How To Spot Sociopathic Behavior In Females: Signs You Should Know | Psychotherapy Crash Course
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- Опубліковано 5 тра 2024
- *NOTE: This is an early upload to start the final week of February. Stay tuned for Wednesday's video on ways to manage sociopathic behavior and parents with unstable behavioral patterns. This will get us started on discussing treatment and practical ways to help yourself in the month of March.
Sociopathic behavior in females is rather different than sociopathic behavior in males. Females tend to be less noticeable and overt. Men tend to be less obvious in their attempts to manipulate. Female sociopathic behavior often includes but is not limited to:
-Manipulation
-Callouseness
_Lack of empathy
-Calculating behaviors
-Triangulation
-Pathological lying
-Sneakiness
_Disregard for the rights of others
-Competitiveness
_Glib and charm
-Deception
-Narcissism
-Vanity and shallowness
But sociopathic behavior in women may be more difficult to spot. Whether you are in a relationship with a woman or this woman is your mother, it is important to understand the slight difference in characteristics or traits that women display.
In this video, I discuss female sociopathy and what that looks like. It is possible to experience trauma within a relationship with someone like this.
On Wednesday, I will be discussing ways to manage this kind of person as well as the characteristics I discussed in last week's videos.
I welcome your comments and questions!
Further resources on this topic:
- Female Psychopaths Are A Different Breed www.psychologytoday.com/us/ar...
-Unbelievable things narcissists do blogs.psychcentral.com/caregi....
-Triangulating Pathological liars blogs.psychcentral.com/caregi....
-Understanding the pathological liar • Spotting The Pathologi... .
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I'm Támara, a licensed and nationally certified mental health therapist, with over 12 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
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WATCH NEXT: How to spot sociopathic behaviors in your parents: ua-cam.com/video/rZHDngAmvQc/v-deo.html
Hi, Ms. Hill. Are you available for paid consultation.
Another word for female sociopath is a succubus.
Sounds like Amber Heard.
I came here thinking I was a female sociopath, turns out I was actually just raised by one. 😳
OMG. I'm sorry. On the other hand, that's hilarious because a lot of people told me the same thing through my other social media platforms. 😏
@Naomi Bekele Gratefulness we have these Resources, and the Ability to Heal, as well as Model Better For those We Care for & May still be Confused and Blaming themselves for Their Mothers Dysfunction...
SO Much Love Kindness and Growth !
Yes, we can pick up their qualities and we are gaslit into thinking we are the problem 💖
Girl same
My stepmom was diagnosed psychopath years ago, this also sounds j like her. :-(
My ex-wife is/was a total sociopath. She ticks off all your boxes plus a few more. I dealt with her impulses for around 10 years until I simply got tired of doing so. She has no friends, merely associates whom she controls, but people think she is their friend. The people who have sussed her are no longer her friends. She continued with her sociopathy for 8 years following our divorce, doing everything she could to destroy me emotionally and financially. I gave up my relationship with my children simply to get away from her. They have since contacted me, through a third party, as now they are older they can see what she is truly like.
I am here because i dated a sociopathic covert narcissist. She has taught me so much! Everything she claimed about herself was a lie. She claimed to be an empath when she was actually one the most cold hearted people i met, going from love bombing to total devaluation, from best friend to worst enemy at the drop of a hat. It was a roller coaster ride of gaslighting when i didn't even know what gaslighting was, while blaming me for gaslighting her!
Sounds like my relationship with ex husband. He claimed to be an empath too. Not sure someone genuienly empathetic needs to try to argue that they are empaths...he also would gaslight and blame me for gaslighting. My mother is the same. Truly can make you feel physically sick to try to get anywhere with these people. I found myself acting out of character blowing up from the suffocating madness of it all, and when I finally screamed for him to get the f out, was after I was on the floor having pain from endometreosis when he was trying to be "intimate" with me, he called me the most inhumane person he's met for not reciprocating when I was in severe pain.
They pretend to be empaths, but their uncontrollable temper gives the sociopath away. Psychopaths can hide it and are far more dangerous
My ex 'boyfriend' told me he was a sensitive person. I believed him until he beat his large dog in front of me.
@@HauntedCadaver I would've whooped him for that, or at least I would like to hope that I would 😓. Intolerable and disgusting thing to do, especially to a naturally well-intended creature who can't understand why you're doing this, and they can't call for help. I hope that dude doesn't try to make his dogs aggressive to get them ready for fighting.😖😥
Forgot to mention: "female sociopaths" (or moreso, someone with the listed traits) often grew up being a highly sensitive person, and sometimes experienced additional trauma through the witnessing of their loved ones being harmed. They have subconsciously developed tactics that protect them. And, growing up, they may have seen that acting in this over-the-top way toward someone does not mean the person doesn't love them, so, to them, sparking into a rage or something doesn't mean they don't love you- and, they likely can't control the rage because they haven't worked enough on reprogramming their subconcious conditioning.
These people often ended up being more affected by toxic situations, and creating more trauma patterns and physiological defense mechanisms and alerts- while their sibling, who hid away in his room, escaping into ignorance and video games, was able to develop secure attachments more easily- even though he was less protective, less empathetic, and less sensitive. It would be like, if one drop of toxic fell onto an area of a regular person's brain, and the same amount of toxic fell onto the same areal space of a highly sensitive person's brain. The regular brain will be affected in less aspects and to a lesser extent, than the highly sensitive brain. Highly Sensitive empathic people probably have to work on their own attachment issues before going in to a relationship. They tend to start off thinking they can handle it, but they can't, and they eventually explode from dealing with words and behaviors they perceive as being untrustworthy. They have secret fear that people are planning to leave them, and this can manifest in self-sabotage or paying too much attention to microexpressions and vibes, so it is important to communicate with them. They should be calm- not happy, not upset, but calm- when trying to communicate with them. If they won't have it, leave. Many of them also fail from the start because they don't set boundaries with their partner, and they don't know how to receive their partner's boundary needs without interpreting the partner's boundaries as a way of their partner pushing them away or attempting to slowly separate. The more this cycle goes round without either themselves or someone else to stop it, the more pervasive and detrimental it gets, as it continues to reinforce its own underlying beliefs around its fears.
The thing about dating someone with an anti social personality disorder is that you’re constantly off balance. You’re already off balance when you’re bombarded with that initial phase of affection you just don’t have enough knowledge or understanding of their condition to realise it. Why would you?! By the time the manipulation, lies and subtle sabotage begins you’re so off kilt you fail to see the obvious signs that something is very off with this person. Interestingly enough your family and close friends will see it immediately. The lack of depth and superficial charm, the fact they have no close friendships, the fact that they are child like in their persona, overly secretive, obsessed with the attention of the opposite sex, promiscuous, irresponsible with their finances and to some extent their children, their infatuation with thrills, lack of accountability , shallow ego, little or no care for boundaries or social norms. When you step outside of the game it’s clear it was all nothing more than a facade. Unfortunately you’re so caught up in the distorted reality they’ve created that you can’t see anything beyond the unachievable desire to make them meet you half way. These people are truely dangerous because they take your kindness and empathy and through careful, deliberate and calculated mind games use those traits to reflect back on to you your own insecurities and that can literally destroy your mental health. The key point is that not everyone you meet is what they seem and not everyone you meet has your best interests at heart. These relationships are painful but they are valuable because they teach you a great deal about yourself and about the values and beliefs that you hold dear. These are the things that nobody should ever compromise or take from you.
Well said! Agree.
This is so devastating.
well said.
I think something that’s important to clarify is that the *capacity* to do hurtful things doesn’t necessarily mean that a person *will* do hurtful things. I’m diagnosed ASPD, and I feel absolutely zero inclination to commit crimes because I don’t want to go to jail, and I’m not so arrogant to think I wouldn’t get caught. I’m also capable of recognizing that spreading rumors about my coworkers probably wouldn’t play out very well for me in the long run. And just because my motives are different from people who have empathy doesn’t mean I’m a fundamentally bad person - I’ve met some highly empathetic people who can be real assholes.
Yeah but not doing shitty things purely because there'd be bad consequences sort of doesn't mean you're a good person. It means you're selfish.
@@Maria-up2yv who are you to determine someone is selfish.
@@Maria-up2yv but honestly, everyone is tempted to behave badly in one way or another. If someone learns self control to keep themselves from acting on those urges, then haven't they succeeded as much as anyone else has?
Fundamentally, we are all flawed, and no one is a genuinely "good person" when you get down to it, as we all have the capacity to hurt other people... and we all do hurt others, whether we mean to or not.
It's how someone chooses to behave that differentiates them.
@@hayleyburgess7307 who are you to determine to ask if someone is determined to say if a person is selfish because they wanted to determine the determination of the determining factor of determination🤣
Rei you’re completely spot on. It’s taken years to understand how to navigate things that people find easy. Just because I view the world in a way that’s not classified as conventional, doesn’t mean I act on those impulses (anymore). And just because you have ASPD or psychopathy, doesn’t automatically mean you’re a bad person, it means you’re wired differently. It’s all about education and understanding.
As a medical doctor, I'm surprised how come we are never taught about these things in depth along with nutrition, diet, people skills and life skills. These are all so essential. The numerous times I'm faced with conscious incompetence about my lack of knowledge makes me cringe and feel bad as to why I don't know about these things to deal with on day to day basis.
Thank you for pointing this out!! I agree and we definitely need more knowledge on this.
I completely agree.
Yeah clearly ..my doctor listened to my mother's bullshit and took the bait everytime I could never ever comprehend how someone who makes 6 figures a year , cares about helping people , and can save my life could be so oblivious.
It also goes the other way around why are psychologists no taught about physical health enough. In western medicine the mind and the body are compartmentalized as two different entities in eastern medicine they go hand in hand.
I am also a medical doctor & a psychiatrist ! We were not taught any of this and it is so upsetting to diagnose victims with Paranoia / borderline personality disorder .
They also will have the angry undertone even when they are calm, their energy will be angry and toxic, it can be felt even though the phone... I have experienced this with a diagnosed sociopathic female... Perfect video, this was helpful...
My mother always had contempt and frustration simmering just under the surface, she would ask you a question then act like you were wasting her time by responding to her.
Yes it's a silent anger but u can feel it a mile away as an empath I tend to act the same way towards them
@@Kelly-oe8kr Yes! Ive had this happen by a couple different women over the years. Like what the ? ? But then I later think, the less they know..the better (if they cut me off before I could finish). I can just hear it now, the blunt cold questions and then when you start to answer they stare blankley and go ooohhh hummm like you giving the wrong answer..and then they change the subject.
Yeah. So its more passive aggresive/covert. Like playing social games, silent treatment/stonewalling. You can sense the aggression/anger issues that they have. Trust your gut. I have observed that they often use their sexuality to manipulate. Like being overtly flirty/seductive/dressing provocative.
Very true. Yes. Thank you for reinforcing this point.
Yes they always get mad when I speak my opinions and talk to me like I’m dumb I’m 31 with no kids and women always judge my life because I DONT want to live my
Life being a baby’s mother
I'm passive aggressive...it's more of an embarrassment to express how I feel...
THIS
How early does this behaviour start to manifest? I realize I grew up with many girls that were like this, the "popular" girl tend to have many of these traits
Exactly correct! *Every point!* I had a female family member that is a sociopath and never knew it. She was sweet and would talk about all the bad, abusive relationships she had and I would sympathize with her and support her ... that is until she turned on me and I found out that she had been doing smear tactics behind my back because I sometimes wouldn't let her get her way. I then put two-and-two together and realized that *she* was the perpetrator in all her bad relationships.
Later, she flew into a rage and attacked me, called the police tried to blame me. I wasn't charged at the time, but somehow, she lied to the police and had *me* arrested a week later for something I didn't even do! Luckily I was able to fight it, but nothing is scarier than having to spend the night in jail because a malicious person lied on you.
I got a 5 year protective order on her right now.
I noticed that in some of my relationships with people I had this feeling like if I say no, they are going to retaliate. I often find out, that they do. Its better to back away slowly from these people if you can!
This was what my soon to be ex husband did to me. After he finished punching me on my head he called the police and said I did it all to him . Of course I made sure to talk bad about him and I made sure to ruin his reputation hahaha . He is going to think twice before beating up another woman. I didn’t really really love him and I was going to divorce him anyway so … but he took it to next level beating me up . Now he is paying his karma by giving me money every month until we get divorce 😂😂😂😂 as spousal support even though I never wanted kids with him. I knew right away as soon as I married him that I was going to divorce him at some point.
Oh, thats great, at least you did get the justice you deserve
These type of people do exist and they are hiding in plain site. If I hadn't been dramaticly affected by this very sick person I wouldn't believe any of this. Another accurate video and thank you for validating my sanity and helping me heal.
You're welcome!
So true. They are. There are more characters like this in public than we think.
This is a very real thing
They’re actually everywhere
I agree. You'll never believe it until you live it. We were warned by other family members but ended up living the torture of a sociopath aunt. After 8 years, I'm going to get the police to deport her on Jan 27 so I can live in peace and happiness once again.
"hiding in plain sight"? They are just living their lives just as we are. What are they supposed to do...disappear? If an individual hurt you, condemn them not all.
My mom is BPD and she absolutely does all of these things, but she was easy to figure out once I understood her patterns. She gets very angry because none of her tactics work on me anymore. She has gotten hung up in her own web of tactics and can't physically do anything with the rage. Even when she knows she is the only person who can get her out of the web she is in, she sticks with the victim narrative.
Sorry to hear. Understanding that your own mother is jealous of you and has been smearing you behind your back your whole life really sucks.
You sound like an intelligent guy
Asked her one day "so how was church service?" (at this point I knew she didn't go. no big deal we can go the following week)
She say "oh it was pretty good". Tells me what the service was about. Tells me with a straight face how packed the place was, etc, etc. I said really. She starts getting a little disgruntled and says "what, you don't believe me?", "you don't believe i went do you!?" . I stood there just silent. She tries to read me, and see I won't budge. So she says "fine, I didn't go, how did you find out?". She starts to get upset again because I wouldn't tell her. At some point and time, maybe weeks later, without my knowledge she cuts the power cord to our Google home device as clean as could be with a pair of scissors I believe. She then says to me "hey, I am not sure what happened to this cord but do you think you can fix it?" She says "I think it may have gotten stuck between the table and the wall." Im thinking, wow, thats a pretty clean cut. But I proceeded to fix it. She then says "wow, your good at that". All because I caught her in lie and never told her how I found out.
Would always be asking myself, "was she lying about that?", "Is she doing that on purpose?", but you only have subtle hints and clues, and you start feeling like more of a detective. Which she then blames you for and gets angry when you ask her about information she is withholding. Then you wonder if any of it is true.
Was with her for 8 years and am glad it's over. Got some counseling and it is believed she was a covert narcissist. But I think there is something else mixed into that.
Great video.
sounds like sociopath mother to a T ! (g/f, wife, mother etc) makes no difference- if its a true sociopath you MUSTT exit any relating with her because she will do :relational damage/ trauma until you get to the point of physical and mental manifestations of abuse. Lived it.
Your response and others like it are good "group talk" for me. The bideos are good but I often come to the comment section for real life talk. Glad you got out of their. My ex is suspected covert NDP. Good luck to you.
Yea u injured her. U took control by withholding information.
She punished you and asserted Control over you by cutting the cord. It was a litterally a mesage to you. She will cut the cord and make it your fault to fix it.
You bending down and her standing over you looking down on u body language makes her feel Empowered.
Not sure if mine was a sociopath. There are traits. But some don’t fit very well either. But after reading your story with the cord I realized she broke into our mailbox. I complained about her putting the Netflix disc out there with the flag up. She said nobody steals mail. I took the disc, put the flag down, and dropped the disc in the big blue mailbox down the street. A week later the lock was broken and the top ripped off our box. The odds? Crazy odds. She hinted to others that I was crazy and did it myself to prove her wrong! Put me on the defense. How crazy would I be to destroy our $100 mailbox to prove a point to her? It really never crossed my mind that she did it herself until now. I am now certain of it.
Coverts are undercover phychopaths. Glad your out.
The misogyny part resonated so much. I always felt my mother liked the boys best in our family. The only time she would take me for hair cuts was when I was in grade four, she convinced me how "cute" it would be to get a mushroom cut (it was 1994). I hated it, it was horrible I got bullied and hated myself even more for the way I looked. I can honestly say it was the only time in my life she said anything nice about my appearance. I always felt she wanted me to look like a boy, glad I wasn't a kid in today's world. Now that I am a mother I can't imagine forcing or coercing my child to get a hair style that they hated ... for years. She also screamed at me that "it was a bad time for her" when I called to tell her I was in labor. You hit a lot of notes here Tamara, thank you very much for your work.
🤗Very glad this was helpful and thank you! Having a mother like this is painful and draining. Who wants a mother like this? It's great you didn't lose your identity and your sanity under her.
My mother and her whole family was misogynistic towards me. I had a brother who she favored. I had the mushroom haircut too and wondered why anyone would do this to their daughter. I was dressed in clothes that were for boys, oversize athletic t-shirts that were too baggy, neutral colors, and baggy jeans - not feminine at all. When I was of age to wear a skirt I was called many demeaning names and shamed. When I had my sons later in life, I was told by my aunt "good thing you aren't having a girl you KNOW how difficult they can be." I was never free from shame from my FOO.
I was married to one. She did all these things. She waited a good four years to really show who she was. She pulled kitchen knives on me when our arguments would lean towards me being right. I also think she poisoned me twice a year because I would get sick for a couple days each time then I would be better out of the blue. Since she's been gone I haven't gotten sick once and that was almost 8 months ago. When I found out that she was faking her emotions just to get what she wanted her expression usually changed to rage which wasn't good for me. She would scream at our child all the time and I would tell her that there was a better way to tell a child things and for that I was accused of calling her a bad mother. She couldnt take criticism well and would cry at the drop of a hat. When I used to call her out on her crying her face changed dramatically. She definitely had the stare, along with putting together stories to make herself seem like the victim in most situations. I feel sorry for the next guy she comes across...not her.
Why do you not feel sorry for her she was definitely abused as a child that’s why she’s that way she just need a psychiatrist why does everyone hate us? We get abused and neglected as children and we get blamed from the aftermath of what we become why?
@@anakinskywalker3777 That doesn’t excuse her abhorrent behavior. Is he not allowed to feel hurt by the wrongdoings done to him? We don’t know her story, and sociopathy ranges on a very wide spectrum; some want help and are self aware and some couldn’t care less and only want to satisfy themselves. I understand that aspd usually stems from abuse/trauma during childhood but in the context of this situation she is not the victim. I’m not going to demonize her condition but I am going to judge her actions- especially when they intentionally hurt someone else.
I’m sorry 😞
@@anakinskywalker3777 we are not required to feel sorry for people who POISON us lol 😂 are you insane?
@@anakinskywalker3777 being abused isn’t a free pass to hurt others. If you never developed empathy that means you should be in intense therapy to learn basic human decency. What happened I ant your fault but you’re still responsible for your actions, just like everyone else, even if it’s harder for you.
Wow! You hit the nail on the head! They're fantastic saboteurs. Jealousy, envious remarks, two-facedness, and the list goes on and on. They can't stand a man's brilliance and accomplishments while being completely reliant on him in almost every other manner. The terrible part is, I believe it's all inherited. I've seen it up close and personal.
You should check out Jordan Peterson. I remember one if his talks covered female traits in particular. He stated that one of their destructive habits was (as he coined it) reputation demolition. That of course is where females use backhanded tactics to ruin your reputation or relationships. It was very interesting.
This is so good. It is spot on. There was this weird dance between being obsessed with me and then hating me. Thank you! This was validating.
You're so welcome! Thank you!
Lol I'm dealing with the same thing right now. The funny things is, I have never even spoken to them.
Yes exactly. I walked away from a toxic friend group. I sent a friendly email (explaining all was good but I was busy) about our next get together. I used my going back to school as a valid reason to miss these birthday dinners indefinitely. the sociopath chimed in she looked forward to seeing me after the semester is over. I think the flying monkeys are beginning to realize one of them will take my place. I highly recommend taking on a time consuming project to break the cycle. I kept going back because there was nothing else going on. Fill your life with other productive opportunities- that give rise to making possible healthy friendships
@@TherapistTamaraHill When i was in high school many years ago,i remember meeting a girl that was very arrogant,and when i said hi to her she grit her teeth at me,what does that mean?
@@TherapistTamaraHill When i was in high school many years ago,i remember meeting a girl that was very arrogant,and when i said hi to her she grit her teeth at me,what does that mean?
I've had to deal with an extremely manipulative, dangerous, sneaky, sabotaging, BPD woman who was delusionally jealous. It was horrible and she ended up arrested multiple times for violating protective orders. So, I have to agree that BPD might be the female phenotype for ASPD, but it may also be the result of comorbid diagnosis appearing as similar spread of symptoms.
Wow... this is literally my mother to the T. I could never understand why she would be so emotional and kind and say all these loving things, but then would sabotage me when I would respond vulnerably to that and express that I wanted that close of a relationship. Then she will go behind my back and tell people horrible and untrue things about me. One time she accidentally butt dialed me and spoke these horribly unkind things about me making me out to be an unhelpful daughter and someone who is basically a good for nothing. And it blew my mind because she had just come over and said all these love bombs.
I met someone who ended up doing the exact same thing to me.
Are you sure it was accidental? Because calling you fits perfectly with the love bomb, devalue then discard cycle as well as the manipulative/often times malicious behavior
@@fernanne08 yeah I agree. High probability it was no accident, sounds like my ex.
I’ve had someone close to me who is like this sociopath it really hurt me emotionally mentally etc... don’t know what to do I’m usually happy even though alone but when it comes to surrounded that person I have to act nice to her or most of the time it’s hard we live in the same household 😞
“Accident?” No, it was psychological arson.
my friend in college was one, I only learned it after I left that toxic friendship.. totally ruined me, separated me from my family and friends, manipulated me knowing that I was caring of her. She spread rumors abour me that wasnt true, and soon, people around me treated me weirdly. She sometimes absolutely adores me with gifts and kindness. Then out of nowhere, she changes. Tells me I'm an idiot, a pathetic person. And then when she wants somethng from me, she changes back to conplimenting me. Never going back. I knew something was wrong with her when her father was dying and only felt he was a 'nuisance' and saw her adorable dog as an 'inconvenience'. Had no remorse for her ways of getting money, which was not legal, let me tell you...
that's so difficult to live with and be friends with. Sociopaths are interesting sometimes because they can be very clumsy and show their colors real fast!
Yep, just takes one solid lesson, like that.
My cousin is a sociopath, but she doesn't do the envy or bad talking things, she lies and manipulate too, she doesn't turn on anyone, she's all about herself she lives in her bubble, and willing to do everything to get what she wants, even against the law and she's actually vocal about it
I just dealt with a female socio path . Who pretended to be my friend at work spoke to me almost everyday outside of work . Told me about some of her secrets to make me feel comfortable and than would bring up things about others we worked with , and if I agreed or said something about it she would run to that person and make me out to sound horrible , I had a few people who were once nice to me looking at me strange . It was too late before I realized that she was manipulating the whole situation. She would make up lies to people and blame them on me so that they thought I did or said something about them . Or lie to me about others to make me upset .Very sneaky calculated ! And very good at manipulating someone into believing anything . I’m currently trying to find ways to fix my reputation with my coworkers
I dealt with something similar. Luckily her true colors came out cause she raged from 0 to 100 but I didn’t realize for sometime and she was going around the office and telling people we were best friends and I only helped her cause she was a single mom like me and we hung out with her 3 times and 2 times she showed up where I was and was basically telling all the stuff she was doing and saying it was me and was trying to convince my boss I was doing drugs so they paid attention to me and didn’t think to watch her (she didn’t work more than 2 hours a day and I was doing her work cause customers were contacting me ) and causing conflict between me and my close co worker and trying to take my spot and taking anything he said and spinning it to cause conflict between us and I believed her cause I had no reason to think she was lying by how much I helped her out cause I was so kind to her but she was next level and luckily me and my coworker finally talked after she tried to get him fired when she realized he wasn’t offering the close relationship him and I had and her rage was witness to many and and if I could share some of the messages she sent me and she used anything she knew about me or my history and tried to cut me with her words but knowing what she was it was just mind blowing how crazy she went and how quickly she jumped to insane insults and straight delusion of her reality. I ghosted her and she made it like she cut me out. I’ll never be the same again and it’s a level of crazy I’m appreciative I don’t understand. I would like to cross paths with her one day and knock her Oompa Loompa ass out tho... Worth it! She still shows up on the caller id at work and she was trying to get our kids to hang out again and then go around me to my sons dad and when I told her to stay away from me and my family the rage of messages was out of this world and delusional.
I would just try to be as authentic as you can towards everyone,and time will show your true character to your coworkers. Hold your head high and act unbothered. Sociopaths and narcisissts can be very popular and well liked quickly,but it usually doesn't last because in time people start to figure them out. It just sucks that sometimes it takes a long time
I'm going thru the exact same thing at work! These ppl are lucky to even be walking around...I wouldn't be surprised if multiple ppl want to hurt them due to the damage they have caused..disturbing & for no reason
Every single box ticked for someone I have known for years and called a "friend". Time to get my Speedy Gonzales on
This describes my "mother" with absolute precision. She intentionally destroyed every relationship for every person who fell in her path. Anyone who has ever known her has been her victim (whether they know it or not).
spot on Will ! its the exact script - they follow. the names and circumstance might be different. but they are the SAME character. .... and yet good luck trying to actually convey this to anyone that has related to the sociopath, its too hard to believe so they refuse. Tried once, what happens is YOU come across not only as not credible (some people will attempt to believe you- but then waver) and at worst, you can almost come across as being unstable yourself even when you are merely the messenger and observer!- especially if she has gotten to them first.
Sounds just like my mother.
Sounds exactly like my mother. No wonder she’s never changed throughout my entire life.
This sounds like my mum too
I have just found your channel and I am making notes from it , everything you described is my mother . How she has nearly destroyed 3 daughters is shocking ……all of us to varying degrees have suffered from childhood emotional neglect at her hands , my eldest sister especially. The effects were mitigated by my grandmother for me , who has literally saved my life . My mother is 91 years old and this abusive behaviour is still going on , unfortunately I have had to totally cut her off now from my life , you said an interesting word , triangulation, that is the one thing she was a master at ….playing one daughter off against another, denying she ever said it and smiling to your face while she character assassinates you behind your back . Thank you for the video .
I married her. Soon to be divorced. There were red flags but I’d play them down or attribute them to her past of being a “victim”. Also her being too good to be true and gotta be my soulmate kept me believing it’ll be ok. 17 months of marriage and I’m getting out. The more I’m learning the more trouble I have nailing her disorder down. Mostly sociopathic but definitely signs of borderline personality disorder. Today I watched her screaming mad, then crying sad and then perfectly normal. This happened within a couple of hours. It started after I called her out on telling some people that she wanted the divorce, that my behavior pushed her to it
I'm so sorry to hear this. You're newlyweds and you should NOT be seeing these things. I'm sure the ups and downs including your desire to be married most likely ended up being the reason for saying I Do. These kind of individuals do not change -- especially if they aren't aware of the things they do.
Thank you for attaching terminology (Disguised Misogyny) to this behavior. I see this broadly in many women (many who I don’t think would meet criteria of sociopathy) but have never been able to describe/explain it as something other than “self hate” or “competition”.
Also misandry.
That is the frustrating part. The outside smiling and appearance of being a caring person.
Just figured out after 46 years that my sister is a sociopath. She really went off the rails when our mom died in 2018. My dad and I kept making excuses for her, but she never let up on her abuse. Guess I became her target victim because she went too far. Sneaky, jealousy, instigative, bullying, constantly looking for, “I gotcha” things to blame stuff on me, but she had to make up all the stuff. No apologies, no remorse. Sad to say that she’s helping with our 81 year old dad. Luckily he doesn’t put up with any of her cr*p without pointing out her false narratives.
I have met this woman. I pray you don’t ever have to deal with these people.
The problem with diagnosing through a UA-cam video is that some of the things she described also can describe people who are not sociopathic but just have other personality types, for instance an introvert will also fit some of the things that she said, like finding people annoying (actually they just get overwhelmed by spending lots of time with others and need to recharge)or someone who has a deep shame (rape, sexual abuse) about something in their past, will exhibit some of the traits like keeping feelings inside or being passive-agressive. Silent treatment or cutting someone off can be a healthy thing if someone in your life is constantly bringing you down and do not try to change the behavior. The difference would be whether those people actually do harm and damage to others in a purposeful intent driven way. So be careful of saying oh I know somebody who's just like that they must be a sociopath and then cutting them out of your life based on a video. You have to really be able to analyze what the underlying reasons for the behavior might be and not just look at them on the surface as a list of boxes that you can check off and say yep that's a sociopath. There are some actually sincere people who will gush over your outfit or necklace. What this video does do is highlight some behaviors that should be red flags that you can look at carefully and then determine with subsequent observation what their intent truly is. Otherwise you might ostracize someone who is innocent of this label who doesn't deserve it and may need your friendship.
That's it. Only a professional can properly diagnose someone.
Agree completely
I agree only a professional can make a diagnosis based on direct interviews of the subject.
There is a spectrum of sociopathy. You could be at a minimal level, or be full blown. I have just discovered that my daughter's ex-husband's new wife is probably on the low to mid area of the spectrum.
What she describes is really just normal behavior with almost all women, but nobody ever wants to talk about it. Actually most men have been severely injured from childhood by sociopathic mothers. Little boys grow up seeing thier mothers angry, screaming, bipolar, abusive treating little boys horribly. All they are doing is training thier sons and will just hand them over to another abuser when they grow up and the abuse continues. Sad men don't realize a women should not treat them like that. Lying, cheating, assaulting, bipolar, crazy. This treatment happens even though the man gives them everything they have worked for. We don't realize until it's too late that this is NOT normal. Thank you to this young woman for educating us on this topic. Even women complain about dealing with other women.
I see where you are coming from. But this is a limited view of human behavior -- and that's understandable.
The reality is that, yes, there can be "normal" behaviors but the issue is that on the spectrum of human behavior the behaviors I discuss are "turned up" 100 degrees. In other words, we all can fall along the spectrum of narcissism and some even sociopathy. If you are on the higher end of the spectrum, you are more likely to be like the women I discuss in this video.
I’m not surprised by the connection with bpd and sociopathy. The characteristics are spot on
Your description fits my current psychiatrist. There has always been something off about her. Especially in the way she tries to relate to me. There is something not there....no connecting or something. Plus the mean streak. Yes the words sound ok but the underlying message is malicious. I always feel worse after I have had to interact with her. Realize it's a lost cause. Trying now to find a new doctor. Thanks for your video. You described it perfectly.
Wow. I have recognized patterns in my own behavior and those of women in my family based on this presentation. So much of what we hear about sociopathy is centered on how men behave. Thank you.
You're welcome. And you are right! Men tend to take up the space in an article, video, research, etc. on this topic.
Thank you for this comment because I, too, can recognize some of the same qualities within myself.
I just subscribed. So glad i found you. Sadly, I've had/have to deal with a sociopathic adult daughter for many years now. Every single description youve given is exactly my daughter. Its bone chilling. She's refused therapy, has been misdiagnosed several times, when she would 'try' to go or get help, she'd skip appointments, quit her meds or, flat out refused medical advice. She now has 3 small children by 3 different fathers which I CONSTANTLY monitor for even their basic needs. She claims to love them, yet has done nothing but neglect and abuse them, abuse them emotionally is what I mean because the 1-2 times she did attempt to do anything physical, I stepped in and either blocked her from it and got hurt instead. She's attacked me, her sister, ALL of her so-called loved ones at 1 time or another. We have all, the rest of the family, had to step in and oversee, and at times take over care of the children because of her illness. I've called DCFS on her, so have other family members, but literally no one offers or provides any real help. I'm 58. I WAS healthy. Regular exersize, slim, outdoors person, eat healthy, and have had and still have perfect cholesterol, blood scores but have recently suffered TWO heart attacks within the span of 17 months! The only reason she 'allows' me to be a constant in my grandchildren lives is because I resorted to blackmail. Yep. I did. I don't care, my grandchildren come 1st and if i have to threaten her with exposure of certain things she's done, then so be it. If anyone is still reading this, thank you! And, PLEASE, is there anywhere, anyone or anything anyone here knows of that can help me? Thank you again if you've read thus long message. P.s. my grandchildren have all stated many many times how much they want to stay with me, and their other grandma and their Dads, any of us, as long as they didn't have to be with her. Isn't that so sad? This is literally killing me. She's even told me several times how she wishes I'd die already. I love my daughter, but I cannot stand the sight of her.
You're welcome and thank you!! Welcome to the channel. You should join me live some times on Friday after 5:00pm. I typically try to go live around 6:30ish. I answer questions relevant to the topic and offer suggestions or tips.
I would also read In Sheep's Clothing by Dr. Simon. You may find some support and eye-openers there too.
I suspected my coworker for having NPD. But after I learnt about sociopath, her behaviours matched well with it also.
It's possible she has both!
Hello Tamara, once again you have given us great information to use in our everyday interaction with people. I find it amazing how many people suffer from the topics you discuss on your channel.
I am a sociopath. I never asked for this. I ho to dialetic and cognitive behavioral therapy every week. I don't want to use or hurt people. Through theraoy ive learned how to address my feelings or actions with other people. I'm 35 now, they say we slow down in our 40s with i pray to God for
Sociopaths exist on a spectrum and it sounds like, based on your level of insight into yourself, that perhaps you would be on the milder side of things. Research suggests that, as you point out, antisocial personality disorder does rescind with age and there are mild cases that can be treated with psychotherapy. The right psychotherapy is the key. Unfortunately, I don't know of dialectical behavior therapy as being a treatment approach for antisocial personality disorder. Proper treatment is the key.
no one said that its your fault. its rlly good you want to try to improve tho :D
If you want to cure yourself, you have to cure your inner wounded child! Search up neglect, child neglect on yt and read ' running on empty' this will help, Goodluck on your journey!
God bless you. I hope you will be okay. 🙏🏽
Me too
My older sister is a sociopath…even when she was a small child she had every behavior you talked about. She has always plotted out the abuse she inflicted on others. Nothing she did was a spur of the moment act. And to witness the mask she wears…gives me chills.
5 Stars ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
Having grown up around a whole lot of girls and women, I have witnessed all of this to say that you are spot on!!!
One of the many matriarchs in my family and a close friend had to school me on MOST of this some years back.
I’m grateful that they did because a situation came up in which I was looking to do something that would’ve landed me in prison behind an elaborated lie told using another brotha who “fits the bill” you rendered on male sociopaths.
I’m very grateful to the useful information that I received from these Sistahz and the confirmations you bring to us all here on your channel!
Big 💜 to ya!
I’ve been researching this topic and you a hit home run. I spent 40+ years as a Corporate HR Exec, I am well traveled and consider myself intelligent and savvy. I realized about 2 months ago a woman I’d been friends with for over a year has manipulated the hell out of me and covertly tried to ruin the relationship I’ve been waiting for all my life. Now I understand why she did what she did.
Thank you.
I would say that you can't be but too intelligent with a sociopath. In other words, they are tricky human beings and they vary in terms of the kind of personality and characteristics they will show. You can travel the entire world and still find a sociopath confusing. No two sociopaths are alike so the fact that you were manipulated is not your fault. In most cases, the sociopath doesn't show up until they feel threatened, harmed, intimidated or jealous, etc. That's the tricky part of these individuals. They appear nice at first but give them time to feel a strong emotion and things may change.
That’s so interesting! I had this coworker who became my “friend” and at first she came off so sweet and shy, then I noticed her personality came out by being a comedian at work. She had everyone laughing with her and she knew how to charm people over. We became friends and she would always compliment me, like, omg, where did you get this necklace? I want it, can I have it? But it felt so uncomfortable like she was taunting me. Then when she would compliment me she would give me this stare and jokingly call me a b..... and laugh. I would laugh, but felt kind of strange about it. Then I noticed she would compliment others and then turn around and make fun of them. She would even call her own mother her step mom and denied her... when I got my promotion she gave me the ugliest stare and wouldn’t talk to me, then later congratulated me. I then found out she was saying things behind my back! I hadn’t heard from her in a year and she called me to wish me a happy Mother’s Day. Then wanted to know where I was living now and what I had been up to. After she got her information, she got off the phone quickly. Her stare was always evil to me.
Yikes! The part at the end of your narrative re getting your info and instantly vanishing ... along with reptilian stare ... SCARY!!!
They tend to wear they're dark hearts in their eyes. The eyes can't lie.
I’ve met women like that; they always seemed shady to me and made me uncomfortable. So I stayed clear of them. Never had friendships with them. They creeped me out. Once I get that creeped out feeling about someone. That’s it for me.
You shouldn't be giving out your personal info to people who you shouldn't trust. And you need to let your calls go to taking a message if you don't recognize the phone number. You need to be more careful.
I dont know why women do that, its like they WANT to know what you are doing, but dont CARE about you. Its like they have to know where they are measuring up.
Hey Támara,
I recently commented on your latest upload and I have to say this video happens to be a perfect follow on, to my question. It’s extremely apt, as though you profiled them specifically here - to a tee! …uncannily so.
Thanks for the education!
You are amazing, keep up the fantastic work
🌸🌺🌸
Hi there,
Thanks so much for this kind comment! ❤🌸 I'm still going through comments on the channel so hopefully I will see your question soon! Rest assured I am getting to it, if I haven't already.
It's also a 'look'. They speak with a certain airy cadence. And, there's always this endeavour to cultivate other people's energy working for them.
Very true. Most do.
This was so helpful Tamara. I realize
that I have been frozen for decades.
The trauma of being raised by a Malignant/ Sociopathic birth mother
was psychologically castrating.
As an Empath, it seemed that only Sociopathic women were drawn to me.
I let them in my life for decades. I guess the Bible Cult indoctrination was ruling my behavior to not leave. Ugh. I even married one for about 9 years.
Oh the horror of being connected to Covert Narcissistic women was a serious mind F***. Never Again I say.
Never again. Marriage is definately not forever if the woman your married to wants to be with other women and wants to Torchure you because her dad tormented her growing up. I'm glad they are out of my life those sick F**KS.
JW this describes my childhood
Fantastic. It's videos like these that help me realize there was nothing wrong with me in the first place. My first gf as a 14 year old kid was extremely wicked and manipulative. I can see how I was easy pray for her. She abused me emotionally and verbally and it really messed with my head at that age for many years. Thankfully, I'm doing pretty well now, 16 years later. I really praise the amount of knowledge there is online to help us, victims of abuse, understand more about this subject and help us overcome mental/emotional obstacles caused from that trauma. I'm learning new things about my past even as a 30 year old man. Thank you!
I really enjoy the knowledge you have been sharing- thank you!
I'm so glad I came across your channel. I subscribed. You explain these topics well and I like how you get straight into it and don't waste my time.
Welcome to the channel Angela!! And thanks so much 😊
You really described the relational aggression well. I had a friend that gushed over me so much in front of others that it was embarrassing. The rage was very much there. I said something in a podcast that made her so mad she wrote me a 3 page letter saying how mean I was for speaking my mind. After you explained these characteristics, I understand that she would never let herself speak truthfully for fear of being perceived as mean. The thing she was trying to hide the most with the love bombing.
I'm so happy you brought up socio. In BPD bc I swear sometimes I actually feel like a sociopath. When I'm splitting I'm scary and mean and I do not care. I will lie and about nothing and anything. It's weird. Idk..
It sounds like this may be a fear response or possibly even a defense mechanism. What seems sociopathic may not be. That's the good news!
I FELT THIS I LITERALLY SPLIT ON SOMEONE RECENTLY 🧍🏾♀️
Same happens to me... it’s as if I have multiple people inside (my therapist helps with such severe dissociation). Scary and makes me feel so bad for my loved ones when I’m in that horrific state.
You found all the right words for my closest relationships with friends and mother that i'v been suffocating over 10 years. I feel less crazy right now.. thank you
Absolutely fantastic video.. no drawn out jargon she just sticks to facts. Love this thank you x
My mother is only diagnosed with bipolar but shows these symptoms. Especially relational aggression but all of them too. It was so frustrating seeing her two personas and being invalidated for her incessant bullying, due to this superficial kind exterior.
Loved the video. Has good improvements and good Information. Will keep this mind. As always Thnx 🙏🙏
Thank you! Glad this is helpful! 🙂
Love the way you present the topics! I feel like we are having a conversation! Glad I found your channel! You’re awesome!
Welcome aboard! And thank you!! Hopefully you can catch a live chat too. Every Wed 9pm est but that is changing soon to an earlier time. 😊
This was so helpful. Thank you for taking the time to teach about this very important topic.
Glad it was helpful! :) Thank you!!
Wow. It's almost as though you know my sister as well as I do. I had already walked away from her toxicity and will never expose myself or my family to her ever again. You have just confirmed everything for me. Thanks. ;)
Thank you and you're welcome! It's always good to feel seen and heard. These individuals can really convince you that you are unwell or unable to communicate with them. This is very rarely the case.
I met a woman, 10 years ago, and if I hadn't lived through the most unbelievable and traumatic years of my entire life I wouldn't believe it. I would assume I was listening to a crackpot if they related my story to me. I'm not in a position to diagnose her, something she has deftly avoided throughout her life, because I'm not a qualified medical professional, but I would argue that I don't need to be a mechanic to know if my car is f****d. It's blindingly obvious. When I triggered her, which I invariably did by accident but occasionally on purpose, her normally blue eyes turned black, her face distorted in pure, unfettered rage and anger beyond anything I have ever witnessed. She became a monster. She tried to kill me, gouge my eyes out, has broken ribs (mine), has assaulted her last partner with bottles, assaulted someone so badly that they lost their sight in one eye, stolen from me, my family, anyone dumb enough to lend her money, and all the while playing the eternal victim. Oddly enough her eyes, when she wasn't in her altered state, were the most incredibly expressive eyes I've ever seen. They spoke volumes. Mine, by contrast, are black, empty pits that don't seem to be connected to my nervous system, or maybe that's only when around her, I dunno. Every point mentioned in your video was present and there was an air of violence around her. When I met her I was an innocent but that was a lifetime ago, before she made me hard and unforgiving. She claims that I'm the Sociopath funnily enough and she's so damn good at lying that everyone believes her. Social Media is her field of expertise and she's uses it like a pro. I stayed for two reasons, one of which was because I foolishly believed I could "save" her, and the second I will keep to myself. You cannot help these individuals so if you have reasons to suspect someone falls into this category please run and never, ever look back or doubt your decision.
Did her eyes PHYSICALLY change colour from blue to black??
I bet they did alot of people experience that.demon possesion
I saw the most innocent looking girl turning into the devil within a blink of an eye. Will never forget these eyes
You described my sisters to a tea! One went to Oxford - very cold and indifferent and underlying rage all the time, the other is a Dr and she's so callous and yet so pleasant on the outside. I now stay as far away from their energy as possible.
Great info I definitely shared this video! 👍🏾
I think a lot of the time the behaviour you described is learned. In most highschools this is the only way to survive. I think a lot of girls just stick with it the rest of their lives because it has worked and it is all they know.
I agree! You're right.
However, sociopathy is not only learned but biological. You are born with the genes that sets the stage and when you learn certain behaviors over time and are impacted by your overall environment sociopathy is likely to occur.
@@TherapistTamaraHill
Yes i believe that to be True...
my Own Mothers, Father, and from Stories Granny Told of His Mother not Allowing her to Pick up my eldest (Late💕) Aunt if she Cried, yet Complained about her Crying too...
Her Own Mother Was a Controlling Beast as Well, yet Her Father was a Soft spoken kindhearted Gentleman, that never Complained even as he Suffered terribly from Osteoporosis. *Grannys Blue Eyes Would Seem to sparkle when She Spoke of Him
My Middle Bro and i developed a Photog/Smella/Feel a vision memory yet could Also doubt it, even as we could Prove it to Ourselves and we did not have to Work at School stuff and easily Learnt our Perspective Fave Launguages with Ease never had to "Study" and could recall many things at once in Extrodinary Detail, Memorized Movies, and Music the First time we we Expierienced them (whether or not we even Liked it), I actually believe his is Better Organized and Less Dyslexified than My own LoL, (Both of Us Incurred Many Head Injuries at very young Ages, as well as Extremely Controlled Isolation, & the Neurological Crazy Making too)
Our Own (we refer to her as Gestapo, /dad hitler) Mother had the Calender Brain and Touted her Abilities for her own Validation, knowing From Granny That she was tossed across the Room into a Wall By her Leg by her Drunken Father cause she was in his Way.... (which was just a very Small example of the Sick Person he was...)
Many times we tried so hard to Disassociate From,inebriated our selves, and Luckily "Failed" Attemps to Make it stop, feeling like terrible people for needing to do so...(I felt that I just must have a Face Not Even a Mother Could Love...)
We are learning better Ways Now and more Grateful each moment, Radically accepting our History, and we can Now Use our Cursed Gift to Model Better, more hopeful for Our Younger Family Members...
I truly Wish better for the Kind Empathetic Souls that Suffer through this Abuse, as well as struggle with thier own behavioral patterns Adapted to Survive it too...
I tell my Uncle Often Progress isn't Linear, and therefore our Grannys Love and Compassion was Not in Vain, but instead inspires us to Keep Healing 💕
A single mom I helped out and got a job where I worked tried to destroy my life and isolate me from everyone and bc I never did anything wrong to her it took me some time to figure it out and ghosted her cause u can’t fight with that level of crazy and their delusional reality. I’ll never trust the same again! She almost succeeded.
THIS IS MY STORY DOWN TO A T!!!! I LITERALLY DID THE SAME THING FOR A SINGLE MOM ( LIKE MYSELF) AND SHE TRIED TO DESTROY MY REPUTATION AT WORK. IT WAS MIND BLOWING TO SAY THE LEAST.
All the points mentioned are spot on in this video. The female sociopath that I knew is definitely misogynistic, towards my mother in the past and myself.
Wow. Eye opening. Lines up perfectly with an experience I had
Wow! 😮This was very informative and helpful in spotting these individuals. 😢
This was great to help me better understand the pain at work from a female supervisor. Your talk was succinct & easy to understand. Thank You
Glad it was helpful!🙂 You're welcome.
Tamara, I am trying to get HR to see the ‘very covert’ actions of this person who relies heavily on relational aggression to discredit her targets...like me. We have no voice as she has made us look like the trouble makers... I also want to suggest that corporate office in NJ contact you...can we speak by phone?
I have BPD & this was very educational and illuminating. I'm studying Children's Mental Health and psychology n philosophy/spirituality have been my saving. Thank you ❤️☺️
Great teaching thank you 🙌🏻☀️
Thank you. You hit all the points and solidified for me exactly what I gathered for myself about sociopathy in women. I have experienced it and it is brutal. I am thankful that the discernment kicked in and I started doing things to protect myself as much as I could. But of course I was still dinged and darted. The best thing to do is just stay away and show no reaction. These people are out for proverbial blood.
Cool call name/handle. From the theme song of a 70s crime show called Baretta (sp.?), starring Robert Blake ("Mickey" from The Little Rascals).
Loved that show!
~TD, Boston
This describes one of my old friends. I could never figure out what she was and stumbled across this video. Thank you for the clear explanation
You're welcome! We don't see enough of this topic on UA-cam. Hopefully that will change!
ha ha...*what she was*...i thought same for my 50 yrs old neighbour lady .
Oh I have known more than a few myself throughout life unfortunately.. you have summed it VERY well here Miss.
Tamara thank you. Your description is so on point which includes the subtle nuances that I've recently learned that female sociopaths emanate. My wife has 4 out of 5 of these traits. I lived with this for many years till I sought out therapy because I thought for many years that my wife's below the belt seething hatred and envy towards me and others, criticalness, triangulation with other men and also our children, parental alienation, micro cheating and projection etc was from a personal deficit. Can you do more videos on this area of female sociopaths including parential alienation? Maybe ways for those of us who are dealing with parental alienation and helping our children through it so they don't get sucked into the manipulation? By possibly walking that "tight rope" and delicately helping them see what the alienating parent is doing without leaning on the child or notputting that parent down? Thanks
Yes please help. I deal with exactly this problem. Been with childrens mother for 16 years. Its starting to affect my kids and there starting to lie. Ive been through more than you could imagine. Sociopathic wife Manipulation to the core. Cheating, lies, games, button pushing, feeling a prisoner in home.
After breaking up after caught cheating for 4 month. I told her to pack and leave. She went to court. Made up lies to get a restraining order. Then told that she pays rent and its her place. When its my bro house and he rents to me. We got back together since she changed for maybe 2 years and is back at it. This is literally like the 3-4th time. Lost count. Its sad.
Idk if this behavior is NON fixable? Read alot about this to diagnose her myself.
Alot of DR say its non fixable, unless they really want it.
Want so bad to keep my family that ive delt with the manipulation, and mind games anxiety and cheating for years.
Fascinating! Thank you so much. I've been thinking that she was a Grandiose and Malignant narcissist until a therapist pointed out that her behavior was perhaps Sociopath. You have helped me see the correlation between the behavior of a Sociopath rather than a narcissist. It was 85 % like you were describing her behaviour specifically! Really interesting thank you
Yes, you're welcome!! These concepts can be so confusing. But it's always great when you can come to Youtuve and get some answers too. So thank you!
great video, I knew one of these, she did every single thing you talked about!
Glad this was helpful. Thank you!!
A lot of sociopaths are "cookie-cutter." They often behave similarly.
Same.
Wow, you could swear someone has followed around this female I know . The last group of traits you named were spot on.
Thank you for these videos they are not only informative, but also validating..
You just discribed exactly how these people behave in my neighborhood.
They got just these pasive agresive behavior where they just seem to really care every little thing i do, even if ITS not their bussiness. Really am AMAZED!!!!! 😳
Amazing! This is so enlightening. I’m 50 and it seems like (correct me if I’m wrong) all people have a tendency to be this way. I was raised by two psychopaths and I believe that made me a sociopath. I began a journey to reverse course and 30 years later I’m still learning but as a shed improper mindsets and behavior I see this stuff everywhere. Some people very little or almost not at all and some people are full on highly psychotic. My journey started when I realized there was a problem. Being a religious person, I sought out guidance from Jesus. It finally came to me all of the sudden that if I would simply start being thankful, that it would slowly change me. So… I began verbally saying to Jesus how thankful I was. At first it’s the easy stuff like thank you for my health or my family, job, home etc…. But eventually you run out of things to be thankful for and I began to say thank you for people. Not just the ones I love or who love me but for people who hurt me and onto those who hurt me very badly. Something happened and I wept bitterly. I kept pressing in and one day something happened in my life that was so painful that it took everything within me to say two little words “thank you.”
Something broke, a massive explosion of growth and peace followed and I had been changing from the inside out but couldn’t see it and all those people who hurt me were removed from my memory. I was dwelling on them subconsciously and didn’t know it. The power of forgiveness was a game changer and those chronic issues that plagued my character were gone. I’m now not a religious person, spiritual now. I see things in a light that’s highly peculiar now. I can’t explain it. It’s as if I was blind and now I’m not. I’m a male but my character elevated to a place that’s not common. My masculinity has spiked and people are now drawn to me where as before my character was repelling. I’m quiet now, reserved, thoughtful, dedicated, respectful, responsible. The victim no longer exists in me. I do my part as a decent human being regardless of how others treat me. There is no revenge or retaliation or retribution of any kind. Other people who have an agenda are quickly revealed to me. I’m a listener now and all people speak through their lips what is in their heart. If you listen long enough they will tell you everything you need to know about them. It’s easy actually, if they are badmouthing others, they are going to badmouth you. If they are constantly talking about how much they hate thieves, they are a thief. They hate lying, they are a liar. They say “you can trust me” run away!
HI Tamara first time looking at your channel, and your video came across maybe for the search I’ve been doing, and wish I would’ve found this earlier. I would like to mention it is curious as from my last experience with a woman I was knowing in who I had romantic interest (only on my side, not hers) and a dynamic from which I left quite confused. It’s curious because one of the things I began thinking and researching was on some kind of Bpd when some behaviors, the vulnerability, the sob stories, the emotional state. But with the time I began to receive more insidious behaviors, which turned my search into narcissism and after the dynamic into covert narcissism. Thanks for reading and for the information in your video.
thank you for making these videos. much appreciated.
You're welcome! And thank you! Glad these are helpful.
Thank you for sharing!❤
No problem 😊 Thanks for watching!
For years I would observe my mums sister’s behaviour and I would always be left thinking in one way your being this over the top nice and complimentary person that I always felt it wasn’t sincere and also didn’t match the if you cross her or say something she would go into this demonic hate . I can finally name it as Love bombing . What a light bulb 💡 moment .
Yes. When those moments happens it's amazing what we can see. And it's sad we're blind to it in the moment.
I just found your channel, good stuff. Haven't seen too much about the female sociopath really. Very interested in the BPD overlap. I think that overlap may come from the sociopath experimenting with emotions and reactions to see "how it feels" so to speak, see if it resonates.
Thanks for watching! Welcome!
I am discussing some of this now. Will be talking about this again too.
This was very helpful. Thank you for sharing (I just joined your channel fam).
Glad to hear that, thank you! Glad this was helpful. And welcome to the channel!!
@@TherapistTamaraHill You're welcome - It really was... I am currently dealing with a woman who I believe (Based off of "intense" past dealings of mine, with Psychopaths, "she is indeed one"). My mind ("and my gut") is telling me that she is one, but before I post a quarter of a page (back-and-forth) social media, private conversation of ours (I don't intend to post her name), I would like to first ask your permission (I really don't want to feel like I am spamming your channel, but if you wouldn't mind reading over this short conversation of ours, it would really help me out, because her actions, our 1-on-1 exchanges, and her pursuit of me "just doesn't add up" (and right now might emotions are moving in a million different directions, and I am trying to sort them out). May I please, briefly, have your assistance?
Wow! I'm dealing with a whole bunch of these female sociopaths who throw out superficial compliments, smear your name behind your back with falsehoods, and try to sabotage every effort you make to achieving any positive goals. They triangulate and always try to control the environment overtly or covertly. They're always smiling so sweetly, but you sense an aura of evil and jealousy within them.
Tamara Hill, thank you so much for covering this important topic and especially providing clarity on the possible connection between Sociopathy and BPD in women. I know from personal experience with a female friend of many years, that this is *EXACTLY* the case, and why it can be so hard to pinpoint the ever-shifting signals in these individuals personalities. In the case of my friend, I had a great deal of compassion for her because I knew she had come from an extremely abusive family of origin, yet somehow was able to at least *seem* compassionate and loving to her two Special Needs children ( which was part of our initial shared interest/bonding).
Slowly over time, I began recognize all the signs you describe: the triangulation, the constant gossiping behind myself and others back like a 13-yr old ( from a woman in her 40's), and YES- the outright jealousy and misogyny towards myself and other females if she sensed the slightest bit of "competition", even though it was never intended.
The last straw though, was something I have a direct question about for you. It is about what I feel is the incredible rise of Narcissism/BPD/and even Sociopathy in our Society today. And by no means do I intend for this to be a political statement, though it may seem that way initially. When my friend proclaimed loudly and clearly that both she and her ( very wealthy) father were perfectly comfortable with sacrificing the lives of Senior Citizens in our Country, so "Everyone could go back to work/school/Recreation- with no reservation."; that that it was better that an entire generation of Baby Boomers and "The Weak", Sacrifice themselves so as a Society we could continue on as Normal in the face of the Pandemic, THEN I realized my friend was well and truly a Sociopath, and completely beyond reach to me.
Tamara- I ask you- how did my friend- and so many others in our Country- get to this point??
You're welcome. And thank you! I'm really glad this was helpful.
I think the only answer I can give to this is that your friend clearly has a personality disorder and she may have quite a few among many other symptoms. These individuals are often dysfunctional and come from dysfunctional and unhealthy environments where they have learned to "survive" using harsh, unhealthy, and manipulative defensive mechanisms. The are "inborn" with these traits/symptoms/behaviors and will find it very difficult (if not impossible) to change. Very sad reality of these individuals.
Simple we stopped mandatory treatment and released people who had no business being in the community to be free for 40 years they were able to have kids now look at the results
That explains how the USA has the worst outbreak on earth
@@qjtvaddict institutionalization wasn't humane either. We have a long way to go, but we can't lock up everyone who could be a threat... or else the govt could lock up anyone with a mental health diagnosis and no one would ever want to seek out treatment again.
" It is about what I feel is the incredible rise of Narcissism/BPD/and even Sociopathy in our Society today."
No doubt our messed up me me me consumer media culture is turning the screw, but there is a more genetic and political background to this too. I stress I am not offering an opinion on whether this is ok or whether I think one type of society is any better than another. It seems to me that humanity, across most cultures, pretty much forever, valued monogamy and sexual conservatism until easy to access birth control methods appeared. Which made sense of course, especially for women. If you are going to carry a child, you better get to know someone first and choose carefully. And with 99.9% of people who ever lived being poor, it made sense also that parents would take a vested interest in protecting their daughters from any man unwilling to marry her and take responsibility for the inevitable, 7, 10, 12 children that she would have during a sexually active adulthood. Because of this sexually conservative culture that has been the norm almost everywhere for our entire evolution, by and large 1 man and 1 woman were stuck with each other, lest they sneakily cheat. This meant that if 1% of men were psychos, and say 5% narcissist (guessing these numbers but regardless), there would be a similar ratio of them in the next generation. But what has happened since birth control, and now with stuff like dating apps? What do women find most attractive in a man? Most women will say confidence. Looks and fitness help too of course, as do plenty other things. But what do psychos and/or narcissists usually have loads of? Confidence, and often very impressive appearance. Also, they are more likely to be single minded, focused and successful, or failing that, impulsive and entertaining, and probably fearless/ physically dangerous. Unfortunately, they have just about all the traits that women naturally feel attracted to, as well as lots of other bad ones they would rather they didn't have. So let's go back to your quote I highlighted above. Unfortunately, if a sexually conservative culture disappears, it becomes a mathematical certainty that the ratios of dark triad personalities will massively increase, because the vast majority of women fall for these charlatans and have their kids. The simple truth is that a narcissist 100 years ago had one wife and might have been able to get away with a bit on the side, but it was culturally frowned upon. Now they can sleep with a different woman every night thanks to Tinder, or just have 6 month flings and move on whenever they are bored, breaking woman after woman's hearts, and getting some pregnant along the way. This is never going to stop. They are the most proactively sex seeking men among us, and they are much more attractive (for long enough in the beginning at least) to women than more benign guys with a conscience (with plenty of exceptions of course), because these men, in all other chapters of our evolution before we had police or hospitals to keep us safe, were ruthless survivors, and that is what females of literally every species are attracted to (no blame here, total acceptance, why would males or females behave much differently than they always have in nature). A sexually conservative culture means the balance is kept. Almost all men and women end up in monogamous relationships together. But take that away and its just the animal game, 20% of men have all the sex, and probably a quarter to a half of them have dark triad personalities. Meanwhile the other 80% get little to nothing and it only takes a few generations and we are back to animal hell on earth and thousands of years of slow gradual progress is gone.
Remember that being indirect or being socially responsive or compliant ( charming or communicative ) ; being jealous or insecure in their relationship, having a history of expressing " mixed messages " or seeming distrustful etc etc .MUST BE ALSO COUPLED with this " relational aggression component " that is often convert but HAS TO BE objectively verifiable.
Otherwise, many other personality difficulties - much more benign and common, from : childhood trauma, depression, poor communication skills, adhd, anxious attachment,co- dependence, just to name a few - may be a better description
God bless you abundantly. You are my online therapist. Although I may not always comment, your videos help me so much.❤️🙏🏽
You are so welcome💖 And thank you! God bless you too!
I’m a man who has suffered from my former wife of over 40 years, who has continued to betray our vows, trust and boundaries from infidelity, finances, parenting even lying to get me thrown in jail! There’s no fool like an old fool, that’s me, but until I started searching for answers I thought it was her bipolar schizophrenia and I really didn’t understand how that relates to narcissism, psychopathy, sociopaths and that those behaviors appear to overlap in behavioral tendencies. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with all of us who suffer at the hands of mental illness.
Thank you for this! I wholeheartedly believe my daughter is a sociopath. This makes me feel not so crazy!
You are welcome!
This is what I needed today. I just ran into a former family friend and all she did was talk about herself and I felt aggression from her when I spoke about my own family. Envy?
Also, I see some of the video improvements and I LOVE!
truth4utoda in what ways did you feel aggression, mind elaborating?
Thank you! Little by little you will see improvements. This video was a bit fuzzy because I was in another office that didn't have good lighting and the sun kept going up and down. LOL
But yes, it does sound like envy or some other covered up emotion. Sociopathic females internalize more often so you never know what emotion is under the surface until you see more and more of it seeping out.
Hmm I don't think a sociopath would, more of a narcissistic behaviour. Sociopaths would smile and nod while thinking about what they have to do.Maybe she's low-functioning though. Think Sherlock Holmes versus your your violent criminal. I had a sociopathic "friend". She was pathetic, always nodding and lovebombing me and then tell my secrets to others. I cut her off :) She hated every girl and would put on tons of makeup to attract men.
It sounds like the family friend is a narcissist
Yuck, when I notice that from people I just let them talk and keep my life private.
This is fabulous stuff - hits the mark on all points. Very helpful in explaining the female sociopaths I've encountered. Tremendously helpful mademoiselle, thank you!😆
Glad it was helpful!
Fascinating, thanks 💕🍃
You're welcome
This is extremely accurate.
🙂
Wow you pinpointed them right on the spot it’s so unbelievable what they do to get what they want.
My former roommate is a sociopath. She was quiet, spoke softly, identifies as a nun. At first I thought her strange behavior was due to unhealed trauma. But the more I observed her AND my reaction to her I felt there was something more.
I'm not one to second guess my observations and instincts. But I found myself second guessing all the time. When I talked to her about taking her frustrations out on me she mentioned manipulation. Which at the time I didn't think she was doing. But as time went on I realized she was indeed attempting to manipulate the people around her which was why I was always so confused. The stories I could tell!
Very good and helpful information. Thank you.
You're welcome!! Thank you.
My ex was incredibly impulsive and bordering on irresponsible with her decision making, she was up and down emotionally, aggressive paranoid insecure jealous. If a friend of hers didn't text her back she'd instantly think she'd done something to upset the friend.
I'd say maybe the friend is busy or ill or has something else going on, my ex couldn't understand other people had their own lives and it didn't have to be about her!!!
Very good point and example of this personality.
A very good example of a female sociopath is the character Rebecca Sharp in the novel "Vanity Fair". Maybe even a good example of a narcissist.
Add-on: and many, many female characters of like novels about that era display such characteristics. They're drawn from real life experiences. And, that time was a time when women were very suppressed. So, environment really plays a big part as well as society as a whole. Many people keep saying if we want to make this world a better world then how women are treated needs to change dramatically.
This is really insightful. I feel these types of women feel there’s some kind of hierarchy and they only can “win” If everyone else loses. I hope society can change in that regard
Very glsd this is helpful
Very informative, thank you !
You are welcome! And thank you!