Weakly News 7/22/23: Geriatric Bachelor and Florida Man Strikes Again
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- Опубліковано 22 лип 2023
- The Babylon Bee’s Adam Yenser brings you the Weakly News like ABC announces a new geriatric Bachelor TV show, a Florida man is on trial for selling bleach as a covid cure, and a new study suggests dogs might’ve coexisted with dinosaurs and more!
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At 71 he's The bachelor and the "senior " ladies they cast for him are 30 to 40 years old. The more things change the more they stay the same.
My song dedication
"It's a man's world"
By James Brown.🤭
That Soleimani joke is old enough that the Golden Bachelor wants to date it.
Best news I’ve ever seen. This should be on prime time.
The part about Ihlan Omar Sibling made me laugh out loud😂
Is there going to be a "Cougar Bachelorette" counterpart coming soon? Only seems fair..🤷♀️
Wasn't there already one where it was a bunch of cougars and their sons? They didn't know they have to "date" each other's sons. The premise sounds disgusting
@@ooze1982 I saw the preview for that, which is a totally different thing. That is beyond sick and depraved. I was half in jest pointing out the double standard in this society.
I'll volunteer to be on that show. I like me some older women. More fun, less drama.
@@JeremyBertram-nd3wj Yes. And a LOT more life experience as seasoned women. Nothing beats it.
@@kattilathehunfreedomfighter I don't ever date younger women. I have nothing in common with them. They annoy me and their music choices are terrible.
The dogs bones.... Brilliant!
They should call the new bachelor show , THE CRADLE ROBBER.🤔
37yo ladies ain't in the cradle. Most are too barren at that point to put anything in the cradle.
Excellent as always. Loved the dinosaur bone explanation
I suppose that old bachelor series is following the old formula for a man's partner: half his age plus 7 years.
My mother got braces in her 60s. They couldn't afford it when she was a child.
My dad told her she will make a beautiful corpse.
Munchkin Revolt at Disney
I’m not calling my Husband my spouse. I chased him forty years ago until he caught me. 😉
So good lol 😂😂😂
Maybe it wasn’t Satan after all 😂😂😂
How did you find a picture of Fauci ordering three drinks?
Cool! I see a nice lookin Ford F-Series truck or Bronco in the background of the thumbnail!
Nice spikes at the ends. As for Iran / Soleimani joke, get an older "audience", or at least a well read and informed one (i.e. non-Hipsters).
Im disappointed you guys missed how the latest bachelor is sponsored by viagra
Very funny, Adam.
That audience should be dealt with. Discretely, of course.😉
This 70-year-old guy dating 30 and 40 year old women is my hero.... 😁
What? I'm a 60 year old gal and he really should choose older. More in common.
But not me
He is from my corner of Indiana
Evolution vs food.
Food disproves evolution.
Every organism no matter how small either manufacturers or collects food or it would die very quickly.
Every organism identifies, ingests, digests, filters, stores, and excretes food.
It has to identify the difference between food or rock.
It must ingests food through a specialized opening designed to intake only food and nothing else.
The food itself is useless until it is digested, a complex multi-stage process all by itself.
If it cannot store the energy from the digested food at least temporarily it would die.
Then it must filter the waste products or die from internal toxicity.
And then excrete the waste products through an orifice specifically designed to excrete the waste and only the waste, the precious blood or cytoplasm must remain inside the body.
An Evolutionist wants you to believe that a life-form came together in the beginning with all of these features in place with no help and no time for natural selection... this would be the equivalent of a car capable of making another car inside of itself... because if it cannot reproduce it would be forever alone and die from old age.
God created life.
This, and similar, argumentation is over 100 years old.
How do you get to hell?
Very simple: claim that you're innocent.
How do you get to heaven?
Very simple: Admit that you're not Innocent, you're guilty and ask for mercy.
How to know if you're guilty or not?
Simply: Compare your life to the Ten Commandments God gave you in the Bible.
Everyone agrees that if people followed the ten commandments there would be no need for governments or police.
Do not lie.
Do not steal.
Do not commit adultery.
Do not insult God by using his name as a cuss word.
There are six more but let's just leave it at that.
How many lies have you told in your life?
Have you ever taken anything that didn't belong to you?
Jesus said, if you look at a women lustfully you've already committed adultery in your heart with that woman.
How many times a day do you do that?
Do you use God's name as a cuss word?
Would you do that with your own mother's name?
If you answer these questions honestly you know that you're guilty.
God can justly punish you and send you to hell.
Ask him for mercy.
His name is Jesus. It's as simple as this, The Ten Commandments are called the moral law. You and I broke God's laws. Jesus paid the fine.
The fine is death.
Ezekiel 18:20 -
"The soul who sins shall die."
That's why Jesus had to die on the cross for our sins. This is why God is able to give us Mercy.
Option A.
You die for your own sins.
Option B.
Ask for mercy and accept that Jesus died on the cross for you.
❤
*Honest questions are welcome.*
👍👍😆
I will just say most 71 yo men don't look like him.
But with really large age gaps there usually is or becomes two people with very different goals in life.
Really how could there not be, having a whole generation or more age gap?
They probably have similar goals - IME a 20yr age gap means the older person is trying to maintain a younger mindset/ lifestyle/ goals, such as "I want to sleep with as many women as possible."
*sigh*, I miss when the Bee was satire...
The Babylon Bee will tell jokes for the rest of time and never offer anyone the gospel... so, here it is.
How do you get to hell?
Very simple: claim that you're innocent.
How do you get to heaven?
Very simple: Admit that you're not Innocent, you're guilty and ask for mercy.
How to know if you're guilty or not?
Simply: Compare your life to the Ten Commandments God gave you in the Bible.
Everyone agrees that if people followed the ten commandments there would be no need for governments or police.
Do not lie.
Do not steal.
Do not commit adultery.
Do not insult God by using his name as a cuss word.
There are six more but let's just leave it at that.
How many lies have you told in your life?
Have you ever taken anything that didn't belong to you?
Jesus said, if you look at a women lustfully you've already committed adultery in your heart with that woman.
How many times a day do you do that?
Do you use God's name as a cuss word?
Would you do that with your own mother's name?
If you answer these questions honestly you know that you're guilty.
God can justly punish you and send you to hell.
Ask him for mercy.
His name is Jesus. It's as simple as this, The Ten Commandments are called the moral law. You and I broke God's laws. Jesus paid the fine.
The fine is death.
Ezekiel 18:20 -
"The soul who sins shall die."
That's why Jesus had to die on the cross for our sins. This is why God is able to give us Mercy.
Option A.
You die for your own sins.
Option B.
Ask for mercy and accept that Jesus died on the cross for you.
❤
*Honest questions are welcome.*
Wish you guys wouldn't even say "AF." Those who are innocent enough to have to ask what it stands for won't be impressed that you chose to reference that icky phrase.
It's a quote from a news story. Grow up.
B,zb
Not the funniest work. Concentrate and work harder.
So sorry I saw this coC put down. I have always loved the news bit. Going not to unsubscribe. God help you learn more classy humor.
I don't know what you are talking about?
@@TheFatTheist The Bee does.
@@mombeaubob yeah, but I was hoping you would explain it to me.
The Church of Christ is a restorationist church movement that, among other things:
1. Does not allow instruments in worship.
2. Believes it is the one true church.
3. Believes that if one obtains salvation but then sins, one is then again condemned until one repents of said sin and receives forgiveness and therefore salvation again. (Due to this, CoC is often charged with being legalistic. I believe this is where the "buy my way into heaven" joke comes from.
While I also think the joke was in poor taste or at the very least pretty niche, making satirical jabs at the ways we Christians can get wacky has been The Bee's MO even back to the days of Adam Ford.
P.S. Stay away from the Christian denomination known as The Church of Christ. Nice people, but incoherent doctrine.
@@levigoodwin3522I finally noticed the church of Christ joke. It was after the actual content of the video. It was in the end by the guy in jail. I almost never watch those and so missed it.