I’m Completely Exhausted and Want to Give Up on Life
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- Опубліковано 12 лип 2024
- I’m Completely Exhausted and Want to Give Up on Life
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I am seriously considering selling everything, settling my lease, and driving away, going nowhere for no reason. I'm overdone.
Do it, except have a reason. I did the same thing. I think it would have been better if I figured that out first. What do you need that you don't have.
Same here . Im sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Give yourself some time. As Dr. John says, and I paraphrase, Run to something, not from something.. I don't know your situation, so all I can do is generalize. Get some counseling of some type. Maybe a career counselor, or a family therapist. Maybe just go back to old fashioned family values, like telling kids NO and disciplining them. Try to figure out what you want to do first, then develop a plan. Just getting a plan together sometimes is all it takes to feel better because you don't feel trapped. (I am talking to myself here) In the meantime, lots of HUGS.
Dr.John you are awesome.
I have had that thought recently too just grabbing my dogs and getting the heck out of dodge.
I'm in awe that a man is asking for help. It's nice to hear a man ask for help to keep his family. He's not running to another woman, cheating or running away. A man, asking for help! Loved this!❤
Hi there, I just wanted to let u know how spot on your post is, I 💕it!a real man,( not running away) ✌️🦋
@sylviaguenther-zc9lg reminded me of my dad. My mom didn't know pain. I now, do. My dad had a great paying job. Then he got hurt and my mom had to work. The house burned down, my dad's ex tried to rake him over the coals, the family courts helped his ex just destroy him and my mom had to be part of that suffering. My dad deserved so much better, but so did my mom. However, men don't get the help they deserve.
It's incredible if people had my pain for over a year and were forced to work during that discomfort how blessed they'd feel with just the basics.
People can't be pleaded but they can be humbled and reminded. I was put in an uncomfortable journey by God too. I hope someday we can all learn from each other about life.
Money isn't everything when you're down and out. People are who come to help you get back up again. So when there's no one there what keeps you strong?
Experience. I hope my experience with what this man is going through and other women know keep going. Pray to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. It's really hard because its so exhausting but when you're settled and listening, you'll feel it.
Amen. I hope he levels with his wife so she can appreciate him more.
Guy needs to get laid is all .
Yes ! And also not blaming anyone else.
This is happening to vast majority of people all over the world. The impossibility of life.
But in the US people are working and living in a brutal, inhumane system working long hours with little support. Extended families are seen as something to get away from rather than support ststems. Healthcare, especially mental healthcare is horribly expensive and not available to everyone. People are expected to move away from their families and know all about raising children. They don't. How could they possibly?! Then it all goes downhill quickly.
@@katellapeople in North Korea don’t have food dawg i think you will be fine with your minimum wage waitress job
@@user-ob7zw7qr5o I don't live in the US, nor am I a waitress or have a minimum wage job, but I have sympathy for those people stuck in that system. As far conditions in the US being better than than those of North Korea, they are. But that doesn't mean that they are good, or even adequate.
Men can be so stoic that we women often don't know they have emotions. I was shocked in my mid thirties to learn men actually had feelings because I'd never seen them expressed.
Decision fatigue is a real thing. And I think a lot of people are suffering from it and don’t realize there’s so much going on. There’s no break.
Rick is awesome. He is carrying a heavy burden. His reaction? To be the best husband and dad possible. He deserves joy.
I love and respect Rick SO much,....and I've never met him. What an amazing guy. I dearly hope his wife understands what she has in him and appreciates him and TELLS him.
No
No no no no no no no
C
deserve is a woman's word
He does.😔
@@realHampsonOk.(??) What term to use instead?
As a woman..I'm very thankful to the caller for sharing. I didn't realize the weight that men may feel at times trying to succeed at doing it all. There's so much stuff about women doing it all but this topic is not often touched.
It's true. They have a whole house on their backs plus a nagging wife at times.
Words cannot describe the amount of this that happens on basically a daily basis for many.
Society said we can't speak on it, "be a man"
etc.
I feel this as the woman
@@Living1232 A lot of people do including yourself, you would keep scrolling if you didn't.
It seems lot more like women suck it up and do all these mundane tasks it while men don't. Only men have a greater need to be congratulated or encouraged for doing what they shouldn't have to be told to do. Every single couple I know has a dynamic where the women do more with the house and kids, and most of them also contribute just a much financially. Men are simply entitled and arrogant. They have been told all their life they can have it all without merit, want to be the king of their castle or go and have a whopping FIVE kids but they can't even do everyday tasks. The fragile male ego has always been around. They underperform but have an above average desire to be told how great they are. It is a lack of humility.
Most people feel this way and don't have 5 kids. Props to this dude, he's doing his best with the cards he was dealt.
I have almost the exact situation of this guy. 48, (mom) 5 kids, (3, 7, 10, 17, 21) cook and clean and play with kids 20 out if 24 hours a day. I just want to sit in my closet and cry so my kids won’t see me. I’m just so exhausted with the whole thing- but when the mom says it, she is badd. When the dad says it- everyone thinks he’s great. It’s so sad.
@@Teenywing
It's not a gender thing.. parenting is hard no matter what gender you are. Both parents work and share responsibilities.. it's a lot and most of the time the parents are completely exhausted and don't have the time or energy to focus on the marriage and their relationship.. if spouses come together and take time for each other and support each other, really communicating about what they need from one another and building each other up, helping each other and working as a team.. it makes all the difference.. raising kids is the most exhausting work ever and there isn't an instruction book; we have to navigate it together and that takes work. I had five kids and homeschooled.. l was exhausted and look back and wonder how I did it. I agree with John.. this husband needs to come together with his wife, he needs to hear that what he does matters.. he does not suck! So sad that he feels this way.. I get it because I didn't always do the greatest job supporting my husband, telling him how much l appreciated him and what he did for our family. Both these people are overwhelmed, and need to come together in support of one another. They also need to have time alone to 'date' ..something that doesn't happen much with five kids.
Exactly. I have none
Not trying to be a d, but he didnt have to have 5 kids
The cards he was dealt? Having 5 kids is a CHOICE. Instead of “he’s doing the best with the cards he was dealt with” perhaps it’s “reap the whirlwind“
Anxiety brainfog is a real thing. Anxiety can make it hard to think clearly, further exacerbating the mistakes.
i know
As an engineer myself, this hits home in so many ways. I quit my job a month ago due to loneliness, despair, and a work environment that hurt myself. I decided to move home to be with family, and to try to repair the broken relationship with my dad, but every try I've made hasn't worked because I've been thinking as a problem solver instead of a relationship builder. I've sacrificed my home, my privacy, my community, and my church to try to fix this and find connection, and I've failed to do it the right way. I'm mentally exhausted as well, and not knowing where my future is going, it's been nearly a year where I haven't been able to breathe. I'm going to reach out to a friend to help me clarify my priorities and move out of this situation. I hope I can find some way of returning to normalcy, because this season is killing me man.
If anyone reads this, please pray for me. My name is Jaden.
Jaden, sending you a warm hug from North Texas and yes I am going to pray for you.
Jaden ...many prayers for you from me and my family outside of Boston
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Lord, wrap your arms around your child, Jaden. Give him courage and inspiration for each day. Amen.
I just quit my federal job over the same reasons you did. Contemplating moving back home to be closer to my family but have no idea of my future and where I want to go or what I want to do. I’m a veteran and suffer from severe ptsd and everything I know career-wise and qualify for I do not enjoy whatsoever. No kids and single 36 years old. Not anchored into anything. Maybe I should join the circus
Sending love and peace Jaden ❤️🙏🏽
I feel the exact same as this man. I'm physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted and have no one in my corner.
You have us. Feeling trapped is the worse feeling in the world. Reach out to someone.
Don't give up! Give it to God.
Hey maybe we could be travel buddies!
How are you doing? it has been a couple of months, sine you posted this, are you doing better?
At some point it's hard to even reach out to the people who you think would undoubtedly support you and maybe even said they would support you ... but it's just too hard since you're physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.
I've been there and I've done that. I don't have a magical advise except a few cool things I heard and which helped me: do the smallest possible thing you can think of which would help you. That little thing could be very hard to do so pat yourself on that back if you do it. Feel positive about it.
Another thing is: carve out time for some physical activity. Go for a walk for example. Even if it's just a really short distance, it seems to help.
Man, I’ve been praying to find a man like this for a really long time. Some women have no idea what they have
They are everywhere, most women don't give them the time of day because they consider them boring..
I hope you find someone, you're also very pretty. God bless
They better be ready to pull thier share of the weight, like his wife isn't. Oh, and FIVE KIDS.
We’re everywhere but women’s standards are absurd generally.
The mom has a critical spirit and the kids learned that. Shame on her. She may do it because she doesn’t feel deserving but by doing it, she doesn’t deserve him!!!
I grew up in a negative critical family. They don't have to say you suck, I grew up feeling worthless. I never realized how negative I was until I moved away for a long time and was around more positive people, then revisited.
Yeah. And the worst part is nobody is worthless. And some people are really good actually. But no matter how good you are and how much people tell you how good you are, once you grew up feeling worthless you always will feel you suck.. its a long road
Same and agreed with the previous reply. It’s a long road to unlearning and relearning
Same thing happened to me. You’re not alone!
Yes 😔
Something about this call really hit home. I hope this guy gets the help he desperately needs. My grandfather at the age of 49, who was a father of 3, committed suicide when my mom and her sisters were around high school age. I can't help but think that this possibly is similar to what he was going through. My mom said that the family never saw the signs and he never talked about his feelings or seeked help. God speed Rick! Good for you for seeking help. It starts here.
I thought the same thing. He needs professional help who can help him to talk about everything just like here; otherwise, he can quit one day over the sudden. I am happy he reached out. I hope dr delony will follow up with him to make sure he is safe. I think at this point it is became dr DeLong responsibility to make sure rick will get professional help
Very well said.👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
It makes me sad that people don’t take men’s mental health serious. I know work is stressful. His wife Sounds like an ungrateful nag. I understand she needs help too but she shouldn’t btch at him when he’s trying.. I make sure my husband has his outlets even encourage it because I want him to be ok mentally. He’s a wonderful husband ,dad and provider but work stresses him. I rub his back after work / try to be his safe place. Yes I need things from him and he makes it happen so he deserves PEACE . At the very least .
This guy is gonna be okay!
@zuliahunt this Dr is great amazes me❤
A supportive partner is so important, both ways
Essential.
For most of us, even an unsupportive partner is unattainable
Poor guy. You can tell nobody in this man's personal life asks him how he's doing or listens to what he has to say/think. Once he got the chance to open up to someone who was listening he just spilled his guts. Hope he's doing better ❤️
He is a man that’s just how it is
Oh wow you pointing this out brought tears to my eyes
I swear I feel exactly the same as this man. And this morning I’ve felt like I quit I can’t do it anymore..just tired and exhausted…and nobody cares…
I feel the same way and don’t have a wife or kids.
I hope he opens up to his wife. I think she will be shocked at how undervalued he's feeling. He needs a big hug and needs to hear all the appreciation his family really feel for him. Never let those you love be in any doubt about how lucky you feel to have them in your life and avoid regret
We lose what we take for granted .
I have...and the feedback was just as bad.
The thing is too, men think that they will be looked down on when the reality is most women love the idea of their husband sharing feelings and talking about stuff like this. It's actually one of my favourite qualities in a guy. I hope we can reduce the stigma of men thinking they can't be emotional or feel anxiety. They aren't bloody robots!
Unfortunately the overwhelming majority of women can’t or don’t want to deal with it. They say they want men who open up, but reality proves to be very different.
You may want to hear struggles from your brother, your nephew, or your dad, but not your husband/lover. There are few things as a man you can do to turn a woman off more than being vulnerable.
Myself and married men the world over can confirm this.
What the caller needs like most American men is male friendship.
@@Evil-Rod-Farva women say and do two.different things. His wife will not like him anymore. She will cheat
I pray I meet a man of this caliber someday not so far off...
His honesty, vulnerability, deep abiding love for his family, his drive to figure himself out, leaving no rock unturned and rising up against the very human desire to quit is just incredible. A true man of value.
Bless you and your family.
theres plenty of us out there
💚💛❤️
They are miserable
We’re everywhere
My son was a very tiny sick premie,
He didn’t speak until 3 .. He had every service available to him, IEP all the way to & thru college.
He has been training at the age of 24 for the State Troopers…. He has been accepted to the 6 month State Trooper academy!
I cry happy tears!! never ever give up on a special needs kid!
Congratulations to your son. We need him. And no doubt you are a fabulous mother.
This is an amazing comment. I have 3 special needs children, and 2 of them were very premie. It gives me hope. I know one day they are going to catch up to where they need to be. I feel it in my bones!!
I realize this was 2 years ago but I'm so happy for you and your Son. How did everything turn out?
@NeiveVeve hope is good thing❤
This is a true man, a gem, a true soul. Hang on buddy! You are truly doing such a great job, for even calling in! What a gem!
Ever been a man? Then we don’t need your pat on the head.
I can’t imagine the anxiety I’d have if I had five kids and one of them special needs.
My brother has 4 and one with special needs. He runs on high stress 100% of the time 😢 I worry about him
which is why you need to re-consider having more than 2 kids. For these reasons. You can't be spittin out more than you can chew. Hurts you, AND the kids!
@@RachelSings21 check on everytime
@@markbrey52I have an only for thus very reason,single parent, it was brutal, but my spiritually kept,keeps sane❤
I am tired. Just tired. Physically , mentally , and spiritually. I can relate to this man. I'm 52 , kids are grown , getting old , and have regrets. I do not want this guy to end up like me. He still has time. My time is done. I have to live with the consequences of living most of my life in quiet desperation. I have to live the rest of my life knowing that I do not have a do over. In the end you are all alone and do not take anything with you. All you have is what you have given. I hope that my gift I leave is good
Trt bro
I am praying for you and I hope everything gets better!!! 52 is still a good age to go after what your heart desires!!! Give it your all starting today and everyday!!
You’re still relatively young at 52. You can be 53 and still be in the same boat, or you can be 53 and be someone who’s making changes. It’s daunting, the prospect of doing a complete about face overnight. But that’s not realistic. Instead, make small, incremental changes to your routine every day. We all have regrets, but often times that’s due to comparing ourselves to others. If that’s you, stop it.
53 is young, you can make changes. God bless you.
I do rescue. Dogs are great. They appreciate all! They love unconditionally.
Plus, walking them is great exercise & you meet other "doggie people."
What's not to love?
Check it out...
This is the most honest phone call. I appreciate the words of wisdom since I am in a similar situation. Thanks Dr. Delony.
I’m glad you were here to hear the call. This call made me cry. So glad thus guy was so vulnerable.
Most men live lives of quiet desperation. I wish him luck.
I'm 40 and so exhausted I feel like I have nothing left. Every time things start looking up and I start building I lose it all. Been spiraling for months. Finally got a hand on it, but it just feels like it's all for nothing. None of it even matters. I wanted so many things, now I don't want anything. What's the point of having anything if you can't share it with the person you love? Been lying to myself for months. 💔
If there's no love, then all these efforts mean nothing.
This guy is a legend.
Even legends need rest, healing, and support! ❤
Yep that's it, it's like the average person out there has literally just given up. When you're younger you have dreams and aspirations to achieve great things but as you get older and the world just absolutely beats you down and you get caught up with your fears it all changes, most young people just haven't experienced enough disappointment yet in life to completely give up on their dreams.
Yup
This is caused by the society we live in! There is sooooo much pressure from society and the world around us to be this or be that, that it’s suffocating us. The Bible even says that the cares of this life choke the word of God to where we cannot bear good fruit. We need to go back to the basics and focus on God. And tune everything else out
What are those basics?
@@blueStarKitt7924 imagine trying to drive around a huge truck with all your belongings and baggages. Except you barely have money to put fuel in this truck, and you have very little strength to haul it around. And you have no where to park it.
Going “back to the basics”, means picking out of the truck what’s truly important (like your birth certificate, your cell phone, a few pairs of draws, a coat and a pair of shoes) and continuing on from there.
Going back to the basics means letting go of alllllllll the things you are trying to carry through your life that are too heavy
@@brittanysapology9528 🤔🤔🤔
I resonated with this call so much. I don’t have kids yet, and I already feel overwhelmed. Trying to support my wife through school, help my parents, guide my brothers, keep our family business going, perform at my full time job, get out of debt. I’m exhausted and this call helped so much. Thank you Rick! Thank you Dr. D!
This is amazing.. I have faced this for years. I turned 50, and my body fell apart.... loneliness is right on as well.
Glad to hear this caller. I feel this way a lot.
Sending you love ❤
Hugs
Me too
Holy cow as a young engineer who just wants to be happy with my job and family my biggest fear is finding myself in this situation
Man dude the more I listened the more I felt nothing but the raw knife of empathy for this man.
I'm with rick. I'll be 30 in December and im already exhausted, lonely, and dont even wanna get out of bed in the morning. Im struggling to keep my head above water.
I'm sorry your going through this. Have you considered working with animals. Maybe volunteer for a local rescue.
@dianeditonno3569 thanks. Yes I have considered volunteering at an animal shelter. Why do you ask though?
Do meditations
You're not alone :)
Talk to your doctor, he's there for you, there's nothing wrong with you, you are tired, mentally exhausting you are every woman's dream,you do so much,blessings to you sir❤yes,you are wonderful!
Mercy..."We're dying younger of diseases of despare." Deep!❤
Men are expected to suck it up and get on with it while emotions take a back and seat and after doing that for years or decades it all hits like a Mack truck in our 40' and 50's.
But heres the thing, who is telling yall not to have emotions? Thats the issue.
@@harlan5339women society
@@harlan5339 hi there, liked your reply spot on, but many men forget that life is not for U to struggle on your own this is why God has made a wonderful woman to help him through it! If of course he wants this✌️🦋
@@sylviaguenther-zc9lg if you can be emotional or cool with your loved ones, then what are you doing? Girls do it with their friends. Why do some guys feel they cant with their male friends? I can call all my friends and be emotional rn.
@@harlan5339 hi there, I believe this is what we in America call Manning up! being real,we all have our good days & breaking points as well but talking it out with someone U confide in thats Tough✌️
Real Human being 😉🦋
I felt like that until I started becoming a jerk. I was always doing what everyone else wanted and it felt like my wants were always on the back burner. Then one day, I decided to do what I wanted. It didn't make people happy, and I felt horrible about it. But I had to be okay with that. Over time, it got easier to do what I wanted without caring what people thought. It feels like the weight of the world is off my shoulders and I am finally free, and much happier.
I know the feeling of being tired of life and not being excited about the future.
This was me 8 months ago.
You need healing and need to go to the root of your problem.
Go to therapy and start loving yourself.
You cannot fix it by yourself.
I feel like I am speaking to myself …
I am an engineer too and tried to fix everything and I couldn’t.
I finally quit my engineering job because I was no longer excited about going to my dream job. Despite the money and the financial security and a beautiful family, I contemplated suicide.
Thanks to my wife for being my side through the relapse and detoxing.
This is a journey man!
Today, I am healing and living my life.
I am spending time with my wife and kids and I am taking my hands off of control and problem solving.
You got this!
Good luck man!
Thank you for your advice, I'm in the same boat and it's good to see there may be a light at the end of the tunnel.
YAYYYYYYY
Therapy is all about the past and we can't change the past so what exactly did therapy give you in order to heal you? Sounds like some BS to me.
@@asmrfoodieuk7965 Therapy is def overrated, but it IS useful in SOME situations.
@@Desmond-Dark it's only useful in teaching others how to treat other people, to navigate life for those who have zero self awareness.
The UA-cam algorithm is scary specific. 😐
This hit exactly where I’m at and have been for almost 8 years.
Same here. It’s surreal that this video is what I know I needed to listen to.
This is me, I’m exhausted trying to do right by everyone and everything but nothing I do is right. No progress. No appreciation. Feels like all just a waste.
Praying for you. Don’t give up God loves you.
@@Sillyscents936 thank you for being a sweetheart. God loves you too. ❤️
All this man needs is for someone close to him to say: " I value you", ""I see you...I REALLY see you". I think every human being needs to feel acknowledged. Because after a while if that doesn't happen it gets to a stage when you think "What am I doing if none of this makes sense anymore?" It is so sad that this man feels safer in calling in to someone he doesn't know on UA-cam to speak about his needs than to those closest around him. This is what society does to people: it gives men and women the message that they need to carry so much by their own, that they don't want to feel like they are "burdening" others, when that is not the case. But I think it was the bravest thing he could have ever done!
Rick, if you happen to read this I want you to know you rock and that I think you're a beautiful and special human being! At least you are wanting to claim this experience of being human and that is more than many are doing. What you did was brave and I can only imagine it took alot to do it. It's been 2 years and I sincerely hope Rick is in a better place!
I’m right there buddy. 8 biological kids, 1 foster. I run my own business and I am all in at home with cooking cleaning, helping with driving etc. etc. nonstop. I’m never feeling like I’m on top of any of it. I am doing a crap job across the board it feels like. Wife is never happy with me. There are times when I am like get me off this planet. I wouldn’t mind leaving.
I just want to wrap my arms around this father and tell him that he is enough- this gentleman is a man of honor and commitment. Please Rick don't underestimate the gifts you bring to your children and the world- keep talking, keep reaching out- you are valued and I value and respect you for your bravery as well as your compassion. Thank you,. 🌻
Your words don't mean anything. This man is going to keep suffering. He needs these words from people he is immediately related to. Not from you. But I know he most likely won't get it. Throwing words around on the Internet is cheap. Practically caring for another person is expensive.
@@SK-tk6bi I meant no disrespect and I apologize if I offended you. I actually agree with you that the love and concern need to come from those closest to him. I was just sharing my feelings and my heart. I have watched many friends suffer with depression- some who have taken their lives. I have been with people in the moment and through their suffering and struggles. That’s probably why I responded to this. I wish you well on your journey and thank you for sharing your response.
@@juliemariariley3212 I also did not really mean to get angry at you. I just know the frustration of reading supportive messages from strangers but not from people who are closest to you. You really intended to help the man, so I am sorry that I criticised your comment.
@@SK-tk6bi no worries 🌻 I didn’t take it badly- I could tell you were frustrated. Thank you for your willingness to share your thoughts and your honesty!
The world needs more people like you, Julie! ❤
The level of sincerity and openness this guy has is refreshing
Everyone that calls in with severe problems seem to be running ragged because of the stress of having kids and the subsequent broken marriage that develops from that stress. Lesson is, find out if you really want kids or if it’s just because society expects it. I’m so glad I never wanted kids and will never have any.
Honestly, 5 kids is too many….and stop having them when there are already problems in your marriage….
You're not missing anything, they are great,my sons are, so grateful they are
Rick please hang in there! Your family needs you so much more than you can imagine. My dad died by suicide when I was almost two and my mother was 7 months pregnant with my younger brother. Our whole life we went thinking we weren’t worth loving or living if even our own father didn’t care enough to stay with us. Unfortunately my brother died by suicide as well almost 9 years ago and I have been fighting against those thoughts for most of my life almost losing the fight. I’m trying so hard to end the cycle for my own family but when those thoughts impose on your mind always remember your kids. You are more important and loved than you know. Suicide doesn’t end the pain, it just transfers it to someone else.
Jessica,
My wife left me earlier this year, due to my depression and defensive anger.
I am in so much pain I often contemplate suicide.
BUT, I have 3 little children who need a funny, kind, responsible resilient Daddy.
For Kaylee’s sake, I’m not going anywhere.
Thank you for your story, I cannot imagine your pain. Take your hurts to Jesus. He died to break the power of sin and He rose to life to show us that we can live forever.
@@jackcoleman5955 I’m so sorry about your situation. I know how important it is to have someone by your side especially when struggling with depression and defensive anger. I pray that God be with you and give you the strength and courage to keep going every day and that He surrounds you with people who are going to love you and lift you up. It is hard, but I know you can overcome it. Those girls are so lucky to have you and keep being the silly, goofy and loving dad.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had that to deal with. It is so painful and lonely to be here sometimes so I have struggled with those thoughts too. I wish you all the love and joy in the world and for us both to never give up ❤
I struggle too 😢
Me in 2024 :(
That's totally the depression that is making him feel as if he sucks at everything. He is clearly doing a really good job keeping everything afloat, but you just don't see that unfortunately when the depression hits you. It's just the worst at destroying the way you see yourself.
It’s possible he doesn’t even really know why he is suicidal. From experience, sometimes it’s just there. Sometimes, you’re just exhausted, you just don’t want to deal with life anymore and it’s hard to pin down exactly why. With that said, if I were his wife, I would absolutely want to know if he is feeling this way so I could be there for him. I hope he does open up to his wife.
Thank you for making this call Rick. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there that feel the exact same way but aren't capable of sharing
Also a great call for those of us who might have our own Rick that we're not appreciating enough.
I was put in the special needs class for people who were mentally disabled or with severe learning disabilities. My parents took me out and offered me support and I harassed teachers and other students to help me when I needed it. I ended up getting straight A's in college and got my CPA certification for Accounting. Turns out I had dyslexia and it just wasn't well known back then but with support I was able to function and succeed.
Good for you! Happy to hear about your success! :)
Johns doing such a huge service to men by normalizing talking about things like anxiety and depression as a male. So many guys don't even consider it a possibility because of how they're told their whole lives just to suck it up and be tough. I sometimes wonder if the statistic of women having higher rates of anxiety and depression is actually true or if guys are just under reported. It seems like a lot of men don't even entertain the idea so it's great John is bringing that idea to male listeners.
OMG, he is verbalizing the way most men are treated, the provider that everybody is expecting to only provide.
I did not expect to hear me 17 years from now in this guy. This hit realllly hard.
For sure. I kept thinking he's just a few steps ahead of me. Different details but headed at the same place to the same place.
Call of the year. This is a genuine good man. We need more Ricks. Bro please heal. You owe it to yourself.
My husband of 21 years is so verbally and emotionally abusive for many years, and i cant get out of the relationship for many reasons. Im so broken and tired. Im done.
Be done and get out. He needs to grow more perspective on life by himself. He's crutching his problems on you. Stop taking it.
I really appreciate this call from Rick. I am a single guy, 40 years old, but dealing with similar issues minus the kids. I tried to be vulnerable with the person I love the most about my depression and she told me I was pathetic. I really want to end things at this point. Nothing I do, the people I help or take care of, none of it seems to matter. Everyone seems entitled to me sacrificing for them. And for the one person who I look to for support to call me pathetic when I was trying to be honest and vulnerable for the very first time...well that just left me at a loss. At this point I feel like there is nothing left for me to live for. I'm either going to make a plan for recovery or a plan for escape and I don't know which one it will be. I want to keep living, but I don't see any reason to.
I hear you.
Dude get out of that relationship and start rebuilding from within
I just want to say that you have to decide on what it is you are living for. Don’t put your value on that one person. You are not pathetic, you are more powerful than you can imagine. I love you and want to see you win in this life! You got this!! 😊
I've never been on a relationship and I'm desperate for someone to love like that... But it I opened up to my vulnerabilities and what I got back was: "you're pathetic", I'd tell her to go kick rocks even though it will hurt. If she thinks that it's pathetic for a man to suffer, for a man to try his all for everyone and feel exhausted... Then she's not the kinda person I would want to give my heart to. I suggest you realize your worth and seek someone who will value you completely... Keep fighting man, you're not alone in this and you can make it
Run away from that person dude, seriously. You’re not pathetic. Being vulnerable is not a weakness. Run from that person and find a community to share these feelings with.
This awesome man's tank is running on empty. Thanks Rick for being such a caring, loving husband and father. I am sorry that no one told you that your presence and willingness to serve are irreplaceable and much appreciated in this world.
17:22 17:22 17:41 and the k
THIS is my life too... I've had this conversation with The LORD so many times, even multiple times just this week.
It's overwhelming...
I'm thankful for the courage of such Men (Rick) to speak from his heart, the Truth of pain and concerns.
I pray LORD, Bless and Perfect Everything That Concerns Rick and others living/wondering about their lives....we need HOPE that only YOU can give.
Amen and AMEN 💞
MARANATHA 🌄
Amen❤
Depression can be a signal and we have to listen to that signal . We don’t just bury it some more . What we bury grows . I too have considered just down sizing completely and moving away . I’m over the rat race of life .
Sounds like a life I don't want to live. Where is his rest time? Where is his time. No one ever thinks about him and just expects expects expects. His whole day is precalculated and one little mess up or tweak ruins it. He needs something new.
It's called marriage
I empathize with this guy.
He receives affirmation only if he accomplishes goals set for him.
Basically overachieve & you're not bad. Underachieve? You're a failure.
No love in this at all. His acceptance by everyone is solely on how well he does things for them.
He needs to have the tough talk with his wife, which will involve him admitting to her how her nagging & shaming him into becoming a better husband & father has made him resent her.
If she decides to leave & divorce him because he no longer is a Yes Man/beast of burden, so be it.
His kids need to see him stand up for himself - He needs to see he can stand up for himself.
The nagging and shaming are abusive. Let's just call it what it is. That's the part of the call I don't like. In any other situation you wouldn't ask an abuse victim to make amends with the abuser. Somehow when it concerns emotional abuse it's different? I don't think so.
Exactly!!!
This guy is incredibly strong. I hope he gets help for himself. He is worth it and he is good enough.
I quit my health care, dental job. So tired and depressing. Hearing problems everyday. Bye
Good lord almighty I can't not emphasise with this. Years and years of completely financially keeping my family afloat, only for my wife to check out less than 10 months into the marriage. Always put my own interests behind everyone else's, lost so much now.
I am so grateful for my role in my sons life, even if I had to fight his mum tooth and nail for it. That's what keeps me going. I really hope Rick finds his peace
Rick, so many people are rooting for you. You sound like an amazing and kind man. 🙏🌷
WOW, this hits to close to home for me, I'm sitting here listening and crying.. Thank you caller, I feel this pretty much everyday, and it's hard, and tiring, and sometimes I also wish I could just give up.
Wow this is one of the best calls I’ve heard. John is on fire!!!!!!! Such bulletproof sound advice
I’m the same. Engineer with 2 non verbal autistic children. My wife and I are physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted. No support from family. I look at my future and feel hopeless and despair. I pray to God and my savior Jesus. I hear about endurance, patience, Gods love even during pain, all joy when you fall into diverse troubles, sanctification, you’ll be rewarded in heaven, pain and remorse today is minimal compared to the glory later…and over and over. I’m tired, I’m frustrated, and I’ve had it. Then, I wake up and it’s another day. I hear God asks us the same question everyday: Do you trust me? It’s getting harder to say Yes.
How are you now? Praying you find some relief from the burdens of your mind. You've got this
so sorry.
Goodness me Rick is a good guy. He’s the kind of guy that anyone in relationship with him is so lucky to have. I hope he can see how great he is
I pray he gets some help. He’s so awesome and responsible and on the brink of a huge crash. I know.
I am almost this guy, even a licensed engineer, except I am 37 and only have 1 (fairly advanced) toddler son.
Seriously, nothing is ever good enough for anyone yet I still keep trudging forward because I love the people in my life.
This guy is incredibly strong to have made it this far and incredibly brave to open up about his situation.
This one made me cry. I think this is an example of how men's mental health doesn't get checked or supported. Sometimes us women and wives think the guy can take on a ton of stress and be ok with it because they don't complain. I hope this guy got the help he needed and that their marriage is in a better place than when this call came in.
Thank you to Rick for making this call. I went through burnout due to obligations to my elderly grandmother and my aging parents. I was angry, mentally exhausted, irritable, and sick of life. I am doing better but still has work to do on myself. Good call Dr. John
I can relate and its nice to know I am not alone! Children arent the only path to burnout.
Rick is a hero. So brave and honest. I wish him peace. ❤️
2021 was the hardest, darkest time of my life. I was physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually BROKEN. But now I feel genuinely GRATEFUL and BLESSED that I had to go through that phase because GOD has graciously REVEALED Himself to me in miraculous ways. I am fortunate that He allowed me to know Him at a very young age, but this year is SPECIAL because of what WE (yes, GOD and me) have been through last year. He showed me how POWERFUL prayers truly are when I started to focus on WHO HE IS rather than who I am, on WHAT HE CAN DO rather than what I deserve. The experience was MAGICAL. He showed up BIG TIME and assured me that HE is indeed a LISTENING and RESPONDING GOD. Oh how my faith has skyrocketed as a result! Now more than ever, I have very bright HOPE for my future because I personally experienced how RELIABLE God is. And for that I will forever be grateful. GLORY BE TO GOD, MY EVER FAITHFUL FATHER. ♥️♥️♥️
To everyone who's struggling right now, please know that GOD LOVES YOU. He wants to help you and give you peace. Please surrender your burdens to Him and allow Him to move in your life.
"Because he loves Me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges My Name. He will call on Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him." (Psalm 91:14-15)
Please hold on to this bible verse because WHATEVER GOD SAYS, HE FULFILLS. ✝️
This guy sounds like a great dad who is under valued. Maybe a bit of a push over
I think the wife is the problem- not affectionate and not sexually active.....
Lucky is right. Life is not always easy and people will throw insults at you. Please know you can change your mindset. Love your kids and trust in yourself.
I have a small penis 😢 that’s why I stay away from females I’m embarrassed of myself 😢 I am now what a man should be and I can’t change my 4 inch penis
This man is really in tune with himself. I’m impressed.
Rick need to have fun and have a little more joy everyday. Everyones rooting for you.
God this hurt so much. I was just listening to this on a whim and I realised show much I was crying because of it. Your advice was so solid and I hope you're keeping this stuff up a year later. Take care man. All of you
I stopped volunteering for things at work and stopped cleaning relentlesly. Its not worth it
Absolutely legendary phone call. And hate me for saying this, but this call was above John's pay grade. The caller just came from a deeper place than John was either willing or able to go.
Wow..I feel like this guy nailed how I feel very often. Sounds like an awesome guy that doesn't suck at anything to me.
John nailed it. As I was listening to this man that’s the first thing that came to mind is loneliness. The lack of acknowledgment, validation and love. You can achieve so much in life but if you don’t have that support system that truly values you it doesn’t matter. I do know cuz I live with that feeling every day 😔
What a good man Rick is. For anyone who suffers from a similar internal dialogue to Rick, I really recommend researching self compassion therapy. That internal dialogue that beats us down to nothing, needs to be challenged. We would never torment our children, partner or friends with that dialogue, but too easily we do it to ourselves. Take care friends!
This hits home so bad. I'm crying while watching this
Everything about this hit home for me. More than I ever realized. This guy is me!
When he said the real reason his kids will call in in twenty years hit like a meteor on the surface of the earth. That was a powerful statement. Very good.
Feeling unappreciated is the worst.
I hope Rick’s wife and his children make father’s day more frequent, To appreciate this guy’s dedication to being a family man and so that rick feels a life of fulfillment and appreciation.
I am crying. I feel just like he. The thread was placed by my step-dad and I am now 52 and can't break the thread. My mother allowed him to abuse me in EVERY way just to protect herself and her standing in life. When I confronted her about it 20 years ago her only response was "you turned out allright"!
I was married to a man just as abusive as my father (just to me- not my kids) for 20 years! I am a hoarder and have no self esteem, no friends, no education, no career or job of any kind, I can't make the tiniest of decisions as to what to get rid of, who I am, what I want to be in life or if I should just end it all. I think it's pretty obvious that I did not "turn out alright"!
I have always been the yes girl. Always doing what everyone else wants me to do. I do not know who I see when I look into the mirror (when I can bring myself to). I never feel good enough or that I have done enough...and I can tell you with 100% positivity that those thought are enough to make you exhausted. Add on all the other pressures of normal life and you feel like a waste of air.
I hope with everything in my being that this man finds himself and his inner joy and shares that with his kids. They will get to have memories and experiences that will guide them toward a better relationship with themselves.
Everyone need a dad like he. Those kids are so lucky. One day they will understand that fact.
HE needs to learn that now.
Thanks for your time.
Oh, honey, just great big hugs. I am so so so sorry for your pain, you didn't deserve any of that horribleness. I grew up with very controlling narcissistic parents and also was always a "good girl" and spent the majority of my energy trying to be what everyone else wanted too. It has left me with some serious identity issues, similar to what you are struggling with, so I feel your pain and know how paralyzing it can feel. It sucks, and no one deserves that feeling.
It would be a travesty if the abuse and neglect of your stepfather, mother and husband is allowed to continue to hold you back. They don't deserve that level of power, it is a vast injustice that they have occupied so much of your mind and your energy for so long. A good counselor can help you get that monster off your back, it has really overstayed its welcome.
Who knows where life might still lead you!!! 52 is YOUNG. You have plenty of time to heal, to figure out what genuinely makes you happy versus what is unhealthy coping behavior, to find a calling that you enjoy.
It is a great big huge world out there full of possibilities, and since you aren't sure of who you are or what you like, you have so many adventures to have and experiences to try as you discover yourself. What a gift that could be, if you are willing to accept it. What you have been up to this point does not have to dictate what or who you will be for the rest of your life. YOU get to write the rest of the chapters.
You aren't your hoard, that's just a physical manifestation of the amount of unaddressed trauma burdening your mind. Therapy can help you sort that out and bring you peace, and then you can tackle what to do with the stuff. Trying to make sense of the stuff without making sense of yourself is not going to work, they are linked.
You aren't the person your step father told you you were, and you aren't the person your husband said you were either. You were born as a beautiful baby girl full of potential and she hasn't gone anywhere, she's still right there inside of you waiting patiently to be discovered. She deserves your love and is so very worth the effort of fighting for. Please, get some help to heal from the abuse you suffered and find out who you truly are, because you deserve, and are fully capable of having, a future of peace, contentment and joy.
Jesus loves you. Sounds cheesy, I know that. I hope life works out better for you in the future. You deserve it. Choose you. I wish you well.
I've heard people talking about "engineer brain", but I've never actually "experienced" or seen it - until now. Dude, it's OKAY to not know how to fix a problem. I think your wife might have some great suggestions, if you try and be honest with her.
I listened to this one at least 2 to 3 times. You helped me with my problem that I could not put in words. Thank you 😊
Thank You for making this call.
This is such a valid concern. He’s overwhelmed and not being recognized or appreciated or rewarded in life. I’m in a similar position. Sometimes I think I should pack up my stuff and disappear
Where would you disappear to? I think a lot of men feel this…there’s so much pressure on everyone these days but for what?
@@bobbyball1057 I don’t know if a lot of men feel this kind of way but there’s a ton of pressure on everyone and I feel like it’s gotten worse in the past few years. I wish we could go into a pod where we could hibernate and clear our “cache” and re-emerge like a fresh new person without stress and stressors
Great call , very raw and honest. So many of us feel this way and just feel hopeless at times . So glad he reached out and hope he gets help
Talk about a necessary topic! Thank you Rick for being brave enough to say it out loud. Thank you john for the feedback. Definitely something i needed to hear! Sending love and healing in all directions.
Oh man, this is a great call. Thanks, Rick.
I'm all for people having kids and I know kids are amazing. I don't believe in popping out kids to the point where you become a victim of your own circumstance. Be able to be responsible for living your best life 😎🤸🏾🎉
"Be able to be responsible for living your best life." What does that even mean? Does everybody have the same definition of "your best life"?
@@MichaelJones-rn2pq Nope we all have different ideas of what "our best life." I just want the minimum I need but many people I know "want a life" or "what more." I do not even know what that means to them but to me many of them seem greedy and almost like they can not have enough.
@@donaldlyons17 I think you make very good points. I struggle with the "having things to make me happy". For example, I love fishing, but don't make/get time to go do it as much as I would like. So I substitute buying fishing tackle for actually going fishing, but it's not the same. I need to work on freeing up time, not getting more stuff.
@@MichaelJones-rn2pq I do not know you but you may be right. I have a low income situation so having 39K cash is plenty but I am still very much working poor. I am lucky enough to be able to live on 15K while making 20K after tax so if I can get a real job (24K after tax) it would be like me hitting a mini scratcher ticket of 10K (before tax). I do not want more money I want a real job.
Right! I knew my limit was 1 kid… I can’t even imagine having two let alone five or six. 🥴
Best and most moving call on the show. Dr. John, this was the very best advice, interaction, and empathy from you. You're good but this call was superb. I am actually praying for this amazing man. He sounds like a dad or husband who is selfless and has a family blessed to have him. Wow. That's one I will long remember. He IS brave and so very loved. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Amen❣
Rick, you did the right thing by reaching out asking what this is and what to do about it. I can really appreciate your effort to pinpoint the problem on your own. Many don't. I hope you get the best help available and get this sorted out, because you have a great life now and ahead just waiting for you to show up in it. Sometimes a miracle is as simple as a change in perception. Godspeed, friend. Oh, and thank you. I needed to hear this. I have a very hard working husband who needs to hear how much I appreciate him for carrying us all on his shoulders.
Yoooooo Rick is keeping it so real! Thank you for sharing Rick.