Inside the Fragile Ego of a Covert Narcissist
Вставка
- Опубліковано 10 жов 2024
- 🔴 New Course: Narcissistic Matrix: Reintegration - www.richardgra...
📖 Purchase "A Cult of One": www.amazon.com...
🔴 Get your free "Stop Emotional Flashbacks" Course now at www.spartanlife...
Its so irritating to have to watch videos, read articles, and learn about these creatures constantly, just to keep some level of sanity or sense of reality. Tomorrow we wake up and do it all again.
Hwy, your probably coming along well with your healibg processs. Getting sick and tired of thinking and hearing about it is a stage the same as your earlier neasures of prorgess.
Spot the red flags to avoid further situations. Slowly your own energy will change more and more until your back to your authentic self.
Very kool
I’ve met many covert ones and seen many in my HR work, most of them were able to convince others as long as they had a targeted scapegoat to compensate for their incompetence by way of delegation, mimicry and to deflect/project onto.
Perfect explanation.
Yes 💯....I was horrified to discover that my meek, fragile, shy, opinionless, void of ego ex, was the most grandiose controlling monster who thought he was better than everyone else. I thought he was just quiet, almost boring....nooo, he just stayed quiet, as he'd learned that to voice how he really thought, would spoil his chance of supply and devious goals. Although there were glimpses of it, especially when drunk. He became a completely different person.
A twisted circus that I'm very grateful to be free of 🙏
Yes I recognise this very much. I feel they actually use their fragility for their narrative. I still think they put a lot of energy in convincing other people of their narrative/false self but it's just a different kind, it's mainly their victimhood. But also that they're sweet, kind and caring even. Even my own family has a hard time believing I was really abused by my husband because they think he was a sweet guy who just had a difficult childhood. How else would he get supply if he didn't have a narrative at all? So I mean, if that was the goal, he was very very succesful.
I think it's easier for a covert to do it this way, because it won't take up the same amount of energy as constantly trying to be superior but also if they do get drained, they can just say they're burned out and it fits the narrative they build. Mine said he was burned-out, depressed etc. all the time.
But he could definitely have moments he was straight out arrogant. He would also ask me 'do you think I'm arrogant' or say: 'sometimes I feel like I'm actually arrogant on the inside'. Especially in the beginning when he was still very young he kind of let me know who he really was from time to time. As if it released some pressure for him and he could then feel better again because I would tell him that I actually thought he was hiding his insecurities.
I also think a covert might go this route because there are a lot of empaths that will fall for this kind of trap, that wouldn't fall for a grandiose type. They even seem to admire the empath for their sensitivity and high eq even though they will quickly become jealous and resentful of those very same characteristics. They use their willingness to care for someone against them. It was so subtle at the beginning but in the end my husband clearly wanted a slave that served him.
Awesome that' you are free!!!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
@@Lily_and_River Yes, yes and yes. Spot on. They come to resent you for being empathetic and good hearted.
@@dollynina8992 Yes it took me a while to figure this out! It's much more complex than people think. He used my good character and he made me believe we were so compatible and he was the one. I think it can happen to many of us, especially when we are young and thinking we are truly falling in love. I didn't know any better. Didn't know anything about narcissism or other personality disorders or toxic behaviour in general. People think this only happens to people with really low selfworth or boundaries. But I've learned that the traumabond was formed because he actually traumatised me. I am a very good hearted, trusting, loving, hopeful person and he used that.
Grandiose has the ability to get admiration from people around, covert doesn't have that ability. What they have in common is that both cannot get that from within.
❤ that's a far better explanation and is spot on where my exN is concerned. He used money and power to get admiration. Great ability and charm of use people for his ends
Judges
21 Now the men of Israel had sworn this oath in Mizʹpah:+ “Not one of us will give his daughter to a man from Benjamin as a wife.”+ 2
How can a covert survive then without admiration?
@@notyourconcern2 Mirror I guess ;)
@@notyourconcern2Dry begging, fishing for compliments
The curtains been lifted. My husband all ready insulted me and I wasn't even up 10 minutes.. I love crying with my first cup of coffee
Pack him a bag - tell him to go and stay with his mum for a while. don't let him back in.
@@celesteinman56 my covert Narc would be wearing my first cuppa!! 😁
Yes. Covert narcissist always asked why did you never ask about my job and my interactions with people in my job ? Babe your job is too boring for me… I won’t ask and pretend to understand it. That narcissist will hate you forever
STOP CARING.
Makes perfect sense how you explain it all.
Thank you for the distinction. It’s an odd position to be in when you know how truly awful they are but so many think they’re amazing.
All of my husband's friends were low life's of society..this boosted him up,and they actually looked up to him
has the same delusion of grandeur. has the same delusion of grandeur. has the same delusion of grandeur. delusion of gradneur.
I love it! What a juxtaposition .
Stunning. You describe my sire, sibling, and nemesis.
My covert Narc X certainly convinced me.😢
Exactly 👍 (it’s all about the presentation of behaviour patterns overtime) 😚👌
My brother-in law was grandiose. Really annoying. But...he went covert many times. A real picnic.
They are not fun. At all.
Which one is it that is jealous & competitive. Always has to one up ya thinks they are better than you & isn't happy for any of your acheivments or success? Which one is this called? Judges & punishes you for there insecurities. Makes up things about ya so they can punish you. Is it the covert?😮
I'd say if they do it openly in front of others they're grandiose. Coverts (mine anyway) do it only behind closed doors so they can still look amazing in public. I have both kinds in my family.
@@yamlwoz agreed
That one is the overt
I’d say both. Here is how I explain the difference. The overt is a rapist - they take what they want by force and bullying. The covert is a pedophile, they take what they want by manipulation and deceit.
You just explained my former friend to a tee. I never saw the judging and punishing part at the end but the rest is spot on. It’s exhausting to be around them.
Great information, Richard. Thank you. God bless you. ✝️
I've always struggled to understand this 🎉
Great explanation, however I need to nitpick....
What they fail to convince people of is not a "fact" 😂
Very nice clarification 👌
Wow 🤯 this blew my mind 💯
I think of the covert narcissists as little puppies that won't leave you alone, and grovel at your feet whimpering, "Please! Please! Keep petting me! Please tell me I'm a great doggie!"
They won't bite you, but they kill you with kindness and try to make you feel guilty if you don't constantly validate them.
I know an extremely successful covert. Must be an anomaly. It's so sad that people really waste their potential on conning, both others and themselves. Truly tragic.
I believe some narcs have the ability to change from covert to overt depending on what suits them in the moment/who they are dealing with. Observed one who used to do that
Many covert narcissists are very successful people. Covert narcissist bosses are not easy to work for and can ruin careers of good employees
Good explanation 💯
That makes sense
I think the covert doesn't fail to convince people because they don't really try to. They just have to convince themselves. But other people are just there to feed their egos that only the Narcissist knows about
I feel they convince people of other things like their victimhood. But also that they're sweet, kind and caring even. Even my own family has a hard time believing I was really abused by my husband because they think he was a sweet guy who just had a difficult childhood. So I mean, if that was the goal, he was very very succesful.
@@Lily_and_River I constantly refer to the movie "The Cable Guy" with Jim Carrey. There was a scene where Jim's character was over at the other main character's parents' house and they were having a family game night. If you've ever seen the movie, you know exactly what it's like. They frustrate you so much because you KNOW what they're trying to do. But to everyone else, they're just doing some seemingly innocuous actions. That character of Jim's is the kinds of people I've been dealing with with. Probably the same as you by the sounds of it
@@Lily_and_River In fact that entire movie is what it's like to deal with a covert/vulnerable Narcissist
@@Richard-n2w1gI feel like I've only seen part of that movie, can't remember it. It's funny, or should I say creepy that you say this because this was a movie my husband was a fan off. Maybe he could relate lol🙃
@@Lily_and_River Maybe inspired by 🤷🤔
But I am amazing, special and unique!
Very true
Well explained 😂
U r very accurate
What I've observed is that narcs, both covert and overt, will often fall for other people's delusions of self too.
Or at the very least, not view that person as a potential target for supply. Because it's not interesting when someone has their *own* delusions rubbing up against theirs.
When I start to pick up signs that an aquaintance is a narcissist, I briefly inflate my own ego when I'm around them. Start bragging, walking and talking arrogantly, acting completely unbothered by *their* delusions of grandeur. And it actually wards them off. The only thing a narc can't stand is a mirror in front of themselves.
It's fascinating really.
HOWEVER, this only works if they haven't already designated you as supply. If the abuse has already started, its much harder to turn the tables around and put yourself in the headspace to be able to act confidently/arrogantly, and I would just leave the situation as QUICKLY as possible.
But it still works to show them you're not scared. Most of the thrill for narcs comes out of them watching you feel scared/affected by them. In other words, YOUR reaction to THEIR delusion.
Very Accurate
Very true!
My husband .....urghhhh
I would like to hear you talk about how healthy and sane people behave in comparison to narcissists. 🤔❤
How getting confused myself, seems there are plenty of people who have these traits. I for one my siblings and my step father. I'd be a the quiet one. However I do think it should be left to the professionals to finalise that narcissist term. Not armchair physiologists.
has exactly the same attachment to a grandiose false self. has exactly the same attachment to a grandiose false self.
A fortune teller manipulating the people who will listen and dismissing the people who don't.
Interesting perspective. If the coverts are not able to convince others of their grandeur, how good are they at really being narcissists? What about the overts who begin to lose ground....and their delusions of grandeur become "found out" by those around them....and so they avoid the people who are not believers. What might that be?
Facts
Hmmm thanks
What about the malignant narcissist? And what's the difference compared to a sociopath, i.e. a psychopath formed and moulded by society??
Malignant Narcissist is a sociopathic psychopath in my opinion! A terminator, stops at nothing to win, destroys EVERYTHING you might possibly pay attention to over them with absolutely no regard for ANYONE they have trample on!
@@motivated2connectI agree. I'm pretty sure my brother inlaw is..
Honestly I don't think society does it. Parents seem to cause it.. Over bearing, over protective mothers seem to cause the sons to become one.. IF society does, then it's still on the parents for not paying attention to what schools were teaching/pushing.. There's a book Adult children of emotionally immature parents by Lindsay C Gibson Psyd.. Actually though her list of faults are all Narc faults..
I know I'll get nailed for that by parents who don't see that they caused it.. My sister inlaws son. In and out of jail.. She bails him out, let's him move in. Bails him out again. And says she isn't the problem.. YES YOU ARE. YOU ARE AN ENABLER!! You NEVER let him deal with consequences!!!!!!
My sister to a Tv
They are talking to the tv and stand far above everything that is happening on the tv.😢
😂😂 people are people.. and we just keep on peopleing 😂😂
Hmmm. I married into a covert narc family. They meet every requirement of the vulnerable narc (mother and two daughters). While they are not grandiose, they have convinced the masses they are “special and resilient “ by telling their victim story of abuse.
Hold on because can someone be.....both?! Cause i think i know one sho is both 😂
I have only 2 evil overt.😂
Lmbo. My mother inlaw was all bent out of shape for 2 weeks because her trash got maggots (in Florida, duh that happens) .. "I'm not a gross person I can't believe I got maggots." she's also said that about head lice only trash people get head lice. Also my husband was helping her clean out her cupboards and she had a case of diarrhea.. He refused to do the bathroom cupboards.. She says, and yes she truly believes" It doesn't stink in there. My poop never stinks! " I kid you not the queen of Sheba thinks her poop smells like roses.. Unbelievable.. Her and her husband are and were extreme narcs. They raised 4 narcs. No scape goat.. 4 screwed up people who've raised 2 more generations of screwed up people.
She's soooo special....
The grandiose narc, don't hesitate to call people names, get angry. But the covert he stayed calm and correctly his image is important to him he has more shame how he presented themselves, that is why he is insulting you passive aggressive.
They are more introverted than the grandiose they say everything and listen better to you.
Yeah I’ll take the grandiose, overt any day. At least you know where you stand. The covert comes out playing the victim. Sells you that they are susceptible to abuse. Triggering the empathy to want to treat her gently and better than anyone before you. Right there as a man, we’ve lost half the battle because you don’t see a 5’ 4” female as a threat. That you , IF ANYTHING are her protector!!
Meanwhile you are going to be in so much need of protecting from HER, it’s not even funny.
Add in the great job of selling her nurturing side with words of affirmation along with physical intimacy or touch( hugs & kisses)
. Youre cooked!! Game over and you haven’t even started triangulating on the ex , thinking you’re the problem when the first devalue/discard happens. Or the lust that comes in and really puts the clamps on you.
Hm... I thought my mom was the covert one, because she isn't that obvious about thinking that she is amazing, she is very introverted mostly. But she is suuuuper manipulative and very good at convincing others she is a good and caring person. She told lies about me to my family, and she is the one who got away with the abusive, eventhough I told family members about having a CPTSD diagnosis. They look at me like it's my fault. I thought my dad was the overt one, because he is very obvious about how amazing he thinks he is. Most people think he is weird, annoying etc. So maybe it's the other way around😮
My dad stopped talking to me, after I stopped talking to him. But my mom keeps doing super weird manipulative shit.
How does Myer Briggs and attachment type play into Narc types?
Yeah... My ex wife
💯💯💯💯
you think this song is about you dont you ♪♪♪
😂
Can they switch between the 2 depending on the audience?
Yes, there is no subtype constancy in narcissism
Grande Taco Bell
Aren't we all unique and each have at least one amazing thing about them? An experience or talent or unexpected things ? If they are just makeing up these stories ir whatever? Than they are just liars, commonly known as boastful or a story stretcher? Perhaps not lying ir being boastful or beleiveing anyone cares about anything others have had and no one cares about it anyways, so it seems that the covert isn't convincing at their lying boastfulness?? Just because another person doesn't beleive something without proof or a witness to things that's not on the teller. I've decided that this narcisusm crap is bullshit. What you are describing is someone being an ahole
Donald J Trump
Grandiose is like Donald Trump for example
Don’t forget: if absolutely EVERYONE seems malignantly narcissistic in your life - YOU’RE the common denominator 🎉