Female adult autistic here. Since my diagnosis, I have been able to remove a lot of my masking around stimming. I had really complex pain and pressure inside my body prior to diagnosis. When I got diagnosed and learned about letting out stims, I just started letting it flow. My pain and anxiety decreased SO much. Unfortunately the pain can’t ever go fully away because I suppressed myself for so many years to try to “fit in” that I ended up with a lot of early onset arthritis and fairly advanced degenerative disc disease. I have EDS too, so that probably didn’t help me. I’m am so grateful to finally know I’m not broken. I’m just different. My mask was starting to disintegrate anyway and my stims were starting to come out as ticks and involuntary movements. I was losing control of my body to the point of my legs or arms going totally numb - I was actually investigated for MS because of how intense it was getting. I wish I had been diagnosed properly when I first started seeking help in my teens. My nervous system is not made for the modern world, and it would have been good to know how to regulate myself without locking my body up like I did to “fit in” (which never really worked but at least I didn’t totally stand out?). Here’s hoping women are taken more seriously going forward. I ended up actually physically disabled because of my misdiagnoses - which strikes me as close to malpractice or negligence. But if medical professionals aren’t trained to consider this as a possibility for ALL people, then I guess it’s the certifying agencies that are at fault, not the medical professionals… I just wonder how many millions of lives have been ruined because of this oversight. Oh well. I personally found late diagnosis bittersweet because of the “what ifs”. But definitely better than no diagnosis.
Over sharing, regret later . Ugh! I do it all the time. I stay to myself most of the time. I start talking to someone, then bam! I have such a busy, stressed out brain. I hate it.
I hate it so much too😢 I think it is PTSD, because autistic people don't care about sharing with other people, they would rather share about something that fascinates them, not about personal life stories.
Thank you for sharing. I’m 56 and appreciate your focus on this topic. I won’t share my story here but I am among these women. I also parent a male child with Asperger Syndrome. To this day I often feel very misunderstood in life, particularly by my birth family. Your channel is a welcome lifeline, Dr. Kim. Thank you. I don’t usually comment but am listening quietly. ❤
Just so you know, they don't use the term Asperger's anymore. Your son has autism. Of course if you like the other label, stick with it, but I think it minimizes that they are coping within the same space as any autistic person, whether theirs is more or less pronounced. I think we don't give ourselves permission to look at the genetic component either, with that label. My son has autism and it took a long time for me to look in the mirror and ask why my constant internal and social struggle seemed to have similar components. I still don't know, but my son was diagnosed with autism, and my daughter was diagnosed with OCD and fibromyalgia. It was so hard to get her diagnosed with anything other than anxiety, because that's all the Drs want to call it in girls, and that's so frustrating. Because it's clearly the same thing. It also would've been easier to have one label, because I just decided I had done everything wrong as as parent, my kids were falling apart with all these diagnoses. Anyway just to let you know. 💕 It's all autism.
@@SilentThundersnow Your comment rings true with me and my children, too. Fibromyalgia, anxiety and ocd with more than one. I have 4. I also wondered if I had messed up so badly that all of my children were falling apart. It’s so difficult to get diagnosis. Public schools refuse and doctors pay little attention as young adults. My youngest son was so severe that I had to find a qualified psychologist at that point plus I was remarried and could afford to. The other years when all four were young, I was a single mother. One child was severely dyslexic and the schools didn’t care. They said they had no funds for any official testing to help him. I had to find help for this and then they would accommodate him. Yes, I clearly see the genetic factors, too. I could go on. Thank you for your comment. I can relate to you very well. The guilt, pain and struggles as well as watching our children even into adulthood. Resources are just not readily available for these children or into adulthood as needed. All my opinion, of course!! I speak with a clear understanding of the now-labeled autism and fibromyalgia. My children suffer with varying ocd, fibromyalgia and autism. One is dyslexic. I also see the anxiety factor. It’s an interesting conversation and I do think resources lack for them unless you can afford qualified testing at a young age. It’s a darn shame. I do appreciate your comment. Have a wonderful day!!
Hi all! This has a long intro and traits start around 7 mins! And the end is my own shame story time 😢😂❤so if you just want Dr. Price’s list- stick to the middle! Xoxo
Good Morning Dr Sage. I just wanted to say thank you so much for all you are doing. You are helping me so much. I'm significantly older than you and just discovering much about myself. You really are imparting or making available for importation, a wealth of information. I have a CPTSD diagnosis and several learning disabilities. For example Dyslexia, Dyscalculia among others. Still working on other diagnosis. I recently found a Therapist I like. I really am very thankful for your time and research and sharing. 🌻💖 oh btw I'm 63
@DrKimSage Thank you so much for the courage and compassion you show to us all in your videos, those qualities are among the ones that set your content apart from and above the vast majority of others', especially from other clinical professionals who only seem qualified to "read the script" provided by the DSM (a dubious collection of half-truths and outright misrepresentations in my opinion). Your personal experiences with trauma and abuse, and your willingness to share them with us, give you and your message additional layers of wisdom and knowledge not available from most others, and your vulnerability makes you and your content so much more relatable and approachable, and your "flaws" let your soul's beauty shine through all the brighter. Please do not be ashamed of yourself for the maltreatment you suffered or the adaptations you were forced to adopt to protect yourself when you had no other options, that shame is not yours to bear, any more than it is any of ours. That one simple truth is one of the most compelling lessons you teach through sharing your stories so bravely, and it helps others to be brave also; please, drink from the same cup you offer to us, and benefit from your own wisdom. I am a 57 year old heterosexual INFJ man, self-assessed as schizoid/avoidant (recently) and also suspicious that there may be autism/asperger's at the root of my buffet of "symptoms" (I see little utility in the use of pathologizing language)- your reading of the "female autism" traits was intriguing, and to illustrate your point that anyone can present with the phenotype, I answered yes to every single one of the criteria , or at least I did as a child, before my schizoid/avoidant defenses were fully manifested, and behind those defenses, out of sight and mind, most of them are still active to some degree, only suppressed. I have been very encouraged by the way you approach cPTSD, trauma, and the "disorders", having come to the conclusion myself that all forms of trauma responses occur on a spectrum, with many overlapping and co-occuring traits, in my view making the "cluster" model seem ridiculous and outdated. I am glad to see that you have adopted a more holistic and person-focused approach to trauma- if more professionals did so and promoted that view many more people might be helped in resolving their difficulties. I have noticed that very few men leave comments on your channel, and I wonder about the reasons for that. I suppose that one of those reasons may be rooted in the hypocrisy of our society that claims to value egalitarian principles and sensitivity in men, yet is chronically embroiled in gender warfare and shaming of both masculine and feminine traits- men who do not comform to the cultural stereotypes are often misunderstood and effectively disavowed by both men and women, reinforcing the very dichotomy we have avowed to oppose. This shows up in psychology content as well, men almost exclusively presenting to other men a program of stoicism and masking that offers very little toward addressing the root causes of childhood trauma - stoicism is seen as "manly", but has very limited utility in and of itself as an approach to healing. I personally find the nurturing message of your content a very necessary part of my own healing and am not ashamed to say that it helps me connect better with my "feminine" creative energy that I disavowed for many years- Jung's views on Anima and Animus come to fore on this subject, and if more men and women would embrace the topic and participate in honest dialog many problems such as narcissistic abuse and sexual abuse could probably be greatly reduced. I hope more men can be encouraged to participate on channels like yours. I look forward to seeing notifications of new content from you, another opportunity to learn from your healing journey as you reinvent yourself and create a life for yourself as beautiful as you are, the one that you deserve. Thank you for sharing it with us Dr. Sage, and setting such a great example.
No shame, doc. I know it defies your training as a mental health professional. However, speaking out is needed to confront and call out the stigma and stereotypes that are active barriers to professional interventions. It also helps us/society overcome those barriers as well. Thank you for humanizing it 💜
What a relief I am not the only one to say totally idiotic things, rude things that I so regret afterwards. It's not on purpose, I try to tell people, if I was trying to be mean I can be so mean. Never fitting in. I definitely have to go home between activities, I used to say it was to change clothes although that wasn't it at all. Absolutely cannot go out directly after work, not to eat, not to drink, not anything. Having to go shopping after work is just too much. Your day that you describe would have been a nightmare for me too, just too nonstop. Thanks for this Dr. Kim, it made me feel better.
Wow holy heck I feel like you described my personality down to odd things I cannot explain (skin picking, eyebrows etc) oversharing, misunderstood, labeled a B when I think I’m actually HSP. Wow. I had asked for autism testing prior but will persuade again. Tytyty for sharing your personal story that helped me immensely with my shame.
I think it happens "often enough" to confuse autism with BPD in women. At least that's what happened to me with a psychiatrist who saw me for 30 min and was convinced I was BPD (dismissing the whole autism possibility). And... A few months later, I was able to confirm she was wrong. Thank God for Kim Sage and other autistic and AuDHD women who explained what that actually looked like (instead the wrong preconceptions I and many other people still have about them)
This life is difficult enough to navigate without some of our special struggles thrown on top of it… And CPTSD on top of that! Never mind having EDS or POTS on top of that! Oh, and anxiety! We really have to cut ourselves a bunch of slack! Good grief, we are coping with so much at any given moment! We are amazing! High five y’all! 🙌🏻💕
I just started a new job and my coworker called me weird after I shared an experience. I stung a little but I find her manipulative and shallow guised as friendly.
Dr. Kim, I wish you could get over feeling weird about sharing your own personal stories. That is what actually makes you more interesting than other therapists that present on UA-cam! You are 'down to earth' and 'real.' I love that you are researching and sharing this information on autism. I am glued to each presentation you put out on this subject. This is all cutting edge and will, I'm sure, be changing our perception of autism for years to come!! Meanwhile, I wish I had your birth data as it would help understand your health issues better. Let me know and we could find a private way to share. Anyway, feel the shame, but please keep sharing. You obviously can't see the good you are bringing to so many people. Thank you so much!!! 🙏🏻
I can so relate. The work I’ve done for my CPTSD has been transforming, but I know there is another layer to my life that has been there all along. At age 57, I fit most of Price’s traits and social dynamics.
68 years old here white female. Thank you for advocating for those of us who are high functioning, masking, “hidden” autism. I have been to countless mental health people who have never been able to help me. I thought I was just broken 😞. I knew I was highly sensitive and felt so deeply alone all of my life. One disastrous relationship after another until years ago when I quit all relationships. You are the lone beacon of light in a dark work of DSM5 holding mental health “professionals “. I still feel broken but at least I know why. I follow you on TikTok and wish I could have you for my therapist but I don’t live in California. These videos are a lifeline for someone like me who is done with the outside world, doctors and so called mental health professionals-because they’ve let me down so long and never figured out what was up with me that I no longer bother. Thank you for this work you’re doing. It matters. Please keep going. 🙏💜
Also, I appreciate your candor about sharing your story. Our society has venerated “objectivity” as a noble virtue. Fields of science, journalism, health, etc, have valued objectivity to the detriment of us all.
I agree. It helps way more if a person is vulnerable and shares their subjective story as there is no objectivity anyway, there always several truths. That's why I really like Dr. K from HealthyGamerGG here on UA-cam - he trained to be a monk for 7 years, hen became a therapist and he uses both, the eastern more subjective and the Western more objective concepts and it's such a great synergy
For me, socializing in public is the feeling of having a magnifying glass on me, but it's self-imposed. I can so relate to the French class overshare and sense of horror afterwards, its suffocating!
I'm the QUEEN of blurting out, so I get that, lol. I'm not even diagnosed with anything, as I've always been too embarrassed to pursue it (am I ADHD? dunno! Autism spectrum? dunno! Do I fall in line with a lot of things starting from childhood? Absolutely!). I think it might be ADHD, but, yeesh, too many things on this list hit my gut🤔🤔🤔. Do you have a video on key comparisons between the 2, because I see a lot of similarities that make it confusing. My related family members have ADHD traits, but I think some of their traits also arise from CPTSD issues that they never addressed...so then that makes it even more confusing & almost impossible to differentiate between everyone together.
hope your health issues get addressed. i have mixed connective tissue disease, so i empathize. thanks for sharing your story. real life experience is so much more relatable than definitions, facts and figures. therapy is changing rapidly due to social media. self disclosure is the wave of the future for ND therapist/ND client relationships. throw out the old models of conduct. everything is changing and you can be on the forefront of the neurodiversity movement. congratulations.
Hi Dr. Kim, I stumbled upon your channel today purely at random as I never considered the term “autistic” applying to myself. But I am basically shocked at how relatable your female autism videos are. I’ve struggled my whole life with what I thought was chronic depression. But there has always been so much more than depression. I’m feeling like maybe I’m finally getting answers / possible help to manage this. Really powerful content, thank you for sharing!
I love hearing about your life. You are a well educated women. That has day to day issues. I get so mad at myself for not being able to function in life without issues. I feel like I am missing a lot of components that make it hard for me to be. My friends think it is because of my child and early adult hood. But the more I hear you explain things the better I feel. Thank you for sharing
The older I get as a newly diagnosed autistic, I think instead of pleasing I am going to ask for more space. I have been diagnosed bipolar 1 and bpd. But maybe these are not exactly accurate. As my brain is autistic the cptsd endured rewired it as a protective mechanism. To seemingly help me. Yet, I can no longer mask. Which has reduced social activities and I am making my life work for me instead of me having to abide by social norms. There ought to be diversity of mind. This will bring so much more to the world! I too hide in the shadows of my own light…but I am starting to realize the damage it does.
I have been diagnosed today as a high functioning autistic woman at 52. Also being referred for an ADHD assessment. I have cried buckets today but mostly out of relief to be honest. X
I understand the model of not disclosing personal information, but I will say that the therapists that build trust the best with clients are the ones that are not clinical. The vulnerable ones build more bridges that help their clients feel safe and heard and understood!! I don’t care that my therapist is a PhD. I want one that has walked or is walking this journey too
THANK YOU for this video on a very taboo and difficult subject! At 59 I FINALLY understand so much about myself, your video explains so much! My behaviors finally make sense and now can target my behavior focus and self acceptance. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing. I am a 62 yo F with c-ptsd and a late diagnosed, high masking autistic. I relate to everything you said and feel some relief that I am not alone in this. Thank you for your vulnerability. It helps a lot of people.
Now I’m 67 and wish there’d been more awareness before and I’d known all this sooner. I’m an artist and I’ve pushed myself to join Art communities. They tend to be less judgmental people. But it still required me to be very brave. Always does in fact. I pretend to confident and outgoing.
Thank you so much for sharing. I feel your experience mirrors mine to a great extent and I'm grappling how to share, as a psychodynamic counsellor, trained not to do so! I'm almost 60 and have progressed from understanding my own, and my clients', experienc, in relation to trauma, to recognising that neurodivergence may also be at play. I suspect I am AUDHD and am seeking diagnosis but it's a very long process here in the UK. Your description of your overwhelm at the end of a busy, overstimulating day, oversharing, speaking without a filter and the shame, is very familiar to me. That's why I believe it can be so affirming to understand this aspect of ourselves and it has certainly helped me to become more self-compassionate. Hearing others, like yourself, sharing vulnerably helps me enormously; please know how valuable this is 🧡❤️
Oh my gosh, Dr Sage... I resonated with every. single. item. I was holding back tears as you read through them! I'm debating getting tested for autism and this may have cinched the decision. Your story about the French class is the story of my life! Having a crazy busy day and then going straight to a social thing is so disregulating and I always feel jittery and stressed afterward.
Who did I meet just today and already love?! You!! What a joy to find you here. Thanks for saying this stuff out loud: so many autistic women just don't understand the beauty and complexity in themselves. WE ARE HERE. WE ROCK!!
Hi Dr Sage! Thank you for your vulnerability and courage. This is so relatable. I’m a licensed MFT ( raising my kids not working) and have super human powers to assess others core issues but I’ll be darned if I don’t put my foot in my mouth weekly and experience that shame and humiliation cycle you spoke about. I can relate to most of the Autism symptoms except for the health issues. Could you consider an online zoom type group for high functioning/ high masking (or any functioning) women with Autism and trauma histories?? I’d be more than pleased to pay for a group like this!
Thank you for sharing. That's hard and I applaud your vulnerability and honesty. I also resonated with a lot of what you were talking about. I'm 67 and I'm not going to go through getting a diagnosis at this point. Just learning about autism, and being able to get some perspective on myself and the things I've gone through, is really helpful.
I think in these communities it is powerful for identifying with other's stories and it gives the subject matter expert an edge in understanding firsthand what others are going through. That said, I can understand the conflict of interest in your personal practice. Hopefully you will find the right balance for yourself and those you serve. I saw a therapist once who was triggered by a storyline that was going on in my life. She broke down and started sharing her similar experience. I discovered later that she was back in active alcoholism, so not making the best decisions. I loved her dearly, but felt the need to dismiss myself from her care. Godspeed 🙏🎉❤
I am so thankful that I found your channel. I’ve shared several of your videos with my sisters, I’m 52 and my sisters are 48 and 36. We all are in the research phase of are we or aren’t we autistic. I relate so so so much with your shame story. I can think of countless instances going back to elementary school where I did something similar. I just finished Unmasking Autism, which was amazing. My sis just recommended Healing the Shame That Binds You. Anyway, thank you for the personal stories you share. Women need to share their stories more.
Your self-disclosure is a brilliant thing! It's what makes your videos so real and relatable, like a conversation not a lecture. I tapped into one to one therapy on the NHS (UK based) which is amazing because it's free and available to everyone but my experience was not great and like a blank page each week with a largely silent therapist. Theory in books and online doesn't always work that great for me either because too much of it feels like it's a few degrees off and then I question my own understanding. But your videos and those of a handful of others that I've found on youtube, where there is lived experience and theory and traits put into real examples and reactions, that's what resonates and let's me know I'm in the right place.
I agree, it needs to be talked about more. This is why I have delayed getting diagnosed because I still feel that it's still a male issue while women are diagnosed with bipolar. I have Devan's book, love it. I'm sorry but more women in the medical field need to step up their game when it comes to women's needs instead of spewing information they learned from male based textbooks on women which is very little. Women have always been treated as guinea pigs across the board. Thank you for the work you are doing.
How I realised I'm autistic at 52? At 30 I learned about my female Cousin being diqgnosed with BPD. My outbursts looked quite like hers and we were both abused by her father and my stepfather. So I called myself a BPD and my family felt it was right and agreed. At 35 I was with a typical autistic man and I took many testst who showed me even more severely on autism than he was/is. At 42 I learned about my parents being two different types of Narcissists, my brother got diagnosed with NPD and my sister definitely is a Narcissist. But due to the fact I had this understanding of Autism in boys and men, I decided I couldn't be though my whole life back to my childhood, in retrospective, made so much sense, seen from an autistic pov. At 42 I learned about being and HSP and ended contact with my family. At 47 I got into a relationship with many problems and blamed it on my beginning Perimenopause. At 49, after leaving this "man" who invisibly worsened my lifelong depression and suicidality, I learned about narcissistic abuse, met my first ever healthy partner (now husband) from there I immediately went to knowing I have CPTSD, realised I'm neurodivergent, had a severe meltdown due to a change in my life and going back to finally knowing I'm Autistic. So many of my reactions to abuse have been diminished as "hormonal" and I was called anything from crazy, sick and demonic by men who abused me. In just two years my whole life has turned upside down. I was happy learning I'm.not a BPD but instead having CPTSD, hoping that I could still change (which I already did incredibly due to having only kind people left in my life) to having to accept that I'll never be able to change certain things I've been degraded for, all.my life. That's hard, at the moment, but I'm also learning to set boundaries, say NO! and speak up about my needs
I just wanted to compliment your channel. I would not be surprised if many women will relate to your experience. I do. We are of an age with each other. I am highly educated, went to graduate school, academically I was a high achiever. I love people, I can be extraordinarily outgoing, but there has always been something slightly off about me. I learned how to compensate for that. It isn't just that I have so many of the early signs of autism that has convinced me to schedule an assessment, it is the ongoing challenges that I have. I do not think that standard therapies for anxiety and phobias are helpful for autistic women. I found CBT confusing and frustrating, because the feedback I was getting from my therapist made me feel like I was in denial about my childhood and my life. My therapist was convinced there had to be some underlying abuse or neglect in my childhood even though my parents were lovely people who were entirely supportive of me. My parents were nonconformists who didn't care if I stimmed at home and thought my quirks were cute and loveable. Home was a safe space. It was everywhere else that sucked for me. I am going to be assessed in a couple of weeks. I think it is important for the lost generation of autistic women to come out of the shadows, get assessed, and add to the body of knowledge about how our brains really work. This idea that we all are socially awkward is untrue. Many of us have learned to exceed expectations, it is just extremely expensive to our own mental health. In my mind autism is sensory disorder. Our brains are loaded with more neural connections. It would not be a disorder at all if everyone processed information in the same way we do, but since the world is not built for our neurology it can cause us issues. I think autism screenings should be standard for well baby checkups and we should also give screenings to school aged kids. Because there are so many comorbidities it can be lifesaving for parents to know if their kid has sensory issues. I would not be surprised if the number of girls with autism is equal to boys, it just presents differently. For example, my theory of mind is almost neurotypical, but it takes me a bit longer to intuit certain emotions. It is like having emotional blind spots for certain feelings, like jealousy, for example. But I can tell what people are feeling intuitively most of the time. Just because a woman doesn't have social dysfunction does not mean that autism isn't present or impacting her quality of life. We have many little sisters out there that are still being missed.
Dr Sage, Thank you for sharing. I was raised in a traumatic up bringing and I am trying to navigate life and work. The information you are sharing is insightful, uplifting and thought provoking, the information you are sharing is going to be quite theraputic for many women who struggle with autism and HSP traits. I an thankful that your information video appeared on my utube feed. You have uncovered quite a bit of good information with your deep dive search. Great work, please keep sharing❤
THANK YOU 😭🤍✨ I’m sending this to my husband to watch. I’m very late (self diagnosed) mom at 47 with a more ‘ obviously on the spectrum’ son, while I am high masking to the point I had no idea that was what I was doing my whole life. We get into so many arguments because I should just be able to “adapt” or “work on it.”
I am 53 and relate to several of these things. I was diagnosed with complex with ptsd but didn’t really have a traumatic childhood as far as my parents being abusive. My elder sister has always bullied and called me too sensitive and my dad was emotionally absent during my adolescence but I was deeply affected by some events that were traumatic for me and I’ve always struggled with keeping close friendships. My elder sister’s youngest son actually seems to have some autistic traits, himself, but even the mention of it was always dismissed.
Thank you so much for sharing a more in-depth look at how high masking female autism can present. It's so helpful to hear how you go through these things too.
I would like to thank you for your research Dr Sage, you are sharing your own ptsd family trauma and shame that I find to be relateable and helpful especially when you spoke about masking and social anxiety, its very relateable in fact.
So many times I’ve had people say mean things to me or bully me and I could never say anything back. It was like I had a huge tsunami of emotion blocking me.
When my almost 20 year old daughter would sweetly point out to me, when or if I overshared: "Mom, nobody asked...😊" 😂 Exactly! Just keep that in your head before you blurt out personal details. It's bad with ADD too.
I don’t have a diagnosis but the last year I’ve been thinking that I have it Ive take multiple test. I’ve read a bunch on it and I keep watching videos and this really explains my whole entire life and I don’t know what to do with that because I’m 45 years old.
Thank you for this! I identify with most of the traits you listed, and I really identify with your stories (thanks for sharing those, btw). I had an "ah-ha" moment with scheduling too much for the day...I think this will help me to add much needed buffers when I schedule new things.
Eeesh…Im 33 and just learning that this can be my case. In 2020 diagnosed with BPD and C-PTSD. Refused medication and further treatment, maybe I was in denial. Dad died a couple years later, fell into depression. Decided to accept treatment with anti depressants this time after being diagnosed with MDD and Bipolar (though, I threw a fit when Dr. said the latter, so we decided treatment for MDD was the way to go. A year after taking medication still found myself depressed even after increasing dose and trying different variations. Decided to taper off and now I’m off medication completely but I’m completely debilitated with anxiety and depression. Unfortunately, one of my techniques to self soothe was drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana so now that I’m sober from all I am learning that I need an immense amount of down time to cope with each day and I’m okay with that. From now on, I want no one in my life that cannot understand this. Im so tired of the struggle to keep up.
I personally want to know about my therapist's life...I want to know that they are a good person, I want to know they work on their own stuff so they can help guide me through mine, I want to see a pattern of trust worthy behavior...the more I know someone, the more I see that consistent pattern, the more I'm going to chose to open up...or not. But when I open up, that's when the real healing begins...and isn't that true with everyone?
i keep watching videos like this one and keep recognizing myself in many of the symptoms but since i don't remember having all these struggles during my childhood, i keep telling me i'm just "quirky" and that there's nothing different with me
Thank you Dr. Sage!! You have helped me along my healing journey so much!! If I may ask a question, my very kind older therapist had never heard of pathological demand avoidance, should I look for another? Thank you!!
I identify with A LOT of these traits, but I do have ADHD and I wonderi how much of this is my ADHD and how much could indicate possibly being on the spectrum. The social part of ASD is SO relatable to me to the point that i have started researching ASD and i seriously wonder if i might be on the spectrum. In school I was basically mute until directly approached or if I was with my small group of friends. I remember students in my classes being amazed at the fact that I could speak... my social skills were that bad.
I see a few close women in my life in your video, and I appreciate coming to understand them better. It’s so difficult to be vulnerable and it is BEYOND inspiring to see it so wholeheartedly from you. In a jokey way, if she really is from a older generation she’s probably ready to pretend that interaction didn’t happen, sweep it under the rug, and pile on some nicer interactions to cover up any lingering feelings of discomfort. 😂😅
For me, CPTSD vs high masking autism is like asking what came first: the chicken or the egg? I think all of these traits could be put down to trauma: the eating disorders, the anxiety and controlling behaviours, the overwhelmed/overstressed nervous system, the emotional disregulation.... all of it!!!! Individuals with CPTSD didn't get the chance to develop properly, they can easily be odd, over emotional, miss social queues, have social anxiety, be childlike, fake social interaction while keeping a safe distance inside, etc, etc, etc.... At the same time: were some of these individuals born with autism, which made them more vulnerable to trauma in a chaotic, harmful environment that others may have had the chance to survive unscathed? Is there a way of uncovering autism at the bottom of the pile of issues that repetitive trauma has caused? I do wonder that about myself, but I think I have enough to do to try to deal with and heal from CPTSD to even consider requesting to be tested for autism. There is far too much overlap to distiguish autism from all the trauma. Additionally, I don't know whether I missed something here, but autism is characterised by sensory hypersensitivity and overstimulation, and nothing of the kind was mentioned. I mean auditory, visual, tactile, etc. I think that's an integral part of any type of autism and the give away to spot autism, even if high masking. That sort of thing doesn't quite fit into any trauma-based or emotional disorder. It's that aspect of autism that makes me suspect I might suffer with it.
I feel like knowing certain parts of my therapist life makes her more relatable like I was in therapy when I was 7 years old until three years ago and that therapist was always on a pedestal because I knew nothing about her life and I mean nothing and so I felt even more isolated and now the woman I'm seeing I know a little bit like not trauma or anyting but everyday life here in there that makes her more human and makes her more relatable like she does get mad she does get frustrated she does get sad and it just it makes it easier
Dr. Sage, please know that you sharing your personal story ACTUALY makes you the expert. Not to disregard all the medical schooling....but disregard it girl!!!
The French class example I can relate to but I overcame my fear by knowing my daughter was watching me in those situations and I didn’t want her to be the “shy” kid. She’s a social butterfly btw but I still have that social anxiety but it’s gotten better with age.
Thank you So much for your videos, I'm in my element listening your information is outstanding, I especially love how you bring experiences together pointing out clearly overlaps that look like something else.. I'm literally bursting at the seams wanting to show the videos to my daughter's... My daughter's were missed for years until my eldest daughter out of shear frustration tried to hang herself.. Kim I'd love to chat as your work is outstanding... 2years in from our personal nightmare and her Autism diagnosis I'm literally horrified with others mainly professionals behavior and or actions toward her. She was diagnosed with Ceoliac disease at 1 yr old after months u. Booth hall children's hospital UK we would love to be of service Sending love & posative energies to everyone from Amanda in Blackpool England UK 🌞💖🦄
Ime in UK to hellish in UK to late diagnosed 43 autism heds fybromyalgia cfs my son's is 13 now diagnosed ADHD to hasn't been vhook 14 months I've pushed for heart scan which found something before he took medication lost my mum.lastbeuwrbti severe ms autism also no help
If someone were misdiagnosed with bpd or complex trauma disorder, what would the result tend to be: no effect, partially helped, harmed? Is misdiagnosis a significant problem in this area? Seems like it could be from what you’ve learned. I do hope your health issues are successfully resolved. Saddened to hear about that.
Thank you for all your hard work and intuetive and knolegefilled videos! I´m learning so much! I tottaly recognize myself in so much. Having diagnose c-ptsd and adhd myself from a traumatic mother and I´ve learned so much and it´s so easy to understand and I love how you are so empatic towards even narcessism , I´m getting there slowly.. ( I am also woundering now if my mother might have been borderline pd undiagnosed) anyway - I just came here to say thank you so much!
Let just try to be kind to others and tres lightly on Mother Earth and be open by checking in with others comfort when we share stories of trauma or emotional sensitivity. I think there is far too much worry about how not to offend others in developed countries. It’s social programming. When you spend time with nature and in a smaller community,, and when you develop a life that allows you to live a speed that feels comfortable and calm you soon realize that you are fine just the way you are. It’s ok not to fit into social norms. Most people who do are actually not able or willing to express the fullness of who they are.
Dr Kim these descriptions fit exactly like an ex friend of mine who seemed to have an avoidant personality disorder rather than autism.. did you consider this diagnosis before ruling it out completely? And if yes will you please do a video about the differences you found between this personality type and low grade female autism.. because now you made me reconsider that diagnosis of hers.. I donno,if anything I’m even more confused now
My personal experience : these two often go hand in hand. As it's so hard (if not impossible) for us to keep our own walls up, we tend to avoid intense human contact. We literally feel like we disappear when others have strong emotions or opinions about us. It's weird. But it can make us feel very trapped and non-existent. I am avoidant too and I have a very strong need for freedom and independence.
@@mandarinadreux9572 I completely understand the avoidant style even though I’m not personally, but to each their style after Trauma I guess.. however I think that the lines are very blurred between what is considered avoidant personality style (or disorder) and Asperger syndrome which is like the first degree of autism..
I grew up being abused by my stepdad & also undiagnosed autistic until the age of 31. I made a UA-cam channel in hopes of helping others in a way so that way no other girl/child has to go through what I did growing up🌱. I would love any constructive criticism 🤍🧩
So if we identify all these characteristics..what is your recommended treatment? Do we treat each part of it...ie anxiety..separately with Therapy or is cbt good...emdr...?what do you suggest?
I think that the only way neurotypical people will ever understand who we are is if we talk about it ourselves. They cannot represent what we deal with accurately. We have to educate people ourselves and self-disclosure is how we have to do it.
Just want to share this insight/question from a childpsychiatrist that is worth researching. Are symptoms of autism simular to symptoms of (parent/child ) de-ttachment ?
Curious if you have been diagnosed by a professional, or you diagnosed yourself? Could it be that you read into CPTSD's symptoms as being Autism Symptoms? It is interesting topic for sure. I recently saw a good video about children where autism symptoms were pointed out in a girl. I find it fascinating.
i went downstairs to get something to eat last middle of night i was hungry so i ate 2 buns and glass of water and today i knew something wrong, i got bat in the the teeth and told never to do it again, i never knew how could i who owned them. never miss a payment every week. how im not allowed to eat in case it’s someone else’s. i told my therapist sh says people like that make her curse. she said if they put me out she has a spare room i can have. she single. im fed up and soon will have to go no enough is enough. thanks
I'm bothered now. I figured I'd watch this to learn how to identify signs. Turns out all but maybe one of the symptoms you gave has been a recurrent pattern throughout my life. But I promise you that the more you practice, the easier it gets.
I definitely have cptsd but I also display traits of BPD relationship issues but without the drama/manipulation. The BPD traits seem to be like autism spectrum traits too.
I've heard someone theorise that bpd could be how attachment / abandonment wounds show up in peoplr with autism. I found that very intriguing. And yes, it seems totally plausible that not everyone with bpd issues would be totally controlled by them
Yes, there's definite overlap in traits. I can't remember where I heard it but ASD is often misdiagnosed as BPD, particularly in women. I thought I had BPD but now I'm feeling like ASD fits better. Maybe it's neither. Or both. I don't know if I need to know, I just want to learn how to cope better. Hope you're doing well X
What happened to you on your stressful day definitely happens to me from time to time when I’m overwhelmed. I’ve always assumed that happens to everybody. Most people I know have a much shorter fuse when they are feeling anxious and overwhelmed. What would put that into an autistic range? I feel like what happened to you seemed normal if it doesn’t happen frequently - not ideal, but nirmal.
Maybe all of us are somewhere on thr autisic spectrum, some masking better, some worse... Maybe there is no such thing as "neurotypical" and we made a divide where there never existed one? Because very strongly autistic people of course stood out and we felt the need to label them and set them apart from us. Just some thoughts... I do think though that autism and adhd are both widespread in sub clinical levels.
Female adult autistic here.
Since my diagnosis, I have been able to remove a lot of my masking around stimming. I had really complex pain and pressure inside my body prior to diagnosis. When I got diagnosed and learned about letting out stims, I just started letting it flow. My pain and anxiety decreased SO much. Unfortunately the pain can’t ever go fully away because I suppressed myself for so many years to try to “fit in” that I ended up with a lot of early onset arthritis and fairly advanced degenerative disc disease. I have EDS too, so that probably didn’t help me.
I’m am so grateful to finally know I’m not broken. I’m just different. My mask was starting to disintegrate anyway and my stims were starting to come out as ticks and involuntary movements. I was losing control of my body to the point of my legs or arms going totally numb - I was actually investigated for MS because of how intense it was getting.
I wish I had been diagnosed properly when I first started seeking help in my teens. My nervous system is not made for the modern world, and it would have been good to know how to regulate myself without locking my body up like I did to “fit in” (which never really worked but at least I didn’t totally stand out?).
Here’s hoping women are taken more seriously going forward. I ended up actually physically disabled because of my misdiagnoses - which strikes me as close to malpractice or negligence. But if medical professionals aren’t trained to consider this as a possibility for ALL people, then I guess it’s the certifying agencies that are at fault, not the medical professionals… I just wonder how many millions of lives have been ruined because of this oversight.
Oh well. I personally found late diagnosis bittersweet because of the “what ifs”. But definitely better than no diagnosis.
Over sharing, regret later . Ugh! I do it all the time. I stay to myself most of the time. I start talking to someone, then bam! I have such a busy, stressed out brain. I hate it.
I hate it so much too😢
I think it is PTSD, because autistic people don't care about sharing with other people, they would rather share about something that fascinates them, not about personal life stories.
OMG same!
Thank you for sharing. I’m 56 and appreciate your focus on this topic. I won’t share my story here but I am among these women. I also parent a male child with Asperger Syndrome. To this day I often feel very misunderstood in life, particularly by my birth family. Your channel is a welcome lifeline, Dr. Kim. Thank you. I don’t usually comment but am listening quietly. ❤
✨🤍✨ I feel you.
I'm 57 with a male child with Aspergers.... this has been very liberating for me. I concur, a very welcome lifeline.
I am also extremely misunderstood by my birth family. Being undiagnosed and raised in dysfunction make for some serious masking. Masks upon masks.
Just so you know, they don't use the term Asperger's anymore. Your son has autism.
Of course if you like the other label, stick with it, but I think it minimizes that they are coping within the same space as any autistic person, whether theirs is more or less pronounced.
I think we don't give ourselves permission to look at the genetic component either, with that label.
My son has autism and it took a long time for me to look in the mirror and ask why my constant internal and social struggle seemed to have similar components.
I still don't know, but my son was diagnosed with autism, and my daughter was diagnosed with OCD and fibromyalgia.
It was so hard to get her diagnosed with anything other than anxiety, because that's all the Drs want to call it in girls, and that's so frustrating. Because it's clearly the same thing.
It also would've been easier to have one label, because I just decided I had done everything wrong as as parent, my kids were falling apart with all these diagnoses.
Anyway just to let you know. 💕
It's all autism.
@@SilentThundersnow Your comment rings true with me and my children, too. Fibromyalgia, anxiety and ocd with more than one. I have 4. I also wondered if I had messed up so badly that all of my children were falling apart. It’s so difficult to get diagnosis. Public schools refuse and doctors pay little attention as young adults. My youngest son was so severe that I had to find a qualified psychologist at that point plus I was remarried and could afford to. The other years when all four were young, I was a single mother. One child was severely dyslexic and the schools didn’t care. They said they had no funds for any official testing to help him. I had to find help for this and then they would accommodate him. Yes, I clearly see the genetic factors, too. I could go on. Thank you for your comment. I can relate to you very well. The guilt, pain and struggles as well as watching our children even into adulthood. Resources are just not readily available for these children or into adulthood as needed. All my opinion, of course!! I speak with a clear understanding of the now-labeled autism and fibromyalgia. My children suffer with varying ocd, fibromyalgia and autism. One is dyslexic. I also see the anxiety factor. It’s an interesting conversation and I do think resources lack for them unless you can afford qualified testing at a young age. It’s a darn shame. I do appreciate your comment. Have a wonderful day!!
Hi all! This has a long intro and traits start around 7 mins! And the end is my own shame story time 😢😂❤so if you just want Dr. Price’s list- stick to the middle! Xoxo
Good Morning Dr Sage. I just wanted to say thank you so much for all you are doing. You are helping me so much. I'm significantly older than you and just discovering much about myself. You really are imparting or making available for importation, a wealth of information. I have a CPTSD diagnosis and several learning disabilities. For example Dyslexia, Dyscalculia among others. Still working on other diagnosis. I recently found a Therapist I like. I really am very thankful for your time and research and sharing. 🌻💖 oh btw I'm 63
@DrKimSage
Thank you so much for the courage and compassion you show to us all in your videos, those qualities are among the ones that set your content apart from and above the vast majority of others', especially from other clinical professionals who only seem qualified to "read the script" provided by the DSM (a dubious collection of half-truths and outright misrepresentations in my opinion). Your personal experiences with trauma and abuse, and your willingness to share them with us, give you and your message additional layers of wisdom and knowledge not available from most others, and your vulnerability makes you and your content so much more relatable and approachable, and your "flaws" let your soul's beauty shine through all the brighter. Please do not be ashamed of yourself for the maltreatment you suffered or the adaptations you were forced to adopt to protect yourself when you had no other options, that shame is not yours to bear, any more than it is any of ours. That one simple truth is one of the most compelling lessons you teach through sharing your stories so bravely, and it helps others to be brave also; please, drink from the same cup you offer to us, and benefit from your own wisdom.
I am a 57 year old heterosexual INFJ man, self-assessed as schizoid/avoidant (recently) and also suspicious that there may be autism/asperger's at the root of my buffet of "symptoms" (I see little utility in the use of pathologizing language)- your reading of the "female autism" traits was intriguing, and to illustrate your point that anyone can present with the phenotype, I answered yes to every single one of the criteria , or at least I did as a child, before my schizoid/avoidant defenses were fully manifested, and behind those defenses, out of sight and mind, most of them are still active to some degree, only suppressed. I have been very encouraged by the way you approach cPTSD, trauma, and the "disorders", having come to the conclusion myself that all forms of trauma responses occur on a spectrum, with many overlapping and co-occuring traits, in my view making the "cluster" model seem ridiculous and outdated. I am glad to see that you have adopted a more holistic and person-focused approach to trauma- if more professionals did so and promoted that view many more people might be helped in resolving their difficulties.
I have noticed that very few men leave comments on your channel, and I wonder about the reasons for that. I suppose that one of those reasons may be rooted in the hypocrisy of our society that claims to value egalitarian principles and sensitivity in men, yet is chronically embroiled in gender warfare and shaming of both masculine and feminine traits- men who do not comform to the cultural stereotypes are often misunderstood and effectively disavowed by both men and women, reinforcing the very dichotomy we have avowed to oppose. This shows up in psychology content as well, men almost exclusively presenting to other men a program of stoicism and masking that offers very little toward addressing the root causes of childhood trauma - stoicism is seen as "manly", but has very limited utility in and of itself as an approach to healing. I personally find the nurturing message of your content a very necessary part of my own healing and am not ashamed to say that it helps me connect better with my "feminine" creative energy that I disavowed for many years- Jung's views on Anima and Animus come to fore on this subject, and if more men and women would embrace the topic and participate in honest dialog many problems such as narcissistic abuse and sexual abuse could probably be greatly reduced. I hope more men can be encouraged to participate on channels like yours. I look forward to seeing notifications of new content from you, another opportunity to learn from your healing journey as you reinvent yourself and create a life for yourself as beautiful as you are, the one that you deserve. Thank you for sharing it with us Dr. Sage, and setting such a great example.
No shame, doc. I know it defies your training as a mental health professional. However, speaking out is needed to confront and call out the stigma and stereotypes that are active barriers to professional interventions. It also helps us/society overcome those barriers as well.
Thank you for humanizing it 💜
What a relief I am not the only one to say totally idiotic things, rude things that I so regret afterwards. It's not on purpose, I try to tell people, if I was trying to be mean I can be so mean. Never fitting in. I definitely have to go home between activities, I used to say it was to change clothes although that wasn't it at all. Absolutely cannot go out directly after work, not to eat, not to drink, not anything. Having to go shopping after work is just too much. Your day that you describe would have been a nightmare for me too, just too nonstop. Thanks for this Dr. Kim, it made me feel better.
Wow holy heck I feel like you described my personality down to odd things I cannot explain (skin picking, eyebrows etc) oversharing, misunderstood, labeled a B when I think I’m actually HSP. Wow. I had asked for autism testing prior but will persuade again. Tytyty for sharing your personal story that helped me immensely with my shame.
You were diagnosed as a borderline also? Wow
@@ItCantRainForever2I thought autism diagnosed removed other diagnosis
I think it happens "often enough" to confuse autism with BPD in women.
At least that's what happened to me with a psychiatrist who saw me for 30 min and was convinced I was BPD (dismissing the whole autism possibility).
And... A few months later, I was able to confirm she was wrong.
Thank God for Kim Sage and other autistic and AuDHD women who explained what that actually looked like (instead the wrong preconceptions I and many other people still have about them)
If you want to skip all of the intro go to 8:07 to get right into the trates!
This life is difficult enough to navigate without some of our special struggles thrown on top of it… And CPTSD on top of that! Never mind having EDS or POTS on top of that! Oh, and anxiety! We really have to cut ourselves a bunch of slack! Good grief, we are coping with so much at any given moment! We are amazing! High five y’all! 🙌🏻💕
I have never felt like I fit in & was called weird by my family. You have inspired me to unmask & get a diagnosis. I really appreciate your channel ❤
I just started a new job and my coworker called me weird after I shared an experience. I stung a little but I find her manipulative and shallow guised as friendly.
Dr. Kim, I wish you could get over feeling weird about sharing your own personal stories. That is what actually makes you more interesting than other therapists that present on UA-cam! You are 'down to earth' and 'real.' I love that you are researching and sharing this information on autism. I am glued to each presentation you put out on this subject. This is all cutting edge and will, I'm sure, be changing our perception of autism for years to come!! Meanwhile, I wish I had your birth data as it would help understand your health issues better. Let me know and we could find a private way to share. Anyway, feel the shame, but please keep sharing. You obviously can't see the good you are bringing to so many people. Thank you so much!!! 🙏🏻
I can so relate. The work I’ve done for my CPTSD has been transforming, but I know there is another layer to my life that has been there all along. At age 57, I fit most of Price’s traits and social dynamics.
I'm 60 doing EMDR today I have all the symptoms if ASD lol
68 years old here white female. Thank you for advocating for those of us who are high functioning, masking, “hidden” autism. I have been to countless mental health people who have never been able to help me. I thought I was just broken 😞. I knew I was highly sensitive and felt so deeply alone all of my life. One disastrous relationship after another until years ago when I quit all relationships. You are the lone beacon of light in a dark work of DSM5 holding mental health “professionals “. I still feel broken but at least I know why. I follow you on TikTok and wish I could have you for my therapist but I don’t live in California. These videos are a lifeline for someone like me who is done with the outside world, doctors and so called mental health professionals-because they’ve let me down so long and never figured out what was up with me that I no longer bother. Thank you for this work you’re doing. It matters. Please keep going. 🙏💜
Also, I appreciate your candor about sharing your story. Our society has venerated “objectivity” as a noble virtue. Fields of science, journalism, health, etc, have valued objectivity to the detriment of us all.
I agree. It helps way more if a person is vulnerable and shares their subjective story as there is no objectivity anyway, there always several truths. That's why I really like Dr. K from HealthyGamerGG here on UA-cam - he trained to be a monk for 7 years, hen became a therapist and he uses both, the eastern more subjective and the Western more objective concepts and it's such a great synergy
Your vulnerability to disclose has led me on an amazing journey of self-discover!
For me, socializing in public is the feeling of having a magnifying glass on me, but it's self-imposed. I can so relate to the French class overshare and sense of horror afterwards, its suffocating!
I'm the QUEEN of blurting out, so I get that, lol. I'm not even diagnosed with anything, as I've always been too embarrassed to pursue it (am I ADHD? dunno! Autism spectrum? dunno! Do I fall in line with a lot of things starting from childhood? Absolutely!). I think it might be ADHD, but, yeesh, too many things on this list hit my gut🤔🤔🤔. Do you have a video on key comparisons between the 2, because I see a lot of similarities that make it confusing. My related family members have ADHD traits, but I think some of their traits also arise from CPTSD issues that they never addressed...so then that makes it even more confusing & almost impossible to differentiate between everyone together.
hope your health issues get addressed. i have mixed connective tissue disease, so i empathize. thanks for sharing your story. real life experience is so much more relatable than definitions, facts and figures. therapy is changing rapidly due to social media. self disclosure is the wave of the future for ND therapist/ND client relationships. throw out the old models of conduct. everything is changing and you can be on the forefront of the neurodiversity movement. congratulations.
Hi Dr. Kim, I stumbled upon your channel today purely at random as I never considered the term “autistic” applying to myself. But I am basically shocked at how relatable your female autism videos are. I’ve struggled my whole life with what I thought was chronic depression. But there has always been so much more than depression. I’m feeling like maybe I’m finally getting answers / possible help to manage this. Really powerful content, thank you for sharing!
I love hearing about your life. You are a well educated women. That has day to day issues. I get so mad at myself for not being able to function in life without issues. I feel like I am missing a lot of components that make it hard for me to be. My friends think it is because of my child and early adult hood. But the more I hear you explain things the better I feel. Thank you for sharing
The older I get as a newly diagnosed autistic, I think instead of pleasing I am going to ask for more space. I have been diagnosed bipolar 1 and bpd. But maybe these are not exactly accurate. As my brain is autistic the cptsd endured rewired it as a protective mechanism. To seemingly help me. Yet, I can no longer mask. Which has reduced social activities and I am making my life work for me instead of me having to abide by social norms. There ought to be diversity of mind. This will bring so much more to the world! I too hide in the shadows of my own light…but I am starting to realize the damage it does.
I have been diagnosed today as a high functioning autistic woman at 52. Also being referred for an ADHD assessment. I have cried buckets today but mostly out of relief to be honest. X
I understand the model of not disclosing personal information, but I will say that the therapists that build trust the best with clients are the ones that are not clinical. The vulnerable ones build more bridges that help their clients feel safe and heard and understood!! I don’t care that my therapist is a PhD. I want one that has walked or is walking this journey too
Happy to see you! You help me through my day. When I see your videos I get excited!
THANK YOU for this video on a very taboo and difficult subject! At 59 I FINALLY understand so much about myself, your video explains so much! My behaviors finally make sense and now can target my behavior focus and self acceptance. Thank you for sharing your story.
I love these videos and resonate with them immensely, thank you so much for your vulnerability.
Thank you for sharing. I am a 62 yo F with c-ptsd and a late diagnosed, high masking autistic. I relate to everything you said and feel some relief that I am not alone in this. Thank you for your vulnerability. It helps a lot of people.
Now I’m 67 and wish there’d been more awareness before and I’d known all this sooner. I’m an artist and I’ve pushed myself to join Art communities. They tend to be less judgmental people. But it still required me to be very brave. Always does in fact. I pretend to confident and outgoing.
I loved the podcast, Dr Kim! You were awesome! Thanks.
How do you listen to the podcast ? I can't find it. Thank you very much . 🙂
@@lavonnebenson7409 Kristen Hovet from The Other Autism podcast posted on youtube
Thank you so much for sharing. I feel your experience mirrors mine to a great extent and I'm grappling how to share, as a psychodynamic counsellor, trained not to do so! I'm almost 60 and have progressed from understanding my own, and my clients', experienc, in relation to trauma, to recognising that neurodivergence may also be at play. I suspect I am AUDHD and am seeking diagnosis but it's a very long process here in the UK. Your description of your overwhelm at the end of a busy, overstimulating day, oversharing, speaking without a filter and the shame, is very familiar to me. That's why I believe it can be so affirming to understand this aspect of ourselves and it has certainly helped me to become more self-compassionate. Hearing others, like yourself, sharing vulnerably helps me enormously; please know how valuable this is 🧡❤️
Oh my gosh, Dr Sage... I resonated with every. single. item. I was holding back tears as you read through them!
I'm debating getting tested for autism and this may have cinched the decision.
Your story about the French class is the story of my life! Having a crazy busy day and then going straight to a social thing is so disregulating and I always feel jittery and stressed afterward.
Who did I meet just today and already love?! You!! What a joy to find you here. Thanks for saying this stuff out loud: so many autistic women just don't understand the beauty and complexity in themselves. WE ARE HERE. WE ROCK!!
Hi Dr Sage! Thank you for your vulnerability and courage. This is so relatable. I’m a licensed MFT ( raising my kids not working) and have super human powers to assess others core issues but I’ll be darned if I don’t put my foot in my mouth weekly and experience that shame and humiliation cycle you spoke about. I can relate to most of the Autism symptoms except for the health issues. Could you consider an online zoom type group for high functioning/ high masking (or any functioning) women with Autism and trauma histories?? I’d be more than pleased to pay for a group like this!
Thank you for being so open with your experiences. It’s very helpful!
Thank you for sharing. That's hard and I applaud your vulnerability and honesty. I also resonated with a lot of what you were talking about. I'm 67 and I'm not going to go through getting a diagnosis at this point. Just learning about autism, and being able to get some perspective on myself and the things I've gone through, is really helpful.
I think in these communities it is powerful for identifying with other's stories and it gives the subject matter expert an edge in understanding firsthand what others are going through.
That said, I can understand the conflict of interest in your personal practice. Hopefully you will find the right balance for yourself and those you serve.
I saw a therapist once who was triggered by a storyline that was going on in my life. She broke down and started sharing her similar experience. I discovered later that she was back in active alcoholism, so not making the best decisions. I loved her dearly, but felt the need to dismiss myself from her care.
Godspeed 🙏🎉❤
I am so thankful that I found your channel. I’ve shared several of your videos with my sisters, I’m 52 and my sisters are 48 and 36. We all are in the research phase of are we or aren’t we autistic. I relate so so so much with your shame story. I can think of countless instances going back to elementary school where I did something similar. I just finished Unmasking Autism, which was amazing. My sis just recommended Healing the Shame That Binds You. Anyway, thank you for the personal stories you share. Women need to share their stories more.
Thank for sharing your personal experience with this ! I feel like I can relate so much to what you were saying in this video
Your self-disclosure is a brilliant thing! It's what makes your videos so real and relatable, like a conversation not a lecture. I tapped into one to one therapy on the NHS (UK based) which is amazing because it's free and available to everyone but my experience was not great and like a blank page each week with a largely silent therapist. Theory in books and online doesn't always work that great for me either because too much of it feels like it's a few degrees off and then I question my own understanding. But your videos and those of a handful of others that I've found on youtube, where there is lived experience and theory and traits put into real examples and reactions, that's what resonates and let's me know I'm in the right place.
I agree, it needs to be talked about more. This is why I have delayed getting diagnosed because I still feel that it's still a male issue while women are diagnosed with bipolar. I have Devan's book, love it.
I'm sorry but more women in the medical field need to step up their game when it comes to women's needs instead of spewing information they learned from male based textbooks on women which is very little. Women have always been treated as guinea pigs across the board.
Thank you for the work you are doing.
How I realised I'm autistic at 52? At 30 I learned about my female Cousin being diqgnosed with BPD. My outbursts looked quite like hers and we were both abused by her father and my stepfather. So I called myself a BPD and my family felt it was right and agreed. At 35 I was with a typical autistic man and I took many testst who showed me even more severely on autism than he was/is. At 42 I learned about my parents being two different types of Narcissists, my brother got diagnosed with NPD and my sister definitely is a Narcissist. But due to the fact I had this understanding of Autism in boys and men, I decided I couldn't be though my whole life back to my childhood, in retrospective, made so much sense, seen from an autistic pov. At 42 I learned about being and HSP and ended contact with my family. At 47 I got into a relationship with many problems and blamed it on my beginning Perimenopause. At 49, after leaving this "man" who invisibly worsened my lifelong depression and suicidality, I learned about narcissistic abuse, met my first ever healthy partner (now husband) from there I immediately went to knowing I have CPTSD, realised I'm neurodivergent, had a severe meltdown due to a change in my life and going back to finally knowing I'm Autistic. So many of my reactions to abuse have been diminished as "hormonal" and I was called anything from crazy, sick and demonic by men who abused me. In just two years my whole life has turned upside down. I was happy learning I'm.not a BPD but instead having CPTSD, hoping that I could still change (which I already did incredibly due to having only kind people left in my life) to having to accept that I'll never be able to change certain things I've been degraded for, all.my life. That's hard, at the moment, but I'm also learning to set boundaries, say NO! and speak up about my needs
I love this content, please continue to do these type of videos - sending you love and thank you.
I just wanted to compliment your channel. I would not be surprised if many women will relate to your experience. I do. We are of an age with each other. I am highly educated, went to graduate school, academically I was a high achiever. I love people, I can be extraordinarily outgoing, but there has always been something slightly off about me. I learned how to compensate for that. It isn't just that I have so many of the early signs of autism that has convinced me to schedule an assessment, it is the ongoing challenges that I have. I do not think that standard therapies for anxiety and phobias are helpful for autistic women. I found CBT confusing and frustrating, because the feedback I was getting from my therapist made me feel like I was in denial about my childhood and my life. My therapist was convinced there had to be some underlying abuse or neglect in my childhood even though my parents were lovely people who were entirely supportive of me. My parents were nonconformists who didn't care if I stimmed at home and thought my quirks were cute and loveable. Home was a safe space. It was everywhere else that sucked for me.
I am going to be assessed in a couple of weeks. I think it is important for the lost generation of autistic women to come out of the shadows, get assessed, and add to the body of knowledge about how our brains really work. This idea that we all are socially awkward is untrue. Many of us have learned to exceed expectations, it is just extremely expensive to our own mental health. In my mind autism is sensory disorder. Our brains are loaded with more neural connections. It would not be a disorder at all if everyone processed information in the same way we do, but since the world is not built for our neurology it can cause us issues. I think autism screenings should be standard for well baby checkups and we should also give screenings to school aged kids. Because there are so many comorbidities it can be lifesaving for parents to know if their kid has sensory issues. I would not be surprised if the number of girls with autism is equal to boys, it just presents differently. For example, my theory of mind is almost neurotypical, but it takes me a bit longer to intuit certain emotions. It is like having emotional blind spots for certain feelings, like jealousy, for example. But I can tell what people are feeling intuitively most of the time. Just because a woman doesn't have social dysfunction does not mean that autism isn't present or impacting her quality of life. We have many little sisters out there that are still being missed.
I just found your channel. Grateful to be here.
Dr Sage,
Thank you for sharing. I was raised in a traumatic up bringing and I am trying to navigate life and work. The information you are sharing is insightful, uplifting and thought provoking, the information you are sharing is going to be quite theraputic for many women who struggle with autism and HSP traits. I an thankful that your information video appeared on my utube feed. You have uncovered quite a bit of good information with your deep dive search. Great work, please keep sharing❤
I love the books you share and I read them all ✨✨✨ so helpful
🌱🌏💚 Adult diagnosis ASD/ADHD. Very much appreciating this topic, looking forward to going on an expedition of learning. Thank you Kim and community.
I’m exactly like this. Being out of the house much stresses me out. I would’ve cried a lot of feeling like I was rude to someone.
THANK YOU 😭🤍✨ I’m sending this to my husband to watch. I’m very late (self diagnosed) mom at 47 with a more ‘ obviously on the spectrum’ son, while I am high masking to the point I had no idea that was what I was doing my whole life. We get into so many arguments because I should just be able to “adapt” or “work on it.”
Thank you for this. I’m relating completely
I am 53 and relate to several of these things. I was diagnosed with complex with ptsd but didn’t really have a traumatic childhood as far as my parents being abusive. My elder sister has always bullied and called me too sensitive and my dad was emotionally absent during my adolescence but I was deeply affected by some events that were traumatic for me and I’ve always struggled with keeping close friendships. My elder sister’s youngest son actually seems to have some autistic traits, himself, but even the mention of it was always dismissed.
I love that you are listening to US
Thank you so much for sharing a more in-depth look at how high masking female autism can present. It's so helpful to hear how you go through these things too.
U,, sure hit the nail on the head !!!!!. ❤❤
I would like to thank you for your research Dr Sage, you are sharing your own ptsd family trauma and shame that I find to be relateable and helpful especially when you spoke about masking and social anxiety, its very relateable in fact.
Glad you are still on the train
So many times I’ve had people say mean things to me or bully me and I could never say anything back. It was like I had a huge tsunami of emotion blocking me.
When my almost 20 year old daughter would sweetly point out to me, when or if I overshared: "Mom, nobody asked...😊" 😂 Exactly! Just keep that in your head before you blurt out personal details. It's bad with ADD too.
I don’t have a diagnosis but the last year I’ve been thinking that I have it Ive take multiple test. I’ve read a bunch on it and I keep watching videos and this really explains my whole entire life and I don’t know what to do with that because I’m 45 years old.
Grateful for this, I always felt like a weirdo.
Thank you for this! I identify with most of the traits you listed, and I really identify with your stories (thanks for sharing those, btw). I had an "ah-ha" moment with scheduling too much for the day...I think this will help me to add much needed buffers when I schedule new things.
Oh my this is me. I never knew I thought I was suffering with mental health issues. Where do I get tested and find out more information. Thank you
Eeesh…Im 33 and just learning that this can be my case. In 2020 diagnosed with BPD and C-PTSD. Refused medication and further treatment, maybe I was in denial. Dad died a couple years later, fell into depression. Decided to accept treatment with anti depressants this time after being diagnosed with MDD and Bipolar (though, I threw a fit when Dr. said the latter, so we decided treatment for MDD was the way to go. A year after taking medication still found myself depressed even after increasing dose and trying different variations. Decided to taper off and now I’m off medication completely but I’m completely debilitated with anxiety and depression. Unfortunately, one of my techniques to self soothe was drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana so now that I’m sober from all I am learning that I need an immense amount of down time to cope with each day and I’m okay with that. From now on, I want no one in my life that cannot understand this. Im so tired of the struggle to keep up.
Thank you for your videos.❤
I personally want to know about my therapist's life...I want to know that they are a good person, I want to know they work on their own stuff so they can help guide me through mine, I want to see a pattern of trust worthy behavior...the more I know someone, the more I see that consistent pattern, the more I'm going to chose to open up...or not. But when I open up, that's when the real healing begins...and isn't that true with everyone?
i keep watching videos like this one and keep recognizing myself in many of the symptoms but since i don't remember having all these struggles during my childhood, i keep telling me i'm just "quirky" and that there's nothing different with me
Thank you Dr. Sage!! You have helped me along my healing journey so much!! If I may ask a question, my very kind older therapist had never heard of pathological demand avoidance, should I look for another? Thank you!!
Nous vous aimons, Dr Sage !
Maybe a future video... differences between this versus quiet BPD?
I identify with A LOT of these traits, but I do have ADHD and I wonderi how much of this is my ADHD and how much could indicate possibly being on the spectrum. The social part of ASD is SO relatable to me to the point that i have started researching ASD and i seriously wonder if i might be on the spectrum. In school I was basically mute until directly approached or if I was with my small group of friends. I remember students in my classes being amazed at the fact that I could speak... my social skills were that bad.
I see a few close women in my life in your video, and I appreciate coming to understand them better. It’s so difficult to be vulnerable and it is BEYOND inspiring to see it so wholeheartedly from you.
In a jokey way, if she really is from a older generation she’s probably ready to pretend that interaction didn’t happen, sweep it under the rug, and pile on some nicer interactions to cover up any lingering feelings of discomfort. 😂😅
For me, CPTSD vs high masking autism is like asking what came first: the chicken or the egg? I think all of these traits could be put down to trauma: the eating disorders, the anxiety and controlling behaviours, the overwhelmed/overstressed nervous system, the emotional disregulation.... all of it!!!!
Individuals with CPTSD didn't get the chance to develop properly, they can easily be odd, over emotional, miss social queues, have social anxiety, be childlike, fake social interaction while keeping a safe distance inside, etc, etc, etc....
At the same time: were some of these individuals born with autism, which made them more vulnerable to trauma in a chaotic, harmful environment that others may have had the chance to survive unscathed? Is there a way of uncovering autism at the bottom of the pile of issues that repetitive trauma has caused? I do wonder that about myself, but I think I have enough to do to try to deal with and heal from CPTSD to even consider requesting to be tested for autism. There is far too much overlap to distiguish autism from all the trauma.
Additionally, I don't know whether I missed something here, but autism is characterised by sensory hypersensitivity and overstimulation, and nothing of the kind was mentioned. I mean auditory, visual, tactile, etc. I think that's an integral part of any type of autism and the give away to spot autism, even if high masking. That sort of thing doesn't quite fit into any trauma-based or emotional disorder. It's that aspect of autism that makes me suspect I might suffer with it.
I feel like knowing certain parts of my therapist life makes her more relatable like I was in therapy when I was 7 years old until three years ago and that therapist was always on a pedestal because I knew nothing about her life and I mean nothing and so I felt even more isolated and now the woman I'm seeing I know a little bit like not trauma or anyting but everyday life here in there that makes her more human and makes her more relatable like she does get mad she does get frustrated she does get sad and it just it makes it easier
Dr. Sage, please know that you sharing your personal story ACTUALY makes you the expert. Not to disregard all the medical schooling....but disregard it girl!!!
The French class example I can relate to but I overcame my fear by knowing my daughter was watching me in those situations and I didn’t want her to be the “shy” kid. She’s a social butterfly btw but I still have that social anxiety but it’s gotten better with age.
I think it’s no accident that Devon Price’s new book is about shame!
Thank you So much for your videos, I'm in my element listening your information is outstanding, I especially love how you bring experiences together pointing out clearly overlaps that look like something else.. I'm literally bursting at the seams wanting to show the videos to my daughter's... My daughter's were missed for years until my eldest daughter out of shear frustration tried to hang herself.. Kim I'd love to chat as your work is outstanding...
2years in from our personal nightmare and her Autism diagnosis I'm literally horrified with others mainly professionals behavior and or actions toward her. She was diagnosed with Ceoliac disease at 1 yr old after months u. Booth hall children's hospital UK we would love to be of service
Sending love & posative energies to everyone from Amanda in Blackpool England UK 🌞💖🦄
Ime in UK to hellish in UK to late diagnosed 43 autism heds fybromyalgia cfs my son's is 13 now diagnosed ADHD to hasn't been vhook 14 months I've pushed for heart scan which found something before he took medication lost my mum.lastbeuwrbti severe ms autism also no help
❤thank you for sharing.I relate.
If someone were misdiagnosed with bpd or complex trauma disorder, what would the result tend to be: no effect, partially helped, harmed? Is misdiagnosis a significant problem in this area? Seems like it could be from what you’ve learned.
I do hope your health issues are successfully resolved. Saddened to hear about that.
Thank you for all your hard work and intuetive and knolegefilled videos! I´m learning so much! I tottaly recognize myself in so much.
Having diagnose c-ptsd and adhd myself from a traumatic mother and I´ve learned so much and it´s so easy to understand and I love how you are so empatic towards even narcessism , I´m getting there slowly..
( I am also woundering now if my mother might have been borderline pd undiagnosed) anyway -
I just came here to say thank you so much!
Let just try to be kind to others and tres lightly on Mother Earth and be open by checking in with others comfort when we share stories of trauma or emotional sensitivity. I think there is far too much worry about how not to offend others in developed countries. It’s social programming. When you spend time with nature and in a smaller community,, and when you develop a life that allows you to live a speed that feels comfortable and calm you soon realize that you are fine just the way you are. It’s ok not to fit into social norms. Most people who do are actually not able or willing to express the fullness of who they are.
Dr Kim these descriptions fit exactly like an ex friend of mine who seemed to have an avoidant personality disorder rather than autism.. did you consider this diagnosis before ruling it out completely? And if yes will you please do a video about the differences you found between this personality type and low grade female autism.. because now you made me reconsider that diagnosis of hers.. I donno,if anything I’m even more confused now
My personal experience : these two often go hand in hand. As it's so hard (if not impossible) for us to keep our own walls up, we tend to avoid intense human contact. We literally feel like we disappear when others have strong emotions or opinions about us. It's weird. But it can make us feel very trapped and non-existent. I am avoidant too and I have a very strong need for freedom and independence.
@@mandarinadreux9572 I completely understand the avoidant style even though I’m not personally, but to each their style after Trauma I guess.. however I think that the lines are very blurred between what is considered avoidant personality style (or disorder) and Asperger syndrome which is like the first degree of autism..
Thank you I'm new to your channel 😊
I grew up being abused by my stepdad & also undiagnosed autistic until the age of 31. I made a UA-cam channel in hopes of helping others in a way so that way no other girl/child has to go through what I did growing up🌱. I would love any constructive criticism 🤍🧩
So if we identify all these characteristics..what is your recommended treatment? Do we treat each part of it...ie anxiety..separately with Therapy or is cbt good...emdr...?what do you suggest?
Is autism really on the same continuum as NPD or can they be co-morbid? There seems to be some correlation.
I think that the only way neurotypical people will ever understand who we are is if we talk about it ourselves. They cannot represent what we deal with accurately. We have to educate people ourselves and self-disclosure is how we have to do it.
I feel so seen 😮
Just want to share this insight/question from a childpsychiatrist that is worth researching. Are symptoms of autism simular to symptoms of (parent/child ) de-ttachment ?
Curious if you have been diagnosed by a professional, or you diagnosed yourself?
Could it be that you read into CPTSD's symptoms as being Autism Symptoms? It is interesting topic for sure. I recently saw a good video about children where autism symptoms were pointed out in a girl. I find it fascinating.
I love your videos but have such a hard time listening to the sound quality 🙈 maybe you already have But please get a micb😅❤
i went downstairs to get something to eat last middle of night i was hungry so i ate 2 buns and glass of water and today i knew something wrong, i got bat in the the teeth and told never to do it again, i never knew how could i who owned them. never miss a payment every week. how im not allowed to eat in case it’s someone else’s. i told my therapist sh says people like that make her curse. she said if they put me out she has a spare room i can have. she single. im fed up and soon will have to go no enough is enough. thanks
I like Samantha Craft‘s list. We don’t call it ‘female autism’ anymore, rather less observable (Donna Henderson) or internalized (Dena Gassner.)
Some ppl just call this the INFJ personality.
I'm bothered now. I figured I'd watch this to learn how to identify signs. Turns out all but maybe one of the symptoms you gave has been a recurrent pattern throughout my life.
But I promise you that the more you practice, the easier it gets.
Love this lady. And I don't do Tic Toc. 😂❤
I relate. Is there a link with the video with Kristin you mentioned?
I definitely have cptsd but I also display traits of BPD relationship issues but without the drama/manipulation. The BPD traits seem to be like autism spectrum traits too.
I've heard someone theorise that bpd could be how attachment / abandonment wounds show up in peoplr with autism. I found that very intriguing. And yes, it seems totally plausible that not everyone with bpd issues would be totally controlled by them
Yes, there's definite overlap in traits. I can't remember where I heard it but ASD is often misdiagnosed as BPD, particularly in women. I thought I had BPD but now I'm feeling like ASD fits better. Maybe it's neither. Or both. I don't know if I need to know, I just want to learn how to cope better. Hope you're doing well X
Exactly what I would do and then want to crawl into a hole!😢
Ok so when is it autism and when is it adhd with ptsd?
What happened to you on your stressful day definitely happens to me from time to time when I’m overwhelmed. I’ve always assumed that happens to everybody. Most people I know have a much shorter fuse when they are feeling anxious and overwhelmed. What would put that into an autistic range? I feel like what happened to you seemed normal if it doesn’t happen frequently - not ideal, but nirmal.
Maybe all of us are somewhere on thr autisic spectrum, some masking better, some worse... Maybe there is no such thing as "neurotypical" and we made a divide where there never existed one? Because very strongly autistic people of course stood out and we felt the need to label them and set them apart from us. Just some thoughts... I do think though that autism and adhd are both widespread in sub clinical levels.