray for that person that hurt me. I hate him still but I'm not a victim I'm a surviver.
As long as your a survivor! It means you're still surviving. I suggest...talk to yourself in the mirror...tell yourself all the beautiful things about you, you L-o-v-e! Be grateful for every part of you that's healthy and do as many things that make YOU happy.
If you stop letting negative things that pop in your head uninvited, last more two seconds before you intentionally replace it with a (*beautiful picture thought), you will learn to thrive better than before! Much Love!
*beautiful pic- I pop up every time: a pic i took Honolulu beach, twin native tiny toddlers in bright yellow (my fav color) bathing suits. Much Love!
It's not my memories that haunt me,it's my dreams
Same here. I have relived my trauma over and over and over again to where it doesn't have the same effect, but my dreams. My dreams make me relive other trauma I haven't dealt with that I thought I dealt with.. and I wake up in tears...... 😣
Well this sounds familiar..
Dreams are on the subconcious level and are the most difficult to deal with, because if one cannot reach all the information needed for healing in a wake state, it's difficult to work on healing.. I've found a way though;
Remember (or write down) what it is you've been thinking or dealing with during the day, then if you have a dream, write as much as you can down (better than just remembering, because confusing things are harder for the brain to remember, as time is the enemy in this scenario to keep a clear image..)
Then compare the two for missing links.. Even when it doesn't seem obvious, there's always a link.. Even when you have to go an entire week back in your memories, there will be a link with the dreams.. In time you get better at interpreting what your brain does when processing information, especially in dreams.. And after some practice, you will be able to puzzle some things together that are burried in the subconcious mind, and once known at the surface, you can work through them like when dealing with memories..
@@Elketjeable very good advice! I assumed a dream diary is just a way of remembering things immediately after waking so it doesn't get forgotten, like walking through a doorway, it fades or disappears. That's very smart, to think critically what it means to yourself personality, and to trust that interpretations need to be identified, so the reason can be addressed and heal . :). Take care
@@humbleisme2381 thank you for sharing that, and so sorry you are suffering:( be kind to yourself and read the comment below, that is a really good suggestion that may help you. The body sends signals in broken ways sometimes, like having headaches or back pain because the energy from thoughts have to go somewhere. I'm not perfect either, just recently realized how stubborn it has been to not exercise or eat healthy. Great word for it I just learned is to "reframe" the way you think about it. And make sleep as comfortable and restorative as possible. Darkness and white noise is important too. Any kind of light your eyes will still be able to see as you are sleeping. One last thing, if after everything hasn't helped, your environment and your support system(the people who you associate with in your life), may be harmful for your wellbeing and need to be changed. Best wishes
@@kellyodowd3949 thnx, hope it helps!!
Thank you Dr Peterson
I just love & agree with so many things he has said...not just here but anytime I hear him speak!
Great advice! I have some that when I think about them I get nauseous to the point of throwing up.
I wish i had a shrink like dr. Peterson to talk to. I feel like i just can't recognize the many things that just plague my mind, but i know he could
Start journaling. It will help
This sounds like complex PTSD. The nervous system gets trapped in the memory. I'm currently in therapy and my therapist suggested EMDR to process these memories. If anyone is going through this and you're able, definitely look up an EMDR therapist. It's been incredible.
EMDR is great! Even helps during dental surgery!
Thanks but careful with clinical advice…
My new therapist is combining EMDR with IFS and it works better for me than EMDR alone, because I have quite a few episodes of severe trauma and abuse, and sometimes EMDR is too overwhelming, so we combine and some things I definitely processed via IFS with milder stress responses. EMDR is a wonderful tool, but works very much like a hummer on me 🙈 We use it on days when I’m less stressed and I’m more emotionally stable so I can handle it.
Yeah I used to put in subconscious mind and tend to forget snd later address it but it seems to have a haunting memory now! But I am also struggling with realizing to use this strategy to look at it in future how to deal with it even though I did I actually did use it and said no but I need to tell myself that I have said no and refused to give in any one’s bullshit!
Thankyou Jordan Peterson 🙏🏻
Thankyou Jordan, so much, for your understanding and compassion, we all thankyou
I love this man’s wise words ❤
Damn I've cured myself of trauma without even realizing what I was doing
Good for you!!!!
Yes. I had a support group that ended up not being supportive. I am ok with being challenged or corrected. But if you rely on a support group and they are not supportive in time of need then you do not have a support group.
Better to put energy of ur self perhaps?
You are brilliant honestly in a few minutes you solved what’s been puzzling me for more than 8 years thank you
Exactly what I’m going thru. Ty so much. God always sends us the truth, messages , and what have u exactly when we need it
Wow thank you so much
I had this story on my mind for some time right now , really helped me thanks again 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Any tips and tricks for a childhood that 'haunts' a person?
Go forward. No matter what, keep your Eyes on the goal. 1 day at a time.
I remember him saying something along the lines of "you have to take into cognisance that you were a child back then, now you're an adult".
We all carry our trauma. The Lord Jesus carries the most. We use it to build our character and empathy towards the suffering of others instead of letting it tear us down and end up just perpetuating the cycle of abuse. I learned that because of Jesus. I believe he is the only truth in this world
@@HenryDube72 this is so true. You have the capacity now to heal from it because you're an adult now.
@@mikayugu316 But what if those that hurt you so bad in childhood are now gone? You don't get to tell them of the damage they caused! Or that you were never allowed to have your own opinions...😶
I desperately need to let go in order to finally be the true self that is hidden within. Constantly being in fight or flight mode is sucking the will to live right out of me 😭 Sometimes I think I just was not made to handle this world!
An Empath so I am told.
More like a bloody DOORMAT... Enough is enough!!!
Thankyou Mr Peterson. With my big 'ol heart. Suddenly it doesn't seem so heavy...✨
Please take care of yourself. God bless 🙏
This is Jordan Peterson.
The psychologist giving the smallest glimmer of help to those desperately needing it.
Not the hateful, spiteful Twitter addict.
This is FANTASTIC advice.
Thank you mr. Peterson for saving my life tonight.
EMDR therapy I heard is also good. I'm about to start doing it myself.
🙏❤️ God bless you 🙏❤️!!
This man is beyond and above. How could someone speak all the way truth and that deep complicated fact . He got the purity
Absolutely spot on. I want to thank you for saying how it is and the amount of energy you put into trying to help people live happier lives. Thank You
This man is brilliant and I’m so grateful for this.
I hope you never stop sharing your knowledge. Love 💕 from Canada
Please God, bless this man with endurance and resilience. The world needs him right now 🙏
He is very intelligent and generous. I appreciate this advice.
He is very right, I’ve been through thick and thin growing up as a kid. I can tell you what he is saying is 100% correct. You cannot run from the things you want hidden. You have to face it voluntarily!!
This hit much harder and closer to home than expected
Thank you, the stress has been hard to deal with and I had not been able to deal with it.
I now am dealing with them...
What you have been through is so others (and yourself) can be better people.
It's called your testimony.
People think we need another miracle to get over the next hurdle.
Not true, we need to be honest with each other and confess our fault with others we trust and be amazed when they get freedom while we get free or at least now have the freedom to do so when they are ready.
Thank you sir for being real, the truth is always so much more amazing.
When others really grasp this it will change their life as you know.
Stay vulnerable and humble.
this man is a god send
Cheers
That's bloody good advice !!!!
Wish I'd heard this 30 years ago !!!
Much love health wealth and happiness to you !!!
He truly is a remarkable man. One of the greats
This is so true. Both with small things, and especially large things. Deal with it, and you won't have to deal with it anymore. You can be the master of your own psyche. Well said Jordan! Thanks for sharing this
He is so right. Facing the issue, and examining it, eventually dissolves, and resolves it. No psychiatrist needed.🙂👍